#he does become a fan later. i just think its funnier if hes like oh. yeah. my buddy montero

[joshriku]

i would keep this on twitter but i dont want to spoil one friend i have so i'll say my biggest gripe with the sun and the star is that i don't think nico would know lil nas x. at least not like that. i think nico knows lil nas x because he met him one time at a mcdonald's while on the road and they became friends but he doesn't know he's lil nas x. he's like oh yeah my friend montero. everyone around him is like Is anyone going to point out to nico that he's friends with lil nas x?

[kitkatopinions]

It's hilarious how half the Rwby simps will say 'No, you don't understand! Ironwood's a classic example of how a good man can become evil!' and the other half will say 'No, you don't understand! Ironwood's a classic example of how an evil person can hide in plain sight for years!' Even the simps and bootlickers can't agree on the moral of his story

Honestly, I and other RWDE posters have consistently got contradictory 'explanations' for tons of stuff. And obviously, part of the reason for that is that RWBY fans - and even RWBY simps - do have different opinions and think different things and come to different conclusions just like RWDE posters do.

Of course, there are some big differences between RWDE posters and RWBY simps. Most IW fans aren't demanding that everyone else love him, whereas anti-IW people try to bully others into hating him. Most RWDE posters aren't demanding that everyone hate RWBY, or stop posting about liking it (although there are a couple exceptions,) but a lot of RWBY simps frequently demand that everyone like RWBY or at the very least stop posting about why they have problems with it. But that's not quite the point.

RWBY simps have lots of different ideas, but it is funny to post or to see other people post criticism of RWBY, and then to see multiple people in the comments tell us "this is the obvious solution to that so it isn't a flaw" while all of them are presenting different solutions. For instance, the Penny problem! Many people were complaining that Penny getting a flesh body didn't make sense, and had both people saying that obviously Penny's soul had just conjured up her own flesh body by using its aura, and people saying that obviously Ambrosius had made her a body because he was preventing himself from killing. In both cases, the RWDE posters complaining about the problem were mocked and treated like they were stupid or lying for not believing the 'obvious' conclusion that others had drawn.

For another example, Yang not being shown telling anyone about Raven being the Spring Maiden. People were complaining that Yang being furious at Ozpin for keeping information secret while she herself had yet to tell anyone about Raven was hypocritical, and they had both people telling them that obviously Yang had already told everyone about Raven off screen, and people saying that obviously Yang would tell them later when it comes up again, and also people saying that obviously the Raven information didn't really matter anymore because it'd never come up again so it was unfair to say Yang had done something when said thing would never matter to the plot now.

And then obviously, with Ironwood, we got loads of completely contradictory 'explanations.'

"Ironwood losing his arm was a sign of his lost humanity not because of the arm itself, but because he was impatient and had it removed unnecessarily," "Ironwood losing his arm was a sign of his lost humanity not because of the arm itself, but because Ironwood was internally ableist and saw having prosthetics as a bad thing," "Ironwood losing his arm was a sign of his lost humanity not because of the arm itself, but because Ironwood didn't care about losing his arm, proving that he's heartless," "Ironwood losing his arm was a sign of his lost humanity not because of the arm itself, but because it represented Ironwood embracing/relying on mechanics and robotics." (Side note, I'll never get over the ableism in some of the replies there that I and others have got, and the constant attempts to justify the ableist comment the writers made.)

Of course, none of the people demanding that RWDE posters believe their headcanons ever demand that other Anti-IW people with different headcanons believe them, or call them stupid for not having come to that same conclusion. Because it's not actually even about people agreeing with them on how, it's just that they want everyone to believe the narrative of the show. So it doesn't matter to them if someone comes to the conclusion "Ironwood was always a villain and he was only ever lying when he did anything good in order to manipulate people into following them," or "Ironwood's fall makes sense because of the emotional and physical exhaustion he was going through," even if they're yelling at and berating others for not believing "Ironwood's fall to villainy was about him becoming power hungry over time and turning into a dictator even though he started the show as a good person." Any theory is fine, so long as it's Anti-IW, because if it isn't, then you're clearly saying the show isn't perfect and are therefore point blank wrong (even if their only 'explanations' are based in headcanons.)

But what's even funnier are the people who either change their 'explanations' mid debate, or contradict themselves mid-sentence!

"Ruby is different from Oz because she only lied to James because she didn't know if she could trust him, and once he proved himself and she was on board with him, she let him in. Ruby knew from the start that there was something shifty going on and never really agreed with him, she was only working with him out of necessity and didn't want to write him off right away, she was showing she trusted him by working with him, but he wasn't trusting her back."

"Ironwood was over-emotional and over reacted, so how were Ruby and the others supposed to trust that he'd do the right thing? Ironwood relied way too much on his mind and was blocking out his emotions, which you can see contrasted in characters like Ruby, Nora, and Robyn. And he's clearly way too compromised to be in charge in the first place, I mean, he's so affected by his fear that he's letting it control him, that's why Ruby needed to take charge."

"I think it was actually really heroic of Ruby to denounce Ironwood because she had seen he was already acting like a dictator, I mean did you miss that he had soldiers in Mantle, and was clearly trying to enforce things like a curfew? I don't know how anyone can believe Ironwood was good in volume seven, what with how he wasn't doing enough to protect the people of Mantle and keep them safe from the Grimm. And on top of that, he wasn't getting global communications restored fast enough, which proves he doesn't care about uniting the world like Ruby does."

Like, guys... It's actually really funny. Ironwood can't do anything right for RWBY simps, they'll try their very darnedest to convince people that everything he did was the wrong thing and that everything that Ruby and her team did was the right thing, even if they're literally contradicting themselves. And tbh, these conversations can end one of two ways. The nicer conversations will end with a 'well, agree to disagree' or a 'well, I can't see your point and you probably can't see mine.' I've both gotten and given these statements, and I'm actually fairly happy with them, because it's at least peaceful (this is most common with people who are just fans, rather than simps.) The meaner RWBY simps will leave with 'well, you're just stupid,' or 'well, you're just stubborn,' or 'well, you're just too busy simping for Ironwood to listen to reason.' And the meanest ones will send hate anons! I've only gotten a few, but others experience literal harassments, like regularly receiving anons from people who are attacking them for criticizing RWBY or liking Ironwood. RWBY simps, just like Ruby herself, will consider anyone the enemy if they don't agree with her and don't want her to be able to do what she wants with no arguments.

They rarely ever admit they're wrong about anything, even when their contradictions are pointed out to them. Luckily, I haven't gotten many comments from RWBY simps lately. I think I've blocked most of them that are regular posters these days, but I still see them on other people's posts sometimes, and it's always fun to see the comment sections of other RWDE posters, and see them responding to someone that I can't see lol. I'm always like "Oh, I must've blocked that one! Sounds like they're saying some trippy stuff."

[em-neko]

KISSED BY THE BADDEST BIDDER MAIN ROUTE REVIEW

hey! so i just finished watching kaylaslovely on youtube’s review of the main five (+ rhion) bidders routes and so i thought i would make my own review, because i felt like it. so here you go!

i will be reviewing all nine main routes, or main stories. each story will be rated using these five categories: plot, pace, romance, mc (since she’s different in every story) and love interest. at the end, i’ll give the story its final rating and i’ll let you know whether i recommend it or not.

i will try not to include any spoilers, but just in case, consider this your spoiler warning!

remember, these are my personal opinions.

summary: you are a maid at a hotel called the tres spade hotel, owned by the ichinomiya group. one day, you get dragged into the ivc (an exclusive party for the elite, held inside the hotel) and you basically get lost. while you’re wandering around the area, you enter a storage room where a lot of expensive items are held. little did you know, those items belonged to a blackmarket auction, the ivc was only a cover for said auction. being the clumsy queen that you are, you manage to bump into the statue of venus and knock it over. when the men responsible for the expensive items find you, they throw you into a giant birdcage and put you up for auction instead of the statue.

from here, you can pick one of the main five love interest (eisuke, soryu, mitsunari, mamoru and ota) to buy you. the other love interest (except for rhion) only appear in the second/third season, they purchase you from eisuke (presuming eisuke bought you but you never fell in love). rhion is part of an “au”, but his story technically takes place in season one. does that make sense? okay, perfect. now, on to the review!

EISUKE ICHINOMIYA: THE ARROGANT CEO

plot: 8/10, the plot is a cliche and fairly overused trope... but i love it. it’s well executed and feels unique and original, even though the core of the plot really isn’t.

pace: 8/10, in my opinion, i think the pace was very good. it wasn’t too slow or too fast (although it leaned on the slower side) and i feel like mc fell in love with eisuke at an appropriate time in the story. the ending felt slightly rushed but i feel like that’s a common theme with love 365 stories.

romance: 7/10, not as romantic as other routes (i mean, it’s eisuke we’re talking about), especially at the beginning, but there were moments that made me smile.

mc: 6/10, she’s definitely a bit of a pushover in this route. i wish she stood up to eisuke more, i wish she was sassier, it would’ve made the story sooo much funnier!

love interest: 7/10, eisuke’s kind of a jerk in this story, but hey at least he’s entertaining? (he has his cute moments tho)

final score: 72% (b-)

recommendation: sure? to be honest, it was pretty okay, a little boring compared to the other routes but for the low low price of literally 0$ (his main route is free), it’s not bad.

SORYU OH: THE COLD MOBSTER

plot: 9/10, i really liked his plot! i’ll admit, i’m not a fan of gang related stories, in fact, i usually hate them, but soryu’s story genuinely surprised me! i especially loved the fact that mc made a female friend along the way, usually other females in stories are seen as rivals (as in eisuke’s case), but it wasn’t the case here and that made me really happy. we support women in his household <3

pace: 7/10, the ending was really rushed in my opinion, like way more rushed than the usual rushed love 365 ending. when it ended i was like, “are you serious?” it just felt abrupt. the rest was fine tho.

romance: 8/10, the romance was subtle (due to soryu’s cold and mysterious demeanor), but you could definitely feel it. there was sooo much chemistry between the characters, so it felt really romantic.

mc: 8/10, she’s a little boring, but at least she’s relatable, like her actions/choices make sense in this story.

love interest: 9/10, c’mon, who doesn’t love soryu? there’s a reason why the whole fandom simps for this man. he’s the perfect mix of cold and innocent, and his reaction to regular people things (like going to the supermarket) is hilarious! he’s really sweet too and you can tell that he really cares for mc.

final score: 82% (a-)

recommendation: yes! even if you don’t like gang related stories, i’d still give his route a chance.

MITSUNARI BABA: THE WOMANIZING THIEF

plot: 9/10, i really loved the plot. it’s basically a romcom with action and criminal activity, it’s gold.

pace: 8/10, there were some parts that felt rushed, but overall i think the pace was fine.

romance: 10/10, the most romantic story of them all (i don’t expect any less from baba). their interactions are so cute and i loved watching them get closer and more comfortable with each other.

mc: 8/10, even though she’s kind of dumb, it works because this story is more comedic, her naivety and trusting nature helped the plot advance rather than disrupting it. she’s also really sassy in this story, i loved watching her shoot down baba!

love interest: 9/10, i love baba! i love the womanizer character trope, i know it’s an unpopular opinion but i still love it. he’s actually a total dork and he has the best lines, i smiled throughout the whole story!

final score: 88% (a)

recommendation: it’s one of my favorite main stories, so i definitely recommend it! however, if you don’t like romcoms or womanizers, you’ll probably hate this story lol

MAMORU KISHI: THE SLACKER DETECTIVE

plot: 8/10, his plot is intense. it’s action packed, there’s twists and turns and it definitely kept me on my toes. however, it is a little hard to keep up with at times, i definitely had moments where i got lost.

pace: 8/10, like mitsunari’s story, the pace was a little inconsistent, there were times when scenes felt rushed, idk if it was on purpose because it was a more “action-y” story, but even some of the “romantic” moments felt rushed.. which was a shame because there weren’t many.

romance: 7/10, it wasn’t very romantic, honestly. they had their cute moments, but they were rare. they have good chemistry, like the best friends you hardcore ship, but there just wasn’t much actual romance. i would compare their relationship to judy and nick in zootopia, like friends but a little more.

mc: 5/10, the mc actually bites back in this story, which is refreshing. however, she nags mamoru a lot, and i got sick of it really fast, to the point where i’d roll my eyes whenever she opened her mouth towards the end of the story. she acts like mamoru is a child incapable of taking care of himself, yet she gets angry when he calls her “kid” or treats her like one? wtf? ALSO, one third of the story is her being jealous of a dead person, which is literally so unreasonable and illogical. i could rant about her all day i swear.

love interest: 9/10, mamoru is so relatable, it’s not even funny. i love the way he speaks and i love the way he reacts in situations. he acts like he doesn’t care, but you know damn well the man cares more about mc than anyone else. he’s also surprisingly patient (which, few bidders are), as i said, the mc is really immature in this story, and even tho he acts annoyed, he never actually gets angry at her. there’s something really cozy about him.

final score: 74% (b)

recommendation: if you like action packed stories, i would recommend this story! with that being said, the mc really ruined it for me.

OTA KISAKI: THE DECEPTIVE ARTIST

plot: 5/10, it was too predictable. literally three chapters in i was like, “oh, i see where this is going” and sadly i was right! it was really dramatic, which i actually enjoyed, but the overly predictable plot ruined it for me.

pace: 7/10, the pace was fine, however i feel like mc realized she was in love with ota at the wrong time. i wished they would’ve picked a different moment (maybe later) in the story to make her realize she’s in love with him, or just change the scene completely. because it was like one moment she just saw him as her buyer and at the snap of a finger she’s in love with him, like what?

romance: 5/10, there was literally one romantic scene in the whole story. there were some other cute moments but they were completely overshadowed by ota’s attitude. also, the whole dog fetish really turned me off, especially because the mc was clearly uncomfortable with it.

mc: 7/10, i feel bad for her. she’s really submissive and shy in this story, but like it makes sense (i would act the same as her tbh, i’d be too weirded out to give any sass), so she gets a pass.

love interest: 4/10, ota is so unlikeable in the first season omg i’d almost forgotten how much i used to hate him. however, he becomes really sweet after season 3, you just have to suffer through the first seasons lmao

final score: 56% (d)

recommendation: i really like ota but that story was not it. i wouldn’t waste my coins, honestly. if you really wanna read ota, read one of his substories or any story after season 3, don’t bother with his main route. however, his cg’s were one of the prettiest, so hooray?

SHUICHI HISHIKURA: THE ALOOF POLITICIAN

plot: 8/10, i liked this plot. it felt more serious than the other stories, but that wasn’t a bad thing.

pace: 7/10, same problem as soryu’s story, the last chapters were hella rushed and it made the falling action pretty confusing.

romance: 7/10, it wasn’t very “romantic”, but there were definitely scenes were you could really feel the attraction between the two. i find they compliment each other well.

mc: 8/10, this story was not meant to be a comedy, but the mc made it one. she’s so stupid that it’s actually hilarious, i honestly couldn’t stop laughing at her cluelessness. usually i’d find stupidity annoying, but in this story, i loved it. it made the heavy storyline easier to digest.

love interest: 9/10, shuichi’s a vengeful bitch, which makes his soft moments that much cuter. i like how he has his quirks, and how he has a professional stoic side as well as a soft caring side.

final score: 78% (b+)

recommendation: yeah, for sure. however, if you don’t enjoy the stoic stern hard-to-read type, you might not enjoy this story.

HIKARU AIHARA: THE MYSTERIOUS HITMAN

plot: 9/10, i really enjoyed this plot. it was like a romcom mixed with a dark-ish drama, it was really unique.

pace: 8/10, the pace of the story was good, however i felt like there was a bit of repetition in the story, in scenes and in dialogue.

romance: 7/10, i absolutely love hikaru and mc’s bantering! i think they’re so cute and it’s just really funny to read. it’s subtlety romantic and you can definitely tell that they like each other. with that being said, hikaru’s treatment of mc at the beginning of the story really ticked me off.

mc: 9/10, okay, she had her annoying moments like she always does, but the mc is so funny in this story! she reminds me of the mc from our private homeroom. i really liked her.

love interest: 9/10, here’s the thing, if you don’t like tsundere’s... you’ll fucking hate hikaru, because he’s a tsundere to the max. i love tsundere’s sooo, yeah i loved him hihi. he’s fucking adorable and his dishonesty towards his feelings is really cute. he’s also a sad boy, which made me have a soft spot for him.

final score: 84% (a-)

recommendation: honestly, i did not enjoy this story the first time i read it. i think it was because i didn’t understand hikaru’s sense of humor at the beginning, so i thought he was just a dick and mc was an idiot for liking him, but when i reread it after reading a couple of hikaru’s substories, i actually liked it. so, if you like tsundere’s i’d definitely recommend this story, if not, steer clear.

