#hey google is it gay to die for your bro

[emimothvine]

Plot twist Bakugou’s hero name is Bakubro.

[gothiethefairy]

things i know about the witcher based off my dashboard and also using google:

geralt is, like, over 100 years old, but sometimes looks like a hot dad in his 40s and he has serious mommy issues. he's always trying to say fuck destiny but destiny always makes him their bitch. also he's a monster nerd, and sometimes a detective?? he either talks a lot or doesn't at all. oh and he accidentally murdered a bunch of people and he's been sour about that for a while.

yennefer is like half geralt's age, she always smells like lilacs and gooseberries (according to geralt) she always wants power but also a baby, but can't have one bc of magic plastic surgery so she's very bitter about that. also her and geralt are tied together magically bc geralt goofed up a wish or something. so they are very on again, off again. and everyone is either sick of it or doesn't care.

ciri is a princess of, some land. but then the not-nazis took it over and she had to run away. she's geralt's daughter but not biologically bc when her mom was pregnant with her, geralt went "hey u know what would be funny? law of surprise lol" tbh, the law of surprise is very sketchy but w/e bc everyone treats it like it's serious business so ciri is just "here's my dad, the witcher." she's badass and also can make portals so when i was reading up about her, i was like "oh, like the girl from bioshock infinite. okay, i kinda get it."

jaskier is a horny bard, who is a noble but either everyone knows that or thinks he's bullshitting that. he's either so famous, he's the medieval version of beyonce or not really all that famous at all. he's also super smart but i think people keep forgetting that? like, on his down time, he teaches at high-end universities as a professor. he writes killer bangers and loves cucking people. like if you're a hot wife who is unhappy with your sex life, jaskier is here to save you. jaskier is also geralt's #1 homie for life and they will die for each other or if you're netflix, they are donkey and shrek. also TOTALLY not gay, sheesh. can't a bro touch his bro's butt? also he's sometimes feral, but p sure that's fanon.

[ranboounlabeled]

Incorrect Quotes

So I had the bright idea one day to make incorrect quotes based on a DnD campaign and the players. Why not post them here? If any of them find this and request this to be deleted, I won’t mind. Blu - DM, any other character you don’t see listed here Tuck - Alzora Autumn/Me - Aria Maria - Yeet Bard - Tad Whipple - Niyana ~ Aria at 3AM: Alzora wake up Alzora, annoyed: What is it? Aria: If butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans/mobians in their stomach? Alzora: The rest of Team Supernova: Niyana: aria what the fuck Yeet: No no, wait. She has a point. Yeet: What if they’re mobian butterflies? Snipe: What if they just feel really tiny butterflies in their stomachs? Niyana: That’s morbid. ~ Aria: is pink panther a lion Alzora: say that again but slower Aria: i don't get it? Alzora: he's the pink PANTHER Aria: okay? but is he a lion? Alzora: Aria. he's a panther Aria: is that a kind of lion??? Alzora: no it's a fucking panther Aria: I just googled it. Are they not pink?  Alzora: AND LIONS ARE??? ~ Yeet: *gets shot* Shit. Alzora: Language! ~ Niyana: Is 4 alot? Aria/Alzora: Depends on the context. Aria/Alzora: Money? No. Aria/Alzora: Murders? Yes. ~ Yeet: Just a reminder that I'm non-binary so if you've got a crush on me, u gay bro ~

Alzora: if one of you says that stupid thing again I will not hesitate to give you frost bite Aria: aw that's so sad alexa play despacito Alzora: starting with you Alt idea from our DM (context, Alzora is an ice dragon and I compare her to Elsa alot): Aria: thats so sad, alexa play Let it Go. Alzora: you will die in 3 days ~ Niyana: THE FLOOR IS LAVA Yeet: *helps Snipe onto a chair* Alzora: *throws Aria off the table* revenge Niyana: There are two types of people ~ Alzora: If anyone says ‘mood’ ‘same’ or 'me’ in response to something I say ever again, I will throw you out the nearest window Yeet: Mood Aria: Same Niyana: Me Alzora calling tad: hello? Tad can you come here quickly? Tad: why what happened? Alzora: well lets just say there’s a gun in my hand, 3 dead bodies on the floor, blood on the walls floor and ceiling, and police on the way Tad: Tad: what Tad: The police are going to be there? Yeah, you're on your own ~ Aria: Mobius is a hot, molten core with a solid crust. Therefore, its a ravioli Alzora: Please stop Yeet, taking notes: No no let her finish ~ Aria: Comparing me and Alzora is like comparing apples to oranges. Aria: I mean, I like apples, and I really don't like oranges. Aria: Oranges are annoying. ~ nesta: fuck your cake! aria: 

~ Niyana: I’ve been working on my evil laugh! ‘Cause everybody’s got an evil laugh, you know, like... Ha ha ha ha HA! Like that. Alzora: Okay, here’s the thing. You’re not ready... for the evil laugh, okay, you can do a chuckle? Like a mildly upset chuckle? After MY evil laugh. ~ Snipe: You're smiling. Did something good happen? Aria: Can't I smile just because I feel like it? Niyana: Alzora tripped and fell down the stairs. ~ Yeet: So, why is Aria mad at you? Alzora: They sneezed and I accidentally said "shut the fuck up" instead of "bless you". Yeet: Alzora: Yeet: How do you accidentally say "shut the fuck up"?! ~ Alzora: Anyone who says 'uwu' or 'owo' again is being arrested for crimes against humanity! Aria: Cwimes against huwumanity. Alzora: I'm going to break your fingers. ~ Yeet, while crying: LOVE IS DEAD AND NEVER EXISTED! ALL YOU DID WAS BETRAY ME AS I LAY SICK AND FESTERING! YOU ARE THE DEFINITION OF DREAD! Snipe: Are you ok???  Yeet, crying even more: NIYANA STOLE MY FUCKIGN WEAPONS! [This breakdown is immediately followed by Yeet trying to beat the shit out of a 15 year-old] ~ Alzora: Good Morning!   Aria: Good Morning everyone Snipe: Good Morning. [ half of everyone else says their good mornings] Yeet: My god you all sound like robots! ��good morning” this “good morning” that. Yeet: Spice it up!!! Niyana: HEY MOTHERFUCKERS ~ Alzora: *falls*  Alzora: Alzora: I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies. ~ Aria: Tall people are the enemy! Alzora: I'm sorry, I can't hear you from up here. Aria: I will tie your fucking shoelaces together and you won't even know it! ~ Niyana: But rules were made to be broken! Tad: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Nesta: Uh, pinatas. Alzora: Glow sticks. Yeet: Karate boards. Aria: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Niyana: And rules! Snipe: Don’t forget bones. Yeet: Ye-Wait no- ~ Aria: Onion rings are just vegetable doughnuts. Alzora, used to Aria: Sure they are, Aria. Aria: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed. Alzora: Okay. Aria: Lasagna is just spaghetti-flavored cake. Alzora: … Aria, oblivious: Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions. Alzora, crying: Aria, please stop. Yeet, fascinated: No, continue. ~ Yeet: Hey, Snipe, what are you doing here? Snipe: This is where I come to cry. Yeet: What. Snipe: I said this is where I come to be a cool guy. ~ [loud crashing comes from Team Supernova's room, Tad runs in to find the room completely trashed] Tad: What happened in here!? [The rest of the Team are on an elevated surface]  Aria, on top of the bookshelf, shaking: We saw a spider... ~ Yeet: Isn’t it amazing what friends learn from each other? Aria: I learn a lot from Phin because he makes so many mistakes. ~ Aria: AVJDJAHDHSHS Tad: what is that? Aria: a keyboard smash Tad: how do I do it? Aria: just press anything Tad: 7 ~ Alzora: Bitch. Aria: Blocked. Alzora: Wait, unblock me, I need to tell you something. Aria: Unblocked. Alzora: Bitch. ~ Alzora: Don’t say a word. Aria: Aria: Fergalicious. Alzora: I said no words. Aria: Oh, I see. Two weeks ago playing Scrabble, it’s not a word. Now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you. ~ Aria: Olli? Why are you outside? It's pouring! Olli, drenched: The aesthetic, Miss Aria. Aria: Olli, please. Olli: ThE aEsThEtIc, MiSs ArIa! ~ Niyana: There’s no “i” in happyness. Aria: There is if you fuckin’ spell it right. ~ Niyana: Do you care if I take the skin off the Furby? Niyana: I want to make him a God. Once he is free of his sinful flesh he can begin the path towards enlightenment. He will take care of Us. Niyana: Also I want to softhack his circuits. Yeet: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that sentence ever again. Tad, not looking up from his sketch book: I could design some long furby designs if you need me to. ~ Stella: I have a mafia! Yeet: We have a Niyana. ~ Yeet: Bro. Snipe: What bro? Yeet: Tell the whole world we’re bros. Snipe: *whispers* We’re bros. Yeet: Why’d you whisper bro? Snipe: Because you’re my whole world bro. Yeet: B R O. ~ Yeet: Your house is burning down! You can only save one thing. What do you save? Aria: My house?? ~ Aria: Yeet, do you ever want to talk about your emotions? Yeet: No. Alzora: I do. Aria: I know, Alzora. Alzora: I’m sad. Aria: I know, Alzora. ~ Stella: *looking around in closet* What should I change into? Snipe: A better person. ~ Whatever characters Yeet writes into fanfiction: *hugging and vibing* Yeet: Who would ever want to harm such a loving relationship? Yeet, brandishing a pen: I WOOOOULD! ~ Yeet: Chillax~ Alzora: That’s not a word. Yeet: Sometimes the ones who deny “chillax” are the ones who need to chillax the most. ~ Aria: 13 year old me would be both terrified and in awe at who I am now. Niyana: 13 year old me wouldn't think I'd get this far. Yeet: I would fight a 13 year old me. ~ Snipe: Yeet came into my room in the middle of the night, I pretended to be asleep, and they stroked my hair for a minute then left. Are they planning to kill me??? Aria: No they just care about you, idiot. ~ Yeet: Well, I guess you could say I’ve fallen for you. Snipe: You just fell down seven flights of stairs, how are you even alive? ~ Yeet: I wish I could block people in real life. Alzora: A restraining order. Niyana: Murder. ~ Alzora: What the frick is wrong with you? Snipe: Please be more specific and resubmit with the proper paperwork. ~ [on a city bus] Stranger: Are you traveling for business or pleasure? Alzora, in full armor: Combat. ~ Aria: Who ate my fries? Yeet? Yeet: I don’t like fries. Aria: Snipe? Snipe: I don’t need food. Aria: Niyana? Niyana: …It was Alzora. Alzora: Yeah it was. Aria: wh ~ Alzora: They are completely literal people. Metaphors go over their heads. Yeet: Nothing goes over my head... my reflexes are too fast! I would catch it. ~ Yeet: Live by the ass, die by the ass. Tad: S t o p ~ Niyana: Is there a word that is a mix between sad and mad? Tad: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolate. Yeet: Smad. ~ Tad: If someone is trying to rob a civilian, what is the correct course of action? Yeet: T-pose to assert dominance Tad: No. Niyana: Say "Thank you Chaos, for this meal I'm about to have" and then- Tad, interrupting: even worse Yeet, taking notes: Wait, let her finish ~ Aria: Hey Alzora, do you think Snipe feels regret? Because i just saw him choke down one of Tad’s pancakes in half a second. Alzora: Snipe has only one emotion and that’s hubris. ~ Yeet: *peeling a banana* May I take your jacket lol Snipe: Do you think other people can't hear you? ~ Aria: You have to pick your battles, Alzora. Alzora: I’m full of rage and I’m picking all of them. ~ Nesta, T-posing in the hallway: Good morning, parental figure. Tad, not looking up from his coffee: Hello, problem child. ~ Yeet, throwing his head in Snipe’s lap: Tell me I’m pretty. Snipe, lovingly stroking their hair: You’re pretty fucking annoying, that’s what you are. ~ Yeet, hoarsely: I think I'm losing my voice. Niyana: Ha! That means you can't yell at me anymore! [later that day]  Niyana: Turns out, Yeet is scarier when they’re quiet. ~ Snipe: WE'RE SINKING IN DEEP WATER. Yeet: Don't worry. I learned this from a survival TV show. Yeet: OH TOOOOODLES-- ~ Niyana: Who else uses can openers to drink soft drinks? Yeet: This is extremely unhinged I must try it immediately. ~ Snipe: Boil up some mountain dew. It’s gonna be a long night. Aria: You could have said anything else. Yeet: fire burn and cauldron bubble, baja blast to fuel my trouble. ~ Aria: What do you want for dinner? Niyana: How about Sonic? Aria: *whispers* He's so fast how would we catch him-

