#he still doesnt seem to have really noticed genders yet. and he acts like a pretty typical cis boy

[youcanthandelthetruth]

so what gets me about those ~sweet~ coming out stories where the kid gets up the courage to tell their parents and "oh yeah we've known since you were five" or whatever

is like if you knew. all that time. why would you have done nothing to make sure your kid knew it was okay? like go get yourself some gay friends or openly support gay rights or whatever or just say directly hey if you were gay that would be cool with us. why would you leave that a subject of doubt and fear for your kid? like I get that the format of the story, the emotional hook, is that it feels scary to come out but then everything was fine and they loved us anyway and nothing about our relationship to our family has to change, yay! but then you take a step back and the question is just there, if you knew this about your kid and loved them anyway this whole time why didn't you do anything to let them know?

(anyway i'm saying gay because i'm yelling at the emotions bait coming out acceptance stories that were everywhere 5-7 years ago but it goes for all queer identities)

[mysterystarz]

— event req (you have no idea how much i love events like yours omg iM JUMPING)

hey hey hEYYY!! i have no idea how to format this so i’ll just start talking <33

- my pronouns are they/them and i don’t really have a gender preference :D - my mbti type is enfp (or infp, bcus my extrovert to introvert ratio is 51% to 49%) and my enneagram is 6w7 - my main love languages are quality time, receiving gifts and acts of service - a bit about my personality: to sum it up, on the outside im ehhdjcnekxmxkns on the inside i am ❤️mmmm✨arson🔥. i reaaally like sneaking out of the house at ungodly hours (with a friend of course) simply because it’s thrilling !! i tend to ramble a lot (like i am now <//3) about things i like and it rlly makes me happy when someone amazing kNOWS theyre amazing (not to the point they think theyre superior tho)!! i have very.. large moodswings and i’m pretty sleep deprived (i call it a personality, yes <3), and sometimes i apparently flirt with people by accident (and apparently it happens a lot) :’) i am also a tendou, bokuto and kenma kinnie <3 - hobbies: i really like drawing and reading (manga, fanfics or long ass books about the workd or whatever, i dont mind) and dancing like a worm to nice songs - ideal type: people who won’t shame what i like or call me a weirdo or a creep and can stand all insecurities that pop up randomly hAHHA <3 and also be able to handle my ass because i start to get hyper when night comes and have an uRGE to go out of the house. someone who won’t get annoyed at just how much i talk. someone who doesnt invalidate my insecurities too bcus i always get told off for complaining about being too skinny

oh lord i rambled hAHAHAHAHA but i hope this was enough bcus i need to stop talking <3 again cONGRATS ON 100 BBY <33

your cosmic matchup is... tendou satori!

runnerups: tanaka ryuunosuke, nishinoya yuu

YOUR TROPES ARE:

» idiots to lovers - from the minute you and tendou had laid eyes on each other, you instantly felt some sort of spark and decided to befriend him (he just seemed like a person to befriend). much to your joy, tendou and you hit it off immediately, sneaking off everywhere and spending many special moments together (all of them risky because the thrill was worth it!). somewhere along the line, both of you caught strong feelings, and you weren't sure what to do with it except hide them because you were afraid he didn't feel the same way (he totally did and was doing the same thing). eventually, the two of you dodging each other became SO annoying where Ushijima merely said "moon, tendou really likes you. do you not return his feelings or are you in a relationship?" after that, you and tendou stayed a thing forever! (yes ushijima needs to interject here)

» matchmaker (gone wrong!) - tendou noticed how single you were, and as campus's most scarily accurate matchmaker, he intended to fix that problem. the two of you decided to meet at a cafe, and after that little encounter, he decided that spending more time with you would help him discover exactly the right person for you. cue extra nighttime walks, excursions to literally every random place on the planet, and late-night konbini runs that showed tendou that he could never match you with someone who wasn't himself. when it came time to show you your match, he merely slid a paper to you with his name and a freakishly drawn version of himself. you thought the gesture was adorable, offered to draw him some time, and began dating!

» forbidden love - tendou wasn't supposed to love you, not when you were about to be the high ruler of your kingdom and were heir to the throne. yet still, the two of you shared pleasantries and adventures under the silent veil of night, a signature promise to love each other, even if fate seemed to want to keep you apart.

» fake relationship - at school you continued to be swarmed by individuals who wanted to date you or know you better due to all the lovely traits you possessed, and you were beginning to get fed of it, hence asking tendou to be your fake boyfriend for a month to discourage all those suitors. what started as fun friendly outings together for the sake of convincing everyone turned into days where you would seek each other out to spend more quality time together. at the end of the month where you were supposed to “break up”, you proposed to stay a couple and he happily accepted!

MUTUALS EXTRA: a love letter <3 (a short one)

Dear Moon,

You are always the one who makes me smile and feel my happiest in times where I need the joy. You’re a source of endless warmth in my life and I love you for being the amazing, beautiful, and talented person you are. You’re the best person to sneak out with! I love you endlessly.

𝓈𝒶𝓉𝑜𝓇𝒾

a/n: hey moon i hoped you liked this! i’m so sorry it took so long but it’s here now :3 you and tendou just strike me as the couple whod understand each other so so well and i totally think he’d complete you! thanks for being so patient and amazing ily mwah <3

[spacesnaill]

Holds you at gunpoint. Every question for Jupiter. (you can skip some if you want-)

i love you, you motherfucker 🔫

1. what is your character's relationship to the traveler?

jupiter is aether’s and lumine’s big sibling, so they all get along very well. i like to think aether and lumine are way more brash and “act before you think” kind of people, while jupiter usually is the one who takes lead (both because of the big sib energy and because they are way more analytical). that being said, jupiter is aware that the twins are very much capable of surviving on their own and fighting if there is any need for that, which is why even after losing touch with them in tevyat they know that the twins will manage somehow, they just need to find them

2. is your character proud of, ashamed of, or indifferent to their feelings towards members of a certain gender?

i’d like to think that the species/society the trio comes from doesnt give a fuck about gender and sexuality so jupiter would never feel ashamed or upset about their feelings towards specific genders. i dont think they would rlly label themself but they are definitely not straight. as to having feelings towards others: they are usually straight forward in their approach

3. what is your character's relationship with themselves?

jupiter knows their purpose and objective very well, but that often clouds their true desires. i like to think that they havent really been thinking for themself up until they were stranded in tevyat and had to rely on themself. they came to realize their own opinions and perspectives that they carry with themself everywhere they go. tho, their views are rather flexible, because they are very much willing to learn if an oppoturnity arises. that being said, they dont quite know themself well just yet, they are still learning after all

4. what is their favorite region? why?

with how much of the game is available rn, liyue is definitely their favorite so far. it’s culture is incredibly rich and full of fascinating stories and legends. i personally am looking forward to the release of sumeru, but what will come out of it is yet to be seen

5. what is their relationship with Zhongli? do they have one at all?

oh they very much do. while his charm and politeness are qualities that they very much enjoy, what originally drew them closer to him was his vast knowledge over liyue’s traditions and customs. at first during their stay at liyue harbor they would wait to catch him during his afternoon and evening strolls around the city to ask him things and carefully listen to everything he has to say. id like to think that zhongli appreciated having such an active listener and even a conversation partner at some point. eventually their little friendship grew into fondness for each other and they would seek each other’s company, until jupiter straight up confessed. id like to think their relationship is fairly innocent and very much founded on mutual respect and admiration. they both value honesty and communicate with each other rather well. and even though, zhongli hesitated before agreeing to travel with them, leaving liyue behind, he doesnt regret doing it

6. who is their love interest? If they do not have one, who is their closest friend?

while zhongli is both their love interest and their dear friend, venti is their first close friend. during the events of chapter I they both bonded. venti seemed like someone containing a vast amount of knowledge that jupiter was eager to discover. it quickly became apparent to them that the bard doesnt particularly like to talk about the past in detail, but venti still would surprise them with how much he knew about art and the culture surrounding it. they are both pretty light spirited so they always enjoyed each other’s company and their bond only grew stronger during their travels.

