#his name was kevin we were very happy together but he’s a cop now

[strangeswift]

i think mike and will play house when they’re little kids, like they pretend to be husband and wife. and then when lucas joins the group and wants to be included mike is like okay well i guess you can be .. our son? and then years later when they’re like 13 lucas brings it up as a funny story and mike is like DON’T talk about that. and lucas is like ok damn chill out bro. fast forward to a few years later when mike and will start dating and lucas is like Oh okay it was a touchy subject i get it. when he brings it up again will thinks it’s hilarious but mike is just like.. go to your room, you’re fucking grounded and additionally i am putting you up for adoption.

[dreamingmanip]

“MADNESS LOVE” PART 2

*GIF NOT MINE*

You can find part 1 here.

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warnings: None (if I need one let me know in my ask!)

Prompt: NONE

Word Count: 2,026

A/N: Hi guys! Like I said before, this is part 2 of 3 for this imagine. I loved this fic so much I could’t stop writing. I hope you liked it, like always if you like this, please like it and reblog it. This would be pin on my page so you can find it without problems.

The tears kept rolling down your face all the way home, you didn't bother to wipe them away when you met your neighbor in the lobby, asking you if you were okay. You weren't, you were holding yourself to not break down in the middle of the hallway, making a scene. 

Your keys jingled while you opened the front door, your hands trembling; you shut the door behind you. There was some light coming from outside the window but mostly it was dark,and that's how you felt, as if somebody took the light inside you leaving you blind. You leaned you back on the door, your body sliding down to the cold floor, sitting there looking at nothing. A cell phone started ringing in the distance but you didn't want to move. Your eyes fluttered trying to focus in the dark, searching in your jacket for it, the screen on the phone  glowed  and illuminated your face, Jay's name showed up, and the killing pain came back to your chest just looking at his name, so you decided to turn it off. 

God knows how long you were there until you decided to stand up and go to your room to take a shower, put on some pajamas and grabbed the bottle of wine that was in the back of your fridge taking it to your room. Jay's words echoing in your head, over and over again.

Did he commit to his job, to his Unit, that he was fine letting you go? His words were etched in your mind. Of course you understood the full situation, he was right; you were the new still, not a detective, but that wasn't what was hurting you, it was realizing how he believed you both could never say anything because your jobs were more important. 

Somehow you fell asleep before finishing the bottle of wine. The clock on your nightstand began to chime, it seemed that you had barely fallen asleep. Your room was still dark thanks to the curtains but some rays of sun could creep in. You stretched out your hand to turn off the alarm, and at the same time, your cell phone began to ring, you probably turned it on again in the middle of the night, you were a cop and sometimes you did stuff automatically; you raised it a little to be able to answer.

"Hello?"

“Hey Y/N, please don’t tell me you were still in bed.”

Your voice was a little croaky when you spoke.

“Uhm, no I wasn’t. My throat feels weird this morning, so… yeah.”

Kim’s voice was joyful even on the phone, you turned to see the clock, in a bright green color it said “8:15 AM”. You sat up immediately, moving the soft sheets wrapped on your body away while Kim was still talking.

“...So I called Kevin and we decided to bring you some donuts and your favorite coffee before the event. We’re 10 minutes away.”

“Fuck”.

You murmured getting in the bathroom. Kim looked at Kevin a little concerned.

“Sorry Kim, I spilled some water on the table but, uhm, yeah. See you in 10”.

Ending the call, you got in the shower, didn’t even wait for the warm water so you screamed a little feeling the coldness on your skin. The fastest shower you ever took in your life, leaving you with only five minutes to get dressed up and do your hair. 

You were in the final touches of your makeup when a few small knocks on the front door warned you of the arrival of Burgess and Atwater. Taking one last look at the mirror to put a smile on your face before one of them would notice something, you felt anxious and devastated and trying to hide it from officers and detectives required a lot of self control.

Both of your friends smiled when you opened the door, Kim was holding a little box with cartoon drawings of donuts on the top while Kevin was offering you a cup of your favorite coffee. All of you wearing uniforms.

“Thanks guys, I barely ate something this morning”.

You took the coffee from Kevin’s hand, taking a little sip before walking out of your apartment, closing the door behind you. The three of you were talking about random stuff all the way to the car and to the downtown, well, Kim was the one talking with Kevin, you were mentally preparing yourself to see Jay, it wasn’t working at all.

“So Y/N, Jay called me last night, which was a little weird if I have to admit, he asked me about you”.

Kim was looking at you through the view rear mirror, you blinked a couple of times without saying anything. Why did Jay call Kim to ask her for you? You had no idea and that's exactly what you said.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I was at home last night. He’s weird sometimes you know that.”

“I know, right? He asked me if you were with me last night but we were at Molly’s. Adam, Hailey, Kevin and I, we miss you by the way.”

Kevin looked at you, knowing something went wrong between you and Jay.

“We invited Halstead to celebrate but he said he was busy filling some forms for Trudy after shift.”.

“Well, I don’t know him so well. I think he prefers to be alone. Look, the press is here too”.

You passed some news cars, reporters were setting their cameras to get a better view. Jay hated this, he wasn’t comfortable seeing his face on the paper just for doing his job and also Voight taught them that when his unit was formed, and everyone did almost the same.

You got out of the car after Kevin parked near the place. Hailey was the first who noticed you, she raised her hand and started to wave it. You smiled, Kim was doing the same and started walking towards her, Kevin patted your shoulder making you go slowly.

“What happened last night? Jay called me too, he said he was worried about you”.

“Well, he doesn't have to do that anymore. We’re done”. 

“Wait, what?”

Kevin stopped for a moment, that news caught him by surprise.

“Y/N, are you sure of this? Don’t get me wrong, I’ll support any decision you make, all the way, but I know your feelings. Working together could get harder.”

You nodded your head, you knew it. It was going to get hard in every possible way, seeing him every morning not able to steal a kiss from each other at the coffee room or staying up watching a movie with your head on his chest; suddenly a bunch of memories came back to your mind, you shook your head slowly, you gave him a side smile.

“Kev, I got this. I’m gonna be fine. C’mon”.

You bumped his arm with yours while you reached out to Hailey and Kim, for a moment Hailey looked at you and nodded, Jay talked to her too. You nodded back to her.

A few moments later, Voight and Trudy joined you. In the place there were a small, but considerable, number of people but no matter how much you searched with your eyes, you could not find Jay. The coordinators asked you to take your seats, for obvious reasons the Intelligence Unit was in the front row, it wasn't until that moment that you could see Jay in his uniform, you had always liked the way he looked in it. However, he didn't seem very happy, he seemed calm but you noticed the pressure on his jaw, his straight shoulders and his gaze in front of him, but he wasn't looking at you.

He was sitting next to some superiors in the platform in front of you. The Superintendent stepped up to the microphone to start his speech, some photographers started to point their cameras to the people and then to the "big hero". 

The ceremony wasn't too long, you all met in the back while reporters were asking now questions to some people. Voight was smiling, which was rare, while Jay was walking towards the group. 

Adam was the first to talk, and like always, started to make some jokes. 

"There he is, the super cop Jay Halstead. The man of the year!"

He padded Jay's shoulder, he had a shy smile on his lips. Uncomfortable by all the attention he was receiving. 

"Thanks Ruzek, I think the cartel in Mexico didn't hear you". 

Everybody laughed, including you. Jay looked at you for a moment, actually felt more like 2 seconds. 

"Alright, let's go back to the district and back to work. We can celebrate later at Molly's". 

Voight spoke and all dismissed to the cars, you went with Kevin again, this time Kim decided to ride with Ruzek, the awkward sensation was still there so she didn't want it to push it further and make you uncomfortable. Once inside the car, you kept quiet all the way, Kevin knew you were lying but he also knew how you dealt with a broken heart. 

You went to the locker room and just arrived at the district, it was too damn warm to keep it all day, also it was used just for events like this. When you got to the door you spotted Hailey, she was putting her badge on her belt. You kept your head down, trying to avoid her, you greet her with a quiet voice. 

"Uhm Y/N, can I talk to you for a moment?" 

"Yeah, sure."

Hailey closed the door and crossed her arms on her chest, her  cautious blue eyes looking back at you. 

"Look, when Jay told me he was dating you, I told him it was stupid. Not worth it if your careers could be over just for a romance that could last just a few months". 

You knew Hailey, she was a bad ass woman and probably didn't say it to her so often but you admire her. She was serious, she didn't like to play games when it comes to her friends. 

"I'm sorry for telling you this, but that was before seeing how good you are together as partners and as a couple. I was scared for both of you because I love you and I care about you. I'm not on Jay's side or your side, left me out that but Y/N, it's not easy to Jay open his heart like he did with you. He doesn't want to lose you and I guess the only way he can control that feeling it's not letting anybody know about it. Forgive me if I was a little obtrusive". 

You didn't notice there were a few tears on your cheek, cleared your throat to be available to speak but you failed at finding the right words, it took you a few seconds to speak. 

"It's okay Hailey, but what about me? What about my feelings? I know Jay is right, we could lose our jobs but, why make me feel like his dirty secret?"

Hailey took a few steps closer, her blue eyes now looking sad.

"Of course your feelings are valid. Don't get me wrong, I have been in that position before and it's not easy. All I'm saying is, you shouldn't leave things unspoken, this stuff gets heavy later."

She hugged you tight, rubbing your back. You held her too, she knew what she was talking about, you never asked before 'cause she was very private but you believed her at anything she said. 

After changing your clothes, you came back to the bullpen, nobody was talking, you sat at your chair and looked around; it seemed like everybody was tense for no reason. Voight was in his office and the unit was on some paperwork. You felt someone looking at you, directly. There was no need to look up, you knew Jay was looking at you from time to time. You haven’t talked to each other yet, you needed to, but that wasn’t the right place.

Tagged some beautiful people ✨:

@itsdesiree86 @mrspeacem1nusone  @anotherfan07 @thestarrynightslover

[julieloveupstead]

"I Never Leave You" - Upstead

CHAPTER 5

- And that's pretty much it. - Jay closed the file and handed it to the Sergeant. They sat in the office for a good thirty minutes, during which the Detective explained all the information they'd managed to get so far. - They ran this case to Sergeant Benson with his people and then the FBI took it over, and now we're just waiting for their back answers, which I suspect they won't send out until tomorrow morning. - He finished and looked at his boss.

He was trying, really trying to be calm and talk normally, but every time he looked at Voight he could feel it boiling inside him. He couldn't help it that every time he looked in the boss's direction and heard his hoarse voice, he had the sight of his crying, broken, terrified beloved standing in front of him in their flat.

Not so long ago, standing in that office, he felt respect, reverence and wished that one day it belonged to him alone. And to the man sitting across from him though after many years of disbelief and skepticism he finally believed that underneath that mask of harshness, of ruthlessness Voight was a righteous though strangely he showed it he cared about his people. Jay wanted to believe that Sarge wasn't a bad person, just simply the death of his wife and then his son had destroyed a part of the man.

He thought Erin's departure from Chicago brought him and Voight closer together, after all they both loved her and cared about her, though Jay was angry at him for letting it happen, but in the end he understood that New York for Lindsey was the best thing. So Jay forgave this Voight thing the hard way, and it must have taken some time, but he did.

And then losing Alvin made another part of Voght's humanity disappear, irrevocably. It seemed to Jay that this event had tipped the scales of bitterness, that Voight would no longer be the same as before, so he made it a point of honor to help Hank. And just when he thought he'd succeeded, just when he thought he was finally on track to get Voight back on track, the Kelton case came up, and everything went to hell. Jay lost confidence in Voight, because knowing the history and knowing what the man was capable of, I don't think anyone had any doubts about that.

But again, if it wasn't for Sergeant Jay would have lost his job, because of Angela. He didn't know what Voight had done to shut her mouth, and he didn't want to know, but that way he could still be a cop.

But he'll never forget when Hank Voight sent Hailey to NY, it caused the relationship that had just managed to get a little better to shatter. Until now, Jay couldn't forgive his boss for treating Hailey that way.

Although the blonde said that this trip had worked out for the best, that she had no regrets for the older man, he still couldn't look at it that way.

When Hailey showed up at the department, he saw that Hailey wasn't fond of Voight, and the fact that she wasn't afraid to tell him what she thought intrigued him the most about her. Later, however, he would notice a change in their relationship. He didn't know exactly when, but at some point he felt a strange sense of déjà vu. He couldn't explain it, but he felt that Voight was treating Hailey like a daughter a bit like Erin, and that was ridiculous after all, right?

But then it only got worse, and as Jay knew more and more about Hailey's family he realized that Voight might be playing a father role in her life, but he still wasn't sure if he was imagining things again, and he let the subject go for another time. What he didn't realize was that next time it might be too late to react in any way.

Cameron's death had turned everything upside down. That's when Hailey started losing herself, and he didn't notice because he was too busy salving his conscience. How selfish he was back then. His then still friend was going through a horror story, and he was taking care of the child of the guy he had wrongly put in jail. And from that moment on everything went wrong. And he still can't forgive himself for that.

Because if he'd reacted the right way back then and through his stupidity hadn't ended up in hospital, then maybe Hailey wouldn't have crossed all those lines. Maybe they wouldn't be in this situation now. There are thousands of these questions of what ifs in his head, but now it's too late to speculate. They found themselves in the place they were in and nothing can change the time. All they could do was find a solution to make Hailey the woman he can't imagine living without, the love of his life, suffer through his conscience and the selfishness of their Sergeant. Because the fact that what happened is Jay's wine is clear, but the biggest fault lies with the man who now sits in his office as if nothing happened. And that's what drove Jay the most crazy.

- You really have no sense of guilt, do you? - Jay couldn't take it anymore and spoke harshly. - Do you really have nothing left of a man? - If the Detective's gaze could kill, the Sergeant who only now raised his eyes to him would already be dead.

If Jay's coarse tone surprised the Sergeant, he didn't show it in any way. But it didn't surprise the young policeman at all. He didn't expect the older man's conscience to suddenly stir.

- Did it even cross your mind for a moment what Hailey is going through right now? - He saw Voight trying to say something, but Jay couldn't stop. He finally had to react, to say what he was thinking, what he'd been holding back inside for so many years. - Did her fate ever bother you at all? Does the fate of us ever matter to you? Did you only think about yourself all the time?

There was silence for a moment, during which both men measured each other with their eyes for a moment.

- 'Well, keep me informed. Jay, this is your business, and you have the final say and don't give into Smith. Remember, this is your turf, not theirs - Voight spoke up after reviewing the file he handed back to Jay.

Jay just nodded and snorted in disbelief that Voight had changed the subject, but on the other hand, he didn't count on moving the older man's conscience. The man is too canny and too emotionally brainwashed for that.

He took the papers and stood up without even saying anything.

- Jay? - the detective was stopped before leaving the room by a hoarse voice.

- Yes, Sergeant? - he asked himself, reluctantly turning towards the older man.

- I didn't want it all to end like this. Hailey should be with Adam. - If Jay didn't know what Voight was really like, maybe he would believe the fake guilt painted on his face.

- You know what, cut the bullshit. - He walked over to the desk and leaned on it with both hands to be closer to Voight. Jay was furious that the older man thought words would make a difference. - You destroyed her life, and I will never forgive you for that. - And with that he walked out of the office. He grabbed his things from the locker room and then walked down the back entrance to the car park. He knew that Hailey was hard and that she was going through a lot, so he decided to do something for her. Something that would at least for a little while make her forget about what had happened recently and feel better. He wanted to hear her sincere, resonant and beautiful smile again. He wanted to see her beautiful blue eyes smiling again, too. Not only that, but he promised himself that he would do anything to bring that back, to bring back a happy Hailey, and he would start with food. So before coming home he will go to the shop some more and maybe find some more florist. He should buy her flowers more often. Hailey deserves it, the best, and he will do anything to give her that best, no matter what.

In the meantime, Kevin and Hailey pulled up outside the Detective's flat. Hailey looked out the window, instinctively looking for Jay's truck, but didn't find it. She didn't know how much longer Jay and Voight would be discussing tonight's case (she hoped that was what the Sergeant had asked Jay to do), and she didn't want to be left home alone. Not yet ready to face her thoughts by being alone with herself. So she sat in silence hoping her friend wouldn't throw her out of the car and hoped Jay would be able to arrive by then.

- Thank you, Kev - Hailey said after a moment of silence.

- 'It's no problem. - Kevin turned in his seat so that he could get a better look at the blonde. - 'Hailey, are you all right? - he asked worriedly.

Hailey closed her eyes to keep from crying in front of him, and when she opened, she was met with a worried look from her friend. She knew she should tell Kevin the truth, because he deserved it, as much as any of them did, but she also knew that the truth would only make things worse.

- Yes, I'm just worried about Kim and you know it all - she didn't lie, she just told part of the truth. Kevin just nodded, though she could see that he didn't quite give credence to her words.

- And what's up with Vanessa - Hailey decided to change the subject.

Hailey didn't find out that Van had left the department until after she returned to Chicago. They rarely talked because they both had a lot of work to do, and besides, Van was deep undercover and couldn't be talked too often. Hailey missed her friend and she missed her a lot.

- Yeah, we talked yesterday. She said she was finishing up her job soon and going back to her department. - He answered, and Hailey noticed a smile on his friend's face whenever the name of the junior police officer was mentioned. She had suspected for some time that the two of them had something in common, and she was very happy that her two friends had become closer, because they both deserved to be happy.

- This is great. - she said for the first time in a while, smiling sincerely. She was proud of Van, because she knew that not many young police officers who had recently graduated from the academy got the chance to work in two elite departments. She predicted that her friend would have a stunning career in the gang division.

For a moment they sat in silence, each submerged in their own thoughts, when suddenly they noticed lights, and then a familiar car emerged from around the corner.

- Was it Halstead's car? - Kevin spoke up first, wondering what Jay's truck could be doing under Hailey's house. She turned towards her friend, biting her lip nervously.

- Ammm, right. - She replied, looking at the figure approaching them. Hailey felt ashamed, realizable that this would be the first time anyone had seen them in such private circumstances, and officially confirmed that she and Jay were together. She knew it would happen at some point, but she still couldn't stop stressing about it.

- Now it's getting clear, he said, smiling warmly. Hailey looked apologetically at Kevin for not saying anything about it earlier.

Jay knocked on the window and Hailey and Kevin looked in his direction, then both got out.

- 'Hey,' Jay called back, then moved closer to Hailey and stole a kiss. She felt her cheeks flush red because it was the first time they'd done it in front of people. Jay quietly laughed at her reaction.

- 'Hey,' Hailey quietly replied, and Kevin just nodded, still smiling widely.

- 'What are you grinning about? - turned Jay to Kevin.

- Nothing. - He shrugged his shoulders, still smiling broadly. - I was hoping it would end like this sooner or later. - He added, looking at his two friends.

Jay and Hailey laughed at Kevin's words. Did they seem so obvious, only they themselves noticed it so late?

- I am very happy for you both. You both deserve it. - said Kevin sincerely. Hailey and Jay were very happy that their friend had taken the news of their relationship so positively and that he enjoyed their happiness.

- Thank you - said Jay for both of them

- How long have you two been together? - Kevin asked curiously.

- 5 months - said the so far silent Hailey.

- Yes exactly 5 months, 15 days, 18 hours and 27 minutes - answered Jay in a tone as if he was talking about the most important ceremony. Hailey looked with admiration at her partner, who, feeling her gaze on him, looked at her with tenderness and a smile reserved only for her.

- Wow - whistled Kevin, being impressed that they managed to keep it to themselves for so long. - All right, lovebirds, I will leave you alone. - he said, pushing away from his car, wanting to give his friends a moment to themselves. Opening the driver's door, he looked at his friends - Are you going to Kim's today? - he asked even before getting into the car.

- Yes, we'll just have something to eat, and then we'll clean up. I think we can be there in about 2 hours. - said Jay with a questioning look at Hailey, who nodded her head.

- 'Okay, then I'll see you then. - Kevin got in the car and drove off, while Hailey and Jay stared at the departing car for a moment longer.

- 'Well, that's another person to tick off,' joked Jay, walking with Hailey to the truck for a moment more.

- Yeah? - asked Hailey, unable to remember who else they were talking to.

- Well, my brother and I don't suppose you think Trudy doesn't know anything. And let's not forget the devil in a human body - he enumerated opening the back door of his car.

- Well yes - she said quietly, waiting for her boyfriend to take what he needed. She knew who Jay meant about the devil in a human body. To be honest, she regretted letting herself be fooled by Voight back then. In general, Hailey regretted letting Sarge get inside her head and ruining her life because of it. She wanted to fix it all, but unfortunately she didn't know how.

Hailey leaned her back against the car, gaining the courage to ask a question.

- How did the conversation with V... Voight? - She turned to Jay, biting her lip nervously. She didn't know what to expect from the answer. Had they talked about her? Had Jay lost his temper? Had Voight said something? Did that mean she should look for a new job? She looked at Jay, who now had two nets in one hand and a bouquet of red roses in the other.

- Jay? - She asked herself, not really knowing what to say. Did they talk about her? Did Jay lose his temper? Did Voight say anything? Did that mean she should look for a new job? She looked at Jay, who now had two nets in one hand and a bouquet of red roses in the other. - Jay? - She asked herself, not really knowing what to say.

- This bouquet of flowers is for you - he set the paper bags down on the ground and then approached her with the bouquet. - I know that you got your first bouquet from me as a pretend girlfriend, but I knew already then that I wanted you to be my real girlfriend and I promised myself that when I finally dared to tell you about my feelings, I would always make you smile, I would always make you feel loved, and I would do everything to make you feel safe. - He paused for a moment to look at the girl. Tears came to Hailey's eyes and she gasped. What should she do now? No man she had ever met had ever brought her flowers or said such things to her. - Hailey, I love you the most in the whole world, and I'm sorry I didn't notice earlier how Voight was manipulating you and that.... - Hailey noticed tears appearing in the man's green eyes. - 'Angel, I'm sorry that I let you down, that I wasn't there when you needed me the most, when that son of a bitch needed you - the blonde couldn't listen to Jay blaming himself for something that was completely not his fault, so she did the only thing that would silence Jay. She simply kissed him, Jay was surprised but not a second passed when he put his arms around her waist pulling her closer to him.

- 'Jay, nothing that happened is your fault,' she said quietly as they pulled away from each other, and she looked into his eyes and placed one hand on his cheek. - No, Jay - Hailey didn't let Jay speak, knowing he would want to deny it. - If anyone needs to be blamed, it's me. I'm the one who let him get inside my head, I'm the one who killed Roy. - She spoke quietly so that no outsiders could hear them. Jay started to shake his head, so she put her other hand, on his other cheek to steady his head. With her thumbs, she wiped away the tears falling down his cheeks. She kissed him again and when she pulled away from him, she joined her forehead to Jay's forehead, although it was difficult because of their height difference, but somehow they managed. - I love you, Jay. Thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful. - She said with a slight smile, which Jay reciprocated. She didn't want to continue this conversation further because she knew they were both too stubborn and knew that this conversation wouldn't end soon.

- Shall we go home? - Jay finally spoke up. Hailey nodded and took the flowers while Jay took the groceries.

- I can't remember the last time we prepared meals together. - Hailey said enthusiastically.

- 'True,' Jay smiled slightly as he looked at the satisfied blonde hugging the flowers. His heart beat faster, seeing that such a small thing made her happy. - And that's why I thought home cooking would be a good change today. - Hailey nodded, looking lovingly at the boy.

- 'So what, you go wash up, and I'll make the food? - Jay suggested when they finally entered their flat.

- Actually, why not. - Hailey only now felt how tired she was from all these events. She hadn't had a decent night's sleep in the last few days, because every night she was woken up by nightmares with images of what she had done. She wanted to finally get some sleep and start living without the fear that killing Roy would come out, and she would lose everything she had. Hailey put down the bag she had been carrying on her shoulder the whole time since she got out of Kevin's car and leaned against the wall, looking at Jay, who was unpacking groceries and humming a tune quietly.

Hailey couldn't believe how, in their still new relationship, all the new activities had become normal for them. Jay quickly learned his way around her flat, and his presence quickly became a daily occurrence. More and more she caught herself imagining just such a future with Jay in some not so big house with a garden, with a dog or a cat and maybe with little versions of them running and prancing around.

But so what if it can all come crashing down like a house of cards in an instant?

For the first time in her life, she has so much to lose. For the first time she is not ready, and above all she does not want to lose what is finally good in her life.

Imagining the future that may have been waiting for her, she felt tears appear in her eyes, so she blinked. She couldn't lose Jay for anything in the world, not now that she was finally feeling happy and when she was ready for the future.

Jay had been busying himself in the kitchen the whole time and Hailey, with a smile on her face, walked over to him and clung to his back, causing him to stop cutting the vegetable. She closed her eyes and let herself inhale his soothing, woody scent that she always associated with the woods and the kind of peace she only found with him after a hard day. She felt Jay turn in her arms so that she was now hugging his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her even closer. Now Hailey felt like she was in her own place, like she belonged in his embrace.

Just being in his arms was enough for Hailey to breathe and feel the stress and drugs accumulated over these 3 days leave her body.

- Hey - she heard Jay's tender voice and although her eyes were still closed, she was sure that a slight smile was wandering on the man's face.

- Hey - she replied, reciprocating the smile and snuggled tighter into her boyfriend's body. They stood like that for a while in silence in the middle of the room, Hailey with her head against his chest so that she could hear the steady beat of his heart, and Jay rested his chin on the top of her head. Standing like that in each other's arms, for two people in love, nothing mattered except this moment, where it's just them alone, in their house, and no problems, no arguments, no Voight, just them, doesn't matter.

Just Hailey in Jay's arms and Jay in Hailey's arms.

- Let's go away and leave it all to hell. Let's start somewhere else, somewhere where it's just the two of us. Just you and me. - She whispered into Jay's T-shirt, after a moment. These last few days had given both of them a hard time. She wouldn't forgive herself for the rest of her life for what she'd done in that warehouse, and the nightmares of images of the bloodied man and the look of fury in Voight's eyes would drag on for years, so maybe this trip wouldn't be so stupid. Maybe if they started somewhere else it might be different.

As much as she loved her job and working at Intelligence and the people who worked there and who she could call her family and Chicago her home without a doubt and while for many years she couldn't imagine life without it all and living in another place now she couldn't imagine life without Jay alone. He was the only thing that mattered to her and the life she wanted to start with him. She felt at home with him and as safe as she had ever felt in her life so far.

- Okay, where do you want to go? Greece? Australia? Italy? The Caribbean? - she heard Jay, which made her heart beat harder.

- Are you serious? - she pulled away gently to get a better look at him and make sure he wasn't joking, but from his face she read only complete love and confidence in what he was saying.

- Hailey, I am deadly serious. I'm ready to fly out even now - assuring Hailey, who couldn't believe what had just happened.

- Really? - she was still in shock that Jay had just agreed to her crazy idea.

- For real. - He assured - I'm sure he wants to be with you, and where we live is secondary. As long as we are together, we can even live under a bridge. The most important thing for me is that we are together. Just you and me - he put his hands on the blonde's cheeks and looked her straight in the eyes. - With you, I would go to the end of the world and even to outer space. Where you go, I go too. Remember? I'll follow you anywhere. - Hailey heard Jay's declaration and felt her heart beat faster, and she felt butterflies in her stomach. - That night when we talked about your offer from the feds those 5 months ago and then if you told me you were accepting their offer, I was ready to fly with you. - When he said this Hailey tried to find at least a shadow of doubt, but she didn't see anything like that, on the contrary Jay was deadly serious.

