#how is respecting boundaries ‘enabling the worst parts of each other’

[zombiecowboy65]

Wdym jerejean enable the “worst parts” of each other

[lokis-wager]

Promo Post

Hi. I have written fanfictions. You should read them, because they have the kinds of gross and sexy things in them that you and I both enjoy (incest, torture, age gaps, tentacles, homophobic homosexuals, etc etc etc).

My favorite fics I've written are linked below. If you're not in the fandom for any of these things but the premise intrigues you, I can give you the source material for free and/or infodump you an intro into the fandom and characters. Please enjoy + jerk off + reblog this post if you read something.

Good Kid: Soft sci-fi, hard cocks. It's a Rickorty fic about piss and respect. It both grapples seriously with their relationship and has a lot of sex in it. Simple little one-shot but it is really fun and I enjoyed re-reading it when I had to remember what even happened in this fic lol.

Relevant tags: Watersports, Dysfunctional Relationships

PSA - Homophobia is not okay!: Surprisingly NOT porn, just making out. The title is cheesy and the boys are repressed. This is fanfic for The DEDA Files, a magical realism/comedy book series about (essentially) supernatural detectives working for the government. Victor and Adam are partners and also enable all the worst parts of each other. And sometimes they kiss but it's not gay.

Relevant tags: Slurs, Kissing in the Rain

To Our Eternity: Hey you know how eldritch horrors don't experience the linear flow of time? What if you got caught and tortured by a servant of an eldritch god deep inside the time-warping interior of that god itself? And even if the present you escaped, the relative nature of time means that all moments are now to that god... and there is a piece of you inside it that is always trapped, always tortured? And what if your name is Trilby and you're a gentleman-thief turned supernatural detective, hired by the government to fight the monsters that lurk in our reality?

My first Chzo Mythos fic. It's gory. It's gross. It's fucking horrific and it's awesome. I love torturing The Character.

Relevant tags: Boot Worship, Blood as Lube, Stabbing

And Nothing Else: This is the fic of mine I have definitely re-read the most after finishing it. It's also DEDA Files and it's about Alison Arkin and Dr. Diablerie, a man twice her age. It's the classic story of boy hates girl, girl gets sex pollen'ed. They're coworkers and they hate each other and also he pushes all her boundaries and re-opens all her old wounds and she is contractually obligated to spend 40 hours a week with this man. They are the OTP of all time and absolutely terrible for each other. In this fic they don't even go all the way but it is fucking filthy.

Relevant tags: Fingerfucking, First Time, Masturbation

Drinking Problem: Tentacle porn! Pathetic depressed invisible British alcoholic man gets his ass fucked and filled by an alien monster in a shipwreck before getting rescued by his voyeur GF. This is mostly non-canon so it doesn't really matter if you know what's going on, but it's based on Starstruck Vagabond, a cozy game where you can romance various aliens/losers and fix their pathetic lives.

Relevant tags: Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Dubious Consentacles

There's other stuff on my Ao3 but imo this is a good taste of things I have written. I have some more incest stuff from several years ago of... varying quality, and also a very old dragon-fucking fic that you can find. 👍Thank you for reading!

[missmentelle]

How to Have a Healthy Relationship with Someone who has BPD

People with Borderline Personality Disorder have symptoms that affect their ability to form stable, long-term relationships with other people, and unfortunately, one of the things you’ll often hear about BPD is that it’s completely impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has it. Women with BPD in particular are stereotyped as being good for casual sex, but not relationships, and there are plenty of media examples that perpetuate this damaging idea. Speaking as someone who has worked in mental health with many people with BPD - and been in an an amicable relationship with someone who had it - I can tell you that it is possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has been diagnosed as borderline. These relationships do encounter challenges that should not be discounted, but if both partners are willing to put in the effort, they can be overcome.  So if you’re in a relationship with someone who has BPD - or you’re considering starting one - here are some tips to help you along: Treatment is not optional. If a person with BPD is going to have healthy relationships, it is absolutely imperative that they actively engage in treatment. That means seeing an appropriate mental health professional regularly, attending all scheduled appointments, actively doing their therapy exercises and taking their medication if that is a part of their treatment regime. Promises to go into therapy “later”, or to manage the disorder without formal treatment are not enough. Having your partner depend on you to manage their mental health is not fair to either one of you - you’re both going to end up getting overwhelmed and hurt. Ideally, you should also be in communication with your partner’s therapist; they can be an excellent resource for helping the two of you navigate difficult situations and rough patches in the relationship. 

Research the disorder, and understand what you are getting into. It is grossly unfair to a person with BPD to jump into a relationship with them blindly, promising you can handle it, only to immediately back out when you realize that it’s too much for you. People with BPD do not exist to fulfill Manic Pixie Dream Girl fantasies - they are real people who face very specific obstacles and challenges, and it’s important that you read up on those obstacles and challenges to ensure that it’s something you can work with, and to ensure you understand where your partner is coming from. There is a lot of information about the disorder freely available, and it’s important that you have all the facts. Additionally, a relationship with someone who has BPD is not going to be a good fit for everyone - nobody is going to be a good fit for everyone - and it’s important to try to work out if that might be the case for you before you put another person’s heart on the line. 

Set and enforce firm boundaries. A healthy relationship involving a person with BPD is possible. A healthy relationship between someone with BPD and a person who cannot set boundaries, however, is not. Talk to your partner, and negotiate some limits on what is and is not acceptable behaviour. And then stick to those limits - if your partner starts to cross a line, shut down the behaviour and disengage immediately. The person with BPD will probably struggle with having boundaries in the beginning - one of the core symptoms of the disorder is an intense fear of abandonment, and having a boundary enforced, however gently, feels like abandonment to them. In the long run though, boundaries create structure, predictability and security in a relationship; it makes the relationship safer and more comfortable for both of you in the long run. Remember that setting boundaries is a process, not a one-time discussion, and that the partner with BPD has a voice in that discussion - you are not a parent laying down the law, but an equal partner navigating a challenging situation in a way that is respectful to both of you. 

