#he got A LOT of shit talked about him after 5x11

[catdadeddie]

Ok but that gif set of Oliver’s tweets made me realize that he’s a hilarious human being lol. Damn I wish he were still on twitter he’d probably have some Things to say about the past couple of seasons

I'm glad he's off it tbh. He's bad at holding up boundaries on there and people abuse the access.

[maschotch]

hello I've been an on-and-off CM enjoyer(?) for a decade, with Hotch being my main area of interest… I just spent literal hours going through your blog lol. tbh it was exactly the kind of CM content I desperately wanted but had trouble finding initially (jfc the sea of x reader I had to wade through) anyway I stopped watching full eps at around S5, but I'm aware of how things go for Hotch and I'm v bitter about the missed opportunities. maybe a popular opinion in the fandom, but I've always hated how the Foyet attack was glossed over for example - my disbelief when I first watched 5x02 and Hotch just... shows up to work?? why'd they bother with such a major injury if its consequences were limited to one (1) episode years later, and even then the mental trauma was 99% ignored. no mention of meds/painkillers/recovery? nothing about "your scars are gonna look just the same"?? BUT that almost pales in comparison to all the other Hotchner things you got me thinking about, like his subtle aversion to fire or autistic traits or other facets of his character/relationships that are soooo tantalizingly hinted at but not expanded upon. I don't know the whole show that well so idk how Hotch fared compared to other characters but it felt like we got crumbs, especially since he was there for 11 goddamn seasons sorry this is so long but I've never talked CM to anyone before and you've made me love Hotch even more as a character, and now I'll have to further stew in my despair over him getting zero closure

i have similar issues with the show and fandom. the show looooves to traumatize its characters and then pretend it didnt even happen the second the arc is over. i understand its the nature of an episodic show like this (and i love that style for this show! i do!) but they could MENTION how hotch has scars (especially in season 10 when theyre all comparing scars on the plane) or how he needs medication (considering thats the only reason why they found foyet in the first place). foyet was the first big arc, so i understand why they needed to get on with it and bring hotch back to work by 5x02, but i wish they’d had an extra episode in between dealing with the team’s emotions about their leader being attacked (the way we kinda see them reeling from haley’s death and the potential of hotch not returning in 5x11 (or whatever the next ep after 100 is)).

no matter who your favorite cm character is, anyone can have the same complaint of them not following through about what undergoing these kind of traumatic events would mean for the characters. it’s definitely a sore point with criminal minds. especially because the only time they do it is when they want a character to leave (like gideon, blake, and kate). it fucking sucks bc there’s so much potential

and that’s where i feel like the fandom lets me down too. there’s not a lot of talk about it—mostly it’s just self inserts and shipping. there’s hardly any good character analysis out there, but that’s why i started this blog in the first place: if it doesn’t exist, make it yourself! (i would encourage you to do the same if you still feel this way. i talk shit ab the fandom all day but i still get so much positivity despite that from people who value the characters just as much but express it differently)

sorry for getting to this ask so late! maybe you’ll come across it eventually. if you do, let me know your other thoughts on the show/fandom! if youve seen more, if youve interacted more, or if you just have more to say!

[ruinedsam]

hello! I hope you are well :) if it’s no bother, do you have any fic recs for Sam having his pain and trauma acknowledged? If not that’s ok! Have a good day anyway!

No bother at at all! :) Here are all fics that focus on Sam's trauma that I could think of:

acta sanctorum by laertez: Returned from the Cage again. Sam spirals. 11x10 (all the way up to 11x11)

break these bones ’til they’re better by redskyatmorning: After Sam’s torture at the hands of the British Men of Letters, the latest in a long string of violations, he is rescued by Dean and Mary – and forced to ponder his broken relationship with his own body. Months later, when Sam is resurrected and tormented by Lucifer yet again, Dean confronts Mary and Sam gets his revenge against the devil.

ad nauseum by laertez: There is no time in the Pit. For two years, Sam had listened to Dean talk about Hell, about the thirty agonizing years he spent on the rack, and he thought about how Dean was only just thirty then. Half of his existence, abject suffering. Dean never talked about the ten years he spent on the other side of that pain, or what finally made him give in. Sam never asked. On the night before he jumped into Hell, Sam stared at the ceiling and tried not to imagine what eternity felt like, tried not to think about the haunted look in Dean’s eyes or the year his dad spent downstairs, how if Dean had let Sam stay dead in Cold Oak, he’d be in Heaven, at peace, and Dean wouldn’t have gone to Hell and the world wouldn’t be ending. He failed to stop himself from imagining them both a year from then — Dean wrecked but alive and the world stilling spinning, Sam a hundred years older, trapped forever with the Devil. That vision was wrong — Lucifer taught Sam some theology.  Hell is complete isolation from God. It’s also all the other stuff. | 12x01-12x02 tag

will the scars go away with night? (try to smile for the morning light) by starlightswait: Sam Winchester is an enigma. There’s a lot that Rowena doesn’t know about him, that she may never entirely understand, but this… this, she knows too well.

Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out by lesbianbookworm: Sam doesn't know God, even though he's moved in with them. He doesn't know his motivations, can't presume to understand his plan. He doesn't see the bigger picture, if there even is one. Lucifer on the other hand… Him Sam knows well. Far too well. Or: Sam considers God and Lucifer.

Love, Let the Poison Bleed Out of Me by Duck_Life: After being abducted and forced to drink demon blood by a pair of opportunistic witches, Sam is back with his family. As he prepares for another hellish detox, Mary decides she's going to ride it out by his side.

What Got Lost by themegalosaurus: "I actually," Sam says to Chuck, stumbling over his words, "I, um, I prayed to you." He pauses, just for a moment, a tiny suspension of time. "Maybe it got lost in the spam." A little coda to 11x21.

Traumatized by lightning and a lightning bug (spoons): Dean takes Sam to the hospital after the events of the episode, and all the doctors assume Sam has tried to commit suicide. | 4x19 tag

Nowhere to Go but Everywhere by lightning and a lightning bug (spoons): Dean reads Sam's medical file and finds out he has a history of suicide attempts. Set directly after 5x11

Unreal by ameliacareful: Lucifer is in the Bunker and Sam is being perfectly normal, not thinking about it, just handling it. Dean is doing the same with Chuck watching porn on his laptop. Sam knows the rules, when shit goes down, they cope. So, he's coping.

