#heaven is terrible

[dee-morris]

Aziraphale Does Not Have Religious Trauma

We talk a lot about Aziraphale's trauma when we discuss his motivations and choices, particularly the ones we don't like. But what we don't talk enough about is the KIND of trauma he has, and it's not what we think of when we think of religious trauma. We have to remember that everything that Aziraphale has been threatened with and terrified by in his existence. It's REAL.

When a human has religious trauma it's generally because they've been abused and conditioned by threats of hell and damnation and judgement and so forth, and part of the healing process is realizing that it's a bunch of bullshit from an abuser with a power trip. That's not the case with Aziraphale. The angels are mostly bastards, but I'm willing to bet most of them believe in the Great Plan and genuinely believe in what they're doing. Because God is real, hell is real, and you really can be tortured for eternity if you step out of line. Aziraphale saw it happen. I can't even imagine what that must have been like.

When he tries to stop Elspeth from digging up bodies, it's not from some vague moral qualm; it's very practical concern for her future. He knows hell is real and doesn't want this young woman to suffer. And the excitement in his face when he realizes that it's more complicated than that and there are moral justifications for it. "Good news, I've found a work around!" Aziraphale the rules lawyer my beloved. He's managed to survive all this time by finding justifications for evading the rules, but when the most powerful angel in heaven drops in for coffee and a chin wag, that's not an option anymore.

I just really feel like we need to have this in the front of our minds when we're answering every Why? with "Trauma." I mean, yes he has trauma, but it won't be cured by developing stronger self esteem and giving heaven the finger. (Satisfying as that would be.) It will be cured by tackling the source and ending the very real physical threat that heaven poses to himself and Crowley.

[once-upon-the-earth]

but imagine if heaven had social media

the discourse on there. The aziraphale apologists ("he didnt do anything wrong, he was just tempted by the demon!") Being assaulted by random thirst traps for Uriel. The metatron establishing stupid rules. Gabriel being cancelled after a post saying he doesnt agree with armageddon. Michael posting multiple photos of her at Gabriels desk with the caption "new supreme archangel" and being bullied in the comments by Uriel into taking it down. The thousands of thousands of The Sound Of Music gifsets. God having deleted Her account.

[aziraphales-library]

Hi! Don't know if you've done this before but do you have fics where Aziraphale gets dosed with truth serum or something so that the angels can figure out how he survived hell fire?

Hello. Here are some fics where heaven give Aziraphale a truth serum/spell...

Heavenly Blessings (Accidental and Otherwise) by EmeraldAshes (T)

“They’ve got you under some kind of interrogation spell?” The angel shook his head, chuckling lightly. “No, no, it’s really quite nice. It’s all about opening up and being your true self and sharing secrets with the ones you love, even if you would never usually say a...Actually, now that I hear it out loud, yes. It’s an interrogation spell.” In which the angels couldn't burn Aziraphale, so they do the next best thing.

In Veritas by BardofEryn (M)

Aziraphale is kidnapped and drugged only to be dumped into Crowley's lap when he gets a bit too annoying for the angels. Certain things that had been left unsaid come out in the drug-induced haze and Crowley has to deal with knowing the truth about Aziraphale's feelings. Rated M because Heaven kidnaps Aziraphale and drugs him with truth serum and that's all a bit on the mature end.

One Night of Honesty by cyankelpie (T)

Crowley should not be in the bookshop right now. Heaven has stripped Aziraphale of the ability to lie, and he's gotten himself so drunk that he's completely incapable of holding back the truth. It's the perfect storm of circumstances for him to accidentally let slip something that he can never take back, and he would never forgive Crowley if he let that happen. So why did Aziraphale start drinking in the first place, and why is he so adamant that Crowley stay?

These Truths I Can't Not Tell You by calloftheocean, zerodaryls (E)

When Aziraphale is taken to Heaven and forced to ingest a truth-serum-infused fruit, he thinks it may all be over for him and Crowley. Luckily, the serum never seems to take effect, and Aziraphale returns home unscathed. But with Crowley sitting so close to him in the back of the bookshop, why does he suddenly find it so difficult to keep his thoughts to himself?

- Mod D

[actual-changeling]

Do you think Aziraphale has been verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused by Heaven as well?

