#he keeps coming up to me with strange random headcanons he has for him which make me SO happy

[fefern]

✧˖° their ways of showing affection. | aalto, calcharo, lingyang headcanons.

⋆ ˚☁️ ⁀➴ synopsis: you're in love and happily with these wonderful men! but just how do they show their affection for you?

⋆ ˚☁️ ⁀➴ characters involved (separate): aalto, calcharo, lingyang and a gender neutral reader.

⋆ ˚☁️ ⁀➴ warnings: none!

⋆ ˚☁️ ⁀➴ notes: another one! i love thinking about the little ways people show love , it makes me so happy ;v;! enjoy these little blurbs about how they'd love you! also, requests are currently open, so send them my way! also, i could not find a calcharo chibi drawing... ;;

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅ aalto ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

knowledge is power! the more he knows about you, the more he utilizes it in showing his affection for you.

a big, BIG sweet talker. loves to flirt!

also big on compliments, find it cute when you don’t know what to say back.

a big spender in my opinion. oh, you liked that necklace but thought it was too expensive? surprise, it’s on the counter for you when you wake up the next day! you tried to win that plushie at the fair but it just didn’t work out? now you have 20 on the couch!

adores kisses, especially when you pepper them all over his face. (bonus points if you’re wearing lipstick, man is enamored to look at himself and see visually everywhere you smooched him.)

follows the sidewalk rule all the time. does not matter if it’s a safe area, he always is a bit protective in that way.

learns more about your hobbies and likes and begins to learn more about them in his free time. that way, when he sees you again, he’ll be able to engage in conversation with you about it. 

loves the way that your eyes light up when you talk about something you’re passionate about, and stares at you a lot as a result. 

likes to playfully scare you. he seems to have the ability to disappear and reappear as he pleases due to the mist, so he uses it sometimes to suddenly appear behind you and wrap his arms around your waist.

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅ calcharo ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

not much of a talker, and kind of new to showing affection entirely due to his past, so be patient. 

will wake up early and remind you to bring a jacket if it’s cold.

the type of person to also remind you that you forgot something, but by the time you turn around, he has the missing item in his hand.

will protect you if you’re scared of something. loud thunder? his hands are around your ears. scary part of a show? he’s using his arm to pull you closer to his chest to hide in. 

will quietly work in the same room as you, enjoying your presence entirely as you and him work. 

will sometimes ask those he knows around him for some advice about love, which is sort of strange considering who it’s coming from, but he wants to improve himself to be a better partner for you.

tries to apply the advice after, it’s a hit or miss sometimes, but always coming from a good place. 

iffy on physical touch, but he will slowly come to enjoy the feeling of holding your hand.

he also does the thumb thing where you rub the back of a person’s hand with your thumb while holding hands. his favorite.

will let you play with his hair sometimes in the morning if he’s in the mood for it. even if you do something goofy like braid his hair or put it into a random hairdo, he’ll enjoy the feeling of your hands in his hair as he slowly stirs awake. 

ruthless and cold in many other aspects of his life, he’s a gentle giant when it comes to you, and it’s endearing to see him try.

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅ lingyang ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

will always love to eat with you, whether it’s going out or cooking with you. 

^ always lets you have the last bite of the meal.

immediately looks for your reaction after he tells a joke with you, wanting to make sure that you enjoy his playfulness.

during the summer heatwaves, will use his glacio powers to help keep the both of you cool.

will sit in your lap and let you play with his ears as he rambles about his day.

loves yapping, and yapping in your presence as the two of you either bounce back and forth or you just listen, he likes both options. 

loves hugs, hugs tight and for a long time, will not let go of you until you let go of him first.

will compliment your scent and comment on it if you change something up like your shampoo or perfume, usually the first to notice those small changes.

shares a blanket with you on cold days and cuddles with you for warmth.

will sometimes, after waking up, just admire your features because wow he got lucky because you’re his.

even if you wake up and your eyes are looking back at him, he does it without shame.

whenever someone talks about you, if they say something wrong, he’ll immediately interject. (ex. “they like strawberries the most.” “no no, they like peaches more!”)

does practice runs of new tricks and dance moves he learns for his lion dances, asking you about your opinion on them because it means the world to him to know you like the dance he’s so passionate about. 

gets matching lucky charms with you and carries his around everywhere. “maybe we’ll win the lottery with this!” he tells you.

(he already did. after all, you’re his partner.)

[kingconia]

SAVANACLAW WITH S/O, WHO IS SECRETLY ANIMAGUS.

[ Animagus — a magician, who can turn into an animal and back by their own will. ]

Leona Kingscholar.

— I actually headcanon that Leona has a strong Disney princess vibe, which means he is always surrounded by a lot of animals—and it is not about his classmates—so, when a stray cat starts following him around he doesn't see anything strange in that;

— Whenever he wakes up, there is always the same cat curled on his chest, a very pleasant weight on him almost reminding him of you, his lover;

— Leona's friendship with the cat starts when he offers it the peace of his meal that Ruggie brought. It licks his fingers and face after, and he introduces the cat as ”my partner in crime” to Ruggie affectionately;

— The cat hit him on the cheek with these little paws of it, when the headmaster is too close to the spot, where Leona sleeps carelessly, instead of being on lessons;

— Instantly, Leona wants you and the cat to meet each other. But when he tries to arrange the meeting in the botanical garden, something always goes wrong. He is so annoyed.

•

”Fucking fluffy brat!” Leona hisses, sniffling more intensely, trying to pick of the scent of the cat one more time. ”That is embarrassing, I swear.”

You smile as you lean on the tree with your shoulder. There is something especially funny about Leona, who searches for the cat desperately, with his tail swinging nervously. You don't even mask your laughter.

”I swear, this furball hates me,” Leona mutters. He is suddenly in front of you, with hands gripping your shoulders as he gently shoves you in the opposite side. ”Move, move. I think, she is somewhere here.”

“Su-ure,” you yawn with the fake sympathy.

”I am sure... It is somewhere... Here...”

You can't help but wonder how someone could be so smart and stupid at the same time...

Ruggie Bucchi.

— When a little bird sits down on his windowsill in the morning, Ruggie's first—and honest—reaction is to wonder if it is morally correct, to eat it alive;

— He stops thinking about that right after the bird throw a few branches in Leona's head, after he was especially mean to Ruggie;

— Since then, considers to befriend it. Brings some food for birds, and allows it to peck on his cheek;

— Allows it to travel on his shoulders, while he shows ”the bad guys, you should throw branches at, Birdie”, and complains the bird about everything and everyone during the day;

— Ruggie finds it unbelievably unfair how you, his lover, and Birdie, his best friend, are never in the same room.

•

”You hung up with Draconia boy too much,” Ruggie tells you, with the absolutely serious expression on his face, when you come to look at the empty cage again.

You blink, not really understanding where it is coming from.

”...What it has to do with you never being able to keep your bird to my arrival?” You mock, folding arms on your chest.

”His darkening aura annoys Leona, and it surely scares the Birdie away,” Ruggie hums.

You really can't help but burst out in laughter. Instantly, you throw a pillow in his head.

”Ouch, ouch!”

”And you should start hang out with Leona less,” you chid. ”Malleus is no at fault that you can't even train your pet.”

Though, of course, you are not his pet. And there is no way you are going to be train, even for a game.

”Yeah... You are right.”

But Ruggie doesn't need to know that. For now, at least.

Jack Howl.

— ???

— When a random rabbit starts following Jack around, he looks absolutely lost. Had this animal never heard that wolves eat their kind???

— ”Hey, come on... Go away, bunny... Go!” (Looks at it with the warmest eyes ever) ”Fine... The strong must protect the sweet one... But only because you are so small, and helpless!”

— He can't bring it to Savanaclaw, for the obvious reasons, so Jack makes a deal with Epel, to keep it in his dorms. Epel stress out, because the animal keeps appearing and disappearing on its own wish, though...

— Jack, somehow, justifies this strangeness with the fact that, of course, his Bun-Bun is not like other rabbits, huh! (He is so delusional...)

•

”Oh, Jack,” you mutter softly, scratching him behind the ear. ”Don't be sad. Surely, once I will be able to meet this rabbit of yours, too.”

Jack sighs, putting cheek on your shoulders, obviously disappointed that his two favourite creatures hadn't met yet. In moments like this, you are so close to tell him the truth... It is just impossible to see him sad...

”I know... But it happens so often. It is, as if you and Bun-Bun are the same person!” He blinks. ”Actually... You kinda act the same, you know?”

You pale visibly. How the fuck, from all of the in this school, Jack the only one who assumed the right answer, though, by the accident?!

”I... Jack...”

”Ha-ha,” the sudden loud laugh from the other end of the room startles both of you. ”Our dear Y/n, cette douce étoile, a bunny? Don't you think, a cat would fit them more?”

You sigh, waving Rook Hunt off, though, with a certain gratitude.

”Jack, you would notice, though, wouldn't you? You have extra senses.”

He nods reluctantly, but you can see doubt in his eyes. And when you turn around, Rook winks at you, knowingly.

You are in so much trouble...

[spoopdeedoop]

hi i have some disorganized thoughts/hcs abt the found family human doctor au

(one of the thoughts being i should really give it a better name. another being YES this is only the nuwho doctors atm bc that's the only series i've watched so far apologies. if i ever get around to watching classic who i will add them trust)

BEHOLD my random, not at all in-depth headcanons

nine is the only one with a car out of all of them. they all keep bugging him to drive/pick them up from places -- he has mixed feelings about being the assigned taxi driver

both twelve and eleven are teachers -- college professor and preschool teacher respectively. twelve's students love them because he will say the most stupid, hilarious shit with a straight face without even knowing and eleven's students love him because he is the only teacher at the school that will dance with them during musical chairs (he doesn't even play the game. he just dances)

i want to make one of them an actual doctor but i don't think any of them could handle it unfortunately

they all share an an apartment flat on the same level -- nine, twelve and fifteen live in one room, ten, eleven and thirteen live in the one across from them. of course there are other people in the building too but they're all used to the strange loud hyperactivity of that particular flat. i think i'm using the right terminology here. yall know what im talking about

(i'm so tempted to make some companions be their neighbors)

nine and ten are the most insomniac of all of them, so they're used to bumping each other in the dead of night on their way to raid each other's respective fridges or something. very rarely thirteen will join them and they're like "WELL FANCY SEEING YOU HERE"

twelve does sleep, but like. he's nocturnal

eleven and ten hate each other in a sibling kind of way (see: day of the doctor). they are constantly sending each other death threats or tripping each other over. everyone is sick of it

sometimes when they're out shopping you'll hear ten yell "GET OUT OF THE FROZEN FOOD YOU NUMPTY WE ARE NOT BUYING FISH FINGERS" over the aisles and you'll hear eleven whine "WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH" back

(if you're lucky you'll be able to catch fifteen mumble "why did we put them in the same apartment. are we asking for an eviction notice")

eventually eleven will pick a random stray cat off the side of the road, take her home, and name her bowtie, which is a stupid name, so everyone just defaults to calling her kitty

kitty's favourite person is twelve, to eleven's absolute despair

(my original idea for this was to initially have ten hate the idea of living with a cat, since he's stated full on in the show that he doesn't like cats, but apparently there is some very obscure doctor who comic run in which he falls into a depressive spiral and adopts a cat whom he names rose-the-cat, so he might actually like cats idk?)

anyway ten hates her until he doesn't lmao. he vents to her when there's no one else home and she will Stare at him back and it is a very nice friendship

kitty and nine watch shitty romcom together

they have a joint groupchat together -- half of it is just thirteen and fifteen assigning everyone outfits they find on pinterest and the other half is eleven asking where everyone went (he keeps getting lost when they go out)

nine doesn't know how to download pictures off the internet and so resorts to manually editing memes together to send to the groupchat and everyone's like "girl that's so much more effort........."

(yes he doesn't know how to press save image to camera roll but he knows how to use a photo editor flawlessly. such is the logic of the idiocy of the doctors)

eleven and thirteen get along very well i think. they're the only two of the group to play video games and so they bond over that. they also have ridiculously similar clothing taste

sometimes they'll succeed in getting fifteen to play pokemon with them and then they'll proceed to not see him until the next day when he comes out of his room and goes "you didn't tell me plusle couldn't evolve i've been levelling it up all fucking night"

friday is assigned movie night (it's always big hero 6)

eleven is the only one to actively seek out physical affection, usually really abruptly like clinging to thirteen's back as she passes him in the hall or bapping ten with the palm of his hand until he sighs and gives him a hug. he does expect a platonic kiss on the forehead from anyone before he goes to bed and will complain if he doesn't get one

anyway thats it i'm sick in the head and really sad. if this keeps up i may be forced to actually write a fic

[apoptoses]

JESS i’m having louis/armand/daniel brain rot again, i wanna know your thoughts 🥺 specifically like, are there any things that armand and daniel enjoyed during their DM years that you think they might pick back up with louis at trinity gate? i feel like in my head, daniel is always kind of the third wheel (at trinity gate, at least), but i’m really fascinated by the idea of LOUIS being the one to step into their world for a change

oh man oh man, I LOVE this question!! and i have so many thoughts!!