Some Things Can't Be Fixed by Liron_aria: Dean's no longer a demon. He and Sam are back to hunting together, saving people and being brothers again. So why does Sam still look like a jackrabbit staring down the barrel of a hunter's rifle? | Sam's demon/moc!Dean trauma

body of proof by Askance (doomcountry): There are things Sam hasn't told his brother. They're all in the envelope laid on Dean's pillow. | Sam and rape/sexual assault

[pianoandcookiedoughlover]

*grabs a tissue and wipes at tears*

that’s the end of s5 folks

we’re just gonna do this chronologically because i don’t even know where to begin besides the start so . . . yeah

starting off with this shot

(sorry it’s such bad quality)

i almost fell off my bed

enough said

oof, okay, jamie vs mike. 

i may be crucified for this, but i actually think there’s some truth in what jamie said about mike wanting him to go to hawkstone because he couldn’t. 

mike has always been very invested in jamie’s football/soccer career, always helping him train, buying him equipment, offering to coach. and yes, of course, having a supportive parent/guardian is amazing and not everyone is lucky enough to have that. but as the seasons have gone on, some of the things mike says/does makes me think his intentions aren’t simply: “i want to be supportive for jamie.” 

i first think of that time that jamie was planning to go to foxborough (that’s such a weird sentence, oh my god). the coaches there didn’t want their players to have any outside coaching, and mike got pissed at that. now why would someone who’s been such an advocate for jamie getting proper coaching and becoming a professional get annoyed at a club who is offering to get him to that point (now, that isn’t to say foxborough are angels. i have issues there as well)?

and what sort of solidified this for me was his reaction here:

saying that he’s supported him through everything may be true, but it’s all been in the realm of football. jamie has never been interested in anything else (whether he’s been exposed to anything else and encouraged to do anything else is unknown) and so mike really has only been able to support him in football. he doesn’t do anything else.

and now that he’s found something that he wants to do (or thinks he does, but i’ll get onto that) that doesn’t align with football, mike’s hands off. not, in fact, because he thinks jamie is throwing his career away, but because he thinks he’s throwing HIS career away. he’s lived vicariously through jamie and his successes and now that jamie is going after something that isn’t “real football,” he can’t support it. because he doesn’t really support jamie. he just wants him to do the things he didn’t get to do.

even more so, his reaction to this i thought added to this:

hearing that howard royale was going to let him go anyway, he’s shocked. and i think he’s always thought in his head that jamie’s been a literal prodigy, someone unbeatable. yes, jamie is a wonderful player. but he’s not unstoppable. and so when karen logically points out how hawkstone are not going to put all their eggs in jamie’s basket, he starts to realize that jamie’s just a kid. an amazingly talented kid, but not a medium he can reverse his regrets through. and i think that this is what inspires him to go and support him at his competition: he’s his grandson first, and a football player second.

i just have to ignore ian at this point because . . . he sucks

dillon thinking the vibes are off at foxborough, providing an opportunity for him to stay at northport . . . 

(i am so sorry this is such an ugly screenshot)

i also couldn’t help but think of andi mack when dillon talked about coming out to phoenix:

soft girlfriends stretching together

i thought the moment between alba and zoe was really sweet actually - maybe in s6 they’ll get alba another girl to play with?

duncan turning over a new leaf and being not an asshole? we like to see it. also i really liked this shot for some reason

i’m really excited to see dillon at northport and see what he gets up to there. hopefully duncan hasn’t fooled us all and he’s really being genuine. 

okay, guess we have to talk about the world fifa cup (i’m sorry, but i can’t believe that freaking jethro and jamie are the best in the world. but i digress)

the interactions between jethro and jamie were kind of weak in my opinion - like, you’re also a failed footballer, jethro, don’t know what point you’re trying to make with that. it just felt very . . . weird. rehashing something that really didn’t need to be brought back.

the whole auditorium and everything felt more for cinematic effect, trying to have some big venue for the finale. unfortunately, from what i know in this tumblr community, this was the storyline we were least interested in, and yet they put (probably) the most money into it. kind of unfortunate.

i think i saw someone mention this but i thought i’d bring it up again: the game switching between fake players and then the actors actually playing.

so, you know, kind of odd.

there were a lot of moments in this entire event where they were building up certain things, but i think it doesn’t have a remotely comparable intensity as to when the gang were all playing together in, say, the gothia cup. i think the issue is that we have no attachment to the video game, the players (even though sometimes they’re the characters), or jamie at this point, honestly. so while i get what they were going for (i think), i think both the way they went about it and the characters they did it with led to it being kind of a flop, at least for me. 

let’s just say, i wasn’t jumping out of my seat waiting to see if a character that has been an asshole to a lot of his friends and ignored his family for multiple episodes can score a goal on a random video game.

i need to make a post about jamie (i’ll do that next) because this is way too long already to fit that in. essentially, though, i think that jamie never really liked playing this video game.

controversial, i know.

i’m sorry, but

why the fuck is karen letting ian take jamie literally anywhere

when i saw this i genuinely thought jamie was gonna jump out of the goddamn plane and break his entire body but obviously that didn’t happen

we don’t talk about the flashbacks to all of his wins because that just makes me sad and want to cry and they grew up so much and-

rewind a bit for dillon’s storyline

dillon’s dad goes from this:

to this:

which was a bit of a 180 but i also get that we needed resolution with their storyline. i guess my only criticism is that some of the things that his dad says are so intense and extreme, that a redemption arc afterwards is difficult. 

i was really proud of dillon for this:

i am genuinely so excited to see what happens in s6, his storyline is something that not only i am passionate about, but i think has been done with the most care and emotion. i think this whole thing has so much more room for development so fingers crossed we get to see that in s6 

i was so happy to see this as well:

he gave him TWO kisses!!!! it was just very wholesome, and while i haven’t forgiven him completely (this literally has nothing to do with me, lmao, but i assume dillon hasn’t either) i think (i hope) he’s really trying to change and be a supportive figure in dillon’s life for once.

and liam teasing him was cute

we are NOT crying

ahh this is such bad quality but that little tap on the stomach (see right)

and then this.

and then the turn of the camera from him to everyone else  . . i just can’t deal. that was really beautiful actually.

we have a whole load of feelings but maybe i’ll save that for another post.

but also:

*approves in lesbian*

and then the music and the shotsssssssssss

and then

s6 finale?

i’m just a mess and i was begging to my phone, “no, don’t leave me” so at least we know where i stand

i swear to fucking god if we don’t see zoe and kat in season 6 i’m throwing hands

they’re gonna have to do some work on jamie’s character because right now, it’s not looking good

elliot please come back

follow up on boggy’s anxiety/panic attacks

we should make a list of things we want in s6 and send it to bbc

i really liked this finale and i’m just so excited for more. just a big thank you to the cast and crew on this season because it has been my favorite of this show and i think they’ve done an incredible job overall. they’ve put in a lot of effort and i think we all appreciate it a lot.

i also don’t think i did this on my 5x11 review/analysis/shit writing, but i’d really like to thank @jonnie-kimmins for his acting in especially that episode. it was amazingly done and it didn’t feel over sensationalized or anything, at least from my experience with panic attacks. it felt very raw and real and i really commend everyone who was a part of that. 

i would tag the other actors but i think jonnie is the only one that’s cool enough to have made a tumblr account and then come and vibe with us hahaha

this was so long and i really didn’t analyze anything i just panicked (how on brand for me) so i hope you could bear to read it and yeah . . . let’s hope they can start/continue filming s6 soon!