I will answer this question like one asked in good faith even though my gut is telling me there's a 50/50 chance it is very much not one.

So!

There are two parts to his answer, or rather one question is actually two.

Firstly, we have to talk about whether heaven is abusive, what that abuse looks like, and how it differs from hell.

Secondly, how did the results of question one affect Aziraphale, if it is different from what the other angels in heaven face, and what additional trauma might he have experienced due to being on earth.

I could write a 10k meta post about this and go into the finest detail, but I will just try and stick to the main points for now. It's still going to be way too long because I am so fucking tired of people accusing me of 'hating' Aziraphale or harassing me on my posts or in my inbox.

Is heaven abusive? Yes, and it applies to both heaven as an institution and the Archangels running it.

Getting to know Muriel and what their life looks like was extremely helpful in properly defining this, because they showed us that although the Archangels tend to travel and work as a group, most of the angels are incredibly isolated.

The result is complete emotional neglect, which not only impairs your ability to form and maintain healthy relationships with other people, it also stops your from learning emotional regulation and how to behave and feel as a part of (angelic) society. We see the consequences of that in Muriel, who comes across as overly naive, socially awkward, and out of touch with not just people but themselves.

When your entire life has been shrunk down to what happens inside your own head, suddenly being confronted with having to live outside of your mind is jarring, overwhelming, and foreign.

How do you talk to people when no one ever taught you how to do that? How do you behave around someone after a lifetime of being alone? How do your regulate your responses to their behaviour?

Who are you when there is someone else to perceive you?

Figuring that out is complicated and it takes time, and while most of the angels are only distantly aware of how humans live and what kind of interactions some of the other angels might have, the effects of that neglect stay the same whether they are aware of it or not.

Muriel shows us that angels are not born/made as a blank slate, and neither are humans for that matter. Tabula rasa as a philosophical belief is one thing, but reality is very, very different.

Angels also appear to have the same inherent need for connection, for a caretaker that loves them unconditionally, for someone to help them figure out how to be, and that provides a safe space to make mistakes. Without some or all of that, you grow up into a disregulated, socially awkward if not inept person who does not know how to have relationships or how to properly exist.

It is one of the reasons why autistic people are a) almost always traumatized to some degree and b) do not know how to socialize. No one ever works with our brains, and the resulting neglect is very similar to not receiving any help at all.

If you are now curious what happens if you're both autistic and were completely socially neglected, the result is uh. me. Hi! Not nice, but at least I am very sure I win the award for being my therapist's most fucked up client, so that's something.

Yet the angels are not solely emotionally neglected, the system/household they live in demands a low self-esteem, a lack of individual identity, and complete adherence to a defined ideology and behavioural pattern. In short, you are told how to be a useless, tiny part in a bigger machine, that your only purpose is to succeed at your tasks, and any opportunity for individual development is removed or destroyed.

If you are now once again curious what that might be like, uh, yeah, hi once more. Obviously my childhood was not exactly like an angels life, but the core characteristics were the same, just realized differently. Again, not pretty, really, really fucks you over.

Take that and the neglect, combine it into one person, and then drop them in the Garden of Eden—hello Aziraphale! Crowley got dropped into hell first, experienced more abuse, and then dug his way up into Eden before joining him.

Aziraphale experienced everything Muriel (and Crowley, and every other celestial being) also experienced, with one main difference: He is the one who got away.

We have to remember that out of every single celestial being, Aziraphale got the best deal. He did not fall, he got out of heaven (more or less) permanently, and was then largely left alone.

Does that erase anything I laid out above? No, of course not!

It simply provided him with the opportunity to heal, to take his cPTSD and who knows what other disorders he developed as a result, and start recovering.

Canonically, heaven did not bother him, like, ever, except for the odd note about 'frivolous miracles' or ten minutes of catching up every millennia. They only started monitoring him once they started to suspect he was involved with Crowley and trying to stop the apocalypse from happening.

Aziraphale worked on some things, he got better in many regards, especially with Crowley there to support him, but after six thousand years, many aspects have stayed the same or regressed back to the start over and over.

