#he's got a rep that he's uncomfortably aware of sometimes but he does not have the crushing strain of being fake *all the time*

[rottmnt-residuum]

Any other LGBTQ+ Headcannons that are canon is the comic??;)

*patiently awaits Cupioromantic Donnie*

hmm... had to think about this for a while and talk about it with co-author, but here's what we got. we mostly base this stuff on how plausible it is in show/if there's evidence for it. with a dash of personal experience. This only applies to residuum, btw. I have different personal headcanons for these characters outside the comic.

april: lesbian. this is mostly based off of the fact that most aprils get with their caseys & the comment she said to dale. which could be taken as disinterest in dale specifically, but she seemed more concerned with impressing that popular girl earlier and that reads as more... saphic, i suppose. or at the very least homoromantic.

raph: raph is just raph. we look at him and basically just *tv static*. go crazy. all we got is jokes or stuff that has too little evidence to support. so, yeah, he's whatever you want him to be i guess?

leo: trans. already said my reason in the other post. also, gay. if gay were a power source he could power the entirety of the united states for five months straight without a single power outage. failing power grid notwithstanding (< thats the actual word. its supposed to be mushed together like that. wack.).

donnie: as much as i'd like him to be ace/aro spectrum rep, he just doesn't have the evidence in show for us to apply it to him in this comic. it's funny, for being hc as ace so often he sure is the most outwardly romantic/sexual turtle in the show lmao. one! cherry: "you're so cute, but you're so mean! why do i always go for your type?" two! astrogirl?? (whatever her name is) he is very very romantic with her. he has a type y'all. also just look at those two, he's a leg man lmao (bootyyshaker9000 anyone? ha!) anyway. and with the bromance/instant chemistry he had with that one guy in the purple dragons... Pan. or possibly Omni as he does seem to favor... cute brutal femme... Yeah. Omnisexual.

(you have no idea how fucking bad i want this boy to be ace spectrum. hes got the colors y'all!! The Colors!!!!! but alas... i am bound by my canon plausibility creed for this comic)

mikey: ace. possibly ace/aro. he shows interest in literally no-one. we're aware that the common hc is pan but... we know a pan 13 year old, and let me tell you ahahahaha, kids going through puberty are very uncomfortable to be around sometimes, especially around their partners. or crushes. and mikey... well, that boy is ace behavior personified lmao. aces in the back you get what we mean right?? right??? anyway commiting to aroace

[kaija-rayne-author]

Is Solas neurodivergent?

Of course, unless Weekes confirms one way or another, we'll never actually know. But I'd like to point out a few things.

Firstly. I'm autistic/ADHD, so are my kids and I've been an advocate for invisible disabilities, especially those two, for almost a decade now.

I offer an option on my Patreon for parents (or even just people) who need or want advice.

I have a little bit of a clue here. (More like a massive clue by nuke, but I digress 🤣.)

Why I code Solas from Dragon Age: Inquisition as neurodivergent.

1. Mentally ill fits under the neurodivergent (ND) umbrella. There's no way on Thedas that Solas isn't mentally ill.

(Yes, it really does fit. I'm not going to entertain arguments on the topic. It originally meant 'autistic' it no longer means that and hasn't for a long while. Neurodivergent brains = brains that work in any way other than 'the average'.) The antonym is Neurotypical. I tend to abbreviate them. Neurodivergent = ND, Neurotypical = NT.

At the very least, he likely has survivor syndrome. I'd wager on Depression and CPTSD too. (I have these conditions and am comfortable with saying he has a lot of the traits.) The guy was the leader of an enslaved elves rebellion and a war against the Evanuris. In his own words, he got his hands bloody.

No matter who you are, violence, whether you're the perpetrator or the victim, causes trauma to the psyche. And it went on for actual ages. An Age, in The Dragon Age franchise, is considered to be 100 years, so for hundreds of years, if not thousands, this dude has been fighting. Humans can get CPTSD just from a bad childhood. There's no way he hasn't developed it too.

Survivor syndrome is the response of a person when they believe they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not, often feeling self-guilt. (Can we classify Solas clearly with this? Yes, yes we can.)

He wakes up in a world so horrific to him that he can't even conceive of the people as people.

That's a type of disassociation, which is a symptom of many mental illnesses. Depression is the most obvious. He fucked up, he knows it, he's now trapped in a hellscape. (Heeee, we're all trapped in a dystopian hellscape right now and Depression is on the rise, the correlation is there.)

Disassociation is feeling disconnected from yourself and/or the world around you. For example, you may feel detached from your body or feel as though the world around you is unreal.

There could be a few other things there. He'd be a classic case for Disassociative Identity Disorder, for instance, but given the shit rep on the topic, I'm not going there.

2. ADHD

ADHD is still not very well understood by the average person. Sometimes people think it means we can't hold still. But a lot of the time, the H-Hyperactivity portion is only evident in our brains. For me, for instance, I have to constantly be feeding my brain written stuff or I get very antsy and uncomfortable. (ADD no longer exists, we're all ADHD now.) It's why i developed the habit of reading encyclopedias for fun. (Yes, I really do this.)

Solas is constantly reading, or studying, or thinking.

He shows a pretty typical type of temper for an ADHDer several times. Our tempers can be hot, flaring up suddenly for seemingly unexpected reasons. He absolutely does that. Now, there's always a reason for it, but few people on the outside of us will be aware of whatever the issue is.

ADHDers can also experience incredibly fast (compared to neurotypicals) shifts in emotion. Solas does this. Especially in the after the well of sorrows/pre-breakup scene and the break up scene itself. He see-saws emotionally a lot.

He's incredibly creative. He paints (and probably draws at least a little to paint the way he does). So many neurodivergent people are incredibly creative.

Snark. Many ADHDers tend to be snarky or sarcastic because of, well, everything that usually happens to us in life. The snark and salt simply spill out of Solas. Especially on the 'make him hate you' route through the game. Or any time he's around Vivienne.

Finally, ADHDers very frequently have a deep seated drive to change the world and make it better. Stares at Solas. Yup!

3. Autistic

So, firstly, let me say that most people don't understand what autism is or what autistics look and act like.

As an autistic/ADHD person, my experience of life is completely different from a neurotypicals simply because my brain is wired differently.

Reminder that you can't see autism or ADHD. You can sometimes see common comorbids, but without a brain scan, you cannot see autism or ADHD.

I connected and empathize so heavily with Solas because he's a well written, complex character, and because I love anti-heros.

But also because he's exhibits the exact same type of autistic/ADHD traits that I have. (Both autism and ADHD come in different flavours.) Seeing that rep in a triple AAA game was an incredibly powerful experience.

Even though, given Bioware's absolutely shit rep re: disability, it had to be accidental. I credit Weekes with that rep. I read on Twitter they were recently dxd with one or the other (ADHD or Autism, I honestly can't remember which. And up to 80% of ADHDers are also autistic.)

Solas practices esoteric arts. It's a common thing for many autists & ADHDers to learn and practice arts that just aren't as common anymore. Mine? I spin with a spinning wheel, drop spindle, or Andean hand spinner. I make maps. There's several other strange hobbies and skills I've picked up along the way too.

He shows hyperfocus several times in the game. (Hyperfocus is a trait of both ADHD and Autism.)

He stims with his hands a lot. Especially in the kiss scene. I don't recall seeing any of the other characters do this. I'm not talking about the 'dry hand wash' movements most of the characters do. Solas does a thing I do, taps the tips of his fingers against each other. Whoever did his modelling (is that the right term for making a game character?) understood neurodivergency or are ND themselves. Whether they know it or not.

You could even call his painting a type of stimming.

Stimming is where someone will use repetitive motions or sounds to self-soothe. It's really bad to prevent an autistic/ADHDer from using their stims.

I used to have to have a book on my person at all times. I'm late diagnosed, so I didn't know I was using the books as both a stim and a comfort item.

Solas has something autists call 'flat face effect'. Basically, his face is a bit masklike. He doesn't show emotions strongly on his face or in his body language (unless you make him angry 😅 which is also pretty typical for many of us). I've seen rather a lot of discourse about how emotionless Solas appears. I can read him easily, the emotive cues are there, just subtle, like they would be in an autistic & or ADHD person.

He's a decent actor. Now, most autists will agree that we're not innately good at lying or acting. But we're also really good at acting, at least, many of us are by the time we're adults. It comes from having to mask (autistic masking) almost every second of every day just to survive. Masking kills us. So it's not good that we are forced to do it. But it does make many of us incredible actors.

Anthony Hopkins is argueably one of the best actors of the past several decades. He's openly autistic. And he's spoken of how he got to be a good actor. Dan Ackroyd and Darryl Hannah are a couple of others who are out about it. I code a lot of other creatives as being one or the other, but it’s considered rude to assign a diagnosis like that to a living person. That's for them to do.

Solas managed to stay hidden as a 'unwashed apostate hobo' for however long the Inquisition took to fix things. I've seen estimates of 18 months to 2 years. That's a looooong time to be acting like something you're definitely not.

We see in Trespasser that he's not like that at all. But he still sold it so well his reveal at the end of the game shocked many people.

He's a nerd. An absolute nerd about the fade. Nerdery isn't solely the domain of autistics and ADHDers, but it’s a really common trait.

He's stand-offish.

Many autists and ADHDers are rather stand-offish with people for a variety of reasons.

1) We've been hurt so many times because of people refusing to do half the work of communicating with us. (Trust me, autistics and ADHDers are trying ALL THE TIME to communicate with neurotypicals. Y'all could pick up your part of things, y'know?)

2) We've been rejected so often for a genetic condition(s) we can't change. But accommodations for us, which are usually pretty simple and often help neurotypical people too, are considered 'too much'. There's something called RSD that most, if not all, autistic and ADHD folks experience. Rejection Sensitivity Disorder is a bitch kitty and there's no dealing with it well. It hurts.

3) We're often stand-offish while we try to figure out whatever social rules exist in that space/time. We often warm up when we know (or think we know) the rules. Or once we get to know people.

4) Solas is often alone, he's rarely pictured as being with anyone else other than Cole and the Inquisitor. NDs often end up either pushed to the edge of the crowd, or we choose to stay distant as a preventative measure so we aren't rejected.

Food sensitivities: Solas utterly loathes tea. There's a whole cutscene about it. (Fun fact, Solas doesn't like tea because Weekes doesn't.) But that extreme reaction to a relatively innocuous drink is a classic example of a food sensitivity. Most autistics and ADHDers have food or texture sensitivities or both. I can't abide raw tomatoes, and I'll get the urge to cry if I touch corduroy fabric.

Sensitivities can really be anything, but if you know someone who has them, please understand we're not trying to be difficult or to ask for extra attention or to make trouble. The modern world is frankly hell for most autistics and many ADHDers. Brain scans of us when we’re exposed to our sensitivities show that they actually are causing us physical pain. Pain centres in the brain light up like a Yule tree.

Solas is quiet, until he's not. Then he'll talk your ear off. This is pretty common for many of us too.

Solas and the fade. Special interest, anyone?

Special interests: Most autistics and ADHDers have Special interests. It's something that can utterly enthrall us. We tend to want to learn everything we possibly can about the subject we're fascinated with. And we love to share that information. In something called 'infodumping' we're trying to connect with other people. It's one of the ways many of us say we care about someone. By sharing our favourite things. We're also deeply penalized for something we can't change, there, too.

We deeply enjoy the thing and want to share our enjoyment with people we like/love. This can utterly backfire on us, but it doesn't change the urge to share. Often until our audience is giving us the 'dead fish face'. It's where the person's eyes are a little glazed over and they look a bit concussed. Anyone who has ever taught a class of students or is a parent or child caretaker, or is autistic/ADHD knows the look I'm talking about.

I'll stop blabbing for now, but those are most of the reasons I heavily code Solas as autistic/ADHD/mentally ill. Or, in another word. Neurodivergent.

Thanks for reading! If you have the wherewithal I'm a disabled mom of two disabled kids and a tip would help more than you can probably understand. Another way to help is to become a patron. My work of words is my only income and we live well under the poverty line. Like a lot of other neurodivergent people do.

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[ladyluscinia]

I've been trying to put my finger on something and I might be getting close.

I think a number of posts about Edward's character and his social relationships have - perhaps inadvertently - gotten a bit caught up in the negative space of what Edward isn't. It's not uncommon to see people start from the premise that Edward has an extremely limited set of traits that actually count as "personal" - like enjoying fashion, being silly... The stuff he bonds with Stede over, pretty much. Plus a dash of childhood trauma and racial / class struggles. Those become both the only truly Edward things that other characters can genuinely like, appreciate, or empathize with about him, and the only meaningful things worth engaging in with others to Edward himself. Everything else is just persona, or work stuff, or keeping up appearances, or otherwise false and shallow.

From that premise, it does logically follow that Stede is his closest person (the system is built off of his standard), and several Revenge crew have had bonding moments (Frenchie at the party, and Lucius helping with the breakup), but overwhelmingly Edward has wholly disappeared behind Blackbeard to nearly everyone who knows him. Izzy and the rest of his crew before Stede obviously didn't know he would enjoying wearing a silk robe in the evenings, and therefore they didn't know the real Edward at all.

Only... That's not really how people work???

Sticking with completely surface level readings for an example, Izzy basically says to Edward's face that he likes and respects him for being brilliant. Point this out, and you get chided that he only likes Blackbeard for being brilliant, not Edward. But... Edward is brilliant? Izzy isn't basing this belief on legends. He's on the human side of the fuckery. He knows that Edward reads weather patterns out of the clouds and uses powder and harnesses to descend out of smoke. Hell, he even sees Edward fuck up more than once. He's not talking about some inhuman power there. He's acknowledging what Edward - purely Edward! - has actually done that Izzy has seen with his own two eyes. And he thinks it was brilliant!

There you go. One actual thing about the real Edward that Izzy likes, and that Edward definitely seems to appreciate getting recognition for. (Stede, btw, likes his brilliance in much the same way.) Just because it's a part of him that he also uses for being Blackbeard doesn't make it a lesser or shallower aspect of Edward.

Edward is so charismatic. I bet his crew thinks he's super funny. He's likely a decent sparring partner and pretty fun and creative with that too. Excellent storyteller. Do we think he cheats at cards or is he just naturally lucky? Or maybe he loses every hand, lol. He's got that "car keys in the fridge" ADHD which can totally be endearing to people who know you, and no way in hell does a man who puts 7 sugars in his tea like a psychopath hide a hell of a sweet tooth for 20 years, ship life or no. I bet he always got so excited about fresh fruit.

There are So Many Things that could have been part of knowing Edward during his decades of piracy that are also authentic 100% Edward things. Some of them he probably worked into his Blackbeard mask, and some of them are the dumb little shit that makes a person themselves. Most probably come up in sailing / piracy stuff because piracy is his life.

Like, the stuff Edward has been repressing is also authentic Edward stuff, and it is clearly meaningful for him to finally be expressing it, but I don't think it makes sense to conflate "being surprised by new facets of Edward (that are coming seemingly out of nowhere during a mid-life crisis)" with "never having known the real Edward and discovering just now you do / don't like him." It's obviously not healthy for him to re-repress, so at some level these traits are not going anywhere, and anyone who likes him will have to accept that (and learn to like all of him) long term. However, learning someone has a side you didn't know about and being a bit thrown by it is not unusual. Especially not when his repression was rooted in childhood trauma, so all that stuff was locked up long before piracy culture.

People will act like you are making bold and unsubstantiated claims if you say Izzy likes Edward as a person not just as Blackbeard, but I find the notion that "Blackbeard" as a human guy you live down the hall from is somehow substantially different / distant enough from the real Edward 24/7 that only liking Blackbeard is plausible to be a very bold claim.

[bedbellyandbeyond]

Gone North

(Story Post)

Nathan was nervous to be away from his kids. It was the first time since their birth that he had ever gone overnight without them. He trusted Korsgaard to take good care of them, but leaving them at his house was very difficult. It made him question his decision to leave them behind, but he really didn't know yet if he wanted Kent in their lives. The easiest part of the trip was the flight. It was two hours up to Thunder Bay, and while Dax used the time to take a nap, Nathan just stared out the window as the Canadian landscapes went by. He wanted to nap too, but he was nervous, and keeping his eyes closed just made his mind race. When they touched down, he was exhausted.

