#he's so in love with his humorist boyfriend

[pinchcinnamon]

once on dylan's twitter...

[visionsofmagic]

◜ mk1 men when you meet with their evil versions [+bonus]◞

▸ characters: raiden, johnny cage,  kuai liang, tomas & [+bonus} bi han: meeting with his good version ◂ ▸wc: 2.7k

▸ tags&notes: drabble, fluff, hurt/comfort, spicy, flirting, touching, gentle, rough, lots of usage of version & timeline words (like in the game, lol), dilemma, betrayal, angst (a little bit), humor, use of y/n, pet names, no specification of gender (as I remember), well, ‘s all I guess? (lol, this is the mixed tags I have ever wrote, but, it’s a drabble, so… enjoy!◂ ▸ m.

RAIDEN can be one of the most precious men you have met, and falling for him is the rightest thing that has happened to you – however, contrary to how a loving boyfriend he is in your timeline, he’s the opposite one when it comes to his another version you have come across.

everything about his evil, the version seems all the same and different at the same time as he makes his way towards you, having the red color on unlike what your raiden wear normally. the only thing that reminds of him is the hat that covers his face from you until he slowly raises his head, eyes glowing red while looking at you from above. the danger is radiating from his presence, giving you a cold chill down your spine, making you crawl back step by step because of being on your ass, sitting on the ground after the fight has begun between you and the other timeline.

“oh,” he says, a smirk appears on his pretty face – not the one your raiden has, the one that is the representation of the most beautiful flower in the entire world, no, this one gives the feeling of an ivy full of poison. “y/n?” gulping, you remember the words that left liu kang’s mouth about how raiden once lost himself and sought the power to protect the earthrealm at any cost. 

you stop when your back touches a wall, leaving no place to run either when raiden kneels before you, red lightning traveling on his body that looks so powerful that you find yourself getting weak – not only because of the aura he has unlike the one the raiden you know has, but also because how it seems that he pulls you closer to him. somehow, he makes you lose all logical sides of your brain with the way he looks down at you; prevailing.

“raiden?” you ask, sounding soft which earns a smirk from him as he holds you by the chin.

“oh my love, you’re so soft – so fragile. it seems your raiden doesn’t give you enough – he is still weak. with that power, he can’t protect you, but I can,” his fingers move from your chin to your cheek, and lightning under his skin tickles yours. “come with me. I will protect you and the earthrealm from any danger out there.”

“I can’t –“ you utter, sounding not so sure of the decision but your heart knows the best – and that is to stay beside your raiden, the one who has you completely, not the one seeking power even though he needs to end his friends’ life or even another timeline to accomplish it. “I will never leave my raiden’s side.”

“how loyal,” he says, both irritated by the fact that your bond with the raiden in your timeline can’t be broken and proud of how loyal you’re for your love. “I wish we met in my timeline.”

with his confession, he leaves you behind, going to fight with others – how ironic, he comes here to end any life form yet he shows mercy when it comes to you. whatever it is that makes him do that, doesn’t matter, you say to yourself as you get up and go to help your raiden, hoping he will never turn evil.

JOHNNY CAGE in your own timeline is flirtatious and teasing enough – or as you thought until you see his evil version from another timeline after the great fight has begun. you can’t distinguish him from your johnny – but the moment his eyes find you, admiring how you easily defeat one his companions on the way to the top, he whistles playfully.

when you turn to see him, ready to make a moral lesson about how he shouldn’t be humoristic in a fight for death and life, you see his eyes scanning your body from head to toe shamelessly. realization hits you like a ball in the face; he’s not your johnny. he doesn’t care about anything in the world, well, your johnny didn’t either before meeting with you. 

acknowledging that you see the danger when he winks at you, eyes finally directed to your face. “well, hello cutie. aren’t you such a beauty who will make aphrodite jealous?” he leaves a chuckle when you roll your eyes. without positioning a fight stance, you begin to walk towards him so that you can pass by his side – you can’t stand a version of johnny who is cockier and open-mouthed.

“woah woah,” he stops in front of you, hands on his chest, smirking, “already going, baby? c’mon, there is no man who deserves your attention as I do – not even your johnny if there is one.”

crossing your arms, a weary expression lightens your face up – still, you can feel the heat rushing to your body because of his flirty manner and words. johnny cage will be able to make you giggle with his demeanor with every version of him, won’t he?

“what do you want? a fight? then do it with someone else.” a dismissive hand movement makes him close the gap between you, eyes shining at your words.

“why pretty? can’t hit my handsome face? I bet you love seeing it.”

“u-huh,” you say, smiling as you put a hand on his shoulder, winking at him when he gets excited at the action. “you’re right I can’t hit my boyfriend’s pretty face,” you show his back, “but he can.”

when he turns around after you take a few steps back to leave enough room for your boyfriend to hit his own-self’s face with a strong punch, you chuckle. it’s a sight that will never leave your mind. 

“hey pretty,” your johnny says, gripping you by the waist and pulling you closer. chest to chest, he puts a kiss on your lips, acting like there’s no battle happening around you, taking the taste of you that he missed so much even though he had you before this hell. “you missed me so much that you began to chat with cheaper versions of me?”

“of course not. no one can be like you baby.”

“oh hell yeah!” he chuckles, taking you by the hand, “then, let’s kick some ass, well,” he takes a quick look around before turning to you, “our ass.”

KUAI LIANG of your timeline can’t be looking as dangerous as his evil version even when he has a venomous fire radiating directed to the enemies. your boyfriend tends to have a tender side in him, especially for you. he’s the fire itself – using it to burn the ones who deserve it, and for warming you at any cost, in any place because he loves you so much that he can’t let himself go all wide beside you.

however, his evil version is nothing similar to him – maybe in a few situations but not on the battlefield in which no single soul can escape from the wrath scorpion has.

watching him from afar, for a moment, you can’t help but feel both power flowing through his armored body within the flames rising on the outline of his build, and hatred. 

he mesmerizes you in aspects it shouldn’t have – how can you feel a connection between an evil version of kuai liang when you’re destined to protect your own realm, fighting right beside your boyfriend? guilt rushing to you as scorpion becomes aware of your existence, looking at you after he takes down an ally – your wide eyes that do not leave him is the impulse of it. 

“hmm,” he says, slowly approaching you – you try to move, you really do but you simply can’t, not when every step he takes towards you sends a jolt of excitement and fear to your core, alerting you to either run so fast or stay still and you choose the second option without realizing it until he stops in front of you. “liked what you see, princess?” 

he flirts, teases, and even sounds as if your kuai liang except he has a bloodcurdling tone in his voice. 

when you don’t respond, eyes scanning his suit – looks like he came from straight hell, or he’s the hell, he scoffs, gloved hand replaces under your chin, pulling you closer to him as you rise on your toes to reach his height, hands finding his chest not to fall. “isn’t my version in this timeline enough for you that you eyeing me too? maybe he’s not good at satisfying you.”

heat rising within you, you can’t stop looking at his eyes – burning with flames, magically, yet seeming real as the blood covering his suit. you want to feel disgusted, but you’re far away from having such emotion. 

when he lowers his head, closer to you, you hear kuai liang’s voice behind you – taking you from daydreaming to reality, making you realize you let his evil version do whatever he wants with you. “y/n!”

with such speed, you get away from him, ready to stay in fighting style when your kuai liang covers your body like a shield, standing between you and his evil version.

“you should go,” he says, taking a look at your face as he prepares himself to battle with an armored scorpion whose eyes never leave yours, still attempting to capture you. attempt fails when you shake your head negatively when kuai liang adds, “I will deal with him.”

“no,” you sound certain, standing beside your boyfriend, an assuring smile on your face, “we will fight together.”

evil version only chuckles at that, darkly, and with that, “if it’s what you wish, my love.”

“not yours. mine. and I will make sure to show you that.”

TOMAS’ determination is visible through his movements, unlike the one yours has, his eyes bright with such madness that your heart begins to pound in fear, not knowing whether he sees you as a treat or not – yet, he should, in the end, you’re not his partner in his timeline and he’s here to fight, not spare you just because his soft version gives his heart to you.

“tomas –“ the words leave your mouth, no particular control on it since it just splits out of you easily, to get a reaction from tomas – a good one.

“not your tomas,” he utters, playing with his karambit knife to show the readiness he has, waiting for the exact moment to attack you or defend himself if you take a sudden move, yet, you two agree upon a thing even without knowing it; neither he or you’re brave enough to hurt another, not when you have the love of his version in your timeline – his reason is unknown though. “I am better.”

“maybe you’re, maybe you’re not. it doesn’t matter,” you say, trying to find a feature that has hints of goodness in it by watching him raise one of his eyebrows, clearly curious about the rest of your speech. “for me, my tomas is the best, and he will remain as one.”

he chuckles, “is that so?” he’s more excited than you expect him to be. arms unite on his chest, making him look more dominant than you used to see. “I wonder what he does for you to say that – believe that.”

“he’s not hurting me,” he shuts you down – the thing your tomas will never do, he’s such a gentleman.

“I am not hurting you either,” seeing your relaxed body, he shakes his head, and with a smoke pump, he disappears in sight only to appear behind you, hands hugging you from behind, caging you inside his arms – tight enough to not let you go yet tenderness can be felt as well. he whispers into your ear from his mask, chin touching your shoulder as you take deep breaths because of the proximity you begin to share. other than your boyfriend tomas, you don’t get close with people and since he’s tomas but a more evil version from somewhere else, it feels odd – and excitement mixing within. “but I can’t promise for the future. if you just let me –“

when his fingers find your neck, you push him back, turning around, you take a defense stance, furrowing both at yourself and him – how could he? your tomas would never do things that make you comfortable even in the moments it feels breathtaking. “I should make you regret even suggesting such a thing!”

“no need love,” the time stops for a second, and the heart and soul find the ultimate medicine in the voice of your lover, tomas, whose fingertips touch your upper arms gently, traveling from there until they reach your wrists – his chest touches your back and the remaining marks of his evil version, the ones give you danger, fading away. “at the end of the day, he will not be able to utter any other inappropriate words with you,” staying beside you, he smiles at you – angelic. when he turns to his version, he looks deadly – you have never seen him like this, and from the way he stands, you believe he is determined to make him regret for your sake. “when I am done with him, he will never have the courage to show his face in here.”

“such bigger words from my weaker version,” the other tomas says.

shielding you, tomas bite him back, “I will show you how powerful I can be for my goddess.”

BI HAN’s betrayal still eats you alive, the marks of it have its ghost on your skin and soul; broken pieces, and a wound on the cheek that you got from one of his ice blades he threw to kuai liang whom you intended to protect at any cost, not wanting him to get into a fight with his older brother.

you believed it wasn’t bi han who was speaking – it was his madness that needed to be calmed down – you tried though, you really did but the moment you got hurt, you saw the guilt and concern in his brown eyes before they turned to pure fury as he sought of obedience from all of you.

the brief moment created a bloom in your chest for a spell but it vanished as it came, taking hope into the deepest part of your heart as you watched bi han and kuai liang fight, wishing there wouldn’t be a miscommunication among you all, however, you knew bi han’s obsession with power for lin kuei got more dominant than he felt for you.

it was sad – to see bi han, your bi han, go away from you slowly, not understanding why you don’t agree to be on his side, he feels his own betrayal coming from you – before the fight, he said how he was wounded at your choice – didn’t you love him? he asked and his broken voice now fills your mind as you look at your hands – then, a movement catch your eyes as you wait for the big fight.

“who did this to you?” someone asks – not someone, a voice says, and when his fingertips touch your chin, lifting your head up from where you sit, you see eyes that resemble your bi han. he’s from another timeline, probably in which he doesn’t seek power like the way your bi han does.

tears appear in your eyes, and to hide them, you fend off his gentle touch, not letting him touch the wound directly, “it doesn’t matter anymore.” 

he stays silent, realizing it is bi han, in your realm and he sighs, touching you once again even if you keep as distant as possible you can, not wanting to cry in the middle of a battle area where people go and come as they wait for the upcoming fight. “I am sorry,” he says, and for a moment, you hear the voice of your bi han before coming to your senses.

“it wasn’t you – so, you’re not responsible for saying sorry.”

