Who's ready for my Master Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss Crepus Theory!!
I originally posted this over at Hoyolab and people there seemed to really like my favorite joke theory that Crepus just tries to gaslight the whole of Mondstadt right after obtaining Kaeya
Majority of this will be the same but with little tweaks for the wonderful tumblr audience
This joke stems from Kaeya's introduction:
and the use of the word "rumored"
Cause it's not like it said beyond Teyvat or the seven nations just Mondstadt
And I mean like c'mon how many families are living off the grid in Mondstadt
(Actually... Don't answer that I forgot Glory's boyfriend is just
Out there in the bush with Razor...)
Initially I had the idea of Crepus walking around the markets one day carrying Kaeya with Diluc beside him running into Varka who asks:
"Who's the boy?"
"You mean my son?"
"Not Diluc the boy you're carrying"
"I have two sons? You know this??"
But then the Caribert quest came out mentioning Kaeya ran away from home near immediately and was dragged home by Crepus just as fast and it became even funnier
Cause imagine you're by the docks one day and richest man in town gets off the boat with no cargo but instead a tiny child you may not have seen before that Crepus seems to be very cross with at the moment and threatening to turn him into a leash kid if he runs off again
In a small town that loves gossip do you know how fast that information is spreading? Cause I do and Varka's knocking on Crepus's door 30 minutes later like:
"Is this what we're doing? We're just taking kids now?"
Both paths lead to Varka asking where Kaeya comes from and getting hit with a
"I think you're a bit too old to still be confused about the birds and the bees Varka"
Varka getting frustrated to the point he just starts demanding Kaeya tell him what's up
Love to see him following in his fathers footsteps of stressing Varka the fuck out
And upon hearing how his birth father left for juice and didn't return Varka went
"Good! That was ALL I needed to know!!"
Follow ups on if his father intended to abandon him or got lost in the storm and needed a search party?
Don't care!! You weren't kidnapped!!
Welcome to the knights! 🤝
Which bringing it back to it only being a rumor
In a town of alcoholics, who's gonna call out the one guy with the winery?
Here's some add ons that got sparked from the comment section 😘
Bonus panels would have included Varka showing up with Rosaria one day mimicking Crepus about "wHaT you ForGot I haD a Kid" sparking a trend within the community of just adopting random children to the point posters are made saying "In Barbatos name: See a child Take a child"
Alice seeing it and pulling a "when in rome" tucking both Albedo and Diluc(who is yelling he is an adult) under her arms and telling Klee if she ever sees someone in need of a mom let her know she'll send over the paperwork right away
And then the last bonus: Venti wakes up, walks in through the gate while playing a tune, and stops when he sees the poster, not sure if he needs to start yet another revolution, or if this one is fine actually
I imagine the posters had to be taken down because visitors were losing their kids left and right and the solution of parents pinning a note saying "not dead & still want custody" to their kids shirt didn't catch on but the saying still lives strong in the hearts of Mondstadt's citizens I mean look Bennett and his 27 dads Mondstadt may have a lot of orphans but the demand is even higher
Comment on original post:
"I have a headcanon where Kaeya fooled first Crepus, then the rest of Mondstadt but.this is too funny!! I want to see this happening!"
Which prompted one of my new favorite lines at the end:
"Wait by fool Crepus first do you mean like Crepus finding him out in the storm bringing him inside to ask him where he lives and Kaeya's just
"? I live here? You adopted me? Are you feeling okay?"
Cause I'm absolutely cry laughing over this that's so good but that also means when Kaeya runs away Crepus is just
"hey no no l'm not misplacing you a second time come home" "
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Some (scary, Huge) fake peppi sketches i managed to get out recently
Ramblings under the cut heehee
Wanted to emphasize his HUGE and Hulking body. Hes got Similar movesets to the ingame fake peppino, but theyre fundamentally very Peppino-esque; he is strength and speed based just like Peppino instead of being (primarily) unpredictable and speedy.