[klarolinedrabbles]

What are some of the tvd to fandoms greatest hits so to speak... I was only in it for a short time and then jumped out because I couldn't stand to

Oh, well allow me to be your guide. This will be under a read more because I already know, I’m gonna write a whole essay. Shout out to my ride or die @hellsbellschime.

I don’t think any overtly crazy happened during the good!TVD years. No wait, I’m lying.

The year the spin-off got announced, I believe it was tvguide, that posted an article with like info tidbits for currently airing shows. And one of them, was that Hayley was pregnant with Klaus’ kid. I remember this shit so clearly, man. Everyone was so confused. And then they were like SURPRISE, APRIL FOOLS. Because it was in fact April 1st. So ha-ha we all had a laugh, great. Fastforward to what, late April? Episode 4x20 airs, and it’s exactly what happened???

That whole day btw, the day the backdoor pilot for TO aired was just insanity. I’ll say that about a lot of days in this answer, but that day was really just something else. Like we were delirious, that’s the only way I can explain what happened on here. It was a nightmare but also one of the funniest night’s I’ve ever spent on here. I gotta go back for old time’s sake and reblog some of the shit from that night because we all snapped. And not in the good way. 

The TVD 100th. Now, we knew Joseph was coming back for that episode so they hype was real. Because up until that point, we’d gotten a huge load of nothing in regards to Klaroline. They released a trailer, a short one, that’s still in my favorites folder on youtube to this day. I rewatch it all the time because it’s iconic. And there was literally .002 seconds of Klaroline. It’s Caroline standing and then Klaus says “hello, caroline” and everyone lost their shit so much when it dropped that ‘hello caroline’ trended ww on twitter. 

THE DAY THE NETWORK THAT AIRED TVD IN AUSTRALIA AIRED A PROMO WITH THE KLAROLINE KISS IN 5X11. ICONIC. I literally woke up, logged on at around 11 AM my time, and my dashboard was on fire. It was the BEST. We didn’t know wtf to do, it was amazing. 

Paleyfest. Ohhhh buddy, lemme tell ya. So TVD/TO got chosen to have the CW panel’s at Paleyfest that year. Everyone was on a bit of edge because TO to that point was what, almost done with S1 and Klaroline had been given the mega cold-shoulder despite being the very thing other than the Mikaelson’s that got used to lure people in? After the pregnancy plot from hell, everyone was ready to peace tf out, but we got halted because it was a ‘ohh of course it’s gonna continue’ then they tried to nip Klaroline in the bud with 5x11 and no one was having it. So Paleyfest was where we were gonna get some ANSWERS, DAMMIT. I live on the east coast and the festival was held in the west coast so I wasn’t awake when it was happening. I remember making a post about how ‘going to sleep, and hoping when I woke up the answers were good.’. So I went to sleep, woke up a few hours later like 2-3 AM my time, and checked my blog and the first message I had was ‘don’t wake up stephanie, everything is a mess, stay asleep where everything’s fine’ I—

The gist of that was, they basically set JoMo up to be the bad-cop in shutting down Klaroline. He gave this long answer that made absolutely zero sense. The girl who asked the question about Klaroline, who was like 13 at the time, got called a bully for even asking a question at an event she paid to be at. A mess. And JP was like NO CROSSOVERS, ORGANIC, BLAH BLAH. And Paul was sitting next to her going “why can’t the show’s just intersect”, he was right and he said it. 

I can’t remember if this was S1 or S2, but somebody tweeted something and Carina replied ‘when you’re found dead in your basement with klaroline written on you this is why’ or something like that, that was a ~fun~ night. And then like half an hour later she was like “I’m sorry, I’ll never tweet about Klaroline again just leave me alone” if you’ve ever seen this fandom refer to ourselves as basement dwellers, this night is why. 

NARDUCCI. Can’t forget him. Talk about a man who just didn’t get it. And I don’t mean Klaroline, he just didn’t get anything, nothing in his head has ever clicked, I’m convinced. He used to pick fights on twitter repeatedly. Admitted once that he missed his flight because he was on twitter…arguing with a fan. AND ONE DAY, he decided to just—snap. Went on this hours long tirade against the Klaroline fandom, essentially calling everyone stupid because no one was appreciating the ‘art’ of the show. So when I say it lasted hours, I mean that. Now, you’d think, that he would be done, right? WELL, apparently that wasn’t enough, so the next day, he continued. I remember because I was in this gc on whatsapp, and I remember Erika sending a message to the gc going “omg, Narducci vs KCers round 2″ when I tell you I screamed. The man went on a two-day rampage against this fandom and it was insane. 

S6/S2 of TVD/TO was not a fun time. I can genuinely say it was borderline a chore to come on here during that time. It wasn’t fun, every day someone was in argument with someone from production on twitter. Truly the worst year of the fandom, imo. So S7/S3 rolls around and that’s where shit went nuclear. 

Hillary and I, are minding our own damn business, when someone come’s to us with information regarding the new seasons. This was post-SDCC, so it’s like the lull of September, waiting for the seasons to start in October. And we get approached with information, talkin bout how Caroline’s gonna be pregnant with Alaric’s twins in S7. When I tell you we didn’t know wtf to do. And we had to like wait on confirmation about it but then we found out it was legit and we were pissed. Literally ask us if we wanted to be in the spoiler game, the answer is no tf we did not. And she and I basically spent two days complaining. LIKE UGHHHH WE DON’T WANNA DO THIS, BUT ALSO THIS IS DISGUSTING, WE CAN’T JUST LET THEM SPRING THIS ON EVERYONE, BUT AGHH WHY US. So we chose collectively, as a duo, because das my other half yo, to blab. 

That went over as best as anyone could hope for it to go. Now, flashforward yet again, this time to around late Novemeber/December. I had been sent word that something was going down. TVD/TO lost their Thursday slots and got bumped to Friday’s, so a plan was going on, and they made one. We’d heard that they were rearranging something mid-season because they were gonna make a crossover work, publicly we found out it would be Paul and JoMo that crossover back-to-back. THEN ONE NIGHT—I call it black friday bc  that day was a fucking mess—, a friend of mine was friends with an SCer, I wanna say, and she was hearing word that the crossover did have Klaus and Caroline interact via phone call, but that it was very definitively an ending. Because they spoke about Camille and Stefan, etc, etc. Like a closing of the book type thing. So okay, we were like devastated, everyone on twitter was losing their shit. Everyone was pissed, and @-ing the writers all these crazy, sad things, we were a wreck. Ask Hillary about this night because she, I remember, describes it as ‘logging on and reading what everyone else had and not understanding why tf everyone was mad about it’. It was the first and last time that our roles were reversed, and bless her for it. 

