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allie-scribbles · 2 years

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Harder to Hold [3]

Tags/Warnings: the slowest of burns, death of a character, grieving, alcoholism/bad drinking habits, unhealthy coping mechanisms, injuries

Chapter Index

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

After a quick lunch with Wills, you changed back into your coveralls and meandered over to Jess’ X-Wing in the hangar. She was already hard at work, and you felt a little guilty for taking so long to get there. You were her mechanic for maker’s sake, you should be the one doing all the heavy work.

You mentally kicked yourself for the guilt, knowing she didn’t care if you were late. Jess was a kind soul at heart. When she saw you, she dropped what she was doing and met you halfway across the hangar to wrap you in a bone crushing hug.

“Hey sweets, how’re you doing?” she inquired.

“A solid 6/10, Jess,” you gasped out. “Would be an 8 if I could breathe.”

Laughing, she released you. “I just wanted to make sure you were feeling the love today. I… um… I talked to Wills. He told me about your conversation.”

You had figured as much. Jess and Wills had a tendency to worry about you, not that you could blame them. At this point you just assumed that they both just had a “Y/N debrief” every day or two.

“Oh,” you responded meekly. Not really wanting to talk about it, you took a few steps away from her, towards her X-Wing. You had this ridiculous, ingrained need to put others first and make sure they were taken care of, even if it meant burying anything you were struggling with down deep. Pilots in particular had enough stress as it was… and you couldn’t bring yourself to ever dump your deepest, darkest thoughts on Jess and Wills, even if they were more than willing to listen.

Shaking those thoughts out of your head, you turned back to Jess with a bright (and only half fake) smile. “I’m definitely looking forward to working on these mods! What’ve you got in mind for today?”

You were genuinely excited. Getting a little creative with ships wasn’t something you got to do often, so when you and Jess had “Mod Days” (as you had dubbed them), it ended up being a blast. Nothing cleared your head quiet like trying to solve a complex mechanical problem.

“Actually, Y/N, I was thinking we could wait on the mods?” she ventured hesitantly. “After what happened last night, I really think it might just be best if you rest up in your bunk.”

You knew that even though she didn’t say it, she was hoping the alone time would make you change your mind about plans for tomorrow. But you’d made enough concessions in that department for one year, and your stubbornness reared its head.

You furrowed your brow, rubbing the bridge of your nose in exasperation. “Jess, please don’t. You know how much I love doing this work. Please just let me have this today, so I can maybe get some sleep tonight.”

Breaking out in an obviously fake flirty smile, you continue. “Besides, we haven’t gotten to hang out just the two of us in a long while. I miss chatting with you, babe… I mean, Wills is great, but he doesn’t exactly appreciate my smart-assery the way you do.” You bat your lashes at her, making the most ridiculous pouty face you could muster.

Laughing, she slung an arm around your shoulder and steered you towards her ship. “Ok, ok, you win! But only because I find your awkward charm endearing!”

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The rest of the day passed too quickly for your liking. Shockingly, you had only fallen down once. But that hose had NOT been on the ladder when you climbed up… so was it really your fault your foot got tangled in it on the way down?

By midnight, you had said goodnight to Jess, taken a quick rinse in the communal refreshers, drug yourself back to your bunk, and quickly fell into a dreamless sleep.

You woke the next morning to Bruiser whirring softly next to you. It was rare for him to be so gentle in waking you up, but you assumed he figured a harsh wake up call would be too much today.

You gave it a small smile, whispering “Thanks, B.”

As you sat up, you felt the sadness begin to press down on you. You slowly reached for your torn brown trousers and an old cream colored shirt, not particularly caring what you looked like today. You were drinking alone in the woods, so what was the point in making an effort?

Tucking your hair back and throwing on your boots, you asked Bruiser what he had planned for the day. You always felt bad leaving him behind, but knew he on some level understood what you were going through.

“Hanging out with some other droids in the repair bay? Sounds like a good day bud” You gave him a weak smile. Why you felt the need to convince him you were ok was beyond you, but you really did want him to be happy and not worry about you.

Grabbing your pack, you threw in some water, ration bars, a blanket, a small blaster (just in case), and a nice bottle of Corellian whiskey - completely full. Bruiser whistled his disappointment, but you just ignored it. Slinging the pack over your shoulder, you opened your door and turned to Bruiser. “Meet me in the hangar at 5am tomorrow? I’m going to do some maintenance checks on Wills’ and Jess’ ships and could use help with diagnostics.”

A quick affirmative beep, an affectionate whir, and he took off down the corridor.

Sighing, you turned and walked through the hangar out to the landing pad, beginning your trek into the forest.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The lake was still as perfect and pristine as the day you and Cade had first come here. You were surprised that no one else on the base had discovered it yet, although it made sense. Not many people here had the time (or desire) to walk for an hour, no matter how beautiful the end location was.

The water was calm today, only rippling with the slight breeze that occasionally whispered through the trees. The forest came right up to most of the lake’s edge, but there was a small grassy hill rolling down into one side of it, dotted with only a few trees and some boulders.

You took a deep breath, partly to absorb the pure, perfect scent of the woods and the lake, and partly to steel yourself for the emotional train wreck you were about to become.

Slowly making your way down the hill, you plopped down in the shade of the largest tree. It had to be hundreds of years old… you and Cade had often wondered exactly how old it was, and if anything about this place had changed since it was a sapling.

Sliding down with your back against the tree, you opened your pack and quickly ate a ration bar. Cracking open the bottle of whiskey, you raised it in a halfhearted toast towards the lake. “Here’s to you, baby,” you muttered.

Taking a healthy swing of the amber liquid and relishing the way it burned your throat on the way down, you lowered the bottle and let your head fall back to rest against the trunk. And as soon as it hit the tree, the pain became too much. You let the dam break, and quietly cried for what you had lost.

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron x you #poe dameron

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cryoaquila · 3 years

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spin the bottle pt. 4

prompt: you and a few of the genshin ladies play spin the bottle together, part 4 pairings: beidou x gn!reader, ningguang x gn!reader, ganyu x gn!reader wc: ~1.6k tags: kissing, nsfw themes, dom!ningguang, dom!beidou alcohol mention and consumption. a/n: part one is here, two is here, and three is here! i’m glad so many people love this cute series! this part has some heavier suggestive themes (borderline nsfw) so be aware of that please.

minors dni.

you spin the bottle at a party. it lands on…

beidou

she smirks wide as the tip of the bottle points towards her. she’s actually the one who asked her ‘friends’, which was you, ningguang, and ningguang’s secretary, ganyu, to all play together.

but... you have never heard of the party game played in such a way before.

she requested everyone use a bottle full of alcohol and whoever the bottle lands on, they take a drink before kissing.

the bottle lands on her and she smirks, grabbing the bottle, opening it, and taking a long swig.

she slams the bottle down on the table, “alright, let’s do this!” she grabs the collar of your shirt and you, a jumbled blushing mess, were at her mercy as she yanks you in for a powerful kiss.

the kiss was rough, her lips mashing against yours as if your mouth was a stormy sea that she was trying to conquer.

the taste of alcohol was so prominent you wonder if you were going to get drunk off her lips alone.

she pushes against your mouth further, pushing you down onto your back, the couch comforting your spine as she climbs on top of you unashamed. her tongue, which had been prodding at your clenched teeth, finally pushing inside the wet space within.

ganyu leaves as soon as you two fall onto the couch, unable to watch any longer, her face completely red. ningguang stayed seated, continuing to drink her glass of water, uninterested in your activities as she was off in her own thoughts.

you felt as though you were drowning and floating at the same time from the hot kiss. her body pressing against yours allows you to feel her rippling muscles with every little movement, which only causes you to feel even more overheated.

you finally manage to part your mouth from hers, gasping for air.

she watches you gasp, a little disappointed the kiss had ended so soon, but the disappointment gets quickly replaced with mischievousness.

“i’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor, wanna tie up for the night? you can see how wet a ship captain can really get back at my place” she suggests while smirking slyly.

your head was spinning at this point from the kiss and the innuendo, but you couldn’t deny that her request sounded quite delectable. after a moment of trying to catch your breath, you agree to what she said.

“heh, we’re going to have a great time!” she stands from the couch and scoops you up with ease, her strong arm muscles rippling from holding you. “i’ll carry you there, alright?”

“ok.” you squeak as she smiles down at you, carrying you out of the party. she’s so beautiful and strong, you were head over heels in adoration.

her ‘place’ is actually a room on her ship which is currently docked at the harbor. you’ve never done it on a ship before, that is, until tonight.

ningguang

per beidou’s... request, she carefully picks the bottle up, popping the lid off and taking a small drink, eyeing you as she did so - wait, was that a wink?

you had heard the whispers and rumors circling around the party. why was someone as prominent and rich as ningguang here? what was her ulterior motive? you couldn’t help but wonder too.

she sets the bottle down, never breaking eye contact with you as she leans forward, pressing her lips to yours.

the start of the kiss is very slow and enticing. she tilts her head to further the kiss, never taking her eyes off you.

you blink, adverting your gaze finally, and you feel her smile against your lips.

“b-boss, is this really appropriate?” ganyu stutters, her hands covering her eyes.

“come on, ganyu, let her get some!” beidou laughs before taking a sip of the bottle unprompted.

your lips separate for a moment as she opens a fan, “appropriate? but of course, if i enjoy it, then it is appropriate.” she responds simply.

“r-right.” ganyu mutters, looking away, “apologies.”

she then moves the fan so it blocks both of your mouths. she leans closer to you, as if she was going in for another kiss, but instead whispers to you, “care for a little investment?”

“investment?” you ask curiously, following her hushed tone.

“i invest in you protecting me for the rest of the night and on my walk home,” she brought her free hand up to your face, tracing your jawline with a single finger, “and then you get a reward.”

“what reward?”

“i’ll let you come.”

“... come i-inside your house?”

her hand fell to your thigh, which she caresses slowly, “hm, i don’t care where you come, i only care if you come when i give you permission to.”

oh.

she breaks your shocked silence by asking, “do you agree to such terms?”

“y-yes!” you say a little too loudly and she giggles at your excitement.

“good.” she pats your thigh before closing the fan and turning back to the two curious-looking faces. “well, who is next?” she smiles softly - your face beet red as you glance at the bottle, ready to get the game over with already so you can get your thoughts in order.

you never left her side for the rest of the night, but nothing happened. not even when the two of you walked to her house - which, was more of a mansion. she never seemed in danger to you, but that meant the reward was easy to get, so you didn’t mind as she held up her side of the contract.

after an exhausting but tantalizing time in her bedroom, she unties your restraints, finally freeing you, your wrists still showing the signs that you had been tied down for quite a while.

after she unties you and makes sure you were alright, she gets up and starts getting dressed.

“wait, where are you going?” you ask hurriedly, sitting up in the bed.

“i have work to do.”

“b-but...” you stammer, wanting to spend more time with her and cuddle with her, “you liked it, didn’t you?”

“i did indeed. if i didn’t, you wouldn’t still be here in my house. but the happiness this brings lasts only for a moment.”

she opens the door, the hallway light pouring into the dark room, silhouetting her. “stay for the night, but leave when dawn breaks. if i ever have a need for you again, i will send for you.” with that, she closes the door, plunging you into darkness, the large bed cold and empty without her next to you.

ganyu

the bottle lands on ganyu, who, at first, was a little apprehensive to play, but after seeing ningguang agree she readily agreed too.

you plan on giving her a nice, sweet kiss to begin with since you knew how kindhearted ganyu was and this was your first kiss with her.

but then you realize she’s asleep.

“um...” you mutter and both ningguang and beidou snicker.

ganyu yawns upon hearing their giggles, blinking away the sleep as she jerks awake, “ah!” she looks around at everyone, “s-sorry!”

ningguang rests her chin in her hand, “maybe less work is needed-”

“no, no no, i’m quite alright! um,” she glances at the bottle. “o-oh! you spun it already? when did that happen?” she stares at it, blinking a few times, “oh! it landed on me! um...” she grimaces, “i’m not drinking that.”