They grabbed food in the airport before a government van came around to pick them up. The APID rep assigned to assist them, Agent Hanover, had landed the day before to make sure Kent was available. Apparently, he wasn't able to talk to the bear man because he always chased the agents away and then he'd retreat into the bush. Because of this, he wasn't aware that Nathan was visiting but at the very least, they knew he hadn’t attempted to leave the area. It was still some driving to do to get to Kent's new home. They were driven out of the city onto a wooded road deep into nature. Nathan was reminded of the ravine behind his house where Kent used to hide, but of course this northern Ontarian forest was plenty more natural and wild. They were pretty much going off the grid. Dax could tell how nervous Nathan was from the way he couldn't sit properly in his chair. He squirmed and sighed and bounced his leg. Dax didn't like seeing him like this, and he took up Nathan's hand, giving it a little squeeze. “We will get there soon,” Dax assured. “You have to relax.” Nathan shook his head. “I can't… I’m just picturing his stupid face, and it makes me so angry…” “Kent?” Dax asked. “Yeah.” Dax sighed. “I imagine there's things you'd like to say to him. Do you want to practice?” “No,” Nathan said. “I feel like the first thing I'll do is punch him in the face.” Dax chuckled and took a sip of his drink. “No, you won't…” “You think I don't have it in me?” Nathan asked. “Wait until you see him. He should still have the big scar I left him.” “A scar?” Dax frowned. “What'd you do?” “I woke up at his place once, and I freaked out because I didn't know where I was or who he was, and he had those dumbass ‘macho man’ hunting trophies on the walls, so I took down a rack of antlers and slashed him up,” Nathan said. “Last time I saw him, he had a big gash down his whole face.” “Oh, okay… But that's sort of self-defence,” Dax said. “I doubt you'd just choose violence as soon as you see someone in a controlled environment.” Nathan huffed. “I don't know what I'll do… He brings out the worst in me. He's such an asshole.” “Well, I have to take your word for now, but I guess I'll see when we get there,” Dax said. “I will ask you to try not to hit him unprovoked. If he's going to help you, you need to have a good rapport.” “His whole dumb face provokes me,” Nathan sneered. Dax sighed. “Nathan, relax. I know this is uncomfortable for you. You're away from your kids, whom you've never been away from before since the beginning of their life, to go see their father you thought was dead and you've never gotten along with. It's a lot. But it's all going to work out.” “You don't know that.” “I do, because we're going to make sure it does,” Dax said. Nathan hung his head. “I don't even know if I'm ready to do this...” “You are. I have your back.” Nathan sighed and looked back up at Dax. “I'm glad you get to meet him, at least. So, you can understand where I'm coming from.” Dax shrugged and chuckled. “Maybe if all goes well, we’ll all get along and become a big beasty throuple.” Nathan cringed. “Don't even joke about that... Kent’s probably homophobic for all we know...” “He fucked you, a man, pregnant.” “Yeah. When he thought I was a girl!” “Fair point. Bet my cheekbones could turn him though,” Dax joked. Nathan chuckled. “You haven't even met him yet and you're joking about turning him gay for a throuple?” “Well, it's making you laugh,” Dax smiled. “That's all I wanted.” Nathan smirked. “Okay, chill out... Meet him first.” “I will.” Asphalt turned to gravel and gravel then turned to dirt. The driver slowed down. The dirt road was warped from puddles and large rocks so they went slowly onward a few minutes. Finally, they stopped. They could only see trees through the side windows, and the road out the back, but their agent got out first and told them to wait. Dax placed his hand on Nathan's knee. “Are you ready?” “To see a dead man?” Nathan frowned. “No.” At that moment, a shotgun blast rang out in the air and they jumped. “What the fu—" Nathan was cut off as Dax covered his mouth. “Shh, quiet...” Dax whispered. “We have to be cautious.” Nathan bit his hand in annoyance. “Don’t hush me!” The backdoors of the van were thrust open, and Agent Hanover stood there, gun casually in hand waving them out. “Come on. You're good.” “What the hell happened?” Nathan demanded. “Did you shoot someone?!” “Naw, he shot at me,” Hanover said brushing it off. “We're all cool though.” “You let him have a gun?” Dax asked. “Hunting rifle,” the agent explained. “He got licensed. Not much we can do about that.” “So, he has a rifle on him right now?” Dax asked. “Yeah. I asked him not to point it at anyone, though,” Hanover said. “Can you at least put your gun away?” Nathan asked. “Oh, sorry.” Hanover holstered his firearm. “Sometimes I forget it’s out.” “Do I need to explain how terrifying that sounds?” Dax asked. “No, no. I get it.” Nathan got up the courage and stepped outside the van. Around the front, there was a clearing in the bush and a small rustic cottage sat right in the middle. A body of water could be seen down a hill beyond—a pond or a a small lake maybe—and a small creek ran past the house. Right in front of the house, rifle held across his chest and his eyes wide staring at Nathan, was none other than Kent. Kent looked completely stunned. “Nate?” Nathan just stood staring at him, not at all sure how to react. Even though everyone told him Kent was alive, it still felt like he was seeing a ghost. Nathan's body moved on its own, and a moment later, he had closed the gap between them and had his arms wrapped around the bear man's broad torso. He started to tear up and just clung to him like his life depended on it. Kent was shocked but he put his rifle down and put his arms around Nathan too. “...You're actually here.” Nathan sobbed. “You're not dead...” “No… No, I'm not.”

[commonratmiraculous]

So... Class Rep AU

In a timeline where Volpina happens in May and many of the months Lila’s been in Achu are just the summer holidays - so her truancy is a little less problematic. The class finds out Lila had wanted to run for Class Rep but missed it because she was away, it’s so close to the beginning of the school year that Mlle. Bustier sees no problem in causing a revote following Chameleon, providing Marinette and Alya agree.

Alya’s on board and Marinette agree’s hesitantly thinking that Lila would find a way to turn it on her if she refuses. And it seems that was Lila’s plan anyway given the short-lived look of surprise she has on her face when Marinette does agree. Marinette’s pretty confident that Lila doesn’t want it.

However, Lila manages to fall on her feet again by somehow convincing Alya to be her Deputy. Marinette’s hurt, but ultimately she knows just how much of the work Alya did do as her Deputy in the last year, and knows that if Lila wins they’ll still fail a bit. Because while Alya did help with some of the planning aspects of their events and did show up to help with fundraisers, all of the meetings and forms and communications to hotels and businesses and venues were Marinette’s doing.

Her problem, however, is that most of the class think Lila has connections and experience. And her class might vote for Lila over Marinette because they genuinely thought that Lila was the better choice. She didn’t quite know how to campaign against that and to add salt to the wound she wouldn’t be able to run at all without a Deputy.

Fortunately, she’s not the only one who knows Lila’s a liar. And Adrien is self aware enough to know that Lila becoming Class Rep would lead to a lot of losses for the class that he doen’t want to see them go through. Plagg’s encouraging, and there’s an angle he can play when it comes to his dad (practice for running the company he doesn’t really want, having to attend these events if he helped plan them, etc) - and he ends up seriously considering asking Marinette if he could be her Deputy.

The first person he talks to about it (Plagg not included) is Nino. Nino is 100% on board for any plan that gets Adrien out of the house but Adrien’s aware enough that Marinette does get I comfortable around him, which could well make matters worse.

Nino promises to talk to Marinette about it, because he knows exactly why she gets uncomfortable but honestly believes he can get her to focus if it means helping out Adrien. While he’s thinking about it though he asks Adrien about the thing with the book.

Honestly, Adrien forgot most of the drama surrounding Ladybug calling Lila out and tells Nino as much. He’d certainly forgotten that Alya had put a video on the Ladyblog. But confirms most of the story, though admits that Marinette never told him she returned the book or that Lila stole it in the first place. To him it makes a bit more sense why his dad would let Marinette’s Hat be featured in his fashion show after that and to Nino it does explain why Marinette dislikes Lila.

He’s starting to dislike Lila somewhat.

So Nino talks to Marinette, apologises to her for overreacting but asks if she thinks she’ll be able to work with Adrien if he was her Deputy with her crush being in the way. He explains Adrien’s reasoning about wanting to be more involved in class activities and Marinette agrees.

That’s one problem solved, and goes to give Adrien a bit of a rundown about the responsibilities of being Class Deputy, admitting how much Alya did and assuring him that they could make the workload flexable around his schedule if his father or Nathalie had any problems with that. But right now they need to figure out a campaign plan because she’s at a complete loss with how to actually compete with Lila’s promises however empty they actually are.

Adrien thinks the speech should contain a reminder not just of all the things that Marinette has done for the class but the reason the class voted her in in the first place. Because making promises is one thing but sometimes compromises have to happen due to budgeting reasons. Like with how she’d gotten cushions for the chairs instead of new chairs entirely because at the end of the day it’s those compromises that actually make the school board listen. Marinette adds that they should mention Heroes Day as a time she was honest to God overwhelmed and how it was Adrien that took the initiative to get things done.

The class already know how well Marinette will do in the position, so Adrien suggests she should focus on the speech and letting the others know any plans she’d already started thinking about when it came to the smaller things they asked for. While Adrien will work on actually countering Lila since it would be harder for her to turn things against him them Marinette.

Adrien doesn’t actually start by telling people he’s running as Marinette’s Deputy until they ask if she’ll even be able to run without Alya. Instead he starts by using what the class ‘knows’ about Lila against her.

He mentions his own experience with celebrities and how they don’t actually like being asked for stuff by people who know them. And while Lila sure does seem to mean well he’s worried that all her attempts to fulfill her promises to the class will do is alienate her from those very same celebrities.

He mentions her charity work and the speeches she helps write for her mother and the way she has to go abroad without much forewarning sometimes. This is great for Lila, not so much for a class that might be left with incomplete plans or having to contact people they don’t know, having contacts and plans fall through because Lila isn’t there. Sure Alya could do it, but the Ladyblog also takes up a lot of Alya’s time and a parge chunk of Paris depends on it running well.

He brings up Lila’s many disabilities that need to be accounted for but how much of the work will cause irritation to her arthritis. Or how much work she’ll have to put into plans she cannot actually participate in. He certainly doesn’t want her to become overwhelmed or even more injured for the sake of the class.

He’s got Nathalie to make sure he’s not overworking himself, and Marinette will be able to relax more with him helping her. Why? Because he’s spent enough time around Nathalie to know how to plan things, how to talk to people on the phone, and how to manage his time. Those are all the same skills Lila has and on top of things it will help Marinette learn to do them too further down the line.

Adrien does things this way because, while Marinette creates connections and builds trust as the class’ Everyday Ladybug, Adrien is Chat Noir. And Chat Noir has the power of destruction, so it only makes sense that he’d go about doing things this way. Plagg’s certainly proud and it’s not like it would’ve been possible if Lila had just been honest.

Lila and Alya are the last to know that Marinette and Adrien are running together - which should’ve been impossible considering the girls all jumped onto Adrienette the second they realised just what was happening. And like in Chameleon, Lila takes Adrien’s decision to work with Marinette as a personal attack on her by Marinette. (Rememer Marinette didn’t actually do anything to Lila between Lila’s threat and Lila declaring ‘war’ - and doesn’t that show just how much agency Lila considers Adrien to actually have?)

There’s a time for questions and while many of the questions aimed towards Lila and Alya have to do with what safeguards they’ll have for if Lila has to go abroad again with her mother so things still get done, or what compromises would she have for if her celebrity contacts can’t do something or end up falling though. Do they have any plans for fundraising, since Marinette’s parents had been providing pasteries for free and Chloé had been funding trips before that, and how unfair it would be to ask either of those to continue.

Neither Lila nor Alya had put that much thought into things like that. Though Lila does her best to assure the class her mother isn’t scheduled to leave Paris again and will be scheduled with pleanty of advance for safeguards to put in place closer to the time based on what’s necessary for that specific situation, reminding the class that she’d still managed to keep in touch while in Achu - though some recall she wasn’t able to keep up the work load. And a similar answer is given regarding celebrities dropping out saying that back-up plans will of course be made when things are presented to the school board so they don’t have to worry. While Alya reminds the class that not all of the fundraisers done for school trips ect were bake sales and that it might mean doing more of those to start in order to negotiate a reduced price with the Dupain-Cheng’s for others.

The class ask Adrien and Marinette about their plans for school trips and work experience placements. Marinette admits that she doesn’t have anything lined up in terms of work experience yet, and mostly because she recognises that the class have very different wants in terms of their future careers. While having somewhere like Le Grande Paris on a resemé is definitely a plus everyone in class is old enough by now to be able to do something more specific without having Mlle. Bustier supervising, and to perhaps do so for longer periods of time. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but the plan is to get to the School Board with enough time that the class not only has months to be able to secure a placement but do so with back-up options that are still promising for those who have last minute cancellations. Assuring everyone that tutors and other teachers usually help with securing a placement, and that she and Adrien will help also.

While Adrien steps forward about a possible tour of his dad’s company so everyone gets an inside look on how a business is run. Because many of the class have interests in the arts, it might not sound all that useful but actually, whether someone gets picked for the lead role in a play may depend on how their social media page is set up. Or how to properly market whether it be a game or art or band, those things aren’t particularly easy to do, and they’re things his dad had struggled with when building Gabriel in the first five to ten years of his career.

Lila asks about whether his dad would actually be willing to do that and if he’ll even let Adrien continue being Marinette’s Deputy since Adrien has a packed schedule. Which sounds rather harsh to some people (read: Nino, Chloé, Max, Alix) but Adrien just waves it away. Stating his father would actually be delighted to hear Adrien’s taking an interest in a position that might help him prepare for a more administrative role in the company one day. And that, actually, the HQ isn’t even managed by his father at the moment: it’s run by someone else who has allowed classes to do group tours for years now, though he admits those schools are usually design schools or those focused on the arts, there’s no reason they’d turn down their class so long as everything’s planned properly.

In the end Marinette and Adrien win: and if the new Deputy started filling out forms to request a teaching aide to help Lila in class - given she can’t write her own notes - then that’s Lila’s problem.

[xhanisai]

I watched Loveeater and it basically broke me. I really need more Kiss AU, so... 1) What happens during Chameleon? 2) What about Chloe, she still hate Marinette with a passion or Adrien managed to make them comfortable around each other?

Here my poor child, I hope this picks up the fragments of your broken heart ;;;; If you don’t mind, I’ll just answer about Chameleon cos I have a big idea for this.

Chameleon - (remember, Adrien and Marinette aren’t aware of how evil or manipulative Lila is here. They thought she was okay after the akuma incident and forgot about her during her absence, supposedly doing small charity work in Achu. They’re not too fond of her and Alya is sus about Lila.) Also, this is still pre-relationship (or so they convince themselves oof lol)

This episode starts off with Lila already in the class, bright and early. However, she’s in Nino’s seat...

She convinced Mdll. Bustier that she had tinnitus and needed to sit at the front so that she can listen to what she’s saying. Caline doesn’t bat an eye at this, simply accepts it as she’s loaded with so much work. 

The rest of the class walk in, sending a curious eye to Lila but shrugs it off. When Adrien, Mari, Alya and Nino walk in, Alya is the one to question the seating. She raises a brow at Lila’s tinnitus reasoning. She finds it shady. Nino just tells her that she’ll sit with him.

This puts Mari and Adrien in a dilemma. They’d have sat at the back but Lila points out that she doesn’t want to be alone, rubbing her arms and looking to the ground. Caline requests that one of them sits by Lila which takes the class aback- it’s impossible to separate Adrien and Marinette.

“You’re making me split up with my life partner?” Adrien gave kicked puppy look, clutching onto the hem of Marinette’s jacket. 

“Adrien,” Caline sighs out tiredly. She doesn’t have enough caffeine in her system to handle Adrien’s usual shenanigans. “It’s only temporarily. Lila is a new girl and she’ll need all the help she can get. Marinette isn’t going to flee to New York with Lila in her arms.”

The cat hero then turned to Marinette, eyebrows pleading for her to say something on his defense. 

“Come on, it’s just for a day. I’ve been slacking in my class president duties as well so...please?” The model was always a sucker for her sparkling bluebell eyes before rolling his eyes in annoyance and nodding. Marinette gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, ushering him to the seat next to Nathaniel before plopping down next to Lila. 

Lila and Marinette hit off really well here- or so Marinette thought. Mari felt slightly off around Lila, especially when talking about the work she did in Achu and completely flattering Marinette when she found out about the work she did for Jagged Stone. 

Adrien didn’t like how Lila would cling to Marinette’s arm like a clam, fingers sometimes trailing up Mari’s arm. Marinette felt uncomfortable but didn’t want to be rude. She and Alya had no boundaries when it comes to touching, overly affectionate like sisters- so why did Lila’s touch feel like poison? Why does her fingers often brush against her midriff or upper thighs...? 

Whenever Adrien tried to get to Marinette, Lila would lead the designer away or elsewhere, especially in a big crowd where a fuss can easily be made. Alya pointed out that if Adrien took Mari away from there, he’d be labelled as dangerously clingy and undesirable rumours could start.

He tried to calm himself down but as soon as he saw Lila lean close into Marinette’s face (which was paling like a ghost as she was trying to back away), he snapped. 

“Excuse me, I need to borrow her for a second.”

Marinette felt an iron grip on her wrist and she was immediately tugged out of Lila’s grasps, led away from the playground and into the lone lockers room. She didn’t even need to look up to know that it’s Adrien; his touch committed to memory. 

When she finally regained her bearings, she noticed how her Chaton was seething on the spot, glaring out of the door. Probably to see if Lila followed. Luck was on his side for once as other students went up to her, curious about the new girl. Plagg and Tikki flew out of their respective hiding places, nuzzling Marinette on each cheek before leaving to give them so privacy. Adrien then faced Marinette, hands on shoulders.

“Hey, breathe. You’re shaking like a leaf.” The familiarity of his sweet emerald eyes brought Marinette back to the real world, glancing at her hands that were indeed shaking. She took a few deep breaths, falling into Adrien’s embrace. It took her a few minutes to completely calm down, with the safety of his kisses on her hair and his warm arms around her body, rocking them both slowly back and forth. 

“I...I’m freaking Ladybug...I shouldn’t be scared of a girl advancing on me...” She mumbled out. Adrien felt himself stiffen and his hold on her tightened. “We’re girls- it’s normal for girls to touch each other in places...right?”

Adrien pulled away just a bit so that he could face her. Raw anger simmered in his veins as his Lady’s lips trembled. 

“No, it’s not normal for strangers to place their hands all over you. It doesn’t matter what sex you are, no one has the rights to touch you in a way that makes you so scared.” His voice took on a grave, threatening tone. Similar to the one he used when Theo was staring at Ladybug like a predator. 

“I know that...I know...so why do I keep justifying her actions? She said ‘We could be great friends’ and leaned in...I never wanted to run away so badly...” Marinette’s sentence ended in a whisper, making Adrien push her face into his chest again.

“I’m going to kill her-”

“Don’t! Adrien no! That’s wrong-”

“I don’t care!” His fingers sunk into her shoulders, a scowl plastered on his face and his eyes gleamed toxically. “No one gets away with doing THAT to you. Nobody!”

“You’re better than this Adrien, come on. I’m okay now. I was just startled-”

“Stop. Stop that. Stop downplaying your feelings! You’re the one who taught me to stand up for myself, to not let people use me as a doormat, to tell my own father how I really feel about the extra-curriculars. So take your advice and tell her off at the very least, please! Or tell Mlle. Bustier. Anything.” His eyebrows furrowed desperately as Adrien leaned his forehead against hers. His hands trailed to her cheeks, cupping them with such tenderness and love. 

“It’s easier to give advice than to take them it seems,” Marinette giggled, loving how Adrien let his lips straighten into a ‘Really?’ look. The designer then frowned, looking away. “I can’t really file a complaint without proof. If it was a guy doing it, the school would have taken it seriously. But since Lila is a girl and I’m a girl...”

“Fucking double standards...” The blonde spat out with indignation. “You could fix that ya know, you’re class rep,” 

“Yes but also, what if Lila claims it’s an Italian thing and then bursts into tears for making this situation bigger than it is? I’ll feel so bad...”

“You’re the victim here Marinette. Alya and I saw the way she touched you- it was inappropriate and disgusting. I’ll report to Mlle. myself if you’re not going to do it,” The girl in his arms looked up like a deer in headlights, shaking her head with a small ‘No!’. “Or you could come with me? Alya is a witness- three against one. Surely action will be taken then?”

Marinette’s frown only deepened.

“Come one, maybe this could give Lila a wake up call? Improve on her behaviour? We could befriend her properly if she fixes up.” This got the girl to look up, a hopeful smile on her lips. “There’s my girl,” Adrien chuckled, kissing her forehead. 

Next, the trio plus Nino files their complaints to their teacher about what happened. Marinette wanted it to be kept at the down low since she didn’t want to tarnish Lila’s reputation. She genuinely believed that there is probably some good in Lila. 

