#hope it’s ok that I tag your new blog wren!!

[thecowboykatsuki-anon]

I’ve decided I don’t talk about this enough

This beautiful piece is by @your-fellow-passerine !

[dreamofbecoming]

ooh, this is a fun one! took me a bit, but i had a good time with this! tagged by the ever lovely @wren-of-the-woods

Rules: post the top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

Top 5 works:

pronounce my name aright definitely the shortest of all my posted works, but just as definitely the writing i’m most proud of. linking the tumblr version and not the ao3 because i think the original idea is one of the best things i’ve ever written, i still can’t find a single thing i dislike about it

pale shadows of forgotten names the piece that started it all! this one rotated angrily in my brain for weeks, buzzing like a hive full of hornets, until i caved and typed the whole thing out in the notes app of my phone in the middle of the night. it fell out of me nearly in one go, and the edits i’ve made to it since then are all pretty minor. it just sort of...sprung into being. considering i hadn’t written anything for this fandom, nor anything at all but a very short supernatural vent piece in over 15 years, it felt a little like being clubbed upside the head. but i was (and remain) deeply proud of it, and entirely flabbergasted by the reception. i probably wouldn’t be active in this fandom if i hadn’t written this one

sleep now, she pleads my first ever chaptered work, and one i am determined to finish if it’s the last thing i do, augh T_T it started off as a songfic, which i hadn’t done before, and it’s evolved well past its borders, and there’s a lot of character work and world-building involved that i’m pretty proud of. my brain is made of soup most days so it will continue to take time for me to finish it, but i have so much planned that i’m excited to share for this one!

this isn’t a breakup, dearheart, it’s a season finale this was the first non-canon au i ever wrote, and i had so much fucking fun with it. it’s so silly and i love it so much

our shadows that are bold sing this is not the best writing i’ve ever produced, but it was the first thing i wrote that had me giggling in delight the entire time. this is the dumbest, silliest, most absurd fun i’ve had writing anything in ages. this fic is my beloved idiot child and i would die for it

(listen i only have 6 posted witcher works, it seems cruel to leave bitten lips and broken hands off the list when i love it so much. i wrote this one all in one go overnight instead of sleeping, and i had to type the end on a screen blurry with tears because i made myself cry at 6am over these idiots, and i’m damn proud of it, ok???)

Top 4 current wips:

sleep now, for sure. i’m gonna finish this damn thing if it kills me

my potions 5+1, which involves competent!jaskier and everyone knowing they’re in love before they do

my banshee/siren hybrid au! this is the closest i’ve ever gotten to writing actual plot, and i have no idea if i’m going to be able to follow through, but i’m damn excited to try!

i’ve got a whole warren’s worth of plot bunnies, but a couple of dreamling fics i’m especially looking forward to, including one that involves dream’s biggest ptsd trigger being silence and hob getting to babble him to sleep

Top 3 biggest improvements:

learning to outline, rather than just flinging myself headlong off a cliff and hoping i land on some words that go mostly in order

brevity! i’m a wordy son of a bitch, part of the reason i’m so proud of pronounce my name aright is because i managed to cut it off without beating it to death. i have to keep relearning this one though lol

writing action- the banshee story is the first time i’ve really tried, but i know i wouldn’t have been able to write something like that a year ago, and i hope to keep improving

Top 2 resolutions:

fucking finish my wips dammit

i want to post at least 5 finished works this year. it might not sound like a lot but hopefully i’m going back to school, so i’ll be happy if i can manage 5.

Top 1 favourite line:

Geralt sighs again, but stops pulling away. “But there’s still so much shit in the world. There are so many humans who hate me, or fear me, or try to cheat me, or who end up being monsters worse than the ones they want me to kill, and the problem with having it smacked over my head that I  do  actually have feelings, is that it makes it so much harder to ignore them. And there’s so much anger in me, Jaskier, and grief, and loneliness. And I can’t ever show it to anyone, or it will confirm everything they think they know about me. It will make me a monster. It will make me the Butcher all over again.” He looks up again, his expression anguished. “You’re the only one who’s safe. You’re the only one I can be angry around, or sad, or scared, or just annoyed, without thinking the worst of me. You’re the only one who ever comes back.”

listen i know it’s more than a line, ok? but honestly this whole section is the thing i’m proudest of out of all my writing. it was one of those moments where you come up with a headcanon kind of on the fly and don’t realize until after you’ve worked the whole thing out that like, fuck. that seems like it could be like. objectively correct? anyway i am very rarely convinced of my own brilliance but this was one of those times.

allllllright tagging the usual suspects, i think, @dancingwiththefae @islenthatur @spilledbutter @podcastenthusiast @fangirleaconmigo and anyone who feels like jumping in!

