#he got a lot of fake people giving him fake love. ok. motherfucker. maybe it was just a fling. he's Like That imo i don't think he'd

[bronte-deserves-better]

Hey @stars-and-splendors! I was your secret santa for the kotlc fandom gift exchange. Sorry this is a little late- I meant to give it to you Christmas day or the day after, but the fic got away from me a little...I hope the wait will have been worth it! 

Without further ado, I present to you: 4.5k words of Keefe and Fitz trying to dance around their feelings for each other, feat. a few moments of shitty parents and some very tired friends/sisters. 

Title: to find what you’re looking for

Summary: 

The war is over. The Neverseen is defeated.

In the new, peaceful world, Keefe and Fitz are attending the Elite Towers, soon to graduate. Yet both of them feel like they're missing something. When Keefe comes up with a scheme to prank their parents, both of their worlds may change forever- with the help of a few exasperated friends and supportive elder gays, of course.

Wordcount: 4514

Warnings: homophobia, internalized homophobia, swearing.

AO3 Link

(Actual fic under the cut)

“Hey. Psst. Fitz.”

Fitz jumped, startled at the voice. “Keefe? Where are you?”

“Over here. Ditching class. Like usual.”

He followed Keefe’s voice to the secluded little hallway that the other boy used for ditching, finding Keefe sprawled out on the bench as usual. “What are you doing here?”

“Ditching class, like I said. What about you, handsome?” Keefe flashed a smirk, which Fitz knew meant he meant that in a joking way. Or, figured, at least.

“Also ditching class.”

“Seriously? That’s not like you, Fitzy.”

Fitz shrugged. “I’m feeling rebellious lately, I guess. It just seems like we’ve all been through so much and yet adults are still trying to tell us what’s good for us, like we weren’t the ones who defeated the Neverseen.”

“Fuck, yeah. That’s definitely. Yeah.” Keefe stared at the ground, suddenly serious. “Everyone’s been like that, huh?”

“Well, not everyone, I guess. Sir Tiergan’s not bad about it, but he fusses so much about me and Sophie.”

“Oh, right, you’re supposed to be in telepathy. Won’t Sophie notice you’re gone?”

“Yeah, but that’s why I’m out here. No one will find me.”

Keefe nodded and patted the bench next to him, straightening up a little. “Come on, there’s room for two.”

“Thanks.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, staring at the white walls of the Level Six wing.

“So,” Keefe said eventually.

“So.”

“You wanna spill about what’s bugging you so much?”

Fitz could feel himself tense, but he forced his muscles to relax a little. Keefe just cared about him because they were friends. Yeah. “I don’t know. I just feel directionless. Like, we defeated the Neverseen and did this whole big thing, and now it’s over. It feels like- no, it is like- I’ve been fighting this war my whole life, Keefe.”

“Cause your dad-“

“Sent me to the Forbidden Cities when I was a child to search for Sophie.”

“Kinda a dick move of him, really.”

“N- Yeah. Yeah, it was a dick move of him.”

Keefe scooted a little closer, and Fitz’s breath caught just a tiny bit. “Hey, I know what it’s like. I mean, my dad never sent me to do illegal shit for him when I was a kid, yeah, but I mean….yeah. Mommy dearest and all. My parents are shit in a different way than your dad, but I get it. So I guess what I’m trying to say is…I’m here for you, and I know that sounds 100% cheesy but I really do mean it.”

“Oh. I mean, thank you. I should probably tell you I’m here for you too, since that really is true as well.” Fitz’s brain was not functioning, he decided.

“Ah, I knew that. You all told me so much back when mommy dearest was fucking up my life. Still, I appreciate it.”

“It’s always been true. Even when we were fighting over Sophie.”

Keefe snorted. “That was weird, honestly. Like, it was so obvious from the start that she wasn’t straight. Must’ve been pretty wild for you when she ended up with your sister, though.”

Fitz shrugged. “I had been over her for a while.” And questioning his sexuality, but he wasn’t going to tell Keefe that. Backers didn’t do that. Vackers weren’t gay- well, except Biana. But that was okay, Fitz knew she wasn’t any worse for it. Still, it wasn’t like he was gay.

“Fitzy boi, you with me?”

“Yeah sorry. Got lost in thought. What were you saying?”

Keefe grinned. “Well, I was saying that on the topic of shitty parents and gayness, I have an excellent way to piss off both our parents.”

“Go on?” Fitz was pretty sure Keefe’s plan would be ridiculously over the top and hilarious, but he was pretty ready to go along with whatever.

“Right, so, you know how there’s an end of year ball for Elite Tower students? Cause we have to be ready for the nobility and all? What if we went together?”

“Are you asking me out?” Fitz blurted.

“Ah, I wish. Nah, I’m asking if you’ll be my fake date to a ball so my dad will have a heart attack. If you’re okay with that, that is. Like, no pressure.” Keefe suddenly looked shy, and Fitz could hardly refuse that look. Besides, it would be fun to give his and Keefe’s dads a collective heart attack.

“Okay, I’m in.”

-

The next two weeks were spent plotting and planning as to how they would pull this off, with Sophie and Biana as their enthusiastic wingwomen.

“Okay, so, Biana’s already planning you guys’ outfits,” Sophie told Keefe as she walked back into her room at Havenfield, where Keefe was currently visiting.

“Tell her to make me look fabulous,” Keefe declared with a great deal of drama, doing his best to flop back onto the bed.

“I will, trust me. But I wanted to ask you about some other stuff related to this, since the Vackers are outfit shopping and you know I don’t do that.”

“Ok, fire away.”

“One, are you asking Fitz to this thing to piss off your dad or because you have a crush on him? Two, how dramatic should your prom-posal be?”

“As dramatic as possible.” Keefe hoped against hope Sophie would forget about her first question. “Like, we’ve got to be extra about it.”

“Ok. And about my first question?”

“I....I’m doing this for a lot of reasons. One, Fitzy boi needs to lighten up a bit. Two, I love him. Three, I would kill to see my dads expression when he finds out.”

“I kinda figured.”

“I’m that obvious? Guess I’ve upped my flirting game.” He shot a wink to Sophie, who just sighed.

“Keefe, you’re never as subtle as you think you are.”

“Damnit.”

“Yeah. Apparently your lack of subtly is only matched by my obliviousness.”

“Well, thankfully for me, Fitz is just as oblivious as you.”

Sophie sighed. “He’s going to find out someday. I did, you know.”

“Well I’ll make sure that day is far away, because he’s way out of my league.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Nopity nope nope. You two deserve each other, and I mean that in a good way.”

“Stop being so nice,” Keefe whined.

“No can do. Now let’s plan how you’re going to dramatically ask him to elf prom.”

-

The ‘promposal’, as Sophie had deemed it, took place in the atrium of the Gold Tower. They had agreed that Keefe would do the asking, since Sophie was far more interested in arranging a dramatic proposition, and Biana was far more interested in making sure that the two boys would look fantastic for the party. So all Fitz had to do was hang around and wait for his best friend to show up.

Thankfully, Keefe didn’t keep him waiting long, sweeping into the room like he owned the place. Maybe he did own Foxfire, really, the gorgeous boy who could charm people with a wink. He was certainly charming Fitz, not that Fitz was going to tell him that.

“Hello, my dearest Fitz!”

“Hey, Keefe.”

“I have a question of utmost importance for you.” By now, Keefe had come close enough that Fitz could see a hint of a blush staining the other’s pale cheeks.

“Oh, go on?”

“Wellllll.” Keefe dragged out the word, fidgeting with something behind his back, which he whipped out to reveal a gorgeous bouquet with flowers of silver, gold, and elegant teal. “Will you be my date to the end of year ball?”

This is staged. This is all staged. He’s not really interested in you, Fitz reminded himself. Still, he must have sounded a little breathless when he replied. “Yes, I would love to.”

“Well then I shall await you at the bottom of the staircase two weeks from now!” Keefe bowed dramatically and handed him the flower arrangement.

“I’ll be there,” Fitz promised quietly, flowers tickling his chin and Keefe’s grin making his cheeks heat.

“Oh, wonderful.” Keefe smirked again and practically danced away as the rest of the prodigies stared at the two of them.

-

“I hear you caused quite the scene today.”

Keefe jumped, looking around and then finally down to see who had said that. “Oh, hi, Councillor Grumpypants. What are you doing here?”

Bronte glared at him without much real anger. “Sophie and I’s session is in this tower, remember? I’m just waiting on this landing because someone’s using our classroom right now.”

“Right, gotcha.” Keefe fiddled with the hem of his tunic, trying not to seem too nervous. “Do you disapprove of scene-causing? Seems like a pretty old and grumpy thing to do.”

“Ha ha. I might have few qualms about distracting other prodigies, but I see no harm in you asking Fitz to the end of year ball. Honestly, it doesn’t seem all that surprising that you did.”

“Do I vibe as that gay?”

“I have no idea what you mean by vibe, but yes, I assumed you were queer.”

Keefe snorted. “Okay, so even the old people think I’m hopelessly in love with my best friend.”

“Well, not exactly all that,” Bronte said dryly, “But as the…how did Zarina put it? ‘Gayest motherfucker on the Council’, I know a baby queer when I see one.”

“Gayest motherfucker on the Council…that’s fabulous.”

“Indeed. Now I have a session to get to, and I’m sure you do too, but…good luck with your date.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m sure it will go well, and trust me, Leto will shut down anyone who tries to give you shit for it pretty damn quickly.”

“Good to know.” Keefe watched the older elf hurry away and up the stairs, muttering under his breath about ‘need to get an actual timepiece one of these days’. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all…

-

Fitz was pretty sure both Sophie and Sir Tiergan could tell he wasn’t actually concentrating that day in telepathy, too busy thinking about teal-and-silver flowers and Keefe’s little blush. Could Keefe really like him like that? Why did he even want Keefe to like him like that?

Sophie didn’t seem to mind, just sending him a few knowing looks, although Tiergan seemed vaguely worried. “Fitz, are you with us?”

“Oh, yeah! Sorry, Sir Tiergan.”

“There’s really no need to call me sir,” Tiergan sighed, for about the thousandth time since Sophie and Fitz had started telepathy sessions together. “Really. And no need to apologize either, you just seem a little distant today.”

“Probably got a lot on his mind,” Sophie spoke up, nudging Fitz gently. “I know I’d have a lot on my mind if someone brought me flowers and asked me to a ball.”

“Ah, yes. Do try to concentrate on your telepathy, but I can understand that.” Tiergan shot Fitz a gentle smile, and Fitz ducked his head and nodded. 

The session went by fast enough, and before Fitz knew it, the session was over and Tiergan was asking him to stay back. “Not for long, I don’t want to make you later, but I figured I’d check in.”

“O- okay.”

“See you, Fitz!” Sophie called. “I’m going to go tease our lovely friend about how blushy he gets around you!”

“Bye,” Fitz called, and Tiergan smiled again.

“I was actually going to talk to you about that ‘lovely friend’, assuming that’s Keefe?”

Fitz stared at the slightly shorter elf, debating what to say. “Yeah- yeah, that’s him.”

“I guessed so.” Tiergan fiddled with his sleeves for a moment, seeming uncharacteristically hesitant. “I wanted to tell you that you two are very brave for this- it’s not unheard of, but it will be a shock. That, and I hope it will be somewhat easier for you than it was for me when I was your age.”

“You’re-“

“Have you seen the way I look at Leto?”

Fitz had to admit that was a fair point. “I guess I should have known earlier, but I didn’t want to assume.”

“Very polite of you, but I would find it more than fair to assume my queerness based off my general demeanor,” Tiergan said wryly. “Anyways, to bring us back around to our original topic of conversation, I also wanted to let you know that you have Leto and I’s full support. If anyone gives you shit for this, I want you to tell me and I will ensure they don’t get away with it.”

“Benefits of having the principal for a boyfriend,” Fitz muttered before he could think to stop himself, and then clapped a hand over his mouth. “I’m so sorry, I’ve been hanging out with Keefe too much.”

Tiergan flushed lightly. “No, no, you’re right. Though I will say, Leto has spent a long time trying to protect students who are cast out or fall through the cracks. Now that he’s in a position of power, neither of us have qualms about using it to help any student who could use it. So please, come to me or Leto if you need anything, or anyone bothers you. And I’m not saying that because I pity you or anything of the sort, but because I wish some adult had told me this when I was your age.”

“Oh.”

The older elf smiled sadly. “Indeed. But now I get to make sure the next generation has it better than I did, and that’s something.”

Fitz nodded. “I think that’s a really kind thing.”

“Thank you. It’s really the bare minimum of what I could do, but…somehow I never find the time to help out as much as I would like.” Tiergan glanced at the clock. “Anyways, I’m making you late for your next session, so hurry on your way. You can tell your mentor I kept you late and to take it up with me if they’ve got a problem.”

“Okay!” Maybe this wasn’t such a terrible plan after all…

-

The end-of-year-ball was approaching quickly, and Keefe’s nerves grew as quickly as the days between now and then passed. Which was very quickly, what with finals coming up. Fitz and Keefe were studying for them together, of course, which made for a lot of late nights in each of their rooms in the Silver Tower, laughing, talking, and pretending to quiz each other on the material but not getting far without getting distracted. Fitz was always beautiful, Keefe thought, but perhaps the most lovely when he was sitting in the cozy room, laughing at some silly thing Keefe had said or brandishing flashcards mock-sternly. His eyes shone a little in the silvery lighting, and his hair fell across his face cutely, and Keefe might have been a tiny bit in love. Just a bit.

So they kept hanging out together, one night after another. Sometimes they talked about fun things like baking or pranking, sometimes they talked about serious things like the past or the Black Swan, and (rarely) they studied. And before they knew it, they had passed all their finals and it was time for a ball.

-

Fitz fiddled with the clasp of his cape one last time as Biana put the final touches on his hairstyle. “Are you sure this is good enough?”

“Please, I know good fashion when I see it.” His sister flipped her hair, and then shot him a reassuring smile. “Keefe will pass the fuck out, in a good way. And all the stuffy nobles will think you look fabulous right before you dance with one of their sons.”

“How do you pass out in a good way?”

“I mean that you’ll knock everyone dead. Boys. Honestly.”

Biana turned him around to look at himself in the mirror, and Fitz did have to admit that she’d done a good job. He was wearing an elegant tunic in a shade of medium blue, nearly cobalt, and a much darker jerkin over that which faded from green to blue with elegant silver embroidery over it. His cape followed a similar color scheme, and it fit perfectly, falling around his shoulders and down to the ground, where the hem was also embroidered with silver and tiny flecks of lumenite. Biana had styled his hair slightly asymmetrical, more so than he would usually wear it, and sprinkled tiny bits of silver across that too. He didn’t know if he was drop-dead gorgeous per se, but it was an outfit he could feel confident in.

“Okay, you did a good job,” Fitz admitted.

“Of course I did. Now get on down there and knock them dead.”

His nerves only increased as he descended the staircase, despite his endless repetitions of ‘it’s not a real date’. It didn’t matter how much he said that, the fluttery feeling in his stomach about Keefe seeing him all dressed up was not going away.

When he reached the bottom, Keefe was already standing there, and Fitz momentarily forgot how to breathe. The other boy’s equally intricate ice blue jerkin matched his eyes perfectly, and his blonde hair had little bits of pure gold braided into the parts that were long enough to do small braids on. The rest was artfully messed as ever, but in the sort of way that made you think Keefe had spent a long time getting it perfect. His silvery boots made a click click noise on the silver floor as he stepped to greet Fitz, and Fitz had to blink a few times to get his mouth to work again.

“Hey there, Fitzy boi.”

“Hey.” It was a pitiful greeting, but it was the best he could really manage at the particular moment. “You look…really incredible.”

“And you’re as stunning as ever.” Keefe’s grin seemed less confident than usual, a hint of genuine shyness behind it as Keefe ducked his head a little.

“Flatterer.”

“Only the right level of flattery for you.” Keefe extended his arm. “Shall we go?”

Still barely breathing, Fitz took his arm as they headed for the Leapmaster.

-

Fitz was stunning. Beyond stunning. He was some entirely new level of gorgeous that Keefe would have to invent a word for when his brain started working again, which he doubted would be anytime soon given Fitz’s close proximity to him. Standing at the bottom of that staircase, all dressed up in his finery, he had truly looked like an heir to the Vacker Legacy, but he was so much more than that. Whether he’d been born a Vacker or into the least-well off Talentless family, Fitz would always have been kind, unique, handsome Fitz, and Keefe would have loved him just the same. Keefe doubted the courage and strength that Fitz always carried with him would be any different had he been born to a different family, doubted there was any universe in which Fitz wasn’t his gorgeous, fierce self.

He managed to concentrate enough to get them safely to the ballroom, although if he hadn’t, he had no doubt Fitz would have more than made up for it with his ridiculously strong concentration. Speaking of strength, Fitz was gripping Keefe’s hand tightly as they arrived, and Keefe squeezed back gently, staring over the crowded ballroom.

Tonight, nobles, parents, and Elite Tower students all mingled, a preparation for balls and parties that the Elite Tower students would likely attend later in life. It was a much looked-forward-to event. And Keefe and Fitz, two male prodigies, would be attending it together, which was an extremely rare occurrence. In fact, Keefe could already see people staring at them in their position on the landing.

He squeezed Fitz’s hand again. “Let’s go down to the dance floor, shall we?”

Fitz nodded shakily, and they descended the staircase arm in arm. The staring only increased, but if Keefe pretended that it was just girls staring at him in Level Four because they thought he was hot again, he could mostly ignore it.

What was harder to ignore were the furious parents sweeping over to them.

“Keefe, I can’t believe you would disgrace the family like this-“

“So good to see you with your friend, Fitz.” Alden looked like he was speaking through gritted teeth. Keefe would have liked to punch those teeth right out of his mouth.

“I know, Keefe is a wonderful boyfriend.” Fitz’s voice was calm, but electric blue spirals of fear drifted through Keefe’s emotional ‘vision’.

Before Alden had a chance to say anything further, Della lightly tugged his arm. “Let’s go say hi to the Glixina family, darling.” She shot them a tiny smile, prompting a wave of soft purple relief from Fitz as Alden allow himself to be dragged off.

Unfortunately for Keefe, Cassius was not so easily dissuaded. “Really, Keefe. Parading around with boys on your arm-“

“I make my own choices,” Keefe muttered.

“And is one of them this?”

Keefe forced himself to look up and smirk. “Nah, I didn’t choose to fall in love with him. Just to ask him out.”

Cassius sputtered more, but before he could gather the coherence to say anything, Tiergan had come sweeping over with all the frozen grace of a swan. “Excuse me, Lord Sencen. My dear friend Leto would like a word with you about your son. I’m sure you understand that some matters are very important.”

“Well, Sir Tiergan, I’m in the middle of speaking to said son currently.”

“This truly cannot wait. Please, follow me.” Tiergan swept away again, practically dragging Cassius in his wake.

Sorry about that, Tiergan’s voice echoed in Keefe’s head. Leto will thoroughly lecture him about all this, I promise. And you don’t have to talk to him anymore tonight if you don’t want to, we arranged the ball and we can keep him away from you.

Keefe startled, squeezing Fitz’s hand. “Fitz-“

“Yeah?”

“Can you transmit something to Tiergan? He just told me that he’d keep my dad away from us, I want to thank him.”

Fitz flashed a tiny, hesitant smile. “As you wish.” He closed his (stunning, lovely) eyes briefly, and then blinked them open again. “Sent. He says ‘of course, let me know if you need anything else’.”

“Thanks, Fitzy boi.” Keefe offered a grin of his own. “Now that the parents are out of the way…may I have this dance?”

“Of course.”

The dance steps were familiar, and that was lucky, since Keefe wasn’t exactly paying good attention to what he was doing. Not after everything that had just happened- and not when Fitz had a hand on his waist. Elven music wasn’t as good to lose yourself in as the human music Sophie had showed him, but Keefe found it pretty easy to get lost just focusing on Fitz. The music swirled around them, and the floor was steady under their feet, and even the stares of others weren’t so noticeable when it was just the two of them dancing together. One step. Another. Always in rhythm. Keefe wondered a little if this was what it was like for Cognates, if their minds synced the way dance partners who knew each other well did. He had to admit to a little jealousy that he would never know what the kind of bond felt like, but…hey. It was pretty okay to be an empath, especially since he could see Fitz’s bubbling pink-and-blue happiness float through the air. It might have been a difficult, nerve-wracking entrance, but Fitz was happy to be dancing with Keefe and that was all Keefe could really ask for. Although…Keefe frowned at the slight mist of green sorrow hanging around the other, tempering his joy and keeping the bubbles from floating as far as they should have.

“Hey, Fitz.”

“Yeah?”

“You good?”

“Yeah- yeah, I am.”

They took another few steps in silence.

“Hey, Keefe?”

“Yeah?”

Fitz sucked in a slow breath, and a few lines of tension pulled around his form. “When you told your dad that you had fallen in love with me…”

Shit. “Yeah?”

“Your heart didn’t skip any beats.”

It was Keefe’s turn to suck in a breath and try to find something, anything to say in reply to that. “Maybe- I mean, I was mostly trying to piss him off.” He could feel his treacherous heart skip one-two-three this time.

“I felt your heart skip that time.”

“Okay, so….maybe I liked you. A little. Or a lot. And maybe I think you’re handsome and brave and kind and all that, and maybe I asked you to the ball partially because my dad would be mad but partially because I just wanted to be with you but you’re Fitz fucking Vacker and I’ve never had a chance-“ Keefe forced himself to take a breath and a step back from Fitz, unable to bear feeling the other’s emotions as well as his own right now.

“Keefe, wait, I-“ Fitz reached out a hand, and then pulled it back. “I love you too. And I think you should know that because no matter how much better you think I am than you, or whatever, you’re always going to be the guy who pulled me out of my shy little shell as a kid and then kept doing it, over and over and over. You’re always going to be the guy who stuck with me even when I was a major jerk, the guy who helped pull me out of my shell again and realize I wasn’t as straight as everyone thought. And more than that, you’re Keefe. I know you think that’s a bad thing, but it’s not. It’s the highest compliment I could give.”

People were staring at them again.

Keefe barely noticed. “Give me your hand.”

“As you wish.” Fitz held out his hand, and Keefe pushed his empathy out to the other. A little hint of fear, of nervousness… lingering joy from the moments before, and beneath that, glowing golden hope. No guilt, no shame. Nothing to make him think Fitz was in any way lying even if what the other boy had just said seemed too good to be true.

“You really- you really love me like that?”

“Yeah.” Fitz laughed, a little sadly. “It took me forever to notice, but I should have known the day you asked if we could go to the ball together. Or before that, even.”

“Well I fucking love you too. Have since we were young, really, but Sophie fucked with my brain and I didn’t see it until you and Sophie broke up. I thought I was jealous of you, but...all this time, I’ve been jealous of her.”

Fitz’s smile was so, so gentle. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.”

“And I’m sorry I didn’t just ask you out the day I suggested this whole fake dating,” Keefe joked. “Seriously, you took your time, but…that’s okay. I was willing to wait.”

And the gorgeous teal-eyed boy who Keefe was starting to realize might be his reached out a hand to cup Keefe’s cheek. “Do you mind if I kiss you?”

“What a scandal it’ll be.” Keefe wasn’t sure he was actually breathing. “But no, I don’t mind.”

So Fitz kissed him in front of the entire goddamn ballroom, and Keefe couldn’t have been happier.

