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born-to-lose · 5 years

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Classic Rock interview with Roger Taylor (2013)

Let's cut straight to the chase, Roger - what is the status of Queen right now?

I'm still in that band, but there's only two of us left, Brian and myself. And only one of us can walk [laughs]. We still run the brand - that's what it is these days.

So if Queen is a brand, operated by you and Brian, where does Adam Lambert fit in?

I wouldn't say he's always going to be a part of Queen. We're doing the live TV show in Vegas with Adam and a couple of other guests, in a 10,000-seater, but that's all we've got planned. There are no rules, really. We do things very much on the spur.

But do you plan to continue performing as Queen, with or without Adam Lambert?

Yeah, but it's only an occasional thing now. Last year, with Adam, we did three really big shows in Europe and three at Hammersmith Apollo, which was a lot of fun. Brian and I realised a long time ago: this is what we do, this is what we are. I'm afraid, readers, it goes on forever.

Are you happy with Adam as Queen's singer?

He works very well with us. He's an incredible singer. He's got a really magnetic stage presence. He's very sexy. And, of course, our more theatrical songs suit him perfectly. He's a diva - a male diva. And that's what he should think about being.

Before you began working with Adam, you toured and recorded an album as Queen + Paul Rodgers.

Paul is a singer that Freddie admired. He led two of rock's greatest bands: Free and Bad Company. In that sense he is the antithesis of Adam Lambert.

We actually loved playing the Free and Bad Company stuff with Paul. But strangely enough, although Paul was wonderful, with that amazing blues-soul voice, Adam is more suited to some of our bigger songs than Paul was.

Some Queen fans think you're selling the band short by having a guy from American Idol as your singer. Do you understand that?

Whatever you do, people have to take it or leave it. That's always the case.

The same applies to The Queen Extravaganza, this new 'official tribute show'. What does that mean, exactly?

Good question. It means that we, or rather I, had a hand in making it. There's an awful lot of Queen tribute bands around, some good, some bad. So I thought, why don't we try to make a really good one, with brilliant musicianship? I put the band together in America, using the internet to audition. And the singer I found, Marc Martel, is an absolute dead ringer for Freddie's voice.

What's Marc Martel's background?

He's in his 30s, from Nashville, originally from Montreal. He's been in Christian bands. He's an extraordinary singer. We also found these amazing musicians. We had a nine-piece group at the beginning and it was too unwieldy. Too much like a showband, with three singers. Now it's a six-piece.

Three singers has the whiff of musical theatre.

And that's the last thing I'd ever want. I can't stand all that over-singing. What these guys do is play our music brilliantly. They can perform the whole of Bohemian Rhapsody, because they can all sing.

How good is the drummer, Tyler Warren?

Brilliant. And he can sing higher than I can. We all know that the drummer is the most important member of the band.

And in some cases the best looking?

Yeah, that as well [laughs].

Seriously, are Classic Rock readers going to like the tribute show?

I'm a rock and roller. I'm not a balladeer. And I think rock fans will love this band. They really get me going. Everybody who sees them will be impressed, I can pretty much guarantee it.

There were rumours in 2011 of a new Queen album, based on 'lost' demos of Freddie's.

Not true. We wouldn't want to put out an album of demos anyway.

Are there any remaining Queen songs, recorded with Freddie, which might be released in the future?

Yes, there's a couple of tracks. Brian and I are going to work on them. One of them we all worked on, the other one was mainly a Brian song.

Were both songs written near the end of your time with Freddie?

Actually, no, they're quite old. I'm not bigging them up or anything, but yes, there are a couple of things that we're going to finish, and I dare say they will come out.

Are there any plans for another Queen album?

Universal want us to put together an album of the slower songs that people don't know so well, so I'm compiling that this week with Brian.

You also have a new solo album out soon.

It's been written over a five-year period, so it's very eclectic. Some gentle stuff, some rockier stuff, and some fairly political stuff.

Where did the political stuff come from?

I wrote a song called The Unblinking Eye, about disillusionment, the mess the country was in, shops on the high street closing and out politicians being such a despicable bunch.

Are you the kind of man who rants at the telly when the news is on?

I've grown out of that. The TV can't hear you.

What's the title of your new album?

My first solo effort [in 1981] was called Fun In Space. I was reading a lot of science fiction at the time. So I've called this one Fun On Earth. I've come down to earth a bit, but there's still a bit of fun in there - some smiley tracks.

Is it influenced by any modern music?

The best band I've seen in a long time is Sigur Ros. I love that atmospheric, semi-ambient thing they have. They're magnificent too. I saw them at the Academy in Brixton.

Do you still get out to gigs?

Very rarely. But I went to see that, even though I had flu at the time. Well, a nasty cold.

Also released in September is a collection of all the music you've made outside of Queen - including solo albums and your 80s side-project band The Cross.

Yes, it's called The Lot. I said: "Let's have the lot in there," so I thought let's call it that.

Is it all good stuff, or is there some rubbish in there too?

Like anything, there are some things you regret. But my last solo album, Electric Fire [1988], still sounds great.

What's the best song you wrote for Queen?

Hard to say. I like Radio Ga Ga. It was a nice fusion of synthesisers and... what can I call it... epic pop.

And the worst?

There's a few. I hate Delilah [on Innuendo]. That's just not me.

Was Modern Times Rock 'N' Roll, on the first Queen album, the first song you wrote for the band?

Yeah. Although before that we'd all written Stone Cold Crazy together. I think that was our first proper song.

As a drummer, you've cited John Bonham as your biggest influence.

For me there were three main influences: Bonzo, Keith Moon, and Mitch Mitchell, who I think was so underrated. I heard Ginger Baker saying some incredibly cruel things about Mitch Mitchell and I thought, what a cunt. Ginger Baker didn't have any of the subtlety or dexterity of Mitch Mitchell, whom he slagged the hell out of. That really got up my nose.

Who are your biggest influences as a songwriter?

Oh, Ginger Baker, definitely [laughs]. Seriously, it would be Dylan, Lennon... and Springsteen is fabulous.

Which song would you say has your best lyrics?

Heaven For Everyone [recorded first by The Cross and later by Queen] had some good stuff about love and dignity, the usual anti-war thing. These Are The Days Of Our Lives was quite nice in a reminiscing, rather old-fashioned kind of way.