7. what do they think of Mona?

they are curious about and intrigued by her methods. they can also very much relate to her pursuit of lost/forgotten knowledge. they like to ask her about astrology and theorize with her, asking her to teach them little things for an exchange of a hot, homemade meal

8. what do they think of The Knights of Favonius?

their opinion on the knights is mixed. they can very much see that most of the people working for them are underqualified and not cut for the job or only doing it for the renown. while the idea of a city without a ruler is appealing, in practice the knights are the ones ruling over it and jupiter was left feeling sceptical when thinking about their methods and the possible future. they dont have anything against the individual people in the organization, but they do think their approach is highly flawed

9. wine is Mondstadt's most popular drink. do they drink wine?

while they do indulge in alcohol from time to time, they dont seem to be able to get drunk or even tipsy. they’ve concluded that since their body is built differently than a person of this world’s, its very probable that they dont react to certain foods and products the same way. alcohol is like any kind of a drink for them and many people are terrified when they see them consume it in large quantities

10. what do they think of Kaeya?

they like his playful nature and think he is a highly intelligent person, who doesnt show anyone what he is truly capable of. his methods, while very  cunning, seem rather brash, which somehow reminds them of their siblings. while they are very much curious about his motives and history, they dare not to pray if it isnt welcomed. during their stay in mondstadt they would often times catch kaeya lurking in the tavern and spending time with the local gangs and bandits in order to extort information from them while drunk. in the rarer occasions where he would be alone, they would sometimes keep him company, filling the night with talks about nothing in particular

11. if they were forced to make the choice between killing their love interest/friend or killing themselves, what would they choose? why?

that very much depends on when that would happen. pre-separation with their siblings, they would very much operate on the hard logic of “whoever has more information/more important information should survive”. however after spending time in tevyat and meeting its people, jupiter learns to greatly value life and their inicial stance would change to a more selfless one. the more they get to know about the world the more they are willing to put their life on the line to preserve life in it, especially if its the life of someone they hold dear

12. what do they think of Childe? 16. is there a canon character your character hates? why?

at first they were open to the idea of being childe’s friend, however with time they started noticing that something was wrong with his overt friendliness. when he revealed his true intentions, jupiter was not surprised, but learning what he had chose to do made them absolutely despise him. staying in liyue has taught them a lot and made them care about the people living in this world. however childe seemed to have no disregard to them. they will not hesitate to fight him if their paths do cross again

13. do they carry a lot of Mora?

having a large amount of mora is basically a requirement when travelling with zhongli and venti. jupiter does take on a lot of jobs and comissions, though mora is mostly a secondary issue for them. they do find themself owning quite a lot of it at times until they overspend with their companions and are forced to rely on their survival skills in order to save up enough to get a roof over their heads

14. does your character side with Kaeya, Diluc or neither?

when it comes to the family feud: neither. jupiter doesnt like to pry into family matters and they understand both kaeya and diluc never talking about their issues with one another. while they cant imagine siblings behaving like that, due to their own experience, they dont feel like its their place to judge.

when it comes to the knights of the favonius: jupiter slightly leans more on diluc’s side, recognizing the many weaknesses of the organization as it is, however they both come from different places when critiquing it.

15. what do they think of Venti?

venti has become their best friend and they value him deeply. they worry about him sometimes, aware of the origin of his appearance and the history behind it. they like how venti seems to perceive life in a very poetic way and are fascinated by it. they get along very well and venti often fill their time during their travels by his songs, both known and not yet named

17. how did they acquire their vision?

they seem to be blessed with the same ability as their siblings when it comes to being granted powers without aquiring a vision themself

18. what is your character's weakness?

their curiosity and hunger for knowledge

19. what is their strength?

they utilize the knowledge they have gathered into things they can use to their advantage be it in battle or daily life

20. what is your character's theme song?

pure gold by half·alive

21. what weather do they love the most? why?

they love when its sunny. jupiter very much enjoys the feeling of sunlight on their skin

22. what do they think of Paimon?

jupiter would be Ecstatic to get to meet paimon. her vast knowledge in all matters would make her a valuable companion. in the current story they have no idea who she is as of now though

23. what do they think of the Fatui?

while they do not approve of the fatui’s methods, they cant help but think that something much deeper must be going on. jupiter wants to believe that the tsaritsa cant be simply evil and that perhaps she has some other, hidden motivation for her actions. having spent time with and got to know the fatui in liyue, they also know that not all of them are cartoonish bad guys

24. what do they think of the archons?

overall the concept of archons seems very new and intriguing to them. they do try to get as much information about their godhood out of venti and zhongli. they wonder whether this world really needs the archons as much as it claims to

25. what is the worst thing that could happen to your oc?

either losing their siblings or losing their memory (its a great fear of theirs)

26. what does your oc want the most?

their long term dream is to write down all the knowledge they’ve gathered so far and make it accessible and understandable to anyone willing to read it

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

Pending Requests

Here is my list of pending requests! I will cross them off once they are completed and you can search my tumblr page for the tag “request” to see when it will be posted <3. I update this daily so if you don’t see yours here by the end of the day that means I didn’t get it. 

(after these are done I will be on an indefinite writing hiatus so I am not taking any new requests. Any that are sent to my inbox will be deleted)

Anon requested: I have a request idea, um,so in my native language when we want to say Oops we say Oppa 😂 so I've always wandered how the boys will react if reader makes any small mistake and says that around them (to add to the weirdness - she's older than some of them 😂) idk I think something funny may come out of this

Anon requested: If you're still doing requests, this one is a bit strange but I read your "when a pregnant fan attends their fan meet" reaction and I loved it, it was something different and I do like to read different things. So anyways, I wanted to know if you'd do a reaction to a fan going into labor and giving birth at a fan meet or concert. As I said, its a bit strange but its something that has never been done before and its something that I would like to see.

Anon requested: Can you do types of kisses with Yoongi too? ☺ If you're not too tired of the idea 😄 the Jimin one was sooooo cute 🥰

Anon requested: can i request a reaction post for BTS OT7 where the reader has a panic attack/emotional breakdown and his/her service dog notice it first before him and quick to calm the reader down and ask for the member’s help? so they both end up comforting the reader and just fluffy fluffy 🥺 thank you for your hard work and don’t overwork yourself!! love uu

Anon requested: a jk scenario where he has been distant and his female s/o feels like he might not love her anymore, so she "prepares" for the moment when he brakes up with her? A little angsty but with a happy ending 🥺 Its okay if you cant, dont worry 💕

Anon requesteD: So you know how some people find Tae intimidating? I believe it's bc he's so beautiful and, well, to me he looks perfect. So how about the reader feeling the same way? They think Tae is perfect and waay out of their league and act too shy around him. He finds out somehow and tries to change that bc he really likes them. Also, give them a happy end 😊💜

Onetwoyoongi requested: A reaction where the boys find out their s/o is a raver?? Like they're looking at future outfits or they buy new things for an upcoming rave plz and thank you!! I love ur reactions so much 💗

Anon requested: would you be able to write a BTS reaction to their crush being asexual and she's worried about starting a relationship with them, even though she also has a crush on them, because she thinks they would definitely want sex? (I used 'she' to make the request clearer but please feel free to use gender neutral pronouns!) 

Anon requested: where the reader like meets BTS but doesn't want to make a scene so just pretends everything's cool... totally forgetting they're wearing some merch? And then gets all flustered when called out playfully by a member bc they just didn't want to stress them out on downtime? I crave some cute platonic/friends BTS content please? 

Anon requested: Can you do prompts 23. “ You weren’t there... why weren’t you there?” 24.“I needed you! I needed you!” With Jimin with a happy ending bc We don’t like seeing Jiminie sad

Anon requested: Got7 Reaction request for you because they are barely requested ;-; Can you do a reaction where they have been kind of distant and their s/o thinks they don’t love them anymore? Thank youuuu :)

Anon requested: my job is sort of frowned upon by my friends for some reason. I’m a party princess where I dress up as a Disney character and surprise kids and all that. I was wondering if you could do a BTS reaction to their s/o being a party princess 

Anon requested: AU Jimin & female junior at college who has a huge crush on him like every other person😝(not for looks though) but she isn't taking to the idea of relationship for she is unexperienced & she is way too flustered around him to even look at him(Can't like for face if u don't look at it😝)She is perfectionist, dedicated student & likes the same about him. He feels she doesn't like him a lot as she communicates well with others.

Anon requested: I'd like to request for a prompt 37 with Tae~ If you are occupied with other stuff I'd understand. No issues~ Take care~

         prompt: “I want someone I can melt around. I want someone who melts around me too…I don’t want this standoffish, unromantic love that you’re offering. I want more than that.”

Anon requested:  a Drabble with Yoongi where he for once is the one to drag you of your room form working too much ? I’ve been up all nights these past weeks after getting this gig , too worried I’ll mess up & when I tried to confined , I got a quit or stop complaining as a response.

Rainyflowerruins requested: I wanted to ask for request BTS reactions when their s/o (who is also a popular idol) surprisingly comes to visit them after the concert while both of them are on tour. Thanks 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

anon requested: Can u do the types of kisses thing that u did for mark but this time with Jimin?

Anon requested: Could I request a bts reactions to someone who can shred a guitar? I have yet to see anything like that

Anon requested: Hey, I was wondering if I could get a wolf au! Where bts sees the reader in the woods and they'reb(bts) in a pack and you get scared because you think they're a real wolf pack that will eat you. I dunno if this is clear enough, but don't feel pressured to do this. Love your blog! 💜

Anon requested: 2 prompts: 74 & 1 with JK! (Atleast 74 if only one~) Could you keep the character as a nuna though for JK if possible. If requests are closed then np! Haha! Thanks again Katie! And take care okayy! 1. “Have you ever kissed anyone before?” 74. “I didn’t take you for the settling down type.”