Caline rounds just Lila and Marinette up to discuss about the incident. As Marinette predicted, Lila burst into tears “apologetically”, running into the girls’ bathroom. The heroine didn’t think twice to run after her, ignoring her teacher’s exclaims and her trio of friends who were waiting outside the room. They’re called in by Caline (much to their protests) so that she can explain that perhaps Lila hasn’t been educated on social boundaries and what lines cannot be crossed.

Meanwhile, when Marinette finds Lila “sobbing” in the toilets, she tried to calm her down. 

This takes a 180 turn. Lila shouts how she doesn’t want Marinette coming near her. How she feels so humiliated, gross and offended that Mari dared to think that her affections were a form of harassment. She goes on a rant with how she will never have any friends now, how she’ll get looked down upon and how it’s like her old school all over again with everyone bullying her. 

“I can’t believe you ruined my life like that Marinette...I thought you were a good person!”

Lila storms out as a shocked and distraught looking Marinette froze in the same spot she was in. The crocodile tears were wiped away and a smug, sinister grin crept on Lila’s face. 

The butterfly does manage to clasp onto Marinette, however, thanks to Tikki’s pleadings and her strong will, the girl fights off the akumatisation. She collapses on the floor in exhaustion, completely forgetting about the butterfly. She thanks Tikki for her support, finally seeing how toxic Lila was, how this was none of Marinette’s fault. 

She then realises about the butterfly and darts out, looking for it.

The trio of friends are escorted back into the class but Adrien quips that he needs the bathroom. Caline saw past his lie but let him go anyways. It was a pure miracle that she kept Adrien and Marinette apart for so long anyways.

Agreste comes across Rossi midrun. They both have a stare off, one hoping that the other didn’t see her smirk whilst the other spotted it a million miles away. Adrien’s face twisted into a dangerous glare.

“A-Adrien? Why are you looking at me like that? I thought Mlle. Bustier fixed the matter-”

“I’ve been surrounded by lying, fake, atrocious people all my life. I know you’re one of them too.” The boy growled out. One side of him wanted to claw the girl’s face off whilst the other needed to check on his princess. 

“...you’re not as angelic as everyone else described you know.” The sarcastic, dry tone was such a huge contrast against the fake shy, sweet voice she tried serenading the class with. He very much preferred the real deal.

“Not when it comes to anyone hurting my partner.” He snarled. His nails dug into his palms. It took everything for him to restrain himself. Lila simply scoffed, crossing her arms.

“I’d watch what I say if I were you Agreste. You sound so possessive...so angry...those types of boys are usually kept away from sweet princesses like Marinette. One scream from me, one shout, and everyone will come aiding me no matter how well they love you.” Boldly, she flicked his cheek with a sickly sweet smile, relishing the way he bristled up and the colourful swears he let out. She stalked off triumphantly as Adrien ran off in search of Marinette.

She caught a flutter of dark wings nearby- her smirk widened to the point that would rival one of Chat Noir’s insane grins. 

Adrien and Marinette finally catch each other, the former fussing over her, asking if she’s okay. The sudden shout of an akuma in the school snapped them out of their conversation, both failing to bring up what happened to them. Marinette doesn’t waste time, dragging them both in the closest cleaner’s closet and pulling Adrien in for a kiss.

This kiss was a mess, desperate and full of frustration. The suit was quick to encase them but they kept on kissing, grabbing onto each other, letting their feelings out. By the time Ladybug had Chat against the wall, another scream was let out outside, a familiar voice yelling Nino’s name.

They had to pull away reluctantly and speed out. 

The fight goes similarly to canon except Chameleon took the form of Nino instead of Adrien. Towards the end, they find out it was Lila who was akumatised. Ladybug looked at her sympathetically but then she notices how Chat watches Lila with confusion. 

“She was smiling like she won the lottery when I last saw her. How did she get akumatised so quickly?” Chat eyed the Italian cautiously, leading Ladybug away by hand instinctively till she whipped her yoyo out and they simultaneously leapt away, missing Lila’s pissed off gaze. 

“What do you mean smiling? She was crying so badly when she ran out of the bathroom...” Ladybug added. 

Chat narrowed his eyes as did Ladybug till they both suddenly looked at each other. It clicked.

“She faked everything...the whole crying out of Mlle. Bustier’s staff room and bathroom was all a fake...to make me feel bad...”

“That’s why she looked so damn proud of herself- but that doesn’t explain the butterfly.” He glanced back at Ladybug, taken aback by her guilty look. All that Chat saw was red.

“Bug. Were you almost akumatised...because of HER?” Ladybug’s silence was all that Chat needed. Enraged, he made way back to the eiffel tower, thirsting for the blood of a certain Italian.

He didn’t expect his transformation to drop mid jump, quickly saved by Ladybug’s yoyo string, dropping them both down a secluded alleyway. Her transformation fell too. 

“Adrien. We are heroes. Don’t hurt her.” Instead of answering, Adrien slipped his ring off and laid it next to Plagg who laid with exhaustion and a block of cheese. He stormed towards Marinette, hands trembling but successfully taking off her earrings, laying them by Tikki who was by her counterpart along with a cookie. Marinette didn’t even flinch.

She let him crush his lips against hers. Let him push her against the wall. Let him kiss her senseless without a care about school or classmates or anything else. All that mattered was each other. She finally closed her eyes, arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. 

By the time Mari and Adrien does make it back to class, everyone teases their dishevelled look and messy hair. How are they not dating yet, they’ll never know. The duo ignored Lila’s presence as they made way to the back of the class. 

They vowed to not only protect each other but anyone else around Lila’s presence. If they want her to be caught, they’ll need to be patient. Good thing Alya is an aspiring journalist. The ep ends with just adrinette and Lila having a stare off outside the school.

“This is War.” Lila mouths, the same devilish smile stuck on her face before it twisted into that sickly saccharine smile, yelling out her goodbyes to them both. 

THE END.

Satisfied? :’DDDD

[thefloatingstone]

Random Sailor Moon fact;

If my information is correct, I have been told that when the first season of Sailor Moon was airing on TV, Showing an actual kiss on normal television was still considered really taboo. (Which is also part of why in 80s OVA you’ll see anime sometimes REALLY over exaggerate a kiss. Because it was literally something too saucy for regular Japanese TV)

Because of this, the first season of Sailor Moon used a lot of “work arounds” when showing characters kissing where you see them kiss on screen... without the actual kiss being shown. Which basically means a lot of this;

Season 2 of Sailor Moon starts with an extended anime-only arc where Mamoru has lost his memories, but Usagi regains hers. So Usagi remembers being in love with Mamoru but he doesn’t remember being in love with her and it’s very sad and dramatic. When Mamoru DOES get his memories back and the arc is over, our first scenes of the two of them FINALLY being together after over more than a season comes to this

From what I’ve been told, kissing by this point wasn’t completely forbidden on normal television but was still kind of not done as it was still seen as rather sexual. But by this point Sailor Moon had become an absolute juggernaut of a show raking in views and money. So it was pushing against the whole “no kissing allowed” rules pretty hard. (Mamoru’s hand is still semi in the way of actually showing the kiss itself)

Later on in the season, near the end, the show could actually show Black lady and Tuxedo Mask kiss on screen so I assume by this stage the rules were relaxed even further.

By the time the third season came around... it seems these rules were pretty much nonexistent.

(this is from the movie I know. But you get my point)

It’s just a detail I don’t hear people talk about that much.

I HOPE my sources are correct but if not let me know and I’ll just delete this post to save myself embarrassment X’D But from what I can see, the show matches the information I’ve been given really closely (seriously ALL the kisses in Season 1 are shot in a way that we never actually see the kiss itself)

Anyway, just some interesting trivia.

Japan’s broadcasting laws of what could and could not be shown are fascinating because a lot of “weird shit” actually came about from people trying to use loopholes in the law to show what they want in their stories.

This is why tentacle hentai exists in the first place. Because Japan had it forbidden to show male genitals of ANY form, even direct to video. So you got tentacles which aren’t TECHNICALLY male nudity.

At the same time, you had a lot of Lesbian manga come into the industry in the 70s and 80s. But Japan still had strict laws on what was allowed, so most if not all lesbian manga that came out during this time either had a last episode of “Oh she decided to marry her male friend instead in literally the last 5 minutes” or “oh it turns out the reason the girls felt so strongly for each other is because they’re sisters and weren’t aware of it” or some or other quick tacked on ending to “make it straight”. Because that was literally the only way you could get ANY lesbian content published at all.

Similarly, Sailor Moon had Michiru and Haruka, a clear and delibirate lesbian couple. But unlike Mamoru and Usagi, Haruka and Michiru are never shown kissing in the show at all.

So, much like everything else, work-arounds were put in place to clearly communicate that they are a couple, without showing kissing.

I have no idea where Japan’s broadcasting laws stand on showing what kind of kisses where at the moment because I don’t actually look into this stuff (I just find it interesting to see how rules shape art) but I’m pretty sure hetero kissing is pretty much accepted in general broadcasted shows

Lesbian kisses on broadcasted shows is actually allowed these days, even outside of uncomfortable fetish anime. Heck Sailor Moon Crystal which is aimed at preteens are now allowed to show girls kissing

And although I know it’s incredibly hard to find real gay rep in anime outside of hentai, yaoi and other fetish material... it DOES look like boys kissing are showing up outside of the “This was made to be kinky” type of OVAs

anyway this post kind of ran away with me but yeah.... my point is Sailor Moon wasn’t allowed to show kisses when it first aired so it basically just.... had characters kissing and framed it so you don’t actually see the kiss. Until it got so popular and made so much money it could almost do whatever it wanted.

(also again, when I say Broadcast I mean shows meant to air on TV and stuff. Because Kissing has been in anime the second the VHS and Laserdisc market happened and OVAs could almost do anything they wanted and that’s why 80s OVAs are so hyper sexualised and violent. Because that’s the only place you could get those kinds of things)

Or I could have gotten my information wrong and this isn’t accurate and I’ve just made a fool of myself.

It turns out you can’t really just google “Japanese Broadcast Laws” and get any kind of helpful information.

It’s like 2AM I’m going to bed

[schraubd]

Collected Thoughts on Excluding Omar and Tlaib

I've got another kidney stone. It struck on Monday, and then I felt pain Tuesday, Wednesday, and today. Thursday was my only pain-free day this week, and I have to assume that was the universe balancing the scales and recognizing that the Israeli government's truly terrible decision to exclude Reps. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) and Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) from the country was plenty enough aggravation on its own. I went on a pretty vigorous tweet storm all through yesterday. Below I bullet point most of what I expressed on that site (which, as you may know, I've taken "private"), but my main takeaway is this: There's no serious case that either Congresswoman present a security threat to Israel (I've seen some people insinuate that they might incite a riot at the Temple Mount which -- I'm not sure I can physically roll my eyes hard enough). In practice, the "risk" Omar and Tlaib present is simply that they will hear  mean things about Israel and then say their own mean things about Israel. That's the locus of the complaint about the "balance" of the trip; that's the locus of the accusation that they merely want to rabble-rouse. What people are concerned about is they will go to the West Bank, hear people saying mean things about Israel, and repeat those mean things back to American audiences. But -- and I mean this in all earnestness -- so what? So what if that's what happens? To be clear: I don't think Omar and Tlaib were coming just to say mean things about Israel. But even if they were -- there's no security threat. The state will survive (how pathetic would it be if it crumbled?). It'd be speech. It'd be discourse. That's the price of living in a liberal, free society. Sometimes people say mean things about you. Sometimes those mean things are unfair. Sometimes those mean things are entirely fair. Whatever. It comes with the territory (pun initially not intended, but I'll own it now). It's not a valid basis for a travel ban. It used to be that Israel was emphatic that "come see us and you'll think better of us". Now Israel is terrified that if people come see them--at least, see them unchaperoned, without a constant guiding hand ensuring they see only the choice parts--they'll think of worse of them. That's the sign of a society in decay. To be sure, I think Omar and Tlaib probably would come away from their visit with a rather grim appraisal of Israel's treatment of Palestinians. But then, there's ample basis to appraise that treatment grimly--there's no inherent foul there. People can come to the West Bank and be honestly appalled by what they see. Only police states confuse "people saying mean things" with security threats. A free society can survive--and perhaps even learn from--critics giving it grim appraisals. People talk a huge game about how Omar and Tlaib could "learn" from their trip to Israel and Palestine -- and no doubt they could. But the flip side is that Israel, too, can learn from the testimony of Palestinians laboring under occupation, and from efforts to bring that testimony to the fore. It is wrong -- not to mention insulting -- to treat discourse about Israel/Palestine as if it were a one-way street, where wise, omniscient Israeli/Jewish teachers dribble knowledge onto benighted, ignorant Muslims and Arabs. Below is a recap of my other collected thoughts on the matter (many but not all of which were on Twitter):

This was a terrible and unjustified decision. Let's lead off with that and give it its own bullet point all to itself.

There is no reason to think that this decision was "what Omar and Tlaib wanted" since it made Israel look authoritarian and repressive. That is projection, to avoid speaking the more uncomfortable conclusion that "Omar and Tlaib might have had a point" in suggesting Israel acts in an authoritarian and repressive fashion.

I neither think this decision was solely Trump's doing -- Israel "caving" to his pressure -- nor do I think he played no role in the decision. I think he successfully convinced Netanyahu to do something that he already kind of wanted to do in the first place, even knowing it probably was a bad idea. Trump was like the frat boy friend egging his buddy into doing another shot flight. That Bibi was probably dimly aware it wasn't the wisest decision in the world doesn't mean that he wasn't ultimately fulfilling his own desires. Ultimately, this was a decision of Israel's right-wing government and they deserve to take the full brunt of punishment for it.

I understand why everyone is calling this "counterproductive" from Israel, since it will undoubtedly give a huge boost to the BDS movement. But, as I wrote in the Lara Alqasem case, that really depends on what Israel is trying to "produce". In many ways, Bibi benefits from an ascendant BDS movement, just as they benefit from him; and he likewise benefits from a world divided between conservatives who love everything he does and liberals who loathe him. So the fact that this decision puts wind in the sails of BDS, while further lashing Israel to a purely right-wing mast and alienating it from erstwhile progressive allies, is not necessarily a miscalculation -- it's the intended and desired effect.

On that note, remember the other day when 21 Israeli MKs wrote to Congress and said that a two-state solution was "more dangerous" than BDS? Well, if you ever wanted an example of what it looks like to trade "increased BDS support" for "kneecapping two-state solution support", this was it (even though Tlaib isn't a two-stater -- Omar is -- this act was aimed like a laser at the most prominent base of support for two-stateism in America: that is, Democrats).

On the other hand, shouldn't these right-wing Israelis be more excited to welcome Tlaib than most other Congresspeople? After all, she opposes the "dangerous" two-state solution! Oh wait, I forgot: in her one-state world, everyone gets to vote. That won't do at all, will it?

I love Emma Goldberg description of how Israel will slide away from liberal democracy via Hemingway's description of how he went bankrupt: "Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly." And by love, I mean it gives me a sick feeling of recognition in my stomach.

Justifying the ban on the grounds that Omar and Tlaib's visit wasn't "balanced" because they weren't meeting with Israeli or Palestinian government figures, only NGOs, and these are bad NGOs -- spare me. To tell visiting U.S. politicians "you can come, but only if you speak with the 'right' people/visit the 'right' sites/speak the 'correct' words" sounds like something you'd hear from the North Korean embassy. Omar and Tlaib should be entitled to visit with whomever they want to visit, and come to whatever conclusions they end up coming to. If those conclusions are unfair, we should trust the ability to defeat them with more speech, not enforced silence. But again: we can't conflate "unfair" with "critical". It's entirely feasible that a fair-minded individual hearing testimony from West Bank Palestinians will come to a sharply critical conclusion.

Some of the attacks on the NGOs Omar and Tlaib were scheduled to meet with are the usual chad gadya (has a leader who's linked to a group which kicked the dog ....) nonsense, but there are some groups with some genuinely bad history. I've consequently seen people suggest that we need to also hold Omar and Tlaib accountable for their part in this fiasco for meeting with members of those groups. Fair enough: I'm happy to hold them accountable, weighted and prioritized in proportion to their relative culpability. In keeping with that metric, I might get around to returning to criticizing their draft itinerary sometime in 2035.

Fine, one more thing on the itinerary: Am I correct in reading it as taking Omar and  Tlaib either solely or primarily to the West Bank and East Jerusalem? If so, it's entirely understandable why they'd refer to those locales as "Palestine".

Rep. Tlaib initially applied for a humanitarian waiver to visit her family, which was approved, but then she backed out given the conditions the Israeli government was going to impose on the visit (basically, not engaging in "boycott activities"). The usual suspects are crowing: she cares less about her family than she does about boycotting! I say (a) Rep. Tlaib is well within her rights to not prostrate herself to the dictates of a foreign government seeking to humiliate her, and (b) what about the past few days gives anyone the confidence in the Israeli government's ability to fairly adjudge what qualifies as a "boycott activity"?

The argument that Israel, as a sovereign state, has a "right" to exclude whomever it wants substitutes a juridical argument for an ethical (and practical) one. Sovereign states are formally empowered to do all sorts of terrible and/or stupid things. This was one of them. Hearing nominal anti-BDS folks make this claim -- which could as easily be applied to "universities and academics have the right to collaborate (or not) with whomever they want to" is probably causing another kidney stone to develop as we speak.

The other thing is that Israel is proving itself completely incapable of exercising this "right" in a reasonable manner that distinguishes between genuine threats to national security and unhappiness that people sometimes come to Israel and then say mean things. One of the reasons we liberals seek to limit unchecked government power is precisely because of the suspicion that it won't be exercised responsibly or non-arbitrarily.

Of course, the fact that Israel also exercises the practical authority to exclude people not just from Israel-proper, but the West Bank as well, gives lie to the notion that Palestinians even conceptually could have their right to self-determination vindicated solely by voting in PA elections.

Silver lining: pretty much the entirety of the American Jewish establishment -- AIPAC, AJC, ADL, J Street, Simon Wiesenthal Center -- came out against this decision. Huzzah for that.

Tarnish on even that silver lining: the Conference of President's weak-sauce statement on the matter. "Many of the organizations expressed disagreement with the government’s decision", but "Ultimately, the government of Israel made its assessment of the countervailing arguments and acted upon their conclusion." Really, that's what you're giving us? It's amazing how the Conference doesn't care about the "consensus" of the Jewish community when that consensus is a progressive one.