LUKE FOSTER: THE GOOD DOCTOR

plot: 9/10, i liked it! it felt a lot sadder/darker than the other plots, but it wasn’t overly depressing. there were lighthearted moments throughout and i like how luke gave mc a job instead of using her for personal gain or pushing her around all day. it was also surprisingly intense, with a few steamier scenes here and there.

pace: 8/10, the pace was pretty good, but like hikaru’s route there were scenes that made me go “i feel like i’ve read this before...” there was a rhythm to the story, or at least that’s what it felt like.

romance: 8/10, this story was definitely more intense than romantic. they still had their cute moments though, especially towards the end.

mc: 6/10, the mc is so nosy, impatient and short tempered in this story omg. she’s so quick to judgement and she has no sympathy towards luke for like the first 11 episodes of the story which really bothered me. also, she didn’t seem to understand luke’s way of showing affection and it got a little frustrating. she’s just exceptionally bad at reading people.

love interest: 8/10. if you love sad sweet boys who are surprisingly hot, you’ll love him. his collarbone obsession might weird some people out, but i found it hilarious and it was the perfect way to balance such a sad story.

final score: 78% (b+)

recommendation: if you like sad yet cute stories, i think you’ll really like this one.

RHION HATTER: THE MAD AUCTIONEER

plot: 10/10, his plot is amazing! it’s so adorable, innocent and unique, all while somehow managing to make me a little emo. rhion’s also the only bidder (besides luke) who didn’t use mc for personal gain, he actually bought her for some sort of companionship which was really refreshing (wow, the bar is set low yikes).

pace: 9/10, the pace was really great, it’s a slow burn too, which i love, but the last couple of episodes felt a little rushed.

romance: 10/10, it’s probably as (or maybe even more) romantic than baba’s story. there are so many cute moments, even when mc and rhion don’t really know each other yet. the romance is really sweet and pure, but it feels so real.

mc: 9/10, i love how she interacts with rhion! she’s relatable in this story and her actions are sensible, she has a mind of her own and she isn’t afraid to speak it.

love interest: 9/10, it’s rhion. he’s so precious! his shy and sweet nature is such a nice change from the other bidders and i really love how he slowly opens up to mc. also i think his alter ego of the mad hatter is really cool!

final score: 94% (a+)

recommendation: it’s my favorite story on the app for a reason. i definitely recommend it, even if you’re more into the sexy stories, i still think you should give rhion’s main route a chance! i made my friend who isn’t even into otome games play it and she really liked it.

FINAL RATING: ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

i’ll admit, trying to look past the human trafficking bs was really difficult at first, but if you can manage to turn a blind eye to it and try to remember that it’s just a video game and everything’s fictional, it’s pretty good. the love interests are great, there’s some action, there’s a some drama and there’s a lot of humor. the sub stories are really good too!

[what-the--curtains]

Alliance

Chapter 9 – The Hunt

(Mando x f!reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: After recovering you set off to find the man who tried to kill you. Killing him proves to be more difficult than expected when the ones you love are threatened, and on the other side of the choice, your own future.

Authors note: One more chapter to go!! Some angst at the end here! Hope y’all enjoy ❤️❤️❤️! (I also did some very average fan art if y’all haven’t seen it yet!)

Tw: sex is alluded to (not depicted), decapitation, force choke

Word count: 4.9k

Tagged list: @crazycookiecrumbles, @seninjakitey

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet proved harder to find than expected, despite Anya's best efforts, something was fogging up her tracking causing your coordinates to be constantly in flux. She’d easily lead you past the outer rim, but since then it had been akin to a wild goose chase.

“Any idea who tried to kill you.” Din asks, he'd been exceptionally patient throughout the journey thus far. Never questioning your methods just typing in the new location coordinates calmly and re aligning the ship on its new course.

“Did kill me” you correct, as your hand moves absentmindedly over the healed wound. “but no, I dont. They had a lightsaber though”

“Was it a Jedi?” he asks earnestly.

“Well based on the context clues, I'd definitely say at least Jedi adjacent” you laugh, for a savvy strategist who knew multiple languages you sometimes found yourself questioning if his brain was in fact functioning.

“Why would a Jedi try and kill you?”

“Your guess is as good as mine”

“How do they decide on colors?” He asks after a somewhat awkward silence

“Hmmm” you hum out in confusion, only half paying attention to what he had said.

“The light swords? Ashoka's are blue, yours is purple and the figures, well there's was red” your heart stops.

“It was red?” you ask, sitting up in your seat giving him your undivided attention.

“Ya does that mean something?” He watches your eyes slowly piecing together what he'd just told you.

“That’s impossible, the Sith were defeated. They died with the emperor.” you affirm, your sure red was a common colour used by Jedi nowadays, sure no one had ever seen one before, but there was a first time for everything right?

“So were the Jedi.” he points out.

“Do you always have to be right?” you ask slightly irritated for a reason you couldn’t quite explain. He doesn't respond; he knows a rhetorical question when he hears one but unsure what he had done to upset you. An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air, a sensation you'd never experienced with the Mandalorian before. Not wanting to stew in the quiet you head down to the lower levels and try and calm your frazzled mind. Sitting down you cross your legs, one over the other, as you close your eyes.

On the best of days meditating was a chore, but under the current situation it had become an impossible task. It wasn’t the threat of being ambushed that had you distracted, no something else was playing heavily on your mind. It was what was causing the punctuated silences, forced conversation and overall awkwardness in the atmosphere. It was your own doing. Seriously, who kisses a man whose face they've never seen! Idiots that's who and now it was stuck on your mind. In your defense you thought you wouldn't have to deal with the fallout so quickly. You should have known he’d have insisted on going with you, but you hadn't thought that far ahead, or at all and now you had to sit with the fact that you’d possibly ruined your comfortable friendship by planting one on him. Technically it wasn’t a real kiss,or maybe it was, how did Mandalorians kiss anyways? There you were down the rabbit hole again, this is why you couldn't focus, you curse yourself. Shaking your head you remind yourself it was only done in an attempt to get around him, a strategic move to protect the group, nothing more, nothing less. Keeping that in mind you manage to focus and you feel the galaxy's pulse emitting throughout the ship, inhaling and exhaling with the undulations around you.

Din, bored and missing the usually witty banter you offered him, decided it was time for him to clear the air in regards to the kiss. He hopes by telling you that he knew it was only done to get around him, you’d become more relaxed. The last thing he wanted was for you to be uncomfortable around him. He knew you'd never want to be with someone like him, at least in that way. As he turns around he sees you cross legged floating in the air, not wanting to interrupt he heads back up. Anya lifts her head as he re-enters, looking at him as if she knew what he was thinking. He’ll clear the air with you later, the two of you had plenty of time to talk.

You curse as your journey gets rerouted for what had to be the twelfth time in the past two days. Whoever was hunting you did not want to be found and no amount of swearing or whacking the console would change that. The closer you got to your destination the more you felt the malevolent presence grow. You found yourself wondering if it had always been with you, finding it hard to remember a time when it wasn't gnawing at your conscience. Each time you feel it scratching at your doors you remember Ashoka's words “be careful who you let into your head.” You'd made that mistake once with devastating consequences. You would not be making it again. Your energy was now primarily being spent keeping the presence at bay, not allowing it to penetrate any deeper than it already had. Sleeping only acted as an open invitation for the figure to torture you so you opted to forgo it altogether. Perhaps not the wisest decision, but what other choice did you have.

“The planet’s still a few days away.” Din says, noting the unraveled look in your eyes as you take your place next to him.

“Anything to do on this ship.” You ask, fidgeting in your seat. “like games or something” he doesn't respond “Hey beskar head! You awake under that helmet?”. You ask partially joking, partially annoyed that he wasn't talking to you.

“Yes.”

“Yes to games or yes to being awake?”

“To games” you smile, you never knew if he was actually making jokes or if you were just reading into it. The finer details of his personality artfully hidden beneath the metal exterior.

“Got Dejarik, you know how to play?” he asks, glad that you were back to yourself for the time being.

“I'm alright” you say smiling, you were better than alright, at least you think. To be fair you'd only ever played against one person and she was family and probably inclined to letting you win.

“You're cheating!” he exclaims, his annoyance apparent even through the modulator. Your skills were better than you expected especially after all those years, well either that or the Mandalorian was just that bad.

“How?” you ask, laughing at how frustrated he was getting. It was funny when you beat him the second time, but by gods it was even funnier when you beat him the seventh time.

“The force!” He says clenching his hand as he stares down at the board.

“I don't think the force bothers itself with helping me beat you at Dejarik.” you point out, as he grumbles something indistinguishable.

“Maybe you're just not as good as you think you are.” You tease pointing your finger at him eyebrows raised and a smirk plastered on your face.

“That’s not what I’ve been told,” he responds.

“About Dejarik or?” he laughs it off, but you seriously wanted to know the answer. After Cara told you he was allowed to have sex it was a question that you’d thought about a lot, more than you probably should have, but hey you were curious. Realizing the Mandalorian was now turning the game board over to see if it was rigged, you decide to change games.

“You still got that indestructible spear. The beskar one?” you ask nonchalantly.

“Yes, not something i'm planning on losing” he nods

“Fancy a match?” you offer you needed to work on your fighting skills, practicing on the air only went so far.

“Only if you promise not to slice through my ship.” He says, standing up.

“Only if you promise not to cry when I beat you.” you return causing him to scoff

“Oh im not going to be the one crying” he assures.

You stand in the ship's far corner across from Din who haphazardly twirls the spear in his hand as you open up your saber, raising it waiting for him to make the first move. He stays his ground, you and him were both defensive fighters and you knew he was far too stubborn to change his routine. Leaping forward you land in front of him, your saber making contact with the spear. After a few seconds spent testing his strength you know there's no feasible way for you to out muscle him. You'd have to out maneuver him. He’d seen you fight stronger opponents before so you’d have to think outside the box on this one. You move out from under the spear the release of your counter force causing Din to stumble forward. You turn aiming for his shin, but his arm reaches back the spear stopping your hit from connecting with his armour. You circle round him so you're once again face to face giving him enough time to stand back up. He turns quickly, swinging the spear as he does, aiming for your waist. You jump over the swipe landing behind him, hitting him in the back.

“Point to me.” you say

“No using the force” he says, turning to look down at you, his presence suddenly looming.

“I wasn't, I can just jump really high!” You lie.

“Likely story” he says brushing past you as he moves back to his starting spot

“What was that I said about crying earlier?” you question.

He's got you talking too long and he sweeps your feet out from under you knocking you on your ass and gently tapping you on the head with the spear.

“Point me” he says, offering you his hand.

“That was dirty” you say as he hoists you up.

“Who says we're playing clean sweetheart?” The term catches both of you off guard, but he's flustered himself more than you, allowing you to land the next two points.

“Hope your ego isn't too hurt darling.” you mock back at him as metal and light collide once again.

“It’s not over yet” he says, using all his strength to march you back towards the wall pinning you against it with his spear.

“You need to work on your attack, you leave a lot open” he says, breathing heavily.

“You need to work on a codpiece, it leaves a lot open” you retort, kneeing him in the groin, hard enough for him to drop you, but not so hard that it kept him down for long.

“Not enough beskar” he murmurs, hoping to get the last word in.

“Oh big brag for a man who just lost several games of Dejarik in a row and” your sentence is cut short as the spear taps the small of your back giving him the winning point

“And what?”

“Oh real classy Din, can’t win a fair fight” you say hand on your hip.

“It was fair considering I wasn't going 100%”

‘Oh you weren't” you mock, the smile telling him you were amused and not upset by his antics, the gentle slap on his arm further verifying this. The moments like this were nice, but as you continue to gain on your target they became fleeting. The Mandalorian watches as your ability to focus waivers, your frustration becoming increasingly evident in your training. Miraculously, you hadn't sliced through anything important, but the ship’s interior was constantly needing to be patched up. At least it kept him occupied and out of your hair. You looked like you were fighting a hidden battle, one he would gladly fight with you, if you'd let him. He didn’t know the full extent of your struggle, but he knew the anger he felt simmering inside you wasn't being aided by your refusal to sleep.

Your irritability, although caused by exerting tremendous energy keeping the figure at bay, was no excuse for the times you had lashed out at the Mandalorian. The most recent outburst occurred when he'd stepped on your foot after you had explicitly told him to watch out. In hindsight, threatening to melt his beskar down and turn it into a hearing aid for him so he could stop being such a nerf herder was a touch harsh. Alright, incredibly harsh especially considering he'd attempted to apologize before you went off on him.

“Sorry I threatened the beskar” you murmur sitting down next to him

“Are you going to tell me what's going on?” he asks

“Going on where” you ask

“Well it can't just be air in your head” he jokes, causing you to laugh for the first time in a few days.

“Seriously though , I'm sorry Ive been out of line, and it's not fair on you, you’ve been so understanding.”

“You know what might help with the outbursts?”

“A lecture?” you remark, your tone harsher than intended

“No, sleep, you should try it sometime”

“I'm fine without it” you say, the yawn escaping your lips contradicting your words.

“You should sleep.”

“ You don’t.” you remark hoping to catch him off guard, but he's obviously rehearsed this conversation a few times.

“ I don’t need to.”

“Neither do I.” You lie, almost a year later and you still had no idea how he slept so little, though your current working theory was that he would just take naps under the helmet when he thought he could get away with it.

“No, you can't sleep, there's a distinct difference.”

Not wanting to lash out at him for the third time that day and knowing he was right, you make a swift exit. You push the button that opens up to the tight sleeping quarters where you'd spent many hours lying awake. You were hoping that you'd reached an exhaustion point where your body would just shut down. You lay back on the bed not bothering with the covers, you weren't expecting to get comfortable. Anya had stopped trying to sleep in the same bed as you, usually getting inadvertently kicked or shoved out the bed by your constant movements. Your eyes can’t have been closed for more than a minute when they snap open. Despite their alertness your body's gone limp. What fresh hell was this? As your eyes adjust to the darkness you can only just make out the hauntingly familiar shape sitting at the edge of your bed. You go to call out for the Mandalorian, but no sound is emitted, nothing comes out at all not even air. You watch helplessly as the figure's arm extends ensnaring you in a choke hold, the yellow iris shining out beneath the hood, confirming your worst fear. A Sith. You scream yourself awake, the force causing items to fly to the ground, no doubt alerting the Mandalorian. You bring your knees to your chest grabbing at your scalp telling yourself it wasn’t real, but it didn't matter what you said. The truth was you couldn’t tell anymore all lines had blurred together. You get up off the bed looking around the room already exhausted at having to clean up yet another mess you had made. You lean over picking up the weapons that had fallen off the armoury hanging them back up when you hear the Mandalorian drop down the sound startling you.

“I'm sorry” you mutter embarrassed, not looking up as you move to grab the few dishes currently lying on the floor.

“What did I say about breaking the ship?” he says, chuckling slightly in an attempt to lighten the mood. He bends down to help you but you grab his arm stopping him.

“I made the mess. I'll clean it up.” You say gathering up the utensil and placing them back on the table absentmindedly stroking your throat as you turn to pick up the rest. As you reach for the chess board he grabs your hands, intertwining his fingers with yours, leading you back over to the bed.

“Get some rest, I'll clean up,” he says softly, sitting you down on the bed.

“Stop telling me what to do Din, besides it's not working.”

“You need to sleep.”

“I can’t and unless you can think up a way to make me then were shit out of luck.”

“I can think of a few ways.” he mumbles hoping it was loud enough for you to hear.

“Like what? Knocking me out with a blaster?” you scoff

“ A less violent way,” The words leave his mouth before he can fully assess the pros and cons of what he was offering to do.

“Reciting the entire code of conduct of the mandalore race to me?” Gods, how were you still not getting this.

“A less boring way.” He prays that you either catch on or he passes away suddenly so as to save him from any further embarrassment.

“Oh” you punctuate, lips parted slightly suddenly realizing exactly what was being offered to you “you think you can tire me out?”

“Only if you want.” he says, more confident now you hadn't outright rejected him

“Well I have been dying to see what’s under that armour”

“ You’ve seen it before”, and you couldn't wait to see it again.

“Not all of it”

“The helmet stays on,” he asserts.

“Not what I was referring to.” He stands there for a moment unsure how to proceed, not wanting to have misread the situation. “Well are you just going to stand there or are you not a man of your word?” That’s all the encouragement he needs.

