#i saw it with my homophobic brother so that took some of my attention from it so i need to watch it alone again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xxx-wounded-angel-xxx · 2 years

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Red String of Fate - Poly! Lost Boys x reader

Soulmate trope: Pulled toward the place where your soulmate is/are?

Featuring a Transmasc (and really self-indulgent) reader and poly lost boys (who were not really expecting someone else )

Starting over. It's what mom had promised after she divorced and we left dad behind. It was the best thing that happened to us in a while. I would be regretting Phoenix, its underground scene, and all of the punk I grew up surrounded by thanks to my babysitter. But it was for the best, I knew that going to Gramps would be nice, he had a big house and lived not too far from the ocean, something I've been longing for dearly.

What made the change easier was the pull I felt that was getting stronger the closer we would get to Santa Carla. Really, it would be rather cool if I happened to find my soulmate here. I couldn't wait to meet him. I just hoped that the homophobia wouldn't be horrible here. Dad had been homophobic enough for the rest of my life.

In the car, my twin and younger brother were fighting over stupid again, as mom was changing the music. I wish I had a bike like Mikey so I could have used it. But alas I was stuck here with my idiotic brothers.

Soon mom pulled over to Santa Carla, and on the back of the big board was written in crimson "Murder Capital of the World" Mikey and I shared a worried glance: what the hell were we getting into?

As mom stopped, Mikey got his bike off the car and rode it, following us home. The house was creepy, and my brothers seemed convinced we were getting in a horror movie.

We settled down, and the boys fought for their room, running and messing with each other while I was putting my clothes in my wardrobe listening to some tunes, and hanging posters on my walls and ceiling.

When the evening came, I joined mom on her way around the boardwalk for a little while, but when she approached a tape store I decided to go my way and look at the different stalls to see if I could get something for my patch jacket. I had been working on it for a while, and it’s one of my favorite pieces of clothing from before I transitioned. It had been through all my teenage years, and I couldn’t imagine wearing another jacket.

I noticed something interesting and went to look for it, ignoring the pull I felt that was changing. Browsing through the stuff, I decided for a cool pin, and a skull patch. Very classic, but it would blend well with the rest of the jacket, which was mostly covered in band patches and vampire-themed ones. When I was looking for chains on another stall not that far, I saw a cute blond guy with curly hair starting to look for stuff beside me. As I was reaching for a cool chain, he took it, before apologizing as our hands brushed. Damn, even his face was really cute, he looked like those angels on renaissance paintings. The way I felt at ease with him was surreal, and when he offered to give me the chain, I accepted. I even let him fix it on my jacket with some safety pins he found in his pocket. He had one of the coolest patch jacket I’d ever seen, and we chatted about custom tips until I spotted mom and bid him goodbye, smiling when he promised me we would meet again.

When I went to mom, she told me she got a job at that video store, and I was happy for her. I showed her the stuff I got, and when she came to the topic of the boy I was with, I realized that I forgot to ask his name.

We came home, and I quickly washed before going to bed. That’s when I realized the pull I had felt much stronger in the angelic boy company… Shit, could it be? Had he felt the same way and was it the reason he said we would meet again? Because he knew where to find me?

With my thoughts all turned towards him, I fell asleep with my window open, not paying attention to the pull that was getting stronger again.

The day ran smoothly, I learned that Mikey had met his dream girl last night, the pull leading him to her, but apparently she had left with some bickers. I told him about the pretty boy I had met, and how I thought he was the one the pull was leading me to. It seemed surreal that twins would find both of their soulmates in the same town, but here we were. Since I wanted to find my angel boy again, we decided that we would go together to the boardwalk tonight and try to find them. He was curious about the boy I had met and wanted to meet him like I wanted to meet that girl.

I spent the rest of the day sewing patches on my jacket, adding studs and the pin I got yesterday, before meeting Mikey outside. Sam was staying in since gramps was there. Mom didn’t like the idea of letting her younger son alone.

I climbed behind Mikey, and we left together. I loved his bike and was saving up to buy myself one. But a better one, though. His had limits and I just wanted one to go wild.

We were soon on the boardwalk and started to look for our mates. While I was confused about the pull, Mikey was more successful and managed to meet his girl. Her name was Star, and while they were talking I was trying my best to try to get where the pull was trying to lead me, without success. It was as if it wanted me to go four different ways, it was driving me crazy. We were soon back to the bike, and that’s when Mikey realized that he couldn’t give a ride to both Star and me.

As I was trying to back up, I felt the pull and turned my head to the four bikers that were circling us. Could it be?... no way… As I shook my head, the one who seemed to be their leader called Star, silently telling her to ride with him. But I didn’t pay much attention to the girl as my eyes met angel boy’s ones. The one I understood was called David dared Michael to a race, and I turned to my brother when he said that he had to take me home. Smirking, David told him that his brother was free to ride with Marko, talking about me. I silently asked Mikey what he thought about it, and when he nodded I turned to the bikers, letting the pretty boy from yesterday pull me on his bike. I blushed when I realized that thanks to this crop top I was in direct contact with his skin when held onto him. After one glance from David who made sure I was secured with Marko, the former rode off and the blond with the wild hair followed, then Marko and the brunet. When I turned, I saw my brother trying to keep up. Soon we left the sand for a road, and I slowly relaxed, even if the boys were driving like crazy. To be honest, I was having the time of my life and soon laughed and hollered with the boys. Mikey was keeping up, I was having fun, maybe everything would turn alright…

As we reached Hudson Bluff, Mike got off his bike and punched David. I swiftly held my brother back, and shivered when David said “How far are you willing to go Michael?”. After sending a smile in my direction, David led the way to a cave. I was trying to not fall, and the brunet who introduced himself as Dwayne helped me stay steady and get down. He then left to lit up barrels and candles, as Marko took his place, while I was looking at my surroundings. Damn! As the blonde chuckled, I realized I said it out loud.

Rocker boy who was called Paul sat me beside him on a broken fountain, while David was ranting to Mikey about the history of the place. Soon Marko was sent to buy food, and I was starting to get uncomfortable as he was the only one besides my brother I knew at least a little. Instead, I closed my eyes and tried to understand what the hell was going on with my red string of fate. Red sting that was… pulling me in four different ways, the closest being Paul beside me.

“ You feel it too, huh?” I opened my eyes and turned to the blond. Seeing I was silent, he added “The pull. Red String or whatever you call it. You can feel it too, right?” “I feel it too, you know”. I turned to the other side, seeing Dwayne. “Marko and David feel it, too. We were surprised, we weren’t expecting someone else after all this time” “ Four boys as my soulmate? damn I hit the gay jackpot.” My remark made them laugh.

Marko came back with food, and we started to eat. David did something that scared Mikey, but I did not get the joke. Maggots? I sent a confused look at Star, but the brunette shook her head. David asked Marko something, and when he left to get it Paul left his place to sit by me. This boy lived in a cave and ate with his bare hands, which seriously made me reconsider everything. I checked the pull, just in case, and it still led me to Paul, Dwayne, David, and Marko that was coming back holding a bottle.

He handled it to David, who took it and drank before giving it to Michael. My twin looked at me, unsure, especially when Star told him it was blood. I decided to trust the red string and nodded. The boys cheered, and David left to give me another drink, this time from a chalice. I looked up to him, and all he said was“Drink, my mate”. I felt like I couldn’t let my soulmates down, and took a sip. I felt the rich taste explode in my mouth, it tasted so good I wanted more. I drank the whole chalice before handing it back to David, who had a beautiful smile. The boys started cheering even more than for Mickey, I felt so full of joy. I was where I belonged. Mom was right when she said that Santa Carla was a good place for a new beginning after all.

#the lost boys #the lost boys x reader #transmasc reader #marko the lost boys #david the lost boys #dwayne the lost boys #paul the lost boys

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achliegh · 3 years

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Golden

Yeehaw Leo… it's all because this song came on one day (I don’t even really listen to country anymore so it really is fate). Leo is based off that song, each chapter is going to be based off a yeehaw song too.

@clearsuitcasecookienerd helped me out with this one!

For some background:

Leo is a bull rider as a side hustle.

His parents breed Tennessee Walking Horses ($$$$$)

His father died when he was 16 so he dropped out of school to help his mother and cousins run the ranch.

During the winter The Ranch hands take over the Ranch so Leo and his Mother can go visit family all over the country. During the Summer Leo and his cousins handle the ranch.

TW/CW: Smut, terrible yeehaw sayings and jokes, injuries, mentions of past death, minor character death, underage drinking, mentions of past arrests, cringe

Prologue:

Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy

And James was thrown off the mechanical bull for the third time! It seems as though no one on the team could stay on that thing long enough to win the prize of a free beer tab. Finn and Logan were standing hip to hip, forearms resting on the short fence surrounding the mechanical bull in this crowded bar. They were passing a cigarette back and forth as they made fun of Thomas and James as they rode this ferocious animal on the beginner setting.

They just got done for the day at a training camp designed to make them more agile on the ice, only the wingers and centers were there. It was being put on at the old professional hockey rink in New Orleans so it can get some use. The only reason why they choose this hick bar is because it was close to the rink and apparently LGBTQ+ friendly because some kid comes here and gets in fights with people who are homophobic.

A true hero.

Finn and Logan have been friend with benefits since college, did they plan to fuck again tonight? Yee-haw! They both had feelings for each other but refused to admit them because that's the one thing you aren’t supposed to do in a friends with benefits situation. Not fall in love. Everyone knew they were completely head over heels for each other but everyone also knew something was missing for them to be able to work. Usually they only talked about their feelings when they were angry.

Everyone in the bar was friendly, all locals too, so they would tell fun stories about what has gone down in this bar. Two names that would come up frequently and always together were, Leo and Clayton. Apparently, they are best friends and the most beloved frequenters of the bar. Yes, they were undersage. Yes, they did like to fight. No, no one snitches on them. Yes, Leo is a gay boy and Clayton is a Bi boy and they ran this town.

Both are apparently from very rich old parents who only ever had one child, so they treated each other like brothers. No one messed with them. Don't forget they know how to have a good time. Finn had squished his hand into Logan's back pocket while they listened to the local next to them at the fence talk about the two boys.

Then the double wood door to the bar was slammed open, two very tall specimens sauntered in, there was whooping and hollering as they walked past people. Tipping hats and throwing winks. The local leaned over and whispered to Finn and Logan who took a glance at the door and then back at the bull tossing their friends like a fucking salad.

“Speak of the devils.” Logan's attention was brought to the two men when they hopped over the fence to help James stand back up and dust him off. Cracking jokes with him, while the other went to the machine panel to change the setting. Logan took in their appearances.

The one with James had caramel toned skin with black coily hair under a dirty baseball cap. He was very well built and looked like his muscles were made of rock, Logan guessed he was around the same height as Finn. He was wearing a black shirt with the sleeve cut off low enough to show off his abdomen. He had on some dark dusty jeans and brown square toes boots, looks like he just got off work somewhere dusty. The man looked up to check out the crowd of newbies to the bar and Logan took note of his dark dark brown eyes, which landed on him and he saw the man smirk a little before leaning over to James to ask for the names of Finn and Logan. Rolling his eyes a little he decided to look at the other man.

Oh my.

Logan felt like he had been punched in the gut, this man had soft blonde curls wrapping around the rim of his old baseball cap that's backwards on his head. He was also tan but looked more golden like he was tanned under the sun. He couldn’t see his face from under the man's hat but he could see his hard muscles from under his incredibly tight tank top. He too was wearing jeans and square toed boots. Logan could tell this guy was taller than the other and he just wanted him. The veins in his arms and the strength of his hands made his grip tighten on his drink. He knew Finn was looking to by the way he could feel his hand flexing on his ass.

There was a song playing in the background that portrayed exactly how they felt.

“SAVE A HORSE RIDE A COWBOY!” The bar cheered as the blonde boy swung his leg on the bull and grabbed the handle, nodding at his friend. The bull started thrashing around and all Finn and Logan could focus on was the way this guy isolated his body so the top half of him barely moved while his hips rotated with the machine, smoothly. As the bull got faster the tighter the guy gripped the handle the more veins showed in his arms. Logan took a drink while Finn took a drag.

When the man was finally flung off, he had won what Thomas and James were trying so desperately trying to win. When the man stood up he was right in front of Logan and Finn. Logan just about spit out his drink when he saw this man's face. Like it was chiseled from fucking god, dimples, electric blue eyes that shot electricity to their groins, sculpted eyebrows and a scar on bridge of his nose. He smiled and his teeth were perfect beside a chip on his left front tooth.

They had to have him. After hours of teasing looks and sexy line dances, which was a sentence Finn swore he would never say, they finally got this angel of a cowboy into their hotel room. His name was Leo, and god damn was he packing.

He was fucking into Logan as the smaller man fingered Finn open and sucked him off at the same time, Leo shifted a little to hit Logan's prostate, a loud moan was heard from around Finn’s cock. Logan pulled off of Finn and Pushed back on Leo like he couldn’t help it, catching Leo by surprise and asking him to pull out. Leo did because he was a literal angel.

Leo sat back on his heels and smoothed his hands over Logan's hips with a worried look in his eyes. “Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” His voice was heavy with lust and worry, that thick southern accent caused the other two to groan.

“Don’t you remember what song was playing when we first saw you?” Logan and Finn were now on their knees facing each other but looking at Leo with hungry eyes. Leo looked down as he thought for a moment, then it dawned on him. He looked up at them and smiled a little shy, he was about to say something but he was pushed back to lay down. He shuffles a little to get more comfortable, Finn and Logan both mentioned that they were switches so he had no clue what to expect when two extremely sex hockey players asked him into their bed. Clayton was jealous.

He groans as he feels Finn grind back onto his cock, he looks up at the red head and smiles Finn is definitely enjoying himself. Leo placed his hands on Finn’s hips to help him sink down on his cock, furrowing his brows he tries his best not to fuck up into Finn as he gets used to Leo. Which they did mention Finn hasn’t bottomed in a while but he really wanted to with Leo and that made him feel special. Leo opens his eyes from when he scrunched them shut to control himself, he sees Logan watching Finn and stroking himself. An idea comes onto Leo’s head, tapping on Logan's arm he wraps his hand around his bicep and pulls him over to him.

“How about you ride my face, sugarbug? Hmm?” Leo is pulled into an intense kiss as Finn finally sets a comfortable pace of fucking himself down on Leo. Logan maneuvers himself so he is straddling Leo’s face and facing Finn.

Leo grabs Logan's hips to pull him down on his face, nipping lightly at his rim he smirks at the shiver he feels from Logan, hearing the smacking of kisses he knows they are desperately close already. Leo starts working Logan open with his tongue as he plants his heels on the bed and fucks up into Finn. The boys are moaning his name loud enough he bets the people in the room next to them are hearing everything. Leo is getting close and he knows Logan is barely holding on, plunging his middle finger and tongue into his smaller lover, hitting his prostate head on, he feels Logan clench around him as a wet heat is felt on his chest.

Logan Moans out Leo’s name and then Finn’s as he pulls the red head into a sloppy kiss as Leo keeps his rhythm with Finn, fucking him steady and deep. Finn changes the rhythm and starts moving faster, desperate for that release. Logan reaches between them and starts to jerk Finn off in time with his thrusts, after a few strokes he feels Finn spilling into his hand. Leo groans and bites down on Logan's left booty cheek as he muffles his moan when he releases into the condom he's wearing. Resting his head back on the pillow he feels logan crawl off him.

Finn pulled off him and collapsed onto Leo’s chest with an oof. Leo chuckles and runs his hands through Finn’s hair, mesmerized by the red flowing through hands. He just wanted to hold these boys close and relax, which he hasn’t done in a while. Kissing the top of Finn’s head he hears a cute whimper from the man on top of him. Hiding his laugh in his hair Leo looks up at Logan who wanders back into the room with a warm washcloth. He slaps Finn’s ass causing the man to jolt and glare at Logan.

“Excuse you, I was being snuggled by a hot cowboy who just fucked the life out of me.” Leo laughs as Finn rolls off him, Logan tries to hide his smile but fails as he wipes the other two down. Hopping on top of them and wiggling his way between them and smiles.

“Well I want to cuddle the hot cowboy who just ate my soul out of my ass.” Leo laughs again and shakes his head wrapping his arms around bothering them.

“Shh! I want to silently cuddle with two hockey players who I just had the most intense orgasm with!” They all laugh and fall into comfortable silence with comforting touches and caresses until they fall asleep.

When Finn and Logan woke up in the morning Leo was already dressed and writing his number on the notepad next to Logan’s phone. He turns to look back at the bed and smiles when he sees the boys both sleepily reach for him. He crawls on the bed still having not put on his boots yet and gives them both a sweet kiss goodbye.

“Text me or call me anytime you want to talk.” He whispers to them as he pushes some hair out of Logan's face and rests his forehead on Finn’s cheek. He crawls away shoving his boots on and walking out the door. Morning chores need to be done.

They all felt it when Leo left, cold.

#leo knut #logan tremblay #finn o'hara #james potter #thomas walker #Clayton Bruss #o'knutzy #o’knutzy #lumosinlove #sweater weather #coast to coast

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adhdeancas · 3 years

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For @theangelwiththewormstache, I kind of went all out and searched through your blog to see what you like and headcanon, sent a few sneaky asks to find out more, and wrote in all the things I wanted for everyone’s happy ending. it got... unbelievably long.

Merry Christmas and enjoy :)

Love, Cas over at @let-me-live-in-peace and @samwinchestersleftshoe

PS: thanks to @destielsecretsanta2020 for organizing this!

Click.

Dean sighed and nodded, pulling the phone away from his ear so he could stare at it expectantly. Right about…

It rang.

“Cas,” Dean said languidly, like an asshole who didn’t know why his boyfriend was calling him back.

“Sorry. I forgot again.”

“I know.” Dean couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice if he tried. And he tried.

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“Dean.” A hint of well-earned annoyance.

“I love you too, Cas.”

“Bye.” And another click. Dean grinned and pocketed his phone. The dumbass was still too impatient to wait for an answering goodbye. Guess they’d never be the couple to argue about who should hang up first. Then again, Dean kinda liked it this way. It was just a few more seconds of teasing and a special call to say I love you, that was kind of nice, right? Jesus he was a sap.

“Earth to Dean? Wanna stop daydreaming about your boyfriend for a sec and get back on task?” Claire was standing there waving a hand in his face, bitchface firmly planted. Dean gave her one back.

“Don’t be homophobic.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m gay.”

“Yeah.” Dean kept walking, looking around at the rows on rows of Christmas trees. He stole a glance back at her. “Where is Kaia anyway?”

Claire blushed and crossed her arms over her chest. She would never tell him, but Kaia had hung back to give her some alone time with Dean. “She wanted to hang out with Jack. Guess she didn’t want to stare at your ugly mug all day.” A grin then, as Dean laughed at her joke.

“Fine, fine, guess you’re stuck with me.”

They roamed around a bit, both insisting on cutting down their tree themselves, Claire winning the fight to get to carry the ax. (Yes, Sam had suggested they bring a chainsaw. They had both refused because they needed to “earn the Christmas tree.”)

“Cas wanted a fraser fir.” Dean remembered, pointing to the section marked for them.

He felt, rather than saw, Claire roll her eyes, which, that’s exactly what Dean had done when Cas first told him. “Dork. Do you always do what your boyfriend tells you?”

Dean shrugged. “Pretty much. You?”

“Yeah.” They shared a soft smile before going back to their regular shit-talking. It was just The Dynamic. They searched a little bit more before they found one, the perfect tree that was big enough to make them both giggle over what Sam’s reaction would be when they brought it home.

It… takes longer to cut down a tree than you would think. Than either of them thought. Especially when you bring an ax and especially when you choose an obnoxiously large tree. They took a break about halfway through, sitting down in the snow and passing the thermos of hot chocolate Jack made them take back and forth (Claire spiked it with Bailey’s, which Dean chose not to comment on but was grateful for).

“Hey Claire… is it weird? Seeing me and Cas,”

Claire looked at him warily, seeming to consider what possible ulterior motives he had. Then, figuring she was the one with the ax, she answered. “A little. But I never saw my dad this old. Or this gay.” She gave him a grin and Dean flipped her off, taking the ax out of her hands to get back to the tree. “It’s good.”

Dean paused. “What is?”

“You and him. You’re good for each other, you can tell. Don’t overthink it.”

Dean’s lips curled up. “Sounds like something Cas would say.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes the dork is right. Don’t be an idiot.” She shook her head at him. “Jody had to remind me all the time at first.”

“What?”

“That I… y’know. Deserve it. Her. To be happy.” She put the last bit in quotes, saying it sarcastically, but Dean could see the truth of it in her eyes.

“Yeah, well, Jody’s smart like that.” He took another swing at the ax and tried to believe it for himself. It got easier every day.

------

Cas was left at home with Kaia and Jack while Dean and Claire got the tree and Sam and Eileen got food supplies. (Dean had protested, but Sam had -correctly- said that if given free rein, he wouldn’t get any vegetarian options and would get 10x more junk than they needed.) Jody, Donna, Alex, Bobby, Charlie, and the rest wouldn’t be here until the next afternoon. Christmas afternoon.

“So what should we do first?” He was a little bit nervous, being once again put in charge of the kids.

