#honestly i look at real people refs for hair sometimes but mostly it's just my unhinged fun with it that drives that style it didn't really

[petricorah]

HI CORAHHH LOVE YOUR ART AND ALL YOUR COMICS AND EVERYTHING <3 <3 here's a question I thought of just now I was wondering what/where inspired the shapes of your facial features in your art? I fucking LOVE the defined noses and you add lips in a really natural way (smth I just haven't incorporated into my style BECAUSE I can't get it to work lmao) and the hair is just always always pretty but this is for IF you can name anything lol sometimes there's parts of my style I just have no idea where it came from kfmskem

HI GLOOMY I LOVE ALL OF YOUR ART and your new pfp is so pretty....purple...

my facial features are still something im working on improving. when i first started drawing (and still now tbh) i definitely looked at anime, comics, and older artists. Now, I use real world references, especially with nose and face shapes. I'm still working on continually learning and looking at references of different people for a variety of facial features on my characters.

[symphonic-scream]

Back when the Legend of Korra finale first aired, I was a little baby gay and had a different tumblr which I believe I deleted. On said tumblr, I think I mentioned vaguely that I had an idea for fankids for them

It's been 9 years since I deleted that tumblr. It's going to be 10 years since the finale this December. The release of the (underwhelming) live action Last Airbender has brought me back to a show that truly changed my life, and made me feel seen as a queer, mixed native kid (I'm a quarter, my grandpa was full)

So. Here's a little post about those ocs, who I found in my old seventh grade french notes (I never paid attention in that class lmao)

Anyways!y Korrasami kids. Let's go over them

Hiroto Sato (Ref age 16)

So I imagine that once their lives were stable, that they'd want to have a baby. Asami would carry in my mind, just because Korra would be all worried about how her body would handle it after the poisoning thing. However, their plans go, twisted. Cause they have twins

Their first born is their son, named after Hiroshi Sato, though Asami didn't want to directly name him after her father because her feelings would be still complicated. So, Hiroto. He goes by Hiro, mostly, and he's a fire bender

His eyes are a dark brown/grey, and he keeps his hair at a sort of medium length? It curls slightly around his ears, and he'd need glasses starting at age 14. He likes warm, comfy clothes

Hiro isn't very physically, well, talented. He's clumsy, trips over his own feet sometimes, the kind of person who's thinking so hard he smacks into polls and apologizes to them. He'd nervously chew on the skin of his thumb as he works. Hiro's an awkward guy, not great at conversation. He's always had a knack for art, and wants to become a city planner. He's not a great bender, but he does like helping out in the kitchen

Yasuko Sato (Ref age 16)

Their only daughter and youngest bio child, it's younger twin Yasuko! Korra chose her name. She knows how much Asami's mom meant to her, and honestly, the baby looked a lot like the old photos of Yasuko. As much as a baby can, at least. Like her brother, she's a fire bender

She's nearly a carbon copy of Asami. Green eyes, wavy black hair, though she smiles a little crooked. She keeps her hair up in a high pony, and even though she needs glasses like her brother, she rarely wears them. She forgets them more often then not, and just takes his to read momentarily. She's, like, "sleeves? Never heard of them"

Yasuko showed real promise in fire bending when Korra first started teaching her, so she decided to get both twins a proper teacher. Yasuko wanted to be a hero like her Moma, and grew up wanting to help people. Her goal is to be a fire fighter! She's the funny friend, always makes others smile, a jokester

Kova Sato (Ref age 19)

So, the next three are all adopted. There was a disaster type happening in the furthest parts of the Northern Water Tribe, and Korra went to help in the aftermath. After helping with search and rescue efforts, she goes to visit the injured to sort of, give them hope

That's where she meets Kova. He's 9 at the time, yet he was working hard to use his water bending to help heal alongside the elder women. She talks to him while handing out some food shipped in from Republic City, and finds out he lost his parents, and has been looking after his younger brother

Long story short, both boys return to the city with her, and Asami ends up understanding why her wife couldn't leave them behind

Kova is a big guy. He's mixed water tribe earth nation, so while he's got dark skin, his eyes are a dark green, and his hair is messy, dark brown. Quiet guy, but tall for his age. Real gentle, there's a reason he has an affinity for healing. He's got little sun freckles too!

