#he's a heartless bastard

[hannahssimblr]

I tap a knuckle against the study door. 

“Dad?”

There’s silence. 

I knock again. “Dad? Are you busy?” 

He’s moving around in there, I can hear him. Closing browser tabs, maybe. Shuffling around and rearranging things, in a blind panic trying to look like he’s doing something important. I huff out a tiny laugh at the thought of him hurrying to close the minesweeper window before someone can come in and catch him doing something unserious. I don’t really know what he does in his pokey little study all evening, but one of Jen’s crazy theories is that he’s chatting online to his twenty two year old YouTuber girlfriend, to which I need to remind her, once again, that my dad is too boring to have an affair. Mom says he’s writing reports and even that sounds too exciting for him.

“Come in,” he says eventually, and I let myself into his lair where he is sitting stoically at his computer, a stack of paper, no doubt with exceedingly dull information on them is right by his side, and his hand hovers over it so I'll know he’s especially busy, and whatever it is, I had better make it quick. 

I close the door behind me and approach him while his eyes settle curiously on the stack of soft cover books in my hands. “What are those?”

“I spoke to the guidance counsellor at school this week. She gave me some college prospectuses, and I thought we could... um, look through them together”

He heaves out a sigh and gestures to the second chair. The guest chair, I suppose, not that there’s ever guests in here to sit on it. It’s uncomfortable like a lot of furniture in this house, all style but no substance, and I perch on its edge, my knee doing that annoying anxious jerking thing while dad takes off his glasses and swaps them with another pair. “Show me what you have.”

I pass the stack to him and he drops it onto his desk with a thud, picks up the first and immediately flips the front cover towards me with a completely uncalled for attitude. “What’s this?”

“A prospectus.”

“Rhode Island School of Design?”

“Yes.”

He tosses it aside without so much as a glance inside it and grabs the next, “School of the Art Institute, Chicago,” Then reads the blurb incredulously “‘Art and design change the world.’ Alright…” He raises his eyebrows and puffs out a breath as he chucks it into the discard pile. “CalArts, nope.”

My face gets hot. 

He snatches another and flips over to the back, “‘Studying here is different,’” He reads, “‘It is about making a better world, about becoming a creative force and learning to change the world through bold and curious thinking…’” He mumbles the rest and then scoffs at it as if it’s some political argument he disagrees with inside the Sunday Times, and he goes on and on in this manner while the rejection pile builds and builds and so does the feeling inside me. 

“What is this?” He says eventually. “These are all American schools. American art schools.”

“Yes.”

He scrutinises me like he believes I have gone mad yet says nothing because he doesn’t need to. I already know what he’s asking. 

The words come out of me in a rush. I rehearsed this in the hall for five minutes before having the nerve to knock, “Because I think I would get a chance at a really great education there. It’d be good for me to be away and independent and to learn a lot of new things, not just education and art, but also travel and culture. I’d really like to go to college somewhere that’s exciting and dynamic and… and…” Damn, I forgot the other adjective I’d chosen, “...Um, fun, I guess. It’s just that whenever I think about college I imagine myself in the US. I really think that’s where I should be.”

“That’s because that’s what you see in those movies.” He says movies like one might say hardcore pornography, because Christopher doesn’t waste his time with such things as movies. Christopher works, and studies, and reads endless, endless books about World War II. “You’re not going to college in the states.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a waste of time and it’s a waste of money. Do you know what it costs to attend just a year of college in the US? Before your living expenses?”

“I know, but I spoke to the counsellor about it, and she explained that there are scholarships.”

He laughs, “You’re not going to get a scholarship,” and switches back to his other glasses and shakes his mouse to wake up his PC, which has some kind of thrilling spreadsheet open on it. This 2009 financial report must be rapturously exciting if he’s more interested in it than the future of his only son and firstborn child. 

I inhale sharply, “But why couldn’t I get a scholarship?”

“Because,” He types some numbers into the sheet, “You’d have to have a pristine academic record, a long list of extracurriculars and a very persuasive personal statement,” he peers briefly at me over the rim of his specs, “I’ve been through the US education system, and I know the standard that these colleges expect of their scholarship students. You’re just not up to it.”