[brown-bi-beautiful]

Give Me Some Sugar

Steve Rogers AU

Series Masterlist

Sugardaddy! Steve Rogers x Sugarbaby! Reader.

Summary: When young Y/n gets fired from one of her jobs she struggles to make enough money for college loans and Bills, that’s when she meets Steve. What Steve is looking for isn’t exactly a relationship, he just wants someone to look pretty in his arms and take care of his needs without asking many questions about his job.

Series Warnings: Salty reader, age gap, Sugardaddy, and Sugarbaby relationship and all the chaos that comes with it, SMUT (Obviously. Don’t try to tell me you didn’t see that coming, Karen.), asshole people (Yup that’s a warning.), language more will be added later to the chapters.

Characters (as per the chapter): Y/n (Duh), Steve Rogers (Duh again), Kyle (OMC), Sharon Carter, Wanda Maximoff.

Words: 2.9k

Chapter Warning: Language. That’s pretty much it.

CHAPTER ONE

You were happy. Your life was finally on track. You had two jobs that paid enough for your bills and if you keep working just a few more months and you will be able to pay back all of your college loans with interest. You finally got enough courage to stand up to your asshole boyfriend and broke up with him. And to top it all off it was your 21st birthday. It was the best day of your life right? Wrong. As soon as the words fell from your colleague's mouth that “Ed is calling you to his office.” You knew what it was about. All the smiles drained from your face. He didn’t call you this morning to ask you to take the day shift, he called you to fire you. But you went to his office anyway with that little hope in your heart that maybe, just maybe he was calling you to give you a birthday bonus and not to fire you. But knowing the cheap motherfucker he is, that’s probably not gonna happen.

“Ed, you called?” You asked as you poked your head inside after giving two knocks. You were trying so hard to keep it all together and not to burst out with tears already.

“Y/n.....Hey, first of all, happy birthday.” He said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes

“So, you remember my birthday?” You asked. Maybe he wasn’t actually going to fire you. You told your inner self to not get her hopes up.

“Yeah, Chloe reminded me when she saw your friend’s post on Instagram.” He said, making it clear that you were not important enough to remember your birthday. “Look I’m not gonna spin my words and make things complicated, I’m just gonna come straight with this OK? I’m sorry to do this on your birthday but the restaurant is not doing as great as it was a few weeks ago.” You wanted to call on his bullshit, you knew the restaurant was doing just fine, even better you would say, but you decided to stay quiet. “It was a hard decision to make.” Again bullshit, he hated your guts for some reason, if anything he jumped on the opportunity to fire you. “We discussed it for a whole week and decided that we have to let you go. Since you are the one who needs this job the least as you already have another one.” So that was the actual reason. 

You wanted to scream at him and throw your shoe at him and insult him and call him an asshole but then you reminded yourself that you were 21 now, You have to act mature. So you just smiled at him and gave him a nod. You have to say he was pretty surprised at your reaction, he didn’t expect you to act so maturely, after all, you were a little famous for throwing tantrums. 

“We’ll miss you,” Chloe added and you gave her a smile, she actually was a pretty sweet girl, you had no idea how did she put up with this asshole.

“I’ll miss you guys too.” You said and walked back to the locker room. You took off the restaurant’s black and purple hideous t-shirt and put on the shirt you wore this morning. “Did he actually fire you?” A voice said behind you and you turn to look at one of your good friends Kyle. As soon as you looked at him a single tear left your eyes. You nodded your head and he wrapped his arms around you. “It’s my birthday.” You sniffed against his chest. 

“I know. Hey, it's okay. You’ll definitely find a better one I promise.” He said with a comfortable tone and stroked your hair. You nodded with a small smile. “What did you say to him?” He asked.

“Nothing, I don’t wanna act like an immature baby and throw tantrums at him. I took it like a big girl.”

“Huh.. now that’s new. How about you be immature just one more time.”  He said and you gave him a confused look. “He’s a big asshole for firing you, you know? Even bigger for doing it on your birthday, so how about you tell him what big of an asshole he is before you go.” He explained and a smirk made its way on your lips. You took your purse and stormed to the middle of the restaurant.

“Hey, Ed.” You called out and everyone turned to look at you when Ed made his way out of his office you started talking again. “You know you’re an asshole right? You’re a jealous asshole who can’t stand his colleagues when they start earning more than him so he fires them on their birthday, but you know what fuck you and your shitty restaurant and I’m gonna find a better job where the boss is not a dick. And stop sending dick pics to your employees you fucking pervert.” His face turned red as you revealed his dirty little secret in front of the whole restaurant. Kyle winked at you as you throw up both of your middle fingers and walked out of the restaurant.

*******

“You actually said that?” Wanda asked as you continued sobbing and nodded your head. “Did he ever send you any?” She asked.

“No, but he d-did to some of my friends.” You said between sobs and rub your nose in the hanky that Wanda gave you.

“Oh my god, is she still crying?” Sharon said as she walked into the apartment and took off her shoe. “I left an hour ago, y/n, you can’t be still crying.” She said and sat beside you. “I can’t help it.” You said between the sobs again. As soon as you left the restaurant you came to the apartment that the two of your best friends shared. And you started crying as soon as Wanda asked you what happened. Sharon instantly volunteered to go out and bring some of your favorite food to calm you down. “Here, I got your favorite ice cream.” She said pulling out a big tub of mint chocolate chip and you instantly stopped crying and pulled her in a bear hug. You have no idea what would you ever do without these two here. 

After the three of you finished the whole tub of ice cream and Three full movies of twilight it was 6 in the evening. You were in a better mood again. 

“I hate that movie,” Wanda stated as she licked the remaining of her bowl. 

“Yeah, me too.” You said snuggling closer to Sharon.

“Yeah, twilight sucks.......why were we watching it again?” Sharon asked.

“Because we like to say we hate it but we love to hate it.” You said and they nodded their head like you made total sense. 

“Ok, Get up, both of you. Get ready. We need to leave at 11.” Sharon said as she pulled away from the comforter from you and Wanda and gestured for you to get up.

“Where are we going?” You asked with a confused eyebrow.

“It’s your 21st birthday and we are not gonna waste it. We’re going to a club and we are gonna look hot and we are gonna drink a lot of alcohol.” Sharon said firmly.

“Sharon I don’t think so, I mean, I just lost my job and-”

“So? you’re gonna get another one. You can’t just sit here like a fucking sloth till then.” She said and Wanda nodded along as both of them stood in front of you with their hands on their hips. 

“I don’t have anything here.” You said.

“Wear something mine.” Wanda suggested and your eyes lit up “Except for the red dress.” She said when she saw your smirk.

“Come on.”

“You can have my whole closet but that dress.”

“But It's my birthday.” You pouted with puppy dog eyes. No one, no one can resist your puppy dog eyes. So that’s why four and half hours later you were standing in front of Wanda’s trailer giving the final touch to your make-up. The said red dress was hugging your every curve like it was tailored specially for you. The hem landed on your mid-thigh, the plunging neckline was showing more than enough amount of your cleavage, the back was made of four strings. She gave you her black pumps which were a little too higher than your usual shoes. Your hairs were curled perfectly by her. Wanda gleamed at you as she admired her work.

“God, you’re gonna turn some head.” Sharon complimented as she walked in and as always she was looking wonderful. She was wearing a dark blue halter neck dress and Wanda was wearing the same dress as yours but in black. 

The cab was in front of their apartment in fifteen minutes. There was no doubt that clubs in New York were great but they were even greater when your friend’s bouncer friend is on door duty so as soon as the three of you arrived, Wanda smiled at the man standing on the gate and he let you in instantly making the people in the long line behind you groan out in frustration.

Sharon pulled both of you to the floor as soon as you entered the club, the music was so loud that you forgot about your shitty day completely. “Shots?” Wanda asked after a song and you nodded. You kept swaying your hips as you reached the bar. “Kamikaze. three each.” You said to the bartender and he started making your drinks with a smile on his face which you could bet was fake.

He lined up the shots in front of you and the three of you took ‘em within ten seconds. “More,” Sharon yelled and he lined up three more. After drinking five shots each, three of you got back to the floor.

After what felt like hours Wanda tucked on your arm and said.  “Look at those guys, they are hot,” Wanda said pointed at a group of businessmen sitting around a table who looked too rich to be here. They were definitely a lot older than the three of you. Your eyes instantly met with the blond man with the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen. He was already looking at you with an unreadable look on his face. “I called dibs on the blonde, He’s hot,” Sharon said as she looked at the said man who was already looking at you. You felt a slight punch of jealousy in your chest as she eyed him up, or maybe it was just the alcohol. 

“Ok, my legs are gonna give out, I’m gonna take a seat,” Sharon said as she moved to the other corner of the club. “Yeah, me too. You coming?”  Wanda asked you and you shook your head, not taking your eyes off the blond man. 

You don’t know what came over you but you bit your lips and started dancing more sensually than you ever did before, your hands roaming over your own body. He looked like he was enjoying the show way too much, you were pretty sure you could see his boner if it wasn’t so dark. He smirked at you as you swayed your hips.

The little bit of conscience that was left in you was telling you to stop it, that it wasn’t you. You were not like this. But you shut it off and kept dancing. Giving him a show.  

A hand tapped on your shoulder and you came to face with a very familiar face and your eyes lit up. “Kyle.” You exclaimed and jumped into his arm. He hugged you tightly and pulled you up from the ground. “What are you doing here?” You asked.

“Sharon invited me.” He replied. Kyle has a crush on Sharon ever since you have introduced the two of them. He made you promise him that you will never tell her anything about it, you have told him so many times to just ask her out but he keeps saying she’s way out of his league. 

“I didn’t know you would want to hang out with three girls on a Saturday night otherwise I would have asked you to come myself.” You said as you leaned into him due to the loud music, his hands were firmly rested on your waist in a friendly manner but it was enough to make the blond man across the room slightly jealous.

“Well, it wasn’t my plan either, I was gonna do some bowling with my brothers but then Sharon called, and you know I can’t say no to that woman.” He said making you laugh. “I’m gonna go say Hi to her and Wanda and then we’re gonna do some shots OK?” He said loudly over the music and you nodded before pushing him where Sharon and Wanda are sitting. 

You turn around to look for your hot stranger again but much to your dismay he was not sitting there anymore. You frowned as your eyes searched the crowd looking for the blond man who has caught your eyes.

“You looking for someone?” said a husky voice behind you as hot breath ran down your spine. You spun around so quickly that you almost lost your balance but before you could fall your stranger stretched his arm and grabbed you by your waist. “Careful, sweetheart, wouldn’t want that beautiful face to have a scratch on it.” He said as he pulled you close to him and started dancing with you. His grip on your waist was hard, it made you wonder how his strong hands would feel on other parts of your body. You subconsciously started grinding on him and he growled in your ear before grabbing a handful of your ass making you moan out at his sudden action. 

In quick action, he turned you around and pulled you to his chest. His hard member was pressed up against your ass and you ground on it. His hands holding your waist roughly. he leaned down to press his lips against your ear and said “That was a nice show you put up for me, does your boyfriend knows you are dancing for a strange man like that?” he asked.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” you replied as you pressed your head against his chest. God, he was so strong and manly, so different from all the boys you’ve been with. They were just that, boys, but he was a man and you’ve always craved a man.  

“Good, ‘cause once I like something, I hate to share it with someone else.”  He said making your heart flutter. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” You couldn’t help but ask.

“Next time, Doll.” He said as he leaned down to kiss your neck before walking away from you. You turned to see as he walked away from you, his eyes didn’t leave yours till he disappeared into the crowd. Leaving you there, craving for more. Your heart became heavy with disappointment.

But he had said ‘next time. Did he actually mean something by it or was he just letting you down easy, so that the rejection wouldn’t hurt much? But he also said he liked you. Before your mind could overthink the whole situation your friends walked up to you. 

“Where have you been lost, girl. We’ve been calling for you.” Kyle said and you turned to look at the three of them. “Huh?” was all that left your mouth.

“Let’s do more shots,” Wanda yelled over the crowd making you laugh at her enthusiasm. “I’m good you guys go.” You said.

“Partypooper.“ Sharon said.

“You promised me,” Kyle said.

“But-”

“No buts, let’s go.” Sharon dragged you to the bar. After a few more drinks you guys were ready to go home. You pulled out your card to give it to the bartender to pay for the drinks but he shook his head making you frown.

“Your tab’s been paid for.” the bartender told you.

“What? Who paid for it?” 

“A very generous gentleman. I don’t know his name but he was very blond, said he knew you.” The bartender said and you knew exactly who he was talking about. Why would he reject me and then pay for our drinks? You thought.

“Woah Alex has a secret admirer!” Wanda exclaimed making Sharon and Kyle laugh. A blush made its way on your face but you reminded yourself you have to pay him back. You can’t let a random stranger pay for your shit.

“How much he gave you?” You asked.

“A thousand dollars said it would cover you for the night and the rest was a tip.” He said making your eyes wide like a saucer, not just yours your friends’ too.

A thousand fucking dollars!? that’s more than I have in my account right now. how am I supposed to pay him back?

“Woah, he was generous,” said Sharon.

After that Sharon and Wanda took a cab home and Kyle dropped you at your sister’s house where you were leaving. When you got inside Your sister, her husband and their kids were already sleeping. You went to your room as quietly as you can. You quickly took off your dress, did your night routine, and fell on the bed. You couldn’t stop thinking about the blue-eyed stranger the whole night, even as you slept he was on your mind.

*******

CHAPTER TWO

A/N: This chapter was more like a prologue, the main thing starts from the next one. Like if you like the chapter if there’s something you didn’t like feel free to tell me in the comments or in the asks, If you want to be tagged send me and ask.

Taglist:

@godspeedlover​

@captainchrisstan​

@organisationiskey-posts

@literaturefeen​

[zwiezraczek]

Hello:) can I make a request about warren and the reader (you can choose her mutation) where they like each other but he denies it and everybody teases warren about it but then he snaps(?) and says mean/rude things about her and maybe she’s right there and he doesn’t realize it. Like super angsty but some fluff at the end pleasee (ik this is too specific so hopefully you can make it, and I knoww you can do angst so good, but if you don’t want to do it is ok)💖 :D

We're Not Friends [Request]

Note: I got SO SO SO carried away with this one, like... I love writing Warren, I just love the character in general! He's... I love it! It's never too specific, it always helps me to have some guidance! And well... Angst's my jam I guess! XP I hope you'll like what I wrote :D nonnie!!! 💕

~~~

You were late. Extremely late. Fashionably late. Tastefully late. Your boss wouldn't be happy about it, you knew it so you got a wriggle up. Friday nights were always so hectic for you: you had to run from university directly to the mutants bar, for the greatest fights of the week. Stars seemed to hate you, they aligned like this in order to be a pain in your ass and you hated it.

The bar was already full when you walked in and made your way towards the fighter's lockers. You had about ten minutes to make yourself ready for the show you had to put on that night. Ten minutes to secure your body and to put a nice leather jacket on. Should be enough. You pushed the door and bumped into a wide chest. You began to babble some lame excuses before looking up. Warren. Obviously.

“Was about to see if you weren't eaten by someone outside,” he joked and you rolled your eyes before pushing him aside a bit in order to enter the room.

“I'm not tasteful,” you replied as you made your way towards the bench on which you threw your bag with everything you needed for tonight.

“Yeah, tell that to this big guy,” Warren's friend – whom you haven't noticed at all when entering the room – said as he tilted his head towards Warren.

“Very funny,” he grunted and closed the door behind him before coming back to his spot to end his preparation for the night.

You never knew what to expect from Warren. Well, you mostly knew that he was able to show up at your university's library when you were working on an assignment and gather all of your books to take you to the cinema, or to sit next to you during some of your classes – sleeping most of the time – just because he had nothing to do. And whenever he wasn't trying to sneak into your university, he would encourage you to practice for the fights or go with you into a coffee shop.

You smiled when you remembered how much you hated each other's attitudes at the very beginning, when you joined the bar's crew. You were cheeky, and so was he. Both of you tried to out speak each other until you understood that you shared a common passion: literature. You shared a love for a French author, Boris Vian, and his books. You were fond of these and that made you stay for the first time, after work, at the bar discussing about the books he had written.

“Hey, Worthington, you'll let her win today too?” another guy asked him and you looked at him after putting a black t-shirt on. He groaned before rolling his eyes and looked at you tying up your hair for the fights of tonight.

“Shut up,” he snapped without even looking at the man as he put his leather jacket on.

“Yeah, shut up,” you added as you were bandaging your hands now. “I'm just too powerful for him, he never lets me win: I win,” you teased him as you stuck out your tongue.

“We'll see whose hands will be bruised tonight,” he warned you with a smirk, a smirk his friend noticed – not for the first time he had to admit it.

“Be careful birdy, or I'll pluck your feathers out.”

“Sure thing. We see each other in the cage, sandwoman.”

“As every night, birdy.”

~~~

He had trained well to avoid your eyes during the fight, because he knew. He knew that if his eyes would meet yours, he would be screwed. You were called the Illusionist for a reason, this reason being your eyes plunging your opponent in a deep sleep, a beautiful dream full of torture which made them twist with pain if you wanted. And you still remembered how confidently Warren flew towards you, with the intention to crush you right in front of all the people right there when you looked him right in the eye. And he fell. Like a feather, a heavy feather, right on the ground. Since then, he was careful especially with the painful moment you gave him.

But then, you shared memories, you shared beautiful places with him. Because he was your cheeky friend, the kind of friend who would hold your hand when you were walking in the streets and telling you that your stage name was lame, a friend who would buy you books from time to time and you would offer him the priced copies of some Vian's books, a friend with whom you would argue to know who would pay for the coffee. He was a friend, a friend with beautiful eyes and a husky and raspy voice – giving you goosebumps when he spoke right above your shoulders and made your knees weak sometimes – a friend you liked, or maybe just someone you liked a bit more than first intended.

And on that night, he won the fight. He caught you off guard, throwing you against the fence and you had your breath short. You struggled to breathe for a moment and rose your hand in defeat, after almost fifteen minutes of fighting. He proudly smiled, and flew in order to show off his skills as the crowd chanted his name. But from there, you could see his concerned expression. And as soon as he caught your eyes, he mouthed if everything was okay. You simply nodded before going out the cag before the next fight. You had won three fights in a row, it was Warren's time to shine.

And as soon as the fights ended, you packed your things to go back home. You were exhausted, you needed sleep and Warren bruised you well – and he seemed damn proud about it, but first he admitted that he had been really anxious about your state when you hit the fence. He first insisted to take you back home, but you told him that you were too tired to wait for him to finally get ready to go back home. He chuckled and shook his head as you waved to say goodbye to the whole crew. You were already outside the bar when you noticed that your bag was heavier than intended, you opened it and found out why: you took Warren's fighting belt. And the thing weighted a ton and a half. You sighed, either you went back into the bar either you went back home. You opted for the first one. You stood already behind the door, ready to push it when you heard a big laugh.

“Warren, don't be such a dick and tell us that y/n is your girlfriend,” you recognized one of the other fighter's voice and you decided to stay behind the door.

“She's not,” he defended himself, and you could hear annoyance in his tone.

“Everytime you're looking at each other you're practically fucking in front of us,” another one exclaimed and you were thrown off balance for a second. You blinked furiously, shaking your head. No, that wasn't true.

“That's true,” the first one commented as if he had heard your mind. “And all these dates?”

“Dates,” Warren asked.

“Cinema, coffee shop... You going with her to uni, like man, we're not blind! Tell us you're fucking around or...”

“Listen to me fucker,” Warren's tone rose quickly, and you almost felt as irritated as he was. “I don't care about her, okay? I never cared. I don't care. I just want to win every fucking fight in this fucking cage against her because she humiliated me the first time! Got it?”

You perfectly got it. You perfectly did. You turned back, holding back tears and walked out the bar.

~~~

After a whole weekend of crying, you decided to tell your boss that you couldn't make it on Wednesday because of the fence incident, but that you would be there on Friday. He understood, and told you to rest well during the week. It hurt a lot to hear these words coming from a friend's – or even more – mouth, it did hurt so much. You couldn't let the words go. “I never cared.” Of course he never did. Of course all he ever wanted was to win, to be the best. He still was the haughty prick you though he was at the very beginning before you bonded over literature. He was a bastard, he was even worse than that.

And because he knew when you had classes, when you were home or not – mostly – you decided to go to other classes during that week. You couldn't let this bastard ruin your education, you couldn't let him win there too. So you avoided the places you knew he would come to meet you. You avoided him for a whole week, your greatest achievement so far. You were strangers. Nothing less and nothing more. He claimed being your friend, he claimed that you were an amazing person, he claimed it all. All lies, stupid lies you fell for. You even regretted developing stupid feelings towards him. You hated yourself for letting this man come into your life, become a part of your every-day life, your little sunshine with his golden locks and angelic smile making you melt when he laid his green pearly eyes on you. You hated yourself so fucking much.

And then, Friday had come. You entered the changing room, and all eyes were on you. You smiled and waved. The boss told them you were sick, you confirmed what he had said to them.

“Y/n, I'm so sorry for throwing you against this fence, I didn't,” Warren began, approaching you in order to put his hand on your shoulder but swiftly you moved so he couldn't.

“No problem,” you snapped dryly and briefly looked into his eyes. You tried to erase any ounce of emotion in yours, the pain, the anger, the cries. Every one of them.

“Sure you're alright,” he asked you, frowning.

“Yeah, I'm ready to fight Warren, if it's what you're implying.” He looked at you confused.

“Oh, okay...”

“Here, your fighting belt, took it by accident,” you said, before throwing it into his hands.

What an actor, what a motherfucking actor. The pain in his eyes? Fake. These glistening eyes were anything but truthful. His words echoing in your mind, “I never cared”, you tied your hair up before storming out the room, leaving all the others surprised by your attitude. And on that night, you fought like you never did, rage filling your veins and filling your opponent's minds – especially Warren's when his time had come to lose against you.And when the night ended, you were the first one to leave. No goodbye, no waving, nothing.

The delicate breeze caressed your burning cheeks. Once outside, you let all your emotions out, thinking how cathartic this night was for you. For a moment only.

“Y/n!” Fucking hell, you thought as you recognized Warren's voice. But you didn't bother to turn around and continued walking. “Y/n!” And you heard a flap of wings. God, he landed right in front of you.

“What the fuck,” you snapped standing still in front of him.

“No, what the fuck, y/n,” he repeated. You could tell how confused he was with his jaw clenched. You blinked a few times, playing it innocent. “You know what I mean, y/n! You're avoiding me, right?”

“Avoiding you,” you asked and put a hand on his shoulder. “You wish. The world isn't revolving around you, Archangel.”

“So why you weren't going to uni this week? I tried to see you there, as usual, you know.”

“I was going to my classes, just had to change hours, I had a tough time this week healing my wounds.” Every wound of your heart, you had to heal them. The process just began, but the stitches itched so much.

“You're cold, y/n,” he stated, his puppy eyes looking down at you.

“I thought you never cared, Warren,” you told him sarcastically. The stitches broke at that very moment, how did it hurt, how much did it bled.

“What?” His eyes widened as he looked surprised. You couldn't help yourself but chuckle through the pain.

“Well, I humiliated you the first time we fought, remember? Being my friend was a great strategy Warren, you're way smarter than I thought you were.”

“How you...”

“I came back to give you your belt back,” you cut him off sharply. “Your stupid fucking belt. Thanks to that belt I know that I have no friends, I mean no,” you corrected yourself with a pained smirk, “I have friends, but you're not one of them.”

“Y/n, listen I'm sorry you had to hear this I,” he tried, but you couldn't gather yourself to hear his pitiful explanations.

“That's fine Warren, I got you. You wanted to win, you hurt me and you won. Congratulations, you're a true bastard now.” You stepped aside to walk away, and he didn't move. He probably never liked you in the first place.