Anon requested: A reaction for jhope with a s/o that has short/buzzed hair. 

Anon requested: Can u make a scenario for Jackson wang, where u want a second kid, but he’s scared to do it and get u pregnant because of ur experience with the first one (u were throwing up constantly, u were in pain all the time, u couldn’t sleep at night at all, some days u couldn’t walk etc.) thx!

Anon requested:  a oneshot with yoongi where he's a heir prince but he's tired of all his royalty responsibilities and just want to enjoy his youth as long he can. so one of his escapes from palace he finds reader who's a just commoner and following the cliche line yoongi gets enchanted for her. thank you ♥

Anon requested: a reaction where BTS’ female s/o keeps making headlines because she’s a wealthy and successful businesswoman/ceo that remains humble at all times? Thank you!

Anon requested: a request of BTS reaction to their relationship getting exposed by dispatch while they are on tour and their s/o is still in Korea? Thank you?

tata anon requested: Daechwita Yoongi AU: Peasant/lost heir yoongi is attempting to run his coup and gets captured and it seems like hes gonna die at the hands of his brother BUT he doesnt ofc you end up reunited 

[minecraftoworymode]

picked a whole bouquet of whoopsie-daisies the other day reading some Very badfeel content so to cheer myself up here’s some super self-indulgent ramblings about romeo recovery post-s2

“YOU CAN DANCE IF YOU WANT TO YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY BEHIND” or how romeo learned to stop worrying and indulge in the ““feminine”“ shit in life

when romeo transitioned he scrubbed everything that could be potentially viewed as feminine from his appearance and behaviour. while he did everything he could about the former (hairstyle, clothing, body language, voice), it didn’t feel like enough bc he couldn’t change some things that ppl used to be jerks- his frame (short and lithe), his family, his being trans- so he made up for it by trying to “act” like a “real man”. this unfortunately meant he was super vulnerable to manipulative alt-right indoctrination tactics (”we will validate you as a man as long as you endorse our assholery and share our shitty beliefs about what it means to be a man”) and he was on the verge of getting sucked into gamergate ideology when [THIS LORE IS ANOTHER POST] and hey, now the world is minecraft. u dont gotta perform gender roles for villagers they dont care. xara will not only actually eat ur liver for pulling The Bullshit but when you are kind she smiles, so bright and warm, and it is very very nice so maybe you should keep on doing that. n fred? fred is chill with their Everything in a way uve only ever Dreamed of. romeo marinates in this sauce for a couple centuries and comes the closest to being comfortable in his own skin he’s ever been.

however,

after the Incident he slam-dunked himself back into the hypermasculinity juice bc it was a mindset “safe” from feeling pain, whether his or others’. n since the worlds the admins created dont have the same ideas of gender as the world they came from, once he’s been dethroned romeo has a particularly hard time adjusting wrt That on top of all the other 2750347502730 issues he has to face

anyway flash forward a couple months of being incredibly volatile bc he now has to confront all the terrible things he did and how Dare u make him do that and maybe if hes nasty enough he can provoke someone into killing him and saving him from having to unpack All Of That- (note from @simple-mooshroom-herder​: Xara and Jesse at least grasp that Romeo will probably burn himself out on this bullshit eventually and the best thing to do is interact with him with a certain level of healthy detachment. Eventually he'll see that theres no "getting out of this" and he'll start to do the Work but until then its very frustrating to see that tactic take him nowhere.)

- one day petra notices how he’s constantly staring at all the ppl wearing cute dresses in beacontown and at first she thinks he's being creepy but then realizes that he's not being creepy and actually she knows exactly how he feels bc she also used to look at ppl wearing clothes super not suited for combat like that, like she wished she could wear them too, like if she just didnt have to keep up this image of the Warrior who is Not Soft Ever-

n ok. listen. these worlds have been specifically engineered to be better and kinder than the one the admins came from, and when people mess up- even REALLY mess up- people are generally not only willing to forgive you but support you as you try and get better. it’s instinctual for communities to respond to misdeeds with rehabilitation and reconciliation, rather than retaliation and renunciation (tho its not an overnight thing and it generally takes 1-3 people to spearhead the process, esp if the actions have affected a large group of people). like. ivor created something that almost destroyed the entire world, not just beacontown, yet by the end of season one he’s grown to be a part of the team- n its not just jesse & co being forgiving here, bc when ivor made his s1 build with 3 lava source blocks people objected to it, but by s2 he not only has lava in his build but a giant lake of it. (im assuming the fences around said lake are coming eventually, bc safety is still important, but the implications im choosing to take from this are a) despite almost ending the world people let him into their lives anyway and b) the community not only grew to accept but encourage his self-expression.)

BUT ANYWAY before i go off on that even more one day petra and romeo basically put on an impromptu fashion show in jesse’s house (bc their house is huge and, kind of perfect for a fashion show, and also right next to the order hall’s armory whence they stole a bunch of fancy swords to match the outfits) n theyre having a blast until the hero in residence , returns to their residence (and with COMPANY) n romeo is absolutely Mortified- caught red-handed showing feelings of an almost human nature, oh my god, this will NOT do- n this whole grand soliluquy of shame and excuses and apologies grabs the steering wheel of his tongue but he cant even spit a single syllable out bc jesse and lukas almost immediately dip leaving romeo panicking for a second before they come back with their inventories FULL of cute outfits, including a billion skirts and dresses, some of them are even enchanted so theyre like. super shiny or constantly flowing or things like that.

this actually ends up spiralling into a town-wide... not quite fashion show bc there's no runway or anything, everyone just shows up in their cutest/coolest outfits .. fashion convention?? Anyway several people come up to him and compliment him on his outfit casually before continuing along, not recognizing him not only bc of how hes done his hair and makeup n what hes wearing but he just seems... so happy (he might be wearing something on his head? like a headpiece or hat or something? but also maybe not hmm)- whoever this is, he's not hunched over like he's got several centuries' worth of sins crawling on his back he’s not trying to shrink and make small a human-shaped apology for the simple fact of his existence not dragging his feet like hes ready for, dreading, a hundred mile trek through the desert repenting hes just. hes literally just Vibing

anyway he's mostly been silent or just providing very quiet "thank you"s but when it turns out that some people showed up ready to play music and there's a song that he knows he literally cant help but start jamming out its the GOod Stim everyones a-dancing and a-jiving and some people start to sing and so of course he does too (the healing power of dancing and singing in cute outfits.... unfathomable) but. ppl recognize his voice

and after a few seconds he notices how quiet it's gotten all of a sudden n everyones looking at him like "oh shit thats the admin" and honestly his heart breaks. visibly

but

then someone starts singing, so quiet it takes a moment for him to hear over the sound of an encroaching panic attack (oh god he has airpods in), but when he looks over theyre smiling - theyre smiling at hiM???? AND IT DOESNT EVEN LOOK MEAN??- and doing this very simple step, that he catches onto just as easily as he matches their singing (its a fairly common little tune n dance)

theyre like standing like a good few meters away but as they take turns with lines in the song they slowly inch closer

and he thinks hes starting to recognize the dance that the steps theyre doing is from but at the part in the song thats coming up ur supposed to allemande left and even tho theyre like, less than a meter away now literally no one has really wanted to get close to him, let alone actually touch him, so hes totally expecting them to be like 'psych' and humiliate him in front of the entire crowd-

BUT THEN THEY ACTUALLY GO FOR IT???

he completes the step without even thinking about it n continues onto the next in this state of dull bewilderment where there is but one braincell active in his head and it is just going, in a very tiny voice, "danser?"

