#head hurts and we're so DEPRESSED and restless and i want to do something but i don't know i don't know!!!!

[apologeticaugur]

this is NOT karkalicious, and actually quite sadstuck if you think about it for a moment :,(

[lia-bones]

The night when everything collapses

Remus Lupin x Reader

Summary: It is a full moon night. Remus was gone as always. (Y/N) was alone until she received an unexpected visitor who brought terrible news.

Warnings: Angst, Angst, Angst, Swear words, injuries, dead, murder, tears and grief.

Words: 2154

Author note: I am so sorry. So sorry. Why do I always write angst stories? It was so difficult for me to write that. It always depressed me so much. I wrote it over several days because I always needed a break from the grief.

(English is not my main language. I apologize for all misspellings, grammatical errors, and translation errors.)

not my gif

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It was a restless night. The wind rattled the windows and the moon cast dark shadows in the room. It was pouring, so that large puddles formed on the ground.

The sky was deep black, only now and then the full moon shine through the gaps in the cloud cover. Nobody would be on their feet voluntarily on nights like this. (Y/N) would now prefer to be in her bed, cuddling with her boyfriend, under a thick blanket.

On other nights that wouldn't be a problem at all. But on nights like this it wasn't. Not because of the rain or the storm, but because of the lunar circle. Her boyfriend couldn't be with her on full moon nights, and she couldn't be with him. He would never let that happen. He was infected with lycanthropy as a child. Since then he turned into a werewolf every full moon. Just like today. Usually his friends would be with him but they were all busy.

James was with his wife and one year old son and Sirius and Peter were on missions for the Order. So Remus spent that night alone. But she would wait for him. Just like she always did.

(Y/N) was mixing batter for brownies when there was a knock on the door. Confused, she looked out the window. The moon was still in the sky, so there was no chance Remus would be back. Maybe it was Lily who just wanted to sleep for a few hours without being woken up by Baby Harry. The poor boy was just getting his first teeth and screamed terribly at night.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. No need to rush." she called when there was another knock on the door. This time louder.

She wiped off her hands with a towel and then hurried across the living room to the door.

She held her wand tightly in her hand as she opened the door, ready just in case.

Whoever stood in front of her house made the young woman pause.

Her former Hogwarts teacher, professor mcgonagall, was standing in the open doorway with an expression on her face that made (Y/N)'s hair stand up.

"Miss (Y/L/N). May I come in. I've got news that I can't deliver out here.

The younger woman nodded a little confused and took a few steps to the side to make room for her teacher to enter.

Both women stood facing each other in silence. (Y/N) kneaded her hands and looked at the floor. The behavior of the normally so composed woman, scared her a little.

The older woman looked nervous, her eyes were red and she was breathing hard.

"P .. Professor? ...what is it that you have to tell me?"

The mood in the room was tense. McGonagall didn't look at her at first.

The feeling that something was wrong spread through every fiber of (Y/N) body.

And now that the eyes of the two women met, she noticed that tears were running down the teacher's slightly wrinkled cheeks.

"I have bad news (Y/N). Terrible things have happened."

(Y/N) bit her lip and started breathing hard. She opened her eyes wide and tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

Her mouth go completely dry and she was terrified of what McGonagall was about to tell her.

"Voldemort attacked the Potters. Lily and James ... they ... they are dead."

The statement came in a whisper.

(Y/N) suddenly couldn't breathe. As if all the air had left the room. Tears ran down her cheeks, which had turned a deep red from the lack of air. Her lip had started bleeding from biting too hard.

It couldn't be. What her teacher just told her couldn't be. Lily and James couldn't be dead, she had seen them yesterday.

"Kinds of Miss (Y / L / N). You have to take a deep breath." McGonagall said, placing both hands on the younger woman's shoulders. (Y/N) looked at her with a panicked expression and stammered: "No. No, no, no, no, no. This can not be true. Please, please tell me this is not true. They can't be dead. YThey have to live ... they ... " The older woman cut her off by patting her lightly on the shoulder.

"I wish I was lying. Unfortunately, it's the truth. They were found dead in ther house an hour ago."

(Y/N) Face color went from deep red to pale.

So pale that you could see the blue veins on her neck and face shimmering through the skin. She felt as if someone had kicked her head. McGonagall wasn't lying. Why should she lie about something like that? Two of her best friends were, in deed, dead. She would never see them again. James and Lily, who had just started a family, were no longer with them.

And then it came to (Y/N) mind. The Potter family. James, Lily and Harry. McGonagall hadn't said anything about Harry. What's about Harry?

"What about Harry? Is Harry alive? You didn't say Harry was dead! That means he's alive, right? Or? You bring him here ,right? " she exclaimed furiously and grabbed the woman opposite by the upper arms.

McGonagall released her grip, but still held her hands tightly. A sad smile formed on her face that did not reach her eyes and slowly shook her head.

(Y/N) jerked her hands back and her mouth fell open.

McGonagall pulled her lips in and didn't meet her eyes.

"Yes. Harry is alive. He is fine. He only has a cut on his forehead. But we're not going to bring him here. Dumbledore has decided that Harry will be taken to the Dursley's. Harry is probably safest there, he says. Voldemort may be gone, but you never know what his followers are up to. Nobody will suspect him there. Away from the magic world, with the Muggles." explained Minerva matter-of-factly and folded her arms in front of her body.