“Paper snowflakes?” Jack suggested, his excitement all too obvious from the smile on his face. Kaia glanced at him, amused by his obvious enthusiasm. Claire had braided his hair before she left while Kaia painted his nails (black, because they don’t own any other color of nail polish). It was clear they were pretty bonded.

“Sounds good to me.”

Kaia had to teach both of them how to make paper snowflakes. Cas tried to make perfectly symmetrical snowflakes; Jack kept cutting his in half on accident which made a bunch of smaller snowflakes. Hey, it worked.

“So… what’s the deal with you and Dean?”

“Deal?” Cas flushed a little. Everytime someone asked it thrilled him all over again. He was dating Dean. Dean. Was his. Had told him so, straight to his face. And he got to kiss Dean whenever, and sleep with him, and make him make noises only he got to hear, and listen to all his worries and weird fears and recaps on the latest episodes of Dr. Sexy.

“Cas?” Jack was knocking on the table lightly. Kaia had two raised eyebrows and a little smile.

“That good, huh?” She could relate. Everytime she thought about Claire she felt all warm inside, and going home to her at the end of the day was like a dream, especially after being apart for so long.

Cas looked down, called out. “That good.” he agreed.

“How disgusting are they, Jack, on a scale of cute to rip your own face off cute?” Kaia leaned over the table now, shit-eating grin plastered firmly on her face. Jack looked delighted to be in on the joke, which made Cas happy in spite of himself. Jack really needed this time with kids his own age. (Well, kind of. He was technically three.)

“Well, they do cook together…”

“Do they do that thing where one of them comes up from behind and puts their head on the other’s shoulder?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Dean or Cas?”

“Cas watches. He can’t cook.”

“Hey!” It was true. Cas was just arguing for the principle of it.

“But the movie nights are the cutest. One of them always falls asleep on top of the other one.”

“Probably at like 10 o’clock. You guys are so old.” Kaia teased, shifting her attention back to Cas.

Cas shook his head and pointed his finger at the two of them. “I never should have had children.” Kaia stuck her tongue out and Jack followed suit. Proving his point. Kids.

---------

“Hey, you dorks just gonna let us do all the work, huh?” Dean shouted from the garage.

“Yeah motherfuckers, get in here!”

Cas let out a half-hearted “Language!” before following Kaia and Jack through the halls. Claire pulled Jack into a side hug first before tugging Kaia in for a kiss. Dean would’ve followed suit, except Claire had actually left him to carry the whole fucking tree himself, which Dean, like an idiot, had actually attempted. Cas hurried over to help him, which earned him a glare lined with gratefulness.

“Oh yeah, have a happy little reunion over there, don’t mind me or this giant tree!” Dean griped at the kids. “Let the old men handle it!”

“Hey, you said it first.” Claire raised an eyebrow at Dean and pulled Kaia and Jack off into the bunker, probably to go find Miracle. Dean sighed heavily, muttering under his breath.

“You brought that on yourself.” Cas informed him, grunting under the effort of holding up half the tree.

“Thank you, babe. Very helpful.” Dean rolled his eyes. Cas pretended he didn’t feel a jolt of happiness at the most sarcastic ‘babe’ he’d ever heard.

-----

They managed to haul the giant-ass tree into the library and set it up, barely. It did almost crush Cas, but Dean tugged it upright at the last moment, prompting a joke about Cas dying again. (“Hey, you’re not allowed to make those anymore, you’re human now, dick.”) And a kiss that all the kids whooped and hollered at.

Then Cas showed Dean and Claire around the decorations they’d made while they were out. The greatest hits included paper snowflakes, ornaments, and a Christmas tree on the wall made out of old license plates. Dean clapped Jack on the shoulder to congratulate him on his crafts while Kaia held Claire’s hand and pretended not to be affected by the praise sent her way.

By the time Sam and Eileen got back, they’d decorated the tree, all the chairs in the bunker, and the stair-rail with lights and tinsel. Sam let out a whistle when he came back in, which brought Miracle, Jack, and Cas to greet them. (Claire and Kaia were busy telling Dean all about their local gay bar. Which, considering they lived in South Dakota, was quite the story.)

Dean’s eyes lit up as soon as he saw his brother and Eileen come in the kitchen with their bags. “Okay Dean, before you ask, we went with apple, pecan, pumpkin, and cherry.” Sam looked at Dean warily, who stared back at him over the girls’ heads with narrowed eyes, deciding whether or not to fight. The amount of pie ingredients he’d put on the list had been truly outrageous.

“Would like to remind you that the kids are making cookies and cheesecake too.” Eileen reminded him. Dean continued to look around suspiciously until Cas sat down on his lap.

That’s great, Eileen. Cas signed to her. He will be fine.

Eileen rolled her eyes. Whiner. Sam let out a snort and Cas grinned at her. Dean glared.

“What’re you saying?”

“Learn to sign better and you’d know.” Sam smirked.

“I’m working on it!” Dean protested and wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist, tugging him in possessively. He was going to try to sign something else but settled for a middle finger pointed straight at his brother. Hey, it was sign language.

Cas leaned back and kissed him on the cheek for his efforts. His memory landed on one particularly frustrating night for Dean when they’d been practicing his ASL (Cas knew every language of course) and Dean just couldn’t remember the most basic of things. Lamp, field, tree. The more frustrated he got, the more words started to leave him. He’d started swearing under his breath and stomped out to the porch to cool off, followed by Cas a few minutes later. Cas still remembered the drained look in his eyes as he looked at Cas.

“I feel like such a fucking dumbass, Cas. I know it’s not that hard, it shouldn’t be that hard, Sam makes it seem so easy…”

“Dean, you are learning. It’s okay if it takes you a little time. Sam has experience with ASL, doesn’t he?”

Dean had sighed and conceded this. “Yeah, he took some in college I think. I just… I never took any language, you know? Didn’t seem as important as woodshop or sex ed.” He grinned half-heartedly at his own joke.

Cas smiled back and pointed at him, signing o and k. You’re okay.

He repeated the signs, nodding. I’m okay.

I love you.

I love you too.

-----

After the pies were made and chicken noodle soup in the crock pot, Cas and Dean relinquished the kitchen to the kids and retired to the Dean cave. Sam and Eileen were cooped up in their room until they were allowed back into the living quarters by the kids. They didn’t want their creations critiqued or tasted before they were ready.

Cas waited patiently while Dean typed away on his phone, eyes narrowed to see the text. He refused to get reading glasses or enlarge the print on his phone, even though he sorely needed it. Cas kept his complaining about it to a minimum though because he liked the wrinkles around Dean’s eyes when he squinted. It reminded him that he got to grow old with Dean.

Dean looked up finally to see the fond look on his lover’s face and blushed, guilty. “Sorry, just checking with Kara.”

Cas nodded understandingly. As always. “The bar will survive without us for a few days.”

“I know.” Dean looked down, a little pleased he could admit it. “I just miss it.” Wow, to have a life he could miss, and to miss it from a peaceful holiday vacation surrounded by his family. It was… surreal.

“What do you want to watch?”

Dean sank back into the cushions, thinking. “Die Hard?”

Cas smiled at him. “Is that what you want to watch?”

Dean rolled his eyes and flipped around so he could lay his head in Cas’s lap. “No.” He admitted it grudgingly. Cas could read him like a book. It was inconvenient sometimes and other times, like now, it was nice. “Just seems like the thing to watch. Y’know, Christmas Eve.”

Cas shrugged. He put a hand in Dean’s hair, just like he liked it. Dean closed his eyes almost at his touch; he’d gotten much more comfortable letting his guard down like that lately. It had taken a while though, months of Dean staying rigid in his arms before he could relax quicker. “There are other things to watch.”

Dean reached a hand up and cupped Cas’s jaw with his hand. “Whaddyou wanna watch, sweetheart?”

Cas couldn’t help but turn his head to kiss Dean’s hand. Dean only called him sweetheart when he was feeling particularly tender, usually a few whiskeys in. This time he happened to be both. Cas loved it. “What about a double feature?”

“Hm,” Dean scrubbed his hand along Cas’s stubble and thought. Cas’s stubble was one his favorite physical things about him; sometimes Cas accused him of petting him like a cat. “What ones?”

“First… It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Dean cracked a grin and opened his eyes. “Clarence?”

Cas blushed. “I miss her sometimes.”

“Should I be worried?”

Cas tilted his head, pretending to consider it. “Considering she’s a demon? Probably.” Meg was banished to hell with the rest of the demons that had gotten out of the Empty, but given their old friendship with the Queen of Hell, that didn’t mean much for them.

“Psh, demon-shmemon. Been there, done that.” Dean pulled Cas down into a kiss, making him bend over into an awkward position that made Cas giggle. “Being a human is much sexier.”

“I agree.”

Dean waggled his eyebrows at him suggestively. “Wanna make it a triple feature? Little hanky panky for intermission?” Cas rolled his eyes, which Dean interpreted as a solid yes. “What is our second movie, anyway?”

“Huh.” Cas booped Dean on the nose. “Love Actually.”

A slow, dopey smile spread over Dean’s face. “Okay.” He paused, thinking about it. He’d pushed Cas into watching it years ago, when they were still just friends, by ‘accidentally’ adding it to his Netflix Queue and then letting Cas loose for movie night. He’d watched Cas for his reactions the whole time (and only gotten distracted by looking At Cas a few times). It had been a couple months ago when he told Cas about that. “Second favorite thing about being queer is being able to watch sappy shit like that.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “You were able to before, Dean.”

Dean ignored him. “Ask me what my favorite thing is,”

“What’s your favorite thing?”

“This.” He burrowed into Cas’s lap. A sap and a flirt.

“I thought you were gonna say Taylor Swift.” A dry witted old queen.

Dean snorted into his stomach. “That’s my third favorite.”

----

“Alright, gang, what do we say? Same place tomorrow morning, let’s say… 5?” He spun around to look at everyone, a wide smile on his face. Everyone seemed less enthused than him, although Sam seemed to think his situation was amusing.

“Dude, I’m not twelve, I’m not waking up at 5 am to open a few presents.”

“Like hell you aren’t!” Dean was smiling but it was less of a happy smile and more of a disbelieving one. Cas squeezed his arm then, stopped him from continuing his argument. Dean glanced at him and he just stared and gave him another squeeze.

Dean knew what that look meant. It meant ‘Dean, you’re overreacting again, calm down and think about it’ and also ‘stop being such an asshole’ and probably also ‘wow you’re eyes are really pretty’ knowing Cas.

He took a deep breath and pecked Cas on the lips. “Alright, princess, what time are you willing to drag your lazy ass out of bed?”

Claire smirked and sent a look at Kaia before leveling back at Dean. “Eleven.”

“Eight.”

“Ten. Final offer.”

Dean considered a moment then extended a hand. And shook. “You have yourself a deal.”

----

After they went to bed, they talked about it. These days, they always talked about it. It was one of the things Cas had brought home from his shrink appointments, and, as much as Dean hated to admit it, it worked. Helped.

Cas changed into pajamas and stretched, sending a look back at Dean. Dean rolled his eyes and started before Cas could prod him to. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at him. “You hate the morning.”

Dean pursed his lips and shook his head, then pulled down his pants, because you should never have a conversation with your boyfriend with pants when you could have one without pants. These things he was learning. “Yeah, I do, it’s just… it’s Christmas.”

“Yes, it is. Isn’t it supposed to be a day of relaxation and fun?”

“Yeah, but it’s supposed to be exciting! Kids jumping on their parents bed at the asscrack of dawn to go to the tree, that kinda shit!” He shrugged, getting stupid worked up over it, he knew. He knew. Cas pulled him in by the hand and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Come on, tell me how I’m being an asshole.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “What part of ‘you do everything for love’ do you not understand?”

“How is me freaking out over Christmas morning ‘for love’?”

Cas didn’t flinch away from the self-deprecation. “You want them to have the Christmas you never got.”

Dean sank his head onto Cas’s shoulder, thinking about it. He was right, of course he was, he’s always right. Cas can read him like a book, even when Dean himself didn’t know what he was doing. “I guess so, yeah.”

“That’s admirable. But the Christmas they deserve, same as you did, is the one they want. Which might not be the one you wanted.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” he sighed heavily. More than he wanted his kids to have a motherfucking Christmas-card Christmas, he just didn’t want to be the ruin of it. Didn’t want to be John. “Sorry you have to shrink my head all the time.” Dean muttered softly. Cas pulled him away and kissed him, slow and soft.

“You pay me back tenfold.”

“You’ve got a shrink.”

“I meant with sex.” Cas met his eyes, face stoic as always. He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for the glint in his eyes. It gave him away.

Dean threw back his head and laughed.

“Motherfucker.”

“I don’t have a mother.”

Dean shook his head, grin splitting open his face. Cas himself was trying to hold it together; he kept having to push down the corners of his mouth so he wouldn't break. Dean crowded closer, determined to ruin that composure. He walked his face right into Cas’s, only reaching for his lips once they were already bumping together. Then he fell into it, pulled Cas toward him to get more, settled into the easy mesh of their bodies until Cas ended up knocking his knee against the bedframe with a loud thump.

They dissolved into a pile of breathy giggles, too giddy and soft to work up the energy to get frisky. Dean just shrugged off his shirt and pulled Cas closer to him. “You know you’re the best thing to ever happen to me.” Dean told him seriously. He didn’t know where it came from; it was way too mushy to even possibly be from his mind. Maybe it was something about the holiday, and the family, and the safety that all of it brought.

“And so are you.” Cas replied simply, eyes glinting.

“Even though I’m an asshole sometimes?” He had to ruin it. Had to put in that little bit of doubt, of insecurity. But it wouldn’t be truthful if he just swallowed it, so he let it be said.

Cas kissed his nose, which made Dean feel like a child but also like something so special and precious he didn’t complain. “Even though you’re an asshole sometimes.”

Dean snorted out a laugh and chased Cas’s lips, nipping at him in offense. He sank onto the pillow and stared at Cas where he sat up. Cas just looked down at him, adopting that alien-like quality he could still summon. “Marry me.”

“What?”

Dean smiled fondly at him, for once not at all concerned. “I dunno, dunnit ‘boyfriends’ sound way too young to you? I mean you’re practically 5 million years old, you can’t have a boyfriend.”

Cas pursed his lips, seemingly deciding between protesting his age or agreeing to his proposal. He laid next to Dean during his decision, letting Dean watch him consider. “Suppose you’re right.” He shrugged, offering up a tiny grin.

“Yeah?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“No, you’re supposed to say ‘Yes, yes, a thousand times yes’ and then burst into tears.”

“Dean.”

“Hey, I don’t make the rules, that’s just how humans do it!”

“Okay, I take it back.”

Dean laughed and pulled him into a giddy kiss. “I love you.”

“I hope so, you’re marrying me.” Cas couldn’t contain his smile anymore; he stopped trying and just stared at Dean with the kind of wonder that used to make Dean feel uncomfortable. Now, it just made him feel lucky. “I love you too.”

---

A phone rang, a bizarre ringtone Dean didn’t recognize. Sam jumped up and ran off to the map room, apologizing quickly. “What the hell, man!” Dean yelled after him and sent a look at Eileen.

Hunter call, probably. She signed. Sure enough, Sam was in the other room picking up a landline with an annoyed tone.

He listened for a few minutes, asking follow-up questions before Dean heard him say, “Rugaru, yeah, that’s what it sounds like. Yeah, you gotta burn ‘em. Nasty, sorry. Yeah, no problem. Good luck.” He hung up and headed back into the room, signing and talking. “Sorry, hunting doesn’t care about holidays.”

“So glad we’re not doing that anymore.” Dean sighed happily, wrapping an arm around Cas. Sam smiled at him and nodded.

“Me too. I had to burn those clothes after the Rugaru thing.” He shuddered, the memory of the stench enough to make him happy for an empty stomach.

Eileen shrugged. Never had to deal with one of those.

“Lucky.” Dean promised her. Cas nudged him, nodding toward Jack. He was shaking a wrapped box with his name on it, a look of deep concentration on his face.

“Whaddya think it is, kid?”

Jack shook his head. “No idea. Can I open it?”

“Go for it.”Jack tore into it, no regard for the painted newspaper (yes, it was recycled, Cas and Sam both agreed) as he got to the box underneath. “Open the card first, heathen!” Dean joked, pointing out the card tucked onto the bottom of the thing. Jack scowled but complied, opening the card to find a nice note from him and Cas and a key taped in.

“What’s it for?”

Dean leaned forward, elbows on his knees, excited about this part. He had been the one who came up with it, after all. “Our place. We wanted to make it official, since you been, you know, visiting around a lot lately.” Dean turned a little pink in the cheeks. Jack had indeed been drifting between Sam and Eileen’s, Jody’s, his and Cas’s, Donna’s, and Claire and Kaia’s. But he always spent the most time at his and Cas’s house, trying to copy Dean and always ending up enjoying Cas’s hobbies more. Sam had told him a while back that Jack confided he wasn’t sure he was welcome there, not for the long term. So Dean wanted to let him know he was welcome. Except now, looking at the uncertainty on Jack’s face, he wasn’t so sure that’s what the kid wanted. “Uh, you know, you can just spend however much you want with us, but… you know.” He poked Cas desperately in the side, trying to get him to save the sentence.

“We’d like you to have a ‘home base’ with us, Jack. However often you are willing to stay.” Cas said simply. He squeezed Dean’s knee to reassure him.

Jack looked up at them with a stunned expression. “Does this mean I can take out the trash? And do the dishes?” He looked thrilled at the idea.

Dean chuckled. “We never would’ve stopped you before, kid. But yeah, sure.”

Sam cleared his throat, offering a smile to Jack. “That better not mean you stop coming around here though, Jack.” When Dean had called and told him his idea for the present, he’d almost teared up. His brother had come a long way with Jack. Still, he wanted to reassure his kid that he always had a home with him and Eileen too, no matter how busy he was. (And nowadays, between online classes, cataloguing lore onto an online database, and being the New Bobby, he was really busy.)

Jack jumped up, clearly about to go for a round of hugs, but Dean waved him off. “Keep going, you haven’t even gotten through one present yet.”

Jack grinned and complied, taking a bit more time with the box. He pulled out a Scooby Doo phone case, marked for Extra Protection, with Scooby and Shaggy on the back.

“That one was my idea.” Cas told him proudly.

“I helped.” Dean piped up.

“You did not.”

“I helped you pick which case!”

“You wanted to get one with Fred and Daphne.”

“Well, yeah-”

“Not everyone has a crush on them like you do, Dean.”

Dean flushed scarlet and went silent, pouting. Jack ignored their bickering and beamed up at Castiel. “I love it, dad. Thank you.”

Cas looked like he could’ve gone for round 4 with the Empty with how happy he was, but he just nodded. “Of course.”

The rest of the gifts went by with lots of shouting, laughing, smiling, and hugging. And a few tears all around. Dean got Claire a flamethrower without consulting anyone, and Cas got Kaia a rose and lavender scented pillow fragrance (“It helps ensure good dreams.”), which prompted a comment from Claire (“How’d he know you’re a pillow princess?”) that everyone pretended not to hear. Dean got Eileen a Woojer, a wearable speaker that lets you feel music’s vibrations in your body (“Because no one should have to live without Zepp available to them 24/7. Also, now you can cry with me when the sad music cues come on Dr. Sexy,” - one of their favorite activities together).

Dean jerked a head at Sam to get him out of the room, so Sam snatched his gift while Dean detached himself from Cas. They went to the kitchen, sending a couple soft looks back at their family gathered around the tree with all their new possessions. It was nice, and they both felt it.

“So, uh, Sammy, I been thinking a lot about what to get you for Christmas and everything. I didn’t want to go with the classic-”

“Skin mag and candy bar?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, damn, now I feel bad.” Sam mimed hiding his present (obviously bigger than a skin mag) behind his back, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“I finally got money, you know? Not a lot of it, but… I got a house and fucking, Cas, and… anyway. We’re finally doing Christmas and I wanted to do it right. And I want you to be as off-the-wall happy as I am, dude.”

Sam smiled widely, not even able to come up with a little-brother bitchy comment to that. “Thanks, Dean, that means a lot.”

Dean cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, so, I, um, I wanna pay for your school.” Sam opened his mouth to protest but Dean held up a hand. “No, listen, I know you’ve been stressed about it, and I know you’ve been working really hard on the hunting catalogue stuff. That shit’s important. And I can pay for some crappy internet school classes. No offense.”

Sam laughed and pulled his brother into a hug. “Thank you, man.” He said, muffled into Dean’s shoulder. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”

Dean patted Sam on the back, expecting Sam to pull away, but he didn’t. “Uh, Sammy.” Sam ignored him. “Sam. Dude, get off me. I want my present.”

Sam snorted and finally pulled away. Dean tactfully ignored the wetness of his eyes in favor of snatching the gift from Sam’s hands. He tore it open with all the grace of a rabid dog, unveiling a thick, leather bound scrapbook. “A scrapbook? Really?” Dean raised his eyebrows. “That’s gay, even for you.”

Sam pulled a bitchface. “Who sucks their boyfriend’s dick every chance he gets?”

