#how Neal gets away w/ things bc he's 'Neal'

[couldpolyamorysavethem]

ELIZABETH BURKE, PETER BURKE, and NEAL CAFFREY from WHITE COLLAR

Justification:

"okay listen this might already be in the queue but i sincerely believe the last three seasons of the show would've gone in a completely different direction if peter got that last little push away from his bullshit cop behaviour by neal pulling some grand romantic gesture for him + el. like, come on man, you've already come to peace with legality not being the same as morality after you ran all those cons and let neal cut and run, but he's so convinced the ONLY way to do good in the world is being an fbi agent that he like, actively makes things worse for neal (AND HIMSELF? AND ELIZABETH?) over and over again just so he can preserve the status quo of neal being his CI + while peter's an active field agent. would kissing about his devotion to their dynamic and neal's rehabilitation and peter's complicity in neal's dehumanisation by the state solve that? maybe not! but considering the alternative is neal fucking dying (he got better) about it i think we should give it a shot!

that previous paragraph was more or less me preaching to the choir wrt this relationship but still here's my pitch:

neal is essentially already the third in elizabeth + peter's marriage, with how much he lives in peter's brain during pre-series sequences, how INVESTED he is in their relationship (reminding peter of anniversaries), and then IN the actual series that only increases when he's coming around to their place all the time

each pair within this trio have supporting but distinct relationships w one another that they all benefit from (and they often need the support of all three dynamics to get through Issues™)

that one episode where peter ends up on the run w another fbi agent and neal gets paired up with that guy's CI, and there's just an unbelievable amount of parallels between the two pairs and their relationship, even after its established that those two are in a romantic relationship and peter and neal 'aren't'. like peter says he'd go to neal first if he was ever in trouble LIKEEE

fucking everything about the run up to the finale of season 2 where we hear over and over again that the only two ways conmen end up are with 'one last score' (which inevitably leads to the next, because they can't help themselves), or going to prison. OR, the 'true love' option, where an ex-conman is able to genuinely settle down and go straight (more or less). this 'secret third option' is literally even spelled out to us IN an episode about a trio of thieves (byron june and ford) who meant the world to each other!

neal uses the engagement ring he was GOING to give to his TEXTUAL 'true love' in order to pay for peter's ransom that one time and isn't even cut up about it??

also like the episode before that neal and peter switch identities (very well) and neal acts like elizabeth's wife, and the only issue peter (or anyone) has with it is that he's also committing the crime of impersonating a federal agent.

season three finale where peter asks why neal didn't run when he just got the score of his life and the first thing he says is 'you, elizabeth', before listing literally anything else. INCLUDING HIS CURRENT ROMANTIC INTEREST?

also the scene before that where neal immediately folds from his season long cat and mouse game with peter and hiding the treasure because elizabeth's in danger! and peter only believes he's not lying abt any of it bc it's elizabeth!

that one shot in the pilot where neal and elizabeth look up at peter and you can so clearly see he has a type.

literally everything about elizabeth + neal's interactions in s1. get you a girl who sneaks you into her house past dozens of fbi agents so you can talk to your handler personally about being framed for a crime that she has no reason to suspect you didn't do other than believe in your and her husband's relationship!

im losing track of my argument at this point. anyway can someone please knock peter upside the head with some kind of bi awakening for the love of god this homoerotic 'partners' situation has an unbelievably high body count not to mention all the violation of civil liberties and frankly you could've all moved to paris and started a detective agency YEARS ago and this show would become slice of life" - @time-is-restored

[firebirdsdaughter]

The tragedy about the conflict of s3…

… Is that neither of them wanted it.

Okay, Neal kinda wanted it, I’m sure. Temptation. But he didn’t act on it, and he didn’t want it like this. Neal’s fault in this is that he could have walked away or said something at any point after, but he didn’t want to be in this situation. Mozzie forced him into it.

Peter sure as hell didn’t want it either. You can tell by how he either freezes up or get uncharacteristically emotional whenever it’s brought up. Esp by this point he genuinely cares deeply about Neal and wants him to get clean. The three things Peter loves most in the world are literally El, the law, and Neal at this point. He’s full on adopted this kid. He wants to be wrong, but he can’t compromise his belief in the laws and the system and the truth to not pursue it. He hates it, it takes so much out of him, and I think seeing Neal be hurt by his suspicions makes it all the worse, but this is Peter, finding the truth is who he is. S1 and 2 were slowly building the trust and relationship between them, and from Peter’s perspective, Neal may have just completely destroyed that. Thrown away everything he thought they had, and Peter’s attempts to help him go straight. But as much as it hurts him, he keeps the painting scrap out of evidence bc he wants to know first. He doesn’t want it to go on record and to have the whole Bureau come down on Neal. Despite himself he still wants to give the kid a modicum of chance—he also shows awareness that it could have been Mozzie or Alex.

And like I said above, Neal hates it, too. And not just being under suspicion again. At first, having Peter, the one person he completely trusts, accusing him, from his perspective, out of the blue after he just nearly got shot, after Peter just killed a man to protect him… Like that clearly just breaks his heart. Even during the opening interrogation, when he’s calmed down some, he’s still got that wounded look in his eyes—although I think he’s also clocking Peter’s unhappiness by that point bc it’s less offended and just sad. By that point he knows the treasure survived, but he does know he didn’t do it. He’s hurt by Peter’s suspicion of him but now he knows there’s a reason to be suspicious and he is hiding something.  But even after he finds out that Mozzie did it… Even from the onset, he’s not quite truly happy. And even though he knows it’s now justified, that there’s very possibly evidence connecting it to him/them… Even though he goes along at first… You can tell there’s something off. Old Neal would be much more excited, not hesitating and looking vaguely shell shocked. And I think when he finds out it was Mozzie and that Mozzie took it ‘for them,’ he feels like he has betrayed Peter. He gets visibly more awkward about deflecting, which I think is actually honest as opposed to a deception. He’s letting his real emotions dictate his behaviour—he’s genuinely hurt by Peter’s suspicion, he genuinely cares what Peter thinks, he’s genuinely uncomfortable with his new position. But even after all of it, Neal instantly realises that Peter is still protecting him by w/holding the painting scrap—and I think that realisation is the stepping stone for his character development the rest of the season, bc in that moment, he realises he hasn’t wholly lost Peter, and not in a ‘I can still play him way.’ In a ‘thank god he doesn’t hate me now’ way, bc Neal doesn’t want Peter to hate him, he never did, and he esp doesn’t now. As early as s1 he didn’t want to let him down, and now he feels like Peter’s completely cut him off—only to be given that one bit of hope for making things better. Which is what makes him believe in everything else.

Neither of them wanted to be put at odds like this.

[emmaswcns]

6, 12 and 16 for OUAT for the salty ask meme? 💗

LIBBY I MISS YOU <333 thank you for the ask, my love! @bewilderedmoth

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

i never hated any pairing from ouat, tbh. BUT i will say that fandom opened my eyes to swan queen! when i first watched the show, i was super into captain swan bc they were both pretty and i was a big killian girl (i know, who the fuck was i right?). i saw little things between emma and regina but i was always focused on hook (who was i?!?!?) but then i was doing a deep tumblr dive in the ouat tags one night and i saw a little blurb about sq and i read it and i was like "...wait a hot minute" and i went to that person's blog and from there to someone else's blog and it just spiraled downward from there and now here we are, full blown swanqueen trash! :)

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

the frozen arc! i thoroughly enjoyed the entire frozen arc with the snow queen villain! i'm not sure why so many people hated it! even ppl i work with who watched the show said they stopped watching during the frozen arc and i am like WHAT WHY HOW?! i thought it was so so so good and i loved elsa and emma's friendship (the friend she deserved) and the snow queen having a past with emma and giving emma those lost memories back so she could remember that she was once loved as a child and that someone did want her zasxdcfvgh that whole arc was *chefs kiss* and idk whyyyyy anyone would say otherwise! also the casting for the frozen characters was literally perfect?????