“You want me to stop at any time, you just say so cyar’ika”

Once again the Mandalorian was right ; he was able to tire you out. Neither of you say anything after both at a loss for words, and not wanting to ruin the moment by saying the wrong thing. You fall asleep with his arm wrapped securely around your waist, as the other runs up and down your back. His heartbeat lulling you into a deep sleep, his presence managing to stay off any nightmares, at least for now.

He stays with you long after you’ve dozed off watching your back rise and fall in time with your breathing, he thanks the gods you were finally resting. He intently studies the faint purple markings covering your body, wondering how long they'd been there. His hand then tracing over the scars on your back, he wants to know how you got them. He wanted to know everything. Once this was all a distant memory he’d ask, if you chose to stick around that is. Knowing you won't want to find him in your bed when you wake up, he slides his arm from your waist and quietly, so as not to wake you, he puts his clothes back on. Re-donning his armour he heads back upstairs to check on the ship.

Your body shivers inadvertently at the loss of heat and your eyes slowly open. The room’s still dark, but the Mandalorian had gone. He must have left sometime in the night presumably his way of telling you it was a one off. Knowing Din to be a man of few words you knew talking about what had just happened was fully off the table. You sit up and stretch out, allowing your elbows to pop and your shoulders to crack as you roll them out, feeling a way that you hadn't felt in months. Well rested. Making your way over to the fresher you allow the water to wash over you removing any remaining scent attributed to the Mandalorian. After dressing you head up to the cockpit, slightly bow legged from the night before. You’d had your fair share of lovers and for a human, he was very well endowed and very eager to please.

“How far” you ask brushing any thoughts about last night from your head as you shoo Anya off your seat.

“You’re up sooner than I thought.” He says looking at you. He’d noticed the slight stagger in your walk causing him to smirk under the helmet, but the smile fades when you don’t look down.

“How far are we?” you ask again, picking up Anya who’s refused to move of her own volition.

“Close. About last night” he starts, wanting to make sure everything was okay, and that you weren’t regretting what had happened.

“ Look, we don’t have to talk about it. I know it wasn’t a big deal.” You say.

“It may not be a big deal for you.” you don't know why, but you take that tone as being pointed, referring specifically to your time spent in the rings.

“Why? because I've slept with half the galaxy? Something I did in order to survive an environment let’s not forget you put me in?” you spit out

“ No, I-I didn’t mean,” he starts. It's the first time you've ever heard him stumble over his words.

“ You never do.” You say, shutting him up for the remainder of the trip.

“Dropping out now.’ He says, 5 days, that's how long it had taken to get to where you were going, whoever was on the planet was committed to not being found, or at least committed to having you as sleep deprived as possible.

You step out with the Mandalorian close behind you, the planet's surface reflecting the ship's underlights back into its metal exterior. The mirrored rock had sprouted out into various forms and sharp geometric shapes, resulting in a beautiful, but sinister skyline.

“You sure this is the place? Doesn't look like any living thing could survive here.”

“Yes, I can sense a disturbance. You stay here with Anya.” you say placing a hand on his chest plate.

“No way.” Din responds

“I have to do this alone. It's too dangerous for you.”

“For me?” he says in disbelief.

“Wait here if i'm not back within the hour, leave.” You state ignoring his last question.

“ I'll give you two for good measure” he offers, holding out a blaster for you to take.

“It won't help.” You say pushing it back towards him before pulling up your hood and setting off into the unknown. Once he's sure you're out of sight, he follows you.

You close your eyes, letting your senses lead you through the sharpened planet careful not to cut yourself on the dark obsidian refelcting blurred images of the stars. A rock snaps under your foot and your eyes open. A voice calls out to you, uttering your name.

“Who are you.” you ask aloud, turning to face the cloaked figure who stands before you.

“ That is not important” he answers, lips not moving. Telepathy. So that’s how he'd gotten into your head.

“You tried to kill me I think it's at least relevant.” You return in thought.

“You came alone.” he asks, yellow eyes darting from side to side, despite the power this figure held you send a nervousness harboured deep within him, perhaps you should have brought the Mandalorian along with you.

“ Yes” you lie, hoping your force was strong enough to shield the bounty hunter.

“Good.” he snarled.

“Why did you kill me.” you ask not wanting to beat around the bush

“To see if I could. I needed to see your abilities, you’re stronger than I thought if you brought yourself back to life. The empire is rebuilding”, he offers not clearing the situation up in the least

“The empire died with Palpatine, they’re nothing but warmongering desolates now” you say shaking your head, not believing you had flown halfway across the galaxy for this.

“That’s what they have told you. We have been growing an army, led by the spirit of the emperor. We are seeking those with your abilities to help us rebuild.”

“You’ve lost your mind. The Sith were defeated long ago, the Jedi with them.” You turn to leave, no longer fearing this man, he holds no power over you.

“No” he shrieks, the sound drawing your gaze back to him, the noise frightening you slightly “You cannot leave. You cannot go. You will join us and rebuild a stronger galaxy.”

“I have no interest in joing a cult of fear and genocide.” you state calmly.

“It is more than a cult I offer you, something much better, power.” he was getting desperate, a few more days without sleep and you may have fallen for it.

“Power to what? Give you all the blood in my body so you can commit futile experiments on innocent people. You cannot create force sensitivity nor can you push it on someone who it has not chosen. Join you? No, I'll have to pass. Death and destruction will not be my path.”

“Not yet, but it will be. I see it in you, the pain, the sadness, the loneliness, that will all disappear once you join us.”

“Over my dead body” You say drawing your sabre. A violent clash of red and purple ricochet off the mirrored rock, lighting up the shadowed planets.

“Your grandmother trained you well.” He exclaims.

“ If you knew her then you should know that i'd never turn” You continue the fight. Managing to back him into a rock wall. Holding saber at his throat the light purple hue gleaning in the yellow irises beneath his hood.

“I understand why you ambushed me, not much of a fighter are you.” you snarl, pushing the saber into the robe, the scent of burning fabric filling the air. Then you feel it, the pulse of the fibers interwoven throughout the galaxy, something’s amiss. Something else appears under the glow of you saber, yellowed teeth, smiling under the light. You release him pushing yourself back, he wants you to kill him.

“ Do not fear it, I have seen this moment. It is what begins your reign”

“No” you say aloud to yourself, “No” you repeat turning off the saber and turning to leave.

“If you let me live, I kill the man with you.”

The Mandalorian whose been watching from afar hasn’t heard a word spoken in a while, watching you move towards him he thinks it must be over, whoever this person was, Sith or not, you must have come to an agreement. He almost walks out from his hiding spot when you stop dead in your tracks. He sees you look up, your eyes meeting his but only for a moment, before you pivot back to face the man.

“There’s…” you start.

“Don’t play me for a fool child, I have been playing this game long before you were even a thought in your mothers pretty little head. I know he is here. I know what you feel for him. You kill me and in time you will betray him, but you’d rather that, than lose him altogether.”

There's no thought process, no decision to make. With a flick of your wrist you throw the saber. You watch as it slices through the Siths neck before returning to your hand. You close it as his head tumbles to the ground. If Ashoka's words were a warning this, this was an omen. You had made a choice and now a path of irredeemably evil was laid before you. A path you were not prepared to drag anyone else down.

“I know you're there” you say after composing yourself. “I told you not to follow me.” You say making your way to the Mandalorians hiding spot.

“Are you alright? What did he say to you?” he asks, reaching a hand out for your arm.

“Nothing.” You say dodging him. The less he knew the safer he'd be. You weighed your options in your head on the walk back, but you knew there was only one way to avoid harming anyone. You had to hide away, become anonymous. Fall back into legend, never to be seen again. It was the only way Grogu would be safe, it was the only way Cara would be safe, it was the only way Din would be safe. As the ship takes off you say three words that would change everything.

“Take me home.”

“We're on route to Hoth now,” he says reassuringly.

“No, take me to my home. Grogu is back and safe. Our deal is done. Our alliance is over” You say, eyes plastered to the windshield.

“What did he say to you?” Din stresses, but you don’t answer. Silence was the only way to stop him from convincing you to stay.

“Don’t shut me out” he says slamming his hand on the panel. You don’t flinch, you don’t even look up. “We can figure this out together.” He says softly, if you hadn’t known any better you would have thought he was pleading with you.

“You’ve done enough. Take me home. If you don’t the force will.” He resets the GPS coordinates before standing up and dropping downstairs. Anya muzzles into you as you let out a sigh blinking back the tears you felt forming.

[animeniacss]

6 Years - Hoseok x Reader - Chapter 25 - No Contact Allowed

Synopsis: 6 years. That’s all it can take to take another look at someone and see that they have completely changed. You were once an eager 20-year-old, with your dreams all in view, and Jung Hoseok at your side to view them with you. However, after a break up the end of your junior year of college, everything seemed different. Now, you’re a recently divorced single mother of two, and your life is nowhere near what you thought it would be. However, after reuniting with Jung Hoseok, you may just be able to capture a little bit of that exciting youth you once knew so long ago.

Feat. BTS Members, Nayeon (TWICE), and Yuna (itzy) 

Genre: Romance, SingleMother!AU, Past Relationship, Drama, Some Depictions of Violence/Domestic Abuse

Length: approx. 4.1k words 

Disclaimer: This chapter does include some intimidating scenes that some may find triggering. Please be warned. 

Chapter 25 - No Contact Allowed

           Weong-Bin had good connections. He was able to get out on bail just as noon was starting to poke its head around the corner. The next day, thanks to his parents and a few of his coworkers. He didn’t expect anything different, and he was glad he could finally relax in his home until his trial. His lawyer was beside him as they exited the prison, making sure to remind him that he was to have no contact with his family before the trial and to spend his time following the rules and creating a good defense to make sure that he was only able to be found innocent. As he walked out the door, descending down the steps of the jail, he saw a car with his parents waiting on the street. He also saw Myung-Dae, standing at the bottom with his arms crossed. Weong-Bin let out a frustrated groan as he saw Myung-Dae approach him.

           “Don’t forget you aren’t allowed to contact anyone-.”

           “I already told him. Relax.” Weong-Bin’s lawyer said quickly. “Just keep your distance, will you? Mr. Cho does not need to be harassed right now.”

           “Yeah well, neither did his ex-wife but look at where we are.” Weong-Bin couldn’t help but laugh.

           “Okay, that was funny. It’d be funnier if it was true, but good job. Maybe you should be a comedian, Officer.” With that, he walked past Myung-Dae and headed towards his car, giving his mother a tight hug. He took one more glance at Myung-Dae and his lawyer, waving them both off as he slid into his car, and his parents followed, before pulling out of their spot and driving off. Myung-Dae watched the car drive off, then glanced at the lawyer, who checked his watch and turned to him.

           “You heard him, become a comedian.” The lawyer joked, chuckling as he headed down the street. Myung-Dae sighed, pulling out his phone and being quick to dial your phone number.

           It was lunchtime, and you were at work typing away on your computer. A father had brought in his young son who was throwing up and had to be taken out of school, the poor young boy hysterical as he buried his head in his father’s shoulder.

           “The doctor will see you as soon as he can.” You motioned to the little garbage that was placed in front of the counter. “Feel free to take that to your seat, just in case.” The man offered a quick thank you, and you smiled as you watched him walk with his son and the garbage can, trying to isolate themselves from the other small group of patients throughout the waiting room. You leaned back in your seat, looking at Jungkook, who was scrolling through his phone. “Any interesting news?”

           “No, not really.” He said. “Just typical stuff; scandals, idol news, stuff like that.” He said. “How’s everything with uhhhh-.” He saw your eyes cast down. “Eh, sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.”

           “There’s really nothing crazy to talk about. He’s not supposed to contact anyone, and this weekend I start working with the prosecutor to prepare for the trial.” You chuckled. “My parents are staying close by until this all blows over, with Taehyung and we’re working on moving Hoseok in…” you sighed. “There’s a lot of stuff going through my mind, but it’ll be okay once all this stuff is over.” You leaned forward, resting your chin in your hands as you let your mind start to drift off.

           I want to tell my parents and Taehyung about the baby from the college. I haven’t yet. With everything going on right now, it’s been a real weight on my shoulders.

           I can only imagine.

           Will you…help me?

           “I’m here if you need anything, Noona~.” Jungkook said happily, offering you a kind smile as you were pulled out of your own thoughts. You chuckled.

           “I know you are.” You said simply. “Don’t worry, though. I went through similar stuff in the divorce. Nothing I can’t handle.” Jungkook chuckled a bit. Both of you were then interrupted by your phone vibrating. “Hm?” Glancing down, you saw Myung-Dae’s phone number flash on your screen. “Oh no…” Jungkook blinked as you stood up. “I’ll be right back.” You stood up, excusing yourself to one of the break rooms before you answered. “Hello?”

           “Miss. Cho? It’s Myung-Dae.” He said. “How are you?”

           “Well, and yourself?”

           “I’m fine. I was just calling to tell you that Weong-Bin posted his bail and will be under close watch until his trial.” You blinked. Even though you kind of knew this would happen, you were still absolutely terrified. “Don’t worry, he’s still under orders not to contact anyone in your family. If he does, you call me right away and I’ll handle it.”

           “…Okay, thank you.” You said softly.

           “Don’t worry.” She said gently. “We have a lot of stuff to do at the office, but we’re here for you if you need anything.”

           “Thank you. I appreciate it.” You smiled happily. “But, Uhm, I’m at work. I need to go now.” Myung-Dae chuckled a bit, agreeing as the both of you said your goodbyes and hung up. Putting your phone in your pocket, you sighed as you headed back to your seat, sinking down and groaning. Jungkook could sense you were now done talking about the situation, and he left it at that, looking over as the doctor stepped out and called another patient into his office.

-----------------------

           While you were at work, Hoseok was making sure to be hard at work himself. Sang-Chol, Ji-Tae and the rest of their dance team were hard and work as well. After their last contest went pretty well, the group began to gain a pretty decent following on social media. It was making them even more excited to try and perfect their skills, hoping for even more fans. Currently, they were working on recording a dance cover for a new song released by a popular idol group. It was a tough dance, and Hoseok had offered to help them get down the routine and even help them record it.

           “Alright, that was much better!” Hoseok said, setting down his water bottle as he watched the group of boys collapse onto the floor.

           “Can’t we take a break? You’ve made us run through it 3 times in a row!” Sang-Chol begged.

           “And look how much you’ve improved since the first time. You said you wanted to get the video up soon, didn’t you? While the video is still a hot topic?”

           “Yeah…”

           “Then get up and go again!”

           “Mr. Hoseok pleeeeeease-.” Sang-Chol whined, sprawling out on the floor. Hoseok laughed a bit, grinning.

           “Fine. One drink break, then we’ll run it a few more times.” He watched the boys scramble to their bags, pulling out their drinks and practically guzzling down every last drop that they could as if they had been deprived of water for weeks. Hoseok couldn’t help but be amused by them, as he reached over to his phone and scooped it up to check his messages. He saw one was from Yoongi, in the group chat that had both him and Namjoon in it.

           Wanna meet for lunch in like half an hour? (Sent 12:30 p.m.)

           Hoseok hummed, looking at the little stopwatch that was ticking down how much time they had left. 35 minutes. He glanced back over to the boys, who were already getting reenergized and put back into position. Hoseok glanced down at his phone, seeing Namjoon had also sent a text to confirm.

           Sure. I finish my lesson in 35 minutes. Text me the place and I’ll meet you there. (Sent 12:32 p.m.)

           With lunch plans settled, Hoseok stood up. “Alright. Let’s get to work boys. Five, six, seven-.”

           35 minutes later, the alarm began to ring, signaling the end of the lesson. The boys sighed as they once again collapsed after another 30 minutes of rigorous practice. On the plus side though, they were finally confident enough to shoot the video and upload it. Hoseok took the drink from his bag and took a sip as the boys began to pack up.

           “You guys did great.” He said. “Are you going to record next time?”

           “I think so. I’m really excited man, that dance break is so difficult!” Ji-Tae said happily.

           “I know, and your part, Ji-Tae, with the huge kick right in the middle? Ah! I think I’m in love!”

           “Shut up.” Ji-Tae sighed as the boys began to laugh. They all turned to Hoseok as he finished packing up and gave polite bows, thanking him for his help. He smiled.

           “No trouble. Here, I’ll walk you guys out.” He said. The group headed outside of the studio, saying goodbye to Jin-Young, who was actually signing up a new little girl for Jimin’s ballet classes. “Be safe getting home.” He said, waving off the boys as they headed down the street, chatting and cheering about their excitement for the upload of the dance cover. He watched them for a moment, before turning around and heading to the café to meet his friends.