“killjoy.” beidou mutters before taking the bottle, “welp, more for me!”

she looks at you coyly, her face starting to turn pink as she smiles sweetly. she closes her eyes before pressing her lips against yours in a lovely kiss.

even though there wasn’t any tongue, you could still taste a little bit of her - wait, what was this bitter taste? you were expecting a sweeter taste, so it catches you off-guard.

she breaks the kiss sooner than you want, turning her head away from you to let out a small yawn.

“ah i’m sorry!” she apologizes to you after yawning, “the kiss was good, i’m just very tired!” she bows her head.

“i-its ok, really!” you try to comfort her, but you were secretly glad she didn’t find the kiss boring.

“i shouldn’t have come to the party on such a rare night off. i should’ve slept early... well, guess it isn’t too late, but i don’t want to be alone in case i wake up and the party’s over and i’m by myself...” she mutters to herself, but you didn’t catch a word she said due to the noise of the party.

she turns to you, asking loud enough for you to hear, “want to go sleep with me? i hope there is a bed upstairs that’s available...”

“huh!?” you couldn’t believe your ears, you hadn’t expected her to ask you something like that so soon!

you ask if that’s really what she wants and she slowly nods, looking a bit confused by your reaction.

together you head upstairs and into an unoccupied bedroom, and that’s when you realize what she actually meant.

she literally meant sleep, for as soon as her head hit the pillow she asks you to sleep next to her, already sounding like she was half-asleep herself.

somehow, she was able to fall asleep even with the noise below. it sounds like they had started a dancing competition, but you didn’t mind missing the party since cuddling with ganyu and watching over her while she got some much-needed rest was far better than any party.

she moves a little, waking up for a few moments to say in a sleepy voice, “tomorrow let’s go out together for lunch, i know a place with the best salads...”

“it’s a date,” you say and she smiles, curling up closer to you.

#genshin impact #beidou x reader #ningguang x reader #ganyu x reader #genshin x reader #beidou #ningguang #ganyu #genshin imagines #genshin impact writing #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact scenarios #written

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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You Never Notice

Sykkuno x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Summary: The center of someone’s world is never aware of their importance even when everyone else is in the know. People are hard to understand, no denying, but if we all spilled our truth like how Y/N admitted her feelings to Sykkuno, mutual understanding would be achieved a lot more easily. JK, she needed an eternity and maybe a thousand pushes. What’s important is the result though, right?

Requested by Anon. You are my first Sykkuno request and I wish I could thank you with a tag. Instead, I’m gonna thank you with a fic in which I put my all. Thank you for the request, hope the final product doesn’t let you down. 🥰

Here we go again. Sykkuno’s love life is brought up. This time it’s more frustrating cause I can’t shout how wrong he is about himself and the effect he has on the people around him. He has no room to speak, he hasn’t experienced what I have - one of your best friends living in your head rent-free because you’re just that whipped by them. That’s right kids, some of us never grow past the middle school crushes - they are a constant for some. That can be a good or a bad thing, it completely depends on how you view it.

Currently, him and Rae are addressing some dating rumors that started spreading about them earlier this week while Felix, Sean and I are kicking each other’s butts in Party Animals. We’re not all playing together, actually, we were all playing different games when we hopped into the call and just grouped together after playing solo got boring. Rae and Sykkuno are playing Among Us on a random server, her being the only person who’s streaming right now. She said she just wanted to clear up the dating rumors cause they were annoying to see popping up on her feed on every social media platform she’s active on.

“It’s ridiculous, really. People just look for online personalities to put in imaginary relationships. Are they that bored? I know quarantine is getting to everyone, but damn“ Rae says, laughing a bit to take the edge off her words but I know she’s bothered by this ordeal more than she’s letting on. I know how much it bothers her when people ship random youtubers and streamers together, even when she’s not involved.

And I agree. Ever since I started streaming I’ve been shipped with my friends left and right. First Corpse, then Dave, Joel...you name them. It gets kinda gross cause these people are legit like siblings to me. Unlike Rae, though, I don’t waste my breath trying to clear those ‘talks of the net’ up. I don’t know if it’s for better of for worse that I remain silent on the issue when I’m involved but am willing to stand up for my friends when they find themselves in a similar situation. Some people think the reason I don’t share my thoughts is because the rumors are true, but the hint is most often taken, resulting in the ship ending. Well, that ship ending, there’s always a new one popping up. As Rae said, it’s ridiculous.

“Why does everyone think I am ever dating anyone? I’ve already commented on this: no one would date me.“ Sykkuno says through a sigh-like laugh.

“Why are you so sure?“ I blurt out without as much as a second thought

My eyes widen just a bit, just a bit. I’m not too surprised with myself. I am slowly losing control of my raging emotions and I’m afraid of what I’ll turn into when all my restraints snap. A mess, that’s the most likely answer.

“Well....“ Sykkuno trails off, clearly more than a little nervous, “I don’t have a girlfriend right now, and I haven’t had one in a while...Nor has a girl shown any interest to be more than friends with me in what feels like forever.“

“I’m sure you just don’t notice the hints girls drop. We can be pretty subtle.“ I try to sound as nonchalant as possible while I’m still in my panicked animal mode. And by animal I mean a cub. A scared cub that is now showing confidence but will run and hide right afterwards. I silently thank the universe that I’m not streaming right now. I can feel the heat on my neck and cheeks which is pure embarrassment and would have been more than evident on-camera.

“Yeah Y/N’s right, Sykkuno. Girls can be very subtle, but they will always let you know if they like you, even through the smallest of gestures. You gotta keep your eyes open.“ Rae backs me up reassuringly.

“Guys never notice anything.“ I say, rolling my eyes. I feel the pressure lessen thanks to Rae’s involvement in the conversation.

“That’s not true.“ Sean protests, “We pay close attention, especially to girls we are attracted to.“

“Yeah!“ Sykkuno pipes in again, “I’m pretty sure I would notice if a girl was dropping signals that she likes me.“

Now that stings. That legit makes me wince and cringe as though his voice delivered an actual physical hit to my chest and stomach. It’s really unpleasant, painful even.

“You never notice.“ There’s something about this triple opportunity - proving him wrong that he’d catch onto a girl’s signals; proving him wrong that girls aren’t attracted to him; coming clean about the biggest emotional struggle I’ve experienced in recent years; - that snaps my last emotional restraints. I will totally regret this later, but after the regret comes the relief which is 100% worth it.

“What?“ He sounds very puzzled. I can just about imagine him frowning as he tries to wrap his brain around something even I can’t wrap mine around.

“You say you’d notice a girl’s hints of attraction. OK.“ I nonchalantly throw Felix off the submarine in Party Animals while I keep talking, “Would you notice if a girl purposely doesn’t kill you in Among Us when she’s impostor? Or would you notice that a girl always sends you links to videos she finds funny? Or that she always shares music and movie recommendations with you and you only?“

Dead silence ensues. I feel like they have all glitched, considering Sean didn’t even try to put up a fight when I lifted him and threw him in the ocean as I previously did with Felix’s avatar.

Maybe I was a tad too specific and made the whole situation hit a little too close to home for me.

Sykkuno and I have become really close friends and we chat and play games regularly. As I mentioned, I give him movie and music recommendations and I only recently started acknowledging the fact that I’ve never killed him in Among Us. Natural instinct I guess. In fact, I feel the need for vengeance when he’s killed. I refuse to even vote for him unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Now that I think about it, it’s not his fault he has no clue. I just don’t know how to properly drop hints.

“Um...I mean, I guess I would notice but I’d never think they are that type of hints.“ He finally replies.

On point there, dear. On damn point.

“What does it take for you to be convinced that a girl is into you?“ Who cares that a bunch of people are about to witness this outpour? It’ll make it more real, yes, but it will also help me believe that it happened so I don’t try to crawl back to the point where return is an option. No return now. You’ve already passed two thirds of the way. The last one will set you and your mind free.

“The only way I can be sure is if she tells me, really.“ He sounds so nervous and shy, like he’s trying to draw as little attention as possible.

He doesn’t have to worry. I’m about to pull all the attention on me.

“Well in that case....you leave me no other choice.“ My screen displays me as the winner of this round of Party Animals - an easy one considering my friends are glitched in real life. “I like you, Sykkuno. I like you a lot. And I know you will see it from every context except the one its meant to be in so I’ll be even more head-on - I’ve liked you, as more than a friend for quite some time now, but buddy, you can be sooo oblivious sometimes. Anyway...“ Here’s that regret I was talking about, it’s already creeping in. “Don’t feel the need to say it back. I don’t wanna hear it if you don’t mean it. And Rae,“ I can’t help but laugh at the thought, “Sorry for making your chat go crazy. Peace!“

And I disconnect from the Discord call.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?“ I say out loud, staring at my desktop. “The cat’s out of the bag and you can move on now.“

I push myself to get some work done in order to get my mind off the mess I’ve created. I’m afraid of thinking about it, I know I’ll get too upset to do anything with the rest of my day if I do.

Suddenly, just as I’m about to open my email, my phone chimes. My brain doesn’t bother to stop my arm from automatically reaching out and checking the notification. A message.

From Sykkuno.

~ I knew you didn’t suggest me ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ for no reason

Me ~ So...?

~ So, I’m not the only oblivious one here, Y/N

Me ~ Wait WHAT?

~ ‘Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist’?

Me ~ Oooohhhh...I see

It takes him a few seconds to reply, the bubble with the three bouncing dots popping up and disappearing a few times now. I just now feel my heart banging against the inside of my ribcage, my pulse echoing in my ears.

He did seem a little too eager for me to watch that movie...

~ So, movie date?

I laugh, wholeheartedly and honestly. Genuine joy running through my veins.

Me ~ So it is.

The grin that is now decorating my features promises to stay there for the rest of the day. I bite my bottom lip at the thought that pops into my head.

Me ~ Phew, I can stop sparing you in Among Us from now on

He sends me three cry-laughing emojis in return, but I don’t need those. I can just imagine him laughing as he usually does with one hand covering his mouth. And here I thought my grin couldn’t grow wider.

Imagining him happy makes me smile. His happiness makes me happy. He makes me happy.

Even better...

I think the feeling’s mutual.

#sykkuno #sykkuno fanfic #sykkuno fanfiction #sykkuno x reader #sykkuno x y/n #x reader #reader #reader insert #x y/n #y/n #fanfic #fanfiction #among us #requests open #requests #fluff #love #crush #happy

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poesparakeet-fics · 3 years

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Second part done! Read on AO3 or here! SFW!

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein, Caduceus Clay & Jester Lavorre, Caduceus Clay & Mollymauk Tealeaf, Caduceus Clay & Yasha, Caduceus Clay & Caleb Widogast, Caduceus Clay & Beauregard Lionett Characters: Caduceus Clay, Jester Lavorre, Mollymauk Tealeaf, Yasha (Critical Role), Nott | Veth Brenatto, Caleb Widogast, Beauregard Lionett Additional Tags: Tickling, Revenge, Shrinking, wild magic mishaps, safeword, Teasing Summary:

Caduceus has made a habit of tickling some of his companions, be it as a cheer-up, a settle-down or a playful punishment. When a mishap with some wild magic makes his smaller than his friends, a few decide to get a little revenge.

CHAPTER 2 TEXT

They’d all agreed to wait a few days before going anywhere weird or dangerous, at least until Caduceus was back to normal. Sure, he didn’t fight using his size much, but the dangerously thin firbolg looked so breakable without his formidable height that they agreed to wait it out. After all, it was only a few days.

So naturally, trouble had found them.