And that song took on a greater meaning after Freddie's death.

It took on a resonance, yeah. I was sort of referencing us at the time I wrote it. We knew Freddie wasn't well.

Did you ever see a better frontman than Freddie?

You'll never see anyone connect as well with an audience as Freddie could.

But for all his showmanship on stage, wasn't he somewhat insecure in private?

Oh yeah. He was quite insecure about all sort of things. Strangely, he was also shy in some ways. But he could switch it on and off. He was great when he was with his close circle, but if there were people he didn't know very well, he could feel quite awkward.

Was there any part of Freddie's personality that used to get on your tits?

Almost nothing. But he used to clear his throat in a quite nauseatingly loud way. But we got on famously.

In the 2011 documentary Queen: Days Of Our Lives, when you talk about the last year of Freddie's life and the hounding he received from the tabloid press, you sound furious, even after all the years.

I still feel it today. It was The Sun. It was like an assassination in order to flog a few newspapers. How vindictive and horrible. I thought that was a bit much. I felt very protective of Fred then. And just recently when the News Of The World went down I danced a fucking jig.

Did you ever court the tabloid press?

Not really. I never believed that tabloids sold records. Or actually furthered your career. And I think you're better off trying to keep out of them. I don't think they help you. If anything, they make you look like a tit. And there's too much ammunition there. The less they know, the better. Freddie got a lot of crap printed about him, Brian had a lot, and I had a little bit but not much.

Did you believe there was a homophobic subtext to some of the media coverage of Freddie's death?

Absolutely. "This is what you get..." It was just prurient, wasn't it?

Do you ever dream that Freddie is still around?

Yeah. Brian would tell you the same - that Freddie sort of lives with us. We spent so many years together, living in each other's pockets. And we'd socialise quite a lot together. So he's someone who's not going to go away. But I don't intend to spend the rest of my life living under the shadow of Freddie Mercury. He was my best mate and he's gone, bless him, and we miss him, but you've got to get on with life.

The first Queen album is now 40 years old. What are your memories of making it?

It was all very exciting. Time in the studio seemed so expensive - 30 quid an hour, a huge amount of money back then. We would go in at four in the morning. It was hard work. And we never really got the sound that I wanted on the first album. We didn't have quite enough control, which we got on the second album.

In those early days, what were your hopes and dreams for Queen?

We wanted to get lots of work. We wanted to be recognised. We wanted to be rich and famous.

And how did that work out for you?

It worked out all right. But it's always a more gradual process than people imagine.

Looking back over Queen's career, what are you most proud of?

The way that the music has seeped into the general consciousness, the fact that we are still occasionally played on the radio, and a lot of the music is still popular. Kids know our music now, and I find that fantastic.

Any regrets?

Many regrets. Most are small ones. But I think we made a bad decision to go to South Africa [to play in Sun City in 1984, during the era of apartheid]. I think we were badly advised. Although we went there with the best intentions, I think it was the wrong decision.

But the following year Queen did the right thing and played at Live Aid. And stole the show with a performance that people still talk about today.

Live Aid was a great day. I remember Bob Geldof describing it as a global jukebox. And we got that: right, we'll ram in as many songs as we can. If you're appearing on a global stage, you know that most people watching on television won't be your fans, so we thought the most sensible thing was to play the ones they know. Or rather, play the ones that they might know. So that's what we did.

How would you describe your relationship with Brian May?

We're best mates, really. It's amazing what Brian fits into his life. He's a genuine polymath. He's an astrophysics PhD, one of the world's foremost experts on stereophotography. He does all sorts of things. A bit bonkers, some of it.

You and Brian have continued as Queen without Freddie and without the band's other founding member, bassist John Deacon, who retired from the music business in the 90s. Can you understand why Robert Plant chose not to tour again with Led Zeppelin?

Yeah. Robert's a very pure-spirited man. Also, Zeppelin is very demanding on a singer - all those vocal gymnastics. Pehaps he thinks in some way he might not deliver at the level he was delivering at. And also there's the huge respect for Bonzo, who was the motherfucker of all rock drummers. So yeah, I can see why he won't do it. And Robert has a very respected career of his own.

But if Freddie had lived and had declined to tour again with Queen, that would have been hard for you to accept.

I guess it would. But Freddie always felt his real comfort zone was when we were all together... bickering away [laughs].

Did that bickering come from having four songwriters in Queen?

Very much so. There were definitely four schools of writing going on. John and I found our strengths later than the other two. Right from the start, Freddie just went on in leaps and bounds. He just sort of invented himself. But, at the end of the day, we understood each other. And it worked very well.

In the glory days of Queen you had a reputation as a playboy. Were you?

No. I think that's overplayed. We had a good time - we had a really good time - but we didn't shout about it.

Have you slowed down over the years?

Of course. Everybody slows down. Or dies. And I don't intend dying yet.

What's next for Roger Taylor? A solo tour for your new album?

I'm thinking about getting together some mates in a really hot band and getting out on the road. And if I did, I'd have my son Rufus Tiger Taylor playing drums. He plays with Queen when we tour. He plays percussion most of the time, and when I do anything out front he plays drums. He's Brian's favourite drummer, I think.

Did you teach him too well?

Actually, he's more from the Taylor Hawkins school than mine.

Have you ever thought about stopping playing drums?

I can't imagine it. It would be horrible to think I'd never play the drums or sing again. It's like a painter, really - most painters keep painting.

But it's a bit easier to paint than to play drums.

Very true. But my style gets more economical and relaxed, without me realising it. It's not quite as wild as it was. But I still love to play. I've done a couple of shows with Jeff Beck recently, which is a delight. Jeff is just the most wonderful guitar player.

So you're not thinking of retiring?

Why would I want to stop? It's not like I have to get up at seven o'clock in the morning to go and play the drums, it's something I can pick up and put down when I choose.

All those years ago you wanted to be rich and famous. And your dreams came true. Is there a downside to all of this?

Not really. I slide around fairly unrecognised, which suits me down to the ground. Some people enjoy making an entrance and being noticed. That's not really me.

It's been a good life, hasn't it?

It has. I'm very lucky.

