#honestly the last time i really enjoyed the art in any doctor strange title was garbett

[navree]

feel like shit, just want lee garbett to draw doctor strange again

[cherry-valentine]

Summer 2020 Anime Season

What I’m Watching:

Deca Dence is one of the better shows this season, probably the best one that started fresh this summer. It has a very strange setup that I won’t detail very much here to avoid spoilers. It’s strange in that it’s a fairly unique twist and in that they waited until episode two to actually drop that particular bomb (whereas most anime would definitely try to cram it into episode one). The bare bones premise of episode one is that there is a huge, mobile fortress that contains some of the last remnants of humanity as they try to survive in an apocalyptic world overrun by monsters of unknown origin that range in size from tiny insects to huge kaiju. A young girl named Natsume dreams of being one of the warriors who fight the monsters, but is instead given the lowly job of armor maintenence, where she meets the older, gruff Kaburagi whom she learns was once a famed warrior. Natsume’s relationship with Kaburagi sets off the actual plot, but the story takes several turns that I honestly didn’t see coming. The series is quite violent, with literally tons of monster blood flowing and plenty of human death, but it maintains an overall upbeat, adventurous feel, with some well-done humor and genuinely touching moments. The art is colorful and bright, with some truly impressive animation. It clearly has high production values. Natsume is a fun character (even if we’ve seen characters like her many times before). She’s your typical optimistic, never-give-up, spunky sort of girl but she works really well as a hero in this kind of story and is generally entertaining to watch. Kaburagi is also a fun character that we’ve seen the likes of before (the stern former soldier type with a heart of gold). Overall a great series and very high on my watch list.

Gibiate is an oddity. It’s a series that had the potential to be top tier. I mean this show could have been not only the best of the season, but possibly the best of the year. It has gorgeous character designs by Yoshitaka Amano. The voice acting is top notch. And the premise is awesome: In 1600, a samurai and a ninja are both suddenly transported to a modern, near future Japan that has been completely ravaged by a disease that turns humans into powerful, grotesque monsters. They fall in with a small group of survivors that have gathered around a couple of scientists and a doctor who are working on a cure. Sure, it’s not 100% original, but it’s an exciting premise that results in some great samurai and ninja action. The problem is, for all the show’s great ideas, the execution is totally flubbed. For starters, the animation budget is obviously quite a lot smaller than it needed to be. What should have been thrilling battles of katana and shuriken on monster violence end up just being sort of bland. Too many cut corners. The writing also suffers, with often nonsensical dialogue and character behaviors that are so illogical that they end up being unintentionally hilarious. A good example of this is how practically everyone in the group of survivors just takes the fact that these two guys are time travelers from the past totally in stride. Hardly anyone is surprised at all or even questions it. The show tries to dismiss the stupidity of this by having one character say, “Well we have these monsters running around so why not have people traveling here from the past?” Which is still dumb because he’s a doctor who has been studying the virus and knows how it works, scientifically. But he has no questions for the guys who show up out of nowhere claiming to be from 1600? Another example would be how the samurai and ninja react to modern technology. Basically, there’s very little reaction. They don’t even react to a freaking helicopter! They should be losing their minds over this stuff! Still though, despite the show’s many shortcomings, there remains a small nugget of greatness. I can almost imagine how fantastic this show would have been with decent production values. And because I can see that potential, I’m still watching and I’m actually enjoying it very much. The characters, poorly written as they are, somehow remain interesting. The visuals, despite being sabotaged by clunky animation, are still appealing. I know it’s strange to watch and enjoy a series because of what it COULD have been, rather than what it IS, but here we are. Surprisingly high on my watch list.

Koi to Producer is an otome series with very pretty art and a supernatural plot. It’s based on a Chinese phone game that I’ve never played but sounds a lot like Mystic Messenger in how the game is played. It follows a young woman trying to produce a television show about various rumors, urban legends, etc. who gets mixed up in the world of Evolvers (humans who have developed special powers). Of course four of these Evolvers are handsome single men who are very successful and clearly attracted to her. She also ends up becoming a target of Black Swan, a shady group studying Evolvers. The show is somewhat plot-heavy, in that it tends to focus a bit more on the overarching story than on the romance. This is fine by me. The men are handsome, but two of them look a little too similar to each other, making it hard to tell them apart when they’re both in the same scene. It’s nice that the heroine is an adult and a big part of the story is about her career, but other than that she’s a bit bland and could be switched out for any other bland otome heroine and no one would notice. So far the series has hinted at an interesting back story for her so I’ll just have to hope it follows through on that. I’m enjoying the show because it’s pleasant to look at and not boring, but it’s the lowest title on my watch list.

Appare Ranman is my overall favorite of the season, which is ironic because it actually began last season. It was put on hiatus due to the pandemic and resumed this season. If you remember the old cartoon Wacky Races, this is basically the anime version of that. It focuses largely on two Japanese men who end up stuck in California after some crazy hijinks: Appare, an aloof and eccentric mechanical genius, and Kosame, a straight-laced but genuinely kind samurai who had been given the thankless job of keeping Appare in line. Broke and lost in an unfamiliar land, the two of them decide to enter a cross-country race and use the prize money to get back to Japan. Along the way they meet a whole cast of wild, crazy, and fun characters (including my favorite, the lovely, badass, and determined Jing Xialian, the only woman in the race, who had to fight against sexism and discrimination just to get the opportunity to drive in the race). The series has a very fun vibe, but has enough serious moments to keep it from being a straight up comedy (the aforementioned discrimination felt very realistic, and at least two characters are still suffering emotional trauma from losing family members to violence when they were children). One of my favorite aspects is Appare himself. He pays absolutely no mind to social norms and doesn’t care in the slightest what anyone thinks of him. This resulted in his family back in Japan being ashamed of him and everyone else viewing him as a weirdo. But Appare doesn’t mind any of that, and happily pursues his dreams. An interesting scene early on is when Jing is grappling with the fact that she’ll never be accepted as a racer because she’s a woman. She’s clearly in emotional turmoil. Kosame, who is the kinder, more compassionate of the two leads, can’t really help her. He can sympathize with her plight, but his own rigid regard for social norms prevents him from telling Jing to just go ahead and be a racer, society and their expectations be damned. It’s Appare, the guy who seemingly has very little regard for, or interest in, other people, who encourages Jing to follow her dreams. To Appare, there’s absolutely no reason why Jing can’t be a racer. The fact that society refuses to accept her means nothing. Jing has the skill to be a racer. She should be a racer. The scene did a lot to endear Appare to me. Aside from great characters (and there are so many that I can’t possibly mention them all here), the animation and design work are amazing. The characters as well as the vehicles look fantastic. The music is also great, with my favorite opening and ending themes of the season. If you want totally fun and wild romp, you can’t go wrong with this series.