I will tell you a hard pill to swallow now: If you refuse to acknowledge your issues to instead live in a world of nicer denial and compartmentalization even when you have been offered the chance to change it, that is partly on YOU.

Is it fair? Fuck no! It's not fair at all, and I have had so many breakdowns over that fact. I did not break it, this is not my FAULT so why should I have to fix it all on my own? Why do I have to do the work, not them? How come they get away with it while I am going to have to carry this for the rest of my life?

I still have to do it though. I have to do the work, no matter how uncomfortable and exhausting, because I want to get better.

-

This conversation has so many facets and is a lot more complex, but this is already long enough, so if you have any questions or want to know something specific (while asking politely and in good faith) just send me an ask; I will do my best to answer it.

-

We are now only missing the last part of question 2, and that one is also so fucking complicated reducing it to the main points almost feels wrong, but I will do it anyway. Again, just ask if you have questions.

Abusive households are horrible, and you want to get out and away, but they are also the only thing you know. The world is scary, too big, too open, where did all the rules go that were previously defining your life?

Surviving in an abusive environment means you establish routine after routine after routine for every possible horrible scenario, you write a mental rule book to try and reduce the abuse (don't make them angry, don't cry when they're already shouting, don't do this, don't do that, do x but not y), and THAT is your socialization. THAT is everything you know, everything you are, everything you know relationships to be like.

Once you are away from that, you are completely and utterly lost. Even breathing feels like making a mistake, you feel watched, judged, rated, berated, you have them stuck in your fucking head. So you keep sticking to what you know, your behavioural patterns that have kept you safe your entire life.

The problem is that they kept you safe, past tense. In a healthy environment, all of those coping mechanisms are now maladaptive and harm you instead of keeping you safe.

However, breaking out of them and starting from scratch is terrifying. So, so, so terrifying. I live in constant fear, I feel judged and unsafe in my own flat with the curtains shut and the lights on. I feel like I am about to get subjected to another one of his fits for daring to use the stove.

No matter what you do, your body and brain are SCREAMING at you that diverging from what you know will kill you—and then you have to do it anyway.

Do it alone and afraid and awkwardly but DO IT. Otherwise you will always find a way to recreate the environment you grew up in, whether that is people getting into unhealthy relationships and replicating the patterns they know (which Aziraphale does with Crowley, e.g. the push-pull of his affection) or eventually even returning to it because they ruined you, but a part of you is so, so attached to them you just have to try and change them.

Some people can move on from it without going back, but sometimes you need to try and experience that failure for yourself before being able to move on, and that's where Aziraphale is at.

He needs to try and fail to be capable of finally committing to recovering.

So, to summarize this entire shitshow: Yes, Aziraphale experienced emotional neglect and abuse, and while it is different to what Crowley went through and objectively less intense and physical, it is still just as valid and horrid.

Just because a car accident is objectively worse than falling off a bike doesn't mean the biker's pain is unimportant. Both can kill you, both can hurt you, and both deserve to get their injuries treated.

Questions?

[schattenhonig]

Something has been rummaging around in my brain, maybe it'll go away when I put it into words... I have no idea if this all has been pointed out before.

Good Omens S2 felt wrong from the first minute on. Not wrong as in bad, badly written or wrong wrong, just. Off. People who died in S1 are alive again, completely unaware of what happened to them and who they were before Armageddon't, like Maggie and Nina. Yes, it could be a coincidence that they were recast, and it could be because they are brilliant actresses, I completely agree. But I get a feeling that even if this was done without any specific intention, it must have felt right to Mr. Gaiman and the great people working on the show.

Plus, Gabriel-as-Jim says a line that stuck with me:

Gabriel: I’m me. I just don’t know who ‘me’ is. Aziraphale: I see. Gabriel: But you know me. You recognize me. Aziraphale: Well, I know someone who looks like you. Gabriel: That’s probably me then. I think that’s one of the main ways you can tell.

I don't think this is a coincidence. And the fact that neither Crowley nor Aziraphale recognize Nina and Maggie as people they have met before Armageddon't, makes it all the more eerie.