~~~

You couldn't stay home, it was too painful to lose a friend. To lose somebody you loved so much. Your heart was ready to explode again, filled with sadness and anger. You wanted to take some fresh air, so you put your coat on and went outside, hands in your pockets and strolled your way to the park.

Some flowers were already there, colorful and joyful as your mind was gray and gloomy. You sat in the grass, against a trunk and closes your eyes for a second. You would have given anything to let somebody use their mutation against you, a mutation erasing memories, a mutation making you feel whatever the person wanted – and in your case it was joy – or a mutation letting you sleep and never care. How funny, you wanted to never care. You maybe were both the same, him and you. This massive flapping of wings, people's “oh's” and “ah's” and you knew he was here. You were stupid thinking that he wouldn't check if you weren't here, it was one of your favorites spots after all.

You closed your eyes again, not having the strength to get up and leave, to flee. You weren't a coward, unlike him. You could hear his steps in the grass, right in front of you. You opened your eye, to look at him briefly. He had a book in his hands, standing above you with a sad expression. What a liar.

“What do you want,” you snapped, before closing your eye.

“To apologize,” he said after a moment of silence.

“Apology accepted, go home.”

“No, y/n, I want to properly apologize,” he said, and knelt before you. You opened your eyes, and he was right in front of you, looking into your eyes, devouring your soul.

“I thought you never cared.”

“I lied. I fucking lied. I just had enough of them saying this,” he admitted as he looked away.

“Yeah, I understand. I'm a fucking pain in the ass.”

“No, you're great! You're... Fuck, here we are. You're so great, y/n, you're really amazing, and you're intelligent and your mutation is fucking insane and...”

“You wanted to compete,” you asked, not fully following his train of thought.

“At first yes but then... I just wanted to know you better? And I found so much more than competition, for fuck's sake, you like Boris Vian, who in this fucking world likes this weirdo,” he asked before handing you the book. “Put my hand on one of the first editions of the 'I spit on your graves', and I thought it should be yours.” Your eyes lighted up. But at the same time, you couldn't tell if he did it only to be able to continue this littlegame of his. However, you put your hand on the cover of the book.

“Are you sure?”

“As sure as I want to kiss you right now.” He took your breath away, without any warning. Your hand fell off the book, and you slightly opened your mouth in surprise. You blinked.

“But you said,” you started, really confused this time.

“Screw what I said, I already screwed many things so I thought that I might tell you right now how I feel about you.”

“I think I... Feel the same?” Your voice was unsure, and your mind full of fuzzy thoughts. A moment before you wanted to tore him apart, and now he confessed his lore to you, your little heart began to pound with love.

“Does that mean that I can kiss you?” You nodded, and he put the book aside, right next to you.

He approached you, his wings behind him, and you felt your cheeks burning. He put a finger under your chin before touching your lips with his. A tender touch with his rosy lips. You felt it all, your mind all dizzy. And when he pulled off, he caressed your cheek gently.

“I promise I'll never make you sad and angry like I did, I promise y/n,” he whispered and you felt that you were his world. And he was your world too.

[eerythingisshaka]

Will the Bell Ring? Pt. 8

[Erik Killmonger x Black!OC]

Word Count: 4k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6  Part 7

It’s the night before the vacation, and Kimara is still ripping around the house trying to figure out how to fit as many outfits into her bags as possible.  

Erik sits on the bed scrolling through his phone.  “It’s only five days, Mara.  You already overdoing it.”

Kimara comes back with a couple of neon colored swimsuits in her hands.  “I just have to have variety for the ‘gram.  That means a different look a day, maybe even a couple different looks a day.”  

Kimara got to her knees, stuffing a bag and closing it.  The zipper traveled laboriously around the lip of the luggage, sticking at a thicker point.  Kimara sat down on the bag to help it along a the zipper groaned close.  

She takes a large exhale before saying, “Damn!  I didn’t put my sandals in there!”

Erik scoffs as he gets up to use the bathroom.  “You can just wear them to the airport or put it in your carry on.”

“No my carry on is filled with my hair and skin products, plus some towels cuz I don’t trust their towels, you know that.”

As Erik relieves himself, Kimara gets quiet, getting up and looking at herself in the mirror.  Her fresh golden brown goddess locs flow over her breasts and down her back as she spins around checking her body’s profile.

The toilet in the other room flushes as Erik comes back, drying his hands on his pants.  “Whatchu doin?”

“Well...I’m thinking this may be the last vacation I take as someone without kids.  After this break, We finally take some major moves to go into getting pregnant.”

Kimara puffs out her cheeks holding her stomach as her vision goes blurry.  The tears beat her before she could stop them, racing down her face to the finish line at her jaw.

Erik pulls her into him, rubbing her back gently.  “It’s gonna be so good, because you’re good.  We deserve a break and we deserve a family.”

Kimara holds her arms around him tighter, tears manifesting even more but out of his loving words.  She never thought that after telling him she had her abortion that he would have anything kind to say to her.  But it’s almost like it unlocked a much needed door that opened him up to fulling standing by her and her needs.  

“We do deserve it.  It’s been so hard, but I know we can do it,”  Kimara sniffles.  Erik kisses her forehead, wiping some stray tears from her face.  

“Now, I don’t know about what you got left to pack but long as you have your passport, I think you have enough stuff.  Go on and wash you ass off and get some sleep.  The flight early as a motherfucker.”

Kimara agrees, going over to her vanity to tie up her hair.  Erik grabs his phone and bounds down the stairs.  He takes out a bottle of water, cracking it open and hooting after the cool liquid freezes the inside of his chest.  

Hearing the shower turn on upstairs, Erik sits at the dining room table and dials T’Challa.  The phone rings and rings.

“How are you, N’Jadaka?”  T’Challa greets him warmly.

“I’m good, pretty good.  Y’all excited for this trip though?”

“Ah, Iman is very excited.  She has been looking forward to it ever since my invitation.”

“Good!  You making sure she stay looking cute for you?  Got her some nice pieces to impress?”

T’Challa answers slowly.  “I...am glad you brought this up.  We are no longer considered a couple.  This will be a friendly trip for us at best, but we are not linked romantically.”

Erik expresses genuine shock, mouth agape over the phone.  “Damn man, what happened?!  Mara made it seem like y’all were a good look at that one dinner thing y’all came for.  Shit, the fact you bagged her the first night told me you musta really been feeling her.  What, she didn’t like your Jesus slides?”

“Aye!”  T’Challa scolds him like a grandfather who can’t catch nobody for a whoopin but they know not to try him anyway.  “My footwear has nothing to do with it.  We are simply not compatible, but it was amicable.”

Erik shrugs.  “Well whatever it is, I guess it’s for the best.  I don’t get why somebody would pass on a literal King but listen, I will take you clothes shopping with me and we can make you over so you’re pulling females right and left!”

“Enough, I won’t beg for attention,”  T’Challa says.

“Fair enough, aight.  What about you then?  Does it make it kind of awkward to go now your girl ain’t your girl?”

“No.  It has been a while since I visited an island for pleasure, so it will be a nice change of pace.  How about yourself and Kimara?”

Erik gets quiet, twisting a stray piece of string from his sweatpants that will guarantee making a hole if he snatches it.

“Well we good.  Mara is excited and I am too cuz I need a break from the whites over at Boeing and this city air.  But I did wanna talk about something she said to me that made me kinda take a step back, you know.  Not like I’m stepping away but like it pushed me back like WOW.”

“Say it simply and clearly, N’Jadaka,”  T’Challa says.  Erik sometimes rambles when he has something big to say and T’Challa never fails to be impatient about it.

“Right, right.  Aight.  So, we having our time together, just hanging out and stuff when she turns to me and tells me something I did not expect.  Like, I don’t know how she could keep that from me for so long considering all we been through.”

“What was it about?”

“Basically, she comes to me and says that way back, before we were officially a thing and before OUR shit together….Mara had an abortion.  The baby was mine too.”

T’Challa sits on the phone quietly.  He assumes this is the best method of digesting the information he already knew when he first met Kimara.  She poured her heart out to him in the midst of Erik’s recovery and rehabilitation.  But Erik couldn’t hear that and take it well.

“You still there, Challa?”  Erik asks after a while.  

“Yes, it is just a lot to hear.”

Erik throws a hand up.  “Fuck yeah it is!  Like...all this time we been trying for a kid.  She didn’t think that should be brought up?  I wonder if the doctors even know.  That might be the problem we having in all this!  Maybe her shit got botched or something.”

“I am sure the doctors would have noticed something wrong with her during routine examination if that were true.  Non-surgical abortions are an option.”

Erik scratches his head.  “Sure, yeah.  But...why didn’t she say this YEARS ago!  I been fucking with her for a decade, and she doesn’t trust me to know this?  I’m still here!”

“You were different then Erik.  So angry and feeling betrayed, she assumed you would think she betrayed you too.”

Erik thinks back to when Kimara met him in Wakanda, how tired she looked.  But his reasons for being there were all about himself and Kimara wasn’t ready for that responsibility, that’s when she left him there.  That was the best thing she could’ve done for him because he worked that whole year trying to get right for her again.  And she was there in that studio she loves, waiting for him like always.

“I would have a ten year old right now.  Almost middle schooler right now!”  Erik exclaims, thinking about a little Mara/Erik hybrid running around and causing havoc.  

“You can still have that.  Just be honest with each other and what you are feeling,” T’Challa instructs.

“Yeah, I been doing that.  I can tell Mara been walking around like a puppy caught chewing a shoe since she told me.  But I won’t let her see me upset, I need her to know I am there.  That’s what made all this happen in the first place right?  I wasn’t there, so...Imma be there.”

T’Challa wants to say more but fears overstepping the bounds of Erik and Kimara’s relationship.  “Tell her you are upset about it.” 

Erik hears the shower upstairs turn off.  “Nah, I’m good.  Her feelings are all I’m worried about.  I can’t risk her turning from me again man.  But thanks Challa, you always got a good er for listening, so I’ll talk to you later man.”

Erik hangs up to go back upstairs, feeling lighter having had a talk with someone he trusts.  Kimara is already laid up with the covers under her chin, fake sleeping.  Erik takes off his pants, rolling into bed with nothing between his skin and the sheets.  Mara is wrapped up in one of hs tshirts and turns her back to him to allow her little spoon to fit his big spoon.

“Why are you acting like you cold?”  Erik asks.  Kimara is usually in the buff like him when they sleep.

“Because I am.  You got the air on too damn chilly,”  Kimara’s teeth chatter as she settles in to him, his body heat eventually making up for the lack of heat outside their blanket cocoon.  Erik kisses her behind her ear, thinking about tomorrow’s trip with a little dread.

--

Kimara, Erik, Iman, and T’Challa all make their way off of the plane as they arrive at the beautiful resort in Turks and Caicos.

“Look at all the amazing views!  That water, ugh!”  Kimara excitedly rolls her luggage over to a window that oversees the resort’s amenities.   An infinity pool, hot tubs, massage areas, sauna, a bar that catches Kimara’s eye for having real coconuts to drink from.

“Erik, look!  That canopy I think has the couple massage shit.  I reserved it for us on Thursday at 10am.”

“Ok, princess.  That sounds good,” Erik says with not nearly as much excitement.

Iman stands next to Kimara, eyes widening.  “Ooh child, yes!  Imma look good for these champagne papis looking for a sugar baby to spoil.  Can we please get our room so I can change out of these airport struggle clothes?!”

“I hear you on that,” Erik says, leading the group to the reception desk.  Kimara hangs back with T’Challa who has been awfully quiet.

“Are you and Iman…”  Kimara whispers.

“No longer a couple,”  T’Challa finishes.  “It’s not something to worry about, we are friends.”

“Oh ok, cool.  Cuz when she started talking about finding a sugar daddy I was like whaaa?”

T’Challa shrugs.  “She is free to do as she wants, as am I.”  T’Challa offers Kimara a soft smirk to confirm his contentment.  

Kimara gives his arms a squeeze.  “Ohh, T.  You got your pick of the litter around here.  You the damn ultimate sugar daddy!  I just don’t understand the girl!”

“Most people don’t recognize fortune at their feet when their nose is in the air.”  Kimara lets out a small ooh enjoying the lowkey burn T’Challa just sent Iman’s way with her being none the wiser.

Erik and Kimara split down a hall to the left as T’Challa and Iman split down a hall to the right.  The hall is decorated with hanging plants and wicker framed artwork, giving off heavy gentrified bohemian vibes.

As Erik opens the door to the room, Kimara bursts in and rockets herself into the bedroom.  Erik rolls his and her luggage in.

“Damn, this place looks nice as hell baby!”  Kimara calls out from the room.  

“It should be for what it cost.”  Erik looks out at the beach below watching some middle age white folk laying like lobsters out in the sun.  Middle aged white folk running along the shore.  Elderly white folk sitting in the ocean.

“There sure is a lotta fuckin white folk here,”  Erik says, walking around the room to check out the bathroom and kitchen area.  The fridge has fresh strawberries and grapes, a sack of bagels, orange juice and a case of bottled water.  On the counter next to it is a menu for room service and a schedule for group meals during their stay.  Erik takes it into the bedroom with him to alert Kimara.

“You tryna catch dinner happening tonight?  Supposed to be a barbecue thing.”

Kimara groans, head face down in the pillow, locs sprawled all around.   “I can’t even think about eating when my body just wants to do nothing.  I’m tired.”

“You sure?  I know your ass finna get real hungry later.  You ain’t had nothing but them pretzels on the flight,”  Eric warns.

“I can’t get up!  And I won’t until I knock out, Erik please let me sleep.”

Erik tuts at her.  “Ok, princess.  But I ain’t paying this high ass room service cuz you slept thru dinner.”

Kimara wiggles around, fighting her hair to get a good look at him.  “Stop acting broke, Erik.  It’s not a good look.  And you know I’m grown right?  I can do what I want?  Right?  Ok, glad we up to speed.”

Erik rolls his eyes as Kimara plops her head back down, shimmying under the covers like a prairie dog.

--

Kimara rolled over to one side, feeling the grip of sleep starting to loosen its hold.  Kimara stretched from her fingertips to her toes, seizing up in the bliss of her fully relaxed muscles.  She sits up, pulling her locs back as her eyes adjust to the dark room. 

“Where the fuck- OH!”  Kimara puts a hand to her heart, forgetting that she was not home and still on vacation.  

She gets out of be and checks the time on her phone is 11:14 pm and a waiting text from Erik.

“Did I really sleep for 8 hours?” Kimara asks herself, wiping her eyes as she looks around the room, finding a lamp to turn on.  She sits on the couch feeling her stomach grumble.  

“Goddamn I am hungry,”  She says, picking up the pamphlet Erik was looking at for room service.  But it ended at 10:30.

“That is bullshit.”  Kimara sits back pouting, wondering what she was going to do for food.  She checks her phone again, almost forgetting Erik texted.  

BBQ in fridge, it reads.  Timestamp says 7:13pm.  

Kimara bolts for the fridge to find a tinfoil wrapped plate sitting on the shelf just for her.  She does a little dance to open it up, finding pork ribs, chicken, corn on the cob, mashed potatoes, green beans and a roll.  She takes a bite of the bread first, shimmying her shoulders with glee that it is a King’s Hawaiian.  

She pops the plate into the microwave, hopping on her tiptoes in anticipation for some chowdown goodness.  Once the microwave beeps, the room door opens.  

“Sleeping Beauty finally awake?”  Erik asks, his breathing is a little labored.

Kimara picks up her plate and brings it to the kitchen bar, climbing up on a stool.  “Mh-mm, not until you come over her after leaving me all day on vacation.”

“Girl please,”  Erik says walking over to plant a kiss on Kimara’s lips.

“Oof, you are sweaty!  What you been doing tonight?”

Erik’s tank top draped over his shoulder, Kimara stares at the glistening of his scarred skin as he gets a bottle of water.  

“Me and T and his girl been downstairs hanging out, mostly me and T though.  How’s your barbecue?”

Kimara shrugs.  “It’s ok.  The sauce could be better but long as the meat ain’t pink I’ll call it a blessing.  Hand me that salt shaker by the stove.”

Erik does so, standing on the other side of the bar to wipe his face and neck with his shirt.

“And I am so surprised they are even on this trip together still,” Kimara says while shaking some salt over her beans and corn.”

“Who?”  Erik asks.

“T’Challa and Iman!  You know what, I forgot to mention.  I spoke to T’Challa at check in and he said they broke things off.”

Erik points in the air, remembering, “You right yeah he mentioned that.”

“Oh, he told you today while y’all were hanging?  Did Iman say anything?”

Erik shakes his head.  “Nah, he told me the day before.”

Kimara cocks her head to the side thinking.  “The other day?  Like yesterday?”

“Yeah, I called him when we were packing.”

“But I didn’t hear you talk on the phone.  We were together that whole time,”  Kimara says, pausing her meal to think about it.

Erik shrugs.  “You were in the shower.”

Kimara wants to fold her arms but her bbq sauced hands prevent her.  “Hand me a paper towel.”

Erik does so.  “Is something wrong with me taking a call with my cousin?”

Kimara scoffs while cleaning her fingers.  “Not at all.  What did you all talk about?”

“The trip.  Just how excited we were and then he brought up they aren’t a thing no more.”

“Really?  Huh.  I think that’s weird Erik.”  

“What’s weird about it?” Erik counters, looking sternly at Kimara.

“You didn’t tell me you called him and you almost always tell me when you’ve seen him or heard from him when I ask you about the day.”

“Almost, you said.  SO this one time I didn’t.  I don’t think you asked about my day either,”  Erik quips.

“Because we were together the whole day, I know how it went cu I was there.”

“Sure.”

They pause in silence for a minute, Kimara staring him down and Erik returning the glare.

“Problem, princess?”  he asks.

“You’re hiding something.”

“I talked to my cousin, what else is there to it?!” Erik barks, making Kimara jump on her stool.  She gets down, creating some distance.

“All I asked is what you all talked about.  And I didn’t even know you had a conversation with him one day before our trip, I think it’s sus.”

“Oh, I’m sneaky?  That’s a big accusation.”

Kimara felt something twist in her chest.  “What does that mean Erik?”

Erik walks into the bedroom as Kimara follows.  He turns into the bathroom and starts the shower as Kimara sits on the bed waiting.  When Erik comes back out, Kimara wastes no time.

“You told him didn’t you,” Kimara says quietly.  She doesn’t look at Erik, hoping she is wrong and overreacting and waiting for him to say so, but he sits down instead.

“I told him what you told me.”

Kimara exhales deeply, holding her face in her hands.  Erik takes her into his chest, comforting her.

“You didn’t have to tell him.  Why would you tell him?”

“Like I said.  He’s my cousin.  Family oughta know and he knows a lot more worse shit about me than this.”

Kimara looks at Erik, holding his face in her hands.  “I’m sorry you had more shit to tell him.  How did he react?”

Erik shrugs.  “Kinda just neutral.  It was so long ago, I wasn’t acting upset so I think he knew he didn’t have to be.”

Kimara feels a small victory in that.  She still feels like she should confront T’Challa about it, just to make sure they are on the same page.

“I’m glad you weren’t too upset then.  You don’t have to tiptoe around me, just tell me what’s real.  We gotta be honest about what’s going on.”

Erik gives a small smirk.  “He said something like that too.”

Kimara hugs Erik, taking this battle as a win.  “You can take a shower now.”

Erik chuckles.  “Yeah me and T had a volleyball match downstairs that got hella intense.”

Kimara gets up, putting on her shoes.  “Well I think I should take a walk along the beach some.”

“Yeah, you got energy now from that long ass nap of yours.  Be careful though.  Call me if you need something.”

When Kimara makes it to the bottom floor, the automatic doors leading outside create a gust of air that whips Kimara’s sundress almost too high for public decency.  As she steps out on the sand, she looks around the dimly lit beach area.  Along the sand there were vendors and seating but into the ocean the sky was so dark and the ocean almost looked like oil.  The moon wasn’t shining so bright, so she could barely catch any blips of light against the waves.

“Kimara!” 

She turns to see Iman bounding towards her.  She has a generous F cup size, barely being held by her neon yellow bikini top, making her noticeable even in the night.

“What’s going on?  You just woke up?”

“Yeah, too bad I didn’t set an alarm.  Heard you guys had fun.”

Iman smiles.  “Hell yeah we did.  T and Erik had their guy time, being macho all on the volleyball court.  Busted two damn balls cuz they throwing their hands so damn hard.”

Kimara laughs.  “Erik refuses to let T’Challa win in anything so that’s accurate.”

“Right!  Hey look, so project Sugar Daddy is underway.  I got a bunch of drinks off this old man that kept a tab open.  I think he forgot because he’s old but that’s besides the point.  But he offered to play yahtzee or mancala  or something tomorrow with some of his buddies.  That should be lit!”

Kimara throws her hands to the sky.  “I mean what else is there to do.  Make sure his tab is open.”

“Only way to play!”

Kimara looks around Iman.  “T’Challa is down here, right?”

“Uh huh, cooling off over there even though he barely broke a sweat.  He act kinda like a mutant sometimes.  Too cool and too strong.”

“Is that why you couldn’t stand to be with him?” Kimara asks.

“A little, yeah, and that tooth necklace he always wear is weird.  He wasn’t giving me a lot of himself so I figure good dick is everywhere.  I’ll pass.”

Kimara shrugs and dismisses herself to go talk to T’Challa.  He is laid out with his hands behind his head, looking rather peaceful.

Kimara comes up to him and smacks his perfectly toned stomach.  T’Challa peeks open one eye knowingly.  

“Kimara,” he says in a monotone.

“Don’t gossip with Erik, ok?”

T’Challa sits up.  “In what way?”

“I mean in the only way.  Speaking behind my back.  Talking about personal things without the other person’s input.”

“If this is about your shame-”

“HA! Shame?  You keep calling it a shame, I am not ashamed anymore!  He knows and he is fine.  We are fine!”

T’Challa blinks unperturbed.  “Then what is the problem?”

“Just!”  Kimara sits by his legs to form her thoughts.  “Erik didn’t know about that, you did.  He hasn’t known for years and just found out.  If he knew you knew, wouldn’t that be a problem?”

“No.”

“Exactly, so-- Wait, no?”

“No, it wouldn’t be a problem.  Because if he blames you, he is completely missing the situation he put you in.  It would be selfish of him to hold that against you.”

“Uh huh…”

“But for you to not say anything at first was for his benefit when he was emotionally and mentally bruised by his background.  However since he has recovered and continues to, holding that back then turns into a betrayal to him because it looks as though you don’t trust him or yourself.”

Kimara stands up.  “The fuck?  Why wouldn’t I trust him?!”

T’Challa shrugs.

“No you got so much to say, say what that means!”

“All I know is I have no secrets between you and I or he and I.  Why there is miscommunication between you two is something for you both to find out.  And I suggest you do before becoming with child.”

“Fuck you T’Challa.  Honestly.  Don’t come at me like this.  I said keep your mouth shut about me around Erik, period.  So do that.  I don’t know why you came on this trip anyway.  It was a couples trip and you brought a random bitch out here like that’s ok.”

“It didn’t cost me much,” T’Challa says, sinking back in his chair with his hands behind his head.