“I could be, if I worked hard. I’m already doing pretty well in all of my classes, like, I get Bs in most things-” I stop myself before unhelpfully adding, without even trying, “And I have extracurriculars, like, I play rugby and help out Jen with her maths work…”

“You have to understand that the kinds of people who earn these scholarships do a lot more than that.”

“Well I would do more things if I had more time to myself in the mornings, or in the evenings, or after school, or at any other point in my day when I have to ferry Ivy back and forth from-”

Dad barrels on as though he hasn’t registered that I am speaking, “And you know, as well as the extracurriculars, all of these scholarship students have exemplary records. They're well mannered, well behaved, they never get into trouble, never get detention, never mind suspension. Twice.”

I snap my mouth shut. 

“Honestly, if I was the dean of one of these,” he plucks at the limp corner of one of the prospectuses, “Art college places, and I saw an application from someone with your record, I would simply toss it out. There’s not a chance, and before you ask, I am not paying for art school when you could easily do that here. For free.”

“Okay, I understand that, but I don’t really want to go to college here if I can avoid it.”

He doesn’t ask me why. He already knows but doesn't want to acknowledge it, and it’s easier, as it always is, just not to discuss feelings. Any feelings, especially mine, which are the most irritating and irrational feelings of all. “Why art school?” He hums, idly poking around with something on screen. “Couldn’t you choose a more academic course?”

I’m surprised he thinks I’m capable based on all the things he just said about me.

“You could apply for something in Trinity. Math, maybe?”

“Maths.”

“Or if you want something more artistic you could try English. Literature. That would be interesting, don't you think?”

“Or I could just… do art.”

“I would just hate to see you become one of those arty types. One of that NCAD crowd loitering around Thomas Street with their facial piercings and crazy haircuts.”

Oh no, a haircut. I sigh, “I’m not going to NCAD. I was kind of hoping you’d be more enthusiastic about my choices, but if you don’t think they’re right, I mean… what can I do.” I loathe the laugh that comes out of me, this strange, nervous titter that I didn’t even realise I was capable of.

I get up and begin to gather the stack of prospectuses laying forlornly on my father’s desk, my hopes and dreams bound for the recycling bin. “I’ll speak to the guidance counsellor again about my options, I suppose, and then I’ll try and choose something that’s more realistic for me.”

Before I let myself out I force myself to pause and turn to him one last time, “Do you… um, if I come up with more choices for colleges, do you think you’d want to sit down with me some evening and go through them? Like, I mean, really look over all of the options and help me decide what the best thing is?”

There is a lengthy pause. 

“You know, Jude, I’m really busy, and-”

“Okay.” I leave the room and shut the door with a gentle click.

Beginning // Prev // Next

[wonder-worker]

I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the end of her family name.

I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.

Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.

All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:

“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”

Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.

[gayfandomblog]

Aang is like “why are my friends dead 👶” and iroh is like well there are several schools of thought on this 🧐

[hella1975]

god should go wow girl ur tits are so big and ur problems are so extensive i hereby decree you will never feel poorly ever again

[bananonbinary]

today my heartless bastard man of a cat took food from weak and infirm people who were too sick and miserable to stop him (stole the spoon that was used to make mac and cheese when we werent looking, because he knows we all have covid and aren't keeping a close eye on him)

[iindigoeyed]

Something about people saying that movie!gabe is better than show!gabe because he "cares about adrien" rubs me the wrong way because… show!adrien is very clearly a victim of abuse that has obviously been going on for a while, i'd guess even before emilie's death. You don't get a boy as terribly afraid of his father without him being some form of abused, and that's the whole point of his story. like, if gabe cared about adrien, then adrien wouldn't be the adrien we know, he'd be movie!adrien. It works for the movie but would never ever work for the show. Show!Adrien's entire arc and character basis is about overcoming his abuse, so to take that away from him feels… gross, to me. idk!