Although it still seemed surreal to Hailey, it didn't surprise her at all, because over the years of their partnership they had assured each other many times that they would always follow each other, no matter what, they were always there for each other, and now that they were together privately it hadn't changed, only now all those words had a new, even deeper meaning.

- You know I love you, Jay? - Hailey stood on tiptoe to reach his lips, cursing her short height in her mind. Jay laughed, seeing the woman's efforts and the annoyance painted on Hailey's face when, despite standing on tiptoe, she didn't reach. He shook his head in disbelief at how lucky he was and how much affection he had for the petite blonde. Those 3 words that had caused Hailey anxiety, stomach tightness, paralysis and the desire to run away were now the most beautiful words, causing her heart to beat faster and wanting to hear it over and over again.

For Jay, these words from Hailey's mouth are like the most beautiful melody, and I don't think he will ever get tired of hearing it.

- I love you, Angel - he said with a slight smile, blinded by the blue of her eyes. - You are my whole world.

Jay leaned over her and brushed his lips gently against hers. In time, the gentle kisses turned into more passionate ones. Jay grabbed Hailey's hips and, guessing his intentions, she wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms wrapped around his neck. Without stopping kissing, they had crossed the threshold of the bedroom when an audible burbling came from Hailey's stomach, causing both she and Jay to finally pull away from each other, quietly giggling about it.

- 'Is anyone hungry? - he asked provocatively with a sly grin on his face.

- I'm sorry - she laughed, embarrassed, and rested her forehead against Jay's chest, entwining her hands more tightly around Jay's neck. Why exactly was it that her stomach decided to give out now? Now that it was getting so wonderful.

- You're cute when you blush. - he said kissing Hailey on the top of her head

- Stop it. - she tried to sound annoyed. Biting her lip with her teeth holding back her emerging smile, she patted his shoulder with her hand.

- Okay, okay, I'm stopping now. - He replied trying to stop laughing, and when Hailey finally looked at him, she saw Jay trying to hold back his laughter - Do you think your stomach is capable of giving me about 30 minutes? - he asked, setting her down on her feet on the ground.

- Well, I don't know, but I'll try. - she looked up into his green eyes also in a hooked voice. Suddenly she realized a thing and the smile immediately came off her face.

- 'Are you all right? - Jay asked himself, immediately noticing the change in his girlfriend's mood. He put his hand on her cheek, thus giving her encouragement, as something told him that she might need it now. - Angel, tell me.

- Yes... I mean no. Kim is still fighting for her life, I... - the words couldn't come out through her mouth. - We can't laugh and pretend everything's okay, Jay. - She pulled away from Jay. In the shadow of all the upsetting events that had happened over the last few days, she couldn't do that. She had no right to laugh and be happy.

- Hailey, we're not doing anything wrong. - Jay tried to touch Hailey, but she kept backing away and shaking her head.

- 'You can't do that, Jay. It's not fair to Adam, Makayla'i and the family who are now sitting at her bedside dying from worrying about Kim. - Hailey turned her back, unable to bear Jay's tender gaze. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, so she closed them. - I can't, I can't - she didn't stop repeating it over and over again. Her heart was pounding madly, she couldn't catch her breath, and her vision began to blur.

- Hey, Hailey, Angel - she felt Jay's arms turn her around and wrap around her body. She snuggled into his body and began sobbing loudly, not caring that she would leave a wet tear stain on Jay's T-shirt. - Shh. It's okay. Shh, I'm here. - He whispered in her ear and made patterns on her back, trying to calm her down.

Hailey felt guilty and angry that she had allowed herself this moment of joy. She shouldn't, just not. Not after what she'd done. Not after what Kim and her family are going through. Not when her friend is fighting for her life. Not when a 6-year-old girl might lose her mum again. Not when Adam might lose the love of his life.

It just wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair, but why? Why does anyone allow someone to be hurt, to suffer?

- Hailey, will you look at me? - Jay's quiet voice brought her back to earth, but she couldn't look at him. Not just yet. - Please. - Finally hearing Jay's calm and soothing voice, she dared.

- 'Angel, Kim is still fighting, which means she's alive, and that's something to be happy about, don't you think? We managed to find her in time, and now she's in the best care in MED - Hailey slowly nodded her head in agreement.

- 'But if it hadn't been for that whole agreement between Kevin and Adam, if it hadn't been for Voight separating us, we would have found Kim sooner. - Hailey couldn't stand how many bad things had happened that evening and couldn't stop thinking that it was her fault too. - Jay, maybe Voight was right, and I am actually like him. I knew what he was capable of, I saw the diabolical look in his eyes. Why didn't I just walk out of that warehouse when I heard you found Kim? Why did I stay with Voight, knowing what might happen? Why did I let him lead me to kill a man? - she wiped her tears. She felt exhausted by it all. Of having to pretend to be strong when everything was falling apart for her, of having to lie to those closest to her, of not sleeping at night because of these damn nightmares. She was tired of fighting with herself. She wanted it all to finally end. - I don't have the strength, Jay. - She said in a breaking voice and lowered her head down.

- Hey, don't say that - Jay with two fingers lifted Hailey's face by the chin, so he could see her beautiful blue eyes, though now reddened by crying. - I have strength enough for the two of us. I will be by your side every step of the way, I will never leave you. I promise you. - Jay wiped the tears streaming down her cheeks. His heart was breaking at the sight of his distraught beloved. It shouldn't be like this. Hailey doesn't deserve something like this. - You have a good heart, you're a wonderful person, and you believe that everyone deep down is good and if you see someone being hurt you immediately run to help them. And you wanted to help Voight, you wanted him to report that he found Roy, you wanted to stop him from killing a man.

- I did, but so what because I killed him myself! I pulled the trigger! - she screamed, still crying.

- Angel, but if you hadn't done that, he would have hurt you or Voight. You saved your life, and that's not a bad thing. - He tried to calmly explain to Hailey that she shouldn't blame herself.

- But I broke the law. I didn't report it - Hailey was unable to calm down. She did not know what she should do.

- Angel, you didn't break the law, Voight did. He should have reported it. It's all his fault, not yours. - Hailey wasn't letting Jay's words sink in. She couldn't. It couldn't be that simple. - Hailey Anne Upton, I forgive you.

- What? - Hailey looked at Jay, not believing what she had just heard.

- If you need forgiveness, I give it to you. What matters now is whether you can forgive yourself. - said Jay without breaking eye contact with her.

- I... Mmm... I don't know - she replied, still in shock.

Although Jay had nothing to forgive Hailey for, because she hadn't done anything wrong, he still knew that the woman needed it.

A few years ago, he himself didn't know how much he needed those words until someone told him. It doesn't solve the problems right away, but it's a good start.

Hailey needs to know that he doesn't hold it against her and that she hasn't done anything wrong, and the most important thing is for her to understand that herself and let it go to her head that no one is blaming her. That he doesn't blame her for anything and that he will never judge her. That he will always be there for her, just as she has been for him all these years. He loved her very much and would not let her lose herself in guilt.

- Angel, you did everything you could, don't be so hard on yourself, please - Jay tried to reach out to Hailey again.

For a while they stood like that, embraced in silence, listening only to the sound of their hearts beating.

- How am I supposed to do this? - she asked in a weak voice.

- Why don't you go take a bath first and then eat something and then go to bed? - he suggested quietly kissing the top of her head. Hailey immediately clung to him.

- I can wash up, but I don't know if I can swallow anything. And besides, I would like to go to Kim's. - After a while, she said in a hoarse voice.

- Okay, this is what we will do. First you go take a bath, and then we will see what happens next - he tried to propose something else, leaving a kiss on Hailey's forehead. - I love you Hailey - he whispered pulling away from her and headed off giving Hailey a chance to calm down and although his heart was breaking knowing she would be left alone he knew she needed it.

Once she was alone, Hailey couldn't stop the tears flowing again, but she blinked a few times to chase them away. She didn't have the strength to cry anymore, so she decided to take a few deep breaths to try and calm herself down. When she finally felt that she was regaining the power in her body, she headed towards the dressing room to grab some fresh clothes and underwear, and with that she walked to the bathroom.

She turned on the water in the shower, undressed, and then stepped under the stream of water. It was only under the stream of warm water that she allowed herself to let go of the barriers that had held her down all day and from Jay.

She cried and cried and cried, shedding what she hadn't dared in front of Jay until the water she stood under cooled to the point where goosebumps appeared on her skin and even though she couldn't see, she was aware that her lips were bruising, and she could feel herself shivering. So she quickly soaped up the sponge with gel and washed herself, then took the shampoo and started washing her hair. After a few minutes she got out, took a towel and started to wipe herself. She put on fresh clothes, and only then could she completely breathe a sigh of relief.

- The pasta is coming. - Jay was standing with his back to her, stirring something in the pot, but it was enough for him to hear her coming out of the bathroom.

- It smells lovely. What are you cooking? - she asked, coming closer and looking into the pot.

- Chicken in Gorgonzola sauce - he answered, finally looking at the girl. - Did you wash yourself with my body lotion? - he asked teasingly, smiling, smelling the familiar scent of his cosmetics.

- Oh really? Apparently your gel smelled nicer - she shrugged her shoulders, biting her lip, holding back a laugh. Only now did she realize she had mixed up the bottles.

- You've got my blouse too - Jay touched the hem of the blouse she had put on that had once belonged to Jay.

- Mmm - she turned to face Jay - it hasn't been your jumper for a long time, Jay. - She replied, reciprocating the smile. Jay moved closer to her with an even bigger smile, from which Hailey's knees were softening. He put one hand on Hailey's waist to pull her closer to him and tilted his head and brought their lips together in a sweet, slow kiss.

After a moment, they pulled away from each other, both with big smiles on their faces. Jay placed both hands on Hailey's cheeks, gazing with infinite love. As if Hailey was the only person on earth. To him, that's exactly who she was. The one, unique, special, strong, brave and his woman of life.

- I love you, Angel - he whispered. Hailey heard the words he said, and she pulled back. She felt as if those words unlocked some secret box in her head and everything began to whirl and images of what she had done over the past years appeared before her eyes. She couldn't believe that the man standing in front of her knowing what bad things she had done still loved her, still wanted to be with her. Not only that, but she couldn't fathom it, why he wouldn't hate her like she hated herself.

- How could you? - Hailey burst out, barely holding back the panic that was emerging again.

- What, how can I? - Jay was surprised by his beloved's reaction.

- How can you love me? - she threw her hands in the air, completely consumed by panic - How, after all I've done, are you able to look at me? Touch me? Kiss me? Make love to me? - she ran her hands over her face, wiping away the tears that were coming.

- Hailey, what are you... - Jay tried to figure out what was going on, but Hailey didn't give him a chance.

- You know I'm the reason Cam died. You know, I'm the one who caused Walker to be murdered. I'm the one who planted the drugs in the car to save the Van boy. - the words were coming out of her mouth at machine-gun speed.

- Hailey... - spoke again, Jay, already increasingly horrified by his girlfriend's behavior.

- Jay how can you be so in love with me knowing that I've crossed boundaries so many times. Recently even because of me you had to break your rules and I put you in trouble. Hell I killed a man, and you still kiss me, look at me with this love, sleep with me, touch me. You do all these things like nothing bad happened. As if I haven't broken the law. Like I didn't do anything wrong," she said, drenched in tears and not stopping talking.

- Hailey, Angel - he tried again to approach the girl. He approached very slowly and spoke very quietly. He had never seen Hailey like this, and it scared him, and it broke his heart to see her like this. He wanted so much to take this fear, pain away from her and do something, so she wouldn't suffer like this. But the problem was that he didn't know how he should do it, and it was killing him even more. It was all his fault, because he wasn't there when she needed him most.

- No, leave me. I don't want to - she stopped, unable to speak through her tears and sobs. She felt she was running out of air, but she couldn't stop crying, she couldn't stop talking. She had to free Jay from this burden. From the weight of her mistakes, her demons, her guilt. Voight was right about one thing, Jay is a good man and a good cop, and that can't be changed. She can't change that. Jay can't pay for her faults. He doesn't deserve that.

- Okay, so what do you want? - He asked himself, no longer holding back the tears that were now streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't look at her suffering, it was breaking him. He was ready to do anything, really anything, to take away all her pain.

- I... I want - she leaned against the wall and slid down it to the floor. She curled her legs, which she wrapped around her shoulders, and looked at Jay. He had to know she was serious. - I want you to hate me, just like I hate myself. I want you to look at me with revulsion, with disgust. I want you to stop loving me, to leave me alone. I want you to be happy. You're a good man and a good cop, you don't deserve all this shit. Jay, I love you more than a man should love another man, it can't even be described how happy I was with you. I thought that this - she pointed at them - that this would be good, but I was wrong.

- Hailey I'm begging you to stop - Jay fell to his knees in front of Hailey begging her, he was begging the universe that what he just heard was a dream.

- Jay, go away, come back to your place. Forget about me, please - a single tear flowed from her eyes - It's better this way - she said the last words so quietly that Jay had to wonder if they definitely came from her mouth.

It all seemed like a bad dream, this couldn't be happening for real.

- Hailey - he began slowly, afraid that the woman would interrupt - I know that fear is speaking through you, and I know that you don't mean it. - Hailey, hearing Jay's still calm and tender voice, closed her eyes and begged him to stop, to leave her. To let her suffer alone. - Hailey, Angel look at me please - The woman couldn't resist the request, so she did as Jay asked. When their gazes met in Hailey's eyes seeing her suffering, he took a deep breath to stop himself from pulling her to him, so he continued. - I'm not able to stop loving you or hating you. You are the most important person in the world to me. I love you so damn much that I can't even name it. You are the only meaning to my life, Hailey Anne Upton, and I can't live without you. - He paused for a moment, wiping the tears from his cheeks and to take a breath. He decided to move a little closer to his girlfriend, hoping she wouldn't run away.

He didn't break their eye contact. He gently placed his hand on her shoulder, he could feel Hailey freeze under his touch, but he kept moving closer and continued to keep his hand on her shoulder. When he thought he was at a sufficient distance to hold Hailey and to give her space, when he suddenly had an idea. He moved a little away from Hailey and pulled down her blouse. Hailey looked at him, not understanding what he was doing as he took it off, put it aside and then returned his gaze to the blonde, still puzzled by his behavior. In truth, he was surprised by it himself and didn't know if it would do anything at all, but he didn't know what to do. He was losing hope, and he felt he was losing Hailey too, and he couldn't let that happen. Not when he knows he can help her, he doesn't know how yet, but he's not going to give up. Jay gently placed his hand on her cheek and then gently took her hand and placed it where his heart was beating. Hailey wanted to pull her hand away, but he held it steady and tight enough to keep her from discomfort and pain. - Angel, my sweet princess, I cannot, will not and cannot give up on the love of my life. I know you don't have the strength to fight, that you think you don't deserve all the good things, love, me, happiness, but it's not true. You deserve so much more and as long as I'm alive, as long as this," he placed his other hand on their hands that were next to his heart, "as long as my heart beats I will fight for both of us. I'm not going anywhere, Hailey. No matter what. And you can hate me for it, you can call me names, you can kick me out of the house, but I will never leave you, you understand. - He pulled her to him and hugged her tightly. He felt Hailey cuddled against his bare chest start to cry, so he hugged her even tighter. - We will think of something together. Even if it is just the two of us against the whole world, we will not give up. - he whispered in her ear, rocking their bodies. Shh, quiet, I'm here. I'm here. Shh, I'm here, I'm with you. Shh, shh, shh. - He repeated over and over again. They didn't know how long they sat like that on the floor in the middle of the flat and wept, but Jay hoped that the warmth of his body, that the beating of his heart, would be able to calm his Angel. He tried to be strong for both of them and prayed that it would be enough, because he didn't know how much more his Angel could take.

[svltburn]

Contact Buzz

Summary: Fiona and Iggy get buzzed at the neighborhood bonfire.

Ship: Fiona Gallagher/Iggy Milkovich

Warnings: Drug use, alcohol, depictions of foreplay, not sfw

Word Count: 2.7k

Read on AO3

The noise should be the first thing that draws Iggy’s attention since it sounds like an end-of-the-world party is taking place a few blocks away from where he’s walking home after his beer run.

It’s not the noise though, it’s the smell. Whoever it is has to have the strongest weed imaginable, and Iggy wants in on that. He only notices the noise once he gets closer, dozens of people whooping and hollering, the dark sky illuminated by the giant plume of flames in the center of them all.

Mickey's boyfriend - the first redheaded Gallagher kid, Iggy can’t remember his name. Evan, Aaron, something monosyllabic like that - is carrying one of his little brothers on his back near the flames. One of their neighbors is waving his shirt into the smoke above the flames then pulling it back to inhale. It looks like the whole of Wallace Street is here, dancing around and shouting along to the song that’s playing loudly over someone’s speakers.

It’s chaotic, and where there’s chaos, there should be Milkoviches. Though he has to admit he doesn’t look very hard, in the quick glance he does give, Iggy notices a distinct lack of anyone from his family.

When he gets close enough, he wades into the crowd. He sets his pack of beer down on the first tailgate he comes to, and a joint appears in his hand as if by magic. He doesn’t know who it was that gave it to him, and they’ve already disappeared by the time he looks up to watch the fire after taking his first hit.

If he could smell it from three blocks away, Iggy’s surprised the cops aren’t here already. Then again, he heard that Fiona Gallagher maybe had a thing with one, so maybe she pulled some strings or some dick that allowed the whole neighborhood to come out and get a contact buzz together.

Iggy’s lived in the Southside his whole life, but he can’t spot a whole lot of people he thinks he knows. Even less he would consider friends.

He takes his magic joint with him and goes to hop up to sit next to his beer in the bed of whoever’s pick-up. He rips the box open and tugs a can out to pop the top on, drinks about half of it before the other side of the truck is dipping down under the weight of someone hopping up to join him on the other side. Iggy looks up, curious, around his beer, lowering it and belching as he makes eye contact with Fiona Gallagher.

The action makes her laugh for some reason, and then before Iggy can process, she’s leaning over and snagging the half-empty can out of his hand to down the rest of it. Iggy isn’t sure what to do with that, but he smirks at her as he goes for another one, asks, “Why you guys burning a giant pile of weed?”

Fiona helps herself to one of his beers, taking several swallows before shrugging. “Had too much. Needed to get rid of it.”

That answer makes Iggy roll his eyes, the gesture almost exaggerated in its obviousness. “Well shit, could have just brought it over to our house. Could have gotten rid of it for you no problem. And would have wasted a lot less.”

Fiona makes a face that Iggy thinks is half disbelief, half amusement. “Meaning what? That you and your brothers would have smoked it all?” And well… yeah, okay, that’s exactly what Iggy meant. But he can’t let her have the last word.

“No, my sister too, don’t be sexist. You should know her. Mandy, about 5’8”, totally banging your brother. Ringing a bell?” Iggy may know a little more than he’d like about Ian and Mickey’s indiscretions, but he isn’t about to make it public knowledge. Too many ears around that might remember overhearing it in the morning. Besides, he didn’t know if Fiona knew. Not his business.

For a second, Fiona looks like she’s about to say something, but after a moment of introspection, she instead finishes her beer and makes a grab for the joint Iggy’s still holding between his fingers. He’s already got a nice buzz going, and his reaction time’s a little slow, so she’s already got in her grip by the time he tries to grab it back. The world tilts off its axis a little bit when he tries to lean over for it, so he gives up and just lets her have it. “Grabby bitch, aren’t you?” he asks, though there’s not any heat behind the words. He sounds as happy and fuzzy as he feels.

Fiona coughs out a smokey laugh around the joint between her lips. “Not sure a Milkovich has any room to talk about ‘grabby’.”

Iggy hums at the dig, but well it’s true. Iggy wonders if he’s really obvious, or if Fiona has mind-reading superpowers. Both seem equally likely.

“Whatever. You may got a yuppie boyfriend buying you whatever you want now, but seems like you’ve got a little southside klepto left in you.”

Fiona takes another hit, nodding to him along with the beat of the music as she blows the smoke away from him - like it would make any difference if she blew smoke in his face at this point. The action makes him laugh. - “Don’t got a boyfriend. Not that it’s your business, fuck you very much.”

Iggy raises an eyebrow at that but leaves it to her to elaborate as he holds out his fingers, making a lazy gesture for the joint. He doesn’t care that much, but he’s pretty sure that girls love to talk, and he doesn’t have anywhere better to be than here - beer, free weed, hot girl as company, and all. Fiona doesn’t elaborate though, just watches him finish off the joint as she’s working on another beer he didn’t notice her stealing.

Once the joint burns down enough that it’s burning his fingers, Iggy squashes it out on the tailgate next to his thigh. There’s a hand around his wrist. Iggy blinks, trying to push through the weed haze settling over his brain, and he realizes that the hand belongs to Fiona, who has hopped down off their shared seat. “Come on, come dance with me.”

Fiona tugs Iggy up close to the blaze that’s going strong, stinking up the empty lot and all the surrounding neighborhoods. There's a lot of bodies thrumming to the beat of the radio around them, but it’s unreasonably hard to focus on more than one thing at once.

Whoever grew this weed knew what the fuck they were doing.

And right in front of everyone, Fiona presses her back against Iggy’s chest and starts rolling her hips against his. Iggy chooses that sensation as his one thing to focus on, resting one hand against her left hip and trying to roll along with her. It takes a moment, but he thinks he gets the hang of it. At least Fiona is laughing, twisting around to wrap an arm around his neck and continuing to grind against him, belly to belly.

Iggy thinks they must spend the entire night dancing pressed against each other like that, but when Fiona pulls away, pulls on his wrist, and tugs him through the fog, he’s surprised to find it’s still dark around them. They’re further away from the fire now, the noise and the heat fading into the distance, the memory of them already faded under the buzzing in his brain.

Fuck, whoever grew this - Kevin, someone said Kevin - really did know what he was doing.

Fiona drags Iggy back to the truck, grabs another beer for each of them, and then again grabs his wrist and tugs him further away from the party, and starts down the block.

Iggy is pretty sure that the house she pulls him into isn’t hers, but he’s never been to hers either, so he can’t exactly swear to it. Fiona kicks her shoes off and flops down on the couch comfortably, grinning up at the ceiling.

He must look confused because, after a moment, she tugs herself into a sitting position and turns to face him. “Are you just gonna stand there all night?”

Iggy blinks. Takes a moment to collect his balance, then makes his way around the couch to sit down next to her. “This your house?” he asks because he’s thinking about it.

“Kev and V’s. too many people at mine.”

Too many people for what, Iggy isn’t sure. He fidgets with the tab on his can of beer and relaxes back into the couch. The two of them sit in fuzzy silence for long enough that it startles Iggy when Fiona is back in his field of vision, up off the couch to turn up a stereo across the room. He’d forgotten he wasn’t alone. “You were more fun when we were dancing,” She declares as she crosses the room and snags his beer, only to set it on the end table and pull him to his feet again.

There's no hesitation from Fiona, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing up against him again, swaying to the end of the slow song playing on the radio. There are fewer things to be distracted by in the pitch black of a stranger’s house than there is at a weed bonfire block party, so while dancing with Fiona is still what he focuses on, Iggy can pause for a moment and think Holy shit.

Fiona Gallagher is dancing with him.

A few hours ago, a few minutes ago, he's not sure, but not long ago, she’d been grinding on him.

The memory of it is hot, and Iggy finds that he’s sliding his hands up under her shirt now. Fiona leans into it, a carefree smile on her face. When the song ends, she pulls away from him and tugs the shirt off. Iggy’s brain short circuits and Fiona has the nerve to press back against him, asking, “This cool with you?” with a smirk on her face.

He manages to stop staring at her chest and pick his eyes up to meet hers long enough to confirm, “Yeah.” It makes her laugh for some reason, and that sound excites him, as does the tone of her following demand of, “Okay, then take yours off, too.”

Having happily gone back to his staring, he doesn’t quite pick up on the actual words, so Fiona decides to help him out, hands coming to either of his hips and tugging upwards on his shirt until all Iggy has to do is lift his arms. He doesn’t see where it is that Fiona throws his shirt too, but he’s not sure that he cares anyway.

He had been expecting her to press into him and start dancing to the beat again, but instead, she’s standing in front of him, undoing her shorts. She struggles a little, buzzed and uncoordinated, but looks up at him once she’s freed of the button, the zipper falling open so that he can see her panties. “You really are just gonna stand there and stare all night, aren’t you?” she asks, laughing when it takes him an inappropriate amount of time to drag his gaze back up to hers.

“No.” He decides, though he still makes no move to do anything but stare.

It's becoming increasingly obvious to Fiona that she’s going to have to guide him through every step she wants to take here, and though the thought makes her roll her eyes, she’s not entirely opposed to it. “Right,” she answers, playful sarcasm dripping from her tone as she steps over to him, repeating the unbuttoning and unzipping with his jeans. Again, she grabs his wrist, this time guiding his hand to her waist and finally resuming their grinding to the middle of a new song playing on the radio.

She thinks he’s starting to get the hint by the time the song ends, so she steps back and shimmies out of her shorts. She stays quiet, looks contemplative at something behind Iggy for a moment.

Kev and V have a ridiculous spiral staircase, and Fiona is not a hundred percent sure that Iggy wouldn’t lose his balance and break his neck on it if she tried to lure him up it. Hell, She’s not a hundred percent sure that she wouldn’t break her neck if she tried to go up it. But after a moment of consideration, she looks back at Iggy and decides she likes the idea of being chased. Kev and Veronica do have a really comfortable bed…

She taps Iggy's chest to get his attention, a suggestive look spreading across her face when his eyes meet hers. “I’m gonna go upstairs. Last door on the right at the end of the hall.” Fiona doesn’t wait for a response, but she does reach up behind herself to unclasp her bra and shrug out of it so she can drop it on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. It takes more willpower than she would be happy to admit to force herself not to look back to see if Iggy has caught on that he’s supposed to follow her. When she’s halfway up, she hears the staircase creek behind her and grins.

----

Iggy still feels remarkably fuzzy when he wakes up. Not high, but not exactly not high. It’s mixing wonderfully with the hangover from his beers - Where exactly had he left those? - and making his mouth taste like his head feels, like cotton and fuzz and pressure.

There’s sunlight streaming into the room he’s in, and it smells like flowers, leaving him a little unsure of where he is. He pries his eyes open and looks around, but from where he lays on the bed, he still can’t distinguish where he is. All he can see is an unfamiliar wall, with an unfamiliar window and an unfamiliar dresser pushed against it.

Downstairs, there’s yelling, but there’s also the scent of food, the promise of which is enough to get Iggy to drag his ass out of the comfortable bed. He looks around helplessly for a minute, but unable to locate his boxers, he decides to dig in the dresser for a pair instead.

“In my bed? In my fucking bed, Fiona? Actually,” the yelling gets louder as Iggy approaches the stairs and starts to make his very slow way down them. “Actually, in my house at all? You couldn’t have picked anywhere else in Chicago to take your dirty white boy to hook up?”

Fiona is sitting at the counter with her head in her hands and her back to him, while a very animated woman moves around the kitchen. The woman - Victoria? Has to be something with a V, since everyone calls her that. - hip bumps the great weed curator out of the way of the stove so she can plate a couple of eggs and some toast to bring over to Fiona. “We’re gonna have to burn the sheets now, you know that, right? And for fuck’s sake, Iggy Milkovich-”

Whatever secondary rant she’d been preparing to launch into is cut off momentarily by the question her husband asks after turning around and catching sight of Iggy. “Are those my boxers?”

Iggy looks down at them, shrugs, then looks back up with a dopey grin. “Yeah. Sorry, man. Eggs?” He comes to join Fiona on her side of the little breakfast nook, grinning and digging in when a confused, hesitant-looking Kev sets a plate of eggs down in front of him.