Kimara walks along the beach fuming.  T’Challa was so blunt with her, he hadn’t acted like that with her in a long time.  T’Challa acts like he is so perfect, but he isn’t.  Kimara sighs heavily with the prospect of being here four more days but T’Challa will not be with Erik for as much of the trip as possible as far as she is concerned.

Masterlist

Ragtag

@chaneajoyyy @sarcastic-sunshines @muse-of-mbaku@dameshaemonique  @fonville-designs@destinio1@bakarisange l@wakanda-inspired @klaine15689 @savageiz @nickidub718@yoyolovesbucky @alexundefined @forbeautyandlife @bakarisangel @amorestevens​ 

[domesticated-feral]

Steo Week 2020, Day 5

Title: Date Night on Halloween

Prompt: Halloween Rating: Teen Warning: cursing, lot’s of cursing. WC: 1627

You can also read it on my AO3

Summary:

Spooky season has begun and dates have to be exclusively spooks as well.

~

Stiles just finished up his work at the sheriff station when his phone pinged. He looks at the notification and it was his boyfriend, Theo.

Babe Are you free tonight?

Stiles Yeah, just go off work

Babe Get ready by 7

Ominous, but it’s Theo, what should anyone expect.

Stiles Sure, see you then Read 6:32 PM

Stiles takes his keys and heads out the station. He gets in his jeep and drives home. It’s been some time since Stiles and Theo got together and they hadn’t moved in together yet. Neither had Stiles got an apartment for himself. He was fresh out of college, still living with his old man.

“Hey pops,” he said as he stepped in to find his father cooking dinner.

“Stiles, how was work?” his dad asked.

“Nothing much happened today, including in the supernatural. It’s all mundane, but, I have a date tonight,” Stiles said, leaning against the wall as he watched his dad cook.

“On Halloween? he’s probably taking you to a horror movie,” his dad said.

“We’ll see, uh, I gotta go get ready,” Stiles said as he began climbing up the stairs.

“Don’t forget to add salt, dad!” he added, poking his head through the gaps between the banisters, remembering that his dad always forgets salt.

“Thank, Stiles,” his dad said as he reached for the salt.

Stiles scampers to his room and gets out of his tan uniform. He looks through his closet, wondering what he has to wear, so he texts his loving boyfriend.

Stiles What do I have to wear?

Babe Wear anything you want

Stiles Ok Read 6:24 PM

Stiles takes out a dark blue button-up and a nice pair of grey jeans. He quickly takes a small shower before changing into the clothes. He looks at himself in the mirror, combing his hand through his hair.

He looks at the digital clock on the bedside table, he still has 10 minutes before Theo comes to pick him up, so he heads downstairs. His father had finished cooking and he was sitting down to eat what he had cooked.

“Ever since you retired, you began cooking classes and actually eating healthy for once, what did you cook today?” Stiles asks sitting in front of his dad.

“Just plain ol’ stew,” His dad said.

“Oh, well it looks delicious,” Stiles said, noticing that the vegetables were slightly charred, but his dad was enjoying what he cooked.

Someone knocks at the front door, someone meaning Theo. Stiles strides up to the door and opens it.

“Hey,” Stiles greeted.

“Hi babe, c’mon, we don’t want to be late,” Theo said, pecking Stiles on the lips.

Stiles grins and he follows Theo to his car. Stiles excitedly sat in the passenger seat, while Theo drove them to who knows where. They pull up in front of a black warehouse, with people lining up in front.

“A haunted house, alright, don’t expect me to scream and jump into your arms, though,” Stiles said as Theo parked the car.

Theo smirks, remembering how Stiles says that he isn’t scared, but would end up throwing popcorn everywhere at the slightest jumpscare when they watched a horror movie.

They go up to the line and when they reach the counter, Theo pays for both of them and the attendee gives them two wristbands that they’d have to wear during the whole experience. As they inched closer to the haunted house, Stiles' heart raced and Theo heard it loud and clear.

He softly squeezes Stiles’ hand and looks at him, “you’re totally scared and excited.”

Stiles nods, “no, I’m not scared and yes, I’m excited, very excited, thrilled, pumped.”

“Scaredy cat,” Theo teased.

“I’m not a scaredy-cat,” Stiles protested.

Just as he said that one of the haunted house scarers came up to them from behind, scaring Stiles, just by standing behind him.

“Holy shit!” Stiles screamed, making Theo snicker.

Tonight was going to be the death of Stiles’ throat, he could feel it. The attendees let them in and they slowly walk through the dark hallways.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” Stiles panted as they walked through a hallway with paintings hanging on the walls.

One of the paintings slid and a nun lunged out to them, albeit bloody and bruised, with a sharpened cross. Stiles physically jumped back while Theo got startled. Stiles hung on to Theo’s arms, hiding behind him as they walked into a room.

His heart raced as he got scared by people coming out of doors and windows and even a mannequin he thought was just a fake decoy turned out to be real.

“Fuck you!” Stiles screamed as it lunged toward Stiles.

As Stiles tried to regain himself to move forward, the mannequin lunges at him again, scaring Theo.

“No! You do it once, not twice!” Theo shouted as he moved with Stiles into a hallway.

Doors open and zombies lunge out, left and right, scaring Stiles and Theo. One of the scarers wore a pig mask and scared Stiles by running after him with a chainsaw. Stiles holding on to Theo begins running and he trips on the floor.

“Don’t kill me, kill Theo instead!” Stiles screams at the ‘pig-man’.

“What?!” Theo said, confused.

Stiles crawls down the rest of the hallway until the pig-man stopped following them, they walk into a musty room, filled with leaves, and during the whole time, Stiles cowered behind Theo at every jumpscare.

“I’ll protect you, Theo, I’ll protect you,” Stiles said as he walked behind Theo, hugging him from behind.

Two men crawl to them with decoy knives in their hands and Stiles pushes himself against the wall, gripping tightly on Theo’s t-shirt as he uses Theo to block them. While Theo tries to push them away by swishing his arms around himself.

After they disappear, Stiles and Theo continue on down the room and enters a dark hallway.

“My throat is hoarse, I am blind as fuck right now, come at me motherfuckers!” Stiles said, feeling around the walls as he walks down the dark hallway.

Stiles looks at Theo and gets startled at Theo’s golden eyes, “AAH! Fuck, sorry!” he said as he accidentally yelled right at Theo’s face.

“Sir, no night vision please,” an attendee at a corner said to Theo.

“You, my man, are not scary, thank you,” Stiles said to the attendee.

Theo rolls his eyes before going back to normal vision, and now he saw what Stiles say.

“How is this scary? It’s all dark,” He said, and just as he says so, the pig-man comes up and scares them again with his chainsaw.

“Shit! Run, Theo, RUUNN!!” Stiles screams as he runs down the hallway.

At the end of the hallway was a circus setting, fake clowns and animals, covered in blood. Stiles and Theo were clinging onto each other, as they slowly walked through the claustrophobic space between the clowns and decoy animals. To Theo’s right, a clown moves, pushing Stiles into the hands of a decoy mannequin, who Stiles clings on to.

“You’re not Theo!” Stiles screams and runs back to Theo, “we don’t split up in these kinds of situations!”

“You left me!” Theo said.

“No, you ran away!” Stiles said.

Their quarrel was cut short with another unexpected jumpscare by the pig-man. Stiles falls backward and as he does, he brings Theo down with him.

“What is up with the motherfucking pig?!” Theo shouts.

Stiles and Theo get up and walk out of the circus room while getting jump scared by 3 clowns.

The last hallway down, they get jump scared by a very dehydrated looking woman zombie.

“Get me out of this hellhole!” Stiles said as he jumped onto Theo.

Another scarer comes at them, slower than usual but enough to make Stiles back against the wall, “ha, you came slow, that’s good, A+ for you!” he said, chuckling out of fear.

As they walk out of the haunted house, Stiles takes a sigh of relief, feeling the cold October air hit his face. Theo wipes the sweat off his face and hugs Stiles.

“Finally, it’s don- AAAH!”Stiles was saying and the pig-man once again crawled up behind him.

“Peppa motherfucking pig, amirite?” Theo said to Stiles, as he pants from the scare.

“I think I peed my pants a little,” Stiles managed to say through his deep breaths.

Theo chuckles and they walk along to the exit where if they’d like, they can take pictures with other attendees wearing the same costumes like the ones inside, of course, Stiles and Theo got a picture with pig-man.

They drove home and Stiles was still shaken by the haunted house, his ears slightly ringing.

“So, scaredy-cat, want me to sleep with you tonight?” Theo asked.

“First of all, it was not scary at all, and yes please,” Stiles said.

As Theo rolls up the driveway, he stares at Stiles with the look that says ‘liar’.

“Fine, it was hella scary, especially the pig,” Stiles said as Theo turns the car engine off.

They walk to Stiles’ room where both of them change into their nightwear which is just boxers, and they crawl into bed.

Stiles was exhausted and comfortable in Theo’s arms. Theo’s warm body was very needed on a cold October night like tonight. Theo seemed to fall almost asleep before Stiles, so he decided to prank him.

“Boo!” Stiles whispered into Theo’s ear.

Theo jolted a little before realizing that he was fine, “was that to get me back for taking you to a haunted house?”

“Maybe?” Stiles said as he snuggled himself into Theo’s arms.

“Ok,” Theo said.

He pressed a small kiss on Stiles’ forehead and held the boy close as he fell into slumber.

~

[lisinfleur]

Mishaps - Chapter 02: Like Shadows

Author’s notes: here is one more chapter of our story! I hope you guys are enjoying!

Warnings: People who love Aethelwulf may dislike this. Other than this, 18+, mentions of kidnapping and corruption, some dirty talk and bad language.

Words: 2259

"And since then, she didn't show up?"

His voice was mixed with the sobs of a female voice coming from the crying girl sat on the other side of his table, trying to dry her tears with an already wet paper towel.

"No. She just vanished. Annie is not like that! She never missed a call of mine, but her cellphone is going straight to the mailbox. First, I thought her phone could be discharged, but not for so long. There are more than three days without a single notice, she doesn't answer her door and the neighbor said she didn't come home that day. I'm so worried! She's my friend... Please, officer..."

"We'll do everything in our power to find your friend, Mrs. Ashford," he interrupted her, warranting they would do the best, trying to give her at least a drop of comfort about the whole situation.

"July," she mumbled, sniffing against the paper towel once again "You can call me July. You make me feel like my mother when you call me Mrs. Ashford".

July was nervous. She always talked too much when she was nervous and you would know that if you were around. But the officer in front of her was being tolerant with her little annoying mannerisms.

He needed to be.

Aethelwulf needed to keep her talking if he wanted to find more information about the mention she made during the little testimony she was providing while denouncing your disappearance.

"Fine... July," he said trying to smile at her. "I understand what you feel. But... You mentioned a man... Someone who was going every day to see Mrs. Watson at the coffee shop... What was his name?"

"I don't know how to say it correctly. Visark... Vit... serk... Annie was the only one who could pronounce it correctly and somehow it made him interested. He was visiting the coffee shop every day, but he's not going there anymore. I'm sure he was going only because of her and now that she's not there, he lost the interest in the store. She was so in love with him... We thought they would be together. We even played about the nickname we gave him... We used to call him Annie's Sunshine. Now Annie is not there... Oh, god! What happened to her?" she started crying again after speaking a sea of useless information, causing Aethelwulf to sigh, trying to keep the fake smile in his face.

Damn. It would be so easier if your co-workers were men... Women and children were all the same: he hated to interview any of them for it was hard to make them keep the focus when they were witnesses or victims of anything.

You weren't different. But with you, his problem was to make you speak. You simply became mute after what you saw and it took him about a week to make you answer him your name...

Did he ever tell you how much he hated to work with the Witnesses' Protection Program?

"I need you to keep the focus, Mrs. Ashford... July, July," he corrected himself before that girl could start to talk about her age, her mother and all that stuff once again.

His fingers messed up with the computer in front of him and he turned the monitor towards July, showing her the picture of a man that she recognized at the same moment.

"Is this the man who was visiting your work, miss?"

July covered her mouth, but not for seeing anything bizarre: it was a journalistic article about the Lothbrok family. In it, a picture of Hvitserk near his brothers, with a certain focus on his face for the paragraph was talking about his way of life and his position into his father's company.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, getting a genuine smile from Aethelwulf's lips.

"Is it him?" he asked, excited.

He could feel in his guts! This time he would get it...

He was searching for so long any breach he could find into that damn family! He knew about their business, the real ones, but Aethelwulf never were able to prove Ragnar's activities so as he failed to prove your father's activities before he was killed. So as he was failing to catch Björn and his brothers now...

All he wanted was a huge prison like that to make his career and leave that dirty small department and the work with witnesses he hated so bad.

And maybe you would be his way outta that shit.

"Man... I would never believe if someone told me this story! A Ragnarsson was going to our coffee shop every day and we didn't even notice? And he was interested in Annie! Oh my gosh!" July exclaimed again and Aethelwulf had to swallow dry to keep the smile in his face.

What in the actual fuck was wrong with the women of that town?

They all looked at the sons of Ragnar as if they were gods or anything like this! Even the women from the police station! How many times he saw the female police officers drooling over magazines with one of them at the cover.

Was he the only one able to see the kind of bastards these people were?

"So, it is the man, right?" he insisted, trying to call July back to the subject.

"Yeah. It is him," she confirmed.

Aethelwulf smiled like a wolf, not being able to hide completely the victory in his smile: finally, he would catch one of them and prove to everyone he wasn't lying or crazy.

The sons of Ragnar were as dangerous as their father once were. And with the right luck, maybe he could force Hvitserk to talk.

Maybe go up on the ladder to put that arrogant, the older of them, Björn Ragnarsson, in his place: behind bars.

"How long since the last time he came?"

His entire interrogatory with July resumed to information about your relation with Hvitserk and his presence in the coffee shop. After the tenth question, July was already confused.

"But officer... Why is Vitsark so important to this situation? When she got strange, he wasn't there and after she was gone, he still came a lot of times looking for her... I don't understand..."

"Don't worry, Mrs. Ashford. You already contributed a lot with this investigation. I'll be in touch. Now just calm down and wait for our call, ok? We gonna do everything in our power to find Mrs. Watson, don't worry," Aethelwulf said, suggestively conducting July to the door of his office.

"Officer..." she tried, but Aethelwulf gave her purse in her hands and smiled.

"Have a nice day, Mrs. Ashford."

"It's July!" She said before he closed his door, coming back to his table, trying to organize his notes.

Every single information she gave was itching his instinct, telling him Hvitserk was somehow responsible for your disappearance.

He took back your case from his archive and closed himself in his office, ignoring the time for lunch and laying himself over your file.

Pages and pages about Horik - the bastard he came closer to catch...

Ragnar took the prison from his hands when he killed Horik before the arrest warrant was ready...

You were the key to his case. His little gold mine.

"Who could say you would bring one more chance, sweet Y/N," he said, looking at your picture on the folder in his hand.

There was some time since he saw you for the last time, but that file had everything about your life. From your mother's fate in Horik's hands to your address and telephone number, everything about you was a file for him. One he abandoned years ago...

He could still feel the bitter taste of being so close to the victory and have it taken from his hands the way Ragnar did, killing Horik days before he could execute the prison, taking from him the laurels of catching one of the bigger drug dealers of the country and worse: taking his place, forcing him to start the case from zero. Why?

Because nobody believed when he said it was Ragnar... He never had a single proof that Ragnar's hands were deeply sunk in your father's blood and everything became even harder when a random bastard confessed the murder of your father, turning everything into a circus to the press and giving the whole credit to another officer who supposedly found the real murderer while he was walking in circles with the rest of the department.

Bullshit!

Aethelwulf knew both of them were being well paid for that stupid theatre: the officer and the bastard. But without concrete proof of what he was saying, it was all this: words.

Years more of investigation trying to build a case against Ragnar for the bastard to be killed in the middle of a trip to England. Aethelwulf was waiting everything would lay on his wife's hands - an alcoholic woman who would surely commit enough mistakes to give him plenty of proofs against that family.

He could still remember how much he screamed in fury when Ragnar's ex-wife killed his widow, fleeing to God knows where...

God no...

Him.

That bastard.

Björn Ragnarsson.

He was sure Björn knew not only where his mother was hidden but also he was still keeping her in touch even knowing his younger brother couldn't forgive his stepmother's murder.

Those bastards hated each other, but even then, the god damn motherfuckers knew how to work as a team... Since the company was passed to their hands, not even a single mistake was committed! Not a single detail slipped from their hands to give him a breach through where he could reach one of them and break them all...

Until today.

Until you.

You who was once his better trump against Horik when your testimony against him for your mother's murder was exactly what he needed to get the arrest warrant...

You who was once his little treasure box.

Here you are again, giving Hvitserk's head in a silver plate for him.

All he had to do was pull the pieces together and...

"What are you doing, Aethelwulf?" the chief of the department came into his office, looking at all the papers over his table and the picture in his computer before sighing "Organize your stuff and go out for lunch."

"I'm not..." he tried to start, but the chief cut him before he could say anything.

"You won't start this shit again, Aethelwulf! I have a woman outside of this office who came to talk about her best friend disappearance and left this station confused about why were you asking everything about the Ragnarsson in their coffee shop! You leave this family alone, for God's sake!"

"Why?" Aethelwulf asked, looking straight at his boss' eyes "Just because they're rich, sir? I am telling you for years they have replaced Horik and taken control of their business! Years! Since Ragnar..."

"Since Ragnar, I have to hear this stupidity!" his boss cut him again "You're losing this department resources and time trying to build a case where there is nothing for you to mess with! You're obsessed, Aethelwulf! Enough! I gonna put Heahmund in this girl's case and you gonna take a break!"

"I don't need a break!" Aethelwulf insisted "And she's under my protection since she got into the program!"

"So, you can work alongside him. But your instance is under his and he will be the head! Heahmund is more stable and I know I can trust him. Enough of you trying to find something against the Lothbrok family in every single case we receive in this station! Leave them alone, did you understand me, officer?"

Aethelwulf growled, but there wasn't a choice for him.

"One day you guys will regret to let them work freely," he said, annoyed.

"It is a free country, Aethelwulf! Every man and woman in this place can work freely. And the Lothbroks will keep working freely until someone proves me they're doing anything but transporting containers and filling their asses with five times more money than us, in half of the time and with less than one-third of our work! Their business is legal, Aethelwulf, put this shit into your head. Now go lunch and take the rest of the day off. Go take some air, find someone to fuck, God damn it, boy, take these men out of your head or I'll start thinking your problem is passional. Get outta my face, boy! Now!"

Aethelwulf growled again, in the back of his throat, taking his folders, locking them into his drawer and leaving his office with a frown.

But he was convinced.

Not even his stupid boss or that asshole of his favorite, Heahmund, would prevent him to reach his objectives.

He knew Heahmund wouldn't hear him about Hvitserk's involvement. So, he would use his free time to search and find the connections and then when he could put his hands in that damn Ragnarsson, everyone would have to admit he wasn't wrong.

His steps crossed the newsstand and he saw the business magazines. At least three of them stamped with that blonde bastard...

His fingers took one of them outta the stand and he took a good look in Björn's eyes.

"Your empire will fall, bastard. Not so far from now, your empire will fall."

And you would be his key to open the door of success and close the handcuffs around those bastards’ wrists.

Once and for all.

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[iampikachuhearmeroar]

going off the back of that post that i reblogged last night about being a virgin/not dating/not having had a relationship by your 20s should be normalised and not shamed.... i thought I’d make a separate post bc meh anyway.

but yeah going off that post, I hate how when I was 17/18 and 18/19 when I had guys approach me on facebook for sex/a relationship/to date etc the question i had the most from all of those men (who at the time were in their early-to-mid 20s) was “are you like waiting for marriage or some stupid fucking bullshit for losing your virginity? like why the fuck haven’t you slept with someone yet? you’re 17-19! you’re obvs broken and let me/us (the us part was when it was 2 dudes, one trying to set me up with his friend) fucking fix you! what the fuck?” and then obviously that rant devolved into my typical point of “you should’ve fucked someone by the time you were 15!” bullshit rant that all of these men rattled off after the marriage/virginity question.

but no. i’m not waiting for marriage to have sex/lose my very non-existent purely social construct virginity. no. i’m not waiting for it to be “special” bc I know a lot of losing your virginity is MEANT to be awkward and funny and uncomfortable, unlike all the media around it making it seem seamless and perfect half the time.

but you know what I’m waiting for? a person that fucking respects that, in a sense. a person who doesn’t fucking think their stupid fucking mostly good-for-nothing genitals (ok in these cases it obvs a dick) will magically control me and “make you (me) into a real woman who loves real dick, real men, and real sex” which is something that “I’ll give you sex lessons in my car” guy literally said to me in 2014 when he was angry at me for not having lost my virginity by 18/19. im waiting for just like the bare minimum respect level that SO MANY MEN fucking refuse to fucking meet that it makes me fucking sick.

warning: this next part mentions suicide/self-harm.

like y’all I went through a lot with my stalker constantly harassing me with his “will you fucking hurry up and fucking consider that wonderful weekend of sex down the coast, so that I can be the first to have your virginity???!!! (and also so that I don’t try and kill myself, you selfish bitch!)” act. like why in all honest fuck would I give it to a guy that consistently threatened me with his suicide/generally threatened self-harm each time I refused to touch him? why would i give it to the guy who made me terrified that he’d punch me in the face if i ever called that bullshit out or generally criticised his behaviour in any way, shape, or form???? why would i give it to the boy who DEMANDED in first two days of knowing me, that i “hurry up and get on the pill so that I can fuck you!” and then followed that up with refusing to use condoms and then the “we’ll get married & have kids one day bc you’re girlfriend material” line, as if he was going to trap me at 16 with a kid to be his baby mama, and then never let me go to uni etc bc i obviously had to be stuck with the kid while he fucked off and fucked around with other girls.

like y’all 16 year old me mentally read my stalker for fucking FILTH each time he pulled his bullshit acts. she knew that he was abusive/manipulative/controlling etc. why the FUCK would she give him the satisfaction of “being the first to fuck you (her)” like she was some gatekept special unicorn or other fucked up shit???? virginity is used to control women by these creepy manipulative men. and the men mentioned in the first half of this post all were like “like yeah he sounds fucking yikes, but you should’ve just fucked him anyway; to be normal and to not be a fucking stuck up, frigid virgin bitch like you are now! you should of just given the guy a chance!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 maybe he would’ve treated you right if you fucked him and gave him what he wanted!!!! lower your fucking standards!!!!😡” like no????????? and y’all are really going to excuse suicide threats/self-harm threats and other violence towards women, over a woman not having lost her virginity yet???? what THE ACTUAL FUCK IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU?????? you are MOTHERFUCKING TRASH and you need to FUCKING LEAVE.

then yes there was the less yikes clear braces guy at catholic school. but all the same. 14/15 year old me DID NOT LIKE HIM in that way at all. I didn’t want to fucking touch him, because everything about him disgusted me (which was super fucking rude I’ll admit, but yeah).

but why the fuck was she expected to give up her virginity/have a relationship at all etc with a boy that she NEVER had feelings for???? why was she ALWAYS dismissed (typically more often by male students, but also by some female students and then eventually teachers) when she said she didn’t like him???? and even after she fucking dumped him???? WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO BELIEVE GIRLS/WOMEN when they say that they DON’T LIKE and NEVER LIKED someone?????