Dean flipped him off. No need to argue, Sam would see right through him. It was true though. Not that he would know. Dean flipped open the cover and grinned immediately. It was Sam and Dean as kids, in a mall photo booth, being dumbasses with their tongues stuck out and their faces all crazy. Dean mooned the camera in one, and you could see the psychological scarring on Sam’s face in the next picture. A little note slapped on the page next to it said “I have more nightmares about this than about hell”. Dean laughed, glancing up at Sam before he continued. Sam’s eyes were hopeful with a glint of mischief. That was never good.

Dean flipped through the next pages. It showed them through the years, all with little notes of Sam’s internal monologue. “Grumpy because he hasn’t gotten his coffee this morning” “That’s for the itching powder incident, asshole” and more and more. There were even some pictures in there of just him that Sam had obviously taken without Dean’s knowledge, pictures of him sleeping with comments about his snoring, pictures of him singing obnoxiously in the car with jokes about ear damage. Pictures of him and Bobby shooting the shit with notes about the pair of “old men.”

Then the pictures started to change. There started to be pictures of him and Cas. Mostly just him and Cas. Standing, talking, watching TV together (this one says “angel’s first porno!” with a bunch of hearts next to it). Comments talking about personal space (“he never stands that close to ME”) and the like. One of Dean in Bobby’s panic room where Dean has a speech bubble drawn on his serious face that says “Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid” and then just a selfie of Sam pulling his bitchiest bitch face.

Dean turned a little red at that, recognizing his complete obliviousness at the time, and kept going. The pictures continue, lots of fun-loving pictures of them on the road and the occasional movie or bar night, Charlie and Kevin and even Crowley and Rowena. But without fail, there is picture after picture of him and Cas sharing a publicly private moment, all with little snippy comments from his little brother. More than three of those comments are “Just kiss already!!!” Dean finally looks up to see Sam crossing his arms and staring at him with a smug, self-satisfied smile.

“When the hell did you make this?” Dean sputtered. These are a lot of pictures, Sam must’ve kept them on his crappy cell phones for years.

Sam blinked. “I started it in 2006.”

“No, I mean, when did you go back and add all these bitchy little comments?”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “2006.”

Dean blinked right back. “But you… you’ve got all these dumbass comments about me and Cas.”

His smartass little brother started to smile then, a big shit-eating grin he wanted to smack off his dumb face. “Yeah, man, you weren’t exactly smooth about it.”

“Hey, fuck you, what does that mean?” It was said in jest, but Dean’s volume control went out the window.

“Dean? Sam? Everything okay?” Cas’s voice reached them from the other room. Dean sent an offended glance back at Sam before answering.

“Yeah babe, I’m just finding out how much I wanna punch my brother in here,”

“Okay, well, leave it till tomorrow, it’s Christmas.”

“Nah, isn’t fighting with your family a holiday tradition?”

“I think you’re right. Okay, continue.”

Now Sam was just watching him with such a knowing expression it made him annoyed. He was watching him flirt with his boyfriend- no, technically, husband. Oh yeah. He lowered his voice back down to a reasonable volume to talk to just his brother again.

“Yeah, so, I should also tell you-” He closed the book and set it on the counter. “We uh… Cas and I, we’re gonna get married.” He looked down at his feet and blushed a bit, could feel the rising heat in his cheeks. Honestly, he couldn’t believe he was saying that. He was getting married. To Cas. “Obviously, you know, we can’t really, with one of us being a legally dead terrorist and the other a former angel in the body of a missing family man,” Dean and Sam both laughed at that. “But I asked him and he said yes.”

“You asked him?” Sam seemed more surprised by that than the actual news. Dean shrugged and nodded. “Wow. Congrats, Dean, really.” Sam pulled him in for another hug, which Dean happily returned. “Can I walk you down the aisle?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “If anyone’s getting walked down the aisle, it’s Cas. He might get distracted by a butterfly halfway down, he’ll need the guide.”

Sam grinned. “Come on, it’s not like you weren’t always gonna give me away.”

Dean frowned at him. “Me? Why?”

“Dean, you’re the closest thing to a parent I ever had.” Sam says it like it’s obvious, like he isn’t forgetting about-

“You had Dad.”

Sam raised his eyebrows and laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder, making his big brother look him in the eyes as he repeated it. “You’re the closest thing to a parent I ever had.”

Dean wasn’t gonna get choked up. No, he wasn’t, damn it. He’d made it this far in the visit without getting choked up, he could-

“Sam?”

Eileen appeared around the corner, making them both realize how long they’d been away from the rest. Sam looked at her apologetically, signing Sorry. Dean was just telling me he and Cas are getting married!

Eileen turned to Dean, barely giving Dean time to process a quick congratulations sign before she enveloped him in a hug. Dean laughed and hugged her back, pulling away to sign thank you. At least he knew how to do that.

Big church wedding? Eileen teased.

“Only if Cas wears a poofy dress,” Dean joked back. He only knew the signs for Cas and dress, but between that and lip-reading, Eileen got it. She shook her head with a grin and grabbed Sam’s hand. They all went back into the living room and to the rest for another round of hot chocolate and a marathon of all the Home Alone movies, per request.

------

Dean snuggled into Cas’s side and ruffled a hand through Jack’s hair and he tried to think of something more perfect than having his family all together for Christmas. He couldn’t.

#destiel secret santa #secret santa 2020 #fanfic #destiel #deancas #christmas fluff #theangelwiththewormstache #my writing #destiel secret santa 2020 #fluff #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #eileen leahy #jack kline #kaia rieves #claire novak

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nachohypno · 3 years

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Pine’s Football Jocks (Rewritten) - Ch. 1

Little heads up: This one is a weird thing. It’s a rewritten version of the original Pine’s Football Jocks, but it contains spoilers for the college series, so it should still be read after reading the other ones (Original included) first, like a sequel.

-----

Past Pine’s POV

"I'm awake!" Mike stated, as I started kicking the sleeping bag he was sleeping in. The bad part of the big guy sleeping on the floor was that he occupied a good chunk of the room.

If he didn't move soon, I'd have to do acrobatics in order to leave.

"I'm happy for you, but I need you to get up rather than just wake up. We'll be late!" I replied, as he stretched his arms. I took advantage of the little space he left for me as he did so and started walking around him.

"Gotta admit, bro," My best friend started getting up. I had to look away, reminding myself that he was shirtless and wearing shorts.

I don't lust after him, he's like a big brother to me (A second one, I have one of those already) but Mr. Morning wood couldn't help himself if I looked at a buffed guy. Last thing I needed was Mike mocking me for being hard in front of him.

"That was one hell of a videogame!"

Yeah, he convinced me to have a 'videogame night' due to this new one coming out for his Switch. I shouldn't have agreed, due to having school today and now we were going to be late. Fuck, I hated being late!

"All right, it was fun, but now you got to get dressed and we're lucky if we have time to get some breakfast-"

"Chill out" At least he was putting on a shirt now. He reached out for his school bag and grabbed some jeans. "It's okay, the principal likes your high grades and the coach likes... he doesn't like anybody, but I'm sure he'd be able to save me if we get into trouble."

'Save *me*. Well put there, big guy.' I thought, as I changed my pajama tee for a more appropriate one. Blank blue shirt with no logos, perfect.

"Whatever, I don't want to risk it." I mumbled my answer, but I noticed he didn't like it.

"D'aww, Am I hearing wrong here?" Oh, no. I looked at him, as he held his hands towards me with his fingers moving. "Sounds like someone needs some... fun"

I grabbed my own school bag and used it as a shield. "Stay away, first warning"

"One..." Mike took a step towards me, a naughty smile on his face.

"Mike, I'm serious we got to hurry!" I tried to remind him, but he's just very chilled about it.

"...Two..." He was a few inches away from me now. I took a deep breath, ready for what was coming. "...Three!"

The big guy jumped towards me and started tickling my belly and ribs. I tried to take him off from me but it was useless, a second or so later I was laughing like a maniac.

Even if I tried to push him away, the size difference played against me. It was like a cat and mouse game where he would always win!

"HAHAHAHAH... STOP MIKE HAHAHAHA. CAN'T BREATHE!" I pleaded, and he let go of me after that. He stood up, then blew some air on his fingers.

"Never fails, bro."

"I hate you"

"Careful there, or I'll give the baby another set of my *electric fingers*. Pew pew pew!" He finger gunned at me, before going back towards the sleeping bag on the floor and grabbing his own bag. He started picking up his stuff after that. His Switch, shorts, etc.

"Come on, there's no time to get ready if we want to be on time." I said, firmly.

Mikey stood at attention and gave a military salute, along with a "Yes, sir! Heh, Brent would be so pissed if he saw me doing that."

"Why's that?" I didn't care much about his teammates. The big guy brought them up sometimes to mock them off.

"His dad's buggin' him to join the ROTC if I recall correctly. Any mention of the military service gets him really pissed really fast. Guess what's the new coach's strategy to get him to play aggressively?"

I rolled my eyes, and motioned for him to follow me out.

"Oh, wait!" I returned quickly and grabbed his varsity jacket from my closet. He put it there to avoid carrying it all day. "Here's your outdated varsity jacket."

"Hey, not outdated. You wouldn't believe how many chicks find this thing the hottest thing in the world." He defended his precious jacket.

Red on the torso and white-ish yellow on the arms, letters and numbers. The thing had a big 'W' on the right pectoral. On the back, "Mike" was written on the lower part, beneath his football jersey's number.

He wasn't lying, those things were really hot, especially when the jocks are part of a very strict healthy regimen to maintain a nice body. Not very inclusive nor good for a teenager's mind, but our coach isn't known for playing by the rules when it comes to training.

Hell, I'd even be surprised if those guys manage to think of something else rather than 'football football football' by the end of the year.

Before Mike tried to convince me to stay chilled and have breakfast, I was already heading for the front door as soon as we walked downstairs.

"Wait, I want a sandwich, bro-" Mike said, grabbing my shoulder and pointing towards the kitchen.

"We're going to be late and I'm going to be pissed all day. Just... be quick about it."

"You're the best." The big guy gave me a nice thumbs up before turning around and walking towards the kitchen. I checked my phone's clock as he did so. Still a bit of time, c'mon... "Hey, Ms. Carter!" Well, shit. Now he was going to socialize with my mom.

Mom liked Mike, everyone did. He's like this guy that's so likeable you can't escape from being friends with him. I guess I'm just lucky to be his childhood's best friend, I can't tell why he's excited by the idea of hanging out with me to this day to be honest, but I'm not complaining. He's a nice guy!

Five minutes later, (Which we could have used to get to school in time) the big guy came to me with two sandwiches. "Never gonna get tired of coming over, your mom is so great, bro."

He passed me one sandwich, which I gladly accepted, before saying a loud "Bye!" and leaving the house, jock behind me.

That was our chemistry to my eyes. He was a nice fun friend and I was the guy who tried to push us towards our responsibilities.

I examined my sandwich and noticed it had mayonnaise, which I disliked. "Oh fuck," Mikey said, looking at what I was doing. "That one's mine, here." Then we exchanged our sandwiches.

The walk towards school was nice. Winston (Our hometown) was a relaxing place. It changed a lot depending on the season, yeah, but even then, it was still the same boring town.

It's not like something interesting happened here, don't get me wrong. Our goals are the same, for every guy or girl in town: Get the high school degree, apply to a good university, leave and buy a mansion.

As long as I could leave and don't feel so... exposed every time I turned around, I was okay to be honest.

What do I mean with 'Exposed'? Everyone knows everything, especially in our school. Which makes me glad no-one found out about my homosexuality. I don't know if Winston is a homophobic place and I prefer never getting to know.

And then I made a huge mistake!

"Hey, Mike?" I said to my best friend, as I noticed him focused on the road.

"Someday, I'm gonna buy a Ferrari" He mumbled, as he watched the same old lame cars passing by.

"What?" He took me off my train of thoughts with his randomness.

"Huh? Did I say that out loud? Sorry, what were ya saying?" Mike gave me a nice smile. He was my best friend, I thought there wouldn't be a problem with this. He was always so good and caring when it came to me, which really helped break the football jock stereotype that went around in our school. He was... the best. No questions asked.

"Let's... assume that someone you know has this big secret..."

"Mmhmm" He mumbled, to assure he was listening.

"And they tell you about it. What would you- Oh, and it's a biiiig game-changer secret, the kind of secret that could kill you if you know it."

"Is it something bad?" He asked, eyeing me from top to bottom. He was thinking, he always did that when thinking. That or zone out. He's not dumb (In fact, he manages to maintain a good G.P.A without much worries! Although I do help him a little...), but he has a weird way of focusing on subjects.

"Depending on your thoughts on the matter, I think."

"But like, it's a personal thing, right?" He asked, and I nodded. "A'ight, I'm all ears, bro."

I was a bit surprised. Did he know something already? I may not be the best at keeping secrets, as I thought? "What?"

"If you wanna tell me something, don't leave me on the edge of my seat. What is it?" He grabbed my shoulder and shook me a bit, jokingly.

"First, promise me you won't freak out or treat me differently. Got it?"

Mike rolled his eyes, before holding his hand high as we walked. "I, Michael Travis, promise still be Pine Carter's best friend even after he tells me whatever secret he may have." Then he patted my back. "C'moooon, the curiosity is killin' me, bro-"

"I'm gay," I blurted out. And Mike froze mid-sandwich bite. It was quite funny to see and I would have loved to take a picture of his face at that moment, but it was a serious thing so... I restrained myself.

"No joke? Like full on gay?" I appreciated he didn't even call me fag. I never heard him use the slang 'fag' actually! And he was reacting quite well so far. He stared at the floor like he just saw a penny, but after that he smiled and answered a jovial "Yup, makes sense!"

"Wait, what?"

"Thought I never noticed when you looked away every time a guy was shirtless near us? Or when you did stare at a shirtless guy, you stared for longer than anyone else would do" After that, he gave me a hug. "Glad you decided to tell me, though. You're the best bro ever."

He ruffled my hair, before we continued walking together. It was nice, a huge weight off my shoulders, knowing that I could count on my best friend for *anything*.

Hey, this wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!

And luckily, the rest of my school day went as smooth as silk. Nice classes, some lunch, and back home alone. Mike had football practice so he told me to go on without him. I’m kind of surprised he manages to be in that team, to be honest. Not because he’s bad at football (In fact, he seems to be really good at it? I don’t know much about football) but because the coach and some of his teammates are really awful.

They are like the polar opposite of goody-two-shoes Michael Travis. I mean, I don’t know them personally but… they all follow their leader like little bitches. If the big one says ‘Time to bother this one’ the rest of the team will repeat like little parrots. That’s how it goes.

Mike usually doesn’t follow them around, unless he ‘has’ to. And even then, he tries to keep himself away from the bullying and being obnoxious. He’s just too innocent!

Or, at least, I thought so!

As I walked into the school a day afterwards. I suddenly felt a few stares on me. You notice that when you’re not used to social contact. I’m not trying to sound overly dramatic, but I felt a bit naked right now. What was up with all the stares?

I kept walking forward, trying to ignore that weird feeling. If I managed to find Mike, maybe I could get him to calm me down. He was good at doing that.

I bumped into one of the jocks, who pushed me away. “Look where you’re going, faggot” My stomach sunk.

I could feel my eyes getting watery as I walked faster now. Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have done anything. It was a dumb choice to make. I had to talk to Mike now, figure out what the fuck did he do yesterday and why one of his teammates called me faggot. Maybe I was being really paranoid?

Rushing into the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. “Everything’s fine. It’s just a big misunderstanding…

Garrett entered the bathroom as I washed my face, leaving my glasses next to the sink. Just what I needed now.

Garrett Basch, one of my classmates, and one of Mike's teammates.

Dark blond, built, nice jawline, only the best apparently for the king of the corridors. Better leave him space when he's walking, because those arms can give you an awful beating if he picks you as his new objective.

He stopped beside me, and looked at the big mirror in front of us. "Hey, bro" Were his words. I didn't answer, of course.

"Heard about your little problem... I mean, the whole school heard about it already." The jock opened the faucet, without looking at me, then started washing his hands. 'It's not a problem... But yet, he doesn't really look menacing...' I thought. Would have loved to shut my ass.

"But hey, you come in just in time" Wait, what? I didn't look up and just kept washing my hands anxiously. He did finish doing that and stared at me. "Always wanted a personal punching bag, and I highly dislike nerds, let alone faggots so... You're in for a good time, man"

"Wait, you can't do that-"

Garrett wasn't known for being nice though, but he placed a hand on my shoulder and started pressing. It hurted, and I whimpered a bit. I felt like I was about to cry again, which was already an embarrassing thing to do in school.

"Don't worry, not gonna hurt you. Not today, I guess. Not feeling in the mood, quite generous today actually, am I right?" He let go of my shoulder and patted it for a bit. "C'mon, stop cryin' like a little faggot bitch and go thank Mikey. He's the one who came up talking about it with the team, heh."

Fuck, I was so mad at the moment that I didn't notice he tried to put me against my best (and apparently only) friend at the time.

Garrett grabbed me by the shoulders, and my glasses from the sink. He threw them to my hands, and I was surprised I managed to catch them before they fell to the floor and probably break.

"And don't show your face around me, faggot. Actually, do. I like boxing from time to time!" The guy shouted before shoving me off the bathroom. What was up with him, anyway? I mean, I was glad he didn't beat me up on the spot but...

I had to find Mike.

Walking around the school, hoodie on like some kind of weird skater guy, I searched for my best friend, finding him next to his locker.

"Michael!" I silently called for him, as I tapped his shoulder. I was angry, not going to lie.

He turned around with a nervous smile.

"Look, I fucked up, I know. I just-" Mike started, trying to sound chilled. He knew he fucked up, that's how he started

"No, don't come at me with that 'bro' shit. How the hell does the whole place know about my sexuality surprisingly after I told you about it *yesterday?!*" Luckily, people were too into their own business to hear us discuss.

He looked around, and I could tell he was growing sadder with each word I said. Mike doesn't cope well with discussions; he prefers to avoid them at all costs. But sad for him, he couldn't avoid this one.

"I wanted to make you a favor and ask my football bros if they knew anyone... y'know, gay too..." That was enough for me. He admitted fucking up and letting anyone know about what I trusted to him.

I turned around and started walking away.

"Pine, wait." He followed me as I walked towards my locker. "Bro, please, just lemme..."

"Mike, no. You know I trusted you something really important for me, and you didn't even wait A DAY to not only tell someone, but especially the football jocks, which are knowingly the dumb and aggressive ones-"

"Y'think I'm dumb and aggressive?" He frowned at me. "I thought I was being a good friend, just trying to get you someone to date now that you were out-" But I wasn't done.

"And you're even trying to turn around the situation. You know what? Fuck you, Mike. Just simply follow that simple instruction and fuck you. Or not! Since you're so good at reverse psychology!"

After that little rant, which I was sad nobody paid attention to, I went away. I felt like Mike was too mad to answer, or sad, or whatever.

But hey, this could be fun, right?

Being out to the school can't be that bad, and maybe I was just harsh on my jock friend because I was mad...

...Right?

---

Present Pine’s POV

"What happened next?" Mike asked me, as I stopped reading. "I knew this part already, but it was nice hearing your side of the story, bro. Why did you write about our sleepover, though? Or like, so far behind when you said it all started?"

I shrugged, as soon as I noticed my little pause. "Uh... don't know. Maybe to add more context? Like, to remember why you were in my house and stuff like that. The outing is not nice to remember, but it still adds more to my story, right?"

It wasn't an excuse, actually. I wanted to be detailed when I wrote this down, to remember as much as possible if I ever came to forget it.

Not possible, apparently. I remembered my senior year like it happened yesterday, but reading the already-written material was easier than being all "Uhm... and then this happened and... uh... this next..." It's awful, I'm not fond of continuous speaking.

"Well... what happened next?" Mikey said, pointing to the screen. I appreciated him not reading onwards and just listening to me like some kind of story-teller, it was cute.

"Wait, first..." I pointed to his body. Mike was still wearing his outside clothes, a red tee and some jeans. "I told you this was a bedtime story, and you're not even in your pajamas."

"I knoooow," He tried to excuse himself, before pointing to the cast on his forearm. "But this shit's itchy, and your story distracts me quite a lot from that. I swear I would break this fuckin' thing..."

I sometimes don't know if he forgets I have mind control powers or what. A simple command sent over the mind link we shared ('Ignore the itchy cast.')

Mike here got a broken bone during a 'friendly' football game. The player apologized a lot because he apparently lost his cool, but Mike kind of ignored his apologies and is just... bitter against his newfound rival.

Kind of understandable, his professional football career now hangs over a thread, and if the doctor tells him he's not able to play anymore, my big guy will be really sad.

He does have a backup plan, that's why he's studying to get a biology degree, so that's cool.

"Hey, not itchy anymore. Buuuuut, could you continue pleaseeee?" The jock held his hands together as if pleading.

I sighed, before putting some power on my words. "I want you to do as I say," I started, admiring his face as it went blank. Glazed eyes looked really good on him.

"I will do as you say..." My boyfriend repeated, and I noticed his mind going blank as he waited for more orders.

"Go get ready for bed, I'll wait for you here." I told him, patting his shoulder before he moved away from the bed to obey.

"Yes, master..." The jock mumbled as he walked away.

While he was out, I started reviewing the following entries of my senior year journal.