Beside him, Fiona and V have started up again, so he looks up to Kev and asks through his mouthful of eggs, “Are they always this loud when they gossip?”

Neither one of the offending gossips quiet. Either they didn’t hear him, or they just didn’t care.

Kev looks exasperated. “You have no idea, man.” He sets his spatula down next to the stove and reaches behind his ear as he comes to lean across from Iggy. “Joint?”

[detectivesofty]

like fine wine | j.h.

Summary: your first meeting with Jay’s team didn’t go down as you had it expected it to go.

Pairing: Jay Halstead x younger!Reader (this might get more parts (as in a series), if you guys like it)

Song I listened to while writing: Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas

Author’s Note: I legit have no clue how old Jay is (and believe me, I was doing some intense research) so let’s just say he’s in his early thirties (aka 31) for the sake of this fic, okay? Okay. Happy reading!

Warnings: cursing, unusual age gap (??)

Word Count: 2,2k

Requested: yessir

Anonymous asked: Can you write an imagine about the reader being quite a lot younger than jay and the reader overhearing the unit talking about her

“Okay, you can do this,” you muttered to yourself, nervously running a hand through your hair before you walked the rest of the way to Jay’s district, careful not to jostle the baked goods in your hand. The moment you stepped inside the building, you realized that you couldn’t have picked a worse day to visit him though. The station was packed with police officers, civilians and in the middle of the room was the infamous Sergeant Platt, whom you’ve heard a lot about. Intimidated, you approached the desk, smiling shyly at the older woman. 

“Hi, I am here for Jay Halstead, my name’s Y/N Y/L/N,” you said but Sergeant Platt barely looked at you as she rifled through a stack of papers.

“Detective Halstead is on a case right now, if you’re here to give a statement, I can redirect you to one of my officers. Officer Elliot!” she called but your eyes widened and you quickly shook your head. 

“Oh, no! No, no! I am not here to give a statement,” you quickly said, “Uh, I am Jay’s girlfriend?”

Sergeant Platt paused at that and for the first time she looked you in the face with raised eyebrows. “Oh! Oh. I see, I see.” She eyed you very distinctly, before she cleared her throat, putting the paper stack down. “I’ll check upstairs and see if he’s busy right now. Please just… Wait here?”

You nodded and Sergeant Platt came out of behind the desk and made her way upstairs slowly, while looking back at you several at times. With a sigh, you leaned against the desk, startling when you heard your name being called. 

“Y/N!”

“Kim, hey!”

Kim Burgess came up to you with a surprised smile, wrapping an arm around you. “It’s so good to see you! What are you doing here?”

“I know how important the team is to Jay and he always tells me he wants to introduce me, so I thought I’d come by and bring you some bribes,” you answered, bashfully showcasing the baked goods in your arms. “But I probably should have checked in beforehand, Sergeant Platt seemed really irritated at the intrusion.”

With laughter, Kim shook her head. “Nonsense! Don’t mind Platt, she’s always like that. And we always appreciate treats. Come on,” she said, inclining her head. “I’ll bring you up.”

Despite Kim’s reassurance, you felt incredibly nervous walking upstairs to the Intelligence unit. Kim pushed you forward gently, pushing you to introduce yourself, but the team seemed to be deep in a conversation, standing around a desk. Jay was nowhere to be found.

“Y/N Y/L/N, 22. English major at the University of Chicago, trying to live my best life?” a bearded man, sitting at a desk, read out. “I mean, Jay’s not on any of her socials, so there’s no proof of them dating.”

“Guys,” Kim said, trying to make them aware of your arrival, but they were far too deep.  Were they looking you up on the internet? This was going to be fun.

“Ha ha Sergeant. Good joke. There’s no way Jay has a girlfriend, least of all her. She is way out of his league. She even has a tattoo.”

“Oh my god.”

“Get it together, Ruzek,” a Latin woman snorted. “You’re still on probation with Kim.” 

So that must be Adam, Kim’s on-and-off, currently on, boyfriend.

Sergeant Platt put her hands at her waist, shaking her head. “I am telling you. She introduced herself as Jay’s girlfriend. Why would she lie about that?”

“Maybe she isn’t lying,” a dark skinned man said, shrugging his shoulders. “Jay has been quite secretive recently. Maybe he has a new girlfriend.”

“To be fair, if I were Jay and had a 22 year old girlfriend, I wouldn’t have told me either,” Adam said, leaning back in his chair. 

“Yeah because you’re an idiot.” A new voice popped up and Jay suddenly appeared next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist. “Guys, this is my girlfriend Y/N. Babe, this is Adam, Kevin, Hailey, Vanessa, Sergeant Platt and you already know Kim of course.”

“Hey guys,” you said, waving at them with a huge grin and Adam promptly toppled out of his chair, cursing. 

“Fuck.”

With a roll of her eyes, Sergeant Platt gave you a acknowledging nod before she went back downstairs. The rest of the team greeted you warm heartedly with hugs, immediately feasting on the food you’ve brought while Hailey held you at an arm’s length, nodding appreciatively at you. “I do not know how you pulled her Jay. She is way out of your league, I stand by my words.”

“Yeah Jay, where’d you guys meet? Was she one of the volunteers at your nursing home?” Adam cackled, which earned him a slap up the head by Kim. 

“Told you,” Vanessa mused and Adam only glared at her. 

With a laugh, you leaned into Jay. “We met at a coffee shop,” you said, keeping the story short on purpose, but your boyfriend immediately pounced on a chance to tell the story of how you met.

“She poured coffee down my lap!” he added and everyone laughed, while your cheeks tinged pink. 

“I didn’t pour coffee down your lap. I knocked a coffee cup into your lap, that’s different.”

Jay rolled his eyes fondly at you. “Semantics,” he said, before launching into the story.

Yawning, you read through the last page of an article and you dotted down some notes before you closed the tab of the article, stretching your arms. You’ve been at the coffee shop for a couple of hours now, trying to catch up with some work. For some reason, you worked the best in a coffee shop. At home, there were too many distractions and the library was just… Too quiet.

A coffee shop was the perfect balance of quiet and loud.

You opened up a new document, feeling ready to begin writing. Grabbing your coffee cup, you realized with a grimace that it was empty. Another coffee then. With your wallet in hand, you walked over to the counter, Clarissa already giving you a smile. 

“Another cappuccino?” 

“Yes please,” you chuckled. “And perhaps a blueberry muffin?” 

“Coming right up.”

“Thanks Clarissa,” you said with a smile, paying before you moved over to the bar stools to wait for your order. You allowed yourself to check out social media, looking up when Clarissa called your name. In a haste, you stuck your phone into your pocket, reaching over the counter to grab the plate, but in the hurry, your hand knocked over a coffee mug and the liquid spilled directly into the lap of a man next to you. The lap of a very gorgeous man. 

“Oh crap, I am so sorry,” you quickly apologized as the man jumped up, hissing as the coffee seeped into his jeans. 

“It’s fine,” he ground out but judged by the look on his face, it wasn’t fine at all. You grabbed a stack of napkins and started patting down the wet patches on his jeans in a panic, until two large hands wrapped around your wrists, stopping you. 

“Would you stop patting down my crotch?” he asked with a hint of a smile and your cheeks got even redder, which you thought was impossible. 

“I am so sorry,” you said, straightening back up when you saw the badge around his neck, your eyes widening. He was a cop. Oh god, he wasn’t going to arrest you for touching him inappropriately, was he?

“I am not going to arrest you.”

Fuck, did you just say that outloud?

“Yes,” he answered and you willed the ground to open up and swallow you whole. Meanwhile the cop looked amused and he let go of your hands, taking the remaining napkins to dry himself off. “You know,” he said. “I usually take women out for dinner before we go to second base, but I guess there’s a first for everything.”

You closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose. “Please stop, this is already embarrassing enough for me.”

Tossing the used napkins in a nearby trash can, he gave you a smile. He was really hot. You just wished you hadn’t just made a fool out of yourself in front of him.

“I’m Jay. Halstead.”

“Y/N Y/L/N. Officer Halstead…?” You guessed but Jay shook his head with a laugh. 

“Detective actually.”

“Damn it,” you muttered, shaking your head. “That’s even worse. You’re probably a part of some fancy task force, too, aren’t you?”

“Have to disappoint you there, I am in Intelligence with the CPD,” he told you and you sighed.

“Perfect, you handle all the hardcore cases, right?”

Jay shrugged, tilting his head. “Eh, you could say that.”

“I am an idiot.”

“You’re not. Let me buy you a coffee?”

“Absolutely not!” you exclaimed, frowning deeply before you turned to Clarissa. “One cappuccino and one of whatever he was drinking please.”

“One cappuccino and one black coffee, got it.”

You gave Jay a look. ‘Black coffee, really?’ you mouthed and he just shrugged with a grin, handing Clarissa his card, which you nearly slapped away. 

“Clarissa, don’t you dare let him pay,” you told her and the both of you offered your cards to the barista. 

Clarissa luckily took your card and shrugged at Jay’s look of affront. “Sorry, seniority rules.”

Jay raised an eyebrow at that and took his defeat, turning to face you. “So how old are you?” he asked, somewhat curious but at the same time, really nonchalant. You were sure that Jay knew that you were younger than him. But you didn’t want to read too much into it. 

“22.”

You weren’t sure if you had imagined the flash of disappointment that crossed his face but he quickly schooled his face into a neutral expression. 

“So not really seniority then?” he joked and you huffed in exasperation. Your conversation was cut short by Clarissa calling your name. 

“A cappuccino and a black coffee.”

Along with the two coffees, Clarissa handed you your long forgotten muffin with a conspiratorial grin, to which you rolled your eyes. You then stood in the middle of the coffee shop with Jay, coffee mug and muffin in hand. 

“So, you’re studying here, huh?” Jay asked, nodding towards your made-shift study space in the booth.

“Mhm,” you hummed, cracking a smile. “For some reason I can focus really well here.”

Jay smiled at you before rubbing the back of his neck. “Alright, uh so… I gotta go. Lots of bad guys out there to catch.”

“I am sure there are,” you mused and he gave you one last smile before he turned to leave. You bit your lip and as he reached out to push the door open, you called out.

“Wait!” 

He turned back to look at you with a raised eyebrow. 

“How about that dinner?”

“That is hilarious,” Adam snorted and the rest of the unit laughed in agreement. You huffed, turning so you could hide your face in his arm. Every time Jay told that story, he got the same reaction.

“I hate it when you’re telling the story of how we met,” you mumbled and you felt the vibrations in his body when he chuckled.

“I know you do, but I love it.”

“You still haven’t told me why you’re slumming it with old Jay,” Vanessa said and you snorted out a laugh. 

“Are you kidding? Jay is hot, have you seen his arms?” You asked, wrapping your hands around his bicep. “Besides, everyone knows that men are like wine. You gotta give them time to mature.”

Now it was Jay’s turn to flush and the entire unit ooh-ed simultaneously. Kevin nodded with a grin. 

“Never let go of that one, Jay.”

The group was suddenly broken up when an older man came into the room. “What’s going on in here?” he asked with a husky voice. So this must be the infamous Sergeant Hank Voight. 

“Sarge, this is my girlfriend, Y/N,” Jay said and you smiled at Voight, holding out your hand. 

“Pleasure to meet you sir.”

Voight raised an eyebrow at you, shaking your hand gently. “Pleasure’s all mine. How old are you, kid?”

“22, sir.”

“I could be your dad.”

Jay scoffed, rolling his eyes and squeezed your hand. “You could be my dad, Sarge.”

“Fair enough,” Voight grunted with a laugh. “Alright we got a case.” He motioned for the rest of the team to follow him while Jay turned to you with a smile. 

“Thanks for coming. I know I always told you that I’d introduce you to the team but never did it. Figures you’d take it in your own hands, huh?” he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and you grinned at him, shrugging with your shoulders.

“Thought it couldn’t hurt.”

“‘course you did. Listen, I gotta go, but how about I’ll take you out for drinks tonight and we’ll hang out with the guys? Properly?”

“Sounds like a great plan,” you nodded and Jay grinned at you, kissing you softly. 

“Awesome. I’ll see you tonight then.”

“Can’t wait.”

🏷️list: @itsdesiree86​ // @anotherfan07​ // @its-laur-laur // @life-treatments​ // @rebel-without-care​ // @hylandsedits​

Bolded means I can’t tag you. Please message me so we can figure out the problem!

[onechicago-upsteadrhekker]

Hi friends!!

I wrote a thing. Forewarning, it is a very angsty Christmas themed fic. Like very angsty, so just be prepared.

Loosely inspired by ‘The Sweetest Gift’, The Piano Guys version; Title taken from the same.

Here’s the sequel no one asked for.

sometimes i still breakdown

The house still felt empty; especially during the early mornings when she woke up cold and alone but she was slowly learning to be happy again. 

Or at least she was learning to look like she was happy again even if she didn’t feel it. 

But today was Christmas and instead of feeling love and warmth and happiness she felt cold and empty and pain.

Because there was no laughter. 

There were no sparkling eyes. 

There were no whispers of ‘Merry Christmas’ against her lips. And god, did it hurt.

A physical ache in her chest that would come and go in varying degrees depending on the day and today, that ache hurt. It hurt so much so that she didn’t want to get up. 

She couldn’t bare the thought of moving through the decorated house that should look cheery with the tree and the lights that her friends helped her put up but to her, it wasn’t cheery at all. It was dull and despondent and all it did was remind her of what was missing. 

But then a small cry came and another and she knew she couldn’t do that no matter how much she wished she could so she pushed herself up from the cold mattress, ignoring the empty space beside her and swung her legs over the edge of the bed.

Rubbing her face with a weary hand, she crept over to the bassinet that sat a few feet away and looked down at the wailing infant. Reaching down, she scooped the child up and placed her on her shoulder, patting the baby’s back lightly, “Shh, Hazyl. Momma’s got you.”

Hailey padded the few short steps back to her own bed to sit down, bringing the baby to rest on her lap so she could look into the little girl’s face. Wiping the fat tears from Hazyl’s cheeks, the baby quieted down into soft whimpers as she mirrored her mother’s sad eyes.

“You missin’ your daddy?” Hailey hummed to her daughter as she gently swayed her closed knees. She gently picked up one of Hazyl’s tiny feet to place a kiss on the bottom, “Did you know that it’s Christmas?” She continued to talk softly to the little girl who was now watching her mother with enraptured eyes, no trace of tears.

Hailey sniffed, smiling down at Hazyl as valiantly as she could, drinking in those beautiful green eyes.

Jay’s eyes. 

“Christmas was your daddy’s favorite time of year, you know,” She whispered, leaning down to pepper kisses on the little girl’s cheek, “If he were here right now, he’d probably be bouncing off the walls in excitement for your first Christmas,” A wet chuckle escaped her lips, “And the presents of course.”

Hailey paused, barely suppressing a sob, “But he’s not so we’re just going to have to be excited for him, aren’t we?” She softly stroked Hazyl’s forehead, “There’s gonna be a lot of events like this where we’re just going to have to learn how to do it by ourselves. Just us girls.”

There was a creak of a door from down the hallway followed by the sound of little feet running and Hailey gave the yawning baby in her lap a knowing look, whispering conspiratorially, “Speaking of just us girls. I think your sister’s up.”

The words were barely out of her mouth before Ellie busted through the bedroom door, her favorite stuffed animal and blanket clutched in her hand.

This was a new routine of theirs since Jay died.

Almost every morning, she was joined in the bed by her two girls to be snuggled and loved. It was their time to silently miss a husband and father in the way only they could understand without the pitying looks or words of sympathy.

It was a reinvention of an old routine, really.

Since Jay had always been an early riser, he would sometimes go snuggle with Ellie in her bed before they went to work. But he couldn’t cuddle with Ellie anymore and he had never had the opportunity to cuddle with Hazyl so it was up to Hailey to make new, special routines just for them.

They had been reinventing a lot of routines and they hit harder on days like today.

Ellie ran over to the side of the bed, clambering up onto the mattress with a little boost from Hailey before she snuggled tightly into her mother’s side all without saying a word.

That was another new thing.

Gone was the chattering, animated little girl of only a few months ago. Ellie had become a shell of herself, a lot like her mother had but no matter how much Hailey tried to hide her suffering to put on a smile for her, Ellie’s behavior had little change.

She was despondent now with little excitement for anything. Only giving small smiles when Will came over every Tuesday to spend the afternoon with them and when Adam, Kim and Kevin took her out to dinner and a movie every other weekend.

When Hailey attempted to keep to their normal activities, Ellie would look up at her with sad eyes and tell her it wasn’t the same without daddy.

They both ended up crying most days, Hailey clutching onto Ellie like her life depended on it and it honestly probably did. And when Hazyl was born she joined them, grieving for a father she would never know.

Ellie hardly laughed anymore and her eyes had lost their bright, innocent sparkle.

And that hurt almost more than anything.

She was still grieving, Will had said and Hailey wondered if they would always be grieving. 

Hailey thought the answer would probably be yes.

Ellie’s whole world had been snatched away so suddenly in a way that her young mind hadn’t understood but as Hailey looked into those blue eyes that were so like her own with each day that passed, she knew Ellie was beginning to understand what death was.

Death was waking up everyday, expecting cuddles from her daddy only to find that he wasn’t there to give any.

Death was starting to learn that no matter how hard she wished, her daddy wasn’t coming home.

Death was seeing her mommy cry and death meant being hugged a little tighter.

Death meant everything changed and Ellie didn’t like this change where her mother whispered to baby Hazyl about how wonderful daddy was and told them both how much he loved them.

Ellie wanted to hear it from daddy himself. He was supposed to be here to hum the baby to sleep and tuck her in after he read her her favorite story.

They were supposed to show baby Hazyl how to play cops and bad guys, how to build a pillow fort and how sneak attack Uncle Will, Uncle Adam and Uncle Kevin.

And he was specially supposed to be there today. Because it was Christmas and who was going to help her teach baby Hazyl to lick the bowl of their special Christmas cookies when mommy wasn’t looking? Or help her put together her toys? Or to hold her when she was sleepy after the big, fancy dinner?

But he wasn’t there and Ellie was starting to know better than to hope her daddy had magically come back and was in bed next to mommy.

She felt her mommy’s arm tighten around her, pulling her closer into her warm side. The lips she felt on the top of her head she was learning to savor because when her daddy kissed her six months ago, she hadn’t known it would be the last time he kissed her.

And that made her want to cry.

“It’s Hazyl’s first Christmas,” Ellie heard her mother murmur in a tone that she knew was supposed to sound happy, “Are you going to help her open up her presents?”

She wanted to tell mommy that no, she didn’t because daddy was supposed to help her but decided not to because every time she mentioned daddy’s name, mommy looked like her heart was breaking all over again. Instead, Ellie nodded and tried not to think about how sad the day was going to be without daddy there.

“Let’s go see what’s under the tree, huh baby?” Mommy stood up, cradling her little sister to her chest and holding out her free hand for Ellie to take, “And then we can make our special Christmas cookies.”

Ellie wasn’t sure if she wanted to do any of that without daddy and she didn’t think her mommy wanted to either but Ellie knew that they had to so baby Hazyl had a good Christmas even if daddy wasn’t there to make it perfect.

Hailey watched Ellie as they entered the living room, the presents that she had put under the tree last night piled up waiting to be opened.

She watched as the little girl cast forlorn eyes over the presents, not approaching them but staying right by her side, so different from last year.

Last year she and Jay had been awoken at five in the morning by a bouncing toddler.

Last year she and Jay had been practically dragged to the living room so they could see what was under the tree.

Last year there was laughter and happy squeals and sparkling eyes.

Last year they had Jay.

Now they didn’t and time marched on as if Hailey hadn’t lost the person that was more herself than she was.

She wanted to scream and curse and ask why had the universe taken away the best husband and father anyone could ask for who loved them unconditionally.

There was knock on the door and Ellie looked up at her with questioning eyes as Hazyl babbled in her arms blissfully unaware of the grief that shrouded the room.

Hailey frowned, not expecting anyone this early in the morning on Christmas but went to the door anyway, Ellie staying right behind her, a little fist holding onto the extra fabric of her flowy pajama pants.

Looking through the peephole caused tears to immediately prick her eyes as she opened the door to find Adam, Kevin, Kim, Will and Voight standing on her front porch laden with gifts and food.

Adam was even dressed up as Santa, a white beard attached to his face and a big, red sack thrown over his shoulder.

He let out a jolly “Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas,” to which Hazyl giggled and even made Ellie smile the biggest smile Hailey had seen from her since Jay died.

Hailey should have known that they wouldn’t let her spend the day alone but it still took her by surprise at how much they cared. Trying valiantly not to cry, she stood back and opened the door further to let the group in.

Adam swooped Ellie up in his arms, tickling her with another big ‘Ho, ho, ho,’ before passing her down the line to get hugs from everyone as they filed through the door, heading to the kitchen to set down food and presents.

Will was last through the door, giving Ellie a massive hug before setting her down so she could run around to see what everyone else was doing. His eyes met Hailey’s, a look of profound grief and understanding passed between them for several long seconds.

A tiny sob escaped her as Will gathered her into his arms, giving her a firm hug; Hazyl squished protectively into Hailey’s chest.

No words were needed. He knew what she was going through. He had lost a brother and she had lost a husband; Ellie and Hazyl had lost a father and they were all learning how to deal with grief in a way they never thought they would have to experience.

Hailey had heard it all from well-meaning acquaintances and cops she interacted with on crime scenes. They told her how sorry they were, how strong she was, how it will be easier to move on with time.

But Hailey knew ‘sorry’ would never replace the loss she was dealt; not even close. She knew wasn’t strong; she was barely holding it together. And moving on with time? That was a big, fat lie.

She was starting to understand that you never moved on. Not from something like this. You hold that place in your heart, close it off, try to lock the door, visit from time to time but you don’t move on. You never move on.

And Will knew that. He understood, even if his loss wasn’t as profound as hers, he still lost a part of himself he would never be getting back. 

A friend. A brother.

He didn’t give her half-assed platitudes because he knew that all they ever did was remind her of what she’d lost. That words would never be enough unless it would bring Jay back and they both knew that wasn’t possible.

So she was grateful for her brother-in-law. Especially on days like Christmas when Jay’s absence was so sorely felt. 

Thankful that he was willing to take over being the strong one even if it was only for a few hours without having to be asked.

Hailey knew that she could have this day to grieve, to reminisce quietly, to escape in a corner to cry silently and the kids would be adequately distracted by the people who she loved most.

They were giving this to her and she was going to take it. She was tired of being strong and she honestly didn’t care if that made her look weak. 

Today she was going to say goodbye to Christmases with Jay. She was going to pull out every Christmas memory she had with him, savor it and then pack it away until next year, hoping it wouldn’t hurt as bad.

So, that’s what she did. Ellie and Hazyl opened presents while Hailey watched, mourning the fact that she’d had to pick out the presents by herself. Mourning the fact that she didn’t have any presents but not because she wanted anything.

It was because the person who typically got her sentimental things like jewelry with Ellie’s birthstone or practical gifts like an expresso machine wasn’t there to give them.

It was ironic really because all Hailey wanted this Christmas was Jay.

She blinked back tears as Jay’s stocking went untouched and tried to laugh when Adam, Kevin and Will tried to steal the cookie dough of the special Christmas cookies she and Kim were baking.

But all she could think about was how it wasn’t the same without Jay. 

It should be Jay coming in to disrupt her kitchen. It should be Jay carrying Ellie over a shoulder and a strong arm wrapped around Hazyl. It should be Jay right in the middle of whatever shenanigans Will, Adam and Kevin were getting into as Voight rolled his eyes at the male members of his unit.

What was even more heartbreaking was that she could tell Ellie was thinking the same thing in the way her smile was a little dimmer and the way she was reluctant to swipe a bite of dough despite the encouragement of her uncles.

This was a tradition that she’d shared with her father and she wasn’t used to the idea of it changing. Didn’t want to get used to it.

This made Hailey furious at the world and unbelievably sad for Ellie and Hazyl’s future without their dad.

Hailey’s father was less than perfect. Less than a man.

But Hailey’s children had a father who would move heaven and earth for them. A father who was perfect in their eyes and the bravest man they knew.

Now, Hailey still had a less than perfect father but Ellie and Hazyl lost their father who was more than perfect.

It wasn’t fair and it didn’t make sense just like their Christmas hadn’t made sense.

Instead of the happy, joyful day it should have been it was really only a husk of that. There were a few hearty laughs, a few beaming smiles and there was a genuine effort to try to have a fun Christmas but none of their hearts were really in it, each thinking of the brother, friend, father, son and husband they had lost.

The house was dark now, the only lights coming from the Christmas tree she was sitting beside. Will and the team had left a few hours ago after putting Ellie and Hazyl to bed for her. She had thanked them and assured them that she would be alright by herself--she would have to be alright by herself.

Now, hours later sitting on the cold floor in the dark, empty house beside a Christmas tree that almost seemed as lonely as she now that Christmas was almost over, Hailey let herself cry.

She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes as she let out gut-wrenching sobs, her heart aching with want. 

What she wouldn’t give to have Jay wrap his arms around her.

Crying even harder, she thought of his smile and rare belly laughs. She thought of the way his eyes sparkled when Ellie threw her arms around him exuberantly.

She thought of his kind hands and generous heart. His determination to put away evil and protect his unit--his family.

She thought of the way he shielded her from danger, the way he’d held her, the way he loved her.  

She thought about past Christmases. His strong hands carrying in their tree year after year. The way he always let her move around the ornaments he’d hung if she didn’t like where he’d put them.

His tall frame placing the star on the tree and then helping Ellie do the honors once she came along. 

And then she remembered the Christmas five years ago that she’d told Jay they were pregnant with Ellie. The joy on his face as he unwrapped a positive pregnancy test, little booties and a onesie.

The way he had kissed her and told her all of the plans he had for their family; talk of babies and a house filled with love, growing old with each other. How he would always protect her, be there for her and their children.

But he had lied and today someone had celebrated Christmas with their alive little girl while she spent Christmas with a dead husband and her little girls’ dead father.*

She’d done a lot of that this year but the hardest parts were the parts when he wasn’t there.

He had died, leaving her with toddler and pregnant with their second baby. She’d had to protect them all by herself. She’d had to be there for them even as she was falling apart.

She’d had to pick out another girl name and she’d had to put the nursery together herself.

But one of the hardest things she’d had to do was give birth without him by her side. Cradling a newborn Hazyl, crying in her hospital bed knowing Jay would never know this little girl that looked so much like him.

Introducing her to Ellie, wishing Jay was there to see how enraptured his Ellie-bug was with her new little sister. Bringing her home alone, needing Will to carry Hazyl’s car seat because Jay wasn’t there to do it for her while she recovered from childbirth.

She thought being a pregnant widow with a toddler was hard. 

Healing from birth, breastfeeding a newborn, chasing a toddler all while still being a grieving widow was harder.

Having Hazyl this year was the best gift she’d received but it was the hardest thing she’d ever done. It was difficult to bring a new life into the world when the mother had just lost her whole world. 

Loving her children without constantly grieving over what they’d lost was nearly impossible.

They should be celebrating this year. Celebrating the two little girls they had made through their love. Celebrating the life they had made together but instead, Hailey was left to pick up the pieces of a life that was so different from last year all by herself.

Taking a trembling breath, Hailey picked up the picture frame that was sitting beside her. Fresh tears filled her eyes as she looked at Jay’s handsome face, running shaky fingertips over his stubbled jaw as if he was really here with her.

“I miss you, Jay. So much,” She whispered out brokenly as she clutched the frame to her chest.