Movies: we know Louis watches movies from how he kept showing up at Lestat's in body thief to stare at his tv lol But I think Armand and Daniel have so many inside jokes from all of the weirdo movies they used to watch, or quotes that they repeat and Louis doesn't get it. So I think they'd really enjoy sitting him down and subjecting him to the Worst Hits of Armand's Movie Phase.

And Daniel especially would enjoy the validation that some of these are fuckin terrible films LOL They could mind gift back and forth about how insipid Louis finds the plot until Daniel is sitting there choking back laughter because finally, someone who agrees Time Bandits isn't that funny.

Video Games: I don't mean modern console games, I mean like classic arcade games and pinball machines. Which Armand probably has a whole room of them in the basement somewhere, lovingly restored and in perfect condition. And I think Louis would be a little hesitant- he seems like the type who acts 'above' certain things just because if he tries it and sucks at it he'll feel humiliated. But even he can't resist the siren call of PacMan and eventually he's knocked them both down on the scoreboard and taken the top spot.

(Also they like to go out a lot so sometimes they end up at like, Dave n Busters LOL Which is far more contentious because ugh, it's noisy and tacky and smells like that radioactive 'cheese' mortals cover their nachos with. But your jock!Louis headcanons have bewitched me and I think they could soothe him by getting him to shoot hoops on the basketball game)

Going Out-Out: Louis is such a homebody when left to his own devices and now that they've got Trinity Gate, home to whatever vampires want to stop by, what's the point in spending time among mortals?

So they'd ease him in with some random one-off classes ("Come, Louis, we've an appointment to learn to make fresh pasta tonight" "Yeah, I know, what's the point when we don't eat, just don't argue with him, it'll be fun" And you know what? It is). And then they'd take him to random stuff from the meetup app (or not so random, because both of them know Louis wouldn't be able to resist debating strangers at a weekly book club).

And then they're back to running around strange apartment buildings to meet up and coming artists, and accepting invites to follow their classmates down to a local bar, and crashing the sets of night shoots around New York. It goes better when it's the three of them because when someone is over it and ready to go home there's no obligation to stay and keep their partner company. No pressure to do anything but enjoy existing together out in the world for a few hours.

Special mentions:

board games (the more obscure the better)

travel (this time Louis and Daniel are more mentally present lol)

letting armand play sugar daddy and picking their outfits for the ballet (which leads to some altercations that have armand feeling like that post about 'help my subs have unionized')

weird 70s/80s craft nights (louis ends up gifting his tie dye shirt to lestat, armand and daniel send theirs to marius)

'treasure hunting' aka scamming the wealthy out of their art collections (louis doesn't care about the value, he does however feel some righteous indignation over important historical pieces being kept in vaults as some tech bro's 'investment'; daniel is just happy to finally understand how armand does it, and take part in it himself)

abusing kitchen gadgets (doesn't matter who you are, playing 'will it blend' can catch the fascination of even the most arrogant, erudite vampires)

[beansmakesthings]

You 🫵

Yes you

Give me your Penny Lamb headcanons (rtc)

Well, if you insist! These are just some random kinda general ones. Some will mention some gore and the accident and some will vaguely reference familial abuse, so be warned!

- Penny had a really rough childhood and was taken from her father indefinitely when she was 10. She's been in the system ever since, as families keep deciding they can't handle the combination of PTSD and autism and gave her back.

- The only biological family she really connected with was her grandmother, who was the one who gave Penny her doll

- Penny wants to be a sheep farmer one day like Gran was before she passed.

- Penny's Metis on her bio mom's side. She doesn't really talk about it much because her mother died shortly after she was born and her father kept her away from that side of her family and Penny never really learned much about her culture. She doesn't really know what all it means.

- This one is kind of a general RTC headcanon, but the way the choir survives the Cyclone after the musical is that Karnak quite literally shifted the timeline. They technically inhabit an alternate universe where the only change is they survive. This means everyone has two conflicting memories of how the accident happened and Penny has very vivid nightmares that constantly switch between losing her head and waking up alive aftermath of the crash with her throat sliced and her neck broken.

- Penny had a sort of identity crisis at 3 am due to these dreams and cut and bleached her hair in Jane Doe fashion. She actually found it strangely comforting to sort of pay homage to the person she was when she found her friends and keeps the look. She didn't like being Jane Doe, but she appreciates what Jane did for her.

- Penny always liked scary movies and stuff like that, but after the accident and the whole Jane Doe debacle she becomes very fascinated with anything morbid and death related as a sort of weird coping mechanism.

- Penny also gets very into the goth, emo, and heavy metal scenes after the accident. She cries listening to Nemo by Nightwish (no I will not shut up about that song)

- Speaking of music, Penny is a life long Marianas Trench fan and when Constance finds out they NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT

- Penny had a big crush on Ocean for a while before they started dating, but it was always kind of soured by Ocean acting SO homophobic and SO ableist all the time. It was a huge internal conflict for Penny until Ocean finally turned around, apologized to all the people she'd hurt, and genuinely changed for the better. Penny is actually quite proud of Ocean's progress.

- Penny's hyposensitive to touch and loves deep pressure, squishy hugs, cuddles, and textures. She's notorious for touching stuff without permission when she thinks no one's looking just because the texture looks ✨️feely✨️ (same girl same)

- Mischa is her favourite person to go to for sensory hugs cause he's taller than her and kinda chubby and kinda muscular and he can just envelop her entirely and squeeze the life out of her which she loves.

- Penny really likes Moutain Dew. Mountain Dew of any flavour. The only things she drinks are water, Mountain Dew, and the occasion double-double from Tims. Ocean got her that Baja Blast t-shirt from Hot Topic and Penny wears it every day as pajamas.

- Penny's new family (the one she was placed with after the other one didn't look for her or report her missing or anything at all after the accident) are very nice, but she's incredibly wary of them because of her history. She prefers to be out of the house so she doesn't have to interact with people who are supposed to be parental figures to her.

- Penny loves going to Ricky's, laying on his floor, and being smothered by all his cats while he tells her about Star Trek lore.

- Penny and Noel are the same height, so often times he comes over asking to try on her skirts and stuff to see if they'll look good on him. She has lost half her wardrobe to him.

[wowowwild]

For my krisnix enjoyers. Pls accept my ramblings below.

Good evening. It's me, Mx. Wild. First and foremost, I don't think anyone does, but I definitely do not think they are health, just to be exceedingly clear. Also these are my mostly canon compliant musings, I have other 'if this, then that' headcanons I'm not shoving in here bc nobody has the time for all of that at once. Now, moving on.

Look, Phoenix has bad taste. Kristoph is known to make horrible decisions. Match made in a hell equivalent. Kris wants to keep Phoenix close bc he's paranoid, Phoenix wants to keep Kris close bc he's a sketchy mf (imo).

I think Phoenix would know Kris wanted something out of the relationship. Some random guy he doesn't know stands up for him and tries to be besties with him all of a sudden? Kristoph could absolutely spin it that he knew the legendary Phoenix Wright would never and he feels bad bc it was his little brother who exposed the fake and is so appalled that someone would frame Phoenix and he wants to get to the bottom of it. That's even believable. I don't think that takes away from the clear indication that Kristoph wants something out of the relationship.

And Phoenix isn't stupid. Don't get me wrong, mans is dumb of ass, but he's incredibly intelligent. I think fairly early on if not immediately he would expect that the relationship (at this point budding friendship) is transactional to a certain degree. And honestly, he would get a lot out of it, too. Someone definitively believes he's innocent and is helping him through the worst years of his life. At some point Phoenix figures out the truth, but I don't see any universe where him knowing that is immediate. There would be too much going on. They have time.

From Kristoph's perspective, he needs to keep Phoenix close and figure out what he knows at all times. Kristoph isn't stupid either, just spiralling further and further out of control. Once Phoenix begins to suspect, it's a matter of time before Kristoph suspects that he suspects. Whole lot of suspecting going on. But until then they have time.

So while they have time, they 're both putting into this relationship they have. They're 'friends'. From the outside it wouldn't look like it, but they care, Phoenix might care a bit more genuinely on purpose, but Kris would also have to care somewhat after all that time. Even if it was on accident, if someone is a big enough part of your life, even if you hate them, you start to care.

I think the type of person Phoenix is, is someone that Kristoph has not seen a lot of. Phoenix and Klavier are pretty similar, I can see him drawing some parallels, but he's not really close to Klavier at this point. I think Phoenix's true personality would be pretty disarming for Kris, he wouldn't know what to do, how to act towards someone like Phoenix. With that loss of control and stability, I can find him accidentally very quickly coming to care to Phoenix, despite also hating him. As strange as it is to say, you can hate someone without disliking them, just like you can love someone without liking them.

So taking this time, we've come to a situation where they care for each other. Depending on how long they have, maybe they've come to love each other platonically, romantically, and/or otherwise. But at some point Phoenix begins to suspect. It would be complicated for him. He doesn't want to suspect his friend of being a forger or eventually a murderer. It's hard to say exactly when those two dots might connect or which came first, but at some point he realizes these things. So what happens then?

Phoenix has learned his poker face by now, but Kristoph knows him fairly well at this point too. Phoenix can probably keep the fact that he's suspicious under wraps for a while. Even though Kris knows him well enough to eventually see through, Phoenix knows Kristoph well enough to know how to hide it. Kristoph can never get out of Phoenix anything definitive. Nothing that could be used as an admission. At this point they both know what game they're playing and that the other is in just as deep.

At this point, it would hurt them both deeply if they had fallen into a committed relationship (qpr, romantic relationship, exclusive fwb, etc.). Phoenix has to have some PTSD about the Dahlia situation, and Kristoph doesn't strike me as the type to have thought much about that type of relationship before if at all. He's honestly way too paranoid imo. I think it would cut them both deeply either way, but having someone you've committed to sizing you up like that hits a little different in most cases. (I am aroace but i've been in relationships, I am working based off of my own experiences which are not universal.)

They're out of time now. Any day the other shoe could drop. Kristoph could take Phoenix out of the game once and for all. Phoenix could find the one piece of evidence he needs to pull the curtain crashing down on Kristoph. In the end, it's the latter, but until that day they're frozen, stuck pretending everything is ok, playing their roles the best way they know how, time is standing still around them.

And then a hard rubber sole meets the concrete. That is my broad interpretation of the relationship between smarmy bitch Kristoph and shady asshole Phoenix (affectionate in both cases). I could pick all my little headcanons about this, that, and the other thing to show you, but I'll do that later if y'all want. (pls ask me questions, I would love to explore answers to them)

[babiebom]

Howdy do! I just found your blog not too long ago and I already absolutely love your headcanons for everyone! (Esp my baby, Seb). I was wondering if you could possibly do like headcanons or a scenario of Mr. Qi finding out that y/n/the farmer is preggo with his kid? (assuming that they would already be married or together in some way). If not, then that's totally okay! I just think that he'd be a really good dad and hubby

A/N: HIII lmao the howdy lowkey triggered me(not in a bad way I promise I’m just southern) but yes it’s no problem at all!! Idk which you’d prefer of headcanons or a scenario so I’m going to combine them <3 hope you enjoy!!

Tw: some cursing, pregnancy, mentions of pregnancy troubles, I refer to him as Qi instead of Mr.Qi bc I think it would be strange to refer to your husband like that lmao. M

AFAB reader lmk if I should tag anything else!!

Bc/wc: 10/ I think around 400-500

Stardew Valley Masterlist

I think if you get pregnant it’s because you were purposefully trying to have a baby

Like dude is taking no chances he is not in his slutty era he likes being cool and mysterious and being a baby daddy to random kids is not that

I personally think that he wouldn’t jump for joy or anything

Like yes he’s excited and happy but I don’t think that’s him at all

That baby would actually be the most loved child because again I don’t think he’d just be making a baby if he wasn’t a hundred percent sure he wanted one.

Actually would spend so much time trying to make everything as comfortable as possible for you

Helps with all the decorating even if he has a few odd tastes

I think he knows a few tricks to be more comfortable during pregnancy and labor

Is absolutely already getting everything ready for labor even if you just find out that you’re pregnant

Again I think he is more excited than he shows. He’s just good at maintaining a clam exterior

After months of negative tests, your excitement and hope has dwindled. Like yeah, getting pregnant takes some time but it still hurt every single time you didn’t get what you want. But now, by the grace of whatever God there may be, you’re holding a positive test in your hand while three others sit on the counter in front of you. You haven’t even pulled your pants up because after the first test had come back positive you had sat back down on the toilet to take another test.

Everything you had been wanting is coming true, and while things could go wrong between now and nine months ahead of you, you still feel the excitement crawling its way into your body after being lost. You can’t help the squeals of excitement that leave your mouth as you struggle to breathe and dance around in happiness with your pants still at your ankles.

There was so much to do, so much to plan. Baby showers, getting a birth plan, your hospital bag, the nursery, working more so you have enough money to splurge, baby clothes, diapers, decorations, doctor’s appointments…there’s so much that you’re unable to keep the joy in.

