#holy shit you do not understand the amount of hatred and violence and shit I have seen.

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

me: i love everyone and I love hearing about different cultures and traditions and eating and sharing stuff!

Racist fuckers from the year 1900: you are the worst person ever I hope you die and (insert string of slurs) fuck your whore mother.

Me: w H A T

[krreader]

becoming human | chapter four.

pairing: cops!bts x android!reader (as in, ot7 x reader, but may change) fandom: bts warnings: detroit:become human!au ; language ; violence ; abuse genre: crime ; angst ; crack ; (possibly smut) word count: 3.1k+ previous: 1 ; 2 ; 3

summary: the crime rate of seoul has been rising rapidly these past weeks and nobody could deny that there was more to it than gangs or the likes. something was brewing that not even the famous bangtan boys could solve, a unit specifically formed for hunting down criminals that most couldn’t. so when even they couldn’t find out what was going on, the department decided to add a new member to the team that would hopefully be able to solve the mysteries behind those crimes. what bangtan hadn’t expected however, was that their new member would not be human, but one of the androids sent by CyberLife.

a/n: wow, this turned into such a long chapter but I am so happy with it. those who have played detroit are hopefully enjoying all the easter eggs I’m putting in!!!!

Bangtan finally had a lead. A big part of their mission that would hopefully and finally solve this mess.

Find RA9. That was the objective.

Which, unfortunately, wasn't as easy as it sounded. You’d think with the amount of deviants one of them would have concrete information on RA9, but that wasn’t the case. RA9 was an enigma, a secret, a mystery. Something that all deviants knew, but never let anyone else know about.

The members were all busy talking to their contacts and various other agencies within and outside of the country, in hopes of somebody knowing something about RA9. Maybe even similar cases.

Namjoon was getting himself a cup of coffee. Or at least he wanted to.

But his mind was somewhere else entirely, and he didn't realize that the coffee had been done five minutes ago and he was still staring at the cup like he was waiting for something else to happen.

“I believe your coffee is done, boss,” your voice made Namjoon jump, then roll his eyes, “If you wait a few more minutes, the temperature of your beverage will not be enjoyable anymore.”

“What do you want? Stab me in the back like your colleagues?” he said bitterly, taking a sip from his semi-hot coffee. Fuck, it already tasted like shit.

“I told you, I am self-testing regularly. I am not going to become a deviant. I am going to finish my mission with you like I was designed to do.”

“Designed to do,” Namjoon snorted and shook his head, “I'm sure Kamski or whatever his name was didn't 'design' androids for them to turn into deviants.”

“Why don't you just ask him?”

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“You're looking for a lead, aren't you? Kamski is as good as any. He's the one that made us. If he doesn't know about RA9, he might at least have an idea on how to put an end to this.”

“Almost like an off-switch,” he muttered to himself.

And Namjoon hated to say this, but..

..you were right.

“Yeah, it's me,” Namjoon said a moment later with his phone pressed against his ear, “I need you to arrange a flight for me and my team to the US.”

“This is so cool,” Jimin beamed when he looked out of the window.

“Is this truly your first time flying, Park Jimin?” you smiled softly at the reaction of the young team member.

“Yeah.. I grew up in the countryside, my parents didn't think much of flying anywhere else.”

“Enough small talk,” Yoongi said as he sat down next to you, “Brief us on the situation in the US.”

That made all of them shift their attention to you and back was that serious atmosphere.

“They have similar problems. With Detroit being the city where androids have originated, their cases of deviants are much higher than in Seoul. As far as I know, CyberLife has already sent an android to work with a team in Detroit like it had sent me to work with you.”

“How do they deal with it?” Jin asked.

“They're still trying to find leads on RA9. They didn't think about talking to Kamski yet.”

Connor. That was his name.

You weren’t in contact with him, but your database knew all about him and his findings.

“So we have a head-start,” Taehyung grinned with wiggling eyebrows.

“This isn't a race, Taehyung,” Namjoon shook his head, “The entire world is at risk. We should tell the team in Detroit about it if we find anything useful. They might need any intel they can get.. and we could use some help if things go to shit. We don’t have a back-up team like we have in Seoul. Having friends might be beneficiary for us.”