God, did she miss him.

Clinching her eyes shut, a few tears escaped as she rested her head against the wall. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there like that, hugging Jay’s photo to her full breasts but a small cry pulled her out of the grief-filled stupor she’d been sitting in.

It was coming from Hazyl’s baby monitor and the tightness of her chest told her it was probably close to midnight, time for Hazyl’s feeding.

So, it was time to be strong again. Christmas was over and her heart was still shattered but she had two little girls relying on her to get them through this.

To keep Jay’s memory alive even if it tore her apart inside to remember what never would be.

Another cry came from the monitor. 

Hailey kissed the cool glass over Jay’s picture reverently before putting it back under the tree and pushing herself up off the floor.

Her eyes caught Jay’s empty stocking hanging over the fireplace and she swallowed hard, pressing a hand tightly to her stomach.

Hailey took a breath, her eyes glassy with tears as she squared her shoulders and forced herself to get it together as she walked towards the stairs, towards her daughter’s cries.

With one last glance, she saw Christmases with Jay flash before her eyes. The laugher, the presents, the color, everything as they added more and more life to the house they’d bought for their future.

It had been too short but they’d had a partnership, a love that could cross time and space and in her heart, even though Jay wasn’t physically there with them any more, Hailey knew he was still there with her.

He was there in her heart, in the memories she saw all around the house, in the two babies they’d been blessed with before he’d been forced to leave her.

He was her great love story and her heart still belonged to him no matter how many Christmases passed. 

She whispered into the cold, empty living room, “I love you, Jay and I always will. Merry Christmas, my darling husband.”

I hope you enjoyed and please don’t kill me? 

I didn’t think I would write anything sadder than the prequel I wrote to this but I don’t know, I think this one just might have it beat. Tell me what you guys think! I’m not really sure why exactly I felt compelled to write this terribly sad one-shot during what’s supposed to be the happiest time of the year but I did and I blame The Piano Guys.

I thought about publishing on Christmas but thought it was too sad to do that so New Year’s Day it is! Not sure if that’s any better but I do hope you enjoyed it in some form or fashion even if it’s not the happy upstead Christmas you guys probably wanted.

* was a reference to Jay’s cause of death mentioned in the prequel one-shot entitled ‘we’ll never be able to treasure life enough’.

Let me know what you guys thought! Love you all and I hope to have some new stories coming your way soon!

Happy New Year!!

[anotheronechicagobog]

Jay Halstead x Reader

The Return

Written by @anotheronechicagobog

Warnings: swearing, pregnancy, birth, medical jargon that may not be accurate, Erin Lindsay bashing

Meeting detective Hailey Upton had been more nerve wracking than meeting Jay’s brother Will. He and Hailey were just closer, they had the same job, saw the same things, and had an irreplaceable trusting bond. You never, at any point felt threatened or worried by her presence or relationship with Jay. It was because of their bond that you were nervous, it was important for her to give you the stamp of approval.

You’d all met up at a nice family owned Italian restaurant. You’d all talked about movies, the blackhawks, and food before finally coming to a crucial topic; work. You were an OR nurse at MED while putting yourself through med school, you’d seen and operated on enough cops to know what you were getting into. It could happen at any point, it could easily go south, and you would not be alone in the waiting room if it happened. Miraculously you passed with flying colours, becoming good friends with her.

After that you met the rest of the team when they all went to Adam and Kim’s place to watch the cubs game. Kim was glowing, pregnancy going well aside from her vicious morning sickness, and she took to liking you as well when you made sure she got to eat first. Adam, Kevin, and yourself bonded over your love of puns and bad jokes. Vanessa and Antonio started speaking in rapid Spanish with you, creating a quick and lovable bond. Hank just shook your hand and nodded at you, you weren’t sure what that meant but Antonio assured you it was a good thing.

——————————————————

You were putting the finishing touches on your ensemble for the CPD Chief’s gala when Jay appeared behind you. “Hey hon, are you ready to- holy fuck you’re gorgeous.”

“Thank you Jay. You look handsome.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

——————————————————-

You made your way to Vanessa who was talking with Kevin with a distressed look on her face. “Hey! What’s wrong? We’re at a party with an open bar, what’s with the long face?”

“Uh....... Nothing? You know what, let’s find Hailey. And bug her about Dr Bekker.” You already suspected something was off but knew for sure when you felt Jay go completely rigid. “Jay?” You’d turned to look at him and he was completely pale, looking like he was seeing a nightmare. You followed his eyes to a gorgeous woman standing next to Hank and arguing with Kim in a sleek black dress. “What is she doing here? Why is she here?”

“Who? Who is she Jay?” Kevin and Adam came up to try and support Jay, move him into a chair. The lost and betrayed look in his eyes made it all click in place for you. “Erin.” It was as if she heard you from across the room, she turned and looked at Jay before meeting your eyes with a guarded look.

————————————

You were all seated at the same table and it was fucking awkward. Jay had his arm or hand on or around you the whole time. Erin was clenching her jaw and looked like there should’ve been steam coming out of her ears. Food was served and speeches were made and it was clear that Erin was still unhappy. Despite the fact that she was seated across from him, Jay refused to look her in the eye. It wasn’t nerves, those had worn off, he was pissed. And rightfully so. Voight invited her as his plus one. He didn’t tell anybody, didn’t warn anybody. Everyone was exchanging funny stories, barring Jay, Erin, and Voight. Jay wasn’t opening his mouth except to eat, Voight was glared into silence, and Erin was always cut off by Kim or Hailey.

“So, Y/N/N, any funny patient stories for us?” Erin perked up at Adam’s question. “Oh, you’re a doctor?”

“No, I’m an OR nurse at Chicago med.”

“Hmph. Not smart enough to be a doctor, then?”

“I just couldn’t afford medical school at the time I went to university. I managed to save up enough and get enough scholarship money to start medical school and stuff a few years ago. So now I’m working part time in the OR and I finish medical school this year. As long as I do well, I’ll get a placement for my residency in three months.”

“Oh.”

“So, to answer Adam’s question, last week we had to surgically remove a brand-new toilet brush that a man had shoved so far up his own anus, that it looked like he had a bunny tail.” Kevin choked on his water for a moment before spitting it out all over the centrepiece flowers. “Hahaha, oh my god! Are you serious?!”

“Unfortunately.”

Erin’s bitter voice broke through the hyena-like laughter of the rest of the table. “Saying the word ‘anus’ is a bit uncouth don’t you think?” Kim stared at her, regarding her in disbelief as she mouthed the word ‘uncouth’.

“Not particularly, no, considering it is the medical term for that part of the body and part of the name of a planet.” You shrugged her comment and mood off. It was pretty damn clear why she was behaving like a bratty spoiled child, and it said a lot more about her than it did about you. Besides, it felt like it would be a complete waste of energy to entertain her need for a verbal martial arts battle. She just wasn’t worth it.

“She’s got a point, besides Lindsay, if you make what she says dirty that’s really on you and not her.” Jay shrugged and kiss the top of your forehead.

———————————————

You were encompassed in the warmth of Jay. Low jazz was playing through the speakers as the two of you swayed softly, your head on his chest soothed by his steady heartbeat. At some point Jay had started to hum along to the music and you felt all the stress and anxiety buried deep inside of you just melt away. Nothing but you and the man you love existed. You were in your own glowing golden bubble of warmth and love.

You moved your head up and kissed him on the side of the mouth, humming along with him. He spun you around, tugging a joyous laugh from you throat before tugging you back and leaning his forehead against yours. You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, his around your lower back. Your noses moved around one another as your dancing slowed to a stop. It didn’t matter that you lived together, or that you’d been dating for four years, your heart was beating faster than it had the first time you kissed Jay. Suddenly your bubble had burst, you screamed and jumped away from Jay when you felt cold and wet all over your exposed back. The warmth was gone, replaced by a pitcher of ice and water that had been dumped on you courtesy of one Erin Lindsay.

———————————————

The floral smelling bath bomb you’d decided to finally use was just the thing to treat yourself to after your boyfriend’s ex decided to dump ice water on you at a public and major gala right before being called into an emergency at work. While your boyfriend had jumped into action, moving you towards the bathroom to dry up and offering his coat, your newly-made friends jumped to help you and defend you. A very angry and very pregnant Kim escorted you to her car with her husband while Voight made Jay and Erin ‘have a talk’. The only person who didn’t scowl at that news was Erin. Adam kept looking at you and asking if you were okay in the rear view mirror. “Adam, I’m okay. Annoyed, fuck yes, but I’m okay. And I know Jay will be too. I’m not worried.”

“You’re not? Even with their history?”

“No, I’m not worried. We talked about her when we started getting serious actually. She was an incredibly important person in his life, and she turned into a very vicious skeleton in the closet. I’ve got my own skeletons, too, everyone does. I know that he was hurt. Little shocked when he saw her at first, but Jay didn’t talk about everything that happened with her in depth with anyone but me. So I know what’s going on in his head, and I have a pretty good idea of what he’s going to say to her.”

You’d only been home (and dry) for half an hour before you got an ‘all hands on deck’ page from MED. Hastily pulling yourself together and running the three blocks between your apartment and the hospital. There had been a collision which caused several others, leading you to the OR for back to back surgeries for a total of fifteen hours. You’d been dismissed with the promise of forty eight hours off and an impressed nod from your boss.

You’d missed Jay because he’d had to go into work but smiled at the loving note he’d left on the fridge, along with a container of your favourite take out. Your heart absolutely soared at the thought of him.

Stepping out of the tub you patted yourself dry and dressed in soft shorts and sweater. Padding down to the kitchen, excitement at the thought of food bubbling up. The smell of your favourite take out wafted out of the container as you moved it onto a plate. Exhaustion was creeping up and taking hold of you as you shovelled food into your mouth. You welcomed the exhaustion and went to bed, leaving your dirty plate in the kitchen, something you wouldn’t normally do.

———————————————

When Jay returned to your shared apartment well into the evening you could tell that he was worn out. “Tough case?”

“No, actually. It was pretty straight forward, it’s just that Erin kept trying to call me. Since we were in the middle of a case Voight wouldn’t let her up but she kept calling me and Voight kept giving me these looks... I’m just glad that the case is shut, the day is over, and that I got to come home to you.” He gave you a peck on the lips, you could feel the soft smile that he had. “Dinner’s almost ready, would you mind setting the table?”

“Not at all.” You sat across from him at the small table pushed to the side of your kitchen, really looking at him. He looked tired, weighed down, but the tension gripping his body did seem to be lessening the more he was home, the more he ate, and the more he spoke. His eyes were light and happy, truthfully he looked a bit like a puppy. “I have time off tomorrow. Would you want to head up to the cabin?”

“Just for the day?”

“I know that it would be a lot of driving just for a day trip, but yeah.”

“Just to get out of the city for a bit?”

“Exactly.”

“You know it’s not that late, if we left now we could be there in a couple of hours, pick up some groceries on the way, we won’t need much. Wake up there, drive back in the evening.”

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“On a regular basis. And I love you too, so, so much.”

“How about you pack the necessities and I’ll clean up the kitchen?”

—————————————————-

You and Jay were on the road in forty minutes, just leaving Chicago as dusk started to dissolve into night. Jay’s secret country playlist was winding its was out of the speakers, the silence between the two of you was peaceful. The cooler bag filled with quick meals and leftovers Jay whipped together, removing the need for a grocery store. The coolness of the night encompassed you both, and the further you got from Chicago the heavier your eyelids got. A deep chuckle left your boyfriends throat. “Get some sleep, I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

——————————————

Jay Halstead was a dirty liar. He didn’t wake you up when he got to the cabin, instead he went in ahead to put the power and water on, put away the food, changed the sheets, dusted quickly, and then carried you in and put you in bed. And when you woke up and realized what he did, he even put on your pajamas for you, all he could do was kiss your nose and tell you how adorable you were when you pouted. Leftover stir fry was breakfast for the both of you. You were miffed that he did everything alone last night, and in the back of your mind you knew it was because he felt guilty about Erin showing up, but you couldn’t be mad at him. Not when he’d made your favourite food while you were packing last night. “Are you wanting to fish at all today or just swim?”

“Just swim around, we’ve missed the part of the morning that’s best for fishing and honestly I’m not really in the mood for it, unless you want to fish. I can take the boat over to the marina and pick up some bait if you want.”

“I’m okay for today too, Jay. But I think it would be nice to take the boat over to the marina and get ice cream before we leave.”

“Ooh, yes. I’ll go check to see how much fuel we have for the boat.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you out on the dock in a minute, I’m just gonna deal with the dishes.”

“That’s a funny expression, ‘deal with the dishes’ you sound like your going to ground them for throwing a baseball through a window or something.”

“Haha, I guess it does.”

——————————————

The bottom of the lake was brown, a result of the rocky bottom, but it didn’t matter that it didn’t look like the perfect insta post. It was fresh, and clean, and stunning, even with the mosquitos the size of a dog. And that’s how the morning was spent, swimming around the lake and laughing, enjoying the lighter air and the refreshing feeling from swimming around underwater amongst the algae and skittish fish. Carefree joy was a good look on Jay. The image of him throwing his head back as he tread water with the lake glistening around him, the sun enhancing the beauty of all the trees, plants, and cabin on the shore far back behind him as birds called out to each other was one that captivated you. “What?” His shoulders were sagging back to their regular position and Jay tilted his head slightly at you. You swam a few strokes closer and kissed him. As deeply as you could while both of you were treading water in the middle of a lake. Your legs kicked each other’s as you worked to stay afloat without your arms. You gripped onto each other, just reveling in the love you both shared. It didn’t last long unfortunately, because neither of you could tread water entangled in another persons limbs and without your arms. “Have I told you how much I love you?”

“On a regular basis. And I love you too. So, so much.”

——————————

Lunch had been absolutely delicious. What could be better than your favourite food, with your favourite person, in your favourite vacation spot, after a breathtaking kiss in the middle of a lake? Absolutely nothing. That’s what. What made the day even better was Jay taking you both over to the marina in the boat to get locally made ice cream. “Halstead, it’s good to see you again.”

“You too, Martin.”

“And who’s the lady you’ve brought with you?”

“This is Y/N, my girlfriend. How have you been? I didn’t see you the last couple of times i was here.”

“I was retired in Florida. Didn’t like the heat though, so I came back. I’m living in the old O’Reilly property, they needed something bigger cause it’s only one bedroom, but it’s perfect for a retiree like me.”

“So you’re back to micromanaging Josie?”

“No, she’s run this place better than I ever did, it’s in the best possible hands. What are you guys here for? It’s too late in the day for bait.”

“Ice cream, we’re driving back to Chicago tonight cause we both have to work tomorrow.”

“Shame, how long have you guys been up here for?”

“Oh, just today, we drove up last night. Just needed a break from the city, you know?”

“I do. Well I don’t want to keep the two of you from ice cream, but you’ll have to give me a holler the next time you or Will are up here, we’ll have dinner or something.”

”Definitely. I'll see you around.”

”And you should come too, Y/N, I have plenty of stories about your boy from when he was wee.”

”Oh, well, I would not miss that for anything.”

”What? No, come on, you don't want to listen to embarrassing stories about me.”

”I really, really do.”

”They have mint chip.”

”One day, I will hear those stories. One day.”

”I like you already, Y/N.”

-----------------------

You were a little sad to leave the cabin, even though you'd only really been there for 24 hours. It had been a nice escape of reality, and Josie had been more teasing than her father. As you packed the rest of the bags in the car, there had only been three in total, really, you let out a bit of a sigh. The crickets we're playing a concert and the dreaded mosquito dogs had come out to hunt, but the aura was something you'd miss, even though you and Jay could come back.

The car ride back was filled with soft rock this time, and you felt yourself mouthing along to the songs.

---–--------------–

You were both a bit groggy the next day but it wasn't anything either of you couldn't handle. You arrived to your shift relaxed and we'll rested. ”Good morning Y/L/N. You look well rested, I take it the 48 treated you and Jay well?”

”Yeah, it did.” Your bubbly mood was it short though, when Dr. Bekker stormed into the prep room, clearly angry. “Well I should hope so, considering the rest of us had to pay for it.”

“What? There are other OR nurses, and I didn’t think either of you were scheduled for that time either.”

“No, it we did go to Molly’s. And do you know who else went to Molly’s?”

“Ava-“

“Erin Lindsay.”

“Oh no.”

“Damn right. She spent hours pulling on people’s arms and shouting about how you’re a whore-“

“Excuse me?!”

“Ava, really-“

“Okay!” She stopped her ranting for a moment. She leaned on the metal basin, completely ignore the suds on her arms and that she’d have to wash them again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak to you like that. It not your fault and you’re not a whore, no woman is. I just- it was the first time Hailey and I have been to Molly’s together since we started dating and your boyfriend’s cow of an ex had to ruin it.”

“I’m sorry, Ava. I- it’s not my place to handle her or anything. She’s not my ex.”

“No, but she is Jay’s, and the reason she was unhappy at Molly’s is because Jay apparently told her that they’re never getting back together.”

“Yeah, she was screaming at everyone, mostly intelligence that Jay had to still love her and all that. She got pretty hammered, Voight had to be called in to take her home.”

“What do you think- they just rolled the patient in, time to get in there and repair his left ventricle.”

———————————————

Your day was long and so was Jay’s so you decided to eat out, at a great Thai place Jay had introduced you to. “Erin wants me to move to New York to be with her, I don’t want to and I’m not going to, I just figured I should let you know.”

“Okay... I have to be honest Jay, I don’t know what to make of any of this.”

“Erin just got out of a bad relationship and I guess she remembered the good times we had together, and forgot that we had more bad times. It was both of our faults really. We both lied, and omitted, and kept things from each other. Our relationship wasn’t healthy, and it took me a long time and therapy to realize that. I don’t have anything against her and I wish her well, but I don’t feel the need to have her as a significant person in my life anymore, or be one in hers. I think that our story ended four years ago and that she’s just in a bad place right now, like I was when I dated Camila.”

“Okay. That doesn’t make her behaviour okay-“

“Oh absolutely not-“

“But I get it. I’ve been in that place too, so I get it.”

——————————————

Erin wasn’t as ready to let go of the subject as Jay, apparently. Voight remained quiet on the subject, something that infuriated you because he brought Erin back into everyone’s lives with no notice and no concern for their well being. Kim was still mad, so angry that she had banned Erin from meeting her newborn baby. “I deliberately never said a word about you to her all this time bec- ahhhhhhhhh.”

“Okay, Kim, I get it. You were a good friend and didn’t tell her anything about my life since she left because you knew I wouldn’t want her to know, it seriously, please stop focusing on an unnecessary apology to me when you should be focused on breathing until we get to the hospital.”

“Adam will meet us there?”

“Yes.”

“You promise you’re not ma-aaaaaaaaaaaaadddddd!!!”

“I promise, you never did anything wrong. Okay we’re here.”

“I can’t believe you’re having a baby with ruzek. He’s kindof annoying-“

“KEV! Let’s focus on getting Kim out of my truck and into the hospital so that she can have her baby in a sterilized environment, okay?”

“Right, let’s go girl.”

Kim hadn’t needed to worry about epidural as it turned out, the baby went into distress almost immediately after she passed through MED’s doors, causing her to go into distress, and resulting in her needing an emergency C-section. You weren’t part of the OR team for that surgery because of how close you were, it you knew everyone who was and knew she was in good hands. You had been put in charge of giving the anxious police officers updates.

“They just finished the surgery, it went amazing. Kim’s in recovery and they baby’s getting checked out as we speak. And, Adam didn’t faint. He did very well, actually cut the cord.” Grumbles filled the waiting room as money was passed to Hailey. “Come on guys, you really had that little faith in him?”

“No one will be able to see Kim or the baby until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest, but it might be longer. They both need time to recover.”

A few days later the waiting room was once again filled with police officers, this time some of their relatives were in attendance. You sat beside Jay, in regular clothes this time, waiting to be given the all clear to visit. You two were called over with Hailey and Ava, clutching a homemade blanket for the baby and a homemade meal for the parents. They were immensely grateful, Kim especially since she’d just been told that she could go back to non-hospital food. You were sitting on the recliner cradling baby Eliza, who was cooing in your arms when there were shouts and crashes in the hall. Everyone turned towards the door. The cops who hadn’t given birth less than a week ago, Hailey, Jay, and Adam, went into tactical mode, Kim stopped eating and took Eliza back, Ava grabbed the hospital phone to figure out what was going on, and you stood in between Kim and the door as the three cops made their way slowly into the hall. You’d locked the door after they left, peeking out of the small window. “I don’t see anything.”

“Erin.” You turned towards Kim, who just looked tired. “I talked to hospital security when she first got here, said that I didn’t want her to be able to see me. Or the baby. I just... I don’t trust her anymore. I spoke to her the day before she flew down here, I actually asked if she was ever coming back to visit. She said ‘no’. And then she just showed up at the gala... I feel pretty betrayed by her, honestly. She never initiates contact. Ever, it always falls on me. She’s spent years trying to get me to say something about Jay every once in a while, but I’ve always just said that she left him, you know? She left and didn’t say good bye or call or text so she doesn’t have any right to know anything about him now. And she’s been acting like a spoiled brat, you know she’s used the excuse of hanging out with me to try and get information about you and your relationship. I don’t feel like I’m her friend anymore. I feel like I’m her tool. And I just had a baby, a tiny human who relies on me, I don’t have time for toxic friends who make me feel like that. So I told her not to come and for security not to let her in.”

“Do you feel a bit better now that you’ve said all that out loud and to someone who isn’t Adam?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Okay, well, if you don’t want to see her, you don’t have to. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks.”

——————————————-

Erin had burned pretty much every bridge she had in Chicago in the two weeks she was there. She lost a lot of people’s respect after the incident in the hospital. When it became clear that some of her once closest friends were done with her, people felt it was okay to voice their grievances. After being shunned at 51, MED, 21, Molly’s, and her mother’s house, she showed up at your and jay’s apartment. A last ditch attempt at... Something.

“Please Jay, I love you.”

“No Erin, you don’t. You haven’t even seen me in four years. You’re just in a bad place right now. Go back to New York, okay? Your life is there now.”

She’d been in tears when she left, ugly crying, her face blotchy and make up running, as horrifying sounds ripped out of her throat. Jay just looked sad as he called Voight to pick her up.

———————————————

TWO WEEKS LATER

You were in stitches beside Jay, trying to breathe while laughing so hard. “Seriously?!”

“Hey, I was seven!”

“And I was five! Just listening to my idiot older brother!”

“We couldn’t believe it, the two Halstead boys running across the marina docks completely naked, and covered in blue paint!”

“Hey, I thought it was funny, and I ended up a doctor Jay, and I’ve stitched you up a few times, I’m not so much of an idiot, huh? Nat, c’mon, it’s not that funny.”

“Yes it is!”

“Y/N.”

“What? It is!” Another round of laughter peeled out from you, Natalie, Owen, and Martin’s daughter Josie as Martin continued to make gestures. “It took us a good minute to round them up. Me and Miriam, mind you, Pat just sat in the boat. Your mom was laughing so hard by the time we caught you both.”

“Please tell us more stories, Martin. That was REALLY funny.”

“Owen! You want to hear more embarrassing stories about me?”

“They’re funny!”

“Alright, well you heard the little man, Martin, more stories.” Will and Jay sighed, tried to relax, and resigned themselves to their fate. Their girlfriends and surrogate son/nephew were going to hear every single embarrassing story that Martin had. Which was a lot considering he was their father’s childhood best friend, had spent most of their summers around him, and he had a memory like a steel trap. “Don’t worry Jay, I’ll still love you after this, I promise.”

[nastassia1031]

Damn.

Let me start off by saying, there’s nothing that could have happened in this ending that could change my love for this show. I think people that say shows are utterly ruined by unsatisfying endings are people who don’t have fandom to fix things. I’m a Game of Thrones fan. I’m a Magicians fan. The ending? That’s a starting point, my dudes. Fandom can fix anything.

First off, I loved the retrospective. For a hot second, I thought about watching that after the finale, but I wanted to watch it the way it was meant to be watched, and I’m glad I made that decision.

Seeing the callbacks to the classic meta episodes and the characters we loved and lost along the way was a comfort. I wish we’d gotten a Crowley cameo in the final season, but seeing a tribute to Crowley and Mark Sheppard in this episode was awesome.

Then the finale.

This isn’t the ending I wanted for the boys. I’ve shipped Destiel since he strolled into Dean’s life in season four and sparks LITERALLY flew, and I was a clown to the last because I really REALLY thought Dabb and the showrunners were going to give it to us. 

I didn’t want this end for Dean. Sure, he was happy in heaven, but I feel like this ending served to undo fifteen years of character development.

Dean spent his entire life full of self-loathing because his father forced him to structure his entire identity around being a hunter since he was a child. Dean feels worthless outside the hunt. He’s “daddy’s blunt instrument.” He’s a weapon. He’s a broken thing that can’t be saved or loved or forgiven. But in 15x18 we finally FINALLY had Cas, a character who has seen into Dean’s soul LITERALLY, who saw every bit of trauma and self-hatred in him who looked him in the eye and said, “that’s not who you are. You’re worthy of love. And I love you.” 

And then the Empty took Cas.

And then Dean died. On one of John’s unfinished hunts. 

It ends bloody, or it ends sad.

It ended both.

Sam lived a life without his brother. We got a kid named Dean and a vague female shaped blur as the wife. I AM fully pissed that we didn’t get Eileen as Sam’s wife. Even if  Shoshannah Stern couldn’t film due to COVID it would have been very very easy to establish her as his wife with a few photographs. Bringing back a fan favorite and setting her up as Sam’s endgame only to back out at the last minute feels like a cop out.

And Dean? He got his endless road, driving Baby until Sam showed up. Switching the license plate back to the KAZ 2Y5 of the early seasons was a nice callback, but I still feel like Dean deserved more.

That illusory future that Chuck showed Sam before it all went bad - Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas, movie nights in the bunker - that’s what I wanted for them.

It ends bloody, or it ends sad.

Nothing will change my love for this show. 

I can picture every detail of my living room in Freeport when I watched the first episode 15 years ago. I remember talking about episodes with my Mom, arguing over which brother was the superior Winchester. I was a Dean girl from day one, while she liked Sam best. I remember the last episode we watched together, 4x06 -Yellow Fever. Not a great episode, though Dean inflicted with ghost sickness had its hilarious moments.

Sam’s words to Dean in their last moments - “You can go now.” I whispered those same words to my Mom on that last day, when cancer had left her little more than a shell of who she’d once been. I’d been crying since the episode started, but when Sam said those words it turned into the type of heaving breathless sobs that I hadn’t cried in years.

I remember burying myself even deeper in fandom after she died, losing myself in the world of angels and demons, where a deal at a crossroads could bring anyone back.

Supernatural was what got me through the darkest of days. It was a friend I met in fandom who gave me something to live for. It was season four and fanfic and fanvids that kept me alive long enough for my wounds to knit themselves into some approximation of healed flesh so that I was strong enough to run away to Texas and carve a future here.

That’s the legacy that show has for me. If you didn’t meet me in high school or college (or William Arthur), you know me because of Supernatural. Full stop.

I never would have ended up in Texas if not for that fandom friend. Never would have met my husband or the amazing friends I have here. Wouldn’t have the career and the entire LIFE I’ve built. Remembering how lost and broken I was back then, I can’t say for sure I’d even be alive now if I hadn’t had the life raft of fandom to cling to.

This show. This flawed, messy, imperfect show. I am not happy with the ending. I wanted so much more for the boys. I wanted happiness that didn’t require death. I wanted Dean to have a chance to be happy with someone who really loved him.