And you still had to tell your husband. You wanted to have a cute little reveal for him, to let him know that the two of you had finally achieved the first part of your dreams, but the actual you knew that you would have no time really to plan, nor do you think he would be surprised. He somehow always had a way of knowing things you didn’t.

Without any predictability, Qi walks into your home, the only way you’re able to tell is the front door closing a bit loudly. Quickly you pull up your pants and gather the positive tests, shoving them all into the boxes hands shaking with your giddiness. “You’re home!” You run over and engulf your husband with a hug. He grasps you just as tightly and when you pull back he’s smirking as if he knows something you don’t. You have the same facial expression because this time it’s you who knows something he doesn’t.

“You’re rather excited aren’t you?” He asks, eyebrow quirking up in amusement.

“I am, you wanna know why?” You ask, unable to keep still. You bring the box’s in between you two, smiling at him. “Take a look.”

He pulls a pregnancy test out of a box and his smile never falters, and he doesn’t really seem surprised. You don’t let it upset you though, knowing that he feels exactly the same as you do. He presses a kiss to your head and returns the test to the box.

“Well,” he clasped his hands together, “we have a lot to do now don’t we?”

[soldierboysdoll]

Just a few headcanon for my SPN DR because I'm bored like hell

(Don't be rude abt my english please, it's not my first language)

– He loves when I listening old musics, like House of the rising sun from The Animals, or Wicked games from Chris Isaak, even though he often mocking with me bacuse of that. It's only teasing.

– Didn't let me drive Baby. He said: "Sorry hon' but I ain't gonna let you hurt my baby" and I'm fine with that, I know I'd probably do that.

– Loves when I wear his old T-shirts, but never let me wear his jacket.

– Once I tattooed a little 'D' initial between my breasts and he always kiss it several times when it comes to intimate moments.

– I love the smell of him. He always smells like leather, motoroil, Palo Santo and cheap detergent.

– When I first show my wings to him, I tore a feather from it and gave it to him. He keep it in the inside pocket of his jacket.

– He was in shock when he first saw the wings and mesmerized when I show him that if he held it in front of the sunlight it's shinmering with a golden light. He was so shocked, he just stared at them for a good half an hour not even speaking.

– When we first met, he was annoyed at Cas that he bought another burden on them, but he actually started to like me when he wanted to corrupt me to drink whiskey and I told him that I made the recipe of the whiskey and incepted it into a random dude's mind.

– The forehead kiss is our trademark. A kiss on the forehead is known to be a symbol of loyalty and trust. Dean knows that angels are loyal to God, but he wants me to be loyal to him and him to me.

– When things get too stressful, Dean and I just take a trip to the nearest waterfront. In the middle of the night, standing in the silence, we just cuddle, me wrapping my wings around him to keep him warm. He would never admit he was cold.

– Unlike other angels, my eyes glimmering opal, so he bought me a necklace with this mineral from a witch for Christmas.

– I had just discovered Spotify, when Dean sitting next to me, started kissing my neck. A playlist of Lana Del Rey started between the heavy kisses and touches. Even the whole making love thing were strange to me, but I bacame much more liberated from Lana's music, it gave rhythm for the whole act. *And yes, my eyes lit up like **that** when... ;)*

– Maybe it's too cliché, but he got an angel wing tattoo on himself because of me. He hates all angels except me, Cas and Jack. He traveled alone to California, where I showed up to him for the first time. He walked into a seemingly trustworthy tattoo studio and came out with two tattoos. With an angel wing ‐ which he made sure they decorated it with golden details - and baby's license plate. After all, we are his two greatest loves.

– I have not visited the Earth many times, but the arts have always captured my interest. I painted Baby for Dean's birthday, which he put on his wall.

– I was wounded by an angel blade during a hunt. Dean has been afraid to use this weapon ever since, because he's afraid he'll hurt me with it, even though he's very good using blades and knifes.

– He knows I love when he has beard, so he shaves less often.

– ALWAYS have cherry and coke flavored Haribo in the glove-box.

– Sometimes he let me pick the music, then grimacing and complaining and whining the whole time during it until I have enough of his bitching and let him pick his music.

– Secretly singing almost every Avril Lavigne song in his mind when I listening that.

– Quickies in baby.

– Quickies almost in every places he gets horny.

– Our love language is mocking and teasing each other and cuddles. Lots of cuddles.

– He can't sleep if I wasn't there for some reason.

– Sexting. A lot.

– He loves when I send him nudes, and has a folder in his phone about them what he titled with just a little angelwing emoji.

– Calls me 'angel' even though he knows I hate it.

– Polaroids of us in baby.

– Let me help when he fix the car, but only because he loves when I gets dirty by motoroil.

– Buy me pads and chips when I'm on my period, but give it to me with a lot of complains and mocking. He loves taking care of me though, even have an extra heater pad what he could heating in the car in his bag in case if I have period cramps on the road.

– Teach me how to clean guns, but always do it for me to make sure it's safe to use.

– He loves my cooking. As soon as he tasted my cooking the first time, he never wants to go to a diner.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Oh No! Here Comes Trouble: (more) Headcanons

Look I have no excuses left. I’m trying to channel Guangyan’s academic success and only succeeding in channeling Yiyong’s. They practically owe me a season two at this point for making me the OnePer of my own life.

1.) Chuying has gotten…well. A tad bit “cautious” now, never mind her coworkers’ gentle comment about her being “totally fucking paranoid,” because they didn’t have to scrape Yiyong’s broken body and Guangyan’s broken heart off the floor of a museum, leaving their own broken confidence behind, now did they? Its not really a problem. Until it is. Until she clotheslines one of Guangyan’s little college friends who’s running towards him and looking shady about it (who looks happy at school on a Tuesday? Villains. Psychopaths. Pastry chefs. Bad people, that’s who). It’s possible her boss was right to force her to go to therapy. She will not be telling him that. She maintains overcaution is best (Yiyong had laughed when he’d heard about it and Guangyan had looked suspiciously gleeful at the sight of his supposed school friend’s cartwheel through the air), so it’s fine.

2.) Yiyong’s first case post coma two (ugh) is a dead violinist trying to locate his lost sonata that it turns out his fake friend stole and killed him over. After the case is settled, Guangyan waxes on about some dumb movie called Coco and forces Yiyong to watch it. It’s after one of Yiyong’s PT sessions, so they sit in Yiyong’s bed for it. There is approximately no room and Guangyan keeps hissing about how certain people treat their guests, but they eventually create a blanket fort, largely by accident, and settle in to watch. Yiyong’s mother joins them partway through, smelling like dye chemicals. Yiyong is not upset by the story. He isn’t. He’s upset by his mom’s worn out voice as she asks random questions about the film like Yiyong knows things, he’s upset about the stupid plotting because the stupid kid doesn’t feel like he can follow his stupid passion and is missing his stupid family, he’s upset by Guangyan’s very soft hands that keep wrapping around Yiyong’s arm (annoying, clingy, he makes no move to stop him) during sad moments. So that’s why if he cries a little, it’s because he’s upset about those things.

3.) Yiyong’s mom and Guangyan’s dad have a “what the shit are the kids up to” drinks session a few nights a week. She’s convinced him to try her favorite beer. Neither of them really have many friends, but they have some very strange young people in common and a lot of silences in their lives where there used to be more people. One of their favorite drinking games involves the number of times the kids will text complaining something predictable about each other, or whether Chuying will send a vague, panicked text about something they are definitely not supposed to be up to.

4.) Guangyan has a terrible, terrible day. Everything goes wrong. He oversleeps by fifteen minutes, he gets two questions wrong (wrong???) on an exam, he drags his feet in dejection on the way to lab work and gets scolded for being “almost late,” and one of his classmates tells him he “doesn’t look great today.” In a fit of frustration at his own imperfections, he sends Chuying and Yiyong a rare introspective text wondering if he’s just the absolute most worthless, useless person ever. Chuying sends back about fifty inspirational Pinterest posts about how you’re ❤️special as you are❤️, and follows these up by threatening to come over and beat up whoever made him think this (he declines carefully). Yiyong says nothing in the chat, which he expected. But. He comes home and finds that Someone has drawn a picture for him, crumpled it up and thrown it through his window (based on the dirt on the outside, the toss failed several times). The drawing is rendered in sunset colors, and it’s of the teacups ride at the amusement park. It’s beautifully drawn, with careful detail down to the design on the teacup. In the forefront, two figures are whirling around in a teacup. One looks a little grumpy, the other one is alight with joy and shaded in with soft pastel. The caption simply reads, “The Most Worthless, Useless Day Ever.”

5.) The trio go on expeditions together—not just for cases now, but because Chuying saw a cool festival, or Guangyan needs people to come with him to this horrible networking event (and later regrets this deeply), or Yiyong gets that distant look in his eyes and needs to start walking. He likes that his people, his two people (and his high school friends, if he so chooses) will go somewhere, anywhere with him for no reason. Even just to sit on a bench somewhere. He thinks a lot on these walks. About how Chuying needs to stop second-guessing herself these days, because something hurts in his chest to see the mighty OnePer flicker with doubt; about how Guangyan always gets the same look in his eyes when he’s overworked himself and is about to fall asleep on Yiyong’s shoulder (he’s not entirely ready to examine why he always waits around on late study nights with anticipation for those moments); about how much he wishes he could have introduced them both to his dad and grandfather. He thinks about how his family is here and not-here, all still with him one way or another, and how he’s probably going to start drawing that comic again soon (after all, he did have that one reader, why not dream big?).

[supervisormeero]

hello hello! idk if you remember but someone else sent an ask abt dedra’s romantic past (or lack thereof lol) and u said that if anything syril has more prior ‘experience’ in that area than her; i was curious if you had any headcanons pertaining to that?

i read a fic once where syril was going to meet dedra and used cologne that a former boyfriend bought for him and i loved that little detail so much; to me, he’s the type of person that would keep those things after a breakup instead of getting rid of them; it would be a point of pride that someone loved him enough to get him gifts so he’d still be using them

Hello hello! Thank you for asking me about this, and I'm sorry I wrote so much — I love theorizing about my silly Imperial weirdos and their strange, sad pasts. (I also need you to tell me what fic that was, because I thought I'd read everything, but I'm not recalling a fic where Syril wears a former boyfriend's cologne. I'm desperate for new reading material. Please.)

I got the basic frame of the idea about Syril having some experience from Kyle Soller. In at least one interview, he's said Syril's never been in love before, but he's "had experiences like that." Kyle goes on to mention in that interview that Syril's probably kept himself away from "that" — love — because he's always been so focused on being the best he can be for the Empire. Which, fair. That's certainly how he comes across on the show, although I'd argue he probably turned some heads at Pre-Mor. I mean, come on. He looks like that. I'd also argue "keeping himself away from that" would not preclude a very occasional one-night stand, which is where he might have more experience than Dedra, who according to Denise has never been touched. Yikes.

But even if he's never been with anyone (which would just make him and Dedra even brighter twin flames, I—) he, at the very least, has had "experiences like that." So, maybe he started to fall for someone and pulled himself back, reined himself in, told himself to put the Empire and his ambitions above everything and anything else because he is determined to remain in constant motion up the ladder. In his mind love could slow, if not halt, his progress. I think that'd be in character for him. But he, at least, has had emotions. He's started to fall, only to shake his head, right himself, and stiffly walk away. Dedra, on the other hand... I doubt she's ever even approached the cliff. Her personal life is an Antarctic tundra. Her past, in my opinion, has been so fraught and damaging and painful that she's likely never been told, platonically or romantically, that she's loved.

So, that leads me to Syril and Dedra, and Syril's fixation with Dedra, and why her after all this time. It's no secret that Syril's a mess, and he feels everything deeply — his need to follow the rules, his need to serve the Empire and advance in his career, and, of course, his obsession with Dedra. I think he allows himself to be obsessed with or to fall for her because she's not a random co-worker, or an acquaintance, or a stranger on the street. She's everything he wants, on almost every conceivable level. She's an idol in a white tunic, a dream made real. If he's always been so focused on being the best he can be for the Empire, she's perfectly aligned with that, so there's no need to keep himself away. To be honest, I don't think he even knows that he's in love, although he might get there in Season 2. In Season 1, I think he knows that she's a beacon of hope, so he's basking in her light, and through basking in her light he's basking in the light of the Empire. After all, he risked his life to save her in Ferrix... but in doing so, he saved a piece of the Empire.

On the subject of Syril in an actual relationship, I absolutely see him as the kind of person to keep mementos like cologne, or a shirt, or gifts he couldn't bring himself to throw away after a breakup. I think you're right; he'd treasure any memory of being genuinely loved, because I don't believe he has many of them. I don't think he'd handle rejection or perceived betrayal well because of what happened with his father, but I also think whatever's in his private box has to do with his father, so. Even when his heart is broken, I don't think he ever quite banishes that person from its every corner. Or I suppose it could be a vanity thing: I made this person love me, and I have evidence to prove it. I do think he's vain. But when the cologne runs out, I think he'd feel empty inside — and a few of his brightly colored memories would turn grayscale. That's why it's easiest to love the Empire: the Empire has never hurt him. The Empire believes in him, and he believes in it. In my opinion, regardless of how he feels about Dedra, the Empire will always be his truest, deepest, and most faithful love.