Carry Over Shows From Previous Seasons: Black Clover Ahiru no Sora Major 2nd Season 2

Best of Season: Best New Show: Appare Ranman Best Opening Theme: Appare Ranman Best Ending Theme: Appare Ranman Best New Male Character: Appare (Appare Ranman) Best New Female Character: Jing Xialian (Appare Ranman)

[tavi-hayes]

side fic three ~ lost and found

((hello, i present to you another side fic. i apologize in advance for the quality of this. i had written out almost all the rp on tuesday and i was quite content with the result (which never happens, my writing makes me cringe) but then when i switched my laptop on yesterday, the document hadn’t saved and all was gone, so i had to start all over again and i couldn’t remember what i had written and urgh... i just hope this fic is doing some justice to the rp which was so nice thank you anna @hugo-stanton​! anyhow if you decide to read this then enjoy, and maybe ignore all spelling/grammar mistakes. also there are some mentions here of the wonderful rps with itzel, brooke and leana but i still need to write them out i’m sorry))

“What is your photography project about exactly? I know it has something to do with the selection but...” I let my voice trail off a bit, I honestly don’t have any clue what the reason for the photos could be.

A couple of nights ago I was hanging out with Brooke. When I told her I found a friend in Hugo, she began to question his entire existence. Her sceptical attitude made me doubt myself, was he real or a product of my imagination? But when I showed up to dinner the next day, myself still being extremely hungover, my suspicions were confirmed. Hugo was there too, he was real. Thank god, I wasn’t going crazy after all.

He had knocked on my door a good 10 minutes ago, ready to show me some interesting places in this gigantic palace. During the photography thing I had asked if he could show me around. Perhaps it had been a bit bold to ask, but I was just sick of getting lost all the time. I hadn’t expected him to remember the promise of a tour. But here we are, walking in some hallway towards a destination still unknown to me.

My question makes Hugo chuckle a little, “people keep asking me that. But I guess it’s just that this is such a historical moment and at the end of this we’ll welcome someone new into our family.” There is a little silence before he continues speaking, “Arin isn’t the biggest fan of people having such an intimate view of his life. But what I’m doing is really just going to stay in our family.”

“Hm,” I nod my head. I can definitely see why the prince would feel that way. It must be annoying to have an entire country looking at you and judging every move you make. “So it's more like a memory kind of thing?”

“In a way yeah. Hopefully it can be something for Arin to appreciate. But if not then at least I enjoyed myself and made some new friends.”

“I'm sure he will appreciate it, if only for the effort you put into it.” I glance around the hallway, I don’t recognize anything here. Have I even been here before? “Good for you for making friends.”

That makes him chuckle again. “I'm enjoying it so far for sure. It's nice having someone here who has the time to talk to me.”

“Well I'm glad to hear you've found that person.” We’ve reached the end of the hall. There is a set of gigantic double doors in front of us, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them before. Or maybe I have and I just don’t remember.

Hugo points towards the doors, “that's the gallery- we can go in or skip it if you like.”

I nod my head, trying to see if I remember the way we’ve walked to get here. “You don't like the gallery?”

“Oh, it's fine! I just don't know if you're into art.”

“Let’s continue,” I look away from the doors and glance at Hugo instead, “I can always come back another time.”

“Alright,” he turns and motions to some other doors. “These are all empty rooms- there's a lot of those.”

I don’t quite understand the look he’s giving me. There is a hint of embarrassment on his face, “hm, so it's a matter of too many rooms, and not enough stuff to put into them?”

“Or just too many rooms.”

I nod my head as if I understand, but it sounds like a rich people problem to me. The strange expression is still visible on his face, “why that face?”

He shrugs, “I guess maybe I'm just not into the massive home with the servants and everything.”

“Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ...” I clear my throat softly, unsure of how to continue that sentence. “So I'm guessing you don't have a palace of your own?”

His laughter fills the hallway, “I have an apartment- but if you squint enough I guess you can pretend it looks like a palace.”

“And your ‘servants’ probably listen very well to all your needs,” I raise my hands to place some air quotes around servants.

Hugo nods his head, “oh, yes. My manservant is very attentive. Although,” he leans a little closer as if he is going to let me in on a secret. “Between you and I he really could be more neat and better at staying organized. ”

That makes me laugh, “hm maybe you can just tell him? Or does he not take criticism very well?”

“I'm not sure, I've never tried to tell him off too much.” He chuckles a little more as we walk past the doors in this hallway. I can’t help but think about the empty rooms behind them. There’s so many of them, it’s quite sad.

“You know him best of course, just don't be too hard on him, okay?”

“I'll try- but I make no promises.” We reach the end of another corridor. “Okay, so that over there leads to the lower level but there's not too much down there from what I remember.” I look towards the direction he’s pointing in. “But over this way is the music room if you want to go there.”

I glance from one direction to the other, “the music room sounds perfect to me.” I’ve had some nice moments in the music room lately. First Leana and I had a great chat in there. It had made me realize I had been wrong for judging her based on her profession. And more recently Itzel entered the room when I had been playing some guitar. Even though that had been the first time we properly met, I think of her as a friend already. “But you're the tour guide, so it's really your call.”

“Well, you let me take all those photos so I think you've more than earned your say.” A smile appears on his face. “But if you want to go then let's go.”

I have to increase my pace to keep up with him. Why do tall people walk this fast? “Pfft, you were putting all the effort in and taking photos, while all I did was do nothing besides talking to you. Which I quite enjoyed actually, the talking part I mean,” I say, realizing I’m just rambling and it probably doesn’t make that much sense.

“You were patient though. Not everyone can do that.”

I don’t really know what to say to that, his kindness makes me smile. “What's your favourite place in the palace?”

Apparently that’s a hard question because Hugo is silent for another moment. It’s not that difficult for me to pick one favourite place: the music room. But then again there are only a couple of rooms that I frequently visit. And I’ve only been here for a couple of months.

“Promise me you won't laugh?”

I place my right hand right on top of my heart, “I promise I won't laugh.” Unless his answer is going to be extremely ridiculous, like the bathroom or something. But I refrain from saying that.

“Okay,” he says as he’s nodding his head. “It's the stairs.”

Now that is not the answer I was expecting at all, “you may need to explain that.”

“They're just calm- usually. But also they're a good place to see everything that's going on. Also, if you're feeling really brave you can slide down the bannister.”

I can’t stop myself from laughing. There are so many different ways how that can go wrong. “Have you ever done that before? Slide down the bannister?”

Hugo glances around before nodding his head, “I have, yeah.”

My eyebrows raise in curiosity. “How did that go? Did you land on your feet?”

There is a grin on his face. “Yeah, I did.”