Does it change how I feel about the show? Not in the slightest. We killed Chuck. Worse, we neutered him. The story doesn’t belong to The Powers That Be anymore. It’s ours.

Dean. Sam. Cas. Jack. Bobby. Charlie. Crowley. Rowena. Ellen. Jo. Gabriel. Jody. Donna. Claire. Kevin. Lucifer. Balthazar. Ketch. John. Mary.

They all belong to us now.

Fifteen years. 327 episodes.

I love you Supernatural.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XXXV

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Headache

(8x14/8x15/8x16)

Hello my friends! This is a new meta from my Destiel Chronicles! This one is very important, we won't have Cas but we will have a lot of foreshadow for the crypt scene and one interesting Destiel mirror.

I want to say thank you to @agusvedder , she made the gifs for this meta and discussed with me the episodes. Love ya girl!

Okay, stop the cháchara. Let's start this...

Blue for headache

Episode 8x14 Trial and Error we had a very happy Dean having a place where he felt he belonged. He had his room, and he decorated it, he showed it to his brother, proudly.

But it also talks about one of his characteristics, the BIG PROTECTOR heritage from his father, and it shows when they traveled to find Kevin in bad shape, barely sleeping and eating.

So, the Big Protector button is pressed again... Dean went to buy some food, and medicaments.

And, just pay attention to this scene...

Blue for headache... Blue is Cas, right? And Cas is with some brainwashed issue right now... Some headache... So is interesting how Dabb related the Destiel color coded to the pills... And then the green one, (Dean color) for pep, energy. That's Dean the one that will break that headache.

Another important point to remark is this piece of dialogue... Remember they were trying to figure out who in this family (named CASSITY... really Dabb?) Had made a deal with Crowley. Because they needed one hellhound for the tests. One man died first, and he was married with a lady... And this is what the lady says when Sam asked her how was she feeling... And she said this...

SAM You okay, Mrs. Cassity?

ALICE Fine.

SAM You sure?

ALICE I really am. And... I know I shouldn't be because I loved Carl... I think. I just can't remember why.

Okay, she lost her memory, like Cas in the crypt, hitting Dean so hard... He forgot for a moment he loved Dean. This is a foreshadow for the crypt scene.

I don't want anybody else

Ellen was singing this alone in her room, the song loud, and she was drinking because the Hellhound will come for her... So... Is a very famous song... I just want you to pay attention because this song is connected with something I will point later...

I love myself, I want you to love me

When I feel down, I want you above me

I search myself, I want you to find me

I forget myself, I want you to remind me

I don't want anybody else

When I think about you, I touch myself

Ooh, I don't want anybody else

Oh no, oh no, oh no

You're the one who makes me come runnin'

You're the sun who makes me shine

When you're around, I'm always laughin'

I want to make you mine

I close my eyes and see you before me

Think I would die if you were to ignore me

A fool could see just how much I adore you

I'd get down on my knees, I'd do anything for you

Okay, ready? The woman is singing she doesn't want anybody else... Okay? And Ellen is screaming the song and the song is TOO LOUD.

Why?

Because Dean will enter the scene, and Ellen will flirt with him, she wants to have sex with Dean, and Dean rejects her. He-rejects-a sexy woman.

He will give excuses... But the song there is marking us the subtext. Because she is not Cas. And Dean found out he is in love with Castiel recently. So DEAN DOESN'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE.

I love subtext... Yum.

Another profound bond

Episode 8x15 Friends with Benefits talked about James, a cop that became a witch, he had this Dog/Woman Portia, a famili and he shared a profound bond with her.

The thing is, James was changing, he was having headaches and loosing memories... (Again the headache and memory, Castiel mirror).

The mirror was so blatant, that I decided to put here some points in common.

James was acting odd, and his weird behavior was pushing away Portia. And Portia was worried about him, just like Dean is for Castiel's strange behavior.

But let's talk about the interesting things Portia said about her bond with James...

This is amazing, because since Dean met Castiel, they had their fights and one break up, but they always found the way to be together again.

"I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. YOU."

The unusual relationship between an angel and a human, something forbidden, to fall in love. Is quoted in Portia's words.

The UNBREAKABLE BOND, is a blatant recall to THE PROFOUND BOND Dean and Cas share. The melding souls, romantic and intimate.

The foreshadow for the crypt scene

Okay, now I'm gonna need you to pay attention to these gifs above, it talks about James and Portia dynamic and it was a huge foreshadow for the incoming crypt scene.

First of all, remember Portia (Dean mirror) was loyal to James (Cas mirror), and she wanted to stay with him till the end, but James pushed her away with his words and physically...

Now, the first one is talking about how CAS will run away from Dean with the angel tablet because he needed to protect it from everyone, and to protect Dean from it too.

The second is a slight mirror of Castiel hitting Dean in the crypt... Look at Portia face, full of pain.

Now... Let's jump to the scene in which James realizes he was being manipulated...

Remember Castiel killing a thousands of Dean? This is a mirror of Naomi's manipulation over Cas.

"You make me think I was a killer."

"You make me kill my friend a thousands of times."

Now... And you are gonna scream with this one, as I did...

When the manipulation was cut... James approached Portia and...

James coped Portia's face!!!!! Like Cas will do to heal Dean in the crypt scene!!! And why they did this?

Because James and Portia are in love, and this is a very intimate and sweet gesture OF LOVE, ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS to his lover (!!!!).

And is THE SAME CONTEXT WITH CAS AND DEAN.

Why Cas coped Dean's face if he could heal him even without touching him??? He WANTED TO TOUCH DEAN LIKE THIS. BECAUSE IT WAS A SWEET GESTURE OF LOVE, ASKING FOR DEAN'S FORGIVENESS!!!!

Because they're in love, people. Period.

Thank you James and Portia.

Let's move on...

Where are you, man?

Episode 8x16 Remember the Titans, we saw another man loosing his memories, another head issues problems...

But the most important from this episode is Dean praying to Castiel...

DEAN Cas, you got your ears on? Listen, you know I am not one for praying, 'cause in my book it's... it's the same as begging.

Okay, let's stop right here... Really Dean? So... When you were praying to him EVERY NIGHT in Purgatory, you were BEGGING HIM TO COME BACK??!!!!!! Okay... Not romantic at all... (Somebody shoot me in the head!!!)

DEAN But this is about Sam, so I need you to hear me. We are going into this deal blind... and I don't know what's ahead or what it's gonna bring for Sam. Now, he's covering pretty good, but I know that he is hurting, and this one was supposed to be on me. So, for all that we've been through, I'm asking you... (he's very earnestly praying) ...

This broke my heart right here...

He's worried, and hurt, and he wants his friend, an angel, to take care of Sam... But not just that... You could say... He's just praying to let him know, to ask him for protection. To protect Sam... But not just that... Isn't just because he's worried about his little brother... Because then... He did this...

He wanted to see him. DEAN WANTED TO SEE CAS. HE NEEDED HIM IN THAT MOMENT. He was feeling sad because Sam was making those dangerous tests... But he wanted to see Castiel. He missed him.

It wasn't just a pray, a beg, it was Dean Winchester trying to see Cas again.

Where are you, man? I need you here, with me, I'm desperate. And I want to see you. Where are you?

To Conclude:

These three episodes were a prologue to the crypt scene.

We had people with head issues, and a huge Destiel mirror.

It also showed us Dean does want anybody else than Cas and he wasn't just praying for Sammy's protection, but because he wanted to see Cas again.

I hope you like this meta, see you in the next Chronicles!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @justmeand-myinsight @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20

If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas from s8, here are the links...

Vol. XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV

Buenos Aires, October 29th 2019 10:19 PM

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 12/4/20 – HALF BROTHERS, THE PROM, I’M YOUR WOMAN, BLACK BEAR, LUXOR, ANOTHER ROUND, ALL MY LIFE, NOMADLAND, MANK and Much More!

I hope everyone had an absolutely wonderful Thanksgiving. Mine was relatively uneventful, and I only spent most of my time watching movies.  And holy shit, there are a LOT of movies out this week, but at least a few of them I’ve already seen and reviewed, and there are others that are actually pretty good, so I might as well get to it, hm?

First up is this week’s Focus Features theatrical release, HALF BROTHERS, a buddy road comedy directed by Luke Greenfield (Blue Streak, Let’s Be Cops) that’s fairly high concept but also with quite a bit more depth than the director’s previous movies. It stars Luis Gerardo Méndez as Renato Murguia, a wealthy Mexican businessman whose father left him to come to America when Renato was just a child. Just as Renato is about to get married while having issues connecting to his future stepson Emilio, he gets a call that his own father is dying, so he begrudgingly goes to see him. Once there, Renato’s dying father sends him on a scavenger hunt to find someone named “Eloise” with his annoying slacker half-brother Asher (Connor del Rio), because that will provide all the answers Renato is looking for on why his father never returned from America, remarried and had another son. What could possibly go wrong?

If you’ve seen any of the ads for Half Brothers, you may already presume that this is a fairly high-concept buddy road comedy that is constantly going for the zaniest and craziest of laughs. That probably would only be maybe 25% of the movie. Instead, this fairly mainstream comedy finds a way to take a very common comedy trope and throw in enough heartfelt moments that you can forgive the few times when it does go for low-hanging fruit. We’ve seen so many movies like this where two guys (or sometimes ladies, but not as often) are paired with one having zero patience or tolerance for the other, who is beyond aggravating to them. (Planes, Trains and Automobiles is one of the better ones.) Obviously, Renato fits snugly into the first category, and Asher could not be more annoying, very early on stealing a goat for no particular reason.

The Mexican angle and the fact that a lot of the film is in Spanish – Focus getting into Pantelion territory here? – does add to make Half Brothers feel like more of a personal story than we might normally see in this kind of movie, touching upon the immigrant experience, from the viewpoint of a low-paid worker as well as a well-to-do industrialist. It also deals with things like fatherhood and brotherhood and what it means to be one or both, so everything ultimately connects far better in the end than some might expect. I also want to give the filmmakers credit for putting together a cast of mostly unknown or little-known actors and getting such great results out of them.

On the surface, Half Brothers seems like just another buddy comedy, but underneath, it’s a heartfelt and emotional journey that touches in so many ways and ends up being quite enjoyable.

Another movie opening nationwide this Friday is ALL MY LIFE (Universal), starring Jessica (Happy Death Day) Rothe as Jennifer Carter and Harry (Crazy Rich Asians) Shum Jr. as Solomon Chau, whose wedding plans are thrown off when he is diagnosed with liver cancer. They realize they have to get married sooner since he might not live to make their planned date, so their friends launch a fundraiser so that they can get married in two weeks. The movie is directed by Marc Meyers (My Friend Dahmer), who is a more than capable filmmaker with this being his third movie in the last two years.

Now that I’ve actually seen the movie… I’ll freely admit that this is not the kind of movie I usually have very high expectations for, and maybe that’s because I’ve already been burnt twice this year with real-life romantic dramas, first with the faith-based I Still Believe in March and then more recently with Two Hearts. In both cases, I could count the issues and why they failed to tug at the heart strings as they were meant to do.  Even though I’ve generally enjoyed Meyers’ past movies, I wasn’t even sure he could pull off this type of studio romance movie without having to cowtow to the corny clichés that always seem to slip in – or at least find a way to make them more palatable. (And let’s be realistic. This is the kind of movie that snobby film critics just LOVE to trash.)

First of all, Meyers already has two truly fantastic leads working in his movie’s favor.  I’ve been a true Jessica Rothe stan ever since seeing her kill it in Happy Death Day and its sequel. Shum is perfectly paired with her, and the two of them are so good from the moment they first meet and we meet them.  In every scene, you feel like you’re watching some of that rare on-screen romantic chemistry that’s so hard to fake. Their relationship is romantic and goofy, and you’re just rooting for them all the way through even if you do know what’s to come.

Eventually, Sol does fall ill, and it does lead to some more dramatic and tougher moments between the couple, but all of it is handled so tastefully, including their need to raise money so they can have their wedding rather than waiting. I am living proof that people really do come together to step up when they see someone in real need, so I couldn’t even tut tut at something like their fundraiser getting so many people to chip in. On top of his two leads, Meyers has assembled such a great cast around the duo, the most recognizable being Jay Pharaoh from Saturday Night Live, everyone around Jess and Sol handles the requisite emotions with nary a weak link.

There’s just so much other stuff that adds to the enjoyment of watching All My Life from the use of Oasis and Pat Benatar in the soundtrack just to the quality storytelling that makes it all feel quite believable. These sorts of movies tend to be rather corny and the diehard cynic who doesn’t have an ounce of romance or love in their body will find things to hate.

All My Life finds its way into your heart by being one of those rare studio romance movies that understands how human emotions truly work, and there’s nothing corny about that. It’s a beautiful movie that entertains but also elicits more than a few tears. Watch it with someone you love.

This week’s “Featured Flick” is Chloe Zhao’s amazing film NOMADLAND (Searchlight), which I reviewed out of its Toronto International Film Festival premiere, but it’s (sort of) being released in theaters this week. It stars Frances McDormand as Fern, a woman living in her van as she moves from place to place taking odd jobs within a community of nomads. It’s another amazing film from the filmmaker behind The Rider, who will make her foray into the Marvel Cinematic Universe next year with The Eternals, which I’m just as psyched about. There’s no denying that McDormand gives a performance that’s a knock-out, even better than the one in 3 Billboards if you ask me, and there’s also a great supporting role for David Strathairn, who I’ve been hoping would have another role as good as this one. Zhao is just a fantastic filmmaker, and I’m glad to see that The Rider was no fluke.

Unfortunately, Nomadland is only getting a one-week Oscar qualifying run, and I’m not even sure where it’s getting that run since theaters in New York and L.A. aren’t even open yet. Maybe Searchlight will do some drive-in screenings like they did for the New York Film Festival and Telluride? It will get a stronger theatrical release (hopefully) on February 21, just to make doubly sure it qualifies for Oscars.

Opening in theaters this week before streaming on Netflix December 11 is Ryan Murphy’s adaptation of the Broadway musical THE PROM, the first feature film he’s directed in ten years. The multiple Tony-nominated musical is about a high school girl named Emma (newcomer Jo Ellan Pellman) who wants to take her girlfriend (Ariana DeBose) to their senior prom, but the head of the PTA (Kerry Washington) cancels the prom instead. The national outrage the situation creates gets the attention of a quintet of self-absorbed Broadway actors who decide to improve their PR by taking up Emma’s cause. Oh, yeah, and those actors are played by Meryl Streep, James Corden, Nicole Kidman, and actual Broadway stars Andrew Rannells and Kevin Chamberlin. What could possibly go wrong?

I’ve never had any sort of positive or negative gut reaction to Murphy’s work on television over the past few years, but I’ve definitely been mixed on the three movies he’s directed to date. I wasn’t a huge fan of his Eat Pray Love, though I vaguely remember enjoying his debut, Running with Scissors. Either way, he certainly has found his niche with musicals from Glee (a show I’ve never watched)  and finding a musical like The Promseems to be a perfect fit between filmmaker and material.

Having not seen The Prom on Broadway – surprise, surprise -- I was a little worried that it was going to go down the path of nudge-nudge wink-wink inside Broadway path that helped Mel Brooks’ The Producers become a Broadway hit. That I saw, and I didn’t hate the movie based on it, although I’m by no means a total movie-musical stan. There’s some obvious older ones I love, some newer ones that others love but I hated – Rob Marshall is about 50/50 for me -- and you might be surprised by which of them I liked best.

What I thoroughly enjoyed about The Prom is that Murphy manages to truly surprise everyone watching it, whether it’s in Kerry Washington’s single song – who knew she had such an amazing singing voice? – or how enjoyable Keegan-Michael Key is as the school’s Principal Hawkins, who not only loves musicals but actually admires Streep’s two-time Tony-award winning Dee Dee Allen. Considering my frequent disdain for Streep’s over-confidence, knowing full well that she’s one of the best living actors working today, she’s actually pretty amazing in the role of what many must assume Streep is like in real life, which makes her character more than a little META. In some ways, I can say the same for Corden, who is pretty fantastic as Dee Dee’s frequent stage co-star Barry Glickman, who has his own connections to Emma’s plight having been disowned by his mother (Tracey Ullman, who only shows up for one brief scene late in the movie) when he came out to her. Corden has one dramatic moment so powerful I was taken quite aback.

Even with those two actors and Kidman likely to get much of the attention, there’s no denying that the romance between Hellman and Debose, and the three or four numbers they have together, makes up the true heart and soul of The Prom. So here you have this amazing cast, and it’s a musical made-up of very fun and quite catchy songs, and that’s long before you get to Andrew Rannells as out-of-work actor Trent Oliver, who practically steals the whole movie with his showstopper of a number, “Love Thy Neighbor.” And then watching Key holding his own with Streep, both musically and dramatically, you might start wondering, “What is going on here?”

Like I said before, it’s pretty obvious that Murphy has fully poured his passion of movie-musicals into every second of The Prom, and it shows on the face of everyone joining him on this adventure. As much as the subject at the film’s core is fairly serious and a hurdle that many gay kids across the world every day, it’s also quite funny. Kudos must be given to Murphy for being able to emphasize those moments as well as the more dramatic ones. Besides that, Murphy really takes advantage of being able to go to different locations, including a sequence on Broadway that could have been done during the pandemic (it actually was built on a soundstage), another number at an actual mall and even at a monster truck rally. It also doesn’t hurt that Murphy hired Matthew Libatique, a god-like cinematographer in my book, to film the movie either.

Like most musicals, The Prom might lose a little as it goes along, since it gets to be too much that goes on for too long, but then there are more than enough great moments to pull you back. It’s by far one of the stronger movie musicals I’ve seen in a very long time, and just the right feel-good experience we all need right now.

I’ve already reviewed David Fincher’s MANK – a few times, in fact – but if you’re in one of the places where it opened theatrically in November, you can finally see it on Netflix starting this Friday. This is the general problem with the way things are these days because even though this only opened a few weeks ago, I already feel that it’s been discussed and forgotten before most people will have a chance to see it.  Anyway, if for some reason, you’ve managed to avoid things about the movie, it essentially stars Gary Oldman as Herman Mankiewicz, the Hollywood screenwriter who ended up co-writing Orson Welles’ Citizen Kane in 1940. The film follows Mankiewicz as he mingles with the Hollywood elite in the 30s, including billionaire William Randolph Hearst (Charles Dance) and his young ingenue girlfriend Marion Davies (Amanda Seyfried) who would be the influence for his Oscar-winning screenplay. I expect to be writing a lot about this movie as we get closer to Oscar season sometime next year.

Also on Netflix this week is Selena: The Series, starring Christian Serratos. It’s the kind of thing that I probably would never watch unless I have an excess of time, and as you’re about to learn from the rest of the column, that doesn’t happen frequently.

The third chapter of Steve McQueen’s “Small Axe Anthology,” RED WHITE AND BLUE, will debut on Prime Video this Sunday, starring John Boyega as Leroy Logan, a young black man who joins the Metropolitan Police after seeing his father assaulted by police and wanting to make a difference in the racist attitudes from within. You might remember that I reviewed this out of the New York Film Festival a couple months back, so not much more to say there.

A week from Sunday, on December 13, McQueen’s fourth film, ALEX WHEATLE, will hit Amazon, and guess what? I’ve already seen it, so I will review it now. How about that? Alex Wheatle is also a true story, this one starring Sheyi Cole as the award-winning young adult writer when he was a younger and just learning the ropes as a drugdealer/DJ in Brixton before his involvement in the 1981 Brixton riots gets him thrown in jail.

As with the other three movies in the “Small Axe Anthology” there are recurring elements and themes in Alex Wheatle, mostly about the way the immigrants to England from Jamaica and other islands are treated by “The Beast” aka what they call the Metropolitan Police. It does take a little time to get to that, as McQueen, working from a screenplay co-written by Mangrove’s Alaistar Siddons, takes a far more non-linear approach than the other three films. We first see Wheatle being taken into prison where he’s thrown into a cell with a constantly-shitting Rastafarian, but we then cut back to his schooling for a short sequence that reminded me of Alan Clarke’s Scum. Both in prison and in school, we see Alex being abused by classmates and head matron alike, and this portion of the film includes another one of arty moments of actor Cole laying on the ground eyes wide open staring for what seems to go on forever. In some ways, this sequence reminds me of McQueen’s fantastic early film Hunger, since it seems to be cut from similar cloth.

Eventually, Alex gets to Brixton and that’s where this chapter in “Small Axe” really takes off as we see how naïve and green he is while dealing with quite a tough crowd and trying to adjust to city life among the Rastafarian community.

As with the other “Small Axe” chapters, I love how McQueen and his team used reggae music to help set the tone and vibe for the episode, because like Baz Lurhman’s Netflix series The Get Down, the music is frequently a key to this biopic working so well. Of course, it’s also due to the performance by Cole and the actors around him that helps make you feel as if you’re seeing a real part of history.

As with Mangrove, this chapter culminates with an amazing recreation of the 1981 Brixton Riots, done in protest after a house party fire in New Cross that the police don’t bother investigating. The actual riots were a much bigger and scarier event going by Wikipedia which says that 279 police were injured and 56 police vehicles set fire, which makes it sound more like the ’92 L.A. Riots.

I’m not sure Alex Wheatle does as good a job explaining how the young man goes into prison as a DJ and comes out as an author, but like Red, White and Blue it’s still an important and inspirational story that adds quite a bit to the previous three “Small Axe” films.

And once again, here is my interview with McQueen from over at Below the Line.

Also, I should mention that Darius Marder’s excellent Sound of Metal movie, starring Riz Ahmed, hits Amazon Prime Video this Friday, too. Check out my review!

The magnificent Andrea Riseborough stars in Zeina Durra’s LUXOR (Samuel Goldwyn), playing British aid worker Hana who while spending time in the ancient city of Luxor, runs into her former lover Sultan (Karim Saleh), as she reflects on past decisions and her current uncertain situation.

I was quite interested in this one sight unseen, not only because it’s another great starring role for Riseborough. (Honestly, she is one of the best actors working today, and I strongly believe she is just one role away from being the next Olivia Colman, who had been amazing for years before everyone in America “discovered” her in The Favourite and then The Crown… which I still haven’t watched! ARGH!). I was a little anxious about the movie, having seen Rubba Nadda’s Cairo Time, starring Patricia Clarkson and Alexander Siddig, which seemingly had the exact same plot.

Durra is a much more capable and confident filmmaker and there’s a lot more overall value in watching Riseborough exploring Egypt as Durra quietly allows Hana’s story to unfold through her interactions with others, as well as her time alone, often languishing in one luxurious hotel room or another.  Then there are the quiet and sometime awkward scenes between her and Saleh, the two of them having been lovers when they were both much younger. We also see Hana in far more vulnerable moments, so we know that she’s by no means actor, and it takes a great actor to really pull off such a dichotomy and bring such dimension to a character with so few words.

There’s something that’s almost comforting watching her dealing with emotions like loneliness in such a tranquil way. I’d even go so far to say that Luxor works in many ways similar to Nomadland, which obviously is getting the far more high-profile release with lots of festival love long before its actual release.  Like that movie, Durra’s film benefits from having masterful cinematography by Zelmira Gainza and an equally gorgeous score by Nascuy Linares, to boot.

Luxor is a quiet, beautifully-made film that really took me by surprise. It acts as much like a travelogue of the title city as it does a tourist’s map to what it must feel like being a woman very much on her own in a foreign land.

I also spoke with Luxor filmmaker Zeina Durra, an interview that will be up at Below the Line hopefully sometime later this week.

With all the talk about Aubrey Plaza in Happiest Season (now on Hulu!), this would be a great time to release another one of her indies that played at the Sundance Film Festival this year, right? What can possibly go wrong?

In Lawrence Michael Levine’s BLACK BEAR (Momentum Pictures), Plaza plays Allison, an actor/filmmaker who arrives at the remote lake house of Christopher Abbott’s Gabe and his pregnant partner Blair (Sarah Gadon), to relax and work on a screenplay, only for the night to turn into philosophical discussions that transform into angry and even violent squabbles. In the second part of the movie, Gabe is the director, and Allison his actor wife, who thinks he’s sleeping with Blair, who is also acting in Gabe’s film.

That plot might seem a little vague, and I can’t exactly tell you whether there is much connection between the two parts of the movie other than it features the same three characters. The first half turns from a drama into a thriller before ending abruptly, while the second part is equal parts comedy and drama as we see a larger part of the world around the trio. In fact, the second part of Black Bear reminded me somewhat of Olivier Assayas’Irma Vep, one of my favorite movies, and that might be one of the highest compliments I can pay a movie.

But first, you have to get through the more quizzical and dramatic first part, which easily could have been done as a three-handed stageplay as we see the changing dynamics between the three people as things get crazier and crazier with one “Holy shit!” moment after the next. (It reminded me a little of Mamet or the play “Gods of Carnage,” although I only saw that as the movie version Carnage, directed by Roman Polanski.)

The fact the connection between the two parts is never explained might confound some people who were otherwise enjoying what is a pretty decent three-hander, but the common theme involves jealousy between the two women. Plaza is a fine dramatic actor when she wants to be, and Gadon is absolutely fantastic, which makes Abbot almost literally the odd man out, but the three of them just have great scenes together.

Black Bear is certainly an enigma of a movie, as much a mystery about what must be going on inside Plaza’s head during some of her softer and crazier scenes, but if you want to talk about range, this gives her so much material for her demo reel that no one could possibly doubt her as an actor again.

Thomas Vinterberg’s new movie ANOTHER ROUND (Samuel Goldwyn) reteams him with his The Hunt star Mads Mikkelsen for a comedy…. Ish… about a group of four middle aged Danish teachers who decide to hold an experiment to prove a theory that people only reach their maximum effectiveness and creativity when they’re .05% drunk. It starts out innocently enough but soon, the men are drinking heavily at school, leading to horrible and unfortunate side effects. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Even knowing Vinterberg’s knack for strange and twisted “comedies,” Another Round is definitely on another level, opening with a scene of drunken kids playing a drinking game that gets them so out-of-control drunk and rowdy. We then meet Mikkelsen’s Martin, a history teacher, whose rowdy seniors are so bored by his classroom technique that Martin is put in front of an inquisition of parents who think he’s going to make their kids fail their final exams. Martin’s home life isn’t much better with his wife Anika (Maria Bonnevie) or his own teen sons. Although Martin says he won’t drink when he has to drive, his friend Nikolaj (Magnus Millang) convinces him by announcing his theory about how everyone needs to always maintain a certain percentage of alcohol in their system.  Over the course of the rest of the movie, we’re shown the alcohol level of our “heroes,” although most will see their behavior as some kind of synced-up middle life crisis. For Martin, it’s a breakthrough, as he starts feeling more confident and assertive towards his students, even trying to connect with them via their drinking activities, as seen in the opening montage.

Another Round is quite a different beast from The Hunt, because there’s a more humorous tone to the point where I could totally see an American studio trying to remake this with the likes of Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler, which would probably lose a lot of the poignancy of what Vinberberg was trying to achieve here. At one point, he throws in a montage of seemingly drunk world leaders, which is kind of amusing even if it’s not quite so apparent why it’s there. There’s a lot of really bad white guy dancing, too, for anyone who is into that sort of thing.

There is definitely a good amount of grief and sadness to the way this story resolves, although Vinterberg still finds a way to leave Martin in a place of joy with a closing scene that may surprise a lot of people. Another Round is another tremendous feather in the cap of the Vinterberg/Mikkelsen collaboration, and it will be in select theaters this Friday before going to digital on December 18.

Another Round will be in select theaters this Friday and then on digital December 18.