[maybeimamuppet]

I LOST THE ASK IM SORRY ANON BUT HERE

REGINA

favorite thing about them

heheeeeeehoooo i’m a lesbian but honestly she has so much like depth to her in a way that’s not immediately obvious and it’s really interesting as a writer getting to explore that beyond canon

least favorite thing about them

i don’t like that i relate to her!!!! i don’t like the idea of being mean and she is and i’m entirely convinced she and i have the same personality disorder and i am terrified that i’m like her. some people have said it and i just hate that it might be true

but like as a character in and of herself it’s how she uses people for her own gain. that’s not cool boo

favorite line

“boo, you whore” from the movie

“that’s what i keep trying to explain to the president on twitter but he blocked me” from the show

i can’t remember enough of what she says in the new movie rn but i’ll find smth later i’m sure lol

brOTP

damian. she and damian both love taylor swift and they listen to every song together and fangirl together and also damian gets her into musicals. regina likes the dark gritty ones with good music like les mis and little shop and damian likes the classics (obvs)

OTP

post redemption arc i ship her with like every woman in this. like any combo of gretchen and karen, i’m an absolute SUCKER for cadina (like i’m literally on my knees begging for cadina fic prompts please), rejanis is. it has potential not my fav but i do partake from time to time.

but like aaron would just turn out bad nobody really likes shane or kevin and damian. is gay. so none of the men lol

nOTP

this woman is GAY so again any of the guys lol. also if it’s done wrong rejanis can be real icky and i don’t like that

random headcanon

she can juggle. cady is the only one who knows and regina will absolutely kill her if she lets it slip

unpopular opinion

she is a victim who made the wrong choices and not the monster a lot of people make her out to be. she is not the villain of the story she is the villain of her own life by fault of her own mind which is the fault of her upbringing and she is making the only choices she knows how which just so happen to hurt a lot of people. she absolutely can be redeemed and she deserves it. which is why the bus doesn’t just straight up kill her.

song i associate with them

i think i said this for janis but monster from frozen has very much internal regina vibes to me that she like is terrified of letting anyone else see. also i know it’s about something VERY DIFFERENT but all grown up from bare seems like it would really speak to her. and also just all of renee’s songs bc duh

favorite picture of them

it’s a gif and this is how i lost the post last time but uh

like. holy shit.

DAMIAN

favorite thing about them

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again but that boy drinks his loving janis sarkisian juice every morning as part of a balanced breakfast. he knows they’re each others person and i think he navigates their admittedly strange relationship really well. 

and also i love that this ~17 year old fat openly gay kid has SO MUCH confidence in himself. could he be overcompensating and actually have a lot internally that he doesn’t like about himself? yes absolutely . but the way he chooses to handle himself with such grace and confidence as he navigates such a complex web of social issues is really admirable to me and i don’t think he gets enough credit :))

least favorite thing about them

some of the stereotypes aren’t like super cool but like they had to come from somewhere so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

favorite line

damian is what got me into this show tbh i have so many

but i thiiiiiink it’s gotta be either “and they are more addictive than opioids and girl scout thin mints combined” (also hot take but i’ve been a girl scout for 18 years and thin mints SUCK)

OR

“did she just leave while i was actively caring about her? no. / she’s leaving! just like my DAD.”

honestly just like all of stop all of cautionary tale just him i love him yes

brOTP

besides the obvious answer of janis again i would say regina. but also he and gretchen get coffee at least once a week and bond over dances and choreography and whatnot and he and karen are joined at the hip whenever they’re together and you cannot tell me otherwise. and cady is basically his little sister

OTP

THEATRE BOY FROM THE NEW MOVIE OMGGGGG but also like. i don’t really know lol

i usually write him as being with aaron but that’s bc when i was writing like three months in i asked and all my (four) readers at the time said they wanted damiaaron it was not my first pick. but it has grown on me a lot and i think they’re super cute together

nOTP

i am terrified of the amount of romantic fic out there for him and janis?? like y’all ran face first into the point and hit ur heads so hard u still couldn’t see it huh

random headcanon

he kicked janis’ front teeth out in tap class when they were five and janis still has a small scar on her lip

unpopular opinion

i know i write about it a lot and stuff but making him trans feels really reductive of his personality sometimes. we need more trans rep obviously and i love people being able to take characters like him and feel seen but i question it with him in particular a lot. similar vibes to people who make matilda trans i just dk. lots of complicated feelings about it

also that he is the best goddamn character in the whole thing

song i associate with them

uhhhhhh for whatever reason 9 to 5 by dolly parton?? and jolene are the first two to pop into my head lol idk why

oh and also better work bitch by britney spears (i think??)

favorite picture of them

[primatechnosynthpop]

Ok since @urineedward asked here's the vision I have so far for my Mel Venkman au (that's what I'm calling it even though that wouldn't actually be her legal name in this concept... also despite me calling it an au it's not not canon compliant, technically)

Mel's mom realized too late after having a brief relationship (or possibly just a one-night stand) with Peter that he was kind of a creep and a jackass and generally not good father material, so she didn't tell him she was pregnant (he didn't reach out to her again either; if he had she might have told him) and generally wants nothing to do with him

Mel starts asking if she has a dad and if so who and where he is basically as soon as she's old enough to grasp that most children have two parents. Her mom is pretty evasive, but that only drives Mel's curiosity further

When the Ghostbusters' commercials start airing on TV, her mom would always sigh and change the channel, which got Mel's attention (she'd be about 5 or 6 at this point). She feels oddly drawn to one of the men in the commercial, and would loudly protest that she wants to see. After finally getting the chance to see their commercial in full, staring right at the screen totally blissed out the whole time, she proclaims that she has a crush on Dr. Venkman and wants to marry him. Upon hearing that, her mom is like ohh ok I need to nip THAT in the bud before things get really weird around here, so she finally sits Mel down and explains the situation

Of course as soon as she knows the truth Mel immediately insists on meeting her father. Her mother argues with her about it, but Mel ~always gets what she wants~ and so her mom reluctantly agrees to take her by the firehouse to meet the ghostbusters-- but acting like Mel is just a random kid who happens to be a big fan, NOT telling Peter or any of the others the truth

It's kind of a secret test on her part to see if Peter is worth giving another chance, not romantically but in terms of being a part of Mel's life. Unfortunately he fails this secret test miserably by A) not remembering Mel's mother, and B) smoking and making rude jokes around the small child. Mel's mom vows to never take her back there again, but for Mel it's one of the best days of her life

Just as Mel and her mom are leaving Janine comes in and says "aww who was that Dr. V? Your niece?" and when Peter says no, it's just some strange weirdly clingy kid, Winston narrows his eyes and is like [mystery fan mode engaged] "y'know I wasn't gonna say anything but she does look a lot like you" at which point Ray gets a worried look and goes "uhh yeah Peter I think I recognize that woman, didn't you go out with her once?" And ok I've seen conflicting headcanons on this but if Egon knows about Callie at this point he's sweating through the whole conversation. And when Peter goes "what, no, if we had a kid together the lady obviously would have told me" Egon kind of wants to strangle him

Over the next several months Mel keeps trying to meet her dad again any way she can, from making phony calls saying her house is haunted to trying to jump out of her mother's car and run after the Ecto-1 if she sees it on the street

Between GB1 and GB2 when they're shut down, Mel's mom tells her something like, "see? I told you he wasn't a good person. He and his friends were just scammers trying to take advantage of people" but Mel is NOT having it because in her father-stalking efforts she's seen them at work and knows they were legit. During this time she watches World of the Psychic religiously

When Mel hears the former ghostbusters are available to book for birthday parties she jumps at the chance. When Ray and Winston show up instead of her dad she's sooo pissed off and tries to blow them up with her mind, but for them this basically confirms the theory that she is in fact Peter's daughter or at least really thinks she is. They tell him to try talking to Mel and her mom but Peter is like "what am I supposed to do? Show up at this woman's house unannounced? Or would you prefer I tried talking to her ten-year-old daughter in private, on the schoolyard maybe?"

...Alright I haven't really nailed down how it would go from here-- maybe after the events of GB2 Mel's mom finally comes around after seeing that Peter really has grown and changed; maybe something happens to Mel's mom (possibly even orchestrated by Mel herself) and she ends up in Peter and Dana's care; or maybe nothing changes aside from Mel slowly gaining more freedom as she grows up. One way or another, they form a more reciprocal father-daughter bond over time, but it always stays a bit messy (because really, how could it not)

Mel came to resent her mother for keeping her away from her dad (willfully ignorant of her mother's very valid reasons) and latches onto Dana as a sort of replacement mother figure in her teenage years, although not quite to the extent of a full-on stepmom. She doesn't really form a familial bond with Oscar, but she does babysit for him a fair bit, and is jealous of him getting to have her father as a stepdad

I feel like this goes without saying but Mel studies psychology because she's inspired by her dad <3

Peter gives her tips on how to seduce people which she uses on Doug when she meets him. When he gives her these tips he does not realize that Mel has her eye on someone considerably older than her and is not happy when he finds out. He never really gets over this and continues to hope that Mel will wisen up and leave Doug eventually

Mel talks to her dad on the phone about the conchords like "...and one time I snuck into their apartment and went through their cupboards and guess what? Bret has a mold collection <3 isn't that sooo cute? Just like Dr. Spengler!" And Peter is like *melancholy slightly bitter sigh* "yeah just like Spengs huh... well listen, if those kiwi boys of yours ever start going on about how the world's going to end, you get the hell out of there, okay sweetie?"

It's absolutely imperative that Jemaine and Bret have no idea who the ghostbusters are. Mel introduces them to her father and they're just like "??? Who's this guy?" Both Peter and Mel are obviously scandalized; Mel is like "umm excuse you he literally saved New York in the 80s!!" to which the conchords point out they weren't in New York in the 80s, they were in New Zealand

(Murray thinks he knows who the ghostbusters are but he's actually got them mixed up with the men in black. Dave absolutely knows who they are though-- Dr. Venkman was his idol growing up-- and he's almost as scandalized as Mel that the kiwis don't know about him)

Idk exactly how close Mel would be to the rest of the team especially since this is movie verse and the ghostbusters as a business were never around for all that long in the movie timeline the way they were in the cartoon or the comics... but I think she's at least enough of a figure in their lives and vice versa that she convinces Ray to attend a FotC concert at some point. He ends up loving it and becomes their second biggest fan

[clavissionary-position]

◆ G A C H A C O M M E M O R A T I O N ◆ ROSE ⨉ COFFIN Headcanons

N A P O L E O N I S A A C S E B A S T I A N

THIS BLOG IS 18+ minors/ageless blogs please dni TAGS ⨉ WARNINGS: spoilers for isaac, sebastian, and vlad . angst . sexual content . description of a panic attack and ptsd during one of the serious parts that gets resolved unrealistically . shameless crack during the non-serious parts . strangely wholesome in places . historical inaccuracies INSPO: the works of various writers in the fandom and how they write the suitors mentioned . the vampire-photoshoot episode of Wallflower (or at least I think that's what that episode was about. Haven't watched since I was 15) . this hauntingly sexy music video for all of my coffin-writing needs WORD COUNT: 3800+ READ ON AO3

✝ n a p o l e o n

one "You're not giving me much of a choice here, are you?" He says with brows cutely furrowed when you tell him about Comte (and Leonardo?)'s Weird Idea of the Day™. Those silly purebloods and their not knowing how else to pass eternity.

He's still recovering from their last scheme which ended with him and Jean having to fish several dozens of pairs of women's lingerie from the fountain at the Place de la Concorde. All while you were forced to explain to onlookers that there was, in fact, nothing to see except two soggy men in white shirts. Jean didn't appreciate the windfall from that, so he'd hidden behind the statue and posed for the pigeons until you apologized.

What a waste of perfectly good lingerie though, Napoleon laments, economically.

two From his window he can see several residents helping to carry large batches of gorgeous black roses, unique with their red under-sheen, into the mansion. Ah, but they would look so lovely paired with you, and with those earrings you wore when you first stumbled into the mansion.

Napoleon feels like he's lived a thousand lifetimes, but his memory is reserved for you. Just picturing you with the roses makes him heady. He looks at you watching the residents below, and you have no idea of the adoration in his eyes. He looks away the second you turn your head, and you both share a chuckle.

A couple of the more spirited residents, namely the individuals at the beginning of the alphabet, catch Napoleon spying on them and they in-turn offer him evil, laughing winks. Even Leonardo throws him a crooked salute as he strolls past with Lumiere wrapped around his neck.

Napoleon groans under his breath. Is there something about this photoshoot that nobody is telling him? Fine, then.

He shows you some teeth and spins you around to wrap his arms about your waist, whispering into your ear: "I hope you're prepared for EVERYTHING this will entail, nunuche."

He doesn't know what "everything" is, at all, but he will never pass-up an opportunity to tease you. This will be his revenge for your calling the attention of random Parisian bystanders to his wet nipples. Those are only ever meant for your gaze.

three Secretly he's nervous. Posing for grand portraits is one thing, but photography is something he only knows of from chats with Sebas and half-heard conversations during his security gigs. Lately amongst the nobility there has been much talk of George Eastman's Kodak Company, and while Napoleon would be lying if he said his curiosity wasn't piqued, he has no idea what to expect or how to prepare even. Maybe Isaac can offer some insight?