SO WE’RE SITTING THERE, it’s Saturday, and we kept getting more information and we were like…something isn’t right here. So we did a bit of digging, spoke to a few people and waited it out. LO AND BEHOLD, everything we’d heard about the phone call was false. There was a phone call but the CKers and SCers were so mad about what was actually said in it, that a few of em, ring leaders of the feeble minded, made up a version and passed it around their fandoms as legit till it eventually worked it’s way over to us. So we all jumped the gun on fake information, lmfskdnknsks. Rumor has it, you can still hear Hillary yelling ‘I told you so’ at me through our group chat. 

So all was well, I couldn’t tell everyone why not to panic, just that they didn’t need to. Until, this account popped up called tvdspoiler or something on twitter, also saying false information about the phone call. Sending everyone into a panic yet again. I remember this because I was at  kmart with my mom, and the kmart by my house was in a basement so I had no cell service. I was able to send like a couple of messages, and was basically like ‘tell everyone to chill, I’ll clear it up when I get home’ did that in like a couple of hours cause then I had to leave to the midnight showing of the force awakens with my friends. So that day was chaotic, but fun. It was the first time I reached 99+ messages on my inbox, lmao. 

So that all happened like a good while before we actually saw the episode. But cut to a few weeks later. I woke up at 1 AM my time to drink water, was on tumblr trying to go back to sleep. I checked my inbox and there was this bizarre message talking about ‘got some scoop’ and they were like ‘Finn dies in 3x17, Aurora gets put into some weird sleeping spell in 3x18, Camille and Davina die in 3x19, Lucien dies in 3x20′ and I quite literally laughed??? Literally who wouldn’t. Like who tf would ever believe TO had the balls to do all of that when they never killed anyone off. AND, WHO WOULD BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD JUST STOP BY, SHARE IT AND LEAVE. So I sent a screenshot to Hillary and was like ‘yo did you get this because wtf’. We often got duplicate messages. And we often got messages of people who were pissed about the two previous times we, from the klaroline fandom of all places, had legit info that wound up being true, that they were just waiting for us to fuck up. So we used to get messages of people pretending they were sharing info, and it was just antis trying to make us look stupid. 

SO, Hillary says ‘just answer it because it’s obviously fake’ top ten moments before disaster. I answer it and am like oh haha, and where did that info come from. And they came back like a minute later, saying ‘I have a source’ THEN THEY ELABORATED. They mentioned that Lucien drags Freya and Vincent to Mystic Falls to do this spell with some bullet and etc. So at that point we were like fUCK because that same day we’d found out was in 3x16, which ended with Lucien and this white-oak bullet, having kidnapped Freya. And that’s when we knew, that someone showed up in the middle of the night, spoiled the whole back-half of TO S3—and then left.

The back-half of S3 was so fun??? Every week the info just kept coming true. On the wikia everyone hated me, probably the most anti messages I ever had was during that time, honestly it was great, 10/10 would recommend. 

THEN, at some point in our blog history, Hillary had been getting quite a few messages about PT. And she had this fucking line in one of the messages about Phoebe’s pronunciation with her accent for the show, or lack thereof. And she said “weeches and woves will always have a place in my heart” SO THEM PHOEBE TWEETED IT. THAT EXACT LINE, and we were like was she...? So we shrugged off okay. A few days later, she tweeted “hellsbellschime enough, there’s plenty of other things to watch on tv, I hear mad men’s great.” And I—

THIS WAS ON SOME RANDOM ASS SUNDAY. Like I was lounging around, waiting for the new episode of game of thrones and then WHAM, chaos. AND AS IF THAT WASNT ENOUGH, Leah joined in too. Putting a target on my friends back...about her blog that no one was making them read. You can’t make that shit up. And Jenn actually replied to Phoebe’s tweet and got a reply back, and she was all “you’re right, I’m sorry” and then deleted the original tweet, which I still have a screenshot of btw. And then Leah showed up in Hillary’s inbox with this ridiculous three part ask about how she shouldn’t criticize women in the acting industry because of how hard it is for women in that industry which is true, but it doesn’t make you exempt from criticism??? So not sure where she meant to go with that one.

SO THERE WE HAVE IT, our fandom’s greatest hits. I’m sure I can elaborate and insert more, but I’ve been typing for a good 40 minutes. 

Told ya, I wrote a whole dissertation, lmaooo.

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#34)

And we continue with 5x11, the stage is set for quite a playoff episode, and i am HERE FOR IT.

my reactions / recap / flailing under the cut

Omg there are “welcome home Tim” signs up?? Poor Luke is jealous of Becky and Tim talking.

Damn, Tim definitely seems fucked up from prison from just that convo with Becky about the Landing Strip alone. Tortured boy.

Aw, we love to see excited Eric with a bunch of excited East Dillon Lions in the locker room after a winning playoff game!

Anddddd here come the budget cuts to burst the bubble. “Anyone need a donut? Some of you won’t have a job next semester.” Damn worst he’s seen it in 27 years? “Anyway, uh...pray.” Damn.

“Where’s the union in all of this, you know?” damn, they have a union at this Texas school? That’s good, but it seems like a weak one, which i’m not surprised about because, again...Texas.

OOOOH Tami’s getting recruited to a Philly college and they’ll fly her out to interview her?

LOL the dudes are yelling “state, state, state!” jumping up and down in their front yard? “Get out of my front yard, you’re making me look bad!” this is so wholesome.

Oh jesus poor Vince, his dad is trying to bring alcohol home when his mom is a recovering addict? What a selfish fuck! “I just don’t know.” OK BYE.

Ahhh Smash Williams is on the TV, playing football in a professional game while Tim Riggins works at Buddy’s bar...this show is just *chef’s kiss*

Oh he sounds so sad and “meh” as Buddy tries to make small talk about Smash’s success. Oh my poor Tim.

OH Jess noooo you taped another team in the division? The fear and drive in her eyes as she nervously tells a very stressed Eric she wants to be a coach herself...I love that.

REALLY? One of the coaches had to do the laughing and “you’ll never be a football coach.” “What, because I’m a girl?” “I didn’t say that.” “Yeah, you did.”

OMG I’m dying, the subtitles while Luke and Becky make out on the coach say SMOOCHING. Adorable!

“Don’t stop for me.” Wow, growth for Becky that Tim is the one walking in on her relationship now. “Use protection this time.” MUST YOU TIM?

Oh shit, football is “revenue neutral.” Truly wild that Tami, Eric, and Levi are having a convo about the whole program possibly being cut while the team loudly celebrates making it to the quarter finals all around them! The visuals in this show are superb.

The sound of “all the way to state, all the way to state, all the way to state!” in the background as the camera focuses on Tami and Eric, watching over everything with sighs on their faces. They carry so much for this town and this team.

Oh shit it’s Bryn Mawr she wants to interview at? And omg they want to interview on the Friday of the semi-final. It’s all happening!

Oh yes some high-stress practice in the pouring rain while Eric has budget cuts and Tami’s interview on his mind!

Okay i get you’re stressed Eric, but calling Jess a “pest” for showing you an article of a female football coach is not it! Although it is WILD Jess took a physical newspaper clipping out to show Eric in the pouring rain. I love her.