They were lucky, really. Nobody was hurt badly, just a few scrapes and bruises. The spellcasters were burnt out, though.

“OK…” Jester said as they breathed a sigh of relief after entering the tower’s front door. “I got one healing word in me. Caduceus, want me to take care of that cut on your head?”

Caduceus reached up to touch it. It was barely a scrape. “Nah, I’m good. Maybe take down some of the bruising on Yasha’s arm?”

Jester did so, and Caduceus started to float upward toward his room. Thanks to the floating he didn’t even notice he was being followed until two sets of feet set down behind him, two bodies suddenly moving to walk with him pressed between them.

He looked up. It wasn’t Beau and Yasha, as he would have expected, Yasha being the only one to share the floor with him. It was Beau and Caleb, both smirking in ways that made his stomach squirm.

“Hey Caleb, did you hear what went on down there?”

“Ja, I think I did, Beauregard.”

“I think Caduceus just dodged a healing spell.”

Panic ripped a gasp out of Caduceus chest. “I did NOT!”

He started to try and break away from them, but Beau caught him around his middle and hugged him tight from behind. She lifted him off the ground easily, his feet kicking the air while Caleb stared him down.

“Jester offered you healing and you refused, Herr Clay. These are your rules. We have a zero tolerance policy, you see.”

Caduceus squirmed in Beau’s grasp. “It’s not the same –”

“Um, actually…” Beau cut him off, starting to walk them toward his room, “I’d like to refer you back to a previous instance of you counting Caleb’s ribs two months ago, where you involved Mollymauk for the first time. I believe it was the seventh instance of this punishment being meted out. In that instance, there were limited healing spells left and Caleb’s injury was superficial, but you cited the zero tolerance policy.”

“Ungh!” Caduceus grunted, trying to tug himself free of two arms as strong as ship cable, “You two are–”

“–Going to find out how many ribs a firbolg has?” Caleb teased over a very frightening little smirk that broke into a grin when his eyes flicked over Caduceus’ shoulder. “Veth the brave! I could use your assistance!”

When Beau turned to look he caught sight of Veth floating at the centre of the tower, her arms crossed and an amused look on her face. Her eyes met Caduceus’ gaze for a second.

“Nah. You guys have fun.”

Beau jostled Caduceus as she addressed Caleb. “Don’t worry you skinny shit, I’ll hold him down for you so you can get a little payback.”

“Noo…” Caduceus whimpered, the futility of the situation growing ever clearer. Caleb and Beau ignored him, talking to each other over his head instead as they entered his bedroom.

“Hey, has he ever done that thing where he tickles you until you say nice things about yourself?”

“Ugh. Ja.”

“So what’s he gotta say?” Beau climbed onto the bed with Caduceus still in her arms, keeping his back to her front.

“Hmm. We could make him say something mean, but that does not quite fit….”

“Nah.” Beau started to wrestle with Caduceus arms, fighting to get them up over his head. “How about just ‘I deserve this’ over and over until we’re satisfied?”

Caduceus fought her, whimpering, but her hands were as quick as sparrows and it was barely a moment before she had his wrists gripped tight. He tried to twist and get his feet under him on the bed, but Caleb grabbed his ankles and tripped his feet out as he perched on the side.

“Ja, that works for me.” Caleb shoved Caduceus’ shirt up, tucking it behind his head to keep it out of the way.

“No no no!” Caduceus wheezed as he saw his wizard friend and frequent victim smiling like a cat who caught the canary and floating his hands in a move that was clearly meant to rile him. It worked.

“Ah, you can take it, I’m sure.” the wizard answered, meeting his eyes with a wicked glitter in his gaze, “I mean, you could safeword, but I don’t think you will. Not when you know you deserve this.”

Caduceus choked a little at the reference to his very first time counting Caleb’s ribs, a whine building in the back of his throat as the man’s hands drifted closer. Oh, he was in for it . It might be easier just to cast gentle repose on himself now— Jester wouldn’t be able to bring him back until the morning.

“Alright, so we start with number one, ja?”

Caleb’s ink-stained fingertips found Caduceus’ lowest rib, flatter and broader than a human’s. The firbolg bit his lip and whimpered as first they only grazed the downy hair there before starting to pinch along the length.

“Eeheek!” Caduceus squeaked, his heels drumming on the soft bedspread as giggles poured out..

“There, just like the first time.” Caleb teased over a tight-lipped smile. “Although, actually…” Caleb’s fingers started to attack him on one side, and then the other, switching back and forth to make him writhe. “That first time, you did it one side at a time, didn’t you? So, do you deserve this, Herr Clay?”

“Noho! I- I caught you ahaha– with aha broken rib thahahat first time!”

“He what ?!” Came a growl from over Caduceus’ shoulder.

“Ah– nothing. Moving on. Two!” Caleb’s hands jumped up one rib, drawing a satisfying squeal from their captive. “Now, the second time was still just you, but a little more like… this.”

Caleb ducked down to nuzzle his nose and cheek across Caduceus’ lower rib cage. The gentle pressure and rough hair along his cheek nearly made Caduceus jump out of his skin. His back arched, his body driven back into Beau’s embrace for lack of a better place to go.

“Aha— AHAha— Ohoho, OHo OK! I deserve it! I deserve it!”

Caleb stopped nuzzling but put his fingers back to work immediately. “Wunderbar! Three.”

“Nohoho! I deserve it! Aahaa! Please!”

Caleb ignored him. “The third time… that was Veth and her feather, wasn’t it?”

Caleb pulled away to dig around his coat, and Caduceus got a precious moment to breath. He slumped against Beau and tried his best to unscramble himself.

“Got it!” Said Caleb.

Caduceus’ eyes shot open to see the wizard twirling a quill in his hand.

“Eep! Wait! I deserve it, I deserve it, I deserve it! ”

Caleb flicked the soft fronds of the feather across one rib, then another. “It’s good that you can admit that now. So here is three, and there is four… I’m sure you have more ribs than I have vengeance, right, Herr Clay?”

Cad was too breathless to answer, slumped against Beau in a frenzy of chirping giggles that pitched upward when Caleb jumped another rib. The feather was surprisingly maddening after the rough scrape of stubble.

“Five!” Caleb cheered, “so the next time would have been Yasha…”

“NO! Nononono! Pleeheeheehease!” Caduceus didn’t bother telling them he deserved it this time, that clearly wasn’t getting him anywhere.

Caleb chuckled, exchanging a devilish wink with Beauregard over Cad’s shoulder before leaning in to nip at the side of Caduceus’ ribcage.

His reaction was more scream than laughter. Oh, the teeth were bad . The biting had all the same staticy mix of sensations that the nuzzles did with the added maddening little scrape of teeth. His breathing was hitched, his legs were kicking desperately against the bedspread. By the time Caleb let up there were tears in his eyes.

Caleb let him catch his breath and watched him with a little softness.

“While we are not nearly even for what you have put me through, I do feel a little bad. You’re nearly done, eh? How about this: We’ll skip to Mollymauk–”

“NO!” Caduceus yelped, still breathless.

“Hey, hey, calm down. I only want one. You made me use my safeword over a black eye, Herr Clay. You deserve much more, but if I get one, we may call it even.”

Caduceus’ whole body was rigid, and he groaned from behind clenched teeth. “Even? Blank slate?”

Caleb chuckled at the answer. “Ja. Blank slate. Until you decide to torture me again.”

“Well that’s up to you, man.” Caduceus growled, shutting his eyes tight and clenching his teeth. “OK. Do it.”

“Ja?” Caleb asked with a renewed smile.

“Yes!”

“You’re ready?”

“Cale–”

Pbbbbbt!

That sound again, this time mostly drowned out by a bleating shriek as Caduceus jerked like he was hit by lightning. The single raspberry felt like it went on forever, a rare credit to Caleb’s lung capacity.

When Caleb pulled back he was chuckling, partly out of delight for his vengeance and partly out of mirth at Caduceus’ reaction, now starting to fade into a collection of leftover giggles, sniffles and hiccups. Beau let go of his arms and hugged him to let him lean against her and catch his breath.

“The next *hic* time you beg for *hic* mercy…”

“You’ll take it very easy on me. We are even, remember? No vengeance allowed.”

Shit . Caduceus winced. He hadn’t processed what he was agreeing to, something the wizard had undoubtedly been hoping for.

“You know, I think this erases your escalations, too.” Beau added from over his shoulder. “Blank slate, right?”

Caleb brightened considerably. “Ja! A blank slate. Starting from the beginning.”

Caduceus growled, crossing his arms and trying to look annoyed while still hiccuping. Beau crawled out from behind him, and they both rose to their feet. Caleb planted a kiss on top of his head.

“Goodnight, Herr Clay.”

…..

He was big again before long. It happened when he was sleeping, and the next morning he’d made a pot of tea by the time he realized he no longer needed two hands to pour. The epiphany made him spring up straight, a smile on his face. He felt like himself again.

It was Veth who trundled into the kitchen first.

“Good morning!” Caduceus greeted her.

“Oh! I see you’re back. Are you happy to be big again?”

“Well, it’s a little more.. Me.”

“Yes, I think it is,” her eyes glittered at him, “now you’ll be safe from the others.”

“Heh.” Caduceus nodded, “I think everyone who wanted revenge got it by now. But I am glad to be a little harder to pin down. Thank you for not helping them.”

He turned toward the sink with his mug, and Veth was suddenly hanging off his back with her feet braced on his belt.

“We both know I don’t need you to be small to get you, do I Mr. Clay?” She whispered in his ear.

Caduceus barely got one large hand over his own mouth before one of Veth’s small ones was plunged down the back of his shirt collar. Her arm disappeared there, fingers scrabbling at the skin between his shoulder blades. He squawked into his hand, legs collapsing and spine twisting. He ended up on his knees, trying desperately to shake her off as she moved with him like a rucksack, as slippery as an itch he couldn’t reach to scratch.

“Ok! Ahaa! Ok! Veth, please!” He wheezed around his hand.

She did stop, hopping off his back with a little smirk. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna keep that secret and hold over you for a while yet.”

“Wonderful.” Caduceus groaned from his position curled up in a ball on the floor.

“Just don’t get cocky and I’ll never have a reason to TAKE YOU DOWN!”

“Alright, alright.” He sighed as he stood up. “Deal. Mercy. And don’t worry, Caleb already negotiated a pretty generous immunity offer for himself.”

Veth snorted. “Please. Do that as much as you want. Just don’t. Get. Cocky.”

“Ok, Veth.”

#critickle role #caduceus clay #tickle fic #tk fic #caleb widogast #beauregard lionett #veth bernatto #tickling #ticklish #rib tickling

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trulycertain · 3 years

Text

fic writer interview

Tagged by @skogrr Thank you very much! It's a while since I've done one of these, and I've missed them.

Name: Tru/"Oi you" Fandoms (that I write for): Dragon Age, mostly. Still the fandom of my heart. Mass Effect, Deus Ex... uh, accidentally GreedFall? I don't know how or when that happened. Two-shot: Hmm... The actual last two-shot I wrote was Terms & Conditions, a very silly Dorian/Inquisitor modern AU where Gal is the guy Dorian hires to stop his late father's house falling apart. Recently? I suspect that's going to be Driftwood, which can stand on its own as a sort of weird post-canon first-meeting AU, but is trying to tempt me to continue it. (Vasco ends up going looking for Tír Fradí, which has disappeared - and finds it. He also finds De Sardet as a highly avoidant tree god of the island, post-Bad Ending, who transformed against her will. And he ends up falling in love with her anyway.) Weird tree gods! Pining by literal pine! An eventual happy ending! More grumpy commentary by Vasco!

Most popular multi-chapter: Either An Unquenchable Flame or Distraction, probably - both juggernaut pairings, the former close to the game's release and the latter with some fancy forbidden romance, so not so surprising. But surprisingly, Prague, 10:42 PM has done really well, considering it's for a small fandom (Deus Ex) and a rarepair age/rank-difference pairing that I thought would be a one-off experiment? I get it, guys. I like sad repressed stoics too.