Napoleon's uncertainty is only made worse however when he learns that Comte has sent you off to procure even more roses for this photoshoot. Which means you'll be spending some time with a certain florist. Napoleon recalls telling you that he's never had reason to be jealous before he met you. He's never experienced the kind of love he has for you, but unfortunately something so wonderful comes with its host of thorns.

He manages to keep his jealousy―which isn't any better or worse than what most people in his shoes might experience―well under-control, especially for fear that it might turn into something ugly and scare you away. But whenever you're with Vlad, something just itches him the wrong way.

He trusts you though, so he bites down on his worries and focuses on the photoshoot. At least Sebas will be there to distract him. He fries up a batch of karaage before bathing and getting into costume.

four Lining an entire coffin in roses is a bit extravagant for his (personal) tastes (as he will spare no extravagance for you). But people really like this sort of thing? He can't say he completely understands, but to each their own. If you're into it, then he'll learn to be into it too. Rather, if you're into it, it would be impossible for him not to be. Though it really seems like something better-suited for Vlad or Shakespeare. Napoleon doesn't have the vocabulary for "spooky goth bois", but he's able to articulate his point to you later just fine.

five The roses are kind of uncomfortable. Is he going to have to clean all these up afterwards, or…? Seems unfair since it wasn't his idea to do this in the first place. But he's not about to dump this work on Sebas. He'll have to see if Jean is available later to help. (spoiler: Jean is eating marorons backstage)

six Sebas has photography duty. He's enjoying this. Very. Much. He knows exactly how to pose Napoleon for max キュン points. That angle that requires him to hover above the coffin, above Napoleon? Heart-pounding and insane. He doesn't know if he's mentally cataloguing the way the light bounces off Napoleon's lips for posterity or for himself or both or―

But while he issues his instructions (and occasionally administers them himself) with pure professionalism, he's definitely six seconds away from stroking-out at any given moment. I most certainly thought I was used to Napoleon's exposed chest by now, he scribbles into his diary while biting his other fist.

seven Okay, the roses are really irritating Napoleon's backside now. Maybe if he reduces the amount of surface area he exposes to them… Nope, it's even worse when he's on his side. Now he's partially smothered in roses. Sebastian tells him to get up. He can't. He's stuck. Fuck.

eight When is this photoshoot supposed to end again? Exuding sex-appeal is usually somewhat of a default state for him, but if he has to consciously think about it then he's at a complete loss. He prefers loss when its him getting lost in seducing you. When he gets to the state of mind where he doesn't even see it as seduction, but a serenading with his entire being, that's the kind of domestic bliss that he'd gladly surrender himself to over and over again.

nine When you finally come back from shopping, Napoleon finds himself struck by just how lovely you look struggling to hold what looks like a thousand roses in your arms. Before he can stop himself, he's climbing up out of the coffin and taking you in his arms for a whirlwind kiss. The roses fall to your feet as he bends you backwards. The lighting is perfect.

ten Sebastian enthusiastically uses up the rest of the roll trying to capture one of the top ten most beautiful sights he has ever seen. Unfortunately this means that the sight of Leonardo using a trampoline when he thought he was alone in the mansion has been bumped from the list.

✝ i s a a c

one If he's being perfectly honest with himself, you and he have engaged in far stranger activities than canoodling in a coffin bursting with roses. As well he feels it's terribly exploitative of Comte to be throwing you in here with him. What if he suddenly gets hungry and the lid closes on you both? That blood would be on Isaac's hands, but definitely also Comte (and Leonardo?)'s.

They prepared a full, 3 by 1 meter table of sandwiches for breaks? Sandwiches made by you? Oh his sweet little British heart is positively over the celestial orb known as the moon. Now he wants to bite you from the unbearable happiness alone.

two The question on the back of his mind (and occasionally slipped out between his breathlessly-kissing lips) is where did this coffin materialize from?

Was there a dead person in here before? (Because that certainly well changes things!)

This quantity of roses must have been expensive to procure: is Comte okay?

Is he really hearing Dazai's whimsical laughter from the nearby darkness or has he just been conditioned to hear it forever and ever and ever?

Does it bother you that his feet don't reach the bottom of the coffin because he's so short? (You assure him that is hardly the case while feeding sandwiches into his blushing mouth-hole)

three Unlike Napoleon above, Isaac is extremely familiar with modern 19th-century cameras. In fact he's the one who built the one being used for the photoshoot. He'd not an inkling at the time that it would be purposed for such frivolous activity, but he supposes that he doesn't mind so long as the camera is returned to him without issue. He needs it so he can upgrade it to a model that can capture the stars and your heavenly body. By the Gods did he just say that last part out loud.

four

By the Gods, Dazai is the photographer.

Isaac doesn't need to dig through to the bottom of the coffin to know what the entire flooring is layered with.

"I hate you," Isaac mouths to him as you dab sandwich-residue from his expression twisted in rage.

Dazai clicks the shutter with glee. "Did you know that every single one of your students ordered a copy of these bromides? I sold out within minutes."

"YOU DID WHAT?" (screamed at 126 decibels while covering your ears)

src x

five Dazai, seemingly unfazed by potential loss-of-hearing, proceeds to call you by the wrong name as he redirects you to mount Isaac while placing your hands on his bare chest.

"Now use your mouth to feed this into his mouth."

"Feed what?"

"This."

"Right, but what's 'this'?"

Dazai laughs and toggles a switch on the camera to prepare for shooting. "I'm not allowed to say the word or I risk even more hearing loss."

six Comte stops by to see how things are going. He is saddened by the gross under-utilization of the roses after he went through all that trouble to procure them from Vlad (it was actually quite easy but Vlad issued him an ominous warning about collecting interest at a later date and Faust immediately smiled really, really big).

Isaac gives Comte the wide-eyed, pleading, "help me"-stare. Comte misinterprets the stare as Isaac having accidentally soiled himself. He panics. This is why he signed up for adult-children and not children-children. "L-LEONARDOOOOOO!" he wails as he trips over a crate of forbidden fruit on his way out.

Isaac looks at you as he thumbs a breadcrumb from your lower lip and then suckles on said-thumb. "I don't know why he's getting Leonardo. Surely he could have asked Dazai to leave himself."

"What's that? You want me to join you inside the coffin?"

seven Dazai has somehow convinced Isaac to act out CPR on you in a sensual way "for his adoring fans in academia". He stops you two halfway to suggest you stop laying there like a corpse and use the roses to weave a flower crown around Isaac's head. Overall it's an incredible and aesthetic art direction, ruined only by the fact that Isaac never learned proper CPR technique, so he spends the entire time trying to suck your lips through his teeth while drumming on your chest.

Weirdly this turns you on. And when you clench your thighs around Isaac's sides, his dick does a somersault so olympic in nature that a squeal rips out of his throat.

Dazai pretends to confuse it for a hiccup and uses a pair of salad tongs to pass him a cup of forbidden fruit juice.

Isaac slaps it away, reaches up to shut the coffin door, opens it again to hang a necktie between the crack, shuts it again, and then proceeds to ravage you in the dark of roses.

eight Isaac's bromides are a hit at the university. If the students are crazy over them, the staff positively lose their marbles.

Normally this is the kind of scandalous affair an esteemed professor loses his job over. And technically Isaac does lose his job, for all of about two minutes, and in a manner unbeknownst to him, because just moments after the decision is made Dazai slips in through the window, weaves a fanciful tale about how the man pictured in the bromides is a look-a-like, and then loses half his kimono in his escape-sequence.

At least 15 different students ask Dazai when his bromides will be released (Atelier/note: methinks it will be with the Jean and Mozart rose x coffin gacha).

nine There's only a handful of people more enthused by the camera that could produce such quality photographs than in the disgraceful photographs themselves. These are the people whose company Isaac seeks out. Rather, they find him and (respectfully) hound him with questions. He is delighted to explain his plans for the next prototype and bounce ideas off his colleagues.

Yes, there are one or two vultures among this group of people, hoping to profit off Isaac's work. Isaac suspects as much and he tests them posing a question about how they would overcome a particular design challenge. They flounder for a satisfactory answer, but Isaac surprises them by asking simpler questions to help them work up to the correct answer themselves. He wants to instill in them the joy of problem-solving on your own. It's a risk, he knows, but he doesn't want to go back to living the cloistered, miserable life he had before he met you.

ten Dazai sells-out a second volume of bromides, and you wonder if Comte and Leonardo truly had something to do with this scheme, or if they're just quietly profiting off their own investments.

✝ s e b a s t i a n

one His roses are an unusual color, not seen in nature. But it's simple enough to dye white roses in preparation for the photoshoot.

You and Akihiko and Lotte spend a peaceful afternoon in the garden, taking turns feeding each other cucumber sandwiches while working on the roses at a leisurely pace. He patiently instructs you and illuminates you with his breadth of knowledge. Unlike his usual demeanor when you two are on the clock, his whispers in your ear are gentle and subtly-bladed with desire. Each petal that comes between your fingertips becomes something forbidden and decadent.

Such an idyllic sight it is from a distance that Mozart serenades you three through his open window as Comte and Leonardo fondly look on from their smoker's-only balcony. And then Shakespeare randomly skips past with a water-drenched Theo on his heel. Fun times are had by all.

two Then night falls and your nether parts are ill-prepared for just how sexy Akihiko looks laying on a bed of roses, his entire focus solely on you, trailing his gaze from your eyes down to your parted lips, further still to the pulse throbbing inside the delicate casing of your beautiful neck. You two are both keenly aware of the other's breathing as it slows together into a languid sigh between a heated, all-consuming kiss.

three "Hello, Sebastian," says Faust, presumably having come to collect Vlad's interest.

"NO!" Akihiko shouts as he closes the coffin lid on the both of you.

All you can hear in the sudden, cool dark is the rustle of petals and Akihiko's clamoring heart fighting with the storm within your own chest. But you two are safe in each other's embrace.

Faust knocks on the coffin door and his voice comes through muffled. "I'm kidding. I'm here to pick-up the old man."

"Oh!" You suddenly remember. "He's probably in the Pureblood Nursery with Leonardo!"

The atmosphere immediately changes. You and Akihiko overlap hands and push the coffin door open together.

Faust smiles down at you with shark-teeth. "Just kidding, I'm your photographer."

four "Permission to challenge fate by declining your generous offer," Akihiko replies in monotone. You don't know how your man does it, but the coffin is now somehow half a meter away from Faust. You can't make-out Faust's expression (though you can imagine the evilness that must be soaking through his skull), because Akihiko has firmly placed his body in your line-of sight.

You're just as worried as Akihiko is by this turn of events, but you're also suddenly so desperately taken by the sculpted lines of his back muscles, poking through the semi-sheer fabric of his costume shirt. It takes a moment too long for you to tear your gaze away or to avoid tracing those beautiful lines with the feathery petals of one of the roses.

To make matters worse, Akihiko happens to look over his shoulder and catch you thirsting for him.

five We'll continue this later, Akihiko mouths to you as a glint of unbridled desire passes over the eye that you can see. The rest of him is beautifully-haloed in the studio lights.

Faust drops his boot down on the edge of the coffin right in front of your face. "Is that so?" The glare of the studio lighting renders his eyes indiscernible behind his glasses.

"It IS so!" You kick Faust's boot away and then close the coffin door on you and Akihiko once more.

Once you're in the dark, you wrap your arms around him and breathe in his gentle, clean scent. The scent of a man who launders like it's his job. Because it is.

"I'm sorry―" Akihiko begins, but you cut him off with a finger to his lips. Or to his nose first, because you're behind him and you overshoot. Then you feel teeth on the pad of your finger as he gives you a love-bite. "I was told we would be having a guest photographer, but I'd have never thought in a million years that Comte would collude with that oaf."

six "This oaf is tired." Faust lays down on top of the coffin and plays with Mephie on his belly as he waits for you two to open it again. This of course is a catch-22. How can you open the coffin if he's on it, and so on. The obvious answer is if he gets off the coffin of his own volition.

Or if Mozart tackles him (Atelier's/Note: I'm going off the version of Mozart in the Ikevamp Stageplay that knows parkour and hand-to-hand-combat).

Akihiko doesn't know what's going on, exactly. He can make some assumptions based on the type of impact (definitely sounds like someone large was just suplex-ed into the catering, possibly by someone smaller in size), the shouting (lots of colorful German), the tiny screeching (he's not entirely sure they belong to Mephie), and the sudden lack of piano music. He almost doesn't want to open the lid to check, especially now that you've got your hand in his pants.

Yes, yes, whatever is going on outside the sanctuary of this coffin can wait. He rolls around, knocking his elbows against the sides of the coffin in the process and activating the human tragedy known as the funny-bone. 'Tis but a trifling matter. He presses feverish kisses into your lips and all along the side of your neck. The roses interfere more than they enhance the mood, and their scent is too synthetic after the dye-job, but he thinks of none of that. His thoughts are of you and you only.

seven Mozart rips the coffin door open, seemingly having won the scuffle with Faust somehow. His eyes widen at the sight and he quickly closes the lid and backs away, tripping over a crate of forbidden fruit that someone has carelessly left behind.