Have emergency protocols in place. If your partner is having a meltdown or mental health crisis, what do you do? Who do you call? What is a “call their mom” emergency, and what is a “call the hospital” situation? Mental health blips and crises are going to happen, and it’s important that you have a plan in place for when they do. Talk this out with your partner when they are having a good mental health day, so that they can have an equal say in how mental health emergencies will be handled - chances are, the things they suggest when they are in a good state of mind are going to be very different from the things they say when they are at their worst. Having a plan in place can help you both cope, and can prevent minor snags from turning into full-on category five hurricanes.

Do not enable. One of the other major symptoms of BPD is a predilection for self-sabotage or reckless behavior. When my partner was off his medication, he used to break into public buildings in the middle of the night just for kicks; other people with BPD may be inclined to misuse substances, engage in dangerous activities, or party so hard that it affects their life. Another part of the diagnosis is a tendency to feel numb or empty inside, and extreme activities can be a way to take the edge off that. Ultimately, though, it’s not a good way to deal with the disorder, and a partner should not be enabling by shielding the person from the consequences of their actions. If you are constantly covering for your partner and making excuses for them, you are ultimately doing more harm than good. Support them without enabling them - comfort them, and support their efforts to get into treatment or make amends.  

Take care of your own mental health. If you have mental health difficulties of your own, the same rules that apply to your partner also apply to you - treatment is mandatory. People with BPD can provide emotional support to a partner, but unfortunately, they are not always in a good place to do so; it’s not really possible to make sure your bad mental health days always line up with their good ones. Seeking out professional mental health treatment ensure that you always have a stable and reliable place to turn to f you’re having a tough time. A therapist can also help you make sure that your relationship is always staying on the right side of the “healthy/unhealthy divide”, and give you a safe place to vent when things are rough. On top of formal treatment, it’s also important to practice general self-care. Set aside time for friends and hobbies. Eat and sleep well. Manage your stress. Create things. Take care of yourself. 

Do not tolerate abuse. No diagnosis excuses abusive behaviour. If a partner abuses you verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually or financially, that is unacceptable, no matter what mental health struggles they are dealing with. Abuse is always a dealbreaker. If your partner is having mental health episodes that are so severe they result in you being abused, then that person is not managing their condition, and they are not capable of being in a serious relationship at the moment. Extract yourself from the relationship. 

Every relationship comes with possible challenges. BPD can be a difficult disorder to live with, and to support another person through. However, if both partners are willing to put in effort, and show each other kindness and patience, a healthy relationship is possible. This is a disorder that can be managed, and it does not have to prevent you from sharing a wonderful relationship with someone you care about. 

[skinfeeler]

between good posts, miscellaneous aesthetic content, and astounding selfies, sometimes the mask slips and it becomes obvious that i am an extraordinarily troubled person. why? well, there are many reasons. but i can give you a microcosm from the sort of things that are done to me to make me this way, even by other trans women.

this is a vaguepost about me with zero notes. let’s break it down! but before we break it down, let’s take it at face value. the kind of picture she’s painting here insinuates that perhaps i horribly mistreated her and then, in HAL fashion, made sure she was exiled from all the communities we shared using vague accusations and extremely loaded language. something like that.

factually, the opposite happened. we’re all familiar with reversal of accusations done by people who hold power over these they hurt, aren’t we? so here are the disturbing and crude circumstances from which this disgusting screed emerged:

we initially shared an online space together. at some point we started conversing privately. as almost the first thing she said to me, she confided to me that she used to hate women like me: brash. assertive. confident. self-loving. not afraid to take up space or to refuse to put up with mistreatment. the product of a ceaseless struggle against conditioning to let people exploit me, abuse me. one of two directions each trans woman can take, the other one to become fragile and let oneself stay fragile.

she said that once she met me and got to know me, she dropped this worldview and seemed embarrassed she ever held it. in response, i, simply grateful to not have someone reject me for being the wrong kind of trans woman — an etymological baeddel, if you will — told her that i understood, since i know people like me aren’t allowed to exist. i wish i hadn’t.

because she didn’t drop it forever. she only dropped it conditionally.

we had a dalliance of sorts, and eventually it turned out to be deeply unhealthy for both of us, so i broke it off for both our sakes. i told her that it was probably for the best that we ‘stopped talking’, by which i meant to not contact me individually and to refrain from using group environments specifically to solicit me. i hoped that this reduction of contact, while making room to share the same spaces, would be better for both of us than our unhealthy and mutually damaging association.

then soon after day her girlfriend who shared the same space and who i still spoke to told me — as part of a larger diatribe concerning a reciprocally harmful situation — the following.“It’s ridiculous - it’s a completely irresponsible way to handle a sitution with someone you're supposed to share a community with. You completely disposed of her. You forced her out.”

alongside this, a series of quotes from hot allostatic load on her blog, very clearly meant for me.

apparently respect for the dignity of trans women like me ceased the moment i denied someone access to me— respect from her, and the people i thought were close to me but who were apparently still quite willing to suddenly assume the worst when i was simply trying to set boundaries. i wasn’t setting boundaries as a real trans woman may be entitled to, i was forcing people out, i was made the aggressor simply for daring to set boundaries based on a prior judgement that was made the moment people met me and the way i talk, the particular trauma responses i have. what might be praised in a more feminine and mild-mannered (trans) woman was in me, proof of guilt and evil.

it didn’t matter what actually happened, what exactly both of us respectively did to each other. what mattered is how she felt. how she felt aggressed against by the wrong kind of trans women daring to deny her access to her body and person.

other people got involved and other conflicts got aggravated. she kept stoking the fires— other situations, if they were resolvable beforehand, weren’t because of the poison she put in people’s heads about me. through all of this, neither she nor her girlfriend were ever in the slightest genuinely repentant for the way they made it difficult for me to set boundaries.