I think this whole memory wipe business is more important than we think; and this is going to be more meta now, but bear with me; because who needs a book of life when all the memories of a person and their own memory are gone? If there's not a trace of a memory left about you, did you ever exist in the first place? The answer is yes! Because you made an impact on life itself around you that is too complicated to be erased. Maggie and Nina brought about Armageddon't the way it happened because of the baby swap gone wrong. They might not remember it, nobody else was there and able to remember it, but it happened. And it changed the course of history.

But (here it is, you knew it was coming) if no one remembers it, you could tell them anything had happened. If you are the only one who remembers, you can tell your own version of the story, and the others will believe you. They have no other choice, they don't even know that there has been a choice, another version of this.

S2 boils down to this for me: erasing somebody with the book of life, as if they had never existed is way too complicated and dangerous because you couldn't possibly foresee what other parts of the story you want to tell would be changed. I don't think that is a risk Heaven or the Metatron would take. It wouldn't fit with Heaven being control freaks.

But erasing memories until only your desired version of the story is left... That's power. That's foreseeable, and it's controllable. And Heaven would totally abuse this power.

[stranger-in-glasses]

I’ve been thinking about Aziraphale’s motivation to protect Gabriel when he shows up on his doorstep helpless and with no memory of himself.

Aziraphale is a very complex character torn by internal conflict, and it is logical to assume that behind each of many of his decisions is a whole set of different and often contradictory motives.

The most obvious part of Aziraphale’s drive to help is simply his compassionate nature. It’s the same drive that made him give away his sword to someone who “was having a bad day”, lie to save Job’s children, or forgive Maggie’s rent. And I’m certain that this was a huge part of why he decided to hide Gabriel, but I think there is more to that decision.

Another aspect of his motivation is probably his ideas of what he should do to be “a good angel”. Certainly, he is aware that the bosses of Heaven view what “a good angel” is differently is this case. But his understanding of what it means to “be good”, while highly influenced by conformity and obedience to authority, is still different from the more conventional understanding of the Heaven’s officials. For example, his idea of “being good” includes helping those in need. It also includes following orders and submitting to the will of God, which often comes into conflict with being able to help those in need, and he has a very hard time resolving or even acknowledging this contradiction. But what he is certain of is that he wants, no, needs to “be good”. It is his purpose and his duty, and the foundation of his identity. He probably feels that he needs to “be good” to deserve to be at all.

Yet another possible aspect of his motivation is his relationship with Heaven’s authorities. Gabriel is his former boss who has bullied him, reprimanded him, guilt-tripped him, made him self-conscious (“lose the gut”), and whose approval Aziraphale has been trying to achieve for thousands of years. Aziraphale may hate Gabriel and think that Gabriel is awful, but Gabriel is still an authority figure for him. Has been for too long a time to unlearn this conditioning in just a few years. So, when Gabriel shows up asking Aziraphale to take him in, the angel does. There might even be a touch of response to abuse at play. When a person lives a long time in an abusive relationship with someone and escapes, and then the abuser comes knocking at their door, many people will open because this is what they have been conditioned to do for many years.

On the other hand, deciding to hide a former Supreme Archangel on the run, who is likely in big trouble with Heaven, is also an act of rebellion. I suspect that, within Aziraphale, there has been a lot of dissatisfaction with Heaven and anger at it accumulating for thousands of years, hidden and suppressed. And a growing desire to rebel against it—a desire that he would also never acknowledge, even to himself. And when the opportunity arose to do something like hiding his former boss on the run from Heaven, that desire to rebel could have pushed Aziraphale to do it. All this may seem contradictory to the previous two motives that have rather to do with conformity. And yes, it is contradictory. It is a reflection of the internal conflict between the desire to belong, to conform, to be a good, proper angel, on one hand, and the desire to rebel, to speak against Heaven’s wrongs, to break free and just be allowed to exist in peace on Earth, without the weight of duty on his shoulders, on the other hand. So yes, paradoxically, it is possible that Aziraphale helped “Jim” both because of his tendency to conform and his desire to rebel.