[the-black-birb]

𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢'𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐃𝐚𝐲 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟑!)

This fic features Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, Kenma, Futakuchi, and a reader character. There are no explicit romanitc pairings.

Warnings: swearing and poorly attempted humor

Summary: shenanigans

A/N: this is part of a collaborative fic with ellie (@babiekeiji ) for qee's bday!! Happy birthday cutie ilysm

QeeDay Masterlist

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

--❤--

[DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 2:04 PM

tetsubro and futacoochieslayer are online!

futacoochieslayer: how are you and bokuto so good at ice skating

futacoochieslayer: i came here to woo yn but i think you’ve wooed me instead

tetsubro: it’s the bromance

tetsubro: but yn is skating w akaashi rn

testubro: we can make this duo into a trio 

tetsubro: come over ;)

futacoochieslayer: ooh say less

 [DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 2:28 PM

applepi and captain_daddy are online!

captain_daddy: cmere

applepi: why.

captain_daddy: ur tired

applepi: im exhausted

applepi: what r u gonna do about it?

captain_daddy: i give rly good back massages

applepi: …

applepi: move over so i can sit

 [DIRECT MESSAGES]

Saturday, 2:56 PM

waiyenn and futacoochieslayer are online!

waiyenn: thank you <3

futacoochieslayer: ew why are you thanking me

futacoochieslayer: bring yn back

waiyenn: ik you were wary about letting them come along

waiyenn: but u did anyways

waiyenn: so thank you :)

futacoochieslayer: whatever

futacoochieslayer: they’re not too bad anyways

waiyenn: so 

waieynn: you staring at bokuto’s ass?

futacoochieslayer: i am staring at bokuto’s ass.

 [PARTAYYYYY]

Saturday, 4:20 PM

tetsubro is online!

tetsubro: blaze it

akaashi is online!

akaashi: Did you just drop your phone on the ice just to text that?

 [PARTAYYYYY]

Saturday, 4:28 PM

applepi, futacoochieslayer, and waiyenn are online!

applepi: so are there any good phone stores around here

waiyenn: ??

applepi: kuro cracked his phone

applepi: we want to see if we can find a replacement before we go back to tokyo

applepi: so his dad doesnt find out

waiyenn: oh uh

waiyenn: im not sure i can check google

futacoochieslayer: my dad works for an electronics company

futacoochieslayer: ill drive u guys over once we’re done

waiyenn: aww who knew you could be a decent human being

futacoochieslayer: everyone but you

applepi: i disagree w that statement

futacoochieslayer: walk to the store.

 [DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 5:04 PM

captain_daddy and waiyenn are online!

captain_daddy: hey yn

captain_daddy: this is kuroo from bo’s phone

captain_daddy: im sorry skating got cut short bc of me

waiyenn: its all good tetsu

waiyenn: u went down for a good cause

captain_daddy: (￣▽￣)V

waiyenn: but why are you texting me

waiyenn: arent u sitting behind me rn

captain_daddy: bokuto is crushing my windpipe w his beautiful muscular back

captain_daddy: if im going to go, this is the way i want to die

waiyenn: rip

 [DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 5:47 PM

waiyenn and futacoochieslayer are online!

futacoochieslayer: hey

waiyenn: y are we texting

waiyenn: youre sitting next to me

futacoochieslayer: well i wanna text

waiyenn: we’re the only ones here everyone else is in the phone store

futacoochieslayer: so what?

waiyenn: “whatever happened to having a conversation”

futacoochieslayer: nvm i dont want to talk

 [DIRECT MESSAGE]

Saturday, 5:52 PM

waiyenn and futacoochieslayer are online!

futacoochieslayer: happy birthday

futacoochieslayer: ✧bitch ✧

waiyenn: aww thx

waiyenn: ✧bastard✧

 Saturday, 8:03 PM

captain_daddy changed [PARTAYYYYY] to [SLUMBER PARTAYYYYY]

captain_daddy changed @futacoochieslayer to @futaba

everyone is online!

futaba: why

captain_daddy: its ur initiation

captain_daddy: did i use that word right

akaashi: Yes. 

waiyenn: so bo can change other ppl’s names but not his own

waiyenn: kinda sus (￢з￢)

tetsubro: are you sure it’s okay that we’re staying over yn?

waiyenn: yeah!!

waiyenn: its nice to have company

waiyenn: and now we can celebrate my bday allllll night long o(*>ω<*)o

applepi: and its kinda late to head all the way back to tokyo

waiyenn: mmhmm

waiyenn: you have to stay

akaashi: Thank you, yn

 [SLUMBER PARTAYYYYY]

Sunday, 2:16 AM

everyone is online!

tetsubro: gnight gays

applepi: night

captain_daddy: sweet dreams uwu

akaashi: Good night.

waiyenn: futakuchi you have to say it

waiyenn: ur part of the gang now

futaba: we’re literally dogpiled on top of each other

tetubro: cmon bro

akaashi: I think you should.

futaba: sigh

futaba: goodnight

futaba: to everyone but yn since its not her bday anymore (　＾ڡ＾)

 [SLUMBER PARTAYYYYY]

Sunday, 2:54 AM

waiyenn is online!

waiyenn: thank you guys for today

waiyenn: seriously

waiyenn: i love you guys sososo much you mean the world to me

applepi is online!

applepi: go to sleep yn

applepi: we love you too

waiyenn: <3

waiyenn: night babes

[ftmjerryseinfeld]

Actual Things I Heard in My School, Pt 2

“sorry i called you a cheating heathen dudebro” 

“we’re all wearing toilet paper around our necks tomorrow, want to join?”

“the figurative ass, not the literal ass”

“in a way, america and the soviet union both won and lost the cold war”

(class is being loud) teacher: *starts dabbing* the longer you talk the longer you miss me dabbing

“i love you bro no hetero”

“did you jUST LICK THE PIANO????” “i was cleaning it!!!!”