all of this happened in the acute aftermath of me being raped in an alleyway — an event they had knowledge of — during the few months after. i was so, so carefully trying out if it was even possible for me to be intimate with others. it was, briefly, until i pulled out, until i told people that i felt violated by things that happened.

and all of that, all of my attempts to set boundaries and to protest against violations committed, were not even met with direct answers or where not possible, dignified resignations to that fact and attempts to atone. instead, what happened is that they leveled narratives at their friends and girlfriends until they felt so overwhelmed that people refused to sincerely listen to my side of things and i was put in a position where all i was to do to make amends for my own actions, with everyone else completely protected. i was told people are very upset, that i had made them feel very bad, and this hurt is what ended up mattering, not what they did to me.

it broke me, for some time. i behaved disrespectfully and harmfully to a number of people in the months after. i was in such an aggravated state of trauma from having it be repeatedly proven to me that my body is fair game for anyone’s carnal drives that i was oblivious to the ways that i was exhausting people by trying to play politics in a vain attempt to get some recognition for what happened to me and how it was enabled, facilitated by both perpetrators and others in that space.

and then, eventually, after months of building tension and stress which nobody felt able to resolve, nothing could have happened but that i was forced out of the one space where i was told that the bad kind of trans woman could belong and be treated well, too.

that we could ‘build alternatives’ to the traumatic things that are done to us and then do to ‘each other’ (although really, just to those among us who aren’t deemed worthy of protection).

---

i do not believe she is actually a predator— i am not from an english-speaking country, and my throwaway post in which i said “no sympathy for sex pests who got rejected months ago and still whine about it” was based on an understanding that it meant someone who harmed others in the context of sexual interactions, but not necessarily an actual ‘predator’, insofar that essentialist, individual, reactionary idea of one who does harm actually holds meaning to me. certainly she is not as bad as actual literal alleyway rapists, not that it is fair or reasonable to have it fall to me to reassure anyone of that.

however, she is oblivious to the fact that reacting to people setting boundaries in this way and that projecting transmisogyny on them along the lines she did damages their ability to set boundaries in the future, especially since i was recently raped, which she and everyone else involved knew about. she’s not a predator, but her behavior chipped away at my ability to set boundaries and is completely irreverent of them regardless of context or intent. most consent guides have vile things to say about those who hear that they hurt others, freak out in an emotionally incontinent way and make it everyone else’s problem instead of working towards taking responsibility. unfortunately, she made it so that this behavior ended up being enabled and rewarded, simply because the way in which she was violent is not seen as violence by many in our circles.

i stopped taking progesterone. i refused to be intimate with people. i wanted to be sexless and recoiled at all expressions of attraction from others, experiencing them as a prelude to violation since i couldn’t conceive of people being into me and acting on that in a way that wouldn’t end up humiliating, traumatising, heartbreaking. i didn’t feel like i could exist with other people anymore, and believed that never, ever would i be treated in an equitable way where my hurt matters just as much as theirs.

i don’t want to be sanctified over my own mistakes i just want to get treated as all the other people who made awful, horrible ones— i wasn’t, people refused to level with me about it until they had already made up their minds about me and cut me off first individually, then collectively. i was treated as a perpetrator by default.

even with what i did and my role in all of this, i did not deserve to be treated this way.

---

i didn’t make any actual threats. what i did was the following.

if i don’t stop it from happening, a payload of information about the actions and identities of people who violated my boundaries will be released, with the understanding that this only happens if i don’t periodically reset a timer when it will be uploaded, with the understanding that this will only happen if i die. this gives me some sort of comfort that if i kill myself, i’ll at least get to finally have the voice which people with immense amounts of social capital are preventing me from having, inadvertently or on purpose. if all of this kills me, does she really believe she deserves to get away with it, my voice forever lost?

i also made a post that next time someone forces me into something i don’t want, i won’t freeze up— if it is a physical situation, i know i will fight back and win against someone literally sexually assaulting me, that is what the post was about! that’s not even something she wants (presumably). so to make this out as some threat against her is frankly preposterous, and i can’t really find any way to take it as another cynical attempt to portray me as the wrong kind of tranny: the one without a lithe body and who doesn’t perform a fetishisation of her own (pretended) lack of power over others well enough, with the wrong set of traumatic personality alterations.

---

allow me to end with a few choice screenshots from this person’s blog, and an ask she sent me to circumvent my block on discord.

what’s the deal with people who have a certain access to feminine fragility (cis women, certain kinds of trans women) and comparing people to their abusive fathers?

stop postmodernising about my boundaries. please.

what’s worse? ending something awful for both of us as well within my entitlements, or circumventing a block in order to chastise me for it as a prelude to unleashing the full power of the whisper network? i guess all things are fine when the first is done by a trans woman who can deadlift 1.5x her bodyweight and the second is done by a trans woman who prides herself on being sensitive and who is just so easy to hurt— not like she has plenty of means to passively aggress or cut trans women like me off from their support networks, murder them in a thousand ways which our community sanctifies, which is exactly what she did, both while we knew each other and after.

this, for months and months and months. making me wonder what the next way she will hurt me is going to be.

---

it is a genuine relief to hear that this person never wanted to see me again. because of her behavior, i was under the distinct impression she wanted me back in some sense. you may see why when you look at all these strange attempts to undermine the boundaries she knows i struggle to maintain.

all this talk invoking the concept of radical transformative justice after she did her best to escalate situations to get me exiled simply because i didn’t want to have a personal, individual association with her. it’s not enough for her that she managed to get rid of me, me daring to feel hurt by it is another violation of the values that were supposed to prevent what happened to me from happening, in fact, me feeling hurt is portrayed as worse as what she did to hurt me, and as invalidating any demand i have at all to be treated with any dignity or receive any defense or protection from anyone at all, simply because of the way it made her feel that i dared to be hurt by what she did.

what matters is what happened. what matters is what people did. what matters is what factually happened, not transmisogynistic interpretations of it, forgotten at convenience by the people who were there. what matters is who is decided to be worthy or unworthy of protection, who is actually capable of being hurt instead of considered unrapeable, unviolable, invulnerable and dangerous for it, which frankly, seems what patterns of ‘disposability’ always seem to revolve around. it is disturbing that this language was invoked to ironically, argue the status of my body as public property at pain of isolation.

what matters is power, and statements like “i don’t hate you” are cheap from those who will always have the social capital to hurt me like this so long as the gendered heuristics of the circles we share remain hegemonic.