Actual worst part of writing: Editing - which can be fun, but that "over and over" stage when you're about to post, especially in a longfic if you fear you've lost the spirit of the thing and the character voices and you can't see the wood for the trees. And when I have to remove a whole scene which Jenga-unbalances the fic, and then I have to redux from the top. Basically, most things to do with pacing. How you choose your titles: I like double-meanings and one word titles. If that fails: quote from a song. If that fails: quote from poetry, but very rarely. Do you outline: Only a little. A bulletpointed list of events or noted-down major lines of dialogue, that's usually it.

Ideas I probably won’t get around to but wouldn’t it be nice: Uh... oh god. I blame so many people for some of these.

Post-Destroy ending where John is attempting to build a shed on Rannoch because that's the kind of thing retired people do, right? and Tali is far better at it than him, and it's just... disgusting fluff.

Actually, just reduxing the early John/Tali stuff with a bit more nuance and a stronger style.

Eva and Kaidan, and their mutually wary first meeting. ("Wow, that's a lot of pomade." "Wow, that's a lot of death-glare.")

AU where Gal and Dorian never met in DAI, and after everything went down, Gal tried to fade into the shadows and leave. He ended up working in Tevinter as an occasional informant/odd-jobs guy the way he was pre-Inquisition. He ends up being a gardener for a bitter, wry magister who seems to hate the entire Magisterium, has recently lost his father to political scheming and murder, and wants to take down the entirety of the remaining Venatori with one staff and maybe his teeth if he has to (hi, Dorian). But first, Dorian's going to drink his own body weight in whiskey and be a recluse for a while and start thinking about time magic again. Gal is trying to keep his head down and should definitely not be falling in love with said magister. Who's someday going to end up at one of the more southerly ports, come across a statue of the great Inquisitor, and go, Oh.

Stuff on Jensen's PT and rebuilding himself post-augs. More of Proprioception, basically.

Mer-AU where Marie De Sardet is still a diplomat attempting to make new connections, just not a human one, and it's a disaster. An awkward disaster. Highlights include her being framed as the beast trying to drown their best captain; her attempting to wobble about on brand-new legs and Vasco's coat while everyone assumes the dear captain has had a few too many; her asking Vasco if his "fascinating markings" glow; them getting into a duel, and her (fondly) getting punted off the side of the ship going "Woo-hoo." OK, I wrote a bit of that, but only a 1k doodle I'll probably never return to.

Non-Naut court AU where Marie gets promised to Bastien D'Arcy, because he's a bit of a layabout but he's also rich, popular at court, and amenable to bribe - [cough] suggestion, and the D'Arcys have prominent trading links with the Alliance. Instead she falls for his far less of a social butterfly, tired, worried-numbers-guy brother Léandre, who's pretty damn uncomfortable around Nauts because he's well aware he nearly got sold to them and he is not the favourite.

Straight-up role-reversal AU (another thing where I've put down 1k that I'll probably never return to), where Marie's Naut name is Paz, and she's a fed-up second-mate who's tired of noble idiots and feels a little strange and conflicted about her mark (and has context for it, because they make frequent crossings to Tír Fradí). Also a little more jaded, without the love of her mother, and not nearly as much of a tryhard as Vasco in canon; she ended up here because she had nowhere else to go and the Nauts were like "Ooh, free kid," and she's well aware. She gets stuck escorting the D'Arcy brothers to Tír Fradí for their new venture and is not looking forward to it. Except one of them is intensely bright and wry and keeps asking questions about the ship and noticing shit he is definitely not meant to notice, and they keep ending up in strange conversations, even if he seems really, really wary and uncomfortable about Nauts.

Some vague stuff about Vasco's thoughts on Jonas and that whole side quest, considering he's also a sea-given and implies sea-given take some shit in the Nauts, and also how damn difficult it must be watching a sea-given's parents endeavour to get their kid back when he knows full well his didn't do that for him.

Actually, just more Vasco POV in general, even though he's damn hard to nail down. I've written much pining for him from Marie's perspective, and I'd like to try things from the opposite. This guy's idea of wooing someone perfectly normally is to panic and then recite Baroque poetry. You know he's sappy as hell in the privacy of his own head, even if he's trying not to be.

Jean and Síora having the "I'm a sad healer who just lost my mother and I'm trying so hard not to crumble under the weight of assisting the leader" mutual talk way too late at night around the campfire and maybe him crying on her shoulder a little, with mutual kindness and the beginnings of attraction, and her finally getting past his jokey-smug facade to understand him.

More stuff about Jean's past in general, and how he wanted to be a doctor before he was dragged away from it by looking after Constantin and being nobility.

Síora and Eseld and the ways they changed over the years; something like an exploration of grief and growing her own will and the ways they very differently view the renaigse. Also maybe more about the en ol menawi magic, if I can worldbuild well enough?

I'd also love to do a GreedFall soulmark AU - it's generally not my kind of trope, I'm not into biological determinism type tropes - just because names and aliases and assumed identities are such a mess in GreedFall and it's a repeated plot point. That said, I feel like it's been done so beautifully in this fandom before that I wouldn't have much to add.

Callouts @ me: So. Many. Commas. So much over-explaining everything. If they get out of the car, your readers do not need a five-page manual of "and then he undid his seatbelt and leaned over to grasp the door handle, and then pulled it, and then stepped a foot out before he almost thought better of it - but no, he was going to get out of this car. The other foot joined the first, and he nearly banged his head on the doorframe."

Best writing traits: People say I have a head for finding small-but-important moments. I'm also told I write likeable protags. People have more than once said my writing makes them feel safe or makes them smile, and I really couldn't ask for more than that. I'll take those.

Spicy tangential opinion: I don't think I have any, really? Oh god, that makes me sound so very boring. Oh! Um. There should be more tree body horror in fandom. And body horror in general. *thumbsup*

No pressure tagging: @artemis-crimson, @eridanidreams,@rainypixel, @aphreal42.

#tru talks #memes #long post

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orionsangel86 · 3 years

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How are y'all puzzled by the end and how TPTB, Dabb and Singer seemingly got the wrong message about fandom, when I've seen countless of Destiel shippers being "pro-ship". Advocating to treat incest, pedo*lia and best*ality the same as queer ships, and how it's totally ok. How often "meta crew" called me terf, fascist for saying it shouldn't be accepted into our queer spaces. It got Bobo to write a char for superwiki. They prob thought we're all just thirsty women who want to see two dudes b*ng

I have no idea what you are talking about.

I’m not puzzled. I know some fuckery went down. I’ve stated my opinions countless times now over the past few months over on Twitter and since coming back to Tumblr properly on my conspiracies post:

TPTB are all business, and they made a last minute business decision based on backing the Walker horse and not wanting Destiel to distract from Jared/Sam, whilst being fearful of the gAY scaring away the CisHet Male audience that they so desperately wanted to cling on to for Walker.

Singer has always been a bronly. Has always seen any queer subtext purely as homoeroticism and is definitely the kind of person who would queerbait fans to get views.

Dabb was weak. He backed down and let his script get butchered.

I don’t know what you mean by destiel shippers advocating those things? Unless you mean supporting AO3 not being censored and regulated of course? Because if you are one of these people that thinks that AO3 needs censoring then you are part of the problem. Believe me, no one in Destiel fandom that I know of is normalising incest, pedophilia or bestiality. No one thinks those things are part of queer spaces.

Some people multiship though. So long as they respect tagging systems and don’t force other people to have to see nasty stuff like what you’ve mentioned, then let people be into what they’re into. I might personally find it gross, and a bit strange, but people are always gonna wanna explore fucked up topics for all manner of reasons. We ain’t purity police here.

Also something I feel I need to be very clear on, which I haven’t mentioned before but um “meta crew”. Which meta crew would that be? There are many many meta writers in spn fandom. We are not a hive mind. Some are some of the nicest people I have ever met, some I don’t interact with much but write some really beautiful stuff and seem to be good people, but there are others who call themselves meta writers who are just bullies, who mock and harass anyone who disagrees with their opinion. Do NOT lump us all into the same boat.

Why any meta writers would call you a terf or a fascist without a good reason is beyond me. I don’t have context here do i? Could you look back over what you said and consider if it sounded terfy? Or fascist? I dunno man I don’t have a say in this, if people have called you out for something you’ve said, maybe look back over what you said and try to see it from their angle? Especially if it was transphobic.

A general rule of thumb for interacting with any fandom:

Ship and let Ship - in other words, don’t judge people on the pairings they like, even if they are problematic, so long as those pairings are well tagged and labelled so people can block as necessary.

Your kink is not my kink - Don’t kink shame people. If people wanna write really fucked up shit, that’s their right. Again, so long as it is all tagged and clearly labelled with content warnings, then there shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not on you to psychoanalyse people for their reasons for being into twisted things. Some people may genuinely be abuse survivors who are using it as a coping mechanism. You don’t know.

The Archive is a fandom holy place - it is protected. It is adored. Do not attack it or you will feel the wrath of 100 different fandoms coming at you. The archive is free from censorship, free from corporate manipulation, free from outside sources trying to mess with it. The archive belongs to US.

Just generally don’t be an asshole. Fandoms tend to attract people who are different from the general norms of society. We were the nerds and losers in school, the queer kids, the ones struggling with MHI. We all have a lot of shit and are all just trying to navigate our way through life via our passions. Don’t shit on peoples passions. You’ll come across a load of people who disagree with you, and occassionally you might be unfortunate enough to come across actual bullies. But most of the time, it won’t take much to rub someone the wrong way because everyone in these spaces tends to be at least kind of emotional, and attached to their passions. So you really do have to be polite. I can’t even tell you how many people in this fandom hate me - some to the point of obsession and slander. I’ve got a block list a mile long and continue to add people to it. There are posts out there with my name and screenshots from my SM spreading lies and hate about me, encouraging people to laugh at me and accusing me of doing things that I have never had the time or the energy to do. Shit happens. Don’t be those people, and you’re golden.

Superwiki is well known by SPN writers for being a bible of information for the show. The writers have previously confirmed that they refer to the SuperWiki when wanting quick research for their episodes. Yes, Bobo named a character after the person who runs the wiki, but I doubt Bobo is aware of how problematic that person is. The name was just in honour of someone who put a lot of work into building the wiki, hell, even I use the wiki! But I certainly don’t support any of Jules personal views. Don’t read into things like that. It never means what you think.

The thirsty women part I would have agreed with back 6 years ago. But they have adapted with us now. We are no longer Becky in season 4. We became Charlie remember? And after that we became intelligent teenagers wanted to tell an exciting story. If they thought destiel shippers were all about the hot guys banging, they certainly wouldn’t have made the love story canon, and they did that. Remember? Cas confessed his love for Dean, and it was the most beautiful, touching, heartfelt moment in the entire series. They did that. Not because they wanted us to objectify the actors, but because they knew how much that love story meant to us. Unfortunately, the network had other ideas for the actual finale. But that doesn’t take away the writers intentions up to that point. So please don’t erase what they worked for.

Ultimately I’m not sure what point you were trying to make with this ask, but this post is I suppose my very long way of saying you are wrong.

#spn conspiracy theories #anti spn finale #destiel #fandom wank #asks #anon #Anonymous

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kholran · 3 years

Text

Fic Tag Game

Once again I saw this before work and then promptly forgot to do it when I got home. So I’m doing it now at almost 2:30 am. As always, thanks to @vishcount for the tag!

Name: Kholran (or Khol)

This is my go-to screen name for just about everything. I made it up for a tabletop RP character that I never ended up actually playing. So I stole his name for myself and have been using it ever since. Chances are if you encounter a Kholran anywhere online, it’s me.