"Use a tie next time," Mozart tells Sebastian later. "Onegai, Sebas," he adds in Japanese for some reason.

Back in the present, Faust collects himself from the wreckage of the overturned catering table. A thin trickle of blood trails from his lips, a sight that some may find disastrously sexy, and so the author has chosen to include this detail. He grabs Mephie and leaves the studio, presumably to plot his revenge against the composer. Or to visit the Pureblood Nursery and fetch Vlad, because that really hadn't been a lie.

Back in the coffin, Akihiko has become all hands as he roves every curve and point on you with butler-precision. Some part of him acknowledges that the danger outside has passed, but the mood inside the coffin is far past the point of no return. This man is grateful to be alive. If only he hadn't accidentally switched diaries with Jean earlier that week, because he has so, so much to detail about the endless joy you bring him.

eight In the absence of the photographer, you end up being the one photographing Akihiko. After a shower and insistence from Comte that his mansion calendar cannot be completed otherwise.

Akihiko wouldn't have it any other way. You're the one who knows him best. He wants to be photographed the way your beautiful gaze beholds him. This is just one of countless ways you keep his heart beating.

Indeed, he doesn't take his eyes off you for a moment as you position yourself to take a photo from above. He wants to latch onto your reaching hand and pull you in all over again. But he stays his ardor and lets you fuss with his bangs, adjust his open shirt with a languid touch, and he lets your splayed palm linger on his warm chest.

Akihiko knows you want him to touch you again. Instead he smiles in a way that rivals Napoleon's cocky grin. "I'll ask you to recall that we're still on the clock."

nine Akihiko finds you in his room some time later, pouting and gloomy. At first he wonders if he's done something wrong, but when his mind comes up blank, he finally notices the developed photographs spread across his bedding.

He almost doesn't recognize himself in them.

"Don't laugh?" You hold one of the photographs up, staring at it so intently that Akihiko wonders if you aren't into mixophilia. "I know how it sounds, but I want to keep all of these to myself. I don't want to share them with a soul. They're too sexy!"

This is prime-opportunity for a flick to the forehead.

Instead, Akihiko sits down beside you and pulls you into a hug. He brings his lips to your ear and flicks the top with his tongue. "How sexy exactly?" He pulls you tighter the more you writhe.

"So sexy that I could…"

"Mhmm?" He doesn't want to embarrass you quite yet by pulling away to see the look on your face. He contents himself for the time-being with tracing the lines of your back. A vivid memory jumps to mind, from the day of the photoshoot, when he happened to catch the way the studio lights accentuated the shape of your lovely back. He'd stopped himself then. He's not so sure he can stop himself now.

ten Akihiko's photos are a hit with the residents. Leonardo wants multiple copies. Comte orders one more than Leonardo for weird rivalry reasons. Isaac wonders how Dazai has managed to turn Comte's own idea into a profitable business for himself.

Jean, however, is frowning as he looks the photos over. "Does nobody else see it?"

Arthur peeks over his shoulder. "See what?"

"The demon."

Vincent laughs awkwardly. "Wh… what do you mean by demon?"

Jean places each photo on the dining table and then goes through them sequentially, pointing to one spot each time. The top-left corner of the coffin on this one, the bottom-right on that one. It goes on and on.

Comte frowns. "This is disturbing."

Akihiko sighs in defeat. "It is. Mephie photo-bombed every single one." Then he pauses and casts you a meaningful smile. "Looks like we need to revisit the coffin again."

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

Update the Letter Board!

(Disclaimer: only one of the characters in this story belongs to me. You can find more information about Azalea here. And if you’d like to learn more about the mob she and Murdock work for, go here.  Caliban will only be mentioned, but my boy still deserves credit. So, for more information about Caliban, go here. Murdock/Murderplier belongs to the Markiplier Cinematic Universe, but if you’re interested in my personal headcanons on him, go here.)

(Trigger Warnings: snakes, descriptions of pain/injury, blood, descriptions of medical procedure, syringes/needles, IV treatment/equipment, poison/venom/toxic chemicals, mentions of illegal business, slight mentions of eating/drinking, strong language. Please let me know if I missed anything.)

Snakes were typically very hard to read. Personalities varied from breed to breed, of course, but reptiles in general just couldn’t really express themselves the same way dogs or cats could. Aside from that, it was impossible for a cold-blooded creature to get warm-fuzzies. 

One could logically assume that a domestic serpent only tolerated its owner; that at most, it’d come to recognize said owner as some strange creature that provided food and shelter for whatever reason.

Well, logic didn’t seem to apply to Cuddles. 

The scarlet kingsnake was slithering up her driftwood perch. She lightly bobbed her head as she tried to lean up towards her owner. Azalea chuckled, lowering her hand into the small enclosure, allowing the snake to eagerly curl around her wrist. 

“Seriously? Your cage has been moved around so much tonight, and you still don’t want some alone time yet?” Azalea, who had just barely returned her pet’s terrarium to its usual place on top of her dresser, asked. The question was sarcastic, but she hadn’t worded it unkindly. 

Cuddles’ only response was to steadily advance along her owner’s arm. She soon came to rest her head on Azalea’s shoulder while the end of her thin tail looped around Azalea’s wrist like an organic bracelet. Azalea smiled, using her free hand to gently run a finger along the serpent’s glossy scales.

She already knew snakes were more intelligent than they were typically given credit for, so Cuddles’ curiosity and willingness to be handled hadn’t been too surprising. No, what had really caught her off-guard was the fact that Cuddles seemed to get actual separation-anxiety on occasion.

Aftertaste followed a perfectly reasonable schedule, but Azalea often stayed in the restaurant hours after closing time (alright, she was technically spending that time beneath the building rather than inside it, but the point still stood). A hitwoman’s work was never quite finished: jobs needed to be discussed, targets needed to be tracked, poisons needed to be studied and mixed and slipped into seemingly-innocent treats. . .

Since being a contract-killer wasn’t the same as being an irresponsible pet-owner, Azalea found herself transporting Cuddles’ terrarium back and forth between her house and her subway-tunnel-den on a semi-regular basis.

Azalea exited her bedroom and ventured downstairs, holding one arm steady for Cuddles. She soon arrived in her kitchen, where washed her hands before searching through the cupboards. She found a shiny kettle, which she filled with water and set on top of the stove. 

It was late, but Azalea was feeling restless. She’d adjusted to the odd, random hours that came with The Pentas Family’s business. She’d learned how to shake off shock like a normal person would a Sunday Morning Hangover. She’d grown familiar with not exactly having peace-of-mind, due to the plans, names, locations, codes, everything she needed to keep memorized for her work. 

In any case, tea had proven itself a surprisingly effective quick-fix. (Then again, maybe that was just an old instinct.)

The water would take some time to boil, so Azalea was about to move to the living room, weighing the benefits of putting a movie on. But she quickly found herself frozen in place.

Her backyard was spacious, and most of that space was taken up by her greenhouse—why buy plant-based poisons when you could just grow and harvest them yourself?—but the kitchen window was wide enough for Azalea to see past it. And as her gaze passed by that window, she caught something out of the corner of her eye.

The houses in this neighborhood were separated by personal fences. Beyond each of those fences, a weed-choked alleyway was commonly used as a shortcut, whether on foot. . .or by car.

Azalea watched as a lone vehicle quietly crept through the alley. The sun had set hours ago, so the machine was partially camouflaged by shadows. Neither its head-lights nor tail-lights were glowing; not a good sign. The fact that the car’s windows were tinted didn’t bode well, either. 

Especially when it slowed to a stop right outside her fence. 

The driver-side door popped open, and a tall figure climbed out. Due to the distance and lack of light, Azalea couldn’t make out any details other than the black clothing the figure was dressed in. The figure approached the fence’s gate, then paused. Paranoia began festering in Azalea’s stomach as she realized that the lock on that gate was probably getting picked right now.

Azalea turned, silently rushing through the living room and up the staircase. She returned to her bedroom, where she gently pried Cuddles from her arm and deposited her back into the terrarium. The snake didn’t resist, but her beady little eyes shone with a surprising amount of worry. 

Azalea then went across the hall to her office. She tugged a chair away from her mahogany desk before dropping to her knees. This house wasn’t connected to the abandoned subway tunnels like Aftertaste and so many other buildings in the city were, but it’d still come with a small crawlspace hidden beneath the carpet of this particular room. Hell, Azalea had found the compartment in question purely by accident. 

And upon that discovery, she’d done what anyone would do: cleaned it up and used it to stash things that most people would be better off not knowing about. (Now, you could claim that, when faced with a surprise crawlspace, you’d either just ignore it or cut it off via replacing the office carpet. But then your parents would’ve raised a frickin’ liar.) 

Azalea combed through rows of neatly-stacked, unassuming boxes that awaited her. She fished out a container made of purple-stained wood and opened it up. In its top half, six syringes were kept in place by velcro strips while six glass vials were carefully nestled in slots on the bottom half.

. . .Well, five syringes and vials right now, as Azalea took the sixth of both sets into her hands. She expertly pulled back the syringe’s plunger and inserted the needle into the vial’s rubber stopper, drawing out the clear, innocent-looking liquid inside.

Azalea’s work didn’t just involve killing—sometimes she was tasked with interrogations and the like. And no matter what kind of assignment she focused on, self-defense was always a must. Thus, she made a habit to collect toxins that, while not fatal, still promised a bad time to whoever’s system they ended up in. 

Now armed with a dosage of platypus venom, Azalea surged back downstairs. She glanced out the kitchen window, making sure to stand in a way that wouldn’t let her be seen from the other side. And then she found herself suddenly halting yet again.

As she’d predicted, the fence gate was now hanging open, and the figure was slowly but surely trekking through her backyard. He’d grown closer, clearly intent on entering Azalea’s house. 

In fact, he was now close enough for Azalea to see a head of raven hair that was almost shoulder-length. She also discovered a pair of circular, black-tinted glasses on his face. Along with a brass pendant hanging from a simple chain around his neck. . .

Azalea’s fear vanished, quickly being replaced by confusion and frustration. She slunk across the kitchen and into the laundry room. She approached her house’s back door, unlocked it, and wrenched it open to whisper-yell, “Murdock?!”

Upon hearing his name, Murdock startled badly, staggering back a little. Despite his spectacles, Azalea could tell he was making eye-contact. A few seconds passed before he awkwardly nodded and resumed his march. 

Azalea raised an eyebrow, stepping aside to let her surprise guest in. “You nearly gave me a heart-attack! If you needed to stop by, you could’ve at least texted me earlier!”

“You think I don’t know that?” Murdock muttered, clearly as exasperated as he was shaken-up. “I had to get here quickly. Couldn’t waste any time sending a message.”

One part of Azalea felt a bit relieved, but that only lasted a few seconds. She knew right away that something was very wrong.

Sure, Murdock was a hitman, and an unexpected visit from a hitman typically wasn’t a sign of anything good. But Murdock was also someone Azalea was familiar with. They’d worked together numerous times; hell, he was the reason she and Caliban had found new lives in The Pentas Family. Aside from that, one of this mob’s laws specifically condemned the act of betrayal. 

No, Azalea knew that she wasn’t in any danger. . .

Murdock was doubled-over, breathing heavily as he trudged across the threshold. His body language was anxious, distressed. Almost like that of an injured animal.

“What’s going on?” She questioned as she closed the door behind Murdock.

“I-I need your help, Aza,” Murdock proclaimed in a low pitch. He had a naturally deep voice, but this was different. His tone was hoarse, and his words were labored. “I need some medicine. I can’t afford to go to the hospital.”

It was then that Azalea noticed three things.

The first was that Murdock wasn’t wearing his leather gloves. (He took them off when he wasn’t focusing on mob business, but he was still decked out in the rest of the attire that he always wore while on the clock.)

The second was that Murdock’s left hand was clamped around the wrist of his right, shakily keeping it in a lowered position.

The third was that the back of Murdock’s right hand was adorned by a dull, reddish-purple splotch. As well as a pair of very distinct puncture wounds. They were small (snake fangs were typically thin, after all) but they’d been stretched out due to the obvious swelling in Murdock’s skin. 

And just like that, the syringe clattered to the floor.

“Oh my God! Hold still, hold still—!” Azalea reached out to tug at Murdock’s black overcoat. She easily pulled the first sleeve off of the hitman’s left arm, but she had to carefully maneuver his right arm out of the second sleeve. The overcoat was left in a crumpled heap on the floor as Azalea put a hand on the small of Murdock’s back, walking him through the kitchen and over to the living room.

“What was it?” She demanded. “What bit you?”

“A diamondback,” Murdock croaked, making an obvious effort to not lean on Azalea for support.

(Rattlesnakes weren’t exactly aquatic creatures, but, like many things, they were more competent at swimming than your mental health would be prepared for. While their preferred habitats were desert areas, they could still be found in seaside environments like the Cove Port Inlets.)

“How much time has passed since it happened?”  

“Erm. . .almost twenty minutes, I think.”

