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enchanted-system · 3 years

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New intro!

Basically all of this is in our about, but since we’ll update that as we figure more things out, here’s a condensed version for posterity:

Host subsystem, very blurry, share memories:

Sapphire (ey/em): host, bigenderfluid, gryffinclaw, anxiety, loves system and organization, all the life goals.

barker (he/him): former cohost, closest to Sapphire and often exerts passive influence or cofronts. Pure gryffindor. Very excited and chaotic, some kind of big tricolor doggo. Distractor from distressing things.

Kai/kai (they/them, sometimes ey/em as Kai, sometimes he/him as kai): barker and Sapphire - capitalization indicates whose influence is stronger. Blurry host.

Protector (he/him): protector, former cohost, sometimes exerts passive influence or cofronts with Sapphire/Kai. Slytherdor. Strong PTSD, probably AVPD.

Jet (ne/nem or they/them): blur of Protector and Sapphire. Protector role. Identifies strongly with Bahamut - justice, dragons, platinum.

Jack (he/him): combination of Protector and barker. Rare because Sapphire is frontstuck. Somewhat more relaxed/chaotic version of Protector.

dragon (they/them): collective name, also name of any combination of Sapphire, barker, and Protector. When dragon is in full force (all three fully present and cofronting), most powerful of the system, usually comes out when someone else is threatened in a less serious way.

Cat (she/her): sexual alter, naiad. Never hosted, somewhat younger than dragon because of years inactive since realizing plurality. Hypersexual ace lesbian, kinky, very sweet. Did not have anxiety, dove into the deep end of socializing, now has anxiety. Shares memories with dragon, but much more separate.

Fen (fae/faer or she/her): combination of Cat and Sapphire. Femme, often Sapphire's and Cat's sexualities blending. Fey.

Ella (she/her): indeterminate origins, possible tulpa. Unknown gender. Mostly backtalks Kai as kai talks through their life, really likes star trek. Does not front, has been mostly absent for years.

Possible little?: ~6 years old

There’s also some question of whether Sapphire is a median subsystem. We keep calling things median subsystems for them to turn out to be fairly separate people who share memories, but Maybe This is Really It. There’s a philosophical question of at what point do we consider people to be the same person: are you the same person you were five minutes ago? Five years ago? At work vs at home? In different kinshifts? The last one is what’s relevant to Sapphire. The most distinct by far is eir fey self, and then there’s eir male self, eir Lienid self, and eir femme self. I think that’s all of them that we’ve thought of? We haven’t thought about it a lot.

We don’t have much (or really any) control over fronting, which is an issue we’d like to address but tbh aren’t prioritizing. We do know of certain situations/states of mind that make others more likely to front, though if we attempt a switch using those triggers, it doesn’t work super well. It’s also very hard to differentiate between Sapphire fronting alone, Kai fronting, passive influence from barker and/or Protector, and Protector cofronting, especially since that changes from moment to moment, and there are significant overlaps in personality, preferences, and tone for one thing at a time. We can tell the difference between us for longer lengths of time, and it’s often easier to recognize who was fronting when reading past messages. For the people who know us as plural, we’ll sign our names when people are being particularly distinct, especially when the distinction matters, but for the most part we just go by dragon. Cat rarely fronts, and pretty much only with Sapphire or alone.

We aren’t currently aware of any headspace, though Sapphire has at this point visited somewhere multiple times that may be a dormant headspace or similar. Once was visiting a cave in a catatonic episode, once was accidentally visiting a hiking trail by a waterfall that led up to a beautiful yellow stone and glass building, and once was deliberately visiting the latter place, but incompletely.

Sapphire is currently wrestling with the idea of intimate relationships, and the possibility of sexual trauma. Ey feels drawn towards processing those issues and discovering what happened in our childhood, but is also afraid of potential ensuing mental health crises. Currently, we’re focusing on the possibility that ey was traumatized by rape culture and what incidents we do know of, in combination with eir existing social anxiety and trauma. We don’t think we necessarily repressed any memories from childhood, but we do deliberately avoid thinking about that time period, and trying to line up who was hosting when and/or bringing out the little we believe exists would inherently involve facing the traumatic events that happened in those periods. We still identify as quoigenic, with Sapphire and barker identifying as endogenic twins, though given that Cat identifies more with the body as well as our deadname, we’re wondering if she came before Sapphire and barker.