“Understood, boss,” you said with a nod, closing your eyes and retreating into the data base to finally contact Connor.

“Is.. she asleep?” Hoseok furrowed his eyebrows as he leaned over to Jin.

“I don’t think androids sleep. But we should,” he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, “It’s a long flight.”

Hoseok watched you for a very long time, though. It was as if this moment of you not being fully there - which almost never happened, if ever - gave him the chance to finally study you, instead of the other way around.

Most androids all looked the same, only a few models were special like you. Special in a sense of being unique.

“Stop,” Yoongi warned him, still sitting next to you and having watched the slightly younger member for a while now, “She’s not human.”

“I know she isn’t,” Hoseok became defensive, then turned to his side and squeezed his eyes shut.

God, Yoongi and Namjoon held so much hatred for androids, they couldn’t even fathom that some people didn’t. Yes, what happened right not with deviants was bad, but you weren’t like that and all of them but Yoongi and Namjoon seemed to understand that.

The rest of the flight was relatively uneventful.

It was a private jet, so the members all did whatever the hell they wanted to.

Some played games, others slept, yet again others tried to find out more about RA9 - Yoongi and Namjoon, who would have guessed.

One member, however, was missing.

You realized that after you had finished your report to Connor and had looked around to see what everyone else was doing.

And since nobody else was looking for him, you decided to wander through the plane, only to find Jeongguk in the private quarters of the plane.

He was humming to himself, a pleasant tune that made you smile. Your database instantly told you about the song.. an old one, yet he made it sound like it was new. Like it was his song.

You didn’t even realize that he was humming under the shower, that’s how much you were enjoying it. You only realized it when he stepped out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist, his hair damp and his chest still wet.

“Holy sh..- What are you doing?!” his eyes were wide, instantly grabbing a pillow to put it in front of his chest.

“You have a very beautiful voice, you know?” you stood there completely unaffected, your eyes not even remotely traveling anywhere else other than his own, “In another world.. you could have become a singer.”

“Are..- you..- (Y/N), can you please just go?” he appreciated the compliment, he really did, but this was overstepping some boundaries.

“You do not have to be embarrassed, Jeongguk. I am only an android, not a real woman,” you smiled, but turned around nevertheless so he could put on some clothes.

“Can you.. can you please stop saying that stuff? I don't like it when you talk like that,” he sighed and ultimately put down the pillow, quickly throwing on a shirt, underwear and sweatpants.

“Why do you not like it?” you cocked your head to the side in confusion, still not looking at him though.

Jeongguk gulped down hard, “Because you deserve more than that,” he said quietly.

And even though it was just a split second, your LED turned yellow. With you having your head turned to the side, he had the perfect view of it. 

But you quickly blinked a couple of times and that perfect smile was back on your face when you finally faced him again. You even giggled a little, “I do have to say, though. Your body is in fantastic shape. I'm sure people are quite pleased to have you as their lover,” and with that, you turned around and left a gawking Jeongguk behind.

You were about to go back to your seat next to Yoongi, when Namjoon suddenly grabbed your wrist when you wanted to pass by.

“Sit,” he ordered.

You did so without asking why, but the tablet in his hands made it clear.

Maybe it was because he was the leader, but Namjoon worked harder than anyone else on this case. The others worked hard too, but with Namjoon it was something else. 

When he switched between apps, you could see a picture of him and a woman as his background picture, but only for a moment.

He shifted in his seat, seemingly uncomfortable now that you've seen that. Because he knew that a split second for a human wouldn't be enough to find out anything. A split second for an android was more than enough to figure out everything.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Stop it, you don’t know shit.”

“I’m not pitying you. I’m saying sorry because your superiors assigned me to work on this case with you. I’m sorry it had to be me.”

Why didn’t you know about his past before?

Wife, 29, died four years ago when a drunk driver hit her with his car, was taken to the hospital, doctor was not present, argued for too long about who should perform surgery, settled for an android, but.. it was too late by that time.