“You think?” Azalea repeated incredulously. 

“Yeah, that’s my best damn guess!” Murdock snarled. “So sorry it’s not a closer estimate. I was more focused on getting here before paralysis set in!”

Azalea couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Good to know the venom isn’t affecting your brain yet.”

She led Murdock to an armchair sat in one corner. “Here, sit down. Move slowly.”

Murdock nodded, turning around and carefully lowering himself onto plush leather. 

Azalea ran back to the kitchen, rummaging through the drawers until she found a clean hand towel. She held it under the faucet, soaking it in warm water and lathering it with soap, then hurried back to the living room. She knelt down beside the armchair, rolled up the right sleeve of Murdock’s currant-colored turtleneck. She turned his arm so that his palm was facing the ceiling, then spent a moment scrubbing at the bite wound. Murdock hissed in pain, but he didn’t jerk away. 

As soon as Murdock’s hand was a bit more sterile than before, Azalea stood and began jogging away once more. “Don’t move that arm unless I say otherwise!” 

She stopped by the laundry room to chuck the towel into an empty hamper, then raced up the staircase and back into her office. Unlike the cabinet she kept in her subway-tunnel-den, the hidden compartment also happened to store a decent quantity of antidotes and specific painkillers. 

Considering the nature of her work, Azalea hardly ever found herself having to use this stuff. Then again, being unhinged didn’t automatically disqualify one from having foresight. 

Azalea quickly found a larger green box adorned by a small sign, which proclaimed ANTIVENOM in her handwriting. She grabbed it and hurried downstairs, now rushing over to the medicine cabinet in the hallway, where she snatched up another box (this one stark-white), as well as a fresh roll of bandages and some odd-looking, folded-up metallic contraption. 

It was a bit miraculous that Azalea didn’t drop anything as she sprinted back to the living room, setting all of the things in her arms onto the coffee table.

She made yet another trip to the kitchen to wash her hands and, for good measure, donned a pair of fresh latex gloves from a container under the sink. Once she returned to the living room, Azalea wasted no time dressing Murdock’s injured hand in a few layers of gauze. 

With a series of clicks and snaps, she unfolded the metal object, revealing it to be what looked like a coat stand that was apparently collapsible. She opened the white box and fished out the essentials of an Intravenous Infusion procedure. 

Azalea searched through the green box until she found a batch of vials specifically labeled RATTLESNAKE. 

She carefully opened up a clean IV bag, pouring vial after vial of antivenom inside until it was full, then hung it on one of the metal racks at the top of the stand. Next, she unwound a long plastic tube and piped one end of it into the valve at the bottom of the IV bag. At the other end of this tube was a cannula: a small, somewhat cone-shaped object that almost resembled one of those toy syringes that could be found in a child’s pretend-doctor set. 

Unfortunately for Murdock (well, sort of fortunately, considering his predicament), this was not a toy. Azalea took a clean, slender needle from a little package in the white box and loaded it into the cannula. 

As soon as that was done, she produced a purple tourniquet, which she tied around the center of Murdock’s forearm. 

“Augh—what’s the pressure-cuff for? We’re not in a goddamn pharmacy!” Murdock sputtered as Azalea adjusted the tourniquet, undoubtedly making it uncomfortably tight.

“Oh, I’m sorry, would you like to handle this? Because it sure doesn’t seem like you’re in a position to!” Azalea snapped. “If I can’t get this right, then you can’t get the antidote. So do yourself a favor and STOP WHINING!”

Soon enough, a long vein visibly bulged under Murdock’s skin. There; that was the place the needle would have to go.

Azalea quickly poured some rubbing alcohol onto a cotton swab, wiping that patch of flesh clean. Then, she took the cannula into her hand, holding it like she would a syringe at a 30-degree angle to the vein. 

“Brace yourself. This is gonna hurt,” she warned.

And with that, she pushed the needle into Murdock’s forearm, right below the tourniquet. Murdock sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut and grinding his jaw.

A couple seconds passed before Azalea felt something pop against the cannula. She kept it parallel to Murdock’s skin, watching as a few drops of his blood oozed into it. Her hands were a blur as she deftly removed the needle and connected the free end of the IV tube to the cannula. 

Little by little, she fed the tube further into the cannula hub. Once a good portion of the tube was very clearly inside Murdock’s forearm, Azalea tore a few pieces from a spool of medical tape to keep the IV attached to him. She then untied the tourniquet and swabbed at the skin around the injection area yet again. 

After that, she stood and reached up to the IV bag, twisting at it in order to open its interior valve. The antivenom, now actually having somewhere else to go, quickly flowed through the length of the tube. . .and, obviously, into Murdock. 

Azalea quietly took a couple steps back, holding her hands up in a way that suggested the IV set might spontaneously combust. 

The hitman shifted in his seat, no doubt feeling the odd sensation of foreign liquid entering his veins. Azalea knew he was still in pain—hell, he would be for the next several days—but he’d be okay. The cure was actively being guided along his bloodstream. 

For a moment or two, the pair were frozen in silence, slowly peering back and forth between each other and the antivenom in the tube. 

“Is. . .is that all?” Murdock eventually asked. His voice was quieter than it had been earlier, but there was a generous amount of anxiety in his tone. “Is there anything else to do?”

“No,” Azalea replied, shaking her head. “There’s more than one way to deal with a snake-bite, but getting an IV is the most efficient. Recovery’s gonna be rough, but you’ll be fine.”

“A-Alright.” Murdock nodded, some of the tension draining away from his frame.

“Well, I suggest you get comfortable,” Azalea announced. “You’ll need to stay attached to that bag until it’s empty.”

“Let me guess: that’ll take the rest of the night?” Murdock inquired. 

“Most likely. And even after that, it’ll still take a while for the venom inside you to be completely neutralized.”

Murdock was only able to shrug halfway before wincing. “That’s fine. Better than being at my place without any treatment.”

 “Damn right it is.” Azalea hummed in sarcastic agreement. “You owe me at least half of your next payment.”

“Why?” Murdock asked, although his tone of voice made it clear he already had an idea.

“Because I’ve had to use five vials of antivenom on you, and that stuff is not cheap,” Azalea answered. She picked up the aforementioned empty vials and carried them over to a small recycling bin in the kitchen. 

“What if I just found that diamondback and brought it over? You’ve milked snakes before. Plus, you always say antivenoms are kind of like vaccines.” Murdock tilted his head to the side, offering a shit-eating smirk that only lasted a few seconds before his face contorted with discomfort yet again. 

“True,” Azalea admitted, “but I doubt I’d have the time to actually make some antivenom afterwards. Considering I’d have to save your ass again.” 

“. . .That’s fair, I suppose,” Murdock sighed. “Besides, I can already tell you’d be more concerned about the snake.” 

“Yeah, I would,” Azalea snarked. “Because the snake would be an innocent victim of circumstance only trying to defend itself. Meanwhile, you’d just be a moron who screwed around and found out for a second time.”

Murdock huffed at this, but he didn’t really put up an argument. He rested his head against the chair’s back cushion, cringing in irritation. “When I’m up for my next job, we’ll talk,” he murmured. 

“Sounds good,” Azalea replied with a nod. With not much else to do, she went about cleaning up the living room. 

She threw away the used latex gloves away before strolling outside. Quickly and quietly, she crossed her backyard to close the fence gate, then raced back to the laundry room and locked the back door. The weapon she’d abandoned earlier glinted against artificial light. She carefully plucked it off the floor, carrying it and the antivenom box back upstairs. 

The platypus venom was drained back into its vial, the syringe was cleaned, and the boxes Azalea had opened were finally tucked back into the office crawlspace, now lying in wait for another day. 

Azalea stopped by her bedroom, instantly feeling a pair of eyes on her, and a smile finally flickered back on her face as she approached Cuddles’ terrarium. 

“Sorry for the panic,” Azalea announced, gently gathering up her pet and setting her down around her shoulders. “A friend of mine just made a mistake. Everything’s alright now.”

Cuddles always seemed to know when to live up to her name. She happily began cosplaying as a scarf, rubbing her scaly head against Azalea’s collarbone, barely even flinching when the keening distress call of a boiling kettle stabbed into Azalea’s ears. 

Azalea hurried back down to the kitchen, turning off one of the stove’s burners. Steam billowed from the spout while she washed her hands. She then poured herself a cup and fetched a little bag of almond tea from the pantry; clouds of spice colored the hot water as she carried her beverage over to the living room. She immediately noticed how Murdock’s tinted glasses lay askew on the coffee table, suggesting their owner had lightly tossed them onto it. 

As expected, Murdock was waiting for her, trying and failing to ignore how the fingers on his injured arm involuntarily twitched. (Despite all the dramatics he was infamous for, even he knew better than to just rip an IV cord out of his arm.)

At the sound of Azalea’s footsteps, Murdock instinctively glanced in her direction. Azalea glanced right back, tilting her head. Unlike just a few minutes ago, she was able to see her guest’s dark brown eyes. 

The Pentas Family was exceptionally skilled with secrets. One couldn’t simply talk about underground business, after all. When it came to interactions between the mob’s members, however, the Fight Club rule didn’t always have to apply. 

Therefore, anyone who knew Murdock probably also knew about his case of eye-misalignment. 

Specifically speaking, Murdock’s right eye was turned to the right, as though he was looking at something sideways without having to move his head. His left eye could shift around in its socket as intended, but his right eye never followed along. This didn’t render Murdock half-blind, despite how traumatic the accident that had shoved it to the side apparently was.

It was also something that Murdock was adamant on not being self-conscious about. His sunglasses were a memento from one of his earliest jobs; that was his reason for constantly wearing them (when he was doing things on the less-than-legal side of the spectrum, at least. He wore a medical eyepatch while keeping up appearances in normal society.)

And for the most part, this was true. 

“Comfy?” Azalea asked, heading for the plush sofa that stood adjacent to the armchair. She took a seat on the far side of said sofa, not wanting to crowd the hitman.

“Not exactly,” Murdock answered. His face ever-so-slightly fell at the sight of Cuddles. Azalea couldn’t help but smirk, practically able to hear the Red Touch Yellow rhyme echoing between his ears. 

Murdock lightly shook his head, his expression shifting back to a casual one. It was still too late for him to hide the mild panic he’d just felt. 

“That’s a shame.” Azalea shifted on the couch cushions, taking a sip of her tea. “So. What’d you do this time?”

Murdock flinched. Despite its blank screen, the television at the head of the living room suddenly seemed very interesting to him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what it means. Don’t tell me you think I’d just believe that a rattlesnake attacked you out of nowhere.” 

Murdock rolled his left eye. He was about to petulantly fold his arms across his chest, but the IV tube had other ideas. “Maybe the rattlesnake was being a dick.”

Azalea raised her eyebrows, obviously not convinced. 

Murdock let out a melodramatic sigh, clearly not looking forward to explaining himself. “Y’know that loan shark who’s been renting a place uptown?”

“Of course I do,” Azalea replied.

The Pentas Family had eyes and ears all over the Cove Port Inlets. Whenever something—or someone—new came to the city, at least one member of the mob would be aware. That, in turn, would lead to a report to The Boss, who would then bring all of her subordinates up to speed on the matter. New residents were just typical background characters most of the time, but one could never be too careful. 

It’d been years since The Boss had claimed the Inlets as Pentas territory. And thanks to reputation, protecting turf wasn’t too difficult. Even so, it wasn’t uncommon for pests to try and set up shop in the community. They didn’t pose much of a threat to the mob’s power, and they weren’t as tricky to deal with as organized groups were, but they were still so. Damn. Annoying. 

“I overheard The Boss complaining about him,” Murdock continued. “She’s worried that he’ll start trying to lend to potential clients around here—”

“—and if that happens, our earnings could be damaged when he starts exploiting his borrowers,” Azalea finished, narrowing her eyes in disdain.

(This particular idiot hadn’t exactly tried to weasel his way into a partnership with The Pentas Family, but it was still less than ideal to have him on the loose in the community. Loan sharks in general were just complete scumbags.)

Murdock nodded enthusiastically. “Bingo. Since we can’t really let that happen, I took it upon myself to send the guy a message.” 

Azalea blinked, the focus of her annoyance quickly transitioning from the pest to the man who’d dropped by in the middle of the night for pro-bono medical attention. “And that’s where the diamondback came in, huh?”

Murdock flinched, undoubtedly having seen the shift in his accomplice’s expression. He was already the worst kind of adrenaline-junkie; working with The Boss and being paid to kill was just a bonus on top of that. And yet he still wasn’t immune to the humiliation that came with making stupid mistakes. 

“. . .Yeah,” he finally stated, his voice tired. 

Azalea pointedly raised an eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue his story. Sure, she was still kind of pissed off, but schadenfreude was a natural thing in this line of work (and Murdock was damn well aware of that).

Murdock stayed quiet for a long moment. He glanced around Azalea, probably staring at the calendar hanging on the wall behind her, which was currently displaying a picture of a bouquet of roses just above the word February. 

“I went to the department store and bought one of those heart-shaped boxes,” he finally muttered. “I took out the chocolates and. . .well, I remembered you saying something about rattlesnakes nesting in one of the fields by the beach, so. . .”