#i would have scanned the pages but idk how to do that #roger taylor #queen #mel talks #also sorry if there are any typos just tell me and i'll correct them #long post #interview #roger taylor interview

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thecultoftill · 7 years

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Rammstein diaries part 3.(Paul)

This is technically part 4 but I chose to skip the third as it was solely about the Rammstein office and made no mention of the guys. There are actually more of these than I thought. I hope you enjoy them.

2000. March 15 - Paul Hello! As promised, henceforth you will also find in the Diary entries about the group. What are we actually doing right now? Every day we go down to the basement and there we still come up with new songs ... In addition to this, we work at home in our home studios, where we detail and change the songs. Soon we will go to work in the studio. And then, I hope, the work will be over! Excluding Schneider and me, everyone went to the Echo award last week. Yesterday we finished the 3D project, which we are going to experience during the next tour. Much more - but we'll see. Administrators of the site almost finished the photo gallery - everything seems to be in order. Okay, I do not really like writing, but you'll read from me again right here. Paul Landers.

2000. March 31 - Paul Hi, first a few words about the rumours going around. Rumors that the company Motor has terminated the contract with Rammstein, and Rammstein parted company with the management, etc., all this is utter nonsense! Regarding Martina Kubos, we did not quarrel, I like to work with her, and we still communicate. As for Till, he can walk again, although he must spend some more time in the hospital.

We turn to the "American punishment" Flake's opinion if considered in detail may appear to confuse. He may say "I love American cars," which, by the way, turns out to be true. We all have different views on America, some of them are expressed in interviews. In general, positive views are in the majority otherwise we would not go there.

Next week we will try the laser in preparation for the show. Also we are going to demonstrate a lamp that produces a beam of light in us - I can not wait! By the way, the Echo party was definitely boring, it's good that I did not go. Okay, I'm leaving to rehearse.

2000. May 12 - Paul

Now we are in the studio, isolated from the outside world (a photo will soon follow), and finally we are recording the album! Schneider has already finished all the drum tracks, and the guitars will soon follow. We prefer to do short club tours to try out all the new songs before the audience before going to work in the studio. Now it was impossible for many reasons, and I'm glad that we, at least, performed with one concert at the Knaak club. Your positive reaction has given us new energy for the recordings. After a long period of rehearsals it is difficult to be objective and decide when the songs are really ready. But can we ever answer this question accurately? It was definitely great to play new songs! All unexpectedly demanded autographs - I really did not expect this. I was glad that some even came from England and the USA. Okay, that's all for today. You will hear me from again! *Paul Landers

#Rammstein diaries #Rammstein #Till Lindemann #Till #Richard Kruspe #RZK #Paul Landers #Oliver Riedel #Christian Lorenz #Christoph Schneider

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1dpromptwriting · 7 years

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Saving you / Louis centric

Prompt: Could you do me a Larry Stylinson fic where one of the managers abuses Louis and Harry finds out. You can continue the rest.

Word Count: 6.6 k

Trigger Warning: physical abuse, swearing

It would be an understatement to say that the boys from One Direction were stressed. They were all working so hard on becoming the most successful band on the planet that they never stopped. Five years ago they had been put together into a band at the X-Factor’s bootcamp. It had been either working together or going home and of course the boys had decided to work things out. Luckily they had gotten along with each other quite well and so the successful journey of One Direction had started.

After the first live show teenage girls had waited outside of their house, they had followed them to the studios and with each day the number of fans seemed to increase. No one had really understood the phenome at first but Simon Cowell, their mentor, had taken things serious. He had planned for One Direction to have signings and he had told them that meeting their fans was the most important thing to do right after rehearsing for their next live show.

For Harry, Niall, Liam, Zayn and Louis it had been so weird yet exciting and so they had started working even harder on making their dream come true. However one day their amazing journey had stopped and they had finished the X-Factor at third place.

Of course they had been proud but also devastated because all of a sudden they all hadn’t had a plan about what to do but Simon Cowell had made sure that his boys had everything they needed. He had offered them a deal and soon after they had thought that everything was over the real dream for the boys had begun.

Now five years later a lot of things had changed. One Direction was now a world-wide phenome. They were known all around the world and their fan base was so strong. Thanks to social media like Twitter the world had gotten to know them and their first album had gone to number one in the US right after its release.

The boys were currently working on their fifth album “Made in the A.M.”. It was the perfect name for it because they usually recorded their songs after a show. They were currently doing their second stadium tour in places all over the world. They had seen so many places and even though it sometimes seemed to be nothing but stress it was worth it.

Of course being known everywhere had its ups and downs. They usually didn’t get to go sightseeing in a city they were at because too many people were out looking for them. Their hotels got mobbed and so they barely could leave through the front entrance. There were a lot of days where they had a concert in the evening so there was no such thing as saying ‘I don’t want to’.

Harry Styles was the youngest member of the band. He had only been sixteen when their dream had started to become reality. He was now twenty-one-years old and still enjoyed every moment of his life. Of course he hated all the rumours that were written in the newspapers whenever he went out with a girl. According to the media he was dating every girl he had ever met and also other celebrities. One day there had been a rumour about him dating a mysterious blonde girl because he had been seen walking next to her. When he had read the article Harry had burst out laughing because it had been their Stylist Lou, who worked with them and was happily married.

Liam was like the daddy of the band. He was the serious guy who tried to make sure that they were punctual and that no one got too drunk when they had a meeting the next day. He had never thought that his life would turn out like this. He loved being on stage and he loved to perform but Liam was never a person who liked being in the spotlight. He usually avoided getting mobbed anywhere by always using the back entrance. He liked having sweet conversations with some fans but only if they didn’t start screaming and crying when he showed up. Liam liked to have his girlfriend Sophia on tour with him because she also kept him grounded.

Niall was the carefree Irish lad. When they had started as One Direction he had been a little bit under appreciated. He had sometimes flown under the radar because a lot of people had criticized his look and his voice. Niall’s teeth hadn’t been ‘boyband like’ and so he had gotten braces. He had been so scared of everything it first that it had taken some time for him to warm up and once he had showed the world his carefree and funny self the girls had also started to notice him. He had grown during the years, his hair was now usually styled and the braces were long gone. Niall had worked hard on his voice and so he now was as much appreciated as the other boys. The Irish boy loved meeting fans if it weren’t too much because he hated being mobbed.