           Namjoon and Yoongi were already there, sitting at one of the booths. They had waited to order food until Hoseok arrived, and when they saw him bust through the door of the care, Yoongi stood up.

           “It’s about time!” He teased as his friend hurried up to him. “Your dance studio is like 5 blocks. We had to take a train.”

           “I know.” Hoseok laughed. “Sorry, the boys were so eager to keep practicing I had to practically force them out.” Saying his hellos, he sat down in the booth and sighed. “God, I’m so tired.”

           “I can only imagine.” Namjoon chuckled, taking a sip of his water. “You’re really being put through the wringer now. How’s moving going?”

           “Fine. I’m pretty much settled in. But everything else-.” He chuckled as the waitress brought him over water. “Everything else just sucks really bad. I don’t know what to do. Anxiety and tension are really high in the apartment right now.” Lifting the glass up to his lips, he took a sip and sighed. “I don’t know what I can do to ease her nerves a bit. The trial is coming up soon, she’s been preparing for everything, and she texted me that Weong-Bin made bail this afternoon.”

           “Well he can’t contact you guys, right?” Namjoon asked.

           “Yeah, like that’ll stop him.” Yoongi said. “That guy was always a scumbag.”

           “…You never met him.” Namjoon pointed out.

           “But I knew. I’m just observant like that.” Hoseok smiled a bit at his friends. “But don’t stress about it. If he tries to call, just call the cops and get his ass tossed back in jail, it’s not that serious.”

           “Yeah, try telling her that. I’m sure every possible phone call she’s gotten since she heard he made his bail is making her even more paranoid.” Hoseok scratched his head, feeling himself getting frustrated just thinking of how paranoid you were. “I wish I could do more.”

           “…Marry her.” Yoongi said simply. Hoseok looked up, his ears turning red. “If you marry her, then it’ll make her feel better.” Namjoon glanced over at him.

           “Hyung, stop that, now is not the time for them to worry about marriage.”

           “Yeah, well not right now, obviously. But maybe if you bring it up to her, the idea will make her feel better or something. Just knowing you’ll be there.”

           “But she already knows that I will.” Hoseok pointed out.

           “Well, once you tell her you want to get married, then you’re truly trapped, so maybe that’s not a good idea.” Yoongi teased, and Namjoon chuckled. “Aaah, look how red you are, Hobi.” He chuckled a bit, and that only made Hobi’s cheeks turn redder. “I’m only teasing. Namjoon is right, this isn’t the time to be adding another layer of stress with wedding planning.” Hoseok sighed as the waitress finally returned to take their orders. They all put something in that they saw on the menu, and the woman left with a kind smile and assurance that the food would be out soon. Yoongi glanced over to Hoseok, to see him playing with the straw he was given that he didn’t use. He had pulled the wrapping off and was twisting it between his fingers. “I’m sure if you keep assuring her that you’ll be there for her, it’ll help calm her down. Just do that, and I think everything will be fine.”

           “…Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Hoseok said simply.

           “Aren’t I always?” He grinned, and he watched both of the other boys snickered. Hoseok leaned back in his seat, glancing down at his phone to see a picture that you had sent him. You were sitting beside Jungkook, who was throwing up a peace sign. Both of you had lunchboxes in front of you and were eating happily.

           No patients right now. Time to snack >.< (Sent 1:15 p.m.)

           Hoseok smiled a bit, setting his phone face down on the table. While you were at work, he felt at ease. Your mind was somewhat occupied with Jungkook being there, so he could take this time to relax and enjoy the time he had with his friends. However, as his lunch meeting with the others went on, his mind kept wandering about what Yoongi said.

           Marriage, huh?

---------------------------------

           “See you tomorrow, Noona~.” Jungkook called happily, waving to you as the both of you exited the doctor’s office. Your shift had finished a few hours later, and it was time to go pick up the girls. Jungkook had offered to lend a hand, but you assured that you would be fine and that Hoseok would be coming home soon anyway. As you waved goodbye, you headed down the street and towards the train station. Pulling out your phone, you saw that Hoseok had sent you a text-only a few minutes prior.

           You might make it home before me. I’ve been hanging out with Namjoon and Yoongi-Hyung since lunch and we’ve been doing a lot of catching up. I won’t be too much longer, but I’m a phone call away if you need me. Love you <3 (Sent 3:04 p.m.)

           As you continued down towards the train station, you put your phone back in your pocket. You weren’t sure how much longer Hoseok would be out, but you knew that you would most likely be able to get the girls and be home before him. So, your mind began wandering towards what you would make for dinner as you paid the train fee and hopped onto it. The train ride was quiet, as usual. You were never one to strike up a conversation with people on the train, and nobody else seemed to be any different. You just all kind of kept to yourself for about 45 minutes, until people started getting off and on, and the train continued moving down the tracks. It was usually never peaceful because you were constantly frantic about the girls and staying on schedule. However, right now, you felt pretty peaceful. It was nice.

           After picking up the girls, you made your way back home. Min Ja had some homework to get started on, so you sent her to her room to begin that, while Hyo Bin was exhausted from her fun day in daycare, so you set her down for a nap.

           “Good, they’re occupied for a bit. Hobi should be home soon.” You checked the time. It was just about 5 p.m. “Let’s see…” You began to peruse the cabinets and fridge for ingredients, hoping something would help give you inspiration for that night’s dinner. You were so busy cooking, that it took you a moment to hear your phone was ringing. “Hm?” You glanced over, walking towards it. On the screen was a number you didn’t recognize. “Who the hell is this?” You mumbled, picking it up. “Probably the wrong number.” Despite this thought process, you did decide to answer it, hoping that it would stop the person from calling this number with the false hope it was someone they knew. “Hello?”

           “Don’t hang up.” You heard a voice quickly say. As the words entered your ears, your blood ran cold and your heart began to do flips into your throat.

           “W-Weong-Bin?” you mumbled, your voice trembling. “What-.”

           “I need to speak with you.” He said. “Please.”

           “You’re not supposed to contact me. They said they’ll put you in jail if they find out.”

           “They won’t find out, then. Please, I need to talk to you.”

           “I can’t. I need to hang up.” You pulled the phone from your ear, looking down at the screen. The red “END” button sat there, waiting patiently to be pressed. Just as you were about to do so, you heard Weong-Bin clearly on the other line, despite not being on speakerphone.

           “DON’T!” He shouted. You slammed the phone back to your ear, in hopes that the girls wouldn’t hear even though it wasn’t really loud enough. “If you hang up, I swear I’ll keep calling. Just hear me out.” He said sternly. You let out a shaky breath, pressing your back against the counter and looking up at the clock. When the hell was Hoseok coming home?

           “Why should I do that?” you asked curiously. “After everything you’ve put me through.”

           “Me? Oh, please, you’re such a drama queen. I never would’ve gotten as angry as I did those times if you were such a bitch.” Quickly realizing what he said, he let out a shaky breath. “Okay, forget that. I’m sorry. Seriously, hear me out.”

           “…I don’t want to. Please, let me hang up. Leave me alone.” Weong-Bin now wasn’t even bothering to argue with you.

           “Why are you doing this?” he asked. “Don’t you love me?”

           “…I used to.” You said softly. “Until you started beating me up and tearing me down. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

           “You know I never meant any of that.”

           “I thought you didn’t at first. But I caught you sleeping with someone else and you still act like all our problems were my fault.”

           “They were.”

           “N-no they weren’t.”

           “Well if I’m taking the blame for my actions then you better take the blame for yours too.”

           “But you’re not taking any blame. You’re pleading not guilty.” You snapped. “I’m seriously going to hang up.”

           “You won’t. Stop lying.” Weong-Bin snapped. “Just stop playing these stupid games. If you want to be with Hoseok so badly, whatever, be a slut. Don’t drag me through the mud.”

           “…I’m not dragging you through the mud. You’ve made your choices.”

           “I’ve only reacted to how you treat me.”

           “Weong-Bin, please-.”

           “I love you so much. I’m sorry I’ve put you through so much pain, but are you seriously going to drag your family, our kids, through a trial? What if they say Min Ja has to go up and talk about what happened? She’ll be terrified and scared and you’re going to do it because what? I raised my voice a few times? My hand? I’m not the only guy in Korea to do that.”

           “…I know…” you said softly.

           “Please.” He begged. “Please. I just don’t want things to end this way…” You sank down onto the floor, running a hand through your hair. “I still love you, regardless of what’s been happening. You know that, right?” You felt a huge lump in your throat as you tried to think of what you could possibly say to that. However, before you could give a response, you heard the door unlock. You glanced over, seeing Hoseok hum happily as he stepped in.

           “I’m home.” He cooed, sliding his shoes off as the door closed behind him.

“Don’t tell him who you’re talking to.” Weong-Bin said softly on the phone when he heard the faint sound of Hoseok’s voice. When Hoseok got no response, he tilted his head. “Hello?” As he walked farther into the apartment, he saw you crouched down on the floor. “Hey…” He made his way over to you and knelt down. “You okay?” When he reached out to touch you, he saw you flinch back. He saw how terrified you looked. “What’s wrong?” When he still didn’t get a response, he glanced at the phone. “Hm?” Reaching out, he took the phone from you.

“Hobi, no-.” you tried to take the phone back, but Hoseok quickly stood up.

“Who is this?” he asked.

“…How rude, taking the phone away from someone in the middle of the conversation.” You immediately saw Hoseok’s eyes cast down to you. You couldn’t really read them that well, which was a first for Hoseok.

“Why on earth are you calling?” Hoseok asked, putting a hand in his pocket as he turned away from you. “Did prison make you forget your rules if you made bail?”

“I needed to speak with her.”

“That’s not something you just get to do.”

“Hoseok, stay out of this.”

“I’m not going to. I really don’t understand what is going through your mind right now, are you trying to get yourself arrested? Be my guest, if you are.”

“Don’t play smart with me. It doesn’t suit you.” Weong-Bin scoffed. Hoseok glanced over to you, seeing that you were still crouched down on the floor, no longer looking up at him. Hoseok sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t want me to talk to her? Fine. Let me talk to you.”

“Last time I did that, you tried to knock my lights out at my job. No thank you, I’m not interested in listening.” Hoseok let out another aggravated sigh. Once he did, he could hear you did the same, though instead of aggravation in your voice, it sounded like absolute terror was pouring out of your mouth. “I’ll be nice this time. If you call this place again from now until this whole thing is done, I won’t hesitate to get you thrown back in jail. Got it?”

“Why don’t you just go back home and leave her alone, Hoseok? This didn’t even involve you.”

“This is my house now too, so it does. And not only are you bothering my girlfriend but both of her kids. Don’t call her anymore.” Before Weong-Bin could say anything else, Hoseok hung up the phone. Weong-Bin glanced down at the burner phone he had bought just for this, then to his own phone. The background was exposed to show Min Ja and Hyo Bin, the last time he had them, holding up two pictures that they made together, with a big smile on each of their faces. Though he loved the picture, looking at it only made him angrier as he thought about what Hoseok had just said.

“…His girlfriend? Her kids?” he grumbled to himself. “Really, Jung Hoseok? Is that how you feel, you son of a bitch.” He felt the grip he had on his phone tighten, Weong-Bin let out a frustrated scream of absolute rage, flinging the phone against the wall and shattering it into pieces. Leaning back in his seat, Weong-Bin glanced back down at his phone. He was sick and tired of Hoseok, he hated that boy since they first crossed paths in college. Watching as Hoseok strolled through campus hand in hand with you, smiling as he pulled you into a sea of butterfly kisses and back hugs. The huge grin on your face every time you saw Hoseok across the hall, diverting your attention from the conversation you were having with Weong-Bin, or the project you two were working on, to hurry over and fling yourself into his arms. How students who knew of your relationship always spoke about it as if it were the relationship of two famous idols, or even of royals. How when you finally broke up with Hoseok, you were so depressed about everything. Weong-Bin tried so hard to see that smile again, to make you just as happy – no – happier than you could have ever been with Hoseok, but to no avail. And that baby. That stupid fucking baby that you wanted to keep, to use as an excuse to run back to him when Weong-Bin was bending over backward to provide you with the best of the best.

It pissed him off how you never once looked at him with the same love in your eyes as you had with Hoseok. Not then, and not now. Probably not ever.

Weong-Bin didn’t like that. And if that was going to be the case, then he never wanted you to look at Jung Hoseok ever again. If that meant taking serious measures, then god damn it, he was going to make sure those measures were taken.

Return to Masterlist

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[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 122: Tiger Philanthropist

“It’s like the sequel no one asked for.”

Adventure Time is technically a serial, but rather than one continuous story it’s a hodgepodge of multiple meandering plots that get checked up on at random over the course of its 283-episode run. For instance, minor character Maja the Sky Witch was introduced in Episode 133 (Sky Witch), yelling at the end that she’s planning “something big,” and we got that follow-up a full year later in Episode 166 (Something Big; let it not be said that these episodes aren’t named well). Virtually no mention of Maja was made between these episodes, but Something Big served as a direct sequel, beginning in the middle of a huge battle as if we knew it was coming, and we just went with it. That, for better and worse, is the spirit of Adventure Time's long-term structure. Episodes can be about any character in its vast world, and we jump around so much that it feels like anything could happen.

Steven Universe takes a different approach, aided by a singular focus on Steven's point of view. It also has distant sequel episodes, but it’s easier to keep track of these connected stories because of a more unified through-line. I mentioned in The New Crystal Gems that I’d like to see more character interactions that are restricted by this focus (give us an episode about Peridot making avant-garde metal-powered multi-instrumental music with Sour Cream, you cowards), but it’s still generally a positive from a plotting standpoint to keep things Steven-centric. 

For the most part, I’m a huge fan of distant sequel episodes in both Adventure Time and Steven Universe despite them being such different beasts. But while the random “hey remember this storyline?” in media res variant works well in a zany show that bounces from plot to plot, Tiger Philanthropist is proof that this type of sequel doesn’t work quite as well on a show with a more traditional structure.

The premise of Tiger Philanthropist hinges on the idea that Steven and Amethyst have been wrestling this whole time. But, as we might see in an Adventure Time sequel episode, we’ve gotten zero references to this subplot between the first and second episode of the story. We never see Steven and Amethyst coming back from a gig. We never hear them talking about it in passing. We never see the tiger mask lying around to indicate recent use. The Brothers Construction and Good-Looking Gang even feel like Adventure Time one-off characters, as they’re for some reason never seen outside of a wrestling context despite Steven Universe otherwise doing pretty well at building a sense of reliable locals and background characters.

Bear in mind that we just had a whole arc about Amethyst’s inferiority complex in terms of physical ability, and at no point did the coping mechanism that she’s apparently been using this whole time come up. The thrust of Tiger Philanthropist is that she’s moved on from the need to use wrestling as an outlet for her issues, but when we haven’t even thought about Tiger Millionaire outside of a few Purple Puma cameos and maybe a poster or two early in our first season, it strains credibility to be told that she still was using wrestling as an outlet for her issues. I’m too focused on the hamfisted retconning to get invested in this story. It’s as if we got an episode about Garnet deciding to stop going to the arcade and Steven is bummed because oh by the way we forgot to mention it but she and Steven have been playing co-op Meat Beat Mania every Thursday since Arcade Mania and it’s a major part of their relationship.

Steven Universe is at its weakest when the crew seemingly forgets key plot points: episodes like House Guest forget a character’s established personality, episodes like Sadie’s Song forget Steven’s development from bratty to empathetic, and both Malachite and Bismuth go unmentioned for huge swaths of the show during times when they would’ve been relevant to discuss or feature. Underground wrestling might be less pivotal than the long-term bubbling of an old friend, it’s just as frustrating for the thread to be completely ignored until it becomes relevant again. Because it’s not like the show always does this: look at Connie’s training, which has focus episodes here and there but is also background noise in other episodes to let it feel like a consistent part of her life. Mindful Education would’ve been a disaster if Connie started training in Sworn to the Sword and then we didn’t mention it at all until she accidentally tossed a classmate.

And really, imagine if at least one of the episodes in Amethyst’s big Act II arc was in the ring. We easily could’ve had Tiger Millionaire accidentally eclipsing Purple Puma as a catalyst for her self-doubt (among many other possibilities that this crew could conceive better than I) and it would’ve made Tiger Philanthropist feel so much better. But I can’t write about that, because that’s not what happened.

What sucks is that I love Tiger Millionaire and am all for more wrestling. Despite my snotty header quote choice about unwanted sequels, I was super excited for Tiger Philanthropist, and that glorious music brought me right back into the zone as the episode began. But the wind went right out of my sails when it became clear that we’re to believe Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma are fixtures of the wrestling scene, and that it’s an activity that’s super important to Steven as a way of bonding with Amethyst.