- Kai

#enchantedtag #sapphiretag

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himbos-hotline · 3 years

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I could never imagine Melchior being shy, although now that you mention it it does make sense. I’m glad that he’s okay, and I wish for nothing more than for your day(s) to get better.

It’s a terrible feeling, when you can no longer go back somewhere that was once safe. I don’t know your exact circumstances and am therefore likely in no place to speak about them, but I’m sure it’s not your fault that their replies have lessened.

The others wanted me to tell you that they’re “sending you good vibes”.

- Hanschen (☕️)

Melchi would never admit that they were the shy type but in all honestly he is, he just acts as if social interations don’t affect him. But he is okay and has been a lot more vocal today than what he has been in the past few days but I assume that his vocality and sounds and noise is from him being frontstuck for nearly two weeks. He does send his salutations but he is currently getting ready for bed and “Doesnt want to appear around company in his underpants.” It is sad and a terrible feeling and I guess youre right about it not being my fault, but it is easier to blame myself than anyone else. It just hurts when you gave someone your entire heart and all they have done is crunch it up and hand it back to you before going to take another. I thank the others for their “good vibes” and I apologise for messaging so late, I had just come home from the thatre and I am rather sleepy. It was two hours of traveling there and back and I am very tired. I hope you sleep well and I hope you have been having a good day.

I love you

#mouse has pals #Hanschen (☕️)#Hanschen's letters

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 7 years

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A System of Sides Chapter Twelve

A/N: Hello everyone, we’re back again, this time with 19 years under our belt and a spring in our step! (AKA it’s our birthday and we figured we’d update our fics as a present to ourselves.) Hope you enjoy!

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Words: 3,359

Warnings: Touch starvation, car accident mention, death mention

Roman felt more than a little like the bad kid called into the principal's office as he walked up the stairs. "Roman, why did you try to hit Logan?" Thomas asked as he closed the door to his room once Roman was inside.

"That's it?" Roman asked with a small huff. "I don't even get a hello or a nice to see you again or even a question of my own answered?"

"Hello," Thomas said drily. "You. Punching Logan. Why?"

Roman glared in frustration at Thomas for about ten seconds before sighing in defeat. "He made me angry," he said simply.

"Okay. Why did you think hitting him would solve anything?" Thomas asked. "Logan would have probably just hit you back."

"Because it would shut him up!" Roman said, making wild gestures with his hands. "He doesn't know what's good for you, Thomas, half the time he just wants to sit around the house and read something, and the other half he holes up in his room and doesn't leave for days!"

"Uh-huh," Thomas said. "And I assume that means you know what's best for me, then?"

Roman nodded. "Logan and I agreed to split front time, but he still doesn't know what's best for you."

Thomas shook his head. "Roman, I'm going to tell you something. Both you and Logan think you know what's best for me. And you know what? Neither of you are one-hundred percent right."

Roman stood stock still, blinking, hands frozen in mid-air. When he managed to register those words in his brain, he sputtered. "B-but, Thomas, you don't understand--"

"No, Roman, I understand perfectly. You want me to follow my biggest ambitions and stop at nothing until I get there. Logan wants me to be completely practical and pragmatic and further my knowledge of whatever I'm interested in at that point. And I can't completely follow either of those paths. You can't be a one-man show, Roman. You want to reach for the stars, but the way you keep on turning and reaching for different ones only means that we're grounded for longer," Thomas explained.

Roman looked at Thomas, and he knew he couldn't hide the hurt on his face. He was helping Thomas all these years, couldn't he see? He had just apologized to everyone for thinking he was more important, what more did they want from him? To be completely boring like Logan was? To have no ambitions whatsoever? "But...but I'm...I'm trying to...I'm trying to help you, Thomas!"