Just like Niall Louis had been a little but underappreciated at first. It hadn’t been because of his look but simply because he hadn’t had as much solos as Liam or Harry. Even though Louis was the oldest out of the boys he didn’t like to act like it. He normally liked to cause a little bit of trouble. He always messed around and pranked other people. He was a funny lad and loved hanging out with his friends. He also had never gotten in real trouble but one day he had tried smoking a joint with Zayn.

Zayn was known as the mysterious boy. There wasn’t that much that people knew about him. He loved to keep to himself and barely met fans outside their hotels. He was a funny boy who loved spending time with Louis but other than that he probably was the one who had the biggest problem with being in the band.

It had been only three months ago that Zayn had decided to quit One Direction. It had been a shock for the other boys because they weren’t just friends, they were brothers now but maybe he had always felt a little bit out of place. Even though it had been hard seeing him leave like that the boys had actually gotten stronger.

They knew that a member leaving the band would cause some trouble and a lot of bands had failed to make things work with one member down. But truth was that they still loved what they were doing. They loved going on stage, they loved meeting fans and they loved making new music.

Once again their fans hadn’t let them down and their support had been stronger than ever and since the fans had done so much for the boys during the years – because they simple were responsible for their success – they had decided to give something back to them.

Not having Zayn around had been weird at first. Louis had been angry at his best friend for just leaving like that. He had not once called his former best friends and bandmate because Zayn hadn’t even bothered telling them himself. One day he had gone home because of some health issues and then management had told them that he would not be coming back. All they had gotten was a text from Zayn saying ‘Sorry!’.

Harry had been really upset. He had cried a lot when they had been told. The curly haired boy had always been sensitive and realizing that his ‘brother’ had probably never really cared about them had simply broken his heart. Niall had been more quiet than usual before he had asked all of the other boys if they at least wanted to stay together while Liam had just hoped that Zayn was alright.

Now three months later the drama had calmed down enough for everyone to accept Zayn’s departure. At first there had been tons of interviews but now no more questions about Zayn were being asked.

The boys had decided to stay together as a band and they were currently working on their next album. The four of them had gotten even closer now and spent most of their free time together as well. Of course there was a lot of pressure on them and also on their management.

It was a rainy afternoon in June when Louis walked into Jacksons’ – one of his managers – hotel room. He was currently working with them on their new album and since they were away all of the time they once again were recording their album in hotel rooms whenever they had some spare time.

Jackson was a tall man in his forties. He was muscular and definitely determined to get this album to number one. He was also the man who had decided that the boys needed to work out more. Unlike Paul, their lovely bodyguard who was like a father to them, Jackson was not a friend at all. He simply was their boss and he often scolded them after their performances when they hadn’t been focused enough. He didn’t like seeing them fool around. The band was their job and they also needed to do it right.

“Hey Jackson,” Louis said as he walked into the room. He was wearing sweatpants and a white t-shirt since no one saw him anyway but for Jackson it was once again something to be upset about.

“It would’ve been nice of you to come to work in decent clothes,” he told the oldest member of One Direction harshly and Louis wondered if he ever said something like this to the other boys as well.

He knew that Jackson wasn’t very fond of him since Louis was the ‘troublemaker’ in the band. He loved messing around and having fun. He didn’t do much but it always annoyed Jackson and so he was probably a little bit harder on Louis.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know that I need to wear ‘decent’ clothes in a hotel room,” Louis replied sarcastically while Jackson’s face turned red in anger.

“Shut the fuck up and get in the booth,” he said through gritted teeth while Louis was quite satisfied with himself. He knew that he had to stand up against Jackson because he could talk in a normal tone as well.

So Louis did what he was told and got into the booth, hoping to get the recording session done quickly because he didn’t want to spend his entire afternoon here. It was raining today so the day was supposed to be chilled and relaxed with him and the other boys just talking for hours until they had to go to the venue for the concert.

“Ok let’s go,” Jackson anno

unced while Louis put the headphones on and started singing. If the other three boys had been here they would’ve been cheering because Louis was doing a fantastic job. His voice was so soft and warm and just had something special in it.

Even Jackson had to admit that Louis was doing great but he simply didn’t tell him.

“That was shit, start again,” he said through the microphone when Louis had sung all of his parts.

Jackson hated Louis to bits. He didn’t like his attitude and simply wasn’t interested in four spoiled young adults. He earned a lot of money for his job and so he needed to pretend that he loved what he was doing even though he did not.

Jackson knew that with Zayn gone Louis was quite lonely from time to time. He loved his bandmates but Zayn had been his very best friend and he had always been around. Now with Zayn gone there was finally a chance for Jackson to destroy the boy. As their boss he could do whatever he wanted.

“Sing the first part again. Get your focus on, Tomlinson!” Jackson scolded the boy again and Louis obliged without saying anything.

Time went by and Louis got more and more frustrated. He had to sing all of his parts over and over again without his boss actually telling him what he was doing wrong. He was tired and his throat was hurting a little bit and so singing for hours didn’t help at all.

“I think we’re done now,” Jackson finally announced after two hours and Louis nearly stumbled out of the booth because he was exhausted.

“Well finally,” the young boy mumbled under his breath but of course Jackson had heard him.

He grabbed him harshly by his wrist and pulled him closer. “It is not my fault that you’re such a waste of space,” he snarled and added even more pressure to his grip. Louis’ face was pained as he tried to get away from his boss.

“Let me go,” he said through gritted teeth and quickly pulled his wrist close to his chest as Jackson let go.

“I can ruin you, Tomlinson! I can do whatever I want if I want to. I could end your career. You’re nothing but a loser, a waste of space and so you’ll do whatever I say! Now get out of my way!”

“Hey how was recording? What took you so long?” Liam questioned once Louis walked back into their hotel room.

“We had a little chat,” Louis simply answered and lowered himself down next to Harry on the couch.

“What did he want to talk about?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged, hoping that his bandmates would let go. “So what were you guys doing?”

“Niall got hungry so we ordered something from room service and we played Fifa,” Harry told his bandmate. He could tell that something wasn’t right. Louis wasn’t okay.

Harry and Louis had been great friends from the very first beginning of their journey. With Louis being the oldest and Harry being the youngest they had simply had a special bonding. The curly haired boy had been a little bit overwhelmed with everything but Louis had never left his side and so Harry could read his friend like an open book. Even though Louis was trying not to show it, there was a pained expression on his face and his eyes weren’t as blue as usual.