'Ooof, this gets really dark here... I even forgot about this bit. Yeah, no need to tell Mike about this part, he'll just feel really guilty. Let's move forward a month or so... There it goes' I thought, as I skipped a good chunk of filler-ish bits from when I was powerless and got bullied a lot. I just had to wait for the big guy, it would be mean if I started reading without him.

A few minutes afterwards, he lazily walked in the room in his underwear. Just in his underwear, full muscular body on display. I made him 'wake up' via the mind link.

Mike didn't react at all, he just suddenly seemed more alive and then jumped on the bed, next to me.

I had to catch my laptop, but after that, we were ready to continue.

"I did a little time jump, if you don't mind. I thought it would be more interesting to jump closer towards the action and stuff like that."

"Hey, you're the story-teller. You're in charge, bruh." He said, getting himself comfortable and covering his almost naked body with a blanket. “How long is this time jump anyway?”

“A month or so…” I mumbled, before going back to narrating. "Alright, so... where was I..."

“Oh, fuck. I think I’m not going to like what comes next” He mumbled, leaning a bit to read my laptop’s screen.

“Sorry, I was pretty pissed when I remembered this. I’ll try to avoid the details of you not helping me, okay?” I said, pushing him back down as he nodded like a happy baby. “Now, back to the story.”

---

Past Pine's POV

I left the classroom, looking around at the corridor as I did. While heading to my locker to leave the books I just used, I got shoved into a random set of lockers, making me fall straight to the floor.

Lots of deep laughter as my tormentors walked away. I looked ahead and noticed a mini version of the incredible hulk staying away from his group and walking towards me. ‘Oh, shit. Here we go again…’ I thought, as Mike offered me his hand.

“Need some help?” He asked, before I used the lockers to help myself up. The jock in front of me sighed as he looked around.

“Nope…” I tidied my clothes and got my glasses back in place, before looking at him with an impassive look. The kind of look you give to someone you know is guilty, but can’t do a shit about it. I mean, c’mon. He even was with them and didn’t do anything to stop them! What can you save from that?! “Just a scratch. You know how it goes.”

“Very funny, bro. I can tell when you’re lying to me.” Him calling me ‘bro’ was quite annoying. It’s been a month since he outed me to his team, and a month since they started torturing me under the guidance of Coach Asshole and his bitch Garrett. The coach doesn’t care about what happens to me, and Garrett looooves that! “…Sorry about that again, by the way.”

He apologized every freaking day, each moment that the jocks went after me, he would be there afterwards to apologize again. Was this hell? Did I die and never realized that?

I gave him the fakest smile I could, followed by a “Don’t worry. They’ll come to understand later on, right?”

Mike frowned at me. I liked making him frown. Even when ‘angry’ he still looked funny. “They’re more aggressive due to the upcoming game… Y’know that’s a lot of pressure especially with that cunt of a coach… Speaking of which, I’d like to tell you something. Maybe you’d like to come home for that, though? It’s been quite a while-”

“Homework. Lots of it.” I excused myself.

“I know, that’s what you always say…” He mumbled, before rolling his eyes. I would have punched him if my arms weren’t spaghettis, but even if that were the case, I wasn’t the violent type of guy. I usually try to talk my way out of things or just… accept my fate, whatever it is.

I stared at him, not saying a single word. He stared back at me, and this just turned into a really uncomfortable staring contest between two ex-best friends who barely talked anymore. “Need something else? I need to reach my locker so…” I motioned with my hand for him to move and he just looked around nervously.

“I miss you, bro…” He started, but I wasn’t in the mood for yet another apology with my arm hurting after being shoved to a locker.

No answer from my part, and he sighed. “See you in a while, bro.” Mike mumbled, before jogging off to catch up his football bros.

I sighed, celebrating in my mind. Hey, it’s not standing up against Garrett, but he was the closest one I could stand up against, right?

By… standing there silent without doing nothing. Yeah, no clue why would they want to beat me up. Fuck, I’m really an easy target.

Just had to focus on my classes, graduate, then kiss goodbye to this town.

---

Present Pine’s POV

Wait, Mike?

Mike fell asleep. How rude! Just when I was about to get into the night I got my powers…

Well, telling him the story would be pointless if he wasn’t listening. I’m glad he fell asleep though, he needs rest and I’m not going to wake him up just to continue narrating.

I closed the file, turned off the laptop and left it on my night table. After that, I laid down and hugged my jock boy. A little kiss on his cheek, then closed my eyes.

------

Author’s note:

Yeeeey, I’m back! Sort of! Hoping to publish more frequently after my big writer’s block!

I was especially hesitant to publish this chapter because of this dialogue choice I made, that makes Garrett sound like a wonky mean disney-ish character. But, it’s just for one scene, so... Here’s the first chapter! Hope you guys like it!

#PinesCollegeJocks #PinesJocks #mind control #straight to gay #gay hypnosis #hypnotized #brainwash #brainwashed #brainwashing

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ars0nistalex · 4 years

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Jay Hong Backstory Theory

Almost anyone who reads Lookism would probably agree that Jay is one of the most mysterious characters in the series. He’s silent, shy, and has strange interactions with his family. We don’t even know what his eyes look like. I’ve developed a theory about what could have happened in Jay’s backstory and I’ve analyzed him as much as I can to make it as accurate it possible! So I decided I’d share that with some of y’all 😊 btw, there was someone that helped me come up this theory, but they don’t have a tumblr so i can’t really credit them. So just know that this was the work of two brains, not just mine 😆

Previously Given Information

Most of what I’ll be discussing in this section is Jay’s family life and pretty much all the information on that they’ve given so far. I’m gonna start talking about something that happened very early in the series around episodes 40-45. Towards the beginning of the “Pavlov’s Dog” arc, Jay was talking on the phone with someone who was probably a relative. The told Jay that they couldn’t see him for Thanksgiving because everyone involved, including Jay himself, would feel too uncomfortable. Afterwards, Jay somehow communicated to the person that he would be going on a solo trip and the conversation ended very quickly after that. This interaction gives off the impression that Jay definitely is not close with his family.

The next notable detail is a very long jump ahead in the series and it occurred during the “Picnic” arc. Not long before the arc, Jay’s little sister Joy Hong (Hong Jae-hye) was introduced and the elder brother Kitae Hong was introduced much before Joy, at some around episode 60 if I’m not mistaken. Despite this, it was only revealed in the picnic arc that Kitae was related to them even though it had been hinted at before and it was very obvious that Jay is much closer to Joy than he is to Kitae. He openly engages in physical touch and playful quarrel with Joy, which is something the timid and silent Jay does with no one else. On the other hand, he seemed tense and distant around Kitae, even moreso than he does around anyone else. In addition to that, the eldest brother was openly rude and discriminatory towards his brother and clearly prioritized his sister’s happiness and wellbeing over Jay’s. Kitae told Jay he should be “living quietly” and asked him why he “dragged Joy” to the J High, which is a very low-end school. Joy defended Jay, but Kitae’s behavior was suspicious nonetheless. What’s even more suspicious is that when Crystal arrived, she thought that “they don’t seem close at all!” Furthermore, she had no idea that H Group had a second son. This is something she definitely should have known as the daughter of the chairman of HNH, an organization that H Group works closely with. Kitae’s remarks and Crystal’s observations only make it more obvious that Jay isn’t close with his family at all and brings a new idea to light: Jay’s presence as a higher-up in his company is strongly concealed from those outside H Group itself.

Moving forward, Jay’s relationship with his father is the strangest one I’ve seen. Before I start, I’ll mention that we don’t know anything about his mother so it’s hard to assume anything about his relationship with her or if he has a mother in the first place. However, what we do know is that his father, Steve Hong (sorry y’all i have no idea what his korean name is), is the CEO of H Group, a group that works closely with HNH. He’s a pretty suspicious man based on how blunt and and strange he is, and the fact that he often passive aggressively threatens people like the HNH Chairman, Charles Choi (Choi Dong-soo), or Jay himself. During the epilogue episode of the “Runaway Fam” arc, Jay met with his father and they discussed the fight Jay had with people from the organization that impersonated Joy (btw that organization was Hostel A, Steve just didn’t know that). He was clearly disappointed in Jay’s actions and told him not to call him again. But remember, Jay only fought with these people to protect loved ones (and Daniel, but in my mind he’s definitely one of Jay’s loved ones ;]]]]]). Of course, fighting isn’t the best way to handle any situation, but Jay took care of it. It would make sense if Steve was a bit disappointed that Jay got in a fight, but shouldn’t he have been more grateful that Jay did something about it rather than just letting the situation go unattended to? It almost seems like he didn’t want Jay to stand at all.

At this point, most of you are probably wondering why all of this is happening to our sweet Jay. After a lot of thought, I think I’ve come up with a pretty good answer to the question 😁

The Backstory Theory

I imagine that Jay grew up in a rather strict and potentially lonesome environment due to the fact that his father runs H Group and it has been hinted at that he’s been a businessman for a long time. He was most likely close with his siblings as a child, but he seems to have distanced a lot from Kitae since then.

Jay displayed shock when he first saw Daniel Park (Park Hyungsuk) in the series and has gone to many extents to get Daniel’s attention and put a smile on his face. After endlessly protecting him and doing just about everything to get closer to Daniel, even obscure things, (i.e. trying to buy Daniel from the slate auction in the festival arc), I can assume that Jay has romantic feelings for Daniel. In the past, he probably knew that he was homosexual and most likely hid it from his family for a while because people in South Korea typically aren’t very accepting of the LGBTQIA+ community.

This information leads perfectly into the main theory. Jay most likely came out as gay to his father, who was most likely homophobic and completely disappointed in Jay (which is very wrong by the way 😾). Remember when Jay couldn’t see his family for Thanksgiving because it would be “uncomfortable”? From this point on, Steve probably took all of Jay’s happiness away from him, forcing him to move away from home and go to a cheap high school and made him grow his hair over his eyes to avoid association with the company. Remember that Crystal had no idea H Group had a second son? That was because Jay’s presence was concealed. Since Kitae is one of the main representatives of H Group, we can assume that he was either forced to distance from Jay or just didn’t support his brother altogether. This explains why Kitae told Jay he should be “living quietly” and why they seemed so uncomfortable around one another. However, Joy doesn’t seem to represent H Group as much and hangs out with Jay whenever they get the chance to be together. She even finds a way to communicate with him despite his mutism (I have a small theory about Jay’s mutism and a few other things about him, but that’s too unrelated to put in this post). So, we can assume that Joy was probably one of he only people in the family that was accepting and supportive of Jay. This is probably why he seemed much closer to Joy and was comfortable with touching her physically.

Conclusion

In short, my theory states Jay’s freedom was taken away from him after coming out as gay to his family. He distanced a lot from people who he was close to before and had to hide his identity so he wasn’t associated with H Group because Steve felt ashamed of Jay. However, Jay still has Joy left, who is a family member who never rejected him and accepted him no matter what.

a/n

this theory actually sounded a lot better in my head 😅 it ended kinda abruptly cause i really don’t know how to end it.. well, if you’ve made it this far, thank you very much for reading! this is my first post like this so tell me how I did and if you have any additional thoughts 😁

i would also like to hear input from @prompt-disaster @jaeyeolla and @biigdeal who are some awesome lookism comrades x3

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fitzs-trained-monkey · 3 years

Text

Chapter Three: If We Have Each Other.

~When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other then we'll both be fine. I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand. You should know I'll be there for you. I will always be there for you~

"Dude, we are in some serious jelly," I proclaimed as I paced around the small perimeter of the tree house.

"And that jam!" Isaac added from where he remained sitting at the table.

"Tight spot."

"Indeed!"

"Up a tree!" I supplied.

"Lost in the grass!" He offered. I swung around, shaking my finger at him.

"I'll tell ya what's grass, our- AAH FRACKLES!" I had stepped on a stray nail in one of the floorboards. Hobbling my way back into my chair, I thunked my head against the table.

"But look at the bright side." Isaac leaned back in his chair. "Seeing as how our grand-theft-hairbrush is going viral and all, there is still a chance that me flipping the camera off could become a meme!" He pointed out. Slowly, I raised my head to stare at him.

"Are you kidding me right now?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Consider it, Marty! All it took was five years being dead and now I'm finally fulfilling my life-long dream! If I'd known it was this easy, I would have killed myself a long time ago and spared me all that drama and emotional damage," Isaac smirked. I shook my head, my gaze drifted back to the Vader figure and snow globe sitting side-by-side on the shelf.

"Please don't talk like that Isaac," I sighed. Isaac's face fell.

"Sorry, I-I wasn't thinking," He apologized. I nodded.

"It's okay." It wasn't, but what more could be said when you didn't want to speak?

"Hey," Isaac spoke softly, ducking his head to get me to look at him, "Even if things go sour, I'm gonna be here for you. Just like I promised. Through thick and thin, remember?"

"Through thick and thin."

Smiling weakly, I repeated our life long mantra. I took a deep breath and focused back in on the problem.

"Alright, man. We gotta figure out a game plan. That video is gonna bring every hunter and their mom up here to ice our, or my, gluteus maximus. And if they know about the minimart then they know about the hospital. So, what's our play?"

"Well, I say you use your Sweet-Talkin' thing and talk any o'those alcoholic weirdos out of it," Isaac suggested. I shook my head.

"Isaac, you know how much I hate doing that."

Although it was a tempting idea, that wasn't something I wanted to mess with. If you start playing with the dark things, the dark things start playing with you. That wasn't a concept I liked, but Isaac would never understand that.

"I'm just saying it’s an option! And an easy one at that," Isaac pushed. I glared at him.

"I'm not doing that."

"It might come to it, Marty. I'm just saying as a plan C it-"

"The answer is no! Moving on." My tone killed and buried the subject. Isaac raised his hands in surrender.

"Fine. But misinformation is still our strongest tool. We should use it. Tell anybody who asks that it was all done on a computer," He conceded.

"Alright, that's plan A. What's plan B?" Isaac's face twisted in thought. I let him do any and all planning when it came to telling a lie because he was so much better at making it convincing than I was. Isaac was the king of spouting believable bull crap. In fact, he would have made and excellent demon. That guy could probably get an angel to sell its soul for a box of holy doughnuts. When the idea hit Isaac's brain, I could almost see a light bulb light up above his head. He leaned forward, exited.

"Okay, I got it. We make up some BS story about a gay black dude who got chopped up by the ferry or something and the hospital wouldn't help him because all the doctors were racist homophobes, and it was the 50's." He nodded at me very seriously. Like I said, Isaac was king.

"That's is the worst, most ridiculous and stupid story I have ever heard," I told him. Isaac's nodding grew more excited. "It's perfect. They'll buy every word. Just one thing though, what about the mini-mart?" I pointed out.

Isaac opened his mouth before closing it again. Then he opened it. Then he closed it. Open. Closed. Open. Closed. This happened several more times before he finally came up with something good.

"So, our gay black guy was also a nice hobo dude and after he died he started stealing crap to give to his hobo buddies." Isaac gave me a thumbs up. I nodded.

"Okay, sounds good, sounds good. How do we explain me?" I splayed my hands. Isaac huffed and rolled his eyes, leaning back again and tucking his hands behind his head.

"Well, that’s easy. The camera never even caught a glimpse of your face, so you're his anonymous theft buddy slash item distributer!" He explained. I grinned at my fantastic phantasmal co-conspirator.

"Excellent, and of course nobody knows who the thief is. Especially not, innocent little me!" I chuckled at his brilliance.

"Exactly!" Isaac smirked.

"It's perfect! Except one last thing. We're gonna need some eyes and ears in on this. Someone to alert us when someone fishy comes lurking about," I said. Isaac nodded seriously.

"You're right. But who can we trust around here?" He asked. I could feel the smile split across my face.

"I can think of only one man for this job. A man as trustworthy as he is slimy. A man scrubbed clean by his own filth. A man so wonderful, words do him no justice!" I declared dramatically. Isaac was confused for a moment before realization dawned. His face fell.

"Please tell me you're not thinking what I think you're thinking."

"I think I am." I grinned. Isaac just sighed.

"Marty, no."

"Marty, yes!"

- 45 minutes later-

"Yo! Danny, my man! How's life?" I called out. Dan-the-Dope-Man looked up from...whatever it was he was doing outside Copper Harbor's one and only pharmacy. The pharmacy which he, in fact, owned. Honestly, I didn't want to know exactly what he had been doing behind the pile of cardboard boxes that were stacked up against the moldy brick. I figured it was better if I didn't. Dan smiled a grin that was missing two teeth.

"Marty! My worst customer and only friend! Life's good!" He greeted me, kicking a few of the boxes over to hide whatever suspicious activity it was that he had been up to. He winked and walked over to me, pushing his absolutely disgusting blond hair out of his face. "But, you know, business is betta'," He concluded.

I could never tell how tall Dan was, in this form especially. See, Dan-the-Dope-Man was a shapeshifter, though of course, no one else in the town knew that. That's how he was the owner of the pharmacy as well as a drug dealer. His other form, Jonathan De’ Santos, was the tall, 40-year-old, honest-looking Hawaiian man that ran the pharmacy. In this form, however, Dan was a somewhere-in-the-upper-five-foot-range Caucasian guy from Brooklyn with a thing against bathing. He said that the grungy, sewer-rat look was better for his side business. I wasn't sure how much of that I bought, but then again, who's gonna buy drugs from the guy who's supposed to make sure you don't destroy yourself with them.

"I bet it is!" I said, taking a step back when he reached me because, like I said, the guy had a thing against hygiene.

"This is a terrible, terrible idea," Isaac muttered, leaning on the wall to my left. I couldn't reply to him because although Dan knew what I was he didn't know about Isaac. So all I could do was give him a rude gesture behind my back. He saw it and stuck his tongue out at me.

"What can I do fo' ya, Marty?" Dan always pronounced my name as 'Mawty' at least in this form as it had a Brooklyn accent.

"Well, o' Danny boy, I have some rather bad news to deliver," I continued, "There might be some hunters coming to town soon."

Dan frowned; his eyes narrowed at me as he folded his arms over his chest.

"Well, that ain't good. Whatt'id ya do, Marty?" He asked. Sometimes Dan could be like my older brother, even if he didn't realize it.

"Woah, woah, woah! Who said I did anything?!" I defended. Dan just raised an eyebrow.

"You're always showin' off and ya know it," He said simply.

"He's right, you know," Isaac interjected. I wished I could tell him to shut his eidolic cake hole. It wouldn't have made much of a difference if I could, as he would still have continued talking, but the principle remained the same. Isaac was annoying. He needed to shut his mouth now and again. But I couldn't say that right now because he was a flipping ghost and ghosts are invisible. Mostly.

Ignoring Isaac, I opened my mouth to try to argue with Dan but quickly closed it again when found that I couldn't, because he was absolutely right. Now, I couldn’t admit that to him because Isaac was right here and that would be saying that he was right about something, and that was a thing I would never hear the end of.

"In regards," I started again.

"You'd just say 'regardless'," Isaac chimed in. I had to physically bite my tongue to keep from screaming at him to shut up.

"Regardless," I corrected. Isaac chuckled. I really needed to get myself some iron gauntlets or something so I could give his apparitional arse an involuntary appendectomy. Or just an iron ring so I could punch him in the face.

"Regardless, it wasn't me. This time. It was some attention seeking moron with a computer. That combined with my little hospital trips and you get something fishy looking." I finally managed to finish my sentence without Isaac chiming in.

"Well then ya betta' keep ya head down, Marty. I don' wan' ya gettin hurt." A dark look crossed over Dan's usually upbeat face. "Or worse," He finished.

"I know Danny, which is why I need you to do something for me," I said. Isaac sighed and face palmed but I ignored it.

"What?" Dan asked.

"I need you to watch out for any newcomers asking weird questions. I've got a plan if any hunters get too close to us, I just need to know who and where they are," I told him.

See, the pharmacy, the mini-mart, the bar, and the barber shop all sat across from each other at a four way intersection. Thus, Dan would have an excellent view of any hunter's first two targets. The origin of the supernatural activity, in this case the mini-mart, and the bar. He would be the perfect spy. Dan looked at me strangely.

"Say, Marty, you ain't plannin' on gankin' any a' dose' suckas' now are ya?" He asked, caution evident in his voice. I sighed, shaking my head internally. This was just another downside of being what I was. Everybody thinks you're a murderer. Though I knew I was far from innocent, I had never killed anyone. At least, anyone who didn't deserve it.

"Come on, Danny. In all the time you've known me, have I ever, er, ganked anyone?" I asked him, spreading my hands as if to catch the obvious answer.

"Well, no. But people can change," Dan pointed out. I rolled my eyes.

"Dan, I'm not gonna kill anyone. There, ya happy?" I said, only mildly aggravated. Isaac decided it was time to speak up again.

"You may not. But I will. If it comes to that. I won't let anybody hurt you, Marty. Not again. Not when I can do something about it."

I knew he was saying this now so I wouldn't be able to argue with him. Then I would forget and if he did kill someone Isaac would say he'd said he would. I ground my teeth together and reminded myself that it wasn't going to come to that. I wouldn't let it.

Meanwhile, Dan thought about what I'd spoken aloud.

"Yeah okay, but if anybody comes sniffin' I'm skippin', kay?" He agreed. I nodded.

"Okay, take care of yourself, Danny."