- when they linked arms the person briefly seemed surprised that he didn't like, chew their arm off or anything (he had. kind of snapped at people a few times during the past few weeks), but then their shock turned into a wide smile and they sort of- nodded? at someone over his shoulder like 'come and join us, it doesn't look like he's going to kill me after all you guys can put the eulogy writing on hold'

what rly makes his heart do the confused and hopeful conga is that this isnt even anyone romeo knows, its a total stranger. or- like- he saw them while he was pretending to be jesse he just didnt care to get to know them beyond ‘name and gimmick’- its not even someone who has any reason to think he'd be cool to befriend its literally jsut someone taking a chance on him (tkae a chance take a chance take a chance take a cha)

afterwards hes like "i should thank jesse for putting you up to that, it was fun" and theyre like "what? jesse didn't "put me up to" anything, dude, you just looked super choked. * something something surfer lingo who would i be if i just left someone to feel bad when they could be having fun dancing you know?*"

he H

[tumblunni]

Oh fuck i cant stand this

Ive already almost used up my damn mobile data again and i only bought it yesterday. Fuck i want to go home. You guys are like the only comfort i have here and i dunno what im gonna do when i cant message you again

Fuckin hell stupid shit day! I was supposed to go to a therapy class thing today but the stupid bus went past where my abusive father lives and i had a MASSIVE FREAKOUT and had to go home and then ofcourse to go home you have to go back on the stupid same bus!! I fuckib failed and wasted the doctor's time and he had to grab me to stop me from running off the bus crying and back to fuckin hell dad's house because im shit and i deserve everything he ever did to me

AND THEN fuckin same doctor continues the relentless constant tide of everyone misgendering me and making crass transphobic jokes

"You see you've gotta understand the other opinion" he says, as if trans people werent fuckin raised SURROUNDED by cis people's predjudiced opinion of us and taught it was fact. As if it didnt take me SO MUCH WORK to even become confident enough to stand up for myself! I've gotta see the 'other opinion' that "yknow well families and children use public bathrooms and theyre scared trans people will molest their children so its understandable they want to kick you out or even act violent to you". Yknow the OTHER OPINION that MY OPINION DOESNT MATTER and also MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS A CRIME but i'm the one being predjudiced for not accepting that OPINION, right?! Im here trying to tell him that no that isnt rational because there have been LITERALLY NO RECORDED CASES of trans people molesting children in public bathrooms, or even "evil men faking being trans" to do the same thing. There's been more cases of actual cis men breaking into women's bathrooms to drag women out for merely LOOKING trans. More cis women have been harassed because of anti trans laws than they ever did before! But hey "respect that other opinion", right? And also "at least its not as bad as russia" and "but gay pride is everywhere now, that one footballer had rainbow shoelaces." Hey wow i never noticed that not only was homophobia totally over but also transphobia was remotely related to that! Wow! I seriously had to bring out the fuckin 1600s historical investigation on pre-british olde englishe that showed the existance of a gender neutral pronoun before the word "he" ever existed, and the existance of transgender pride and pronoun discussions in the 1800s before the word transgender was even popularized. I cant believe i fuckin had to do a 'show your sources that queer people existed before the internet' IN REAL LIFE. WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I can point at the damn NHS website but nooooo!

Oh and yknow what got me the most? YKNOW WHAT GOT ME THE MOST?? "We have sick people here, you cant expect them to remember stuff like that. Dont ruin their recovery by bringing up stuff like that." Like..fuckin..IM A FUCKIN PATIENT TOO. I wasnt even asking the other patients to stop hurting me i was asking you the staff to maybe consider it! And seriously you want me to be so super ultra perpetually prepared and perpetually rational and able to keep my existance secret and out of every conversation yet theyre too ill to learn about lgbt people existing? Just a sentence would be too painful? And me living every day being misgendered doesnt impact my ability to recover at all, eh? Fuckin shitting fuck hell.

And i hate it i HATE IT because he's being nice so i'll be the bad guy if i complain. Likehe fuckin..doesnt even know he's being rude and doesnt want to consider the idea. He says 'i dont like your tone' if i suggest the concept and FUCK in that moment i was so fuckin scared he was gonna hit me like my dad did. Or at tge very least kick me out of the hospital if i dont cooperate with him. He just fuckin..thinks he's perfectly unbiased and accepts everyone and "oh but i like to make fun of everyone equally". And i even fuckin raised the subject that people who say that often only make fun of minorities and never themselves, the majority, or major power structures. And he's just like 'yeah yeh i hate people like that'. Whoosh. Rigjt over the head. God i wasnt even TRYING to be passive aggressive i was trying tk outright tell him why what he said was upsetting me but NOPE. Trying to explain how its just so hard and tiring to have to verrrrrry patientlyyyyy explain yourself to EVERYONE EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY while they sling loads of rude words at you and it should be just allowed because they 'dont know better'. Like you ask me to educate you but at the same time im rude if i actually tell you?? And god i also tried to explain how the fuckin bathroom violence thing isnt an example of 'educating another opinion' AGAIN by saying like... If someone just asked me to explain being transgender i would. If someone just said they were uncomfortable i would leave. That's 'another opinion'. Reacting with slurs and violence to a trans person existing and not doing anything to you is not 'another opinion' and its not someone who 'just didnt know'. He was seriously trying to argue that it WASNT BIGOTED it was just someone rationally being afraid for their children because of a danger that doesnt exist, and rationally reacting with extreme violence rather than doing anything else. Rationally. RATIONALLY. oh just MISTAKENLY committing a hate crime! Cos they just didnt know trans people exist! Not cos they hate us! Oh no! Yeah sure we totally have a fucking DUTY to educate these POOR UNKNOWING PEOPLE while theyre attacking us, and its our damn fault if we didnt...

And just fucking FUCK i hate how someone can say all that stuff and still be "nice" and still not hate me personally? Like its so messed up?? He's not anti trans or anything he just has so much more damn sympathy for cis people than trans people, and puts all the onus on us to somehow prevent our own murders. And he thinks that "i dont have a problem with trans people" means doing LITERALLY NOTHING to change your behaviour to make trans people feel accepted. They should just magically know that your jokes are jokes when theyre surrounded by so many people saying it honestly, in CONSTANT FEAR OF THAT EXACT THING LEADING TO VIOLENCE. And like in order to be "a guy who has no problem with trans people" he has to do nothing, while in order for me to be not bigoted against HIM it means i have to never get offended by his jokes and also never talk about myself and also constantly educate him about things because he doesnt want to learn, even though he works in a hospital thats supposed to have an anti discrimination policy. Like fuckin just NOT HURTING LGBT PEOPLE doesnt make you discrimination free, shit like telling me to misgender myself because my pronouns would confuse the other patients is kinda fuckin fucked up. Also "that's a question for later" is all i CONSTANTLY get when it comes to talking about legal name changes or therapy or even just talking to an lgbt support group. I have to wait until i stop being depressed because oh no im talking about too many mental illnesses at once. Its been seven years and i havent fuckin stopped being depressed, bitch! Ever consider a fuckin symptom of gender dysphoria is a big ol fat depression!!! And just gahhhhh he was so fuckin baffled and angry that i would dare to get emotional about the subject?? Like he just saw DEBATING WHETHER TRANS PEOPLE ARE REAL and WHETHER PEOPLE WHO MURDER THEM FOR USING THE BATHROOM ARE JUSTIFIED as a perfectly normal casual discussion that a Non Transphobic Man could have with his transgender friend. Why oh why would i cry about this casual hypothetical discussion? Hey its not like it fuckin affects me directly! "Well its never happened to you right?" A Ha Ha Ha Ha. Also fuckin "so which bathroom do you use?" and "well you're not really transgender if youre not getting the surgery-oh wait you do want the surgery? How does that work then?" I swear i could just see the gears turning in his head and he was about to say "do you want both down there". Gahhhhhh *cringes myself into a tiny tumbleweed and blows away*

Also the entire time he kept calling being trans a sexuality and also asexuality. "No youre not trans youre asexual right?" Yeah sure ive just been saying im trans and saying im not a girl and wearing a chest binder and talking this entire conversation about my experiences as a trans person in public bathrooms just to pull an elaborate prank on you. And like i know what he meant is that he thought the word for nonbinary was asexual (has asexuality REALLY made so little progress towards getting into the sex ed curriculum in the entire 25 years of my life?) But like seriously he was like "youre not really trans if youre nonbinary". And then fuck dude i dont wanna explain how surgery works to you!! And especially not also my entirely unrelated sexuality that has entirely different equally upsetting predjudices!

Ans gahhhh fuck i just got no sympathy for crying and he acted as if it was just some wildly unexpected occurance he never could have predicted. And i hate it cos he's nice to me whenever the subject is about anything else. I cant get any symoathey from ANYONE because he's A NICE GUY and why dont i just understaaaaaand other opinionnnnnns

I wanted to fuckin quit this whole thing on the spot and go home. Only reason i cant is because my support worker is off work until thursday auauauaughhh

Fuck at least one positive i guess is that ive made progress in the social anxiety or at least gotten better at giving the impression im making progress. Cos i want to LEAVE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. And also fuck all my other worries seem less suicide-inducing when im actually getting the closest ive ever been to killing myself on a daily basis because of a stupid other thing that i never could have predicted. Go here for one form of self hate, come home with another! Yayyyyy

And fuck i havent even made a single bit of progress on drawing or writing anything and i cant practise making ganes cos my laptop cant run rpgmaker and i havent even started reading my giant pile of books cos they fuckin LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW EVERY SINGLE HOUR TO MAKE SURE YOU AINT KILLED YOURSELF. i have no fuckin pribacy and its making me wanna kill myself even more!! I just live constantly on edge looking at the fuckin door window and i cant even do anything to distract myself because im too scared of them looking at me!! Or barging in at no notice to tell me i have to do some big stressful thing RIGHT NOW because i dont even get advance notice of anything aaaa! And fuck i dont have anywhere to go to even calm down from a panic attack cos i have no privacy so at least im getting over being scared of going outside cos outside is the only place i can go to cry. Fuckin strangers in the crowd at least wont cause shit if they see me.