“Okay so we have two more hours before we have to leave so why don’t we play together now?” the oldest boy questioned and soon all of the other boys agreed.

Time went by rather quick and soon it was time to leave. Louis was quiet the whole drive to the venue in Tampa while Harry and Niall chatted about how excited they were to perform again. Liam was busy texting his girlfriend and so Louis Tomlinson was lost in his own thoughts.

He knew that he probably should tell his bandmates about Jackson threatening him but he was also scared to do so. Of course his bandmates would believe him, there was no doubt in it but Louis was scared of what was going to happen when Jackson found out about him spilling their secret. Jackson was their boss and he could ruin their careers and of course Louis couldn’t risk doing this.

His wrist was still hurting and there was a mark on it from where Jackson had grabbed him too hard. He could brush it of by saying that he fell if he got asked even though he wasn’t interested in lying to his friends at all.

“Hey Liam what’s up with you? You’re so busy texting,” Niall questioned when they all sat down in their dressing room.

“Sophia’s had a bad day and is now upset that I can’t facetime with her because we have to go on stage soon,” the daddy of the band explained while Niall patted his back in a comforting way.

“What about you? You’ve been quiet since recording,” Harry stated, wanting to figure out what was bothering his bandmate and friend.

“I’m just tired,” Louis quickly brushed him off but couldn’t look into Harry’s eyes whilst saying this. He couldn’t lie to those emerald, green eyes.

“Are you really sure? You can tell me if something is bothering you,” the curly haired boy pushed once again while Liam and Niall were watching carefully.

“For god’s sake Harold just leave me alone. I’m fine. F-I-N-E! Nothing to worry about so stop getting on my nerves!” Louis yelled frustrated before storming out of the dressing room.

Harry’s jaw was open, his eyes were wide and his face was pale. In all this time he’d never seen Louis act like that and his best friend had never yelled at him before.

“Hazza come on give him some space,” Liam said gently as Harry made a move to follow his bandmate. The daddy of the band pulled the youngest over to the couch, forgetting about his own problems with Sophia because one of his boys was upset.

“I can tell that something is bothering him,” Harry mumbled quietly.

“He’ll tell us when he’s ready to,” Niall simply stated. Of course he was confused about Louis’ behaviour but maybe it was all just a little too much for him. A lot had happened in the past few weeks so they were all tired and stressed. Louis usually didn’t act like that but everyone had days like that, right?

Niall and Liam continued to reassure Harry that Louis was fine even though Harry didn’t believe them. He was hurt by Louis’ actions towards him because all he wanted to do was help.

It didn’t take long until it was time to go on stage. While the boys from 5 Seconds of summer came running off stage with a grin on their faces the boys from One Direction didn’t look too happy.

Liam was thinking about his problems with Sophia. He loved this girl to bits but sometimes it was so difficult. Of course he understood that Sophia had her own life. She was a hard-working woman in London and so she couldn’t join Liam all of the time but he was hard-working as well. Most of the time it was all about her. He had to be online when she wanted to talk, he had to stay awake until the early hours of the morning so it was evening in London and lately Liam was getting tired of it. Knowing that they were about to perform right now he pushed all the thoughts aside and tried focusing on doing what he loved the most. Performing.

Harry was still upset. Louis had obviously just gone for a walk and when he had come back he had looked at him like he wanted to say something but no such word had left his lips. The curly haired boy didn’t understand his friend’s behaviour towards him. Did he do something wrong? Harry hated fighting, he really did. He knew that he should talk to Louis but right now they were about to go on stage.

Louis was feeling sick. Had he really yelled at his best friend because he had cared enough to push him a little bit into telling them what was going on? The young man knew that Harry had figured out that something was bothering him but he simply couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t risk their career. Louis’ hand was hurting as well and the glances coming from Jackson didn’t help him at all. He was so nervous about messing up that he could barely breathe.

Niall, the only Irish boy in the band, was simply confused. He didn’t like it at all when some of the boys were fighting with each other. Zayn had already left the band so every fight could tear them further apart. With Zayn leaving they had actually grown even closer but lately Niall felt like they were all just interested in their own lives. Without knowing if they were going to be alright, Niall walked up to the stage with his ‘brothers’.

The concert passed quite quickly. The four boys tried to put on a great show for their fans but of course their fans were able to read them like open books. It was obvious that there was some tension going on between them.

Usually they chatted along and even shared a laugh during their performances but today everything seemed a little bit pushed. It didn’t seem like they were having as much fun as usual. Liam was probably the one who tried the hardest to make jokes and put on a great show. Niall had messed up one or two of his guitar solos because he was busy watching Harry and Louis who didn’t even look at each other.

Louis tried to get Harry’s attention, he even followed him on stage from time to time but Harry simply walked away or looked into a different direction. He didn’t want to talk about this on stage. He wanted to sit down with his bandmate and let him explain what was going on, but not on stage.

Of course a lot of people didn’t notice anything at all but for some fans it was obvious that something wasn’t right. When Louis messed up his solo in Little Things he felt sick. He could feel his heart starting to race as he thought about what Jackson had said earlier that day. Jackson could ruin him so he shouldn’t give him a reason to.

From the corner of his eyes Louis saw Jackson’s look of disappointment and anger and knew that he was in trouble. He tried to think about something else but for now he was in panic. His behaviour however didn’t get unnoticed by one young boy called Harry Styles. After messing up his solo Louis face had gone pale, his eyes looking for someone backstage. Louis’ hands had started to shake and he had only calmed down after taking a few deep breaths. Harry was curious to figure out what was going on with his bandmate and best friend.

“Well done boys,” Paul, their bodyguard said once the four of them walked off stage. Paul was like a father to them. Whenever they had a problem Paul would listen to them and give them some advice. The boys loved having people like this on tour with them because being away from home for such a long time was hard.

They had Paul, who was like a father figure. Then there was Caroline, one of their stylists, who was like a mum and of course Lou, who was like their best friend. Both Caroline and Lou had their daughters on tour with them which was also very nice. They were like a small family but there also were some people who weren’t interested in being part of their family like Jackson, their manager or Pablo, one of their dance instructors. These people were completely focused on work. They didn’t like anyone having a laugh. They wanted to make One Direction work with all costs.