When a prominent member of or institution associated with an outgroup does something awful, it is natural for members of that outgroup to feel acutely vulnerable. In part, that's because they know that this awfulness will be wielded against them; in part, that's because frequently they have feelings for or connections to the target person and institution, and it is painful to see them act in such a terrible fashion. Of course, that feeling of vulnerability needn't and shouldn't be the primary story as compared to those directly victimized by the awful behavior. But it is not per se wrong, or "centering", to acknowledge and validate the existence of the sentiment; nor is such an acknowledgment necessarily one that stands in competition with recognizing the direct damage of the instigating act.

The next time a Democrat occupies the Oval Office, I have to wonder what sort of penance is going to be demanded from the Israeli government for years upon years of insult and humiliation. It's not going to be back to as it was before. It's not even going to back as it was in the Obama administration. Democrats will -- rightfully -- insist that Israel pay a price for what it's been doing these past four (if not twelve) years. The flipside of recognizing the importance of preserving Israel as a bipartisan issue is that Israel aligning itself fully and completely with the Republican Party is going to come at a cost. It will be interesting to consider what that cost will be.

via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/2ZcVv85

[faintblueivy]

Is she beautiful? A Borusara story

Chapter - 1

I finally had time to post the text version of this story here, on Tumblr. Previously, I had posted links of ffnet and ao3 of the first two chapters of this story so might have already read it.

***

Chapter - 1

Admirers of Uchiha Sarada

Boruto groaned in annoyance, forcing Mitsuki to steal a sideways glance at him.

It was supposed to be an ordinary get together of their entire class. Even now when their academy days were over, they still arranged such events every now and then to stay in touch with everyone. But the girls of their class were not here yet so they were allowed to talk about the boy stuff. They were supposed to talk about the upcoming Chunin exams, and also about the previous one which ended in a catastrophic way. They were supposed to talk about their opponents and their jutsus. They were supposed to talk about new video games and movies.

But they were currently talking about the one thing that they were not supposed to talk, or more likely, the one topic that made him extremely uncomfortable. And this is not the first time they were talking of this!

The topic of the current heated discussion among them was-

Girls.

Or more specifically, Uchiha Sarada.

It had all started with an innocent praise from Denki.

“Oh! Did you guys see it? When Sarada-san defeated her opponent with a single punch?”

“Yeah. I’m have to agree that she’s quite amazing with her fists.” Surprisingly, Iwabee was the first person to agree with him.

Boruto smirked. The girl was a lot better than only her fists and shurikens. They have no idea. But the smirk was wiped off his face when someone up from the crowd spoke up, Boruto noticed that it was Renga-kun, about her.

“She is good. But I wonder if I am the only one who thinks that she’s gotten much prettier than before? Like even the genins from other villages were talking about her and some boys were even checking her out.”

Boruto almost blanched. Hearing that boys were checking her out made him really want to punch something for some reason he was not able to figure out. An unexplainable anger fogged his senses and the weird sensation only increased when someone exclaimed from the group.

“No dude! You are not the only one who thinks so! She’s cute and is getting even more lovely by each passing day. I would really give anything to go on date with her.”

His fists clenched tightly on his sides.

Stupid brats! Don’t they understand that she does not have time for such silly stuff? She’s going to be the future Hokage for God’s sake. And Hokages don’t have enough time to go on stupid dates!

He stuffed his hands inside his pockets and looked to the other side in annoyance, trying his hardest to block out the conversation going on, when suddenly he was dragged into it.

"Hey! Hey! Boruto-kun! You have known Sarada-san for the longest time, right?”

"Yeah…so, what about it?”

"Do you think too that she has gotten even more beautiful than before?”

Suddenly all eyes were on him waiting for an answer as if they were expecting him to give permission to hold something that was only in his possession. Truthfully speaking, he found it weird and of course, the question was even weirder.

Is Sarada beautiful?

Nah! She’s just a peculiar girl who wears glasses and always finds something to pester me about! She is not beautiful.

He almost opened his mouth to answer the question but was startled when an image of a smiling Sarada flashed into his mind. His breath hitched. A genuinely smiling Sarada was like something akin to finding a diamond.

Rare but breathtaking.

Even he could not deny that her smile was…entrancing?

Because when she smiles, to look away from her becomes the hardest thing to do at that moment.

And which is why she, certainly, she cannot be called ugly too!

Boruto didn’t know how to answer their question. He was struck in a dilemma. But another thought occurred to him, halting him and his opinions regarding his childhood friend.

But did it matter? If she was beautiful or not? Because she was still the same Sarada he had known his entire life.

The one who scolded him for the tiniest thing but also the one to patch him up if he ever got hurt. The one who had full faith in him and his abilities but never hesitates to rush to his aid if ever needed. The one who could say harsh words to him in the face but also the one who could read him like an open book and make him feel better with a few words.

And of course, one of the only who didn’t ever see him just as a Hokage’s son but as Uzumaki Boruto.

Overwhelmed by the thoughts and emotions in his head, Boruto decides to take a neutral route.

She is neither beautiful nor ugly. She is still the same. Will always be.

“Sarada? I don’t know guys? She looks the same to me…Hm…the only difference is that she has just gotten taller, I suppose?”

“Are you serious? You need glasses, man!”

Boruto narrowed his eyes. “I do not!”

“Hey guys. If Boruto-kun doesn’t like Sarada-chan then that means that she is available! I mean we can ask her for dates!”

Wait…what is that supposed to mean?

Excited whispers increased, some louder than the others, every one discussing about how they’ll woo Sarada, the sound of which grated on Boruto’s nerves. His ire was rising with each passing second and when he couldn’t take it anymore, he finally raised his voice-

“Don’t bother yourself, guys. Sarada will not go out with you people at all.”

“Eh…why?” Several voices spoke in unison.

Boruto smirked. “You said it yourself. I know her. I’ve known her for almost our entire lives. I know her well enough to be almost sure that you people don’t stand a chance. And anyway, when she has something in her mind then it becomes almost impossible to make her loose her focus. That is why she is not interested, it simply would be a waste of your efforts and time.”

I can’t believe it. These idiots really think that buying her some flowers and chocolates will make her fall in love with them. As if. It might work on ordinary girls but she is nothing like one.

I mean which normal girl of their age would spend her entire free day cooped up in a library? Which normal girl of their age would spend hours talking about and practicing new Jutsus and read history books rather than going out on shopping?

She is weird. And has been for as long as he can remember. But he is sort of glad about that?

Suddenly, one among the group – Sarada’s greatest admirer – moved forward as if to confront Boruto.

"Hey! Who are you to decide if we don’t stand a chance for Sarada-chan or not?”

“Who am I? I’m her teammate, her childhood friend and her…”

Boruto found himself at a loss of words. Was being her team mate and friend qualified him enough to decide the boys she should go out with? But…he knows, he knows that she will hate to have these lovesick puppies follow her around. It will definitely make her uncomfortable and he didn’t want that to happen!

“You are her…?” the boy in front of him taunted, smirking superiorly.

Boruto almost punched him in the face but somehow managed to still his body with great effort. But then, he knew what he wanted to say.

“I am her protector!” He declared, his tone dripping with conviction. He was not backing down from this! She is his teammate and his friend and he will protect her, whether it be from a God, or a horde of smitten male colleagues .

All of the people present there looked at him as if he’d grown two heads. Even the big guy – his opponent – looked unsure. Mitsuki, Shikadai, Inojin, Denki and Iwabee looked at him in shock, some displaying the emotion more than the others. Boruto found his smirk getting wider. He was proud of himself to come up with such a tongue-tying answer.

You asked for it! Hehe!

But before the situation could escalate, Mitsuki, who was standing at the railing of the over bridge they currently occupied, said pointing to a group of girls approaching them.

“They’re here.”

And of course, there they were, the girls of their class, laughing and talking and being cheerful after a hard day of working for the repairs of the village, caused by the attack of Momoshiki and his follower.

As they reached them, both the groups mingled into one, the sounds of the exchanged greetings filling the air around them when someone spoke-

“Class rep! Where is Sarada-san?”

“E-eh? She is n-not here?” Sumire asked, her eyes wide and her stance making her worry visible over the absence of her friend. “Chocho-chan? Was n-not Sarada-chan with you a m-moment ago?”

The amber eyed girl stuffed her mouth with a handful of potato chips and replied-

“Yeah! She was beside me a moment ago! I don’t know where did she disappear to?”

Boruto frowned.

“Looks like your condition has worsened. You are not even aware of your friend’s presence anymore. I propose that we immediately take you to Sakura-san.” Mitsuki retaliated Chocho’s nonchalant reply with his own dry voice.

“Look! She’s there!” It was Iwabee who pointed out a figure down below the bridge. And certainly, he cannot miss Sarada even in crowd filled street. Her back was towards them, her shirt proudly showing off the Uchiwa fan. The symbol she inherited from her father.

She was kneeling in front of a crying kid, trying her best to pacify him and then stood offering her hand to take, which the child did, although with an unsure look on his face.

Boruto deduced that the kid must have been separated from his parents. It was not a rare occurrence. Sometimes, even he had to help such children. Sarada turned her head here and there, her onyx eyes scanning crowd as if trying to pinpoint a person and soon enough, they found her eyes pinning on a frantic looking woman who was talking to a police officer with wild gestures. She immediately lifted the child up in her arms and pointed out the woman. It took a few seconds but the child squealed in delight and nodded his head.

As soon as she placed the kid down, he dragged her to the direction where he assumed his mother was. And Boruto found a soft warmth blossoming into his chest. Everyone says that he was good in making friends but he believes that Sarada is the one who’s best at solving people’s problems. He found that quality admirable.

There was teary reunion between the mother and child and he almost laughed at the discomfort Sarada showed when the woman wrapped her in her arms as a thankful gesture of gratitude for finding her son and bringing him back to her.

And in a few moments, a confused Sarada was left staring at the waving mother-son duo as they exited the scene with a large bag of candies in her hands.

Immediately, Mitsuki stretched out his arm long enough to reach Sarada and tapped her on the shoulder. She grinned and grabbed his offered hand as he easily pulled her on to the bridge, landing her straight in front of Boruto.

Nightly onyx orbs clashed against the sky blue ones.

Before Boruto could utter a single syllable, she averted her eyes and moved past him.

He felt a sharp sting of pain at her gesture but bit back his tongue.

What are you crying for? A mocking voice taunted him from somewhere in the back of his mind.

He turned his head to gaze at her, the pain increasing tenfold, thanks to that voice inside his head which simply reminded him of what he had done to receive this silent treatment from her.

You deserve this. You know that, don’t you? You deserve this for breaking her trust.

***

The links for ffnet and ao3 are here.

And my other stories can be found here.

[donofdepravity]

Please read my rules before interacting, weather you are a prospective RP-partner, or a Spectator. All Blog navigation is centralized on my Links page, which is also mobile friendly.

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[techcrunchappcom]

New Post has been published on http://techcrunchapp.com/if-the-deep-state-hates-trump-why-arent-more-officials-speaking-out-like-bolton-nbc-news/

If the Deep State hates Trump, why aren't more officials speaking out like Bolton? - NBC News

President Donald Trump and his allies have continually railed about how the “Deep State” of unelected national security bureaucrats has quietly worked to undermine the Trump presidency.

But the new allegations in a book by former national security adviser John Bolton turn that formulation on its head. If Bolton is to be believed — Trump calls him a liar — plenty of career diplomats, soldiers and spies kept quiet as they watched Trump abuse his office.

In Bolton’s telling, members of the so-called deep state, including senior intelligence and defense officials, knew about actions by Trump that were unethical, if not illegal, and said nothing. That would mean the press, the public and House impeachment investigators were kept in the dark.

The reason more insiders didn’t speak out are complex, according to a former senior national security official who served for years in the Trump administration and faced the choice on a near daily basis. But broadly, the official said, unelected national security bureaucrats tend to give great deference to the president’s policy choices, and the line between bad decisions and abuse of office is not a clear one.

“Sometimes you ask yourself: Is that malfeasance, or is that just something so dumb that you know it’s not going to happen?” the former official said.

The American system of government “has developed to give the president tremendous leeway to set policy,” said John Gans, author of a book about the White House National Security Council. “Those in the executive branch are expected to kind of nod their heads and say, ‘OK.’ There really isn’t a whistleblower system at the White House.”

Officials senior enough to be in meetings with the president don’t tend to use formal whistleblower channels anyway. Such people have long deployed anonymous leaks to the news media to flag decisions or behavior they deemed problematic.

During the Trump administration, many current and former government officials have anonymously recounted startling episodes to journalists and authors, such as Trump providing classified information to Russian officials in the Oval Office or his calling military leaders “losers” in reference to the war in Afghanistan. Once-senior officials, including former chief of staff John Kelly and former Defense Secretary James Mattis, have recently publicly questioned the president’s fitness for office, though their decisions to do so came long after they departed.

But Bolton makes a very specific case, alleging a pattern of behavior by Trump to use his presidential power in foreign affairs to further his private interests — exactly the charges in an impeachment proceeding narrowly focused on Ukraine. Bolton says the pattern went well beyond one country.

During face-to-face meetings, Trump asked the Chinese president to help get him re-elected, Bolton writes, and promised the Turkish president that he would “take care of” a Justice Department investigation deemed harmful to Turkey when he could replace Obama-appointed prosecutors with “his people.” If those exchanges happened, Bolton could not have been the only official aware of them. (Trump and one of the officials present at the summit with Chinese President Xi JinPing, U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer, dispute Bolton’s account.)

Bolton says Trump was willing to waive penalties on a Chinese firm, ZTE, to help with trade talks he believed would help him politically. He writes of briefing Attorney General William Barr on Trump’s “penchant to, in effect, give personal favors to dictators he liked.”

Trump hasn’t spoken to the specifics, but he has denied exploiting his office for personal gain.

Bolton also asserts people across the government knew the central premise of the impeachment case against Trump was true — that the president indeed had conditioned aid to Ukraine on that government’s willingness to do him a political favor by announcing an investigation into his opponent, an allegation of quid pro quo that Trump denies.

“I think Secretary [of State Mike] Pompeo understood,” Bolton told ABC News this week. “I think the Pentagon understood. I think the intelligence community understood. I think people in the White House understood.”

Let our news meet your inbox. The news and stories that matters, delivered weekday mornings.

Yet in the end, only a handful of national security officials were willing to testify to that during impeachment proceedings. Only one — the whistleblower — came forward voluntarily, before the process began. Spokespersons for the CIA, director of National Intelligence and State Department declined to comment.

In his book, Bolton faults House impeachment managers for failing to investigate Trump’s “ham-handed involvement in other matters — criminal and civil, international and domestic — that should not properly be subject to manipulation by a president for personal reasons (political, economic, or any other).” He calls that “impeachment malpractice.”

That criticism sidesteps the fact that the impeachment inquiry kicked off when a lone junior CIA officer decided to file a written complaint to an inspector general about Trump’s alleged extortion of Ukraine. No similar whistleblowing efforts have come to light about Trump’s conduct with China or Turkey.

Bolton himself kept quiet for nearly two years, declining to testify in the impeachment hearing. He seeks to justify that by arguing that Democrats mishandled impeachment proceedings and that his testimony in the Senate wouldn’t have changed anything.

Critics are unconvinced.

“I think what Bolton did was shameful,” said Brian Katulis, a senior fellow at the Center for American Progress, a left-leaning think tank. “He sat on this information for two years so he could write a book.”

John Bolton attends a meeting between President Donald Trump and South Korean President Moon Jae-in at the Blue House in Seoul, South Korea, on June 30, 2019.Kevin Lamarque / Reuters file

If others besides Bolton are uncomfortable with what they have witnessed inside the Trump White House, why haven’t they come forward with specifics?

Look no further than what has happened to the few who have done so, experts say. Lawyers for the CIA whistleblower said publicly that he had to be protected by a security detail after the president and his Republican allies called him a traitor and a spy. Trump allies in Congress sought to put his name into the public record.

Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman, who testified against Trump during the impeachment hearings, was dismissed from his job at the White House and has found his promotion to full colonel in limbo as the Pentagon worries the White House will oppose it, two defense officials told NBC News.

“You see what happens to the people who speak up,” the former senior national security official said.

“This whistleblower followed the law every step of the way and look at what they got for it,” said Liz Hempowicz, director of public policy at the Project on Government Oversight, a good-government advocacy group. Hempowicz said the already weak federal whistleblower system has disintegrated under Trump, noting the board that rules on employee disputes with management has never had enough members to make such rulings during the Trump administration.

But even for those with courage enough to brave the personal repercussions, there often is another dilemma: whether they can do more good by truth-telling or remaining in their jobs.

“Clearly people made calculations: Do you want to keep serving a president and keep our institutions intact? Or does behavior that’s so outlandish cause you to resign and report it?” said Marc Polymeropoulos, a retired CIA officer who served in senior agency roles during the first part of the Trump administration.

“There was a lot of angst about POTUS interactions with any head of state — foreign visits or phone calls,” he said.

CIA Director Gina Haspel, for one, is seen by former colleagues and congressional observers as someone who is trying at all costs to remain at the helm of a powerful spy agency that she believes could suffer severe damage in the wrong hands.

“Thankfully, CIA has remained stable in this and that will be Gina’s legacy,” Polymeropoulos said.

Haspel was criticized for failing to speak out when Trump was bashing the CIA’s Ukraine whistleblower. But she appears to have helped defuse what has been an extremely contentious relationship between Trump and the intelligence community.

“Haspel has figured out how to not to piss off the president and keep the agency from running off the rails,” added a congressional aide who works on intelligence matters. “Everyone recognizes it’s a very difficult position she is in.”

Haspel’s general counsel made what she believed was a criminal referral after the CIA whistleblower brought his complaints to her, but the agency avoided becoming entangled in the impeachment proceedings. That’s in part because Rep. Adam Schiff, D-Calif., the Intelligence Committee chair who presided over impeachment in the House, believed it was important to keep the intelligence agencies away, as much as possible, from what turned into a vicious partisan battle, according to a person familiar with his thinking. He wanted to keep the focus on the president’s alleged abuse of office, the person said.

But if Bolton is correct that Trump broadly sought to leverage foreign policy for political gain, it’s hard to imagine the intelligence agency leaders did not become aware of it. They not only sit in high-level White House meetings, but they also spy on foreign officials who discuss what the American government is saying and doing.

“If the CIA learns of something that is an illegal act by a government official, it has an obligation to forward that information to the Department of Justice,” said former CIA Director John Brennan, an NBC News contributor. “If it’s an issue of ethics and appropriateness and one’s moral compass, then it’s more of a personal choice. Fortunately, as director, I never had to make this choice.”

It’s difficult from the outside to judge how senior officials are dealing with the turmoil inside the Trump administration, said John McLaughlin, a former deputy CIA director who served under former Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush.