He's great with words. He's a blooming poet, writing the stories people tell him during healing sessions. Incredibly kind, loves the idea of memories making someone immortal. The first poems he writes are of his birth parents, and the second? Of his mom's, and his siblings.

Haoyu Sato (Ref age 12)

He's Kova's younger brother, and was only 2 when Korra took them in and brought them to Republic City.

Haoyu is just paler than his older brother, with darker, messier hair, and blue eyes. His smile is bright, pure joy and energy. He's an endless ball of energy, and reminds his mom's and grandparents of a young Korra; he knows he's hot shit. He's an earth bender, starting at age 6

He's obsessed with pro bending. But, he doesn't dream of being an athlete, but an announcer. Reading is tough for him, and he struggles a bit in school, but when he comes home each day, he's surrounded by love, and care. Asami is always happy to sit with him and help him make sense of his school work, gentle, kind, and patient

I imagine he'd wear someone like a hoodie and soft puffy pants, the kind that end above the ankle.

Gyaltsen Sato (Ref age 5)

The youngest, and again, not exactly a planned adoption. His mother was a newer air acolyte, and she didn't make it through the birth. Tenzin asked Korra and Asami to look after baby Gyaltsen away from the busy temple until someone could take him in, but, the mom's got attached

Just barely darker than Asami and the twins, Gyaltsen has the lightest hair in the family, and the darkest eyes. He's an airbender who shows extreme potential, and is one of Jinora's most promising young students

He's got this spark for life. Everything is so cool to him, so amazing, it's rare for him to be disappointed by something. He feels things strongly, and his Moma Korra sits with him to meditate and talk about his big feelings

He's still very young and growing up, so he's got time to become himself

--

ANYWAYS. THERE THEY ARE. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

[the196thbattalion]

star wars human! high school! au

i’ve seen so many headcanons circling throughout the star wars tumblr about high school au’s, so i wanted to share my bit with all of you :D

anakin skywalker

five words: REBEL CHILD ON A MOTORCYCLE.

he doesn’t like riding the school bus because it makes him feel extremely claustrophobic, so he scrapped and scavenged up parts to make his own customized motorcycle, which he lovingly dubbed artoo.

the blue and silver detailing was the joint effort of ahsoka and obi-wan, because anakin doesn’t know how to paint.

if he can catch up to the bus, he’ll ride alongside it and flip off the students on it before revving on ahead of them. (the freshmen think it’s the funniest thing in the universe)

probably one of the most well-known juniors in the entirety of temple high school (mostly because of his shenanigans but partly because he’s dating padme fuckiNG AMIDALA, PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE DAMN SCHOOL)

he always wears this worn-down leather jacket his mom gave to him before she passed away, and refuses to take it off, even though it’s somehow “a violation of the dress code and should be outlawed.”

his hair alone has seduced eight different students (boys and girls)

sometimes during study hall, ahsoka or padme will get a hold of his hair and style it into little braids or make a super rad ponytail.

he really likes iced coffee with milk and sugar. he puts in the milk to make it nice and light (it’s aesthetically pleasing, obi-wan!), and then like eight tablespoons of sugar to make it actually taste good.

his favorite class is mechanics, taught by kit fisto.

anakin spent months on a mechanical arm project to replace his clunky plastic prosthetic, and he was so freaking happy when it was finished; he almost cried. (he did cry and ahsoka got it on video)

obi-wan kenobi

a mixture of the soft™, pretty™, hippie™, grunge™, vsco™ and nerd™ tropes.

he really likes peppermint tea with lots of honey but takes his coffee black.

he has had too much tea.

someone needs to stop him.

almost all of his classes are ap courses, and if cody hadn’t been watching when obi-wan was making his schedule, all of them would be.

him, cody and padme have ap english with mace windu, and cody knows how much his classes stress him out, so he lets obi-wan sleep during class and sends him the notes

the only ap class obi-wan doesn’t take is mechanics, and he shares that class with anakin.