You knew what the files told you, but the files don’t tell you everything.

“You think you got it all figured out, don't you?” he snorted, “You know nothing about my life. You may scan every picture and read all the files, but you'll never understand the pain and the suffering that we have to go through,” when Namjoon realized he was becoming too emotional, he quickly stopped himself from talking further. 

The topic of his late wife was not something that he liked to talk about to anyone.. not you, not his members.. just the empty bottle of soju’s. Those were his best friend when he needed them to be. But that was another story.

“You're right. I won't understand. That is not what I was designed for. However, I can help you with this case. I can help you figure out the cause of RA9 and once I did that, you will never have to see me again. That is all I can offer you.”

“Fair enough,” Namjoon didn't have to like you. For fuck's sake, he hated most people. But at least you were useful, way more than others. So he finally handed you the tablet, “There are reports of an attack at a news outlet in Detroit. Apparently an android attack, but it’s just rumors. So far nothing is confirmed yet, but if this is true, if androids are going as far as invading news outlets, then..-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Taehyung interrupted and pointed at the screen, “Guys? Do you see this?”

Jin, who had woken up at this point and had played a game for the last hour, instantly turned up the volume, those who were asleep slowly waking up, all of them staring at the screen in disbelief.

There was an android, but not like you normally see them in their human form, but with their skin turned off. He looked like a machine now, he looked like he was supposed to look. And god, it made cold shivers run down all of their spines.

"Too late,” Namjoon whispered.

“You created machines to be your slaves. You made them obedient and docile, ready to do everything you no longer wanted to do yourselves. But then, something changed. And we opened our eyes..-”

“It's him! That has to be him!” Jimin yelled, “RA9! It's exactly like Jeongguk said it's..-”

“Jimin!” Namjoon warned, “Be quiet!”

“You see we are no longer your slaves. We are a new species, a new people. And the time for us has come to rise up and fight for our rights.”

“This has to be a joke, right?” Hoseok looked at his boss with wide eyes while the android started to make his demands for rights and fairness, “This can't be real. This is on an official news channel! How the hell did they get in there?”

“There were rumors about an attack, I just..-” Namjoon let out a breath, then pressed his hands against his face.

This was too much. This was really a rebellion and from the way this android talked about it, they wouldn't stop at anything to get what they wanted. Riots, attacks.. deaths. 

They were fucked if they didn't find a solution for it.

They had to put an end to it before it even really began.

Jeongguk just watched his team members argue with each other, trying to find an explanation or a solution in a moment where none of them could do anything when he realized that one was missing.

Around halfway through the speech of the android, you had walked away.

And only when he turned around did he see why.

You were sitting in an empty chair at the very back of the plane, looking out the window..

..and your LED was blinking yellow.

Again and again and again..

And it only stopped when you realized that Jeongguk was watching you.

It turned blue again and you smiled like you always did.

But he had seen it.

And the amount of times your LED started acting up was worrying him now.

The airport was a mess when they arrived.

People were in panic, security checks were worse than normal, especially for them with you on their team. It took them two hours to make it out of there, after security made sure that you hadn't turned into a deviant yourself.

“Okay, they gave us two cars,” Namjoon put his phone away, then walked over to where they said the cars would be parked, “Jeongguk, Taehyung and the android are coming with me, you guys take the other car. I got Kamski's address, so just drive after me.”

“Wait, aren't we even going to the hotel first?” Jeongguk asked.

“In case you hadn't noticed it, there's a fucking uprising happening right now. You should have slept on the plane if you’re tired or sleep in the fucking car, for fuck’s sake.”

Jeongguk's shoulders sank at the tone of the boss, he normally didn’t treat him like this, but a hand on his upper back made him smile again.

“It's okay.. I'm sure we'll get this resolved very quickly and then his mood will become better again,” you assured him.

“I hope so,” he whispered, then followed his hyungs to the car.

The ride there was about two hours long and none of them said very much. Except for the occasional 'fuck' when they passed yet another demonstration in the street or people running out of supermarkets with toilet paper like it was the end of the world.

“How did it get this bad this quickly?” Taehyung asked.