"You too, Marty." I smiled at him and began to walk away. Isaac pushed himself off the wall and trudged behind me, complaining loudly.

"Make sure you take care of yourself too, Issac! I'd hate myself if anything happened to you, Isaac! I wouldn't be able to survive without you, Isaac! Thanks Marty, your friendship means everything to me!" He said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Ugh! Why do I even bother?"

I smirked giving him the sign for 'I love you' behind my back.

"Aw shut up!"

But I knew he was smiling.

~So, I'm thankful for my sister even though sometimes we fight When high school wasn't easy, she's the reason I survived. I know she'd never leave me and I hate to see her cry. I just wanna tell her that I'm always by her side. I just wanna tell her that...

The worlds not perfect, but it’s not that bad. If we've got each other and that’s all we have I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other then we'll both be fine I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you.

I will always be there for you.~

Lyrics from: If We Have Each Other by Alec Benjamin

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carllisle · 3 years

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Hi Ellie. Would you kindly share some of your lesbian Carine and bisexual Esme headcanons with us?🥺 Thank you very much, please, thank you to you ma'am.

miss ma’am!! thank you!

Lesbian Carine

The history of lesbianism in England in the early modern period is very interesting, as much of the anti-gay rhetoric put out by the Catholic (and later, more local) Church was focused on male/male homosexual activity. There was some preaching against female/female homosexuality but it was something that was talked about even less than the already-taboo male/male activity. Because of this, I think that Carine didn’t even know what love and sex between two women even was, it was just a concept that didn’t exist to her during her human life. During her time as a human, she never felt attracted to men, although she had a few superficial crushes that never amounted to much (thanks to the compulsive heterosexuality of it all smh).

I think her first introduction to same-sex love was during her time in Italy with the Volturi. Athenodora and Sulpicia were a mated pair, and the bond between them hit Carine like a train. Because some of the Volturi’s lifestyle was not something that Carine could get on board with (primarily feeding on humans), this same-sex love and bond was not something Carine was comfortable with. I think her initial realisation that perhaps she wanted that too was very difficult for her to understand, and it manifested itself as discomfort and resentment, which she in turn interpreted as disapproval. So, yes, at this time Carine was a homophobic homosexual who was so deep in the closet she was in Cair Paravel. I think also that Carine was of the mindset that she was a monster and fundamentally unlovable - it’s like my mother always tells me, it doesn’t matter what your sexuality is if you’re ugly enough (i.e. gay or straight or bi, if you ugly NO ONE wants you thanks mum lmfaoo)

Because of her own self-loathing, I don’t think Carine ever wanted to consciously pursue a romantic relationship, much like her Carlisle counterpart. She just wanted a companion, not a mate. I like to think that she posed as a man in order to study medicine (as there are examples of exceptional individuals throughout history doing this it’s not an especially outlandish idea). While posing as a male doctor, she first began noticing the attention of women. Women she treated saw a beautiful man and some would develop crushes on her without realising she was a woman. Perhaps even one or two saw through the ruse and knew Dr Cullen was secretly a woman - of course, not wanting to put her at risk, they never said anything except to Carine herself. Carine found the advances and interests of women exciting but disconcerting. At first she hated them because of her internalised prejudice, but as time went by with the decades she became more comfortable with it. She read the histories of women in Ancient Rome and Egypt and Greece, and in the 1910s the Sappho fragments were found and they were the final piece in Carine’s puzzle - to love a woman was not a sin, to love a woman was to love oneself and to love the world, to love God. It was around this time that she first met Esme.

Bisexual Esme

Esme had a much less complicated relationship with her sexuality. When she met the strange and beautiful Dr Carine Cullen when she was 16, Esme had already kissed girls in her father’s fields of corn, and she had already kissed boys. She liked both, they both made her feel as light as air. As a teenager, the fantasy of an older lady, grown and radiant and kind, was wonderful and gave her butterflies. When she was 17 she first knew physical love with the daughter of one of her father’s seasonal workers. They had a season under the summer sun but when the harvest was brought in and the fields were empty, both girls knew it was over. The worker moved on and took his daughter with him and Esme cried for weeks. Still, it was the way of the world, Esme knew that, and the sadness disappeared and she looked back on the memory with fondness more than anything.

She knew she would have to marry a man one day, and she just hoped for a kind one. Ch*rles seemed kind at first - he was polite to her mother and sisters, he was friendly to her brothers, and he was respectful to her father. He was a good enough choice as any, and Esme agreed to the arrangement.

Come 1921 and Carine found her in the morgue. She remembered Esme’s sweet face although it was swollen and bruised and broken from the fall, and she had to change her because this bright girl, this shining woman couldn’t die, she had to live, she had to! Esme opened her eyes once the transformation was complete and she saw the face of God in Carine. She remembered that face, she dreamed of that face, and she had never truly let her go, not like she had been able to let the others go.

Esme’s crush quickly turned to love and after two hundred and fifty years, Carine was finally secure in her faith and her sexuality. But she had never known romance or love like Esme had, and she was nervous and didn’t know what to do. She knew more about the act of love between a man and a woman than she did two women, and she still believed that love must be consummated in marriage alone. Of course, legally they could not marry but Carine so desperately wanted to be wed in the eyes of God. They snuck into a church with Edward as their witness and they pledged their love to one another, their devotion, and they exchanged rings as a symbol of their love. They called each other wife in the chapel in 1921, and they never looked back.

When the first same-sex marriage was allowed in the Netherlands in 2001, Carine and Esme booked their flight (civil partnership was not a label they wanted - they wanted to be, in the eyes of the law, married) and got married in Rotterdam. Already wed in the eyes of God, they did not have a religious ceremony. The whole family came with them, including their Denali cousins. They have their wedding certificate framed and hanging in their bedroom. Carine has copies of their wedding photos in her purse and wears her wedding ring on a thin chain around her neck. Esme wears her wedding ring on her finger and on the twentieth anniversary of their legal marriage (which took place 80 years to the day that they first said their vows in an empty church, making it their 100th religious anniversary) they renewed their vows and exchanged eternity rings in church.

#needahugfromesme #ask #carlesme #gay twilight #headcanon #carine #esme #i hope you like this!!!#esme is bisexual in every iteration of twilight she just has the Vibe #i know in twilight shes deffo had a lowkey crush on kate #but thats ok cause so does carlisle

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chaossmagic · 3 years

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Explain why you hate Jack and Andy so much? I’m only asking because I love hearing your Jack and Andy rants. I hate Jack and Andy too. Poor Robert having to put up with them throughout his childhood 😭

Jack was abusive, mentally, verbally and (in Robert’s case) physically, treated both his sons like he could bend them into whatever shape he wanted them to be and if they didn’t, then it was their own fault for being ‘bad, and generally an all-round Massive Dick.

Notably in Robert’s case, who resisted Jack’s attempts to force him into the Good Sugden Heir model and therefore Jack saw that as a sign that there was something inherently ‘wrong’ with him. He took that even further when Robert, depressed and lonely after his Mum died (which he witnessed at barely 14 years old) started lashing out because he felt unwanted and not listened to, and when Jack and Andy conspired against him to keep the truth about his mother’s death from him (i.e. it was Andy’s fault, a botched attempt at an insurance scam to get the farm more money).

The more Robert grew up into Not Mini Jack Sugden, the more his father tried to force him to ‘correct’ his wayward behaviour and do what he wanted him to do. When it didn’t work, he decided that Robert was inherently rotten to the core and wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t behave, wasn’t a ‘normal, decent’ child who could set an example for the next generation.

He ignored him, belittled him, treated his rebellious behaviour as childish attention-seeking instead of deep-seated trauma and grief, lashed out at him verbally and literally told him he was worthless. He was violent towards him (and not to Andy). He openly preferred Vic and Andy to him. He never wasted an opportunity to tell Robert he was useless and awful and a terrible person. He punished Robert much more excessively for things he did wrong than Andy, even in situations where it was Andy’s fault! (For example, the accident that killed Max was pinned on Robert, even though Andy had been driving and Max had been in Andy’s car).

Jack also beat his child for being queer...and that alone is enough to make him the shittiest, lowest shitstain of a human being there ever was. The fact that even Robert himself believed into adulthood that it was because he was ‘bad’ and therefore deserved it (and that Jack wasn’t what he clearly was - a bigoted, violent homophobe who didn’t just have a problem with Robert being bisexual but with anyone who was not straight - and, while we’re at it, so did Andy) and not something that wasn’t okay is testimony enough.

And then we have Andy. Complicit in the years of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse Robert endured under his father, he never once spoke up for his brother - even though they were best friends once. He never defended him or tried to protect him when Jack treated him like dirt. He’s a gaslighting piece of shit who even in adulthood refused to treat Robert like an equal and still acted as if they were both teenagers. He told Robert that he was ‘imagining’ his - their - abusive childhood and whenever he tried to speak up about what Jack was like, he got shot down or told he was exaggerating, or just plain making stuff up to get attention.

Because Robert is always the spoiled, whiny brat who throws a fit when he doesn’t get what he wants, and Andy is the Perfect Saint who can never do anything wrong. Even as adults when Jack was long dead.

Andy beat his first wife and went to PRISON FOR IT. He shot Jack by accident because HE WAS AIMING FOR ROBERT. He waited outside Robert’s caravan where he was living ALL DAY waiting for the opportunity to SHOOT HIM when he left. What the hell?! He hired Ross to shoot him a SECOND time. He made Robert’s life hell for the first couple of years or so after he returned to Emmerdale.

And then he had the gall to beg for his help when the Whites turned on him!

Which, of course, Robert did, because he’s been so conditioned and groomed and gaslit by his abuse that he felt he owed Andy something ‘because he was still his brother’ and that meant that he had some kind of duty to him. Bullshit! I’ve always hated those scenes in Andy’s exit because it just feels so gross knowing that Robert still felt compelled to apologize to ANDY for what had happened and forgave him despite everything that he’d done to him. I hate it so much. I wish those scenes had never happened.

Robert’s childhood was awful and I wish the show would acknowledge that more (or I wish they had acknowledged it more) and the lasting impact it had well into adulthood for him. He couldn’t talk about it with anyone except Aaron and even then the show didn’t really dive into it to the extent that they should have. It breaks my heart because Robert has been made to feel alone, worthless, unlovable, unworthy of love and ‘defective’ his whole life, and now his worst fears have all come true. He always deserved better.

#anon #i'm always down for hating jack and andy for being the worst people ever #I DESPISE THEM #so thank you for letting me rant about how terrible they are

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amayawolfe · 3 years

Text

Ch. 5 - Whispers of the Cards

My Stories Masterlist

Word Count: 6214 Summary: Hisoka learns what became of him in the alley after he was rendered unconscious. Magikana receives a little more insight into the past of her apprentice through the means of fortune telling.

Warnings(TW): mentions of homophobia, angst, mentions of self harm/suicide, mentions of past abuse/rape, blood mentioned, vaguely mentions of underage masturbation, cartomancy

Hisoka

A warm, bright light slowly penetrated Hisoka's closed eyelids, steadily rousing his conscious mind. He could tell he was laying on something soft and was covered with some sort of blanket. His thoughts faltered. Something about this felt… familiar.

Hisoka took an abrupt intake of breath as memories of his nightmare came crashing forward. His eyes snapped open and looked wildly about the room, half expecting to see the rotting corpse of his mother, ready and waiting to pounce him once again. He was more than a little relieved to find no such monstrosity.

Hisoka took a deep breath through his nose, wincing a little due to the tenderness of his ribs. Staring at the ceiling, his mind wandered while he tried to recall what happened last night. It was strange that the memories of his nightmare, an event that didn’t really happen, were much more clear than the memories of what really did happen.

His eyes began to roam when his attention was captured by the sound of someone snoring softly. He turned his head to see a covered figure of someone laying beside him atop his blankets with their back facing him.

Who? ♣ Hisoka then spotted familiar auburn hair sticking out from atop the blanket. Oh, it’s Abaki. ♡ She must have fallen asleep after I did and Kana covered her up when she checked in on us. ♡

Even though Abaki was asleep, he was grateful for the company. He turned his gaze back towards the slightly cracked ceiling above. His stomach growled loudly and he wondered when his trainer would be by again to check on them.

As if on cue, Magikana pushed open the door to the room and came in with little noise. Looking in her direction, Hisoka saw she was carrying a tray with food on it. The teen’s stomach growled even louder when the delicious aromas wafted from the tray and reached his nose. The sound of his stomach was loud enough to catch the magician’s attention. She turned and smiled down at her apprentice.

“Ah, you are avake, good,” she set the tray down on the nightstand beside the bed.

Hisoka pushed himself into an upright sitting position and glanced over at the tray. His mouth watered when he saw there were two helpings of oatmeal with butter and cinnamon sugar, fried eggs, crispy bacon, fresh fruit, and mugs of warm honey tea. For the first time in quite a while, Hisoka had a voracious appetite. He felt like he had not eaten in days.

Movement beside him signaled that Abaki was waking up as well. She stretched with a groan and rolled over. When she opened her violet eyes to see Hisoka and Magikana both looking down at her, she blinked.

“Oh,” the trainee mumbled sleepily, “morning.”

“Actually,” Kana chuckled warmly as she handed Hisoka his bowl of oatmeal, “it is vell past noon. Cook vas nice enough to make breakfast foods for you two.”

“What?!” Abaki yelped, suddenly wide awake and sitting up. “But, what about the others? Are they still here?” The magician's face fell and she shook her head slowly.

“The others have gone ahead, they could no longer stay.” Magikana looked at their horrified faces before her and burst out laughing.

“Do not be so vorried, little vuns,” she stated in an amused and whimsical manner. “Once Hisoka is fit for travel, ve vill be on our own way to join zem.”

With those words, the two teens released their collective breaths and relaxed. However, nearly as soon as Hisoka felt relieved he felt a wave of guilt wash over him.

They were left behind because of me… ♠ Frowning, Hisoka hadn’t even realized he had set his bowl down until Magikana spoke to him.

“It is okay, little vun,” she said softly, “Is not your fault. And ones at fault are gone.”

Hisoka looked at Magikana and opened his mouth to question only to have his teacher quickly raise her hand, cutting him off.

“Eat first,” she instructed sternly. “Vill explain all once food is gone.”

It was relatively quiet as the two teens hungrily ravaged their food. Magikana quietly sat beside the bed as she sipped her own mug of warm tea while scrolling through her phone. Once the dishes were empty and stacked nicely on the tray, the magician put her phone away and sighed.

“Where to begin..” The magician frowned, tapping her finger on her leg in thought.

“Hisoka,” she started hesitantly, “you have been unconscious not so better part of four days.”

Hisoka had a feeling this was the case, so he wasn’t really surprised at the news. He continued to stare at his trainer, waiting for her to keep going. But, for the first time in the few months he’d known her, Magikana seemed unsure what to say next. She even appeared to be unsettled by what she was trying to tell him.

“What happened to me? ♣” he croaked. It was painfully obvious that Hisoka’s vocal cords were still injured. He did sound a great deal better than last night, however. The magician opened her mouth to speak, yet the words appeared stuck in her throat. Hisoka could see pain and anger begin to show in her eyes. The emotions confused him, causing him to tilt his head a little.

Abaki tentatively raised her hand, “I could help tell what happened.” Her voice sounded small, almost timid. At this, Magikana swallowed hard and gave her head a single, solemn nod. The acrobat trainee nodded in response. She took a deep, shaky breath and looked down at her hands as she wrung them together.

“When you didn’t meet me to go to the beach, I thought maybe you were still helping Kana. Or that maybe you didn’t hear me over the crowd,” she started slowly. “So I went to find you both, but she was alone. When I asked her about you, she said that you had gone to meet me, and I became worried. I went to look for you. Kana said she would help if I couldn’t find you by the time she was done cleaning up. I was walking along the buildings when I heard...”

She faltered, Abaki wet her lips and glanced at Hisoka and Magikana before she continued, “I heard Drake and Jasper. They were talking loudly while coming out of an alley. Something told me to hide, so I ducked behind some barrels where I could watch them. Drake was laughing, teasing Jasper about how he was a horrible fighter. And how that skinny little fag-” Abaki paused, unable to bring herself to say the full word, “How that person wouldn’t be around to get in the way anymore thanks to himself.”

“I just knew they were talking about you, and as soon as they were out of sight I ran into the alley to look for you. I found traces of blood on the ground, but that’s all I could find. I knew they did something to you s-so I ran back t-to find K-kana a-and…”

Body trembling, her words stuttered to a stop. Abaki’s eyes brimmed with tears, a single drop falling to her white knuckled fists. Hesitantly, Hisoka reached over and began to rub his friend’s back in attempts to aid in some form of comfort. He was concerned for her, he had seen her upset before, but not like this.

“We found you in dumpster,” the magician continued in Abaki’s place. Her voice had become cold and unforgiving as the scenes of that night replayed behind her eyes. Hisoka looked back at her to see the expression on her face matched the tone of voice.

“From condition, zey obviously had continued zeir assault vile you vere unable to fight back. I carried you back to inn, ven doctor made sure you vere stable and vould live, I confronted Drake and Jasper with Moritonio. Zey denied it at first, but Abaki told vaht she heard. Camilla came forvard as vell.”

Hisoka blinked, “Camilla? ♣”

“My brother had been saying how much he hated you, and wanted to… hurt you, for sometime now,” a voice cut in. All three of them turned to the source of the newcomer to find Camilla peaking through the door Magikana had left cracked open. Her eyes were red, and somewhat swollen; a dour expression rested upon her tear stained face. She glanced at the small group looking her direction before pushing the door further open to step into the room.

“I-I’m sorry,” she stated softly, “I didn’t mean to interrupt.” “It is alright, my dear,” Magikan replied gently and gestured to a chair near the bed on Abaki’s side. Camilla hesitated then set the bag of supplies down on the floor close to the wall, closed the door softly, and shuffled across the room to sit in the chair.

Hisoka watched Camilla as she settled into her seat with a defeated posture. She glanced up at him and held his gaze. Her soft brown eyes were burdened with grief and sorrow. Tears began to dot the corners of her eyes the longer she looked at Hisoka.

“I am so sorry, Hisoka,” she sobbed, “I honestly didn’t think my brother would do this to you. I’ve always known h-him to be s-so gentle.” Camilla broke the eye contact she was holding with Hisoka and her expression darkened with anger and hatred.

“I still blame that homophobic bastard, Drake,” she seethed, “he poisoned Jasper and turned him into what he is now.” She shook her head and furiously scrubbed at her eyes with the palms of her hands. Tears of a multitude of emotion were now streaming down her face. Hisoka stared at Camilla with a neutral expression while Abaki tried to comfort her; speaking gentle words and holding her hand.

Something tells me Drake didn’t have to taint Jasper very much for his inner demons to come out, ♣ Hisoka thought to himself. He turned his gaze to his trainer who was also watching Abaki and Camilla with a doleful look. However, Hisoka could still see anger smoldering in her eyes.

“Where are they now? Jasper and Drake? ♣” he inquired.

She took a slow, deep breath in and out through her nose before responding, “Exiled from zee troupe. Once Moritonio was positive zey had committed such crimes, zey vere both told to leave and zat zey had no chance of ever rejoining his troupe. Zere hatred to zose vizen zee troupe vill not be tolerated.”

Hisoka blinked and furrowed his brow as he processed what his trainer had just told him. He felt elated that his assailants were gone and could no longer trouble him; yet dissatisfied that banishment was the only punishment they received for nearly taking his life. The corners of his mouth dipped down and his hands curled into fits, this did not bode well with him.

“Is that really all the punishment they received? ♠”

Camilla, Abaki, and Magikana all looked at Hisoka with expressions of apprehension. Hisoka could feel his anger coil and writhe inside him like agitated snakes. Their venom ran hot through his veins and his eye twitched.

“They nearly took my life, shouldn’t there be a greater repercussion for their actions? ♠”

“Hisoka, I know you’re mad, but, what more do you think should be done?” Abaki asked. She was leaning forward in an attempt to see Hisoka’s face and get a better read on his thoughts.

“The troupe meant everything to Drake, and I’m the only family Jasper has left,” Camilla added, “They lost all that was dear to them because of what they did to you. They lost their livelihood. Isn't that enough?”

Hisoka opened his mouth to answer vehemently but caught himself. He took note of the looks on Abaki and Camilla’s face. Magikana watched him carefully with narrowing eyes.

“Vaht, exactly, do you zink would have been enough, little vun?”

It dawned on Hisoka there would most likely be trouble if he continued further on his current train of thought. They simply did not see the world as he did. He would need to change things up and play a different hand.

“It’s just, shouldn’t the authorities have been called as well? How do you know they won’t commit hate crimes on someone else? ♣” he whispered, feigning concern. He honestly didn’t care what Drake or Jasper did to anyone else besides Abaki and Magikana; maybe Camilla as well since her demise would greatly affect Abaki.

“Hmm,” the magician hummed, looking over her apprentice as though she didn’t fully believe his words. However, she answered none the less. “Tonio did not want zem involved in zee troup’s business. He figured banishment vould be good enough.”

Hisoka pressed his lips together tightly. Despite his own frustrations, he knew there was no point in arguing further. Nodding his head in response he allowed his posture to droop and a look of exhaustion washed of him. He forged a yawn to seal the look. With a full belly of good food combined with a bruised and battered body, Hisoka was indeed tired; just not as tired as he portrayed.