Azalea clicked her tongue, slowly shaking her head. 

“Murdock.” She set her tea on the coffee table in order to start massaging her temples. “Murdock—look, I appreciate you. You’ve done a lot of things to help out Cal and I. You’re one of the most resourceful people I know. But right here, right now. . .you’re an idiot.”

An indignant squawk emerged from Murdock’s throat. He threw up his hands in a lame gesture, gritting his teeth at the stinging sensation of the IV tube’s protest.

“At least I know the message’ll get across!” He argued. “If the snake bit me, then it’ll probably bite the loan shark! So, if he doesn’t die from the bite, then he’ll run off after he gets treatment; and if he’s stupid enough to stick around, then we’ll just bump him off! One way or another, he’ll be out of our hair soon!”

If there was ever a time for a record to suddenly be scratched. . .

Azalea was about to respond with more sarcasm, but stopped short upon hearing this latest statement. Murdock pursed his lips, realizing too late that he probably should’ve just left that part out. 

“Let me get this straight,” Azalea pronounced. She rose from the sofa, beginning to pace back and forth on the living room carpet. “You went out into a field to try and catch a snake. A venomous snake, remember. And, somehow, despite not having any equipment—”

“Hey, I found a forked stick before I started looking,” Murdock protested.

Azalea, not to be interrupted, gave the hitman a death glare. “—you actually managed to catch that snake. Then, that snake bit you, because OF COURSE IT DID. . .”

She paused, as her brain was still attempting to process this. On one hand, Murdock was a contract-killer: he was professional when he needed to be, but he and lapses-in-judgment were still old friends. On the other hand, Murdock was a grown-ass man who should’ve had a few more shreds of common sense than this.

“. . .and you STILL went through with your little message plan? After you were bitten, you decided NOT to let go of the thing that bit you and run far away from it?!” 

A little voice in the back of Azalea’s head worried about her eyeballs potentially dropping out of her sockets due to how bewildered her expression was.

“You STILL thought it was a good idea to put it in a box?! Not just that, you drove that box over to a secondary location! You did all that BEFORE you made your way over here for the cure?!”

Murdock’s eyes were also currently the size of dinner plates. Although the movement was subtle, there was no mistaking how he shrank back into the armchair. 

He may have clearly been much taller than Azalea, even in a seated position. 

He may have had more than enough experience maiming, mutilating, and murdering his fellow humans for money. 

He may have known that he’d long-since earned Azalea’s trust (and vice-versa). 

But he still knew what Azalea was capable of. And, despite The Pentas Family’s laws, he was still very much aware of that phrase about women being scorned.

“. . .Pretty much,” he eventually murmured. 

Azalea blinked, unable to stop herself from reaching up to pinch at the bridge of her nose. 

“You can’t say I wasn’t dedicated,” Murdock tried.

“No, I can’t,” Azalea admitted. Before Murdock could start thinking he was off the hook, however, she added, “But I can say that you’re a dumbass sometimes.” 

It took no time at all for Murdock’s natural sardonicism to resurface. “I mean, you don’t have to say that, but alright.”

“Have you ever seen that one video of some guy poking and licking a Portuguese Man O’ War?” Azalea inquired. 

“You think I live in a place that doesn’t get WiFi?” Murdock snorted. “How couldn’t I have seen that? It was all over the news.”

Azalea nodded, smiling in an exhausted manner. “Good. That means you know.”

Now having been thoroughly thrown out of the loop, Murdock tilted his head to the side. “What exactly do I kn—”

“The clout-chaser in that video is the only reason why what you did tonight doesn’t qualify as the stupidest, most reckless thing I’ve seen since I started working with you!” Azalea swiftly marched across the living room to give Murdock a surprisingly harsh flick to the forehead. “Thank your lucky stars!”

@sammys-magical-au  @insane4fandoms  @callmegkiddo  @neons-trash-blog   @ayoreneehere  @flamestar456  @inkangeliguess  @safe-hayven  @dleep-deprivation-idk-jelp  @forestcouncil  @themarpsimp @slasher-smash  @sw33tst4rs  @butterboyfly 

[evilmagician430]

Hii im just starting to get into vt because of a friend and he said u know abt spencer. can u tell me abt him??

oh boy where do i even start. this is like a dream come true for me honestly. i'm going to try to stick to whats actually canon as much as possible, so i wont be getting into my own headcanons here.

i know for a fact im gonna end up typing some parapgraphs so here, i made a table of contents.

paragraph 1: age

paragraph 2: personality

paragraph 3: hobbies and interests

paragraph 4: location

paragraph 5: his backstory

paragraph 6: miscellaneous

spencer is one of the youngest venturiantale characters. the wiki states that he is 17, but when he is first introduced he says that he is 12 years old, so i'm not really sure where the fandom wiki got 17 from. he IS characterized as a young teenaged boy so really his age can be anywhere inbetween those 2 in the present day of canon (which is like... vaguely 2010s.) obviously if you're doing like timeskip aus or whatever he can be an adult.

he is very easily annoyed especially when it comes to stupid people, of which there are an abundance in the gmod roleplay cast. whenever someone ticks him off he tends to call them an "absolute nerd!!!" something which i struggle to incorporate into my own depictions because i can never seem to get it to sound natural. i mean, he himself is portrayed to be this geeky insufferable know-it-all, so it's strange that he would call other people "nerd"s, especially when theyre being dumb. but i digress. short paragraph compared to the other ones but as he's presented in canon, he really does have a simple composition. he's a nerdy kid who hates people and loves to be alone and gets angry easily.

it's hard to discern what spencer likes, but it's easy to tell what he dislikes because he'll make it known. pokemon, power rangers, barbies, really anything pink and girly (with some glaring exceptions such as being a brony and having no issue with sailor moon) and more probably. he's always looking for faults in anything people like. with pokemon, it was that it's a ripoff of digimon; with power rangers, it was that it's just a localization of super sentai, and for this reason he actually likes sailor moon because it isnt derivative. not sure what his feelings are on g4 mlp being a reboot. maybe he prefers the older gens? g3 mlp is really girly and pink though even more than g4 is so maybe he would just be a gen 1 fan and also watch mlpfim. (speculation) the wiki lists his occupation(s) as "brony, hacker, weeb" which is a really good list of things to be into and none of them are jobs. and he HAS had a job at least once is the funny part. he worked at the front desk of a random hotel. anyways from this we can conclude that he probably likes certain anime, likely the more obscure and plot-heavy ones. and he also is really apeshit bananas at computers. he knows ALL THE CODES. all of them. he spends most of his time on the computer or in bed watching anime. the shelves inbetween? i like to imagine he keeps his figures and toys there. i think he's a dc comics fan, but i can't remember if its canon or not.

he's a troglodyte dwelling almost exclusively in the basement of the acachalla house, or sometimes even in lower, secret basements. one time the acachallas moved and they left him there, and when they came back to get some stuff he rose out of the front lawn like a zombie and was like nuh uh uh this is my house now. at least once he was eaten by giant dirt worms under the house. in canon it is stated that he is not allowed to leave the basement, which seems abusive to me. i like to headcanon that spencer only THINKS he's not allowed to leave the basement because that's how it used to be in his original family that he ran away from. but thats not canon; the canon is that he's basically a captive of the acachalla household. he digs tunnels and becomes allied with the mole people but overall it doesnt seem like he minds living underground. anyways.

content warning: cult. also child death and suicide? i guess. before being adopted by the acachallas, spencer was the leader of a cult worshipping an entity known as the spence. the spence was an extremely powerful god who died or something and the mission of the cult was to resurrect him. little spencer, only 12 years old at most, killed himself in an act of ritual sacrifice. he became the mighty spence incarnate, and after gaining new life, he immediately started killing the members of his cult (because they couldnt correctly answer his trivia questions or something), and ordering them to kill one another. then he flew away on the back of a giant seagull all the way across dimensions to little butts north carolina. and then presumably his debut video happened (he goes to gamestop where gertrude is working and annoys her so much with his questions that she beats him to death with a crowbar).

O.K. now some random things. starting with the one i never shut up about: he's definitely bisexual and/or nonbinary BASED ON the situation that occurs in the killer teletubby video when he meets mabeline, a girl cosplaying as johnny ghost. he expresses interest or perhaps attraction to her (??) based on her appearing almost exactly like johnny ghost but having a girl's voice. he says, and i quote, "am i seeing... someone as hot as johnny ghost, but yet also with a feminine voice? that's like the best of both worlds, i dont know where i sign up" like there is no cishet way to interpret that i fear. anyways he also canonically has ocd and at one point, a fear of grass. a lot of this information you can just get from reading the fandom wiki but im so so so glad you asked me instead. he has a level 67 warlock in world of warcraft. he is literally the joker. his braces are so rusty they can be used as magical bullets. he's such an enigma i cant help but be obsessed with him. anyways thats the official spencer guide by me the spence enthusiast. also i have a little doll of him hes awesome

[dispatches-from-the-lorecord]

Guess who’s pulling the strings behind RV+? That’s right, it’s Kahuna Moon!

[January 30, 2023]

{Haji:}

- Raifort is Kahuna Moon

- Terra is / was Turo

- Turo didn't go through the time machine (Sada however was probably pushed at some point). Moon was one of the assistants in the Tera Project as the usage of the strange crystals to create desires could benefit her. Gets pissed when the professor used it for his own selfish desires and eventually builds an AI so he doesn't need anyone else to help. Moon used Dialga to destroy him. … Dialga may not be able to go against her, but may still have something to do with Terra being in the present.

- World being destroyed by time ripples paradoxes, Moon has no reason to intervene since this is what she wanted.

- She joins the school under a fake name with vast knowledge of events she proooobably shouldn't know about (BUT HISTORY) and keeps a close eye on things with Tulio. The Voices don't seem aware of her though, so she lays low and watches fireworks.

- Terra bails on school altogether and joins Team Star until just before Violet events when things are getting weird and she gets flustered at watching things continue to get worse when they could totally do… something right?

- Gets out into the world and finds it to be a lot harder than she thought.

- Events of the game, she starts to learn to rely on other people even if she's kind of become the leader of the Area Zero group. Despite the others, the AI somehow seems determined that only Terra can fix this. Likely because of its ties to Turo, it views her as the only one able to stop the mess he started.

-Moon is pissed to see the machine stopped even if she doesn't understand how or why yet. Goes back to Area Zero herself and sets off a second wave of the Randomizer.

- "Raifort" is starting to realize the truth when Terra starts coming to class more often. The Voices… if they're involved they could ruin everything. She had a new mission for the young genius then.

- Should not have awoken the Treasures of Ruin. Now the Creation Trio and Arceus are roaming Area Zero.

- More waves, more problems. Terra may have been alerted to the fact she's not the only host who's investigating the region but what are they supposed to do when reality itself seems to be unraveling?

- Raifort reveals she's doing all this to destroy this world just as hers was destroyed long ago. If she can't fix hers, if the Voices won't help, then she'll make them suffer the same fate!

- Rises up in the shoulders of a Regigas, harbinger of The End

{Trollkitten:}

So Kahuna Moon/Raifort is the villain behind the glitchfuckery of Paldea. Possibly the destruction of the entire world... which makes me curious as to how the anniversary run ties into all of this. Will it be the first step into a somehow remade universe, or the last bastion of existence after reality folds in on itself and goes poof?

{Brespawn:}

Yeah I'm curious to see what's gonna happen next :BegWan:

With light there is darkness, with darkness there is light.

{Haji:}

No idea. Right now we need to see how this is going to end

{Trollkitten:}

Yeah. Although even if we do manage to get those final Pokemon for our Pokedex, how could that possibly stop what's already been set into motion? Are we collecting these mons to save them from the deteriorating universe?

...you know what? That's my new headcanon. Terra is bent on collecting as many species as possible from Paldea to preserve them. Modern-day Noah

And this is one heck of a flood

Also, on the note of Turo's 'global warming' mons, I'm wondering if the fact that in Paldea car engines have achieved sentience and the ability to reproduce themselves had anything to do with climate change

This occurred to me because we are currently being mobbed by Revavroom

Or we were a few seconds ago

{Haji:}

Pffffffhahaha would make sense actually

{Trollkitten:}

I am reminded of the scene from Luca where the titular character imagines a herd of wild Vespas

{Newbie:}

yesssss i knew there would be a way to slip Moon in somewhere. i love all of this :BegWan:

brb i'm off to draw raifort!moon :Kappa:

{Haji:}

I BLAME YOU! Raifort's design having a bunch of Alola accessories is not helping :tppLUL:

{Trollkitten:}

Isn't one of her accessories Lunala?

{Newbie:}

another one is a marshadow hairpin

lunala belt buckle and articuno necklace

{Trollkitten:}

Articuno could well be the deity of the ice mentioned in Alolan Ninetales' dex entry that allegedly lives where Alolan Ninetales lives

Dex entry from Pokemon Sword:

> A deity resides in the snowy mountains where this Pokémon lives. In ancient times, it was worshiped as that deity's incarnation.

{Newbie:}

oh she also has tapu koko on her watch

yeah all signs point to alola huh

{Haji:}

Yuuuuup