“yeet yeet i’m a beet”

“how do i know that u didn’t cover this sour power straw in cocaine?” *snorts citric acid*

*pulls giant horse mask out of bag and puts it on* “thou hast yee’d thy last haw”

“why do you keep your nails so short” “gay.”

“hey google, was pyramus chased by an axe murderer?”

“i will delete your kneecaps”

“what blooms in winter?” “communism!!!!” “and apples”

“i am the dice bow down to me”

“call me or i’ll sell your kidneys on the black market, got it?”

“i hope you get unvaccinated and die bitch”

“me screw propaganda crashed”

(someone t poses) “YOUR DOMINANCE IS NO MATCH FOR MY GAYNESS”

“i am a frying pan” “im a lesbean” “i’m an ace of spades” “gay”

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 1

-Person:I don't want to go to college. I want to join a rock band.

-Person 1: A dangerous pogo stick

Person 2: Do you mean a jackhammer?

-Person 1: I only have five minutes, what can I do in five minutes!?

Person 2: Masturbate

Person 3: Dab

-*Person 1 snaps fingers in a Z formation and points* No.

-Person: It's the computer Jesus.

Person: I’m okay with being the human embodiment of a cookie recipe.

-Person: Her eyes were as blue as... the color blue.

-Person: angrily clicks pen

-Person: Fight me *said while dabbing*

-Person: Did you just assume the gender of that table?

-Person: How does that child have popcorn! It's Wednesday!

-Person: Yo no speako Shakespearean Englisho.

-Person: I AM looking at an AC! *shouted across campus during finals week*

-Person: You fancy English tomboy! *shouted during an argument*

-Person: The salt the salt it burns! *followed by horrendous screaming and someone collapsing on the ground*

-Person 1: It's spiky.

Person 2: Depression?

Person 1: No a porcupine.

-Person: I don't know what fake tan you put on, but you’re not brown. *Indian girl to another Indian girl when one thought a food was spicy*

-Person: Thicce. When she thicc but she French. *pronounced thick-ay*

-Person: Everything's breaking and falling apart. *cue a chorus of 'my life' and 'same'*

-Person: I searched up the word 'search'. Nailed it!

-Person: *to the tune of making my way downtown* Make a meringue right now.

-Person: Legiterally. *legit +literally*

-Person: See, the problem is, I don’t want to.

-Person: We're boycotting Amazon. Siri play despacito.

-Person: Dishwashers are just machines from the evil overlords. You don't do the dishes, the dishes do you.

-Person: It makes me want to dig my own eyeballs out of my sockets and eat them but I'm fine.

-Person 1: Is this strawberry jam?

Person 2: Yes

Person 1: Ehhh I'm allergic but it's fine.

-Person: You human bobby pin.

-Person: Technically, Fire trucks are just giant water guns.

-Person 1: But what happens if you take helium and sulfur hexafluoride at the same time?

Person 2: You die.

-Person: I want to breath fire like the dragon that I am.

-Person: (girls name)! Stop trying to graph life!

-Person 1: Great I’m a pterodactyl with 3D printers for ears.

Person 2: Oh my god it’s me!

-Person: I will consume your soul!!!

-Person 1: Did you just fall and accept it?

Person 2: Yes.

-Person: Dang. Life is just crunchy.

-Person: I relate to that shoe, because I am also alone in this world.

-Person: Being alive is to0 much of a commitment. TBH I have enough commitment issues as it is and I’m just not fully committed to this whole life thing.

-Person: Swiper no swiping! *shouted as another student tried to steal their water bottle

-Person: (persons name), you either have to solve the problem, or you have to stop whining and ignore it. That’s how life works.

-Person: I want an emotional support komodo dragon to emotionally support me by killing my enemies.

-Person 1: Move the table by (mans name).

Person 2: What? Physically?

Person 1: No, mentally… of course physically (person’s name)!

-Person: What do they speak in Brazil? Brazilian?

-Person: I’m  not going to have five kids fuck you buzzfeed.

-Person: How many calories are in a Pringles container? Cause I just ate all of them.

-Person: I could listen to him say penguin forever. If someone ever says penguin as good as he does I’ll just….

-Person: And then his reply just savaged me yeah!? I just want him to like me.

-Person: Me watching my life fall apart like ‘that’s a shame’.

-Person: Carry yourself upstairs! For gods sake (person’s name) it’s not that difficult!!

-Person: Do I look like the basic gluten free white bitch? Okay I thought so.

-Person: How could I give up on life when I never even lived it in the first place?

-Person: Have you ever gotten into a TED talk spiral? Like just a spiral of knowledge and inspiration?

-Person: You don’t know true fear until you almost drop your laptop without its case.

-Person: So they just yeet you into the water when you die.”

-Person: And in that moment she made four very straight girls turn gay for five seconds. That’s how fine she was.

-Person 1: Why is the sky screaming?

*thunder*

Person 2:It probably has cramps.

-Person: I’m here, I’m queer, and I shall be scoping you my dear.

-Person: You. 20-20. Vision. Person. Gah!

-Person: I guess I’ll just phase through the walls.

-Person: He has the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

-Person 1: Not even sarcastically though, why do you care more about my life and health more than I do?

-Random Girl walking by: same though

-Person: Wait are potatoes a fruit?

-Person 1: Come on (person’s name), chop chop!

Person 2: I’m chopping!

-Person: I thought I ran into (boys name) but it was actually just a bench.

-Person: Are streptsils supposed to burn?

-Person: Does static electricity work here?

-Bro 1: Close your eyes bro

Bro 2: Okay bro

Bro 1: What do you see bro?

Bro 2: Nothing bro

Bro 1: That’s my world without you bro

Bro 2: Bro

Girl: I swear to god if you two do that again… *insinuating that this wasn’t the first time they had done so*

-Person 1: And how do you exactly get to the sketchy parts of London?

Person 2: Google maps.

-Girl in a dark room to roommate: Well you know what? *Turns on light* well fuck you I hope your eyes burn.

-Person: Oh my crapety crap crap.

-Person: Oh yes, we love a spiky shistar

-Person: Tbh no one else can hate me as much as I hate me sooo yeahhh

-Person: So I guess I’m just gunna dab and pretend like everything’s okay then cry later.

-Person 1: Well you’re... fricking... stupid.

Person 2:Wow language.

Person 1: I’m 15 I can do whatever the frick I want!

-Person: *shouting*I don’t have energy for this today!

-Person: I didn’t know the lady was not wearing garments.

-Person: That went from getting water to doing drugs. That wasn’t a jump at all.

-Person: I am a bright and colorful piñata and god is a 13 year old birthday boy whose parents have just announced their divorce.

-Person: Oh my god I just got a message! *pause* Never mind it’s just my cellular company

-Person: I only know how to express love in either dramatic, multi-page, 19th-century-style love letters or single memes presented without commentary so jot that down

-Person 1: As a member of the stop the bull community I kindly request for you to cease this activity.

Person 2: Oh yah? Well as a member of the START the bull community I wanna ask you to umm BACK OFF.

-Person: I’m feeling very third wheel. You and (boys name),  (boys name) and (girls name), (girls name) and 8-ball.

-Person: My entire life is the ‘awkward YouTube phase’.

-Person: Sliding into (girlfriends name) dms like *proceeds to perform a giant sock on hardwood floor style slide*

-Person: (Teacher’s name)’s voice just puts you to sleep. If you need to take a nap, just listen to a recording.

-Person: And then there’s me, having a mental breakdown over a water bottle.

-Person: Like girl, I know you’re thirsty but just drink some soda.

-Person 1: I’m sad lemme have some.

Person 2: Who broke up with you this time?

Person 1: HEY!

-Person: Excuse you, I’m always ashy.

-Person 1: 3/8 people on this group chat aren’t straight. That’s 0.375. Quick maths. Who needs to pass the math final when you can calculate the amount of gay in the group chat?

Person 2: Politicians use statistics to argue their points anyway so you need it in life.

Person 3: That was intelligent, (Person 1) you’ve been outplayed.

-Person 1: YAY WERE ALL GOING TO DIE

Person 2: Me in the face of the apocalypse.

-Person: God I miss Lagos, even the bumpy ass roads. at least Lagos had LESBIANS.

-Person: Does anyone else want to pretend their okay with me? No?

-Person: 8-Ball Bitches!

-Person: I’VE GONE BACK SO FAR INTO THE CLOSET I’M IN FUCKING NARNIA NOW

-Person: Attack! *Squeals as she’s squirted wit a water-bottle* Ahhhh you fricking fudger!

[tessatechaitea]

Black Condor #5

Five issues and five pure cheesecake covers.

Crud-for-brains? I'd wager my life savings that Brian Augustyn was an early Adventures of Pete and Pete fan.