Yes, Billy, you are def on the chopping block with these budget cuts. But LOL at him making fun of that dude who repeats everything everyone else said

Tim is so much quieter and more stoic. It tracks. Billy, are you really surprised he doesn’t want to relive his former glory days rn? (Although i have a lil feeling Tim will show up at this game at the last minute!)

Oh shit they’re on Billy’s front lawn now? This is so cute, the parallel moments of “wait a minute, I hear something” and coming outside to find this team with so much heart!

Oh wow they are getting BOOED at this away game. You know they’re good now!

“You never saw so many people so quiet.” I love Vince and his mom’s relationship so much, my heart.

Oh god is daddy all drunk kissing up on his wife who is SOBER? Sir, what do you not understand about sobriety?

Oop and he’s got “gifts.” What shit is he back into?

Wow, hands on the mom and he’s clearly dropped the drugs he’s flipping. There it is.

Yes to the BBQ people asking if the MOM is alright and kicking the dad’s sorry ass out. That’s how we do it.

I really love the way they’re transitioning through this period of playoffs—the locker room updates to their progress with the radio in the background, the chants after each win — then making way for Eric dropping Tami off at the airport. Semifinals are here.

“The time when I need you the most?” “You really gonna bring this up now, on the way to the airport?” Tami’s right, she’s been nothing but straightforward all along! Tami supports you, Eric, let her have her fucking moment.

“Well, you’re kicking my ass.” “Yes, that’s right. Your ass needs some kicking.” “Who’s going to cook dinner for me?” “Oh, poor baby. Gracie.” LMAOOOO yes Tami! Get him! I’m dying.

Okay, Eric, you are forgiven—he looked up the female football coach to talk to Jess about but got the last name wrong!

“14,000 high school football coaches in the country, and that’s one. One out of 14,000. You like those odds?” “No, I think they kind of stink.” “So do I.” Awwww.

“I’m not asking to play.” YES JESS! I love the growth she’s shown over her two seasons. Now she knows what she wants! And her persistence is paying off—Eric’s gonna let her shadow him?! My heart!

Damn Tim is VERY bothered by Becky working at the family business (The Landing Strip.)

Oh God what i feel like Tim sees in “one of Becky’s regular customers” is someone he has an excuse to let out his aggression on. He’s clearly just so fucked up by his life not being what he wanted it to be—and by even the life of those he loved and left behind on the outside not being what he wants for them.

“She’s 17 years old!!!! A high school junior!” I mean, FAIR. Fair fucking point.

Oh fuck this emotional scene between Tim and Billy in the parking lot...DAMN that was a hard punch in the face Tim just gave Billy.

WOW Tim is gonna hold onto taking the fall for Billy for a long time. Fuck. “For the rest of my life, if that’s how I feel it needs to be.”

Billy looks so fucking sad on his knees in the parking lot.

Regina changed the locks! Yes gurl, do not let that man back into your home!

He’s trying to break down the door...oh honey, no. “You’re blowing it, Pop!” I’m so proud of Regina for standing up for herself and Vince.

The visual of Luke riding up next to Tim’s car, and then driving past Becky and Tim fighting, as they pause to watch him go...ART. Also, why is Tim so resolutely like “I got to go. I got to go.” Intrigued.

“There’s only gonna be one football team in Dillon next year.” “Well, which program are they cutting?” “That’s next week’s fight.” DAMN. So much is happening in one night!

Yep, Eric just summed it up to that reporter: “One of those teams is going to state. And i don’t think you’re gonna eliminate a team that goes to state.” They’re fighting for the very existence of their team AND the state championship in one! This show!

Oh wow Luke does NOT want to hear Becky’s apology. Oh nooo!

Aw Regina and Vince communicating about how she needs to “take a meeting” so she can’t come to the game and him saying that’s more important...again, the growth! My heart!

OH they made up Braemore? Really sounded like Bryn Mawr LOL. Go Tami!!!

(These white dudes do not want to hear a woman saying they should rethink their approach. STOP YELLING AT HER, SHE’S RIGHT.)

Oh Mindy, crying at Tim not to go, about how much Billy cries at night, how much they both love Tim. IM EMOTIONAL

“You’re different, you know that?” “Yeah. I am.” ABOLISH PRISONS.

DAMN this semi final game is a NAILBITER

They did it at the last minute, YES!!! Nothing beats the excitement on the team’s faces as they embrace!

Damn Tim returning to his old trailer? Drinking beers alone and doing very not well as he listens to the radio static. Sigh, poor angsty boy.

Aw the woman who interviewed Tami is so kind. Telling her she did well at dinner.

I literally gasped then went AHHH! when the college dude came to dinner and Tami’s all politely like “thanks for the opportunity!” And the guy’s like, “yeah yeah i have two kids to put to bed, anyway we’re offering you that old asshole’s job.” “Dean of Admissions???” YES QUEEN

Damn Eric and Tami are BOTH killing the game, what a fucking power couple.

Eric has the whiteboard on the bus to accompany this “we’re going to state” chant. Amazing.

“We missed the field house.” “We’re not going to the field house.” OMG all their fans are waiting outside to cheer for them as they return?? How beautiful!

Oh my poor babe Vince, all he wants is to know his mom is safe.

YES he found his mom! My heart dropped when Vince’s face betrayed some fear he couldn’t find her. I’m so glad they can celebrate together, oh my heart.

And then you see Eric looking around for Tami, lost because she’s across the country contemplating a life-changing job offer...WOW. Two episodes left and the deck is truly STACKED. This show is art.

[scullydubois]

thoughts on Kill Switch (5x11)

Written by William Gibson and Tom Maddox Directed by Rob Bowman

It’s almost 1am, I’m tired and should just go to sleep, but I gotta get my daily episode in! And let’s be honest, it’ll be more fun if I’m delirious

What kind of black market activity

14th and Arlington

I just zoned out...no clue what’s happening, but access granted

What the hell was that CD about to do

Mulder and Scully? I love them

Big fancy Silicon Valley guy

“Mulder, that’s evidence.” “Yeah, so?” Stellar FBI skills at work here

Twilight Time and flashing car lights? It’s called romance! 

The Lone Gunmen are the shit

Absolutely iconic email server

Dana Scully literally caught up to the girl and tackled her...amazing work

Mulder sarcastically says home sweet home as if his own apartment doesn’t look just like that

Invisigoth? I’m here for her

I want to live in a storage unit

Scully, do you want to freaking die?

I mean...is it that serious

This episode is pretty

Also, Scully pulling over and getting out of the car to talk is such a power move

They all look so good in this episode

Twilight Time is the kill switch

Damn Gillian, I saw that

Can Invisigoth marry one of the Lone Gunmen please

Mulder WTF...climbing power lines again???

