#hhhhhh they're making me lose my fucking mind

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

we HAVE to see crowley and aziraphales joint miracle power shatter everything and everyone. I HAVE TO SEE IT. THE POWER OF LOVE ETC. GOD.

[c6jpg]

since i can't upload them to genshinmp3 yet gushing about some of my other faves because i am so fucking happy with jadeite redolence

dweller of bamboo grooves - the first few notes are soooo so so so so nice i remember hearing this a lot running around chenyu vale i love it so much and those notes are so addicting actually

the rime of the ancient bargemen - don't even need to explain myself for this one but this is by far my favorite of the bamboo raft songs

guhua's legacy - so majestic i love her i love the subtle majesty and power behind this whole track

xuanlian's wavering light and night's whispering breath - SONGS THAT MAKE ME LOSE MY FUCKING MIND. THE VOCALIZATIONS. HELLO. ZIYU CHE I'M ALMOST CERTAIN THAT IS YOU THANK YOU FOR FUCKING DELIVERING AS ALWAYS THE ONLY CRIME IS HOW SHORT THIS IS. i also really like fujin's chant which is basically the more vocalized version of this but i think i prefer this instrumental version more. UPDATE: looks like it was actually composed by one of the newer hoyo-mix folks, yang lee :O but the vocals were indeed ziyu che hehe

into the yonder and water - reminds me a lot of xianyun since it played in her web event hhhhhh i definitely had it on repeat a lot when i first heard it <3

jade chimes - UGHHDIASFUFDSDFHFDHJHD literally shaking crying throwing up listening to this i am OBSESSED with how it builds and when it gets to the subtle vocalizations in the back oh my gooddddd oh my fucking god. its like neath the fountain but in different font i don't know what it is about these kinds of tracks that just fucking GET ME was almost gonna make this my teapot theme but this is a song that needs to be savored and appreciated in complete stillness it needs my full undivided attention. easily an all time favorite EASILY she sits at the table with neath the fountain and chatter between roots and all the others i listed that one time.

dusk's descent - I kinda glossed over this on my first listen but I'm bringing it back on because holy fuck once it builds!!!!! so good

when the herb fades - i absolutely adore baizhu/changsheng's theme always very much welcome another rendition of it

garden of jade - this is my teapot theme rn its so lovely i wasn't even paying attention to the quest happening at this point because omfg. this song. i was like lingyuan love you but please hurry up and finish your dialogue i see the spincrystal in the back over there and i need it NOW. anyways i am especially fond of the all the flute notes they're so good ugh

mountainborn gale - shout out to the solitary suanni for having an absolutely fucking banger of a boss theme to make farming it a billion times for xianyun less painful 🙏

[iwannaban0nym0us]

welp time for another one of those long rambley posts because well uh everything's fucking ending

fuckkkkkkkkkkk why does this have to hurt so bad

I tried so hard to avoid this, fuck, why am I back here

It hurts different this time but it still hurts, while i'm glad we didn't stretch this out over months fuck I was in love

oh btw i have no brain power rn so this is probably gonna be entirely incoherent and just whatever the fuck comes to my mind

so uh basically my girlfriend broke up with me and at lunch today, and like it wasn't a bad breakup and i'm really glad we talked because like i wanted to talk about how things have felt kinda off lately, and uh it turns it its because they now only have platonic feelings for me

i think like part of me knew this was coming, they broke up with their last boyfriend this time last year (because they realized they really just wanted to be friends w/ him) and this time last year is when i hit the point of no return w/ my ex and a bunch of things that happened then have happened now (soccer team disbanding partner/ex not going on the school trip)

and so like i've had the thought 'could i go back to just being friends with them' or 'should i just break up with them before they have the chance to hurt me like my ex did' spiral around in my head a bit but i never actually did because like they're amazing

but then there's the part of me the would dream of us lasting for years and was just so fucking happy w/ them and was about to tell them i loved them, i've been thinking it for months but i thought i was ready to say it to them,,, and then well,,,,

theres so many nevers now, like i never said i love you, they never came to one of my club soccer games, i never went to one of their vaulting comps, we nEVER WENT ON A DATE

fuck i wish i had gone to prom w/ them this year, skipped the soccer game that didn't end up actually happened and fucking dealt w/ the fact that my ex was there but i was too fucking scared to do either of those things

aaaaa i was trying so so so fucking hard not to let myself get hurt by a partner again, i waited a while to ask them out like i was certain i really like them and they liked me back, and then i took things very slow, we took a while to kiss, we never said i love you, i tried really really hard to test the waters and really make sure i could trust them before i fully committed my heart to them

and while i can trust them and they are an amazing person who still cares a lot about me, they still managed to hurt me because they don't love me the same way i love them, and i kinda thought they did, and maybe they did for a bit, but they don't anymore

ahahaha fuck this afternoon they added the song (redacted) by Leanna Firestone to their playlist,,,, hhhhhh,,,, just look at the lyrics,,,, it made me start crying again,,,,

ok well uh i think im gonna fall asleep sitting on my floor in the dark w/ my laptop on my lap so i guess i should probably stop here and go cry myself to sleep

if i have any time tomorrow this'll probably be expanded because uh my soccer team is also ending :D so i'm losing people i've played w/ for 5+ years and also i'm gonna have to come out to a new soccer team which is gonna just so great