“but you need it,” he convinces, holding you by the cheek, covering the wound with his palm as if he gives healing through the touch, “and I am here to give it to you.”

you smile, not caring that tears flow into your cheeks, and to his hand – he knows you, not better than your bi han does, but enough to make you sense the comfort you seek within him. “stop talking or I will begin to believe I can beat the bi han’s possession.”

he smiles under his mask, and it reaches his eyes – he looks innocence incarnate. “you will. believe me when I say it, pretty,” he caresses your skin, the free hand positions on your shoulder, giving it a squeeze, “he will learn that there is no greater need except – you, his beloved one.”

💙

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

Kinktober Day 04

Role Play: Sexual Roleplaying involves acting out various sex scenarios with a partner while one or both parties are in character.

Pairing: Na Jaemin x fem!reader

AU/Genre: smut, established relationship, non-idol!au, humor...?

Word Count: 1649 words

Warnings: oral and fingering (f receiving), role played cheating???, that poor imaginary bf gets kinda slandered tbh, Na Jaemin has a big dick, lowkey size kink, dirty talk, Reader is not good at comforting, please don't do this. For humorist purposes, it works in this story, but... sorry, I'm giggling as I'm typing this out. Just don't do this.

A/n: this is the absurdest thing I've ever written, and I actually screamed while writing it, but I wanted to try something new, so here it is. *forces a smile*

Taglist: @matchahyuck @seraphinealana @ker00 @allaboutthedongs @baehaechannie @iwannabreathetosetmefree @positionslab @jjenodream @kundann

One could call you many bad things, for example messy because don't clean your room all the time, or inefficient when instead of working, you tap away on your phone one hour before lunch at the office, or even unfashionable for buying that one coat last fall – ugh. But there's one thing people can't say about you, and that's you being a bad girlfriend.

You are the girlfriend of Na Jaemin who is basically the love of your life, as cliché as that might sound. You met in primary school, crushed on each other during middle school, fell in love in high school, and started dating right after. There's not a thing that he doesn't know about you, and there's not a thing that you don't know about him. You trust each other, are attached by the hip, and love each other unconditionally.

Which leads to one tiny problem. Sharing a housing and a heart, you can obviously tell if Jaemin's feeling down, and that inevitably affects you as well. This time, it's something rather big and serious, and you've struggled quite the while with how to deal with it.

Jaemin always wanted to become a doctor. Ever since the day you met, he told you about how exciting it must be to save people's lives on the daily, how it must feel to be a literal hero. You'd always agreed and supported him, even when he realized that being a doctor is much more than just saving lives and feeling great, or when finals came around and you had to help him study like crazy to keep his grades high enough for medical school.

The crushing realization had dawned on him for quite some time, hence he's always avoided that topic with his parents. He knew that they'd probably want him to take over their company once he's old enough, and would therefore not support his dream of being a doctor (and yes, you've had a few outbursts of anger because who the fuck wouldn't prefer a doctor as a son?!).

Jaemin had always dreaded that day, and when it finally came along, he wasn't surprised. But that didn't make him any less disappointed.

Fast forward half a year, and Jaemin's grown accustomed to the lifestyle that comes with working at his father's company, he seems happy even, bringing home fun stories to tell over dinner.

You still feel like there's something missing.

And that brings us back to why people could never call you a bad girlfriend.

"Honey, I'm home," it sounds from the hallway, announcing the arrival of your sweet boyfriend Jaemin. You grin as you hear him take off his shoes and socks before stepping into the living room. He calls out for you again, the soft smacking of his naked soles against the wooden floor coming closer to the bedroom door.

"Baby?"

"Doctor, finally," you sigh, placing the back of your hand on your forehead. You're laying down on your bed, but you've removed all of the pillows and blankets and put out a big towel instead. Besides that, you're also wearing a hospital gown, and you just hope that this works and Jaemin never tries to guess where you got it.

"What are you doing?" Jaemin asks in amusement.

"Doctor, I really, really need your help. You have to save me, please," you whine, proud of your performance as you raise your head to watch Jaemin step towards you.

You clear your throat, "um, I think you should wear your coat, don't you think? It's hanging over there," you point at the white fabric that dangles from the clothing hanger attached to your wardrobe.

Jaemin chuckles, but complies, putting the thing on before turning back to you. You gulp, and mentally scold his parents for not letting him look like this every day of his life. "What seems to be the problem, b- uhh Miss?"

You suppress a smile, then clear your throat once again to get back into your role. "Well, I've never told anyone this before, but I think there might be something wrong with me."

"Ah, don't worry. There is probably nothing wrong with you, but I can surely check."

"Please, it's urgent. I can't concentrate anymore... the problem is that I can't cum," you lie, giving him the most innocent eyes you can muster. Jaemin presses his lips together, assumingely to hide his amusement before he catches himself.

"I'm sure a pretty girl like you has a boyfriend to take care of that."

"Unfortunately, no," you lie again, lips quivering. "I really need your help, Doctor."

"If that's all, I'm sure I can help you out with your problem. Though, due to the fact that this condition is a highly unusual thing for me to treat, your insurance won't cover the costs," Jaemin says, putting on a fake concerned expression as he raises his eyebrows.

"Please, I'll do anything! Tell me what I can do."

"Well, why don't we trade this fairly, one orgasm for another. Does that sound like a deal to you, Miss?"

You nod your head quickly.

"Okay, I will begin my treatment, then. Tell me if anything hurts, alright?"

"Mhm, yes!" Excitement bubbles through your veins as Jaemin steps even closer, looking at you.

"You're going to have to undress for me, Miss, or else I can't start with my examination."

"Oh, of course," you chirp, quickly ripping the gown off your body to reveal your bare body to Jaemin's eyes, who sucks in a breath at the sight. He studies your form as if it's really his first time seeing it, and you get even more aroused at the sight.

"No boyfriend, huh? What a shame. Or could it be that you actually do have one, but he can't satisfy you? That must be it, right?" Jaemin says, finally laying a hand on the soft skin of your thigh. The look in his eyes tells you exactly where he wants this to go.

"I'm sorry, Doctor. I lied. Yes, you are correct. He just can't make me cum," you nod, biting your lower lip between your teeth.

"I knew it. What a naughty girl you are, letting another man touch you just because you're so greedy for an orgasm," Jaemin speaks lowly, a smile forming on his face that he can't hold back.

"Yes, I'm so, so naughty," you whisper, breath hitching as his hands travel over your exposed thighs.

"Then why don't you spread your legs and let me get to work? What do you prefer, tongue or fingers?"

"Doctor!" You moan at his lewd words, spreading your thighs immediately, then quietly add, "both..."

"Both it is," Jaemin mumbles, creating eye contact with you as he leans down to lick a fat stripe over your folds. You shiver, moaning out loudly at the sensation.

"Shh," Jaemin hushes you, "don't want anyone else in my office hearing what's going on in here, now do we?"

"N-no, I'm sorry," you mewl as he starts sucking on your clit, one of his fingers prodding at your entrance before slowly slipping inside. Your eyes roll back, fingers digging into the towel beneath you. Unfortunately for this role play, Jaemin knows exactly how to touch you, meaning you're nearing your orgasm faster than you'd hoped.

"S-stop, Doctor!"

He does, pulling back to take in your already fucked out form. "What is it? Are you cumming already?"

"N- uh- no! N-no! I wanted to say that- uh, this isn't working and we, um, should try something else..." You're actually proud of yourself for that lie.

"I see," Jaemin grins knowingly, but sits up anyway. "What else would you like to try?"

"Um... maybe you could f-fuck me?"

"Oh, fuck you?" Jaemin says loudly, making you feel a little embarrassed in the best way possible.

"Y-yes... you see, my boyfriend has a, um, a really small dick, it just can't satisfy me. And looking at you, I bet that yours is really, really big," you confess, batting your lashes at him who just grins. He gets up and takes off his pants to reveal the bulge that has formed in his boxers.

"Is this what you had in mind?"

"Mhm, yes. Fuck, Doctor, you're so big. Doesn't it get in the way of your work sometimes?"

Jaemin can't hold back a snicker, "sometimes."

He climbs over you to sit in between your spread legs, stroking himself a few times. You can feel your arousal dripping from your hole to soak into the towel. Both you and Jaemin know, though, that prepping you with only one of his fingers was not really enough to get you ready for him, and that thought excites you even more.

"I don't know if I can take it, Doctor," you admit, spreading your legs a little further for him.

"Oh, I know you can," Jaemin mumbles, lining himself up with your hole. Excitement rushes over your body, and you clench around nothing but the very tip of him as he slowly pushes insides.

With a loud groan from your throat, your walls struggle to adjust. He stretches you out further and further, his thumb on your clit just fueling into your orgasm.

"Doctor, I'm-" is all you can bring out before you feel yourself clamming down on his cock repeatedly. Your cheeks burn with blush as you cum just from him pushing his incredible size inside, your agape mouth letting some drool escape.

"Atta girl," Jaemin praises, as all you can respond with is a chorus of curse words.

"T-thank you, Doctor, f-finally," you stutter, completely overwhelmed with feeling so full, even though you've taken him hundreds of times.

"You came so good," Jaemin coos, bringing a hand up to stroke a strand of hair out of your face, "I bet you can do it again."

© 2022 YUTASBELLYBUTTONPIERCING all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works.

[adarkrainbow]

So, I realized I made a BIG mistake in my previous post (thanks @gay-impressionist and @northwest-by-a-train for correcting my big mistake, I clearly wasn't well-informed Xp) - time to redo a new post!

As a result I'll go straight to the conclusion: there's something inherently queer about fairytale adaptations. There's something inherently queer about literary fairytales, for example, written by French lesbians of the Renaissance or sad Danish gay men. There's something even queer by the more "traditional" folktales (see the famous fairytale type which ends with the heroine undergoing magical gender transition - I posted a Greek version and reblogged a Romanian one). But when it comes to various fairytale adaptations, the queerness is even more present.

The most famous example is the Disney classics. Movies that are the epitome of fairytales in America, movies that are some of the huge symbols of heterosexuality and "conservation of traditional values" in America, movies owned and produced by a company still known today for not being queer-friendly... And yet movies that form a huge part of the queer aesthetic, and that fuel the cross-dressing/drag-art imagery, and that formed a certain gay audience. Charming princes, beautiful princesse, disturbingly sexy villains, Disney had all to please a queer person.

But it isn't just in America. In France the two major fairytale movies, the dominant pieces of fairy-tale cinema, were created by two prominent gay/bisexual artists of their time, and each had their own queerness in it. Cocteau's Beauty and the Beast (he literaly had his boyfriend play the Beast), and Jacques Demy's Donkey Skin (his musical movies of the 60s form in themselves a sub-genre associated with gayness in France - we don't have the "Gays love musical theater" stereotype, but we do have the "Gays love Demy's musicals" stereotype).

(This isn't so much about "classics" but I have to point out how the motif of queerness as a joke or subversion of fairytales also is quite present in French media since the 90s-2000s onward. The sex-comedy "Blanche Neige la suite" has, obviously, a lot of gay jokes, the humoristic-fantasy book "Blanche-Neige et les lance-missiles" and its sequel have a lot of lesbianism, the recent "Robilard" comic book has a big gay element by the middle of its run, and even the recent Cinderella parody movie has an entire segment about a gay fairy godmother directly referencing Demy's Donkey-Skin ; while of various qualities and worth, I can't help but compare this prominence of the "lesbian joke" or "gay subversion" in fairytale comedies and parodies in France, compared to for example American fairytale parodies and comedies which seemed more shy about it? I don't know, again, I'm just scribbling down notes)

And from my old post other people pointed out similar phenomenon in old "classics".

@countesspetofi pointed out how in the UK you have the entire pantomime genre, and there is no need to explain why they're queer. And @maimoncat higlighted how a lot of fairytale productions of Europe like to use the "crossdressing princess" motif (Three Wishes for Cinderella/Fantaghiro) - plus how Roberto de Simone's adaptation of "Gatta Cenerentola" explored the motif of gender ambiguity by having femminielli (third gender people from Naples and Campania) be involved in specific scenes, and the wicked step-family played by crossdressing actors.

If you ever have other examples don't hesitate to share! (And let's hope this time I won't have to rewrite the post due to my own ignorance Xp)

[famej]

Late Night Class

Zig Ortega x Reader

Yeah, being a student was tiring, but I didn’t even dare to complain because I was studying something I liked and that would give me the opportunity to reach my professional goal.