“What you’re going to get when this administration is over is a tidal wave of memoirs, the theme of which will be, ‘You don’t know how much worse it would have been if I hadn’t been there,'” he said.

“The question is, at what point are you enabling it more so than preventing bad things from happening?”

[mapleleafstrash]

Offbeat - Auston Matthews

Annonymous said: maybe an auston matthews imagine where you somehow ended up being apart of ‘the guys’ with them showing up at your house randomly to pick you up to hangout and go to parties. and puckbunnies both are intimidated by you because youre always around and rude to you because you arent the typical super thin blonde, and get even more jealous of how close you are with auston in particular and then things happen and you n auston finally get together (surprise me with the how?) please and thank you :)

A/N: Hello everyone! Now I know everyone has been patiently waiting for Mason (Part 6), but I have other requests pending, and I find when I write other prompts or stories, it helps me write about other storylines I have going on as well. Creative juices, right? 

This was reqested a while ago and I appologize for the wait! I hope it’s similar to your request, and I do believe this will be another multi-part imagine. Let me know what you think!

Requested: Yes/No

Characters: Auston Matthews (Feat. Connor Brown, Morgan Rielly, William Nylander, and Zach Hyman)

Words: 4,691

Warnings: Language and Alcohol Consumption

[Part One] [Part Two] [Part Three] [Part Four] [Part Five] [Part Six] [Part Seven]

Different.

Unconventional.

Contrasting.

Distinct.

Peculiar.

Offbeat.

In your particular situation, those were the words that most described you best. Well, those were the nicer ones anyways.

“Whatcha thinking about?”

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of your best friend Connor. He, along with his girlfriend Madison, and your other close friend Morgan, were currently hanging out in your condo’s living room.

You gave him a small, reassuring smile, “Just school,”

He nodded, but pursed his lips.

Connor knew you better than anyone.

The two of you had met when you were six years old. By luck of the draw, you had both been placed onto the same house-league minor hockey team in Etobicoke. You had been given a hard time from the get-go that season, as you were playing with both six, seven, and eight-year old’s due to your division being branched out. It also didn’t help that you were the only girl on the team. Other teams you faced usually had two or three girls but not yours. You were the only one who’d been singled out by the league, forcing you to fend for yourself.

Even though Connor was a year older than you, with age being a usual dividing factor in youth dressing rooms, the two of you had become fast friends, and had been glued to the hip for much of your childhood.

As time went on, you switched to girl’s hockey as it had become more prominent a few years later, and Connor had made the jump to rep. Despite this, you both still went to each other’s games like nothing had changed, and made sure to still have your weekly hangouts at the Brown family’s home. Dan and Anne had even given you a key, that’s how close you were to Connor and his family.

When Connor was drafted by Erie when you were fifteen years old, you were ecstatic. Several times during the season you’d take a Friday off from school and drive down to Erie with the Brown’s to go visit and watch the Otters, and whenever he was around up near the Toronto area, you had to go see him play. And now, just a few short years later, he had just finished his rookie season as a Toronto Maple Leaf, and you couldn’t be more proud.

Through Connor, you’d become close to many of the guys on the team because you frequented games and social events, as requested by your best friend. Madison and him had been off and on until just recently, so when she hadn’t been around, you came to Maple Leaf activities instead in her place.

Inevitably, people, well more like fans of the team or puck bunnies as Connor called them, had discovered you. Thankfully, before the storm became to grave, you made all your social media private, but Connor and even some of the others had tagged you in photos multiple times. You were often seen in the background of multiple Leafs PR photographs or from other Leaf girlfriends Instagram’s. People knew who you were, and unfortunately some of them weren’t afraid to voice their own opinions.

“She’s so fat,”

“How do any of the guys even like her?”

“She just using them for attention,”

“I feel bad for Connor,”

Each comment was like a repeated stab in your gut. You were the first to admit that you weren’t the smallest girl around. Standing at five foot ten, and being a size sixteen, you were a bit bigger than the typical female that professional hockey players were often associated with. But you’d always been bigger. You were curvy, and when you were younger you were teased because of your larger hips but as you’d gotten taller you’d slimmed out. But since you weren’t a buck ten, and you weren’t the model type, people, mainly girls, ate you alive.

Sure, you’d talked to Connor a bit about it, but he was your best friend, not your boyfriend. As much as you loved him, you didn’t want to talk about your insecurities with him. You knew he’d just worry so you held it in. But you knew he was aware of the comments, and he often hovered over you when you’d all go out, just to make sure you were okay and to make sure no one was giving you a hard time.

All his teammates were great though. They all immediately warmed up to you during the season, and you were already particularly close with Zach, William and Kasperi because you’d known them from when Connor was on the Marlies. Of all the Leafs though, Morgan and you had become the closest. You guys clicked right away and you almost hanged out just as much with him then you did with Connor. He was your wing-man and you were his wing-woman as he put it. You almost had a sibling type relationship.

You went out almost once a week during the summer months with a group of the guys. Whoever was still around the GTA often came along and your condo was the meeting spot. Bars and clubs were the main places you went to, and occasionally a few of you would head to a baseball game. It was refreshing to be able to have some fun with everyone, especially when they weren’t as stressed as they normally would be during the season. But by going out, you just got more exposure, and that had led to an increase of hateful comments.

You couldn’t help but notice however, that these comments had skyrocketed after Auston Matthews and you were snapped a few times together one night when you had all headed to one of Toronto’s more popular summer clubs.

He had posted a photo of you, Zach, and William, and had dubbed you an honorary ‘liney.’ Even though he meant no harm by it, the photo had stirred up a lot of interest into who you were and Auston actually had to delete some of the comments and block several people due to their harsh words.

Trying to make it better, he then posted just a nice photo of the both of you, but it had honestly just made it worse. Jealous girls from every angle sought to attack you, so Auston was forced to disable the comments. He had apologized thoroughly but you had just shrugged it off. Even though you wouldn’t admit it, your thick skin was slowly beginning to taper off, and Connor had taken notice.

The part that had hurt the worst about the situation with the Arizona Native though, was the fact that you had been harbouring a massive crush on Auston for the better part of the past season. I mean, who wasn’t crushing on Auston Matthews? The only one who really knew one hundred percent about your feelings was Connor, and Morgan suspected at first, but he later gained confirmation. Thankfully he only teased you about it when it was just the two of you. William was well aware and Zach had clued in as well. It scared you sometimes, realizing any one of them could potentially let the cat out of the bag.

But the world had already decided you had no chance with Auston Matthews, before you could even try.

“Auston’s way out of her league,”

“He looks so uncomfortable,”

“Auston’s weekly bout of charity work I suppose,”

“Who does she think she is?”

When you had read those comments underneath the photo Auston had posted of the two of you, your heart ached. Who did you think you were? I mean, you even knew he was way out of your league.

Lately, you couldn’t help but compare yourself to the girls Auston typically took home with him. You’d been there several times to witness Auston pick his nightly hookup, and each time you watched, your heart sunk more and more. Blonde, average height, larger breasts, but most of all; stick thin. Everything you weren’t.

So later that night, you found yourself sipping on your fizzy vodka cranberry, with a pink umbrella because apparently, it wasn’t complete without one according to Mo. You sat rigid in the groups booth while you watched Auston survey the large crowd around you, obviously on the hunt.

“Cheer up pouty,” Morgan suddenly knocked into you, causing you to jerk forward as he took out your elbow that had been holding you up.

Sending him a quick glare in warning, Zach and William chuckled while they sat across from you. The four of you were currently on your own as Connor and Madison had gone up to the bar, and you had no clue where Mitch and his girlfriend Steph had ran off to.

Auston turned towards you from Zach’s left due to the sound of Morgan’s voice, “you good, Y/N?” He asked, looked towards you concerned.

You gulped, but nodded, looking away, “just peachy,”

Morgan howled in laughter, elbowing you in the side, causing you to yelp. Morgan suddenly winced immediately there after as Zach had kicked him in the shins, defending you. You sent him a grateful smile.

Auston had raised his eyebrows in confusion, “uh, okay,”

William chuckled low, and shook his head. Looking ahead of you, William sent you a wink, and you flushed. Your boys knew you way too well.

“Hey,”

Your eyes flickered up as you watched a tan, leggy blonde, wearing a barely-there type outfit approach the booth, well Auston specifically. You rolled your eyes and promptly looked away when you saw Auston look the girl up and down hungrily, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. Sighing, you caught William’s blue eyes dart towards you, a sympathetic look crossing over his features. You heard the unknown blonde giggle and you knew it, right then and there. Auston was taking her home.

Your thoughts were confirmed when Auston promptly stood from his seat and walked away with his new conquest.

“Does he even try?” I heard Morgan ask incredulously, and I bit my lip.

No, but he didn’t have to.

“Y/N!”

Looking over due to the shrill voice, you watched Madison wobble her way back to the booth, and a concerned looking Connor hot on her heels.

“Madison, slow down!” He called after her, the two drinks in his hands splashing around violently.

“Come dance with me!” Madison slurred, placing both her hands down flat onto the table, causing it to wiggle from her weight.

“You’re drunk Maddie,” you sighed, and she grinned, “no shit, so come have some fun!”

“Madison,” Connor warned, as he took a seat next to Morgan.

His brunette girlfriend then pouted, “please Y/N, Connie won’t come dance with me either,”

Morgan snorted, and Zach laughed, “Connie huh?”

“Shut it,” Connor spat, sending his teammate a glare.

“I’ll come dance with you,” William then piped up, and Connor whipped around towards the blonde, “absolutely not,”

“Oh c'mon Connie, your girlfriend just wants to have some fun,” William snickered and you groaned, knowing where this was going. Everyone was usually fine with William’s flirty personality, except for when another guys’ girlfriend was involved. Not wanting the two to get into it, you sighed, “fine, I’ll go,”

Morgan turned to look at you, and three other pairs of eyes zeroed in at the exact same time. They all looked shocked you had actually agreed, since you’d never once actually gone dancing when you’d been out with the boys.

“Great! Let’s go!” Madison chimed, clapping her hands together and Connor sent you an uneasy glance. Motioning for the boys to scoot, you stood from your seat and were essentially dragged out onto the dance floor by the very intoxicated Madison.

You weren’t concerned by her behaviour due to the fact you knew that not only Connor, but the others guys would be keeping a close eye on the both of you. It was almost nice knowing you had a big group of guys awaiting at your beckon call. It almost felt like you had more freedom since you knew if trouble came about, you’d have lots of backup.

As a new up-beat song played over the speakers of the club, Madison held your hands and began to bounce around. Moving with her, you smiled as she grinned at you, “There you go! Have some fun for once!”

As the alcohol you’d consumed finally started taking its affect, you began to feel warmth spread throughout your body. For a moment, you’d forgotten about your insecurities. You weren’t the bigger girl. You weren’t some leech that many people made you out to be. You were just having fun with your friends. No jealous puck bunnies. No asshole guys. And most of all, you’d forgotten about Auston going off with some girl. Well you had, until you spotted him.

There, about thirty feet away, he was swaying back and forth with the blonde who’d approached your table just a short while ago. With their bodies pressed tight up against one another, and Auston’s large hands gripping her hips tight, the girl was looking towards your friend with a lustful gaze. What irked you more, was the fact that Auston wore the same expression.

“Y/N?”

Flicking your eyes towards Madison, you’d then realized you’d stopped moving. You were standing stiff while bodies all around you continued moving in their alcohol driven motions. Taking a deep breath, and shaking your head free of all your thoughts, you slowly began bopping your head again and swaying your hips. It took every bit of strength within you not to stare back towards Auston.

“I need another drink,” you sighed, and Madison’s eyes brightened from your words, clearly agreeing as she nodded her head enthusiastically.

Walking up to the bar, you both took a seat and waited for the bartender to approach you. Once he got there, Madison ordered two tequila shots, while you ordered four. You downed them all one after the other, causing your best friend’s girlfriend to cheer. When the bartender came back for payment, you sneered out towards Auston, who was still getting up close and personal to his flavour of the night, and you just said to put it on his tab.

Now you were feeling fuzzy. You weren’t thinking clearly, and you were bitter. You were a hot, hazy, jealous mess.

As you turned to head back out onto the dance floor, you bumped into a hard chest. “Hey, hey, Y/N are you okay?”

Looking up, you met Connor’s eyes and you snorted, “what do you think?”

“Don’t do this just because of him, he’s not worth it Y/N,” Connor sighed, placing his hand onto your arm and rubbing it soothingly.

“Yeah well, clearly I’m not worth it either,” you bit out, before you pushed past your friend, and beelined to the washroom, trying to escape him and anyone else’s judgmental eyes.

“Y/N!”

You pushed on, ignoring Connor’s voice. As you travelled by your home booth, you could feel the others staring at you. But none of them dared to chase after you. It wasn’t that they didn’t care, they’d just never dealt with you when you were being over emotional. The only two guys besides Connor that would normally attempt to check in on you would be either Morgan, who honestly wasn’t sure what to do in this particular situation, or Auston, but he was a little preoccupied at the moment.

As you pushed the washroom door open, you walked up to the long sink and slammed your hands down onto the counter. Looking up into the mirror, you wanted to cry. Your face was flushed red, and your once decent makeup had begun flaking due to your sweat. Your hair was a mess, and your eyes had heavy looking bags beneath them. As your eyes trailed down towards your hips you bit your lip as you stared towards your body. You looked awful. Your drunken mind was playing tricks on you, and you were beginning to believe the words the jealous girls would always throw at you.

It was no wonder Auston had never looked at you any other way besides being Connor Brown’s best friend. You were nothing like the other girls.

“Oh no! Is Connor Brown’s little whore upset?”

You turned to your right to see a pair of scantily-clad girls, both of them giving you a devilish smirk. “I bet your fat ass is just upset because Connor finally realized how shitty of a friend you are for using him.”

You took a deep breath, your hands turning into fists as you tried to ignore them.

“Did one of the boys finally tell you no?“

You looked away, not wanting to interact with the two and give them the satisfaction of having an outburst, and you were about to walk away when one of them spoke again, “That or you finally realized you don’t have a chance in hell with any of them.”

“I mean look at you! You’re such a pig! Why would any of them want you!”

Stopping dead on your feet, the anger you were feeling suddenly began bubbling within you. You had finally reached your breaking point.

“Go fuck yourself,” you bit back, feeing your throat turn scratchy. Tears formed tiny beads in the corner of your eyes as you stood your ground. You sent them both a heavy glare, and whipped around on your feet, heading back towards the door. You didn’t want to hear it. They didn’t know what they were talking about.

As you exited the bathroom, you spotted Madison across the room. Walking briskly towards her, she gave you a sympathetic look.

“Y/N,”

“I’m leaving,” you stated, moving past her and towards the front doors of the club.

“Y/N!” Connor’s voice shouted.

Turning your head slightly, you watched your ginger haired friend bound his way up to you. Sighing, you stopped, and crossed your arms.

“Are you okay?”

You snorted, “No, I am not okay Connor,”

“Well, don’t leave alone, let me take you home,” he begged, reaching out to take your hand.

You moved back a bit, keeping him from touching you. He flashed you a look of hurt, “Stay with Madison, you’re here with her, remember?”

“No, I’m here with the both of you, and I’m more concerned about you right now Y/N, you’re not thinking straight.” Connor explained, “please, just come sit down for a bit and we’ll all leave,”

You shook your head, “I just need to be alone Connor, and I don’t need everyone pitying me. I’ll be fine,”

“Y/N,” Connor pleaded, “if this is about Auston,”

“It’s not!” you spat, your anger and insecurity bubbling over, “it’s not just about him, it’s about me! I just, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay Connor.” You cried out, tears now leaking down your cheeks.

“Y/N, I love you, you know that,” Connor sighed, before pulling you into his arms. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,”

You nodded, before wrapping your arms around his torso, and embracing him back. “You’re such a beautiful girl Y/N, and one day, some unworthy idiot is going to realize that too. Those girls, they’re just jealous because they can’t understand why we all love you so much. And I know the boys love you because you’re yourself, your gorgeous, funny, and truthful self. And I love you because you’ve been with me through thick and thin and because you’ve always supported me. Now please, don’t let the people that don’t know you make you destroy yourself.”

You sniffled, and hugged your best friend tighter. Connor always knew how to make you feel better.

“Are you two okay?”

Looking up, you met brown eyes. Connor turned towards his teammate and nodded, “We’re probably going to head out, Y/N’s had a rough night,”

“I can take her home if you want,” Auston said, “it’s no problem,”

The girl on Auston’s arms grimaced before sending you an unimpressed look. You looked down towards your feet, as Connor’s hand remained on your lower back protectively.

“We don’t want to spoil your night Matts,” Connor then replied, but Auston shook his head, “you’re not spoiling anything, I wasn’t getting a good vibe tonight honestly. I was just going to head out by myself anyways,”

You couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on your lips as the leggy blonde from earlier stood back from Auston, her eyes wide in shock, before she rolled her eyes and walked away.

“Uh, alright,” Connor said, “is that okay Y/N?”

You shrugged, “doesn’t matter,”

Connor sighed, before pulling you in for another hug and pressing his lips against your forehead. “Text me when you get home, please,”

“I will,” you promised, before pulling away and walking towards the doors, with Auston following you right behind.

As you pushed the doors open and began waking to your left, you immediately placed your hands in front of your face as several bright flashes blinded you.

Auston muttered something incoherently before you felt him place his hand down onto your back. As he led you away from the group of photographers, who were obviously waiting for someone high-profile to leave the venue, Auston was bombarded by several questions, including his upcoming season, his training regime, and surprisingly, you.

“New girlfriend Auston?” A male’s voice questioned, just as you were about to reach an awaiting taxi.

Deciding not to answer, Auston instead opened the car’s rear door and ushered you inside, his larger body following you behind. As the taxi took off, Auston gave the driver his address, rather than yours, causing you to give him a questioning look.

He sent you a reassuring smile, “it’s fine, some of those guys might follow after us, and I don’t want them knowing where you live,”

You nodded, and turned back to look out the window. You were honestly surprised Auston had even thought of that, and it made you feel warm inside due to him seeming to care about you and your privacy.

As you watched the lit up, downtown core pass you by, you couldn’t help the nervous feeling in your gut as you felt Auston’s hand rest on your thigh. You weren’t sure if he had even noticed he had placed it there when you had gotten into the taxi, but it almost felt like his touch was burning you.

“I just texted Connor, to let him know you’re just coming back with me,” Auston then voiced, and you nodded, “thanks Auston,”

As you reached Auston’s condo complex, you stepped out of the taxi and waited for Auston to pay the driver. He flashed you a small smile when he joined you and led you into his building. Pressing the elevator button, you rode in silence until you reached Auston’s floor.