"I know," Thomas said, holding his hands up. "Believe me, Roman, I know. But there are some things that I just can't follow my dreams for. There are things where I do have to take a step back, and logically analyze whether or not doing this is beneficial. There are times when I get fear over what I'm doing, and for good reason! Some of my dreams are terrifying, and the leaps of faith I have to make are too great. There are even times where, as much as I want to reach for a dream, Patton can point out how many people I'd hurt in the process of getting there. Following my dreams is great, Roman. And I understand that because you're in a large part creativity, there's nothing more you'd rather do than reach every dream we've ever created together. But there are some that can't be reached, and there are some that shouldn't, and there are some that really just can't be a priority at all times."

Roman still felt hurt everywhere in his heart. Thomas...didn't like what he was literally made to do? At least, he didn't want to have Roman plan for things all the time? How could he? He tried so hard to help Thomas, and it turned out Thomas didn't want his help!

"It's not that I don't want your help, Roman," Thomas said, walking over and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Believe me, I love your help and I'd never want you anywhere but here. You just have to understand the others help me too. You're not the only one who can and does work for what's 'best' for me. And the others deserve a chance too, don't you think?"

Roman worried his lip. He knew Thomas was making a point, and a very good point at that. It just still stung that he wasn't doing enough...by doing too much.

"Roman?" Thomas prompted. "Are you okay?"

Shaking his head, Roman sighed. "Fine, I suppose."

"Roman. Understand that this isn't an attack against you, okay? Believe me, I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have without you at my side. But the others are at my side too. You know this."

"Yeah," Roman said. "It's just...I suppose I'm not feeling well today. Something still doesn't feel right."

Thomas hugged him and Roman blinked in surprise, hugging back for lack of anything else to do. He was surprised at how good this felt, how much he needed human contact that he didn't realize was necessary. The warm arms around him, gently pressing into his arms and back. It was reassuring in ways he hadn't felt in years, someone saying I'm here for you when you need me. He rested his head on Thomas' shoulder and thought on what Thomas was saying. It was something he had heard often at a young age. But he wasn't sure he understood what it meant...until now.

As much as it hurt to be told he was wrong, this was a wake up call for Roman, almost as big as game night. He wasn't more important than the others, because they all had a role to play. So it stood to reason that all those roles put together created the ideal ending, rather than leaning towards only one person.

Roman eased up his hugging and Thomas released him and took a step back. "Feeling better?"

Yeah, he really did. How in the world could Thomas do that? "You must be some sort of magic," Roman laughed.

Thomas shook his head. "No, I just have a lot of experience in this area. You know, the whole human interaction thing was left up to me when it came to day-to-day occurrences for years."

Roman turned red as he realized he was slightly responsible for that. "Uh...sorry. Didn't think that was really...my area, I guess."

Thomas' eyes betrayed his amusement. "No more hitting, okay? If you and Logan have a problem, you can come to me. I'll do what I can to sort it out."

Roman gave a slightly sheepish smile. "Right. Thanks."

"No hard feelings?" Thomas asked.

Roman shook his head. "I was a little hurt by you telling me I wasn't being helpful when I was fighting for front, but I see where you're coming from, so I'll live."

Thomas smiled. "Good. Do you still have any of those questions you had before or no? Because if not, I'd like to speak to Logan about why he shouldn't be yelling at you just because he's angry. Actually, I should just make a public service announcement about it, maybe you guys would listen if I publicly called you out."

Roman snorted. "No, I have received your message loud and clear, no need to call me out for anything but singing too many Disney songs occasionally."

"Oh, so you're the one who insists on singing them at half past midnight, I've been wondering," Thomas said with a wink and a grin to show that he was only teasing.

"Well, can you really blame me?" Roman asked with a chuckle.

"Yes," Thomas said, nodding. "But only if you don't agree to stop it when I'm trying to sleep."

Roman made a cross-motion over his heart. "You won't have to worry about me doing that again...for a little while, anyway."

"I'll take it," Thomas said, shaking his head. "Now, you seem pretty certain in what you do from day-to-day, and it's not unhealthy, so I don't need to talk to you about that...anything else you think we should talk about now that can't wait until we're out of this mess and safe at home?"

Roman thought about it. He was practically bursting with questions about how Thomas was, how he felt at seeing them again, and whether or not he counted it as a good thing. Though considering their current situation he thought all those things could probably be put on the back-burner for a little while. "I think there's nothing too pressing," he said with a shrug. "I would like to know how you feel about seeing all of us again, but that can wait."