Thinking of the grab still being one handed but its more like him grabbing Peppinos shirt/body, and immediately chucking him against the wall (similar to peppinos two-armed grab)
The shouldercheck that Peppino does is mimicked with Fake Peppino using his hand as a mace/heavy weighted head weapon.
Runs up the wall on all fours instead of the regular run he does ingame (similar to Peppino using his hands to help with wall climbing)
He is INCREDIBLY loud and shrill during this fight; his voice echoes over itself and its very fast and unintelligible. Hes got very loud and nervous laughter bubbling up alongside the shrill screaming so its just NOT a fun time for Peppino at all.
He is normally very docile, but bc of some hcs I have wrt to him and pizzahead (and the tower overall), he is EXTREMELY stressed out and out of control when Peppino goes through his boss gate. Once he gets his ass handed to him AND he exhausts himself w the chase sequence, Fake Peppino is calmed down enough to think rationally again. And he has decided that Fighting Sucks and he would much rather just keep making pizzas lmao
(yoinking this from discord bc i do Not want to paraphrase lmao)
[I make my peppino SO hulking despite being short so i wanted to convey that same kind of Hugeness but like, if he had the extra height to go along w it
Like peppino throws his weight around so i wanted fake peppino to do the same; hes very fast but also incredibly destructive and brutish]
[Im trying to find the best way to put it but like. In the same way getting angry gets u worked up and ur face gets hot and ur heart starts pumpin, the same thing will happen to fake peppino, only it translates into his body starting to bubble up and boil. Which looks AWFUL and it FEELS awful and it further aggravates him when hes burning up and falling apart
So he will escalate very fast and essentially go blind w rage until he either passes out or gets knocked out]
[I want him to be a somewhat close parallel to peppino; act first think later. Everything makes him emotional and just like peppino, it will build up out of control very fast, and make him blow up in anger before he can think of a better way to handle it]
[ALSO wrt to fake peppino fighting i want the direction to be less ‘oh that is a weird freaking thing’ and more like ‘that a scary huge monster what the fuck IS that’
Like he makes the ground shake in his own pizzeria when hes chasing after peppino like hes throwing his weight around in such a way that makes him feel like the tank from left 4 dead. Big mans. Charges after peppino, misses; and where peppino would just bonk the wall, fake peppino makes a crater in the wall before shaking off the debris]
[hes not really throwing temper tantrums hes like. JUST as emotional and unable to ‘mask’ as peppino is but he does not have the 40+ years that peppino had to at least have the awareness to be ‘im destroying my own home’]
[I feel like. He is just as fast and strong as peppino, the difference being that peppino has Self Restraint, even if its not Alot
And body limitations like breaking limbs n such, but fake peppino does not have that hindrance]
[He and peppino arent like emotionally unstable they are just incredibly volatile when under immense stress. Like most people!! Peppino is just under maximum stress 24/7 and fake peppi is a brand spankin new peppino that finds everything raw and stressful
(From a tagentially related convo)
[hes got a weirdass hobbled together nervous system (since u always see those nervous system diagrams laid out w a floating brain lol)
Its very human like but also inconsistent in some places ie he can feel pain but not All the time. The human body is very VERY complex and theres so many things working together to make shit happen. A nervous system but no bones to help hold it up and send it through the body; its floating in doughy goop ALL the time. His skin isnt Real skin so it doesnt have the same kind of like. Setup to easily receive pain and touch overall. Stretching his body out makes it hard to actually access the nerves so hes often unaware of Pain. But he can Feel things happen. I dunno]
[(responding to the idea of Fake Peppino getting hit with something blunt vs getting impaled or stabbed and grazing his nervous system)
[YES its like literally hitting a raw exposed nerve. The same pain youd get from a fucked up tooth
i think however, if u managed to do that his instinct to protect himself would go haywire and hed literally try to maim you or die trying. He has no built in shock response to extreme pain like a normal human does]
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