However, at this exact moment, I only thought about going home, taking a long hot shower and snuggle with Zig while eating diner until I fall asleep and have to start a similar day over tomorrow.

I could see that the night has already fallen on the other side of the window and campus was slowly emptying itself of students, who obviously were either in class, studying or barfing down a quick diner before going back to their class-work.

Yeah, your thoughts were all over the place but certainly not in this very amphitheater you should be focusing in.

And when the professor gave you his usual a humoristic trait before sending you off.

With a sight, you gathered your belongings and climbed up the stairs to the top of the amphitheater and finally pushing the door of this goddamned place you wanted to leave so badly.

As you made your way into the almost empty corridor, you noticed a figure leaning against the wall opposite of the amphitheater’s door.

And upon approaching the said figure, you recognized your boyfriend, looking like a real bad boy. His back against the wall, chilling like he owned the place, black leather jacket hugging his broad shoulders perfectly and a lazy grin adorning his face.

My heart melted on the spot, and I put a little bit more speed into my steps, as much as my current fatigue allowed it and launched myself against him, wrapping my arms around his middle and face first into his chest.

He let me do as I wished and welcomed me warmly by wrapping his own arms around me, I felt a kiss being pressed to the top of my head before he chuckled.

« Long day? »

« Yeah » I mumbled, slowly tilting my head up to look at him.

« I’m happy to see you, you should have told me you were coming »

He leaned down and pecked my lips, hovering above my face to answer:

« It wouldn’t have been a surprise if I did so »

Another peck.

« I thought you’d be cranky after such a tiring day »

He went in for another kiss but you pulled away slightly, making him furrow his eyebrow in confusion.

« Who’s cranky? »

« Certainly, not my girlfriend, she’s always so cheery and bubbly, a real love ball »

He had trouble to contain his smile while I pouted at his teasing.

« You’re lucky I love you so much » you mumbled grumpily before allowing him the kiss he’d been asking for. 

The two of us enjoyed our little moment in the empty place, letting me enjoy his warmth for a while longer.

« Let’s get home, diner’s waiting for us as well as a cozy blanket, I thought we could watch a seasonal movie tonight? »

« Yeahhh, you’re amazing! Would it be too much to ask you to carry me back to the apartment? »

He looked down at you and smirked, before untangling himself from you and bent down to pass his arms under your knees and behind your back. He lifted you off the ground earning himself a squeal from you.

When you were safely situated in his arms, he smiled down at you lovingly, which made you blush furiously, just like every time he looked at you like that…

« Anything for my favorite girl »

And on that, you knight in leather jacket took you to your share home.

[discoveringmiraculouswriters]

@galahadwilder​ (AO3)

Galahad is a large poster on Tumblr (I’m actually surprised when I refresh my dash and the first post isn’t from him). On about 111 works total, he has 95 works for Miraculous Ladybug only! The others are mainly from the DCU. Many of them all are WIPs, but hey! Who doesn’t have WIPs?

Here’s my Top 10 (because I have to stop, eventually...)

Wisdom Teeth:  Words:7605 - Chapters:7/7 Summary: Adrien FaceTimes Marinette while high on painkillers after wisdom tooth surgery, and lets something slip that he really shouldn’t have.

What I liked: Marinette driving Adrien insane :)

Personal Space :  Words:6342 - Chapters:3/? - Updated:2020-10-25 Summary: Adrien Agreste was never taught to say no. Never allowed to have boundaries. So when someone finally pushes too far, Ladybug is left with a partner in pain, a crush in need of the kindness he’s never received...And a former idol she needs to murder.

What I liked: Marinette going into bodyguard mode, Adrien’s friends opened minds, DJWifi banter over the phone. Can’t wait for next chapter!

Inconceivable : Words:2537 - Chapters:3/? - Updated:2019-07-19 Summary: There are two things of which Gabriel Agreste is absolutely certain. The first is that there is no such thing as a soulmate. Everything he knows about both science and magic claims it impossible. The second thing is that his son somehow, infuriatingly, has a soulmate anyway.

What I liked: Gabriel POV, Gabriel actually having good intentions towards his son, Sabine plotting with him, credible explanations for canon

Notes to Self: Words:22911 - Chapters:16/? - Updated:2019-10-23 Summary: Adrien finds out midway through Oblivio that his assumption was wrong, and that Marinette is NOT his girlfriend. So he decides to do leave a message calling himself out for failing to properly appreciate the most incredible person he’s ever met. Now, having been confronted with his mistakes, Adrien has realized that he has a lot to make up for—and a girl who needs to know exactly how much she means to him.

What I liked: I think I’ve read this fic 3 times now, and can’t be bored of it. Adrien figuring out he was in love with Marinette from day 1, Oblivio-Adrien calling himself out, Tom and Sabine’s open mind about their super-heroing. Bonus: Kagami wanting a polygamic relationship and Adrien admitting looking at Luka’s butt 😂

Officiated: Words:7562 - Chapters:9/? - Updated:2020-04-28 Summary: The aftermath of an Akuma attack leaves Ladybug and Chat Noir legally married.

What I liked: mostly the originality of the akuma. The fic might update, but it also feels complete. You won’t be stuck on a cliffhanger.

Children of War: Words:8295 - Chapters:7/? - Updated:2019-05-03 Summary: Something dark is coming to Paris, and Master Fu has been lying to Adrien and Marinette. What happened to the previous Team Miraculous? And how did Marinette's aunt Bridgette really end up in a mental hospital?

What I liked: Gabriel’s intentions to save Paris, the integration of the Quantic Kids, the strong angst. Can’t wait for more!

Sick Days (series):  Works:2 - Complete: No Summary:  Adrien comes home after a long photoshoot to find Marinette Dupain-Cheng asleep in his bed, running a horrific fever. What is she doing there, and how did she get into his house without setting off any alarms? (And why does she keep mumbling his name?) / Marinette’s cold is passing, but the embarrassment is not—they may be dating, and they may be partners, but she still can’t keep it together around Adrien the way she can around his alter ego. Which is a problem, because he’s caught her cold—and the absolute lack of filter that came with it.

What I liked: the delirium shenanigans (read Out Sick by @sweetsweetsweetie​ if you like that too), the Dupain-Chengs actual A+ parenting. Please, Galahad, don’t abandon this fic!!

Wingman: Words:11211 - Chapters:10/12 - Updated:2019-08-06 Summary: Hawkmoth's Akuma have been acting strange lately--every single one has been an obsessive LadyNoir shipper, much to Chat's horrific embarrassment. Ladybug hasn't noticed, but Chat can't quite get over the fact that Hawkmoth seems to have redirected his supervillain antics to setting him up with the girl of his dreams.

What I liked: The humoristic scenes (Nath scolding Gabe was my favorite), Gabriel trying to parent properly, Nathalie caring for both Agrestes. “I swear this fic was supposed to be a comedy”

The shirt: Words:16503 - Chapters:20/? - Updated:2019-10-22 Summary: On a cold night in January, Chat Noir lends Ladybug his jacket--only to find Marinette wearing it to class the next day. And that's just the beginning of the trouble.

What I liked: the fluff over the fluff, Chloé working on her redemption, the post-reveal banter,  "Tell... my father... he's a diiiiiiick..."

We Break Things Down Just to Build Them Back Up Again: Words:7916 - Chapters:5/? - Updated:2019-11-05 Summary: Adrien promised he'd have Marinette's back, but no matter how badly she needs him, he won't take any kind of action to protect her—or, for that matter, himself. When Marinette discovers WHY he finds it so impossible to stand up to bullies, she resolves to put aside her crush to help him escape his abusive household. But the less she thinks about Adrien, the more she thinks about a different blond boy in her life—and the more time she spends taking care of Adrien, the more he starts to see her as more than just a friend...

What I liked: Marinette’s mom friend override, Adrien’s hurt to comfort (even though Chat’s part is yet to come), Tom telling Adrien he’s proud of him, and Adrien’s reaction to that just made me cry. I’m craving for moooooooooore!!!

Honorable mentions:

Moving Forward (series):  Works:2 - Complete: No (I already wrote a rec. about this one. Read it here)

I’m Your Heating Pad (And Other Uses for a Cat Boyfriend):  Words:3045 - Chapters:1/1

Memories:  Words:1110 - Chapters:1/1

Waking Nightmare:  Words:1667 - Chapters:1/1

The One I Depend On:  Words:1420 - Chapters:1/1

Next to me :  Words:3033 - Chapters:1/1

I know what you did in the cat-acombs : Words:4869 - Chapters:1/1

Stress Relief: Words:3407 - Chapters:4/?

It’s Just a Nickname:  Words:4552 - Chapters:7/7

The Future Lands Soft:  Words:6043 - Chapters:8/?

Overworked and Overwhelmed: Words:4628 - Chapters:1/1

All's Fair in Love and War (And Turnabout's Fair Play):  Words:4835 - Chapters:3/4

Futures Trading: Words:1651 - Chapters:1/1

Kitty Missed the Message: Words:3351 - Chapters:2/2

Broken Masks: Words:3320 - Chapters:2/?

We Are Miraculous: Words:6543 - Chapters:5/?

The Agreste Letters: Words:13809 - Chapters:14/?

Before and After: Words:21192 - Chapters:14/20

I’ve been reading non-stop since my previous Fic of the month special. I have many regrets in life, but reading Galahad’s fics wasn’t one of them!

Thanks for so much work and efforts! I really love the variety, originality and consistency between the fics, even if they have different stories. I really love the hurt to comfort too, and how many mental troubles and disorders are depicted. 

Please read, share and leave kudos on his works!

-----

If you know ML writers you’d like to shout out, or are a ML writer yourself, please contact me!! @clawsout83​

[joyrose-fandomer]

Music club AU Chap3 (Sanders sides Human AU)

TL;DR: Everyone tease Roman for his new crush which lead to a new chalenge between the twins.

POV: Roman/the twins mom

Relationship: Creativitwins, Prinxiety, Logicality parent to Virgil, mention of Dukceit.

<<Previous   Next>>

----------

"'''' WaiT, COmMe BaCK!''''' haha, ok, prince charming!"

Remus badly imitated his voice for humoristic purposes.

"He was literally running away! What else did you want me to do?"

Roman complained in the face of his brother's mockery

They were on the way back home at the end of the day. To them, the chaos in the club was a common occurrence. They don't think they ever knew a calm day in their life, especially when they're together, and they always where.

"I don't know for you, but I'm sure he should have continued running. There's a reason why Cinderella kept running. What type of needy guy runs after someone screaming 'wait' ?"

His brother snickered.

"I panicked, ok?"

The dramatic twin mumbled

"About what? You could have just let him go. That's fair after yesterday's disaster."

Remus rose an eyebrow

"What happened yesterday was entirely your fault!" 

Roman accused

"Maybe, but if you had acted like a normal person for a change you'd have a date by now."

"What is making you think that he would have ever accepted?"

"I can feel it"

Remus grinned. His brother was not convinced so he continued.

"You still didn't tell me why you ran after him"

Roman put his hand on his heart and look solemnly at the sky.

"It was destiny."

His brother exploded with laughter.

"How is that different than just feeling it? You cheesy idiot!"

"YOU'RE the idiot!"

Roman pushed his brother's shoulder which made him laugh harder.

They had reached their house by now and we're putting aside their bags. Their mother called from the living room.

"How was school? Got yourself in trouble?"

"Good, no complain from any teachers yet."

Roman answered, throwing himself on the couch next to his mother where she started playing with his hair with one hand still reading her book with the other.

Remus came from the other way and flopped on her laps.

"Roman got a crush~"

"Shut up Remus, it's not like that!"

Roman's meager defanse completely outwaited by the blush on his cheeks.

Their mother looked up from her book. Very interested in the subject. Of course, she is, there is not a day where she's not asking Roman if he found a date.

"Oh~ really? How are they?"

Roman wanted to say he didn't have a crush but Remus beat him to it.

"He's emo, silent, a bass player and we still have no idea what his name is"

"The silent and mysterious type hum ?~"

His mother singsonged playfully

"Ro has a type~"

Remus tested

"What do you mean a type? I don't have a type!"