“Hm,” I smirk, “I don't think I'll be able to believe you until I've seen some proof of that.”

“Well, only if you're willing to try it out yourself.” He walks over to a door and opens it.

I suddenly realize we’ve reached the music room, I’ve been so distracted by talking with him that I hadn’t noticed. But indeed, there is the weird painting of some creepy male person. The painting was a great orientation point, indicating which door lead to the music room.

“Deal,” I say before walking into the music room, mumbling a thank you to Hugo for holding the door open for me.

It looks exactly the same as the last time I’ve been here. It’s like no one, besides me, uses this room. But I know that’s not true, Leana had been playing her guitar in here not that long before today. Still, it looks abandoned.

“Have you been in here before?”

I hear the door fall shut behind me and turn around, nodding my head. “Yeah I have actually, this is such a great place to be. It's hard to stay away.” The acoustics in this room are close to perfect, of course I would come here all the time.

“You're still practicing then?”

“Yes of course, there are always new things to learn.” I smile a little, “would you like to hear some?”

Hugo nods in return, “I'd love to. If you're willing.”

“Of course.” If there ever comes a day that I’m not willing to play music, someone should probably take me to a doctor or something. I walk over to one of the guitars and pick it up. Normally I would practice on my own bass guitar, but with this tour going on I hadn’t thought about bringing it along with me. I take the guitar with me to one of the sofas and sit down, “any requests?”

He thinks for a moment before saying, “a song you love.”

Hm, that is not a good question to ask someone who loves music as much as I do. “A song I love,” there are so many song titles coming to mind. But after a second I know which one to play. To check if this guitar is even tuned, I play some chords. “Let me just…” my voice trails off as I start loosening and tightening some machine heads. I play a low E2 and a high E4, but it’s still slightly out of tune. I repeat the actions until I’m content with the result. When I look up I find Hugo smiling at me, “ready?”

He nods his head, “ready.”

I’m still watching him as he sits down on the floor a little away from me, the sight of him makes me smile. I shift slightly so I’m a bit more comfortable on the sofa and put my fingers in the right positions. I start playing Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers, a song I know by heart. My fingers find the strings automatically, making no mistakes. When I’m done I look back at Hugo again, “tada!” I played the exact same song for Leana the other day and her reaction was nothing but positive. I can’t wait to find out what Hugo thinks.

“Tavi, that was amazing.” He stands up and starts clapping his hands.

There is a bit of an echo in this room, so it actually sounds like at least a dozen people are applauding. I can feel my face heat a little, a smile spreading across my face. “Oh stop, it was nothing.”

He shakes his head as he walks towards me, “it was beautiful.”

His eyes are on the guitar in my hands, my eyes are on him. “I'm glad you think that, thank you.”

I’m still looking at his face when his gaze shifts, meeting mine. “What made you pick it?”

“The song?” The movement of his hand catches my attention and I look down just in time to see him reaching towards the guitar. “I just think it's one of the best songs in the entire history of music.”

“I mean the guitar.” He runs a finger along the neck of the guitar. For some reason that specific action feels strangely intimate to me.

A shiver runs down my spine. “Oh,” I focus back on his face again, “the first instrument I got my hands on when I was a kid, was a guitar. It was like love at first sight.”

Hugo nods his head, “I can tell. I mean how much practice and time you've put in.”

He makes me smile again, “and it was definitely worth all the time and energy.” And by that I mean 15 years of practicing almost every day.

A smile appears on his face as well. “It really was. You're very talented.”

“Oh shush,” I can feel my cheeks heat again. I can’t handle all these kind words. “Do you play any music instruments?”

“I used to play violin but I stopped a long time ago.” The smile has disappeared, now there is a frown on his face.

“The violin is such a beautiful instrument,” both my mom and my brother mastered that skill. I wish I could hear them play again. “Why did you stop?”

He looks at me for a moment without saying anything, before swallowing once. “My mom was the one who kept me going and once she was gone it just didn't have the same appeal.” His eyes meet mine for a moment longer, before his gaze goes back to the guitar.

“Oh Hugo,” I don’t even know what I’m doing but before I know it I reach for his hand. His skin feels very soft, especially compared to my own calloused fingers, the result of playing string instruments for so long. “I'm so sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”

“But that doesn't mean it's nothing.” I’m debating whether or not to ask what happened. I know how annoying it can be when someone sticks their nose in other people’s business that doesn’t concern them.

“It’s not, but it also isn’t a big deal.” He shrugs, “I don’t mind talking about it. It just usually makes people uncomfortable.”

I suddenly realize the awkwardness of the position we’re in. He’s standing while I’m sitting, not the nicest way to have a conversation. I let go of his hand and scoot over on the sofa, carefully placing the guitar on the floor so that it is sort of leaning against the sofa. There is now a place for him to sit if he would want to. “You wanna talk about it?”

“There isn’t too much left to talk about but sure.” He sits down beside me.

I turn to sit sideways so I can actually face him, “what happened?” So far for not sticking my nose in other people’s business.

“My mom left when I was a kid and I haven’t seen her since. I’m not sure it’s as exciting as you thought it’d be.”

“Oh,” I manage to get out, simply because I wasn’t looking for an exciting story whatsoever. If there is someone who knows what it’s like to have one parent leave your life, it’s me. I don’t know what’s worse, having a parent walk out of your life deliberately or have a parent ripped away from you. Both situations suck. “And she never reached out to you?”

“I think she might have sent a birthday card a few years ago but other than that there’s nothing that I remember.” Hugo shrugs.

I can’t stop looking at his face. “I'm sorry that happened,” I say, unconsciously twirling a curl around my finger.

“Don't be. It's not your fault. And anyway, I have my dad and my family here so it's not like I have too much time to dwell on it.” I can see his gaze shifting slightly, making me aware of what I’m doing with my hair. “What are your parents like?”

I don’t know what kind of an expression I had on my face, but it disappears as quickly as the sad feelings resurface. “Uhm,” I bring my hand away from my hair, scratching the skin around my collarbone instead. “My parents.” There are a billion ways to get that message across, each with their own amount of details. “They're kind people and we're very close.” I close my eyes, I’m debating which strategy to use. I decide to go for the ripping-off-the-bandaid one. “My dad is in prison and my mom has not been the same since he got arrested.” I open my eyes again and find my hands clasped together in my lap.

“Oh, Tavi, I'm so sorry. That must be really difficult.” His hand reaches for mine. I don’t feel his hand on my skin, my feelings are a bit too busy trying to drown me on the inside. But I do see his hand, now covering mine. “We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But if you do... I'm here for you.”