The guys on the cover are just four young dude-bros stealing from drug dealers. They burn the drugs and take the money to give toward good causes. And probably also to buy cool shit for themselves. They're only human! Probably. I haven't read far enough along to know what they're really doing with the cash. Black Condor will find out after he beats the shit out of three of them. Sorry. I've been gone for awhile. You wouldn't have noticed since my long absence fell between writing the previous paragraph and this current one. And unless you ran off to take a desperate shit right at the same moment, the time between these two paragraphs was negligible, minuscule (I decided to use both words because I'm so proud of my ability to spell my native language (I considered misspelling "native" and "language" but decided that was a boring old joke which has carried more water than Capri-sun (that's a new joke and it's not very good because it doesn't make sense. But at least it's new))). But I was caught up in playing a stupid computer video game about dungeon delving dice trapped in a horrific game show. Spoiler: the dice never get to fuck. But I'm back now because this is blog is the only thing that keeps me sane anymore. You might think that because this blog was my link to sanity, I'd be more earnest. You might think I'd want to be grim and serious and discuss political, social, and environmental matters with the gravity and seriousness they deserve. But that's all the stuff that's doing my head in. So I'd rather pretend that I'm angry at comic books. Here's a secret for the few of you reading this who made it to this specific paragraph out of all of my paragraphs: I wish I were friends with Scott Lobdell. I bet he's kind of an asshole but he's the kind who, if he was getting his ass kicked at a bar for being smarmy and pretentious and smug (smug because he's a rich writer whom a lot of thirteen year old boys (and men with thirteen year old boy minds) think wrote some of the seminal X-men stories), he'd completely understand if you didn't step in to defend him. He feels like the kind of guy who knows what he really deserves (a righteous ass beating) and wouldn't think the world unfair should he ever receive it. Then he'd probably buy drinks for the people who beat his ass, and I'd look him in the eye and shrug, and he'd laugh, and we'd continue to not mention that time we jerked each other off when we were fucking wasted on single malt scotch and peyote. Black Condor and Ned decide they need to find the girl with humongous afro before she hurts people who don't deserve it the way the color changing white supremacist Nazi rapists did.

What does he mean by "completely autistic"? In 1992, I'm guessing that meant nonverbal with loads of stimming and maybe the ability to play any piano concerto immediately after hearing it once.

Karin was experimented on by Black Condor's grandfather's Society but she failed to gain the ability to fly. She did, however, gain mental abilities as powerful as his own. He's concerned that, being autistic, she'll hurt people with her mind rage. Please. She almost certainly just wants to be left alone by everybody in society expecting her to think and act in a specific way that she can't think and act, nor would she want to if she had the ability. Just leave autistic people alone, normals! They don't need help. Just because your autistic kid isn't giving you the kind of unconditional love you were looking for when you decided to have a kid that you would eventually love only conditionally based on how they loved you doesn't mean the kid needs to change. That's on you and your needs. Maybe just find a way for the kid to express themselves (or not! Who knows sometimes?!) and let them do and act as they please. Unless what they want to do is fuck the dog. I'm not saying autistic people fuck dogs but I am saying we're all individuals, you know? Use your common sense! And if your kid is fucking the dog, autistic or not, don't let them near the dog! The Merry Men on the cover (oh hey! There were Merry Men in the Sky Pirate issue! Brian Augustyn either loves old tales of daring adventure or LSD) have been robbing drug dealers to help fund a homeless camp run by a priest named Gamble. The priest isn't involved in the theft; he chastises them about their plans to get money illegally. But they assure him the money isn't tainted and he decides to believe them when they dump thousands of dollars on his desk. Doing the right thing is hard when doing the wrong thing will solve all of your money issues. If you're a weak minded jerk, that is! I totally would never sell out for thousands of dollars so hopefully nobody embarrasses themselves by offering me loads of money to write positive comic book reviews for their publications. Father Gamble refuses the money because he just can't be sure it was honestly come by. I would be less suspicious of the money and more suspicious of the white college kids trying to donate thousands of dollars to a homeless camp. What's really going on in this camp?! Why are these young men so interested in keeping it funded so it doesn't get shut down? Four probably rich white boys risking their lives to help the downtrodden? Sorry but this is the most aggressively fantastic comic book I've ever read. And I'm not using the informal definition of "fantastic."

"Which member of this organization could possibly be giving all of this information to these white boys and why am I exposing my plan to kill them before plugging the leak?!"

Maybe that's racist suggesting that the white guy in the gang is giving the information to other white guys. But this comic book has already asked me to believe too many fanciful plot points so I'm glad Augustyn decided the white guy was absolutely the inside man. The white guys name is Herbie and his boss, Mr. Soto, already knows he's the leak. I'm glad Mr. Soto is as smart as I am. Or as racist. Probably smart though! They follow him as he's trying to meet up with the college Merry Men to warn them that they're in danger. Luckily for Herbie, Black Condor happens upon the scene as he's searching for Karin. And even though Black Condor doesn't give a shit about this guy and his problems, he figures even a reluctant hero wouldn't just stand by and watch some jerk get what's coming to them. After Black Condor saves Herbie, he has to take him to the hospital because he was pistol whipped. Meanwhile, the rich white kids aren't warned that they're about to die so they drive off into the trap to steal more money that Father Gamble won't be accepting for his charity.

What a dumb asshole! Even the most ignorant of ignorant jerks knows there were only three musketeers! Unless he's so familiar with the book that he's including d'Artagnan along with Porthos, Mythos, and Harpos.

I never read The Three Musketeers because I was born in the late 20th century and exciting stories to thrill young boys wasn't a popular genre anymore because we had Batman and Green Lantern. Although I did once play the text adventure version of the book. When I did that, I poked fun at the idea that the author of it was writing the game so that people would remember Alexandre Dumas and yet it's the only reason I know anything about him! Although now I know a little bit more about him because I Googled his name to make sure I was spelling it correctly and now I know what a fancy lad he was!

Now I want to listen to an audio version of his book where every few sentences, the person reading it just says, "Oooooooh, my!"

The Musketeers (maybe I was wrong to assume they were more like the Merry Men?!) manage to get away with only one of them shot in the ankle (the others weren't shot at all, if that wasn't clear). They decide the best way to save their own lives is to lead the gun men on a chase through New York back to Father Gamble's homeless camp. They already know he doesn't want any trouble so why are they taking this gunfight back there?! What is Father Gamble's hold over these young men?! Luckily for everybody in the homeless camp, Black Condor is there still searching for Karin. He'll save everybody's lives reluctantly! Unluckily for everybody, Karin is also there and the gunfire and chaos freaks her out so much that she has a mind-storm! That's the thing she had before that killed four of her attempted Nazi rapists. And that's where the comic book ends! Lucky for older me, younger me bought the next issue so I wouldn't be stuck with this cliff hanger! Lucky for younger me, older me doesn't have a time machine so that fucker has gotten away with some pretty abhorrent behavior which I couldn't correct by going back in time and punching him in the nose. Unlucky for him, he's going to be a virgin for a long, long time! Ha ha! Take that! Ow. Older me just hurt older me's feelings. Black Condor #5 Rating: B. A solid rating that I probably wouldn't have given this comic book back when I was twenty-one. I don't think I understood just what this comic book was doing and wound up only remembering it as a comic book about a reluctant hero. I didn't realize how much of it was Black Condor trying to live his now much more complicated life while also continuously doing the right thing. Even when he just wants to hole up in the woods and say "Fuck it!" to everybody and everything, he still shows the heart of a hero when he's needed by people nearby. And he's fucking sexy hot too.

[eldritch-elrics]

MEMES 2018

happy 2019 everyone! let’s take a look back at the memes of 2018.

i decided at the start of the year to keep a running list of memes i saw. here it is!

disclaimers:

they’re in roughly chronological order but not always

some of these might not count as memes

some are probably from years other than 2018, but i noticed them in 2018

mostly tumblr memes but also some from youtube, etc

bolded are the ones that i found most important or prominent, at least in my sphere of the internet

anyway, on to the list

tide pods / forbidden snacks

mcdonalds alignment chart

connect four

un-tumblrized

ADAM!

do you know the way? / ugandan knuckles

fbi agent

knuckles dying

left exit off ramp

somebody toucha ma spaghet

shirtless kylo ren

it’s 2028

pop team epic characters

the return of cat no banana

boo boo the fool

google arts and culture

absolute unit

thinking face emoji, thonking

person at stall with coffee: change my mind

mii channel theme

steamed hams

that’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth

green m&m message

upside down mcdonalds sign

gru’s plan

a song but every other beat

roblox death oof

but go off i guess

gay/bi/lesbian distinguished/functional/disaster alignment charts

russians blocked from tumblr

krusty krab vs chum bucket

globglogabgalab

you guys are just mean

we need a disney princess who x

american chopper argument

braver than a us marine

spongebob nopants

gay keyboard smashing

“mine” by bazzi

hand sanitizer vs 0.01% of germs

the ok sign (gottem)

“click to see a ghost” (it’s not a ghost)

god tier vriska

if you don’t love me at my x

zuckerberg trial

regular couple / yaoi couple / yuri couple

wallmart yodeler

press f to pay respects

todd howard’s wikipedia page

infinity war is the most ambitious crossover event in history

x dies in infinity war

gorls

john mulaney

you know what that is? growth

guy shooting other guy on couch (who killed hannibal)

floating boy chasing running boy

Дpyr

the baking a cake song from lazytown

t pose to assert dominance

is this a pigeon?

lesbians who like thor

bart hits homer with a chair

childish gambino - this is america

yanny/laurel

trumpet boy

person alarmed by powerpoint

i don’t feel so good…

miiverse (who thought it was even remotely okay to put this here)

scene from the good place where janet has a cactus

it’s free real estate

we live in a society

t hanos

chinken nunget

the dancing trickster god guy with the wacky glasses

lightning shapes

standing in lettuce

todd howard in general

ihob - the b stands for burgers

crow talks over smaller bird

despacito

we’ve updated our privacy policy

this is so sad alexa play despacito

big dick energy

human and robot from i robot talking

list of best x characters

fingers in his ass

*snap* yep. this one’s going in my cringe compilation

polite cat

slaps roof of car

let’s go lesbians!!