The dramatic twin pouted

"You were eyeing Janus a lot when I introduced you two."

The chaotic twin grinned wickedly

"I'm not, and was never interested in your boyfriend Remus!"

Roman gasped

"Oh, I don't worry about that. But you DO have a thing for the mysterious type"

Remus comforted him still grinning

"I have to agree, remember Andy?"

The maternal figure added

"I was 12 mom, could you let it go?"

Roman cried out

"How could I? You only came out to me thank's to him. It's a shame that he had to move out.."

Roman's mother patted his head lost in taught

"If it can comfort you mom, the new boy looks a lot like Andy, big hoody, ripped jeans, and everything. But with purple hair on top."

The other son gave a little pat to their mother's shoulder.

"Oh~! I'd love to meet him one day."

"What? No, absolutely not-"

The dramatic son argued but was cut off again by his brother.

"Of course mom! I'm sure I can befriend him and introduce him to you!"

"Thank you, sweety"

Their mother ruffled Remus's hair, earning a giggle in return

"No, I refuse! How are you even planning on befriending him? He doesn't even talk"

Roman complained

"I did manage to make him laugh today"

Remus reminded, hoping and succeeding at making Roman jalouse

"I made him laugh! not you"

"Laugh AT you"

"Pardon me for being proud of my singing ability."

"If I managed to befriend the emo before you, you'll do all my chores for a week."

The chaotic twin challenged

"Bet!"

Their mother sighed. Roman, couldn't back out from a challenge and Remus couldn't stand a day without challenging him. It was like that since they were young but their parents were now used to it, and they still loved their overdramatic kids, no matter what.

That poor kid though was not used to the chaotic twins and was in for a ride.

"Roman, Remus." They both looked up at their mother "Can you promise me to be nice and not overwhelm the boy?"

"Of course mom!" They answered together  

They both got an affectionate ruffle of hair at that.

With a little luck, the poor boy was emotionally strong.

***<>============<>***

Hi! I’m done with my finals so here the 3 chapter! The chapter 4 should also come very soon ! (^o^)/

Tag list:

@falsemood

@extraintrovertedalien

[pop-punklouis]

would you mind reccing some podcasts? i listen to podcasts from time to time but the sheer volume is overwhelming and my indecisive arse takes forever to decide on one.

hi!! okay i’m also like you— i will begin listening and then i will forget to listen or i don’t have anywhere to commute so i just. don’t listen lmao but i do have favorites i come back to when i do get in the mood for a good podcast:

• The Basement Yard

comedy podcast ran by youtuber Joe Santagato where he and a friend host, talk shit, and just ramble about anything and everything every week. think of it as drunk himbos just. having a time. not many things make me laugh audibly out loud but this podcast does it every time. save it for sad days.

• It’s Been a Minute with Sam Sanders

each week, Sam Sanders interviews people in the culture who deserve a platform. plus weekly wraps of the news with other journalists. His show is based on free-form conversation and dialogue and it is incredibly effective.

• No Dogs in Space

a killer podcast to initiate you into the punk-lore if you aren’t already. amusing, interesting, and very entertaining

• Rabbit Hole

distills the history of internet discourse by zeroing in on a few widely influential online personalities and movements

• Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness

every week is something different with the skyrocketing reality star discussing everything from queer spaces to neuroscience and political activism. the guests he has are superb and having his over-the-top personality in the mix gives such a fresh spin on the transfer of conversation and thought had on the show.

• Ologies with Allie Ward

Volcanoes. Trees. Drunk butterflies. Mars missions. Slug sex. Death. Beauty standards. Anxiety busters. Beer science. Bee drama. Take away a pocket full of science knowledge and charming, bizarre stories about what fuels these professional -ologists' obsessions. Humorist and science correspondent Alie Ward asks smart people stupid questions and the answers might change your life.

• Switched on Pop

one of my favorite podcasts that dissect and discuss in length the making and meaning of pop music with industry professionals as hosts and as guests. i cant recommend this one enough if you’re into pop culture analysis and song breakdowns

• Cult Liter

A riveting true crime podcast tied together with personality and humor. it’s truly the best

• New World Witchery

a show about magic predominantly focused on the magic practiced in North America. hosted by veteran witches as they explore traditional american witchcraft

• The Moment

On The Moment, the writer and actor Ingrid Haas interviews couples from many different age groups, cultures, financial backgrounds, genders, and sexual orientations about what happened before they knew they wanted to commit to each other—which is to say, the good stuff. Their stories are exceptional and regular all at once, and because each installment focuses on an uncertain time in a relationship, listeners can feel the suspense even though the premise of the show guarantees a happy ending

• Decoder Ring

Decoder Ring is the show about cracking cultural mysteries. In each episode, host Willa Paskin takes a cultural question, object, or habit; examines its history; and tries to figure out what it means and why it matters. my favorite eps are the one on bart simpson and the other on hotel room paintings.

• My Brother, My Brother, and Me

An advice podcast for the modren era. The McElroy brothers are here to take your questions and turn them, alchemy-like, into wisdom. it’s funny too.

• Sex, Drugs, and Spirituality

A comedy podcast exploring the fun and weird aspects of our world

• Jenna & Julien Podcast

my favorite gal jenna marbles and boyfriend julien solomita ran this podcast for years before wrapping it up last year. it can be laugh out loud funny to emotional to serious all within a few eps of each other. the snake oil and shark tank eps are a couple of my favorite running games they do on the show. another to watch/listen to when sad

• Pop Culture Therapist

A podcast where two therapists analyze how mental health is portrayed in movies and TV

• Mobituaries

Mo Rocca’s long love of obituaries has him led to create Mobituaries, an irreverent but deeply researched appreciation of the people (and things) of the past who have long intrigued him—from an unsung Founding Father to the first Chinese-American superstar, from Neanderthals to the station wagon. it is a warm and heartfelt podcast.

• My Dad Wrote a Porno

My Dad Wrote a Porno is a British podcast hosted by Jamie Morton, James Cooper, and Alice Levine. Each episode features Morton reading a new chapter of an amateur erotic novel, titled Belinda Blinked, written by his father under the pen name Rocky Flintstone.

• Gay Future

a hilarious podcast focused around the satirical version of a futuristic dystopia: in 2062, everyone is gay except for one boy, Miley Pence, who is called to save the world from the authoritarian gay agenda of President Clay Aiken. it’s. wonderful.

[sweetsmellosuccess]

The Best Films of 2020

The 15 Best Films of 2020

Normally, when I assess a full year of cinematic offerings, I consider both sides of that coin  —  the outstanding entities, and the least successful —  but the year of our lord two thousand and twenty provided more than enough misery for all of us, I do believe. Ergo, in my own small way to bring better vibes into the universe, for this year’s round-up, I’m staying solely on the positive tip, highlighting those films whose unfortunate release date during the Year of the Hex shouldn’t preclude them for being fully appreciated. Let’s take a year off from negativity and schadenfreude, shall we, and just stroll amongst the poppies and bright sunshine of some of the best releases of the year.  

15. The Invisible Man

“Leigh Whannell’s film is thoroughly modern in approach and sophistication, but the film it most reminded me of was made back in 1944. George Cukor’s Gaslight starred Charles Boyer as a loathsome husband who attempts to convince his already anxious wife (Ingrid Bergman) that she’s going insane by secretly rearranging things in their house and taking things from her so she thinks she’s always misplacing them. He preys on her emotional vulnerability in order to mask his own pathology and emotional detachment. The effect is absolutely enraging: Onscreen, he’s one of the more hateful villains ever committed to celluloid.”

Full Review

14. The Killing of Two Lovers

“From the opening sequence, with a distraught, estranged husband standing over the bed of his wife and her new boyfriend with malice in his heart, and a gun in hand, the film spirals out into incredibly well structured compositions, taking us inside and outside of David’s recurring psychosis, utilizing a bevy of techniques: The framing shrinks down around him, the sound gets muffled, as if underwater, save for the incredibly unnerving metallic sound of cables being stretched taut, and the sickening kathunk of a heavy car door slamming shut.”

Capsule Review

13. Another Round

“Typically, Vinterberg avoids simple conclusions  —  and God help us all if this film gets picked up by a U.S. studio and remade with, say, Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Steve Buscemi, and Chris Rock  —  providing more or less equal examples of the delirious fun drinking with your friends can be (the film opens with a group of high schoolers gleefully doing “lake races” whereby teams compete to drink a case of beer while running around the nearby body of water; and closes with the same teen crew, and some of their teachers, whooping it up in celebrating their graduation); and the horrorshow it can become (one teacher ends up peeing the bed, and on his wife in the process, another wakes up bloodied and out of it in front of his neighbor’s house), leading to very real and horrible consequences.”

Capsule Review

12. Soul

“Co-director Pete Docter is the creative force behind many of Pixar's best titles, having a hand in the Toy Story franchise, WALL-E, Up, and also directing Inside Out, a brilliantly moving treatise on the subject of emotional upheaval. This film, which he co-wrote and made along with fellow co-director Kemp Powers, is his first film back at the helm since that high-water mark, and he has again dug into the fertile earth of our mortality and come back with a particularly vibrant crop.”

Full Review

11. The Burnt Orange Heresy

“Based on the novel by Charles Willeford, the film briskly moves through its paces, clouding the waters with the schemes of duplicitous men, who have sold out any love of art for their greater obsession of cash and prestige. A literary thriller in the vein of The Talented Mr. Ripley, it’s become a genre all too rare in the era of blockbuster bravado. This film will remind you what a mistake that is.”

Full Review

10. Lovers Rock

“In the course of the party, the fuses blow while the house DJ is spinning Janet Kay's "Silly Games," a fan favorite at the time. Undaunted, the guests continue dancing away, singing the lyrics a capella in delirious unison, as McQueen's camera swirls around the living room as if nothing happened. Such a heartfelt moment of unbridled togetherness, putting into distinct bas relief the sense of community we've been denied as a species in 2020, feels like a benediction, an epitaph for the year, and a salve for what we've all been so desperately missing.”

Capsule Review

9. Time

“Ostensibly, it’s about the strain of incarceration on even the most grounded of families (an experience naturally disproportionate for POCs); but, on a deeper level, it’s also about the manner of our use of the limited number of revolutions we get to enjoy situated on this earth. It is a profound knock-out.”

Full Review

8. New Order

“Meet the new boss, only in Michel Franco’s damning portrait of a society locked forever in cycles of oppression, revolution, and new oppression, it makes no difference who you are, what your belief system is, or whether or not you subscribe to a moral set of ethics.”

Capsule Review

7. Dick Johnson is Dead

“Utilizing stunt people and special effects, Johnson kills her father off a number of different gruesome ways, as a means of softening the blow of actually losing him as his mind slowly slips away. This eventually culminates in a final gambit, both acutely painful and deeply moving, in which our sense of things gets seriously upended. As Johnson put it during the post-screening Q&A, the film serves as a “doomed experiment trying to keep my father alive forever.” This film won’t make him immortal, alas, but it does make him indelible.”

Capsule Review

6. Martin Eden

“Marcello packs the film with offbeat bits and pieces of other films, including strips of what appear to be vintage home movies, sometimes in juxtaposition to what Martin is feeling  —  a group of kids swinging wildly from the bar of a fence, to a full galley ship taking in water and suddenly sinking like an iron ingot – which adds a more winsome, timeless element to the narrative. It’s clearly set in the past, but avoids being too dependent on that particular sense of place and time. Martin is a young man, at first, just coming into himself, and the actions he takes, what he goes through, the film seems to suggest, would be similar in any age.”

Full Review

5. Minari

“The film is certainly charming, but that’s not to diminish its straightforward approach to its characters’ plight. It doesn’t shy away from their difficulties, and as a result, it doesn’t cheat towards smarmy emotional closure.”

Capsule Review

4. Collective

“The breath of hope in the film, when the inept Minister of Health resigns, leading to the placing of a new, emboldened director who works quickly to clean the quagmire left by his predecessors, is just as quickly expelled after the next round of elections, in which the Social Democrat party  —  the very ones in charge of this catastrophe in the first place  —  gets re-elected with an even greater majority than what they had before. A perfect reflection of what happens when a government is allowed to exist without any meaningful oversight, other than from a bedraggled press and a disenchanted electorate.”