but other than that, why was I expected to give myself to him??? I had boys who always said to me “I bet you’d love licking the shit out of his braces. yeah get that nasty shit out of there for him with your tounge... I bet you dream about it” and other vile shit about this guy’s psoriasis etc, and other shit like that for 3 straight fucking years..... and then those boys fucking wondered why i’d fucking slap them and storm out of fucking class.... and then they always pretended to act all nice after it. why the FUCK was i expected to endure that?????

this is the relationship where the WHOLE year group pressured me into it (or at least I felt super pressured by my entire year) bc even the other half of the year started to harass me about it. whenever i told anyone to fuck off about it, they’d just push it harder. it was a fucking mortifyingly awkward and awful relationship where i never answered his texts.... where he would spell my name wrong although I was his “best friend” (although yes autocorrect but you wouldn’t over sight that in a text to your girlfriend, right?) and where I constantly faked sick or totally ignored his advances for dates...... by actually going over my friends houses, instead of going to the movies with him.... and then when he moved schools at the end of 2010 I felt like it was my fault bc I’d dumped him???? so he’d lost a good friend after that??? idek man teenagers suck lmao

but in the whole story about clear braces guy, I think you can see the underlying thing there was that i OBVIOUSLY wasn’t ready for a relationship, and honestly I don’t think this guy was either..... considering that when he asked me out over the phone he seemed awkward about it I suppose.... like we’d been pressured into FOR 3 YEARS of constant harassment from our year group..... so he felt like he HAD to ask me out finally. and then when he made it “facebook official” i gagged... and then snapped and then yelled at him. i was fucking livid. i cringed at the couple selfie he took of us at the end of one PE lesson after the “fb official” disaster. it was a fucking nightmare lmao.

can y’all see that this SHOULD NOT HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED AT ALL if we’d just left been left fucking alone to be friends that talked every day???? like yes he had his story of having a crush on me since the start of 2008/year 7, but I always felt nothing like that for him. EVER. we were just two metalhead friends bonding over parkway drive and marilyn manson and emo kids bonding over adtr and other bands which everyone else was into anyway.

like I did feel sorry for him in my class bc no one would sit with him, bc he was a bit weird (the braces thing didn’t help him either). he talked to me too bc most of my class was scared of me and my very dramatic screaming matches with teachers/emotional outbursts that would get me sent out of so many classes for most of year 7. but i always, ALWAYS saw us as just friends. basically it was just my group that believed that I didn’t like him (well eventually) bc they always got up and moved away whenever braces dude came to sit with me at at lunch/recess. like my group was embarrassed for me or something???? idek man.

but yeah. my point with braces guy is that why fuck should I have been pressured into that??? and ESPECIALLY why the actual fuck did it have to be a fucking whole year group level of sustained harassment for 3 straight years, where on every fucking level I WAS FUCKING IGNORED by everyone????.... and where that sustained harassment made me feel as though if I’d said no, i would’ve been called a selfish bitch/whore/slut bc teenagers are dumb as fuck. like even teachers started pushing it from time to time by 2010. i fucking hated it. why should a teenager be harassed ON THAT LEVEL FOR THAT LONG while still being invalidated..... and then still be expected to have a good view of relationships and sex exploration after that???? like it warped my views so much.... and then gave me a big part of a horrible fucking year long depressive episode in 2011..... and also gave me a weirdly obsessive and deathly obvious crush on one of the very popular pretty boys who had pushed me into that relationship anyway.... especially when that said boy gave me a flirtatious comment when I was “going out” with braces boy. like how the fuck is any of that healthy???? why was I expected to lose my virginity to someone I never had feelings for in the first place????

so yeah. this is my view on why people never having had a relationship/never had sex/not lot their virginity by their 20s should be a more normalised thing not to be shamed for...... and why teenagers should NEVER be harassed to have relationship that they don’t want, fucking period. just relationships in high school are fucking awful.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Crawl

Hurricanes? Scary. Alligators? Scary. Put em together and you’ve got a damn solid premise for a creature feature action/horror movie. Hayley (Kaya Scodelario) is going to check on her dad (Barry Pepper) during a severe hurricane because she and her sister haven’t heard from him even though everyone has been ordered to evacuate. When she gets to the house (after an ominous sign warning of an alligator farm nearby), she discovers her dad bleeding and unconscious in the crawl space below the house...and he’s not alone. I mean, that’s some solid shit, right? Pretty difficult to mess that up, wouldn’t you think? Well...

Thankfully, yeah, it is hard to mess up and director Alexandre Aja does a perfectly fine job of keeping the tension high, the sequences scary, and injecting enough human heart into the proceedings that you actually give a damn about the characters. All in all, this is a job well done.

Some thoughts:

The main purpose of this movie is to encourage people not to fuck around with hurricanes, and also to personally target me and my foolish attempt to tempt fate by visiting Florida semi-annually to see Wife’s family. The gators are gonna get me, y’all, and honestly I probably deserve it for my hubris and presumption.

So she’s a swimmer for the Florida Gators swim team. And her dad/swim coach motivates her by telling her she’s an apex predator. A little heavy handed on the foreshadowing here, don’t you think?

Remember when Barry Pepper was in everything? He can still get it. 

This sequence of her driving through the blockade to get to her dad’s house feels like a Jeep commercial, the product placement feels very intense.

Ok, as soon as you see this dog (named Sugar!) I’m sure you’re thinking what I thought which was, “oh shit this dog is gonna die” because in horror movies, the dogs die. BUT! I am so happy to report that this film goes by action movie rules, meaning the dog lives!! She is perfect and very helpful and a sweet angel and no harm comes to her other than, you know, a bit of a stressful day.

The movie is a tight 87 minutes, because it knows what you want to see. You want to see gators. All the pre-gator parts of the movie move along pretty briskly to get to that sweet, sweet gator action. That being said, the pre-gator part also suffers from a general lack of...urgency? Maybe it’s just that Kaya Scodelario works best when she has something perilous to work with (be that the gators or her tumultuous daddy issues). The setup scenes where she’s driving to her dad’s house and monologuing to the dog is cringe city, not least of all because she’s not keeping her eyes on the road when she’s driving in a motherfucking hurricane!

One of the things I appreciate most about this movie is that the characters are industrious and for the most part pretty smart. It makes it much easier to root for them when they’re grabbing makeshift weapons, treating their own wounds as best they can, and using strategic maneuvers to avoid the alligators. There’s really only one “GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING” moment and it could be forgiven due to wanting to take advantage of cell phone signal while she had it. Since the rest of her actions were pretty smart, I’m willing to give her a pass on one. 

Can I just say, after last year’s The Hurricane Heist, I am loving this trend of movie genres + hurricane to create a whole new genre. Now that we have monster movie + hurricane, let’s expand the horizons to include even more options. Buddy cop movie + hurricane. Period costume drama + hurricane. Broadway musical + hurricane. The possibilities are endless!

The movie really hits its stride when Scodelario and Pepper are finally reunited, and the tension and bickering between them feels very real. They don’t have a lot of time but Michael and Shawn Rasmussen’s script goes a long way to establish some real family drama and resolve it in a cathartic way before the movie’s end. A lot of that heavy lifting is done by Pepper as a headstrong and stubborn estranged dad, but the chemistry between both actors is top notch.

I always think about the filming conditions for things like this, and this must have just been a nightmare to shoot. They’re underwater for SO MUCH of this movie, and there are quite a few stunts and action effects that had to be coordinated, especially with the fake alligators. The finished product is honestly very impressive.

As for the gators - holy shit these gators! You guys. I know they’re CGI, but these gators don’t feel over-the-top ridiculous. This isn’t The Meg. These are just normal size (read: huge) gators going about their lives tryin to find a snack. And they are fucking TERRIFYING. I’m drawing a line in the sand here - and I don’t care how controversial you might think this is, I’m gonna say it - don’t fuck with gators.

There is some very realistic body horror happening.

I would definitely call it more of an action movie than a horror movie, but there are quite a few jump scares because these alligators are SNEAKY and can just pop up anywhere.

THERE IS ALSO A SCENE WITH SPIDERS ON HER FACE I WANT TO DIE JUST LET THE GATORS TAKE ME NOW THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE.

One thing I was somewhat confused by - they show this in the trailer, so it’s not a spoiler. At one point Haley discovers alligator eggs that have clearly recently hatched, and it makes you think oh shit now there are gonna be even more alligators everywhere but we never actually see any? There’s a shot of one teeny bby gator coming out of an egg, but other than that, nothing. It feels like the setup for something that never delivered. The only thing I could think was that if this is the territory where they’re laying eggs, the momma gators will be more protective, and thus more aggressive. But I mean...did we have to make them MORE aggressive? I hear “abandoned house + hurricane floodwaters + escaped alligators” I’m not gonna be like “But wait, would they really be trying to attack people?” Say no more, man - my disbelief is suspended.

I have to confess though, the strategy of saying, “Alligators hunt by detecting splashes, so NO SPLASHES,” while sound, is a line that made me laugh.

At one point the eye of the hurricane passes over them (obviously) and Wife leaned over to me and started singing, “In the eye of a hurricane there is quiet for just a moment” from Hamilton and then about 30 seconds later, “I splashed my way out” and that really took a lot of the bite out of that one of the big final escape sequences of the film.

Did I Cry? I teared up a tiny bit. Dad-daughter stuff just gets me right in the heart. I’m a sap, what can I say.

Honestly, this is really solid fare from start to finish. You could easily enjoy this film on Redbox, but there’s something to be said about the immersive, incredibly stressful experience of cutting off all distractions and focusing on a 90-minute adventure like this in a theater. Wife said she has literally never been more stressed, and that’s pretty much the best endorsement you can get for a movie like this.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Soulless Riffing: Brainless Ch. 5

I got a supernatural action/romance book series as a gift that’s just riddled with stuff that I hate….and as a steampunk Victorian London action romance story filled with werewolves and vampires…it’s yeah gonna be easy to poke fun at.

I just want to say, it’s totally cool if you like this story or ones like it!  It’s certainly a better caliber than a lot of what I make fun of…however…I can’t help but want to make fun of it.

Over here for the 1st chapter, 2nd chapter, 3rd chapter, and 4th chapter.

SO FUCK IT HERE GOES!

Chapter 5

So we start this chapter with 2 ½ pages of making out with a lot of, “Gosh I haven’t done this before is this what sexual arousal feels like?”

Which ISN’T BAD necessarily but as a 1 person slut-lovin’ zone who indulges in too much fucking yaoi, this virginal, “What is this feeling?” nonsense is old and I don’t care for it.

Even though they’re in the middle of a backalley street in London in the middle of the night Prof Lyall hones in on their location just in the nick of time to have a convenient interruption.  So I guess the two have to part ways. OH NO! I really needed another line of, “I own a functioning vagina that can run the sexual arousal programming? WHO DA THUNK?!”

The next day, we then have a small scene where Ivy visits Alexia and they squeal about how she totes made-out with Lord Maccon. But at least this time they describe her silly hat. Like it’s huge and it has an entire fake pheasant on it. GIRL I LOVE IT! LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE! I am kinda reading this stories for her hats and I’m not ashamed!

However this is derailed into bad territory again when Ivy asks, “Why do you think he kissed you?” Nobody outside of fanfics asks this stupid-ass question seriously.  The answer to this question is presumed to be cause he’s romantically and sexually interested in her. Presuming otherwise is a middle schooler writing an AU Highschool fanfic with (recent popular fandom) with the entire cast redrawn as OOC tsunderes.

STOP

But that level of cliché, child writing is continued when Alexia reasons, “Oh he didn’t make-out with me because he likes me, he made-out with me because I was talking too much and it shuts me up.”

LONG-TIME WATCHERS OF ME WILL KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT FUCKING LINE OF REASONING!

THIS WAS A POINT IN CITRUS AND I’M GOING TO USE THE LINE I USED IN THAT REVIEW HERE NOW TOO.

“WHY ARE YOU FINGERING MY ASS!?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, it’s the quickest way to get you to stop farting baka!”

SAME LOGIC!

So Alexia goes to a big get together, where Lord Maccon is also in attendance.  However it seems as if, at first, Lord Maccon is ignoring her. So Alexia immediately goes into full pout mode and goes OUT OF HER WAY to avoid him, going so far as to move her assigned seating at the other end of the room.

During dinner, Lord Maccon is then chatting with a woman hitting on him, while Alexia talks to an American scientist named MacDougall in a very deliberate way to make Lord Maccon jealous.  And I mean OH BOY!

Obviously grown ass adults behaving like petulant babies over their relationship isn’t necessarily bad writing, and lord knows I see enough of it that SOMEBODY out there must like it.  But I can’t fucking stand it.  I educate young people for a living.  I have to put up with a lot of petulant, moody, immature, spiteful, shitty behavior. The last thing I want to fucking see in my fantasy trash, is more of the fucking same. YOU CAN HAVE CONFLICT WITHOUT IT, YANNO?

And honestly I already like the scientist guy a lot more than lord Maccon.  He’s friendly, polite, compliments her, and engages her in topics that interest her while she spent half the conversation ignoring him, or deliberately making him uncomfortable.  But WOE IS US the gentleman is described as bespectacled, plump, and with a receding hairline. So by any romance books standards UTTERLY UNFUCKABLE, and may I say?

SUCK ON A SYPHILITIC DICK!

I think sweet, smart, timid, chubby boys with glasses are hot AF and a receding hairline isn’t that boy’s fault.  I’d fuck a million MacDougalls before I would give a manchild like Lord Maccon the time of the god damn day.  

But if he shows up again, no doubt he’s secretly a bad person. Cause Alexia isn’t shallow or something HAHA!

But the dinner concludes with our OTP not exchanging a single word.

Lord Maccon stomps around and pouts about how it went wrong and the good professor is like:

Maybe you shouldn’t have ignored her?

BUT THAT’S (INEXPLICABLY) WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU COURT WEREWOLVES!

She’s not a werewolf.

UHH UHH WELL FUCK HER THAN! ARGH!

You should go grovel.

I DON’T GROVEL CAUSE I A BIG MAN

Go grovel.

Ok I’ll grovel.

Motherfucker you’re hundreds of years old and basically the head of the London Police yet you this dumb? No wonder you’ve been single hundreds of years you colossal fuckwaffle.

Say something Nice Faps:

It makes sense that Alexia and Ivy behave like teen girls because they’re both very new to dating I guess. Even if I hate it.

At least during the dinner our OTP didn’t fucking talk to each other. That would have been worse.

MacDougall, that smokeshow, was in this chapter.  The manga even gave him freckles and a cute little chin-tuft! GOSH I WOULD SLAM HIM LIKE A SCREENDOOR IN A HURRICANE! HNNG!

[ramdomddadds]

Dream daddy ask: dino-nerd dadsona

He was a nerd wasn’t he?

So, um... holly motherfucking cow, I just remembered how much I love acurate, updated dinosaur stuff, and how it could fit the dream daddy fandom?

so, yeah.

I know I’m such a nerd and I’m so late to the fandom but I had fun writing this and here it is

-ROBERT

He notices how fast you get to withling, and how you always make some animal.

He also notices how interested you are in anything supernatural, But always fiting the science factor in there. Like how it could be that jakelopes exist, and they could crosbreed with hares but not bunnyes becouse they are too diferent or how the yeti could be a distant relative of the orangutan...

Or how you are pasionated about movie making too, but prefer realistic stuff, but he says nothing, because he likes silence.

Then, one day, he comes over for movie and pizza, and he finds it: notebooks.

Notebooks all over the house.

There are three different notebooks on the stack of the tea table. One, opened, on the big table at the dinner room. Another one somewere on the kitchen, and many, intersected with books, on the shelves across the house.

With the excuse that it was open and in the same room, he takes the one in the big table, and flips over it.

Its filled with drawings, sketches, notes and doodles of people, planst and animals.

There’s him, and betsy, so thats… there. Theres a lot of Amanda… and many, many animals.

It calls his atention that many of the drawings fit conversations they had.

MC hadn’t hear speak of the dover ghost before he met Robert, but here they were: pages and pages of sketches and different designs of how the dover ghost may look like.

Some of them were more animal-like, others where very human, and other were made of shadow, the mark of the pencil, smugled with the author’s fingers to make it look like smoke. A chill climbed up Robert’s spine when he came across a particular drawing that did look just the way he remembered it, dragging something behind.

There were steps behind him.

“…Robert?”

Ups. MC was back in the room, and he had his nose deep within the sketchbook. Robert concentrated in another drawing, one that was very common, and odd.

Robert lifted his gaze.

“…dinosausr, with feathers?”

“Oh fuck, Robert! Uh…”

Robert held his gaze, smirking

“Yes. Yes, ok? Dinosaurs with feathers. I can explain it”

Robert closed the notebook, but held it as he crosed his legs, leaning in the table

“Im listening”

And he kept listening as MC went on and on, telling him how come dinosaurs actually had feathers, and the remains of them that could still be found in birds, and so many little fascinating facts, with such passion, similar to when Robert himself told intrinsek made up stories.

He smiled. This could be so much fun

-DAMIEN

He was delighted, with MC’s appreciation of his abode. He even said he felt sorry for the dead butterflyes, but still appreciated the beauty of his colection, and the work that went into it.

As soon as they were sitting at the couch, he had asked for the skulls placed across the room.

They walked over to them and talked about fosils. MC tried to guess the species and origin of the bones, and if he did not get the exact thing, he could deduce a lot from looking at them.He took a bit longer to mention the feathers issue. It was nice to have interests in common with Damien and he didn’t want to ruin it with the stupid argument of the feathers.

Of course the day came. They went to the movies, and Damien turned out to be very scared! MC held his hand and rambled on and on of how unrealistic they were, and why some choices were made, and later on the conversation developed into a very popular, clasic movie:

Jurassic park.

“Most raptor species were smaller but there was one or two species the size of the ones in the movie, in wich they were inspired… but they had feathers, all of them, including the T-rex”

“Wait, what?”

“Ups. Uh… see…”

And it was down hill from there.

-CRAIG

When MC got to the BQ and saw Craig waving from across the yard, he recogniced an SOS call. His buddy needed him.

“Dude, I have no idea what is going on”

MC listened quietly for a moment and then leaned onto Craig and wispered to him

“Moustachasaurus is asking a simple question. Rastasaurodon misinterprets it and makes stuff way more complicated thatn it is. Both monsters engage in an eternal loop of bloodshed, a battle of giants. Is the dress blue or yellow? Are best cats or dogs? Pineapple or pineappleless?”

Craig gigles and covers his mouth, wile looking at the two men arguing in front of him.

Hugo tells Mat why he thinks you can not compare two pictures from different moments in history, but when Mat repeats the question, down they go again.

 “Moustachasaurus displays his extense knolege of taking pics throu the ages and Rastasaurodon tries to scape, but Moustachasaurus attacks from behind and they engage in tragic battle again. It must be mating season or something”

 Craig breaks into laughter, distracting the two men with glasses, and pretends he was having an innocent conversation with MC

“Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were?”

 Oh no

He’s got a funny, smug look. Its a trap! ABORT! ABORT!

 “eh… were?”

“Bro”

“Bro”

“Broooo what do you think the tyranosaurus rex did with those tiny arms?”

“Don’t do it bro. I found out. You won’t like it”

“I need to know bro”

“noo”

“Tell me, MC Tell me…”

 Craig held him by the shirt and roughly wispered in his ear

“What were those tiny claws for?”

“Mhhh huu aaaah FEATHERS”

 Craig stepped back, shock written all over his face

 “Bro… not you too”

“Im sorry Craig. It is true”

“No… its impossible. It can not be!”

“The t-rex had feathers. He probabbly had fluffy and colofull arms for display, when fighting for terrytory… and mating”

“Nooooo!”

“I would never lie to you, bro. It is true”

“…the velociraptor too?”

“…specially the velociraptor”

 -JOSEPH

MC tried not to talk about it in front of Joseph. He just didn’t know how he would take it, being religious and all. Until…

Joseph has a yatch. OMG. He has a yacht.

Before they got off the shore, MC was already creeping him out.

 “I just love the sea. It holds so many misteries… do you have interest in all of the marine life? Why would you own a boat if not?”

“hehe, I just enjoy the fantasy of sailing aways into the sunset… just the sea and I”

“But its not just the sea and you. There’s the giant squid. You knew that? its real. They are out there”

“Shh, don’t be afraid. I will protect you”

“No, Im not afraid, Im fascinated! There’s so much we don’t know about the sea, I mean, it is the origin of all life…!”

 And then, an akward silence

…he was nervous, ok?

 “uh… I mean, after God put it there, of course”

“…right”

“…sorry. There’s not a door we can close and open again this time”

 Joseph laughts, maybe to make it a bit less akward

“Actually, speaking of marine life, we may see whales”

“Whales!”

“And dolphins”

“Oh my god, really? Do you see them ofthen?”

“Yeah. You are interested on them? you know they can be cruel right? They drown theyr babys for fun…”

“Oh no, they don’t. Dolphins are some of the most inteligent and social creatures out there. If they ever do that is as a punishent to a misbehabing child, or to teach them to survive when they have trouble. Of course they can go mad or try murder too but it is…”

 Joseph was staring at him in disbelief

 “…rare. …uh. …yeah”

“Wow”

“hmh. Did you know dinosaurs had feathers? Why do you think they died?”

“…what?”

 -MAT

Mat is such a dork. And he babbles. Its adorable! I guess I feel less self-concious near someone who’s also self-concious.

…ok.

He starts talking about music. I don’t know much about music, but it is nice and sweet and Mat knows lots of stuff and it brings memories from a while back, so it is easy to listen and just roll with it.

Speaking of wich.

Retro music reminds me of retro stuff.

And that reminds me of Dinosaurs, and how awful and fake they looked back then.

 “What you talking about, man, dinosaurs are cool. …I think”

“Yeah, but, compare the ones in black and white movies with Jurassic park”

“Oh, yeah. Thats the stuff”

“Ok, now let me tell you: jurassic park is now outdated too. Dinosaurs did not look like that”

“what!?”

 Mat lays down and listens in awe to me babling abut the found proof that dinosaurs had feathers, and not only that, but also also spikes and colorfull crests and shiny scales, and the misterious noises they may had made. Even the spinoaurus from the third movie, turns out it didn’t walk on two feet. I start realising Im babling a bit too much, but he just looks at me with his sweet, big brown eyes and smiles

 “maaaan. I feel so old”

“well, look at the bright side. Not as old as those fossiles”

 -HUGO

Going to the acuarium with Hugo was an exciting adventure. And I got to awe a bunch of kids with my extense trivia about penguins, while he got some kid out of the penguin enclosure. How did she get in there? oh well.

 Trivia nights were also fun. Hugo and I make a good team and there’s lots of cheese!

It was the dawn of a new era. It really started the time the quizz master got some wrestling trivia wrong, and Hugo went head over hills for it.

I went for all the natural history and nature ones.

Thats what I told him when he showed he his colection.

 “Don’t be ashamed of this, man. Remember how I get when Master quizz talks about dinosaurs?”

“Oh. …OH. Oh, boy”

“Oh yeah. I too, have a dark seecret”

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. …but, what could it be? You are just very educated about nature. It is interesting, many people enjoy the nature channel”

 I was giving him a mischevous look

 “It goes deeper than that”

Hugo looks at me in the eyes and then carasses his chin before daring to ask

“…how deep is that?”

I walk closer to him, wrestling belt over my shoulder

“Remember you asked”

 He doesn’t moves, but gulps when I wisper on his ear

 “Dinosaurs had feathers”

“… what?”