[greedbent]

one another thing i'm supremely feral about when it comes to this crowman edgelord mcshadypants is that he legit can be so blindsided by people being legitimately heartless and uncaring

. . . allow me to explain— awnjgoha

yes, he himself is ruthless because the life he lives and the environment he lives in forces him to be. because he cannot risk having any softness or attachments that can be exploited because that's the thing !!!

everyone has a weakness no matter how typically cold and detached you are, there's always at least one thing (and oftentimes one person) that is a . . . shall we say pressure point that can be used against you

and the most interesting thing to me is that kaz often uses people's families and other similar attachments as his leverage. he basically banks on the reality that "hey, this guy cares about his wife, so if she's threatened, he'll do what i ask" or "this woman's love for her children is stronger than anything in the world; she'd bend over backwards to protect them, so let's do something with that"

kaz himself grew up with a good family he had a brother he adored he had a great dad he cannot fathom the dysfunctional families where a parent legitimately despises their kid or vice versa, so when he does come across that reality . . . ?

cough Wylan and Jan cough

it honestly always throws him off similarly to coming across someone who has zero attachments or genuine affection for anyone else; it's wildly outlandish to him and honestly disturbing if he just cannot find anything to them

[genderfluidsgetguns]

I swear if he interferes with my damn life again I will

do

something

I dunno what yet

but

I'm not gonna like it

and I hope he won't

[thedogofchristmaspast]

i haven’t been able to read the book of bill yet but seeing everyone talking about it has brought back my bill cipher obsession from 2017 that i’d thought had died 4 years ago. So i’ve just been sitting here Brainrotting about what characters from my interests would make a deal with him

for dt. i think gingi would be stupid enough roger would be gullible enough and randy would be desperate enough to make a deal with him. but bill Would Not make a deal with them unless directly summoned/as a Very last resort. they lack any usefulness to him. but he would think gingi’s whole thing is very funny and cool

norm would try to shoot bill on sight (and fail, of course, bill being a being of pure energy, but the message is the same). karen would not give less of a shit, get outta here, i’m trying to paint a horse. oliver would think bill is RAD AS HELL and try to ask him out. i could see him taking a deal for that reason alone. this guy is gnarly why wouldn’t he wanna shake a triangle demon’s hand?!?!

as for like, Actual deals: mingus i see as more of a gideon-like situation, where the deal doesn’t include him possessing her (though it would be a good disguise for the eyes. Hrm.) because it doesn’t need to, she just wants him to fix callum and then she’ll do Whatever with her power that he wants, since she’s already willing to do it herself. BUUUUUUUUT speaking of callum…i think back in the day he’d have Definitely taken a deal. he is so Stanford Pines coded, honestly. the Oddness the Great Minds of the century the Paranoia. fiddleford and milt Does anyone see the vision. AND THEN THERE’S EVEN MEMORY ERASURE but the memories are still In his Head just unreachable. i have lotsssssss of thoughts on this but it’s getting late…i might draw something with it tomorrow……….(by which i mean maybe today because i actually wrote this post last night but the internet cut out before i could post)

[mythcaels-a]

person who doesn't care if he ever gets in a relationship with someone or not.

[roamwithahungryheart]

Marcel The Shell With Shoes On is nominated for an Oscar and if that sweet little guy doesn't win I'm tearing the Academy apart with my bare hands

[rinmemesuoka]

okay i see the anime audience is following the same arc as the manga audience re: dm

[nerdynanny]

"It's the most wonderful time of the year. Soon there will be mischief in the air and fear around every corner."

[1980ssunflower]

SCREAMS

[mejomonster]

my Tamagotchi sora has done more for me being able to wake up early then probably anything in my adult life ToT

[bluebellhairpin]

"iT's Not yOur ROom doN't wORry aBout It" YEAH BUT I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO CLEAN IT. ME. NOT YOU. YOU WHO KEEPS PUTTING SHIT IN IT THAT I HAVE TO MOVE EVERY FUCKING WEEK WHEN YOU WANT IT VACCUMED. IT'S A BURDEN FOR ME.