And there are plot elements here that, in an episode with better context, would get a chance to shine. In a world where we knew Amethyst and Steven were wrestling for around two years, this would’ve been a pretty emotional conclusion to a relationship that began in the show’s early days (not that Steven and Amethyst would stop hanging out, but it’s always bittersweet when an important phase of your life is over). It would’ve served as a great acknowledgment of how Amethyst has moved on with her life if we saw the part of her life she was moving on from. We could’ve felt Steven’s sense of loss, and the surge of relief when Purple Puma returns for one last ride. If you transported this exact episode into a series that built up to it in any way, it would be a classic. But we aren’t watching that series.

It’s a little fun that I’m unsatisfied with a follow-up where an entertainer reacts to a fan being unsatisfied with a follow-up. Much like Season 2′s Mombo Combo, two thematically linked episodes about moms separating the Week of Sardonyx from Peridemption, we get two episodes in a row about fan interaction to buffer Steven’s long day in space from the continuation of his mother issues culminating in another trip to space. Unfortunately I can’t think of as good a name for Rocknaldo and Tiger Philanthropist as a unit as “Mombo Combo” (the Fandom Menace?) but nobody’s perfect.

Lars plays a fascinating role here, because the easy option would be making him an entitled fan a la Ronaldo who wants things to go just the way he likes. And to be clear, Lars does want things to go a certain way. But he’s not dictating the terms or saying he needs Tiger Millionaire to act exactly how he wants, he’s just frustrated by a new development that seems out of step with his favorite wrestler. Even when asked directly about what he'd like to happen, Lars doesn’t know, because he hasn’t confused his fandom with the notion that he gets to dictate the specifics about the thing he likes.

(I try to be the same way, but I also definitely wrote a spiel about how Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma should’ve been present during Amethyst’s latest arc like five paragraphs ago. Again, nobody’s perfect.)

It helps that Lars doesn’t understand that Steven is Tiger Millionaire (a repeat gag that I’d probably find funnier if I felt more charitable about the episode), so he’s unaware that he’s speaking with the creator of the content he enjoys; perhaps he’d be singing a different tune if he knew the truth. But as it is, we get a surprisingly generous interpretation of a demanding fan, allowing us to see the ethos behind Lars’s disappointment instead of writing him off as an entitled fanboy with impossible expectations. The timing of Tiger Philanthropist fits perfectly with Lars’s imminent moment in the sun, as he’s still prickly but has enough layers by now that I don’t roll my eyes too hard when he up and calls himself complex.

I don’t talk about the visuals of this show as much as I should, considering how creative the settings and weird alien vehicles and structures can get. But it bears mentioning that, aside from some weird conspicuous computer graphics for falling money, Tiger Philanthropist looks great. The stylized snapshots provide moments of goofy flair to the mix, and the heightened drama of the ring leads to some excellent lighting that shadows Steven’s face as a hooded stranger and makes Purple Puma look like an honest-to-goodness superhero. We get fun choreography and costumes befitting a wrestling episode, and some premium character expressions throughout.

And it’s funny! Colton Dunn remains a worthy successor to Sinbad, giving us not one but two great gags of Mr. Smiley joyfully defining a word to the audience (both in the ring and at home); explaining “philanthropist” is funny enough on its own for how cheesy it is, but I’m really tickled that he gives the same weight to “sea wasp.” Really, this episode has so much going for it if the central idea wasn’t such a misfire.

As you may have guessed by this review, I obviously think it’s valid to criticize aspects of art that you don’t like. So in theory, it sounds awesome to have artists respond to such criticism to make a product that you as a fan enjoy more. But we now live in an age where absolute garbage like CinemaSins allows people to pretend that productive criticism is just nitpicks, an inability or refusal to understand basic nuance, and frankly bigoted ideas about what certain people are capable of doing (if you have half an hour to spare, Everything Wrong About Everything Wrong About Civil War delightfully gets into all three!). It’s a double-edged sword, because creators listening to fans perhaps isn’t inherently bad, but a desperation to fill in “plot holes” at the expense of good storytelling is detrimental to modern storytelling (if you have another half an hour to spare, watch Lindsay Ellis’s take on Beauty and the Beast for more on this; this is a review with homework!). And this is on top of the potential of harassment covered in Rocknaldo, which not even the lousiest content creator deserves.

Tiger Philanthropist isn’t about bad faith criticism, as Lars’s views are from a sincere place, but its message of not treating fans like bosses is a valid response to fandoms who want more and more influence over the direction of an artist’s work. Which could’ve veered towards self-importance or hackneyed nods to the camera, so I appreciate that I never feel pulled out of this element of the story. We never shift from a regular episode of the show to a screed from the animators, and again, Lars isn’t villainized for not enjoying Tiger Millionaire’s face turn. Combined with Rocknaldo, we can see how important good boundaries between fans and creators can be, both for the well-being of the people involved and the quality of the art being created. Shirt Club gave us a tribute to making art, and the Fandom Menace (it’s growing on me) sees a more experienced team of animators commenting on a specific issue when creating popular art, all while not coming across as bitter or self-congratulatory. If only they’d done it in an episode with more buildup! 

Obviously the creation of a big letdown wasn’t the intent of the crew, despite how neat it’d be to demonstrate fan disappointment through a purposefully disappointing episode. Rarely do I feel like effort isn’t made to produce a good episode of Steven Universe, and as seen in its strengths, Tiger Philanthropist isn’t lazy. Which makes it a little more frustrating than if they phoned it in, because we’ve got jokes and visuals and a great message but none of it matters when the conflict they wrote requires a backstory they didn’t have. If you’re gonna make an episode about the end of a continuity, it’s critical for literally any amount of that continuity to be established beyond one wayward story over a hundred episodes ago. As it is, I couldn’t wait for this episode to retire.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Tiger Philanthropist was a huge disappointment, but I wouldn’t consider it bad enough to go on my No Thanks! list. With a different leadup of episodes it would be great, or at least fine; it just suffers from a plot that comes out of nowhere. Context can’t salvage my bottom list, which are episodes I just don’t like period. Still, if I was doing more thorough ranking, it’s probably in my bottom ten.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

That Will Be All

The New Crystal Gems

Storm in the Room

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Adventures in Light Distortion

Gem Heist

The Zoo

Rocknaldo

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

Tiger Philanthropist

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[missjackil]

Sam, Dean & Sera Gamble

It’s been my feeling since I watched Seasons 6 and 7 that they were different than all other seasons. I didn’t hate them, but I didn’t necessarilly like them either. They were Sera Gamble’s era, and though Im sure it’s hard to stay true to Kripke’s vision, and yet add your own vision to it, I don’t think she did a very good job. I was speaking with a friend recently, who told me it’s a common opinion that Gamble was a Sam girl, the last show runner to “take care” of Sam’s character, and the last one to understand the brothers’ relationship. I nearly spit my coffee on my laptop! Now, this isnt to wank on my friend, I wont name her, but she’ll know who she is if she reads this. She’s a sweety and I respect her, so friend.... this isnt against you :)  Now me, personally, I do tend to see things completely opposite of how most of the fandom sees it, I dont know why that is, but I do. This time is no different, because Im going to go outside the box and explain why I think Gamble was a Dean girl, and maybe even secretly hated Sam. I dont know why she got fired, if any of you do, please enlighten me, because it would seem to me that she got fired for favoring Dean too much and nearly destroying Sam’s character, and Im going to explain why. 

To start, she wasn’t the head hancho yet in S4, but she was the one who insisted that Sam sleep with Ruby and Dean sleep with Anna. Now I understand how intriguing it was to think of one brother sleeps with a demon while the other sleeps with an angel, but if you read these conditions in a fan fic, youd scream “Dean girl!” and complain about the Sam hate in the fact that Sam slept not only with a demon, but with a dead meat suit, while Dean’s angel conveniently had her own body and not someone elses vessle.   Anyone who wasnt a Sam fan before hand, certainly didnt become one after that. Now I know it was hard to redeem Sam after the events of S4, and I wont blame Gamble for that completely, but the end of S5 brought back the brave, sweet, selfless Sam we know and love. The one who only wants to do the right thing, has unlimited love and faith in Dean, is willing to take responsibility of his actions, will give up his life to save the world, and the love for his brother is strong enough to overpower the Devil himself.<sniff> but Gamble got the show for season 6 and what happened? The very first thing, is reward Sam’s courageous act of S5 with coming back soulless. And for a while. at least 5 episodes, all that meant was Sam was Sam minus his good qualities. His compassion, kindness, and love for Dean. Sure, Soulless Sam was sexy and funnier than normal Sam, but for the most part, he was just cold. Again, if you werent a Sam fan up till now, you werent becoming one during this arc. The arc itself, though it seemed to be about Sam, was really about Dean and his reaction to Soulless Sam. What it did to him, how Sam let a vamp turn him, how Dean hated being in the same room with him and very little about how it affected Sam other than for him to say he doesnt care about anything, even about Dean, which made us all hurt for Dean, not Sam.  One of the biggest traits in the WInchester bromance, is that Sam and Dean will go over and above the call of duty for each other, and are self destructively co dependent, and yet the only time in s6 and 7 that Gamble showed this was when Dean went to get Sam’s soul back and died to talk to Death. We see Dean laying his life down for Sam, because he loves him so much, meanwhile.Sam is trying to kill Bobby. Still not winning Sam fans here. Also Sam was trying to kill Bobby to make it impossible to get his soul back, because he was afraid of what would happen to him, which is inconsistant with being soulless, because Soulless Sam (and other soulless people) had no fear, so to me it looks like a plot device  to keep Sam unlikable, it had even been stated by Bobby, that Dean was his favorite, not something a “Sam girl” would put in the mouth of the man Sam loves as a father, is it? Then Sam gets his soul back and with all the talk about how much damage it could do, one would think Sam would be the focus of s6b but he wasnt really, not even in the episode that he got his soul back. We did get an awesome bro hug then, and Im thankful, but the episode turned quickly to a filler/monster hunt, that pushed Sam to the side while Dean went to get that dragon killing sword and do a little physical comedy.  After that, we got a couple hell visions, but no real bromance or happiness that Dean had Sam back, it was just business as usual. We had a lot of comedy though with French Mistake, Fronteir Land, The Heart Will Go On, and Mommy Dearest. Keep in mind we have Dean looking all sexy in his cowboy outfit, and Sam just dresses like Sam with a cowboy hat. Clear signs of a Dean girl Season 6 wraps up with 3 episodes, The Man who Would Be King, that is very Cas heavy even though he’s a side character. He doesnt share this story with Sam or Dean, they just support it. Let it Bleed, which is Dean heavy, Sam isnt in much of it, and Cas is in even less. It’s primarily all Dean, Lisa and Ben, and then The Man Who Knew Too Much, which is actually one of my favorites, Its Sam heavy-ish, even though his hell wall just collapsed, and a fantastic story is unfolding, but he has to share the episode with Cas’s story independent of his own. and of course, Dean has things going on with Bobby. This is not a sign of a Sam girl.

 In the real SPN world, Dean would have stood down with the threat that Sam wouldnt be fixed if he didnt. As we saw him easily give up Anna for Sam, and how he let Lucifer/Sam beat the crap out of him just to keep Sam above ground and give him time to take over. Dean didnt even have a plan to that could help Cas’s problem, but he was willing to let Sam suffer and maybe die, just to stop Cas’s plan that he had no idea if it would fail or not? That’s definitely not “understanding the brothers’ relationship”  Now we move on to S7. The first 2 episodes are pretty heavy for Sam. It looks like he might get a good solid storyline this season. But what does a Sam girl think will help the already painful flood of Hell memories? I know, lets highly imply that Sam was raped by Lucifer!!! YEAH!! This goes great in a show that only gets a pg14 raiting, that emphisizes in love and family. it really NEEDS to have a lead hero raped by the devil for 180 years! How about we also add insult to injury and make Lucifer charming and humorous so the audience will like him! Not like Alistaire that the audience couldnt wait to kill.  I had hoped for the return of the Winchester bromance when Hello Cruel World had some wonderful moments of it. Dean waking Sam for breakfast, and tending to his hand wound, and listening to him about the hallucinations. The scene in the warehouse where Dean showed Sam to press on his wound to keep focus on whats real was one of the best bromantic moments of the series, and then Dean panicking with Sam unconscious in the ambulance. But it was sadly short lived. The next episode is mainly taking place weeks later, Sams issues are touched on for a minute, but he goes out on a hunt by himself, which pisses off Dean who still has a broken leg and cant drive.

 And then Leviathans, and DIck Roman and Samgirl Gamble for some reason thinks it would be such a riot for Sam who has been hallucinating Lucifer and the cage, to get roofied, married, and tied up naked by a stalker fan!! WTF????? And then Bobby dies, and then Sam gets kidnapped by Vetalla for 3 days while Dean was sleeping, and while Sam is bleeding out, Dean is trying to be friends with an annoying teenage girl. and then Dean gets to travel back in time and look smokin hot while he hangs out with Elliot Ness, then Dean fathers a monster daughter, and Sam kills her, and LETS CHASE SAM AROUND WITH CLOWNS!!! Oh wait, is he still having hellucinations? Hmmm I forget, and this is about the time I think Gamble had gotten fired because I have no idea what she was thinking to this point.  Sam’s hallucinations had been put on the back burner so much that I wonder if her intentions were to keep him in that state for a long time. To maybe throw into the mix every now and then, that Sam isnt stable. so he might not be strong enough to handle this thing, or he might not be in his right mind, so Dean will REALLY be the main hero and the most credible of the 2. Because Dean even used Sam’s mental state as a reason why he lied to him about Amy, and Sam just accepted it.  Repoman brought Sam’s hallucinations back to the surface, and i think Carver may have taken over by then because Sam was frantic to find his kidnapped brother, much more than Dean was to find his a few episodes before. Carver had to have been back by The Born Again Identity because Cas came back. I wont say I like the way Sam’s mental health was handled, it was just over by Cas taking on the pain, but at least it got attention and SOME form of closure.  Now Carver isnt without some pretty epic sins, but he definitely wasnt afraid of bromance, and the Winchester co-dependency. I wonder if Gamble gets such support simply because she is a female and women tend to want to support women in business full of men, and I understand that, but Ill still call out the woman if she does a crap job, which I really think she did in this case. She did a better job at taking care of Dean than Sam, and she did nothing to help their relationship. 

[starringemiliaclarke]

Press: Emilia Clarke on Game of Thrones fans: 'Airports are a source of fear. It gets kind of freaky'

THE TELEGRAPH – Emilia Clarke walks into a suite at Claridge’s, a gaggle of publicists and agents surrounding her, with the kind of poise that you would expect from a queen.

  To the tens of millions of fans of Game of Thrones, the show that catapulted her to fame only a year out of drama school, it’s a not unfamiliar scene.

  Although of course, as Daenerys Targaryen, the all-powerful, slave-freeing queen of the show, it would be some kind of windswept castle or ancient pyramid, and her retinue would be in armour.

  Even her newly blonde hair is apt (until now she’s worn a wig on the show). Like the character she plays, Emilia’s is a story of success against the odds (of which more later), but there the similarities end.

  At 31, the English rose couldn’t be less like the prickly queen she plays (full title: Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne, rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains… or just Dany for short).

  Emilia is funny, light-hearted and, that entrance aside, a million miles from grand. She’s much more like the carefree, dancing girl she plays in the new campaign for the Dolce & Gabbana fragrance The One. (When the brand asked if she would be its new face, ‘I was like, “Well, yeah. Duh.”’)

  In the past, Emilia has had to deal with uncomfortable questions about how she, as a woman, justified the arguably gratuitous female nudity and gruesome violence for which Game of Thrones initially made headlines.

  But long before the Harvey Weinstein scandal turned Hollywood upside down, the show’s plot pulled a complete 180 – and now it’s the female characters who are fighting over the titular thrones. And everyone, but everyone, is rooting for the 5ft 2in Khaleesi, who is proving to be just as fierce as her dragons.

  Playing the role has sharpened Emilia’s own feminist impulses. ‘It’s given me a real insight into what it feels like to be a woman who stands up to inequality and hate. And as she [Daenerys] has become more empowered as a woman, you can’t hide any more,’ she says. ‘You are adding to the voices that are going to make people realise an equal society is what we’re aiming for.’

  Emilia grew up near Oxford with her older brothers, and was surrounded by strong examples of equality. Her mother, who worked as a marketing executive, was the primary breadwinner, while her father worked as a sound engineer in musical theatre – so it was the norm for Emilia to see a woman in a position of power at work.