anakin and obi-wan are super close with each other. kenobi was there when ahsoka was adopted, and anakin was there when kenobi got his cat. (they were like 5 okay)

“NAME IT C3PO OBI-WAN, OR I SWEAR TO FUCK-” “what kind of name is that, and why would i - anAKIN PUT HIM DOWN!?”.

mr. fisto constantly has to split them up for disrupting the class, but it’s almost like they can communicate telepathically, and the teachers have a running bet

mace windu literally bet $50 on these fucking nerds so you know it’s for realsies

in reality, they’ve just gotten super creative with passing notes.

kind of off topic, but he has these brown harry potter glasses that he uses (kinda for reading???? but mostly so he can do that anime pushing up glasses thing)

cody thinks it’s the funniest shit ever

whenever cody is feeling stressed, obi-wan just does the thing™ and BOOM! happiness.

people think he’s a goodie two shoes, and honestly, it’s really easy to think that. if the iconics are trying to do something stupid, he’s usually the voice of reason.

but parties?

…

you know what, just ask anakin for the video footage.

ahsoka tano

this hs!au ahsoka tano turned me bisexual confirmed ✔

okay before i go into her style, which is mainly what made me drool over my computer, can i just put skatergirl!ahsoka out there?

spray painting of the rebellion symbol all over the bottom of her board and on items in a couple of the places where she skates the most (like the back of an abandoned car yard)

her instagram is filled with these super cool vhs-tape recorded skate videos (u know)

lots crackhead 3am visits (starring anakin, rex, kenobi and barris) to a gas station to get slushies and grind the shit out of the curb connecting the store to the parking lot

trying to teach anakin how to skateboard but he just can’t figure it out? uh yes

“try to balance skyguy!” “HOW DO I MOVE? DO I SCOOT? SNIPS THIS ISN’T FUNNY AND I WANT TO GET OFF – GUYS, STOP LAUGHING!”

okay okay okay i’m done

for now

anyway, her style???? is so???? fucking????? cool!!!!!

her genetics gave her a 80% of having vitiligo, so it really wasn’t a surprise when patches of her skin got lighter, but it still freaked her out a little bit.

basically, went like this: “DAD, I’M TURNING WHITE!” “???? oh my gosh ‘soka, no.”

she has long braided dreadlocks she dyed a super bright orange with various colored beads woven into them with the help of anakin and padme. she usually styles them into little space buns atop her head.

her entire clothing wardrobe consists of fishnets, neon bomber jackets, at least 11 bisexual beanies™, handmade patchy jeans, white tank tops, and light-up platform shoes.

she doesn’t give two flying fucks about the dress code, and – IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOST BUSY HALLWAY - punched principal sidious over whether or not she “could wear shorts that short” (anakin may or may not have cheered when she broke his nose).

the fetts (chuck have mercy)

*cracks le knuckles* i’ve put it off long enough

we have: fox (24), wolffe (19), cody (17), rex (17), echo (16), fives (16), boil (15), waxer (14), hardcase (13), jesse (12), longshot (8), kix (6), tup (3), gree (2) and boba (9mo)

wolffe is off at college - fox already graduated and moved out, that cheeky little fucking shit - but both still keep in good contact with the fam, and it’s a constant clamor between eleven of the siblings of who gets to talk to them first

fox majored in government/politics, bly is majoring in space/astronomy, and wolffe is majoring in police/law enforcement shit (i don’t know how college works, so sue me)

cody and rex are juniors, and despite their similar looks, the amount of schoolwork each of them completes drastically varies

cody is the honor roll student, valedictorian, whatever you want to call it

rex kinda just either does the work really well or 9/10 times gets distracted by anakin or ahsoka sending him some nice spicy memes

cody tried to tutor rex but it ended up almost landing tup in the hospital

“that’s really simple, actually. if you – vod? rex, are you okay? what are you oH NO TUP DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH-”

fetts on the varsity football team is like a right of passage in the family

right now, only the juniors of the fett family are on the team, but the coach has eyes on fives and echo for next years team