young thug on the computer

fucking superb you funky little x

characters react to you having a tapeworm

teleportation arg

howard the alien

small your dick

alternate responses to “i love you”

more alignment charts, most notably bitch/thot/bastard edgy/depressed/dumbass

elon musk

different communities shaking hands or fist bumping over a shared thing

favorite character bingo

energy sword sunday

thank the bus driver

gamecube

the comeback of minecraft

fortnite

rabies

asbestos becoming legal

pensive emoji

drake, where’s the door hole?

my two brain cells communicating

twink boutta pounce

kung pow penis

johnny johnny

can you cast obsidian

do yall hear sumn?..

x happened at claire’s

bowsette

responses to “i’d die for you”

manga/anime/netflix adaptation

moths and lamps

bongo cat

x do y challenge

wig

zendaya is meechee

adding lucky luciano to photos

presidential alert

the scp foundation

skyrim dialogue: hey, you’re finally awake

setting other songs to the party rock anthem video

weird flex but ok

youtube outage

can i copy your homework?

attention all fortnite gamers, john wick needs your help

tik tok (i wanna be tracer, hit or miss, why do good girls like bad guys)

let’s get this bread

super smash bros world of light trailer

what sort of pics usually get sent at 3 am? ;)

one taught me love, one taught me patience, one taught me pain

"x, can i have y to do z?” “to do z?” “yeeeees"

a human, a monster, a prince from the dark

pikachu :0 face

detective pikachu

have a seat please. i would like to discuss steven universe with you

chonk chart

i’m making fucking mac and cheese

they did surgery on a grape

fantasy art of a creature holding a sword out to another creature

imagine doing x (this post made by y)

no nut november

frankenstein is the creator not the monster

fallout 76

that’s my emotional support x

tumblr nsfw ban, female-presenting nipples

the death of fingers in his ass sunday

domino effect

big chungus

[surprisebitch]

What are your anime suggestions, I’ve been trying to get into it but I don’t really know what to watch

Hey there! and yeeesss, i’m so glad you’re gonna give anime a try! there are so many good stories and plots in anime which dont exist in western media so it’s a great mode of entertainment! so as for recs, lemme copy and paste my previous answer to this similar question and update it to answer yours!

As for starter anime, I think these are good ones you can start with and have received widespread acclaim:

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood

Hunter X Hunter

Gakuen Babysitters (feel good anime that has babies!!)

Yuri! On Ice (gay anime)

Madoka Magica

Cowboy Bebop

—–

You can keep track of what I watch and watched through following my MyAnimeList account:

https://myanimelist.net/profile/carlowesome

I do my best to update that one. It’s kinda like an active anime journal where you can document the anime you watch, plan to watch, and completed but here are individual links for each

watched - https://myanimelist.net/animelist/carlowesome?status=2 

watching - https://myanimelist.net/animelist/carlowesome?status=1 

to watch - https://myanimelist.net/animelist/carlowesome?status=6

If you need to read like some opinions about all the anime I watch and have watched then click ‘Read More’. I put a mini paragraph next to each anime and also categorize them. However, i don’t want to overwhelm you too much but I’ll just put this down for your reference anyway.

[last updated: 28 Apr 2018]

Currently watching:

Neon Genesis Evangelion - i admit it has a slow buildup but be patient because you will really find it intense and see how it’s not your typical mecca anime. so far, i think it seems to be a deconstruction of the genre and has alot of psychological themes

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood - i dont know why my memory about this anime is somehow a blur. i’m sure i finished it but also not so i’m rewatching it and honestly i think this is a good starter anime. i know many people who do not normally watch anime and watched this

Boku no Hero Academia - it’s a recent anime and it’s really good! i think it’s on course to becoming a really big anime that will last many seasons at this rate. the story is about a world where majority of the inhabitants are heroes cause they have quirks (powers).. and the premise is that the main character doesnt have one but he wants to be a hero so watch and see how the story unfolds

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures (currently on Stardust Crusaders) - macho anime with an excellent plot! the guys are hot haha and many of the memes are in japanese so watch the original subbed but if you prefer not to read, the dub isnt bad. it’s very memey but the story is really entertaining and has unpredictable moments

One Punch Man - a parody of a superhero anime. tbh this isnt really binge-watch material cause it’s like a running gag and the story unfolds after episode 5 so i’ve just been watching this during my cardio days in the gym. but it’s a parody of a superhero anime

Hunter X Hunter - this anime is popular and it’s about hunters. so the beginning has the protagonist wanting to be a hunter and then he meets some fellow hunters along the way. it’s one of the highest rated anime in MyAnimeList (the RottenTomatoes equivalent of the anime world) so yeah check this out!

Tokyo Ghoul - the opening song is what captivated me to watch this tbh. although i heard the manga is better. it’s interesting though

Anime currently airing and I’m caught up on (just waiting for the next season to air)

Gakuen Babysitters - super feel good anime about babies!!!!! 

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun - super funny anime. if you need a laugh, this will really lift you up. i watched the first two episodes in sub and dub back to back.. and i can vouch that the voice actors for the English dub are excellent. it’s actually even funnier.. but if you prefer subs, then that’s fine. it’s just the lines are more humorous, expressive and have more variety :) Nozaki’s voice is also attractive in the dub.. it’s still very Nozaki imo. this anime pokes fun at the shoujo manga yet still has romantic elements. it’s mostly comedy though 

Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan - it’s the Game of Thrones of anime imo.. like it’s so GOOD.. it will just make you gag after every episode!!! it’s so intense and there are really badass characters. and the plot is really brilliant. like if you think season 1 was like WHAT THE FUCkk.. wait til season 2! this anime is crazy and exciting. not for the faint-hearted tbh cause it can be graphic and disturbing (also dont get attached. they could die!) but yeah, this anime is popular true and some say it’s overrated but that’s because it really deserves all the recognition and success it has for its amazing plot

Anime watched/finished:

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure (Battle Tendency) - SONO CHI NO SADAMEEE JOOOOOOJOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the type of anime that’ll get you wanting to go to the gym and lift. that being said, it has a really amazing story

Kimi no Na Wa - universally lauded and recently released! it’s the best film released in 2016 imo. i swear it’s really next level storytelling

Rurouni Kenshin - i think i watched this anime twice/thrice.. It’s so suspenseful. it’s about samurais. and this anime made me interested about Japan’s history. it’s kind of a period drama with amazing fight sequences. and it’s critically acclaimed. it’s my father’s all-time favourite anime

Rurouni Kenshin OVA - it’s a prequel. also more violent and tragic than its anime counterpart.. like it’s really different from the series. but it’s so good. you’ll find out how Kenshin got his iconic X mark from here!)

Ghost Stories - THE DUB IS A MASTERPIECE! THE SUBBED IS SHIT. TRUST ME. the DUB is the popular one too cause it’s the superiour version. You really have to see this one. the anime bombed in Japan so the english dubbers got all the rights for the anime and they gave the go signal for the dubbers to do whatever the fuck they want and the end result is fucking hilarious. it shits on the Scary Movie Franchise tbh

Puella Magi Madoka Magica - i swear do not be deceived.. it is a really intense and surprisingly dark anime with excellent plot twists

Jigoku Shoujo / Hell Girl - angst, tragedy, philosophical anime analysing humanity’s hatred, need for vengeance, and suffering. Futakomori or the 2nd season is my favourite but it’s worth finishing the entire series. 3rd season is very painful to watch though and you dont have to watch that one tbh if you dont want to lol

Love Live! School Idol Project - i honestly just watched this like out of curiosity and just for kicks. i was not expecting to love it but after episode 3, i was like wait??? wasnt this anime supposed to be fun?? why am i crying?? so yeah, it’s super good, touching, entertaining and sweet! and the songs are really catchy and good.. TBH this anime is like so gay since there are no men (except Honoka’s dad) so yeah it passes the Bechdel Test with perfect score

Love Live! Movie - the conclusion to the anime!

Love Live! Sunshine - i watched this like a few months after finishing the original series cause i loved the original girls and i was worried i wont like these girls.. but honestly, you will appreciate them. and it has more gay subtext. btw tell me who your fave girls/best girls are after watching Love Live and Sunshine. my best girls are Umi Sonoda and Kanan Matsuura :>

Yu Yu Hakusho - occult, spirit world, ghosts, and fighting. you most probably have heard of this

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters - 1st series starring Yugi is iconic. it might seem juvenile though so i’m not sure if you will like it but the anime is really good if you love the card games

Digimon - can be very intense! better than Pokemon imo

Cardcaptor Sakura - this is also suspenseful. like the premise is essentially that Sakura has to catch all the “monsters” that were freed from this book. and it’s up to her to “capture” them and put into cards. magic, fantasy, and beautiful animation

Ranma ½ - this was so funny but the ending was disappointing cause it got cancelled apparently.. i really hope this will go out of limbo and give us a proper ending like InuYasha did but i doubt it

Danganronpa (murder plot twists, intense and despair-filled storyline. click this to know more about the premise. it’s like Battle Royale meets CSI meets How To Get Away With Murder. btw i highly suggest you play this game (it’s available on Steam) instead of watching the poorly condensed anime. so buy it on steam or you can download it how you like cause it’s one of the best games ever. and if you plan on watching this, there is no Danganronpa 2 anime so yeah just play the first game tbh. here’s a trailer of the game https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwJeZPMhdUk. if ya dont wanna play the games then you can watch the anime. and after watching this, here’s a link of the playthrough of the 2nd game. it’s super fun, full of plot twists, and interactive) 

Yuri On Ice - it’s a really cute gay anime. people will argue it isnt and its queerbait but i’m gay and alot of the things which happen are too much for just bros to do so yeah, i believe it’s canon gay or mlm. and i enjoyed it so you watch it and be the judge

Blood+ - vampires and sword fighting

Ghost In The Shell - it’s a sci-fi movie

Yakitate Japan - baking and cooking!