  ‘That’s the lens through which I’ve been fortunate enough to view the world,’ she says. ‘It’s only when you go to school that you’re like, “Oh, that’s different, that’s weird.”’

  After attending the private boarding school St Edward’s in Oxford (where she discovered her love of acting through school productions), she was still studying at the Drama Centre in London – and earning money with a catering job – when she was cast in her first role, in an episode of BBC One’s Doctors.

  It was in 2009 that she auditioned for Game of Thrones. The casting director had been looking for a tall, willowy blonde. ‘I genuinely don’t know what it was that set me aside. I mean, I didn’t look the part at all,’ laughs Emilia.

  ‘I [readied] myself, listened to a little Tupac and bowled in, obviously still a bag of nerves. But I just tried to play the truth of it.’ It may have been her sense of humour that helped her win the role – the actress read for her part, but also broke into a ‘funky chicken’ dance in front of the HBO execs.

  As Game of Thrones gained momentum and Emilia has become a recognisable celebrity, she has struggled with some aspects of fame. She gets stopped on the street increasingly often, and finds crowds of fans incredibly stressful.

  ‘Airports are a constant source of fear,’ she admits. ‘When you’re in a really public place and someone asks you for a picture, then suddenly you get people who don’t know who you are, or really care, come up and join in. Then it gets kind of freaky. Because you’re like, “It’s just me. I’m by myself, feeling outnumbered.” It’s overwhelming.’

    One would think that all the nude scenes she’s filmed for Game of Thrones would also have caused her anxiety, but no. She has branded those who criticised her for going naked ‘anti-feminist’.

  Between seasons, Emilia has found time to film some major pop culture, including a role in Solo: A Star Wars Story, a prequel about Hans Solo’s early years to be released next year. The project remains shrouded in secrecy – all Emilia can say is that her character is ‘really cool’.

  She was also the lead in last year’s Me Before You, the adaptation of Jojo Moyes’s bestseller, and next summer she’s due to be reunited with its director, Thea Sharrock, in a West End play called Five Times in One Night.

  Both she and Kit Harington – who plays Jon Snow in Game of Thrones, and (spoiler alert!) is now her on-screen lover -flew to Naples to film adverts for Dolce & Gabbana (today, naturally, she’s in a black Dolce dress, with statement tiger-head buttons on the collar and sleeves). Set against the heady backdrop of a lively street festival, Emilia became swept up in the atmosphere.

  ‘I’ve been to Italy before, but not Naples,’ she says. ‘It was all locals in the advert, which was even funnier because it was so authentic. I think there were a lot of out-takes with me like, “What the hell is going on, this is so cool!” I feel Dolce & Gabbana is [for] girls [who] are at ease in their own skin,’ she says. ‘They have a frivolity and a femininity that I can relate to… It fits really well.’

  For now she’s now back on set for the final series of Game of Thrones. Last season, her Instagram feed was filled with videos of her and Harington goofing around behind the scenes. But this time around the restrictions are more serious.

  ‘We have a very strict social-media ban this year because people need to stop spoiling it for everyone,’ she says, pouting slightly. ‘It’s really frustrating.’ Even Emilia doesn’t know what’s planned for her character (the TV series has now gone past the point George RR Martin’s books have reached).

  ‘They’ve written a number of different endings,’ she says. ‘So none of the cast know what the actual ending is. If there’s ever a leak of any kind, don’t believe it because it’s probably not true.’

  No matter how it ends, Emilia seems deeply sad for Game of Thrones to leave her life. When asked how she’s feeling about it, she simply frowns and says, ‘emotional. It’s a big one.’ That said, being on the show is not without its downsides. During the seven months she spends filming each season, she typically wakes around 4am to head into hair and make-up, with 18-hour shoot days that can often involve riding prosthetic dragons in front of green screens for hours on end.

  As a result of this intense schedule, her personal life has fallen by the wayside. She dated actor Seth MacFarlane between 2012 and 2013, but isn’t currently romantically linked to anyone. Once Game of Thrones wraps for good in 2018, for the first time in seven years she will have free time.

  She often tries to remind herself that in order to create characters, you have to spend time in the real world. ‘The thing with being an actor is, to play the roles you need to have an idea of more than just getting into a car and getting to a set,’ she says.

  Her goal, lately, is to take more time to be herself. She and her best friend – the actor and writer Lola Frears (daughter of director Stephen), with whom she’s also writing a script – have been working their way through a list of 60 influential movies given to her by Solo screenwriter Jon Kasdan. The most recent: All About Eve.

  She’s reading Zadie Smith’s Swing Time, loves Kendrick Lamar and went to Glastonbury for the first time this summer. Fans filmed her dancing wildly to Stormzy’s set, but she didn’t care – she was having too much fun.

  Her family have always supported her dream of acting; although her father, being in the industry, joked early on that she’d only ever need to remember one line: ‘Do you want fries with that?’ Tragically, he died from cancer last summer while the actress was filming upcoming thriller Above Suspicion alongside Jack Huston in Kentucky.

  Now Emilia focuses on her mum and her brother, Bennett, who works in the camera department on Game of Thrones. She credits her interest in Star Wars and Comic Con culture to him. ‘My brother was a huge fan, and I wanted to be like my brother in every way,’ she laughs. ‘Sometimes he does the clapper before my takes [on Game of Thrones]. I’m always like, “Don’t f— it up!” It gets very unprofessional very quickly.’

  Game of Thrones has also brought her security – it has been estimated that she earns up to $500,000 per episode. She owns a house in the LA neighbourhood of Venice, although she admits that she rarely spends time there.

  ‘I can provide [financially] for my friends and family,’ she says. ‘Genuinely, that’s the best thing. Knowing that everyone I love is going to be fine. It sounds like a real Oprah Winfrey sob story, but it’s very true. It’s incredibly empowering as a young lady.’

  Emilia Clarke is the face of Dolce & Gabbana The One, £50 for 30ml edp.

  Press: Emilia Clarke on Game of Thrones fans: ‘Airports are a source of fear. It gets kind of freaky’ was originally published on Enchanting Emilia Clarke

[themeatlife]

Avengers: Endgame, the Legacy of the Avengers, and the Future of Disney and the Marvel Cinematic Universe

#DontSpoilTheEndgame is over on Monday, so I’ll discuss Avengers: Endgame - the movie itself and the larger impact it has on the legacy of the Avengers and the MCU.

Avengers: Endgame - A Review

To begin, it’s kind of hard to judge the film on its own. Even more so than its predecessor Avengers: Infinity War, Endgame is largely dependent on the previous films. So the impact of it is less so on someone that’s only seen a handful of the Marvel movies than for someone who has invested time seeing the now 22-film catalog.  With that being said, for those who have seen most or all of the other movies, wow. It is both extremely entertaining and extremely gratifying.  If you are an MCU fan, Endgame was made especially for you.

Now, SPOILERS AHEAD!

I’m not going to explore all the plot points (because there is a LOT of plot), I want to hit on some of the major ones though.

Much of the first two hours of the film (this thing has a three hour run time) is spent in the melancholy post-Snapture.  The opening scene is Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye with his family as they disappear from Thanos’ snap.  Just in case you forgot the stakes that were established in Infinity War, well this will certainly remind you.  We see our heroes trying to deal with loss and trying to move on in the aftermath.  I like this touch.  Throughout the MCU, the writers and directors have always tried to a least have a sort of psychological realism, always visiting not only the epic battles but the emotional aftermath.  To reenforce this, next we see Robert Downey Jr’s Iron Man and Karen Gillan’s Nebula stranded in space running out of resources to get to Earth (much of this featured heavily in the trailer). It looks hopeless until Brie Larson’s Captain Marvel rescues them and reunites them with the surviving Avengers at Avengers HQ in upstate New York. She doesn’t really have much of a role in the film outside of this and the some of the final sequences.

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After hunting down and killing Thanos in the first 20 minutes of the film (Thor goes for the head this time), time jumps to five years later.  Earth’s mightiest heroes go on what Paul Rudd’s Ant-Man calls a “time heist,” a quest to use the quantum realm go to the past to collect the Infinity Stones.  Ant-Man’s return from the quantum realm having only aged 5 hours rather than 5 years spurs this. Not to change the past and prevent Josh Brolin’s Thanos from the Snapture, but to bring everyone back that was lost by the Snap, mainly because Stark now has a family with Gwyneth Paltrow’s Pepper Potts and a little daughter he doesn’t want to lose.

The time heist features three teams: Iron Man, Ant-Man, Chris Evans’ Captain America, and Mark Ruffalo’s now hybrid Bruce Banner/Hulk going back to 2012 during the Battle of New York in the first Avengers movie to retrieve the Space, Mind, and Time Stones.  Chris Hemsworth’s now broken and depressed and overweight Thor and Bradley Cooper’s Rocket Raccoon going back to Asgard in 2013 during the events of Thor: The Dark World to retrieve the Reality Stone.  And Don Cheadle’s War Machine, Nebula, Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye/Ronin, and Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow going back to Morag/Vormir in 2014 during the time of the first Guardians of the Galaxy with War Machine and Nebula tracking down the Power Stone and Hawkeye and Black Widow tracking down the Soul Stone.  Highlights from these ventures include Captain America fighting his 2012 self, Thor interacting with his mother on the day of her death, and Hawkeye and Black Widow’s dramatic fight for who will sacrifice their life so the other can get the Soul Stone.  We also get a bonus time jump back to 1970 with Iron Man and Captain America. (My gosh, so much plot here, and that’s not even all of it. No wonder this thing is three hours long.)

While I won’t dive too deeply on what happens, what this part of the movie effectively does is show just how far back the arc of the original six (Stark, Rogers, Thor, Banner, Barton, and Romanoff) goes and how far they have come.  We also get to see how focused 2014 Thanos was at achieving his Snapture goal even back then.  And it’s a good excuse for Marvel to revisit some of the places they have been, kind of like a Greatest Hits album (although I wouldn’t consider The Dark World one of those hits, I would consider it a flex by Disney/Marvel to make one of their lesser movies that important in the long term story).

And then the last hour of the film is all kinds of crazy action, and the results are satisfying and enjoyable. 2014 Thanos gets onto the Avengers plan and sends 2014 Nebula to replace 2023 Nebula to go back to the future (OH I forgot to mention there were a lot of Back to the Future and other time travel movie jokes). So 2014 Nebula opens up the quantum realm portal to 2014 Thanos. That Thanos takes out the Avengers HQ right after the Hulk snaps his finger with the new Stark-made Infinity Gauntlet. There is then a showdown between Captain America, Thor, and Iron Man against Thanos, after which sets up an epic splash-page like final battle between Thanos’ Chitari army and the recently resurrected rest of the Avengers crew. Highlights in this part include a psyched Thor when Captain America not only lifts up Thor’s hammer Mjolnir but summons it and wields it’s power and a touching brief reunion between Tom Holland’s Spider-Man and Iron Man. The battle ends with Tony Stark swiping the Infinity Gauntlet back from Thanos and snapping Thanos and his army out of existence.

This concludes the Tony Stark character arc, for the snap was too much to bare and ultimately kills him. But not before Peter Parker and an Iron-suited Pepper Potts say their goodbyes (Potts with the emotional “now you can rest” line). There is a somber funeral sequence with all the major Marvel characters that are still alive making an appearance, along with a big surprise.

After the funeral, we also see the conclusion of the Steve Rogers story arc. Hulk sends Rogers back in time to return the Infinity Stones back from where they grabbed them. He doesn’t return when Hulk tries to summon him back but Anthony Mackie’s Falcon and Sebastian Stan’s Winter Soldier notice someone sitting on a bench in the distance. It’s old Steve Rogers, who ended up settling down in the past after returning the stones. He hands off the Captain America shield to Sam.

The movie ends with Steve Rogers sometime in the 1940’s in a new house finally having that dance with Hayley Atwell’s Peggy Carter.

Rather than a credits scene, the opening of the credits showcases each Marvel hero over the years with the actor who played them and ends the sequence with the original six Avengers with the actors’ signatures displayed on screen. Cool way to salute the actors in some of the major roles over the years.

Other than a couple of time travel issues (time travel is ALWAYS tricky to pull off in movies and television and maybe some other time I’ll go over those), the storyline works very well. I dug the balance it struck between the emotional weight, action, and humor. It was smart to have a lot of small moments early in the film where it focuses the interaction between characters. And it was a lot funnier than I expected it to be. The film as a whole is emotionally gratifying and clearly wraps up this chapter in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. But as I said earlier, it is at max effectiveness if you’ve already invested the time in the characters’ previous stories, in particular the original six. If you know the original six’s stories in particular, you will thoroughly enjoy this movie.

I’ll save my ranking the Infinity Saga movies for after Spider-Man: Far From Home (Marvel President Kevin Feige calls the latest Spider-Man the final installment in the Infinity Saga). You can expect that Endgame would rank very highly in my ranking.

The Legacy of the Avengers

What is the biggest impact the Avengers and Marvel’s Infinity Saga have had on pop culture?

It is crazy to think that when Iron Man came out back in May of 2008 when Marvel Studios was using Paramount to distribute, it was considered a risk. Robert Downey Jr had yet to make his comeback complete (Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes a year later marked his return full return to stardom). Iron Man was a few months before The Dark Knight came out and garnered critical acclaim and helped legitimize the comic book-based genre. And the MCU was in its infancy, no one thought it would become the bohemeth it is now.

Marvel Studios, whether intentional or accidental, helped mold and was molded by the changing methods of which people were consuming their visual entertainment. The early 2000’s saw the advent of binge-watching television, where serial series like Alias, 24, and Lost saw people prefer to consume episodes in bulk. Once Netflix got their streaming service going, the idea of binge-watching caught on everywhere. Television ratings waned as people watched things more on their time on devices other than an actual TV. People only tuned in to things when they are originally broadcast if they were billed as an event, like a series finale (or in Game of Thrones’ case a final season) or a live event like the Super Bowl. Similarly, film started becoming more event-based. Blockbusters had to be built up as an event to go to in order for films to be successful, more so now than any other film era. And in making an event out of their films, Marvel serialized their MCU movies like a season of Lost - individual episodes focused on a character or set of characters with the overarching story in the background until culminating in the season finale, or in Marvel’s case an Avengers movie.

So the biggest impact the MCU has had is shaping other movie studios approach to movie releases. After 2012’s The Avengers, many tried the serialized team-up event concept to varying degrees of failure. Universal flopped trying to launch a shared monsters universe with Tom Cruise’s The Mummy reboot in 2017. Warner Brothers has a semi-successful MonsterVerse going with Godzilla and King Kong. We’ll see how that progresses with the new Godzilla movie this summer. Warner Brothers also has the mostly failed DC Extended Universe. Starting strong with 2013’s Man of Steel but limping thereafter with lackluster installments in 2016’s Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice and Suicide Squad and 2017’s Justice League, DC/Warner Bros has seen more success with the mostly standalone attempts Wonder Woman in 2017, Aquaman in 2018, and Shazam in 2019. DC’s current strategy is kind of confusing though, with some plans to continue the DCEU, and other plans to do more standalone work.

So the fact that Marvel’s shared universe set of movies has worked and has been the only one to work so successfully is an anamoly and an achievement. Marvel was allowed to build its world over time, a luxury that was afforded to them by Paramount from 2008-2011 and by Disney when they were acquired in 2012. The first two phases of the MCU spanned ten films from 2008-2015, building a foundation for what the franchise is today. That type of patience has not been lended to DC in particular, something that ended up looking and feeling rushed and resulted in a less successful and less satisfying result in the DCEU.

The Marvel approach has changed not just the method of outside studios release strategies but also in releases within their Disney family. For studios to make money on these films, they have to culminate in an event to get people to the theater. Fewer and fewer indie films turn into financial successes, at least at the theater. So event movies galore are on the horizon at Disney. Disney proper has “live-action” remakes of classics animated classics Aladdin and Lion King coming out this summer. Pixar has Toy Story 4 set for a summer release as well, even though the third installment was originally thought to be the conclusion of the story. Lucasfilm has what has been announced to be the finale of the Skywalker saga in Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker coming out this winter. Each of those marketed as an event, whether it be a nostalgic event, an unexpected continuation, or a conclusion of a story.

Up Next for the Disney and the Marvel Cinematic Universe

While Marvel Studios has changed the movie industry and pop culture, it is hard to say what the next step for the MCU is. We know of a few things coming though.