Fast Color director Julia Hart returns with I’M YOUR WOMAN (Amazon), once again co-written with husband Jordan Horowitz. It stars Rachel Brosnahan from The Amazing Mrs. Maisel (which I haven’t seen) as Jean, a woman unable to have a baby with her small-time crook husband Eddie. One night, Eddie brings home a baby for Jean, but then he quickly vanishes and Jean finds herself on the run with a stolen baby and one of Eddie’s accomplices, Cal (Arinzé Kene), and there are bad men wanting to question Jean about her missing husband’s whereabouts.

This is another movie where I really didn’t know what to expect, and having not watched Brosnahan on her award-winning show, I was watching this movie trying to figure out what all the fuss was about.  It’s evident from the start that Hart/Horowitz were trying to make a ‘70s-set movie with all the trappings of ‘70s fashion and music, but when you throw in the crime element, it comes across a little too much like last year’s The Kitchen, which wasn’t very good but also wasn’t based on very good source material.

One would presume that the genre elements and a few scattered set pieces, like a shootout at a club, would be the main draw, but it’s almost 30 minutes before we even get any sort of plot, and that’s a big problem. An even bigger problem is that I’m Your Woman just drags for so much of the movie, and it’s pretty obvious that Hart-Horowitz were trying to create a ‘70s movie like some of the films by Scorsese and the movies John Cassavetes made with wife Gena Rowlands. By comparison, I’m Your Woman is stylized almost to a pretentious degree.  Brosnahan does show a few glimpses of there being a good actor in there, but the material just really isn’t quite up to snuff. It also doesn’t help the movie to have the baby crying almost non-stop throughout.

Jean eventually pairs up with Cal’s woman Teri (Martha Stephanie Blake), her son Paul and Cal’s father (played by Frankie Faison), and this is when she learns more about Eddie’s life that she doesn’t know about. Eventually, things start to pick up in the last act, but the multiple problems Hart has with maintaining a steady pace or tone only mildly is made up for by her terrific DP and whoever put together the musical score.  Essentially, the last 30 minutes of I’m Your Woman does make up for the previous 85 minutes, but it’s going to be very hard for many people to even get through how dull the movie is up until that point.

This is a week with some very fine docs, the first one being Weixi Chen and Hao Wu*’s cinema verité film 76 DAYS (MTV Documentary Films), which goes behind the doors of the Wuhan ICU Red Cross hospital over the first 76 days of the COVID pandemic after it hit the rural area of China. (*One of the film’s co-directors/cinematographers shot the film anonymously.)

Here I thought that Alex Gibney’s Totally Under Control would be the best or maybe even only movie about the pandemic released this year, but here we have a fantastic documentary that captures what it was really like in one Wuhan hospital as it was nearly overrun months before COVID started to rear its ugly head in the States. The film begins in January 23, 2020 and follows a number of cases as we watch the personnel, all decked out in head-to-toe PPE, trying to save lives and keep people calm while trying to struggle with all the stresses that come their way. There’s actually a little bit of humor in a cranky elderly man (clearly with some form of dementia) who keeps wandering around the hospital, frustrating his tenders, but there’s also a very moving story of a young pregnant woman who has contracted COVID, who ends up being separated from her baby after a Cesarian section.

There are moments early in the movie where you can see panic starting to set in as we see how out of control things begin, but the anonymous health care workers soon get things underhand and manage to find a way to deal with the panic that’s setting in. There’s no question that these doctors and nurses – many whose faces we never even see -- are the definition of frontline workers, trying to deal with this unknown virus without all the answers and solutions that have been discovered over the past ten months.

76 Days will open via the Film Forum Virtual Cinema as well as other places presumably.

I’m glad I had Dana Nachman’s DEAR SANTA (IFC Films) to watch after 76 Days, because I don’t think I could have handled another dark or deep movie after that one. This doc is all about “Operation Santa,” the amazing group of volunteers and adopters who receive the letters young kids write to the North Pole and go out of their way to fulfill the kids’ wishes.

I was a big fan of Nachman’s Pick of the Litter, so I’m thrilled to say that Dear Santa is just as wonderful and joyous, starting with a bunch of kids explaining Santa Clause enthusiastically, because they really believe in Jolly Saint Nick. Over the course of the film, Nachman profiles a number of Adopter Elves, who look through the letters written to Santa by unfortunate kids and pick a few to fulfill their wishes. A lot of them are in New York and Chicago where the program has led to a number of non-profits, but Nachman also goes to Chico, California where many of the families from Paradise, the town destroyed by fires in 2018, ended up relocation. One story of an Adopter Elf named Damion is particularly wonderful, since he, like many of those who get involved in the program, are trying to give back and pay it forward.

Operation Santa is such a great program and Dear Santa is such a wonderful movie, I challenge anyone to watch it and not tear up from how big their heart will grow while watching it.

Julien Temple’s doc CROCK OF GOLD: A NIGHT WITH SHANE MACGOWAN (Magnolia Pictures) is pretty self-explanatory from its title, but as someone who was never really a Pogues fan, I was almost as entertained by Temple’s film as I was by Alex Winter’s Zappa about a musician who I actually was a fan of. Temple uses MacGowan’s own narration to tell his story from growing up in Ireland, the early days of punk that led to the Pogues and eventually, mainstream success.

My absolute adoration of well-made music docs is fairly well-known at this point, and you can’t really get much better in terms of music doc makers than Julien Temple, who had his cameras rolling in the early days of punk, captured one of David Bowie’s more interesting mainstream phases and also made a very cool movie about The Clash frontman, Joe Strummer.

Although I never really cared for The Pogues, that’s probably because I didn’t know them from their rowdier days and more from their mainstream success from “Fairytale of New York” but Temple’s movie rectifies that with some amazing footage from the band’s earlier days. Even more impressive is the footage and pictures of MacGowan during the late ‘70s dancing in the audience at Sex Pistols and other punk shows. (Temple even interviewed MacGowan during this period in the ‘70s, then put the footage in the movie.) As MacGowan tells his own story about growing up in Ireland, Temple frequently uses varied animation to recreate the stories being told, and that does a lot to embellish the cartoon nature of MacGowan’s storytelling.

I still think MacGowan is a bit of an asshole -- I’m sure he’d agree with that assessment -- but Temple has found a way into this very difficult musician, sometimes using close friends like Johnny Depp (a producer on the film) and Bobby Gillespie from Primal Scream to try to get MacGowan to open up about as much as he ever might. Crock of Gold is certainly an eye-opening portrait of the Pogues frontman that surprisingly offers something to enjoy even for those who never got into his music, but it also shows another dimension to his many fans. If nothing else, it’s a fine testament to why Temple is one of the best music doc filmmakers.

Magnolia held a bunch of one-night only theatrical screenings on Tuesday and will have more on Thursday, but if you miss those, you can catch it On Demand/digital this Friday. (I also have a really enjoyable interview with Julien Temple over at Below the Line that you should check out.)

A.J. and Jenny Tesler’s doc MAGNOLIA’S HOPE follows four years in the life of their young daughter Magnolia (aka Maggie), who has Rett Syndrome. Maggie’s filmmaking parents talk about noticing her strange behavior and finding out that she had a genetic disorder that makes it harder for children to retain what they’ve learned in terms of movement but also might led to far worse disorders. It makes it almost impossible for her to communicate with her parents, which makes it heartbreaking but also quite inspirational that the parents would allow us into their very own difficult journey to try to get their daughter to use and develop all of the skills she learns by making her practice them every single day. The movie will be available to watch for the month of December on the streaming platform Show and Tell, but it’s such a personal movie and another one where I think it will be hard for many to watch without getting a little teary but more out of joy than sadness.

Also out this week is David Osit’s MAYOR (Film Movement), which follows Musa  Hadid, the Christian mayor of Ramallah during his second term of office and determined to make his city a beautiful and dignified place to lived despite being surrounded on all sides by soldiers and Israeli settlements. It will open today at the Film Forum’s Virtual Cinema in New York after winning the Grand Jury Prize at the 2020 Full Frame Documentary Film Festival.

What there’s more? How about Braden R. Duemmler’s WHAT LIES BELOW (Vertical Entertainment), a thriller starring Ema Hovarth from Quibi’s Don’t Look Deeper as Liberty (aka Libby), a teen girl returning from camp only to learn her mother (Mena Suvari) has a hot younger boyfriend named John (Trey Tucker), who Libby soon begins to question whether he’s human. What could possibly go wrong?

I knew I was in trouble when Suvari is picking her daughter up from archeology camp (that’s a thing?) and I misheard her asking her daughter “Any nice digs?” (think about it), especially since Suvari is playing a stereotypically over-sexed cougar, something that becomes far more obvious once we meet her boyfriend that she’s been sexing up at her lake house. There’s certainly a danger of What Lies Below turning into a prequel to a Pornhub video, but thankfully, Duemmler gets away from the inappropriate sexuality inherent in John’s presence and into the weird behavior that gets Libby suspicious.

Sure, maybe calling the movie “My Stepfather is an Alien” would have been more apropos, and there’s elements of the movie that reminded me of the Tom Hanks’ movie The ‘burbs, and not in a good way. Even so, Hovarth, who really looks like Suvari’s daughter, does a fine job holding this together and keeping you invested in how things might pan out, as things get weirder and weirder and the movie eventually transforms itself into a halfway decent and creepy “body horror” flick.

Weird but well-done, What Lies Below is not even close to the worst thriller I’ve seen this year. That might seem like damning praise, but it’s the best I can do for this one.

Debuting on Shudder this Thursday is Justin G. Dyck’s ANYTHING FOR JACKSON (Shudder), a “reverse exorcism” movie in which a seemingly kindly couple, played by Sheila McCarthy and Julian Richings, kidnap a pregnant woman (Konstantina Mantelos) in hopes of getting the spirit of their grandson Jackson, who died in a car crash, and put him into her baby… with the help of demons. What could possibly go wrong? (If you hadn’t guessed, this is the theme of this week’s Weekend Warrior.)

I’ve been thoroughly impressed with the horror delivered by streamer Shudder this year, and Anything for Jackson is no exception. In fact, going over Dyck’s filmography, it’s kind of surprising how decent a horror filmmaker he is, because most of his other movies seem like Hallmark-style Christmas movies? Crazy. There are aspects of Anything for Jackson, written by Keith Cooper, who wrote some of those holiday movies for Dyck. I honestly can imagine the two of them making this movie just to be able to do something different, so they come into the horror realm with tons of fim making experience and easily transition into horror.

At the heart of this movie are McCarthy, Richings and Mantelos, who are all fine actors who do a great job selling the horrors but do just as well during the quieter dramatic moments.  Not that there are that many of them, as Dyck/Cooper throw so many absolutely horrific moments at the viewer so that diehard horror fans will not be disappointed. Things shift into another gear when Josh Cruddas joins in as a Satanic cult leader they bring in to help them when they realize they’re out of their league. The results are something akin to Insidiousin terms of the types of demons and ghosts thrown at the viewer.

At times, Anything for Jackson was a little hard to follow, maybe due to its non-linear storytelling, but at least it has a substantial amount of decent replay value, since the demons and kills are so gloriously gory.

Eric Schultz’s dark and trippy sci-fi thriller MINOR PREMISE (Utopia) stars Sathya Sridharan as neuroscientist Ethan, who gets caught up in his own risky experiment involving memory loss when he becomes trapped in his home with his ex-girlfriend Allie (Paton Ashbrook), and he doesn’t remember how they both got there.

For his directorial debut, Schultz has taken the cerebral indie sci-fi film route that we’ve seen in other filmmaking debuts like Shane Carruth’s Primer, Darren Aronofsky’s Pi or Richard Kelly’s Donnie Darko, and if you’re a fan of those movies, you’ll already know if this would be for you or not. This is also the kind of movie that really requires the closest attention and fullest focus, which is not something I’m great at right now. Because of that, I don’t have a ton to say about a film that does a good job pulling the viewer in with its intriguing premise.

Schultz is a pretty decent filmmaker and discovering Sridharan, who has done a lot of single-episode TV appearances but nothing major, is quite a coup since this is quite a solid showcase for the young actor. I wasn’t as crazy about Ashbrook, which makes it for a rather uneven two-hander.

Minor Premise is just fine, and I think some people will definitely like it more than I did. I definitely will have to watch it again when I’m not so distracted by ALL THOSE OTHER MOVIES ABOVE THAT I JUST FUCKING REVIEWED!

It will be in theaters, in virtual cinema, and digital/On Demand this Friday, so check it out for yourself.

And finally…

Director Dennis Dugan of Big Daddy and Happy Gilmore directs LOVE, WEDDINGS AND OTHER DISASTERS (Saban Films), a “Love American Style” rom-com anthology with a cast that includes Maggie Grace, Jeremy Irons, Diane Keaton and more. Grace plays Jessie, a fairly inexperienced wedding plan hired to orchestrate the high-profile wedding of Boston mayoral candidate (Dennis Staroselsky), and then… oh, you know what? I’ll leave the rest of the description to the review portion of our review.

We meet Grace’s character as she and her soon-to-be-ex boyfriend are skydiving, which goes horribly wrong as they end up fighting all the way down and crashing through an outdoor wedding, caught on a viral video that gets her dubbed the “Wedding Thrasher.” Imagine what a PR disaster that would be for mayoral candidate Rob Barton to have her planning his wedding, but Jessie quickly bonds with his fiancé Liz (Caroline Portu) and begins preparations. Meanwhile, Barton’s problematic brother Jimmy (Andy Goldenberg) has gone on a game show called “Crash Couples” (that’s hosted by no less than Dugan himself) and he allows himself to be chained to a Russian “lawyer” named Svetlana (Melinda Hill) who is actually a stripper. They’re willing to stick it out since the winner gets a million dollars.

Surely, that’s more than enough stories, right? Nope. Turns out that Jessie’s main competition to plan the wedding is a legendary caterer named Lawrence Phillips (Irons) who is set-up on a blind date with Diane Keaton, who is blind. Oy vey.  Also, there’s Andrew Bachelor as Captain Ritchie, who gives humorous sightseeing tours of Boston via the Charles River in an odd land/water vehicle, but one day, he encounters a young woman with a glass slipper tattoo, and he becomes quite smitten. We’ll get back to him. Maybe. In fact, Duggan spends so much time setting up different stories and relationships without much connection that you wonder whether he can tie things up in the oh-so-predictable way these things normally go.

Although the movie starts out fine, and it’s actually not a bad role for Grace, as soon as Duggan introduces the game show, then we learn that Svetlana (real name Olga) is a tripper connected to the mob and they get involved, things just start going downhill very fast. Also, the idea that Keaton -- who I haven’t seen in a good movie in almost two decades --  would not think twice about playing a klutzy blind person. As soon as she shows up and immediately knocks over one of Phillips’ signature champagne glass fountains, I knew we were in for a very long haul. I didn’t even mention the other storyline involving a musician named Mack (Diego Boneta) whose band Jessie is trying to get to play the wedding – one of the multiple meet-cutes in the movie -- although Mack is squabbling with his bandmate Lenny (Jesse McCartney) who has a new Asian girlfriend who is intruding in their friendship.  (I’m sure the fact her name is “Yoni” is meant as as Yoko Ono reference.)

Then on top of that, Dugan steals the gimmick from There’s Something About Mary, by constantly cutting back to Elle King and Keaton Simmons as they’re playing folksy songs in the park. Okay, the fact that Dugan wrote many of those pretty decent songs they perform is pretty impressive.

But the movie is very predictable, especially how it all comes together for the finale, which obviously has to take place at the wedding to which everything has been building up to.

Otherwise, Dugan’s film is maybe 20% an okay movie but the other 80%? Yeesh!! It’s about as romantic as a date with the Marquis de Sade, and it somehow manages to be an equal opportunity offender... in terms of offending blind people, Asians, Jews, Arabs, gay people and even strippers and Russian mafia. It took Dugan 14 years to get this passion project made, and it’s pretty obvious why.

As usual, there were a couple movies I didn’t have time to watch, but not quite as many as the ones I did make time to watch:

King of Knives (Gravitas Ventures) End of Sentence (Gravitas Venture) Billie (Greenwich) Godmothered (Disney+) Wander (Saban Films) Music Got Me Here (First Run Features) Stand! (Fathom Events, Imagination Worldwide) HAM: A Musical Memoir (Global Digital Releasing) In the Mood for Love (4k Restoration)

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[sambergscott]

i know you’re scared it’s wrong, like you might make a mistake

Summary: Jake and Amy go home after Casecation (because they live together!!!! never over it!!!) and Jake reflects on his feelings

After Thai food and brainstorming baby names and sex on the couch (Amy was still worked up at thought of him being a freakin’ debate genius and a freakin’ dad genius and Jake was very willing to satisfy her urges), they end up in bed, but Jake can’t sleep. He almost got blown up by an old lady with twisted bowels, almost lost Amy and made the biggest decision of his life — one he never thought he’d make. Sure, he’d always talked about kids in an abstract “never gonna happen” kind of way. He was convinced he was going to die alone and he wouldn’t even have to worry about it. But then he kissed Amy in the evidence lock-up and they fell in love and he had to process the fact that the kids he thought were never going to happen, just might happen.

That’s when he came to the realisation he didn’t want them.

Don’t get him wrong, he loves kids. His goddaughter is a straight-up cutie, playing cops and robbers with Nikolaj is one of his favourite ways to spend a day off work and his heart melts like butter on a hot piece of toast whenever his niece’s and nephew’s call him Tio Jake.

He’s good with kids, too, probably because he’s a giant kid himself, but they seem to like him and listen to him and even the Jeffords’ girls behave when he raises his eyebrows at them and says he won’t let them have cookies after dinner.

He just can’t imagine a world with his kids in which he’s a dad.

Roger Peralta left when Jake was just seven years old, leaving a gaping hole in Jake’s life that only started to fill when Captain Holt joined the Nine-Nine. Jake’s a cop — a cop who has been sent to witness protection, wrongfully imprisoned and lay in a hospital bed too many times to count. His job is hella dangerous and time-consuming and he doesn’t want to have a kid and wreck the same emotional damage on them because he’s too busy catching murderers to come home most nights or because, God forbid, he’s been murdered himself. Plus, he has the most incredible wife and Jake doesn’t want anything to change between them. They have a good life, an even better sex life, a decent apartment in the city. They can’t afford the larger apartment they’d probably have to move into if they had kids or they babysitters they’d have to hire anytime they wanted to go on a date. And don’t even get him started on the effect it would have on their sex life — Amy told him about the book Terry bought for Sharon. That’s not happening with them.

Amy never mentioned wanting kids, so he didn’t think it was a big deal. She was career-driven, wanted to be the youngest Captain in the NYPD, and knew all too well the stresses and strains of loving a cop. He assumed they’d just be one of those couples who never had kids, but still had a very happy, loving relationship and went on fun, child-free holidays all the time.

But apparently he missed all the signals, and they didn’t communicate as well as he thought they did, and Amy does want kids. A whole brood of them. A gang of Santiagos. And it was so important to her that she would divorce him and start over with someone else if Jake couldn’t give her what she’d always wanted.

His stomach twists (like Pam’s messed up bowels) at the thought of not being married to Amy anymore. Obviously, she didn’t want them to go down that route — she didn’t want to start over — but she felt like she would have to when Jake dropped his “I don’t want kids” bombshell.

Bomb.

Your butt is the bomb.

He rolls onto his other side, his wife sleeping peacefully in his ratty old NYPD shirt she has commandeered for her pyjamas. She’s his dream girl. She’s perfect in every way — smart, kind, funny, beautiful. Everyday he gets to spend with someone as truly amazing as her is crazy to him. He couldn’t lose her.

Being in that hospital room with Pam earlier, managing to stay calm and successively take the bomb off her without blowing up into a million pieces, made him realise that even though something is difficult and scary (so scary), doesn’t mean he can’t do it.

Of course, his past will always be painful and their jobs might get in the way, but with Amy as his partner, he’s pretty sure he can do anything. Including being a dad. And when he thought about it some more while he waited for the bomb squad to let his wife back into the building, they would have stupid cute kids with his curly hair and Amy’s smile and a perfect blend of their dorky personalities.

He smiles as he cups Amy’s cheek and she shifts a little closer to him, her eyes fluttering open.

“Hey,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper. “Sorry if I woke you.”

“You OK?” She asks, concern etched into her face. Her eyebrows are furrowed, her eyes searching his. “You haven’t changed your mind, have you? Because I still have debate points we didn’t get the chance to make.”

“Haven’t changed my mind,” he promises, watching as she releases a deep sigh. “Just… thinking about things.”

“Like what?” She probes.

If today’s Babygate has taught them anything, it’s that communication is paramount. So he tells her everything he’s thinking. About his dad, about how he’s still terrified of being a dad himself, about the bomb. It’s much easier to talk to her without Holt and Kevin and Gayle (and Tom) listening in and point-scoring their arguments. Amy tells him how she feels, too, about how growing up with seven brothers and God knows how many cousins made her want kids and how of course she didn’t want to start over with someone else, she just got scared she wouldn’t be able to achieve that dream. By the end, they both understand each other a lot better and Jake feels a lot more comfortable about the prospect of trying to have kids soon.

Well, soon-ish.

Within the year.

“You know, we never got to reveal the #1 moment in our marriage highlight reel,” Amy rightfully points out, Pam interrupting their romantic moment.

“I’ll go first,” Jake says, racking his brain. There have been so many good moments. The wedding itself, the date night where Amy surprised him with a reservation at Bouche Manger, the day he was sick and Amy took the day off work to look after him and they hung out on the sofa binge-watching Property Brothers all day. One moment stands about above all others. “When you dressed up as Holly Gennaro.”

Amy rolls her eyes affectionately. “I should’ve known it would be about sex.”

“It’s not my fault my wife is ridiculously hot, Ames. I’m a simple man. What was your #1 moment?”

“You telling me you want kids,” she responds, biting her lip. “With me.”

“Seriously?”

“Mm-hmm,” she hums, running her fingers through his messy curls. “I’m so content right now. And I know you’re not quite there yet, but when we do have babies, they’re going to be the best babies ever. They’ll put all the other babies to shame.”

“Big time,” he agrees. “They’re all gonna be so jealous of little Atlas Peralta.”

Amy laughs and kisses him softly, showing her husband of one whole year just how much she loves him.

(A few months later, Amy pees on a stick in the bathroom stall at work and it comes back positive and all Jake’s fear is replaced by pure, unadulterated happiness. And lots of love.

And, as sure as he was when he signed up for the academy and got down on one knee on Halloween, he knows they can do this).

[solidarityinloneliness]

Love is sometimes predetermined by Race

James Baldwin and Barry Jenkins are artists that pay close attention to the relationship between love and bigotry. Prior to release of the If Beale Street Could Talk film adaptation, Baldwin and Jenkins already shared thematic similarities in their bodies of work that reflect their shared passion for discussing love and bigotry. Baldwin has authored Another Country, which observes many different types of relationships including interracial and homosexual. Prior to Beale Street, Jenkins wrote and directed Moonlight, a movie that follows the life of a gay black man named Chiron who comes back to confsess his feelings for his friend Kevin Miami, despite successfully re-inventing himself as a hypermasculine drug dealer in Atlanta.

I love Barry Jenkins. And I have always respected James Baldwin. I had not realized how prolific and talented of a fiction writer Baldwin was until this opportunity to view Jenkins’ adaptation of his novel. The more I prepared for the class through tackling Cederstrom and Freeburg’s readings, and the more closely I watched the movie, I realized how much I was going to enjoy this week’s class discussion.

Then came the class. It turned out, I had a hard time participating in the discussion. I hardly talked. It wasn’t that I wasn’t prepared for the class, nor that I found the topic uninteresting. I couldn’t participate because I didn’t feel safe being vulnerable to talk frankly about my thoughts on love and bigotry, since my experiences with them have been so empirical and personal.

I am a Korean American dating another Korean American. As a person of color, I often wrestle with what it means to be a racial minority in a Caucasian-majority society. Much like Tish and Fonny existing in their own world in the opening scene of Beale Street, when my boyfriend David and I fell in love, we weren’t aware of all the societal expectations we were going against. However, also like Tish and Fonny, David and I had to sober up to the fact that we are a minority in the public’s eye. Needless to say, my reaction to the film was particularly visceral. 

On the first session of Love & Film, we listed the types of connection that love can give. Physical, emotional, spiritual… I remember other students presenting good adjectives, but no one seemed to say what I felt was the most obvious: cultural.

I realize now why it was so obvious to me while not so obvious to others: I spent significant amounts of time in both the U.S. and South Korea. As one of two international students in the class, I can confidently say that I am quite fluent in American and Korean cultures. While some students of color are present, I am sure I am more keenly aware of how culture can act as a barrier in making meaningful connections. This is not to say that I am completely tied to either my Korean or American identity. As an example, I once dated a guy who was born and raised in Korea, but broke up with him largely due to our lack of cultural understanding of each other. I am simply saying that my upbringing taught me and my dating experiences reinforced the fact that cultural connection is a crucial basis for love.

All of this is to say, that I believe that love is often pre-determined by race. Even this week, we spent a lot of class looking at data showing that Americans are more likely to marry within their race than out of it. In the U.S., we try hard to embrace the cosmopolitan ideology. We so badly want to believe that we are okay with other ethnicities and races. When it comes to marriage, however, people prefer people who look like them.

Both Freeburg and Cerestrom are concerned with Baldwin’s philosophy that true love only exists when both people are equal in power. For instance, an interracial relationship would never work, both because of societal power dynamics. Interracial dating doesn’t work because “For whites to accept blacks as ‘one of themselves’ means jeopardizing their own superior status as whites” (Freeburg qutoing Baldwin). In short, as long as Caucasians stay relatively more powerful and more privileged, minorities are not respected enough for interracial dating to be an egalitarian experience. We see a glimpse of this in Beale Street’s department store sequence: White women smell the back of Tish’s - the clerk’s - hand; black men prefer to have the perfume sprayed on their hands; and white men grab Tish’s hand without permission. While this sequence is not even of romantic nature, one can easily see how the societal hierarchy would prevent the society from viewing people of color as equal to whites. When you are not seen as an equal in the first place, it is impossible to be seen as a potential romantic partner. 

The natural rebuttal to Baldwin’s thoughts on race is then, “What if an interracial couple does come together, despite societal expectations?” Baldwin is not optimistic on this notion either. In Another Country, Baldwin shows Ida, a black woman, attempt to have agency in a relationship with Ellis, a white man, only to realize “that [she] is not only black and a woman, but that her attempts to rise in the white world are transparently childish” (Cederstrom 182). In other words, an interracial couple is decidedly unequal even when the individuals involved think they have agency.

The Beale Street grocery store scene epitomizes both the societal and the individual reasons that interracial relationship is never going to work: A white male stranger harrasses Fonny calling her “brown sugar,” and when Fonny throws him out of the store, a white cop catches the act and immediately suspect that Tish was at fault. Further, as they leave the store, Tish lashes out at Fonny for speaking to the cop on his behalf. I discuss this scene for to reasons: first, the store harasser shows that black women like Fonny are seen as objects of lust, rather than humans with feelings. Second, the fact that the only time Tish ever shows dominance over Fonny is after he has been almost incriminated by a white cop, demonstrating that as long as white supremacy exists, black men and black women are not equal either. Through examples like these, Baldwin suggests that human agency has little to do with finding love, as long as the society as a whole is unequal.

Discussing Baldwin’s other novels and the Beale Street film are a rather depressing discourse to have. It is quite the wake up call to our society’s desire to see American society as a land founded on equality, when the truth is the opposite.