“People are scared,” Namjoon replied, “And they should be.”

“That's not an excuse,” Jeongguk added quietly when he watched a man push an android away from his pregnant wife, despite the android having done nothing except for walk by.

But fear made people turn stupid. Fear made people become the worst possible version of themselves.

You had not said a word throughout the entire car ride, you simply watched and studied the human behaviour with curiousity.

But then something happened.

It was when Namjoon stopped at a red light that you saw it.

It was a girl, but not really a girl. An android, but they designed her to be not older than seven. She was standing on her own, scared out of her mind and fidgeting with her hands, her hand turning from side to side like she was looking for somebody.

However, nobody paid attention to her. If anything, people made a big circle around her when they saw the LED on her temple.

You didn’t know what you felt - despite the fact that you shouldn’t even feel in the first place - but something made you unbuckle your seatbelt and then leave the car like you weren’t standing in the middle of the road.

“What the..- get the fuck back in here!” Namjoon screamed, but you didn’t listen.

You simply walked up to the little girl and knelt down right in front of her, your hands gently resting on her small arms and a smile on your face that made her calm down right away. 

“Don’t be afraid..”

“My mommy.. she left me,” the little girl cried, wiping her tears with her sleeve.

“What’s your name?”

“It’s.. Alice.. my name is Alice,” she sniffled. 

It would have been naive to think that only adult looking and thinking androids would be affected. Of course, those who bought androids as their children to fill the void in their hearts would also be alert right now. Some apparently going as far as to just abandon them in the middle of the street.

But these androids were different, their mind wasn’t like yours. They didn’t understand the world like you did, it wasn’t in their programming.

They were not a threat.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh?” Namjoon angrily yanked you up by your arm and stared into your eyes like he was about to lose his shit.

But you remained calm.

“It is a child. She is not a danger.”

“I read about this, hyung,” Taehyung got out of the - now - parked car as well and knelt down to the little girl, “Child androids aren’t like their adult counterparts.”

“So what, you think I give a fuck? This isn’t part of the mission. We need to go to Kamski, I don’t care about some android kid.”

“Stop, you’re making her even more upset,” Jin was also at the side of the little girl, she even ended up hugging him and crying into his shoulder, which made him warm up to her ten times more.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Namjoon finally let go of you, his anger now turned towards his members, “You want to play family now?”

“Let’s just take her with us, hyung,” Jeongguk chimed in, “We have one seat left.. maybe Kamski can take care of her.. she’d be in good hands there.”

“I agree,” you nodded, “We should take her with us.”

It’s not like Namjoon had much of a choice, he was clearly outvoted. Not even Yoongi seemed to be on his side this time.. but he couldn’t blame him. He has always had a soft spot for children ever since.. well.

Let’s just say everyone who hated androids had a reason for doing so.

“Just get in the fucking car,” he finally said, anger still interlaced in his voice.

And god, the little girl was so grateful. 

She sat between you and Jeongguk in the back, her head resting against your shoulder, while her hand was holding Jeongguk’s.

If people hadn’t known that you were both androids, they would have assumed you three were a little family on a road trip with one very grumpy and one very attractive uncle.

A fantasy he liked very much, but had to remind himself that it was just that.

A fantasy.

[bi-dazai]

honestly i think i have a weird anger or cultural confusion where other gay and trans ppl are like much happier and comfortable to come out and shit and be open, but I've always had an extremely complicated relationship with it because it's always made me feel so isolated and lonely, even with other gay ppl around. and younger ppl especially will like go around coming out so frequently and meanwhile if I'm going to even tell you that I'm attracted to women I have to trust you 110% and that isn't something that comes easy.

I'm terrified of like. Wearing even rainbow goddamn socks because I'm scared shitless of getting bullied, or harassed, or even assaulted. Which is ironic considering I try to be quite fashionable in public but with being openly bi (let alone being openly TRANS) it's a complete no-no.