So of course Jackson didn’t look happy when the boys came off stage. “That was a shit performance,” he scolded Harry, Liam, Niall and Louis.

“Well we made some mistakes but everything is fine, don’t worry. Tomorrow we’ll put on another excellent show,” Liam quickly said, not wanting any of his bandmates to start arguing. It had been a long day and they were all tired.

“I hope so,” Jackson simply stated before walking away. Louis was relieved about their manager letting go off the subject so quickly.

The four boys were on the way to their dressing room when Louis made a turn for the restroom, the other three boys walking away.

Once he had finished his business the door was opened and no other person than Jackson walked in, his face red with anger.

“You did this on purpose didn’t you?” he said with a harsh voice that left no room for arguments.

“No. I did my best,” Louis simply stated while Jackson raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“When this is the best you can do then maybe the band isn’t the right place for you anymore!”

Louis eyes grew wide but then a feeling of anger kicked in. He wouldn’t let this man ruin his career. He was just their manager. It was Louis who was one of the reasons why they band was so successful. Without any of them there would be no success at all.

“You can’t threaten me! I’m doing a good job and all you do is being an ass!” Louis nearly yelled into his manager’s face.

For a moment time seemed to stand still but then a hand collided with Louis’ cheek. He instantly put his hand to it, before letting out a scream of pain. “This is another warning!” Jackson snarled, looking at Louis’ red cheek. “I can and I will ruin you! If you say anything to your bandmates your career is over in a minute! Do you understand?”

Louis looked at his manager with wide, tearful eyes. His cheek was hurting from where the man he had once trusted had slapped him.

“I said do you understand?!”

“Y..Ye.Yeah,” the boy replied with a shaky voice before watching Jackson leave the restroom like nothing had happened.

Louis held onto the sink to steady himself because his knees felt weak and he felt like he was going to be sick. When he looked at his reflection in the mirror he saw someone who looked beat. His eyes weren’t shining, his cheek was bright red, and there were a few tears running down his cheeks as well.

Louis knew that he needed to calm down as quickly as possible because otherwise the boys were going to ask questions again.

* The ride back to their hotel was rather quiet. Louis and Harry still didn’t talk to each other even though the curly hair boy was suspicious that something had happened again. After coming back from the restroom Louis’ eyes had been wide and fearful and his hands had been shaking.

However the youngest member of the band didn’t say anything. He’d simply get behind the reason of Louis’ behaviour by himself. He had a suspicion that it had to do something with someone from their team, Jackson, to be more precisely. Liam didn’t really notice Louis’ behaviour because he was too busy texting his girlfriend Sophia. They had had a fight before their concert and so he needed to make things right again while Niall was lost in music.

Louis still hadn’t apologized to Harry for yelling at him even though he knew that he should but he couldn’t lie to Harry. He couldn’t think of a story to tell his bandmate that would explain his behaviour and so he simply kept quiet.

“Tomlinson get up! It’s time for some recording!” Jackson yelled as he knocked loudly on Louis’ door. It was 4 o’clock in the morning but Jackson didn’t care. They needed to record an album and right now he felt like it was a good time to do so.

Louis, who had been sleeping peacefully, groaned loudly as he was woken by the loud knocks on his door.

“What the fuck,” he said to himself as he checked the time. Did Jackson really want to play like this? Louis was at Jackson’s mercy. There was nothing he could do. He could turn around and try to get some more sleep but he knew Jackson well enough to know that this was a bad idea.

“Come on, you have five minutes to get up and over to my room!” the man in his forties yelled once again while Louis yawned loudly. He slowly got up, not caring to put on some other clothes, splashed some cold water on his face and made his way over to Jacksons’ room that was being used as their recording studio.

“How nice of you to show up,” the manager said in a way too friendly tone with an ugly smile plastered on his face. He was really enjoying this.

“I decided to let you record all of the parts that we did yesterday again. You were shit at the concert so some more rehearsing won’t hurt you!” Jackson explained while Louis only rolled his eyes.

He definitely wasn’t in the mood for stupid games like that.

“I’m not doing this. We recorded everything yesterday. You think you can ruin me by waking me up at 4 in the morning? I’m not a thing you can use whenever you feel like it. So now excuse me while I go back to sleep!”

“You’re staying!”, the man said angrily as he grabbed Louis’ by his arm and pulled him back.

“Let go off me!” Louis snarled and winced as Jackson grabbed his arm even harder, probably leaving a mark once again.

Without giving the manager one more chance to say anything Louis kicked the man in his groin, taking the first chance that he got to get out of the man’s grip.

“You freaking asshole!”, Jackson screamed. He once again got a grip at Louis’ arm before he could disappear into the hallway and pulled him back into the room. Spinning him around harshly Jacksons’ fist connected with Louis’ face. The young boy screamed out in pain and held his hand to his bleeding nose and the bleeding cut on his lip.

Jackson was probably just as surprised because he didn’t react when Louis ran out of the door.

Oh shit, what had he done? * After getting back to his room Louis felt like screaming and crying at the same time. He knew that he needed to get rid of the blood. He couldn’t show up with a bruise or split lip because he was sure that question would be asked. However when he looked at his reflection in the mirror his hopes were destroyed. There was no way that he could hide the cut on his lip. Panic started to rise in Louis’ chest as he thought about lying to his brothers again. He still needed to apologize to Harry for yelling at him but he knew that Harry would probably ask even more questions.

The thought of telling Harry the truth came to his mind but then again he was scared about what Jackson would do when he found out that Louis had told someone. Tears were running down the boys’ cheeks when he realized how pointless everything seemed to be. It would be an understatement to say that he was scared. He was scared to death. He didn’t know how far Jackson would go. He didn’t know if he was strong enough to go through all of this.

It was close to six o’clock in the morning when Louis Tomlinson made his way over to his friend’s hotel room, knocking at the door like a scared puppy.

Harry Styles was sleeping peacefully when he was woken up by someone knocking at his door. Cracking his eyes open and checking the time the curly haired boy was more than confused. What was going on? He listened closely but then he didn’t hear anything at all. Maybe it had been a dream? Harry was about to turn around and go back to sleep when he heard the sound again.