This is not to discredit the fact that Tish and Fonny are a truly wonderful couple when they are on-screen together. I remember our professor Dr. Meredith Ward remarking on the movie,  stating, “There’s nothing wrong with the couple, but there’s something wrong with the world.” We root for Tish and Fonny, but their relationship is strained and threatened because of their race.

While David and I have not experienced the same degree of racism as Tish and Fonny have, we are still acutely aware that our togetherness is inherently offensive to some people. It is nice to be able to recall at those times, that Baldwin is the harshest critic when it comes to racism, but he actually has a very wholesome philosophy on the power of love, when it is founded on equality:

“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word “love” here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, or a state of grace - not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth” (Freeburg).

I agree with many of Baldwin’s critiques, but I also love America. I find its inequality heartbreaking because I see so much potential in the future. I hope that our society will learn to love with a “universal sense of quest and daring and growth.”

[fanfics4all]

The Northside Serpent: Part 3

Request: Yes / no

Don’t be shy, request things! (Requests are closed for right now but will be open again soon!) <3 Have a nice day/night

Sweet Pea x Reader

Word count: 1859

Warnings: School raid I guess?

Y/N: Your Name

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

Summary: You’re Kevin Keller’s little sister when you’re mom left to go to war and your dad started cheating (I’m making it so he’s been cheating since season 1) You started rebelling; dying your hair, getting a nose piercing, tattoo, and hanging out on the southside.

A/N: I hope you enjoy this part! 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

Sweets drove for about 20 minutes and we were near Sweetwater River. He turned onto a dirt road that wasn’t very noticeable. His bike rolled to a stop and he got off; he pulled the helmet off my head and smiled at me. I got off the bike and he put the helmet on the bars of his bike. He turned and grabbed my hand pulling me along the dirt path.

“Sweets where are we?” I asked confused.

“Close your eyes.” He said pausing and standing in front of me.  

“Why?” I asked with a raise of my eyebrow.

“Don’t you trust me Quinny?” He smirked and I rolled my eyes but did as he asked. He grabbed my hand and leaded me a short way.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.” He whispered. I opened my eyes and was met with a beautiful open area with trees and flowers surrounding us.

“Oh my god! Sweets this is beautiful!” I looked around in awe. I looked at Sweet Pea and he smiled down at me.

“When did you find this? How did you find this?” I asked as he lead me to a fallen over tree. We both sat down looking at each other.

“I just drove off one night to clear my head and I ended up finding this place, now it’s like my own secret hideout.” I smiled at look up at the night sky painted with stars.

“It’s amazing.” I said quietly. I shivered cursing myself for forgetting my jacket.

“Here…” Sweets said taking his jacket off and putting it around my shoulders.

“Won’t you be cold?” I asked and he shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter, I can’t have a beautiful girl be cold.” He said smiling and I blushed. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him.

“You’re cute when you blush.” He whispered. I looked up at him, his face was illuminated by the moonlight making him look so good. He gently moved some hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear, leaving his hand resting against my cheek.

“Y/N…” He said in a breathy whisper.

“Yes Sweets…” I answered just as quietly.

“You’re so beautiful, I can’t take it anymore.” He whispered and my eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“Sweets what do you-” I was cut off by his lips on mine. I was shocked but quickly realized what was happening. I slowly shut my eyes and kissed him back. His lips were slightly chapped from the cold air and his rough skin was rough on my cheek but it somehow made the kiss even better. He pulled away and I slowly opened my eyes to his is brown orbs staring at me. He had a smile on his lips and I mirrored it.

“Sweets…” I said breathlessly.

“I tried so hard not to fall for you Y/N but I can’t help myself. You’re too amazing and I just couldn’t hold back any longer.” I looked at him shocked, Sweet Pea likes me? My shock quickly turned to happiness which quickly turned into sadness.

“Sweets…” I sighed and his face fell.

“You don’t feel the same…” He said sadly.

“No! I do!” I quickly said and he looked at me confused.

“So what’s the problem?”

“My dad...if he ever found out he would kill you and me.” I said looking down at my hands. Sweet Pea lifted my chin to look at him.

“We can keep it a secret.” He smiled but I shook my head.

“I don’t want to give him a reason to give the Serpents trouble…”

“Let’s just give it a little time, just until I can convince him you guys aren’t bad people.” He sighed but agreed. I took out my phone and looked at the time, we’ve been out for an hour and a half. I looked up at Sweets.

“I think I should get back before my dad suspects something.” He nodded and stood up, he held out his hand to me and I took it standing up.

“Let’s get the princess back to her tower.” He said with a smirk and I giggled.

Sweet Pea drove my home and I handed him his jacket and went to go walk down the block to my house when he grabbed my arm and spun me to face him. He pulled me close and smiled down at me. His lips met mine again and I smiled into the kiss.

“See you tomorrow Quinny.” He smirked got on his bike and drove off. I sighed happily and ran back to my house, I climbed the vines and suck into my window. I threw on some pajamas and fell into a blissful sleep.

The next morning I woke up to my alarm yelling at me to wake up. I groaned and turned it off getting up. I got dressed in some black ripped skinny jeans, A black crop top, a flannel, and finished it off with some combat boots. 

For makeup I went a little less intense, I did a little bit of black eyeshadow with a winged liner and a more neutral lipstick. Once I was finished I walked downstairs to meet Kevin and my dad in the kitchen. Again I grabbed an apple and took a bite.

“You ready Kev?” I asked my brother as he got all his papers together.

“Yeah, you?” I nodded and turned to leave.

“Y/N you come home right after school.” My dad said and I rolled my eyes.

“Whatever.” I said and Kevin and I left for school.

Last period of school

I had off last period and I know my dad said to come home after school but technically school wasn’t over yet. So I walked to Southside High to see my friends. I walked in without a problem and spotted Toni, Fangs, Sweet Pea, and Jughead all talking by some lockers. I walked over there and hugged Fangs from behind. He quickly turned around ready to punch me but stopped when he saw it was me and his eyes grew wide.

“Quinny!? What are you doing here?” He asked shocked. They all turned and looked at me shocked.

“I had off last period and since I’m grounded and wouldn’t be able to hang out later I thought I would come say hi.” I smiled.

“You shouldn’t be here, if the Ghoulies see you they’ll kill you!” Sweet Pea said and everyone nodded in agreement. I rolled my eyes.

“I walked in here no problem, no one even noticed me.” I said. They all looked at each other almost nervously.

“Y/N, can I talk to you for a sec?” Jug asked and I nodded. He grabbed me and pulled me away from the group.

“You shouldn’t be here! If your dad ever found out he’ll kill you!” He said in a whisper.

“He won’t find out Jug, I mean none of you are gonna tell him and I most certainly won’t tell him. So there’s no problem.” I went to turn to walk back to everyone but Jughead stopped me.

“Y/N, I love you, you’re like a sister to me you know that, but you need to leave. Sweet Pea’s right, if the Ghoulies found out who you are you’re as good as dead!” I looked at him and he was really worried.

“They’d be stupid to attack me and you know it.”

“It’s the Ghoulies Y/N, they are stupid.” I sighed and shook my head. Just as I was about to respond Archie Andrews came rushing up behind Jughead and I.

“Jug! Jug! We gotta go right now.” He said slightly out of breath.

“What the hell are you doing here? Betty ask you to throw some salt in the wound.” Jughead spit angeryly.

“Mayor McCoy’s about to raid Southside high we gotta go.” He said quickly.

“Wait what?” I asked confused.

“‘Y/N/N? What are you doing here?” Archie asked me confused. Just then the doors to Southside High flew open with such force and Mayor McCoy and my father walked through along with plenty of other cops and drug dogs.

“Hey!” My dad yelled out through the crowded halls. Archie grabbed Jughead who grabbed me and pulled us through the halls to escape. The cops walked through the halls and started arresting pretty much anyone they saw.

“Toni!” Jughead called out and she started running towards us. Two cops grabbed Sweet Pea and slammed him into the lockers roughly.

“Sweet Pea!”I screamed and tired to go after him.

“Y/N!” Jughead tried to grab me but missed. Archie came up behind me and lifted me up my the waist. I struggled against him trying to free myself so I can help Sweet Pea.

“Y/N we gotta go!” He said cairring me backwards.

“No! Let me go!” I shouted at him. I looked at Sweets and he was glaring at me, I’ve never seen him so angry before. He punched the locker and continued to glare at me. The three of us escaped Southside and ran, well Archie and Jughead ran I was still being carried. We ended up at pops and they shoved me into a booth also sitting down.

“I have to go back!” I said trying to leave.

“Y/N you can’t! Your dad is there.” Jughead said and he looked at the time.

“You better get home, I’m sure your dad is gonna be checking in on you soon.” He said with a sigh.

“Just...just tell me when everyone is out...please?” I begged Jughead.

“I will I promise Quinny.” He said using my nickname which he rarely did. I got up and walked home and was met by Kevin pretty much waitting for me.

“Y/N! Where were you, I looked for you after school but you were nowhere to be seen and you didn’t answer your phone!” He said hugging me.

“Promise you won’t tell dad?” I asked.

“Promise!” We sat on the couch and I sighed.

“I went to Southside high during last period since I had off since I wouldn’t be able to go hang out with my friends after school.” I said looking at him, he was shocked.

“You went to Southside high!? Are you crazy!”

“I was fine Kev!” He shook his head.

“Anyway Jughead pulled me to the side to talk to me about how I shouldn’t be there when Archie showed up saying how Mayor McCoy was going to raid the school and that we needed to leave. That’s when dad and her showed up…” Kevin’s eyes widened.

“Did he see you?” I shook my head.

“I don’t think so.”

“Let’s hope he didn’t…”

“Kev...they arrested Sweet Pea…” I said with tears in my eyes. Kevin pulled me in to him and hugged me.

“Hey, it’ll be alright okay?” We ended up just chilling out and waiting for our dad to get home but Kevin got a text saying that he was working late and he wouldn’t be home till later. So we made ourselves dinner and went to bed.

Taglist: @54fangirl @southsidehufflepuff @xrosesareredx 

[joemuggs]

PERCEPTION OF DOORS

Was reminded by a conversation yesterday about the art of the club door person, and dug this out, which I wrote for the Amsterdam Dance Event annual back in 2014. 

---

If you want a clear view of how clubland operates, why not ask its guardians? The men and women who stand at the doors – whether to take money, pick and choose who gets in, or act as enforcers of rules – are the first and last people clubbers will see in their night out, and are uniquely placed to assess what makes the clubbers themselves tick. They are the interface between club, clubber and promoter, and able to provide a (more-or-less) sober overview of what goes on. But frequently, too, they are the filter: they are the one person more than anyone whom by their choices, defines the nature of the crowd on a given night. As such, they are not just list-tickers, cash-till operators or hired muscle, but are a vital cog in the club's cultural machine, a part of the club's personality. And plenty of them are as big a music lovers as the promoters or DJs too. So from London to New York, Glasgow to Pretoria to L.A., we present the past, present and future of these essential sentinels and unsung heroes of the night.

BIG FRANK

Big Frank, aka Faafaga Samuelu, is a true Los Angeles legend. The imposing Samoan-American was a school friend of underground hip hop DJ/producer Kevin “Daddy Kev” Moo, and they threw parties together from Junior High onwards (“I was the muscle, he was the brain,” laughs Frank; “a perfect combination”). But Frank was also a hardcore gangbanger in his late 1980s / early 90s adolescence: “I remember him showing me a sawed-off shotgun in 8th grade while we were riding the bus to school,” says Kev, nonchalantly. Frank served serious jail time in the late 90s, but when he came out, Kev was there, happy to team up again.

Kev founded the legendary Low End Theory – hub of the psychedelic, electronic “L.A. beat scene” that spawned artists like Flying Lotus, Gaslamp Killer and co – in 2006, but by 2011 it had become so popular, hosting the likes of Thom York and Erykah Badu, that their host venue's bouncers were shaking down clubbers for bribes to get in. This was the moment when Frank's demeanour, reputation and willingness to turn up with an AR-15 assault rifle came into their own, and perhaps unsurprisingly the previous security stepped aside without any trouble to make way for him to take over on LET's Wednesday nights.

Since then, LET's reputation as a friendly spot has only grown. “Being the familiar face of the club,” says Frank, “is great fun and oftentimes just lots of funny. And if you're coming to us, you'll be more comfortable if you feel like you know the guy at the door – and a cool farewell at the end of the night helps as well!” Now in his 40s, he is happy to be a cool head, mainly in the background: “I have different reasons for being in the scene still,” he says; “What's still there is the love for music, but now my desire to be in the crowd is gone. The times of getting fucked up and bumping rap at a back yard party is long gone. What makes me happy, though, is the presence of the forty-somethings and even older folks that attend our club. It helps me feel like our push to progress the music is appreciated. As if all this time in the scene produced something that my generation can be proud of – not just slangin' and gang bangin'.”

JR

In South Africa, house music means more to people than almost anywhere else on earth. And Tebogo “JR” Modiba knows this more than most – his laid-back House 22 parties in Pretoria are an oasis of sophistication and unity in a society still riven with violence and harsh divisions. He ended up working the door there by default: “House 22 started an purely by-invite-only underground deep house joint,” he explains; “so as the founder, I had to work the door in order to overlook the invitations myself. Over time, we have opened up to the general public, but we still keep a close eye on disruptive elements who might not understand and appreciate the underground deep house culture.”

Like all the best doormen, though, he's not just there to filter people out. “The door is the most important part of the business,” he insists. “That's where punters, especially first timers, should start experiencing what the atmosphere of the club is like. All of that depends on how the doorman welcomes them and treat them.” In fact, his biggest problems are cops (“those fellas have serious anger issues, especially when they see people having fun while they are working – and they're the biggest tax collectors too, [taking money] to allow you to operate without interrupting your business with constant inspections, or to protect your patrons from being harassed”) and the weather. One time the mainly-outdoor House 22 venue was hit by tennis ball-sized hailstones, causing a near stampede for cover, which JR was able to only just keep from becoming mass panic.

All his efforts lead to a club where passion for music rules – and so it should, when JR's own love for house still drives everything. At the drop of a hat, he will reel off favourite DJs' names– Vinny Da Vinci, Christos, Glen Lewis, Jimpster, Atjazz, Ralf Gum, Andre Lodemann, Andy Compton & The Rurals, Lars Behrenroth, and Louie Vega – and those of beloved festivals that inspire him like Sónar, ADE and Southport Weekender. And you just know there's no bullshit when he says: “I don't think I am ready to live without my house music, the club life and the people I have met and we became one house music family. Not any time soon.”

JAY CLOTH

London gay scene institution Duckie is more than just a club – as “Purveyors of Progressive Working Class Entertainment”, its team have created a multi-headed beast with art events, talks and exhibitions worldwide. But Duckie's soul resides in its bacchanals every Saturday night at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, still presided over by the same team that founded it 19 years ago: producer Simon Casson, radically eclectic DJ duo The London Readers Wifes, compere Amy Lamé and “box office artistes” Father Cloth and Jay Cloth. Jay is extraordinarily proud to be on the door - “Duckie is unlike any other London Club and IS gay culture to me,” he says, though cites inspiration from a motley lineage of misfit clubs past like The Bell, Marvellous, Daisy Chain, Lippy and anything involving cabaret monster David Hoyle (née The Divine David).

“I am very proud that Duckie is a very friendly club,” says Jay, “and the team of 'Cloths' that work the door set the tone by being as welcoming as possible to all.” As anyone who's been to the club knows, though, they may be welcoming, but you have to step up to the mark and contribute to the wild energy. Jay will turn away “stag and hen parties, anyone too obviously drunk, too obviously high, anyone rude, anyone wearing fur” and only welcome celebrity guests “as long as they are willing to pay the same as everyone else – we are very egalitarian.” “What makes me really happy,” he says, “is when the mix of people is so extreme I wouldn't want to be anywhere else on earth.” His only fear is that “around 1am some nights when the Wifes announce they are about to play their favourite record of all time, I worry the floor might give in!”

ANGELO FABARA

Anyone who thinks that garish clubwear and superstar DJ culture started with EDM should look back to early 90s New York – which truly was the best of times, and the worst of times. Clubbing was a performance then, with the self-proclaimed Club Kids creating atmospheres so decadent and sights so eye-popping that it could feel like the last days of Rome. The Limelight was the heart of all of this, and bringing some kind of order to the chaos was Angelo Fabara. Angelo was an out-of-towner, drawn as a teenager to NYC's clubs like moth to flame by the “idea of community foremost, but then the escapism it offers to young people to safely experiment with.”

He was soon part of that community. In high school he went to the Limelight every weekend, but after getting into NYU, this quickly switched to going nightly. As a face on the scene, he says, “eventually was asked to promote some nights which led to my being hired as a junior door / guestlist person under the guidance of the more veteran door people at the Limelight. I worked there for about a year and a half after which I worked at Twilo for another year at the height of rave / club music coming to NYC.” New York can be a scary city, and Angelo had to learn fast how to turn away the crazies who might later follow or lay in wait for someone who had offended them: “I worked out I needed to give them a bigger reason they couldn't come in,” he says, “like 'the venue's at capacity', rather than quipping slights at their character which I may have done when I first started.”

As a doorman, though, he didn't just have to keep the badasses out: he had to help create atmosphere. “I let in anyone I knew was a great dancer,” he says, “or had a great look: people who made the dancefloor flourish or were nice eye candy. You also had to educate people who came to the clubs to make an effort because everyone else was taking the time to look impeccably chic or coming up with a look that just added to the design and visual language of the scene at that time. If you were a suit, I wouldn't let you in, if you came as a group of guys I wouldn't let you in, if you didn't look the part you would have a harder time at the door. Much later in life, I compare it to Walt Disney who always started his stories off by making his characters literally step through a door into a fantasy world, transported to another place. I wanted to be that person that showed you through that door.”

The scene famously turned bad. “A lot of people died from drugs,” recalls Angelo sadly. “Heroin became big in the 90s, and Michael Alig murdered his club kid friend Angel, which ended the reign of Peter Gatien's clubs like USA, Palladium, Limelight, Tunnel which were the best clubs in NYC history, places with a creativity you just don't see nowadays.” Angelo stepped away from the scene, moving into culture reporting with Microsoft's 'Sidewalk' site – but he never lost his love for what had first inspired him as a kid. “I still think about how easily I made friends on the dancefloor and how so many of us are still friends today 22 years later.”

BOB WONG

Glasgow is one of the most beloved, yet notorious, clubbing centres of the world, known for the utter lunacy, in both the good and bad senses, of its crowds. So it's nice to know that its scene has a calm centre in the affable and unflappable Bob Wong, the head of security (“I prefer 'doorman' or 'steward' but that confuses people, so I usually end up saying 'bouncer',” he laughs) at the Glasgow School Of Art – a venue that has hosted everything from the most manaical techno to the heaviest dub to avant garde noise events.

Bob is a true lover of and participant in Glasgow's underground scene – indeed, in researching this article, his was the first name mentioned by every Glaswegian we spoke to. “Scots know how to party!” he says simply as explanation of why he loves the scene. “You can't beat seeing likeminded people – people of all ages, race, colour, sexuality, social background etc etc etc – switch off from their daily grind of the working week and completely lose themselves, intoxicated with their poison of choice, in the music they love and really go for it on the dancefloor.”

This no-nonsense attitude and affection for the crowds runs through everything he does. “I, and the rest of my team are there to ensure the punters have a great night, and more importantly a safe one: safe from themselves and each other when they inevitably get carried away.” And to do this he insists on a friendly culture: “I hated working with macho 'bouncers',” he continues, “who could only brag about how many fights they'd won or how many girls they've slept with – so when I finally became head steward, I made a point of having only people with a similar mindset to mine on the team, and it makes a difference to everyone.”

Has he ever been scared, surrounded by punters when they “inevitably get carried away”? “You're probably expecting a mad story here,” he smiles, “about some kinda riot or a scenario where I've been stabbed or shot at – but no... if I ever get into a situation where I'm in a fight where my life is being seriously threatened then I can honestly say I'll have failed at my job. My scariest moments have to be the occasions where drunken punters have thought it was a great idea to slide down the banister of the stairs from the cloakroom on the top floor of the Artschool – a 4 level building – and have fallen over the edge and down between the flights of stairs... Thankfully no-one ever fell past the next floor but, all the same, hearing the thud and seeing them hit the floor you automatically assume the worst when they go limp and unresponsive! Thankfully and surprisingly there have never been any fatalities in my time (don't jinx it Bob haha!), just a few fractured vertebrae...”

[bughead-is-riverdale]

Be Lonely With Me - Chapter Seventeen (Bughead AU)

(credit to @jordansconnor for this beautiful aesthetic)

Summary:  A young single mother and a successful author meet at a creative writing class in New York. Betty is trying to get the education that she had to sacrifice to bring up her daughter and Jughead has run out of inspiration for his new novel. Can they help each other?

A/N: this was ridiculously hard to write! I hope I haven’t sucked! Remember my requests are open. Please leave comments/feedback!!

read on AO3 here masterlist here The streets were a blur as Jughead slammed his foot down on the accelerator, making his car groan as he urged it faster. He was distantly aware of the blare of car horns as he slipped dangerously through the rest of the traffic that dotted the roads. He was too determined for any police siren to stop him. As he drove the daily route to Josie’s school, he couldn’t help but notice all the familiar sites that coloured the streets on the way. The Dunkin’ Donuts that she always begged him to stop at when Betty was at work, the Toy’s “R” Us where he bought all her birthday presents, and the little ice-cream stand where they stopped for a treat on Fridays now that the weather was warmer. He recalled how Josie had managed to get chocolate ice cream all the way down her pink t-shirt last week, remembering how Betty had laughed at the sight of her messy daughter as she cleaned her up with wet wipes. Josie had given her a gappy-grin - she had lost her first tooth the week before - and wiped a stripe of chocolate on her mother’s cheek.

The car screeched in protest as he swerved into the car park, not even bothering to lock the vehicle as he ran towards Josie’s classroom. The courtyard was already swarming with police and a young officer stopped him at the gate as Jughead tried to duck under the yellow tape.

“I’m sorry sir, you can’t come in here without authorisation,” the boy warned. Jughead glared at the young man in front of him who didn’t look a day over eighteen and still had a light frosting of acne over his cheek bones, suddenly angry that there was someone so obviously inexperienced on his daughter’s case.

“My daughter has just gone missing,” he snapped. “Is that enough authorisation for you?”

“Your daughter..?” the boy mumbled. “We were under the impression that the child was taken by her father.”

“I’m her stepfather,” Jughead explained in frustration. “If I had kidnapped her do you honestly think I would show up at the crime scene? Use your goddamned brain. Now, why don’t you spend your time trying to find her instead of detaining member of her fucking family?” He ducked under the barrier before the officer had the chance to protest and sprinted towards Josie’s classroom where he assumed Betty would be.

He found that there was more police in the classroom when he pushed through the door. Although he should have found it reassuring, it just confirmed the severity of the situation. Veronica was the first person he saw, or rather heard. He briefly wondered how she had managed to arrive before him, although it wouldn’t surprise him if she had lifted in by helicopter. She was standing with an older woman who Jughead recognised to be Josie’s school teacher and was talking to (or rather shouting at) a terrified-looking police officer.

“Ma’am, you need to calm down,” Jughead heard the police officer mumble as he approached. Veronica’s eyes flashed dangerously at the instruction and for a moment Jughead felt sorry for the guy.

“Calm down?” Veronica seethed. “My niece is in the hands of some fucking lunatic because this woman can’t do her job,” she glared venomously at Mrs Russell who was practically cowering in the corner. Unfortunately, the woman didn’t have the sense to keep quiet.

“Miss Lodge, I am so sorry for -”

“Save it,” she snapped. “You can kiss goodbye to your job. I hope you have enough savings for a lawyer because I am going to sue the shit out of you and this school. My father employs the best lawyers in this country and I’m pretty sure he’ll be happy to hire them out to me.”

“Ma’am this really isn’t the time to -”

“I want her arrested for child neglect, and if idiocy was a crime I would charge her with that as well,” Veronica interrupted, turning back to the police officer who was beginning to look very nervous. “And if so much as a hair is hurt on Josie’s head, I will see to it personally that she will never see the light of day again. Do you understand?”

With one last angry look at the woman in question, Veronica turned to march off before spotting Jughead. Despite her furious aura, Jughead could see tears gathering in her dark eyes and knew that she was barely holding herself together.

“Jughead, thank God you’re here,” she hugged him tightly.

“What’s going on, Ronnie? Is there any new information?”

“The cops have literally only just arrived so they are just trying to get a picture of what happened,” she explained. “But from my understanding he just walked in after their lunch break and took her. Claimed that he was her father, which he technically is,” Jughead gritted his teeth at that comment, balling his hands into fists, “and told that idiotic teacher that it was his weekend with Josie and they were going on a long weekend because he doesn’t get to see her that much. Slimy bastard.”

“Surely there is some kind of authorisation that he needs to just take a child? Betty had to register me as a relative to Josie before I could collect her from school by myself.”

“Oh there is, but we both know that woman,” she glared at Mrs Russell again, “is a judgemental cow and is always commenting to Betty that Josie needs to spend time with her father, never assumed that Betty avoided him for their own safety, and was probably just pleased that Betty decided to heed her advice. Arrogant bitch.”

“Surely Josie didn’t just walk out with him?” Jughead puzzled, the panic in his voice rising slightly. “She knows not to leave with strangers, she’s a smart kid.”

“That’s what we can’t figure out. He must have threatened her or something.”

“Son of a bitch,” he growled, slamming his fist down on one of the classroom tables. Veronica rubbed his shoulder reassuringly.

“They’re going to find him, he can’t have gotten far. Also, he doesn’t have a logical reason to hurt Josie,” she pointed out, trying to calm her friend down.

“He didn’t have a fucking reason to rape Betty, but he did it anyway,” Jughead growled, Veronica winced at what he was suggesting. “Where is Betty?”

“She has been taken to the staff room by the paramedics to sit down. She’s... distraught, understandably so,” Veronica sighed. “I’ve called Cheryl to meet her at the hospital as the paramedics want to take her in because we’re worried about the stress on the baby.”

“Shit,” he breathed, his hands trembling at the thought of his other daughter being in danger as well.

“We were waiting for you to arrive first. She won’t go anywhere until she knows that you’re here.”

Both hands clutching her stomach, Betty took another shaking breath, her throat raw from crying. She could hear Kevin’s familiar voice, giving orders and scolding people, but she couldn’t figure out where it was coming from, it sounded like a distant echo. She felt like she was underwater, like everything around her was muffled. Someone was talking to her, or rather at her. She felt a sharp pressure on her upper arm and winced, but she didn’t look up.

She found herself staring at the floor and realised that she must have knocked over her mug of tea as the china cup lay forlornly on its side. The liquid had spilled over the light cream carpet and the ugly brown smear seemed to be glaring up at her. She righted the mug and looked around the small room for a wash cloth, wondering why nobody had cleaned it up. It would stain otherwise.

She spotted a cloth by the kitchen sink but as she tried to stand she was ushered back into her seat by unfamiliar hands, the distant mumbles of ‘ma’am’ confusing her even more. She felt a dull ache in her stomach as she sank back into her chair. A door slammed and someone else walked into the room. They knelt in front of her and took her hands. They were kneeling in the spilt tea.

She heard a familiar low, husky voice whisper her name. She looked up.

“I’m going to find her Betts, I promise,” he urged.

“Jug?”

“It’s alright, I’m here.”

“I spilt my tea,” she mumbled.

“What? That doesn’t matter. Babe, you need to go to the hospital.”

“You’re kneeling in it, it’ll ruin your jeans.”