Thomas laughed and Roman felt brief offense. What was so funny about his response that it would cause Thomas to laugh?

"Of course I'm happy to see you guys again, I'm ecstatic to see how you've grown up from the kids I remember! It's just a little difficult for me to share that right now, with all the infighting and the car crash and everything. When we get back home, provided I don't pass out on the couch, we can talk more as a group. I just need to make sure no one is going to throttle each other before then. It's nothing against you at all, or anyone else. I just really, really need us to work together until we're home. That wasn't happening with the way everything was going." Thomas rubbed the back of his neck. "And, much as I don't like our current position, there is one upside to it."

"What's that?" Roman asked. What could be so positive about a car accident?

"I'm not frontstuck anymore," Thomas said with a grin. "You guys could front on your own, or I could come into your rooms and hang out, or we could explore options we never had the chance to before! The possibilities are practically endless!"

Roman smiled. Leave it to Thomas to find the bright side of things. "So we're good?"

"We're good," Thomas confirmed. "Tell Logan to come up here, will you?"

Roman nodded as he opened the door. "I will."

Once back in the common room, Roman was immediately the center of attention. Patton looked up with hope in his eyes from where he was sitting, Logan looked over worried, and Virgil had slight desperation slipping through the cracks of his mask. "Logan, you're next," Roman said.

Logan nodded and left the room quickly, while Virgil slumped in his seat, drumming his fingers against an old, beat-up binder. "Chin up, Virgil, you'll get to talk to Thomas after he's done with Logan!" Patton exclaimed.

Virgil just sighed. Roman frowned. Virgil was very despondent, more so than usual. What was the problem here? "Virgil, Thomas only talked to the rest of us first because we were either emotionally compromised or about to start a fight. You were the most stable out of all of us, which I would take as complete success! Wear that badge with pride!"

"Whatever," Virgil sighed. "It's not important, anyway. Just wanted to give Thomas something before we all started figuring out what to do about our car accident."

"Ah, yes, that is indeed a problem that needs to be addressed," Roman agreed. "How do you suppose that we figure it out?"

Virgil blinked and frowned. "You're the creative one. You tell us!"

Roman thought about his talk with Thomas. Would including the others in this plan help? It was possible. And if they proved that they could work with Roman well, and get them to a conclusion that Roman predicted or better...well, he wasn't about to stop them fronting then, if they gave each other a little boost. "I cannot do everything by myself at all times, Virgil; I would appreciate some help."

"What should we figure out first, though?" Patton asked. "What do we need to know in order to get rescued? Logan was talking about figuring out a way to communicate with others where we are, but we don't have cell service."

"We could walk somewhere until we have service again, obviously," Roman said, frowning. "But something tells me that would lead us nowhere fast, and in this rain it's not advisable to walk alongside the road, we may not be seen until it's too late."

Virgil shuddered. "Yeah, no, not about to risk be getting hit with a car, thanks."

Roman thought to himself. A wrecked car, no cell service, only a little cash and ID in his wallet. That wasn't helpful. His mind was moving too fast to even make much sense out of this whole situation. This was too much, he needed order, he needed some form of organization...he needed Logan.

Oh, he felt like an idiot.

"We'll have to wait until Logan is back down here to come up with a cohesive plan," Roman said. "I can come up with ideas but Logan is more likely to figure out what's going to work."

"Great," Virgil muttered. "We have to wait until everyone is here to get everything done, meanwhile we might be dying outside, because we have no way to tell if we're bleeding, or concussed, or even submerged in water and about to drown. Just great."

Patton started to shake and Roman turned to him in alarm. "Patton are you all right?"

"Y-yeah," Patton said. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just...I'm just...feeling Virgil's fear. There's a lot of it and it's...wow, Virge, how do you live with all this running in your head all the time?"

"That's not the worst of it," Virgil said with a grimace. "You're just feeling the excess. I'm dealing with most of it."

Roman blinked. "You mean...Patton can feel what you feel?" he asked.

"Yeah, and right now he's feeling unbridled panic," Virgil snipped.