[babyybitchhh]

Shikamaru or Senku?

Damn, anon. You really just came for my throat like that. I don’t know what I’ve done to hurt you but, from the bottom of my heart, I apologize. I swear it won’t happen again. 🤧

Okay, okay. All jokes aside. This is a real toughie and I’m gonna have to reveal just how much of a dumb bitch I really am to explain my answer. Yes, I fall back on the zodiac to fill in any gaps in characterization and determine just how compatible I actually am with fictional men. Sue me. As per usual, this post got a bit away from me so if you want to skip down to the TL;DR for my final answer, please do. I encourage it, actually. lol 

Ishigami Senkuu

January 4th - Capricorn

Strengths: leadership, responsible, disciplined, self-control, good managers

Weaknesses: lack of compassion, know-it-all, unforgiving, condescending, expecting the worst

“Capricorn is a sign that represents time and responsibility, and its representatives are traditional and often very serious by nature. These individuals possess an inner state of independence that enables significant progress both in their personal and professional lives. They are masters of self control and have the ability to lead the way, make solid and realistic plans, and manage many people who work for them at any time. They will learn from their mistakes and get to the top based solely on their experience or expertise.”

“Known for their rational approach to life and their emotions are often well hidden from plain view. Not only is it imperative for them to stick to the realm of absolute intimacy to open their heart for someone but they are often not fully aware of their feelings before hardships occur. This will put pressure on their love life as they have to make a strict and specific equation out of everything, distancing them from carefree and smiling partners who wish to have fun in a relationship.”

“There is nothing easy in the love life of these individuals but they will not see this as the end of the world. They have enough passion and warmth carried within and if mutual respect is found and strong boundaries respected both ways, they will be prepared to let someone into their world and protect them with their shield.”

“As an earth sign, Capricorn has a powerful and instinctive sensuality which expresses itself in a straightforward and natural way without the need for props, frills or adornment. Is it somewhat bereft of romance? Well maybe, but what Capricorn lacks in the way of sentimentality, it more than makes up for in terms of responsibility and discretion ... once it overcomes its initial reserve and caution, it can usually be relied upon to give full satisfaction, no matter how long it takes. As with most other things in its life, Capricorn prefers to take its time over its lovemaking, and its highly developed self-control gives it the stamina to stay the course.”

Nara Shikamaru

September 22 - Virgo

Strengths: pure emotion, loyal, analytical, kind, hardworking, practical

Weaknesses: sensitive to toxic environments, shyness, worry, overly critical of self and others, all work and no play

“Virgo’s are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity makes them one of the most careful of the zodiac. Their methodical approach to life ensures that nothing is left to chance and although they are often tender, their heart might be closed for the outer world. This is a sign often misunderstood, not because they lack the ability to express but because they won’t accept their feelings as valid, true or even relevant when opposed to reason.”

“Feelings of love and life may be a bit like ocean waves that move with the current. With so much water flowing through their primal nature, their rational mind will easily fade around those that touch their heart. This makes them vulnerable to all sorts of betrayals and wrong compromises along the way. They need to be stable and firm in understanding and deciphering their own feelings before anyone else’s or they might lower their guard too far down.”

“They need a partner who is as fragile as they are but also someone who is aware of the strength of their emotional world.”

“ Many Virgos aren’t particularly comfortable with demonstrative displays of emotion or dramatic, over-the-top outbursts. Normally quite shy by nature, they prefer to express their affection in tangible, down-to-earth ways: love for them is about actions, not just empty words. Big worriers who don’t find it easy to show their feelings, Virgos are prone to internalizing their anxieties about their physical desirability – frequently making themselves ill in the process – and can often be a bit uptight around sex. To balance this, they need lots of reassurance that they’re actually perfectly okay!”

Now ... y’all can correct me if I’m wrong, but that all sounds pretty spot on to me. Like, it’s accurate. I’ve mentioned this a few times when replying to comments on my Dr Stone fics, but I really enjoy how nuanced Senkuu is because there’s a lot going on under the surface of his cool facade. He’s very task-oriented and objective about what needs to be done, but he’s also extremely sympathetic towards others even if he tries to play it off. It seems hard for him to be honest about his feelings because, frankly, they’re not rational enough for his liking, so he tries to find ways to justify them. On the flip side, Shikamaru is a little similar with his cool, objective-oriented outer shell but he’s conversely quite sensitive. Like, hella sensitive. That boy is not anywhere near as tough or impenetrable as he acts and I do think at least part of that is a defense mechanism of some sort to shield his heart, even before Asuma died but especially afterward. They’re both tough to penetrate emotionally and they guard their true feelings so well that it actually does manage to fool people. I mean both the characters around them and also the fans watching at home. So at this point, there doesn’t seem to be a conclusive winner and it should come down to a simple matter of preference, right?

Well, let’s see what the stars have to say about throwing a Leo into the mix.

Capricorn + Leo

“... have one thing in common and it’s their awareness of self. It will be a rare occasion when Leo is attracted to Capricorn but the other way around seems more probable.”

“Both are extremely devoted, especially to each other. Although they may seem to be an unlikely couple on the surface, their love will grow as they discover similarities.”

“Like Barbie and Ken, you’re a good looking pair ... your shared love of achievement and impressive ambition sends power couple fantasies running through your heads. If you’re out to conquer the same goal, your combined skills make you quite an awesome force to behold.”