“I’m just gonna use the washroom and get changed,” the younger boy told you, when you finally walked into his bachelor pad.

You nodded in understanding, and made your way into his living room. Taking a seat onto his long, plush, sofa, you stared out his condo’s window, and stared down at the city below. Even though it was well into the early hours of the morning, the city was still as bright as ever. You had always enjoyed Auston’s condo’s view. He easily had the best view of the city out of any of the other guys’ condo’s.

Your head had begun throbbing due to the alcohol you’d consumed slowly dying down. Sighing, you stood and walked into his kitchen, and began looking for his aspirin. You knew he kept his medication in the cupboard above his fridge, and you honestly didn’t think he’d mind. Grabbing a cold-water bottle from Auston’s fridge, you took a sip before you looked up towards the cupboard. Even though you were quite tall for a girl, you still couldn’t quite reach the handle’s on the twin doors.

Pursing your lips, you placed your hands onto your hips and looked around the room for anything to help you extend your reach. You considered using the broom that was in the crook between the fridge and the kitchen’s wall, but then you spotted one of the bar stools that sat against Auston’s kitchen’s island.

Even though they weren’t the most stable seats, they were tall enough for you to reach the cupboard, so you carried the stool into the kitchen and placed it up against the fridge. At first, you just hopped up onto your knee’s but your height hadn’t increased enough. Sighing, you gripped the top of Auston’s fridge, and shakily stood up onto one leg. Taking a breath, you then shifted your weight and brought your other leg up, leaving you fully standing on the rickety bar stool.

Reaching over, you grinned once you could finally open the cupboard. Spotting Auston’s aspirin, you grabbed the box of tablets and closed the doors promptly. Turning, you crouched down and placed the medicine onto Auston’s counter top. Moving one leg down to rest onto the steel step underneath the stools seat, you gasped when the seat teetered. Your shift in weight had caused the unstable chair to wobble violently. As it came out from underneath you, you suddenly felt another body grab onto you, and pull you into their chest while the seat clattered down onto the tiled floor.

“Are you okay?” Auston asked concerned, his eyes wide.

You flushed once you realized how close the two of you were. With your chests pressed together and Auston’s muscular arms wrapped around you securely, your heart thumped fiercely.

“Uh yeah,” you then got out, and Auston sighed in relief.

“You could’ve gotten hurt Y/N,” Auston then spoke, “why didn’t you come get me?”

You shrugged, pulling away, “I didn’t want to bother you,”

Auston rolled his eyes, “you never bother me Y/N,”

“Sorry about the stool,” you then said, looking down towards the piece of furniture. Auston sighed, “I don’t care about that, I care about you. If I hadn’t come out just now, you could’ve really hurt yourself.”

“Well I’m fine,” you declared, reaching out to grab the aspirin and walking over to lift the bar stool up right. Taking your water, you then made your way back into the living room.

“So what happened tonight?” Auston asked, when he finally joined you on the opposite side of the couch.

“I could ask you the same thing,” you returned, before taking another sip of the cool water.

Auston smirked at your words, and you looked towards him. “I just had a bad night, nothing really went my way,”

Auston nodded, “I can relate to that,”

You cocked your head, “blondie was no good?”

He laughed, “something like that,”

“Well, for the record, I didn’t like her from the second I saw her,” you explained, and Auston chuckled, “you never like them though Y/N,”

“Because they’re never good enough, you deserve way more than some slutty floozy from a bar or club Auston,” you explained.

“Really? Is that so?” Auston questioned, sending you a small smirk.

You rolled your eyes, “yes, any of you boys deserve more, and until you realize it, you’re not going to find what you’re looking for,”

Auston shifted in his seat, turning more towards you, “and what exactly am I looking for Y/N?”

You sighed, and pulled your left leg up into your chest to rest on, “I can’t answer that for you Auston, especially when you don’t even understand the question,”

Auston narrowed his eyes slightly, taking your words in. When realization finally dawned on him, his lips then curved upwards, “you’re good, you know that?”

You smiled towards him, and brought your water bottle back to your lips. Too bad you felt like you weren’t good enough for him.

“What are you looking for then Y/N?”

Blinking in surprise, you placed the bottle back down onto the coffee table beside you and thought before speaking, “I’m not really looking anymore Auston, I think, I think I’m just waiting,”

Auston nodded, “well, I hope you won’t wait for too long,”

You nodded, and looked away,

“me either,”

[bloomsoftly]

I enjoyed your cupcake delights series a lot :) Would like to prompt you for Wintershock where Darcy or Bucky accidentally get their gender changed :)

glass shards, darcy/bucky (T)

okay, so. I feel like you were hoping for something light and fluffy and funny, but considering Bucky’s backstory this definitely took on a hurt/comfort tone. 

that being said, the ending is so sugary sweet you’ll probably get a toothache. ;) hope you like it!

(also, you won the prompt lottery. this thing is hella long.)

On the fiftieth trial of theTerrible Trio’s experiment, something actually happened.

Darcy was neck deep in thepile of paperwork the scientists insisted on ignoring—Tony straight up refusedto fill it out, Jane’s handwriting was illegible to anyone but Darcy on thebest of days, and Bruce claimed that bureaucratic inanities tried the Big Guy’spatience. She didn't believe that last one, but Bruce was by far herbest-behaved scientist so Darcy let him get away with the excuse.

For once, the scientistsseemed to have things well in hand science-wise. They hadn’t even reached hourforty of their bender, so Darcy felt justified in leaving them unsupervised fora couple of hours while she dug into the bureaucratic bullshit of StarkIndustries. In hindsight, that decision was a total mistake.

Darcy was so absorbed in herpaperwork that she missed it when Tony distracted Bruce with some off-colorquip. The scientist’s measurement was off by a millimeter as a result, and noone noticed.

Chewing on a pen—trying todecide whether form 2187-A or 2187-B was most appropriate—Darcy also missed itwhen Jane tripped over a machine cord in her haste to mark down Trial #49’sdisappointing results. The plug didn’t come all the way out of the wall, andJane continued obliviously on her way.

She didn’t notice the smokecreeping across the floor at first, but jumped at the subsequent explosion ofsound.

The scientists shouted at herin unison, but it was already too late.

-:-

There was a click, followedby a flood of light. Bucky blinked several times at the sudden change, knifealready drawn and poised to throw.

It was Sam.

His hand faltered, thendropped back to his side. After all the years and all the horror, Bucky neededthe dark and the quiet to find some semblance of peace. He retreated to asoundproofed room off the gym several times a week, and it was rare—unheard of,actually—for anyone to interrupt Bucky’s meditation unless there was a call toassemble.

He was already headed inSam’s direction, mouth open to ask for a sit rep, when Sam held up a hand.Bucky stopped and cocked his head in question.

“There’s no call to assemble,Barnes. But there’s been an…incident…in the tower.”

Retrieving his knife, Buckyflipped it lightly with his fingers. It was mostly reflex, and gave hisrestless muscles something to do. “What kind of incident, Wilson?”

“Stark, Banner, and Fosterwere working on an experiment. It went wrong, and Foster’s assistant got caughtin the crossfire.”

“Darcy?” Bucky’s heartthudded hard in his chest. He liked the woman. She was brash and mouthy with abold smile and curves that went on for days. They didn’t know each other well,but it was impossible not to be aware of her. She was a force of nature—thekind of gusty wind that wore away at his hard edges and general resistance tothe 21st century.

Within seconds, Bucky wasonly steps away from the door and the other man. His body moved on instinct ashis mind whirled with possible scenarios and extraction plans. Sam’s eyes litwith recognition, and he muttered a soft “Fuck.”

“I forgot you knew her,Barnes, sorry. She’s not injured.” Sam hesitated, mouth working as he tried tothink of the right thing to say.

Bucky’s hand clenched aroundthe knife; it was no longer spinning in his hand. “Spit it out, Wilson.” Hisweight shifted forward, ready to explode into motion.

Sam held out his hand againin a steadying motion. “Give me a second, man. This shit is weird to explain,alright?” He sighed. “You know how they work on crazy shit in the labs?”

Bucky did know; he avoidedthe lab floor at all costs as a result. At his terse nod, Sam continued, “Idon’t even know how to say this, man. They were working on something—I can’ttell you what they were trying to do, it all goes over my head—and somethingwent terribly wrong. And it—” he rubbed a tired hand over his face, “—it didsomething to Darcy. Changed her.”

Shifting his weight, confusedas to why Sam sought him out when immediate intervention wasn’t required, Buckyquestioned, “Changed her how, Sam?”

With a helpless shrug, Samelaborated, “It changed her body. Like, completely.”

Utterly baffled, Bucky staredat him in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

With a huff, Sam spit out,“Man, she woke up with a different body. Like a male version of herself.”

Choking on his own spit,Bucky sputtered, “What?”

“Yeah, man. I told you it wasfucking weird.” After a slight hesitation, Sam added, “She’s having a hardtime, Barnes. A really hard time. Won’t come out of her room, or talk toanyone. Jane and the other two are working on a cure as fast as they can, and Ithought—”

“You thought I could help,somehow,” Bucky finished skeptically.

With a significant glance atBucky’s prosthetic arm, Sam agreed, “Yeah, I did. You know a thing or two aboutbody horror. And being uncomfortable in your own skin.”

As always, the reminder ofwhat he’d lost stung. But that, Bucky supposed, was the point. He did know athing or two. And if he could spare Darcy some discomfort, it would be worthfacing his own.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Talk to her, for one. Lether know she isn’t alone.”

-:-

“Miss Lewis, Sergeant Barnesrequests entrance to your apartment.” From under Darcy’s mountain of blankets,FRIDAY’s voice sounded gentle. Like the AI was talking to a wounded animal.Which, she figured, might be a fair assessment. She was definitely hurting, anddidn’t feel at all like herself.

Without moving an inch—she’dfinally found a spot that didn’t send her muscles into spasms, as long as shestayed as still as a statue—Darcy asked, “Bucky? What does he want?”

There was a tiny pause, thenFRIDAY answered, “To help, Miss Lewis.”

Bitterly, she scoffed, “Wellunless he’s been hiding a scientific genius that can outsmart Jane, Tony, and Bruce,I don’t see what good he can do.”

Bucky’s voice floated fromthe doorway. “I have a little bit of experience with pain, doll. And withfeeling like a stranger in my own body.”

At the sound of his voice,Darcy flinched. Her back and arm muscles immediately cramped, and she sobbedsoundlessly into the mattress. She couldn’t answer, consumed with pain anddespair.

“Will you let me help you,Darcy? You don’t have to do this alone.” His voice was closer now, and Darcyflinched involuntarily at the thought of him pulling the covers back andlooking at her. Other than the scientists and Dr. Cho, no one had seen Darcysince the incident. She couldn’thandle it, couldn’t even look at herself.

Instead, she had sequesteredherself in her bedroom, turned off all the lights, and hidden herself under apile of blankets so thick she couldn’t even see her hand in front of her face.No, not her hand. Her hand didn’tlook or feel anything like that. But it seemed to be attached all the same.

Bucky patiently reminded herof his presence. “Will you let me help, Darcy?” he coaxed gently. His voicedrifted over the covers, level with her head. She had an image of him kneelingat her bedside, that gentle look in his eyes he got sometimes when he looked atSteve and still saw the sick little boy from Brooklyn.

She choked on a sob at thatthought, not silent this time. “It hurts, Bucky.” It was a desperate wail, aliteral cry for help.

There was a rustling sound,and faint pressure from him smoothing the covers next to her head. He didn’ttouch her at all, which she was grateful for. At the same time, all her musclestensed and focused in his direction, wanting him to soothe their hurt.

“What hurts, Darcy?”

She laughed, sharp andbitter, around a throat clogged with tears. “Everything, Bucky. Everythinghurts.”

The sound of shifting fabricreached her ears. Still calm, still gentle, Bucky responded, “Alright, doll.Let’s take this one step at a time.”

-:-

They talked for what feltlike hours. Other than softly probing questions, Bucky just sat and listened.She told him about the pain, about the discomfort. He listened as she describedher inability to walk on legs that were too long and weirdly shaped. How herhands were too big to button a shirt or grip a glass of water properly.

Most of all, he understoodwhen she told him about the spasms and the pain. “Ah,” he said, when she spokeof the nerves that set themselves on fire with every little movement.

Overwhelmed, Darcy stopped.Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she tried to keep her breathing even.Without commenting on her emotional state, Bucky smoothed a hand against thetopmost blanket and prompted, “Do you trust me, Darcy?”

She thought hard about heranswer. It was true that she’d always liked him—he was genuine and funny andhad never given her a reason not to—but trust was another matter altogether.Then again, she’d let him in, figuratively and literally. “Yes,” she whispered.

(read more link here)

For a moment she thoughtshe’d been too quiet even for his enhanced hearing, but then he asked, “Willyou give me your hand?”

She froze, torn. Bucky didn’tsay anything else. Eventually, she worked up the courage to inch her handoutside the covers in his direction. She turned her face into the pillow andsqueezed her eyes shut even though her head was still safely ensconced in herlittle cage.

Gently—so gently—Bucky tookher hand. After a moment in which her hand only rested in his, he beganmassaging the muscles in smooth strokes. He worked over every tiny section ofher hand, leaving no muscle or bone untouched. Alternating between deep,satisfying pressure and light circles when it became to much and her handtrembled, slowly he was able to coax her body to relax.

When his fingers slowed to astop, Darcy gave a relaxed, sleepy sigh. The excruciating pain from before hadeased. His fingers rested lightly against hers, the calluses catching on thesoft, untouched skin of the limb that was connected to her body but wasn’treally hers. He rubbed little circles into her palm.

-:-

Bucky breathed a silent sighof relief as Darcy’s breathing evened out and the tension in her body slowlyfaded. Her heart rate slowed, and she drifted off. While it was unlikely thatshe would rest easy, he hoped that she would be able to get at least some kindof rest.

He waited at the side of herbed, still rubbing light circles into her hand, until he was sure that she hadslipped fully into a deep sleep.

After lingering severalminutes too long, Bucky finally released her hand and stood up.  Carefully, he moved her hand back under theblanket, so that she was once again entirely covered. Skimming a lightfingertip over where he knew her head to be, he whispered, “Sleep well, doll.”The words lingered in the air like a blessing, still and heavy.

Silently, he made his wayback out to the hallway.

“FRIDAY, I’m going to need afew things.”

-:-

When Bucky reached for herfoot, Darcy flinched violently.

She couldn’t seem to help it,even though he’d already been working on her hands and arms for the better partof an hour.

Even though she tried torelax, she couldn’t seem to make her muscles unclench. She hissed as her calfmuscle spasmed. Through gritted teeth, she begged, “Please, talk to me.Distract me.”

He did. In rumbling, lowtones, he told her about the trouble he’d had with his arm, the horror—both inthe days of Hydra and afterward. Softly, he told her about the serum’s effectson his body, and how even with the enhanced senses and immense increase instrength, some days he still had trouble coping.

He massaged her calf as hespoke, and one by one her muscles relaxed. In all honesty, she didn’t knowwhether it was his movements or his words that helped more. Soon, the soundscoming from her mouth stemmed from relief rather than pain.

Warmth spread through herveins, thick and lingering like honey. “Thank you,” she whispered, so quiet shealmost couldn’t hear her own words. Bucky said nothing in reply, but ran agentle finger along her ankle in acknowledgment.

Once again, Darcy pressed herface into the pillow to silence her tears. These were bittersweet, and full ofgratitude.

-:-

“Bucky, I can’t do this.” Hervoice was muffled under the blanket, but the fear in her tone was as clear as abell.

He stopped immediately,halfway through the motion of pulling the covers back. If she couldn’t go on,he wouldn’t force her. Would never force her. But he got the feeling she justneeded a little encouragement, instead.

“What is it, Darce? What doyou need?”

The silence weighed heavilyin the room. He stood frozen, blanket still clasped in hand, unwilling toshatter the progress they’d made.

She choked, “I don’t—I don’twant you to see me like this.”

Quietly, he offered, “I canfind someone else to come help.” She didn’t answer for a long moment, and hehad started to release the blanket and step back when she made a frustratednoise.

“No. I trust you. I do.” Hewasn’t sure who she was trying harder to convince, him or herself. But resolverang clear in her voice, and he couldn’t help but grin. There was thestrong-willed, stubborn dame he’d come to know over the last several months.

“Alright, Darce. Let me knowwhen you’re ready. 

She took a deep breath, thenpushed the blanket back. “I’m ready.”

-:-

“Your eyes are the same,” wasall he said.

The panic that had beenrising in her chest hesitated.

It sat there, so tight shecould hardly breathe, but his gaze never wavered.

No pity shone in his eyes,just truth. For a frozen moment, nothing happened, but then the panic whooshedback out of her lungs.

She could breathe again.

-:-

“Sergeant Barnes, I’m goingto need you to step outside,” Dr. Cho gently reminded him. Bucky almost argued;he’d been the sole person taking care of Darcy since the incident. He’d helpedher bathe, for God’s sake.

The doctor shot him a look,then cut her eyes in Dr. Foster’s direction, and he realized: if all wentaccording to plan, then Darcy would soon be back in her own skin.

He squeezed her hand, and sheclutched it desperately for a long moment. With a brave smile, she said, “I’llbe okay. Get out of here, Bucky.”

Leaning in close, staringinto her eyes—the ones that wouldn’t change no matter what happened to the restof her—he whispered, “You will beokay, doll. No matter what. I’ll be right out in the hallway.”

Then he beat a hasty retreat.

-:-

“Dude, I was wondering, ifthis doesn’t work—do you think we need to come up with a new name for Darcy?”

Bucky straightened from hisslouch against the wall, where he had been attempting to meditate. “What didyou just say?” he asked in a low tone.

The science goon—Buckyremembered his face from the personnel files, but didn’t know his name—didn’tget the hint. “You know, now that she’s a man. Who knows if Jane’s going to beable to fix the whole—” he waved his hand vaguely, “—situation.”

“A man?”

With a smirk, the guy joked,“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed! C’mon, dude, it’s a little hard to miss.”

It was too much, and Buckysnapped. With a step in the other man’s direction, he demanded, “Is Darcy stillDarcy?”

The scientist stared at himlike he was stupid. “Yeah?”

“Then she’s a fucking woman,asshole. Don’t say that shit again.”

The other man stared at him,gobsmacked. Slowly, he closed his mouth and nodded solemnly. “Yeah, dude,sorry. Take it easy—it was just a joke.”

Bucky huffed and seriouslycontemplated the consequences of kicking the man’s ass. With effort, he turnedaway. He couldn’t chance it—Darcy might need him, and he had no time foridiots.