SPEAKING OF

echo, fives and boil are the infamous sophomore trio that pulled the milk bucket prank on the gym teacher, pong krell.

they had to help the janitor (99) clean up afterwards, but they genuinely enjoyed 99’s company, because he’s rad as shit and knows all the secret school passageways.

to be honest, not one person (except maybe sidious) was complaining

that motherfucker makes everyone run like eight laps during gym class

even mr. windu gives them a small smile in the hallways after that

boil says he was blackmailed into it

waxer is a freshman (the poor dude, i’m so sorry), and he always looks out for the nervous freshies

if someone is having a bad day, he’ll give them a lollipop (he carries around a whole bag), a place to sit during lunch, and a shoulder to cry on

all you need to do to find waxer is to locate this long ass line of children

the school counselor, plo koon, sometimes brings his niece numa into school during the day because he can’t find a babysitter, and waxer. fucking. loves. her. PERIOD.

w+n pull these tiny little pranks on teachers, and the staff pretends not to notice, but numa always giggles and gives them away.

boil has a soft spot for numa too, and sneaks her rice krispies.

bonus shit i want to add in but can’t figure out where to put it (or i’m just gonna add it on and shit)

plo koon adopted anakin after his mother died (him and anakin’s mother were good friends), and found ahsoka on the side of the street, shivering like a maniac.

he doesn’t know where ahsoka came from, but he loves her so gOD DAMN MUCH.

he’s the school counselor, and still keeps in touch with a lot of students even after the graduated (he thinks that majoring in law enforcement/police is a bit dangerous for wolffe but he still supports his unofficial but basically son 100%)

yoda is the super old but radically rad english teacher.

his entire point of existence in my mind fic is to troll the shit out of palpatine.

a recent conversation starring yoda and palps: “did you give the students the mountain of extra work i assigned them?” “for the students, that was?” i’m sorry. my bad, that is.” “this is the seventh time, yoda.”

okay but for real

mace windu violently roots for the school football team.

“BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, CODY! YOU TOO...OTHER CODY!”

“THAT’S A HOLDING! THAT’S A HOLDING!”

“REF IF YOU DON’T COUNT THAT TOUCHDOWN THEN I SWEAR TO SAMUEL L. JACKSON I WILL COME DOWN THERE AND BEAT YOUR SORRY PINSTRIPED ASS!”

[franeridart]

Do you care for any of the dekusquad?

I care for most if not all hero-related characters in bnha! But if with care you mean if any dekusquad member is between my favorite characters/if I care enough about any of them to draw them more than once every blue moon, then my Todoroki tag might tip you off, there lol

Anon said:Will you ever draw Bakukamikiri again? I rlly loved how you did them!!

Thank you!!! And I think I will, though I don’t have any project to do so in the near future, sorry!

Anon said:Soo KyouHaba day (6/16) is coming up and was wondering if you could do some seijoh next gen stuff. Yahaba is often forgot about a and Kyoutani isn’t really included in a lot of Aoba Johsai stuff. Feel free to not do anything just suggesting something

Aw sorry anon but I don’t have the time to do day-themed stuff right now! KyoHaba is currently the hq ship I’m most likely to draw for, though, since they’re the only ones I’m still reading fics for! So I don’t think any will come around 6/16, but I don’t exclude I might draw them anyway in the near future! :D

Anon said:Omg your taking part in a zine!! I’m so excited! And it’s a BakuSquad one too! Ik I’m definitely going to be buying it when pre-orders open up!

I’m taking part in TWO zines, actually!! Both the @takemyhandzine and the @sixthwheelzine !!!!! I’ll be making comics for both, and if you do decide to buy either I really hope you’ll like them!!!!

Anon said:whats a zine?

In general, a zine is an amatorially published magazine! Specifically tho here we’re talking about fanzines, so magazines put together and published by fans for other fans! The ones I’m taking part in are both about kiribaku, and will include both fanart (fancomics included) and fanfics! Depending on how much you wish to spend on it, you can also buy a bundle with fanmade merch too, and the Sixth Wheel zine is gonna have a pdf version too, in case you’d prefer to buy it like that! They’re super cool projects I’m insanely happy I got invited to take part in!!!!

