#heart palpitations suck
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Have to start managing my caffeine for my "heart health" or whatever. Pray for me.
Also pray for my husband who has to put up with me.
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I would love to just sit—just to sit here and talk with you all afternoon.
#hi willow is this the scene you were talking about. I literally almost posted this set yesterday instead of the other one!!he's so beautiful#james spader#speaking of sex#*#this is sweet but um. the way he loudly sucks the chocolate off his fingers moments before this happens. i'm having heart palpitations
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when i exchange a message whether i receive or send one i have to immediately shut off my device & walk some laps for a few minutes to shake off the adrenaline rush
#i try to forget that ever happened so i can relax because otherwise i get heart palpitations & headrush my uterus drops ETC#so i have to stay off of whatever site i just used for like an hour but now i have messages sent+received on every app#i can only escape to yourube & it sucks#also even anonymously i exit out of the thread/tab & ignore that tab for as long as it takes me to forget#& then i check back on the replies hours later or days even despite not ever posting bait i just get nervous#( but not always... خلّي أيامك أحلى )#currently hamster walking everywhere in my house & it took me a day to reply back ( was too busy agonizing )#could have been a month like last time. or year like the other two times before. IDK why i even bothered#WHEW#that one screencap i already posted before with the courage the cowardly dog picrel Shockingly not posted by me#but i might as well have i do the exact same thing & when people are nice to me i ride that high for a week if not more#the high i got from crushing it at scribbl with randoms in 2020 i rode for like two years & then the *** livestream in 2022#i am still riding today & ALWAYS WILL best days of my internet life for Serious look forwards to it annually cured me completely#from suicidal ideation. THANK YOU WOMEN. ^_^
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no i really love working on my saturday off, which also happens to be my birthday, for a closing shift, which also happens to be my third closing shift in a row 👍
#j.txt#definitely not having small heart palpitations over it#sighh it will be ok lol we literally scoped out every other option and things just Happened this way#i will simply be a little grumpy for half the day At least#as a bday treat to myself 🤘#summer sucks lol why was i born this time of year
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okay guys i’ll be honest about my first (official) day of internship. not only it sucked but also i wasn’t feeling well the entire time lol
#it sucked because today we were supposed to organise everything we will be using next friday but we had no idea what we#1. were expected to do (exactly) 2. how we were supposed to go about it#and then we also had no supervision whatsoever. we were left to FEND!#for ourselves.#and then unrelated. i had like. a crisis of sorts#both sensorial (later on) but also idk chronic illness whatever#i had these bouts of feeling very hot and not being able to breathe properly. and then heart palpitations#walking between classrooms (which i had to do a lot) made me feel very tired and breathless#sucks. but i’ll live#next week we’ll start with the students. i think it’ll be better
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finished a 3-day game jam with about 4 minutes left until deadline. Now I need to sleep for the next 2000 years
#first day was super chill#second day I procrastinated way too much because I was doing things out of my comfort zone#third day started nice but ended up giving me heart palpitations because time was tight#there is one biiiiig bug in there#nothing game breaking but that still sucks#and it’s not balanced at all 😭 oh well it’s always like this for me#never enough time to properly playtest#but it’s nice to see how much progress my gf and I have made between the last 3 day game jam and this one#sina’s rambling
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I finally designed Elora's older brother <3
He's a pyro sword user !! He's very silly I love him
#original character#ocs#my ocs#artists on tumblr#original characters#genshin oc#genshin impact#im running on 0 hours of sleep#heart palpitations can suck my d-#/lhj
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My Dad tested positive (again) this morning. He started feeling poorly yesterday and as he’s the kind of person who barely noticed a headache when he was having aural migraines bad enough to send him to ER, I scampered off the couch and out of the house pretty damn quick. Based on the timeline, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me - I’ve coughed and sneezed more since getting home from vacation but we were all sure it was just allergies and I’ve tested negative. We’re currently pretty sure the culprit is the 24 hours spent at his 55th (?) high school reunion over the weekend. My Mom has surrendered to the fact that she’s going to test positive by tomorrow. So I’m sitting here in The Annex dithering. 500 yards away and now banned from entering my parents’ house.
(And I’m mad because the embossing power is not adhering correctly so I trashed at least a half dozen cards and that means I have to redesign my Rosh Hashanah cards and now they’re probably going to arrive late. But that’s a completely different issue.)