“The physical intimacy between a Leo and a Capricorn is where this mismatched couple can come together. Leo is hot, physical, feminine, [and] enjoys giving pleasure. In a day to day life, Capricorn is reserved and proper but when it comes to sex, he wants it wild, woolly, rough and tumble. Lucky for him, Leo has a similar sexual appetite. It’s in bed where Leo has the power to make customarily reserved Capricorn throw caution to the wind and become a bit crazy in love.”

“What you’ve got here is one sign with a forensic eye for detail and another who paints with an incredibly broad brushstroke. The possibility of driving each other crazy is real.”

“Capricorn is more likely to be attracted to Leo than the other way around - they’ll watch the lion prance, preform and captivate with their personality and either instantly dislike or feel uncomfortably drawn to them.”

The good: both seek success, Capricorn teaches Leo patience, Leo teaches Capricorn passion

The bad: Leo thinks Capricorn is a cold fish, Capricorn thinks Leo is a show off, it all gets too hard to compromise

Virgo + Leo

“Their rationality might turn into an intellectual battle for sexual dominance, that is, if they ever reach the point in which they both want to have sex with each other.”

“Leo shows Virgo good times and fun, and introduces the spontaneity that is often missing from Virgo’s life. Virgo teaches Leo patience and focuses their intellectual energy.”

“Leo plays cheerleader to pessimistic Virgo while levelheaded Virgo steps into the therapists role, mirroring Leo’s angst until a breakthrough is reached. This is a safe emotional harbor for both of you.”

“Virgo and Leo see their time together in bed as a celebration of their love and commitment. Both are hopeless romantics so there will be plenty of physical foreplay, including morning kisses, long evening embraces, candles, flowers, and massages. A creative and open minded Leo is always willing to try something new and Virgo, who is no prude either, will be a willing follower. Together these two can reach sexual heights they’ve never experienced before.”

“A comedy of errors ...Leo and Virgo are forever working through misunderstandings and mending communication fences. Often it’s as if they speak different languages.”

“Leo pounces and Virgo, invariably, plays hard to get, rebuffing the lion and appearing completely underwhelmed by their charms. This of course drives Leo into a frenzy of heightened passion - they pull out their A game and deliver super hot maneuvers. The funny thing is that such scenarios are usually Virgo devised and orchestrated. They’ve probably observed the flamboyant lion in action - noted that everyone submits to their charisma and decided to go in the opposite direction. If played correctly Leo becomes a lovesick pussy cat ...”

“Virgo is a bit of a tease - for much of the “falling in Love” phase they love-starve Leo who shamelessly begs for morsels of affection. It actually makes the attraction between them electric.”

The good: Virgo teaches Leo patience, Leo teaches Virgo to have fun, they are fascinated by each other

The bad: messy Leo drives neat freak Virgo crazy, negative Virgo brings Leo down, poor communication abounds

So ... what did we take from all that? Well, first of all, both of them are apparently going to teach me patience which I admit I sorely need. Conversely, I’d bring passion, fun and spontaneity to their lives. On one hand, Senkuu seems like he’d be much more drawn to me than Shikamaru because even though I do stay drinking my dumb bitch juice, we have similar driving forces in our lives and I’m not a complete idiot. I love science, especially when it comes to learning about space and how the world works, just not the mathematical portion. That part can eat my ass tbh. On the other hand though, if Shikamaru and I could sort of find a common ground to stand on it sounds like it would be a very healthy relationship for the both of us which I need so badly it’s kind of not funny. Like, I’m self-aware enough to realize what I need out of a hypothetical relationship and it (unfortunately) is the kind of emotional connection that facilitates healing and growth rather than stagnation. I don’t think either of them would just sit there and watch me flounder in my angst, as one of those quotes put it, but everything is pointing at Shikamaru being much more well equipped to tackle the problem while simultaneously needing the same in return, which I would be more than happy to give him.

TL;DR: I actually cannot pick between them. I just can’t do it. I love them both for strangely similar but also drastically different reasons and, objectively, I can’t say I like one more than the other. Both give me soft, doki doki feelings that I don’t know what to do with and even after thinking on it for about two hours, I’m incapable of saying with definitive certainty that I like one more. So all I can go off of is what the zodiac has to say about our compatibility which is pointing at both potential relationships being rocky with their ups and downs, but Shikamaru being the more sensitive of the two comes out the winner in the end. That’s not to say I wouldn’t work with Senkuu to truly become the power couple we both secretly crave, but I know my emotions can get away from me at times and it seems to me that Shikamaru would be a smidge more understanding in that department. 

I realize this definitely isn’t the answer you were expecting, anon, and I absolutely considered scrapping this whole post more than once. lol But I didn’t want to shrug off the question just because I couldn’t decide which of them I liked more. Anyway, for the sake of posterity, here’s what the zodiac has to say about me for comparison. 

August 7th - Leo

Strengths: Energetic, creative, passionate, generous, warm-hearted, cheerful, humorous

Weaknesses: Hasty, arrogant, stubborn, self-centered, lazy, inflexible

“Love is the focus point of these individuals, and while their intellectual and instinctive sides are the first ones to show, we will see that they seek someone equal, to share their inner states with. They need a lot of support and a calm partner that soothes their Soul, someone quiet enough and intimate enough to feel safe with. Easy to detach from reality and our planet Earth, their relationships either speak of the unseen and the impossible or present a safe haven where their bodies can rest, and their routine can be brought to balance.”

“Open for new things and often ready to openly show their sexuality, they need a fine touch of love they are worthy of in this lifetime. Romance can be obstructed by their need to prove a point or become the image of something they admire, but as they get closer to their inner truth and become aware of their talents and potentials, they invite the right partner to be within a strangely peaceful union. Although they sometimes stand opposed to marriage and structures and forms that put any relationship in a drawer, they will gladly commit to the right person by their side, in all those surprising and unusual ways.”