Invisigoth, I liked you, can you not point a gun at Miss Scully

“You are correct, sir” her saying it like that is sending me

Aww Invisigoth, don’t cry

What kind of trailer home

Oh what the fuckkk Invisigoth’s AI speech is really romantic and my delirious brain is losing it

I feel like I’m really overreacting to this episode and it’s probably not as good as I think it is, but I like it a lot so far

Ew RIP guy in trailer

Yeah, Mulder should not be alive

Oh fuck we’re actually doing the ambulance thing

Bitch I cannot take any more trauma from this show right now

“If we’re gonna save him” save him??? Save him?? Bitch?? That implies that he’s dying and uhh

“My arms hurt” this isn’t funny but at 1am yes it is

Is this a dream or some shit

He said call Doctor Scully!!

What kind of wacky ass hospital

So he only has one arm now?? The wackiness of this is sending me

On second glance, why is his nipple so high up??

The nurse smothered him with pillows...

Scully and Invisigoth are everything TBH

I can’t imagine this is a critically acclaimed episode but I’m finding it extremely entertaining

BITCH she’s doing Kung fu

It got better

I AM losing it, thanks for asking

I am so fucking happy I watched this episode, it fits perfectly with my current level of delirium

Hot

AI Fox Mulder be wildin!

Scully said no mercy

He can’t hear you, he has AirPods in

This is an extremely aesthetically pleasing episode

Gillian said I AM earning my 2nd Emmy and I am earning it RIGHT NOW

Oh fuck this is interesting

Invisigoth what are you about to do that’s going to make me hate you

I’m literally on the edge of my seat

Also, them putting Twilight Time over this scene after I noted how romantic is was earlier...god tier

So Ester and the other guy...ended up in AI world together

FUCK they nailed the ending

And the boys in the trailer park, with a trailer watching them..hmm

Whoever wrote this episode is so tonally on par with how I like my X-Files episodes, thank you William Gibson and Tom Maddox (apparently they’re sci-fi authors...makes sense)

Consensus: I really really enjoyed this.

5 out of 5 stars

[head-and-heart]

The 100 Highlights - “How We Get To Peace” (5x08)

Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait for this highlight post. I was out of town visiting family for a week and didn’t get a chance to rewatch the episode until today. And, unfortunately, I am about to be swapped for the next ten days (at least) so you can probably expect the 5x09 highlight post to be pretty late, too.

... And the 5x10 recap.

But anyway - super excited to get into this episode! Hope you enjoy my thoughts. :)

Feel free to read up on the previous posts in this series here. 

“I’ve seen the horrors we inflict on each other in the name of survival, colonel. God knows I’m as guilty as anyone, but we’re on the brink here - on the edge of an abyss I’ve stared into before - and I can tell you, having sacrificed the few to save the many more times than I care to admit, eventually, the few becomes the many. The ends don’t always justify the means and if you don’t know that by now, after everything you’ve been through, then you’re just as bad as Octavia, and we’re already lost.” 

At first I was a bit thrown by Kane’s speech here because Charmaine’s move was, objectively, very politically savvy (and it seemed a little out of place, considering Kane was the one who implied that if Charmaine got rid of McCreary she wouldn’t have to be concerned about resistance anymore but whatever) but - in retrospect - I do see the value in it. It seems to reflect what Bellamy and Clarke do later in the episode to Kara Cooper (which was honestly SO fucked up guys, like, holy shit). And the line was well delivered too. Very dramatic.

I kind of like this Vincent guy. Hm. Seems too nice to be a cannibal/serial killer. Speaking of which, are we ever going to see him snap? Maybe in 5x11 ... and that’s when we’ll get Abby telling the story of what happened in The Dark Year. :o I’ve cracked the code fam

Echo suggesting that they kill Zeke made her more familiar to me. Her character arc seems pretty on track (based on this episode) with what I have already speculated and I expect that we’re going to see her facing some issues with her old methods soon (maybe next episode?). I did like how they have set up her character arc in this episode.

I’m really enjoying that they have Indra teaming up with our mains this season. It’s an interesting dynamic, to see her interacting with characters besides Octavia and Kane this season and I am really enjoying it.

LEMME TAKE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT ZEKE PUTTING HIS HAND IN FRONT OF RAVEN PROTECTIVELY K

Listen, I know that their relationship has no base to it and they barely know each other and their connection doesn’t even really make sense *realistically* but I really, really LOVE Raven and Zeke’s dynamic. Lindsey and Jordan have fantastic chemistry and they look so good together and Zeke and Raven’s personalities/intellect complement each other so well. Also, this is a television show so lack of development DOESN’T MATTER, especially considering Zeke hasn’t killed Raven’s family or ex boyfriend or anything which - if you ask me - is a definite bonus! I just loved that little detail of him looking out for her, despite being angry (and having every right to be) because he feels protective of her and can’t really explain why just yet.

Also, I am in no way delusional enough to believe that the writers intentionally paralleled Bellarke and Zaven in this episode but this moment was visually extremely reminiscent of Bellamy jumping in front of Clarke in 2x09 ... so that’s a plus.

Everything involving Raven and Abby in this episode was just the most gut-wrenching, fam. Raven’s concern over Abby being threatened by Diyoza and her determination to protect her and Abby lying was just ... a Lot. It shows how far gone Abby is and added some new stakes to her addiction. I think it was important to show how Abby and Raven’s relationship will be affected by this.

“Your mother would be proud, Monty.” I wonder if anyone has told Monty this before, and how much he probably needed to hear it. In all that had happened, I forgot that Kara Cooper and Monty come from the same station on the Ark, and that they have probably even known each other for a long time. I never would have guessed that I would love seeing them interact so much but their scenes in this episode were so cute? Cooper laughing at Monty’s jokes about getting lit was the scene I didn’t know I needed. Leave it to The 100 to humanize the Worst character in the episode they get killed

THE ORIGINAL MURDER TRIO IS BACK AND AT IT AGAIN

I have to admit, in a kind of sick way I liked that we had Monty, Clarke, and Bellamy back at their old shenanigans again? Like, this felt like an indirect callback to Mount Weather, where they all committed mass murder together. This time, they’re trying to prevent that from happening again. It’s weird to see how their old allegiances and perspectives have shifted from that moment - and yet, they all continue to cooperate with each other.

“What’s one more, right? We’re all murderers.” OOF MONTY I FELT THAT

“We’re talking about taking one life to save hundreds.” “Really? Then let’s kill Octavia.” I literally yelled DRAG HIM at my screen when he said this lmao. Monty had ALL the lines in this episode. Like, damn, I love that he is questioning Bellamy and Clarke’s decisions in this, how they just revert so easily back to their same old methods. It’s refreshing to see.

 And also, he’s RIGHT. What Bellamy and Clarke are doing is so fucking twisted. They are literally killing someone in the most grotesque manner and framing them for something they didn’t even do all in order to avoid killing someone else - the person who forced her to commit the atrocities she has in the first place. Let’s face it: Cooper is easy to hate but the only reason she is the way she is is because of the system that Octavia created, the game Octavia forced her to play. And yet, they won’t kill Octavia, because of their own selfish wishes. It is absolutely fucked up and I am so glad that Monty called them out on their bullshit.