Getbackers - still up to debate if the duo are gay but if you google art of them, there have been official art released and it’s so gay lol. but yeah it’s shonen genre and it’s not canon gay

Cowboy Bebop - a CLASSIC. the dub is great!!

I don’t remember if i finished these but I watched a lot of episodes enough to recommend it and will rewatch them soon to relieve memories. I’m pretty sure I tuned in though and watched like 80%:

Fushigi Yuugi (i think this is shoujo but it has a nice adventure storyline)

Gundam series (i think i finished the first Gundam and the second)

Tsubasa Chronicles (it’s like a spin-off of Cardcaptor Sakura but they’re like all grown up and the plot is different)

Naruto

One Piece (i watched like the first four seasons)

Bleach (i remembered watching until episode 40 omg)

Great Teacher Onizuka (this is so funny tbh. i think i watched almost all of it)

Studio Ghibli films I watched:

Spirited Away

The Wind Rises

Ponyo

Tales from Earthsea

Anime I plan to watch (many suggested this to me and i plan on watching them so i’ll write them down here) :

Koe no Katachi (A Silent Voice)

Anohana The Flower We Saw That Day

Re: Zero

Your Lie in April

Shin sekai Yori

Gintama

More of Makoto Shinkai’s movies like 5 centimetres per second, etc.)

More Ghibli films too

Final Fantasy XV: Kingsglaive (after i finish FFXV game im watching this one)

Persona 4

Here you go!!!! I know it’s an extensive list. I’ll probably make this a masterpost of anime recs and will update this list, and add more soon. If you have any questions or anything, don’t be shy to message me! :)

[jdmainman123]

Yeah for this information to be coming out I'm seeing and reviewing the data breach and leaking classified information

No they built a new facility 3/4 I think for airplane Jason's family and snow THAT'S RIGHT MY SUPERHERO WILL NEVER WENT TO THE AIRPORT AIRPLANE BIGGEST ROCK STAR IN CHURCH kill all the all the boys in the city all the black boys in the city and let me remind you what the best part is about this

They didn't even notice the white hair white skin girl sacrifices that leaves all that white skin clean girl p**** for us

ALL I'M SAYING THE INFORMATION THAT YOU WANTED FOR YOU TO FOR ME TO PUT THESE THINGS ONLINE FOR YOU TO PROGRAM THE ANTECEDENT INTEGRATION SATELLITE who do you people think you're fooling

Who do you think you are

YOU TOOK $100 FOR MY BANK ACCOUNT IN DALLAS AND ACTED LIKE IF HE DOESN'T KNOW THE ENTIRE CITY OF DALLAS AND I THINK MISSOURI WAS WATCHING AS FAR AS I KNOW WHERE MY BABIES ARE IN SNOW WATCHING

You know this thing about a black skin satellite make her shoot himself makes too much sense now especially when we're playing satellite games and favors for other cities I hope your kids are safe over there but you better be that old man when this s*** goes down cuz if not I'm going to make sure that they get your ass murdered first and hold your kids hostage for like 5 10 years until they raise them and it's a never mind we'll send them back he can kill him and then wink

I called you out to make sure you never left your City on an airplane in my city YOU'LL THANK ME LATER

Any information just not good enough bro for me to be repeating this stuff it almost seems like I'm doing it for the 3/4 Google and Chrome and and Dave has been dead let me remind you Dale has been dead Todd has been dead to this system TO KIDNAP ME TO A COLD SITE THAT WAS BUILT AC THAT MEANS $800,000 YEARS AFTER CRY 1400 YEARS AFTER CRY 5,800 YEARS AFTER CRY

Built against a God I told him one thing you are battling another man's another satellite makers building that's the only thing you're doing here you're not drawing any blood and you keep on pissing people off for no reason there's no harm no foul in challenging another church in another city another building another man's building and talking as much trash as you want about him and his family

So I dare you guys to go back to the attacks on America it was the only reason why I'm here because you you idiots thought it was funny to build every city and state with getting kids covid and next thing you know they're not allowed to hear anymore because you're going to steal their building their architecture ideas

Yeah I f***** the game up on purpose yeah so you kids can stay here yeah we got it blah blah yada yada

The point is you saying it's for me and a problem is it's only a whole in the ground with water in it

And it says I stay in the game if this isn't about the speed boat jokes in Chicago you know I'm sorry we were on the water we were drunk z SOMETHING ABOUT SMOKING A FAT JOINT ON THAT WATER MADE ME WANT TO TELL STORY MAYBE WANT TO TELL JOKES AND I NEVER MEANT FOR THAT TAXI CAB BECAUSE HE WAS 4 FT DRIVING THAT TINY SPEED BOAT WITH A 4 CYLINDER ENGINE IN IT sometimes I wish he didn't make that corner going 1 mile per hour or 2 miles per hour

Hey listen these f****** n****** is it the black skins that write our blog for us with the microphone because if these lunatics showed up again I'm going to have to throw out my phone and and tablet THESE ARE THE BLACKS THAT STOP ME DOING THE INITIALIZING BUTTON WHEN I WAS CALLING IT THEY WOULD WALK UP TO ME AS SOON AS I PRESS THE BUTTON AND HAVE AN IDEA A GREAT IDEA IN MY HEAD

These are the ones that are going to die without a daughter 100% they're that stupid REMEMBER OUR JOKE IN CHICAGO WAS I CAN'T BELIEVE SCIENCE RENDERED A BOY BORN WITHOUT A SISTER? WE COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING ABOUT IT

And we said not even gay son would date this man

F*** that s*** I'm not having you guys write my s*** again just for you to hide come outside n**** stop hiding I promise I killed your little white skin white hair daughter mark my f****** words when the s*** is done hide what's the best thing that ever f****** happened to me soon as I'm all alone you want to press that depression button that negative energy button that put depression button and negative energy button and force me to go to sleep soon as I wake my eyes all the white skin boys I've never seen in my entire life have no where to go kick the other cities and you want to question me from my airplane daughter and not my airport daughter never mind the sunrise daughter

Your suicide men make me sick for one reason they don't have a f****** dollar they know it's going to happen to them for them to sit here and continue to attack me for no f****** reason

Is an understatement to they said your salamaker shoots himself in one other thing he gave them all parties to come down there and attack you and you carry out crimes for him THERE'S SOMETHING I HATE MORE THAN NO JUSTICE IN THE WORLD IT'S YOU TALKING ABOUT GETTING REVENGE AND SETTING PEOPLE UP FOR NO REASON JUST TO DO A FAVOR FOR SOMEONE ELSE AND LET'S REMIND OURSELVES WHAT THIS IS ABOUT IT'S ABOUT THE WHITE FAMILY WALKING AWAY FROM YOU PEOPLE AND TELLING YOU YOUR DAUGHTER IS DEAD

[unseenthewriter]

CHAPTER 5: VISIT

Chapter 5: 2548 Words

Total: 8615‬ Words

Thank fuck I'm back at work. Although the sling is annoying. I guess I'll just have to take ages to do anything on the computer.

Bill is pretty happy I'm back. I guess because I'm one of the few people here who understand computers. I should build a computer again it's been a while. Ash has been bugging me to game with him again too.

"You're back already Murray?" Miller asked me as I shoved an inhaler in the unlocked drawer of my desk.

"I got bored after catching up on all the TV shows I watch. Including the US ones." I replied.

"Is that a new suit? It looks nice." She complimented.

"I needed some new ones." I said trying to log in to my computer.

The phone on my desk rang. "DS Finnegan Murray." I said.

"Oh good, you're back in. There's this older gentleman who's been coming in every day for the past week asking for you." The receptionist said.

"What's his name?" I asked. Who would be trying to find me in Broadchurch of all places?

"Says you know who." They replied. I could hear the older Irish man's voice in the background.

I sighed. "On my way down."

I stared at my grandfather. "I thought you said you never wanted to see me again after Dad." I said to him leading him out the front door.

"God good lad what happened to your shoulder now." He asked ignoring my question.

"Nothing new. Got infected." I said.

"Is that why you've been skipping work? This isn't like you! You and your Father had to be forced to not work." He said.

"I had surgery. Hardy and Miller wouldn't let me come back until now." I complained.

"Who are they? Better not be like your old boyfriend Ashton." He said.

I hushed him "Pop, please! No one knows I'm gay here."

"Really? You used to never shut up about all that pride stuff." Pop commented.

"Pop come on you knew Mom and Dad were Bi. You know not to out me to people." I hissed. "Anyway, why are you here." I asked.

"Do I need a reason to visit my only grandchild?" He asked.