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

.....do i really need to state the obvious? lmao. *cough* swan queen would be endgame *cough*. lmao i joke (not really) BUT i would change emma's ending for sure. nothing against captain swan, really if that's her true love then good for them, BUT i would've loved for emma's happy ending to just be henry and her family. i don't think she needed a man to be her happy ending and that's not how her story should've ended. it should've ended with her being happy with henry and her parents and if she's w hook in the end then that's fine but i don't think they needed to get married and make a whole show of their relationship and shoving it in everyone's face like 'emma is happy now bc she's married yay she's so happy!!!' like no that's not what this show was about (at least not for me). the charming/swan/mills family is the ultimate happy ending, not romantic relationships, and i would've changed that aspect.

ALSO i would've never killed neal. if the actor needed to go do other stuff, cool that's life, but he didn't need to die in order for the actor to go away. i believe they killed him off for cs to thrive, but it was unnecessary and just unrealistic in my opinion. i would've loved more scenes of emma & neal co-parenting henry together and even if he wasn't constantly around, it would've been nice knowing that he was still in henry's life with little comments about henry going to see him/spending a weekend with him/whatever they could think of even if the actor wasn't available to have screen time.

[pensbridgertons]

show your process

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES - When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag up to 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you'd like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours.

i was tagged by @zavens and @burningblake to talk about this edit. thanks for asking abt it!! it was a pretty fun process so im glad i get to talk abt it.

planning:

so one of my first reactions to listening to happiness by taylor swift was like oh............. this is a swanfire song. esp "there'll be happiness after you / but there was happiness because of you too / both of these things can be true / there is happiness in our history" i heard that and was like ok so i HAVE to make a swanfire edit using that. and then it took me a little over a month to get around to actually doing it lmao. i originally had a bit of a different vision for it but it was kind of vague so i ended up going in a different direction. mostly i wanted to just like mess around and try out some different edit trends, especially the smaller gif inside a shape on top of a larger gif style. that one became the main goal, and then i had also just learned how to do the paper rip effect and was having fun doing that so i decided to include that as well. so it just kind of turned into an experiment to see what i could do and what would work for the edit and look the best lol.

in terms of each panel, i decided i wanted to split up the lyrics w three panels and put the "there is happiness in our history" part in the caption. for the first panel, there'll be happiness after you, i wanted to represent emma finding happiness in her family after neals death. for this i chose the moment emma finally accepted her parents as the foreground and in color with emma holding neal while he was dying in the background in b/w. i wanted to include henry in the "after" also but this ended up working out better like composition wise.

for the second panel, but there was happiness because of you too, i included the moment of them talking abt how they used to be happy and then a moment from tallahassee representing that reference to them being happy. once again i ended up doing color for the like "present" part and b/w for the "past" part. the combination of color and b/w ended up also really like balancing out the edit bc everything in color was just too much lol.

for the third panel, both of these things can be true, i wanted to represent how while they did have a great deal of happiness together in their past, and they both still remember that and are fond of it, there also is still a great deal of pain as a result of their past together weighing down on them and their relationship, and they also both have found ways to move on since their separation. so i ended up choosing a moment from their first date to represent the former, and again its in the b/w for the "past" part, and then the end of the beach scene after neal has brought up his guilt for abandoning emma and they were able to have a conversation about how it impacted both of them (and also they mention how they've moved on from their feelings for each other, esp in regard to neals new fiance) to represent the latter. the moment of emma walking away at the end of the scene ended up being my choice since it looked better composition wise bc of the gif in the middle, but also bc i liked how it went w the vibe of them moving on from their past w each other. and then i ended up doing the b/w shape w the color gif in the background to like inverse the style of the first gif so it didn't like look repetitive or anything.

giffing/arrangement:

combining these together bc they're basically the same for this set.

so since i did each panel a bit differently, i'll just go thru the process one panel at a time.

first panel: to start, i made the background gif. it just involved a pretty basic process of just like turning it b/w and doing some various adjustments. for b/w gifs, i like to up the curves, lower the contrast, and lower the exposure, and in selective color under whites i raise the black, under neutrals i lower the black, and under blacks i raise the black. and then for the shape gif, i followed this tutorial. for the gif on its own, i just did some simple coloring to brighten/lighten it and added a layer w soft light blending mode to make the background blue. the blue worked well w this gif, so it ended up becoming the color scheme for the rest of the set. for the text, i wanted a simple font and a cursive font, so i ended up using cambria and charlinda. the “there’ll be” and “after you” i just kept white and added a drop shadow, and then for the “happiness” i made it the same blue color as the gif and set the blending mode to difference.

second panel: this one involved three different gifs. for the first two, the blue ones, i just did similar coloring as the in color gif before, but instead of adding a blue layer i used selective color to up the blues and then change them to the shade i wanted. then i blended them together to combine them into one gif (using this method, just gonna link the tutorial instead of explaining it myself since its how i originally learned how to do it anyway). then for the third gif, i used the same method as before to make it b/w (obv making adjustments to the different levels to better suit the gif). in order to do the ripped paper effect, i used the method from this tutorial (again just gonna link the tutorial instead of explaining it myself). i then did the text the same way as for the first gif.

third panel: this one was v similar to the first gif, but i flipped which gif was colored and which was b/w. the b/w gif was once again done using the same method as the others, and then i did the same tutorial method for the diamond shape. for the background gif, this time instead of coloring the gif the way it was, i made it b/w and then added a layer w blending mode multiply (i think, i dont have the psd for this part saved anymore so i couldnt check) and colored it the same blue i had used before. i then did some other adjustments to brighten it and make the color match correctly. then the same method as the first gif was used to put the b/w gif on top of the blue one. for the text on this one, i basically did the same thing again, except i didnt change the blending mode on the blue text for this one since it was overhanging on the b/w gif and it didn’t look good bc of that. 

in terms of layout, i just organized them in the order of the lyrics. since i knew what order the gifs would be going in from the beginning bc the lyrics had to be in the right order, i made sure to construct them in a way that made sense for that order. thats why the first and third gifs have the diamond gif w the bg gif, and the middle is different. 

posting:

generally i try to post my sets at noon CST a day or two after i finish them n thats basically what i did for this one. i always save my posts to my drafts before i post them/as im constructing them so i can see how they look put together and also on mobile (bc i use mobile primarily anyway) and then just post from my drafts.

tagging:

@ivashkovadrian for this edit | @mysteryandnonstopfun for this edit | @seeleybooth for this edit | @roseapothecary for this edit | @starkozova for this edit

feel free to ignore this if you dont wanna do it or pick a different edit that you wanna talk abt more!!

[addictsitter]

F, G, Q, and T

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? consistently? god, uh. i think probably kingdom hearts? but that was years back. maybe stranger things since i did get into it like, a month after s2 aired but it was a backburner fandom. wait no nm it’s descendants. cause i’ve been more or less YES DESCENDANTS GOOD a lot for the last three and a half years. so. also kind of tortall bc i get sporadically bitter about neal/kel every month or so and have since about 2007.