Fuck i want to go home. Fuck i wish i had enough money to keep buying mobile internet. Its like fuckin 750mb a day to run tumblr but its all ive got to talk to any person who doesnt hate me or patronize me or think im faking a bunch of shit or whatever the fuck. And im not even any fun to be around when im like this so im probably just ruining your day too. And im probably gonna vanish again soon and then just go back to crying alone and getting worse and probably never being able to leave

I knew it was gonna be stressdul but i didnt predict any of this.. I just wanna fuckin die. I wanted to jump out the car and go to my old dad's house and have him pull open the door and slap me around a bit. Like call me a fucking dyke, call me a sick retard, be honest about your feelings! I'd fuckin take being abused over this "oh youre the bad one for being mad because i had goooood intentions" reverse psychology bigotry from hell. Either these people are evil geniuses or theyre even more stupid like me. Fuckin shit dad please manifest in my room and slap me, killing me instantly. I feel like being scared of you would at least be a faster emotion than this nebulous sensation of confusing unease and dysphoria 24/7 for 6 fuckin months. One week done, haha! Hahahabahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahshshshahshahahahhahahaaaa

[ithisatanytime]

i deny the holocaust

 Most of the “EVIDENCE” is witness testimony gathered during the nuremberg trials, and those were a fucking joke and everyone knew it. the “confessions” are now known to have been extracted via testicular torture, which is like regular torture but they torture your fucking balls, many of them had shattered testicles and all of them suffered beatings during interrogations. which sure fine if they were cold blooded murderers of 6 million innocent people, but the holocaust narrative is psychically impossible, and frankly, stupid. incinerating the bodies the way they say, is impossible, literally impossible, and there are testimonies given of bodies cremated regularly in under a half hour, which is fucking absurd. with modern tech, under ideal conditions, it takes over an hour, and then there is maintenance that needs to be done, and when i say an hour i mean from the time the furnace turns on until the body is reduced to ash, and cremation technology has come a long way in the eighty years since the holocaust never happened. with modern technology, under ideal circumstances, meaning you dont even have to load bodies in, or clean out the furnaces or maintain them, again with MODERN technology, it would have taked no less than 30 years to do what they said was done in 4. its beyond impossible, its actually ridiculous, and this is when you give the narrative every conceivable advantage.

   There were  tons of jewish concentration camp survivors who were interviewed by steven spielburg for his film schindlers list, their interviews were used as part of a making of documentary. they left out the dozens of “death camp” survivors who described the death camps as work camps, where no one was gassed, and they were treated rather fairly, there was even currency printed specifically for the deathcamps so that they would get paid for their work, there were hospitals that treated the ill (both of the most famous first hand accounts of the holocaust, “Night” and “the diary of anne frank include accounts of jews being treated for illnesses at on site hospitals, not experimented on just treated) which makes sense if you are running a work camp, and makes no sense if you are running a death camp. also the emaciated figures we see, i think these comprise the most compelling of the evidence, its a striking visual, until you look up american pows in japan, and see those same gaunt figures, google it right now and click images, tell me those men are not the same as the ones you see in the holocaust propaganda, typhus was pandemic around the world at the time, and thats what it does to you. notice the piles of emaciated corpses, never a fat corps among them in the photos, but according to the propaganda, most of the jews were killed upon arrival at the camp, and yet they appear to be either in the advanced stages of extreme starvation OR suffering from typhus. there are documented cases of the guards at these “death camps” (work camps) who were EXECUTED for STRIKING and stealing from prisoners, seems like a terrible waist of manpower if the goal was to kill them all anyway, the red cross inspected many of what we once called deathcamps and found no evidence of any wrong doing, not once. there are no aerial photographs from spy planes depicting the massive smoke that would have been created by continuosly cremating bodies (at impossible speed and/or volume). there exists not one single document even referencing this massive industrial under taking, and the germans were notorious for keeping records. i could litereally go on all day, but again the reason you believe this impossible story has nothing to do with evidence and everything to do with emotion.

  in my early twenties i would be exposed to some holocaust denialism, and it was always swiftly debunked. this is a tactic called (ironically) poisoning the well, whereby you purposefully seed your enemy with bad arguments to be used against you so you can easily tear them apart and make anyone questioning the narrative seem ridiculous as a result. so i was pretty skeptical until i did the math myself. its not possible, its not even close to possible, there is no way in this universe that happened. The tiny minority of ethnic jews did in germany what they attempted to do in every country they ever lived in, they took over. the german revolution of 1919 just after world war one ended, communist jews (look up the leadership of the 1919 german revolution, 7/10 were ethnic jews) and the german people were subjected to all kinds of terrible shit, mostly starvation as they bled the country dry from the top. they were also pushing things like gender theory (first ever gender reassignment was in berling, just prior to hitlers rise to power) promoted prostitution, owned the newspapers and film studios. basically everything we are seeing in america and the rest of the west today, it was called the weimar era, and the germans living under the weimar jews universally despised them. when the nazis rose to power they tried to deport the jews living in germany but no one wanted them, you see ethnic jews were notorious for doing this kind of thing, they had been kicked out of over 100 countries throughout history as a result of doing this kind of shit, so no other countries wanted them seriously there was a meeting of dozens of leaders from countries around the world and the only country who agreed to accept jews was the fucking dominican republic. they would still have this reputation today, if not for the holocaust narrative making any kind of racial classification the ultimate taboo, thats in part why they invented it, the other part was to justify britain just awarding them someone elses country while they were still living in it! the fact that they got away with that is amazing, really think about that if nothing else, because something bad supposedly happened to them, they were just GIVEN a COUNTRY that not only didnt belong to them, but was inhabited already by muslims who believed it to be their sacred land. its insane! anyway hitler just wanted to deport them and he tried (google the haavara agreement, its literally excepted history that hitler tried like hell to deport them, which is a bad idea if your final solution is the complete annihilation of the jewish race and not to deport them) when the jews around the world declared war on germany (literally a new york times headline at the time) via staging a massive worldwide boycott using the papers they owned and all the political clout they purchased via owning the international banking cartels, germany had jews registered and placed into seperate housing so they could not try to stage another revolution, they had already done it several times in germany with the spartan uprising and others, eventually even successfully overthrowing the government during the aforementioned german revolution of 1919. and then he had them put into work camps when even then they revolted violently. america did exactly the same thing, putting its ethnic japanese population in internment camps for fear of a rebellion within the country or acts of sabatoge or espianage, literally the same thing at the same time for the same reason. there were no gas chambers, they literally tell you the crematoriums are reconstructions at the death camps, because hitler “had them blown up”. there were crematoriums at the death camps, remember typhus was pandemic at the time, but the showers were just plain old showers. no jews were gassed whatsoever, an american doctor traveled to the death camps in poland (except they were work camps) and performed hundreds of autopsies, in an attempt to prove that people were gassed, he found not one single body had been gassed via cyanide out of over a hundred autopsies performed, they had died from typhus, basically got dysentary and shit themselves until they starved, it sucks but it was happening all over the world even in the pacific theater. and again the timeline for the burning of just the six million is beyond impossible and remember he supposedly killed 11 million total in his impossible deathcamps with its impossible ovens.

  I know this is hard to swallow, but you have to swallow it, because its fucking IMPOSSIBLE, you cant burn that many bodies in that amount of time, with the crematoriums they supposedly had, remember all of them are “reconstructions” built by the soviets after the war by their own admission, because hitler supposedly blew them all up. so when people say “have you been to the death camps because i have!” what they are really saying is, i saw the work camps and the crematoriums built after the war, and i was lead as part of a tour into a shower where i was told a spooky story that made me sad. its fake. it has to be fake or else the laws of physics are fake. you can call me a nazi if you want, but what does that mean? its only bad because the nazis killed millions based on their race, but im telling you they literally couldnt have, not how they say that they did. remember its illegal to say what im saying in most of europe, france germany many others, and people are currently in prison, for just questioning it! i do believe jews were killed in eastern europe by germans and others, but you have to understand they were angry for the jews had been killing gentiles for years, thats what the “red terror” was! and there were many massacres of european christians at the hands of communist jews. so some towns killed them as soon as their hegemony was broken. i dont think thats right, but find me a war where this kind of thing doesnt happen and ill give you ten bucks. that other impossible thing? never fucking happened it couldnt have. i could go on forever, but the fact is its not on me to prove it didnt happen, its on someone to prove that it did. remember witness testimony is pretty weak, and you cant convict based on that alone, and evidence of work camps isnt evidence of 6 million gassed and incinerated jews, that is an extraordinary (impossible) claim that requires extraordinary (IMPOSSIBLE) evidence.