“Coming,” he yelled, before sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes and walking over to the door. However when Harry came face to face with Louis, who definitely had been crying, he suddenly was wide awake.

“Lou? What happened to you?” he said, his heart beating a little bit faster than usual.

“C..Can.. Can I come in?”

“Of course you can,” Harry stated then stepped aside to let his bandmate walk into his room. Louis quickly sat down on the side of Harry’s bed, pulling a pillow into his lap, not daring to look up.

“Do you want me to get Niall and Liam as well?” Harry asked, noticing that the older boy was quite busy pulling the sleeve of his sweater over his wrist. Louis silently nodded, letting a few more tears roll down his cheeks.

“I’ll be back shortly,” the curly haired boy said, pressing a kiss on the top of Louis’ head.

Five minutes later the four boys of One Direction where sitting on the bed in Harry’s hotel room. Louis was holding a cup of tea in his hand while Niall looked tired and scared. Liam was completely in “daddy mode” making sure that his friend was warm and had some Yorkshire Tea to calm himself down. Harry was only looking at his best friend, waiting for him to start explaining what was going on.

“I..I have to apologize to you all,” Louis slowly started before looking up. His eyes were filled with sadness, fear and panic but Harry’s soft, green eyes were just as warm as always showing nothing but forgiveness.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Liam quickly spilled what Harry was just about to say.

“Who did this to you?” Niall asked after a short moment of silence.

“I..I.. It.. It was.. Jackson,” Louis stuttered and all eyes went wide. Harry felt relieved. Now he finally knew that was going on. Now he knew the reason behind Louis’ strange behaviour.

“Why?”

Tears started to form in the boys’ eyes again but Niall quickly put his hand on his friends’ knee, squeezing it to show some comfort.

“He says that I’m not good enough. He hates me. My voice is horrible, I have a bad attitude and he can ruin us all. He knows that One Direction is our life but he can take it from us. He’s the boss and he can do whatever he wants to do.”

“Abusing you is not right at all. He can’t do whatever he wants. He wants you to doubt yourself but you should know that you are brilliant. Without you we probably would be the most boring band on the planet. You’re the one who makes everyone smile. People love you and your sassy attitude. He can’t threaten you. We all are part of this band so it’s not up to him to decide if you’re good enough or not. He is our manager but we have so much fans and he can’t take that from us!” Harry said with honesty in his voice while Liam and Niall both nodded their heads in agreement.

“You’re Tommo. You don’t give up that easily. You fight for what’s important to you and I want you to keep fighting. Jackson will go down but he’ll do it the big way,” Niall told his friends with a mischievous grin plastered on his face.

“Niall’s right we have to do something. I think we should tell Paul and then we should call Simon. He’s our boss after all and he should know what we’re about to do. We need to send him a picture of your split lip,” Liam stated. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Louis quickly shook his head while Harry only raised his eyebrows.

“I know that you are. Show him,” he instructed and Louis silently obeyed doing whatever he needed to do.

“Are you guys ready?” Paul, their bodyguard asked once the four boys were about to go on stage in Tampa again.

“More than ever,” Louis said with a smile while the other three boys all agreed. They had told Simon and Paul what had happened and neither of them had been pleased. Simon had been furious. He had told the boys to take care of him instantly but after the four had told him about their plan he had agreed to let them deal with it.

Paul had simply made sure that they had been busy with something else the whole day so that Jackson didn’t have time to threaten or attack Louis once again.

“Here you go babe,” Harry said with a smile as he and Louis changed their microphones right before going on stage.

On this day the boys from One Direction put on a brilliant show. The crowd was cheering, screaming and clapping whilst singing along to their music. The boys were having a great time on stage, joking around, having water fights while Paul was standing backstage watching Jackson who was absolutely fuming. The music was their job. It was their job to go on stage and perform but tonight they were just joking around instead of focusing on their jobs.

When Jackson figured out that Harry and Louis had changed microphones he turned to volume down on Harry’s microphone that Louis was using but once the boys noticed what was going on they simply changed their mics again making it impossible for Jackson to block Louis’.

Louis Tomlinson was having the best day of his entire life. Today the show was all about him and his voice. Usually his microphone wasn’t as loud as the others but today everyone got to hear his angelic voice.

“Today we want you to give it up for Louis, who went through a rough time lately,” Harry finally told the audience who was cheering even more for the oldest member of the band now. “After Zayn left Louis felt a little bit out of place and some people from our team were constantly telling him that he isn’t good enough. We want to set things straight right now!”

“Louis is part of this band just as much as we all are. We all are working hard for our success and we know that we wouldn’t be here without you, our fans. We aren’t up for dance routines and planned performances. We like to make every single show special by doing what we want. This doesn’t turn us into bad artists who don’t care for their music or careers. It makes us human.” Liam said while the fans started clapping even louder.

“Louis, we love you as a brother and as a member of the band. We love your voice and we love you for being who you are. This is a warning to a man who knows exactly who he is: You can’t tear us apart by abusing one of us. You’re only making us stronger so thank you for that. And by the way: You’re fired!” Niall said through his microphone before the boys hugged each other.

“Thank you so much!” Louis whispered, tears shining in his eyes. They all let their eyes wander backstage to where Paul and Jackson where standing. Paul was holding onto Jacksons’ shoulder, silently telling him to not move at all.

After the concert was over the boys walked backstage only to see Simon, their mentor.

“SIMON!” they all yelled and greeted to man, who had always believed in them. “It’s good to see you boys. I just came here with the police to arrest Jackson. What he did to you was abuse and I’m taking things like that serious. He’s going to jail and you can focus on being the great band that you are, again!”

A big smile appeared on Louis’ face when he realized that this nightmare was now over. He knew that he wouldn’t have been able to do this without his bandmates, his brothers but then again he simply was glad that it was over.

“I love you guys so much!” he said as he turned around to hug all of the boys.

“We love you too, Tomlinson!” they all replied and then smiled when they saw Jackson being arrested by some cops. The nightmare was now over!

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sukanyaria · 7 years

Text

Walkman

by Michael Robbins

I didn’t mean to quit drinking, it just sort of happened. I’d always assumed it’d be difficult, or not difficult, exactly, but impossible. Then one New Year’s Eve twenty years ago at the VFW, Craig and I were drinking beer from brown bottles, peeling the labels off into little confetti nests.