Anon said:Your art style is so pretty and I love to see your amazing bnha drawing on my dash

There is literally no way I could ever stop being into d gray man ever and I’m also still following hq’s manga, yes! I dunno if and when I’ll draw for either fandom next, tho, sorry! ;^;

Anon said:Everytime you draw kiribaku I gain 1 life,,,,, tysm I love ur art SM ur such an inspiration,,,💖💖💖

Oh my g o d s thank you so much ;^;

Anon said:Your Kiridragon is the cutest, I love him and want Katsuki to protect him forever. Thank you for sharing that last story with us!!! (Ps. Can we expect more Kiridragon adventures in the future? *puppy eyes*)

Thank you for liking him!!!!!! And if you’re talking about the fantasy AU in general, I’ll 100% for sure draw more for it! If you’re talking about them as kids tho I can’t say for sure - I definitely want to, tho, right now!! ;^;

Anon said:As a suggestion, could you maybe do Kiri*Deku, whether it be romantic, platonic, or misinterpreted by Bakugou and he takes Kirishima because that’s his sunshine boy thank you very much, get your own

Aw anon sorry but krdk is…………. really not my thing, so I don’t take suggestions for it ;-; I might end up doodling them in the future anyway since I have in the past, but that’s only gonna be if I find an idea I really really really wanna draw, I’m sorry

Anon said:Just wanted to say that I love your art and I just went through a majority of your blog. But I noticed you used to draw erasermic but haven’t recently and I was wondering if you still ship it??? It’s okay if you don’t or if you just haven’t gotten the inspiration recently, I’m just curious. Anyways, keep doing what you do and being amazing

Thank youuuu!!!!! And I’ve actually always drawn erasermic super sporadically! They’re one of my main ships in the fandom honestly, but since they’re sorta hard to draw for me I rarely end up drawing them? I do still love them with all my heart tho! You can expect to see more of them in the future, for sure ;u;

Anon said:I came for my kiribaku fix (it HAD to be him I’m dying all over again) but. God ur art always blows me tf away ur so good and skilled and ur improvement in like… everything inspires me SO much so bless u and I hope u have a WONDERFUL day

I’m so glad I can inspire anyone, oh my g o o o o o o d ;O; thank you so so much!!!!

Anon said:Wow your dragon kiribaku art is so cute! Will there be a sequel!

Not for the immediately after, for now! Since Horikoshi is yet to give me the official design for Kiri’s mom //sob - but as I said up there I do want to draw more with them as kids in the fantasy AU, so maybe, yeah!!!

Anon said:I absolutely love EVERY SINGLE facial expression that Bakugou makes in your Fantasy Babies comic strip. He’s such an unapologetic little shit.

THANK YOU!!!!! I was mostly trying to convey the fact that he’s too young to think about the consequences of his actions before doing stuff like calling the rage of a dragon mom upon his city l m a o glad you liked him!!! :D

Anon said:The way you draw the baby bois has me weak 💖💕❤️💗💞💓💝 That baby dragon Kiri 💯💯💯💖💖💖😊😊😊

Thank you so muuuuuucccchhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:EYYYYY! Love your art, the newest comic made me laugh so hard that I almost chocked to death :D (Jk, I just couldn’t breathe normally) God bless youuuuuuuuuu

I’m SUPER HAPPY it made you laugh!!!!!! heck!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;^;

Anon said:You content makes my heart go doki doki doki doki doki

THANK!!!! YOU!!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:the way you draw wings is so cool, i love it. your art is just amazing in ggeneral to be honest, like akjdjkhdlkdl

AAAAHHHHHHHH I’M HAPPY YOU LIKE THEM I have so much fun drawing them, honestly!!!

Anon said:I love the fact that mina and kiri are cannonically childhood friends (middle school counts as childhood right??) Like I love their friendship so much and they both deserve the world.