“And shiny scales, and colorfull crests, and they made all shorts of music”

“Whait, what, for real?”

“And not all of them went extinct. Not only crocodiles and turtles survived. It has been proved: the birds that we have today descend from dinosaurs like raptors and relatives of the t-rex. Thats why they call it the extintion of the non-aviar dinosaurs now”

“…for real? I… didn’t know that”

“and there was a period, the triasic, when nature was on drugs, and it produced all kinds of crazy stuff!!”

 “Say waaaat?” Said his kid, Ernest, standing in the door. How much did he listen?

 -BRIAN

“oh, is that a dinosaur book?” said MC, and Amanda turned in horror.

“Oh no”

“yes, it is” Said Daisy, with a wide smile “I wish we were studing theese in class, but they don’t talk much about fosiles, just rocks…”

 Brian laughted proudly. “Daisy is not happy with all they teach in class. She is always looking for books with extra stuff…”

Only then he noticed Amanda frantically denying with her head, and making ‘cut it’ gestures. He then looked back at MC. It was too late.

 He was sitting next to Daisy, pointing at pictures in the dinosaur book.

 “Ok, you know this one?”

“Yeah, that’s a brachiosaurus”

“The long-neck one” added Brian “That one’s easy”

“yeah, but it did not look like that. Book is a bit outdated. New data travels faster online. See, look at the skull. Now, where are the holes of the nose?”

 Daisy thoug for a moment.

 “… they are… above its eyes? On the top of the forehead?”

“Exactly. Now, don’t you think that’s a bit weird? Having such a wide, weird nose, and a big mouth way apart? Something’s missing”

“Yeah…?”

“Ok, now look at the skull of an elephant”

 MC took out his phone and showed her pictures

 “… it doesn’t have a nose! And the cavities are huge and… oh my god!”

“Exactly. The trumpet is big and important, but it has no bones. If someone found the fosil of an elephant, but never saw one, they would draw him without a trumpet”

“Like it happened to the brachiosaurus. It had a trumpet! Dad!”

 Brian nearly flinched. He was barely catching up

 “The brachiosaurus had a trumpet, dad! Can you believe it?”

 Brian looked at Amanda. She was scrolling throu her phone like nothing was going on.

 “actually, not necesary a trumpet, see…”

 Daisy turned her attention fully back to MC

 “They are both big hervibores, but the brachiosaurus had a very long neck. It didn’t need a long trumpet. …kind of like a giraff. Have you seen what they do?”

 Daisy denied. MC was already playing a video of a giraff using its lips, and loong, sticky toung to catch things and eat them.

 “it probably didn’t have a trumpet. Nor a long tounge, but there was definetly something important on its nose, wich it probably used for eating and for singing, kinda like cows do, and maybe it was colorful, or diferent between males and females…”

“wooow! It is a big feature, why they don’t use it in movies?”

“see, it is kind of risky, to design such an extrange animal, so they play it easy and just cover the skull with skin. And that’s not all”

“there is more!?”

“this animals had spikes all over their tails, wich have been found incrusted in the skull of predators like the T-rex”

“Wooah!”

 “Don’t feel left out” Amanda said to Brian, seeing that the poor guy needed some company “he can’t help it, loves the stuff. Just make sure you can handle it before letting him anywere near the museum”

“uh… ok”

“And whatever you do, never ask about dinosaurs with feathers” she wispered this “You will never hear the end of it”

[ninjakitty15]

Chapter 17: Bigger Fish, Doo Doo Doo Doo (Loki x OFC Pairing)

No matter how many times I visited Salem in the past, I never got tired of shop hopping every touristy store or authentic wiccan shop in the city. Of course with it being so close to All Hallows Eve, that wasn't what ended up happening when the streets were packed with street vendors and all their beautifully handcrafted delights. Under normal circumstances, I'd abhor walking through so many crowds of people but this was the only time of year I really felt strong and alive again, with the veil between worlds being so thin it was like Ned Flanders ski suit. Of course even before all the necromancy stuff I loved the holiday, there was nothing more liberating than dressing up as whatever the hell you want and no one judging you for it or making you feel less for doing so. Plus free candy, you can't go wrong with free candy despite all those urban legends about drugs or razors being mixed into that. Just don't go trick or treating to places/neighborhoods you aren't familiar with, it's common sense people!

"Steer clear of the fake psychics while we're here, they don't like me much," I warned Loki as he eyed a palm reader tent.

"Why, what did you do?"

"Called them out and made them lose clients, it's their own damn fault preying on desperate people who just want to talk to their recently deceased loved ones and capitalizing on it. For just this amount of money I can get them to talk to you, even make them solid so you can see em one last time. That's fucked up, you're giving them false hope and a bigger hole in their wallet. The real ones also charge you for it but they're not as over the top."

"Is there a way to tell a difference between them without being sucked in by their claims?"

"I can tell them apart, one is actually linked to the dead, the other is just greedy bastards. But I kinda doubt others can tell them apart and that's how they lure em in. Like an angler fish."

"Hideous beasts those creatures are from what I've seen of them, hope you don't go fishing for them like other big fish," Loki muttered.

"We tend to not go for deep sea creatures because as you said, the deeper they are the uglier and freakier they get and that's not remotely appetizing."

"You'll eat squid and those crustaceans though and they're not that pretty either."

"Because they're not deep sea and they're fucking delicious, I will fight whoever says lobsters especially aren't delicious, that's my favorite food in the whole multiverse."

"I have a strong suspicion you haven't even been off this planet let alone another universe."

I glared playfully at the cocky god and scoffed. "Minor details, it's still the bees knees."

We wandered and splurged till the evening and returned to the field by the sea while there was still sunlight, enjoying the quiet as vendors started to simmer down before the night festivities started up.

"You really wanna stay here? With me?" I asked him quietly as we watched the skyline.

"I take it you're surprised I've suggested such a long term commitment to someone I've not known that long and it's understandable your reaction but I meant it."

"You know we can't have a family, well I can't, apparently you can if those myths about you were true."

He gave me an unamused, pointed look, knowing full well that I knew they weren't true as he himself made that clear. "All I want is to be with you, in the end. What comes after that, whatever it is, we'll handle it together."

"Bring it on," I agreed.

"If you say so," a new voice interrupted.

I spun around just in time to feel something big and burning strike me right in the chest, knocking me back off my feet and several feet away from Loki who's face went from horror to furious and instantly went back to his preferred form of black hair and green Asgardian attire, a dagger in each hand. I scrambled to my feet only to be shot at, not by magic this time around but by rock salt, not just good against ghosts like in Supernatural. Black blood instantly spread from the chest wound and up my throat as I coughed to clear it, still stunned from the magic punch and weakened from the salt. "Motherfucker!" I couldn't see from where I lay which rat bastard of the traitors knocked me down but I could definitely see the Hydra agents closing in on us. I looked over to where Loki was and his eyes locked on mine and he instantly knew what I was trying to convey, we couldn't fight them when I'm down and out, and I didn't wanna fight them in my happy place anyway, we needed an out. He didn't hesitate on the idea and created a thick green smokescreen around us as he rushed to my aid, picking me up in his arms and teleported us away from the oncoming chaos.

We were suddenly in NYC, Loki still holding me in his arms, surrounded by buildings in one of the parks, probably Central.  

"We can't be out in the open," I gasped, turning my head away from him to spit out more blood.

"And we don't want to draw the Avengers attention either, I assume, so where?"

"Do you need an address? I don't know where exactly but I have an idea of where."

"Think of it and I'll get us there."

So I did and green magic took us into a set of apartment buildings in a rough part of the city.

"You sure this is a good idea?" he asked me softly.

"I just need a place to lay low till I can get all the damned salt out of my system, its hindering my ability to self heal."

Loki carried me to the first door we could find that I felt would be the safest bet and knocked on it softly.

"One second!" a familiar somewhat squeaky voice called from the other side before hurried footsteps were heard coming to the door and it was pulled open. "Mr. Loki! What are you doing here? Oh my God, what happened?"

"I got shot, can we come in, please?" I asked the kid in front of us.

"O-of course, man, it's a good thing May's out having a date tonight though, good timing there," he muttered. "Why here though?" He stepped aside to let Loki carry me in where I was gently placed on the couch, my head propped on a pillow propped on his lap while the host propped on the farther armrest.

"I needed a place to lay low and away from the Avengers, so you can't tell Tony I'm here, like at all, same for Loki."

"O-ok, but wouldn't he be able to help you, there's nothing I could do here, he'd have more experience and resources."

"None of which can help heal someone already dead, hun, all I need is a place to hide that's off the radar and seeing as none of your enemies know where you live, I kinda suspect your place is my best bet right now. I won't stay long, just gotta recover and I'm off like a herd of turtles."

Peter looked at me with an expression between concern and curiosity. "Who shot you? I thought you said most weapons don't work."

"Hydra are on my tail again and they have people, my people helping them track me down. Most weapons don't work on their own, I got hit by something else first that weakened my defenses down to a normal human's so I wouldn't be able to heal myself when I got shot after." I looked at Peter then, really looked at him, I didn't need ghost vision to see he was a good kid, insatiable curiosity and all. He worshiped Tony without question or hesitation, stuck to his morals, and did his best in all he could which couldn't be easy as for a kid, he could do a hell of a lot.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked me.

I wanted to shrug but pain didn't allow much movement. "What's good for flushing salt from a wound?"

"Water and foods rich in potassium, um sports drinks with electrolytes in them."

I wrinkled my nose at the last one. "Of all the choices Tony made, the one he made on you takes the cake. I think you need to submerge me in water, you do have a tub right?"

"Of course. Do you need help with that or...?"

"I've got her," Loki assured him.

"What he means is I'm about to get naked and he doesn't like sharing the view," I joked. "Ain't that right, babe?"

"Even when you're bleeding out, you still manage to tease me over this," he growled. "Maybe I should just drown you."

"You're welcome to try but I should remind you first that I don't breathe so that kinda won't work. Pete, lead the way and thank you."

I let myself sink to the cold porcelain bottom of the tub, staring up through the water at Loki who watched me worriedly as the water started turning dark with blood. To lighten the mood, I started singing Singing in the Rain like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, as after this bath I'd be cured alright.

Peter knocked on the door during one point, making sure I was doing okay without peaking in, being the little superpowered boyscout he was. While I was flushing out salt, he was nice enough to clean and dry my clothes for me at nearest laundromat which I was thankful for and also surprised he got out the black blood stains, maybe I should just wear black for the purpose of hiding blood but then it wasn't often people made me bleed my own blood. Once I was strong enough to move without crumbling, I allowed Loki to pull me out and dry me before he returned my clothes fresh out of the dryer and I sighed at the warmth before collapsing back on the couch as Peter insisted there was no rush to leave.

"What could've made your defenses that weak?" Peter asked.

"Not a whole lot actually, I wasn't brought back from the dead just to die by any ordinary means."

"It had to be mine," Loki murmured.

"What?"

"The color of the energy blast was green when it was fired at you and you flickered to your old form when you got hit by it. They must have gotten it from me while I was contained with you back there."

If I wasn't already unnaturally pale, I would be now. "They're getting smarter, those bastards, how the fuck did they figure that out?"

"Does it matter? They know I'm your weakness more than metaphorically now, while I doubt they can keep using what they got from me initially, as long as we're both still around they'll be after us."

I groaned and dropped back on the couch dramatically. "This is why I wanted more power to begin with, to stop being a target and level the playing field or wipe out competitors. Should've kept the receipt on that deal."

"There's always a bigger fish," mused Peter.

"Yeah well I was promised I'd be great white status and Hydra ain't remotely close to Megalodon so I shouldn't be dealing with them like I'm forced to."

"Megalodon?" questioned Loki curiously.

"The biggest shark to exist on this planet, could swallow the biggest animal easily if it were still around but it presumably died out with the other prehistoric monsters of earth. Could eat a whole pod of whales and still have room for more."

"Hold on, what do you mean presumably?" squeaked Peter.

"There's speculation they're just napping at the bottom of the sea somewhere, I mean it makes sense since sharks are still around when all other prehistoric beasties are out of existence, they're survivors. I mean yeah there's relatives of them walking around now but sharks stayed sharks, just smaller over time. Much like people, they too shrink with old age."

"Is that why you're so short?" teased Loki.

I opted to simply punch him in the arm but as I hadn't completely recovered, while the bleeding and flickering had stopped and the wound was closing, I apparently still had mortal strength and the very audible sound of fingers breaking happened as a result. "My me-time hand!"

"That shouldn't be an issue when you have me," Loki noted.

I scowled. "Yeah well that ain't happening anytime soon, my moral compass might not point north but I'm not shagging in a tiny little apartment as a guest, we'd destroy the place and the host's sanity and innocence in the process and then Tony will really be after us."

"Have it your way, oh wait you can't as your good hand is broken," he retorted.

"Peter, how strong are your webbings, could they muzzle a god for instance?" I asked the hapless kid watching us.

"I-I'm not sure that's a good idea, Nell. I think with you being injured and him being an actual god, he might actually be the strongest here."

"Nah, give him to Dr. Banner on a bad day and he's just like the rest of us. You on the other hand, you're young and super strong and can stop a speeding bus with your bare hands or hold a ferry together. I can see why Tony has such faith in you, you got some serious potential...don't fuck it up."

"I won't...and thanks."

"You're a good kid, Pete, with a big heart and a serious case of wounded puppy look, don't let anyone change you, you've no idea how rare someone like you is in this world."

"That's-that's really...are you okay? I mean, I kinda thought you didn't like me and now you're..."

"Nah you're okay, just before when you were at the compound, you were a fucking moment killer, pun intended and that insatiable curiosity can get on my nerves when I'm already in a mood by you ruining my good one so you kinda had it coming then but seeing as I interrupted you this time around, we good." My hand bones began to fix themselves as my body was slowly returning to it's dead stasis state of unbreakable but not alive either. I wiggled the fingers once they set themselves back properly and sighed happily. "It's good to be dead."

[insecure-hbo-the-recaps]

hella blows

Previously on Insecure: Issa is cool with Daniel, but he knows what it is. She’s all about her hoe-tation. Molly’s dad cheated on Molly’s mom which made her feel stupid enough to sleep with Dro. Issa wanted to make sure Daniel knew they were both seeing other people.

Issa’s alarm goes off and at first it looks like she’s beyond late for work. But it’s something even worse than that: she has to get up to move her car out of designated parking to a free side of the street before she gets a ticket or tow. Ikr? About 65% of the reason I want to move out of my current neighborhood even though it’s a huge hassle. “Ay! Your bumper bout to fall off,” some idiot points out obliviously. “Thanks!” Issa trills in a curt “no duh” kind of way.

Molly is working late. Dro calls and she hesitates before answering, clearly not looking forward to it. She thinks they’re going to have a serious conversation but of course he is just calling to shoot the shit. I feel like probably unfairly this paints Dro as suspect? Who fucks their lifelong friend while in an open marriage and then calls like nothing is different? I get the counterargument that that may be WHY he would call and act like nothing is different. But I don’t trust these fools.

Molly gets a call on the other line, and tells Dro she has to go because it’s her mom. But rather than brace herself for the sure emotional baggage that would come from that, Molly actually doesn’t answer, and just sits there thinking about what a mess her life is. She and Dro apparently have plans to see each other the next day, which is ostensibly the real reason why he called.

Shout out to Issa’s superfluously woke outerwear. She’s wearing that sweatshirt with a somewhat less than casual long skirt by the way. She has no car, so she has to take the bus. She eyes some latino kid as though she recognizes him. He regards her awkwardly as if he recognizes her too. She slides Daniel a potential come thru text and heads into her apartment, bored and restless. She has an email for somethin called a “Sexplosion,” which is appealing to her in this moment of drudgery. She bored.

Deciding this particular boredom is not something she can merely abide, Issa figures maybe she’ll stop in on Neighbor Bae. Her bathroom freshen up routine consists of mouthwash and an aggressive verbal affirmation seminar. She’s one hundred percent gasssed up.

She obliviously heads downstairs and knocks on Neighbor Bae’s door. He is surprised to see her, but he’s clearly pretending not to know whether or not he asked her over, which is polite. Issa assumes her dropping by should be welcomed, but Eddie has company. He makes needlessly polite excuses when honestly he didn’t have to because who the fuck is Issa? Mama gotta have a life too.

Although Issa has to vent via mirror freestyle (“I could cry right now I’m so embarrassed and mad, I hope you can’t get it up and that her pussy is trash”) I mean, come on. Be reasonable. You’re going to have to get a much thicker skin and a lot more comfortable with rejection if you’re going to try to be about that ho life. And you know what, it’s not for everyone. I had a friend who for some reason thought she was this perfect princess in her mind when really when she’d tell me stories I’d be looking at her like this is some random bitch who will do cocaine with strangers on a first date and then fuck them on the way home so why you think you deserve a doctor husband though? The answer to that question is that she was white and therefore delusional, but the overall point is that not everybody can brave the harsh landscape of being single and dating, and if you try to fake it you’ll just end up crying at bars when men ask you why you’re single (which also happened to this friend).

I really hate when I take accidental pauses like this one lol:

As Issa irritatedly deals with not getting the dick she psyched herself up for, she gets a double whammy of rejection when Daniel answers her come thru text that he’s busy. Issa is not feeling singleness at this moment. There’s an interlude with Baby Voiced Darius where he asks her, just randomly for no reason, if she’s going to Target. “Why would I be?” Issa snaps. I mean, it’s a fair question. I’m potentially going to Target 40% of the time in any random day.

In some other cool, quirky, millennial loft in Los Angeles, Lawrence is making some kind of pitch to a motley group of assembled coworkers. So now we finally get some details on the elusive Woot Woot: “it aggregates all of your data, where you shop, where you eat, where you drink, and it makes recommendations based on that.” Motherfucker how is this any different from all the bullshit Netflix keeps recommending me 67 times that I’m not going to watch, or how google is so Big Brother on us now that if I’m watching or listening to something and decide to look up part of it, it can autocomplete my search based on less than one word? I mean to say… technology been way able to do that for a long time, bruh. Everyone cheers and applauds and Lawrence, in a very ugly navy cardigan, grins big at what seems like praise and encouragement of his idea. And… this was the idea he’d been working on while unemployed for two years? AND WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH “WOOT WOOT”?!

Two guys that I’m going to assume are Lawrence’s superiors are giving him feedback. Bosses in the start up world look like this:

I’m glad I’m not inclined to this field because it’s honestly not something that I think I would be able to take seriously lol. They say it’s great and they loved the presentation. While their feedback sounds positive and Lawrence obviously thinks it’s a vote of confidence, if you listen closely they’re doing nothing but praising him individually and offering compliments to the fact that he is working hard and competently, not praising the viability of his work specifically. They make no comments whatsoever about the app being a good idea or potential product. Then, just to underscore the fact that they are Clueless White People, the fat guy asks Lawrence about his shoes, and calls them fly. I would take issue that at this point it seems like the show just makes fun of white people just to mock them and make white people as a whole unsympathetic but on the other hand… white people stay doing fake bonding shit like this when they don’t have to, so if they look bad, then, motherfuckers, stop doing the shit.

Where do you suppose Issa and Molly are? I’m at a loss as to whether this is a Chinese restaurant, a really shitty travel agency, or somewhere where you can get your eyebrows waxed for eight dollars. Molly is telling Issa she’s worried that she may have fucked up her friendship with Dro, and Issa points out that that wouldn’t be surprising considering that she fucked her friend. I think that it’s nice just a couple episodes ago Molly was having this talk with Issa, and now Issa’s having it with Molly.

It turns out they’re in a mechanic waiting room while Issa gets an estimate to fix her car. Molly opines that Dro is the only person/man who’s seen her at her worst so why would she go and complicate things this way? And the way I feel about that is… if you start fucking a married man you really can’t be thinking about any of this shit where he may potentially be a person that is anything other than a married man. Remind me again that at some point during this story line I take a complete break to tell y'all about how I was fucking a married man. The point is anyway that Molly is doing the most emotionally when you’d think it would be easy to understand that in a situation like this specifically you need to do your best to chill. Her current thought is to tell Dro she doesn’t want it to happen again when they hang out later that night.The mechanic comes back and tells Issa they’ll have to order parts to do the repairs (which duh she’s getting body work done) and it’ll be about 5500. Issa balks at that price tag.

Remember in the previous episode where Molly and Issa talked about a vacation? Molly still wants to go (listing a bunch of countries and islands that start with M, prompting Issa to chide annoyedly “there are other places with other letters”) seemingly oblivious to the fact that if Issa can’t afford to repair her car, she can’t afford to go on vacation. In hindsight, this show really put a LOT of effort into very deliberate continuity between episodes, for really small things.

Issa is frustrated because she had been doing really well with all her various life parts and now all of them seem to be scattering out abruptly. She’s still having trouble accepting that men she’s seeing casually aren’t just available for her whenever she wants them to be. Ok so… how are you saying you want Daniel to know to stay in his place, and you want Mexican Bae not to expect anything from you, but you want them to be willing to do whatever you want when you want it? Again: be reasonable sis. If you’re gonna dish it out then obviously you have to take it back too. Then she acknowledges sex with her is mediocre and, again, this is where she loses me. I don’t think I would ever describe sex with me as “acceptable” except on occasions when I know I am making no effort to leave an impression. Come on now. Half the dudes I got to stick around as adults - when sex is less of an issue and everyone has more baggage - is probably 80% because sex was the only draw. And I’m partially joking (clearly I have the delusionally high self esteem of a complete asshole and I like it that way), but seriously it’s something that you have to think about as you get older. The Panties Card gets flimsier and flimsier, until it is no longer a guaranteed bargaining chip to maintain someone’s attention which frankly was news to me.

Back at the super cool Los Angeles tech start up, Lawrence stops by Arpana’s desk and playfully asks her questions around what he should do with his impending takeover of the app world. Arpana makes this face:

Clearly she is clued into what Lawrence is not, which is that the presentation did not go as well as he thought it did. She tells him he should lower his expectations, because she doesn’t think Woot Woot is viable: it felt outdated. Speaking of delusional self esteem, Lawrence cooly replies that it’s fine if she doesn’t see the vision and who cares because she’s not the one greenlighting it anyway. As he gets up to leave, Arpana adds that clearly the bosses weren’t into it like they were some other app where they asked questions and dug through the pitch looking for flaws then scheduled a follow up. It slowly sinks in on Lawrence that maybe she has a point, but when she says “it’s like they didn’t want to offend you,” Lawrence puts his defenses back up and tells her that she’s entitled to her opinion. While I don’t approve of Lawrence’s childish blindspots, I do approve of his polite passive aggressive work rebuttals. (Professional environments love passive aggression.)

Laker bar. Molly shows up for her date with Dro, nervous about the speech she plans to drop. She awkwardly explains that she feels like things are different though objectively Dro’s behavior doesn’t seem in any way out of the ordinary. He tells her she’s being dramatic and to calm the fuck down. They playfully joke about french fries and apparently that’s all it took to defuse the tension.

The tension was so de-fused that they went back to Molly’s place after the game to offer us another excellently choreographed sex scene. A.) Molly’s headboard is everything (quality headboards are not in reach of everyone’s financial adult life, sigh) and b.) of all the ones we’ve seen so far I think Molly’s sex scenes are the only ones that are actually sexy.