Full Review

3. First Cow

“Reichardt, a naturalist at heart, is not known much as a humorist, but there is a lightness to her screenplay -- co-written by Jonathan Raymond, her frequent collaborator, who wrote the original novel upon which its based -- that keeps it as sweetly airy as one of Cookie's fried confections. The two friends are so out of step with their surroundings -- the party of men Cookie initially travels with are little more than brutish thugs, and the fort upon which they end up is no better -- they almost had to find each other. They are reunited in the local bar of the fort only because literally every other patron runs out to egg on a brawl between two loutish combatants.”

Full Review

2. Never Rarely Sometimes Always

“Hittman’s eye for detail and emotional complexity  —  her characters can rarely articulate anything they’re experiencing  —  is incredibly acute, and she pulls tremendously understated performances out of her two leads.”

Capsule Review

1. Nomadland

“Perhaps no American director since Terrance Malick has made more of the collapsing light of dusk and twilight than Chloe Zhao. Much of her new film, which stars Frances McDormand as a transigent woman (“not homeless, houseless”), who traverses back and forth across the west in her beat up live-in van, doing seasonal work, takes place in that particular kind of vibrant half-darkness that shrouds the desert and its mountains with a magic kind of mystery.”

Capsule Review

Other Worthy Mentions: 7500; Assassins; Bacurau; Beanpole; Beginning; Black Bear; Bloody Nose Empty Pockets; Boys State; Come Play; Emma; Gunda; His House; Horse Girl; I Am Greta; Jacinta; La Llorona; Let Him Go; Limbo; Mangrove; Mayor; MLK/FBI; One Night in Miami…; Palm Springs; Possessor Uncut; Red, White & Blue; Relic; She Dies Tomorrow; Shirley; Shithouse; Shiva Baby; Some Kind of Heaven; Spring Blossom; Swallow; Tenet; The Dissident; The Invisible Man; The Nest; Sound of Metal; The Vast of Night; The Viewing Booth; The Way I See It; Vitalina Varella; Welcome to Chechnya

Inexplicably Underrated: 7500; Shithouse

Biggest Welcome Surprise(s): The Vast of Night; His House; She Dies Tomorrow

The Best Two Films I Saw This Year, Period: Satantango (1994); Harlan County, USA (1976)

[kurowrites]

"Is s/he really just a friend?" So much potential for puppy eyes!

I tried to play this straight but failed, and then I remembered an old Thomas Sanders vine and did a humoristic take on it. Honestly, it’s silly, but there you go.

–

“Tony,” Rhodey suddenly said one dayas they were sitting in the living room, watching some shitty scifi move andbingeing on ice cream. “I thought Steve was your ho, not your bro.”

Tony coughed as a spoonful of hiscookies & cream ice cream went down went down the wrong way.

“Rhodey,” he wheezed. “What thefuck.”

Then he dissolved into coughs again.

Rhodey patted his back, seeminglyunconcerned about Tony’s imminent demise.

“I’m serious Tony,” he said. “I’myour best bro, and I’d like for it to stay that way. I have no problem if you sleepwith Steve, and if he askes nicely enough, I might even allow him to marry you.But the moment he threatens my position, I will take him out. Captain Americaor not, I will take him out. I have a contingency plan and everything.”

Tony could only gape at Rhodey. Whatthe hell had just happened here? They had just been watching a stupid ‘brain-eating-aliens-take-over-the-word’third-rate horror flick. He had no idea where they had veered off topic so drastically.

“Rhodey,” he eventually sighed, whenhe had finally managed to get the coughing under control. “Why don’t youexplain to me in small, simple words what exactly brought this on?”

Rhodey made a grumpy face.

“Oh, so you say you don’t remember?”

“Rhodey, what are you talking about?”

“You referred to Steve as yourfriend last week,” Rhodey said in a rather petulant tone of voice. “Your friend.As your best friend, let me tell you that this won’t stand. I won’t stand forit.”

They stared at each other.

“Rhodey,” Tony started beseechingly, “Iwas just…”

“Oh yeah? Be careful what you say next.”

Rhodey glared at him, but Tony couldsee the spark of humour glittering in his eyes.

“Platypus, darling, light of myheart,” Tony sighed. “Of course you will always be my number one. It just feelsweird referring to Steve as my ‘boyfriend’, you know. At my age. And if I say ‘partner’,everybody assumes we’re there on Avengers business.”

Rhodey huffed. “Well, you better don’tgo putting any ideas into his head. He should always know his place.”

“He knows his place, I promise you.And he knows yours.”

Rhodey waited until Tony had putanother spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, and then he asked, “Do I have togo talk to him about it?”

Tony chocked again.

“Rhodey! No!” he coughed.

“Just checking.”

Ah, there it was, a small uptick ofthe corner of his mouth, a barely suppressed smile. Rhodey was enjoying this.Of course he was.

Apparently, today was a ‘we’re-going-to-talk-about-our-feelings-while-watching-a-terrible-movie’kind of day. Which was… justified, he guessed. Rhodey and him had been spendingway too little time with each other recently, Avengers business alwaysinterrupting when they had been planning to meet up. And then Tony had slightlypanicked and referred to Steve as his close friend in front of a business partner,and well. Now they were here.

“You’re my best friend and nothingwill ever change that,” Tony assured Rhodey.

Rhodey hummed in satisfaction atTony’s words. “And don’t you go and forget that.”

“Jesus Christ. You’re the platoniclove of my life, James Rupert Rhodes, and the crowbar that can pry me from yourside hasn’t been invented yet.”

This time, Rhodey’s serious face cracked. Asmall chuckle escaped him.

“Very well. Now come here so I cangive you a hug.”

Tony scrambled over to Rhodey’s sideand let himself engulfed into Rhodey’s bear hug.

“Love you the most, honeycomb,” hemumbled into Rhodey’s chest.

“Love you too, you idiot genius. Nowdon’t forget that I’m your one and only best bro, and we’re all good.”

“Can we watch aliens slurp some sub-standardbrains now?”

This time, Rhodey’s chest shook withhis full laughter. and he clapped his hand on Tony’s back in amusement.

“You know it. Bring it on, handyman.”

[pandabearisaunicorn]

Just Be Mine

Just Be Mine Part 2 Word Count: 2k ish Warnings: angst, fluffy Steve, even more feels in this one Summary: After a horrible past with your way to upper class family you’re invited to your brothers long awaited wedding. Once again you’re going to attend a family reunion as a single lady. This to your family is a disgrace making you feel like an outcast from your family. Once you open up about this to your best friend Steve, he puts an offer to pretend to be your boyfriend for the weekend. How will that end for your friendship? A/N: Sorry for the late upload but I had a tough time getting down to write this, had to rewrite it two time, but here it is! I hope you enjoy! Previously: Part 1

The last remaining days till’ the wedding passed way to quickly and you could feel your anxiety starting to bubble up. First off were your family, the people you hated the most and second off Steve was going to pretend to be your boyfriend. God, what have you gotten yourself into.

You were currently sitting on your bed, trying to pack all of your clothes and stuff to take with you for the weekend but you just sat there. The suitcase half full and you felt the clock running away from you. A huge sigh left your lips as you stood up and you walked over to your desk to pick up all your makeup, trying to be productive and knowing Steve would pick you up any minute now. You hurried around the house trying to get all your stuff in order before closing your case up and carrying it downstairs. That’s when you looked down at yourself, noticing you still wore you pajamas and it was close to noon.

“Fuck” You said to yourself as you ran back upstairs and quickly changed into a pair of light washed high waisted jeans and a simple white t-shirt.

You heard Steve pulling up on the driveway as you pulled all of your Y/H/L Y/H/C into a high ponytail before running downstairs. You put on your white sneakers before opening the front door, letting the warm New York summer air hit you in the face for the first time that day. You couldn’t help but to smile as Steve walked over to you, his toned body clad in a pair of tight jeans and black t-shirt and huge smile on his face. That smile he only wore when he was around you but of course you never noticed that.

“Hey you” You said as he walked up the stairs to your porch. “Hi” He said, his blue eyes sparkling as he looked down at you. “Ready to meet my amazing family?” You asked with a sarcastic voice and fake smile which made Steve laugh, and god was it your favorite sound. “Yeah, absolutely doll” He said between laughter as he reached for you suitcase. “Ey, no need for that” You said as you tried to take your suitcase from his hands. “You sure, ‘cause this is quite heavy” Steve commented with a raised eyebrow as he walked down the stairs to his car.

You had to force yourself to stop yourself from staring at his back as you could see his muscles work through the tight t-shirt. God, he was attractive. You took a big breath before following him to the car and taking your seat on the passengers side. You could feel yourself getting nervous as he sat down next to you and his cologne filled the car, that smell still making you weak. As he drove away your thoughts ran through your head. Will your parents believe it? What would you say? Hey I met this super-hot guy and now we’re dating? They defiantly wouldn’t believe you.

“Maybe we should decide on how we met and stuff like that? I mean it would be easier to have it all figured out before we reach the hotel right?” You mumbled out as you fiddled with your fingers in your lap. “Yeah, sound like a plan. What if you just tell them exactly how we met, you know at the hospital you work at. That wouldn’t be a lie now would it” Steve said and glanced over at you. “Yeah, just romance it a bit right?” You said as you looked at him, his eyes now focused on the road and you could sense his sudden awkwardness. “Yeah right, think I could work with that” He smiled at you, a warm smile you hadn’t seen before. “How long have we been together then?” You asked as you leaned into the seat, trying to get comfortable for the long ride. “How about a year?” He asked you as his hands tensed around the wheel. “That’s good” You said as silence filled the car.

You couldn’t help but to feel the awkwardness building up and it made you uneasy, of course this would cause tension between the two of you. It would mean the two of you had to do couple things, like touching and kissing and you honestly weren’t ready for that. You had thought about doing those things with Steve, of course you had, I mean it’s Steve but not like this. Not having to “pretend” to love someone even though it would be easy for you, you did love him like that.

Steve reached over to the stereo and turned the volume up as your favorite song came on and it made you smile as he belted out to the lyrics just to make you smile. The thought made your heart warm up and you looked over at him. He poured his soul into the song and you couldn’t help but to laugh at his voice, he didn’t even try to sound good and just had fun. You joined in and you could hear the laugh that was leaving his lips and soon you felt his hand on top of yours. You looked down and the smile that spread across your face was oozing with love.

“Don’t let this change anything between the two of us” You said, suddenly regretting the words coming out of your mouth. “You know like, anything that will lead to me losing you” “Of course not doll, you’ll never get rid of me” He said as he squeezed your small hand in his. 

…..

A few hours later you arrived at the hotel the wedding was held, the building huge and luxurious just like your family standards. You sighed big as you shut the car door behind you and soon you felt Steve’s presence near you which made you look up at his tall figure. 

“Got to say, your family has style” He said in wow, you rolled your eyes at his comment. “Yeah, some people say that” You said as you took your suitcase from his hands and started walking towards the door. “You going to stand there all day or?”

A laugh escaped your lips as he almost ran towards you with his weekend bag draped over his shoulder. When he reached your side he took your hand in his and intertwining your fingers, the motion making you smile and almost forgetting that it was all for the peering eyes around you two. You walked over to the front desk and announced your arrival and getting the room key. Hurriedly you walked over to the elevator to get up on your floor and you heard Steve’s laugh behind you. As you turned around you saw your sister walking towards you and an annoyed look took over your face which made Steve turn around then smiling at you with a raise of his shoulders.

 “There you are!” She exclaimed as she stood in front of you, an almost humoristic huge smile on her red painted lips.  “Here I am” You said and just stood there awkwardly as she looked up at Steve, his lips curling up in a small greeting smile. “And who’s this?” She asked and looked back at you in disbelieve. “This is my boyfriend Steve, Steve this is my sister Megan” You said and pointed your hand towards your sister. “Oh, really? I mean it’s surprising how you could get such a fine man Y/N” Your sister said as a laugh escaped her lips and you could feel the anger build up inside of you.  “She’s the most amazing person I know, it was hard not to fall for her” Steve said as his arms wrapped around your waist protectively. The words he said warmed your chest as you looked up at him, sensing he meant what he said.  “Well, then I’m happy for you” Your sister said with a fake smile before walking away.