Real, they’re adorable and I wish Horikoshi would actually have them interact a bit more in the manga, since as for now their scenes together are pretty much non-existent aside from their backstory ;^;

Anon said:THEY ANIMATED IT!!! THE HAND GRAB!!! IT’S IN MOVING COLOUR!!!

HELL YES I DIED IT’S BEEN NEARLY A WEEK AND I’M STILL DYING WHAT A BEAUTIFUL TIME TO BE ALIVE

Anon said:You with your beautiful beautiful art and Chonideno with her beautiful beautiful writing about Kiri and Bakugou makes my heart so happy and warm and just… Thank you for existing and love Kiribaku! I don’t know, your art makes me so happy

Ohhhhhhhhhhh boy what an honor to be put at the same level as mag ;^; I love her and her writing so much, honestly !!!!!! thank you so so much for the compliment, anon!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Kirishima braiding his hair while he talks is both adorable and relatable. Thank you for that.

I’m!!!! mostly happy you caught it hahahaha thank you !!!!!!

Anon said:Hey. You seem insecure but your art is great. What kind of color scheme do you see for Hawks?

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I honestly don’t like thinking about stuff I think Hori will give me in canon soon enough? But out of instincts I mostly imagined him in shades of brown, I think - typical birds of prey and/or aviator colors, you know!

Anon said:I love ur drawings but i also love reading ur tag. They re so funny sometimes

lmao that’s good too!! As long as I can make people enjoy a couple of moments of their time I don’t really mind how I do it hahaha

Anon said:your art is beautiful anfndfnd

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Hello fran, just wanted to say i’ve been here for a long long time (since the h/q times :‘o) and today i was thinking about some of your old art and if you remember, you had a soulmates au for b/n/h/a that was super good and i really loved so i wanted to tell you!! You as an artist have such an impact on me and that au is my fave of yours!! ;0; have the nicest day ever!! -soulmates anon (4 future ref!!!)

OH MAN I’m so happy to hear you still remember that one?? It was such a fun experiment to play around with, I’m glad you liked it this much!!!! Thank you for telling me omg !!!!! ;^;

Anon said:Hi, so where did you go to watch Haikyuu (I’m assuming probably Crunchyroll but ya never know) and where might I find the dubbed version?

Aw anon sorry I don’t watch the dubbed version! Since I’m Italian, I don’t really have much use for the English dubs haha I’m pretty sure you can find it on kissanime, tho!

Anon said:could you briefly go through the process of making and completing one of your comics? I wanted to start some short bnha comics but idk where to start, thank you!

Sorry this took me an age to answer - I have answered this question a while back, I think it might be in my art tips tag! But to go through it fast, my process is something like

find a line or an exchange I want to deliver, or a topic I want discussed (usually happens randomly as I’m doing other things)

spend a million years just staring at a wall or at my ceiling or anything else as I build a whole scene in my mind to have the lines or topic take the form of an actual comic (might take two minutes, might take a month)

draw a rough sketch of the whole comic - I do this with all panels (and pages, when I separate a comic in pages) on the same canvas, so that I can look at the whole scene all together and get a good sense of the general flow of the storytelling. This process includes cutting panels, moving panels around, reshaping panels, trying different poses and angles for the same panels to find the right one, writing and deleting and re-writing lines till I’m sure the wording is what I’m going for*

line the panels - I mean the actual panels, the straight lines delimitating the panel, I line them all first and put them on a separate layer

line the people!! All the characters in every panel are lined in this stage

line the backgrounds! In case there are backgrounds and the comic is meant to stay in black and white, if not then color the backgrounds! (I always start coloring from the backgrounds cause they’re the boring parts and if I leave them for last I never do them ever #rip)

in case of black and white comics, we fill in flat, gray-scale colors at this point (or, as I’ve lately started doing, I only put down shadows and leave it at that). If it’s in colors, we color the people!

Write down the dialogue!! *at this point we change a lot of the dialogue again because enough time has passed since I sketched it that I changed my mind on everything, don’t be like me

you’re done!