Meanwhile, Issa has invited Mexican Bae over to her place. She doesn’t really want to date him, so this is all a ruse to hopefully get some dick. As she makes pointed conversation drawing attention to her visible bra and the obscene shortness of her skirt, at this point it’s like… do you even actually want some dick or is this just about proving a point? Like are you actually horny and wanting to get fucked? Nico plays along politely, even ignoring her obvious come ons. We are then treated to an awkward scene where Nico wants to treat Issa like a person and she wants to treat him like a conquest. It’s painful to witness.

Issa decides to try a more direct move and just initiates kissing. Nico tries to bring the date back around to their dinner reservations. I feel like the fact that he’s meant to be fairly older than Issa is supposed to play into this. Issa goes so far as to try to bypass this, and when Nico tells her to slow down - “I really like you and I don’t want to rush past this, I want to get to know you” - it just makes Issa angry. Even then, Nico is STILL WILLING to go out to dinner, but Issa apparently is too prideful for this so she flatly rejects him and watches him leave. Sigh. I do understand where she’s coming from, I do. But she’s going about it all the wrong way - very defensively and insecurely. (Oh! I get it now! Ba dum bum.)

Back at Molly’s, she and Dro are doing the post coital thing. He points out that she said she didn’t want to do this anymore. Molly is clearly in a dick haze because her defenses are vastly lowered. She wants to know the boundaries of their non-relationship but Dro is all cool and aloof. He does tell her he isn’t looking for a second side piece which you’d think considering the circumstances would clue her into how ridiculous a conversation this is. She’s asking a married man whether he wants to fuck other women on the side of his wife, isn’t that inherently answering its own question?

Anyway Dro says that Candace knows they are sleeping together and in fact it was her idea to open the relationship. Or so he says. Molly, like a fool, just wants to indulge her butterflies. Her caution is just lip service. She wanted to be told what she wanted to hear.

Another day at work, Lawrence decides to stop by the bosses’ office - where they are standing at waist high desks instead of sitting - and follow up regarding his presentation. Recalling Arpana’s words, he asks whetehr they have any feedback regarding his Woot Woot pitch. I really like the way they framed this shot:

as they shoot each other uncomfortable looks at being put on the spot. Lawrence is speaking in terms of how to to move forward with a viable project, but the bosses do nothing but offer more empty compliments. They have no additional thoughts that would signify any real concerns that would be relevant were this to be an actual project they undertook. The fat boss says they love having his “perspective and input” which delicately suggests Lawrence is there as a diversity hire and not as a real and valuable part of the team. “You bring a lot to the team,” the skinny guy says. The fat guy gives a typically encouraging bullshit line of being excited to see “Lawrence 2.0” and the skinny guy laughs sycophantically. If Lawrence still doesn’t get it, the fact that they overcompensate about his shoes again (“what store did you get those from again?”) should leave him in no doubt. Emasculating… no? (I have far too many thoughts on this subject so let’s move on. They aren’t particularly original, so I’ll spare you.)

Sexplosion. Hey! There are strippers doing pole tricks and chocolatey penis cakes so… what is Tiffany’s job again that this is a thing she does? Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany stroll up and take a bunch of free condoms. Issa thinks Molly broke things off with Dro because she asks why she needs condoms. They talk about barriers for oral sex and I just remembered this is the episode where they have the problematic, regressive conversation about oral sex.

So, let’s just get this out of the way: Tiffany, the only married one who is clearly the most whitewashed of the group, is the only one to openly acknowledge she loves giving blowjobs. Kelli doesn’t do it wholesale, Issa doesn’t like to do it, and Molly gives the Carrie Bradshaw (because of course this was a conversation on SEASON ONE of sex and the city) response of how it’s not her favorite but she’s flexible. Question: is this what black women are still on in the streets?

Being called a “ho” and ostracized for having any kind of sexuality is something that I left behind in high school once I was an adult and didn’t see any reason to need my choices validated by gossip and/or people I didn’t know. And the conservative quasi-religious culture of patriarchal standards and misogynist perspectives is something I completely abandoned in grad school when the only black men around that wanted to date me behaved like the shit I’d left behind in high school and I realized I was totally unfamiliar with any other cultural norms. I’m not going to go off on a tangent to get to the bottom line that I would hope this is not still a widespread understanding amongst young black women these days though I would not be entirely surprised if it were. I want to sum it up as so: when I exclusively dated black men some of the time I’d be sleeping with a guy who would refuse to ever kiss me, for apparently no reason whatsoever other than it was culturally normal. I was surprised when I started dating white men and they really do want to wake up and kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning. I slept with a motherfucker all four years of undergrad who never went down on me ONCE. Like, I can’t - I feel like I’m biased and I don’t want to preach from that perspective, so I’m not even going to dig into this.

I will say this - I don’t know how the fuck you expect to successfully date as an adult when you have whole chunks of sexual entrees completely off the menu - for WHATEVER ideological reason - yet continue to think you are dating as a normal person. It’s a hang up. Call it a hang up and accept it.

The next day, Molly is reading an article by Serena Williams about closing the pay gap. Damn, that makes me feel bad. Her mom is still calling and leaving voicemails. At an office across town, Lawrence makes amends with Arpana by acknowledging “Woot Woot” is dead. He tells her she was right, and also there was a racial component to their behavior. Arpana bonds with him as a WOC. Lawrence finally starts to accept he was wrong about his app. They both slowly realize there’s some attraction there that might go somewhere, sometime soon. Every single Woot Woot joke this show has made has been hilarious.

Issa is at Daniel’s listening to some song he produced. It sounds good. Issa says it has a black Daft Punk vibe whiiiiich… it sounds good and nothing like Daft Punk at the same time. They have a moment about how apparently Issa likes champagne with a shot of Jameson. That’s new. They are very flirty and comfortable and eventually start kissing. Issa pushes him down on the couch and as they start to undress, she stops him and gets down on her knees. Speaking of hang ups, I refused to ever give a blowjob literally on my knees, until I started playing it up as an ego thing.

Somewhere across town, Molly is also having a sexy night, in some fancy sterile bathroom taking a bubble bath while Dro sits on the edge of the tub. Before they get too far along, Dro gets a text from his wife who has accidentally locked herself out of their home. Molly is disappointed, and plays it off badly. They were doing a fancy hotel thing ordering in romantic shit which… I mean, I don’t know, if they like it then I’ll abide it silently. Have taken a bath with a guy I was casually sleeping with though. The water was so hot we were both sweating and the wine glasses were fogging up. He asked me how my day was and when I started to reply he started using his fingers on me, but ordered me to keep talking. That dude and I were basically hate fucking, but that moment was always sexy as hell to me.

Back at Daniel’s he is impressed with Issa’s blowjob skills. And then this sequence of events happens: he’s about to come, and he grabs Issa’s head, somehow holding it in place until:

Look! I took a screenshot for you! Bwahahahaha. Seriously how would that work logistically? He’s holding her head down, so he… strategically pulls it up and manages to put it in exactly the right place so that he could shoot her in the eye? Issa is pissed. Daniel acts like he doesn’t know why she’s upset. Issa is so mad she’s incoherent, and forcefully pushes him away when he tries to touch her. Issa’s anger is on one level due to the aforementioned hangups about blowjobs - she said she felt like once you sucked a dude’s dick he felt like he conquered you and relegated you to ho status - but on another level, Daniel is rude as fuck and it is NEVER ok to do a facial without express consent. Her anger is justified, even if it is a bit exacerbated by other issues. Any man who is not an ain’t-shit knows it’s rude to come in your mouth without permission LET ALONE ON YOUR FACE! Hell I’ve dated men that wouldn’t come on me even when I asked, or my ex who would always pull away without my asking, even though I didn’t give a goddamn WHERE he came, EVER. Like, Daniel’s rude as fuck.

So, Issa tells him fuck you and leaves. She ends up hovering around a gas station waiting for her Uber pool that already has two people in it, holding a wet towel to her eye. “Issa?” the driver asks. “Issa car pool!” and everyone laughs except Issa because she’s tired of getting the idea that she’s the butt of every joke.

[insecure-hbo-recaps]

hella blows

Previously on Insecure: Issa is cool with Daniel, but he knows what it is. She's all about her hoe-tation. Molly's dad cheated on Molly's mom which made her feel stupid enough to sleep with Dro. Issa wanted to make sure Daniel knew they were both seeing other people.

Issa's alarm goes off and at first it looks like she's beyond late for work. But it's something even worse than that: she has to get up to move her car out of designated parking to a free side of the street before she gets a ticket or tow. Ikr? About 65% of the reason I want to move out of my current neighborhood even though it's a huge hassle. "Ay! Your bumper bout to fall off," some idiot points out obliviously. "Thanks!" Issa trills in a curt "no duh" kind of way.

Molly is working late. Dro calls and she hesitates before answering, clearly not looking forward to it. She thinks they're going to have a serious conversation but of course he is just calling to shoot the shit. I feel like probably unfairly this paints Dro as suspect? Who fucks their lifelong friend while in an open marriage and then calls like nothing is different? I get the counterargument that that may be WHY he would call and act like nothing is different. But I don't trust these fools.

Molly gets a call on the other line, and tells Dro she has to go because it's her mom. But rather than brace herself for the sure emotional baggage that would come from that, Molly actually doesn't answer, and just sits there thinking about what a mess her life is. She and Dro apparently have plans to see each other the next day, which is ostensibly the real reason why he called.

Shout out to Issa's superfluously woke outerwear. She's wearing that sweatshirt with a somewhat less than casual long skirt by the way. She has no car, so she has to take the bus. She eyes some latino kid as though she recognizes him. He regards her awkwardly as if he recognizes her too. She slides Daniel a potential come thru text and heads into her apartment, bored and restless. She has an email for somethin called a "Sexplosion," which is appealing to her in this moment of drudgery. She bored.

Deciding this particular boredom is not something she can merely abide, Issa figures maybe she'll stop in on Neighbor Bae. Her bathroom freshen up routine consists of mouthwash and an aggressive verbal affirmation seminar. She's one hundred percent gasssed up.

She obliviously heads downstairs and knocks on Neighbor Bae's door. He is surprised to see her, but he's clearly pretending not to know whether or not he asked her over, which is polite. Issa assumes her dropping by should be welcomed, but Eddie has company. He makes needlessly polite excuses when honestly he didn't have to because who the fuck is Issa? Mama gotta have a life too.

Although Issa has to vent via mirror freestyle ("I could cry right now I'm so embarrassed and mad, I hope you can't get it up and that her pussy is trash") I mean, come on. Be reasonable. You're going to have to get a much thicker skin and a lot more comfortable with rejection if you're going to try to be about that ho life. And you know what, it's not for everyone. I had a friend who for some reason thought she was this perfect princess in her mind when really when she'd tell me stories I'd be looking at her like this is some random bitch who will do cocaine with strangers on a first date and then fuck them on the way home so why you think you deserve a doctor husband though? The answer to that question is that she was white and therefore delusional, but the overall point is that not everybody can brave the harsh landscape of being single and dating, and if you try to fake it you'll just end up crying at bars when men ask you why you're single (which also happened to this friend).

I really hate when I take accidental pauses like this one lol:

As Issa irritatedly deals with not getting the dick she psyched herself up for, she gets a double whammy of rejection when Daniel answers her come thru text that he's busy. Issa is not feeling singleness at this moment. There's an interlude with Baby Voiced Darius where he asks her, just randomly for no reason, if she's going to Target. "Why would I be?" Issa snaps. I mean, it's a fair question. I'm potentially going to Target 40% of the time in any random day.

In some other cool, quirky, millennial loft in Los Angeles, Lawrence is making some kind of pitch to a motley group of assembled coworkers. So now we finally get some details on the elusive Woot Woot: "it aggregates all of your data, where you shop, where you eat, where you drink, and it makes recommendations based on that." Motherfucker how is this any different from all the bullshit Netflix keeps recommending me 67 times that I'm not going to watch, or how google is so Big Brother on us now that if I'm watching or listening to something and decide to look up part of it, it can autocomplete my search based on less than one word? I mean to say... technology been way able to do that for a long time, bruh. Everyone cheers and applauds and Lawrence, in a very ugly navy cardigan, grins big at what seems like praise and encouragement of his idea. And... this was the idea he'd been working on while unemployed for two years? AND WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH "WOOT WOOT"?!

Two guys that I'm going to assume are Lawrence's superiors are giving him feedback. Bosses in the start up world look like this:

I'm glad I'm not inclined to this field because it's honestly not something that I think I would be able to take seriously lol. They say it's great and they loved the presentation. While their feedback sounds positive and Lawrence obviously thinks it's a vote of confidence, if you listen closely they're doing nothing but praising him individually and offering compliments to the fact that he is working hard and competently, not praising the viability of his work specifically. They make no comments whatsoever about the app being a good idea or potential product. Then, just to underscore the fact that they are Clueless White People, the fat guy asks Lawrence about his shoes, and calls them fly. I would take issue that at this point it seems like the show just makes fun of white people just to mock them and make white people as a whole unsympathetic but on the other hand... white people stay doing fake bonding shit like this when they don't have to, so if they look bad, then, motherfuckers, stop doing the shit.

Where do you suppose Issa and Molly are? I'm at a loss as to whether this is a Chinese restaurant, a really shitty travel agency, or somewhere where you can get your eyebrows waxed for eight dollars. Molly is telling Issa she's worried that she may have fucked up her friendship with Dro, and Issa points out that that wouldn't be surprising considering that she fucked her friend. I think that it's nice just a couple episodes ago Molly was having this talk with Issa, and now Issa's having it with Molly.

It turns out they're in a mechanic waiting room while Issa gets an estimate to fix her car. Molly opines that Dro is the only person/man who's seen her at her worst so why would she go and complicate things this way? And the way I feel about that is... if you start fucking a married man you really can't be thinking about any of this shit where he may potentially be a person that is anything other than a married man. Remind me again that at some point during this story line I take a complete break to tell y'all about how I was fucking a married man. The point is anyway that Molly is doing the most emotionally when you'd think it would be easy to understand that in a situation like this specifically you need to do your best to chill. Her current thought is to tell Dro she doesn't want it to happen again when they hang out later that night.The mechanic comes back and tells Issa they'll have to order parts to do the repairs (which duh she's getting body work done) and it'll be about 5500. Issa balks at that price tag.

Remember in the previous episode where Molly and Issa talked about a vacation? Molly still wants to go (listing a bunch of countries and islands that start with M, prompting Issa to chide annoyedly "there are other places with other letters") seemingly oblivious to the fact that if Issa can't afford to repair her car, she can't afford to go on vacation. In hindsight, this show really put a LOT of effort into very deliberate continuity between episodes, for really small things.

Issa is frustrated because she had been doing really well with all her various life parts and now all of them seem to be scattering out abruptly. She's still having trouble accepting that men she's seeing casually aren't just available for her whenever she wants them to be. Ok so... how are you saying you want Daniel to know to stay in his place, and you want Mexican Bae not to expect anything from you, but you want them to be willing to do whatever you want when you want it? Again: be reasonable sis. If you're gonna dish it out then obviously you have to take it back too. Then she acknowledges sex with her is mediocre and, again, this is where she loses me. I don't think I would ever describe sex with me as "acceptable" except on occasions when I know I am making no effort to leave an impression. Come on now. Half the dudes I got to stick around as adults - when sex is less of an issue and everyone has more baggage - is probably 80% because sex was the only draw. And I'm partially joking (clearly I have the delusionally high self esteem of a complete asshole and I like it that way), but seriously it's something that you have to think about as you get older. The Panties Card gets flimsier and flimsier, until it is no longer a guaranteed bargaining chip to maintain someone's attention which frankly was news to me.

Back at the super cool Los Angeles tech start up, Lawrence stops by Arpana's desk and playfully asks her questions around what he should do with his impending takeover of the app world. Arpana makes this face:

Clearly she is clued into what Lawrence is not, which is that the presentation did not go as well as he thought it did. She tells him he should lower his expectations, because she doesn't think Woot Woot is viable: it felt outdated. Speaking of delusional self esteem, Lawrence cooly replies that it's fine if she doesn't see the vision and who cares because she's not the one greenlighting it anyway. As he gets up to leave, Arpana adds that clearly the bosses weren't into it like they were some other app where they asked questions and dug through the pitch looking for flaws then scheduled a follow up. It slowly sinks in on Lawrence that maybe she has a point, but when she says "it's like they didn't want to offend you," Lawrence puts his defenses back up and tells her that she's entitled to her opinion. While I don't approve of Lawrence's childish blindspots, I do approve of his polite passive aggressive work rebuttals. (Professional environments love passive aggression.)

Laker bar. Molly shows up for her date with Dro, nervous about the speech she plans to drop. She awkwardly explains that she feels like things are different though objectively Dro's behavior doesn't seem in any way out of the ordinary. He tells her she's being dramatic and to calm the fuck down. They playfully joke about french fries and apparently that's all it took to defuse the tension.

The tension was so de-fused that they went back to Molly's place after the game to offer us another excellently choreographed sex scene. A.) Molly's headboard is everything (quality headboards are not in reach of everyone's financial adult life, sigh) and b.) of all the ones we've seen so far I think Molly's sex scenes are the only ones that are actually sexy.

Meanwhile, Issa has invited Mexican Bae over to her place. She doesn't really want to date him, so this is all a ruse to hopefully get some dick. As she makes pointed conversation drawing attention to her visible bra and the obscene shortness of her skirt, at this point it's like... do you even actually want some dick or is this just about proving a point? Like are you actually horny and wanting to get fucked? Nico plays along politely, even ignoring her obvious come ons. We are then treated to an awkward scene where Nico wants to treat Issa like a person and she wants to treat him like a conquest. It's painful to witness.

Issa decides to try a more direct move and just initiates kissing. Nico tries to bring the date back around to their dinner reservations. I feel like the fact that he's meant to be fairly older than Issa is supposed to play into this. Issa goes so far as to try to bypass this, and when Nico tells her to slow down - "I really like you and I don't want to rush past this, I want to get to know you" - it just makes Issa angry. Even then, Nico is STILL WILLING to go out to dinner, but Issa apparently is too prideful for this so she flatly rejects him and watches him leave. Sigh. I do understand where she's coming from, I do. But she's going about it all the wrong way - very defensively and insecurely. (Oh! I get it now! Ba dum bum.)

Back at Molly's, she and Dro are doing the post coital thing. He points out that she said she didn't want to do this anymore. Molly is clearly in a dick haze because her defenses are vastly lowered. She wants to know the boundaries of their non-relationship but Dro is all cool and aloof. He does tell her he isn't looking for a second side piece which you'd think considering the circumstances would clue her into how ridiculous a conversation this is. She's asking a married man whether he wants to fuck other women on the side of his wife, isn't that inherently answering its own question?

Anyway Dro says that Candace knows they are sleeping together and in fact it was her idea to open the relationship. Or so he says. Molly, like a fool, just wants to indulge her butterflies. Her caution is just lip service. She wanted to be told what she wanted to hear.

Another day at work, Lawrence decides to stop by the bosses' office - where they are standing at waist high desks instead of sitting - and follow up regarding his presentation. Recalling Arpana's words, he asks whetehr they have any feedback regarding his Woot Woot pitch. I really like the way they framed this shot:

as they shoot each other uncomfortable looks at being put on the spot. Lawrence is speaking in terms of how to to move forward with a viable project, but the bosses do nothing but offer more empty compliments. They have no additional thoughts that would signify any real concerns that would be relevant were this to be an actual project they undertook. The fat boss says they love having his "perspective and input" which delicately suggests Lawrence is there as a diversity hire and not as a real and valuable part of the team. "You bring a lot to the team," the skinny guy says. The fat guy gives a typically encouraging bullshit line of being excited to see "Lawrence 2.0" and the skinny guy laughs sycophantically. If Lawrence still doesn't get it, the fact that they overcompensate about his shoes again ("what store did you get those from again?") should leave him in no doubt. Emasculating... no? (I have far too many thoughts on this subject so let's move on. They aren't particularly original, so I'll spare you.)

Sexplosion. Hey! There are strippers doing pole tricks and chocolatey penis cakes so... what is Tiffany's job again that this is a thing she does? Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany stroll up and take a bunch of free condoms. Issa thinks Molly broke things off with Dro because she asks why she needs condoms. They talk about barriers for oral sex and I just remembered this is the episode where they have the problematic, regressive conversation about oral sex.

So, let's just get this out of the way: Tiffany, the only married one who is clearly the most whitewashed of the group, is the only one to openly acknowledge she loves giving blowjobs. Kelli doesn't do it wholesale, Issa doesn't like to do it, and Molly gives the Carrie Bradshaw (because of course this was a conversation on SEASON ONE of sex and the city) response of how it's not her favorite but she's flexible. Question: is this what black women are still on in the streets?

Being called a "ho" and ostracized for having any kind of sexuality is something that I left behind in high school once I was an adult and didn't see any reason to need my choices validated by gossip and/or people I didn't know. And the conservative quasi-religious culture of patriarchal standards and misogynist perspectives is something I completely abandoned in grad school when the only black men around that wanted to date me behaved like the shit I'd left behind in high school and I realized I was totally unfamiliar with any other cultural norms. I'm not going to go off on a tangent to get to the bottom line that I would hope this is not still a widespread understanding amongst young black women these days though I would not be entirely surprised if it were. I want to sum it up as so: when I exclusively dated black men some of the time I'd be sleeping with a guy who would refuse to ever kiss me, for apparently no reason whatsoever other than it was culturally normal. I was surprised when I started dating white men and they really do want to wake up and kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning. I slept with a motherfucker all four years of undergrad who never went down on me ONCE. Like, I can't - I feel like I'm biased and I don't want to preach from that perspective, so I'm not even going to dig into this.

I will say this - I don't know how the fuck you expect to successfully date as an adult when you have whole chunks of sexual entrees completely off the menu - for WHATEVER ideological reason - yet continue to think you are dating as a normal person. It's a hang up. Call it a hang up and accept it.

The next day, Molly is reading an article by Serena Williams about closing the pay gap. Damn, that makes me feel bad. Her mom is still calling and leaving voicemails. At an office across town, Lawrence makes amends with Arpana by acknowledging "Woot Woot" is dead. He tells her she was right, and also there was a racial component to their behavior. Arpana bonds with him as a WOC. Lawrence finally starts to accept he was wrong about his app. They both slowly realize there's some attraction there that might go somewhere, sometime soon. Every single Woot Woot joke this show has made has been hilarious.

Issa is at Daniel's listening to some song he produced. It sounds good. Issa says it has a black Daft Punk vibe whiiiiich... it sounds good and nothing like Daft Punk at the same time. They have a moment about how apparently Issa likes champagne with a shot of Jameson. That's new. They are very flirty and comfortable and eventually start kissing. Issa pushes him down on the couch and as they start to undress, she stops him and gets down on her knees. Speaking of hang ups, I refused to ever give a blowjob literally on my knees, until I started playing it up as an ego thing.

Somewhere across town, Molly is also having a sexy night, in some fancy sterile bathroom taking a bubble bath while Dro sits on the edge of the tub. Before they get too far along, Dro gets a text from his wife who has accidentally locked herself out of their home. Molly is disappointed, and plays it off badly. They were doing a fancy hotel thing ordering in romantic shit which... I mean, I don't know, if they like it then I'll abide it silently. Have taken a bath with a guy I was casually sleeping with though. The water was so hot we were both sweating and the wine glasses were fogging up. He asked me how my day was and when I started to reply he started using his fingers on me, but ordered me to keep talking. That dude and I were basically hate fucking, but that moment was always sexy as hell to me.