(Y/N) was speechless for a moment. The old man couldn't mean that seriously.

"To the Dursleys? Really? That can't be serious! We are his family. He had it better with us than with them. They don't love him. They don't care. Who knows what they're doing to him!" She pleaded and gestured with her arms. The woman opposite took a few steps backwards and looked at the floor in shame.

"You are his family too. They are blood relatives. He's safer with them."

(Y/N) tensed her jaw and bit her cheek until she tasted the metallic taste of blood.

They couldn't mean that seriously. These people had never been interested in Harry before. Harry would be safe with them too.

"Such a crap. He belongs here. To me, Remus and Sirius ... we are ... "

Again she was interrupted by McGonagall, who drew in a sharp breath when she called Sirius' name.

(Y/N) closed her mouth and looked at her inquiringly.

"There's other bad news that I have to deliver. Sirius Black was brought to Azkaban some time ago by the Aurors, which he will never leave again. He was convicted of murdering numerous Muggles and Peter Pettigrew in cold blood.He betrayed us."

(Y/N) slumped. Her knees hit the floor and her hands caught her torso. She felt as if she was about to throw up, but she could only choke dryly.

McGonagall was about to take a few steps towards her again to comfort the young woman when she suddenly hit the floor with her fists and let out a desperate scream.

"FUCKING BULLSHIT. YOU LIE TO ME! THAT CANNOT BE TRUE. FUCKING LIED DIRT SHIT!"

McGonagall stared down at her with wide eyes and made a wry face.

"No Miss (Y/L/N). I'm so sorry. But there is nothing to be done about it."

(Y/N) gasped in response.

"I'll meet Dumbledore in a moment to hand Harry over to his aunt and uncle. Have a seat and calm down, please. Harry will be fine and as soon as he gets to Hogwarts you can see him again. Please, (Y/N). There is nothing we can do now. Calm down, we will send you more information soon.

I ask you to pass the latest events on to Remus as soon as he gets back. I think you can tell him the best. Be there for one another in these difficult time."

The older teacher put a hand on her head for a moment to comfort her and then turned away and left the house.

(Y/N) was left alone.

she sat on the floor and felt her whole body wrapped in cold. The horrible realization that she had lost three of her best friends that night ate into her bones. The lights in the whole house flickered and she felt the magic going crazy inside her. She screamed from the top of her lungs and at that moment several glasses cracked in the club.

She curled up on the floor like a fetus and hugged her legs. The tears furrowed her cheeks and there was a lump the size of a quoffel in her throat.

It hurt so much. Everything hurt so much. It was like her skin was on fire, her bones break like matches and her inside, felt like she'd swallowed acid.

Crying didn't feel like enough for (Y/N), the emotions in her just had to get out.

She pulled herself up and walked into the kitchen on shaky legs.

Her baking ingredients were on the counter as she had left them. She clawed her hands in the sideboard and blinked to get a clear view again.

"Fuck, Shit, damn it!"

With a quick arm movement, she ripped everything off the kitchen counter. Flour, milk and eggs were scattered on the floor and on the walls, with broken glass from the dough bowl in between.

With a heartbreaking sob, (Y/N) fell into the mess.

She lay down on the site and with her arms pulled her legs to her chest as tightly as she could. Splinters pecked her face, but she made no move to change that. At least, the sting reminded her that she was still there and hadn't just dissolved.

Hours passed like seconds and before she even realized it, the door opened and heavy steps shuffled through the house.

"(Y/N), dear. I'm home. Are you awake?" Remus called in a limp voice looking for his girlfriend.

She heard how he came closer, how the footsteps got louder and louder. But she couldn't move, couldn't answer him.

'How am I supposed to tell him? How am I supposed to tell him that his whole family is dead? ' she thought and screwed up her eyes more tightly.

"Hey (Y/N/N), what about the glasses ..." Remus asked as he entered the kitchen, but stopped when he saw his girlfriend lying on the floor.

"Fuck! (Y/N)! Fuck! what the fuck happened?" he exclaimed excitedly, hurried across the kitchen and fell on his knees next to his girlfriend.

Carefully he stroked her cheek and held her hand with the other.

She blinked and looked up at him. His face was pale gray and there were a few new scratches on his face.

She sucked in air through clenched teeth and let it out with a sob.

"(Y/N). Hey love, what happened? Please talk with me." her boyfriend whispered, leaning further down to her.

She sat up and leaned her back against the wall. For a moment she could only stare at him. How was she supposed to tell him something that she knew would hurt him immeasurably?

Just as he opened his mouth again to say something, she said in a scratchy voice: "Something bad has happened."

Confused, he drew his eyebrows together and brushed the last glass of residue off her cheek.

She opened her mouth again to continue speaking, but only brought out a hoarse croak.

She couldn't look at him. We didn't want to see the pain in his eyes when she was about to ram a Methaforic knife into his chest.

"Hey look at me. It won't be that bad. Everything will be fine."

She looked back at him and instantly tears began to gather in her eyes again.

'No. It was worse. Much worse.'

"Remus, sit down." she whispered and took his hands as he did as he was told.

Her throat went dry and she started shaking all over.

"I do not know how I should begin. I don't want to say it. That would only make it more real...."