[lovenotlogic]

Title // Bittersweet Wishes (Alex Standall x Reader)

Title: Bittersweet Wishes

Pairing: Alex x Reader

Request: i wanted something like: alex and the reader are ex, but still love each other and bryce start hitting on her and she doesnt want it so he blackmail her and she has to start to act like she wants to be with him, and he starts hurting her physically and alex notices it, and in the middle of the drama she finds out she is pregnant from alex and they start getting fluffy

Word Count: 1626

Reader Gender: Female

Summary: Can he save her when she can’t save herself?

Trigger Warning: Abusive relationship

Author’s Note: I took a small break from writing these sorts of imagines because of school and finals! But now I’m finally on break and happy to do any sort of request that you might have. I’m not super happy with how this came out because I feel like I had to fit a lot into it so it might seem like things move too quickly, but hopefully it’s still okay

           Alex gently slid down the sleeve of your shirt, sucking in his breath when he saw the blossoming bruise spreading across your arm, which was reaching its pique of ugliness in an array of dark blues and blacks.

           “Who did this to you?” He asked quietly. You didn’t answer, chewing on the inside of your cheek instead, afraid that speaking the words out loud might somehow cause Bryce’s awareness to your confession, and that he would merely punish you more for revealing your little secret.

           You weren’t quite sure how you had ended up in this situation – Everything had moved so quickly, but you could trace the start of everything back to one particular event: When you and Alex had broken up. It couldn’t have been more than a month ago, but the pain of it still hurt whenever the memory of what the two of you had been crossed your mind. Truth be told, you still loved him, and you didn’t know where everything had gone. You desperately wished that it hadn’t. Then, maybe the two of you would be kissing, his hand resting on your thigh, your head in the clouds, instead of being stuck here like this.

           “Was it Bryce?” He asked, his guess right on point. You nodded, a single tear making its way down your cheek.      

           “I’ll fucking kill him,” He growled, and you watched as he curled his hands into fists. “That little motherfucker,” He mumbled, getting off of the bed and beginning to pace around the room, clearly trying to devise a plan to get back at the cocky asshole.

           “Please, don’t,” you whimpered. It was less of a desire for him to leave Bryce alone, and more of a cry of fear of how your tormentor would react.

           “Why? Do you actually like him?” Alex spit out, as if the mere suggestion of such a thing was a crime. He rolled his shoulders backwards as if releasing tension from them. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter either way. Anyone who loved you wouldn’t treat you like that, and he needs to learn a lesson. He can’t keep going around ruining lives with no consequences.”

           “I don’t like him,” you said, keeping out what you really wanted to add – That you loved Alex. You had always loved Alex. You’d been trying to heal your broken heart with a dosage of the best drug on the market for such a thing – ice cream – when Bryce had first walked up to you. Stuck in your head, you hadn’t even noticed that he was there until he was already sitting across from you, an arrogant smirk perched on your face.

           He’d offered to be your rebound date, saying that it would certainly make Alex jealous, but you’d turned him down, feeling disgusted at the mere thought of going out with a guy like him. Even though he was one of the most popular guys in the school, you’d heard some of the rumors, and none of them were anything good.

           Unfortunately for you, he hadn’t taken no for an answer, threatening to blackmail you if you didn’t go out with him. You weren’t even sure how he had found out your biggest secret, but it didn’t matter either way – Now that he knew it, he dangled it over your head, and both it and him had been casting a shadow on you and your life ever since. But your fear of the secret getting out had overpowered any desire to try and make an escape from the toxic relationship, and you had simply accepted that you would have to be his – or at least pretend to be – until he was done with you.

           “I’ll be okay, I promise,” you said meekly, knowing that it wasn’t a promise you were sure that you could keep. Alex stopped his pacing, instead crossing the room and sitting back down next to you.

           “You don’t understand,” He said, trying to swallow the passion in his words. “This -” He gestured to your arm. “This isn’t okay. Not in any way. And even if I can’t be the one to hold you anymore, I need to know that the next guy that gets to call you his treats you right.” You swallowed back the urge to kiss him right then and there, instead choosing to lift your sleeve back up to where it belonged.

           “Just pretend that never happened, okay? I shouldn’t have told you. I’m sorry.” You began to get up, but he grabbed your wrist and pulled you back down.

           “Let me help you,” he pleaded. You looked into his eyes, seeing the desperation pooling up in them.

           “I don’t think there’s anything you can do,” you replied, curling your legs up close to your stomach, reassessing once again what was really at stake here – Sure, Alex could possibly help you get out you out of an abusive relationship, but you also knew, with absolute certainty, that Bryce wouldn’t hesitate to tell him that you were pregnant…And the baby was Alex’s.

           Alex was the one that you loved, but Bryce was rich enough to support the child, and you didn’t know if Alex felt anything at all for you anymore, or how he would take the news. A wave of nausea gripped you as you considered a future spent alone and struggling to provide for your baby on your own.

           “I can kick his ass and make sure he never lays a hand on you again, that’s what I can do,” Alex said, cracking his knuckles.

           “He’ll kill you,” you stated, instead of voicing your real concern.

           “You don’t have to worry about me,” he said, moving as if to touch you again, but second-guessed the action and kept to himself again. You wished that he would – that he would come back and hold you, and you could close your eyes and pretend that the whole fiasco had never happened.

Instead, he began to make his way to the door saying, “Stay where you are, okay? I won’t be too long, I promise.” You swallowed, hard, knowing that you couldn’t let him continue on. It seemed that there would be no way of stopping him once he had made up his mind, and you couldn’t let him hear the news from Bryce.

           “Alex!” You yelled out, causing him to pause and look back at you.

           “What?” He questioned. You slipped out of his bed, going over to him and wrapping your arms around him, holding him close. His arms naturally wrapped around you, and you sucked in the moment, making up for the lost time when you had been missing him. His arms were where you felt safest, but you knew that you were merely procrastinating for more time.

           “There’s something that I need to tell you,” you whispered once the two of you had parted. You took one deep breath before telling him the truth – Quickly, in a burst of courage, so you couldn’t change your mind.

           “Y/N,” he breathed out. Tears edged out of the side of his eyes. “That’s amazing. Why didn’t you tell me?” He crouched down so that he was eye level with your stomach. He rested a hand on it, even though the baby wasn’t yet developed enough to kick.

           “We weren’t together anymore, and, I…I feared that you wouldn’t be supportive of it.” You voiced your fears out loud.

           “I give you my word that you’ll never have to go another day thinking that. I love you, Y/N. And I love our child that you are carrying, and I will support both you and him or her until the end of time. I promise you this.” He cupped your face as silent tears crept down and kissed you. His touch was ever so soft. He treated you like you were fragile, like you were precious, like he really meant it when he said that you mattered to him.

           “But,” he spoke when the two of you came for air. “That just makes it all the more important that I get you away from Bryce. I need to take care of not only you, but also our little one, okay? Whatever it takes, I’ll do it.” He kissed you one more time before making the move to leave again, and this time, you didn’t stop him. He paused briefly at the doorway, turning around to give you a bittersweet smile, and then he was gone.

           You looked around Alex’s room, drinking in how everything in it reminded you of him, and of all of your memories together. It suddenly seemed stupid to you that you had ever believed that he wouldn’t be accepting of it, or that he had ever stopped caring for you. Looking back, it was apparent in everything that he did that the feelings were still there for him, too – How quickly he had noticed that something was up with you, that you weren’t acting as you normally did, and had made you come over his house and practically interrogated you until he had found out the truth.

           He had initially broken things off with you during the fallout from Hannah’s death, cutting you off as he had with everyone else, and, although you had initially pushed to find the root of the matter, he hadn’t cracked, and you had given up. You now wished that you hadn’t given up so easily, realizing that maybe none of this would’ve happened if you did…But there was no undoing the past.

           You didn’t know what would happen from here. You could only hope and pray that things would end up being okay – But, for the first time in a long time, you had the feeling that, maybe they could be.

[the-fiction-witch]

This World of Ours p4 of ?