G: Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it? ooh okay so the first otp i remember is john sheppard/teyla emmagan from stargate atlantis and i just. never really got over them. (they’re my forever otp)

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why: oh okay this one is kinda tough but i guess the best example is probably jay/carlos and mal/evie from descendants? like, i have nothing against the ships themselves and there’s plenty of material there. BUT. the fandom, rachel. i hate. the descendants fandom. so goddamn much. because they’re really obnoxious (never 4get the j*ylos stans who called d3 the straightest of the movies despite jay/gil being as close to canon as we were gonna get for a descendants movie just bc carlos was still with jane. also all the j*ylos stans who complained about them ~no homo’ing~ j*ylos in d2 because carlos liked jane and jay and carlos’s friendship got less focus while completely ignoring the harry/gil kiss that was scripted, filmed and then cut!!!)

(”alec are you still bitter about d2″ I AM ALWAYS BITTER ABOUT D2)

T: Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

ahem. excuse me. [retrieves stack of paper] we’re going to go alphabetically by fandom. and by alphabetically by fandom, i mean you’re getting some highlights.

under a cut for length

battlestar galactica: hello yes have i talked about kara thrace being a lesbian yet? no? so kara thrace is a lesbian and lee adama is a trans lesbian and they are happy and in love. thank you, have a nice day.

being human: s3 established that annie feels things that people feel when she touches them which leads me to the headcanon that mitchell, nina and george made all her old favorite foods for, like, an entire week and ate them so she could enjoy them again, along with other things. (we do not discuss the plot that involved that part i don’t acknowledge 98% of s3 for a reason.)

descendants: uma’s mother is ursula, this is canon, but i fully headcanon that her father is a deity of some flavor and she, like mal, is a full on demigoddess. aside from that, i also will live and die by the idea that ben can go beast without audrey’s magic being involved. also carlos is non-binary, evie’s a trans girl, harry is the definition of chaotic bi and non-binary and gil’s a trans boy.

elementary: i. i have so many. where do i start. um. easiest is this: during the time skip in the finale while joan underwent chemo, kitty came back to new york and archie and arthur spent, like, all their time together while sherlock and kitty traded off watching the kids. also: joanlockbell ot3 or bust.

the get down: shao got the fuck away from annie and got a happy ending and met zeke again at some point and they lived happily ever after. also DIZZEE IS TOTALLY FINE.

gilmore girls: finale what finale. revival what revival. logan and rory are happily married and working on their careers and EVERYONE IS GOOD AND NOBODY IS PREGNANT.

gossip girl: dan’s not gossip girl what the fuck show. trans girl jenny or bust. also trans girl blair.

harry potter: [insert requisite dean/seamus and sirius/remus comment here] also harry became a goddamn teacher fuck that auror shit that boy needs to get away from more fighting goddamn. also someone please get him into therapy. please.

high school musical: listen chad danforth is a trans girl and people can come fight me. also requisite chad/ryan comment here.

izombie: post-s3 did not happen, ravi is either immune or a zombie and he and liv are happily together and clive is regularly grossed out by them as a couple. major goes back to being a social worker, as he fucking should have.

i had a kingdom hearts thing here but tbh i just. have so many emotions that i can’t even touch it 

leverage: listen. listen. eliot absolutely worked for the stargate program and nobody can ever convince me otherwise. it was supposed to happen and they couldn’t manage it so i’m declaring it my canon. also hardison may or may not have learned his hacking skills from his nana.

i. had magicians headcanons and i still have magicians headcanons and one of them is genderfluid quentin and that is literally the only one i can think of without crying right now.

one piece: aro/ace lawlu or bust. genderfluid sanji or bust. lesbian nami or bust. also. my asshole babes aka cp9 aka now at least partially in cp0 are not, in fact, back working for the government inexplicably but are instead working undercover in cp0 for the revolutionary army. also mishanks was a thing bye

pacific rim: gender gets really fucking weird in the drift. nobody’s cis.

shadowhunters: hi yes do you have a moment to hear about jacemaia and how they are actually friends and spend time together and help each other with trauma and like each other

stranger things: BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE steve and robin are bi/lesbian solidarity and any job they have in a non-80s small town setting involves robin roasting the fuck out of steve for failing with people of every gender. also elmax.

tortall. TORTALL. okay so. alanna is non-binary of some flavor idk what. alanna is with george and they both might also be with jon who’s publicly married to thayet who’s really married to buri who’s publicly married to raoul for ~appearances~ who’s actually w/ gary and maybe jon if he’s not being a dick that day. also. kel is married to neal and yuki and they all live together at new hope and all absolutely suck at hiding that fact and everyone at new hope just, like, conveniently ignores it. also i have A Lot of neal/kel feelings and headcanons but those would take me twelve hours, three powerpoints, a fifth of whiskey and yelling directly at tamora pierce to get through.

uhhh i think that’s it? maybe? possibly? i can’t think of anything else that i want to talk about at this point? i’ll stop now, at least.

[coeurxdor]

✮ ━ top three favorite muses that you’ve played♫ ━ a small playlist for a muse of your choiceღ ━ favorite canon ships for your muse(s). are there any you dislike?✄ ━ do you have any artistic abilities? If so, what can you do?

✮ ━ top three favorite muses that you’ve played 

dorcas is one of my favs lmao but her aside…. uhhh…  honestly i’m someone who generally creates a character for LIFE ( i’ve been writing some characters for nearly a decade now ) so… this isn’t easy. i’ll say  neal brar (oc), kitsey greyson (oc, i never get to write her and it’s such a shame), and valentina salgado (oc) ok fuck also tiberius ogden (oc) and malena bedford (oc) i can’t leave either of them out. 

 ✄ ━ do you have any artistic abilities? If so, what can you do?

[here]

ღ ━ favorite canon ships for your muse(s). are there any you dislike?

dorcas with any of the marauders like………………………. no thanks. never, thanks. ( MAYBE with james or peter in some au, but it’s a pretty massive maybe ). or like ships with death eaters that are completely random and have zero solid/logical foundations. 

otherwise, i’m super open with ships. i’m primarily plot based, even with my ships to be honest. i’ve been in situations where dorcas had chemistry with another character  but the plots me and the other player came up, ship-wise, just didn’t speak to me at all so even though we were supposed to “ship” because our characters had chemistry or w/e, i wasn’t really up for it.

i’ve had some nice ships with ocs from historical verses, modern royalty, and x-men verses. 

in the harry potter universe, i’ve had ships with a bunch of ocs and minor canons. think it, i’ve probably done it. i’ve had ships with muggle characters, death eaters (members or leaning), order members, journalists, diplomats, hit wizards, inventors, celebrities, etc.

all of these are old as shit and i haven’t talked to my partners in ages but thus far my most well plotted out + favourite ships/ship plots have been with:

gideon prewett - it was a friends turned lovers ship, but it was very complicated as it developed over the course of a solid 5 years and with the war gideon developed a drinking problem and there were many other mini sub-plots… it was… great, but MY kind of great with lots of character development and slow burn and it ended with them going “ok we can figure this out we’ll make a proper effort” and then gideon died like a week later lmao. ( we had a star wars au for this too )

evan rosier - met at school. they were just kids. he stopped talking to her when he was 12 because he found out she was a halfblood and she absolutely didn’t put up with his nonsense. two years later they had the chance to talk about it… and they were unable to stop talking since then, behind doors that is. they always had a very peculiar dynamic, meeting in the middle in certain aspects, being ruled by their education and backgrounds in others, and above all showing each other two very different perspectives of what would become a war ( and, in their own ways, they used the knowledge they got from each other as a sort of leverage later on - knowledge is power, so it goes ). after graduation they grew apart, then close again, then he tried to pull some really stupid things after he got married and their dynamic deteriorated considerably after that and as the war progressed. there was always going to be something there even if only given to how much they shared with each other, but i was very open about dorcas not having romantic feelings for him anymore ( and gd knows having them in the first place was an identity crisis as it was ) but my partner at the time told me he would continue to have feelings for her which made the whole dynamic even more interesting. there was always tension, and angst, and power dynamics and one time they did exchange war related information once ( they never said where their affiliations lied, but they didn’t need to at that point, to either of them it was blatantly clear ) but it was on a very particular case concerning the murder of a diplomat where both the order and the death eaters were being blamed when neither side had been involved. 