[tired-toby]

it's been nearly a year since my first suicide attempt, since the worst summer of my fucking life that i STILL CANT REMEMBER.

and i feel like i've gone nowhere

i'm still the same piece of shit who couldn't even acknowledge the people she hurt, who still tries to victimize herself when she's anything but the victim, who is wasting the time of everyone around her

i know all this. i know these flaws. i'm self-aware and that makes it worse because despite everything i do i feel like i haven't gotten any better, like i haven't improved at all and if anything i've just sunk deeper into this pit

and it's not like i haven't had people reach out!

my math teacher has kept up with me the WHOLE YEAR yet time and time again i let myself fall short.

i want to be better. i need to be better, for the people that are here now and for those that i've hurt in the past.

for my guinea pigs. for my rats. for my dogs. for everyone.

yet here i am just fucking wallowing, crying on an empty blog that no one will read or give a shit about because it's just me.

i graduate soon. well. i /might/ graduate soon

god

i've fallen so far.

my friends are going to harvard, to mit. i feel like i'm just going to a shallow grave.

i wish things were easy, that i could take a few pills and just be /better./ i want to stop feeling this way, i just want to feel better. i've changed my ways! i only drink water, i eat healthier, i walk my dogs for two hours every day, i've taken up new and old hobbies. but i still fall into slumps, i feel like i am a slump.

i've barely told anyone but i haven't felt like myself in weeks and i'm so fucking scared. i feel like i don't know who i am anymore and the coping mechanisms that i've used to try and feel like myself aren't working like they used to. i feel like im fragmented and being pulled apart at the seams. maybe i'm giving myself too much credit

a overfilled trash bag thats splitting and spilling nothing but garbage

that's better.

i'm just overdramatic

i'm just tired

i even have a healthy sleep schedule, did i mention that? in bed by 10, up by 7. i walk my sister to the bus stop almost everyday.

i thought i did everything right. why doesn't it work why aren't i better why am i still the same asshole why am i no one why am i nothing why can't i just be better why am i not fucking dead

55 days until i'm 18

54 until the night i became the world's greatest failure

what kind of idiot fails to kill themself? twice, at that?

i feel like i'm faking this. i read these words i type and i cry and if eel like im faking it. that i'm doing it for attention. i'm manipulative, i lie to emotionally abuse people

i know this and i'm probably doing it now

seems like something i'd do

my mom says my laptop will be back soon, finally repaired. i don't think i mentioned it here but the harddrive broke and i lost everything

stories. hundreds of thousands of words and i WISH that was an exaggeration

my fucking POKEMON. ALL MY GODDAMN POKEMON!!! I BEAT SOUL SILVER WITH JUST AN AMPHAROS AND ITS FUCKING GONE. MARILYN IM SORRY. NOT TO MENTION ALL MY OTHER SAVES

all my art. all those sketches. i've barely drawn since, nothing feels right anymore. not like i know where my art tablet is anyway :/ that's just

gone

everything's gone

once i have a laptop again, i think i'll be happier. i hope i'm happier. my life is there, my happiness is there. it's not healthy to stare at a screen for who knows how many hours of a day but it makes me happy

i want to have fun with graey again. the weeks we'd spend just playing minecraft and stardew and we haven't been able to do anything because i'm just on my phone and a shitty school laptop that can't even run google and word at the same time

i don't know what i'm going to do. this whole thing is a mess, just so much bullshit. and it's barely the tip of the iceberg

i didn't even mention how my dad found another rope in my brother's room. part of me hopes it's not what i think it is and some part of how i once opened his girlfriend's snapchat and found him listed as daddy

fucking discord moderator lookin' ass. it's the trauma innit

i'm doing dnd again. it's not full campaigns, just one-shots with the sewer rats every other weekend or so where i dm and they can have fun.

i like making them happy

i love all of them. they're my family. caesar, crypt, xeno, cat, moe, roo, blink, cig, fox, graey, even fed and ag. if it weren't for you guys, i'd be nothing. i'd be gone.

caesar, you've been with me through everything. i wouldn't be here if you weren't there for me. i'm glad we're getting close again, i've missed your company

i'm glad i'm the one you tag when you see if anyone wants to watch u stream :)

crypt, for all the shit i give you i love you. when are we going to finish mamma mia together u rat ass bitch

xeno u are one of the funniest motherfuckers i've met, even if u are a literal fetus. whenever i see u join vc im always so fucking hyped

cat why r u so fucking racist. when r we gonna play phasmo

moe stop touching kids.

roo i am not gonna lie sometimes u feel like my mom i s2g granted u are geriatric so maybe that makes u my grandma. point still stands, also when r we gonna plot wren and dhova i want my twink-turned-twunk

blink i still need to dm u back give me a sec.

cig u are also a fetus but u are one of my FAVORITE people to brainstorm and plot with. UR BRAIN IS SO WRINKLY AND UR ALWAYS SO RESPONSIVE IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!

fox. ANOTHER FETUS. but also an amazing dm and just?? ur so creative. U ARE SO CREATIVE. UR CHARACTER DESIGN. UR ART SKILLS. ur so underappreciated?

graey when r we having the dildo battle. i will come to alaska and live in a shack in the woods with ur nasty unshowering ass if it means i get to punch u in the face irl and laugh abt the usual bullshit with you.

fed stop being british it's literally so gross idk how u do it. if u stop being british i'll stop bullying u abt ur terrible typing skills

ag u are just. cool. like if i had to pin someone as like the 'cool/chill' person of the sewers it would 100% be u i am ngl. play roblox cats with me u fucking coward

enough of being sappy. they need to stop accusing me of being a lesbian I AM NOT A LESBIAN

ok

im happy again

thinking about them makes me happy

in other news celestial bodies by ghost data is a nice song