Seemingly, the ruse was enough to fool his trainer; as she smiled softly and gently ruffled his hair.

“Rest, little vun, the sooner you recover zee better,” she stood and collected the tray of dirty breakfast dishes. “Abaki, Camilla, come vith me.”

Abaki gave Hisoka a very gentle shoulder bump along with a small smile.

“I’ll see you after you get some more rest, okay, Hiso?”

Hisoka only responded with a tired smile. Abaki slid off the bed and Camilla retrieved a bottle of water from the bag she had brought in with her. Not looking at Hisoka, she placed it on the nightstand then turned to head out of the room. She and Abaki followed Magikana out of the room, closing the door softly behind them.

The falsetto smile fell away from Hisoka’s lips the moment he heard the door knob latch into place. A snarl curled his lips in place of the smile, his eyes narrowed and white hot anger prickled the back of his neck.

Those two got off too easily,♠ his mind seethed, fists tightening around his covers in a merciless deathgrip. He wanted to find them, do horrible things to them, but he knew now was not the time. He was wounded and needed to heal, regain his strengths. But once he did, there would be other matters.

Jasper wouldn’t be a problem; Drake, on the other hand, has much more experience than I do...♠ Hisoka shifted his pillows around and settled back while in thought. I need to train more, become stronger. ♣

He twitched when sudden memories seared his mind. Flashes of being held down, beaten, abused, and raped.

No… Not just stronger, I need to become the strongest.♢

He was usually the weaker one in past situations, never able to defend and fight back effectively. Hisoka did know how to fight, somewhat, as he was a very quick learner. He had watched others fight and ended up in more than his fair share around the area he had once lived with his mother. For someone with so little experience, Hisoka would be considered a pretty decent fighter by most. However, “decent” was not good enough for the red haired teen.

Not only did Hisoka want to become stronger, he wanted to become the best fighter there ever was and ever would be. He felt a wicked, sadistic grin spread wide across his face as he imagined himself older and more experienced while fighting Drake.

Hisoka would toy with him, making Drake suffer as his spirit broke and slowly crumbled before the mighty red haired fighter. He would be sure to take his time, savoring every ounce of pain and misery his opponent would experience; all while a crushed and dying Jasper lay at his feet like a crumpled worthless doll.

Hisoka let out a small, quiet moan as he imagined a broken and defeated Drake begging an older Hisoka to spare his life. These thoughts of absolutely dominating and destroying his opponents were beginning to arouse him. Something that often happened when the teen would become lost in these morbid daydreams.

Not long before he left home, Hisoka had found himself daydreaming about harming and destroying those that had harmed him. He had been a little surprised to find that not only did he really enjoy these thoughts, but had been aroused by them as well. He knew that any “normal” person would be horrified by this, but now Hisoka found it to be more curious than anything.

In truth, he had indeed been disturbed by his reactions at first. But after a little experimenting with himself, Hisoka found the experience to be quite pleasurable in a matter he actually enjoyed. Interestingly enough, he noticed that he even seemed to enjoy certain types of pain that would highlight the pleasures. And once he was done and spent, he felt calmer and more clear minded once having been relieved by the mental images of his enemies broken and beaten.

A state that Hisoka now found himself in once he had calmed down from his high and cleaned himself up. He settled back against his pillows, tilted his head back, and closed his eyes. His mind carefully went over his current situation and what options he had before him.

It’s not like I can do a lot of physical training just yet, ♠ he mused, But I do suppose I could practice my Ten. ♣

Hisoka adjusted his position a bit then turned his focus inward, concentrating on his aura.

Magikana

A little over a week had passed since Hisoka had violently awoken from his coma. The day after the horrific event, an easy routine fell into place. Hisoka would rest and take things easy while Abaki and Camilla would explore the town and beach. On occasion Magikana would join them, collecting starfish and buying fresh fruits from the local market.

After Hisoka had a few days to rest, Abaki started to join him for Nen practice. During these times, Camilla would hang around Magikana who had taken notice of the girl's reluctance to be alone for too long.

“How are you holding up, my dear?” Kana asked one day while the two sipped tea and read books in the warm sunshine near the peers. Having been lost in her book, the girl jumped when she realized she was being spoken to.

“Oh, uh, fine I guess,” she stammered softly. She continued staring at the same word for a few more minutes then sighed, closed the book, and set it in her lap. The fire dancer trainee met the magician's gentle gaze before she spoke.

“Kana, I know Hisoka is your apprentice, but,” she hesitated, not sure it was wise to continue. Magikana held her smile in place as she closed her own book, giving the young teen her full attention.

“It is alright child, I know Hisoka can be… difficult.”

“Tch, that’s an understatement,” Camilla muttered under her breath. Magikana felt an eyebrow twitch and was thankful Camilla didn’t see it.

“I know you and Abaki trust him, but do you really think he’s safe?”

“Vaht do you mean?” the elder one inquired. Camilla sighed once more and rubbed her arm.

“I dunno, I just get this feeling that Hisoka is… unstable? I feel like he could do a lot of harm if he got angry enough. I mean, you saw how he started to react when he felt Jasper and Drake didn’t receive enough for what they did. I seriously thought he was going to lash out or something.”

Magikana mulled over the trainee’s words for a bit. She had indeed seen the anger in her student’s eyes and sensed the malice churning in his aura. This negative energy was often called “bloodlust” among nen users. And even though the magician could not see nen nor create nen of her own, her natural senses could feel it; much like a sixth sense.

“Like many in zee troupe, Hisoka has suffered more zan his fair share of hardships, even at so young,” Magikana started slowly, “I believe he suffered great ordeals before ve found him. Maybe even forced to do terrible things. Zere is anger and hurt inside him, causes him to lash out before he has time to zink.”

Magikana paused in her words, choosing what to say next very carefully.

“You ask if Hisoka is safe to be around, I honestly believe he is. But like anyone else, he has limits. Drake and Jasper not only harassed zose he cares about, but hurt him and left him for dead. He has every right to feel zee way he does.”

Camilla worried her lip as she thought about what the magician said. It looked as if she wanted to argue against what Magikana was saying, yet she remained silent. She shifted her gaze out to the ocean leaving the choice of action open to either silence or continued conversation. Camilla was not a confrontational person and rarely spoke her mind unless she was severely emotional or absolutely sure about what she had to say.

“You do not have to like Hisoka, my dear,” Magikana gave the young teen a gentle smile, “just try to be understanding.”

The trainee glanced at Magikana and nodded, returning the smile with a small one of her own.

Magikana gave a single nod of her head then stood and stretched. The sun was slowly beginning to set, alighting the sky in a beautiful array of warm colors.

“I am heading back to zee inn, vould you care to join me?”

“Mmm, no, thank you,” Camilla replied while staring out to sea, “I think I am going to remain here for a little longer.” Her voice drifted off in thought.

“Suit yourself.”

On the way back to Hisoka’s room the magician ran into the acrobat trainee.

“Oh! Hi Kana,” the teen glanced behind the magician, “Cammy not with you?”

“Cammy?” Magikana questioned, raising an eyebrow as a knowing smile crept only her lips.

“Ah! I mean Camilla!” Abaki flustered as her cheeks started to darken with blush.

The magician chuckled and she thumbed over her shoulder.

“Thanks!” Abaki then ran down the rest of the steps and out the inn’s front entryway.

“Ah, young love,” Magikana chuckled to herself and sighed as she briefly reminisced about her own romance days past. She continued up the stairs and headed to Hisoka’s room to find his door wide open.

There, she found a tired looking Hisoka sitting alone at a table and starting a game of solitaire with himself. He had been secluding himself away since the incident; often deep in thought and spoke in as few words as possible. The only company he accepted was when he and Abaki would practice nen or he would practice magic tricks with Magikana, and even then he didn’t respond like he normally would. This bothered the magician.

For the few months she had known Hisoka, he never seemed to be much of a people person; one may even consider him to be a bit shy. But he was usually more than willing to be friendly and talkative when it came to the company of Abaki or Magikana. Even the company of Moritonio was liked by the lad.

But this withdrawn, quite Hisoka was not the same boy she had quickly grown to care about. She knew he was hurting; maybe even suffering. The doctor had given him the all clear just yesterday, so physically he was fine. It was after Abaki had fully told him about the events of the night he had come so close to death by his own hands that Hisoka seemed to retreat within himself. While Magikana had tried to get him to talk to her about what was going on in his head, she didn’t want to push the matter too hard out of concern it would cause a negative impact.

Magikana quietly approached Hisoka and sat in the empty chair across from him. He glanced up at her and gave her a small, tired small then returned back to his game with a pensive expression. The two sat in silence for a while, both of them focusing on the cards being played. As the magician watched Hisoka slowly sort the cards it reminded her something, giving her an idea.

“Did you know,” Magikana started quietly, “zat zere is a vay to predict zee future by using zese very cards?”

Hisoka paused in his action and looked up at his trainer with a single thin eyebrow quirked up. Magikana took this as an answer.

“Ah, so you did not know. Vell,” she picked up and examined the Jack of Hearts, “it is practice called ‘cartomancy.’ Each card has meaning, and ven played in a spread, zey can answer questions or tell your fortune.”

“Sounds like superstitious nonsense to me, ♣” the boy chuckled with faint amusement, “especially coming from someone who can’t see or use nen. ♠”

“Zhere is more to zee world zan zose who are nenless and zose who can use it, little vun,” Magikana replied candidly, “it is not all black and vite, zere is so much grey. I vould say I fall into zat grey area, no?”

Hisoka pondered for a moment then gave a small shrug with a head tilt and nodded. Magikana had proven on more than one occasion she had some abnormally keen sense for one who was nenless.

“Yes, but simple playing cards telling one's fortune? That still seems to be a little far fetched. ♣”

Magikana chuckled, “Vell, if you are so sure, how about we give it a try?”

Hisoka smirked, leaned back in his chair, and made a hand gesture over the cards on the table for his trainer to take them. Pleased to be getting more of a reaction out of her apprentice, Magikana returned the smirk and quickly swept up the cards with expert hands.

“Ve vill do simple spread,” she explained while shuffling the cards in a blur of motion, “I vill have you draw zree cards zree times, setting zem down from left to right, top to bottom.”

She set the deck down and sat back in her chair as Hisoka followed her instruction. Once Hisoka had made a three-by-three square out of the cards, his trainer continued.

“Zee top row represents the past,” Magikana noticed Hisoka stiffen ever so slightly. She carried on, “zee middle row is for zee present, and of course, zee last row is to show zee possible future. Now, please turn zee top row face up.”

Hisoka hesitated to follow orders this time. He even looked as though he had paled somewhat.

“Vaht is wrong, little vun? It is only silly superstition, yes?”

Hisoka forced a chuckle and waved his hand dismissively at the rows of cards.

“Of course, nothing to fear. ♣” Yet the apprentice still hesitated.

“Hisoka, my dear, I promise you zat vaht ever zee cards show will be kept between you and me. It is no business of any vun else. Okay?” Magikana’s voice was warm and gentle, her expression kind and caring. The apprentice looked his master in the face, carefully studying it.

Is he really so scared I vill judge him for his past? I vonder…

Slowly, Hisoka reached for the cards and flipped them one at a time, revealing the seven of hearts, queen of spades, and two of spades. Magikana made sure to keep her face in a neutral expression as she studied the cards and mentally sorted their meanings.

A dark haired vomen vith broken promises and deceit. Zere vas tough choices and change, too… Could zis have been a family member?

She took in a breath through her nose before she spoke, “Your recent past… Zere vas a voman who hurt you, lied to you and broke promises, yes?”

Hisoka’s eyes widened a fraction and the color drained from his face a little more. He swallowed hard and delivered a tiny single nod. Magikana’s heart ached, her gut told her there was so much more to this.

“She vas family?” Hisoka nodded again. He had only mentioned one family member the entire time she had known him. She decided to try her luck.

“It vas your muzza, vasn’t it.” The words fell as a statement, not a question. Hisoke hesitated, then nodded very slowly.

I see, Magikana thought to herself, a child should be able to rely on zere muzza and be protected by zem, not be hurt by zem…

The magician noticed Hisoka looked very uncomfortable and stressed. It was obvious to her that the conversation was making him uneasy.

Zee poor boy has been zrough enough, maybe anozer time we can talk more ven he is ready…

“Let's continue, shall vee? Go ahead and flip zee next row.”

Hisoka blinked, it appeared he had expected his trainer to press the topic further. He stared for a moment longer then tried to hide a sigh of relief. His shoulders relaxed a little and he smirked as though he had been amused at his own unease.

Next to be revealed was the nine of spades, two of clubs, and the four of hearts. Magikana’s heart sank.

Challenges and depression followed by travel. Not much better, but I suppose it vas to be expected. Vaht vit his past cards are saying and vaht he just vent zrough, I vould be more vorried if he vas unphased. But still…

“Vell, zee cards see zat vee are traveling soon,” she said with a light laugh, “zee four of hearts say ‘travel is on the horizon’. Is right, vee leave first zing in zee morning.”

“Oh, and what do the other cards say? ♣” Hisoka was curious, yet sported a cocky smirk.

Magikana felt the corners of her mouth drop a little and her expression towards her apprentice softened.

“Zat you are going zrough some hard times here,” she gave the side of her head a few light taps then moved her finger to rest over her heart, “and here.”

Hisoka’s face twitched yet his expression remained.

“Oh?~ ♣”

Magikana pressed her lips together forming them into a slim line. She wanted to proceed, yet she could tell her apprentice had recovered from his initial surprise and thrown up a thick wall. Hisoka was frustratingly good at avoiding straight answers. Not to mention he had a nearly perfect poker face.

“As I said, little vun, ven you are ready to talk, I am more zan villing to listen,” the magician said with a small sigh, “but I vill not force you if you feel as zough you are not ready to speak yet.”

An emotion shifted in Hisoka’s eyes, to fleeting for Magikana to decipher.

“I appreciate that, sensei. ♡” He spoke in a conciliatory tone, faint smirk on his lips, “But I’m afraid my thoughts, both past and present, would be too troubling to reveal. ♠”

The magician regretted her decision to not press further when her apprentice was caught off guard. Concern began to rise that she had just missed her only chance to get the redheaded teen to open up.

“Troubling for who?” she inquired calmy.

“Why, the both of us,~ ♠” Hisoka humdrummed, appearingly now bored with the topic. Magikana frowned slightly.

“Perhaps,” she continued with caution, “even so, I stand by my vords, ‘if you need to speak, I vill alvays have time to listen’. Even if vaht you have to say are not good zings, I vill listen. Everyone needs a friendly ear at some point in zere life.”

Hisoka paused, a crack appeared in the mask he was holding. He licked his lips and a wild glint shown in his molten gold eyes.

“Even if those troubles make you see me as a monster?~ ♢” he spoke barely above a whisper.

“I vould not say you are monster, my dear, but someone who has been found in a place vith little to no choice.”

“You could say that… ♣” Hisoka’s voice trailed off. He looked down at the cards, narrowing his eyes in thought. Magikana said nothing, allowing her apprentice to make his own decisions. The seconds felt like hours as she waited.

He blinked a few times as more of his mask began to crumble. He took a slow, deep breath and opened his mouth to speak.

“Hiso! Kana! You’ve gotta come see this!” Abaki shouted excitedly as she came bursting into the room, causing both trainer and trainee to jump and turn towards her. “The beach is all covered in this bright blue glowy stuff! It’s soooo pretty!”

Magikana felt her temper flair, “Child, do you not know how to knock? Is rude to burst into a room like zat.”

“Oh,” Abaki faltered, looking back and forth between Hisoka and Magikana, “I’m sorry did I interrupt something?”

“Ye-”

“No, Abaki, you didn’t. ♣” Hisoka interrupted his trainer cooly, “Just some rather dull chit chat is all. ♠”

“But, it looks like you were playing a game.” the acrobat noticed.

“Something like that. More like superstitious nonsense, to be honest, ♣” Hisoka sighed as he stood from his chair, “So, you said the beach is glowing? ♢”

Abaki started as she remembered why she had come in the first place. “Yeah! Cammy said it’s a special type of plankton that glows, I think you two will like it! Come check it out.”

“Alright,~ ♡” Hisoka scooped up a pair of slip-on shoes as he started to follow his friend who bolted back down the hall. He paused at the open door and turned back to his trainer who was now looking down at the cards with an evasive expression.

“Thank you, Kana,” the red head spoke sincerely; using his teacher's shortened name as means of endearment, “while you did not get to hear what you wanted, it is good to know that someone is so willing to listen. ♡ Perhaps another time.~ ♣”

Magikana looked up at her pupil and felt a small amount of relief touch her mind as she recognized the Hisoka she had grown to care about. She then simply nodded her head and began to pick up the cards one by one off the table. Hisoka hesitated, he could see his teacher working her jaw in frustration. For a moment it looked like he was about to say something else. But instead, he simply smirked then turned and followed after his friend.

Once she was sure her apprentice was out of earshot, Magikana began to mutter a slew of curses and swears under her breath in sheer annoyance.

“Damn zat child,” she huffed, “both of zem! Superstitious nonsense, ha!” She went to pick up the last three cards of the spread and paused. Traditionally, the cards were to be revealed by the ones who drew them. Not to mention it was considered to be ill practice and rude to look into someone's business without their permission. Magikana could just add the cards back to the deck without looking, however…

She pursed her lips and wiggled her fingers above the first card before she finally shrugged in a “fuck it” manner. She turned the first card representing Hisoka’s near future over.

Ah! Zee ace of hearts. So a new relationship is in Hisoka’s near future. Perhaps he vill meet a new friend on our travels, yes?

Magikana couldn’t help but smile a little. Her apprentice most definitely needed more friends. She turned over the next card with a little more enthusiasm.

Five of clubs, it seems zis new friend vill be supportive of zee little vun. Zis is turning out to be promising.

The magician eagerly turned over the last card and froze, fingers still touching the card. She felt her heart drop one again as she stared at the seven of spades.

Bad advice, grief, and loss… Oh, little vun, vaht do zee fates have in store for you? . . .

~ ~ ~

📜 A/N: Thank you all so much for you patience. Life has been stressful as of late with trying to get myself situated in buying a house before the one I am living in currently sells out from underneath me.

Hopefully I can come out with content on a more regular basis once things settle down. However, there really isn't much tell as to when that will be at this point in time.On a side note, I think I will be putting this story on the back burner for a little while. Chapter 4 really took it outta me. That's another reason this chapter took so long in coming out. I plan to write some fluffy/smutty stuff to recharge my batteries and then I will come back to this OC story. At this point in time, I am planning to start rewriting the older chapters from here on out when I do come back.

Anywho, thanks again for reading! Please don't forget to "heart" the chapter if you enjoyed it, and I'll catch ya'll in the next one! Laters! ^_^

~ ~ ~

Previous Chapter: Ch. 4 - On Death’s Doorstep

Next Chapter: Bubblegum Blood: Ch. 6 - The One and Only, Sadashi Ito

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anotheronechicagobog · 4 years

Text

The Crackship Sails To Molly’s - Jay Halstead x Ethan Choi

written by @anotheronechicagobog

A/N: Homophobia, the Catholic church, Catholic guilt, mention of canon-compliant violence, mention of two men having sex, it’s all pretty mild but I wanted to make sure it was all in the warnings, also I don’t like Doris and it shows

A/N 2: What do you guys think their ship name would be? Choistead? Haloi?

A/N 3: If you have a problem with LGBTQ people please go fuck yourself

They ran into each other at the last place they thought they would. Since Jay and Ethan had both been in the military, though in different factions, they figured they might run into each other at military events, they already had. But literally bumping into each other at an LGBTQ+ military personnel picnic? That shocked both of them. Ethan took notice of Jay’s pansexual flag pin and Jay looked at Ethan’s bisexual one. After the initial shock wore off, Ethan smiled, he was happy to know that he wasn’t alone in his social circle. Sure, Leslie Shay was a loud and proud lesbian, but they didn’t have anything in common and just made sure to say ‘hi’ whenever they ran into each other and buy each other nachos whenever they ran into each other at pride events (don’t ask, it just became their thing). Ethan went to give him a ‘dude hug’, as Leslie had dubbed them, when he noticed the fear etched onto Jay’s face. “Halstead, are you okay?” Honestly, he looked like he was about to burst into tears. “Jus- uhh” Jay hiccuped and Ethan was now justifiably worried. “Don’t tell Will.” And then Jay ran away from Ethan and the gentle arm he’d had on his shoulder like a bat out of hell. Jay could still feel the warmth of Ethan’s hand on his right shoulder as he drove away.

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Ethan didn’t tell Will. He didn’t give any indication that he knew something Will didn’t. He understood how important it was for him to keep quiet, but at the same time, it was so hard. Ethan wanted nothing more than to march up to the redhead and beat some sense into him. Will had obviously made to Jay that he wouldn’t be accepted if he came out. And he didn’t care, quite frankly. He had absolutely no sympathy for homophobes, he was done giving kindness and sympathy to people who wished that others wouldn’t exist because it deviated out of what they considered ‘normal’. So he’d gone back to being impassive and straight-faced. He pushed all of his feelings down because if he allowed himself to feel anything it would be complete and utter rage.