Finally, I think Aziraphale couldn’t bring himself to send Gabriel away because he looked at him in his current state and saw himself reflected in that. With horror. He saw an outcast angel, on the run, in trouble with Heaven, either being punished by Heaven already or trying to escape from its punishment. I’m sure for an angel who, by all logic, should have fallen many times already (who “lied to thwart the will of God”, who gave away his sword, who formed a bond with a demon and wanted for this bond to grow even deeper, who helped stop Heaven’s plans for the Apocalypse, who indulged in earthly pleasures…), this hit very close to home. He looked at Gabriel, helpless, naked and vulnerable, robbed of his memories and forced to rely on the kindness of strangers, seeking a place to hide, and he saw his own very possible fate. It’s like staring in the mirror that shows you everything you have ever been terrified of. This could have just as easily been Aziraphale, knocking on strangers’ doors asking for help. So, I think that a big part of why Aziraphale could not say no to helping his former boss is that he looked at Gabriel and saw himself.

Naturally, there may be other motives that also played a role in Aziraphale’s decision to protect Gabriel—this is not an attempt to give an exhaustive account. And Aziraphale himself is probably only partially aware of his motives as well. What I want to convey by outlining this is just how complex and full of contradictions his motivation could be.

Update:

I forgot to mention another very important motive that could be in part responsible for Aziraphale’s decision: curiosity. We all know that Crowley is driven by curiosity, by desire to know more than he is allowed: he has fallen for asking too many questions, after all. But the desire to learn, to investigate, to explore is also very strong in Aziraphale. He reads tons of books, he tries out various human experiences, from food to art, he very enthusiastically plays a part of an investigative reporter and searches for clues. A naked amnesiac Gabriel on his doorstep presented a mystery, and mysteries and the desire to solve them seem to be quite tempting for the angel.

[santacoppelia]

Heaven and Hell strike! (a "crack" meta?)

I was reviewing my notes to write some things I like about Shax (they are organized by themes) but I came across this idea first and it tickled my brain (probably because I just watched Neil's speech at the WGA Strike picket line). (BTW, great message, go watch it!!)

We know some interesting things about the awful work circumstances at Hell. We can "ignore" them (it is Hell, after all), but what if we check out what is happening with Hell's workforce?

The place is dreadful. We know, it is Hell, that's how it is supposed to be.

There is a whole lot of bureaucracy. I would say that it is specifically because bureaucracy IS Hell, but this is also me being me.

Everyone is overworked. Again, maybe it is just the thing with Hell, but...

They are understaffed. Furfur let's us know that as soon as Shax asks him for a legion. This would be obvious for Admissions during WW II, but when the bookshop siege happens, they barely manage to get 70 demons. Why?????

Beelzebub talks a lot about Hell not "appreciating talents". They say it when they talk about Crowley, then again while they lament with the other demon, and that's one of the things that connects them to Gabriel.

This was also one of the points made by Furfur when he talked about trying to "climb the ladder". He lashed to Crowley about this (as if getting a better job was Crowley's fault), but... (put a pin on this)

Shax possible new Dukedom and Beelzebub offering Crowley the possibility of becoming a "new Duke of Hell" talks to me about some sort of power vacuum (it goes without mention that promotions are given at personal discretion, not through real merit).

However, Heaven doesn't seem like they are in great shape, also...

They are trying to hide their "institutional problems" (at least, two defectors, but we should also count the renegade-now-Supreme-Archangel as part of the problem)

The corporate climate in the higher levels of Heaven is HIDEOUS. They are mostly petty, envious, create rumors and love power struggles...

Michael (my personal hate character) is at the same time so power hungry and so clueless about anything, that they are incapable of taking action (thanks, someone)

After not even knowing if Gabriel really had a desk, Michael gets a desk, while being "Duty Officer" and making everyone roll their eyes with their orders. They got that desk out of pure pettiness!

We know that "lesser angels" are mostly ignored. If you are an angel like Muriel, nobody ever acknowledges your existence. We have already seen how happy they are just by participating!! (they don't even notice being called "dim", poor baby)

Gabriel bonds with Beelz around not being recognized for what they do, and Beelz win their (cold, little) heart WITH A FLY because nobody has given him anything before… Not even a little pat in the head?

We have already seen TWO cases where an angel and a demon discover, through familiarity and shared worries/complaints, that they have so much in common that they are better together. We are crackshipping a third one.

The pin about Furfur (which I had forgotten) is that the problem is not Crowley, and the problem are not the people inside the system who learn how to play it: THE PROBLEM IS THE SYSTEM ITSELF.