I force a smile to my face, but it doesn’t stay there. “Thanks, that is very kind of you.” I clasp my hands together more tightly to stop them from shaking. “I just wish I could find a way to help him.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

Maybe it’s the concern in his voice or maybe I just want him to get to know the real me, but I urge myself to start talking. “My dad got called in as a witness for a different court hearing.” The memories of that day all come back to mind. “But then when that was over, and we were about to leave,” I have to pause for a minute to calm myself down, “when the judge called out to him, saying he was accused of murder.” I swallow to get the lump in my throat to go away. “And the judge just gave his verdict, and he got arrested.”

“I'm so sorry, Tavi. That doesn't sound right.”

“It's not,” I shake my head a little. “That's why I applied to this selection,” I make myself look at him again, “to see if I could find a way to give my dad his freedom back.”

“Have you talked to Arin? He might be able to help.”

“He knows about the jail situation and my dad's sentence.” There is so much sadness in Hugo’s eyes and I can’t handle that right now, so I focus back on my hands again. “Do you think he would want to help me?” I honestly doubt it. We hadn’t spoken since that god-awful date, when I had tried to shoot him with a paintball gun.

“I'm sure he'd want to.” Hugo stays silent for a moment. “But sometimes he can't. They sort of keep him on a tight leash.”

“I can imagine,” I say, nodding my head. And besides, the prince is in the middle of a selection, while keeping the country running. I doubt he would have the time or energy to help another charity case. What would he even do? My eyes find Hugo’s again, “but thank you, I'll talk to him.”

His voice is a bit more quiet this time, “how long has it been since you've seen him?”

“6 years,” I have to swallow again. I can’t start crying now, what must Hugo think of me?

His face falls, “that's not fair at all. You should get to see him, Tavi. Especially if he wants to see you.”

I can’t even begin to imagine what I look like right now. “He's being held in a prison in St. George, so it's not exactly around the corner. And we have been saving money to go visit him ever since his arrest, but it never was enough.”

A dash of confusion spreads across his face. “Why is he all the way in St. George?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. It has never made any sense to me, Denbeigh had a maximum security prison of its own. But no, my dad had to be shipped off to another province. “It's what the judge stated in his verdict.”

“What about lawyers? What did they say?”

“The ones we could afford, didn't want to help us.” Some lawyers had tried to explain why they couldn’t help us, but others hadn’t even allowed us to enter their building. “They said it was a losing game, and that being associated with us would not be good for their reputation.”

“That's not right at all. They should be ashamed.”

“They should,” I press my lips together. I don’t understand the point of lawyers if they don’t want to get their hands dirty. “But there's nothing to do about that.”

Hugo shakes his head. “There has to be. There's always a way.”

It’s that exact thought that has kept me going all these years, I can’t let my dad rot away behind bars. I try to smile, “I'd like to think that, yes.”

He nods his head now. “There is. And I believe it can be found. You were Selected after all. Isn't that a sign?”

“Yeah maybe,” I thought getting access to the palace library would be the key to solve all my problems. But as it turns out, life is never easy. And I still hadn’t found anything that could possibly help my dad.

I’m done feeling like Debbie Downer and pulling Hugo into my bubble of sadness and despair, so I decide to change the topic. “Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think being a tour guide is your calling.”

The sound of Hugo’s laughter makes my sad feelings go away. “Is this a bad time to tell you that I only invited you to do this because I'm starting a tour guide business and I need a 5 star Yowl review?”

I can still see the concern in his eyes, but I’m glad for the change to a lighter topic. “Aha,” I even have to chuckle, “and here I was thinking we were friends. You just need me to do something.”

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I hope you don’t think badly of me.”

“Hm,” I pat his hand twice before getting up from the sofa. I pick up the guitar. “I can't promise a 5-star review now.”

“I can’t believe you just ruined my dreams. We had a deal, Tavi.”

I carry the guitar back to where I got it from and place it onto its stand. “I don't remember making a deal.” I shrug and turn around to face Hugo again, “I'm sorry, for me it's honesty above all else.”

There is a long and dramatic sigh. “Honesty? Even if it breaks my heart?”

It take all of my willpower not to burst into laughter. Instead I gasp, “would you prefer me to lie to your future customers?”

“Isn’t that what a friend would do?”

“Okay,” it takes me a second to come up with the perfect review. “’best tour I've been on in my entire life: the tour takes you to a lot of interesting places, the tour guide himself is very friendly and helpful, you get all the information you could possibly want and more. Easily 5 stars!’” I raise my eyebrows, “how does that sound?”

That makes him chuckle. “You left out the best part. ‘At the end he lets you slide down the bannisters.’”

“Oh right, how can I forget that?”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “I can't believe you didn't remember.”

“I'm sorry okay.” I pull the corners of my lips down to create an extremely sad face. “Can you ever forgive me?”

Another dramatic sigh. “Only because you said you're sorry.” His eyes go to the door. “So- should we continue on or do you want to go straight to me beating you at a race down the bannisters?”

Excuse me? I raise my eyebrows in surprise, “you beating me? We'll see about that.” I flip my hair over my shoulder, “let's go to the bannisters then.”

I can’t quite figure out the look he’s given me, but there is definitely excitement in his eyes. “You're on then. Let's go.”

Before I know it, we’re standing in the entrance hall again with the big staircase leading upwards in front of us. It looks 10 times steeper than all the other times I’ve been here.

“Okay, are you ready? To lose I mean.”

This guy. I poke him with my elbow in response. “You shouldn't say that so often, you might start believing you actually have a chance at winning.”

“I think I know I'll win.” Hugo has a confident smile on his face.

“Of course you do.” Meanwhile, I begin to wonder if I have a death wish or something. I don’t see how this is going to end well for me, especially because I have zero experience. “What will the winner get? What's the prize?”

There is a moment of silence, but then a grin appears on his face. “The loser has to play a song on the guitar?”

I don’t see how that is such a bad thing for me. Either I have to play the guitar again or Hugo will play a song for me. It’s a win-win really. But still I want to beat him of course, if only so I can keep reminding him of it. “Okay fine, deal?” I extend my hand for him to shake.

He shakes my hand. “Boy, I really hope I win now. I can’t play the guitar at all.”

I laugh, “I would love to see that.” I turn to face the stairs again, “do you wanna go first?”

Hugo chuckles in response, “this is a together or not at all thing.” He points to the bannister on the right side. “You take that one and I’ll take the other?”

I nod my head, “okay fine.” I turn back to look at him one final time, “good luck.”

“Thanks, you too.” And with that we start walking up the stairs.

I’m about halfway up when I decide it’s a good moment to turn around and look back down. I’ve never really noticed how far down the floor is. “All the way to the top?”

A chuckle reaches me from the other side of the steps, “all the way to the top.”

It feels like I’m climbing the Mount Everest, but eventually I make it to the top. I dare myself to look over the bannister. Yup there is the floor, all the way down there. If I lose my balance and fall, I have to make sure I fall to the left so the stairs will break my fall. If I fall to the right, the floor will break my bones.