The next time he saw Jay was when he’d come into the ED to interview an assault victim. Apparently, there was a group of men catfishing and then assaulting LGBTQ+ men. Ethan’s heart ached just thinking about the case, all of the injured, betrayed victims. And Jay. Ethan didn’t want to know what was going through his mind, he probably viewed this as another reason not to come out.

The eye contact between them was brief, but Jay showed him vulnerability, and then thanks when Ethan gave him a sympathetic smile. Just trying to untangibley reach out and connect with his aching soul. And then suddenly it was gone, the grace that had bound the two of them temporarily, and Ethan had to watch with a sinking heart as Jay emotionally shrunk in on himself. “How’s our victim doing, Choi?”

“Not great, I’m afraid. He’ll live, but there’s going to be long lasting health problems for him.”

“That’s terrible.”

“Yeah, it is.”

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Two days later, after the catfishing homophobes were caught, Ethan ran into Jay outside of Molly’s. His eyes were dark, broad shoulders were slumped, and he moved like his mind possessed all the strength his body just couldn’t muster. “Hey Choi- uh, Ethan?”

“Yeah?”

“Could we go somewhere to talk? Maybe get a drink?”

“Well, we are standing outside of a bar.”

“Somewhere that’s not packed to the seams with nosey people who know who I... Don’t want to hear what I want to talk... About. Y’know what? This was stupid-”

“How about Osso’s? Over on Folger street? It’s not a bar, but I’m starving and their booths have curtains.”

“Yeah, that sounds great, actually, thanks.”

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“I figured out that I was bi when I was fourteen. I was watching The Mummy for the first time and I couldn’t stop thinking about how hot Brendan Fraser was. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Rachel Weisz was hot too, but Brendan really got my attention. When the movie was over, uh, well let’s just say that my Catholic guilt took hold. My mom knew, I told her when I was seventeen, and she kept trying to set me up with her friends’ daughters. She didn’t care, just told me that she loved me and that there was nothing wrong with me, but that I shouldn’t tell my dad or Will. She didn’t sugarcoat anything, she took me to this secluded spot on the pier and told me about homophobia and how bad it was, not just morally, but that it ran rampant, and that my father and brother were two heavy believers in an institution who made it their mission to oppress as many people as possible. Looking back, I think my dad knew, don’t know how or if he actually does, it’s just more of a gut feeling. My brother is still incredibly Catholic, he’s become more accepting over time, but it’s clear that while he’s okay with strangers being LGBTQ+, he’s not okay with anyone he’s close to being anything other than straight. The, uh, my first time I was nineteen and it was during my rangers training, with one of my now best friends, who I dated during that time for a while. Everything kinda fell apart when we got discharged. Mouse or-”

“Greg Gerwitz. I remember him.”

“Yeah, we broke up after we were discharged. Well, he broke up with me. Neither of us were handling being back well but he was handling it worse. It hurt like he;;, I missed him so much. After I started in Intelligence I brought him in as a CI. I just wanted to know he was okay, be near him again. But he was not the same man I’d fallen in love with. He was an addict, had a record, a small one, but still. I broke my heart almost as much as our breakup did. A little later I got him a job as our tech guy. It was good having him around, especially cause he was coming back, y’know? He’d quit his habits, became a law-abiding citizen. It was great. Then, he asked me out, asked me to take him back, and I did. Without a second of hesitation. Being together again felt amazing, but then he got his record expunged, dumped me, again, and went back to the rangers. It completely tore me to pieces, I got time off and didn’t get out of bed for two weeks after he deployed. Uh, wow, sorry to unload all of that on you. And that was probably a lot of information you didn’t want to hear-”

“No, no, Jay. It’s actually nice to talk about this, even though I’m out and open, I don’t actually get the chance to talk about it all that much. I’d actually like to share if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, go ahead.”

“I was twenty-one when I figured it out. I was on brief leave in the navy, just a couple of days without duties while we were docked in Puerto Rico. I got pretty drunk, a guy I was dancing near was pretty drunk too, he kissed me, I kissed him back, and one thing lead to another. When I got back to port the next day, my friends all asked where I’d gone off to. I told them I got laid. It didn’t really hit me until the following night when I was in my bunk, lying awake because I couldn’t forget the feeling of his lips, or the callouses on his hands, or... Other quite honestly filthy details I probably shouldn’t share in a public place. I couldn’t sleep properly for two weeks, I come from a traditional Korean family. All I could think about was how they’d react. What would they do if they found out? I found out when I was twenty-nine. My sister, Emily, had somehow found out, and when she burst through the door, drunk off her ass, at the first Thanksgiving I’d been able to attend in five years, she announced it to everyone when I tried to calm her down and get her up to bed. The look, on my parents’ faces, I couldn’t even look at my grandparents. I just said sorry and ran out. I crashed at a fling’s place for a week. I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone or to go see them. I felt like someone had put my chest through a trash compactor, I couldn’t stop crying. I had lost my entire family in less than ten seconds. You know that subtle, back of the mind dread you feel when you’re boarding a plane for your next deployment? Normally, you push it away, accept it’s a possibility but try not to think about it. I welcomed it. I hoped I’d get killed, that I wouldn’t make it home. But then... My grandparents were at my gate. Their faces just lit up and they welcomed me with open arms. They both hugged me and made me promise to come home, not to be a hero. They gave me hope. They loved and supported me, went toe-to-toe with the rest of my family for me. I’ll never be able to thank them enough.”

“They sound really great, I’m glad that you have them.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Suddenly the heavy curtain closing off their booth from the rest of the world was pushed to the side. “Gentlemen, your food is ready. Who ordered the grilled salmon?”

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Ethan and Jay had grown much closer, having bi-weekly dinners. Sometimes at Osso’s, sometimes at Bartoli's, sometimes at their own apartments. They’d become close, close friends. But because drama followed them around like a moth to a flame because it felt like they lived in an overly dramatic tv show sometimes, it couldn’t stay that way.

Jay started to watch Ethan when he licked his lips after he took a sip of a drink, when the muscles in his arms lengthened themselves when he reached for something, that twinkle he got in his eyes whenever he got cocky. Jay knew what was happening from the first moment he found himself looking at Ethan’s lips for more than a millisecond. He was falling in love. And all that he could do was loathe himself for boarding a vessel with impending doom.

Reasons I Can’t Fall In Love With Ethan

Will doesn’t know I’m bi

Ethan works with Will

Ethan is in the reserves and Mouse left me to go back to a warzone, it would kill me if it happened a second time

His ex, April, is currently trying to get back together with him

April also works with Ethan and Will

Ethan doesn’t love me so I’d just be ruining our friendship

Jay looked down at his list and recited it in his head, over and over again. He needed to memorize it, live by it. If he didn’t his entire world, which he just finally found comfort in again, would crumble to the ground.

Jay didn’t distance himself from Ethan, his heart wouldn’t let him, but it got harder and harder to ignore his ever-growing feelings. But he couldn’t tell Ethan, he couldn’t be with Ethan, he knew that far too well. So the next time Ethan confided in Jay that April had made a move on him Jay did something incredibly, fabulously, thoroughly idiotic. “You should ask April out, man. I think that you guys would be great together.”

Yup.

He actually did that.

Sigh.

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“Alright, who is she?”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on Jay, I’m your brother. I know you. The last time you looked like this and were drinking vodka, of all things, was when Erin left. You only drink vodka when you’re experiencing troubles of the heart.”

“I drank vodka when Mouse went back to the rangers.”

“After he’d broken up with you to go back to the same warzone he’d almost died in.”

Jay choked on his drink and felt his heart plummet out of his body and onto the floor. Burning tears blurred his vision and Jay felt more afraid than he’d ever felt in his life. He’d been shot at, blown up, shot at again, taken hostage, tortured, and he never felt this scared, this small. “Jay? Oh my god, Jay are you okay? Breathe, man.” But he couldn’t. Why couldn’t he breathe? Why was his chest so tight? Why couldn’t he move? Suddenly he was yanked off of his couch and onto the floor, his head shoved between his bent knees. “Deep breaths, Jay. Just take slow deep breaths, in and out, just like me... Okay... Good, name five things you can feel, four things you can see, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.”

“Uh... floor, couch leg, carpet, coffee table... you... Um, I, uh, I see...”

“Four things you can see.”

“Jeans, scrubs, crumbs, Kim’s wine stain... Hear, u-uh, Netflix, heating system, the Needlers arguing again...”

“Your neighbours sure do fight a lot, but you’re doing great. Keep going. Two things you can smell.”

“... Pizza and your terrible cologne...”

“Ignoring that, one thing you can taste.”

“Your terrible cologne. Seriously, Will, your supposed to spritz it, not douse yourself in it.”

“Well you’re feeling better, but you’re still shaking. You feel a bit cold, get back on the couch I’m gonna grab you a blanket.” Will was right, he was still shaking, and he felt cold to the bone. His heart was pounding so hard it was terrifying and his chest was still tight... But he was feeling better. Panic attack. He’d gotten them before, along with anxiety attacks, night terrors, and paranoia. All connected to his PTSD. He’d just never had a panic attack about his sexuality before, only about the action he’d gotten overseas and in Chicago. When Will returned with a thick fluffy blanket he’d gotten from Kim for secret Santa, the same night she’d made that wine stain on his carpet, Jay was on the couch and gripping his knees tightly, trying to get a grip on himself. Will had also brought Jay’s first aid kit and was checking him over, after he’d been wrapped up like a traumatized child, and Jay released a shaky breath, unable to look his brother in the eye before speaking at the same volume as a mouse. “How long have you known?”

Will stopped what he was doing and regarded his brother. Jay was older and had always been Will’s hero growing up but right now... He just looked like he needed a hug. “I’ve known since you were nineteen. You brought Mouse back to visit with you while you guys had leave and when mom and dad had work and I had school, you guys had the place to yourselves. I realized when I was a couple of minutes away from the house that I’d forgotten my lunch, so I went back to get it. When I walked in you guys were making out on the couch. You were really... into each other, you didn’t even notice me. I was gonna bolt to the kitchen and back... But then you took off each other’s shirts and started reaching for belts so I bolted. I love you, Jay, and I don’t care who you have sex with, but I never want to actually see it.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry we must have traumatized you.”

“No you didn’t, I would’ve reacted the same way if I saw you with a girl... Which we both know is true cause you and Erin had a very bad habit of not closing your bedroom door.”

“Sorry about that... If you’ve known all this time, why have you never said anything? I mean you used to make these weird comments about being related to gay people, but...”

“I thought that you needed to be the one to tell me. It was your closet to exit, I thought it would’ve been rude to force it. And about those comments, I don’t know, it’s just you never told me. More and more time passed, and from the letters you were sending mom I could tell you and Mouse were still together but you never said anything. I was trying to give you hints that I don’t care, your sexuality doesn’t matter to me. I love you no matter what. The only reason that I brought up any of this now, forced you out of the closet... I’ve never seen you like this. It rivals when you came back. You are hurting and I want to be there for you, but I can’t if you won’t talk to me, if you won’t let me in.”

“But I’m sinning. You’ve always been more devout than me.”

Will scoffed. “Have you been reading the news? The Catholic church really can’t decide what’s right and wrong considering all they’ve done and covered up. Plus, did you really think I was going to make all my life choices based on the teachings given to me by men who forced us to wear plaid suit jackets for elementary and high school? Really, I can’t wear plaid anymore, I don’t understand how you can tolerate it, I swear I’ve got plaid PTSD.”

“Well, maybe it’s cause I actually have PTSD and there are far worse things to go through than having to wear plaid to school every day.”

“That was a bad comment, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright... So you’re really okay that I’m bi?”

“As long as you're happy, I’m happy.”

“You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that and mean it.”

Jay was tearing up again, but this time they were happy tears. Will just wrapped his big brother in a hug and relished ina feeling of closeness that he hadn’t felt since they were kids.

“Okay, now seriously Jay, who’s giving your heart trouble?”

“I don’t know, Will...”

“As long as it’s not Connor Rhodes I don’t care.”

“Well...”

“Oh no-”

“Ha! Just kidding! Your face, seriously, what did that guy ever do to you?”

“We’re not talking about the man who thinks he’s smarter than me. C’mon, tell me who it is. Is it someone I work with?”

“It’s Ethan Choi...”

“You guys have been spending a lot of time together over the past year, so I can see that. And he’s pan, right? Yeah, I think that you guys would be cute together and I think he’s got a thing for you, honestly. Why don’t you ask him out?”

Jay fell back and groaned. “I told him to ask out April the next time she hits on him.”

Will just blinked and stared at his masochistic and self-sacrificing moron of an older brother. “Why would you say that?! You clearly like him! You idiot!”

“... I’m gonna need the vodka back if we’re gonna keep talking about this.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jay felt like the weight he’d had on his shoulders was traded for another. He wasn’t worried about Will despising his existence anymore, but now he had to watch Ethan date April. And on top of all that, Will was always on his case about his miserably non-existent love life. So yeah, he wasn’t really enjoying his life at the moment. He was currently sitting up at the bar at Molly’s, avoiding ‘chexton’. He could hear April’s giggles and Doris squawking “you’re so perfect for each other!”, “I’m so glad you got back together!”, and “I call maid of honour!” over and over and over again. He knocked back the last of his beer when his phone buzzed.

Mouse: Hey Jay, I’m back on leave for a couple of days, just got off the plane. Want to meet up?

Jay: Sure, you up for a beer at Molly’s? I’m here right now.

Mouse: Actually I was thinking of a different kind of meet up. Your place? Just the two of us?

Jay: Sounds like a plan.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jay and Mouse spent the two days he was home screwing each others’ brains out. That really was the best way to put it. Their time together was hot, heavy, and passionate. They wouldn’t get back together, no, but there was a bond there that would always remain. They’d both had tension that needed to be released and release it they did. Jay dropped Mouse off at O’Hare early on the third day. “Hey, thanks for this weekend. It was nice, it was good to see you again, Jay.”

“Yeah, you too. Stay safe Greg.”

“It’s Greg now?”

“You’ll always be important to me. You were the first man I loved, but you’ve left me twice. I need to move on.”

“It sounds like you already have. I’m happy for you, you deserve nothing but happiness, Jay. But, uh, should you have just spent an entire weekend naked with me if you’re with someone?”

“He doesn’t love me back.”

“Is he straight?”

“No, but he’s pan and got a girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry Jay. For your situation and everything else.”

“I know. Stay safe.”

“I will.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jay turned on his phone for the first time since he told Mouse to come over. He was met with an abundance of texts and missed calls. The texts were mostly from his colleagues, asking if he was going to be at Molly’s. A couple were from Will, asking if he wanted to get together to watch a game. The person who’d sent him the most texts and had made most of the missed calls was Ethan. Jay didn’t bother going through them all, he just sent his brother and Hailey quick text messages letting them know he was alive and would be at work on time, he’d just spent the weekend with a friend. He called Ethan as he made his way through the city. “Jay? Are you okay? Where have you been? I’ve been so worried, I called your brother and Hailey and none of them could tell me anything.”

“I was okay, I was at home the whole time.”

“But I went by your place, I knocked on your door, no one answered.”

“Oh, that was you? I thought it was Karen from down the hall. I was a little... Busy.”

“All weekend? Alone in your apartment? With no assigned case or old case that’s been bothering you?”

“Well, I wasn’t alone, actually.”

“What?”

“Yeah, Mouse was on leave for the weekend so he came over.”

“... You were alone with your ex-boyfriend for an entire weekend... Doing what?”

“Each other.”

“Damnit, Jay.”

“Eth-” And then Ethan hung up. Jay was confused and distressed, but he’d arrived at the district so his relationship with Ethan would have to wait. Well, friendship, not relationship.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Voight needed someone to go collect a statement from an accomplice at MED Jay’s reaction rivalled that of Katniss Everdeen. He was given a couple of odd looks, but he and Hailey made their way to the hospital, Hailey side-eying him the whole way. “Do you need to talk to Ethan?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“He hounded me for two days because you weren’t texting him back. He was really worried, Jay. What’s going on with you two? I mean, he was acting like...”

“Like what?”

“Like a worried boyfriend.”

“We’re not dating Hailey. Why would you think that?”

“Because you two look at each other the way Trudy and Mouch look at each other. Like you’ve hung the moon and the stars for each other. I don’t judge, Jay... You’re always really happy around him. I think you’d be good together.”

“He’s dating April.”

Hailey scoffed and rolled her eyes so hard her head rolled with them. “No, they’re not dating. She was acting like it, and Doris was yapping away about it on Friday at Molly’s, but Ethan was just quietly sitting there the whole night, he looked really uncomfortable honestly. A couple hours after you left he asked April if they could speak in private. It didn’t stay that way for long. Ethan had tried to tell her that he didn’t want to get back together and didn’t love her anymore, and she was upset, obviously. But it seemed like she understood. She hugged him and went to sit back at the nurses, but I guess she told them and Doris blew up, screamed at him, made a huge scene. April had to actually take her home. Ethan immediately came up to me and asked where you were.”

“Oh.”

“So you volunteered us to talk to him?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey Ethan.”

“Can we talk, Jay?”

“Yeah, I’d really like that.”

“The doctor’s lounge is free, we can talk in there.” They entered the darkened gray room together, both feeling the tension between them. It felt strange to just stand there, in the middle of the room, and Ethan wasn’t meeting his gaze. So Jay sat down, hoping that Ethan would follow his lead. He did. “I’m sorry that I worried you.”

“Don’t apologize, I should actually be apologizing to you. You didn’t owe me an explanation, we don’t have the kind of... Relationship that warrants you letting me know when you’re going to disappear for a weekend with your ex. We’re just- We’re just friends.” Jay was silent for several moments, trying to think of what to say. How to phrase what he was feeling. There didn’t seem to be an eloquent way to phrase it, so he decided to just jump in and hope he didn’t get hurt. “I don’t want to be friends with you Ethan. I want to be more than that, I love you. I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but- I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’ve been trying to distract myself, with Mouse most recently, but it didn’t work. It doesn’t change that I really want to kiss and date and be loved by you. Will you go out on a date with me?”

“Yes, there is quite literally nothing else I’d rather do. How about tonight, because I don’t think I can wait any longer. And I love you too.”

“I know that the wall behind us is basically just a window but I really want to kiss you-” Thankfully Ethan didn’t care about that, and gave Jay a kiss so incredible, he saw stars.

... And missed Hailey and Will high-fiving behind him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After informing the accomplice that he was being arrested for armed robbery, obstruction of justice, and public urination, Jay and his partner left MED. Jay was so happy he was practically vibrating as he skipped out of the hospital. His, highly amused, partner got into the passenger side of his truck and thumped his shoulder. “See? I told you that he likes you.”

“How did you figure out I’m not straight, anyway? I’ve... Played that pretty close to the vest. I only told Will a week ago.”

“You know Nico’s Diner over in Greektown?”

“Yeah.”

“My family owns it. I started working there when I was nine, I think? I worked there through high school and college. And I go there once a month to catch up with my brothers. You used to go there all the time with this guy and you’d hold hands and kiss him quite a bit, so I figured you were more than friends. I recognized you when I walked onto that robbery scene a couple years ago.”

“So you knew, this entire time, that I was bisexual and you didn’t say anything to anyone? Why not?”

“It wasn’t my place to tell Jay, besides, I didn’t know that you were bisexual, just that you liked men. I just spoke up now because you were really hurting Jay, it was so obvious, and it was obvious that Ethan was hurting too. I really hope that you guys are happy together.”

“Thanks, me too.”

“Soooo... Where are you gonna take Ethan on your big date?”

#One Chicago #chicago med #Chicago PD #ethan choi #jay halstead #ethan choi x jay halstead #jay halstead x ethan choi #will halstead #hailey upton #greg gerwitz #greg mouse gerwitz

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

Text

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry? Yes. I took this adulthood and aging psychology class and I forget what it was exactly the documentary we had to watch was about, but I remember being on the verge of tears because it reminded me of my grandpa who passed away.

What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about? Uhh, I don’t know? Just whenever I fall asleep.

What is you favorite type of lunch meat? Turkey, salami, and bologna.

What time of the year do you dislike the most? Summertime.

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? Ew, no.

What is your favorite color to wear? Black.

Are you an overachiever? No. Especially not these past few years where I haven’t done anything at all and put like no effort into anything. :/ At least when I was in school and things were better than how they’ve been the past few years I was productive in school and put effort into things and into myself. I’ve just given up.

What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)? Perfect teeth.

What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'Hara) would you marry? Uh, I definitely don’t want to marry Bambi... anyway, I’d say one of the characters Alexander Skarsgard has played.

How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)? I don’t know, a couple weeks or so.

Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry? Ha, yeah, when I was like 16 during my emo days. They’re so cringe.

What is your favorite thing about your life? My family.

Have you ever painted a picture of somebody? No.

How many real bfs/gfs have you had? I honestly haven’t had a real, serious relationship.

Did you enjoy your past relationships? With Joseph I did.

Name a comedy that you like. Bridesmaids.

Could you wait until marriage for sex? Yeah, but I don’t plan on getting married.

What’s the best Nirvana song? Lithium.

What was the last thing that impressed you? Hmm. I don’t recall.

When was the last time you were in a pet store? It’s been awhile.