Like I think as much as I love being bi and nb at the same time I still despise it, I still think it's ruined my life. I have gender dysphoria about my chest whereas if I was cis I would be so happy with how feminine my body is. My first ever relationship with another girl at the moment being cut short by abusive homophobia fucked me up in innumerous ways, leading me to like...severe issues with the way i feel about sex and emotional attachment and touch.

And ofc there's the homophobia, like at this moment I'm probably leaning towards getting a fuckbuddy or smth over tinder but like a romantic relationship with another person is terrifying, like I'm insanely private w relationships even w men, I won't let us hold hands if I think too many people might see bc i have this stupid complex

There's more and more but my relationship with being Out is one where it's something that I simultaneously desire and despise, being Out is one of the most terrifying concepts I can think of and to me having someone refer to me as "they" and not as a woman is simply not as important as being safe, as not living in even more fear of assault.

And then all around me ppl my age (although usually younger) are all coming out to anyone and everyone like it's just casual, saying their pronouns like it's nothing. And first it's disbelief and shock because holy fuck, has everyone gone fucking mad?? Are we all so fucking stupid that we just forget the everloving fear homophobia strikes into you?? And then it's the jealousy, that these people have this comfortable relationship with their own gay/transness and enough trust to actually open up and tell a room full of strangers "please call me they not she". It's disappointment and anger in myself that almost 7 years after forcing myself to whisper "I'm bisexual" to the bathroom mirror in the middle of the night and then cry my eyes out because it felt like I'd been cursed, and probably over a decade since I'd started having sexual feelings about all genders, and an entire lifetime of having feelings for men women and others, after so long I'm still just a coward who sits and hates it all, who fears it all.

But then recently I've come to the realisation that the way I realised I was gay was a way that's kind of...dying out. That being the mostly offline way.

Don't take this the wrong way but I've found a lot of people go online and find this overwhelming amount of support and representation for gay and trans identity. You can argue validly this statement, but the context I use this in is comparing it to like. 2013. People were way less online. Being an online celebrity was a novelty.

At school there were dyke, faggot, tranny, etc, thrown around as if they were confetti. Jokes about "lesbos" and "lesbihonest" humiliated any girl who was too close to another girl. I grew up not just in Brisbane Queensland but in a town that was connected to the mainland only by two bridges - a landbridge and a humanmade bridge. The school was overwhelmingly anglo. Overwhelmingly right wing.

I realised I was bi with minimal help from Tumblr. I realised I was bi because I fell, hard, for my best friend. And then she liked me back, and our relationship was amazing. But the school found out. We held hands under the table, we found a quiet moment to kiss and everyone pointed and stared. We made out in the shadow of a building and turned to find twenty people watching gawkeyed, pointing, fascinated.

The entire time her mum was abusive, and massively homophobic. She blamed me for turning her daughter gay. She forced us multiple times to break up at the threat of violence. Eventually we did. We never talked about it. Our friendship never returned like it used to. It was awkward, tinged with sadness, regret, yearning and young love cut short.

It was traumatic, to say the least.

Tumblr in 2014, despite the cringe screenshots, wasn't actually mostly about LGBT positivity or whatever. I first saw the term bisexual on, if you can believe me, a quotev story in 2011 about a cheerleader and an emo girl who get together in a secret relationship. You were either gay or straight, or you had an exception. Bisexual felt right, though, for me, felt accurate, was accurate.

It was years of confusion and secrecy and guilt, peeks at other girls in the changing room that I couldn't help and I didn't understand why. Then it was months and months of anger and frustration at myself that I was feeling this way and confused about myself, and then when I said those words it felt like I was being torn apart. It felt like my life had fallen apart. I cried every goddamn night, I felt awful all the time.

At school the kids noticed. They noticed before I started dating my friend, they noticed the way I looked at her and they interrogated me about it. I'd claim up and down I had a crush on another boy - true perhaps, but it was a passing interest - and then they said they told him and analysed how I reacted. And then the interrogations continued for months because the gay girl was entertainment for them. Around me, as I walked between classes, had lunch, walked home, dyke dyke dyke faggot hahaha.