With the announcement of Disney’s streaming service, Disney+, coming in November, there were MCU projects also announced to debut on the service. Loki, Falcon/Winter Soldier, and Wanda/Vision will all get series on Disney+. There will also be an interesting What If series where they were explore what if scenarios of some of your favorite Marvel characters.

The MCU’s film future is less set. We know that Spider-Man: Far From Home (co-release with Sony Pictures) comes out in July and is set in the immediate events after Endgame. After that, we know a few projects are in production but no definitive release dates have been set. Projects include a Black Widow flashback, origin stories for The Eternals and Shang-Chi, and sequels for Guardians of the Galaxy, Doctor Strange, and Black Panther as well as talks of sequels for Ant-Man and Wasp, Captain Marvel, and Thor (although I think the route for the Thor character should be to join the Guardians).

And then there is 21st Century Fox. Disney acquired the entertainment wing of Fox proper earlier this year (I was scared of Apple taking over the world, but Disney is closer to doing so). Fox owned the movie rights to all the Marvel properties included in the X-Men and the Fantastic Four. Fox’s run of X-Men movies presumably concludes this summer with Dark Phoenix. Since Marvel Studios now owns the movie rights to what has been traditionally two of the more popular Marvel brands, one would think some sort of reboot and integration into the MCU would be coming in this next chapter.

I’ll end on this. The Avengers Infinity Saga, the Star Wars Skywalker Saga, and Game of Thrones are all pop culture epics that will be ending their current chapters this year. It is hard to imagine the changing entertainment world will ever have subjects as impactful as these given the number of formats available and the vast number of entertainment options now available. Those three epics, especially the oldest being Star Wars, caught pop culture at a time when people would watch and experience the same thing. Soon, the event-centered entertainment world will grow smaller with less people gathering to experience and watch the same thing. Or maybe I’m wrong and every generation finds a way to galvanize to have that shared experience (Gone With The Wind, the original Star Wars, Titanic in the film world all being previous examples). I hope for the latter, but I can’t help but feel that the record-breaking Avengers: Endgame will be one of the last of its kind: an event that everyone wants to share and experience together.

[recentanimenews]

Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise is an Outstanding Open-World Oasis

IN THE YEAR 199X, a boy is with his parents at a tiny mom-and-pop video store in Okinawa called American Video, off on his own trying to find something to watch. He finds a tape, part of Streamline's "Video Comics" line of dubbed anime releases titled Fist of the North Star, and carefully covers the "Not for Kids!" sticker with his thumb when he shows it to his parents, who are fine with him watching Dragon Ball Z on Japanese TV, so more fighting anime men is perfectly fine. Thank you, parents--25 years later, that boy appreciates you being lax that one time.

  The glorious violence that followed hit me right in the soul, adding a new love to my young life, one that's stayed with me ever since. I don't gush about my love for Fist of the North Star as much as, say, Dragon Ball or Giant Robo or Berserk or Gintama, but it's always there for me in some form... except in the realm of video games, for some reason.

  Last Battle, a US-released Fist of the North Star Genesis game that removed the blood, changed everybody's names, and featured hilarious, nonsensical dialogue

  Fist of the North Star is a franchise that's never been lacking in video game adaptations. From the very first PC adventure in 1986 to a whole list of side-scrolling actioners (one of which was released in the US as Last Battle) to those amazing arcade games with the punch pads to an (amazingly broken) ArcSys fighter all the way to Koei Tecmo's brutal large-scale brawlers, gamers have wasted more wasteland mooks than Kenshiro himself ever did. And to be completely fair, there's a reason fans don't talk about too many of them: with a few rare exceptions, they're not all that awesome.

  So please, trust me when I say that Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise is the first Fist of the North Star game to really get it right.

  Finishing moves are (appropriately) accompanied by these sick-ass title cards and Kenshiro shouting the attack name

  Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise is the happy product of Sega's ongoing success with its Yakuza franchise, and just how perfectly Kenshiro and the gang fit into a very similar video game mold. I mean, look: a stoic-yet-honorable man must navigate a series of betrayals and revelations, all in the name of protecting their loved ones and cherished ideals, and all while getting into a series of spectacular one-against-many fistfights culminating in an emotionally-charged shirtless duel. Pretty damn spot-on, right?

  Aside from perfectly lining up with Yakuza in terms of storytelling and overall feeling, Lost Paradise matches its gameplay as well: after a short on-rails introduction, Kenshiro wanders the wasteland and discovers the city Eden, which is besieged by game-original villain and Immortan Joe impersonator Kyo-Oh, the King of Fear, and his vast and vicious armies of wasteland killers. At the same time, Kenshiro has to battle the evils within Eden, and discover the city's secrets... and retell the rest of Fist of the North Star in the process.

    Rather than just dump this game's entire original story between episodes 22 and 23, Lost Paradise simply picks up with Kenshiro facing Shin in their destined duel, and then adapts large chunks of Kenshiro's adventures to fit this tale. Rei and his glorious mullet still think Kenshiro kidnapped his sister, Jagi is still a poser piece of garbage, Rihaku is still the biggest Yuria fanboy on what's left of Earth, and Raoh is still the ideal all Shonen Jump villains aspire to. To further tie Lost Paradise to Yakuza, you'll hear a lot of familiar voice actors on the Japanese audio track: Kenshiro is played by an even more deadpan Takaya Kuroda (Kiryu), Raoh is given life by Masami Iwasaki (Ryuji Goda), Rin doesn't sing but still has that Rie Kugimiya (Haruka) adorableness, and many more as a satisfying nod to Yakuza fans.

  The blasted-out, nuclear-bombed, oceans-dried-up world of Fist of the North Star isn't nearly as colorful or lively as Yakuza's, so there isn't much to look at, but the game does quite a bit to still make Eden feel like home. You'll spend most of your time running around Eden talking to different characters, receiving quests and substories, and eventually getting a buggy to drive around the wasteland and discover new locations to meet interesting people, hit their pressure points, and explode them from within.

  Beautiful

  Regular random battles are a big part of the Yakuza series, and despite how much I hate them in, say, JRPGs, I've never really been bothered by them in Yakuza because there's something truly satisfying about smashing some goon's head against a railing for daring to bother you while you're running around town trying to do something more important. Lost Paradise does much the same thing, with the same dozen or so types of post-apocalyptic troublemakers in Mad Max gear trying to start some shit, and then getting immediately turned into a fine red mist. When you start the game, Kenshiro's Hokuto Shinken feels more limited than Kiryu's techniques, but that quickly opens up as you buy and learn more techniques--there is no question as to whether or not you're going to win against these nobodies, so you're encouraged to finish them off as spectacularly and quickly as possible, with experience bonuses given out for particularly flashy or precise kills.

  Yes, you can make a cocktail called "You're Already Drunk"

  It's not all doom, gloom, and boom, though: Lost Paradise's world shows us a softer, funnier side of Kenshiro by putting him in ridiculous situations and letting him stay exactly as stoic and deadpan as he always is through a huge list of side quests and minigames. An accupressure rhythm game, post-apocalyptic baseball where you line-drive bikers with an I-beam, playing hide-and-seek with kids, fighting in the arena, bouncing and managing a hostess club, working in a grocery store, upgrading your buggy with Bat, and becoming the wasteland's best bartender aren't even the full list of distractions available from the main plot. Like I've said before, none of these time-wasters feel like wasted time--you get experience for all of them, and they all serve to make Kenshiro and the people around him that much more endearing.

    Lost Paradise, unfortunately, is not quite paradise on all fronts: the constant random battles would be fine if you could just tear through them, but you'll hit regular snags with large enemies who simply exist to soak up damage, and the battle system just isn't flexible enough to give you ways around this aside from just hammering them until they stagger. Character models and animation feel stiff, especially for small everyday actions like walking up and down stairs, and driving the buggy is something I just want to do as little as possible. No joke, Mass Effect's Mako controls better than this thing. Additionally, Fist of the North Star's story has never been particularly complex, but that was to its benefit--a few late-game reveals and a final villain switcheroo feel kind of weak, and take away from the built-up emotion (and a tradition of perfect final battles in the Yakuza series).

    Even with a few frustrations showing up now and then, I could not stop playing Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise. Popping bad guys like zits is addicting, spending time with Kenshiro's friends even more so. Lost Paradise is so much more than a post-apocalyptic palette swap--just as you spend entire Yakuza games becoming the Dragon of Dojima, now you too can become the Savior of the Century's End. And maybe a little more than that, too: Lost Paradise adds some dimension to the otherwise stone-faced Kenshiro, and maybe this is what this legend needed to get (even) more people to love him.

  REVIEW ROUNDUP

+ Fully-realized Fist of the North Star experience: sound, visuals, rhythm of combat, hot-blooded energy

+ Satisfying battle system requires creativity, forethought, and efficiency to truly fight like Kenshiro

+ Wealth of minigames and side quests never feel like filler because they're just that damn good

+ Shoutouts and callbacks for Fist of the North Star and Yakuza fans alike

+/- Explore a larger map with the buggy, but the buggy is also just not fun to drive

+/- Character models look so close to Buronson's art, but this also makes their animations kinda wonky

- I legitimately don't feel any connection toward the game's original characters

- Hidenari Ugaki (Majima) deserves so much better than playing Jagi

-----

Nate Ming is the Features Editor for Crunchyroll News and creator of the long-running Fanart Friday column. You can follow him on Twitter at @NateMing.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[junker-town]

The Adrian Beltre Encyclopedia

This is everything you need to know about the wonderful Adrian Beltre, the newest member of MLB’s 3,000 hit club.

Adrian Beltre is about to reach 3,000 hits in the major leagues (has just reached, etc.), and in celebration of his varied, humorous, and never boring career, it’s time to celebrate all the amazing things that have cemented him as one of the most entertaining people in the league at any given moment.

Whether it’s his phobia of people touching his head (he’s serious guys, stop it!), his defensive prowess on the hot corner year after year, or the spontaneous moments in games and in the dugout that give you insight into his personality, Belter is a non-stop barrel of laughs. Even when he doesn’t mean to be.

To try and get those laughable, unique moments all in one place, this is the Adrian Beltre Encyclopedia.

Anti-Head Touching

This might be one of the most memorable pieces of Beltre’s entire career, and it doesn’t even have anything to do with his on-field achievements. He truly, sincerely, does not like people touching his head.

If you do so, you will set him off with a mini-tantrum of frustration which is truly, sincerely hilarious to everyone involved but him. Baseball is filled with perfectly juvenile behavior whether it be in the clubhouse, on road trips, or on the field. But people touching Beltre’s head might be the best example of this and something that never gets old.

Camera Man Check-In

Back in 2011, Beltre had a three-homer game against the Rays. During his first home run trot around the bases, a TBS cameraman followed him down the third base line to home, carrying his camera to track Beltre’s jog.

And then that cameraman absolutely ate it, breaking parts of his camera in the process. Even though he was mere feet from home, Beltre wasn’t about to let the moment pass without a reaction so he pointed and cracked a smile at the poor bloke laying on the turf. It wasn’t blatantly mean-spirited, which is what makes it a funny moment and not a cruel one.

Defensive Dives

Yes, his one-knee home runs are fun and all, but Beltre’s defense is the other half of what has secured his longevity in the league thus far and sometimes his work at third is more fun to watch than his hits (sometimes). Whether it’s a diving stop in the infield to keep a runner from advancing or a lunge to the foul line followed by a jaw-dropping throw to first, his amazing skills while manning third base are a consistent reminder of how valuable he is on both sides of the ball.

Death Stares

We’ve established (and will continue to establish) that Beltre’s teammates love messing with him, and that he will flip out if you annoy him in various ways. But there are also moments where he doesn’t go nuts if people are messing around, he will simply bore a hole in your very essence with one of the best death stares in the game.

Fun With Felix

Felix Hernandez and Beltre were teammates for five years, and we’re sure that tons of fun was had between the two during that span. But they’ve only become more entertaining from an outsider’s perspective since Beltre left Seattle, and boy have they had some classic moments over the years.

There was the “oh shit!” home run off of Felix that Beltre couldn’t believe.

There was the time when Beltre lined out right into Felix’s glove and Felix tossed it right back to him as he walked back to the dugout.

Sometimes the moments aren’t as blink-and-you’ll-miss-them, like the one game where they spent more or less the entire time jawing at each other jokingly back and forth.

Best Friends Forever!

Elvis Andrus Moments

When Adrian Beltre was traded to the Rangers, he was coming off of a stint in Boston where wide swaths of people seemed to really notice him for the first time. It’s not like he wasn’t a good player during his decade-plus in Los Angeles and Seattle, but it wasn’t the same national Beltre experience as fans know now.

So going to the Rangers, not only were his antics known and recognized, but he found a partner in crime to share his goofs with and we couldn’t be happier this happened.

Elvis Andrus and Beltre have more fun messing with each other on the field than possibly any other combination of players in the league. Even when they look mad at each other, you can tell it’s in a love way like people who have been friends since childhood.

It might happen during a huddle on the mound or a break during an inning, but the best moments between these two are when they goof off while in the process of making plays. I mean, just look at these two and try not to crack a smile.

While there are baseball friendships all across the league, there isn’t one as present on the diamond as this one. Nor one that adds to the entertainment of the game in quite the same way.

First Base Ump Fun

Beltre is a shrewd strategist sometimes, even when he’s being cheeky about things. One major example of this is his frequent referrals to the first base ump when he checks his swing. By jumping into action before the home plate official can say a word, he tries for the more sympathetic call immediately and hopes to turn things in his favor.

Even when it doesn’t work out though, his eagerness to get an answer from the ump and the way he points down the first base line is a sight to see.

Hitting For The Cycle

Beltre has hit for the cycle three times in his career, once for Seattle and twice for the Rangers. However, the cycle he hit while playing for the Mariners actually happened against the Rangers, in Arlington.

Which means he is the only person in the history of the league to hit for the cycle three times in the same ballpark. He’s only one of four people to hit for the cycle three times, period. And the last person to do that before Beltre completed the feat in 1933.

Just a fun tidbit that allows us to marvel at his sometimes unbelievable skills, which can get lost amongst his shenanigans.

Home Runs From His Knees

This might be his signature move, and one that he can’t even explain with any certainty as to why it happens. In 2016, Beltre attempted to explain the phenomenon to MLB.com saying,

I don't like doing it, but it normally happens on breaking balls -- when I'm trying to fight off a breaking ball. Somehow my knee goes down and I just see the ball and swing. I don't like doing it, I wish I could stop doing. I think it hurts me more than it helps me. Sometimes when I go to one knee I think that I could've hit the ball better if I didn't. But it happens and it's just reaction. I've been doing it too long to change now.

Good thing he can’t really fix that, as it’s incredible to watch every single time he pulls it off.

Trying to figure out how he is able to generate that type of power from one knee, and the quickness with which he pivots to the ground, is remarkable to say the least.

Listed Age

Beltre was the weirdo prospect who was actually younger than his listed age.

Boras eventually got Major League Baseball to review the case and after a lengthy investigation, they determined that the Dodgers in fact had signed Beltre when he was 15. The signing age for international amateurs is 16.

The Dodgers fudged his age in reverse, and they got slapped with a bunch of penalties for it. Only Adrian Beltre can show up to his major league debut and well-actually Scott Boras about his age.

On-Deck Circles

Adrian Beltre likes his on-deck circles where he likes his on-deck circles. When an ump asks him to move from the spot where he is warming up to the designated on-deck area, he decides: “Nah.”

So he slides the on-deck circle to where he’d like it to be instead of just acquiescing, and gets promptly ejected.

Has there ever been a more perfect distillation of who Adrian Beltre is as a baseball player and a person? Maybe. Has there ever been a funnier distillation of who Adrian Beltre is as a baseball player and a person? Not even close.

Popup Fakeouts

This mostly has to do with his Andrus bond, but Beltre has never met an easy popup he couldn’t exploit for his own benefit. It’s usually just distracting enough to be funny but not dangerous, and Beltre enjoys doing it so dang much it’s hard not to appreciate the joke along with him.

Raising His Son Right

This is pretty self explanatory in that his son, Adrian Beltre Jr., is not only adorable but is mimicking his father as he grows up just like many kids do. However it’s better than a normal kid specifically because his dad is Adrian Beltre.

Beltre Jr. has mimicked his dad’s swing pre-game (and hit some bombs while he was at it!), taken part in some pretty intense games of father-son catch where he showed off some serious sidearm toss skills, and just been an all around mini-me to his dad. With Beltre being such a character, we would be remiss if we didn’t hope for that trend to keep going and the world to grant us another baseball Beltre.

Ridiculous Base Path Running

I mean...he’s the best. How can you not enjoy this.

Or this.

What a goof.