“This Fire sign is passionate and sincere and its representatives show their feelings with ease and clarity. When in love, they are fun, loyal, respectful and very generous towards their loved one. They will take the role of a leader in any relationship, and strongly rely on their need for independence and initiative. This can be tiring for their partner at times, especially if they start imposing their will and organizing things that aren't theirs to organize in the first place. Each Leo needs a partner who is self-aware, reasonable and on the same intellectual level as them. Their partner also has to feel free to express and fight for themselves, or too much light from their Leo's Sun might burn their own personality down.”

“Sex life of each Leo is an adventure, fun and very energetic. This is someone who has a clear understanding of boundaries between sex and love, but might fail to see how important intimacy and emotional connection is to the quality of their sex life. Every Leo needs a partner to fight through their awareness and reach their sensitive, subconscious core, in order to find true satisfaction in a meaningful relationship.”

(Spoiler alert: this is all true, except the part about taking on the role of leader in relationships. I genuinely love being dominated in bed, but only if I deem my partner worthy or adequate enough to get the job done. Other than that though, I can’t say any part of this is horribly incorrect. Oops. : / )

[charminglatina]

Ranking Riverdale Actors Based On Their Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility Ratings (Part 2).

People do crazy things when it comes to love. Some run away from home, others stay in an abusive relationship in the name of love, some quit their career because their love dictated so, and so much more. Most people claim they are in love but in reality, they have no idea what the meaning of true, spiritual love is. In some relationships, they are driven by obsession, jealousy, and intimidation of their spouse. They stalk their spouses everywhere they go, they physically and mentally abuse them, all in the name of love. Some people go to the extent of making sure their partners do not have any friends. That is not a definition of love; it is an illusion of love. The meaning of spiritual love is when you are able to maintain your individuality, despite the feeling of passion. You are able to love without applying any rules to each other. This is unconditional love. It does not matter that your spouse is ugly, shorter than you, or he laughs in an irritating way. You will love him or her the way he or she is. You will love all the flaws he or she portrays and not criticize them. Many people apply conditions in their relationships, claiming they love each other. For instance, you tell your spouse you love him when he buys you something. In spiritual love, it is like a spell that has been cast upon you. You appreciate your significant other as he or she is - no condition applies. You love him or her deep down and you just know it in your heart. If you ever find yourself in such a situation, that’s spiritual love. Below are some guidelines to help you know you are truly in spiritual love. 

1. You Communicate With Each Other With Ease: In every relationship, communication is the key to building a stronger connection. Couples must talk with other often and they must be on the same page. If you are able to talk to your spouse with ease, he will not only listen but will also have empathy for the situation at hand. You feel appreciated, you are respected, and most of all, no judgment is applied. Your spouse supports you fully in all your endeavors. In such cases, most couples enjoy what they have while it lasts. They enjoy each other’s company and they usually look for private space to talk all the time. When one person is talking, the other is listening keenly. No interruptions, no coming up with other options. You are both there for each other and support one another while being in love. A connection in spiritual love is taken very seriously. 

2. Equality Applies In Spiritual Love: Most people do not know the definition of equality in a relationship. It means when two people connect and they decided to live together, roles are defined automatically. You are able to acknowledge each other’s talents and respect each other enough to let them work their magic in your relationship. In every relationship, duties come automatically. In spiritual love, you know who is better at handling a certain aspect of your lives together. Trust applies in such a situation where you let your spouse take the lead without any prejudice or judgment. This does not make either the person in the couple lesser human beings, it just makes them more in love with each other. 

3. You Are Attracted To Your Spouse: Most people do not know what attraction means. Some get attracted to a person due to their looks, how they dress, how rich they are, among other things. Spiritual love is when you want to connect with the person, mind-wise, body-wise, and to the soul. You want to be close to the person all the time. When you are together, you feel a passion that you have never felt before. It is like a love spell that has been cast upon you. You are consumed with the passion but at the same time, you are able to stay sane. Your individuality is still intact. Furthermore, there is more to life other than being carried away by lust. 

4. You Find Comfort in Each Other’s Company: In spiritual love, there are no expectations from each other, no dressing up for the other. You just present yourself as you are. When you are in love with each other, you feel that you can conquer the world together. You do not see anything big under the sun. You experience joy when you are together and you do not question each other’s devotion. Only the two of you understand your connection. The way you feel for each other has no easy definition. You just feel content and your life will have a meaning. In most relationships, you will find people questioning themselves. They do not trust their judgment and most of the time they make excuses to split. Others spend years courting their partner and not making any real commitment since they find flaws in one another. In spiritual love, no such thing applies. You love your spouse as he or she is. You appreciate them for who they really are. There are no jitters or second-guesses when you are together. 

5. In Spiritual Love, There Is No Hurry: Society expects that when there is a connection with the one you love, no time should be wasted, and you should quickly make arrangements for your future together. However, in spiritual love, no such thing is expected. Couples enjoy each other company; they leave the fate of their union to Mother Nature. You do not question if your spouse is the right person, if your spouse going to be swept off his feet by another, and so on. You trust your instincts that all will work out just fine. In spiritual love, you know you are under this love spell together no matter what happens. The way you view the world is the way your spouse views it too. You connect well with your lover and share energy.

6. Spiritual Love Promotes Growth: When you connect with someone and you vow to live together, you expect to grow in all ways, especially personal growth. Your spouse should be free to let you know your flaws and you must take them positively. Listen to your spouse’s advice. If someone loves you, you should not expect him or her to mislead you. We cannot achieve personal growth if our spouses do not speak up about our mistakes. In spiritual love, you do not take your spouse for granted nor do you see him or her as a tool to make ends meet. This is a great opportunity for you to experience the true joy of being in love.

7. Spiritual Love Does Not Let You Settle for Anything: As a human being, you are entitled to love life, follow your passions, love a certain lifestyle, to be respected and loved. Your spouse should also value the things you love. He or she should not dictate the way you live. Your love should learn to incorporate his or her needs into yours. You should live in harmony and be able to respect each other. Nowadays, most commitments are the opposite. People settle for a lot less. They let their spouses dictate their way of living and have no mutual respect in the commitment, all in the name of “love”. 