REAL LIFE: POS APOLOLIPTIC COUPLE: TBS X READER RATING: SMUTTY

Y/N POV:

we both then get up and go to our room after a few seconds he walks of to have a shower and while he's gone I change into by white pijama's and sit in bed I get a book from the side table and pick up where I left reading last night I'm currently reading a book about the rules and laws of our society mainly becuase I dont have a choice I either read this or I dont read anything "any and all defyance of the ruler will lead to punishment any and all refusal to work will lead to punishment any and all atempts to leave the city will lead to punishmet any and all refusal to honour you match will lead to punishment" and so on "citizens will be watched by the watchers at all times citizens will be punished without remorce citizens will report to there work place for there sifts or face punsihment citizens at the age of 19 will be matched with a member of the oposite gender and they will me matched forever citizens at the age of 23 must have had a child if this has not been done thoguth intent they will be punished if it has not be done becuase of registraed reason a child will be taken from another family citizens are only allowed one child per family if there are more the others will be taken to either other familys or to be watchers all citizens are two familys to one living courters-" then my book was shut for me and I notice Thomas has come back and he is now showered, changed and is sat in bed beside me with my closed book in his hand "why do you read this" he asks "I dont know it's something to read" I answer "why this though this life is depressing enoguh with out you re-reading the rules we have to live by" he says "I know I mean I still dont like reading that rule" I say "wich one" he asks "well two actully one) the fact all citizens will be watched by watchers at all times that one creeps me out a bit and two) at 23 you must have a kid" I reply "well 23 is a long time away and yeah the fact we are contantly being watched is not a nice thing to be reminded of" he says laying back on the bed looking up at the celling I then copy him so I'm laying right beside him "mum says the time will fly by after 19 she says 23 will just dawn on you when your not expecting it the time in wich you must have a child" I say "well its still a long time in my opinion but I dont like the fact we can only have one that doesnt seem fair" he says "but it is fair thats why its like that so everyone gets one" I reply "I know but I want more then one" he says acting like a child "well your not allowed its the rules" I laugh "I know" he said turning on his side to face me " boy or girl y/n?" he asks "what" I ask a bit confused "do you want a boy or a girl" he asks I have to sit and think for a second I had no idea a little boy or a little girl till after about a minuet of thinking I answer "a little boy" "why" he asks "I dont know I want a little boy" I reply "well that makes this difficult" he says sighing "why?" I ask "because I want a girl" he answered "why?" I ask laughing slightly perfect he wants a girl and I want a boy maybe well make some sort of hybrid then "becuase I want to be a little girls daddy" he asnwered "cute, but we dont really have much choice in it, the child will be what ever it is we dont have much choice in it" I say "I know we dont I still want a girl, I dont like little boys" he says "you where a little boy once" I remind him "who said I liked me when I was little" he laughed "you seemed pretty happy" I laugh "of course I did I was content with my ignorance" he says I can't help but laugh at him "night Thomas" I say to him "night y/n" he replys I then begin to turn away to sleep only to be interupted by him speeking again "arent we gonna do the thing" he says "what thing"I ask no idea what he's talking about "you know like our parents do" he says I look at him very strangely for a second I still have no idea what he means serveral idea's come to mind but I dont know what he means "what do you mean?" I ask still looking at him watching his face for any sign "you know" he begins before starting to make kissing faces at me oh he means a goodnight kiss well that clam me down considerably "oh, I thoguht you meant something else for a second" I reply before leanign follward and giving him a kiss "we can do that aswell" he smirks "no" I snap as I trun away from him to sleep "why not" he asks from behind me as he wraps his arms around my waist "becuase I'm not sure I trust you enoguht yet" I reply elbowing him in the chest again "fine" he sighs still not removing his arms from my waist but I didnt mind for a second just enjoying the dark and the quiet I shut my eyes and go to sleep. when I wake up it's getting late any minuet now if Thomas's not awake he's gonna get shocked I turn to look at him his arm is still around me he's still asleep I know it would be mean to not wake him up but it is funny to watch him get shocked but I decied to wake him up or he would be very anoyed at me so I place my hand on his chest and begin to move him and he slowly opens his eye's "hey" he say's "hey, get up or you'll get shocked" I reply "oh thanks" he says "your welcome" I reply we both then sit up and yawn "what time is it" he asks "it's ten" I answer "what then how am I still tired we slept all yesterday" he says yawning again "I dont know maybe your just lazy" I reply getting out of bed and walk out into the kitchen area and straight to the box placeing me hand in and with in seconds there's a cup of white tea and like yesterday before I have chance to move there's arms around my waist again "morning y/n" he says resting his head on my sholder "morning, I see the tochiness has extended to today" I say "of course it has it's gonna extend forever" he say's I can't help but giggle "really forever" I ask "yes we are stuck together forever so this sort of thing will continue forever" he reply's before he grips my hips and truns me around so I'm looking at him he's smirking at me till a few seconds pass and he looks in pain I also can feel a burning pain at my stomac looking down I notice my tea is stuck between us I step back letting the cup not touch either of us and we both laughed I hit his chest pushing him out my way as I walk over to the table and sit down stiring my tea with the spoon while I put the tv for the sunday anouncments after a few seconds Thomas is sat beside me with what I assume is coffie as I know he hates tea as soon as the white of the countdown to anouncments is of the screen a man in a white suit with light skin and dark blue eyes is sat the ruler for now atleast and he begins to speek all I know for sure is all the world I know is listening as it's the law we listen to this guy once a week "good morning citizens of williten, this is week 987634523 of the new calendar there are currently no editaions to the rules and laws we live by but we have had reports of an underground rebal network has began if you have any information on this you will inform it to the watchers denial to inform and you will be punished when this underground network is fully discorvered all involed will be punished emediatly without remorse and anyone in conection with anyone invloved will be taken for questioning by the watchers and if it is found they have protected the rebals or in anyway witheld information from the watchers they to will be punished, also and update the affairs of bentian are none of the citizens consern as allways all borders are closed and will remain closed indefinatly any defyance will be punished and finaly there has been romours going around the ruling bloodline is corrupt if after testing that is true it will be passed to the passive bloodline good day citizens of williten" then the image disaperes and the tv switches of I look over at Thomas he looks worried "are you alright" I ask a bit conserned "I'm fine just anoyed I woke up for that"he sigh's rubbing his eyes "can I go back to bed now" he asks "no we're up now might aswell stay up now" I answer drinking some more of my tea it's discusting tea today it's all herbal tasteing now the normal tea I get after a few more sips I take my cup and tip it down the sink "what you do that for" Thomas asks "it's not my normal tea, it tastes strange like herbs" I reply "oh god comes to a thing were even you won't drink the tea" he laughs "so what are we gonna do today" he asks me as I return to my seat "I may call up y/bff/n in a bit" I reply refering to of course my best freind annilentica me and her where best freinds all thoguh school as we both share the horror of long strange names I needed to see her on an important matter she was getting married in a few week's and I was going to  be her maid of honour so we had alot to do but I knew from previous experieces thoguht my time knowing y/bff/n, Thomas didnt like her that much even when we where kids and she's come around the flat to play Thomas never really liked her I never really got why though "will she be bringing oscar with her" he asks sounding very unhappy oscar now even I didnt like oscar y/bff/n's match and husband to be now we both didnt like him but he was y/bff/n's match so I had to accsept him and y/bff/n loved him he was that guy at school the show off one the one that messed around all year failed his exam's and didnt care she of course would be bringing him she doesnt go anywhere now without him "I'm afraid so" I reply Thomas then sighed putting his head in his hands "I hate that guy and your gonna abandon me with him because you and y/bff/n are gonna be doing wedding stuff" he sighed "if you really dont want to be around him why not go out" I sugest "where" he asks "I dont know go down and see finly" I sugest "no way he's got danni and she's allready pregnate so he's busy dealing with her" he sighs "then I dont know if you want when they get here go into our room lock the door and go back to sleep then ill wake you when theyve gone" I say "no I will stay with you and idure the toucher" he say's "okay but dont complain then" I giggle at him "I promise I won't comaplain" he says "good now go have a shower" I say "what why" he says looking at me like a child again "becuase I say so we have guests comeing so go take a shower and get dressed" I say to him "why bother no one can tell the difference between when I'm wearing pijama's and went I'm wearing normaly clothes it's all white and all looks the same" he complains "still, go and shower or I will make you deal with oscar all day on your own" I threaten he looks at me sourly for a second then sighs sitting back on his chair letting his head fall so he's looking at the celling "fine" he sighs before getting up he gave me a kiss on the cheek then walked of to the bathroom I then get up and walk over to the white phone in the main living room area and dial y/bff/n's flats number after three rings it picks up "hey y/n" she says "hey y/bff/n are we having the meeting today" I ask "of course if it's not to much trouble" she says "no way I've got nothing to do today, plus it will get you out that flat a bit" I say "totally is it okay if I bring oscar to" she asks "sure he and Thomas can