an oc auror  AND I APOLOGIZE BUT YOU’LL ALL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ME WITH THIS ONE BC IT WAS ONE OF MY FAV DYNAMICS AND I LOVE AND MISS IT DEARLY. they met while she was still studying to be a healer, he asked her out she said yes but then life happened and they never did get to go on that date. fast-forward a year she’s working at the ministry as a secretary like five desks away from him, huffing at aurors and hit wizards for not filling their reports correctly and no she’s not going to bloody write them for you. he was awkward and self-conscious about it but there were no hard feelings about the failed date (dorcas had literally just joined the order so she had a lot on her plate anyway). very gradually they got talking, hooked up, it turned into a “oh no don’t worry about it it was nothing serious we were just blowing off some steam” which turned into “oh crap im falling in love” and eventually they started dating and it was the most wonderful thing in the world… and then like 6 months into it dorcas broke up with him because it was, like, early 1979 and every time they got together he ended up talking poorly of the order ( they broke up when, one day, he was trashing the order after, unbeknownst to him, the order had saved his ass and his partner’s ass and dorcas was just sitting there with the damn take out he had brought thinking “i really did this to myself huh fuck my entire life i have to end this”. they ended things abruptly and still very much in love. ) fast-forward some months he ends up reaching out to her somewhat awkwardly because he doesn’t know who to talk to ( he was a person of strong convictions but very private and he had grown very used to being able/feeling comfortable talking to her ). what did he want to get off his chest? that he had just discovered he had child. some 3 year old girl. the mother kept him in the dark about their daughter ( her reasons were that she didn’t think he was ever going to make a good father due to how much of a workaholic he was ) and he stumbled on the information. he ended up admitting to dorcas he desperately wanted to have a relationship with the child but didn’t know how to and long story short they started dating again, so painfully gradually and casually. dorcas wasn’t always present when he was with his daughter, but she was far from a stranger to the little girl. however, by mid 1980 the war was at its peak and dorcas was leading like 4 parallel lives and going to too many funerals - she was running on fumes and she did have an emotional breakdown once in front of him one time but it was after his daughter caught dragon pox and he assumed she was just overwhelmed and being sensitive ( he was so thrown off that while he was anxious himself he even went as far as cracking a joke about how she was the one who usually kept it together ). in early 1981 he started seeing his daughter more regularly, there was an unofficially joint custody thing going, and he wanted to take their relationship to the next level. not marriage by any means just, something more tangible and sure and clear, primarily because he didn’t want to have someone in his daughter’s life who would just not be in it for the long run. so they sat down and he told her everything that was going on inside his head, he said that it wasn’t that he didn’t trust her to be around he just needed to have the conversation with her… and dorcas was sitting there thinking “yes, this is something i want, this doesn’t scare me, this makes me happy, i love this person and i love that little girl like she was mine and i want to grow to love her and her father even more.” so she said she didn’t. she said she wasn’t interested; that he had read her wrong. she thought of the two broken ribs she had some weeks prior and how edgar and his wife and their children were six feet under. they parted away, never spoke again, and she was murdered like 5 months later in july/august. i shared ideas and hcs, but, as an active contributing writer, the story ended here for me. however, the way my former roleplay partner wrote what happened after dorcas’ death goes like this:years later, he ended up marrying the mother of his child ( they were able to reconnect in a healthy way because of how much character development he experienced while dating dorcas ). they had two other children.  around twenty years later, the dust of the second war settling and previously private information about both wars was gradually becoming public. one morning his eldest daughter was reading the newspaper and she casually asked mom and dad, sitting at the table with her, if they knew anyone who fought in the first war. they both mentioned a handful of hit wizards and aurors, and that was that - she closed the newspaper dismissively and left to meet with friends. it was summer. i can’t remember if it was later that day or the day after, but he asked her what had prompted her to ask such question and she said there was a face in the newspaper that seemed familiar. he asked her the name of the person, she couldn’t remember only that it was “funny but familiar”, and as she went to get the newspaper she continued that that neither he nor mom had said it. he got his glasses, she opened the newspaper for him in the multi-page article about new information from the first war and pointed at one of the several small moving photographs - the penny dropped as he recognized the face right away.a lot of things made sense after he found out dorcas was a member of the order, it was, in a way a relief for him to discover it because it filled in a lot of blanks ( and it made him feel better in the sense that no, he hadn’t been the problem in their relationship )… but on the other hand it was also highly bittersweet and conflicting, and he had more questions and about a thousand new feelings and emotions to process. the worst part was she had been dead for two decades so it wasn’t as thought he could talk to her about it. i think that ( i can’t remember ) at some point, in anger and frustration, he thought that she should have told him, and then he remembered what he was like and what his views of the order were and he was forced to admit to himself that if she had said anything to him, if she had trusted him with that information, his self from twenty years ago would have been highly judgmental and ended things immediately ( we had an au where this happened and it was the most horrible thing - it was right after an attack and they hadn’t even showered yet and dusted themselves off and he just told her to leave, didn’t even look her in the eye ). eventually he came to terms with her decisions and understood why she had made them and was able to tell his eldest daughter why the women in the photo looked familiar.

i don’t think i’ve had a single ship for dorcas, in any universe, where she ends up happy lmao bottoms up i don’t know how to write happy endings (unless it’s in aus) cheers.

♫ ━ a small playlist 

ok so im really really really realllly bad at playlists and i’ve already done one for dorcas here and i don’t want to make another lmao so can i make two mini ones for two of your characters instead?

for robb stark 

kids - mgmt 

fire - kasabian

everybody’s watching me -  the neighbourhood

seven nation army - the white stripes

howl - florence and the machine

afterlife - arcade fire

bonus: heads will roll - yeah yeah yeahs // pretty fly for a white guy - the offspring

for rose tyler

perfect places - lorde

run away with me - carly rae jepsen

the last of the real ones - fall out boy

drops of jupiter - train

adventure of a lifetime - coldplayp

[tessaractwasp]

1-140 question meme

wait you want me to do all of them?? Ok I guess (that actually makes me kinda happy lol)

3 Fears losing people, never getting away from home, and that everyone hates me

3 things I love music, reading, writing

2 turns on intelligence, muscular, socialism

2 turns off misogyny, speech impediments, capitalism

My best friend @queercedricdiggory​   

Sexual orientation not sure tbh. Maybe pan? Maybe lesbian? Who can say. Not me.

How tall am I 5′ 2 3/4″

What do I miss right now my friend Shannon who doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore

Favourite color purple

Do I have a crush yes

Favourite place nature. there’s a brook in the woods at the bottom of the hill I live on. its magical.

What am I listening to right now my spotify playlist “A Very Specific Mood Brought To You By Probably Non-Lesbian Lesbian Icons” currently Mitski’s “A Horse Named Cold Air”

Shoe size 6.5 usually

Eye color cockroach brown

Hair color brown/black (ft hidden rainbow)

Meaning behind my URL oh god I was like 15 when I made it so tesseract from the first avengers but tessaract bc my name is tessa, and wasp bc she was my favorite marvel character. 