All of it is done on one single canvas, unless it’s a comic with separate paneled pages in which case they’re all done on their own canvas but still drawn all together. That’s about it, hope it was at least a little bit useful!

Anon said:Hi! I just wanted to thank you for your art, especially your KiriBaku. I was exactly in the same situation than Bakugou in the post tagged “bakugou being blunt about his feelings” (except we are 2 girls) , so I used it to confess to her. She said yes! X3

OH MY GOD I’m so super happy to hear that!!!!! Congrats on your gf, anon!!!!!! *throws hearts at u*

[blogagog-blog1]

Fear: Pt 2

Read Fear Pt. 1 To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. - Joseph Chilton Pearce

Okay, I need to be serious for a second. Before going any further, I wanted to share something that I think is infinitely important and we should all take note of.

...Fear was back from his piss break in like, 10 seconds. And you know what they say: He who pees quick, got a small - sorry, what was that, ref? Game on in 3, 2, 1...now? Okay. 

Let’s go, bitch.

Ourselves.

I’m acutely aware of the first instance where fear sashayed in and said “Stop what you’re doin’ cuz I’m about to ruin.”1 After realising my love of music was more than the average appreciation of a pretty tune, I borrowed a classical guitar and learned the My First Rock Tunes™ Starter Pack: Cranberries’ ‘Zombie’, Nirvana’s ‘Come As You Are’ etc. By the time I finally got an electric, I was into insane guitarists like Eric Johnson and Steve Vai. This may have been...unfortunate. See, this was right around the time ol’ depression started poking around, and at this stage, I literally had no idea what was wrong with me. So the rampant self doubt just seemed like logic: the quantum leap from the beginner I was to these guys was clearly one I’d never accomplish. And so the guit’ had to sit.

Fast forward to today. I’m a pretty shit guitarist as far as real players go, but having been forced in the past bit to play in order to create my own music, I can do things I couldn’t dream of a year ago. Imagine if I’d started 15 years ago. Even 6 years ago...but at that point, the stance was: “Welp, it’s too late now.”

There’s that one famous quote: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Speaking solely for myself, I find that to be the biggest load of hippo poo ever written. What we are afraid of, Ms. Williamson,2 is falling flat on our faces and proving beyond a shadow of a doubt (instead of just having a strong suspicion) that we absolutely suck at the things most important to us.

I was trying to think of a metaphor, and for some reason, this (admittedly ridiculous) scenario popped into my head. Bear with me here. Imagine you’re 10 years old, and you see old footage of Jane Goodall on TV - just kicking it with the chimps. They’re signing amongst themselves about the tastiest banana strains, the best poop-throwing techniques and whatnot. Suddenly you have an epiphany: that’s what you want to do with your life. You dive into every primatology book you can find, you volunteer at the zoo - nothing can stop you, man. And then you attend your first kids’ ethology class - and you have no idea what’s going on. The other kids seem fine - but you’re just sucking up a storm. And then your Dad, whose words are immediately considered fact cuz, you know, you’re 10, mentions: “Oh wait, did nobody tell you? Chimpanzees fucking hate people with red hair. (Or named Theodore, or whatever applies to you.) So, that’s not going to work.”

Now, the fact is your Dad just wants you to be a doctor so you’ll be loaded and take care of him when he’s decrepit. But you don’t have any reason to doubt him, and since you’re pretty sure this is a done deal, why would you go through the pain of trying anyway? 

Or worse yet, maybe your Dad isn’t even telling you straight up - he’s whispering it in your ears when you’re asleep (Jesus Christ - your Dad is an ASSHOLE, dude). So now you’ve got this subconscious fear of failing at your Goodall-Goals - and although it never sits right, you’ve gone ahead and convinced yourself you’re dying to go to medical school and primatology was just a passing kid’s fancy. What I’m getting at is, you can dismiss some random hater telling you you’re going to suck. The voice in your head that you rely on daily to operate is harder to ignore - especially when it’s dropping the doubt bombs subconsciously.