That didn’t stop him fromshooting a quick text message to Stark, though.

And when he heard later thatthe guy had been fired, Bucky felt a vicious stab of satisfaction.

-:-

Blinking bleary eyes, Darcylooked up to see Bucky frozen in the doorway, a plum in his hand. She wavedcarelessly at him, and turned back to watching the mindless cooking show on TV.

He took the gesture for theinvitation it was and stepped closer. Hovering next to the couch for a moment,he eventually asked, “Couldn’t sleep?”

The words were a littlestilted, which was understandable; they hadn’t seen each other much since Janeand Co. had successfully reversed Darcy’s transformation. The scientists hadbeen smothering her with apologies and overbearing affection ever since.

Even with the awkwardness,Darcy felt more comfortable talking to Bucky about the whole thing than anyoneelse. Which is why she answered with honesty, rather than a flimsy excuse. “No,not easily. I’m scared to try. I’ve been having dreams—nightmares—where I’mstill trapped in that other body.”

She shuddered, the irrationalfear returning at the memory, and Bucky set his plum down on the table and tookthe seat next to her. Without a word, he pulled her into his arms and leanedback against the cushions.

She nestled into him, andadded, “But other than that, I feel okay.”

His breath ghosted across hercheek and forehead. “Yeah?”

She hummed. “Mhmm. I feellike me again.”

A hand carded itself throughher hair, pressing her closer into his shoulder. “I’m glad to hear it, doll.”As he spoke, his breath stirred the hair on top of her head. She shivered,burrowing even deeper into his warmth.

Finally, she was able to fallinto a deep, dreamless sleep. Neither of them moved until morning.

-:-

“When are you going to dosomething about that?” Jane hooked her chin over Darcy’s shoulder as she spoke.

Praying that Bucky didn'tturn around and catch the two of them staring at him (and certain parts of hisanatomy—he looked way too good in his tac suit), Darcy shrugged her off with ahuff.

Turning away from thebeautiful sight, she denied, “I don't know what you're talking about.”

Jane scoffed. In a gentlertone, she said, “Yes, you do. And I've never seen Darcy Lewis hesitate to goafter what she wants.” After a slight pause, she added, “He stared at you, too,you know.”

Darcy looked up at that. “Ijust—what if it's just concern, after everything? We're so close, now. I don'twant to ruin it.”

“Then you should find out.”

“How?”

With a grin that would put amad scientist to shame, Jane proclaimed, “With an experiment, of course.”

-:-

Steve took one look atBucky’s face and laughed. Pretending to check the clock, he asked, “Aren't youusually meditating at this time, Buck? Is everything alright?”

Running a shaky hand throughhis hair, Bucky bluffed, “Decided to quit early today, that's all.”

“And your decision hasnothin’ to do with the fact that Darcy’s doin’ yoga in there right now?”

Yes. “No.”

His friend sighed. “You keeprunnin’ away, and the girl is gonna get the wrong idea.”

Bucky stared at him,arrested. “What? She's just doin’ yoga in the gym, as the doctor ordered. She'sgotta keep her muscles from seizing after all the trauma.” So what if Buckypaid attention to every single aspect of Darcy’s medical instructions? He caredabout the girl.

Steve leveled him with askeptical look. “Sure. And she just happens to come in at the same time youmeditate every day.” When Bucky said nothing in reply, he added, “Oh, just likelast week when she absolutely needed the one bowl that was between you and thecounter?”

He laughed at the look onBucky’s face. “Come on, Buck. I thought I was supposed to be the clueless one.She's been tossin’ out signals left and right. Are you not gettin’ them?” Stevepeered at his friend closely. “Or do you not want to be gettin’ them?”

Bucky didn't answer. He wasalready gone.

-:-

Still grinning, Steve pulledout his phone and texted Natasha. I win.

Less than a minute later, hisphone dinged. отвали. ;)

-:-

Sighing dejectedly as sherolled up her yoga mat, Darcy muttered, “Well, I guess that answers that.”

The whoosh of the door wasstartling. She was surprised to see Bucky, striding toward her purposefully—andboy, all of a sudden she understood the superhero fangirls’ obsession with his‘murder strut’. She barely had enough time to fully stand up (and none at allto catch her breath at the sight he made) before he was there, crowding intoher personal space.

He sweetly cupped her face inhis hands, eyes flickering from her eyes to her mouth and back. With amuttered, “Sorry, doll. I’m an idiot,” he brushed her hair behind her ear, thenleaned in and pressed his mouth to hers.

She opened her mouth to hisimmediately, stumbling forward and wrapping her arms around him. The yoga matfell to the floor with a thump, completely forgotten. Their tongues slid againsteach other blissfully and he pulled her closer, until she was flush against hisbody. The salt from her mouth transferred to his, and she licked at it. Inreturn, his hands moved along her shoulders around to her back and tangledthemselves in her long hair. He tugged lightly, and Darcy moaned. She wasutterly boneless with pleasure, basking in the feeling of them finally comingtogether. Her hands gripped his shoulders tightly, nails digging into his back.He nibbled on her lip lightly, then soothed it with his tongue.

They eventually broke apartwhen the need for air became too much. Bucky pressed their foreheads togetherand stroked her back.

Darcy panted, “Not exactlyhow I imagined our first kiss, but it works.”

With a saucy grin, Buckyjoked, “What? The gym isn’t romantic enough for you, doll?” Before she couldreply, he confessed, “It’s not how I imagined it, either. Was gonna take yousomewhere nice, on a real date.”

She reached up and broughthis face back down to hers for another hot kiss. Breaking away, she smoothedher hand down his chest and abs and dipped her fingers below his waistband. “Ithink the fancy date is gonna have to wait, Bucky.”

His eyes darkened, and he bithis lip. “Yeah?”

Grinning from ear to ear,Darcy nodded. Nothing had ever felt so right, and she was way past playing itcool. “Yeah.”

Without wasting anothersecond, Bucky tossed her over his shoulder and headed for the door.

[giftofthegodess]

Please read my rules before interacting, weather you are a prospective RP-partner, or a Spectator. All Blog navigation is centralized on my Links page, which is also mobile friendly.

Greetings: -This blog is R18+ because of NSFW. Being upfront. -You can call me Rave. They/Them pronouns. I am 25+ (Timezone is The Future™) -If you interact with me, I will assume you have read these rules in full. (And vice versa if I interact with you.) -I am Indie & Mutuals-Only. (No RP group affiliation. If you follow me I’ll check out your blog, but I won’t follow everyone back. I will interact with my inbox though, so check out my memes if you’re looking to break the ice. It’s just threads I reserve for Mutuals.) -FF7 characters preferred, but I will consider crossovers. Anons are welcome! -Regarding OCs, I will only be interacting with OCs of current mutuals. Any interactions outside of this are purely at my own discretion. Do not request otherwise. (I used to just be selective with OCs but recently I’ve had a difficult time with an OC mun not respecting that and pushing interactions.) -No drama / rudeness / hostility. I will not publish asks stirring trouble, and will block people if need be.  -I lose track of Tumblr IMs easily, so if you are IM only and I seem like I’ve forgotten our convo, hmu again so I get a refreshed notification.) -Discord is available for mutuals. Please, I prefer it over Tumblr IMs!

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[dcadlynv-blog]

“Kids these days,” her mom used to say, before her family cut ties with her, when she was a sad, sullen teenage girl curled around the bluish glow of her computer screen. “All their friends are online.”

Isadora would just smile. Yep. Oh yeah, like a fuckload of friends, momma.

The truth: her computer was her best friend. However weird she was IRL, she was a badass on her laptop, staving off her loneliness by messing around online with websites. Two or three times a year, she would rebuild her perfect persona via blog posts--a trend-devouring monster months in the making, constructed out of aesthetic photographs and clothing that cost more than she made in tips waitressing at papa’s restaurant in a full year. She cobbled together her OOTDs in a cracked copy of Photoshop, posting her dream doodles online with the naive longing of a little girl.

The bulk of Isadora’s teenagedom was passed in solitude, wondering if the fake girl who wore the summer’s favorite YSL lipstick and drank skinny lattes spiked with vanilla vodka would have more friends than the empty little nothing parked on the couch. Or if the spiky punk-rock chick, in her sharp-edged bob haircut and leather jacket, would crush the kids who turned away from her at school under the heel of a Doc Martin. Or if the artsy coffee-stained hipster girl would just toss her stick-straight black hair over her flanneled shoulders and shrug. She thumbed the spacebar, wondering if any of those girls would fall asleep at the keyboard feeling whole.

Her obligatory degree, which she completed in good time like a good little sheep, is in computer science. She’s a software engineer, emphasis papa’s. He is very proud. Columbia is not a joke, everyone. She paid for it with a few whale-sized loans and a lot of scholarship money, and graduated as quick as fucking possible. She moved to New York City, picking up an internship and then a full-on job at a #ontrend app development company, turning out the latest in flat color must-haves for the season.

Papa, bless him, used to mention her modest success at any and every family gathering. From humble beginnings, Isadora. Do you have X app on your phone? No? You should get it, it’s very popular. Isadora is lead developer on it. Isadora, who got good grades, who got into a good school, who worked the bar all through school, who snagged the internship, who did everything right.

Oh? The family said, smiling, with the patience of the unimpressed. Her cousin Leo-great grades, great school, great everything--is a doctor. He’s helping people in the really raw parts of the world, all the stuff that makes the news. He’s doing God’s work down there. Bless him. What is it that Isadora does, again? But even if Leo was a schmuck, something weird that she’s always noticed about her family is that she makes even them a little uncomfortable. Her own blood.

And Isadora’s parents are aggressively normal. They own a Mexican restaurant and bar, where Isadora waitressed on and off through college, passing out platters of cheese enchiladas to the children of white suburban Long Island families and margaritas to drunk commuters on their way home. Sometimes she’d see it in people’s eyes--is this how you do it? Is this “authentic”? How am I going to fit in here? Should I even try? Is it worth it?

Weird how she saw that in her father, too, living in the US. Is this how you do it? Is this how you fit in here, out in America? Momma was Lebanese, not Latina, though because she looked vaguely “ethnic” people always tried talking Spanish at her. Isadora’s pretty certain that contributed the most to the uncomfortable gulf between her immediate family and her dad’s extended--not a wide gap, but, y’know, you still had to be aware of it.

But Isadora never felt close to them, nor her mother’s family, though they got a pass for the distance--they were somewhere else in the world entirely. Everyone else? Isadora believes she’s justified in saying she might as well have been on another planet.. She never had regular friends. She never had anything except her parents, for the most part--and then, when she joined the Sinners, not even that.

Wait--that’s not quite true. There was Luke.

The really shitty thing is, Isadora realizes now, is that the app industry really is fucking disgusting. It’s frivolous. Nothing taught Isadora the secrets of human nature like the relentless copying of the competition, that the dark heart of pop culture was to chase trends fast enough so that the it looked like the idea everyone had was actually yours. They used the users to generate crazy money. Most people, Isadora learned, have the same secret flaws, easily exploitable for profit. Driving the user base was more important than building the product.

In fact, you wanted to start with the flaw first, and build the product around that. And if you couldn’t find the appropriate flaw? You created it.

So now, of course, looking back--Isadora has to wonder what flaw was created in her. What made her feel so lonely and strange and weird that she thought the perfect life was something you could buy and put on like a dress.

Isadora used to have a fantasy, in high school and college. In the interest of full disclosure, this was pre-Church, pre-Deadly, pre-Envy, pre-everything that prompted that. Isadora’s last idle fantasy world was particularly pathetic. Even though she was learning to love the taste of making other people nervous, at the New York office where no one knew what to do with her and her “concept” outfits,  sometimes she entertained little notions, little scenes. Someone would approach her. This vague shadow person would be unafraid. They would smile at her, maybe quirk an eyebrow at her bag or her killer heels. They’d say something catty but comebackable. Why not? She’d drop that comeback. They’d laugh, meet-cute style, and just like that--a lover. A friend. At least one person who wanted to talk to her. Something.

A bare two months into her employment at the app start-up, they did a big money party to impress the investors. Isadora was at the bar, in a red and white dress meant to invoke the Queen of Hearts--for LookingGlass, their latest project, might as well show solidarity, right, even if the app was maddeningly shitastic--when she asked the sleek young suit to hold her whiskey for her while she reapplied her lipstick.

Isadora doesn’t remember anything about the conversation immediately following. She first knew him as Mr. Caplan, from Caplan & Cross Investing Group. He’d just started appearing after that moment, at her elbow, all night, making sly observations over a vodka soda with the material she supplied to him. She remembers thinking to herself, once or twice that night, he’s little more interesting than the other copies. I like him a little better than the other men who are just like him. He pinned her, accurately, as the primary architect of LookingGlass’ code--which meant, he’d taken the time to compare her with her LinkedIn profile and decide that she wasn’t the marketing rep that everyone mistook her for.

For that show of courtesy, she invited him to an afterparty, an exclusive thing she was saving for herself later that evening as a special treat, a reward for playing so nice here. See what else he’d trot out to impress her. In the taxi, he asked her to call him Luke. She told him, sure; his request was in the queue. He laughed, looked down at his hands.

Later, week nine of their relationship, he confessed to her that he’d been drifting in her direction all night that night, staying nearby in case she happened to glance his way, in case divine providence gave him an opportunity. Isadora’s brow furrowed. Her lightning-quick brain stalled, rebooted. She reassembled the world according to this information.

“God,” he said.  “I was so afraid you wouldn’t even see me.”

Isadora feels like she keeps sliding through different versions of herself, tossing the failures to the back of her closet with last season’s mishaps, looking for the winner. She doesn’t know when exactly she started living as her fantasies instead of through them, but she has a guess.

Day one in New York City, it was like this: she looked in the mirror and said, no, this isn’t what I want to look like. She looked at her calendar and said, no, this isn’t what I want to do. Isadora made tentative steps, then bolder ones. When someone held up a Team Sinner QR code for her to scan for more info, she’d already reshaped the skeleton of her worldview. The Church of Sinners was the muscle. Becoming Envy was the first beat of her brand new heart. She feels more alive than she ever did before.

Of course, it could always been improved.

Isadora’s secret weapon has always been her obsessive drive, her power, her ability to ford through onerous details and mental hardship to her goal. She dislikes sleeping now. Shit ticking up on a counter. That’s her jam. Her salary was never amazing, she never once broke seven figures, but she didn’t allow a paltry lack of funds stop her. Isadora swaps and deals; she makes “connections” with designers; she curates a public Insta stocked with her greatest hits, one she’s had from before her days as Envy. People give her things now that they know who she is. Envy has appeared publicly. She’s actually walked red carpets. She saw on Facebook the other day, two girls who wouldn’t even look at her in high school now remember her fondly as friends.

Dangerous are those who dream in the day, right?

Joining the Church of Sinners put something in Isadora--or awakened something in her-- that she could have never had anywhere else. Maybe without religion, she would have turned into a bitter, lame little sweatpants Redditor with a grudge and a vaguely male sounding username. Maybe without the Sinners, without her frickin’ savior the real damn Devil, she would have marinated in her loneliness, in her regret, in her failure to find a self that makes her happy.

Instead: she is does whatever she wants, because she wants to.

Instead: nothing is without meaning. Everything is progress.

Instead: the only thing worth hating about yourself is the past you. It is ironic that the thing that Isadora levers the most in her proselytizing is the dread that people feel, drifting awkwardly through the world, the ugly regret that she herself no longer truly feels. Her only ache is one of desire. She doesn’t want to go back and change anything; she wants to go forward.

The advent of the Horsemen has only purified Isadora’s faith. The fact that the Apocalypse is drawing nigh actually changes nothing. Why give up? Why abandon oneself to nihilism? Are you afraid? Really? Why? Now might be the last chance you ever get, bitches. Seize the motherfucking day.

Isadora is a fanatic. She has always lived in a world of angels and demons, beings that were hundreds, if not thousands, of times more impressive and deadly than herself--so what’s the difference between them and the Horsemen to a puny mortal? Emulate them, fight them, love them. Live how you want to live. This is her religion.

Isadora reviews her Biblical history sometimes, to construct her sermons; she pesters Raziel and Renee for the deets. She composes her arguments with the same brutal elegance as her code. One sheep is useless; you gotta have numbers. You have to see that count tick up. Even more than that, you have to see that the numbers are useless unless you control them, how they think and the ways they think it. You have to have a good hold on the flaw you’re using as your lever. Isadora thinks, damn, Old Testament God may have been onto something.

The flaw created in people is fear. Did you know that? That’s what you use if you really want to make them believe.

[punkscowardschampions]

Savannah & Jac

Savannah: I swear Isabelle knows when I NEED to talk to you about something & starts a group chat, it is like having the baby sister Sienna could never be

Savannah: when you’ve got a second, can I please have it for myself?

Jac: 😏 I’d credit her with spidey senses but I think it’s just a matter of the odds being in her favour with how often the 💬 pop up no matter the day

Jac: And always!

Savannah: I’m in crisis but I’ll wait, that feels like it’s as guaranteed to be a part of my life right now & I know it’s my own fault Ty doesn’t understand because you’re the only person I’ve told how bad things are

Jac: You don’t need to wait

Jac: This group chat requires zero attention and you’re actually struggling rn, in comparison to whatever Is is going to put out there

Jac: What happened, baby?

Jac: Take your time

Savannah: It’s this school trip, I want to go, of course I do, but how can I?

Savannah: a whole week, with no or very little phone signal, what am I supposed to do if Sienna needs me? My Auntie is over-extending herself as it is with the full-time emergency my mother has become & god knows my dad is no help with a situation he can’t solve with money, but I obviously can’t tell Ty any of that is my current reality so he thinks I’m just being high maintenance about camping & he’s sulking

Jac: Forget about Tyler for a second, that’s easily remedied

Jac: Have you talked to Sienna about it, what is she saying?

Savannah: she’s saying it’ll be fine, because for her everything is & mum’s mental health problems are dramatic but totally temporary & as easily remedied as ignoring Ty, my fault too, I’ve protected her from how dysfunctional both our parents are

Savannah: I had to though

Jac: Of course you had to

Jac: That’s being the oldest daughter

Jac: Your parents overshare and over-rely and yet all their expectations are on you and your sibling(s) can just do whatever they want without any of the judgment or repercussion

Jac: It’s like my brothers and sister have lived an entirely different life to me sometimes, seriously

Jac: You did what was expected, and what you had to, and you clearly did a really good job if she can see it that way, even if it isn’t how it is, it HAS protected her

Jac: So, shout me down if I’m wrong, it’s quite likely your parents and Auntie, as much as your Mum is capable rn, will do the same… like if that’s how she views it, as dramatics, she will for the week of the trip too?