"Well Pop after you basically disowned me yes you do." I said.

"MI6 kept calling me saying they don't know your new address." He said.

"You could've called me about that." I said.

"No! I need to know you aren't getting mixed up with them. Quinn never should've joined up." Pop protested.

I sighed. "Me being a DS in Broadchurch should make it pretty clear that I'm not joining them."

"Your Father said the same thing when he was a DS back here." He said.

"Dad used to work here?" I asked.

"Why do you think he went on holiday here every chance he could. I never understood it. Only lived here for about a year. Can't believe he never mentioned that. Probably still owned that old shack when he died." Pop rambled.

"I never saw that in his will." I said.

"You definitely don't have the whole thing then. He would've died before selling that place." He said.

"We always stayed at a hotel when he brought me here as a kid. Do you know the address?" I asked.

"I'll give it to ya if you give me your new address. Don't want MI6 knocking down my door over in Cork." Pop said.

I frowned. "I'll get back to you with that." I'm still staying with Hardy. He won't let me leave still.

"You do have a place lad?" Pop asked looking concerned.

"Still working a few small things out." I lied.

~~~

I knocked on Hardy's office door. He opened it. "Murray come with me. Miller is meeting us."

"I thought you said you wanted me at my desk until the sling was off." I said. I'll tell him about Pop later then.

"I need everyone for this. Missing Kid." He said.

I was looking around the garage while Hardy and Miller were talking to the Father. Mostly a bunch of tools and boxes. At least the boxes are labeled.

"Andrew... that's the kid's name." I mumbled while taking the box down.

"Hm old school work mainly..." I paused. There was a brand new tablet at the bottom. Looks like someone was trying to hide it.

"Password locked of course." I muttered. I have just the thing to unlock it back at... "No Ashton has that." I said pulling out my phone. I texted him to email me the files on that USB Drive.

Hardy walked out. "Where'd you find that?" He asked pointing at the tablet.

I pointed at the box. "At the bottom. Looks like someone was trying to hide it. I have a way to unlock the tablet but my old friend has to email me it first."

"Forensics should take a look." He said.

I sighed. "Sure I'll make sure they get it."

~~~

I stared at all the information we had on the missing kid. "He's a single Father?" I asked out loud.

"Mother died when Andrew was 5 apparently." Miller said.

"How'd she die?" I asked.

"Fire." Hardy said.

I froze.

"You alright there Murray?" Miller asked.

"Oh, it's nothing. I just hate fires." I half lied.

"I don't think anyone likes them." Hardy said.

"Pyromaniacs do." I said to myself.

~~~

I ran down the burning hallway in my old house. "Mom!" I yelled trying to not breathe in the smoke.

"Finny just leave me." My Mom responded trapped behind a bunch of fallen wooden supports.

Even if I was strong enough to move them I would get burned. "I can't leave you, Mom." I said. Who cares about getting burned. I managed to get over but I saw that my Mom was pinned under a filing cabinet.

"Ah fuck." I hissed after trying to touch the hot metal.

"Finny take this." Mom said handing me the key. "Leave me."

I coughed. "No Mom I can't."

"Finnegan Ryan Murray you will leave me right now." She said sternly.

"Mom please-" I pleaded.

"Now! Your Father can't lose both of us." Mom yelled.

I got back out of the office and took one last look at my Mom before the floor collapsed.

~~~

"Mom!" I yelped while jerking awake.

I stumbled into the bathroom and sank to my knees.

"I could've saved you." I sobbed. "I could've saved you, Mom. I could've saved you I could've saved Dad-"

A few minutes later I looked up and saw Hardy standing in the door frame. "You need to talk?" He asked.

"No, it's fine. I just need some water. Yeah, I just need water." I said while standing back up.

Hardy followed me to the kitchen. My hands were still shaking and I accidentally dropped a glass. I cursed. Hardy pushed me away from the broken glass. "What is going on with you." He asked.

"I-I haven't had that dream in a long time." I said.

Hardy glared at me.

I gulped. "Hearing about Andrew's Mother dying in a fire must've caused it."

"Why?" He pushed.

"I was there when my Mom died. I could've done something anything to save her but I-" I started.

Hardy sighed. "So you blame yourself for both of your parents' deaths?"

"I could've saved them-" I said softly.

"I'm taking you off this case." Hardy said.

"What? No you can't I just got back and you said you needed everyone you could get." I protested.

"We'll be fine." He said.

~~~

I stared at my Dad's grave. Pop wanted to visit it before he went back to Ireland. Seeing as I'm off the Missing Kid case now I've had some more free time again. "Still don't understand why he liked it here so much." Grandpa mused out loud.

"He always said it was calming here." I said softly.

"Most places are probably more calming than all the places he went with MI6." He said.

"Hey Pop, how's Patty doing?" I asked.

"Ah, poor pup. Had to put her down a few months back." He frowned.

"Oh. I didn't know." I said.

"Yeah, I shouldn't have been so mean to ya after everything with Quinn. We're the only ones left now." Pop pointed out.

I sighed. "I wonder if the Murray family is cursed somehow."

He raised an eyebrow. "I doubt it. Anyway, you never told me where you are staying."

Great Pop knows that my boss is Hardy. I can't tell him that I'm staying with my boss. "Did Dad ever mention a friend named Alec Hardy."

"Possibly, you know that man could never keep his mouth shut. God knows how he was an Agent." He said.

"Well, it turns out that Alec Hardy is the same Alec Hardy who's my boss. I've been staying at his place for a few months now." I admitted.

Pop froze. "You're staying with your boss?"

"Yep." I popped.

"Times really have changed." He chuckled.

~~~

I was sitting on the couch on my laptop. Ash and I were voice chatting.

"You need to get a good PC again. I know how much you love video games how have you even survived." He said.

"Yeah well, I've been busy." I replied.

"How's that detective stuff been going anyway? I still can't believe you basically wasted your MIT degree." Ash asked.

"Hm, you're right meeting you was a waste of time." I joked.

"Hey man! Come on!" He protested.

"You know I'm joking. Besides I don't think I could handle your cushy Google job." I said.

"You are far more qualified for my job than I am." He said.

I sighed. "Did you send off those files."

"Oh! Right totally not just sending them right now." He lied.

"Of course. I would never suspect that." I said sarcastically. "Hey, I got a hypothetical for you."

"Is this a hypothetical or a hypothetical?" Ash asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know." I said.

"Fine shoot." He said.

"Let's say that I had a drive with all of my Mom and Dad's old case files. Let's say someone was after it and I was told to not destroy the drive under any circumstances. What should I do." I asked.

"This was not the kind of hypothetical I was expecting..." Ash paused. "Have you looked at the files? They could give you some insight."

"They are classified as hell though." I said.

"Dude, you have extremely classified files from MI6, Interpol, and the CIA and you haven't even looked at them?" He complained.

"Yeah, it would be all levels of illegal. In multiple countries!" I protested.

"That never stopped you before." He said.

"Yeah well, people change." I said.

"Nah you just became a pussy detective." Ash said.

"Alright, alright I'll look at them." I caved.

"Tell me if you find anything about aliens bro." He said.

"Ha, you wish." I said.

~~~

"These are not case files." I said after cracking the encryption on the drive.

"ForFinn.txt I'll read that then." I said to myself

Finn, if you are reading this I assume I'm dead if I'm not just let me know the gig is up. I lied about the files because I knew you would trust me until you couldn't anymore. Maxman is not your normal dark web hacker. He was a former fling of mine before I met your Mother. He cheated on me so broke it up with him and took a job with MI6. Maxman is not someone who you should mess with and I hope you never have to.

P.S. if you ever visit Broadchurch again the address for my old place is in some of the other files.

Most of the other files were old pictures and childhood videos of me growing up. After a lot of searching, I did find the address. It's been right under my nose the whole time.

~~~

Despite the fact that this place hasn't had any visitors for a few years it looks alright from the outside. I tried The Key in the front door and it worked. "So it was a house key the whole time."

I tried to turn on the lights but they didn't work. I pulled out my flashlight. "God it's dusty as hell." I coughed.

Pop wasn't lying about this place being a shack. It's tiny. No wonder Dad always rented us a hotel room when we visited. I started browsing the many boxes. There was nothing interesting. Mostly old files and pictures. "Huh, that looks like Dad and Hardy." I muttered and pocketed the photo.