Fandoms: Since this is specifically about fic, I’m going to limit it to fandoms I’ve written in. Because otherwise we’d be here all night.

Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit: Specifically Bard/Thranduil (Barduil). It literally took one exchanged glance on screen and I was totally sold on this ship. I wrote more for them than any other ship I’ve shipped. AUs, canon, you name it I wrote it for them.

Les Miserables: Ok so let me start by saying I’ve been a huge fan of the musical since middle school, when the 10th Anniversary Dream Cast happened. I read the Brick in 7th grade. So I didn’t JUST jump on the bandwagon when the movie came out. But that Les Mis renaissance did inspire me to write my one and only fic in the fandom. A Titanic AU that turned out less cracky than intended. Don’t judge me.

Guardian: So technically speaking I haven’t PUBLISHED any Weilan fic yet. But I do have the first four and a half chapters of a mermaid AU finished. And I plan on getting back to it and finishing it once I stop obsessing over my pool noodle in-

DMBJ/Lost Tomb: Something about cdrama gives me plot bunnies. And adopted side characters. And rarepair pool noodles, apparently. This is where I’m living right now, paddling around on the SS Risang.

Tropes: Uhh. I’m positive I write tropes but it’s not like a conscious thing? I guess angst with a happy ending is where it’s at? Considering I love me some damaged characters, it’s almost impossible not to write a lot of angst into my fics. But I also want to give them love and happiness and cookies.

Fic I spent most time on: I think probably the aforementioned Weilan mermaid AU. Because I started it last...September? Maybe? And I haven’t finished it yet.

Favorite fic(s) you’ve written:

I’m happy to report that I don’t...hate...my old fics? Like I can re-read them and sometimes even think I’m not half bad at this hobby. But at the same time I fall into the mindset of “Oh that could have been better. I should have done this differently. I want to change that so bad. Man I wish I’d finished this series.”

So I think I’ll have to say the Under Your Skin Barduil series, featuring soulmate tattoos. I wish I hadn’t gotten too insecure to finish it because I had a whole big idea plotted out that I just never ended up writing. I like what I did finish though. And then I think my very favourite is my Risang pool noodle baby, I Will Go Now to My Pyre. Not only is it my rarepair crowning glory (in that I named the ship, was the first one in the tag, and got more than one “I never even thought about this ship before but I’m into it” comments), but I’ve put so much time and sweat and tears into it. (PS I promise I’m working on the conclusion! It’s 7k words and counting!)

Fic I spent least time on: I don’t even know. Maybe I Get By? From concept to publishing I think it was only a few days.

Longest fic: It’s definitely GOING to be the Weilan AU. But currently it’s In Every Age, the Les Mis Titanic AU. I Will Go Now to My Pyre might end up beating that one by the time it’s done. We’ll see.

Shortest fic: AO3 says it’s Run, which was the intro to a Barduil Zombie Apocalypse AU. But it didn’t get much of a response so I never continued it past the brief intro.

Most hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks:

Hits and Kudos: And Here My Troubles Begin, part 3 of Under Your Skin. Not surprised. It has porn in it.

Comments: I Will Go Now to My Pyre, and I cannot thank all of you enough for validating my pool noodle this way!

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: Um. Literally all of them. Like I said above, as soon as I re-read them, I want to re-WRITE them. Because I think I can always make them better. But I guess I’ll really say the Under Your Skin series. Also like I said above, I had a whole storyline planned out for that and I’m sad I didn’t get around to fleshing it out.

Share a bit of a WIP: Ok, here’s a tiny sneak peek of the next (I say next instead of last even though it’s supposed to be the last because the word count is getting away from me and it might end up split) chapter of I Will Go Now to My Pyre:

“Did you do this yourself?” he asked, grimacing at the state of the bandage as he started to cut it away, slowly revealing the marred skin beneath. The question was met with silence, and Liu Sang briefly glanced up from what he was doing. Zhang Rishan had an odd expression on his face, like he'd somehow misinterpreted what Liu Sang was asking. “The bandage. Did you do it yourself?”

“Oh.” Relief? That was weird. What had Zhang Rishan thought he meant? “Yes. I spent some time in the Army a while back,” Zhang Rishan replied, as if that explained everything.

Liu Sang watched him for a moment longer before turning his focus back to his task. Everything about the dressing and the wrapping was wrong, and half the gashes he'd revealed needed stitching. He wondered if they'd even been cleaned first. Probably not, given the warmth of Zhang Rishan's skin and the angry reddened edges of the wounds. “Not as a medic, I hope,” he muttered after a beat.

I tag: ALL of my writer friends. I want to know all about your projects. TELL ME.

#mine #things i'm tagged in #my writing

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tsukiyamavalentine · 3 years

Note

(TWs: censored cursing, mentions of homophobia and biphobia, sex mention)

I'm so f***ing mad right now.

I just found a post that is anti hidekane shippers that is not tagged "anti hidekane" (and they didn't use "ableist language tw" when they called us "crazy" and "loons" either), showing a complete disregard for other fans of TG.

They made a list with 9 points. I would like to refute each of these points but I personally do not have the emotional energy to write the essays. Do you know any essays/meta about (A) Kaneki's feelings textually explicit for Touka, (B) the Kaneki and Touka sex scene, (C) Ishida's homophobia and (D) Kaneki's sexual orientation / queerness?

It wouldn't bother me if it was just the one poster going on a rant but multiple people voiced their agreement and it is very upsetting, particularly as a queer person.

I think I found the post ur talking abt and um, yeah…That ain’t it sis.

The language they used in that post was just…kinda ew. Maybe they don’t know it was ableist but even so, I don’t think you should go around insulting a group of people, especially when ur claiming that ur not talking abt that entire group, yet u use very generalised language.

I see this a lot with some people in the TG fandom who just kinda make these points and going off on the people on the other side, and it’s just like, that never makes a good argument anyway.

If it’s a rant then it’s more acceptable, but u can’t expect ppl to listen to u if u just call them names, especially names with ableist connotations.

They also didn’t back up their claims at all, so again; how is someone who disagrees meant to argue completely?

And they said that ‘we look too deep into things’, as if Ishida literally didn’t fill every manga panel with subliminal messaging?

They also say, ‘y’all assume Kaneki is bi’, and like…ok but ur assuming Kaneki is straight.

I don’t rly get involved in any kind of shipping at all, so I can’t offer any recommendations for essays or anything. Most of the essays I looked at for researching an upcoming essay were very pro-touken and again, had arguments that could be fairly easily refuted.

I feel as though lots of Ishida’s homophobia can be felt through the text. Just looking at Nico’s character is enough. I do have two posts on Shuu specifically and his treatment by fans and Ishida. They were pretty messy essays, and I plan to write better variations of them. I can’t link them rn bc I’m on mobile. To my knowledge, other posts like that aren’t rly around, and the general response I got from other Shuu fans backed that up.

I’ll have a look around for anything, as I think I saw a few people reblogging essays like that a few months back. If I find any I’ll come back and link them.

Back to the post:

I don’t understand why people can’t respect other people’s ships, especially one that isn’t problematic? Most HideKane shippers aren’t going on huge anti-touka campaigns, but a lot of people criticise Touken for pretty valid reasons, myself included.

Yeah, that post and the replies were messy, to say the least.

I don’t feel like you can talk about respecting one ship whilst shitting on another, and especially when using that sort of language.

TLDR: that post was not it.

#asks #sorry this was long anon i started messy rambling lol #this was also so messy oof

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the-friendly-struggling-writer · 3 years

Text

Please listen to me

Sanders Sides (Web Series)

Relationship:

Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders

Characters:

Deceit | Janus Sanders

Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders

Morality | Patton Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders

Additional Tags:

Spoilers for Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides

Panic Attacks

Cuddling & Snuggling

Fluff and Angst

Hurt/Comfort

Angst with a Happy Ending

Disney References

Confused Anxiety | Virgil Sanders

Getting to Know Each Other

this is for my muilshipper heart

I need some roceit in my life

I Will Go Down With This Ship

How Do I Tag

Pre-Relationship

Not Beta Read

Read on ao3

Written using the prompt "would you just listen to me for two seconds". the aftermath of putting others first. Janus goes to apologize for what he said.

“Would you just listen to me for two seconds Roman, please”, Janus begged. After he snapped back at Roman he hasn’t stopped feeling guilty about it. He had never meant to cause any harm to anyone, least of all Roman.

Roman paused walking away from Janus, waiting t hear what he was going to say next. “Roman, I’m so sorry for what I did,” Janis said while holding back tears that were collecting in his eyes, “I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt Patton. It all just spiraled out of control. And I had to get my point across.” Janus stopped his speaking to try and slow down his breathing to a somewhat steady pace. As this was happening Roman had turned around to look directly at Janus. It didn’t take Roman at all to notice that Janus was crying. Not even Janus could fake being that upset. Especially with the red puffy eyes or with that expression that he was wearing. Roman could only describe it as a broken window with a 100 different shards of glass. The image was reinforced in Roman’s head by the way that the tears have made the scales on Janus’ face stand out more.

Janus was about to continue his explanation of his actions, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t speak. His throat had suddenly run day and scratchy as he tried to swallow. Which, considering what happened next wasn’t very much like self-preservation.

“Oh, oh dear”, was the last normal thought that had run its way thought Janus’ head. His breathing sped up, his eyes flicked about the corridor to find something. Janus’ eyes locked onto Roman’s.

Roman could tell that something was wrong. He had spent to much time with the anxious side to know when something was not right. slowly Roman walked back to the way that he came and towards Janus giving him time to react to Roman’s approach.

Roman locked eyes with Janus’, and a small broken, strangled cry managed to brake its way free from the confines of Janus’ throat. That was all it took for Roman to put together the puzzle pieces of what was wrong with Janus. Roman had spent too many evenings helping Patton calm down Virgil from a panic attack. And Janus was deftly having one of them at the moment.

“It’s ok Janus,” Roman said trying to comfort him. There was a reason that it was mainly Patton that helped Virgil with these. Roman could barely stop himself from getting stressed never mind someone else.

At this time Janus was struggling to stay standing upright, his vision was blurred by the wet tears that still clung to his face. His hearing wasn’t much better but somehow a faint sound broke its way though so that Janus here it. “Let’s sit down. It will be ok.” Who was Janus to try and argue with the sound, he would just lose anyway. Slowly with his back agents the wall, Janus managed to get down without falling over. Sitting back agent the wall as to steady himself. Janus’ eyes just stared forward not focusing on anything that was happening. Roman quietly joined him on the floor, thinking about what he needs to do next. There was no way that he could leave him. Not even a minute to find someone who could help. It didn’t feel right if he did. They only way that someone could help way if they stumbled upon them in the hall. Unfortunately this way not going to happen. ‘Think, Roman, think. There’s got to be something that you can remember. There has to be. Oh that’s right Patton does that breathing exercise to help Virgil.’

Roman didn’t if it would be ok to tap out the counts on Janus’ arm or not, so it would better safe and not sorry by making him worse. “De-um, Janus try and focus on the sound of my voice. We are going to slow down your breathing. Try and take in a breath for 4.”

Janus could just about heard what Roman had said but didn’t know where the sound had come from, what could he lose if he did listen to it. It might even mean that Remus had found him and was helping him once again though one of them. Remus always found Janus whenever he had one of these. Sucking in a deep breath to the sound of Roman counting. “That’s great, now try and hold for 8, ok.” This time Janus only got to the count of 4 before he violently started coaching. “It’s ok. It’s ok. Let’s keep trying.”

Taking in another breath to the count of 4, Janus’ thoughts and panic was barley started to slow down but slow down nonetheless. “Hold for 8 if you can,” Roman said trying to help. ‘I hope this is working’ thought Roman.