8. Spiritual Love Enables You to Separate Fact from Feelings: In a commitment born out of love, you will have a few fights over the years. But that does not mean you have a bad relationship or your spouse hates you. You will get angry at some of the comments he or she makes. Instead of misquoting each other, you should learn to talk it out. Let your spouse explain what he or she meant. 

9. In Spiritual Love, Couples Connect: People in love look each other in the eyes as they talk. Most ordinary couples talk for the sake of it. Some even talk with their back to their spouse. Well, couples who get each other are comfortable with facing each other while taking. They can sit across from each other at a table and communicate with their eyes only. Who would not think they are under a love spell? This shows how comfortable they are with each other and that confidence surrounds their love. 

10. Spiritual Love Makes You Long For the Future: Every relationship differs from the others in so many ways. When two soul mates love each other deeply, they do not tire of each other easily. The excitement might fade with time, but curiosity remains. You will love each other more and more with passing years. You are two individuals who have different characteristics, but living together will enable you two to explore each other to the fullest as you age with time. Some claim they fell in love at first sight, but it takes time and growth to realize that you deeply love your spouse and that living without him or her would be unfulfilling. Furthermore, everybody would like an opportunity to grow old with his or her loved one. Nowadays, lovers settle for a lot less. They simply want to benefit from each other since they have no better option. Once they find someone new they feel a connection to, they part ways instead of giving their love a chance. True love takes time and patience. Even in the holy texts of different religions, spiritual love applies. To sum it all up, spiritual love is unconditional love that has no boundaries. It gives meaning and importance to your life. Everyone wishes to experience this kind of love at one point in life. It is a wonderful thing that cannot be compared to any other feeling in the world. It is hard to find unconditional love unless you exercise some patience. Couples who have a spiritual love are happier, they understand each other, and they fight less. If you are in a spiritual love, give it your best since you never know when it will end. Learn from each other and appreciate what both of you have. You are luckier than others because you have experienced spiritual love and you know its definition.

Ratings System Test (0% = WORST RATING; 100% = BEST RATING):

🌹0%–30%: Extremely bad and a MATCH MADE IN ABSOLUTE FIERY HELL! If a couple receives this type of rating, the spiritual compatibility either doesn’t exist whatsoever, or it’s so incredibly low that there isn’t even a spiritual connection to start. As a result of such a low spiritual compatibility rating, there’s bound to be a vast amount of spiritual conflict, disharmony and discomfort within the relationship. With a horrible and low score like this, expect these two to have a lack of trust, honesty, and communication within the relationship. Having a very low rating such as this means that the people involved in the couple will have a very selfish, ungiving relationship. In addition, a spiritual compatibility rating this low indicates that a romantic couple has a lesser chance of overcoming any obstacles that may come their way and it would prove difficult to fix the relationship if obstacles squirm their way into the relationship. If two people in a romance have this kind of rating, it’s best the two steer clear of each other because they clearly shouldn’t be together!

🌹30%–50% : Not good and a MATCH MADE IN TOTAL MEDIOCRITY! If a romantic couple receives this rating, the spiritual compatibility is subpar and mediocre in nature. There won’t be too much of a natural connection on a spiritual level, and they will have trouble connecting from time to time.

🌹50%–60%: Average and a MATCH MADE IN NOTHING SPECIAL AT ALL! If a romantic couple receives this rating, the spiritual chemistry is plain dull and mediocre. The spiritual connection between a couple who receive this score isn’t horrible but isn’t that great either. The couple with this rating is bound to have a very borderline 50/50 spiritual connection. Some days, they will spiritually connect, and other times, they will want to avoid each other like the Plague.

🌹60%–70%: Good and a MATCH MADE IN COMFORT! If a couple receives this rating, the spiritual compatibility and connection is reasonable and satisfactory in nature. It’s a slightly above average score which means that couples with this spiritual compatibility rating will have a comfortable, warm spiritual relationship. It should be noted that the spiritual connection between a couple who receive this rating won’t have an intense or passionate spiritual bond. It will be enough to provide decent compatibility for the two partners in the relationship to live a comfortable and harmonious enough life together in the long run.

🌹70%–80%: Extremely good and a MATCH MADE IN PERFECT HARMONY! If a romantic couple receives this rating, the spiritual connection is lovely and harmonious. The two partners have a powerful and reasonably intense spiritual bond, and they are highly in tune with each other’s emotions and feelings. Romantic couples (and even friendships) with this rating range will have a very fruitful, happy, successful, and harmonious romantic relationship. They have a strong spiritual connection, and they deeply understand each other very well. They will have solid communication, honesty, and trust in the relationship. Their spiritual chemistry is enough for either partner to have a healing effect on each other if either partner is emotionally or spiritually wounded. There are high chances that a telepathic and psychic link can be developed between the two partners. Also, romantic couples with this rating range can be considered to be soulmates. Couples also have a higher chance of getting married in the future and growing old together in comfort and harmony.

🌹80%–90%: Excellent and a MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN! If a couple receives this rating, the spiritual compatibility and connection between the two is excellent and highly harmonious. There’s no doubt that this couple will have a very intense, passionate spiritual connection and there will be higher chances of having a very successful, harmonious relationship with ease. Couples with this rating will easily be able to overcome any obstacles thrown their way and stay happy and united together. There may be a chance for the two partners to develop a telepathic or psychic connection because of such an intense spiritual bond between these two partners. A couple with this kind of rating is likely to have a soulmate connection.