In Mexico the previous New Year’s Eve, I’d started drinking again after a year sober. I traveled by myself in Oaxaca for a month and had at least two beautiful experiences. The bus I was on broke down in the mountains and I watched the stars blink on with a Mexican girl who later sent me a letter I never answered. That’s one of the experiences. The others are secrets. We left the VFW at a reasonable hour for once. I never took another drink. I’m not sure why not. I don’t think it had anything to do with me. I think it was a miracle. Like when the hero at the last second pulls the lever to switch the train to the track the heroine’s not tied to. I was always broke in those days, whereas now I’m just poor. I brought a Walkman and a backpack stuffed with cassettes to Oaxaca. I was sick of them all within a week and longed to buy a new tape but couldn’t spare the pesos. I listened to Live Through This at the Zapotec ruins of Monte Albán, Rumours on the bus to DF. At Puerto Ángel, my headphones leaking tinny discord across a rooftop bar, I sat watching the ocean.

An American man about the age I am now asked me what I was listening to. I said Sonic Youth. He asked which album, I said Sister. He chuckled and said “I’m Johnny Strike.” It probably wasn’t a miracle, but I couldn’t believe it. Here was the guy who wrote Crime’s 1976 classic “Hot Wire My Heart,” which Sonic Youth covered on their 1987 classic, Sister, which I was listening to on my Walkman at the end of Mexico in the sun. Except actually I was listening to Daydream Nation, I change it to Sister when I tell that story. But it’s a beautiful story even without embellishment. That’s another of the Oaxacan experiences I mentioned, but the rest are secrets. Oh Mexico, as James Schuyler wrote to Frank O’Hara, are you just another dissembling dream? Schuyler was too tender for me then, but now he is just tender enough. I love his wishes. That “the beautiful humorous white whippet” could be immortal, for instance. But I can’t always forgive his Central Park West tone, his Austrian operettas and long long lawns, though he wasn’t rich and was tormented enough, God knows.

In the summer of 1984 in Salida, Colorado, I had Slade and Steve Perry on my Walkman. I drank milk from jumbo Burger King glasses emblazoned with scenes from Return of the Jedi. You can’t buy tampons with food stamps even if your mother insists that you try. Salida sits along the Arkansas River, whose current one hot afternoon swept me away and deposited me in a shallow far downstream. It was the first time I thought I was going to die and didn’t. The Arkansas and everything else are mortal. My mom had been born again, to my chagrin. But lately I find I do believe in God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth: and in Jesus Christ, his Son our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Ghost. How the hell did I become a Christian? Grace, I guess. It just sort of happened. I admit I find the resurrection of the body and life everlasting difficult, or not difficult, exactly, but impossible. There is no crazier belief than that we won’t be covered by leaves, leaves, leaves, as Schuyler has it, which is to say, really gone, as O’Hara put it in his lovely sad poem to John Ashbery.

But hope is a different animal from belief. “The crazy hope that Paul proclaims in 2 Corinthians,” my friend John wrote to me when his mother died. The Christian religion is very beautiful sometimes and very true at other times, though sophisticated persons are still expected to be above all that sort of thing. Well, I’m a Marxist too. Go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor. On his new album Dr. Dre says “Anybody complaining about their circumstances lost me.” At the risk of losing more billionaires, complain about your circumstances, I say. I listened to The Chronic on my Walkman the summer I worked the night shift at Kinko’s. I was dating Deirdre, who when I placed my headphones on her ears and pushed play said “Why is this man cursing at me?” Said it more loudly than was strictly necessary. A crazy man would come into Kinko’s around two a.m. and ask me to fax dire, scribbled warnings to every news outlet in Denver. He wanted to let people know that God would punish the area with natural disasters if the county succeeded in evicting him from the land he was squatting on. He’d ask me to help him think of various extreme weather events that God might unleash. I’d say “Typhoons?” though we were in Colorado. He’d scribble typhoons. Scraps of dirty paper absolutely covered front and back with ominous, angrily scrawled black characters: attn. nbc nightly news there will be fires tornadoes typhoons. I would help him compose his screeds then fax each one to Denver’s major TV and radio stations, the Denver Post, and the Rocky Mountain News, which has since stopped its presses for good. Except in fact I would only pretend to fax them and then refuse his money, saying I was glad to help the cause.

What if he wasn’t batshit but a true prophet? The Denver metropolitan area was not visited by disaster at that time, but this proves nothing. Look at Jonah and Nineveh, that great city. I don’t believe he was a prophet, but Kinko’s is beautiful at two a.m. even if I hated working there. The rows of silent copiers like retired dreadnoughts in a back bay, the fluorescent pallor, the classic-rock station I would turn back up after my coworker turned it down.

Did the guy sketch amateurish floods, tornadoes, etc., on his jeremiads or did I imagine that? I wish I’d thought to make copies for myself. I wish I’d kept the Mexican girl’s letter. I wish I’d kept the copiers with their slow arms of light, the lights of DF filling the Valley of Mexico as the bus makes its slow way down and Stevie sings what you had, oh, what you lost. Schuyler and his wishes! “I wish it was 1938 or ’39 again.” “I wish I could take an engine apart and reassemble it.” “I wish I’d brought my book of enlightening literary essays.” “I wish I could press snowflakes in a book like flowers.” That last one’s my favorite. I wish I’d written it. I would often kick for months until driven back to a bar by fear or boredom or both. I saw Tomorrow Never Dies—starring Pierce Brosnan, the second-worst James Bond—in Oaxaca and came out wishing my life were romantic and exciting and charmed or at least that I had someone to talk to. So I stopped at the first bar I saw, and someone talked to me. It’s so sad and perfect to be young and alone in the Zócalo when the little lights come up like fish surfacing beneath the moon and you want to grab the people walking by and say who are you, are you as afraid as I am. And you don’t know that twenty years later you’ll be writing this poem.

Well, now I’m being sentimental and forgetting that in those days I wrote the worst poems ever. “I held a guitar and trembled and would not sing” is an actual line I wrote! The typhoon guy could have written better poetry. Today I want to write about how it’s been almost twenty years since I owned a Walkman. Just think: there was a song that I didn’t know would be the last song I would ever play on a Walkman. I listened to it like it was just any old song, because it was.

#poetry #michael robbins

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