Now, the point:

Something something about unappreciated people coming together as soon as they learn there’s better to be had. Can you imagine that much fun???!!!??? Bring Pandemonium!!

[kallasilya22]

Aziraphale character meta and thoughts on the end of S2.

Here I am, writing one of these posts.

There are two fundamental Tenets of Aziraphale, equally weighted, and they are:

God is good.

Crowley is good (or at the very least 'not evil')

You will notice that these two facets to Aziraphale's existence are, of course, mutually exclusive; a benevolent God would never have caused Crowley to Fall, a 'Good' Crowley would never have disobeyed a benevolent God and Fallen.

But it is absolutely integral to Aziraphale's very self that he believes equally strongly in both of these things. A kind of double-think is required to achieve this: the tenuous idea that a perfect, omnipotent God made a mistake in allowing Crowley to Fall. Or, in the passive voice as Aziraphale would no doubt phrase it (when he doesn't avoid thinking too hard about the matter altogether): A Mistake Was Made.

A mistake was made, somehow, by a God that is simultaneously incapable of error. Obviously, Crowley never should have Fallen. There was some sort of oversight or administerial miscalculation. This is how his two fundamental beliefs remain in delicate balance, neither disproving the other (mostly because he does a whole lot of Not Thinking About It Too Hard).

To doubt either side would be to absolutely shatter him.

This is my explanation for the final fifteen (and a prediction for S3).

He asks Crowley to come with him to Heaven and become an angel again because he thinks it's perfectly obvious that he never should have Fallen in the first place; reinstatement as an angel (from Aziraphale's point of view) is not a fundamental change in Crowley's nature, but merely the righting of a cosmic wrong, a return to what should be the status quo. He doesn't even see that he's asking Crowley to change anything at all other than perhaps the colour of his robe, because to him, Crowley is already an essentially Good creature ("at heart, just a little bit, a good person").

When he says "We can be together. Angels! Doing good!" - it's because he understands this is basically what they've been openly doing together this whole time, at least since the birth of the Antichrist. To his perspective, nothing changes at all except for the label on the tin.

... The tragedy is that he's wrong, of course. Not about Crowley being Good, but about God.

And Crowley knows this - it's why the line "I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do" is so gentle but so devastating. The audience, not being a victim of Aziraphale's desperately white-knuckled grip on his own double-think, understands just as Crowley does.

(The only thing I think that Crowley doesn't understand - and fair enough - is where his Angel is really coming from here. Hence the heartbreak.)

My season 3 prediction: The delicate balance of The Two Tenets Of Aziraphale will finally be broken beyond any hope of recovery. Aziraphale's self will shatter. He will have to choose.

And I think when it comes down to it, we all know where his faith truly lies.

Watching him realise that is going to be just delicious.

[dubiousduckears]

I was thinking about Aziraphale (as you do) and I wonder if Heaven actually tracks his miracles and how specific it actually is if they do. As funny as memes about Gabriel getting pings on his celestial smartphone every time Aziraphale miracles his cocoa warm again or whatever, I don’t think that’s really how it would work.

They could know the specifics of every single one but I can’t see any of the archangels wanting to spend the time going through it. It’s more likely that either they can’t do that or some lesser angel goes through it and summarizes it into a report. They might have a way to tell how many miracles or how much power he uses, but not what he actually did. One miracle may be the same as another regardless of effect in terms of what it takes to achieve it or some miracles may take more oomph to make it happen. Either way, Aziraphale would end up training himself out of too many minor miracles to make life more convenient if he has a limit to work under. This would probably be a combination of saving it for important things and choosing more efficient ways of helping himself out, like miracling a teapot to stay hot but never oversteep instead of fixing his forgotten tea each time.

It could be that Heaven can track miracles to whatever degree but usually don’t unless they just have a reason to look into it. It could be like the Earth observation files that the information is always there whenever the archangels are ready to look into it or it might be something they have to set up when they’re interested.

Of course it’s also possible that they can’t or don’t track miracles at all and Michael’s memos are just pure fuckery. Aziraphale doesn’t spend enough time upstairs to be sure what Heaven can and can’t do and it’s easy to shame him. The too many frivolous miracles thing may have been something one of the archangels picked out of some detail in his reports and decided to make an issue out of or just pulled it wholesale out of their ass as another thing to bully him with. A depressing idea, but very in character with how the archangels treat Aziraphale.