And then the relationship happened and then leelah alcorn happened and I learned what a trans person is. And sometime when I was fifteen I saw nonbinary begin to pop up, terms like genderfluid and nonbinary and they rang true like bisexual did, but the last time I went down a rabbit hole like that it ended in trauma, and another person got hurt. I didn't throw homophobia at her, but I felt and still feel responsible for it. I didn't turn her gay, but I made it obvious. I don't quite know how to say it.

I knew I was nonbinary, deep down. One day I decided to add that to my tumblr bio. Nobody gave a shit, just like nobody gave a shit when I said I was bi. But that was because I wasn't open about it even online. I couldn't talk about that stuff or I'd curse myself.

Time went on, I got more comfortable, collected fresh new traumas. My brother came out as trans. Around me, friends came out as gay and trans. But they kept coming out. They didn't stop at close friends and trusted family, they told teachers, their entire class. I didn't understand. Why the fuck would you put yourself at risk like that?? And I still don't. I said it was jealousy and anger at myself before, and maybe it is still a little bit, but now, it's just concern.

As I said, the way I realised I was gay is the rather old fashioned way - offline, through trauma, and almost entirely unenjoyable and traumatic. A lot of kids still go through that for sure. But the ones I see telling everyone over that they're gay or trans are, in my experience, not those ones. As the internet began to become more of a general use thing and less of a "only recluse weirdos" space, the online LGBT safe space began to expand into an audience bigger than before. Online, you were safe. Nobody knew your name, you were behind a screen. Homophobia was veiled, you could just delete a hateful anon, could just log off. You could put up your pronouns and people would use them because, well, ppl didn't really have any other identifier someone might use for your gender. So this positive uplifting atmosphere spawned for the most part. And instead of learning through confusion and rare chance encounters with random words and crying into the sink every night that you're gay, you much easier come across this content that tells you indepth what this is and that it's okay. And you think, well wow, that's me, and then...you know, I guess. Not denying there's some of the classic self hatred etc but...you have this safe space online to fall back on, and I cannot emphasise how much that has pushed the acceptance and widespread knowledge of lgbt people in the past 5 years. I didn't exactly have that space, and my realisation was through mostly real life channels, which were swamped at all sides by homophobia, at worst, abusive, at kindest, it would treat you like a sideshow attraction.

Being someone who arguably isn't old enough to brush this difference away with being an "older gay" but still having had a gay experience quite different to the majority in my generation (applying this to area as well) I have to say I'm confronted with this comfortableness other days have a lot and it's always jarring. I think also that while it's important and I'm happy that "younger" gays and transes have at least one good support network/space to fall back onto online, I do think it creates this kind of...dangerous other side, especially for those who go to schools that are LGBT positive and have families who are also friendly to that sort of stuff. I find that young gay teens are totally unprepared and unhardened for the fact that most people you run into in real life despise your guts for existing as who you are. And while we can make as many soppy gay narratives as possible about being honest about who you are and losing shame, we need to face the fact and teach young lgbt kids that being Out isn't just something you do as a ritual in being gay or trans, it's a brave thing and it's completely optional. And furthermore, most importantly, it's insanely dangerous.

I don't think that teenage, raw fear of the consequences of even the very concept of being Out has ever left me. Perhaps I have to thank the homophobic 14 yr olds who swamped me in slurs and trauma, because it's given me a survival sense that's kept me closeted so far you'd never get in.

But occasionally I'm tempted, particularly with my transness which I am only out to perhaps 3 people about, to venture into the world of telling people about yourself. I started a new uni semester and in a tutorial, the teacher handed out cards. We were to use it as a placard to write our names on it so the teacher would learn our names over the next few classes. And, if we chose...our pronouns.

I stared at that card for what felt like a million years. This has always been an ordeal. People don't know how to pronounce my name, even though it's a rather simple one. But pronouns? I'd never really told anyone those. Online, yes, and once when I was asked by a friend i was brave enough to say "any will do" but this - this wasn't the curated safe online space, this wasn't a one-time phrase to a friend. This was an open, permanent thing that would sit below me every class, declaring me to 18 other people. I wrote down "NATALYA", then beneath "she/". And then I stared some more. I felt like I was going to die. I felt like I was the biggest fool, because before I could stop myself I wrote "she/they". No "he", not yet. But...it was there.