I glance over at Hugo, he’s already in position and looking over at me. “You ready?”

No is what I want to say, but I swing my leg over the bannister instead. It’s a good thing I’m wearing some trousers today, doing this with a dress on would be impossible. When I feel as comfortable as I can be, given the circumstances, I call over, “yeah. You?”

“Yeah. Count to three?”

I nod my head. What am I even doing? “One? Two?”

“Three!”

I start to slide down very very slowly, but carefully. There are no disbalances yet so I allow myself to go a bit faster. This actually going pretty well. Maybe this is one of my undiscovered talents? But then I feel that I’m slightly leaning towards the right, the side with the floor. I hold on to the bannister for the life of me.

That actually helps and I let out a sigh of relief. I’m not dead yet.

I carefully slide onwards without any more troubles until the sliding stops completely, just a couple of steps away from the ground floor level. I jump down from the bannister, glad to have some solid ground under my feet again.

Then I hear a loud thud and I turn around. Someone did not land on his feet.

“I think I lost.”

I hurry to Hugo’s side, “are you okay? Are you in pain?”

He laughs, but I can’t decide if it’s a normal laugh or an omg-I-am-in-so-much-pain one. Maybe I should go get some help.

“I'm okay... I just need a second.” He takes a deep breath but then a frown appears on his face. “What's that?”

“Are you sure you're okay?” My eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What's what?”

“Over there.” I look over in the directions he’s pointing to. All I see is a little sofa, nothing else.

“Did you hit your head?”

Hugo shakes his head in return, “I don't think so.” At that he stands up and starts walking towards the sofa.

I truly wonder what it is he’s seeing. Has he gone delusional? I follow him just in case, perhaps he’s going to fall again. Not that I think I would be able to catch him if he does, but at least I will be nearby.

I watch him push the sofa aside before bending down and picking something up. Okay so he legit saw something, he’s not going crazy.

There is an amused smile on his face when he turns to show me what he has found. “It's an iPod.”

“Oh,” I move a little closer to get a better view. Could this be … ? No. Maybe. It looks like my iPod. But perhaps someone else owns the same one?

Hugo holds it out to me, “see. I wonder how on earth it got there.”

I can’t take my eyes off the silver device in his hand. My heartbeat increases slightly. “I think it might be mine?”

“Really? Wow.” He chuckles a little, “it's a good thing I fell then.”

“Definitely,” this might be one of the best days in my life. “Can I see it?”

“Of course! It's yours.” He holds the iPod out for me. I gladly take it and flip it over in my hand. The scratch on the logo is there, from when it had been in my bag together with my keys. And the little dent in the bottom right corner is present as well. My heartbeat increases even more.

To be 100% sure, I switch it on. It’s a miracle that the battery is still working. The title of the song and the name of the artists appear on the screen: Caspar Hayes & Jimmie Davis. This really is my iPod.

I clutch the little device close to my chest, I will never ever let go of it again. “Thank you! I thought it was lost for good.”

“So, then it looks like you really are the winner.”

I look up at Hugo to find him already looking at me with a huge smile on his face. I can’t help but smile myself, I haven’t felt this happy in a very long time. “And now you owe a song too. This is such a good day for me.”

He sucks in a breath, nodding his head. “I think after you hear me play you'll never want to see me again.”

I shake my head, the smile is still on my face when I’m looking at him. “I don't think I will ever think that.”

The tiniest hint of a blush appears on his cheeks, “really?”

“Yeah, I mean not everyone can be as talented as I am.”

That makes him laugh, “well, you're right. You're really talented.”

I shake my head a little, I was only joking. The smile remains where it is as I turn around to have another look towards the bannisters. “You didn't lose on purpose, did you?”

He shrugs, but his eyes meet mine. “I don't think I did.”

“Okay that's good to hear,” I notice the soft smile on his face. “Otherwise we'd have to do a rematch.”

Another one of his laughs echoes in the hall, it’s such a heart-warming sound. “I think after today I'm going into retirement.”

I can’t hold my own laugh back. “what a shame. The national bannister sliding team will miss its star.”

He shakes his head in return. “After that poor display of sportsmanship? I think they'd be thrilled to get rid of me.”

“One lost game doesn't define your entire career though.”

“Maybe not, but I'm glad that my last hurrah was witnessed by you- even if I fell.”

“I feel honoured.” I bring my hand up to tuck some hair behind my ear. “But are you sure you didn't hurt yourself?” I hadn’t seen the fall itself, but the thud was quite loud and the ground was unforgivingly solid.

He nods his head, “I promise I'm fine. The only thing injured is my is my unbroken winning streak at bannister races. So I think I'll live. And all in all you're not a bad person to lose to.”

I can’t stop myself from snorting, “wow thanks, what a great compliment.”

Last time he said my company was better than that of a garbage bag and now I wasn’t a bad person to lose to. Such considerate and kind words.

“Thank you, I really thought about that one for a long time.”

“I can tell,” I say with a smirk on my face. “Hey do you happen to know what time it is? My maids will scold me if I'm late for dinner preparations again.” Any other day I wouldn’t have cared for their mean words and angry glances, but I don’t want them to bring my mood down after the fun day I’ve had.

Hugo glances down at his watch, “it's 4:47. So there's just a bit over an hour until dinner.”

“Hmm,” I nod my head a little. According to Willa and Carla, they needed at least 50 minutes to make me look somewhat presentable for the royal family. Sigh. “Maybe I should head back to my room then?”

“Of course, I wouldn't want you to get in trouble.” He doesn’t look at me this time, his eyes are focussed on the floor instead. “Would it be okay if I walked you?”

The question surprises me, I’m perfectly capable of walking myself back to my room. And I know which way I have to go: just up the stairs and then to the left. It isn’t that difficult. But the sight of Hugo and the way he asked, I can’t help but smile. “Of course.”

“Then I guess I will lead the way- very carefully though. I think I've embarrassed myself enough for the day.” He offers his arm to me. It reminds me of my date with prince Arin. When he had offered me his arm, I hadn’t wanted to be anywhere near him, let alone touch him.

But this time, I don’t even have to think about it. I gently take his arm, “thank you.” I turn my face a bit so I can look up at him. “What are you talking about? Besides the bannister thing, when did you embarrass yourself?”

“It was mostly that.” He blushes a little bit, but it’s just enough for me to notice it.

I pat his arm a couple of times, hoping to take some of that embarrassment away. I truly don’t think the fall had been that humiliating. “Don't worry about it, that could have happened to anyone.”

When he looks over at me, I suddenly realize I have been staring at his face the entire time. “Hey, Tavi?”

I like the way he says my name. “Yeah?”