“That’s it Janus, you’re doing great. Keep going.” Janus slowly took in another breath to the count of 4 and repeated the sequence. After a few minutes of this Jauns managed to realize that he was in fact not in his room, never mind being by himself. Looking up he stared directly into the chocolate brown eyes that belonged to a certain red creative side. ‘Why do his eyes look so pretty’, thought Janus as he diverted his gaze to the cream coloured floor. Both in an effort to hide his embarrassment and the blush that was rapidly spreading across his face. ‘How could I be so dumb. Now he will never let me forget about this from happening.’

“Are you ok Janus?”,Roman asked sitting on the floor next to Janus, staring at the wall on the other side of the hallway. ‘I forgot how soft the carpet was’ thought Roman as he waited for Janus’ response.

Janus bared his face into his yellow gloved hands. “I will take that as a no then,” Roman responded. Not knowing what to say next.

Taking a few breaths to steady his voice, Janus replied “Yes Roman. I’m perfectly fine.” before trying to stand up to leave but unfortunately for Janus, well unfortunately was what he thought. In the long run it was going to help their relationship that he didn’t have the strength or the energy to stand up by himself.

“You do know that this time I can tell that you are lying Janus. I’ve just seen you have a panic attack, and don’t you dare try to deny it. I’ve hung around with Virgil for long enough to tell what a panic attack is and what overly anxious is.” Roman snapped at Janus. Instantly regretting the words that he just spoke. ‘Janus just had a panic attack, and then you just had to go and snap at him. Great job there Roman, you messed it all up again.’ Roman let out a sigh as he finished that thought.

Janus looked at the floor not wanting to meet Roman’s eyes as he spoke. “Well at least I don’t issue about becoming like Remus,” Roman looked directly at Janus, his eyes widening in surprise. “I’m sorry I..I shouldn’t have said those things I said that about you. I shouldn’t have said those things I said before to you. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry Roman.” At this point Janus was starting to tear buck up again. He stopped speaking as not to sound more pathetic as he thought he looked.

“Hey Janus, It’s ok. It’s going to be.” Roman tried to reassure him as he placed a hand into Janus’ shoulder.

“But it’s not,” Janus said as a tear fell down his face as he pulled away from Roman. “It’s not ok. How can it be? Not after I said all those awful things to you. Or when I was going a bit overboard with the flirting at the trial. I’m s-” before going cut off by Roman.

“If you say one more word and I’m quoting Patton ‘I will physically fight you’.” Janus froze unsure of what to do. “I,” Roman sighed as he collected his thought of what to say to the crying side. “Janus, no matter what I say you are not going to fight me on this or argue about it, ok.”

Janus was very confused by the direction that Roman was going in but agreed to it anyway. “Janus I forgive you.” Hearing this Janus was just about to argue back but Roman stopped him first. “Remember what you agreed to Janus. No arguing.”

“Ok fine but why? Why would you do that? I’ve not given you a reason to trust me never mind forgive me.” Janus questioned.

“Janus the thing is that I still don’t trust you or that you have given me a reason too but that doesn’t mean that I can’t forgive you,” as Roman explained he stared at the wall across from where they are sitting in the corridor but Janus was looking directly at the roman in curiosity at what he was going to say next. “I know that you are wanting a full explanation but I just can’t explain it. It just feels right to forgive you. Sorry that I can’t explain it better than that. I’m also sorry that I laughed at you and you’re name. I was wrong and I still did it. I hope that you can also forgive me for all that I did.” Roman finished speaking all looked directly into Janus’ brown eyes that were swimming with different kinds of emotions. “Of course I forgive you, Ro I wish we didn’t need to have all of this to happen for us to get to this point,” Janus replied.

“Yeah, you are right there,” Roman laughed.

This caused Janus to let out a sigh of relief from part of the worry that he was feeling. Which in turn caused him to suddenly realize the tiredness that was feeling and that he needed to yawn. “Someone must be tried then,” Roman joked.

“Haha very funny Roman. You would be too if you just had a panic attack, wouldn’t you?” Janus rebutted at Roman. After thinking for a minute, a small sound escaped from Janus’ lips.

“What is it?” asked Roman wondering what was on Janus’ mind.

“For some reason my body doesn’t want to move from this position on the floor,” Janus answered.

“Do you want me to help you get back to your room?” Roman said unsure of what Janus’ answer would be because on one hand it was to stay sat in the corridor or on the other was Janus having to expert help from another side that wasn’t Remus. From the light coating of pink that was scattered across Janus’ face Roman could tell that it was going to have to be option two.

“Please,” Janus replied looking away in the opposite direction from Roman trying to hide his face.

Standing up slowing as not to lose his balance, Roman walked in front of Janus and held out a hand for Janus to grab on to. Which he gladly expected. Unfortunately Roman pulled Janus up a bit too fast which sent Janus flying straight into Roman’s chest. Roman managed to grab him before they could both fall over. This ended which Roman’s arms wrapped around Janus’ back and waist. If someone was to stumble upon them in this current pose they would think that they were randomly dancing in the middle of the corridor. Which caused a light blush to cross there faces for a few seconds.

“We should, em,” Roman said awkwardly, parting but with Roman still helping to hold Janus up.

“Yeah,” replied Janus to Roman while staring to the side of Roman’s head.

Slowly but surely, Roman and Janus made there way back down the corridor that Janus had chased Roman down an hour or two ago. As they continued, Janus realized that they were going to have to go past the living room. He just had to hope that there was no one in there. It was embarrassing enough for Roman to have to help him. Never mind someone else seeing him. Seeing him like that. The only one that could see him and have him not be as embarrassed would be Remus. They have helped each other more times than Janus could count of all of his hands. especially after Virgil stopped talking to them for a while.

Entering through the doorway that was the living room, Janus saw, unfortunately, it wasn’t empty. Virgil and Patton were cuddled up on the couch watching one for Patton’s many cartoons. This time it was avatar: the last air bender. From looking at the TV Roman could tell that they were about three fourths through book one.

Janus had his head down as they walked across the room to avoid looking at the pair on the couch.

Roman looked over to Patton and Virgil to see what their reactions would be to him scaly getting along with Janus.

If the situation wasn’t as serious as it was Roman would have laughed at Virgil's reaction. With wide eyes and a slacked jaw, Virgil looked back and forth from Roman and Janus to Patton next to him to confirm what he was seeing was real. Patton the other hand looked over to Roman as if to say ‘are you guys ok’ and that ‘do you need any help. Roman gently shook his head to say that they were fine, or that they were going to be anyway.

As the red and yellow pair left the living room all that could be heard from there was “What was all that about” in the sound of Virgil’s voice.

Lucky there wasn’t far left to get to Janus’ room. As they approached, for the first time Roman actually had a close look at what was Janus’ door. A black down with yellow snakes going up and down the door, with a name tag that said “Deceit” on it. “I haven’t had a chance to change it yet,” Janus as he saw where Roman was looking at the door. “Umm, thanks for helping me get back here Roman.”

“Oh, you’re welcome Janus,” Roman replied as he opened the door to help Janus on but upon seeing what was inside Roman froze in surprise. ‘This is definitely not what I had expected’ though Roman. The walls of the room had been painted a light grey. The floor, a bright yellow carpet with a black rug on top as not to overwhelm the room with too much colour. Janus’ bed was pushed back against the top left corner of the room and was piled high with blankets and a few plushes of different animals. The ones that stood out the most to Roman was the red loin and the yellow snake that were right up at the top of the bed next to the pillows. On the other side of the room are several bookshelves filled with books and other things that Janus had collected over the years that he felt important enough to have on display. Next to the door was at first what Roman though to be a fish tank, but there was no water in it. Poking out from a rock was the face of a small corn snake that was staring up at Roman with curiosity written on its face. There was also a TV across from the bed with a collection of different films ranging from documentaries to Disney classics that Roman loved. “Well this is different than what I had thought It would be,” Roman said to no one in particular.

“What did you expect it to be like. One of the evil layers that super villains have?” Janus snapped.

“Kinda, yeah but a bit warmer than what they seem to look like,” Roman replied with fondness escaping into his voice.

“Janus just rolled his eyes at Roman’s idea as if to say ‘of course that’s what you thought’, “I’m sorry I snapped at you, you didn’t deserve it.”

“It’s ok. You thought I was going to be horrible about your room. I actually like your room a lot. It definitely suits you now that I know you a little bit better now,” Roman reassured.

“Thanks,” Janus said simply as Roman helped him to his bed. The last of Janus’ energy wasn’t going to last long.

“Are you going to be ok for the night?” Roman asked standing awkwardly unsure of what to now do with his hands now that he has set Janus down on his bed.

“I, um,” Janus paused to think of a way to put it into words of what he was feeling. Looking down Janus mumbled something under his breath, too embarrassed to meet Roman’s eyes as he spoke.

“What was that Janus? I couldn’t hear you when you talk like that,” Roman said trying to pull the word out from Janus.

It was only slightly louder voice that Janus next spoke in, “could you please stay?”

This was just loud enough for Roman to understand what he was saying. “Janus don’t worry about it. Do you want to know something?” Roman questioned.

“What is it?” Janus answered trying to suppress a yawn. It didn’t work. This to Roman was very cute.

“I kinda don’t want to be as well,” Roman said. As he waited for Janus’ reaction Roman also yawned. ‘I guess the right thing that says that yawns are contagious from people that you like are true’.

“Thanks. I’m sorry. I get clingy after having one of those.” Janus said supposed that Roman would feel the same way.

“It’s fine Janus. More than fine really. If it’s ok, can I go put on a film?” Roman asked looking back at Janus.

“Sure. You can pick which one you want to. I like all of the ones that are there,” Ater Janus finished speaking he shuffled over to the other side of the bed to make room for Roman to get in. Janus was secretly hoping that Roman would be ok if he tried to cuddle him.

With a smile on Roman’s lip, he walked over to the TV and DVD player to pick which one that he was going to choose. Scanning his eyes across the boxes of the films, one almost immediately stood out to him. “I didn’t know that you liked frozen?” Roman asked smiling back at the half-snake side who had in the time that Roman had been picking, had wrapped himself in many of the blankets that had been on the bed.

“There is a lot of things that you don’t know about me,” Janus answered trying to act all ominous but Roman just let out a small giggle at Janus’ behavior.

After putting on the film and pressing play, Roman walked back over to the bed and climbed in. this caused Janus to wrap his arms around Roman and placed his head on the creative side’s chest. “Umm, is this ok,” Janus asked unsure if it was alright to do so.

“This is perfect, Janus. It’s so much better than perfect.” Roman to said to reassure him. With that the pair of sides settled down to watch the film.