I really loved Murphy looking at Clarke’s drawing of him and Emori chained to the rocket from 4x08. It was a nice detail (and parallel to Season 4′s corresponding episode) and callback to include. Here’s hoping that we get to see *cough* other characters looking at pictures of themselves that Clarke has drawn. You know ... no one in particular.

“Tell me what we’re looking at.” 

“I don’t think we’d see it the same way, but all right. That’s where the trading post will be. And next to it will be a farm, and a workshop, and a mill ... And a real medical center, for Abby. To the south, there’ll be homes dug out of the ground to preserve the trees, and at the center, there’ll be a well, a place for people to gather, talk, debate ideas.”

“And a school with a playground where kids can blow off steam and bitch about their teachers and kiss under the bleachers. My kid.”

LET ME TALK ABOUT THIS SCENE !!! I LOVED THIS SCENE. 

I think this is the very first time (with the exception of Briller and the chickens) where any character has explicitly voiced their greatest wishes for the future, how it looks in their mind. And it’s so fucking tragic because you can just visualize it so clearly, but it feels so far away. That future doesn’t seem possible. It’s so melancholy and I love how Ian and Ivana delivered their lines in this scene.

Also, soft!Charmaine is EVERYTHING. Her line about the school and the teenagers “bitching” and making out and doing regular teenage thing was just so ... normal, it was honestly startling to think about. That’s the life that the hundred should have had - that they’ll never get now. I love the baby storyline so much (and I never thought I would like a pregnancy storyline but I do) because it humanizes Diyoza in so many ways. 

The music in this scene was gorgeous and matched the tone so well, I honestly started tearing up a little bit don’t @ me. I have a really big feeling that this discussion will come up again - either because we’re going to see this vision completely destroyed, or because we’re going to see it come to fruition. With the space travel theory, I do kind of wonder if we might get an “epilogue” of sorts for the people who stay behind on Eden, where we see Kane and Diyoza’s vision has come true (and maybe they’ll both even be there). It would be like a farewell to the characters who remain on Earth. I think it would be beautiful. (But that’s all assuming that the space travel theory is correct.)

As mildly annoying as it was that Kane literally named Diyoza’s baby for her (wtf Kane???) I did appreciate the symbolic purpose of naming her child “Hope”, especially considering the episode title “Pandora’s Box”, in which hope (aka. Kane/Baby) was the last out of the bunker and then flew away with Eligius. It’s a nice follow up to that little piece of mythology.

In a way, Kane, Abby, and Charmaine are delivering Hope (literally and figuratively) to the people. Which is also why I believe that they may all remain behind in Eden at the end of this season as we see our mains (ie. Clarke, Bellamy, Raven, etc) take off into cryo sleep, officially saying goodbye to all of them forever. (Goddamn I’m already crying and the season finale hasn’t even aired yet? THe fuck)

Also side note to talk about how vindicating it was when Kane was judging Charmaine the entire episode about her damn notebook (”names of the people you killed?” stfu) and it turned out to just be a goddamn list of baby names and defense strategies. Sit the fuck down, Mark.

I present to you: the creepiest fucking shot this show has done. And yet, I really liked it? Showing Cooper’s reactions by shooting through her helmet was a really well done creative choice. It was so trippy and it made her death feel so visceral and real. It honestly kind of sickens me to watch this scene, tbh.

On another note, I cannot BELIEVE how many stomachs Jason has forced me to watch explode this season .. the audacity ...

Emori establishing healthy boundaries is ... EVERYTHING. It’s so important for the writers to have addressed the toxicity in their relationship in this way. 

“Trouble in paradise?” I kind of love that McCreary says this to Memori because it is exactly what Murphy said to Clarke and Finn in 5x06 after the massacre. That’s some sweet kind of karma right there

Everything about Raven and Abby in this episode was absolutely devastating. Lindsey and Paige both killed this scene - the emotions were so real. Lindsey did such an amazing job portraying Raven’s hurt and rage - I could feel her emotions so viscerally. 

“Don’t you talk to me about pain.” If anyone deserves that line, it is Raven. She has been through hell and back and has had to be so strong for so long. I really liked that line.

CLARKE SITTING ON BELLAMY’S BED IN HIS TENT. Man, I would LOVE to see how that scene went askskqisks

Also, Clarke comforting my poor baby just like old times ... *sigh*

Although I have some reservations with the dialogue in this scene, I do appreciate the sentiment. Despite everything that has happened, Bellamy and Clarke still have such an understanding of each other. They forgive so easily - it’s practically second nature at this point. While I hated how Jason Rothenberg-y Bellamy sounded when he called Clarke a “mama bear” it IS nice that he is acknowledging the role that Madi plays in Clarke’s life. I feel like he finally is starting to understand just how crucial she is to Clarke, and recognizing that he felt the same way about Octavia. It gives them something new to connect over. Also, I’ll never turn down Bellarke being soft with each other.

Plus, have you ever seen a softer smile than Clarke Griffin’s? Cause oh boy am I not over that. She looks so fucking bashful when she looks up at Bellamy I can’t deal gotDAMN

“The worms were already loaded in the rover, so. What was Cooper doing there?” Marie’s delivery in this episode was SO good. God, she’s so creepy and she’s Killing It.

“Careful, big brother, or I’ll think you helped her and we’d have enough prisoners to settle this in the ring.” LISTEN. I WANTED THE EVERLARK AU SO FREAKING BAD CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT NEW MEANING THE WORD “TOGETHER” WOULD HAVE HOLY SHIT

But also, Bellamy’s desperate looks/protests were A Lot in this scene. He really can’t fathom losing Clarke again. His and Clarke’s tragic looks towards each other just really fucking hurt - they’ve been here before. And last time, they didn’t see each other for six years. 

“Keep Madi safe. Promise me.” “I promise.”

GOD. CLARKE LITERALLY JUST GAVE HIM FUCKING CUSTODY OF HER CHILD UMMMMM HOW ONE DOES FUNCTION??? She trusts him so much i’mma cry. Also, his called out promise. He sounds so wrecked, but he needs her to know that he will keep Madi safe, needs her to have that comfort, just in case he never sees her again. Don’t Touch Me.

“Did he hurt you?” Protective!Zeke is always a plus but I’d be lying if I said that this scene didn’t immediately remind me of Bellamy asking Clarke the same damn question in 1x10. God, these unintentional Blarke parallels are really coming for my life huh

“Have you ever loved someone so much that no matter what they do to you, or themselves, you take it?” “Mom or dad?” “Mom. Drank herself to death.” I loved that Raven has finally found someone she can open up to. Feels Good, feels Organic. But also this scene came for my LIFE it was so angsty and so good. Raven breaking down absolutely ENDED me (and Zeke comforting her ... someone call 911). I really loved how they made the parallel between Raven’s mom and Abby - it just made the previous scene all the more devastating. So often it feels like the writers on this show forget about these characters backstory and I’m so happy to get these little callbacks every once in awhile.