Jac: I totally understand that that lack of control and communication is a scary prospect though

Savannah: I knew you’d understand

Savannah: I wish I could tell Ty that I’m really worried & it’s not about my hair, but having you to talk to is more than my past self could have ever hoped for when everything first started escalating between my parents

Savannah: Unlike my intrusive thoughts, you’re never wrong, it’ll be okay, I have to trust in the job I’ve done with her, even if I’m less sure of the one any of the adults in my life are capable of doing, she won’t share my panic because she has no reason to having lived a different life to me

Savannah: She’ll barely spend any time there if I’m not, I’m stressing myself out over nothing, I’m sorry

Jac: It is a bit insulting he thinks it could be that…

Jac: I know you haven’t told him, but still, it isn’t where my mind would go regardless

Jac: She’ll be at school all day, and I can subtly ask my sister to check in with her without making a !!! out of it

Jac: I bet there would be a payphone or a pub nearby when we get there… I’m sure we could make a case of you needing to with the teachers but if that idea makes you uncomfortable, I’m more than happy to break the rules with you, it’s important you feel as checked in with her as possible, far more important than any arbitrary idea the teachers have about ‘keeping an eye’

Jac: We aren’t stupid, we won’t hitchhike or go in the dead of night, you know

Jac: My brain is working overtime to think of more ideas to let your brain relax because I really want to spend this time with you and I think it could be really good for you to reset ❤️

Jac: You have nothing to be sorry for, it only shows how much you care

Savannah: ^^^ As much as I don’t have the time or energy to focus on why he would think I’m that girl & it’s literally the least important thing going on, it has hurt me, thank you for acknowledging it because he won’t

Savannah: I’m well aware he doesn’t know everything, but he knows me 😔 ugh, my heart can’t cope with this today

Savannah: Oh, I didn’t realise Jude was capable of being subtle 😄 but seriously, you’re the best & I love you so much, it makes me feel better already just having you on my side & not having to try & think of everything myself when my brain is doing the most to sabotage the rational

Savannah: I really do care about going on this trip with you too, we’ve got forever, I remind myself that you’re never going to leave me all the time but I can’t help also being reminded of all the things we’ve missed out on doing together in the years before I had you

Jac: Let him be the one to really ruminate on what he’s said/not done to be supportive… then he can make it up to you because seriously, you don’t have the bandwidth to do that for him rn and you shouldn’t have to

Jac: She’s not 😏 but I am and Jude won’t know she’s being asked to be anything but a good friend, as she should

Jac: As our room will be free, I can even suggest a sleepover or two

Jac: I’m always going to be here to help you now, you don’t have to do anything alone again, when you need me, I’m here no matter what

Jac: I know… I wish they wouldn’t bring up the past as much, it has been grating on me too

Jac: just know that whatever they’re referring to does not mean as much as the now does, with you

Savannah: I know why he wants me there, why all the boys on the team are insisting their girlfriends, prospective or actual, are going, I’m not stupid & like you said, the teachers’ idea of supervision is beyond cursory, but I’m not ever going to encourage him to fall in line with that type of macho peer pressure or be guilt tripped into participating in it, I don’t perform intimacy for public display, I’m not Isabelle

Savannah: 👏🏾 I think I just fell even deeper in love with you! I’ll ask Sienna to check on [that dog we love] while she’s there, she is just a baby & a week will feel like FOREVER without her 🥺

Savannah: waking up next to you every morning & having each full day together away from the stress of home will be BEYOND worth it though 🙌🏾💗

Savannah: call me needy but it’s never us enough for me

Jac: 🙄 Hm, call me a prude but the idea of being pawed at in a tent whilst your mates listen on is not my idea of 😍🥰😘 lads

Jac: no thanks ✋

Jac: and as useless as the teachers can be, whilst they’re awake, no girls in boys tents and no boys in girls tents, not worth it

Jac: If Is does come, we’re going to HAVE to stop her

Jac: The rep she would get will be worse than the one she already has

Jac: 😔 don’t love that you’ll get no break from babysitting

Jac: Awh! She’s going to be all grown up! 😭 You’ll have to come ‘round and spend all the time with her before we go

Jac: You can call me needy too, because I feel exactly the same

Jac: Like, I don’t want to go if not with you, sorry not sorry

Savannah: ^^^ 🚫🚫🚫

Savannah: Ty can call me a prude as well as shallow if that’ll make him feel better about some of the friends he has, I’m secure enough in my own behaviour to not have to lie or defend myself from ridiculous ones that do get out 🙄

Savannah: but you’re right, Is’ reputation is on a LOT shakier ground & it’s not like Amelia can intimidate the entire school into silence if something were to happen while we’re away

Savannah: ...this is going to sound really cruel but maybe it’d be better if she can’t come, because neither of us are going to get a break from babysitting if she does & I hate that for you, baby girl

Savannah: 🥺💔😢 I could cry

Savannah: Can I stay over later? I won’t hold it against them if your parents don’t want me to on yet another school night but I will be utterly depressed without the loves of my life

Jac: Some of the team do act like they’ve never heard the word ally, never mind understand what it means it terms of supporting women

Jac: not that it’s strictly Ty’s job to bring them up on their bullshit but I personally wouldn’t be comfortable having problematic friends and making no effort to help them grow 🤷‍♀️

Jac: Forget them though, Is is our main issue right now, I totally agree… like no offence meant because we obviously love her but it’s going to be like SUCH a thing keeping her from getting with one if not two lads, and that’s from her own mouth 👀

Jac: Amelia really can, unintentionally, make it a whole lot worse, which is another worry… gah! No, like, everyone just needs to let us have this trip 🥺😤

Jac: You’re totally coming over, Cammie is at her mum’s tonight so Jude can go in there

Jac: We both need this, especially as everyone in our lives seems to be conspiring against us, we HAVE to stick together ❤️❤️

Savannah: Mhmm, that’s a discussion I can’t have AGAIN today, especially when he hasn’t apologised, he’ll just think I’m lashing out because I’m upset, I swear your approach to boys is the only sane one with how they act at this age

Savannah: UGH! I’ve said it before you’re literally a saint for coping so well with those 2 girls, why is nobody on our level?!

Savannah: but don’t worry, I’m not going to let anyone ruin this, you’ve restored my calm & I’ve begun planning, it’ll be SO perfect, starting tonight

Jac: If I’m a saint for dealing with them, you are for sticking with Ty

Jac: and that’s not a Ty specific thing, like you said, I just can’t with boys our age

Jac: Even if the convenience of it might be nice at times… no 😅

Jac: We should totally make our own itinerary, like you KNOW the teachers haven’t really thought of everything

Savannah: 👼🏾✨👼🏻✨

Savannah: I’d never tell this to anyone but you, but I hate how much I love him sometimes, it’s super inconvenient

Savannah: like now, I was literally doing research for exactly that so I could surprise you & he’s trying to talk to me, boy stop

Savannah: It's nice he wants to hear from me though, I guess, because I’m SORRY but why is Isabelle shutting down everything I say?

Jac: Your secret is safe with me

Jac: from the looks of our classmates, you are NOT alone in that sentiment, you’re just too classy to air that in public or on the socials 😬😷

Jac: and at least you actually like him, you don’t just fancy him

Jac: 🥺🥺 you’re too pure

Jac: !!! I’m sat here like… honestly, I simply would not have started this convo until I knew I could go, I don’t know why she does this

Jac: well, attention, but then to turn around and shut you down… just rude

Savannah: Does she want me to get in trouble/have a terrible time because she maybe can’t go? I don’t understand what’s happening…

Jac: I’d be upset too but there’s never an excuse to take that out on other people, especially your friends

Savannah: if she’s going to, it makes sense she’d pick me as you & Amelia have been her friends longer

Jac: She won’t make any more friends if that’s her attitude

Jac: and it’s quality, not quantity

Savannah: Clearly I’m failing her quality check right now

Jac: She’s the only one failing

Savannah: We aren’t going to get in trouble for creating our own itinerary, are we? Whether or not Is is praying for my downfall, I really can’t

Jac: We won’t bring anything specifically prohibited, I don’t see how we can get in trouble for being extra prepared

Savannah: Okay

Jac: I promise you

Jac: Do you want me to say something to her?

Savannah: No, it’s not her fault my mental health is hanging by a thread today

Jac: Okay baby

Jac: You can ignore this conversation if you need, I’ll deal with them

Savannah: I wish you could also deal with Ty & my family for me, but thanks, I’ll make it up to you when I make my escape

Jac: I wish I could do that for you too

Jac: no making up required

Savannah: Yes there is, you do so much for me already, beyond anything the rest of the people in my life who are supposed to care about me have & would think to combined, it was unfair of me to even wish I could ask you to do any more

Jac: You give me everything I want and need, just by being you, it isn’t your fault you’re that flawless and I’m not going to make you work harder when you’re already lightyears ahead of everyone in my life too

Jac: I don’t know, I just… other people can be so disappointing

Jac: you never are, and you always top yourself and I don’t know how

Savannah: It never feels like work but you know I would, I’d do anything for you

Savannah: we just have to remember it won’t always be like this (I have to anyway, you’re always sure) because even though the discrepancy between the life I have & the life I want is exhausting & overwhelming, I’ve got you which means it’ll keep getting better until it’s as perfect as you are & we’re both the happiest we’ve ever been, together

Jac: One day we will be exactly where we want to be, and who we want to be, but ‘til then, we’re working and counting it down together

Savannah: Do you think your parents would let us plan a trip together, just me & you?

Jac: I refuse to be an Is about it and get us both excited at the prospect before any confirmation

Jac: but I do feel they could be persuaded

Jac: When? Where? 😁

Savannah: Oh okay, I can be very persuasive

Savannah: the when HAS to be as soon as possible, assuming Sienna is fine whilst we’re camping because I don’t want to have to disappoint you immediately if she isn’t, but the where is less definitive

Savannah: I already have 🌞 wherever you are

Jac: I know 🤭

Jac: We’ll do a real check-in with her when we get back, so she can’t just say it’s all fine if it isn’t

Jac: 😳 I don’t know how you can say that about me when you shine brighter than any 🌟🌠

Savannah: because honesty is important & so are you

Savannah: nobody & nothing compares, you’ve been helping me find solutions & look ahead like it’s effortless, meanwhile, Is & Amelia who’ve had you to learn from & grow with forever totally changed the subject because I won’t give them the latest gossip on how crazy my mum is

Savannah: I don’t know how the universe came up with you, sometimes I still worry I’m actually as mental as her & fully imagined you, the way you treat me, how I feel about you & the depth of our connection are all that unreal to me

Jac: I can’t believe them

Jac: well, sadly, I can

Jac: because as you said, no one is on our level, and no one ever knows what to say/would rather be talking about themselves instead of just listening and supporting 🤷‍♀️

Jac: I am getting tired of it though

Jac: I promise I’m real baby, but I will let you pinch me to prove it 😄

Savannah: I’ll always be here to listen, I appreciate how lucky I am to know you even if they don’t 💕💞

Savannah: No, there has to be another way that doesn’t include hurting you ever! 🥺 As

if I have no idea whether you’re ticklish or not 🥺🥺 the gaps I have in my knowledge of you make my heart hurt, it seriously doesn’t feel right having any 😢💔

Jac: It does feel really wrong, that I don’t know everything about you

Jac: because I feel like our souls know each other and always have

Savannah: ^^^

Savannah: it's beyond upsetting if I let myself think about it for too long 😔

Savannah: so you HAVE to tell me, are you?

Jac: You won’t use it against me? 😏

Savannah: not if you're the kind of ticklish where you'll get mad at me

Jac: I could literally never get mad at you

Savannah: Thank god! I'm too curious to pretend I don't want to find out if & where immediately 😄

Jac: [The crying Isabelle selfie occurs]

Jac: Um…

Savannah: Oh lord

Savannah: what should we do?

Jac: Not to accuse her of anything

Jac: because I’m sure she would NEVER fake a reaction or over-react for attention…

Jac: but the alternative is how insensitive her timing is when you literally said not moments ago how hard you’re actually struggling rn 😕

Savannah: I’m not Is though, I could never just steal your attention when I know she’s upset too or forgive myself if I didn’t try to help her feel better

Jac: No, you’re an 🌍👼🏾

Jac: and I agree with you, we don’t have to stoop to such a level, no matter the provocation ever

Jac: Maybe we should invite her then? Pamper her, talk to her in person, it’s always easier

Savannah: You have the best ideas, boo & I’m so relieved you still love me

Savannah: but I think maybe we should invite her over here instead, give your poor parents a break, I’ve never seen her this upset, it’s going to be a LOT

Jac: Still? I feel like I always have, but I KNOW I always will

Jac: That’s fair… she can be a lot and my parents aren’t known for their empathetic abilities, it’ll be safer to do it at yours in all the ways, if you’re sure that’s okay?

Savannah: 🥰

Savannah: It’s fine, what isn’t is that I can’t give you a break from her when I know it’s what you need because I have no doubt she’ll insist we’re all there, soon, I promise

Jac: Time with you is still preferable to time without, even if the others have to be there

Savannah: I did say I’d do anything for you so

Jac: I just LOVE having to reign Amelia in whilst comforting Is… 🙄

Savannah: I know, baby, I hate that they’re stressing you out like this

Savannah: what else can I do to take away some of this pressure?

Jac: You just have to keep being you when they’re so… them

Jac: just having you makes everything easier, honestly

Savannah: I’m the most me when I’m with you, you’re the only person who doesn’t need me to be someone else

Jac: Need makes me sound as bad, like I’m demanding your time and energy too, but you’re exactly who I want around and on my team at all times, exactly as you are

Savannah: You could ask anything of me, it’s never a demand, because like you said earlier what I give to you is given back equally, it’s one of the many reasons I love you & I’d offer you anything

Jac: As long as you feel as appreciated by me as you are, then I’m fine with calling it need, because yeah, it is as good as

Savannah: I’ve never felt as valued by anyone as I know I am by you, it makes me feel like I should unlearn what my definitions of support & appreciation were

Jac: No wonder I can’t even with the boys our age 😅

Jac: a million lightyears behind you on that front

Savannah: I can’t lie about being sorry when I’m REALLY not

Jac: I think you’re saving me, tbh

Jac: Can’t all get as lucky as you with Ty

Savannah: You’d tell me if you thought I needed saving, wouldn’t you?

Jac: Of course

Jac: I won’t pretend it’d be a really easy conversation to have

Jac: but if it needed to happen, I’d have to, I’d be a terrible best friend if not

Savannah: okay

Jac: I know you guys haven’t had the best day today but it’s not that level, is it?

Savannah: This is going to sound stupid because he & I have grown so much together, but I keep wondering if I’d say yes if he asked me out now

Jac: That doesn’t sound stupid at all

Jac: even if you’re growing together, you’ve still grown from when he did

Jac: How did it come about, btw? I don’t think I’ve ever got the full story

Savannah: maybe not stupid then, but awful & unfair

Savannah: Oh, haven’t I told you? His ex-girlfriend was doing the MOST to get back together with him after practice, or so he told me later anyway, & I guess I was in the right place at the perfect time because he directed the most adorable 🥺 at me, of course I couldn’t ignore such an obvious SOS & had to I let him come over 😄

Savannah: we started talking & didn’t stop

Jac: So sweet!

Savannah: 🙌🏾 Oh my god, that’d actually be an ideal distraction for Is while we’re away! 🙌🏾

Jac: 💡 YES

Jac: Who on the team/of his other friends is single rn?

Savannah: [a list of lads who aren’t going on this trip because they aren’t or they are older, because we’re about to scheme before Amelia rages]

Jac: [Picking like that one might be good ‘cos x or this one ‘cos y]

Savannah: ^^^ YES 👏🏾

Savannah: [floating the idea in the group chat how we did for Amelia to shoot down]

Jac: Did she just

Jac: excuse me?

Savannah: I can’t do this, whatever Amelia is trying to

Jac: That was totally unacceptable of her

Jac: She’s had a problem since this conversation started, it’s obvious

Jac: I know you probably don’t want me to, but I really am going to have to say something

Jac: she can’t just talk to you like that, any of us

Savannah: I’ve tried really hard to change her mind about me, but literally nothing has

Jac: I’m definitely not going to sit here and make excuses for her

Jac: but I don’t want you to internalize what she’s doing

Jac: it’s about her and her current problems, not you

Jac: whatever she may put out, okay

Jac: You have done nothing wrong

Savannah: Logically I know that but I feel like I’m going to be sick anyway

Jac: I hate confrontation too

Jac: but the alternative is her thinking this is okay so I will because it isn’t

Jac: I’m so sorry, this is the last thing you need, I wish I could sort this for you once and for all

Savannah: I just want her to like me, getting rid of the tension between us would make your life so much easier

Jac: I’m not concerned for myself, I can handle her

Jac: you shouldn’t have to

Savannah: You shouldn’t have to either, it isn’t right that you take care of everyone & they don’t stop to think about how it’s affecting you having to constantly smooth everything over

Jac: I think you’re the only person who’s ever cared about that, about me like that

Savannah: if I had any real power to save you I'd go as far in time as I could & protect you from ever being hurt, I can't stand that people treat you so badly

Savannah: once she's less angry & I'm less upset I'm going to talk to Amelia, find a resolution we can all cope with, you can trust me, baby

Jac: I don’t think any of them do intentionally

Jac: and I don’t want to sound like I’m martyring myself or anything

Jac: She seriously needs to calm down before she says anything else stupid and hurtful

Jac: we all get asked out by guys we don’t wanna go out with, that is no excuse to take it out on us

Savannah: Of course not, everyone has their own struggles impacting how they behave & clearly Amelia's go deeper than she's ready to tell us right now

Jac: Still

Jac: hopefully we can sort Is out and then I can take care of you

Savannah: you already have, I don't even know how to thank you for defending me

Jac: Even if you weren’t my soulmate and I didn’t love you so hard, I’d still defend you

Jac: you’re in the right, and the victim of her behaviour, not the other way ‘round so 🤷‍♀️ Amelia can believe otherwise and that I’m giving you preferable treatment but it’s not true

Savannah: I also don’t know how I ever lived without you or this love

Jac: You don’t have to imagine it any more

Savannah: No but I’ll have to settle for a hug to prove you’re real to keep your secrets safe from Isabelle

Jac: There are no other hands I would want that information getting into, of course

Jac: I’m bringing [something they like that clearly isn’t for Is’ benefit just ‘cos]

Savannah: No way! I have [likewise because they are that in sync & gay]

Jac: 💕🧠💞 always