My phone went off. My alarm to get to the station.

~~~

"Bill I know I was taken off the case but if you just happened to need some help getting into that tablet-" I asked.

"I've got it handled Murray!" Bill replied over the phone.

I groaned. "Look Bill I am going to die from boredom if I have to digitize one more case file."

"Not my problem. Shouldn't have gotten taken off the case." He said and hung up.

"If Hardy didn't treat me like I was a child..." I grumbled.

"You are pretty young." Miller commented.

"I'm just as much of a DS as you are." I sighed. I wasn't like I asked to be promoted so soon. "I'm taking a walk."

"You better grab something to eat while you're at it." She said.

I glanced at the boats. It's been a while since I've been boating. Pop used to take me out on lakes when he visited me back in Minnesota. Patty always loved going for a swim. I nibbled on my sandwich.

"You like boats?" Hardy asked.

I jumped slightly dropping my sandwich in the water. "You scared me, sir." I watched the sandwich soak up the water. "I pretty much grew up in the water. Well, it was mainly lake water. I've never really liked oceans that much."

"If you don't like oceans you moved to the wrong place." He said.

"I don't hate oceans. Just a bit too salty for me. That and the waves are a lot more intense." I said.

"Picky about food and water." Hardy commented.

I sighed.

"Where did that key go?" He asked.

"I found out what it went to. I left it in my car by mistake." Hardy had a look telling me to go on. "Did you know my Dad lived here for about a year? The key was for his old place. Nothing too interesting. Found this." I said and handed him the photo I found.

"Never liked this picture." He paused. "Quinn never mentioned living here."

I furrowed my brow. "He was a DS here apparently. Pop mentioned that."

"Who's Pop?" Hardy asked.

I sighed and pinched my nose. "My Grandfather from Cork recently stopped by for a visit. It was... Unexpected."

"I thought you didn't have any living family." He said.

"Ah well, he disowned me after my Dad died. I wasn't the only one blaming myself for his death." I explained.

"Your family is messed up." He said.

"That's an understatement." I replied.

AN: The mystery of "The Key" is finally solved! Hurrah! Did I have a bit of fun with this chapter's gif? Oh yes!

[ashis2gay4u]

Conversations with Friends

Me *talking to a friend*: do you,, do you ever sneeze so hard your tampon falls out

Me:

Me: cause I almost did exactly that

Friend: what the fuck

~

Friend: do you,, do you ever just-

Me: want to die? All the time.

Friend:

Me:

Friend: are you,, are you okay-

Me: you and I both know the answer is absolutely not, my guy

~

Me: I feel like a cloud

Friend: are you high?

Me: bitch I wish I was

~

Me: that dog is so cute

Friend: that dog looks like a rat

Me, already pulling out the antique dagger I bought earlier: t h e f u c k y o u j u s t s a y

~

Me: *is reading drarry smut*

Friend: hey! You're reading Harry Potter??

Me: uh-

Friend #2: nah, he's reading Drarry smut, aren't you, Ashton? :)

Me: h o w d a r e you call me out like that-

Friend: the fuck is drarry smut?

Me and Friend #2: o h n o

~

Me: hey, do you even lift bro?

Friend, who's carrying three big ass boxes of pop over one shoulder: uhm

Me:

Friend:

Me: I guess you do

~

Me: so, I did shrooms

Friend: Ashton w h y

Me: so I could be like Alice in Wonderland and talk to the guy with the hookah

Friend: and did you?

Me: I called my dad asking him to locate me on google maps because I forgot I had my phone in my hand

Friend: Ashton, w h y

Me: and then I stole a bag of M&M's from my grandma and told her that her hair looked like a poodle

Friend:

Me:

Friend: did you learn anything?

Me: yeah, don't do shrooms after drinking two cans of Monster, I thought my heartbeat was a pack of bongo's following me

~

Friend: size doesn't matter, personality does

Me: personality won't make me squirt, sorry

~

Me: dinosaurs are birds

Friend: how?

Me: science

~

Friend: *has a coughing fit*

Me: don't die

Me:

Me: it's really bad for ur health

Friend: Ashton p l e a s e-

~

*Friend and me, walking along a cliff*

Friend: wow it's so high up

Me: wait

Me: can I just

Me: y e e t myself into the whirlpool?

Friend: aSHTON NO-

~

Me: my guy, you look beautiful

Friend: thanks!!❤

Me: but never as beautiful as the almighty god, Jesus Christ

Friend: ...you don't believe in-

Me: do you realize we go to catholic school? I'm putting on a show so they don't sacrifice us

Friend: why do you do this

~

Me: so I watched this movie the other day

Friend: what was it about?

Me: it was about cannibals

Friend:

Me: honestly it looks so cool

Friend:

Me:

Me: let's try it

Friend: n o

~

Friend: I used to have a crush on you

Me: Aweeeee really?

Friend: *nods*

Me: good, everybody should like me at least once

~

Me: aaahhh, I'm too gay

Friend: you're dating a guy

Me: I'm genderfluid, and im currently male, so I'm gay.

Friend: but-

Me: istg if you throw semantics at me o n e m o r e t i m e-

~

Me: my body is yelling for children

Friend: er,, w h a t?

Me: I'm on my period

Me: please come over for cuddles and horror movies

Friend:

Me: and bring chocolate

~

Me: oh my g o d s

Friend: what?

Me: nothing, I just wanted your attention

Me: please love me

~

Me: people say I'm too mean

Friend: you're a sweetheart!!

Me, remembering the time I threw a knife at a guy because he scared me: ahaha yeah I guess so

~

Me: sorry about last night, I talk shit about myself when I'm depressed lmao

Friend: yeah I figured as much

Me: I mean, after all, I'm a g o d

Friend:

Me: the god of bad choices, pretty faces, human rights, and dumb shit such as seeing who can smoke the most pot without greening out

~

Friend: *sends a picture*

Me: *takes one look at it, screams and throws phone across my desk*

Me: that was horrifying

Me:

Me: better send it to everyone I know

Me *to friend*: thanks for the nightmare fuel

Friend: uhhh

Me: I'm sending this to everyone

Friend:

Me: including my parents

Friend: wait-

Me: i t i s d o n e

~

Me: Heyheyhey

Me: buddy old pal

Me: the bestest friend i have

Friend: what do you want now?

Me: can you like,, not assume I want somethin' for once?

Friend:

Me: what if I just wanna talk? Ever considered that?

Friend: what do you wanna talk about

Me: nothing I just wanted to know if I could have your xbox and ps3 when you die

Friend: why are you like this

~

Me *after reading that one stupid article*: so, if does Bruno Mars is gay-

Friend: w h a t t h e f u c k d o e s t h a t m e a n

Me:

Friend:

Me:

Me: so,, if does Bruno Mars is gay-

~

Friend: I have a question

Me: I mayhaps have an answer

Friend: are you a lesbian?

Me: if I was a lesbian I'd have such big dick energy everybody would fear me but unfortunately I'm pansexual

Friend:

Me:

Friend: so you like pans??

Me: yes, my guy, I like pans. I fuck pans on the daily, my mom locks them away so I can't stick them up my hoohah

Friend:

Me: ask me again and I'll murder you

~

Friend: so if you like girls and guys,, do you have threesomes?

Me: the day I have a threesome is the day the world ends because nobody fuckin' likes me

Friend:

Me:

Friend: Ashton, we talked about this-

~

Friend: eww people drink blood

Me: cannibals

Friend: no they call themselves vampires

Me: they're cannibals, Jared

~

Friend: lemurs are zebra monkeys

Me: the fuck you mean

Friend: and zebras are white horses painted to look trippy

Me: Jared,, we talked about your stupidity

~

Me: so my parents asked me how I was doing

Friend: and?

Me: and I tried to say "I'm fine" and "I feel dead" at the same time

Friend:

Me: I told them I was dead

Me: I legit said "I'm dead" and all Dad said was "well how can we afford a funeral without the baby bonus" and-

Friend: Ashton, what the fuck

Me, sobbing: I almost jumped off the balcony I was so mad

~

Me: I'm smad

Friend: the fuck is that

Me: have you ever seen that meme-

~

Me: I'm so fuckin' done with life

Me: how dare she look at me like that

Me: and then walk away like nothing happened

Me: rude ass bitch

Friend: wait who

Me: my d o g, she came over and glared at me when I called her name and then walked away

Friend:

Me: am I that unlikeable?? How could she do this!!

Friend: Ashton,, please

~

Me: you know what I love?

Friend: what?

Me: murder

Friend: w u t-

Me: murder. Murder, and tacos.

~

Friend: imagine a girlfriend who watches horror movies with you

Me: imagine having the ability to find a bisexual girl in this giant city who wants to be your girlfriend

~

Friend: are you okay?

Me *crying over my spilt ramen*: yeah, why??

[leoarchives]

Things My Friend Alana Has Said PT 2

-"Just let me die already."

-"Gavin, sit down and shut up. No. Sit. Down. And. Shut. Up."

-"And on THIS episode of My Mom Still Thinks I'm A Cishet Girl...!"

-"D'ya think I could get away with buying a binder?"

-"This thing is just an oversized t-shirt with the words 'The Snuggle Is Real.' I'm kin."

-"Blondes, am I riiiiiiheyyy Alex what's up I'm not talking about yellow heads."

-"I am THIS CLOSE to just cutting off all my hair..."

-"Yeah this is Lucario--no wait that's a... other thing. Evolves into Lucario. Yeah. Buy it for me."

-"Bro what if Voldemort just wanted a hug."

-"Everyone in Speech and Debate is gay or gay-by-association."

-"Dylan can't love me, that'd be gay as fuck... I mean he probably is but still."

-"You guys are stealing my job of begging for food. I am offended."

-"Hey, what are your opinions on the issue? [What issue?] All of them. All the issues. That's a meme. Look."

-"How do you not know what a weave is? You are so behind on memes. That's like two years old."

-"Auughhh depression fuck offff..."

-"THE LIZARDS ARE GAY!"

-"Wait until the teachers realize most of us are queer..."

-"I can't go to archery today. And before you say anything, shut up I'll go next time."

-"Look, Pluto is a planet and you can go fuck yourself."

-"I need you to google how to get away with murdering 18 people."

-"Don't--Don't touch me. What did I say about touching? I'll literally break your jaw next time you touch m--WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT TOUCHING?!"