What nationality is your last name? Irish, I think.

What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? Wavy Lay’s chips with ranch and French onion dip.

Who was the last boy that you saw cry? My brother.

Does your mom know you do surveys? I don’t think so.

Have you ever had a serious injury? Yeah, the one that made me a paraplegic.

What was the last thing you achieved? Uhhh.

Would you enjoy being famous? I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to be famous.

What’s under your bed? Some medical supplies.

Do you enjoy travelling? Yes.

Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it? I was in a couple clubs in high school and the psych club in community college.

When was the last time you drank strawberry milk? It’s been a very long time.

Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set? Hmm, I don’t recall. I might have.

Do you have a clock in your room? Yes, apart from the ones on my laptop, TV and phone, I have an actual wall clock as well.

Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher? I didn’t take driver’s ed.

Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite? Hmm. Probably Toxic, Slave 4 U, Boys, and Lucky.

Does mind over matter work for you? Sometimes.

Are you paranoid? I definitely can be.

What is the best thing about winter? Christmastime and the weather. I love that time of year.

Have you ever been truly in love? I think so.

Are you currently planning a trip? No, I wish.

How many plants are in your home? Zero.

What is your favorite possession? All my stuff.

Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked? Yeah. I’ve been used and taken advantage of back in the day for being too nice.

What movies have tripped you out? There’s been a few.

Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade? No.

Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night? I’d like to say no, but I allowed Joseph to use and play me for 3 years, so. I knew deep down he didn’t feel the same way as I did and he didn’t want to be in a committed relationship with me, but I didn’t want to admit it. I liked the attention and the good times we had and I didn’t want to give that up. I would hope that now that I’m older and have experienced that I wouldn’t allow it to happen again. And yes, I had a friend who put up with a whole lot worse for that reason.

Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. I don’t want that floating around or existing at all out there.

Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep? No.

What summertime treats do you love? Milkshakes and ice cream.

How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I mean, I have to be interested in the person and feel comfortable doing so.

What do you hate most about moving? The packing and unloading.

Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? I wouldn’t know.

Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks? Just the Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.

Has anyone ever whistled at you? Not that I know of.

Do you like scarves? No. I don’t like things around my neck like that, it drives me nuts.

Is your father homophobic? No.

Do you take gummy vitamins? No. I don’t take vitamins at all, currently, although I really should.

Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? No.

Who would you like to meet before you die? I mean, I certainly wouldn’t mind meeting Alexander Skarsgard.

If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? I don’t feel comfortable being nude when I’m just by myself, I certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable doing so publicly. Absolutely not.

What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? There’s been a lot, but of course I’m blanking at the moment. Most are pretty crazy, though.

If Heaven and Hell exists, where are you going when you die? I hope that go to heaven.

Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else? My loved ones.

What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday? Ugh, seems like just about anything can. I’m so irritable and moody all the time.

Is there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy? Yeah, me.

Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself? I loved Decode and Super Massive Blackhole.

How old was the first person you kissed? He was 15 and I was 16.

Will you be a strict parent one day? I don’t want to have kids.

Last person to stand up for you? I don’t recall the last time I needed to be stood up for.

Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah, I’ve been to a few.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My mom and brother to see Candyman.

What’s your favorite high school memory? I liked the rallies and some of the assemblies.

Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? Being single is best for me.

What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? I don’t know. I’m such a scardy cat.

What subject at school did you absolutely hate? Math.

Italian food or Chinese food? Italian.

Do you like to make flash cards when you study? That wasn’t my usual study method, no. I preferred taking notes.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? Ha, uh no.

Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? I only watched those when they were shown in some of my college classes or was assigned to for homework. I’ve never watched any on my own.

I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. I don’t feel that way about anyone.

What do you think about Marilyn Manson? I have nothing to say about him tbh. <<<

Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? I didn’t get into trouble.

Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? No.

Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? I don’t care.

Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? Yeah, I got all 4.

Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? No.

Jalapeños: yay or nay? I loved jalapenos back when I could eat spicy food. Jalapeno poppers were bomb.

Did you ever play Minecraft? No.

Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? Yeah.

Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Ha, yeah.

What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? I’m the victim of gun violence that made me a paraplegic at just 7 months old.

What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people and sick, perverted assholes.

If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it? There’s a lot I’d like to change.

Describe your first relationship? It wasn’t much of one but we had the title, ha. It also only lasted a few months.

Describe your last relationship? He used and played me and then kicked me to the curb when he was done.

Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex? I’m a virgin, but I absolutely would practice safe sex. That’s very important.

Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? You just really feel, connect, and relate to certain things, like the characters and/or plot line and it has some kind of effect on you.

What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? Hopefully something good.

Do you feel protective over someone? My loved ones.

What perfume/cologne do you wear? I’ve been wearing this beachy scented body spray. I need to get a new one for fall.

Where did your vehicle come from? I don’t have my own car, I don’t drive.

What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? I’m totally blanking.

What is your favorite way to eat chicken? Boneless chicken wings and chicken tenders.

It is your birthday. You hope the cake is: White with buttercream frosting.

What do you wear to bed? What I wear during the day, which is either lounge shorts or leggings and an oversized tee or t-shirt dress.

What were you doing at 8pm last night? I was eating dinner and watching Gilmore Girls.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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jjmaybanksblog · 4 years

Text

Lost Sweater- Kiara Carrera

Kiara x female reader

Summary: Alternative Universe where when one person loses something, their soulmate receives it.

Word count: 2,028

Warnings: None

B/N: Brother/ boy name

Y/N: Your name

Y/A: Your age

Soulmate. A simple word that brings many thoughts to the brain. Someone who you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with, happily. Someone who will treat you in ways you could only dream of. Many people believe in them, others don't. You grew up a non-believer never understanding why God would make something so amazing, such a difficult task for people. Your friends all around you had begun receiving their lost items, all of them meeting their soulmates, meanwhile you remained confused and alone.

You were a non-believer until one day your missing sweater wound up on your bed with a note attached to it.

"You must have misplaced this, I was confused when I was sleeping and the cotton fell on my face, fun fact I almost suffocated. Anyways, hi. This must belong to my soulmate, damn that's crazy. In my entire life I never believed in this shit, my parents telling me about how they met because my dad found and returned a necklace that meant a lot to my mom. I always thought it was bullshit until recently. Here's your sweater back, I 'lost it' throwing it out my window. I hope to hear from you soon.

Your soulmate"

You read the letter over and over as the thoughts finally sunk in. Maybe you wouldn't be alone after all. Gently biting your bottom lip, you suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline run through your body. You ran out of the room and into your brother's room.

He was sitting down at his desk when you barged in. He turned around towards you, only to be nearly tackled in a hug. "Who are you and what have you done with my sister. You barely hug me." B/N asked as he saw the letter in your hand. "Ohhh shit. You got your soulmate." He mumbled, putting the pieces together.

"I'm not gonna end up alone!" You smiled. Your brother knew of your fear. You had talked to him before, explaining your thought process about this all. You were afraid you would die alone, not knowing what it would be like to love and be loved. You knew it was irrational, but growing up you never pictured someone falling in love with you. You took it to heart so you just shut every romantic aspect out of your life.

Your brother congratulated you before you ran back into your room, writing on a lined piece of paper.

"Dear soulmate,

Wow. Just writing those two words felt foreign. Sorry about my sweater almost killing you, I'm just a clumsy person that loses things a lot, but I'm glad you're okay. I also was a non-believer. I always saw the people around me finding their soulmates and being happy, meanwhile I was in the corner watching all my friends find the one. For the longest time I was convinced that maybe I just wasn't meant to have one, but knowing you're out there makes me feel... safe. Attached to this note is a picture of me, I figured maybe if you're curious enough you would want to know what I look like. My name is Y/N I'm Y/A years old and I can't wait to find out who my soulmate is. Xx

Y/N

You took an image of yourself and stapled it to the back of the letter. Opening your window that led to her backyard, you grabbed a scrunchie and wrapped it around the note. You carelessly threw the note and picture out of the window and watched it effortlessly fly away in the night sky. You fell onto your bed, staring happily at your bedroom ceiling.

Slowly drifting off to sleep, your eyes snapped open when you heard a soft popping sound echoed by your desk. Rubbing your eyes, you stood up and walked over. Another letter was displayed on the wood, you smiled softly as you sat down. Your eyes scanned the letter as you read it out loud.

Y/N,

Wow. Just wow. I can't even think of words to form right now. You're absolutely breathtaking. I'm not gonna lie I wasn't expecting a girl, but God, do I feel blessed knowing that you're my soulmate. Your letter and picture were actually soaking wet. But it smelled like salt water, so I'm guessing you live possibly on a coast. I live in the Outer Banks in North Carolina. When I got your letters it just smelled like home. I wanna go traveling, to you, out of the country, just explore new things. I totally understand how you felt about feeling like you're not gonna find a soulmate. I've watched more than half of my high school senior class find their soulmates during the year. Meanwhile I was acting like everything was completely fine and I wasn't distraught. I should be asleep right now, but I'm dying to talk to you. Get to know you. Later on if you'd like, I would love to call you. To hear your voice and your laugh. I think you should get some rest as well. I have no clue what time it is where you are but I want my love to be well rested. Goodnight Xx

Kiara Carrera

You flipped the paper around to see a beautiful mixed girl with carmel colored skin. Her hair was curly and beautiful, flowing from wind. Your eyes were drawn to her smile, you could tell she was laughing and you wished to be able to hear her laugh.

For days on end you and Kiara had been 'losing things' with letters attached to them. Tonight was the night where Kiara was going to call you. Both of you were on the edge of their seats, your hearts beating rapidly. Kiara's hands shook as she dialed your number, pausing between each number.

After what felt like forever, the phone began to ring. You audibly gasped at the sound of a bell ringing. You hesitantly picked up your cell phone that was placed on the bedside dresser. "H-hello?" You spoke into the phone. Kiara broke out in a grin, "Y/F/N, Y/L/N." Your name rolled off her tongue, goosebumps rising on your arms and back of your neck.

"Kiara Carrera" you spoke back, Kiara internally squeaking at the soft, velvety voice that spoke her name. "My god your voice.. okay I totally don't mean to sound weird but it's just so calming and relaxing. God okay wow hi, I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be on the phone with my soulmate." Kiara spoke as she nervously chewed her bottom lip.

"Honestly, me too. Growing up I always... ugh I don't mean to sound like I was sympathy or attention, I always grew up insecure and pictured myself as someone who could never be loved. And everyday I always saw or heard about people finding their soulmates in different ways. It went on for years and everyday I lost hope, but now I'm here talking to you and I feel nauseous, but in a good nervous way. Does that make sense?" You asked, rapidly shaking your leg.

"No I totally get it, I feel really hot right now mostly because I don't know what to say to you. Like my whole life I've planned on things to say but now that I'm talking to you I have no clue what to say or how to say it."

Kiara threw herself on her bed, her smile never leaving her face as she closed her eyes, listening to your soothing voice. "So, tell me about Kiara, what it's like to live in the Outer Banks?"

4 months later

After months of planning, you had managed to save up enough money for a plane ticket to OBX. You were currently walking off the plane and into the terminal, your heart beating a mile a minute. You stood to the side as you were about to text Kiara, asking where she was.

That was until you locked eyes with the girl you'd recognize from the pictures. Kiara's heart felt like it was about to leap out of her chest as your eyes met. You held your suitcase tightly as you made a run towards your girl.

You released your items mid run as you opened your arms out. With one swift motion Kiara picked you up in her arms, holding you close to her. Your legs wrapped around her waist as you held each other tightly. "You're real." Kiara mumbled into your neck as she held back tears.

You pulled away from the hug, your legs still around her torso. Her fingers brushed their way through your hair, subconsciously leaning into her touch. Kiara pecked your cheek as she placed you down onto your feet. Your hands intertwined as you guys walked to her car, your thumb rubbing over her knuckles.

They spent the car ride debating on which Beyonce song was truly the best. Kiara blasted the music as loud as she could take as she sped down roads to her house.

She drove past the beach, your eyes not leaving the beautiful view in front of you. Your head was turned to the window as colors of the sand and the ocean blurred by. "You want to go?" Kie asked you as she saw you admiring the waves.

You were left speechless, only able to nod your head.

As soon as they got to Kiara's house, her family was waiting at the door to be introduced. You felt an overwhelming amount of support from her family, none of them giving you attitude or being rude. No one was being homophobic, they were so welcoming towards you which made this day even better.

"Let's go get changed. Bathrooms down the hall and to the left." You dragged your suitcase behind you as you entered the bathroom. You quickly changed into a teal bikini, both pieces of fabric covering you properly, throwing on an oversized shirt for comfort. Kiara grabbed 2 towels and waited for you at this point her face ache from smiling but she couldn't stop.

You walked back out, giving your girl a thumbs up. Joining Kie in the car, she set off to the beach which was only 5 minutes away. It was currently 7:42 p.m. and the sun was beginning to set. The sky was painted in a mixture of purples and pinks, splashes of orange thrown into it as well. You laid down the two towels and sat down on one of them, patting the space next to you.

Kie sat down, instinctively wrapping her arm around you. You rested your head on her shoulder, sitting there in a comfortable silence. You were still in awe at the sight, the waves rising and then quickly falling onto the sand. This was everything compared to the beaches in New Jersey. The birds that flew above, diving down at any food they could find. The sounds of the waves crashing relaxed you to another level.

"I can't believe you get to see this everyday." You whispered. "You could get to see it everyday too. Well, one day. Well only if you want of course." Kiara nervously stumbled on her words, not knowing how to recover from that. "I'd love that." You simply said, looking at her. The sunlight reflected perfectly off her skin, giving her a sort of Golden look.

"Kiara?" You questioned, your eyes falling to her lips. "Hmm?" "Can I kiss you?" Kiara was taken back at your question, but immediately answered by moving in toward her. She leaned forward, her lips brushing against yours. You made the final move and pushed slightly so you two were finally kissing. Both of you melted into each other's touch as you smiled into the kiss. You two shared a passionate kiss for a few seconds before pulling away, your noses gently touching. You pressed a kiss to her nose as she shyly bit her bottom lip.

You rested your head back on her shoulder, staring back into the sunset. "I'm really glad I lost that sweater." You admitted.

"I am too."

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grouptalekindnesssoulstories · 4 years

Text

To Fly A Rainbow

So uhhh...I just wanted wings? I have no other explanation

Words:~1,200

Warnings:Swearing, misgendering, homophobia/transphobia, threatening to out someone

“Lady Danielle Ekafae and her parents, Lord and Lady Ekafae” A herald announced the arrival of the last guests. Prince Roman settled his wings slightly, adjusting them to compensate for a too stiff chair. The estate who was hosting the ball had very few chairs made for the royal family and their wings. Those had gone to the King and Queen, and Crown Prince Remus. Roman knew there was another chair he could have used, but his gayness was offensive to the hosts. So he would suffer silently until the ball ended.

“If I may, Prince Roman, I would like to request a dance with you” or not.

“Of course, my lady” He stood to honor Lady Danielle’s request. Like the perfect gentleman he was, he bowed before offering his arm. The lady giggled and took it. He swept them out to the middle of the dance floor.

“That chair didn’t look comfortable” She remarked, eyes glittering. Curse her sharp eyes.

“No, it wasn’t. However, a prince never complains-” He twirled her “-and my gay ass offended our hosts”

“Well I hope Deceit strikes them soon” She took her eyes off him for the first time since the songs began. He noticed her studying the walls.

“Usually I would say that he is a criminal and I hope he’s caught. However, because it’s you and you’d know I’m lying...I hope the same. He’s done a lot for me and my brother. Hopefully Re can come public with his marriage soon” Roman watched as for the first time all night, Danielle’s muscles relaxed.

“Oh? Is he gay too?” She looked up at him, a small smile on her face.

“Yes. We’re twins, what did you expect? He’s married to our advisor Logan and Patton, a cook down in the kitchens. So, that’s another strike against him. Luckily, he’s good at social stuff. He also has helped marry others, who otherwise wouldn’t be able to. Our parents are trying, but the nobles aren’t budging”

“You love him a lot. Well, I can tell you my parents are for it. They’ve accepted me since I came out” She smiled.

“Lesbian?” He dipped her, kissing her hand as he prepared to step away. She was swept away before she could answer fully.

~~~

The rest of the party passed in a blur. Before Roman knew it, he was settling in a guest bedroom. He sighed, putting away his day clothes. He’d help wash them tomorrow, but right now he wanted to sew up a hole in his sock. As he was finishing, he heard a creak.

“You can come in Re. I’m still up” He called softly. Instead of a door open, the window swung open of its own accord. A figure dressed all in black climbed in, making the odd event less odd. When its face turned to the prince, he saw that it was covered in snake face paint.

“D-deceit” He stammered, scrambling backwards on the bed. Deceit just tilted his head at the prince. After studying him for a moment, the black-clad figure raised a finger to his lips and crept out of the room. Roman’s hands were shaking as he tied off his work and put his sock away. He considered going to sleep, but decided against it. Deceit occasionally left bodies in his wake and the prince’s would be quite the fuss. After an agonizingly slow hour, Deceit returned. When he noticed the prince was still awake, he once again tilted his head.

“I wouldn’t dare hurt you, Your Highness. Besides, you have been nothing if not a leader in the fight for our rights. Sleep well, and know that you have nothing to fear” A familiar voice hissed through the painted face. Before Roman could place it, Deceit was gone.

~~~

The next few weeks were quiet in the hunt for Deceit. After Roman reported the sighting to his parents, they stepped up the defense as well. It seemed the man had decided to lay low while the alarm was raised.

“Ro. Why are you so distant?” Patton nudged his brother in law to startle him out of his thoughts. The Crown Prince had invited his partners and his partner to hang out in his room. Logan was busy trying to keep their husband from completely derailing a speech they were working on.

“It’s nothing. Just thinking about what the thief told me. It still haunts me” Roman admitted after a second.

“Well, I have been looking over the records. It appears he goes after those who have been homophobic. Either behind closed doors, or openly, they all have that connection” Logan had given up trying to stop Remus, and had hidden the original copy of their work and left the other one with their husband.

“Wait, really?” Roman straightened.

“Indeed. and all of the murders he left a note. All of the inheriting children reported that it was a warning to not follow in their parent’s footsteps” The advisor straightened, adjusting their glasses.

“Huh. That’s kinda neat? I guess. I know, I know. It’s rude to be glad of their deaths” Ro waved off the reprimand. Logan sighed and continued after a moment.

“Yes. Well, in an effort to prevent that, your father has compiled a list of everyone who has been against the changes. Hopefully we can prevent further crimes by our elusive friend”

“Awww, you think of me as a friend! Can you show me the list? My brain is coming up empty on who to go after next!” The group’s attention all snapped up to the top of the window. Deceit sat there, picking his nails. When they all finally took note of him, he wiggled his fingers in greeting. Remus reached for his bow. The thief clicked his tongue.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. I told my associate that if I wasn’t back by dinner, to reveal your little secret. It would a shame if the crown prince was revealed to be gay and polyamourous!” Remus immediately lowered his bow and drew his partners behind him.

“Deceit, please. Leave him alone” Roman begged as he stepped forward.

“Only for you dear. Oh, and tell Dee I said hi. Well, Lady Danielle I suppose. He’s trans though. Goes by Janus. His parents are sweethearts. Use them to help get your reforms in place. Ta-ta” the familiarity of the voice finally snapped into place within Roman’s brain.

“Wait, please. I’m sorry I misgendered you throughout” The figure paused. Before long, he turned around again. The forced hissing dropped.

“You...you figured it out? I. I was so careful. Hit them regularly for a simple robbery to disguise it. How?” He sounded so vulnerable. Roman finally realized why it was so hard to pin down his voice. He was on T. Before he could think any more, he shot in the air to perch next to him.

“Your voice. And how gentle you were when you saw me awake. When I used the right pronouns. there were a thousand little things that snapped into perspective when you mentioned yourself” He reached out a tanned hand, carefully wiping away some of the make-up around Janus’s eyes.

“Get him bro!” Remus cackled, his bow returned to his place. Both of the perched duo went bright red at that.

“Look my scaly friend, you don’t have to do this anymore. We’ve got it. Please, just....go live your life. i’m guessing your parents know?” Roman finally choked out, a flashy smile replacing the surprised expression.

“Yea. They were the first to know. I told them when I was little, and they’ve done everything they could to help. They also figured out I was Deceit too. They told me as long as I wasn’t cruel, I could continue” Janus had a quiet smile on his face. Roman smiled and kissed his forehead.

“I’ll take over the fight from here. Thank you dear, but it’s time for political battles” Roman made to move so his companion could leave. Before he could do anything though, Janus grabbed his sash and pulled him into a kiss. After a minute, Roman melted into it. They broke apart with twin gasps amidst cheers.

“I never answered your question. I’m gay too. Sleep well Darling” He called over his shoulder, drawing out the name sweetly.

“I’m so doomed”

“That you are Ro. Come on, we have dinner with Dad soon” Remus snapped his wings to get his brother’s attention.

“Gimme...a sec. Gotta figure out what just happened”

~~~

Seven long years, the new laws were welcomed in with the younger prince kissing his husband.

Janus had stolen Roman’s heart for his final crime.

#roceit #intrulogicality #trans!janus

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