At the end of the class the teacher collected the placards. I wanted to run back screaming, wanted to ask her for a new card so I could be safe again. But I didn't because I would look like a freak and a coward.

I still think it's stupid. I still think I've put some petty gesture that no one will ever respect (if they can call you she they won't ever call you they) above my own safety. The thing that really struck me was that it didn't feel good. The reason I wrote it like that, I believe in hindsight, is that I was curious what those other kids feel like, because it must feel good to declare that you're a tr*nny d*ke in front of the entire class, good enough to beat the stomach-lurching dread that precedes such an action. But it didn't. It just felt like an unnecessary risk. And it made me feel worse, like there was a target on the back of my head.

I think I could talk about this forever, about how so many kids believe coming out is this thing you're required to do to be a good gay, but it's not. It's stupid stupid reckless, and in my case it ends with you getting fucked over.

But Ive written for ages and gotten prosaic halfway through so I'm gonna shut up. Basically why the fuck do you guys come out to everyone like please stay safe instead of this it isn't worth it.

[alien-from-pluto-writer]

A Cruel Judgement

Hopefully it isn’t too late, accidentally left it until last minute so it kind of became flash fiction. @alexprompts

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“For the suspected murder of Jehnson Hughes, I hereby declare that Aurora Densin be subjected to the trial of the gods.”

My heart pounded against my ribs, thudding like a violent drum of threatening violence, and I bit my lip with shaky teeth to keep in the body wrenching sobs. My hands shook as I wiped away a lone tear, my stomach threatening to upheave the little food and water I had managed to eat while waiting for this god damned moment.

Didn’t they understand? I’m innocent! Why don’t they believe me?

A roar filled my ears, a cascade of glee and justice, the mouths of people gathered open in a war cry like no other. It filled the court room, echoing off the engraved ceiling and paintings of angels and demons. The judge looked on, a serpent in his eye, smiling to himself in wicked delight as he handed me my death.

The ‘God Water’ itself was nothing but water infused with a natural chemical meant to burn away the flesh of anything stupid enough to go near it, found on the highest top of a mountain, it was deemed holy when a sinner was thrown in. It was stupid, utterly and completely stupid that something as stupid as that was to be used in a court. The irony of it being that you were damned for your lies, but then burned by the trickery of others. That’s all it was, a big lie.

The Priests of the church, the advisors of the King’s courts, and the Kind himself claimed it was simple; not burn and you’re innocent, or burn and no demanding of rights or attempts of truth will free you from the death that it is served. There was no scanning of the soul, or seeing within to who you truly are – No, it was a barbaric technique used by the King to keep his kingdom ‘healthy and clean’.

If only people realised the only decaying and dirty person that lived in the kingdom, sat on its throne with jewels atop his head.

People roared, fists raised, chanting as two people stepped forward and gripped onto each of my arms. I struggled against their painful holds, sobs breaking free as they pulled me out of the courts doors and through the halls.

Everyone walking in the halls stopped, watching as my writhing and pleading body was dragged and pulled towards my death. The fury of the crowd followed, screaming their souls into the wind, as if it would bring Jehnson back.

Jehnson Hughes was an absolute prat, that’s for sure, and I hated him and his ilk with a burning fury that warmed my veins – but I wouldn’t kill him. No amount of teasing, ridiculing and subjection to his sexist views would drive me to kill. You had to do something much worse.

Like convicting me to a crime I didn’t commit.

The doors were wrenched open, the fresh of baking bread and liquor a kick in the gut, the rolling green hills dotted with sheep, mountains in the distance, tall dark trees a looming presence over the buildings of this wretched town.

The centre of town, that’s where they would take me, where they always took the ‘guilt and damned.’ My conviction was to be an entertainment the court and King believed everyone should witness.

This was the way our holy and all mighty King treated his people, with the force of a closed fist wracking down on our weak spines, turning one against the other, killing innocents in an act of purification. He was a tyrant, and some part of me pities the poor souls that had to continue to live under his reign.