Back at Daniel's he is impressed with Issa's blowjob skills. And then this sequence of events happens: he's about to come, and he grabs Issa's head, somehow holding it in place until:

Look! I took a screenshot for you! Bwahahahaha. Seriously how would that work logistically? He's holding her head down, so he... strategically pulls it up and manages to put it in exactly the right place so that he could shoot her in the eye? Issa is pissed. Daniel acts like he doesn't know why she's upset. Issa is so mad she's incoherent, and forcefully pushes him away when he tries to touch her. Issa's anger is on one level due to the aforementioned hangups about blowjobs - she said she felt like once you sucked a dude's dick he felt like he conquered you and relegated you to ho status - but on another level, Daniel is rude as fuck and it is NEVER ok to do a facial without express consent. Her anger is justified, even if it is a bit exacerbated by other issues. Any man who is not an ain't-shit knows it's rude to come in your mouth without permission LET ALONE ON YOUR FACE! Hell I've dated men that wouldn't come on me even when I asked, or my ex who would always pull away without my asking, even though I didn't give a goddamn WHERE he came, EVER. Like, Daniel's rude as fuck.

So, Issa tells him fuck you and leaves. She ends up hovering around a gas station waiting for her Uber pool that already has two people in it, holding a wet towel to her eye. "Issa?" the driver asks. "Issa car pool!" and everyone laughs except Issa because she's tired of getting the idea that she's the butt of every joke.

[survivorwakea]

Episode #2: “yee yee can’t wait to DOM” - Anabel

a joint tribal!?!?!?! THIS IS JUST TOOOO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!! 

Tbh like I wanna win but I also don’t want to put in a lot of effort just for us to lose Bc I fully expect some other tribe to go try hard and I can’t see our sorry sack of losers being the best at any challenge much less one that requires effort

Okay so like anybody who thinks that this round is going to be anything near simple is absolutely oblivious to what game we are playing. This is going to be complete chaos. Whatever game plans you have come up with you can just toss out the window because I don’t think there is a single person that has any idea of what to aspect or even how the hell to handle this. Shot completely shot

I’m starting to get more and more annoyed with these people as time goes on. Are y’all aware this is for immunity and yalls games are on the fucking line? Because it definitely doesn’t look that way. NO EFFORT AT ALL BEING PUT INTO CHALLENGES. And the stakes are higher than fucking ever this round.

this fucking challenge is legitimately draining me bc i keep fucking up and i feel like joey and jared hate me lol.... i might jump out a window but we’ll see

it’s 1am, jared just told me he was proud of me and im legitimately SOBBING. this is the most exhausting challenge i have ever participated in.

So, we finished in second again. That is the good news. The bad news is, only one tribe wins immunity. So we’re at tribal with Haumea and Kanaloa. The question is, do we go with Haumea, and take away potential swing vote power from Kanaloa, or do we go with Kanaloa, and try to whittle another tribe down to 4? Decisions, decisions.

wow y’all i just called jared for like 45 minutes and he might be the kindest human on the planet ugh... im keeping him. he’s the new johnny. bye johnny helLO jared. and jared isn’t even straight!! so that’s another thing he has over johnny BESIDES being nicer than him (just kidding i love johnny so much johnny if ur reading this u will never be replaced)

can’t believe we won immmmm this is crazy i love this tribe and this game and that challenge yee yee can’t wait to DOM

So it looks like a 14 person joint tribal is coming like what the fuck! I'm excited though. This vote I can see being based off of activity. It's probably the safest move but I am saying that now, things can change later.

this joint tribal really got me fucked up. of COURSE we lose immunity. what a shocker. it’s not like ben fucked up two times in a row when we were so close to being in the 30s... if he would have never fucked up, we LITERALLY would have won. i’m so mad. but ugh. anyway. being at this joint tribal is a blessing and a curse. a blessing because i have 24 hours to kinda build other relationships outside of my tribe incase of a swap, while the other immune tribe is missing out on building relationships. a curse for the obvious.. i don’t wanna be voted off! yes, i have the idol, but i wanna just play like i don’t have it for now and i don’t wanna rely on that. i need to save that for the future. obviously, i have elmo’s back. even fucking bens back even tho he got me real mad. ian? he can go at anytime, i truly don’t give a fuck. he’s rude and disrespectful and i’m sick and tired of his slick ass remarks. adam? a non motherfucking factor. but i don’t want ian nor adam leaving in this tribal, just because i think i faked it so good and they actually think i like them. justin messaged me and i LOVE justin so i’m feeling good about that. taylor messaged me and he’s a king in training.. he could use a little more work. and johnny messaged me and he seems iconic. only red flag is.. he’s straight..! i know.. a big red flag. other then that, i have chloe on the other tribe and i talked to her a bit and i think we’re on a mutual understanding not to vote eachother out. so as of right now, it’s kinda just a wait and see who wants to thro the first name out, because i don’t. and to be completely honest, i don’t care who goes home. it’s to early to even throw a random name out and maybe have it come back and bite me in the ass. i really don’t care who it is. i’m willing to vote out absolutely anyone right now besides myself and elmo. so. we’re gonna have to sit and wait, but i’ll make sure it’s not me.

this is an interesting round bc i think logically in a normal situation a tribe with fewer numbers would be in the middle here but since the general vibe at least right now is that the blues (bar chloe and thomas i think?) are inactive so that tribe could end up being targeted

I think that there isnt rly a reason to make a big move at f19 in the game so i think most ppl will jump to whatever vote they hear first but at the same time usually u dont want to be the first one to throw a name out because ppl can pin the vote on u and make u a big threat etc i definitely need to talk to everyone on my tribe just to get their vibes i talked to zack and ben a lil and they both seem to agree that we should work with haumea

idk who will be the target but my prediction is either asya or dean honestly rn im just trying to be social with everyone bc if there is a change of plans or whatever then i dont want to be the one who will be paying the price

anyway im somewhat calm right now? i dont know if there is a plan already in the works without me but i highly doubt it also if there will be a plan that shouldn't involve me, im fairly certain that i would hear from it

What’s going on? Honestly idk. Not even sure who is on the other tribe and we aren’t far enough into the game for me to care too much (jk jk I care but also damn I don’t have time to get to know 5 more people). Luckily I already know and love Elmo. I’m really hoping I can sway him to vote for someone on his tribe instead of ours. But we will see. I don’t have much time today to play so I’m hoping I use the little time I have wisely.

So major Internet connection issues  forced me to unofficially sit out of the challenge. They carried over today and now I've barely spoken to anyone about tribal. I'm so out of the loop it's actually hilarious

Heading into what I believe will be a three tribe swap of 6 players each, I feel good. Not having to go to Tribal is making me a bit nervous tho, I need to get some blood on my hands in order to establish a place for myself in the game.

So first tribal for our tribe Haumea, and it's a joint tribal! Whoa! I've never been a part of a joint tribal, but I'm just trying to lay low and let everyone else decide what will happen. Of course socially I'm trying talk with everyone so I don't get targeted for NOT talking to people. It's also great for starting to build that foundation with some of the other players so when the eventual swap comes I can already have  connections. It's like using 2 -in-1 paint & primer🖌️ it's just more efficient, and time saving 😂 It seems that the consensus may fall on Dean from Kanaloa. I think it'd be a smarter move because it would anger the least amount of people. Leaving Kanaloa with only 3 members. But of course some things are never that easy, So i guess we'll see. Connections-wise I really like Elmo and Zacky, and would be interested to know more of and potentially work with Asya too. Johnny has definitely taken the leadership role of our tribe, which I'm completely okay o. Takes the pressure off of me and means I can just sit back, relax and enjoy the shield.

Oh god I feel so sick right now writing this. Being chucked into a tribal with like 12/13 other people most of whom I didn’t know was insane. Especially sort of feeling like I was on the bottom. All day people have been saying to me about Dean being inactive and I’ve been like ok cool I’ll vote him if that’s how it swings. And not it’s basically confirmed he’s the vote I feel sick that I have to turn my back on someone I’ve worked with the last couple rounds and who would told me he’d look out for me. But at the same time how can you look out for me if you’re never here and have put in very little effort to ensure that we didn’t end up in this position. I barely even had a proper chance to talk to the guy he’s been so inactive but I still feel like such a terrible person

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week2/s-seqAf

my tribe won immunity but we thought we lost it so that was funny

it allowed me to exercise my connections with people. it showed me that me and jared are close and that me and joey arent close! so im gonna go fix that if i can but hopefully we can win to the end

________________________________________________________________

Dean is voted out 11-1-1.

[worldofsurvivortibet-blog]

EPISODE 1 (Part 2) - “I'll be sharpening my knife just in case” - Eddie

SEB

I'll be happy if I never have to see another fucking Robot Unicorn for the rest of my life...

NICHOLAS

Hey guys! So I am going to send it here so it's easier, but I already LOVE my tribe! Everyone is so sweet and easy to talk to (something that isn't always the case in these games). I am really trying to be super active and friendly and supportive towards people so that they feel like they should keep me around,,,, and i think it's working well since I got added to that fun alliance! I'm working hard for this reward challenge so I can prove my worth to all of these people on my tribe! That's about it for now! xoxoxoxo Nicholas

AMANDA

OK i have found that i hate this unicorn game. Like HATE IT.  I am so over it. everyone seems cool so far. there is some people that i am already kind of nervous  about because they just seem like they are already trying to play games and stuff. IDK but they just have me on edge but oh well. I think i am going to try to become close with them but idk i don't really want to be close with hem bc i don't trust them.

JARED

Honestly I am PISSED I was not put with Daniella or Trysten, and I’m stuck with the damn furry! But this will not bring me down, I am here to WIN and I will do whatever it takes to do that. Right now my goal is to just be social and try my best to talk to everyone, because god knows I do not want to be the first one voted out!

CHRISSA

we won that reward which is cool there's a reason i like that game, I hope we win immunity too so nervous still. I am hoping i am safe if we don't win either though. Voting if we had to, would be so hard.

ELENA

I am so happy that we won reward! I am a little bit confused about what exactly they are able to do at "the summit" but hopefully Dani and Darian will share with us when they get back! So far as tribe relations go, I haven't had a chance to speak with everyone yet, but I have made a couple of friends it seems in Seb and Darian. I hope to speak with everyone at least once before Immunity challenge is over.

DANI

I WANTED THAT GODDAMN IDOL CLUE! ME! I did! But my freaking Papa Jabari or whatever that dish was called didn't have jack SHIT! Grrrr.... I Didnt even eat that shit it tasted like acc trash! So I'm starving and now I'm stuck on a fucking mountain peak with a furry, someone who plays the victim all the time, a photographer piece of shit who I'm targeting, and a few other assclowns I haven't had the privilege of conversing with. GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!

MATT

My lord Seamus got angry over something I called toast. I need to do that more *eyes emoji*

CHRISSA

flag challenges are ugly but I am here for it and the summit twist is cool that's all

JARED

Honestly, I’m mad.  I wanted to go to the summit because I wanted to talk to Daniella… *starts sobbing* I just feel so ALONE! It’s not fair….

TRYSTEN

I'm not going to lie. I feel defeated a little. I just feel like the weakest link, and I'm not going to be surprised if they vote me out.

KENDALL

Okay I just found out newlyf's name, it's Ally. I was right the first time, which is weird because I am usually never right at all. So chances are we are in the Matrix, sorry to shatter your fragile reality :/. Now on to more substantial things: 1. The Reward Challenge Yeah fuck that challenge man. I'm not going to lie, for the first ten minutes it was sort of fun. I like addicting things and the music was pretty good but everything went down hill and it went down hill fast. I still have the bloody song stuck in my head. :( 2. Summit Interesting concept and I like the idea of having an excuse for not being as social. Unfortunately I couldn't jump at the opportunity because that would be stupid. It would put a target on my back if I did, as the possibility of me having an idol would increase. Plus the odds of someone from my group going was very high considering we make up 4/7. And low and behold I was right. Two of the people I trust the most went to the Summit and I got to keep my hands clean. I guess this also means that the idol thing was fake which leads me to say, really guys, really? I stressed out about this.  3. The Immunity Challenge Flag making challenge, I volunteered because nobody else knew how to use photoshop and I am really good at drawing. I'm no Picasso (early Picasso, not late Picasso, I could do that shit) but I think it will work. Not to mention I hate relying on other people because people are gross and that I need to prove myself of some use. If I'm not careful, they'll catch on that I am virtually worthless in most scenarios. Like I wouldn't even be good bait for the wild animals, I taste too much like arsenic.  Anyway that's all folks, I'll be back with more scheming, paranoid ramblings and zombies. Well, maybe not those first two.   

DARIAN

SHIT HIT THE FAN kinda. I got an idol on my first try today. But it wasn't for my tribe... I know..Im sooooo lucky that I find someone else idol. So I was than told that I had 45 min to decide who I was going to give it to. Instantly I had two ideas in my head Keyonjay or Ally. Keyonjay- He clearly is decent in challenges and would be a string partner to attempt to align myself with. He has also agreed that if he finds my idol that he will give it to me. So theres a win win there for me.. maybe Ally- She did really bad in the first challenge and that honestly puts a huge target on her back because she is the easy vote. The team stays strong and no one gets butt hurt. But if she has the idol she can make a move and take out a big player EARLY... Like Keyonjay hahaha. After talking it out with keyonjay and getting his opinions and than a little self reflection I decided to give Keyonjay the idol in hopes that he could be the one to find my idol and maybe even become a strong alliance member!! Ahhhh so stressed!!!!

KEYONJAY

Okay so a couple things. I got the best score on the first challenge out of pure luck. Like just somehow I literally got to like 55k on level two when the previous times i played i couldn't get over 10k on all three levels. Unfortunately we still didn't win which fucking sucks because I didn't wanna go to the goddamn summit at all, but the other tribe chose me because i got the best score apparently. Didn't really wanna be away from my tribe for anything to change with my alliances, and really didn't wanna be put in a position that complicates my game. Ofc immediately that changes because Darian just gave me an idol. like dsfsdsf wtf. I just met the kid. It's really nice though and obviously from my last game I see that you can't abuse people's kindness like that so I'm not gonna use it against him or anything or brag and call him dumb (I'm sorry Mitchy D:) but this definitely complicates things because if I had an idol, I'd rather be the only person that knows about it and now I have to contend with the fact that this idol is basically mine AND Darian's and I have to use it in a way that benefits both of us or risk a pissed off juror. God. DONT GIVE ME IDOLS! I DONT WANT THEM! THEY COMPLICATE THINGS! He wants me to use it on Ally if my tribe loses the first immunity, but hopefully I can protect her and make that not happen regardless, or we can win, which I doubt since it's a flag challenge and I fucking suck at these.

ACE

Alright we got 2nd on the challenge which is decent. And then the next chall is a flag making competition and considering Kendall and Jared know of my abilities hopefully they can leave it up to me. I'm gonna make a wicked gif. Anyways the Summit twist is kinda cool, I got food that gave me an idol clue but it at least told me where NOT to look. I'm probably gonna stick to mountainside since random.org told me to. The Summit is Me and Keyonjay, Matt, Darian, Dani, and Johnny. I already know Dani and Matt, Darian talked with me a bit and they seem alright. They use phone emojis a lot and Im not use to seein those on my computer so its weird a bittttt! Johnny isn't online yet so idk about them just yet. Before I left Jared wanted me to talk to Keyonjay about making an alliance with them. When I heard keyonjay would be at Summit I decided to volunteer myself so I could get the question in. Keyonjay said they were ok with Jared and wanted him to join the alliance with Kendall and Nicholas... uhh no I think we just meant something between us 3 we don't need that big of an alliance even though our tribe is amazing and we'll probably barely lose anybody =') Also Kendall and I sorta already settled Jared as our possible first tribe boot so that'd just make things a bit harder maybe? WHo's even left? Ally and Amanda... that's it rofl also I don't think Ally is Mega anymore lol delete it

JOHNNY

Since joining the game, I’ve found it really difficult to legitimately communicate with people. I can’t help but think a lot of these people are dweebs, who just sit behind the computer all day blogging on tumblr and obsessing over Survivor games online I’m sure, and there’s no way I can compete with no lifes who do nothing but scratch their ballsacks all day. Any who, I do kinda know Dani, who is in the Summit with me right now, and i recognize Jared from a few other games I’ve played, but I’ve yet to approach him yet about the game, but I’m glad I have that in my back pocket. I’ve really gotta start forming some bonds with people, because the conversations I’m having with most of these people are not strong, and I wouldn’t be surprised if these try hard motherfuckers already have a majority alliance, but all I can do is contribute in challenges and hope for the best since my social game isn’t going to be too strong this early on. I’ve made a bond with Crimson on my team because we have a mutual friend, so hopefully that can take me a long way for now. My plan is to just bond with Matt since he’s the only one from my tribe I can talk to, maybe strike a deal, let him think he can do anything with me in this game, when tbh I’ll probably slit his neck soon enough anyways

tbh I get the very scary feeling that a lot of people know each other in this game, and I honestly don’t have anyone in this game that I can truly rely on like some do, and I’m never going to know who is friends with who. Now I know what it feels like to kinda be a newb in the games I play when I just target the people I don’t know… Guess I’m getting a taste of my own medicine here

DANI

Darian is getting on my nerves so badly. Like ugh, shut up for like two seconds nobody cares if you're a photographer. 

So Darian's dumbass comes up to me saying Carson/Julia have an idol in the game. Do I believe him? Yeah. Do I not wanna believe him? Yeah... But that's just how the game works. Oh how I wish I had that idol... *licks lips* Oh the things I would do to it... Grrr....

CARSON

Ok so I'm pretty sure Darian just exposed that he has the idol by trying to give me a fake clue. On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > I got a clue to an idol On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > It wasn't much but it's something On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Carson (albania host) wrote: > omg On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > Don't search the Forrest On 1/4/17, at 7:23 PM, Darian Goggin wrote: > Or the mountainside On 1/4/17, at 7:27 PM, Carson (albania host) wrote: > I guess that can be kind of helpful lol So apparently you get clues to the idol at the Summit. Hell, there could even be an idol at the Summit. But regardless he got a clue... but he should have quoted it if it was real. Plus I went to the mountainside already and got THIS: On 1/3/17, at 9:24 PM, carson (tibet host) wrote: > You come to the spot where an idol looks to have been hidden, but there's nothing here! https://media.tenor.co/images/fb3f2d1e814190100a4ae401b1660d5b/tenor.gif He told me not to go to the mountainside because he already went there and got it and he didn't want me to find out its gone! And I guess its safe to say he's working with Dani now, who I also wanted to work with. I would go to her about it, but idk if she'd leak to Darian that I'm onto him. Right now, I'm just going to lay low with this until I need to use it. It sounds to me like Dani, Seb and Elena already know each other, and if Darian goes with them, they'll have majority. I wanted to work with Julia (and by extension Chrissa), but idk if it'll work out. Once again, I don't want to pry at all because no one really has a target yet. There isn't an easy first boot, so one slip up could cost me the game. OK THE PLOT JUST THICKENED Apparently, the Namtso idol is gone... which means all the tribes are searching the same area. So maybe Darian doesn't have it... but he could be protecting someone that does. I mean he's probably in cahoots with the ppl at the summit, And we can find the other tribe's idols. I'm so fucking shook.

JULIA RAE

ok so right now i dont know what im doing bc i dont really play survivor ,,, but i think im doing alright. i talked to everyone and i rly like carson and darian but that just my opinion! also darian told me that he'd be willing to get rid of seb if it came down to it ,,,, which is ok with me idk that dude and he kinda weird ngl! hopefully we win immunity bc if we dont idk what to do!! hehe love survivor!!

TRYSTEN

Holy Shit! I fucking did not expect us to get first, but thank yoouuu Johnny! *blows a kiss to the camera* moi!

CHRISSA

I am so glad we are not going to tribal, fuck the people who said those things lol just kidding it's their opinion honestly we just don't know who will judge and what they will like. it sucks.

DANI

I feel good I feel nice I've never felt so Satisfied I'm in love I'm alive Intoxicated Flying high It feels like a dream When you touch me tenderly I don't know if it's real But I like the way I feel Inside

DARIAN

Yasss we won immunity! No tribal! Which is great because no one really is on the outs rn so no one can really be an easy vote and that's scary! But I don't have to worry about that so yay!

KEYONJAY

So we lost the first immunity challenge and this really sucks, but luckily I'm in the majority alliance and then we kinda have Jared as an extra number even though he's not really IN the alliance or the alliance chat. I still have my idol that nobody knows about so I could make some kind of move if I wanted. Darian wanted me to use it to "take out a power-player" but I'm like, not gonna do that. It's WAY too early to make a big move like that and it would be completely illogical and senseless. It's better to just go with the numbers right now and not rock the boat. Plus I don't really see anyone on our tribe as a power-player necessarily. Kendall is definitely the leader of our alliance but I wanted it that way so I can continue flying UTR and focus on my social game. Now to see who will be the first to go from our tribe. :( Sucks because I really like everybody.

MATT

Well damn. Johnny is actually the MVP for this one. We can literally just relax and pretend like we give a shit about who's leaving only because it's none of us lmao.

ACE

I'm sad we lost, I like everybody on this tribe. I don't feel like bringing Jared down just yet, I brought up that Ally had the lowest score on the Reward challenge so we could possibly just go with her. Everyone in the Mofos alliance said they wanna keep me and Kendall for doing good work in the challenge but we'll see about that. I think I'm good with mostly everybody except for Amanda and Ally. I just spoke to Amanda and she said she'll vote Ally bc they haven't spoken at allll. Amanda doesn't seem to be in any alliance whatsoever. Kendall is a strong leader in the Mofos and I like that she's more leading than I am even tho I'm the one who suggested Ally. Hopefully that'll keep the target more on her than me later on in the game. Kendall just told me Keyonjay gave her an idol clue and it's the same one I got. So that didn't help any. I guess I gotta continue filling up that mountainside grid.

ELENA

I am so happy that we aren't going to Tribal Council because I really like everyone on our tribe right now! It will be sad if we lose any time soon because they are all just very nice and interesting people. I am so greatful for Carson for doing the most of the work on the flag, I do wish he had somehow incorporated the Yaks since I did the research on Tibet, it felt like my idea was ignored a little bit. But what matters the most is that it was a very good outcome! I can't wait for the next challenge!!

KENDALL

Welp, I might have fucked myself. Why did I volunteer? Why did I think that combining two mediums is a good idea? Dear lord, what have I done? Well anyway, here's a quick recap: Ace and Keyonjay went to the summit and when they came back Keyonjay told me he had an idol clue. He gave it to me because he really didn't want an idol, apparently they are more trouble than there worth. Ace didn't tell me anything about the summit and only talked about making the flag. She only brought it up when I revealed my idol clue. This proves to me that my loyalties should lie more with Keyonjay than Ace. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway after we lost the challenge I typed in the alliance chat "well at least we know it's either me or Ace". I meant it as a joke but they freaked out and thought I was pulling a Zane. I managed to clear up the misconception but I am still not sure if they still doubt me. In order to repair some sort of relationship with her, I showed Ace the idol clue which was the same clue she got. And now I'm nervous maybe she will show receipts of the conversation to Keyonjay and shift the target on to me. It wouldn't be too difficult, I'm a bit of an unusual person to talk to and I mostly hogged the challenge that we failed. Though chances are I'm being irrational so I'm not going to risk it. If I do start panicking and try to get my alliance mates out, I'll end up putting the target on my back that I've been trying to avoid. God I hate feeling fear, it's very gross. Well, all feelings are gross... it's just this one is inconveniencing me the most currently.