Janus was the first to fall asleep. Roman could tell by Janus’ breathing evening out. “I hope that we don’t have to fight for us to end up cuddling. I wish that we could do this anytime we wanted to.” Roman said as he ran his fingers through Janus’ soft hair. And soon Roman was lulled to sleep by the gentle snores that came from the snake side.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #ts janus #ts roman #ts virgil #ts patton #tw panic attack #franthehorsegirl's fanfics #fanfic #roceit

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sircarolyn · 3 years

Note

for the wip meme: ahh I want to ask about all the dw ones....how about i contain myself to um. three? “as you sparkle in the sky (vxl)” and “laughter lines” and “will you be my future or just an escape”?

please feel free to ask about any of the other ones too, if you want! you’ve probably picked three of the most coherent documents i own though, aha <3

as you sparkle is the veega/leela document, of course, and it’s made up like three half finished fics, and every thought i’ve ever had about them

laughter lines is a little 13/river concept i’ve had for ages and ages and ages that i never got round to finishing because other stuff kept grabbing my attention instead

and will you be my future is the most self-indulgent sarah jane/kate stewart nonsense ever that i wrote feverishly some time last year before gallifrey infected me

more details under the cut because i rambled on, aha

as you sparkle in the sky

this is a lyric from the shinedown song ‘miracle’: as you sparkle in the sky / i’ll catch you while i can / cause all we are is all i am / i just want you to see what i’ve always believed / you are the miracle in me

this is the place where all my veega/leela(/romana) ideas have settled, so it is kind of a mess, and i keep getting new snippets of ideas that i have to note down - and because i’m incapable of writing fic longer than 5k, it’s more or less manageable to keep all the different bits i’m trying to work on at once in there

i went on about the ot3 the other day, but i have since off the back of your tags been thinking more about narvin in this au because more and more i’ve started to enter the galaxy brain shipping space of leela/romana/narvin - and i still don’t think that’s the angle i’d approach for this fic because i am specifically interested in how it’s all going to tear leela into teeny tiny little bits (me thinking about leela? audible gasp...) - but anyway, unfortunately in the set up I’m angling for where romana has to be comatose for a while, I think I am going to have to make narvin really sad… because as you say, he and romana have been through so so much pre-unity and this whole circumstance is a whole lot harder and more complicated than any of them really expected which really feels like saying something

but yeah, as for the other stuff in this document – a lot of notes on the dynamic between veega and romana, a whole list of song lyrics I intend to steal for titles, a frankly alarming and somewhat revealing amount of comments to myself that read like ‘leela’s so strong and buff’ ‘leela’s strong arms’ ‘leela fighting off raiders looking glorious’… like ok me! someone’s got an agenda…

there’s also two half formed fics, one which is about rayo and his relationship with the fact that he never knew his father, and that leela’s always a bit weird about him looking up to her as a mother figure because she’s got a shit ton of motherhood trauma, which is something I sure wish they’d stop doing to her :/

the other is like not that deep, it’s just veega and leela being kind of soft, as well as just trying to pack in a little bit of backstory just because I can but I also want them to be gentle and kind to each other – may well end up down the ‘you never said you were from gallifrey, how am I meant to trust you?’ route at some point, but for now, they’re soft and I love them <3 here’s an extract (though I wrote this before I thought about the language thing so it might change, but whatever):

Veega cannot look away. Their first coherent conversation goes round her head again, Leela proclaiming I will protect you even though she could barely get up from the bed. I will get better and I will not let anyone hurt you. I owe you that.

It had felt funny at the time – after all, Veega had picked her up on the dirt plain looking hours from death. Veega has seen too many people lost on the plains, convinced that the city is closer than it really is, condemned to perish out of stupidity or confusion. Unity is not a friendly world.

And until now, seeing her there fighting the raiders off as easily as if she were picking flowers, Veega hadn’t been able to decide if Leela had been foolish or not to be wandering alone. She had seemed so lost.

laughter lines

my most beloved and longest held doctor/river song <3 by bastille: i'll see you in the future when we're older / and we are full of stories to be told / cross my heart and hope to die / i'll see you with your laughter lines

so the concept is like, post silence of the library and it’s 11, then 12, then 13 going back to the library in some attempt to get river back out, and like 11 and 12 both fail of course, because the time is not right or whatever, and then 13 realises that it’s not about trying to get her out – what she really wants is the chance to say goodbye properly, to say sorry for uploading her and abandoning her like that, so 13 uploads herself for a little while so she can see river again properly

looking at it, actually I wrote way more than I remember doing – it’s been easily a year since I last opened this document, and indeed far longer since I started it, so it probably needs a real revamp before I were to post it – look at me talking about proofreading! that’s something that does not happen with me as often as it ought to… it’s a miracle any of flowers for tardises actually makes sense…

maybe I ought to finish this fic after all one day. i’m coming up on husbands of river song on my rewatch, maybe that’ll get me going for it again (or maybe not. I think I’m firmly living in leela/romana land for the foreseeable…)

will you be my future or just an escape

another bastille song... those nights when you crave someone / to be there at dawn, to wake with 'cause aren't we all just / looking for a little bit of hope these days?

this fic is about 17k long and it is the most stream of consciousness bullshit i have ever written in my whole life - it is entirely entirely unpublishable and i wrote it over like three months last year after binge-listening to a bunch of the unit audios and when i was very strongly on that sja kick, and i made the ill-advised decision to watch downtime again and i just said to myself ‘i need to write something with them right now or else’

and then i did... it’s just sarah and kate trying to pretend they’re too professional to be falling in love even though literally everyone else can see it and they’re doing a terrible job of hiding it, and it’s all like, the stresses of a high-pressure world-saving job and the fact they both have trauma about losing the people they were meant to be protecting and therefore believe they can’t allow themselves to actually commit to letting someone else in, because that becomes a Responsibility then and they can’t deal with the idea of letting someone in only to get them killed. and also they kiss a lot <3 it’s peak ‘write what you want to see’ and i think that’s pretty sexy of me

will i ever finish this fic? who can say…

#tagged whatnot #<3 #magicofthepen #i got an asking

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raisinghellonstarbug · 4 years

Text

So starks-heart (Stephanie) asked and she shall receive...

(Two) word prompt:

Reunion Comfort

Author’s note: Oh wow, so it has been a LOOONGG time since I posted any written content let alone Sastiel content and it feels good to be here again, writing a prompt fluff piece.

I don’t know about anybody else, but Sastiel makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, so although it’s been a while, please bare with me because this is all going to be improvised and not exactly heavily edited. I guess that’s the point though lol XD

What’s great about these two words is that I’m pretty sure they were provided to me conveniently, given that there was a new SPN episode which aired last night (middle of the night my time). I haven’t seen the latest episode yet and I deliberately made sure I didn’t so that this story was not affected nor was going to influence any of my writing choices. This is different and won’t be like what happened. I know that there wasn’t much Sastiel moments as some of us had hoped, so I figured this could be a nice alternative. I hope it’s not too OOC in but I did my best in making it a realistic moment between the softest ship.

I know it’s a bit long, but I ended up just going with what felt natural with this short fic, so please let me know what you think!

Fanfic title: It’s Good to Be Here Again, With You

Fandom: Supernatural (duh)

Characters: Sam Winchester, Castiel, Eileen Leahy, Dean Winchester (mentioned)

Ship: Sam x Castiel (Sastiel, Samstiel, Sassy whatever you wanna call them)

Rating: T

Word count: 2241

Tags: Sastiel, Samstiel, Sam x Castiel, Sassy, Sastiel fanfiction, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Eileen Leahy, Dean Winchester, Supernatural, SPN fanfiction, The Softest Ship, OTP: Nothing is worth losing you, Sastiel prompt, Sastiel fluff.

The atmosphere in the bunker had been strange. Dean was going through this funk, a funk that Sam figured Dean had to go through. He thought it best to not interfere. If Sam interfered, he would only cause a stupid, pointless argument between them that wasn’t necessary or worth having during the especially difficult, underlining predicament they were currently faced with.

Chuck was in charge again, persisting with his manipulation and deliberately finding ways to toy with the boys as much as he possibly could or wanted to. Sam was conflicted, trying to hold the fort for himself and Dean, hoping that if he’s patient, Dean will be back to his normal, goofy, happy-go-lucky self. He had to give it time, but he also was struggling to understand one thing in this whole situation.

Why had Dean let Castiel go?

It was frustrating Sam to his very core that Dean was choosing to bottle in everything he was feeling again, but Sam didn’t have the energy to bother trying to talk to Dean about it, especially as he knew that his brother probably wouldn’t give him a proper answer to what happened and why Castiel left so abruptly. However, it did upset Sam that Cas didn’t even say goodbye.

It had been 2 weeks since he left, and Sam was hoping that Cas would come to his senses and return. Sam knew that Dean was partly to blame, but he imagined that Cas probably needed some time away to think and to give Dean some space too.

Sam had sent Cas numerous texts asking if he was OK, tried to ring him a couple of times but would frantically hang up like a teenager trying to call their crush would, and of course he even prayed to him. But he had no answer thus far.

“Goddamn it Cas, when are you going to come back? Don’t you realise how much I need you here right now?”, Sam fleetingly thought to himself, but also hoping that maybe Cas could hear it.

Sam sighed, sitting by himself in the kitchen area, sipping on an herbal tea, his eggs and avocado barely touched. He was trying to live like any other normal day, but he didn’t feel like eating knowing that Dean was in such a rut and Cas wasn’t around.

He had to concentrate on the positive though, the positive being that Eileen was alive and well, staying with him and Dean, looking after them whilst trying to provide some comfort to Sam’s disorderly emotions.

In that moment, Eileen walked in, temporarily distracting Sam from his wavering thoughts. She was only half awake, but she looked peaceful from her slumber. Sam smiled, getting up from his seat to greet her and offers her a hot drink.

She nodded and Sam went to the stove and grabbed the kettle, switched on the tap from the sink and filled the kettle with fresh water. As he put the kettle back on the stove, he lit the stove and grabbed a cup from the cupboard.

He turned back round to face Eileen, softly asking “Did you sleep well?”

Eileen smiled and responded, “Yes. It’s still a bit strange to be awake from sleeping though…”

“Mmmm, I get it. I know what that’s like.”

There was an awkward pause. Sam and Eileen stood there wondering what to say or do next.

Eileen then asked, “So… are we staying here today, or have you found a new case?”

Sam pondered, twitching slightly and clearing his throat. He looked down at the floor, scratching his head.

“Well, I was scrolling through articles on my laptop… but er, nothing at the moment I guess…”

Eileen nodded meekly, feeling Sam’s discomfort.

She then gently asked, “Can I be forward with you, Sam?”

Sam shrugged and nodded, willing to hear what Eileen had to say.

“How are you holding up in all of this?”

Sam thought for a moment on how to answer such a simple question. He didn’t really know how he was holding up. It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure, but he wasn’t going to suddenly break down and focus too much on the negative. He had to keep going, that’s all he knew.

“Um, OK, I guess? I’m just trying to get through all of this.”

Eileen wondered if anything she said at this point could be helpful.

“I can understand that. I mean, I was dead last week. I have you to be gracious I’m here, that I’m alive. I cannot be thankful enough, really.”

Sam smiled, pleased that at least he could concentrate on that, how he too was grateful that she was alive.

“You’re welcome. I mean, it was nothing…”

“Nothing? Are you kidding? You brought me back to life!”

Sam chuckled, appreciating her gratitude. He wasn’t often very good at accepting that he did actually do right by people, often only recognising the mistakes and the bad actions he had previously made.

His mind went wondering back to what Dean was doing and whether he really was OK. Before Dean left to work on a solo case of his own, he insisted to Sam that he needed some space and he was going to meet with an old friend of his that could do with some help. Sam offered to go with him, but Dean didn’t want him to. Sam had to leave it alone, regardless of whether he agreed with it or not.

He couldn’t help but think that if Cas was here, the situation might have been easier to handle. Everything was always easier when Cas was around. He missed Cas being there to comfort him when he often awoke from his nightmares.

His nightmares had become frequent, which made things even more difficult. He still couldn’t quite understand what these dreams meant, but he realised that they must mean something. That was one of the main reasons why he needed Cas especially at this point, feeling like he was the only person he could talk to about his gunshot scar that had lingered on his shoulder ever since he shot Chuck. Sam feared that his dreams must have had something to do with his blackened scar, due to the fact that his dreams started occurring more so ever since that day occurred.

He was getting more and more desperate to see Cas, to tell him the whole truth.

“Do you miss your angel friend?” Eileen suddenly asked.

Sam was surprised by this and stiffened up in his shoulders.

Sam nervously chuckled, “Is it really that obvious?”

He couldn’t help but blush that Eileen brought him up. He wasn’t going to talk about Castiel unless it was necessary. I mean he figured that she wasn’t going to mention him at all, which is why it came to him as such a surprise that she did.

“I liked Cas. He seems like a good egg.”

Sam grinned, “He really is… and he probably would be able to get us out of this mess if he were here.”

“He’ll come around. They always do…” Eileen winked at Sam and Sam went bright red again. Did Eileen know?