You let out a irritated sigh as you turned towards the elevator and you kept your quiet until the two of you reached your room. As you fiddled with the room key you could feel Steve’s hand gracing yours and taking it out of your hand and unlocking the door with a small smile spread across his lips and nodding into the room as a signal for you to go first. You smiled back at him and once you passed him your smile grew wider. You certainly hated your family but this room was just wow. You could definitely stay here for the weekend without any problem.

You sat down on the huge king-sized bed and laid down on the soft white cotton sheets. God, that bed was to die for. That’s when you realized, one bed and two people. You had to share a bed with Steve, not that you minded but I mean the two of you are just pretending to be a couple. Shit.

“You okay over there?”  Steve asked as he put down his bag on the deckchair opposite the bed before walking over to you, stopping when your feet met his. “Yeah, just remembered we have to share the bed” You mumbled out as you looked up at him, that man really had no bad angles. “You mind it? I mean I could sleep on the couch” He said, almost sounding a tad bit disappointed by your statement. Your eyebrows knit together in a frown as you sat up and looked over at the small couch in the righthand corner. “No, you can’t sleep on that small thing Steve. I mean have you seen yourself? You’re as big as the Empire State” You laughed out and so did he. “No, we’ll share the bed, you giant” “Well thank you, I would’ve broken my back on that thing” He said as he pointed on the couch before plopping down next to you.

“You sure you’re okay though?” He asked after a while which made you look at him, only then realizing how close he was sitting to you. “Yeah, of course I am. You’re here with me Steve” You said with a smile and a shoulder bump to his. “I mean with what your sister said, that was quite cruel” He said as he placed his hand on your knee, which made you look down as you could feel the blush creep up on your face. “I’m fine Steve, really. Like I said, you’re with me and I couldn’t be happier for that. It makes me forget about how they are and will treat me and I mean I have been living with this cruelty for my whole life” You said as you looked up at him, his blue eyes already staring at you.

There was something in his eyes you hadn’t seen before, like you touched his soul with your words. The look on his face did truly warm up your heart and you couldn’t be happier to have him here with you. You leaned your head on his shoulder, a move you had done so many times before but this time it felt more intimate, like the two of you were sharing a different feeling. You could feel his hand squeezing your knee and it send shivers up your spine as his touch always did.

“Want to watch a movie or something before we have to get ready for dinner?” You asked as you looked over at him. “Yeah, sounds good” Steve said with a smile before scooting up the bed to lean against the headboard.

His long toned legs spreading across the bed and his blond hair lying flat against his head, not perfectly styled as it usually was and it made you smile. He looked more boyish than usual and god did you love it. 

“C’mere” He mumbled out as you motioned you to move to sit beside him.

You just smiled before moving over the bed towards him, plopping down next to him and his arm wrapped around your shoulders. You leaned your head back onto his shoulder and his free hand started moving around the remote to find a movie for you to watch. He didn’t even have to ask what you wanted to watch in situations like this. He knew you didn’t feel 100% you so he put the Grown Ups on, it always made you laugh every time no matter how shitty you felt and the way he always knew just made you smile. No one knew you like Steve did, you just wanted him to know that to.

[arkadiaschancellor]

Raven’s Love Life in Season 6

I know people have basically been ranting about this since the episode aired, but I want to add my two cents (no matter how overstated they are).

About Ryker and Raven...

Look, I am just going to come out here and say it, but I was never a fan of either Zeke or Z@ven. I always felt that Zeke was too similar to Raven (they were practically the same person) and thus allowed her to feed into her worst impulses (he had the same thought process and impulses as her, and therefore wasn’t there to tell her when she was acting in the wrong). BUT that being said, I think it is entirely wrong of writers to write in a new love interest for Raven a DAY after her last boyfriend died. A DAY!

And this isn’t even me being upset about Murven (which I hardcore ship), I just think its rather stupid and cheesy writing to have Raven walk into a mechanics shop with the intentions of finding peace with Zeke’s death and understanding who he was as a person (they didn’t know each other all that well, but she knew he loved motorcycles) only for her to meet someone who I am sure was initially named in the first script draft as “Raven’s New Love interest”.

I mean come on... really? That’s all they have for storylines for Raven, just love interest over love interest. First Wick, then Zeke, and now Ryker (I’m not including Finn because he was his own character). I’m all for Raven having happiness and love... but do they really have to introduce some new one-note hot guy character every time to do so? Like I think if Raven found love and happiness with a pre-established character who isn’t just there to be “Love interest #3″ would be interesting (like Murphy, or Emori, or Echo, or Shawn Mendes, or Roan, or literally any guy who has been on screen with her before). It would have been a perfect foil to Bellarke, who were never able to make their happy friendship into something more. They could have made Raven uncover happiness by herself with the help of her friends, which allows her to open up herself to a committed relationship that isn’t at first built on attraction and sex.

The writers have always done Raven dirty by constantly throwing her into bed with guys and never allowing herself to be in a committed relationship. Nothing against girls who enjoy casual sex, but Raven entire relationships have been defined by that. Every single guy she tries to have a meaningful relationship with just dies, and anyone she hooks up with just lives and is rewarded with a loving relationship or a happy life without her. She never profits from any of it. 

Now, I may be wrong, and this Ryker guy isn’t going to be written as her love interest... but I would not put it past JRoth to do so (this season or next). They just can't help but let Raven suffer (especially where I think the season is going). I guess we will just see, but I think that Raven and Ryker will def be banging by the end of the season, mark my words.

Raven and some 200-year-old soul in a hot man's body will get a sex scene before Belalrke...

Also, @fyeahjohnmurphy and @jarleene made some great humorists posts about this too

[sonderrow-moved]

This is a headcanon I say I’m gonna write properly but I won’t probably. So here you get the unedited me talking on Discord headcanon.

Archer was way less bitter when younger, he spoke with way less sarcasm and dark humor. Instead, he believed himself to be near invincible, untouchable. That he could attain success with little effort. He knew how to take social cues to make someone feel secure and in trust. He was very soft spoken, but gave a lot of humoristic replies and bit of sass to his peers to retain respect. He was outgoing and was the kind of (seemingly) extroverted guy who knew how to notice a smarter looking introverted and show them he noticed them―this brought Archer loyalty from both outcasts and more popular folks.

Truth was that he was actually an introvert himself and hated being surrounded by people. But he was too young and dead inside/numb to following those type of social gain instructions that he never noticed. Even asked about his suicide attempt during college post his 20 years anniversary, he had no idea what to say.

On the darker side, after school, Archer was pushed to gradually numb himself to others’ pain. He was already prominent to sociopathy and narcissism due to his social manipulation and focus on personal gain, but it was his upbringing that tied the knot. He would beat people who could fight back, then people who were helpless, then watch mostly teens his age and children being abused in front of others like an expensive show.

At the same time, there were his frowned at sexual preferences of ephebophilia (a primary sexual interest towards mid-to-late teens, around 15 to 19, though I personally range Archer from 13 to 17). At first he thought he just liked his peers, but the more he aged, the more he didn’t feel anything for anyone in senior high school and college.

Because he believed himself to be straight, he naturally drew the conclusion that just like most guys like a younger female partner, he was doing the same.

The problem was with boys, there was on way for him to really know what was going on; he only was shown examples of boys being abused in front of him, and even then this was committed primarily by women. Archer thought that past the initial disgust, fear and indifference, he developed a finer taste, just like a finer taste in wine.

After knowing boys and gaining their trust, Archer would show a lot of predatory behaviour. The issue was that nobody could really notice, because he was himself young, went on dates (and was active in talking about it so). And on top of that, boys loved him. The preference towards being around boys instead of girls was again never questioned because “Oh boys hang out with boys that’s normal”.

He never outright raped and younger boy. He was doting and soft, which didn’t make any kid question themselves because they were taught how to fear way older men who would try to hurt them. Archer brought them love, attention, lecturing, mentorship and gifts. How he got his way was some inappropriate touching here and there, or way too much talk r-rated subjects. In terms of tension, he was very much like how he seems so constantly flirty like with Hœnir in the present without actual sexual penetration or kissing. At the same time, he didn’t do anything he believed would seem questionable were as the kid would tell his guardians.

Those preferences still show after his trip to prison. Atop of still being flirty, when looking at adults, he at I’d say 90% feels strongly attracted to those with smooth skin, younger features and light coloured hair.

However, an issue Archer meets is that just like some people with those type of sexual interests, his predatory tendencies bring their own fantasies (though they are what they are―fantasies, which he never deeply thought about), and when meeting someone as an adult when he knew them as a kid, Archer strongly tends to only see “This is the kid I met, he is exactly the same only in a bigger body”. It brings him to “start where they left off” and get way touchier than he is with the average person. Like a longing lover. And denies that person of any adult-like characteristics they might have (it doesn’t help that his dominant attitude make people more submissive, have a hard time asserting themselves). To see someone like that as a real man/woman, he kinda needs a pretty big slap. That slap comes with two conclusions: violence or a plea  to still like him.

I imagine it would have been much more healthier for Archer to have a simple friendship with Hœnir* (edit: talking to dear Hœmun but this applies to anyone involved in Archer’s past verses), since despite his social persona, they genuinely bonded. Before any physical preference, Archer’s attraction, platonic or romantic or anything, is primarily defined by intelligence.

He was entirely the type who’d wait for someone younger to grow up and become a legal adult before sleeping with them, or officially date them.

Only he never was able to, since he was thrown into arranged marriage very early on; he had been to meetings of potential candidates since he 16. It was settled in stone in his mind that he would marry a pretty lady and have pretty children.

Archer knew how to deal with younger people having a crush on him. He had girls (pre-est relationship on tumblr) try to kiss him “that’s what boyfriend and girlfriend do, I wanna be your girlfriend”, and he always told them. “Come back when you’re an adult and we’ll see” with a smile and a kiss on the forehead or cheek.

Those preferences still show after his trip to prison. Atop of still being flirty in attitude towards pretty much everyone, when looking at adults, he at I’d say 90% feels strongly attracted to those with smooth skin, younger features and light coloured hair.

However, an issue Archer meets is that just like some people with those type of sexual interests, his predatory tendencies bring their own fantasies (though they are what they are―fantasies, which he never deeply thought about), and when meeting someone as an adult when he knew them as a kid, Archer strongly tends to only see “This is the kid I met, he is exactly the same only in a bigger body”.

It brings him to “start where they left off” and get way touchier than he is with the average person. Like a longing lover. And denies that person of any adult-like characteristics they might have (it doesn’t help that his dominant attitude make people more submissive, have a hard time asserting themselves). To see someone like that as a real man/woman, he kinda needs a pretty big slap. That slap comes with two conclusions: violence or a plea  to still like him.

[weeklyhumorist]

5 Places to Find Your Hallmark Christmas Husband During a Pandemic  

Sure, times are tough. All the conventional places you’d normally go to find the flannel-wearing, ax-wielding, ornament-toting man of your dreams aren’t really an option anymore. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to find yourself French-kissing a secret prince on the snowy balcony of a Swiss ski resort while flashing a cushion-cut 3ct rock.

  If you’re dreaming of a white (diamond) Christmas, try these hot spots:

In The Street, Talking Loudly on Your Cell Phone 

  This classic tactic is sure to help grow your Grinch heart three sizes – and you can social distance while you do it! Grab a black trench coat, your fanciest mask, and start powerwalking. Yell into your phone about numbers, deadlines – anything to sound important and stressed. Pick a name like Kevin or Jonathon and absolutely rail on them, saying things like, “I don’t care if Kevin’s kid has a Christmas pageant. If he doesn’t get me that PowerPoint, I’m going to kick his butt from here to the North Pole!”

  At this moment, you’ll either trip over a candy cane or get hit by a car strapped with a Christmas tree. Whoever helps you up, that’s the man who’s going to watch you die one day. Oh come, let us adore him!

An Open-Air Christmas Tree Lot 

  As you’re waiting to curbside pick-up your apartment-sized Douglas fir, take a moment to tuck your hair behind your ear shyly. That’s the only way your high school sweetheart will recognize you with your mask on. He’ll call out your name (something basic, like Abby or Hannah), and you’ll turn to find your old flame looking all grown up. Turns out, he finally took over the local Christmas tree business, owned by his dead dad. Swoon.