Slow Dribblers

He has no patience for them. Who does? Those balls that come rolling through the infield moving slower than molasses, causing nothing but frustration and letting people reach base every time.

So in the face of slow dribblers, Beltre will not stand for their shenanigans and takes things into his own hands. Like when he tried to surreptitiously kick one foul rather than even making a play. It totally could have worked!

Torn Testicle

Once, Adrian Beltre tore a testicle after a ball hit him right in the...well...testicle. He stayed in the game for the duration, and then afterwards checked things out and said that his testicle was the size of a grapefruit. Later he confirmed that it took two whole weeks for it to shrink back to its normal size (he was put on the 15-day disabled list at the time).

Media reports at the time described it as “severely bruised” and surgery was even considered to get things back as they are supposed to be down there, to put it gently.

But staying in the game and talking openly about the severity of his testicle issues wasn’t even the most Beltre part of this, that would be the fact that after the incident he continued to refrain from wearing a protective cup.

At the time he said it was uncomfortable and he doesn’t like it, but a shot to that area would surely change a normal person’s mind after the fact right? A normal person, sure. But Beltre is beautifully not-normal so he wore one while he healed up and then it was back to the cup-less life.

Tossing His Glove

We’ve already noted here that Beltre loves messing with people, but doesn’t always like being messed with. This is a subset of those fun and games that also happens to be something little league parents scold their kids about.

Yet Beltre does it because everyone gets bored sometimes out on the field, it’s just that 99.9% of major leaguers hide it better than he does. Nothing bad happens because he wants to toss his glove above his head as a line drive sails over him, it won’t come close to interfering and to him it’s hilarious.

Tossing His Glove (subset: Angrily)

There have also been times when tossing his glove has stemmed not from joy and goofiness but from annoyance - at a ball or at a team member. There was the time that Elvis Andrus touched his head (again) during a meeting at the mound and Beltre promptly turned around and hucked his glove right at him as Andrus hustled out of there.

Or the time when a ground ball passed him at third and rather than diving for a play that would have been impossible to make even if he could reach the ball, he just threw his glove at it and watched it bounce right by. Who among us?

[recentanimenews]

Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise is an Outstanding Open-World Oasis

IN THE YEAR 199X, a boy is with his parents at a tiny mom-and-pop video store in Okinawa called American Video, off on his own trying to find something to watch. He finds a tape, part of Streamline's "Video Comics" line of dubbed anime releases titled Fist of the North Star, and carefully covers the "Not for Kids!" sticker with his thumb when he shows it to his parents, who are fine with him watching Dragon Ball Z on Japanese TV, so more fighting anime men is perfectly fine. Thank you, parents--25 years later, that boy appreciates you being lax that one time.

  The glorious violence that followed hit me right in the soul, adding a new love to my young life, one that's stayed with me ever since. I don't gush about my love for Fist of the North Star as much as, say, Dragon Ball or Giant Robo or Berserk or Gintama, but it's always there for me in some form... except in the realm of video games, for some reason.

  Last Battle, a US-released Fist of the North Star Genesis game that removed the blood, changed everybody's names, and featured hilarious, nonsensical dialogue

  Fist of the North Star is a franchise that's never been lacking in video game adaptations. From the very first PC adventure in 1986 to a whole list of side-scrolling actioners (one of which was released in the US as Last Battle) to those amazing arcade games with the punch pads to an (amazingly broken) ArcSys fighter all the way to Koei Tecmo's brutal large-scale brawlers, gamers have wasted more wasteland mooks than Kenshiro himself ever did. And to be completely fair, there's a reason fans don't talk about too many of them: with a few rare exceptions, they're not all that awesome.

  So please, trust me when I say that Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise is the first Fist of the North Star game to really get it right.

  Finishing moves are (appropriately) accompanied by these sick-ass title cards and Kenshiro shouting the attack name

  Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise is the happy product of Sega's ongoing success with its Yakuza franchise, and just how perfectly Kenshiro and the gang fit into a very similar video game mold. I mean, look: a stoic-yet-honorable man must navigate a series of betrayals and revelations, all in the name of protecting their loved ones and cherished ideals, and all while getting into a series of spectacular one-against-many fistfights culminating in an emotionally-charged shirtless duel. Pretty damn spot-on, right?

  Aside from perfectly lining up with Yakuza in terms of storytelling and overall feeling, Lost Paradise matches its gameplay as well: after a short on-rails introduction, Kenshiro wanders the wasteland and discovers the city Eden, which is besieged by game-original villain and Immortan Joe impersonator Kyo-Oh, the King of Fear, and his vast and vicious armies of wasteland killers. At the same time, Kenshiro has to battle the evils within Eden, and discover the city's secrets... and retell the rest of Fist of the North Star in the process.

    Rather than just dump this game's entire original story between episodes 22 and 23, Lost Paradise simply picks up with Kenshiro facing Shin in their destined duel, and then adapts large chunks of Kenshiro's adventures to fit this tale. Rei and his glorious mullet still think Kenshiro kidnapped his sister, Jagi is still a poser piece of garbage, Rihaku is still the biggest Yuria fanboy on what's left of Earth, and Raoh is still the ideal all Shonen Jump villains aspire to. To further tie Lost Paradise to Yakuza, you'll hear a lot of familiar voice actors on the Japanese audio track: Kenshiro is played by an even more deadpan Takaya Kuroda (Kiryu), Raoh is given life by Masami Iwasaki (Ryuji Goda), Rin doesn't sing but still has that Rie Kugimiya (Haruka) adorableness, and many more as a satisfying nod to Yakuza fans.

  The blasted-out, nuclear-bombed, oceans-dried-up world of Fist of the North Star isn't nearly as colorful or lively as Yakuza's, so there isn't much to look at, but the game does quite a bit to still make Eden feel like home. You'll spend most of your time running around Eden talking to different characters, receiving quests and substories, and eventually getting a buggy to drive around the wasteland and discover new locations to meet interesting people, hit their pressure points, and explode them from within.

  Beautiful

  Regular random battles are a big part of the Yakuza series, and despite how much I hate them in, say, JRPGs, I've never really been bothered by them in Yakuza because there's something truly satisfying about smashing some goon's head against a railing for daring to bother you while you're running around town trying to do something more important. Lost Paradise does much the same thing, with the same dozen or so types of post-apocalyptic troublemakers in Mad Max gear trying to start some shit, and then getting immediately turned into a fine red mist. When you start the game, Kenshiro's Hokuto Shinken feels more limited than Kiryu's techniques, but that quickly opens up as you buy and learn more techniques--there is no question as to whether or not you're going to win against these nobodies, so you're encouraged to finish them off as spectacularly and quickly as possible, with experience bonuses given out for particularly flashy or precise kills.

  Yes, you can make a cocktail called "You're Already Drunk"

  It's not all doom, gloom, and boom, though: Lost Paradise's world shows us a softer, funnier side of Kenshiro by putting him in ridiculous situations and letting him stay exactly as stoic and deadpan as he always is through a huge list of side quests and minigames. An accupressure rhythm game, post-apocalyptic baseball where you line-drive bikers with an I-beam, playing hide-and-seek with kids, fighting in the arena, bouncing and managing a hostess club, working in a grocery store, upgrading your buggy with Bat, and becoming the wasteland's best bartender aren't even the full list of distractions available from the main plot. Like I've said before, none of these time-wasters feel like wasted time--you get experience for all of them, and they all serve to make Kenshiro and the people around him that much more endearing.

    Lost Paradise, unfortunately, is not quite paradise on all fronts: the constant random battles would be fine if you could just tear through them, but you'll hit regular snags with large enemies who simply exist to soak up damage, and the battle system just isn't flexible enough to give you ways around this aside from just hammering them until they stagger. Character models and animation feel stiff, especially for small everyday actions like walking up and down stairs, and driving the buggy is something I just want to do as little as possible. No joke, Mass Effect's Mako controls better than this thing. Additionally, Fist of the North Star's story has never been particularly complex, but that was to its benefit--a few late-game reveals and a final villain switcheroo feel kind of weak, and take away from the built-up emotion (and a tradition of perfect final battles in the Yakuza series).

    Even with a few frustrations showing up now and then, I could not stop playing Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise. Popping bad guys like zits is addicting, spending time with Kenshiro's friends even more so. Lost Paradise is so much more than a post-apocalyptic palette swap--just as you spend entire Yakuza games becoming the Dragon of Dojima, now you too can become the Savior of the Century's End. And maybe a little more than that, too: Lost Paradise adds some dimension to the otherwise stone-faced Kenshiro, and maybe this is what this legend needed to get (even) more people to love him.

  REVIEW ROUNDUP

+ Fully-realized Fist of the North Star experience: sound, visuals, rhythm of combat, hot-blooded energy

+ Satisfying battle system requires creativity, forethought, and efficiency to truly fight like Kenshiro

+ Wealth of minigames and side quests never feel like filler because they're just that damn good

+ Shoutouts and callbacks for Fist of the North Star and Yakuza fans alike

+/- Explore a larger map with the buggy, but the buggy is also just not fun to drive

+/- Character models look so close to Buronson's art, but this also makes their animations kinda wonky

- I legitimately don't feel any connection toward the game's original characters

- Hidenari Ugaki (Majima) deserves so much better than playing Jagi

-----

Nate Ming is the Features Editor for Crunchyroll News and creator of the long-running Fanart Friday column. You can follow him on Twitter at @NateMing.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[junker-town]

Happy 10th birthday to ‘Here comes the pizza’

Or, “The unwritten rules of throwing a slice of pizza at someone four seats away.”

When one enters “Here comes the” into Google, autocomplete suggests a lot of things. Here comes the sun. Here comes the airplane. Here comes the boom. Here comes the Lion Guard.

When you enter “Here comes the” into Google, though, your internet history gets sucked into the algorithm, and “Here comes the pizza” is the first result.

Congratulations. You’re in a special club. It’s not that special, of course. There are 1.5 million views on YouTube, and only half of them can be yours. But it’s special enough, and we should have a secret handshake.

If you’re not in the club yet, oh, oh my, come in, this is your lucky day. “Here comes the pizza” is 10 years old this weekend, and it’s time to celebrate it all over again.

I’d like to think at MLB Advanced Media, a nervous staffer came up to his boss with a list of illicit YouTube videos that needed DMCA takedowns.

“Aaron hitting 715?”

“Take it down.”

“Mike Trout scaling the wall? Looks like there’s a whole playlist.”

“Take them all down.”

“Here comes the pizza?”

“T ... no. No, that one stays.”

There’s a difference between dumb baseball highlights that get people excited about baseball and something that belongs to the world. In honor of the “Here comes the pizza” birthday, I would like to list my favorite things about it.

1. That somebody threw a piece of pizza at somebody else

My favorite part of this video is when someone consciously decided to wing a piece of pizza at someone four seats away. One second there’s an innocuous foul ball drifting into the stands, no different from the dozens of foul balls in every game, and the next second there’s a soggy ninja star sailing through the air, too floppy to be aerodynamic, too ambitious to be earthbound.

The time elapsed from Garret Anderson not making the play to the decision to throw the pizza: 1.62 seconds. I almost want to give it extra credit for its immediacy, but that would be false. There was a beat. That’s enough time to make a conscious decision.

I have done a lot of dumb things without thinking. Scrambled to catch a chef’s knife that was knocked off the counter. Pulled out into traffic when I shouldn’t have. Taken a sip of coffee that was way too hot. But these aren’t things that I deliberated on. I didn’t think, “I am going to see if I can whip my hand around to catch this knife when I drop it. For science.”

This was someone who thought about it and decided, yes, this is what needs to happen right now. This is the appropriate response. And here comes the pizza.

What if the line at the pizza concession was too long? What if the perpetrator was in the mood for something different? Could this have been even funnier? Let’s quickly explore some possibilities:

Hot dog — not as funny, unless the wiener separates from the bun like the booster separating from a space shuttle, hitting two people in one throw

Nachos — close, but there’s too much anarchy, too many victims to make it a guilt-free laugh riot

Cracker Jack — not as funny

Popcorn — not as funny

Large 32 oz. beverage — okay, maybe that’s as funny

But throwing bottles is a thing. It’s a trope, something that you would see in a movie. There isn’t a lot of distance between throwing a bottle and throwing a plastic cup.

No one throws a piece of pizza. And if I had to put my finger on it, my favorite part of “Here comes the pizza” is when the guy throws the piece of pizza.

The giggling

Oh, goodness. The giggling.

Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo need a replay to see what happened, and their first reaction was about what it should have been: Wait, did someone throw a slice of pizza at that guy?

But they come back from the commercial break giggling. This would have been a non-event with at least half the announcing crews in the league, with someone with a very announcer-y voice mentioning the incident once — “Looks like someone threw a slice of pizza. Not sure why he would do that, and I’m sure he’s going to be asked to leave.” — and then dropping it.

Remy and Orsillo studied the incident between innings and couldn’t get enough. They are, like us, transfixed. Transfixed and giggling. The giggling becomes contagious, like it does in the best unexpected moments of comedy. You’re infected by their enthusiasm because it’s impossible not to be.

“Here comes the pizza”

Without these four words, there’s less giggling. With less giggling, there’s less majesty. With less majesty, this is a clip that gets forgotten after a season, at best.

Instead, Jerry Remy describes it with perfect timing and rhythm:

“Now I’m not sure why it was necessary, but watch ... I can’t circle because I don’t have my telestrator butHERECOMESTHEPIZZA, see?”

His immediacy mirrors the unexpectedness of the pizza being thrown. For his part, Don Orsillo shares the only possible response:

“[unable to catch breath] eereeess um pizza”

He is all of us.

Remy would later zapruder the film even further, adding the inner monologue of the perpetrator:

“Honey, I’m going to the ballgame today, and if I see some guy, I’m going to throw a piece of pizzerr at him.”

It makes more sense when he explains it like that. That’s what announcers are supposed to do, after all. They’re supposed to provide insight.

There was almost a pizza brawl

Fights in the stands aren’t funny, and people can get seriously hurt. Do not fight people at baseball games.

But if there has to be a fight, let it be over someone throwing a piece of pizza at you, which makes you the Pepsi Fan of the Game.

The guy didn’t notice that he had a piece of pizza thrown at him in the chaos. Now imagine the conversation afterward.

Hey, that guy threw a piece of pizza at you.

That’s a special kind of violation, an assault made worse by the unexpectedness. We’re used to the pizza being thrown by now, but imagine that moment, when he heard it for the first time. Imagine different scenarios.

Hey, that guy picked up your keys and put them in his mouth.

Or ...

Hey, that guy took a Polaroid of you and ate it, piece by piece.

It’s the randomness that makes it more invasive. This isn’t someone shouting a curse word at you. This is much, much worse.

And there was almost a pizza brawl because of it.

This was frontier justice

Years later, the pizza thrower explained his side of the story.

He’s more sheepish than you imagine someone capable of an impromptu pizza assault would be, and he explains the events succinctly:

“This gentleman was not being too friendly to everybody else in the stands. And there was a rain delay, so we were there for a long, long time, and a lot of people weren’t so happy with what he had to say. There was a foul ball that distracted him, and I threw a pizza at his head, and I wish I could take it back, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

This is just the word of one man, the accused. It shouldn’t be held up as gospel.

But I believe him. Oh, my, how I believe him. I can see the whole thing in my mind. This guy is guilty:

Guilty, guilty, guilty. Throughout the whole rain delay, this guy was getting drunker and more obnoxious. He is the amalgam of every Boston stereotype, a mix of every person in the Yankees Fan GIF, just tailored for a different region.

What was he doing during that rain delay? It doesn’t matter. You can imagine it.

GUY: EH, YEAH, FUCKIN CHARLES SHOULD BE HERE, CAUSE HE’D REALLY APPRECIATE THESE SEATS, NOT LIKE THESE FAT ASSHOLES BEHIND ME

FAN BEHIND HIM: hey wait

GUY: EH, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, PORKY. LOOK AT THIS GUY PUTTING THE TAHP ON, HEY YOU SUCK GROUNDSKEEPER, TERRIBLE TAHP TECHNIQUE.

For an hour before the rain delay. During the hour-long delay. And up until the moment when Garret Anderson knocks his beer away. A constant stream of obnoxious.

It’s not enough to spill the beer, though. There needs to be frontier justice.

And here comes the pizza.

Has it been 10 years already? It’s hard to believe. But we’ll be back here in 20, 25, and 50 years to relive one of the greatest moments in booth-absurdity synergy in the televised era. Because it deserves nothing less, and possibly so much more. There went the pizza. And there went our hearts.

Happy birthday, old friend. Happy birthday to, “Here comes the pizza.”