“Thank you for doing this with me. I had a lot of fun.” His gaze shifts to the steps, his voice going a bit more quiet, “maybe we can do it again some time?”

The smile on my face keeps growing bigger and bigger. “I would love that.”

His eyes meet mine again, there is a big smile on his face as well. “Okay. Then it's a date.”

My pulse quickens. Did I hear that correctly?

I raise my eyebrows, “a date?”

His face flushes even more now. “As friends I mean. Friends of course.” Hugo’s eyes dart away from mine.

Friends.

Any hope I might have had is immediately crushed by his words.

How can I even think about anything more than friendship?

“Oh,” I have completely misinterpreted the situation. I feel so dumb. “Friends of course.”

I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. But I don’t want Hugo to see any of that in my eyes. As I focus on the wall in front of me, I suddenly realize we’ve already reached the top of the stairs. How did I manage to get up here without paying any attention to the steps?

He must have noticed the disappointment. “We can do whatever you want and I can play my awful song for you.”

Now that I think of it, a friendship with Hugo might be for the best anyway. Today has been one of the nicest days I’ve had here in the palace.

The promise of some music makes me smile again, “yeah sure, that should be interesting.”

“So we have a plan.” There is a short silence before he continues speaking. “I don't actually know which room is yours.” And then he just starts laughing.

I don’t know what to make of this. “Didn't you come to my room before this tour?” I say as I let go of his arm. “Anyway it's the first one on the left here.”

“Yeah, I should have memorized the room number but I think I was a bit distracted by you.”

“Distracted by me?” I don’t remember doing anything that could have distracted him. I’ve reached my door now, but when I place my hand on the doorknob I turn around to face him one more time.

He shakes his head, “I just mean it’s nice talking to you so I wasn’t really paying to where your room is.”

“Oh okay,” I nod my head. “Anyway thanks for today, it was fun.” I smile again.

Hugo returns the smile. “Of course. Any time. Though I think I should consider what you said... I didn’t show you around much for supposedly being your tour guide.”

That is definitely true. We had only been to the music room and I had already known what it looked like. And let’s not forget the stairs, that was a whole different experience. It didn’t even matter, it had been a fun day. “It's okay. Though a 5-star review,” I say as I crunch my face, “I'm not sure.”

I push the door leading to my bedroom open, but the sound of Hugo chuckling makes me turn around again. “There’s always next time I guess. I’m sure my awful guitar playing will automatically make the experience 5 stars.”

“Don't you dare think you can bribe me with music.” I narrow my eyes at him, trying to stay serious. But I fail miserably, I can’t stop the laughter from coming out.

There is a smile on his face again. “I'll find something else to bribe you with.” His gaze shifts to my door, “see you at dinner?”

“Yes,” I nod my head before I turn around. I push my door open a bit more so I can actually walk into my room. Before I close it, I smile at him one more time, “bye.”

He returns the smile, “bye.”

I close the door behind me. A quick scan of the room tells me my maids haven't arrived yet. Good. This gives me a little bit of time to get my head in the right place before I have to face other people again.

I sit down on the floor with my back towards the door. On the other side I hear the sound of retreating footsteps echoing in the hallway. I pull up my legs and lean my elbows on top of them.

Friendship. I need to keep that in mind.

Holy freaking shit.

[pozolegirl]

I'm sure you've probably gotten this before, but do you have any webcomic recs?

Sorry it took so long to reply!!! I’ll make a list for you!

Disclaimer now though, this blog is totally SFW but some of the webcomics I read have language or slightly more nsfw elements to them. 

1. I Love Yoo

So fantastic, a good drama with a hilarious and amazing main character. I really love this one. It’s got angst and drama and romance, all really well made!

2. Boyfriend of the Dead

HILARIOUS, I love the idea for it, and I’m excited to see where it goes. I really enjoy this zombie story. (I usually can’t handle them haha) (Also, the art style is simple enough that any ‘gore’ in it, isn’t hard core and pretty safe for anyone)

3. Love Advice from the Great Duke of Hell

Another comedy that is really funny. Not a ton of episodes so far, but really great.

4. Hooky 

I’m not done reading through this one yet! I was originally drawn by the cute and beautiful art, and I thought it was just going to be a cute happy go lucky comic, but DANG it’s getting more and more intense and it’s a cool mix of fairy tales and witchy folk lore. I really enjoy it.

5. True Beauty

This one is hilarious. I know it’ll get more serious as it goes on, but honestly, the use of memes and expressions are amazing. It’s about a girl who is a slave to makeup basically, and I have a feeling she’s going to become more comfortable with herself as it goes on. :)

6. The Strange Tales of Oscar Zahn

Absolutely incredible, very spooky but still heart warming and interesting. The art work is phenomenal, and the stories are amazing. I highly recommend this one.

7. Cat Loaf Adventures

To be perfectly honest, I can only handle this one in small doses because I... am not a fan of pun humor. But the art is super super cute and it’s a very sweet comic that is fun.

8. Lore Olympus

Absolutely gorgeous art, a very interesting retelling of Hades and Persephone, that is semi modern based and IDK just very very artsy. I adore it with all my heart. It does deal with sensitive subjects though, beware.

9. Tales of the Unusual

Alright, I actually read so many horror comics, I love them so much. This one is probably my favorite that I’ve found besides Junji Ito’s work. The short horror stories in this comic are more psychological based, and it really comes across as Twilight Zone-y to me. I really enjoy it, and I’m not finished reading it all the way through. (The story with the old man seeing his dead wife’s memories made me straight up sob for like an hour while reading it, LOL) (Most of the stories are creepy though)

10. Siren’s Lament

I’ve been following this one for years, it’s always been beautiful and exciting. If you like mermaid stories, COME READ THIS.

11. Miss Abbott and the Doctor

THIS COMIC IS LIKE CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL, IT IS THE SWEETEST MOST LOVELIEST LITTLE ROMANCE YOU’LL EVER READ, EVERYONE IS SO CHARMING AND THE MAIN CHARACTERS MAKE ME SO HAPPY, AND THE ART STYLE IS SO CUTE, PLEASE READ THIS COMIC.

12. My Boo

Despite the less encouraging title, (it’s a pun) this comic is such a beautiful, thoughtful, and sweet story about a girl who falls in love with a ghost. It is completed, and it’s so wonderful.

13. Bastard

An absolute masterpiece, one of my all time favorite comics, and AUUUGH IT’S JUST REALLY GOOD. Super sketchy though, please be wary. This comic is about a boy who’s father is a serial killer. He has to protect the girl he has a crush on from becoming the next victim. Lots of gore, a very intense thriller, I’ve read it twice now it’s amazing. (And completed!!!)