Favourite song favorite song????? uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh right now probably Mitski’s “Pink in the Night”

Favourite band pdofjsodifjolikdsjf uhm IDK my top artists rn are Mitski, Hozier and Florence + The Machine

How I feel right now frustrated.

Someone I love @azirahell​

My current relationship status single and READY to flaMINGLE

My relationship with my parents hahahahahahahah better than most I guess. But strained af atm

Favourite season SPRING

Tattoos and piercing i have navel and ear piercings

Tattoos and piercing i want WAY more ear piercings, I wanna get that custom “constellation piercing” thing but $$$$ also tattoos for each of my immediate family members (so far a turtle and elephant on opposite ankles, a power symbol on the back of my neck probably, an origami rose on one tricep, a wolf silhouette on the other)

The reasons I joined Tumblr fandom probably? and peer pressure. thx nadia

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? only when Im actively texting someone when we go to bed

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? I dont know have you? (Im kidding, I think I have tho)

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? depends on where Im going. Anywhere from 5 mins to like 1.5 hrs lmao. But on average, probably 20 mins

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? I haven’t shaved my legs in the past three years

Where am I right now? My living room

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

Do I live with my Mom and Dad? yes

Am I excited for anything? not really atm

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? if by sex you mean gender then yes

How often do I wear a fake smile? lmao all the fuckin time

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? wow uuhhhhhhh I dont know! maybe Lana Parrilla lmao idk honestly!

What do I think about most? how much i suck lmfao

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? I guess behind, but I dont mind being in front

What was the last lie I told? oh god Im taking care of my little siblings i have no idea

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? depends on the person but usually video chatting

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? no, yes

Do I believe in magic? not really

Do I believe in luck? depends on the day

What’s the weather like right now? warm. It’s almost 80, but its getting dark out so it feels nice.

What was the last book I’ve read? rn Im in the middle of Scythe by Neal Shusterman (bc hes putting my name in the third book in the series!!)

Do I have any nicknames? Tess, T, T-Cake, Tessticle

Do I spend money or save it? SPEND lmao

Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

Favourite animal? hmmm I guess dog

What was I doing last night at 12 AM? lying on the couch on tumblr

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? oh boy idk

What is my favorite word? people have favorite words?

My top 5 blogs on tumblr bruh idk I dont pay attention to anything

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? be fucking decent already

Do I have any relatives in jail? not at the moment that Im aware of

What is my current desktop picture? Thranduil Tauriel and Legolas lol

Had sex? depends on ur definition

Bought condoms? GLOW IN THE DARK

Gotten pregnant? nope

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

Had job? yes

Smoked weed? yes

Smoked cigarettes? no

Drank alcohol? yes

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no

Been overweight? technically I think? But not really

Been underweight? yes

Gotten my heart broken? yes

Been to prom? yes

Been in airplane? well yea but I was 4 so I dont remember it so I dont count it

Learned another language? bruh i tried

Wore make up? yes

Dyed my hair? yes

Had a surgery? yes

Met someone famous? yes

Stalked someone on a social network? who hasnt??

Been fishing? yeah but I dont really remember it

Been rejected by a crush? yes

What do I want for birthday? Idk dude thats so far away

Do I like my handwriting? sometimes

Where do I want to live when older? i have no idea

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? never snuck out but yeah Ive been caught doing “anything bad”

What I’m really bad at everything lmao. Sports I guess

What my greatest achievments are my writing probably

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me one time when I was like 14 my mom and I were arguing and she told me it wouldnt be long before I was selling myself on the streets of new york

What I’d do if I won in a lottery ugh pay off my debt and buy a few of the things i want the most

What do I like about myself hairrr

My closest Tumblr friend like tumblr-only? probably leakedinlondon bc shes the only person ive ever talked to on tumblr lmao

Any question you’d like? what

Are you outgoing or shy? yes

What kind of people are you attracted to? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ femme wlw mostly i guess???

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? no but i wish

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? my friend Kate who lives in AZ now :(

What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Yeah I just did, nothing yet”

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Mitski, “Nobody” Florence + The Machine, “Grace” Hozier, “Wasteland, Baby” Mitski, “Pink in the Night” Mitski, “Strawberry Blond” in no particular order

Do you like it when people play with your hair? YESS

Do you think there is life on other planets? yes

Do you like bubble baths? yes but has tiny tub :(

Do you like your neighbors? i dont really know most of them but the ones I do, yeah for the most part

Where would you like to travel? All over the place, but Cuba more than anything

Favorite part of your daily routine? cuddling w my doogggggg

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? muffin toppp

What do you do when you wake up? try to go back to sleep

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? yes

Do you ever want to get married? idk maybe

If your hair long enough for a pony tail? lmao yea????

Would you rather live without TV or music? TV

Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yea

What are your favorite stores to shop in? theres this little like toy store but it has so many funny or adult things that I love. Its called Play

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? not everyone

Do you smile at strangers? usually

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? only in my dreams (like literally, I dont want ppl to know what I did in my dreams)

Ever wished you were someone else? always

Favourite makeup brand? dont have one

Last thing you ate? chicken and pasta

Ever won a competition? For what? yeah, a writing competition

Ever been in love? i dont know

Facebook or Twitter? facebook

Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr

Are you watching tv right now? no

What colour are your towels? purple

Favourite ice cream flavour? cookies and cream

First person you talked to today? my lil brother Ben

Last person you talked to today? talking to both my lil sibs rn

Name a person you hate? fucking CHRIS

Name a person you love? Rebecca <3 ( @parkour-margaret)

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? chris always

Do you tan a lot? BURNN

Have any pets? FOUR

Do you type fast? relatively yeah

Do you regret anything from your past? OH yeah

Ever broken someone’s heart? idk

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? YUP

Is cheating ever okay? it really depends on the situation but 98% of the time no

Do you believe in true love? yeah.  but not just one. everyone can have more than one

What your zodiac sign? aries

Do you believe in ghosts? this question was already asked? no

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “‘Never mind, do not weep,’ answered the frog, ‘I can help you, but”

[lxckyclovers-blog]

SOURCE

100+ followers, aaa!! i want to say a quick THANK YOU to everybody who stuck with me && SUPPORTED me, i really didn’t expect y’all to continue following me up to now and it really means a lot! i’ll mainly be writing about people who i’ve had some level of interaction with, but that DOES NOT MEAN i do not appreciate you && your blog! and now, without further ado and in no specific order:

@relixum​ / @gctshot​ / your other 6 blogs look at where we are... look at where we started... i know i don’t deserve you gale, but hear me out, that would be enough... honestly, we talk a lot, and as much as i compliment you whenever i get the chance to, that won’t stop me now. i love your rping so much?? like, every character you pick up, cherish, decide to give attention to... i instantly know that you’re going to write them so well!! you’re talented, smart, funny, and i! love! you! we just support each other a lot mutually, and whatever happens, no matter what, i’d like that to keep on happening in the future. but right now, know that i love you and you’re always in my mind at least twenty times a day. ♥

@pixcldream​ aaaAAA meme!! i think you were one of my first interactions when i first ever created my blog, but i can’t remember that. you were always kind of approachable for me && i always wanted to be your friend and talk a bit more to you? and heck, you may not be my parent anymore but you’ll always be a parent to me in my heart. i’ve always admired you and love your nanami and headcanons!! 100/10, justifies gamer girl a lot. i also love your art!! and u better watch out before i steal your hands to art like thy- also, if you feel as if you’re dying, Just Don’t

@mxssias​ aaaaAAALEX!! our hope boys combined together is a trouble we cannot keep at bay, and i am Glad™ i followed you because i love your naegi. he’s pure and only wants to do things for the sake of kibou, and i really love our boys’ interactions! even though... a lot has to do with crack. har har. but yeah, our interactions are a+ crack or serious, and may our hope boys spread hope!