  Send your orphaned ex-boyfriend the link to your family’s Christmas dinner Zoom. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find yourselves alone in a virtual waiting room together. Oh, holy night!

The Dilapidated Inn You’re Fixing Up

  Throw on your overalls for this one! This tactic works best when you have your hair in a messy bun and you’re balancing on a precarious ladder. Just as the custom woodworker arrives to refurbish your original Balsam fir dining table, fall off the ladder and spill paint all over yourself. (Note: Make sure it’s a white or a tan. Anything in the red family will not be cute.)

  The woodworker will gruffly tell you how to splint your sprained wrist (from a distance. It’s no substitute for rough hands caressing your paint-speckled skin, but let’s take what we can get.)

  Since you have no guests and no business at the moment (don’t worry, all Hallmark woodworkers come from old money), you’ll spend Christmas Eve on your snowy porch, wrapped in a chenille blanket. Suddenly, your woodworker (we’re guessing something like Hunter or Ace) will get down on one knee and ask you to be Mrs. Woodworker. And look, the whole town showed up to cheer for you from an appropriate distance! Let’s eat, drink, and get married, you absolute stranger!

The Snowy Grave of Your Husband 

  When visiting your dead husband’s grave to find yourself a new one, it’s best to pick a vibrant floral bouquet. For example, red roses really pop when contrasting with the powdery snow you’ll brush off of his tombstone.

  As you dry your tears with your fur-lined gloves, the young, hot caretaker will appear behind you (let’s say Everett or Ezekiel). He’ll pay his respects (appropriate) but also say he remembers how beautiful you looked at your husband’s funeral (inappropriate, but we’re into it.) Then, he’ll ask if you’d care for a hot chocolate in his caretaker’s cottage. He lives alone and gets all his groceries delivered, and you can sit six feet away from each other the whole time. Let it snow, Ms. Widow!

In Front of Your Wood-Burning Fireplace 

  The fire is so delightful, especially during the third wave! This is the most COVID-friendly option to find your Hallmark husband. Put on a chunky white sweater and sit whimsically in front of your working fireplace. Now, close your eyes and say something like this:

  “Okay, Santa. I’ll try to believe for once.… I don’t need any gifts this year. All I want is to find my one true love. So if that’s not too much trouble, maybe you could help me out?”

  At that very moment, the local mall Santa will get a faraway look in his eye. He’ll wiggle his nose and smile as bells jingle in the background. There’s room for everyone on the nice list!

  (Note: This may end with a man wrapped in expensive paper under your tree Christmas morning, passed out from lack of oxygen. If you don’t specify a method of delivery, that’s on you.)         

5 Places to Find Your Hallmark Christmas Husband During a Pandemic   was originally published on Weekly Humorist

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds S06E21 “The Stranger” review - or more aptly named, funny and twisted in the same episode? Hells yes, we’re back on track XD I love this!

Episode 21 – The Stranger

Hey everyone! So last time was uberly weird, and depressing and emotional ... I need a reprieve, so let’s hope this has slightly more humoristic scenes with my three faves (Derek, Spence and Penelope) and more Rossi sarcasm, because I need it direly.

Let’s see what happens.

“Unnecessary. There’s too much blood and gore and ew.”

And that is why me and her are so perfect for each other.

“Garcia, it’s a slasher film. How do you do a slasher film without violence?”

“You imply it.”

XD

“Baby the movie is called Slice 6. What were you expecting?”

“A refreshing beverage with a twist of comedy.”

“I’m gonna have nightmares for a week.”

“With everything that we do and see on a daily basis, that got to you?”

“Listen, newb, you may be all Sigourney Weaver ass-kicking tough, which is awesome, but the mystical mavens of innocence like myself jump at things that go bump in the night.”

So I don’t need to even comment on this, because the dialogue does it for me XD

“Why are you worried? I’m sure that Morgan will protect you.”

“As long as he’s not jumping out of his chair like a prepubescent schoolgirl.”

WHAT?!

“The only reason I jumped is ‘cause you guys woke me up.”

“How could you sleep during that?”

“Easy. You drag me out after a 12-hour workday … for what?”

“You telling me that girl didn’t know the unsub was waiting for her upstairs?”

“Come on.”

Oh my tough puppy.

“Villain.”

“What?”

“In movies, unsubs are called villains.”

“My bad.”

I LOVE THIS SHOW SO FUCKING MUCH!

“Still, it’s totally unrealistic. No one should be walking through ha dark alley by themselves at night.”

“Ahem, hello.”

“Ah. No one should be walking through a dark alley without a Derek Morgan by their side.”

Oh lordy, this show is awesome.

“What we didn’t see coming is the Slicer’s brother was in the closet.”

“Frightening.”

Ah, the sarcastic Rossi.

“He betrayal consumed him and he sent his brother to his own private hell.”

Oh my god, just look at him so happily describing a horror movie. I balk at those.

“Speaking of horror …”

“What’s Strauss doing here?”

“Whatever it is, I cast my vote on ‘no good’.”

I love my goddess XD

“I left them on your desk last night.”

“This really isn’t the time for another evaluation.”

So Strauss is being the regular bitch and trying to get Aaron to do an evaluation on himself? And to have everyone take it again? I’m going to smack this bitch.

So three girls in college, who look eerily alike, were murdered ... yikes.

“As it stands right now, I’m coming up empty.”

“Their apartments were spread throughout the city, so … no fingerprints at the crime scene.”

“The unsub uses gloves.”

“He’s organized.”

“Forced entry at all the apartments. Back door, patio door, living room window.”

“The homes were wrecked.”

“Clear evidence of a struggle.”

“He’s creating a scene.”

“He wants to inflict fear not only in his victim but in whomever finds the body.”

“Could be a message to the local PD. ‘Look what I can do’.”

“He’s killed three women in under a week. San Diego PD wants us on the scene as soon as possible.”

Stephen King: “Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters.”

Dang, Mr. King, just dang.

“Our unsubs has a type and a temper.”

Yeah, he’s angry at brunettes. Seriously creepy (I’m brunette :O)

“Amber was getting ready for her bath. It would have been an easy target for a sexual assault, but none came.”

“That’s highly unusual for this kind of unsub.”

“You know, extreme violence in physical aggression is in its nature sexual.”

Again with the hot people talking about sex.

“That’s true, but as a substitution for the sex act.”

“This guy could be impotent. He can’t perform, so that’s why he goes all out for the kill.”

Again with the sweet ‘innocent’ people talking about sex.

“If he’s targeting female college students, we need to make sure that campus officials are informed if they haven’t been already.”

“We also can’t rule out other students and faculty.”

Insert Reid’s immense knowledge about San Diego college layout ... that’s a lot.

“Each girl lived off-campus and was attacked in their apartment.”

“That’s pretty high-risk.”

“Less risky if he’s stalking them in advance, running layouts and routines.”

“Between classes and part-time jobs, they’d be home sporadically at best.”

“Which tells us they’re not victims of opportunity. He targets them, then stalks them to know where they live and when they’re gonna be home.”

“Morgan, you and Reid go to the last victim’s apartment. Seaver, interview the roommate. Dave and I will go to the medical examiner’s.”

“Well, there’s no secure parking.”

“I rode a bike when I was in college.”

“That’s ‘cause you weren’t old enough to drive, Einstein.”

Oh my god, the Reid-Morgan bromance teasing is back. I love those two so fucking much.

“I could drive. It’s just the government wouldn’t issue me a license until I was fourteen.”

Oh, schooled!

“A lot of places for the unsub to hide out here.”

“Yeah, he could have easily grabbed her when she passed through here.”

“Yet she made it all the way to her apartment.”

“Where she should feel safe, but then he took that from her.”

“The number of stab wounds increases with each victim, yes?”

“Did the strike indicate any medical knowledge on the part of the unsub?”

“He hadn’t built his confidence yet.”

“He’s improving quickly.”

“He made the struggle last longer because he wanted her to suffer.”

“So now he’s starting to enjoy it.”

And I’m about to upchuck the strawberries and banana

“I’m Agent Derek Morgan. This is Dr. Spencer Reid.”

“He jimmied the lock on the window.”

���I guess he needed the privacy to complete the torture.”

“Well, most sadists like to kill on their own turf. This guy didn’t risk taking her to a secondary location.”

“Maybe something happened which makes the location of the kill significant. Look.”

“That’s something new.”

What is?

“He’s smearing the blood on the walls, exhibiting more control and rage over his victims, taking pleasure in the kill.”

Ew!

“It looks like he’s taking his anger out on women who represent someone he knows.”

“Yeah, like Edmund Kemper. He most likely can’t confront his true target yet, so he’s going after women who look like her until he can build up the confidence to complete his endgame.”

“So she wasn’t into the college scene.”

“Academically or for money?”

“Do you know where she heard about the part-time work?”

Craigslist ... yikes.

“The first victim, Monica Shanley’s, BFF reported that they were talking on the phone and hung up just before Monice stepped inside her apartment.”

“What does that get us?”

Phone time with the sexy goddess?

“Well, some neighbors heard loud screaming coming from Monica’s apartment at 11:12 pm.”

“At 11:15 they called 911.”

“11:26 cops arrived.”

“He’s able to strike, kill, and get out in less than 14 minutes?”

That’s one fast sicko.

“How’d it go?”

“According to her roommate, Amber worked odd jobs to make ends meet.”

“Could be where she met with the unsub. Garcia, get us a list of jobs that Amber worked the last few months, and look for personal checks she might have deposited as under-the-table payments.”

Oh, you smart Italian stallion.

“Copy that.”

“The unsub stalks his victims. He knows their routine.”

“He could attack them anytime they’re alone, even in their cars, but he chooses to attack them in their homes.”

“And waits for them to bolt the doors before he strikes.”

“He wants them to feel safe before he takes that away from them.”

“It’s about making them feel powerless in their own personal space.”

“So it’s physical and psychological torture.”

No shit.

So he killed a babysitter. Yikes. Poor baby.

“We profiled that he gets off by striking inside the victims’ homes. Why did he kill her here?”

“That’s a big change in MO.”

“Maybe Laurie had a roommate, so the unsub figured he’d have more time on the job.”

“Did he hurt the child?”

Thankfully, no.

“I’ll talk to them. You two go in.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins, I’m David Rossi with the FBI. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?”

“And how did you meet her?”

Again with the fucking Craigslist.

“How many people did you interview?”

“Did she talk about any boyfriends or say anything that may have raised an alarm?”

“And how long ago was that?”

So she had a boyfriend up till a month ago. Yikes.

“With an infant in the room, Laurie would have been at her most vulnerable.”

“Look at this.”

“He felt compelled to organize the supplies.”

“Look.”

Now, if it weren’t for the blood, I would have so many images of Daddy!Derek.

“Do you think the unsub fed the kid?”

“Then he stabs Laurie, so the kid probably starts crying.”

“Maybe he gave the kid the bottle in order to keep him quiet.”

“We might be looking for someone with a deep-rooted abandonment issue.”

“One who identifies with the child.”

“Or maybe the baby crying interfered with his enjoyment of watching the babysitter bleed out?”

“Well, either way, caring for the child would be psychological torture for Laurie.”

“Reid. Look at that.”

“She’s got several missed calls and a few texts from social networking sites.”

“‘What’s with the photo? Halloween isn’t for months’.”

“Speak, boy wonder, behold my might.”

XD

“Garcia, the latest victim Laurie Burgin was writing something on the internet last night. Can you figure out what it was?”

“Yeah. I was just tweeting myself. Uno momento.”

She tweets? Damn. I love this woman.

“Oh, God. Reid.”

“She managed to take a picture of the unsub before she died.”

Oh shit.

“Can’t really make it out.”

“I can tell you more. Laurie’s account was active two hours after that photo was posted.”

“And continued posting status updates after she died.”

Shit. That dude is fucking sick.

“‘Feeling faint at heart.’”

“‘All alone and too scared to cry.’”

“All right, this isn’t good. He’s mocking his victims now.”

“He sat here tweeting while Laurie bled to death.”

“All right, baby girl, listen. I need you to go through Laurie’s accounts. See who was following her and see who was messaging back.”

“On it.”

“All right, let’s get out of here, let’s get back to Hotch.”

“We got a photo and we got a profile.”

“Thank you, Garcia.”

“We’re looking for a while male in his early 20s.”