Is there something you’re really passionate about? I don’t mean you like it oodles and bunches and arms-held-wide “diiiis much” - I mean it’s inexorably intertwined with fibre of your existence. If so, imagine diving head first into it and discovering, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you’re Absolutely No Good at it. That’s the underlying fear - how exactly do you reconcile that and move on?

Here’s the thing though. If you look around, that pretty much never happens. The folks who turn their passions into successes tell us over and over that after being useless at the beginning (just like us normies!), they told self-doubt to suck it and kept it trucking with absolute focus and belief. The majority of those who gave it their all and didn’t find outrageous success did have a great chapter of their life, which was hopefully followed by a different but equally sweet one. And sure, maybe circumstances derail deserving people sometimes. But the human (and kitty cat) condition of being afraid to put our toes in the water derails us a hell of a lot more.

But I’ve always tried to make the best of fear, because without fears, there’s no art. - Tracie Bennett

                                 Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck. I’m doing it but fuuuuuuck.

Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream. - Paulo Coelho3

Most of the time, though, getting stuck in a questioning-your-qualities quagmire (bam. my alliteration game is lit af4) doesn’t have anything to do with some lofty goal. The challenge most of us face is simply being able to get out of our own way and experience - I mean really experience - life.  

We all know someone who is - well, stuck. Stuck in a dead-end job they hate, stuck in a relationship with an undeserving douche, or just stuck in neutral across the board. They’re bemoaning their current lot in life and you’re tearing your hair out pointing out all the moves they can make with the potential they have. Nothing crazy or overwhelming - just that small first step to get things moving. So if you can see it, and they can see it, what’s the prob, Bob?

This, I think, is a chance to out the annoyingly unblinking Fear (I’m starting to think this prick doesn’t have eyelids) on another one of his sneaky li’l techniques. Sure...when you’re just plain stuck, it’s depressing. Sure, you hate the fact that this is your life. But it’s a shitty life that you know. It sucks, but it’s nothing to be afraid of. This  new existence that these baby steps are supposed to bring - now that’s scary. What if, at some point, the Curb driver taking you through this new life (cuz it’s weird and unknown, so there’s no Uber or Lyft) drops you off in some fresh hell without so much as a Maps-enabled iPod? Without the tools to deal or road map to get out, there won’t be much to do except curl up in a fetal position and wait for your imminent demise. No siree, I’ll stick with my current conundrum. Final answer Regis, thankyouverymuch.

I honestly think this can be harder to push past than the fear of shooting for the stars. I know someone properly stuck in that place, and it’s heartbreaking how much of a struggle it is. And while I throw up in my mouth a little every time I get anywhere close to banal, overused bullshit or condescending platitudes, there’s no way around it: the only way to start moving out of this one is with those clichéd as Christ ‘small steps.’ If you know someone in that spot, and truly want to help, be prepared to be around and do some lifting. Because your feet can get heavy, man.

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - That Nhat Hanh

I like when people compare or equate Fear with the devil. Mostly because I think a concept attributed to the latter 100% applies to the former as well. 

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” 

Fear-The-Fuckface isn’t any less sneaky - in fact, I’d argue he’s more so. Sure, he’s loud and proud when it comes to us being terrified of spiders, air travel and Willem Dafoe. But when he’s doing the real nitty gritty of putting our lives on pause and trying to break us at our core, he slips on his Groucho Marx glasses and moustache to stay incognito. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, the trick is to recognise him and know that once we act, there ain’t shit he can do. I, for one, can assure you he’s real. He and his stupid face are staring me down right now. That’s okay. We got one more to go.

I just realised that when I initially pictured Fear in my mind yesterday, he bore a passing resemblance to Digital Underground’s Shock G. Swear to God. And in a rare bout of perfection, a search for a picture of him brought up this.

I have nothing against Marianne Williamson. She seems like an exceptional human being that has helped millions - I just really hate that quote. Of course, she’s the one that wasn’t afraid to write and publish ten works that have sold over 3,000,000 copies, so maybe I should shut the fuck up.

I’m aware I used this quote already. But it applies here too, and I do what I want, bruh.

Don’t ever say “ay-eff” to me in real life instead of “as fuck.” I will literally slap you.