@sunnywitchesperitou​ oooh tea!! i love your sonia, honestly! you put depth into her and you clearly know what you’re going to do to make sonia a much more interesting character! i also LOVE your art, like. dang, pleasing to the eye and just overall, your art blows me away!! keep doing what you’re doing mon ami, && you’re fun to talk w/, whenever we do!!

@snappshot​ / @cantatory​ / @steinways​ inHALES... sarah!! we haven’t threaded on your koi or mai yet but i don’t need to interact with them to know that you’re absolutely amazing and rping them. i love the dis//cords you host, bc it’s such a great idea!! even tho i don’t participate in much conversation, it’s still fun, and i love it whenever we talk mi amigaaaAAAA---ur portrayals are beyond amazing, i love how much care you harbor for your characters, that always leads to mind blowing rping!

@nullverum​ / @shpionaz​ listen up you four thirteen los3r...jk jk, boss you’re chill. i mean, i haven’t seen much of your oc but we talk ooc sometimes whenever i’m actually present in the groupchats, and it’s coolio!! i like your portrayal and bro u may not be my main but i will always kinkshame committee w/ you, and even though your name is from the horror film, er, my apologies---anime, homosuk, you’ll always be my friend! (also. psst i’m always up for discussing homosuk for a blast to the past if you need it)

@ofdesperationis MY FRIEND I LOVE IT WHEN YOUR ENO HARASSES MY KO, honestly!! like tbh, he’s just so salty at her and i love writing his reaction to her. he’s just so done with her && her HANDful of puns. i love you portrayal, too!! it’s trés bien, just...mmMM!! i didn’t know what i signed up for when i followed you back, but hoo boy do i not regret it. ko might not want to be friends with eno, buT IT SURE AS HELL doesn’t mean that we ain’t gonna be spicy friends if they ain’t!!

@mendcx / @kurenaii / i think you have other blogs but AKU GOD DAMN, i love your portrayals SO MUCH, and you know this...i know you doooo. i love our interactions && i love it when your kamu steps on my ko, fulfilling his gross and masochistic wishes. your kamu has to put up with so much shit and honestly, i kind of feel bad for him agikha but yo, hit me up in dms whenever bc bro i love talkin’ to you and i’m always up to more of that ship shit if you gotta dump out some stuff and CAN’T HOLD IT IN...oh if only you know how excited i was when you first hit me up, yo, harhar. love ya my buddy, my friend, my responsible friend

@lyingforadream / @hazuukashi / @ofstarsandfists ALRIGHT, DUSTING. j’aime tu rping, parce que est trés bien et tu ne peut pas dire moi autrement. okay, i translated some of that, bUT SOME OF IT IS FROM MY KNOWLEDGE SO YOU! CAN’T! JUDGE! ME! i’m still learning french mon ami, but still! i like your rping and hit me up in dms w/e i’m on and you wanna say something to me, bro. don’t hold back! you’re really funny and GOd, i love ur jokes but man YOU GOTTA STOP KILLING ME. but yea ily bro just try not to kill me anymore tyty you’re one of the best, don’t stop now

@shinguvji iggy!! yoo honestly, i’ve always looked up to you and whenever you notice me, i’m like 000: && you’re like a role model for me! i love interacting with you, it’s fun to see what happens when you put our two characters together. i’ll never forget the story times, especially the fact that guuji is an anthropologist who has Quite the Knowledge on, well, the strangest of stories. you’re really entertaining and i love seeing you on your dash, if i see anything posted by you, there’s like a 99% chance i’ll read it, because everything you create is intriguing!!

@ongakuvoices / @anemoia-avenoir / @ketsuekicrown AAAAAND RIO! gosh i absolutely LOVE the justice you give the characters, and i super duper wish you got more attention on nagisa because your portrayal is absolutely worth it, even if we haven’t interacted much on there. i love talking with you whenever i appear in the chatroom, and whenever we plot our twinbuki au!! can’t wait to set things straight and figure out family stuff, so we could start it already woohoo---your character portrayals are en pointe and i love interacting with you on any blog, and mioda always gives me that rush of adrenaline interacting with her like whoa!! what is she gonna do next? you’re doing 100% amazing so keep it up, my friend!!

@hexapodboy​ GOSH BON, i’ll be honest with ya!! i’ve always looked up to you and you always inspire me!! your portrayals are incredibly mind-blowing and i love seeing you on my dash!! your gonta is so pure and literally doesn’t deserve any of my ko’s antics, because he’s too innocent for it all. i love our crack threads and we need to get more serious threads going, seriously, but nonetheless our interactions are still amusing and, well, interesting! i wish we talked more ooc, you seem like a rly nice person && i love your kara icons ikhgkhgr really gives off the Cool™ demeanor, yo. but!! i can assure you that not 100% of our interactions will involve bombs, gonta deserves better than THAT

@mcfiant / @swcrdleap / your other 9 blogs--- IT’s been like, ten centuries bro, my dude, my partner in *komaeda and amami voice** death o’clock---and i love our interactions! and i love your portrayal of EVERY. SINGLE. CHARACTER. YOU. PLAY. regardless if i know that character or not, because you do such a good job that i just get the sense that it’s how the character legitimately is. we don’t talk much but when we did, it was amazing and i couldn’t stop laughing. i mean. it’s not every day you see amami kicking down doors over hiring assassins. i’ll always follow you mon ami because i love your portrayals and headcanons aND a lot more. one of my faves && i’ll read anything you have to offer bc your work is always interesting, honestly. even if your character is an asshole, komaeda can take it!!! he’s an asshole to himself, after all. but yea neal ily mi amigo and i promise i’ll tell you if anything’s wrong with your links akhgahg

AND I REFUSE TO FORGET THOSE WHO STUCK AROUND! the people in this section are people i’ve had really limited interactions with, but i’m very glad decided to stick around my blog!! i look up to you, and i wish i got to know y’all better so i could give you a spot up there with my positive comments!!

@despuddle / @kxaito / @fxshionable-mxsks​ / @ayatsurii / @kibarashiartist / @mxgicxlrxd / @invegold​ / @hairhorns​ / @twintaiiled / @goodluckgoodhope / @kyoukokiwigiri​ / @hxpelessnurse / @beheadingtoujou / @bubblegumrose / @fashicnkiller​ / @positivepianist​ / @robotichxpe​ / @bestiascuro​ / @docilexdisguises​ / @pseudxcode​ / @cxruscxte​ / @artqiues​ / @sollertiis​ / @boysofbrokensouls​ / @shufukuu​ / @frosted-mermaid​ 

&& HAVE AN AMAZING WEEKEND!!!

[firebirdsdaughter]

Something else that gets me…

… About s1 is during the Poor Communication Kills ep, when Neal (somehow?) only just notices the ring photo and gets convinced the person who ‘‘‘‘‘kidnapped’’’’’ Kate (I’ll eat my photoboard if she was actually as kidnapped as he thought she was—like I’m sure Adler was pressuring her a bit in some way, I don’t think she was a monster, but I highly doubt she was the poor helpless victim acting under threat, she was another agent of Adler’s, she proves that by calling him later, she just used Neal’s blind devotion to her to play him)… You can tell he’s particularly shaken up (him losing control of his emotions and physically lashing out is usually reserved for Kate in s1, but this is only indirectly related) and then Mozzie genuinely tells him he’s sorry. No immediate ‘ha ha said you couldn’t trust suits.’ Genuinely tells him he’s sorry. And even when Mozzie does go back to the anti government rhetoric, it’s much more gentle and not proud or ‘I told you so.’ Mozzie knows just how painful this apparent discovery is for Neal, and he’s taking it absolutely seriously. I don’t feel like he’d do that if it were anyone else. Notably, he also never collected a file on Peter, even though Neal said ‘everyone’ so he went and got Lauren and Jones (that pic was clearly not Jones).