“Don’t worry, I can buy more jeans,” he reasoned. She watched him turn to talk to someone else and heard him demand what was wrong with her. She frowned. “Betty, honey, you need to go to the hospital.”

“I’m fine,” she mumbled, wondering why she could possibly need to go to the hospital. She needed to stay here and clean up the tea.

“Betts, you’re bleeding. You need to go to the hospital, for Lili.”

Betty was confused. She wasn’t hurt. The only pain she felt was in her stomach, but that was a pain she was well accustomed to and had been ever since she was thirteen. Paramedics began ushering her onto a stretcher and Jughead nodded encouragingly so she complied, wanting to roll her eyes at the excessiveness of their actions but something in the expression of Jughead’s blue eyes told her not to. It was an expression she had never seen on his face before. He looked… terrified.

He kissed her wet cheek before they loaded her into the ambulance and squeezed her hand tightly. She inhaled his comforting scent of mint before he pulled away. She called out and he came back into her vision again. Brushing her fingertips across his jawline like she had done thousands of times before she tried to say something but couldn’t seem to find the energy.

“What is it Betts?” he encouraged. She cleared her throat.

“Don’t forget to pick Josie up from school.”

Jughead watched helplessly as Betty was loaded into the ambulance, wanting more than anything to go with her. He would give anything just to hold her hand, to tell her that everything would be alright. But Josie needed him more.

“She’s gone into shock,” Kevin explained, having just come off the phone with his father. “It’s her brain’s way of coping with the news. It’s a good thing really, it means there is less stress on the baby.” Jughead nodded in response, not really hearing what the other man was saying. “I’m going to be blunt with you Jughead, she might lose Lili.”

“I can’t think about that right now Kev,” he replied, his voice shaky. He cleared his throat.  “We need to find Josie. So tell me what I have to do.” Kevin nodded, understanding his friend’s need to be busy.

“Well we already know that it was Archie who took her, that much is obvious. What we don’t know is where he is or who helped him.”

“You think there was someone else involved?” Jughead mentally kicked himself for not thinking of that sooner. “What about the police? Are they doing anything useful?”

“At the moment they are just assessing the scene, you know, following ‘protocol’,” Kevin rolled his eyes in exasperation, still seething from a run-in he’d had with the lead officer on the case.  “They haven’t seemed to grasp the urgency of the situation, putting it down to a custody issue rather than a kidnapping. They don’t seem to think that Josie is in any direct danger,” Jughead was about to interrupt but Kevin continued. “I’ve called my dad and he is flying his unit in from Ohio, they have just finished a case there.”

“Your father is FBI right?”

“Yep, he’s the head of the BAU, child kidnapping is his speciality. I’ve updated him on the situation.”

“Will he be allowed to work the case?”

“The local force won’t be happy about it but he said he would call in a few favours, he should be here in about an hour. Josie is basically his granddaughter so he’s on the warpath.”

Jughead felt a brief wave of relief at Kevin’s words. Although he had only met Mr Keller once, Betty and Kevin often discussed his cases and his reputation as one of the best BAU agents preceded him. Jughead had liked him immensely when they met at Christmas and had every faith that he would take the kidnapping seriously. Kevin had kept him in the loop on their situation for some time and the majority of Jughead’s research on Archie had come from Mr Keller’s access to the FBI database. Familiar with the norms of child kidnappings, and in the quiet months where it seemed Archie was going to leave them alone Kevin’s father had warned them that Archie wasn’t the type to give up easily. Profiling him as a person vindictive enough to take Josie merely to get back at Betty, Mr Keller had told Betty that even though he apparently wasn’t interested in Josie, he wouldn’t stop at using the child to lure her out. It would seem that he hit the nail right on the head.

“Toni is going to talk to Cheryl, try and figure out where Archie might have taken Josie. After all, she knows his movements better than anyone.” Kevin added. “We should probably get going if we want to -”

Kevin cut himself off when a police woman entered the room. She wore a detective’s badge on her belt and her black leather jacket and stony expression established her as a person not to be messed with. She fixed her gaze on Jughead.

“Can I talk with you, Mr Jones?” It wasn’t really a question.

Jughead followed her into a different room, clearly another classroom. The bright project displays and motivational quotes plastered on the walls seemed inappropriate for the current setting. The detective sat down at one of the desks and motioned for Jughead to do the same. Under normal circumstances Jughead would have laughed at the sight of the grown woman sitting at child-sized furniture. But these weren’t normal circumstances. He sat down opposite her, his knees knocked against the tiny desk.

“I’m Detective Jordan,” she began, eying Jughead carefully. He began to feel that he was in for an interrogation rather than an interview. “I’ve been assigned as the lead detective on your step-daughter’s case.” Jughead waited for her to continue. “Miss Lodge and Mr Keller have already informed me of your partner’s history with the suspect so I have an idea of what is going on. I would like you to talk me through your morning school run with Josie. Was there anything out of the ordinary?”

“No offence, but isn’t this a waste of time? We know who took her. What are you doing to find the bastard?”

“No offence Mr Jones,” she remarked in a cold tone, “but I have fifteen years experience in police work and you have zero. I understand that you are upset but please allow me to do my job, right now I am your daughter's best chance. Now, please answer my question.”

Reluctantly, Jughead gave her a detailed account of his morning with Josie. Everything from what she had for breakfast to what she was wearing for school. They had been running late, not at all out of the ordinary, and chose to take the subway instead of driving due to the heavy traffic. Josie had held onto Betty’s hand as they changed trains and Jughead followed behind, carrying the little girl’s Little Mermaid backpack in one hand. She had sat on his lap on the second train, chatting on about who she was going to play with at school, and Betty had closed her eyes for a few minutes to grasp at the echoes of sleep that seemed long gone now that a second child was on the way. He remembered smiling at his girlfriend, momentarily zoning out of Josie’s little monologue, and the little girl had tapped his forehead to get his attention again.

“Mr Jones, I want to take you through a cognitive interview to see what you remember.” Jughead looked at her doubtfully, glancing towards the classroom clock nervously. “Now, close your eyes and try to picture the scene. You’re on the train, Josie is sitting on your lap and Miss Cooper is next to you. Your hand is entwined with hers. Josie is chatting to you.” He followed her instructions.

He could see Josie so clearly behind his eyelids, like she was really only inches from him. Her green eyes were bright, fixed on his face, and her freckles were like a dusting of pollen over her nose and cheeks. She had a smudge of toothpaste in the corner of her mouth and he longed to reach out and wipe it away. Jughead had been trying not to visualise his little girl, and the image was like an unexpected assault. The memory hurt. He couldn’t believe it had happened only this morning. If he focused hard enough he could still smell her familiar scent of watermelon and sugar.

“Was there anything or anyone suspicious on the train? Or the platform?” the detective asked, her pen poised patiently over her notebook.

“No… I don’t… I don’t know,” he sighed. “My attention was all on Josie. The carriage was busy, but that’s normal for that time of the morning. How is this even going to help? We already knew who took her.”

“Just tell me what you see.”

Jughead sighed, frustrated. He hadn’t been paying attention to his surroundings, he only had eyes for Betty and Josie, and his daughter’s demand for attention hadn’t left much opportunity to people watch. He thought back. Looking past Josie’s smiling face he couldn’t see anyone he recognised.

“There were a few kids opposite us, they were older, teenagers. They were playing on their phones and listening to headphones.”

“Good, how many teengers?”

“Three. One boy and two girls.”

“What else can you see, Mr Jones?” The detective prompted.

“I can hear a dog barking somewhere down the carriage, and baby crying, but I didn’t turn to look. Josie was distracting me,” Jughead remembered how she had given him a gappy smile.

“There was a woman to my left, she had fallen asleep.”

“Young? Old?”

“Old, about sixty.”

“Can you remember who was near her?”

“I don’t… wait..,” Jughead squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his blood run cold.

“Mr Jones? Can you remember?”

“No,” he lied. “I can’t remember anything else that might help.” The woman eyed him suspiciously before nodding slowly.

“Very well, I would like you and your friends to come to the station with me. From there we can keep you updated on our search for your daughter. Have you got a recent picture of her? And a description of what she was wearing this morning?”

Jughead nodded. He provided the detective with the picture of Josie that he carried around in his wallet, he explained that she had been wearing the same denim jacket with embroidered sunflowers to school this morning as was shown in the image, but her curly hair had been tied back in pigtails rather than plaits.

“I am going to do everything in my power to find your daughter Mr Jones, you can depend on that,” she promised, shaking his hand firmly before leaving the room with her notebook full of snapshots into Josie’s life.

“And I’m going to do everything in mine,” Jughead murmured.

The FBI unit had just arrived when Jughead found Kevin and Veronica in the school courtyard. Kevin was in deep conversation with his father and the other FBI agents were arguing with members of the local police force, flashing their badges and declaring the case under federal jurisdiction.

“We’re still in the first twenty-fours hours which increases the chances,” Mr Keller explained to his son. “But I’m not going to lie to you son, she wasn’t reported missing for three hours, he has a damn good head start on us.”

“What’s the chance that we’re going to find her alive?” Jughead interrupted.

“Jughead..,” the agent stammered in surprise. “I don’t think that’s a very helpful thing to -”

“Mr Keller, please.”

The agent looked at the young man in front of him, a far cry from the loved-up, doting step-father who he had met at Christmas. He looked like he had aged ten years, the worry lines cemented around his blue eyes that were dimmed with concern.

“If he’s going to kill her, there is a seventy-five percent chance that he has done it already.”

Jughead didn’t realise that he was even crying until Veronica wrapped her arms around him. The sobs were stifled to begin with, he gritted his teeth as his tried to force them down, reminding himself that tears wouldn’t help Josie, but his friend's understanding and mutual despair pushed through his barriers and he broke down entirely. He felt a strong grip on his shoulder as Mr Keller assured him that he was going to do everything to bring Josie back, but the words felt empty in the face of overwhelming facts.

“Jughead, son, listen to me,” the older man reasoned. “This bastard wants Betty and for some deluded reason he thinks that taking Josie is going to get him that. If he hurts her, then he gets nothing. He needs her.”

“We’re going to find her Jug,” Veronica whispered. “We just have to figure out where he took her.”

“I’m going to call Mrs Cheryl Andrews into the station for questioning. She knows him better than anyone and probably knows where he is without even realising it. I’m not going to interview you again Jughead, I’ll get Detective Jordan’s notes, you’ve been through enough questioning and you need to be with Betty.” He paused to call over one of his colleagues, a young man in an FBI vest. “This is Agent Bennett, he will escort you to the police station while the rest of my team assess the crime scene if it hasn’t already been ruined.” Turning to his colleague he continued, “tell Hutchings to issue an Amber alert state-wide and I want Price to hold a press conference. He’s a football star for God’s sake, someone must have seen him.”

Giving his son one last awkward hug, Mr Keller headed towards the crime scene and left his agents to establish a command centre at the local police station. Kevin knew that everyone on his father’s team had listened to the older man chat affectionately about his adopted granddaughter and had long awaited a visit from the little girl at the headquarters in Quantico. Betty had promised to bring Josie down to Virginia for years but the holidays always seemed too short. Now, Kevin couldn’t help but wonder if she would ever get the chance.

“Let me drive you to the station,” Agent Bennett offered. Veronica took the offer gladly and Kevin knew that under different circumstances she would probably be flirting with the young agent, and she wouldn’t be the only one, but she didn’t even give him a second glance as she climbed into the black SUV.

Jughead insisted on driving himself and asked Kevin to come in his car, a request that Kevin didn’t think twice about. Jughead didn’t drive away immediately, watching the other car pull away instead before turning to his friend.

“There was something that I didn’t tell the detective, something I remembered from this morning,” he explained quickly.

“What? Why didn’t you -”

“Betty’s mother was on the subway.”

“Alice Cooper?” Kevin asked in shock, realising it had only been twenty-four hours since he had been parked outside her apartment block. “Do you think she’s involved?”

“Well it’s hardly a bloody coincidence. I didn’t even know that she was still in the city.”

“Betty knew,” Kevin mumbled. “She visited her yesterday.”

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered. “What the hell was she thinking?”

“She didn’t think you would have let her go.”

“Damn right I wouldn’t,” he snapped. “Not alone anyway.” Kevin sighed and Jughead turned the key in the ignition of his car, Kevin suspected that he wasn’t interested in going to the police station.

For the first time, Kevin saw the shadow of the man that Jughead used to be before he arrived in New York. The man who grew up in a biker gang where violence was currency and revenge was the norm. He aggressively wiped the tears from his eyes and gritted his teeth, flexing his fingers against the steering wheel, he set the car in reverse with a screech.

“I think it’s high time I paid Mrs Cooper a little visit.”

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[that-terrible-writer]

It Is What It Is

So I promised to have this posted yesterday but jetlag caught up with me and after work, I passed out. So here it is, the shitty part 3 because I’m still sleepy and I’m pretty sure my writing has fallen apart now.

So here’s a 3.2k word part.

| Sweet Pea x Reader, Archie Andrews x Reader |

Part 3

Part 1 2

“It is what it is part 3 please<3 i love it so much”

"I think it's obvious who you should pick, dear Y/N," Cheryl spoke while she continued to do her makeup, looking over at you. You reclined down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. You went to get advice from Cheryl: clearly. You couldn't talk to Betty about your problem with Sweet Pea nor Archie since Sweets was a Serpent and she would be against that. Even though Jugs just became one himself and the fact that Betty is still in love with Archie. Going to Veronica was definitely out of the question.

Cheryl placed down her powder brush, sighing causing you to sit up from your position. She looked disappointed with you. Cheryl turned slightly from her seat, having a more stern look in her eyes. You felt uneasy, shifting in your spot, "What?" You asked her.

"You apparently want to be with vegetable." She answered, turning to going back to apply her blush.

"You mean Sweet Pea?" You pushed your eyebrows together, trying to think of any other person you knew with a name that resembled a vegetable.

"Don't get me wrong, Archie Andrews is a very handsome man, but someone like him can be boring," Cheryl explained. You tilted your head, taking in all of her words to see if they made any sense to you. "This Serpent though," Cheryl paused, biting her bottom lip, "He sounds exciting and isn't that what you want?"

"His gang doesn't know about him hanging out with someone like me; only Fangs, Toni and Juggie do. He would want it to stay hidden, and I'm not for that, Cher." You countered, "He thinks this is a whole West Side Story kind of deal, where since I'm a Northsider and he's a Southsider; we won't be accepted."

Cheryl finished putting on her face, now having your full attention, "West Side Story?" She asked, confused by your reference.

"It's a movie." You described, trying to make it understandable to her. The expression on her face said otherwise, "Based off of Romeo and Juliet? Watch a movie, Cheryl!" You joked, throwing a pillow at her, causing her to squeal.

"What is holding you back, Y/N?" Cheryl grabbed the pillow, making her way over to the bed to join you. "You like him, don't you?" You let out a sigh, falling back unto the bed.

"I don't know!" You let out, "I didn't look at him in that way until he said those things! I like Archie, but he's making that confusing too with him being with every girl in Riverdale that isn't me." You covered your face with a pillow, letting out a frustrated cry.

"Say what you want, but I think you should give the gangster a shot," Cheryl hummed. You took the pillow away from your face, glaring at her.

"Of course you want me to choose him." You muttered, "So you can have Archie." Cheryl gasped, placing a hand on her heart, insulted by your statement.

"Why, Y/N, never," She softly defended, "He's with Veronica, I would never be a homewrecker. A Blossom is always full of class and dignity."

"Yeah, sure," You said, "Also with Sweet Pea, I don't know if it's commitment forever or whatever. Isn't it with gangs that you're with that person for life?"

"I think you been watching too many movies, Y/N, dear," Cheryl commented, pulling you up. She placed her hands on your lap, giving you a slight pout, "You know that I love you, like a sister, and I just want you to be happy. If either hurt you, I will kill them both." You laughed, hugging Cheryl.

She always got the short end of the stick. Her reputation at Riverdale High was she's a bitch. For a girl who drove herself to succeed in any way, had all the confidence that anyone could want and speak her mind didn't make her a bitch. She was just herself, and Cheryl made it clear that she knew who she was and owned it. You loved hanging out with her because even though you two were opposites, it was a combo that worked. Betty and Veronica had each other and Cheryl was your better half.

You heard your phone ring, picking it up after you saw that it was Kevin. "Hey, Kevin, what's up?" You asked, shooing Cheryl away, trying to lean in to listen.

"What are you doing today?" Kevin quipped.

"Nothing. I'm at Cheryl's place right now," You couldn't help but hear Kevin's undertone. It had a hint of excitement, "Why?"

"Jughead is challenging a Ghoulie to a drag race?" Your body stiffens, heart racing: worried about your best friend.

"What? Why?" You quickly asked, wanting answers but of course Kevin would have none.

"Don't know. The rest of us are going to go watch if you and Cheryl want to join." Kevin mentioned. Your eyes flickered to Cheryl, who already heard what Kevin had told you. She was at her closest, searching through her clothes to find the perfect outfit for the occasion. You rolled your eyes, still watching her, "Archie is joining Jughead for the race." Kevin mentioned, now having your full attention.

"What? Why is Archie doing something so stupid?" You pressed. You got off the bed to walk over to the window, away from Cheryl but that wasn't going to happen. Cheryl heard your outburst, smiling to herself. She knew that you were going to go now that you knew that Archie was involved.

"Because of Jughead, why else?" Kevin countered, "So, will I see you there?"

"I guess, just send me the info." You hung up, looking back at Cheryl who already changed her outfit but held up another with a devilish smile to match. "What is that?" You asked although you already knew the answer.

"Your outfit for the race," She answered.

You met the gang at the location, seeing a larger crowd than you thought. Ghoulies on one side, Serpents on another and then there were that small group of Bulldogs. You saw Jughead and Archie arrive at the race, bringing your attention to the Ginger. "Archie!" You waved, catching his attention.

"Y/N, why are you here?" Archie asked, grabbing your arm to pull you away from everyone. You looked at Archie confused, taken back that he would be the one asking that question.

"Me? What about you? What is this whole thing with the Serpents against the Ghoulies?" You pressed. You had to worry about the safety of your two best friends now, and it was killing you inside. It caused your nervous tick return: bitting your nails. Archie pull your hand away from your mouth quickly dropping it from his due to Veronica being close.

"Don't worry, Y/N, I contacted Sheriff Keller before the race. Once Jug makes it near the bridge, I'm going to pull the break and then the Ghoulies will be the one arrested." Your eyes widen hearing Archie's plan. Your stomach drops making you slap Archie in the chest.

"Are you crazy? I may not know a lot about gangs, but I think calling the cops is against one of the rules, Archie!" You harshly whisper to him. You got closer together, making sure that no one else could hear Archie's stupidity, "If the Serpents find out that you called the cops, who knows what they'll do to you! They're not your biggest fan."

Archie patted your shoulder, walking past you, "It will be fine. Trust me." He whispered. You felt your heart race from the anger that was building up. You watched Archie get into Reggie's car with Jughead. Everyone was watching the two as they drove to the starting line; everyone that is but one person. You looked over to see Sweet Pea looking at you.

Sweet Pea wasn't too pleased to see you express your concern with Andrews. He didn't want to admit that he had a rival for your affection even though Andrews was already with Lodge.

You were trying to hold a conversation with Kevin, with your eyes wandering over to see the specific tall, slick black hair Serpent sitting on his bike staring back at you. Sweet Pea flashed his signature smirk at you, pleased to see you looking at him.

"Is that him?" Cheryl's remarked caused you to jump. You had to slap her on the arm, to try and not have her draw attention to Sweet Pea to the others. "He's cute. I was right; you should pick him." Again, you slapped her.

"Pick him? Who are we picking?" Kevin quipped. You covered your face, letting out a sigh knowing how this was going to play out.

"Y/N has a certain Serpent interested in her," Cheryl informed Kevin, linking arms with him and showing him who Sweet Pea was. You flashed a look at Cheryl, widening your eyes to motion her to keep her mouth quiet but she simply ignored you. "You see that one over there?"

"Tall, mysterious and hot one with the neck tattoo? Totally." Kevin confirmed.

"He fancies our lovely girl, but Y/N is conflicted." Cheryl returned the look to you.

"With another guy? Do tell." Kevin gossiped.

"It's nothing," You tried to convince Kevin, trying not to make it more public than it needed to be. You put your hands up, waving them about, "It's seriously is nothing."

"So convincing." Cheryl mocked you. "He hasn't taken his eyes off of you since you got here."

"It doesn't help that my butt is eating these shorts you gave me," You muttered, pulling on the little fabric that you had. Cheryl's outfit that she gave you was more revealing than you wear. High waisted shorts, where your cheeks got to have a little peek, red crop top and having your hair in a ponytail. You crossed your arms, taking a look over your shoulder to see that Sweet Pea was indeed staring at you.

"You're totally into him," Kevin concluded, pointing at you. You snapped your head towards him, feeling the blush creep onto your cheeks. "Yeah, that blush just confirms my detective skills."

"Shut up, will you?" You whispered, "If Betty or Archie figure anything is going on with Sweets and me, I won't hear the end of it."

"End of what?" Someone asked.

"That Y/N is getting it on with a Serpent," Kevin answered quickly, not even looking at who asked. Your eyes widen, seeing who it was and your heart sank. Kevin saw the look on your face, turning to see who he had answered to, "I'll leave you two be." Kevin hurried Cheryl away so that you and Betty could talk.

"A Serpent, Y/N?" Betty asked, surprised at the thought. You waved a hand in front of you, trying to tell her that it wasn't right.

"We haven't done anything." You assured her. You walked closer to Betty, "We aren't anything. Sweet Pea is a friend and only that."

"He's dangerous, Y/N," Betty said, you were a little taken back from her comment. She didn't know Sweet Pea; she didn't even hang out with him as you had yet she was very quick to judge. Them again this was Betty Cooper that you were talking to here. "He's part of a horrible gang."

"Which your boyfriend is also a part of," You reminded her. You took a step back, narrowing your eyes, "Betty, Sweets isn't a bad person; I told Archie the same thing."

"Archie knows you're hanging out with a guy like him?" Betty pointed her finger at Sweet Pea. You followed her eyes to look at him once more. Sweet shifted in his position, watching your talk with Betty and seeing how upset you were getting. You turned your attention back to Betty, scoffing at her.

"He's a nice person, Bets. Don't be quick to judge." You snapped. Betty could see the anger that was building up in you. "So you can tell me who I can hang out with, but when it comes to Jughead, everything goes out the window for you?"

"Y/N, you know Juggie though," Betty reasoned with you.

"And I know Sweet Pea." You interjected. You let out a deep breath, shutting your eyes, "You know what Betty, forget it. I don't need your stamp of approval to hang out with Sweets." You brushed past Betty, annoyed with her, heading back over to Kevin and Cheryl.

While you continue to talk with Kevin and Cheryl, you looked over your shoulder to see Sweets leaning back on his bike. He licked the bottom of his lip, sending you a little wink. Your heart couldn't be still, not when it was around him. He made your mouth dry, stomach filled with butterflies and act all shy even though you weren't known for being shy at all.

"Beat it!" You heard one gang member yell, making his way to the crowded area. He waved his arms, alerting everyone, "The cops are here!" Everyone scrambled to get in their cars to make a getaway. You went to get back in the car with Cheryl, but with a tug on your arm, swept away on a bike: his bike.

You were positioned to sit in front of Sweet, his arms on the side to both drive the bike and to keep you in safe. Having his chest pressed against your back caused you to lose focus on everything. You didn't worry if Jughead and Archie were away from the cops, you weren't scared to feel the wrath of Betty as she saw you getting pulled onto Sweet Pea's bike; his warmth kept you calm, it kept you sane.

Sweet Pea pulled into Pop's parking lot, allowing you to get off the bike. You looked at Sweet Pea, who just was pleased with himself and the act that he pulled off. That he was able to have his alone time with you, something he told you that he would do. "What the hell, Sweet?" You gasped, trying to collect your breath from the terrifying bike ride. You placed your hand over your heart, averting your eyes to not look at him.

"What?" He laughed something that brought joy to you. You never knew that a sound could bring someone happiness until you heard his laugh, "I got you here in one piece. That wasn't your first ride on my bike."

"It was with me being in the front!" You let out, showing him your shaken hands, "I didn't know where to put my hands! I usually wrap them around you, but this time I had no idea what to do! What happened if I fell?" Sweet grabbed your hands with his, pulling you close to him. You stood in between his legs, where he continued to sit on his bike, stretch your arms out to the side.

"You know I wouldn't let that happen," He hummed, enjoying his view from below. He moved his hands to place them on your hips, lowering them to your thighs. You would be lying to yourself by saying this didn't excite you. Having his hands on you was something you pictured when you first met him but pushed those thoughts away when you two suddenly became good friends.

Sweet Pea played with the hem of your shorts, having the fabric rub between his fingers, "Did you get dressed up just for me?" Sweets asked, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"No," You mumbled.

"This will surely get that Serpents attention," Cheryl told you, shoving the clothes in your arms.

"Cheryl made me," You quickly corrected yourself, only making Sweet Pea's smile grow.

"It's missing something though," Sweet Pea added, taking off his jack. He swung the leather jacket over your shoulders. His hands held the edge of the jacket, where the zipper was, holding you in it. "Now you look perfect, princess," He cooly said. The new nickname he gave you made you flustered. You turned your head away, bring a hand up to cover your blushing self.

"What about your gang? I thought you didn't want them to know about me," You reminded him. Sweet Pea tugged on the jacket, having you look back at him.

"Just let me worry about that," He assured you. He drew you close, having you bend down a little to be at eye level. His lips grazed yours, him being this close to you caused your breaths to get shorter. You couldn't take your eyes away from him; he looked at you with such intensity, that it made you want to straddle him on his bike and just have your way with him. "You won't have to worry about anything if you're with me."

Sweet Pea closed the gap that was between you two. He would tug on the jacket more, forcing you to come close. Having your hands on his shoulders to keep yourself from falling on top of him. You returned his kisses, showing him the same amount of passion as he was giving you.

Your phone rang causing you to pull away and out of breath. Sweet Pea let out a grunt, knowing who was on the other line. Sweet had watched you talking to Archie, having Andrews flash glares at him during the talk. He wasn't too scared with Andrews being his competition on winning you. He knew Andrews would never make his move and obviously because Sweets was the clear winner.

"Hey, Arch," You let out softly. You tried to push Sweet Pea away from you. He was pulling you closer to him, arms around your waist, his face buried in your stomach. You shut your eyes, trying to make sure that your voice wasn't shakey due to Sweet Pea's fingers rub your bare skin, "What's up?"

"Cheryl told me that you left the race with Sweet Pea," Archie harshly spoke. You bit the bottom of your lip, feeling the tingles that were coming off of Sweet's lips brushing against your skin.

"Yeah, he drove me to Pop's," Your voice went high, trying your best to ignore what Sweet Pea was trying to do.

"Well stay there, I'll come and get you," Archie directed you.

"Archie, I'm fine. Sweets will drive me back to my place," You persuaded, but he didn't buy it.

"I'm coming to get you," Was the last thing Archie told you before hanging up. Letting out a heavy sigh, Sweet Pea took your phone away when he saw your frustration.

"My biggest fan coming to see me?" Sweets joked, having him feel relaxed and assured about the joke as you laughed slightly.

"Yeah," You tilted your head, brushing your fingers through his hair, "Why can't you two get along?"

"Because he decided to blame Southside for shit we didn't do," Sweet Pea huffed. He brought his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you down once again, smiling against your lips, "Also because I stealing you away from him."

Tagged: @walkingkhaleesi @alwaysmebeforeyou @weneednutella