“And because he’s stalking his victims, we believe that he either works out of his house or a part-time job.”

“This unsub strikes in the home rather than the outside where he could more easily abduct his victims.”

“Now, this tells us that his social skills are most likely lacking and he may not have the confidence to talk to women.”

“His confidence with killing, however, is growing. He’s gone from hesitant strikes in the victim’s home to painting the walls with blood.”

“Our unsub is developing a taste for the kill. And his victims share similar features and backgrounds.”

“And we believe that they represent someone whom the unsub thinks has wronged him and he’s taking out his rage on them.”

“Because the unsub shows signs of one neat aspect and started killing suddenly and effectively with no break, we believe he was recently incarcerated or institutionalized.”

“Look at men who got out a month or so ago. Their records will show a history of violence, anger toward women and/or symbols of authority.”

“We need to warn all young women to be hypervigilant, especially in their online acquaintances, but also with service workers, maintenance staff, and deliverymen.”

Hey! Assholes, don’t make fun of my superheroes!

“No, but tell them to double-check IDs, call dispatch before they let anybody inside.”“Panic is inevitable, but we still need to keep everyone informed. Uniformed officers are posting warnings across campuses.”

“Now, since the Jenkins family found Laurie online, we believe the unsub may be using similar methods …”

“Profiles, job postings, anything that gives a little too much information that the unsub could use to hunt his victims.”

“And time’s not on our side. We think that he’s already got his next victim in his sights.”

“The account tracks back to an email address he created yesterday morning, IP address leads to a public terminal. That’s where the trail ends.”

“What about the Jenkins house?”

“He was tweeting with her prior to the assault.”

“The unsub hacked into the Jenkins’ Wi-Fi network.”

“Pretty smart for a guy who’s been locked up.”

“Yeah, he has gotten good at covering his tracks. How are you doing on a list of criminal records and releases?”

“Oh, right, that. Okay. I searched local college students, which is a lot, and I’m a masochist, so I went ahead and included military personnel because San Diego has a big naval and marine presence.”

“Combine those with those two pools and he’s swimming in criminal infractions.”

“All right, filter out sexual assault and lewd behavior.”

“Filtering at the speed of light, sir.”

Someone give her writers all the awards.

“And what about background financials on the victims? Is there any evidence of jobs being performed under the table?”

“Actually, in all cases there were personal checks deposited from several accounts, most under $100.”

So babysitting isn’t that financially beneficial.

“All right, send a list of account holders, and, Seaver, when you get them, start making phone calls.”

“What am I looking for?”

Another brain? Because you’re looking at babysitters, activate those neurons.

“Any victims who might have worked as babysitters.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Shit. Fucking Strauss is sticking her nose in everything. Fuck.

“We’ve delivered the profile and the locals are canvassing the area. Did you call for a field update?”

“How’s that?”

Wait. So now he has to run an assessment on himself? Isn’t that against protocol?

“My orders were to assess the team.”

“Is that an order?”

“Ma’am, with all due respect, we’ve got four women dead and we’ll probably have another one by the morning.”

“She’s relentless.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Did he get another babysitter?”

You bet your ass he did.

“Who’s that?”

“They were locked in here all night?”

“I’ll meet you guys inside.”

So he locked the mom and the baby in the beddroom while he killed the babysitter and daddy? Fuck.

And now he’s just the cutest little puppy thing ever comforting that lady and being the most amazing hunky thing ever.

“Hello, Amy. My name’s Derek Morgan. I’m with the FBI. I understand you’ve been through a great ordeal. I’d just like to ask you a few questions if that’s okay.”

Oh my cutie polite puppy.

“Did you happen to see the man who came in your home?”

“It’s okay. Take your time.”

“Did you hear anything while you were locked inside?”

“Jake suffered multiple stab wounds to the chest and abdomen. The sitter, Lily, got the brunt of it.”

“She could be the one he’s been after all along.”

Wasn’t that the whole point of this? He hates brunette babysitters?

“I don’t know. This guy’s meticulous. He plans everything out.”

“Then why didn’t he know the Ellisons were returning?”

“I think he did. I mean, the unsub was watching the house. He knew that they came home, but he just didn’t care. He adapted.”

“He went after the biggest threat first. He eliminated Jake in order to gain control over Lily and Amy.”

“There are two initial points of attack, one in the hallway outside the nursery and the other one here. Yet, both bodies ended up together.”

“Look at the way they’re posed, directly looking at each other.”

“He wanted them to watch each other die.”

“I think it’s more than that. This change in behavior could be the piece that we’re missing.”

“This guy knew the Ellisons were home, but he struck anyway. He could have taken out the entire family, but he chose to spare the mother and the child. Why?”

“With the Jenkins, the unsub actually fed the baby. Here, he spared the mother and locked her in a room with her son. It’s likely he’s protecting the children.”

“The addition of Jake Ellison caused the unsub to change his methodology.”

“For the first time he posed the bodies, and he’s also sexually violated one of the victims.”

“Okay, we have a father posed to look at a dying babysitter and a mother and child protected upstairs. That’s a pretty clear message.”

“Garcia, search for local women who died in their early 30s and they’re survived by a husband and at least one son. Go back 10-15 years. Cross that with new marriage licenses filled by surviving husbands.”

“The unsub’s always been troubled, Garcia, so look for youthful offenders who would have fit into the sociopathic triad.”

“Okay, I’ve got a few.”

“What about …”

“Here’s one. Greg Phinney, Chula Vista.”

“He was put into juvie when he was thirteen for … threatening his stepmom with a knife.”

“What do we know about the stepmother?”

“Kate Jones, aka the second Mrs. Phinney. Married Greg’s father a year after Greg’s mother was killed in a car accident. Greg was 11 at the time.”

“Mr. Phinney died four weeks ago.”

“Is there any evidence that Kate worked in the Phinney home before the mother’s death?”

“Oh, the plot solidifies. Kate cited additional income as caregiver on her tax returns when she was a college student. Payments trace back to the Phinneys.”

“Kate filed numerous reports against Greg for violent behavior, experimentation on animals. Greg’s father finally put the kibosh on things when he was seventeen, had him institutionalized.”

“Greg was released two weeks ago.”

“Just before the killings started.”

“Garcia,  where’s Greg Phinney now?”

“Yeah, that’s a good question. Oh, dear …”

What?

“Greg Phinney, FBI. Open the door!”

“He’s not in here.”

Captain Hot and OBvious.

“The bedroom’s clear.”

“Baby girl, can you tell me why Greg Phinney’s laptop has an employee login screen?”

“Well, lover, I have been doing some digging.”

“Did you know that he’s been working part-time as a data entry clerk at the San Diego Register?”

“If he was in an institution, where did he get the time to find a job?”

“Uh, he didn’t even have to look. This job is part of his work-release program. And twenty hours of internet privileges will go a long way.”

“That’s how he finds his victims. He browses the classifieds. Did he have access tos the customers’ personal information?”

“Oh, honey, he entered it.”

“That must be Kate Phinney.”

“Well, he’s obviously built up the confidence to confront her.”

“Garcia.’

“Reading your mind. Calling the others.”

I love those two.

“Greg’s not at home, so he’s probably already at Karen’s house.”

“Kate’s the object of his hostility. He’s gonna take his time.”

“Let’s light ‘em up. I’m sure he knows we’re coming.”

“Dave, take some uniforms and find the back door. I’m gonna try to get inside and talk to him.”

“You think that’s gonna work?”

“I don’t think Kate gets out of this any other way.”

Oh boy, what are they gonna do now?

“Greg Phinney, this is Agent Aaron Hotchner. I need to talk to you about your demands so you can let Kate go.”

So he’s a serial killer without demands? Well, that’s weird.

Wait. He’s blaming Kate in all of this? Why?

“What has she done?”

“Greg, I think this has more to do with your dad than it is about Kate.”

“Your dad put you away.”

“Greg, I need to ask you a very important question. Do you want to live?”

Well, that’s seriously worrying.

“I think you do. And if so, you need to let me in the house. Otherwise I can’t guarantee that you’re gonna walk out of there.”

“Seaver, I want you to come in with me. Leave your firearm here.”

“Be compassionate and sympathetic to him. Let him tell you how Kate betrayed him and how much you understand his devastation.”

Heh, he’s pissed he brought in Seaver. But he can smooth his way into anything, can’t you, Hotch?

“I know, but I thought if we talked inside we could work this out ourselves.”

“No guns.”

No guns? Have you lost your marbles?

“As long as you’ve got a gun, if one of the agents outside has a clear shot, he’ll take it.”

Sneaky Rossi.

“I don’t have a line of sight.”

“Tell me what you want Greg.”

“Don’t you really want Kate to apologize for making your dad forget your mom?”

“Unless the next words out of your mouth are ‘I’m sorry’, I don’t want to hear anything else from you.”

WHOA!

“I understand, Greg. I do.”

“She took care of you. You trusted her. And then she betrayed you as soon as your mother was gone.”

Spider-Rossi! (Flexibility and stuff)

“It must have crushed you when Kate married your dad.”

“How did it make you feel, Greg?”

“You felt betrayed, didn’t you, Greg?”

“Ask her the question, Greg. Go ahead. Ask her.”

Wait. So this whole fucking thing was about him being in love with his babysitter-turned-stepmom? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

No. Fucking. Way!

“Bring in backup.”

“No. I had to be aggressive towards you in order to gain Greg’s trust. None of this is your fault.”

Aw, that’s nice of you, b;ondie.

“Greg has always been troubled. Losing his mother and then his father made him even more unstable. Sometimes we do everything right and we still lose. Greg was a sociopath and there’s nothing you could have done to change that.”

“Good work, agent.”

“Hey. Nice job, kid.”

I love Rossi so fucking much!

Adrienne Rich: “Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events.”

What the fuck does that even mean?

“Why, uh, why the interest in the well-being of my team?”

“What kind of concerns?”

“What’s going on?”

So Erin has problems and she needs to go away? Finally.

Heyo! So this episode had everything! Humor, sarecasm, banter, cutie patooties making me smile, and then that whole bit iwth the unsub being a total nutcase. Just what the Dr. Spencer Reid ordered XD I have faith in this show again XD

Alrighty, I gotta go finish up the reviews for this season and get cracking on seven (holy shit, where has time gone?)

Thank you so much for the ever-surprising support!

[uncloseted]

im in a realtionship with this guy for like 2 months and we are really in love. but i am a "politics" person, im into politics and activism (specially feminism related things), but my boyfriend is not. and thats ok. until yesterday when he laughed at a really sexist and bad joke while we were videochatting. the joke was made by this humorist who is known for being sexist and racist. i told him that made me angry and that i wanted to end the videochat, and then i did it. he said he was sorry+++

+++later because he knew that this humorist makes me angry, and that he shouldnt have laughed at his joke. and we are ok now, but i feel like he just apologized because he knew i would get mad, but this doesnt change the fact that he would still laugh at this joke when im not around. the thing is, i cant accept him to think this is funny. i just cant. but i dont know how far i can go into "making him" not laugh at this. im scared of being abusive

I think the thing about young men (and especially young, white, Christian, heterosexual, middle or upper middle class men) is that they’re more often than not totally clueless as to what it’s like to be a person who’s oppressed. They just don’t get it because it’s not something they’ve ever had to contend with themselves. They don’t have to be a “politics person” because their life isn’t really impacted by politics in a significant way. And jokes like that don’t clock as being offensive to them because they can only contextualise it within their own experience (i.e. “if someone made a joke about my whiteness, maleness, straightness, etc. it wouldn’t be offensive, so it’s not offensive when people make jokes using those same characteristics about minorities”). They’re wrong, of course, to think that their privileged way of interacting with the world is also how less privileged people should interact with the world. But this may be the first time that they’re being challenged to think about their own views and how those views interact with their privilege. How would he know? It’s probably something he’s never had to think about in his entire life. And I think they deserve the opportunity to grow and to change their views as they become more aware of the discourse around these issues. My guess is that he doesn’t understand why that comedian and his jokes are problematic and he did just apologise because he knew you were hurt. But I think this has the potential to become a learning opportunity where he can begin to be exposed to those questions of privilege. So I would suggest using this incident as a way to begin those conversations and to educate him as opposed to expecting that he should have already known why those types of jokes are problematic for people.