"Could he feel what I'm feeling, too?" Roman asked.

"Probably, but that would more likely just overwhelm him," Virgil said.

Roman crossed his arms and considered that information. He should try anyway, shouldn't he? "It's still worth a shot," he muttered. "Patton? Can you try and focus on what I'm feeling?"

Patton looked at him and shakily nodded. Roman thought about his most ridiculous, out-of-left-field never-going-to-happen fantasy and the pride he felt at coming up with it, the satisfaction of writing it down, the happiness of reliving it in his head when he got stressed.

Slowly, Patton's breathing started to even out and the shaking lessened. Roman eased up on all his memories, lest he get so excited Patton would become borderline manic, but Patton didn't pick up the shaking again. "Did you just...did you just get rid of his fear?" Virgil asked incredulously.

"No," Patton said, shaking his head. "I was still terrified out of my mind. Roman just gave me happy feelings to focus on, bringing up good memories, too, so that even while I was scared, I didn't have to focus on what was causing the fear. Sort of like distracting yourself during a panic attack. The fear's there, but it's not your focus, and you can process the fear in the back of your mind until it's gone."

Virgil's forehead wrinkled as he thought through what exactly that meant. Roman shifted from foot to foot. What was Virgil thinking? Hopefully it wasn't anything untoward about what happened?

"...I remember you doing that years ago when Thomas got stressed," Virgil said. "I always assumed you were just pushing me aside and trying to get Thomas to bottle up my feelings. You were just trying to let him focus on something less stressful until he naturally calmed down?"

"Well, yes," Roman said. "It's dangerous to bottle emotions up, I simply wanted him to not be completely engulfed in panic all the time. It was meant to be a brief respite."

"Wow. I, uh, I guess I owe you an apology about that, then," Virgil said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Because I assumed you were just so full of yourself that I was only a nuisance in your eyes."

"No, you don't need to apologize. I need to apologize, because for the longest time I did think that. But I was wrong to do so," Roman said. "I hope that in the future, we can have fewer misunderstandings and perhaps even work together at times, rather than keeping each other back."

Virgil nodded, before opening his binder and starting to read whatever was in it, effectively ending their conversation. Roman moved over to Patton and said, "So, anything new go on while I was talking with Thomas that I should know about?"

"Logan suggested we play cards," Patton said with a shrug. "Nothing really big happened, we just talked about being stuck here, basically. Oh! Also, Logan asked me a lot of questions when I first came back from Thomas' room, and I think he's actually been worried about how Thomas is feeling right now."

"Really?" Roman asked skeptically.

Patton nodded. "Mm-hm! He didn't use the word 'feeling' but I got the sense that he was worried about Thomas' mental state. Which is sweet, but also kinda weird, because I didn't think Logan dealt with emotions?"

Roman shrugged. "There are many things we all are learning about each other today that we didn't know before. It is quite amusing on one hand, on the other I crave some form of a break so that all this can sink in. It's simply so much to absorb."

Patton nodded sagely. "Thomas told me that I was allowed to feel negative emotions, and I'm still trying to figure that out, to be honest. Because I make other people feel what I'm feeling, a lot of the time, and I don't want to make people sad!"

"But it's better to feel sad sometimes than simply bottling that up and waiting for it to explode," Roman pointed out. "Especially because you influence how others feel. If you break down, it's an emotional roller coaster for everyone. But if you just get sad every once in a while, well, you're less likely to break down and we can just watch Parks and Rec for a little while until we feel better. It's not such a big deal to be sad."

Patton made a huh noise. "Does that mean that I'd be allowed to cry if I was upset, too?"

"I don't see why not!" Roman exclaimed. "Crying is one of the best ways to get rid of sadness there is! Logan probably knows why, but after crying you feel exhausted but much better."

Patton nodded again, humming in thought. "Why does everyone get so serious when I tell them that I'm influenced by their emotions?"

"Probably because they're remembering their worst moments and realizing that you were feeling like that too. Our worst moments are something we would never wish on anyone, and I the thought that someone else had to experience that, just because they were going through it...it's unpleasant."