“I’ve had my fair share of exes, and it seems like you two just need to work it out.”

Sam could no longer look Eileen in the eye, his voice going quiet.

“I don’t know what it is about Cas, but lately… I, I don’t know. It feels like there’s something between us, but I can’t figure out what…”

Eileen then gasps suddenly, putting her hands to her cheeks as a jerk reaction. She was blushing hard, almost stifling a snicker back.

Sam then frowned at Eileen, confused.

It then hit him. He heard that noise, that flutter that he had heard so many times before. He begun to feel a sudden familiar presence behind him.

He slowly turned around and there he was. Just the being he was begging to see.

“Sam…”

Castiel’s voice was like music to Sam’s ears. The way he said his name always sent chills down his spine.

It was him. He really was here.

Sam was in shock for a moment, but then he suddenly found himself smiling wider than he had done in weeks and his face glowed up completely.

No questions asked, no words spoken, he grabbed Cas tightly into a big hug. The hug was desperate, needy. All of Sam’s emotions were put into this much needed clasp between them. It had only been two weeks, but to Sam it felt like years. Without a goodbye it was difficult for Sam to accept that he had been gone. He held him for as long as he deemed appropriate, but secretly not wanting to ever let him go. He was the only person that was still in his life, his close friend, perhaps who was now more than a friend, who truly made him feel safe aside from his brother. But even then, he didn’t always feel safe with Dean like he did with Cas.

Cas was slightly startled by Sam’s touch at first, but like every embrace he ever received from Sam, he seemed to warm to it pretty quickly. He reciprocated and held so tightly, also not wanting this feeling to leave him, but had to let go eventually as there was still a lady present in the room. Eileen cleared her throat to get their attention.

Sam let go of the embrace, but as Sam turned around, Cas still held on to Sam’s shoulders, rubbing it softly and putting their full attention to Eileen who was still standing their casually, but with a huge smirk across her face. Sam bit his lip, knowing full well what she probably was thinking. She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms.

“So, Cas… nice to see you again.”

Cas smiled politely and nodded, “Hi Eileen, nice to see you too. I’m glad you’re back, you know from…”

“The dead? Yeah, it’s all fine.”

Cas awkwardly stumbled, restless and unsure whether his people skills were being used correctly. Sam looked at Cas and nervously chuckled and patted Cas on the back, ensuring that he didn’t feel too embarrassed and that Eileen was totally understanding.

“I have to admit, you two… I totally see it.”

Cas then frowned, perplexed by what Eileen meant by those words. He looked at Sam, turning his head sideways.

“Sam… what did Eileen mean by that?”

Eileen snorted, rolling her eyes. She turned on her heel to leave, but before so, she said one last cheeky comment that she couldn’t resist.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…” Eileen winked and left Cas and Sam to fend for themselves.

Sam was going to interject, but she had already gone.

“Damn it, Eileen. NOW you’ve left me in an awkward position…”

Sam fumbled with his jeans and looked down at the floor, trying to not stare into those mesmerising blue eyes that always got him hooked. He didn’t know what to say. Cas looked like he was urgent to say something, but Sam had some idea of what that might be.

“Sam” “Cas” - they said their names in unison.

They both chuckled and Sam offered to go first.

“Look Cas, I… I don’t know if you heard any of what I had said to Eileen or through prayer or-or-“

Cas put his hand on Sam’s right shoulder, squeezing it softly.

“Before I sort this gunshot wound out on your shoulder, I need to say something…”

Cas had a soft, a smitten smile across his face and it was Sam’s turn to be confused.

“Oh Sam… I can’t ignore how we’ve meant to each other in recent years. I’m sorry you got in the middle of Dean and me. It seems you often end up being so… and I would rather that didn’t happen anymore, because how I feel about you is different to how I feel about Dean…”

Sam’s eyes widened; his brows furrowed. “What the hell did Cas mean by that?”

“…Different?” was all Sam could manage to bring himself to say.

“Well, I watch you sleep Sam. You know that. We’ve shared a bed. I know that’s intimate; I have learnt how humans work. I don’t share that intimacy with Dean.”

Sam swallowed a lump in his throat. How was he supposed to handle this?

“I… I think what is happening between us is not something I’ve shared with anyone before. I’m not sure how to handle it sometimes, but I’m doing my best for your sake.”

Sam really had no idea what to say to any of this, he felt like he should have had plenty to say. But all he felt was gobsmacked that all of these gentle, kind and endearing words that were coming out of Cas’ mouth were making Sam want to jump for endless joy. He wanted to sing, he wanted to scream with eternal happiness. Thankfully, he managed to smile, a bright shining smile.

“Oh Cas… you’re beautiful…”

Sam pulled Cas into another snug embrace, Sam’s hands restless, ingulfing in the feel of Cas around him. Sam squeezed his eyes shut, and he could hear Cas hum, his eyes also shut tight.

Sam momentarily without giving it a moment’s thought, kissed Cas’ forehead and then brought Cas’ head to his chest, cradling him softly.

They stayed like that for a while.

It was the best reunion that Sam had ever experienced.

#sastiel #samstiel #sassy #sastiel fanfiction #sam winchester #castiel #eileen leahy #sam x castiel #dean winchester #spn fanfiction #supernatural #the softest ship #otp: nothing is worth losing you #sastiel prompts #sastiel fluff

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novarasalas · 5 years

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Second Look Review: The Grudge

Sigh.

Work sucks. I’m not even checking how long it’s been since I started writing this. So..let’s get to it.

Candid Camera

I 100% love this opening conversation. It’s a weakness of mine in shows and movies: the candid conversation. Just seeing characters interacting with each other, not saying or doing anything to drive the plot forward...it’s great. I wish more media would write things like this. This way, we get a glimpse of the character’s personalities, in both the things they say and how they interact with one another.

Speaking of…

- -

A Bit Awkward

Acxa: I never has a creature companion, but one of my partners, Narti, was bonded to an immortal can't named Kova. That cat gave her the ability to experience the world.

So far so good...

Acxa: Until Lotor killed Narti and we had to abandon the animal on our destroyed ship so we could escape without being tracked.

Oh...ok. Yikes, lol?

To be honest...I wasn’t expecting her to be quite so awkward. But then I remember that we haven’t seen much of her when she wasn’t antagonizing the team.

And thus I reiterate: I love candid conversations like this.

Later, we get an awkward reprisal.

Leifsdottir: It would appear the mood at this table has become rather awkward. Most likely due to your Galra lineage.

Oh look...there’s two of them.

Tag yourself! I’m James.

Do scenes like this get to anyone else? It’s like seeing two aspects of my social awkwardness given form.

- - -

Let Me Love You

I love watching friendships happen.

Acxa: I know you have little trust for me, but your constant presence is tiresome.

How cute…

I meant it when I said watching her was like seeing my own brand of awkward. I don’t know how many potential friends I’ve scared off by being like this. The only friends I have now are the ones that have the patience of saints.

I’m grateful to them.

As I’m sure Acxa is to Veronica, even if we never really see it.

Also, this right here?

Veronica: Honestly, I just wanted to get to know you.

Acxa: By sneaking up on me at a firing range?

Veronica: I didn’t sneak up on you.

Acxa: Only because I’m always aware of my surroundings.

Really now?

*Marcia Brady voice* Sure, Acxa.

- - - -

Sword Play

I’ve been thinking about this one for a bit.

It starts with Keith pulling his signature move

After, Lance says this:

Lance: Huh, good job, Keith. I mean, I was just about to do that, too, but that’s cool.

What was he about to do?

The cool “throw your sword, totally disarming yourself” move, of course!

Keith is annoyed, not confused. This means that he knows that Lance has a sword. We never get to see that moment in the show...which is why I had to write it myself. Check my “voltron fanfic” tag, “fic: study it out” tag, or the first comment on this post for the fic link.

I’m also on AO3 with the same user name.

..yeah, that’s a self plug. I’m not ashamed.

- - - - -

The Bad and The Ugly

This is probably what’s really kept me dragging my feet on this for so long.

So, the real story of this episode is that Ezor has left Zethrid cause she’s a total rage-filled maniac, and she wants nothing to do with that life anymore.

Zethrid, being a total rage-filled maniac, fails to engage in introspection, and blames Keith for this. For some reason.

She tries to kill Keith while Acxa tries to talk her down. End the end, she’s only stopped when Veronica, Acxa’s new best friend, shoots her.

It’s fine, though. Ezor comes back to her, willing to forgive her for...things.

Roll credits.

…..does that seem right? It certainly didn’t to a lot of people.

Me included.

The idea is that Ezor was, narratively, dead. The idea continues that the backlash from having

1. Some of the gay rep being a villain pair, and

2. One in that pair being killed off,

scared them into retconning Ezor’s death, hastilty re-recording lines and adding shoddy animation to “fix” it.

I’m not at this point here to point fingers and blame persons for this supposed change. I just want to talk about why I think that it was changed.

It’s mostly because of this, at first:

Zethrid: Now you will feel what I felt.

Some argued that she was saying this to Shiro, who was, ya know...there. But she’s saying it to Acxa.

Here:

Ezor: She’s always been sweet on that one with the flippity hair.

You just know they’ve teased Acxa about this before. And that’s the thing.

Zethrid believes that Acxa is in love with Keith, and that’s why she’s going to kill him, so that she feels the same grief that she feels.

Ya know..cause she loved Ezor, and Ezor’s dead now.

I can’t pinpoint what all has been changed, when it was changed, or how.

But am I supposed to believe that Zethrid would take a break up this badly? Am I supposed to believe that Ezor, having left Zethrid because of her rage and anger, would watch her try to kill someone over said break up...and then take her back?

Nah. I don’t.

And it’s not that I want Ezor to be dead. I want the story to make sense.

There’s other evidence, visually.

Ezor here is unfinished. The lines are uneven and the shadows on her are almost non existent. Maybe it wouldn’t have looked so bad had she not been placed next to Acxa, who was always in this scene. But as it is, she’s very flat.

This continues into the next episode.

Veronica: Zethrid and the Olkari have escaped their cells.

Only two indicators are shown. An argument could be made that they didn’t consider Ezor a threat.

But add to all this the fact that Ezor’s one spoken line ended up being a pitched up clip of Allura saying “no”, while Zethrid’s response of “trust me” was taken from S7...it’s all too much.

However, at the same time, I don’t want to dwell on this. It’s conspiracy and conjecture at this point. We’ll never know what really happened. There will never be a director's cut. They’ll never release extra footage. This is what we got.

In any case, the fact remains that the whole thing was jarring and seemed very out of place. The writing and story hasn't been the greatest to this point, but this marked the episode where the plot began to lose me. From this point on, I spend an inordinate amount of time watching and thinking “...um??”

It’s a bad feeling.

Also, Shiro? Baby?

Any thoughts?

...fair enough.

----------------

In Summary:

This episode started out wonderfully before it crashed and burned. The opening character interactions gave way to questionable character motivations.

If, as suspected, this plot point was changed because of outside pressure...well…

It’s an odd thing for it to happen during production like this. In my years, I’ve never really seen it happen like this before. There’s no way to fix something like this without the end result looking sloppy.

Also, as someone that creates stories, I don’t have a great feeling about this. There’s this idea now that if something isn’t perfect, you must shout it down until someone changes it, or make the thing go away completely.

I personally would have felt better if they’d stood by the story they’d created. After the fact, we can talk about things gone wrong, the mistakes that were made, and how the story might’ve been made better, all in retrospect.

To do anything else, in my opinion, shows a lack of integrity.*

*but what is integrity when there’s corporations and money involved, really?

Next up:

Yeah...so….this is where we’re going with this?

#second look review #voltron #voltron legendary defender #acxa #keith #voltron keith #keith kogane #lance #voltron lance #lance mcclain #zethrid #ezor #long post

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