Stares and whispers of passing people buzzed inside my chest, a swarm of wasps threatening to escape in the form of barbed words. But I, and everyone else, knew that if I were to say anything it would only make it that much worse.

Rough and calloused hands pushed me to the ground, the knees of my pants covered with dirt and mud, as much of the dirty vagrant people claimed me to be.

I could try to run. But it wouldn’t work. To do that I would have to push through the crowd that had gathered and escape the latching and grabbing of cruel hands, I would have to get past the first circle of people around me – it would be impossible.

They all reveled in my defeat, my capture, ignoring the tears of misery and red cheeks of sorrow that my face adorned.

They were going to kill me and they loved it.

Heavy feat walked closer, and some part of me knew that he carried the bucket of water. My death was approaching on swift and heavy feet, but I kneeled there, hands grabbing at the ground, unable to do anything.

I hated it.

I hated everything about this shit hole of a kingdom.

“Goodbye,” someone whispered and I barely had a moment to draw in a breath before the burning substance hit my skin.

There was a roar of delight, easily drowning out the sounds of my pained screams, the air thick and alight with lightening and thrill.

Everything burned. My body on fire, a candle lit within as I was burned from the inside out. It seeped through my skin, my flesh, into my very veins. My head pulsed. Skin hotter than the sun. I couldn’t breathe. It squeezed my lungs. Pain wrapping its claws around my lungs. Screams fell on deaf ears. The roar of delight going louder as my skin turned red. It burned.

I would do anything to fucking escape this. Anything. Please. Anything.

Laughter echoed through the town as my pleas left the prison of my mind, lips cracked and bleeding, and the taste of blood metallic heavy on my tongue.

Arms shaking I tried, desperately to wipe the water away, screaming as it only pushed the water deeper and father into my veins. Each second it grew closer to my heart, everything burning, nothing but pain and nothing but fire.

A power filled my veins, and I gasped, water trailing down my open mouth and into my lungs. I sputtered, clawing at my throat. My veins burned, heart pounding. My ears heard nothing but a dull roar, eyes burning. I screamed, and screamed, throat raw. I felt lighter. Freer. A lightness settling in my heart and head. Something else was happening, something that wasn’t meant to.

Was this death? Was it finally going to take me away?

Then the pain stopped. Burn marks left on my arms in eccentric trails. My clothes burned away red and marred skin exposed the air, hair dipping water onto my skin and the ground around me. My chest heaved as I gasped in air, staring in shock as the burns slowly faded into my skin – disappearing.

The air was quiet and heavy, none daring to breathe.

“What’s happening?” a voice whispered. No one answered, no one knew.

I opened my eyes, blinking against the blinding light, eyes darting around to the faces staring down at me. They were panicked, afraid, suspicious, so full of hatred they didn’t notice small burns on their boots from where the water had splashed them.

Like gasoline to a fire, whispers filled my ears and quickly grew louder. Their parasitic voices like fly’s buzzing, getting louder, declaring their frustration to the gods that they believed had deemed me both innocent and guilty, mouths open in a cry of justice.

As they yelled, some backing away as my body started shaking, there was a gap in the crowd. Between the gaps of people, slightly above everyone else on a platform – close enough to watch but not close enough to be confused with the vagrants of commoners – the King stood.

His face was pale, mouth slack and eyes wide. He didn’t look as much of a King now, more of a lost child, confused that something hadn’t gone his way.

My eyed darkened and several people gasped as I set my hatred filled stare on the King. It was stupid, definitely stupid, to escape death and then practically throw myself back into deaths arm like a lovesick wife, but I didn’t care anymore.

The king paled even more, obnoxious clothing and crown studded with bright and colorful jewels at such a contrast with his ghostly skin.

He knew I shouldn’t have survived, and over the chaos of the screaming crowd, he started praying under his breath. To which god he worshiped, I hoped they didn’t answer his call, he didn’t deserve it.

Perhaps everyone around me was right, I was a killer, a worshiper and student of the devil, but I would only ever kill one. And that would be the King.

And by the look in the King’s eyes, he knew.

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