“The answer is yes.” The fact that Raven and Zeke have this new unexpected thing to relate about is A Lot. I felt this scene deep in my bones. 

Plot twist: Abby dies because she is eaten by Vincent, and her withdrawal symptoms are just a red herring to keep us on our feet. ;)

“So much for The 100.” Hello, favourite line of this episode. Y’all have no idea (NO IDEA) how much it means to me to hear a reference to the heart of this show again, especially from Bellamy. He hasn’t forgotten, but it appears that Miller has. Wow. I felt that one.

“I can’t let you kill Clarke, O.” NO YOU CANNOT

“Here we go again. Pleading for the life of a traitor ... who you love.” DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS LINE HONESTLY Y’ALL ALREADY KNOW WHY IT ENDED ME

BELLAMY’S FUCKING FACE JOURNEY HOLY SHIT. THEY FOCUS ON HIS FACE FOR SO LONG AND YOU CAN JUST SEE - YOU CAN SEE - HIS INTERNAL STRUGGLE. GOD.

I totally overlooked this the first time I watched it but I love how Bellamy tells Octavia that HE made a deal with Diyoza. Clarke has already been sentenced to death and still, he’s protecting her. He won’t let Clarke get hurt for the deal she made - instead, he takes the blame. I just love him a lot fam.

Bob and Marie’s acting in that final scene was SO FREAKING GOOD. Both of them killed it. It was so devastating. 

“My sister, my responsibility.” While I was predicting before that this line would happen if Bellamy had to kill Octavia, the fact that it came back in the same context (with Bellamy having to protect others from Octavia, rather than the other way around) was so perfect. I love when writers take old lines and give them new meanings and that’s exactly what they did with Bellamy’s old mantra. It was so powerful.

AND HE DID IT ALL FOR CLARKE. HE CHOSE FUCKING CLARKE. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY???

So. 

That was a wild ride.

Hope you enjoyed reading my take on 5x08 and my favourite parts! Looking forward to the next episode in a few days. See ya then! 

[pianoandcookiedoughlover]

oof i’m emotional over this new episode of jamie johnson (5x11)

tw // panic attacks

wow.

sorry, i’m actually just . . . really overwhelmed by that episode.

okay, preface: i get panic attacks myself. i haven’t had many and i would by no means call myself a seasoned veteran in them (literally what does that even mean) but watching that scene with boggy towards the end reminded me of some of my past ones and . . . i’m just so glad they told a story like that in this show - i think it could help so many kids, or at the very least, provide awareness.

now, onto the actual episode.

something i thought was really well done in this was the contrast between the build up to boggy’s panic attack (piling on of all these stresses) and when he was actually having it. here, we have startling red lights, abrupt camera changes and dissonant electric guitar playing:

but when he is in the midst of the attack, the lighting has become much duller and less bright, softly waving camera movements (that makes no sense but hopefully you can get what i’m saying) and the muffled noises, as though you’re underwater.

for me, what is really frightening about a panic attack is the loss of sense of reality. you have built up all of these stresses and pressures that have been plaguing you for a while, and when it suddenly culminates, it’s like your world takes on a less tangible form. this is my experience, at the very least. i’m sure everyone goes through slightly different things, but all of them are equally as terrifying and difficult to go through.

i think the production of this really lends itself to this concept, which i really appreciated. the stress is very real and panic inducing, represented by that striking environment that is created at the start of this episode. but as it all becomes too much, that dream-like, intangible state comes in, demonstrated through how that scene was produced. 

it was nice to see zoe stepping up to help boggy not only during the panic attack, but throughout the entire episode. it felt like she was the only one attentive to the fact that he was in a really bad state and was actually trying to listen to him. i’m also glad that they related it to her mom, since we have had a bit of insight into her character and what she has to deal with on a day to day basis.

jamie afterwards saying this:

pissed me off a lot. because he has been a god awful friend - i can’t even call him a friend, to be honest - to boggy. why on earth would boggy trust jamie? jamie’s been berating him, blaming him for his accident, treating him like a slave, and now he’s saying that he’s there for him? yeah, no. and while this is not solely jamie’s fault, he’s an integral factor in it all. not only that, but this is not something you just talk out with your friends and it’s over. boggy needs professional help, and i’m glad they’re promoting that. friends are a good support system, but aren’t a replacement for proper help and shouldn’t be used that way.

unfortunately, the damage has been done, and there’s really nothing that he could’ve said that i think i would’ve been happy with, because he screwed up so much in this entire season with boggy. i did find it interesting that now he’s sort of in a similar position as his dad in taking on the guilt of hurting someone he’s close to. 

i will say that i thought it was good that jamie’s giving boggy space to allow him to get better. and i’m glad to see boggy moving to accepting the fact that even he makes mistakes, and that’s not a bad thing (”not bad for a practice!” after finally opening his a levels and seeing that he passed with a c).

every time boggy talked about how he had to do things right, how everyone expects him to . . . i also felt that. there’s a horrible pressure that comes with fitting in a role like that, in whatever environment. he has to realize that no one expects perfection and that his worth is not based on how perfect he is. what the team appreciates is him trying. i would love it if we got to see him go to a therapist, but with only two episodes left and no mention of him in the next one, i kind of doubt it. hopefully that will be explored further in season 6, because i think it’s a pressure that so many kids struggle with and it’s not even something he can alter with a snap of his fingers. it’s a mindset that approached everything with for so long, it’s going to take a while to turn into a healthier one. it reminds me of what my 9th grade biology teacher would say - take the time to learn things properly, because if you learn things the wrong (or in this case, unhealthy) way, it will take twice as long to learn the correct (healthy) way (she definitely said it better than that, but you get the gist). it’ll be a process, but i really hope we get a complete arc with him and we get to see him move towards a better mental health state.

i think that’s it for this episode . . . oh, wait. right. 

how could i forget about this nightmare?

freddie and eric are being complete clowns and when they were fooling around (NOT like that) during the game i just about lost my shit. they’re being immature as hell, liam egging them on is not a good look (character development? out the window) and alba is now getting punished for them being dumbasses.

(i really liked this shot as well)

and THE DOG. so cute but WHY DOESN’T AISHA’S MOM KEEP HER ON A LEASH???????

essentially i have such distaste for this love triangle we shall speak of it no longer.

i’m glad that we got to see aisha being a queen and flat out rejecting both of them 

what a legend

. . . hey, wait a minute, what’s this?

what the hell is this

anyway

i thought this was a really well produced episode and i thought they handled the panic attack storyline itself (not with the whole jamie thing, i’m still annoyed with him) well. 

guys suck and stan the girls in this show + dillon and boggy and elliott (so just not jamie or any of the u13 boys) for clear skin