"But I help you guys with it!" Patton protested. "I take the stuff you can't handle so you're upset for shorter amounts of time and hopefully less upset overall. I help you guys when I feel that! The main problem is if I don't get rid of it."

Roman sat down next to Patton and hummed. "Now that you mention it, when I get excessively angry it does feel sometimes like I'm channeling my anger into something else, and when I calm down to just the right point, I can use that anger to become productive in other endeavors. That is a big help."

"And it's because of me!" Patton said proudly. "It's not a bad thing, it's really helpful and I'm more than happy to share the love!"

Roman smiled. "If only everyone in the world were like you, Patton, I don't think there would be any more problems to work through."

Maybe he could learn a thing or two from Patton as well.

Tag List: @lilbeanblr @kittyboof8 @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @sanders-trash-4ever @hamilspntrash @loganpatton @lizzysperil @tree4life25 @nyxwordsmith @docetuga @wingedkuriboh27 @virgilient @cookieartcannon @jordandobbertin @pr0bablypr0crstinating @hissesssss @areyousirius-noheisdead

#roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #a system of sides #our creations

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multiplicity-positivity · 2 years

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Haii

Do u have any tips for getting better at communicating and switching (we haven't fully switched for longer than a few minutes that I know of)

We're still living at home sorta want/need to mask a bit but I'd like to be able to switch out for at least a little bit and explore our headspace more

The only thing I'd be worried about would be if we can't control who fronts and when coz that would cause problems so if u have any tips for that then that would also be great (although I know it's probably not something that can really be controlled too much)

Really any tips on communication and switching would be great heh

Thank uu :33

Hello,

As far as controlling who switches and when, I don’t have much advice. Our system cannot control switches, and only our gatekeeper has any sort of access to controlling that aspect of us. Perhaps, if your system also has a gatekeeper, you may ask them about letting other members front more?

As far as building communication, we do have some advice.

We advocate for therapy a lot here, but for good reason. A therapist can help guide your system towards more regular, healthy communication. Seeing someone outside the body regularly who knows about the system, is educated in psychology, and can provide an outside perspective on your system and how it functions can be incredibly beneficial and a great boon for internal communication. If you aren’t already seeing a therapist, perhaps try seeking one out.

Additionally, there are other things you can do to boost inner-system communication, like:

- attempting to communicate externally. Writing notes, setting up a PluralKit and a system discord server, keeping a journal, and leaving voice memos are all excellent ways to begin communicating with each other. With this, keep in mind that patience is key. You may not hear from other system members immediately, but if you keep that line of communication open and functioning, you may start to hear from each other often

- attempting to communicate internally. When you have time to spend by yourself in a calm, quiet environment, try reaching out to your system members. Don’t be too discouraged if you don’t hear back initially, and don’t assume that not hearing anything back means they aren’t hearing your message. Practicing internal communication regularly can help build connections and make communication easier in the future.

- reducing internal self-hate. This was a massive obstacle for our system, one that we’re still struggling with. But our host’s self-hatred was often deflected or aimed towards other members of the system. If you are the host and deal with this, your headmates may be wary or hesitant to interact with you. Try working on some self-compassion, and it may help your headmates feel more comfortable interacting. If you are in this situation, you may have to work on rebuilding trust before you can hope to have better communication with your system.

If you are the host, and if you have never fully switched out before, perhaps learn more about specutien, frontstuck, and median systems. It may be that you will never be able to fully switch out and enter the headspace. In our system, our host can switch out occasionally, but not of his own volition, and he does not enter our headspace. Rather, he goes into a sleep or stasis and has no memory of his time not fronting when he fronts again. That is just the way our system works. Trying to force your system to work in a way that it doesn’t may be detrimental to your system as a whole, so please exercise caution and be careful. Remember that all systems are unique, and your system might function differently from other systems you know.

With regards to masking, I’m linking this post made by a couple members of my system in which they discuss masking a bit. For me, I can mask easily enough by adopting a few mannerisms of the host and trying to speak with a “host filter” (if that makes sense). So far I’ve been able to slip by undetected around people with whom it is not safe for us to be open about our system.

I do apologize that this post got a bit long and out of hand. Good luck with everything.

🖋 Cecil

#internal communication #system communication #masking #switching

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