have boy chatts while us girls do the fun stuff" I laugh the conversation then just turned into chatting of nothing of any real importance just little things all girls disscuss for a while till I assumes oscars on the other end of the phone with her as I can here him talking "when do you want us there y/n" she asks "I dont know give it time I'm not dressed yet" I reply just as I can feel arms wapping around me from behind but a strange sensation behind me this isnt normal slightly turnning my head I notice jeremys not exactly dressed he stood behind me with a towel around his waist and thats it I can't help but laugh "what are you lauhging at y/n" y/bff/n said at the other end of the phone "oh nothing just Thomas beging stupid" I reply "hey" he says from behind me "will you be quiet I'm on the phone go put some clothes on Thomas" I reply taking the phone from my mouth so y/bff/n can't here me "I will see you in a bit y/n" she says "see you" I reply hanging up the phone and puting my hands where jeremys are "I think someone is getting into a habbit of doing this" I say to him "I like doing it it's funny to watch you get caught of guard" he say's laughing "well stop it I dont mind sometimes but not when your like this" I reply also laughing "like what" he asks "when your not dressed" I laugh "I'm not not dressed there's plently more undressed this situation could get" he laughs "you dirty boy" I say to him pulling his arms of me even thoguh I'm still laughing "go put some clothes on before y/bff/n and oscar get here" I tell him "why bother as soon as there gone I'm just gonna take the clothes of again"he says puting his amrs around me again this time so I'm facing him I know what he's trying to do he's trying to flit trying and failing I can't help but laugh at his attempt "is that really your best try Thomas" I say still laughing "no I can do better I just know at the moment I dont have to" he says "and why is that" I reply "becuase I know you all I have to do is wait" he says before letting go of me and walking of into the bedroom I then walk of and change into my normal white shirt and white skirt in the bathroom as soon as I'm done I go and sit on the sofa in the living room area of the flat thinking till a few seconds later Thomas is sat beside me dressed like normal for him just white tight trousers and a white shirt he had a point there was not much difference between his clothes he used to sleep and everyday ones he sat for a moment looking at me before speeking "you alright" he asks "I'm fine just thinking" I reply "what are you thinking about" he asks "nothing important" I reply "be that as it may tell me anyway" he says putting his arm around me pulling me into him on one side "everyones a head of them selfs I can't help but think were behind" I say "what" he asks "everyones doing stuff I mean Ki Hong's got danni pregnate allready, oscar and y/bff/n are getting married everyone we knows allready getting well invested in there lives and here we sit still flirting" I say "nothing wrong with flirting" he says "I never said there was anything wrong with it I'm just thinking that's all everyones getting stuck into there lives together and we havent done anything are we odd?" I say in reply "we're not odd,you said yesterday this is forever we dont have to rush this stuff I mean the only real landmark is that we have to have a kid in 4 year's other than that we can do what we like" he replys "well I'm not having a kid till after we're married I'm not bringing up a kid without being married" I say something my mum allways said to me that it's wrong to have a child if your not married allready even though most people dont bother getting married as poeple think being matched puts you together forever anyway so most people think theres no real point in getting married but I'm sticking to my guns with this "I know you won't your mum allways said it was wrong to do it that way relax, it'll happen just give it time" he reply's "I know, it's just gonna be odd if were last out of everyone I mean y/bff/n and oscar hated each other eight months ago" I add "yeah I'm suprised there getting married at all" he says "I know the only real reason he's marrying her" I say "whats that then" he asks "she won't let him do anything till she's married" I reply "well that certianly explains it" he says "yeah apparently she won't let him do anythign till she's married" I say "uh...where do you stand on that" he asks "what" I have to ask wondereing what he's talking about "where do you stand on the whats allowed before and after marridge" he asks "fine up to kids then marridge" I reply I hear him let out a sigh of releif "why worried?" I ask "no just curious" he laughed at that moment there was a knock at the door and Thomas put his head to the back of the sofa and grounded in anoyance "dont be mean it will be fine I'm sure" I say getting up and going to the door when I open it I can clearly see y/bff/n and oscar, oscar is a rather tall man with short black hair and messy clothes more grey then white and y/bff/n is a short thin girl with blonde hair in a plat down her back she looks very young even thoguh she is the same age as me and oscar looks much older then all of us alot of times when I see him all I can think of is the word rebal if anyone around here was a rebal it would be him "hey y/n" y/bff/n says "hey" I reply as she huggs me then walks into the room she sits on the far side of the sofa far away from Thomas they didnt even give each other a hello just a passing glance as she's sat there I notice she has a bag but I know why it's full of stuff like magazines and idea sheets she had for her wedding oscar stood leaning on the sofa just above her I then go and sit between Thomas and y/bff/n trying to be in the cetre of both of them so I'm not picking one or the other I can see by the look in oscars face he's not happy about something I'm not sure I want to know what as y/bff/n begins to speek about the wedding "okay so first things first, fashion" she says "yeah for you y/bff/n what are you going with traditional or upbeat" I ask "upbeat" she answers "okay that gives you ivy or linnin for you and then several options for me and the girls" I may sound like I know what I'm doing but other than wedding I really dont I just have an key eye for wedding fashion "I've got ivy, and sifron for you and the girls" she says "really ivy and sif, are they clashing on pourpose" I ask "yes they are" she answers "right okay I'm up with it now" I say this contiued for a while just little bits and peices for the wedding oscar looking more anoyed as time went on till y/bff/n was showing me a picture of her dress and I have to ask him "oscar are you okay" "fine" he snaped "if you guy's want to do something while we do this it's okay" y/bff/n said "I'm good" Thomas said eventhoguh I can tell by his voices he's bored out of his mind he's now sat leaning on his arm stareing into space "if he's not going anywhere,I'm not going anywhere"oscar snarled still stood almost glareing at y/bff/n "thinking about the boys for a second y/n how's you guys going"y/bff/n asks "were good" I say taking his other hand I can see him smileing allready "you guys set any dates yet" she asks "no we're playing it all by ear" Thomas says pulling me into him so my head is resting on his sholder I can't help but laugh "awe you two are so cute" y/bff/n said giggleing at us both "who would have imagned back in the day's running around this flat you two you be together" she said at that my mind almost went into a full flashback of a certain memory "y/bff/n we really need to be getting back"oscar said or more snarled pulling me back out of my flashback "yeah we need to be getting of" she said "I will call you when we have the stuff" "sure ill be here or at work" I say getting up and showing them out bidding them both goodbye at the door then closeing it and sitting back with Thomas he looks slightly happier now "sorry" I say "it's fine you can't help the fact she's haveing a boreing wedding" he replys "I know I just can't beleve she's having clashing bridesmaids dresses to her's it's gonna look so weired"I say for a while we both just sat stareing into space till I yawned and knew I was sleepy even thoguh it was still early "Thomas" I say "yeah y/n" he replys "can we go to bed I'm tired" I reply yawning again "okay" he says putting his arm around me and pulling us both up of the sofa we then both walked into our room and both laid on the bed neither of us entirely asleep I was laying on my side facing away from Thomas he was facing me with his arms around my waist as usual till after a few miuets one of his hands began to move around my stomac at first then up and down my arms then around my neck my only thoguht was self explainitory what on earth is he doing is he trying to flirt again is this some sort of weired thing he does in his sleep beofe I know whats going on there are only a few of the more inimet places his hand hasnt been I turn around to face him to see is eye's are still shut but it's obvious he's awake "what are you doing" I ask him "trying to find it" he replys keeping his eyes shut "find what" I ask "where your sweet spots are" he laughed "I can't find them anywhere" he says opening his eyes I can't help but laugh at him "well your not gonna find them like that are you" I laugh "well I want to know where they are for future reference" he says after a long thoguh I roll so I'm on top of him sit up then laugh "I'm not letting you know where mine are till I know exactly where yours are" I laugh looking down at his suprised and slightly confused face after a few seconds his hands are around my waist but I quickly take them off again "now sit still I'm a nurse I know what I'm doing yet I allso know what to do if you missbehave becuase I know of a way to kill you using only my hands and without any screams or blood" I say pretending to be serisous "of course nurse" he says laughing at me I just sit there on top of him and cross my arms trying to be serious again till he stops laughing "now, stay still eye's shut mouth slightly open Thomas" I say in my serious nurse voice "why mouth open" he asks it sounded like a literal question "who's the nurse here" I say crossing my arms again "I'm a doctor" he laughs "no your not Thomas" I say laughing "yes I am I have a doctoret dont I" he says now being serious "in geology and spectromics Thomas that doesnt make you a doctor" I reply "whatever" he says shuting his eyes and not fully shuting his mouth "please stay still,reframe from talking and if posible keep your hands to yourself" I say being serious again "I will try but no promise's" he say's laughing slightly at that second I get into my nurse mood and acting all serious I can tell he's waiting for me to do something so I know I'm going to tease him for a while, after a few seconds I pull his shirt of as soon as it's off is that I throw it to the floor the look back at him I have seen his with his shirt of before but not like this he's very pale and very thin but with no real muscels it's nothing new to me to see him without a shirt I have seen his comeplty naked before