#Covid sucks#my parents are actually doing fine at the moment#just a head cold/flesh wound#I shall be dispatched this afternoon to pick up the good drugs#it’s actually kind of an interesting case study#my dad almost never gets sick#he’s just like that#but he’s been the first with symptoms both times#probably because he had a bad enough reaction (heart palpitations) to the vaccine that he couldn’t go back for more#he fully supports vaccinations but thinks 40+ irregular heartbeats a minute is too many#I have agree#so my mom and I get stabbed in the shoulder with science juice as often as possible#my mom found out almost thirty years ago that blood banks LOVE her#because she’s a universal donor AND she has infant/toddler blood#she’s immune compromised because her body just doesn’t make the same immune response blood cells#so her blood was mostly used for young people who hadn’t had the chance to develop resistance#I like to think I can help others by making sure that I’ve got enough in me to radiate to all#and I can post videos of my walks in the woods so others can enjoy a walk I the woods#I’ll start editing footage as soon as these Rosh Hashanah cards are in the mail
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The next semester is going to KILL me. Bachelor thesis which idk what I want to write about AT ALL and if my adhd brain is even able to do it, two seminars that are probably gonna be super boring bcs the seminars this semester all suck for some reason AND immediately after that I have to do a work experience and write a report abt that. Oh and the semester starts NEXT WEEK
#plus still a lot of work until we can reopen the bar#im soo scared i wont be able to do it and everything falls apart bcs i didn't care enough and then i wont have any qualifications at all#also have to get a legal name change SOMEHOW very soon so my degree won't have the wrong name on it. for which i have to go to court#(in my birth city. it's pretty much a tossup if it's gonna work or not)#maybe i should try to get back on adhd meds that might help but i got heart palpitations and gi issues last time which sucked#god. literally every week I'm like what the FUCK is wrong with me why can't i just care and get things done why am i so lazy#but i guess it's adhd. or depression or the absurdity of having to have aspirations for myself when people all over the world are suffering#anyway I'm grumpy and feeling hopeless. but it will be ok i can do it. maybe. either way it's gonna work out some way or another
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Encanto tag on ao3 has the unique ability to make me feel like shit even after filtering
#bro why is there never anything good#and if theres anything good the author can be trusted not to blast me in the face when i go to their works page#also will forever lol at the way i filter out 60% of the fics in the bruno tag and 99% of it is still unreadable#and the 1% i do like i already know from the fandom discord#sorry for venting stupid fandom shit its 4 am i cant sleep#and i decided to see if ao3 finally has something for me after not checking it for like..... a year?#'fluffy [x]!!' and its shit that gives me heart palpitations worsens my intruisive thoughts and generally sucks the enjoyment out the chara#fandom discourse#i guess
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OUGGFHHH MY ARMMM
#vent //#i took my last shweed capsule so hopefully i can just family guy death pose for the day once it kicks in#its only 2.5mg so it wont knock me flat on my back or anything fbdmkl but im taking a heart med rn so im being v careful#(the heart med is literally just for anxiety causing me heart palpitations constantly dsjksl cptsd + bad living situation sucks shit LMAO)#im just hoping it'll make this a little more bearable djdksl I'll just hopefully float thru the rest of the day#im gonna do some stardew and pokemon and hopefully some art :3#dandy.cmd#tw drugs
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...
#the closer i get to moving the more i dont wanna do annnnnnything#i just wanna pack everything and then leave. ive packed half my stuff. tsken down all my posters#but i still have like 10 days left ugh. time needs to move faster 😩#i dont wanna work tho bleh. and i fucking agreed to do some extra stuff#so now i have to fucking get all my data together. analyze a million pictures with this weird software and upload a million pics from like#at least 2 or 3 past projects. and i have to name those. except i dont want to name them all fuck that#i am not going to have time. it will take literally days. get a fucking undergrad to do it i have better things to do with my time#ugh. im just mad bc its hot and my joints r swollen and my abductor is irritated so i have to take it easy#fuck that. i hate it. bleh i wanna draw. but there r other things i should do#im such a slacker now. and by slacker i mean im working normal hours and goofing off the rest of the time#and by goofing off i mean drawing and packing and reading#god. when the semester starts its gonna b insane bc theres no way ill b done with work stuff so ill have to start my phd while double timin#on paper writing. its gonna fucking suck. which is y i shoulf b working rn so i dont have to do that so much#but again. i dont wanna work. i just wanna lay here and track my heart palpitations. its fine. im just in transition which is really#fucking annoying >:-(#unrelated#also i wanna rewatch p4cific rim but its not on any of my streaming services anymore >:-(((
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I’m really not a big fan of anxiety, it’s pretty lame
#work sucks lmfao and so does the winter here#like if I could stop having racing thoughts and heart palpitations that’d be cool
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maybe im just being crazy but maybe its not healthy for me to never be able to sleep because im always waking up gasping for air from stress-induced nightmares and it is in fact my dad who is the one in the wrong with how he is treating me here
#im so tired like i need to get like a wink of sleep but. everytime i do i just jolt back awake and get heart palpitations#this fucking sucks i hate that i cant get away from him even when hes not around#i will report back later and let yall know if i was finally able to fall asleep and stay asleep
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i thought I could finally go one week without therapy but NO, I forgot meds ONE TIME and I have to feel like I want to die and like I'm going to die on what should have been therapy Thursday!!!! Fuck
#It's fine#I'm getting pretty good at accepting I am clinically anxious and depressed#It sucks to be in pain and have heart palpitations tho#I can't tell if this is more or less bad than the last time I missed meds and went into withdrawal almost immediately
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🚬 ……
#probably gonna have to stop taking T bc i started getting heart palpitations n chest pain#i had it before when we tried increasing my dose#and ive been off of it for three months so ig maybe i didn’t start back slow enough or something#it’s the exact same as last time so i don’t think i need to go to the er but it’s still worrying.#ik theres stuff i could take to help w it but im just kinda tired. probably should have not taken the break at all.#dread speaks#< new talking tag so u guys can blacklist it if u want#i see my therapist next week. just gotta suck it up best i can till then.
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