14. Third Shift Society

I found this one awhile ago, and it’s really cute! I mean, it’s kind of horror, it’s about ghost hunters and stuff, but I love the main two characters. One of them has a jackolantern for a head. :)

15. STAGTOWN

Another fantastic horror comic. It’s only gone through one arc of story and the new one is starting (and looks even more horrifying than the last one) and I’m SO READY. It’s very creepy and very good.

16. Edith

This one is currently being edited and will be posted as a featured comic sometime soon, so it’s kind of on hiatus? But I’m really excited for it, I love it so much. It looks like an exciting romance, and I relate to the main character on an almost uncomfortable level sometimes. >_>” It does deal with more adult themes, FYI. I love the art style so much, it’s so cute.

17. Unlucky as Lucky Does

This one is hilarious. It’s a comedy and the art is done by such a talented artist, who mixes simple random styles with gorgeous detailed work, it always makes me laugh. I love the main group of characters and I hope I get to read their adventures for a long time.

18. Dazer and Eleanor

I found this beautiful (SO BEAUTIFUL AND DETAILED) comic awhile ago, it’s a sweet little slow burn romance, and since then I’ve become friends with the author! She inks everything traditionally, and it’s mesmerizing to see how detailed all of her panels are. She works really hard, and it pays off, definitely check it out!

Alright now time for some webcomics that are not on webtoons.

1. Mias and Elle

I’ve followed this artist for A VERY long time, and her art is just gorgeous. I love this little comic so much, and I hope I get to read it for a long time! Definitely has some adult themes in it, nothing too crazy yet, but eeehhhhh I feel like it might get there, haha.

2. Countdown to Countdown

WOW this art is absolutely incredible and I the story is engaging and exciting so far. I’m really excited to see where it goes. Please check it out, just LOOK AT THE ART, IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL. It inspires me so much. The artist is on tumblr too, @velinxi , you may have seen some of their beautiful fanart before.

3. Anacrine Complex

A gorgeous comic by @lightlybow, I’ve followed it for years now. (You’re amazing Sae) The panels are always so beautifully built, the art is exciting and beautiful to look at, and the story is very interesting! I love it!

So I know there are some I missed, and there are a ton of comics I didn’t add to this list, but here’s a little compilation for now! :)

[pebblesandjamjam]

JAM’s Top 8 for 2017

I retired the concept of publication years in 2016 and that tradition holds this year.  When you meet a book matters more than when the book met the world. You’re a certain sort of person when the text comes into your life and if you read it at a different time, you’d likely see it in a different way. What’s more: there’s just too much in the world for me to focus on what was published when–so this list represents the best of what I experienced in 2017, independent of its publication date. It represents me, my year, where I started, and where I ended. Hope you enjoy the ride.

8. Jackass // Scarlet Beriko (2015, tr. 2017)

Scarlet Beriko is one of the best cartoonists in the game and their chosen field is: BL. Lucky, I think. I have always admired their variety and control of line weight, wielding it carefully to allow the tone to turn on a dime. (Their comics, including this one, are hilarious.) But with Jackass in particular,I think what I admire most is how much affection each character--even the secondary ones, the nameless ones--seems to show.

The main pairing is two high school students and best friends, Keisuke and Masayuki. Their relationship ends up in a strangely sexual place when Keisuke accidentally puts on his older sister’s pantyhose--and Masayuki discovers a kink he never knew he had. The comic is impressive enough in that the accidental putting on of pantyhose is actually believable in context, but the true mastery is how protective the boys and their friends are of one another. A secondary romance is built between Keisuke’s childhood friend, Katsumi, and the school doctor, but even this romance is less about the two characters and more a vehicle for emphasizing Keisuke and Katsumi’s friendship--which is a relief, as I generally frown upon even fictional student-teacher relationships for reasons that should be obvious. All of these boys (and, notably, Keisuke’s sister) love each other, take care of each other, treat each other preciously--the way I wish all the precious men in my life would treat each other.

The major flaw of the book comes with the character Miyoshi, another student. Even he becomes part of the flow of affection, but the character uses the word ‘queer’ pejoratively quite a few times, which is to be understood as a sort of defense mechanism given the completion of his arc--but of course, does not undo the violence of either the nature of the word’s use or its larger participation in queerphobic narratives. I very much enjoy the deep love this book shows, which is why it’s frustrating (to say that absolute least) to see it casually undermined by queerphobic language and themes.

It was one of the best books I read this year, but that enjoyment was tempered by the sharpness of that experience. If you do decide to enjoy the book yourself: please do so carefully.

7. Mix-Plate // Emily Forster (2017)

BL brought me other gifts this year, but this time from a surprising source: the West. In 2017, seven Western cartoonists put together Boy, I Love You: a BL comics anthology, a work collecting pieces inspired by and celebrating the genre. The anthology itself was enjoyable on the whole, but Emily Forster’s piece, “Mix-Plate”, was an impressive standout.

Not unlike Jackass, affection looms large throughout the story, though this one is much more familial. Jordan is a teenager whose parents don’t quite support him as they should. One day, he meets another boy named Eli who has a different relationship with his family. Jordan eats with Eli’s family on the beach several times and the family’s affection for one another is arguably the true primary relationship of the story.

The imbuing of culture and setting is also key to the story. Though it is never said directly, the comic is ostensibly set in Hawaii given Eli’s family uses Pidgin with significant frequency. This element may be the part that I liked most of all--if anything because I don’t get to read many comics that invoke elements of Hawaiian culture and daily life by cartoonists from Hawaii. The authenticity shines through as much, if not, moreso, than the romance itself.

The comic feels warm and, ultimately, welcoming. Just as a love story should.

6. Akira, vol 1 // Katsuhiro Otomo (1982, re-translated 2017)

I’ve read volume 1 of Akira three times in my life, across about five years. I’ve seen the film several times. And now, I think, Otomo and I are beginning to understand one another. Part of it is certainly that this go round I’ve been reading editions with higher production quality and significantly better translations--but I think I needed to sit with the book for a few (or several) years before it began to resonate.

Finally, after Time Number Three, I understood Kaneda’s cool, Kaneda’s foolishness, and the quiet implication of Kaneda’s tragedy--maybe because they’re all the epitome of youth, or perhaps more accurately, the epitome of lacking control. Ultimately, Akira is really a story about attempts at either control or the illusion of control. What’s cool about Kaneda is that he gets thrown into the center of a government conspiracy and simply rolls with the punches. He’s cool; he’s in control. But what’s foolish about him is even the thought that he’s in control, that he knows it all, that he’s got it figured out. You can’t have one without the other. And the tragedy is what robs him of the control in the first place, what seems to control him, what he has to settle for instead of control--which are things Otomo carefully intimates but never says outright, because..well, tragedy, isn’t cool. Kaneda is at the edge of everything because his youth and his edge are all he has. And you roll with it, just as he does, not just because that edge is cool but because you too are lacking control. You too want to roar in defiance, to make someone or something remember you, even if you can’t. It took some time, but, I got there.