Or it may have been driven by wanting to curb his tendency to actually help humans because they probably subscribe to the idea of suffering driving spiritual growth or whatever. Prayers and church attendance goes up when things are shit so that means Heaven gets more souls right? And it’s more about bragging rights than actually helping people but they don’t want to actually say it like that so they try to hogtie Aziraphale’s ability to actually do what is supposed to be his job. Less personal, but just as nasty as simple bullying and has the same effect. Probably, it’s a bit of both if things in the not actually tracking miracles scenario.

Any other thoughts?

[arielavader]

Something reminded me how sad it was when Gabriel told Beelzebub he didn't know what to say when they gave him the fly because no one had ever given him anything before... 😢

[dee-morris]

Messing About

In the book Good Omens, Adam gets a lot more dialogue than in the show, and it's quite a bit more authoritative. One part that is of interest to me is when he scolds Aziraphale and Crowley for "messing about" with humanity. It's not okay to fuck with people's free will even when you think it's for their own good, is his entire point.

It's interesting bc that part isn't in the show, but it gets reiterated by Nina and Maggie in the episode six scene where they're scolding Crowley for interfering with them. Which tells me that it's an important thematic point in season three. The whole concept of free will is a recurring theme in the story, but there must be a reason why it needs to be spoken explicitly.

Aziraphale is going back to heaven, a place well known for interfering with people "for their own good." He wasn't there for the lecture, but I have a feeling he'll figure it out anyway.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Small angst Good Omens headcannon/au:

Some humans have to report to angels for a bit if they are somehow part of the divine plan. Mostly the reports are oral as high literacy rates are recent and still a priviledge in some countries.

Aziraphale mostly is the one getting the reports but there are some special cases were a different angel does it. One of this times Aziraphel is sent to a human that used to report to Gabriel himself. Azi is really nervous but the report is actually going well and the human even shared a meal with him. Except the human decides to ask questions and they say "are the angels normally more like you or more like Gabriel? The two of you are just soo different" and what they were trying to say was "wow you're soo nice and I actually feel happy and calm talking to you are all the angels like that or is everyone else a condescending asshole?" but what Aziraphale heard was "wow you're a really shitty angel I hope the others aren't like you, Gabriel is soo cool" . When he said that most angles were like Gabriel trying to not sound hurt the human answered with an "oh" sound that meant "I was really hoping they would be more like you but hey at least we got you on earth" but what Aziraphale understood was "oh I was hoping it was that Gabriel was above the average but now I know they sent me a subpar angel". Aziraphale was sad the rest of the day. The human on the other hand was overjoyed they didn't had to report to Gabriel that year. It had been already a stressfull year without that.

[aziraphales-library]

Hi, I’ve lost two fics: first, Crowley and Aziraphale stop hiding their feelings for each other, Crowley’s repression imagery was emotions nailed and locked in a wooden box that burst, and A’s was a light he smothered with lampshades and comforters, leading to sharing of feelings in the bookshop. Second was a heaven-abducts-Aziraphale and puts him in a construct of C’s apartment with a fake Crowley, to ask about how they survived their executions. Only two chapters or so. Thank you so much for all of your help with all of our missing fics!

Hello. You're looking for these two fics...

Like a Juke Box Playing the Same Dead Record by raiining (G)

“We’re not friends,” Crowley growls. He hears the angel suck in a breath and thinks, with some mean part of himself, good. “You said that we’re not. You don’t have to do this. I’ll be fine.”

Shadowed Life by fractalgeometry (T)

Heaven is most displeased with their erring Earth agent, Aziraphale. His little act with the Hellfire was all well and good, but after the flames died down, the archangels had to wonder just how he'd done it. It's not the sort of skill one likes to leave with only Aziraphale. They have to find out how he did it. The only problem is that there's no way he'll tell them. He won't tell anyone. Except, perhaps...one particular demon.

- Mod D

[general-fox-hux]

27

About eternity and watching The Sound of Music:

'And you'll enjoy it [...] You won't have a choice.'