I feel like you see/get a lot more evidence of Peter’s fondness stretching back before he caught Neal, but this like a small moment of seeing that the same is true for Neal, in a way. He’s been a lost kid, a run away, all his life, running w/ other run aways. Somehow, and some point, something in Peter’s investigation of him turned into something else? I think Neal was projecting a father figure onto Peter for far longer than he strictly realised—their dynamic shifted from just Peter trying to arrest him to something more friendly. And what’s an all but orphan to feel about someone who cares where he is all the time, who gives him respect and thinks he’s smart/praises his abilities but also scolds and tries to get him to stop running wild? He sent him birthday cards and cookies (apparently??? I dunno when, but apparently). Postcards. That’s the kinda thing a kid overseas sends to their parents. I think you also see it a little in the flashback ep in s2, where Neal is all excited about being ‘at the top of the pile’ of files. He’s all like ‘but I was your favourite, right, right???’ Seriously, how did Matt Bomer nail the human embodiment of a puppy??? I do think pre actually working/spending time together it was completely subconscious, like that Marco Polo thing from Bones where she talks about how much it meant to have someone care where you were at any given time. For all he’s gotten good at living on his own, Neal missed family and I think a part of him latched onto Peter to fill that void w/out his even realising (completely understandable, when written in character, Peter is an extremely fatherly dude). He may not have totally realised it, but he felt a bond w/ Peter. And Mozzie presumably witnessed that.

It just feels like it’s too soon for Mozzie to be accepting Neal’s feelings about Peter w/ such sincerity if it’s just based on since his release from prison, bc he sees Peter/the FBI as still controlling Neal. The first ep makes it already so clear how familiar Peter and Neal are w/ each other, and since Neal and Mozzie clearly at least stayed in touch, Mozzie presumably at least knew Neal’s side of it. He’s not rubbing it in his face bc this is an apparent betrayal that he knows Neal would never have thought possible, and that must go further back than a couple of months. And tbh, going by Mozzie’s earnestness, I don’t think he thought it’d happen, either.

I dunno if any of that made sense, but it’s just. Interesting to me how they don’t really focus on it, it’s a tiny moment, but they make it very clear just how upsetting this apparent discovery is to Neal, w/ Mozzie’s reaction making it even deeper.

[firebirdsdaughter]

But I do love this family so much…

… The acting in the whole series is stellar, but Checkmate really deserved some awards all ‘round.

Neal’s not just terrified for El, he’s also having to go through the torture of watching Peter suffer like this, and the show doesn’t cut around that. The way it cuts to him being like ‘I need to go hyperventilate in a corner of the yard’ when he hears Peter say ‘hon,’ bc he knows what that means. Matt Bomer has very expressive eyes and you can just see the agony in them through the whole thing. He’s looking down the barrel of losing what have become two of the most important people in his entire life in different ways, partially bc of his own actions, and that shatters him. Half of this is his fault, and he knows it. It’s heartbreaking to me that even in that moment, he desperately still wants Peter to know he didn’t steal the treasure. He knows he’s at fault but he needs Peter to know he didn’t do that, at least didn’t betray him like that. Ultimately, it’s not a huge comfort, but I don’t think he’s trying to dodge blame, I think he just wants Peter to know he really didn’t do that to him.

Meanwhile, obviously Peter is completely wrecked. Tim DeKay became a master of stoicism over in the show and it’s on full display. When Peter lashes out it’s serious, and the anger and pain are palpable. One of the people he loves most is in danger and he’s absolutely livid at the other bc it’s partially his fault. His son got his wife kidnapped. On top of his son lying to him for months and finding out that his son was thinking about leaving. The anger is perfectly understandable, but I do feel like you still feel his feelings for Neal through it. He snaps, quite understandably, but he’s not completely tearing into Neal and accusing him of not caring or anything, he trusts Neal’s help and ultimately reassures Mozzie, the person ultimately responsible for a lot of his pain this season, that it was Keller’s choice to kidnap El. He cuts off the pointed accusations about leaving when Neal tells him he didn’t want to, and doesn’t accuse Neal of trying to get out of things. Neal saying he didn’t want to leave clearly means something. Peter can be absolutely terrifying when he wants to be, as evidenced by how ready he is to just tear Keller apart. I feel like it shows a lot about his care of Neal that he’s comparatively restrained with him and lets him help. Peter is careful with what he tells Neal if he doesn’t trust him. The appearance of the most emotionally wrought ‘damnit Neal’ ever. Peter trying to shut Keller down when he’s taunting Neal about lying about the treasure, sounding downright protective. And like how Neal’s consequences aren’t just having El be endangered but also having to watch Peter go through this, Peter in pain both bc El is in danger and it’s partially Neal’s fault (and Neal was lying to him). He’s both panicked and betrayed. Someone he loves is in danger bc someone else he loves lied to him. The way he’s still worried about Neal when they lose contact and forgoes immediately rushing to El to go rescue him.

Meanwhile El is a queen. The sheer nerve of being told not to pass messages and then blatantly passing one (also Satchmo for best boy). She also has no doubt that Neal will help rescue her rather than run away, and despite being very frightened holds herself together with aplomb. She’s smart enough to get out of the building with allows the FBI to find her (for someone as allegedly smart as Keller, not checking her jewellery for diamonds is hilarious—maybe he just didn’t think she’d know that/be bale to get to the window). She immediately tells Peter to go get Neal first (w/ all the intensity of ‘go get our boy, dear’).

While I’m generally annoyed w/ Mozzie for any number of reasons, he’s also great. He talks shit but he cares about the Burkes, not just bc Neal does, and sees them as separate from The Establishment. He immediately comes back when he learns what happened (I really wanna know what Neal wrote, was it just ‘WE GOT EL KIDNAPPED BY KELLER’ in bright red capital letters???), and walks right into the FBI. I think it’s also a consequences moment for Mozzie, albeit one that doesn’t really stick, bc he’s the one who taught Neal how to be this self centred, he’s never cared about the effects his actions have on others in the past—partially bc he’s never been in so deep, or pissed off anyone as violent as Keller. He’s also one degree removed—like sure, he cares about the Burkes, but it’s a different relationship than Neal has w/ them. He probably didn’t even consider that Keller would focus on/suspect Neal and by extension them. Mozzie also thinks overly highly of criminal life—he’s got the whole ‘gentleman thief’ illusion. The idea of Keller involving a civilian may never have crossed his mind, bc he projected an ‘honourable battle’ sort of thing onto the situation. He would never involve an innocent civilian, so he doesn’t think that Keller might.

Also if we’re giving acting chops, he’s not family, but I gotta hand them to Keller’s actor, too. That guy does an excellent down played menacing. Definitely much more frightening than his hired muscle.