I’m glad I did.

5. Navigating Trauma // Shan Murphy (2017)

Navigating Trauma is a 2017 mood if I’ve ever seen one. I saw it go by on Twitter and was immediately staggered. I looked it several times that day. I’ve looked at it several times since. It depicts the feelings with immediately recognizable truth and honesty. It lets you know where you’ve been. It lets you know where you’ll eventually be. Though this is my first time coming across their work, Murphy’s work here is reminiscent of Tove Jansson’s Moomin strips--in both style and tone, I think. There’s a sweetness and a sharpness. Something gentle that will not lie to you about the difficult portions of life. But also something that will comfort you through them. A fantastic piece.

4. Stages of Rot // Linnea Sterte (2017)

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to describe what’s good about Stages of Rot and I keep coming back to the notion of it representing the quietest, stillest, and most undisturbed parts of my heart. It’s the art, mainly. The narrative relies much less on words and much more on “vibe,” as my friend and colleague Shea Hennum is wont to put it. The story doesn’t even matter to me, all that much. I have trouble keeping it together, though the description on the back helps:

“An alien desert comes to life around the body of a dying whale. Animals, insects and ancient peoples scramble for her remains and make their homes among her bones, struggling through a millenia-long process of decay.”

As I said, though, it’s the art. The lines and colors are both, at once, soft but definitive. Any more words would ruin it because it’s the feeling--the feeling of being in tune with something across time and space. A kind of purpose and significance to the movements of the earth, and you. It’s something holy. A pure experience.

3. Shinobeba Koi // Yukue Moegi (2014)

Well, it’s BL again. Sorry, not sorry. And even worse, it’s a title that hasn’t been translated to English (yet). I know, I know, but I’m even less sorry than I was previously. I’m speaking it into the universe such that some intrepid young licenser will come across this post and think, yes, today I will, because honestly, I’ve read this comic about 6 times this year and I am moved each time.

Shinobeba Koi is a two-volume comic that is actually a spin-off from a different comic, Nirameba Koi. It follows the older brother of the main character from Nirameba, but that doesn’t matter because Shinobeba is entirely enjoyable without that context (and is a definitively superior comic.) It tells the tale of a long love between Tora (the older brother) and Tetsuya. The story starts when they’re older, working at a hair salon together, but readers learn that they knew each other from before, when the two were teenagers. Tetsuya was 18, the leader of a bike gang and Tora, 16, admired him deeply, desperate to join his gang.

The depth of their feelings is apparent and holds throughout the narrative, gently but firmly. There are a number of opportunities for Moegi to overdo it, but she never does. The story is always told with restraint and deep sensitivity, which is particularly fitting against the setting of an extremely masculine bike gang. I’m continually swept away by the gentleness and the certainty of affection between the two leads, even at troublesome intersections. I love a story of a long, patient love--perhaps because patient love is the sort that I feel that I need--so this one is among my very favorite.

2. On A Sunbeam // Tillie Walden (2016-7)

I almost put On A Sunbeam on last year’s list, but it hadn’t finished yet, and I have been burned by the floppy endings of too many otherwise brilliant works to make similar mistakes again. With that in mind, I should note how I felt reading the end of this comic.

It had been finished for a few weeks, but I was already three or four chapters behind--and I was also a bit depressed. I wasn’t interested in much, couldn’t do much, didn’t want to do much beyond feeling bad about not being able to do or wanting to do much. My friend Mark suggested that I read the final chapters of the comic, in hopes of improving my mood, but I told him I didn’t want to, since the weight of those final chapters possibly being bad (or worse, middling) seemed like too much additional sadness. And then I would never know if the comic was bad or if I was bad. And that too seemed too much.

So I waited. I waited for a day that I felt, at a minimum, okay, and then I read it. And, of course, once I did, I was ready to spin-kick the sun out of the sky. (I say that a lot for things I like, because it’s the only thing that really adequately describes how it feels when I experience something I love, so you may have heard me use the phrase before.)

I could write about the sheer industriousness of Walden’s work on this webcomic--she was putting out 20-30 pages...a week, never mind a month--or I could write about it in context of how much I love her other work, but really, I just want to say that On A Sunbeam is chockful of artfully restrained and fine feelings--of love, of fury, of warmth.

It’s a space comic that, in one timeline, follows Mia, a girl working as a part of a ship’s crew that restores various buildings for money, but then also follows her at a different time, when she’s at a new boarding school after some troubles at her old one. The work emphasizes the forced closeness of spaceships in the vast distances of space, how crews live together and become families. Use of space and architecture are probably my favorite things about Walden’s comics and On A Sunbeam is no exception. My experience of the comic was always relief, gratefulness, and joy at having such quality work available to me on a regular basis.

It’s going to be published in print in 2018, if webcomics aren’t your thing. I hope it brings you as much relief, gratitude, and joy as it brought me.

1. Finder, vol 1 // Carla Speed McNeill (1997-present, collected in 2011)

Finder is a miracle comic, I think. It behaves as though it’s real, which a lot of fictional works strive for, but rarely actually achieve. I was immediately engrossed after the first few pages and the huge library volumes collected by Dark Horse in 2011 are massive--664 pages, precisely. But it’s likely the casualness of it all, the evidence of the world building without explanation, and the compelling character (protagonist is the wrong word, in the context of Finder) we have in Jaeger, an Ascian sin-eater. If you haven’t read Finder, you don’t know what either of those words mean, but that’s fine, don’t worry--whatever I tell you about it won’t be as good as if you just pick up the book and let McNeill tell you herself. Or, I don’t know, let Finder tell you itself, as it almost seems to function on its own.

That’s part of it too. McNeill’s work is impressive such that the seams, the hand of the creator is almost, oddly, invisible (even though it could in no way happen without her, dare I say, genius.) There are many comics that I can imagine working on myself, even several of the ones by the greats (I admit, audaciously) but Finder is its own separate, brilliant thing that I could never either conceive of or create, even knowing about it after the fact.

I imagine I’m frustrating you because you’ve arrived at #1 and I haven’t even told you what the comic is about but, to be honest, I don’t know! I can’t say. Anything I’d say would be incomplete and a disservice to an undefinable truth. I can tell you that some of it is about Jaeger, but much of it isn’t. My favorite parts are about him, but there’s plenty I love that’s hardly related.

It’s a comic I can’t define with all my words and critical prowess, can’t create with all of my imagination and sense of structure, but absolutely love. It’s a world. It’s several. It’s a life, a series of lives.

And how on earth could I adequately tell you about that?