...disturbing

[schattenhonig]

Just some thoughts on Crowley's and Aziraphale's approach to boundaries:

Crowley alters reality around Maggie and Nina, he makes it rain, after checking with Nina how she would react to a sudden downpour. He gives them a situation which will hopefully lead to the desired behaviour, but leaves them with a choice. They can shelter under the awning or go inside or whatever. But ultimately they are given a situation and a choice.

Aziraphale on the other hand goes a little further and not only creates a situation, but makes choices for them. Yes, Nina chooses to dance as well as Crowley, but I don't think Maggie and Aziraphale felt like they had a choice here, for very different reasons (Maggie is forced, Aziraphale forces himself because he wants this so bad with Crowley). And I don't think any of them know the steps to this particular dance. We know Aziraphale can dance the Gavotte, this however is not a Gavotte I believe. Correct me if I'm wrong. Aziraphale, in order to make their plan work, forces everyone and especially Nina and Maggie to dance perfectly to steps they admittedly never learned, seriously meddling with their free will. And Nina calls him out for it while Maggie doesn't see a problem there because she got what she wanted. And this mirrors our ineffable partners' relationship so well!

I think this is not just a case of desperate measures for desperate times, it shows how much Heaven doesn't care about boundaries and free will and the right to mess up something. Aziraphale employs this method because he isn't aware of the overstepping since he hasn't broken free of the trauma and control imposed on him by Heaven. Crowley on the other hand has had centuries to work through this and acknowledge the damage done because I think he fell for basically suggesting and showing free will. He can see Heaven from the outside as the manipulating lot that they are while Aziraphale still has to accept and acknowledge the damage that was done to him by Heaven. And Crowley calls him out whenever Heaven does something so wrong and Aziraphale is about to accept it, like the flood or Job's children and goats.

[sadisticallysmirking]

Gift (Quadruple Drabble)

my contribution to ineffable may 10! hope you enjoy!

“Aziraphale, don’t you think this has gone on for long enough?”

Or; how Aziraphale got the holy water.

Also on AO3

1966

“Aziraphale, don’t you think this has gone on for long enough?”

Aziraphale swallowed the lump in his throat. It really had, hadn’t it? He’d always known this was temporary, that one day he would have to go back to real work, not just performing miracles and blessings all day long.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, your adversary.”

Oh. Right.

His stomach dropped.

“I do admire the way you’ve been thwarting him. It really is quite impressive, but…” Gabriel sighed. Aziraphale could almost mistake it for sympathetic. “Aren’t you getting tired?”

“Oh. Er, yes, it is rather tiring, I’m afraid. But I suppose there’s really nothing we can do about it. Is there?”

That would probably end the conversation. Anything that tired Aziraphale was inevitably part of the Great Plan, and, as such, never to be questioned.

Gabriel reached into his desk drawer. There was no hint of sympathy in his eyes anymore. “There is.” 

“But—”

Gabriel held a bottle. His arm was outstretched towards Aziraphale. 

The liquid in the bottle was so transparent that Aziraphale could see himself in it, could see his wide eyes, could see his own trembling fingers wrapping around it.

It felt heavy in his hands, and he couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes off it. It couldn’t be what he thought it was.

“Is this—” 

“Holy water, yes. The holiest. I blessed it myself.”

Surely this couldn’t be right. Surely this wasn't what She wanted. Surely Gabriel wasn’t expecting him to—

“Think about it.”

Then, he was back on Earth.

He closed his eyes and breathed, taking in the familiar smell of yellowed books and old furniture. At least he was in his bookshop now. 

Perhaps, soon, he would have nothing else left.

His breath hitched. No, that wouldn’t happen. Not on his watch. Never.

Although…hadn’t Crowley asked for holy water? Aziraphale hadn’t been able to fathom why, but he felt like he was beginning to understand.

And he couldn’t deny Crowley what he wanted.

He looked at the bottle and pursed his lips. It was so monochrome, so bland, not at all appealing to the eye.

And surely it must have gotten cold, he thought as he poured it carefully into a thermos. The one with the tartan pattern on it, the one Crowley had bought for him.

He put it away in a cupboard, and hoped it would stay there.