[firebirdsdaughter]

Before I go to bed too late…

… On the rerewatch, I wish Sara had had to learn about El being kidnapped. Bc if I’m gonna throw Neal under the ‘should have said something to Peter’ bus, I gotta throw her under as well, no special treatment. This is a massive case of young(er, in Mozzie’s case) people not considering the consequences of their actions. Despite the fact that Keller had Peter kidnapped, apparently no one considers he might target the Burkes again. ‘Ooooo he talked to Sara’ are you forgetting he’s well aware that the Burkes are your parents. Keller won’t try to touch Sara, she’ll beat his ass, but it’s easier to go after a civilian. Like this is literally no one considering the stress and harm they are causing the parents. Mozzie and Neal are being self centred, Sara, I don’t know, gets caught up in the romantics?

A running theme w/ Neal is that he rarely considers how his behaviour will effect those around him, and I feel like it’s esp clear w/ Peter and El. Maybe it’s the little kid in him, but he seems to take them for granted, likely not helped by Peter’s dedication to him and ability to manifest whenever he’s in trouble. Neal doesn’t think about Peter and El getting blow back from his shit and esp doesn’t register the danger he causes them early on—when something happens, he’ll come through, but he just… Doesn’t seem to take them into account sometimes and, like I said, not just on the ‘going after them to get to him’ angle but in the ‘they care about you and you being reckless is stressing them out and making it hard to trust you.’ It’s a lesson El, bless her heart, tries to give him multiple times but I think he… Doesn’t totally understand the implications. It’s not just that they could get hurt, literally or reputation-wise bc of him, it’s when he does reckless, impulsive shit it scares them, whether he’s putting himself in dangerous situations or keeping secrets and acting suspicious. Perhaps a better description would be he doesn’t realise how those effects change as they get closer—it becomes more personal for them. It’s more painful. That’s why I love s3 bc of the oblivious and sometimes intentional guilt slinging. Sure, Neal didn’t ask for this, but he also didn’t walk away, and he didn’t tell Peter the moment he found out. If he had, Peter might’ve kept Mozzie’s name out of it (and yeah, part of this is Mozzie being a bad influence, he’s lucky he’s likeable the rest of the time). It’s like my post about Honour Among Thieves; the reason Peter is suspicious is bc Neal is suspicious. In so many ways Peter throws himself all in on this and Neal just… Doesn’t reciprocate. And the more Peter cares about him, the more harsh the possible/apparent betrayals are. And Neal… Doesn’t seem to entirely clock that. Peter’s clearly out of sorts and overly emotional about the whole thing, and Neal’s initial response is being all shocked Peter ‘turned against him,’ just keeps trying to deflect suspicion. Predominately thinks Peter is going after it just bc he’s Peter, doesn’t seem to realise Peter is so obsessed w/ this bc it’s personal, bc to Peter this is not just a crime but a massive, very personal betrayal. Again, it’s Mozzie and Alex and Adler’s influence, but Neal just… Doesn’t seem to get how badly lying and deceiving can hurt people. It’s not just that he’d do it, Peter acknowledges early it could have been Mozzie or Alex who actually pulled the theft, it’s that Neal would keep it from him, outright hide it from him, and participate in the plan to run at all. It’s that Neal doesn’t tell him things until it’s critical, that’s why he’s so cagey during s4. Bc he loves him. And I don’t think Neal really gets that that’s love? I dunno, I’m rambling now, but while his relationship w/ Ellen was sweet, I think it’s telling of how he turned out that she acts like Peter was in the wrong for arresting Neal, too. Most of the people around Neal enable and/or encourage his reckless and more self centred behaviour, even the ostensible parental figure; Peter and El are the first ones to hold him to a higher standard not based on allowance or conning, as Peter says, trying to help him be the man they think he can be, give him a future where he doesn’t have to run all the time. What started as more a matter of convenience and fondness goes into them being full blown invested in helping this kid change his life. They’re the first ones to care about him and just. Be there, even when he makes being there really hard. They are literally his parents. And maybe partially he’s not used to having parents this invested in him but… Look, I’ve lost my train of thought but it’s like he sees some levels of consequences, but not all and not the right ones. Expects a level of separation that’s no longer there and doesn’t always realise the everyday pain he causes w/ his behaviour, and doesn’t seem to realise how much not knowing hurts, and definitely doesn’t always think about the fact that they’re intense connection to him makes them even bigger targets.

And he really doesn’t get the stress his improvisation and wonton nonsense put Peter through on a regular basis. Like how does Peter even sleep at night having to put up w/ that?? It’s no wonder her wants to put a tracking anklet on the second kid, Neal’s gotta be responsible for every single grey hair on his head and a few counts of high blood pressure. How has this man not had a heart attack yet, I would be dead.

[firebirdsdaughter]

So…

… I think part of Neal’s problem is that even when he’s not on a con, he acts like he is.

For ex. rewatching Honour Among Thieves and I genuinely don’t think he planned it—or if he was supposed to have planned it, no one told Matt Bomer, which would kinda defeat the purpose. My rationale being that even though no one is watching him, he reacts in genuine surprise to how fast the FBI shows up at the end. Also he had no reason to hide the plan from Mozzie, who would support it, and instead we only see him brooding about the theft—although one could argue that that’s bc of the show’s habit of only showing selective scenes to hide the whole plan, yaddyada…

But I just don’t think he was planning that far ahead. I think he was genuinely upset and stressed about the blackmail and upset at the idea of going behind Peter’s back that he didn’t think that far ahead.

But I also can’t blame Peter for thinking he might have—bc honestly what he should have done, even after she framed him, was just tell Peter. Explain that Abigail was blackmailing him into the job, and hell, they might’ve even helped and made it a bonafide sting. But he doesn’t. Bc Neal doesn’t tell people things outside of emergency circumstances, and it seems to be a habit he can’t break. The fact that he kept this from Peter obviously makes Peter suspicious, bc it makes it seem like Neal planned it. But he didn’t. He defaulted to ‘fixing’ it himself, yet another habit he can’t seem to kick, the not relying on people.

I love the show, and this ep was actually well done on both sides, but at times I do agree that they try to force drama between Neal and Peter a little. I appreciated reading an interview by one of the show runners noting that they were struggling w/ that, which I think become visible a few times bc, to paraphrase ‘why are you still being a jerk to this guy who has done so much for you?’ Matt Bomer makes Neal likeable even in some of his more obnoxious moments (usually when they start going on about how wonderful being a thief is and I’m like… kinda sucks from here, but okay?), but there are occasions were I feel like Neal behaves suspiciously and then gets upset that Peter suspects him of something (not you s3, you and your character development are wonderful and I’m glad you’re here), or Peter gets made to be a bit overly nasty just to cause drama.

Honestly, my memories of the later seasons are kinda blurry, esp towards the end, but from what I’ve seen from other people, they are on good terms at the end, and the whole finale actually isn’t Neal running away to ‘live the high crime life’ again (like I originally thought, hence why I hadn’t really watched it) and is more along the lines of guerrilla witness protection? Bc faking your death and fleeing the city bc you’re trying to protect the people you love from a violent gang is one thing, but ‘waaaaahhh I wanna go back to stealing and using people and only caring about money’ is… Another. If it’s the former, I actually love that, bc it’d show how he’d changed from the start of the show to really start valuing people, whereas the second one just feels like ‘lol conman cool guys.’ Also makes the whole storage container thing (which I do know about) more of a promise of return than a farewell, bc I really dislike the latter.

I don’t care about Neal who only wants adrenaline rushes and money and lying to people bc it’s fun. I care about Neal who is intelligent and maybe a bit vain, impulsive and well meaning, faster talker, quirky, loves his adoptive parents and really needs to meet his new baby brother.

Like if you’re never gonna show me big Neal holding baby Neal, at least let me pretend it could happen eventually.