🌹90%–100%: Outstanding and a MATCH MADE IN ABSOLUTE TRANSCENDENT HEAVEN! If a romantic couple receives this rating, then the couple is ideal for each other and made for each other in every way imaginable on a spiritual level! A couple who has this rating may be a representation of true spiritual love and unconditional love in its purest form. Everyone that comes into contact with this couple will be envious of their deep abiding spiritual love for each other and will desire to have a strong spiritual bond and love like theirs! The love and passion between this couple will just be emanating from them without even trying. They have an incredibly passionate, intense spiritual bond and connection that is unparalleled or unmatched. A couple with this kind of spiritual compatibility has a bond that is unbreakable and will never be broken no matter what, even in death and beyond. Couples with this high spiritual compatibility rating liely have a mystical, other worldly, supernatural kind of connection. They are also likely to have an intense telepathic, psychic or empathic bond where the two wouldn’t even need to say words or speak to each other to communicate! Couples with this extremely high spiritual compatibility rating are best described as true soulmates or even more, twin souls or twin flames. The two are incredibly spiritually in tune with each other and they are connected to each other intensely and intimately on another level that many others wouldn’t be able to comprehend. These two are spiritually in sync with each other, and as a result, they understand each other very well. They may also have tons of things in common and share many similarities with each other and have parallel lives and journeys. When the two meet, their meeting would have many synchronicities. There will be a feeling of destiny or fate to their meeting. Their spiritual connection is so strong and intense that it’s comparable to that of twins! A couple with this high spiritual rating is best defined as a couple that is destined or written in the stars!

Please check out my Biorhythm Compatibility rankings list where I rank the pairs of Riverdale actors and couples based on their Biorhythm Compatibility Ratings here.

#11. Camila Mendes & Madelaine Petsch (Riverdale Pairing: Chonica, Cheronica; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 56%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility Rating; 79%) 

At #11 on this rankings list (well, technically, at #8 because I forgot to add them in their appropriate spot on my previous post) is Camila Mendes and Madelaine Petsch, who portray the fictional couple of Cheronica or Chonica. Camila and Madeleine have a strong spiritual connection and they earned a score of 79% in this category. This means that Camila and Madeleine have a strong bond and kinship with each other. I can understand and see why they would have such a great score in this particular category because out of all the off screen friendships on Riverdale, Camila and Madeleine seem to have one of the closest on an emotional level. Let’s go back to Camila and Madeleine’s primary Biorhythm Compatibility and Chemistry scores. When it came to Physical Chemistry and Compatibility, Camila and Madeleine earned a very impressive rating of 85%. This proves that if their characters of Veronica and Cheryl were a lesbian couple and romantically involved on the show, they would be able to sell it brilliantly because they have such strong physical chemistry. Camila and Madeleine also did very well in their Emotional category. they earned a 78% in this category, securing the fact that they had a strong emotional bond with each other. Camila and Madeleine’s off screen bond and friendship speaks volumes about their relationship. I think that Camila and Madeleine have one of the most endearing Riverdale friendships on the show. It’s so real and genuine and you can tell those two see each other like besties or sisters. People try to say that Camila is closest to Lili out of the girls, but I strongly disagree. I think Camila is closest to Madeleine. In fact, I don’t think Lili is close to any of the other girls on set. She seems very cold, aloof, and unfriendly to me and I don’t think she has that great of a bond with other women as she likes to proclaim. Vanessa isn’t close to Lili, Madeleine isn’t that close to Lili, Camila isn’t that close to Lili, Ashleigh is definitely not close to Lili at all. How many of the girls on Riverdale are actually really friends with Lili. None of them really and that speaks volumes about her as a person. The only that Lili is close to on Riverdale is Cole and that’s her “boyfriend”. Anyways, back to my point about Camila and Madeleine having a very strong spiritual bond. How would Camila and Madeleine’s strong spiritual connection play into their fictional relationship of Cheronica. Well, I think the fact that these two have a strong spiritual connection would help them in their acting scenes together. Because of their spiritual kinship with each other, they would have a more natural vibe with each other. Their scenes together would flow much more naturally than those who don’t have this high of a spiritual connection. Cheronica friendship scenes have been some of my fave scenes in the series because they have such a nice chemistry. Not only do Camila and Madeleine have a strong emotional chemistry but they have a strong spiritual chemistry. These two have a best friend in each other for life.But, though Madeleine and Camila do have this great bond of friendship and kinship, the writers aren’t utilizing it enough. For some reason, RAS and the writers have this bias against Camila and her characters relationships with others on the show. Camila is the character that can have chemistry and compatibility with everyone because her personality is so likeable and vivacious. She can even have chemistry with someone that she doesn’t have that much chemistry with, if that makes any sense. What I’m trying to say is that the writers should be putting more effort into Cheronica’s friendship. In season 1, they always had these heartwarming scenes together and the reason why they were so touching was because of Camila and Madeleine's high spiritual and emotional compatibility. For season 4, I hope the writers make Cheryl and Veronica bond more and become friends again. I’m tired of the writers not utilizing the chemistry that she has with her costars. instead, they are spending too much time giving Lili and her character Betty too much screen time of her running around a school with a weapon and screaming like a banshee. No, I don’t want to watch that. I want to see bonds and relationships. I want to see friendships being shown and growth in relationships. I want to see new dynamics between characters being explored. Cheronica scenes were always one of the few highlights of this terrible show. Let’s hope that RAS and the writers utilize Camila and Madeleine’s strong spiritual bond and emotional chemistry and get these two back into doing scenes together again. 

#12. Luke Perry & Madchen Amick (Riverdale Pairing: Frelice; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 66%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility Rating: 67%)

At # 12 on this rankings is Luke Perry and Madchen Amick, who portrayed the fictional couple or pairing of Frelice. Since I’m going to be discussing Frelice more than about Luke and Madchen, I feel comfortable including Luke related pairings onto this rankings list. I’ve also had some time to process Luke’s death so that definitely helps as well. Luke and Madchen earned a score of 67% Spiritual Compatibility which is considered to be a good score. It’s not outstanding like some of the pairs of actors who are in the Top 10, but it’s still good. With this kind of score, Luke and Madchen had an easy and harmonious bond of friendship. This was evident when Madchen made a post on Instagram about Luke following his sudden death. Madchen had said that Luke was such a good companion to her and was a true friend to her. He would always make her laugh and smile and she would light up because of him. This was Madchen’s memory of Luke, how he made her laugh and smile constantly. Going by the way Madchen talked about Luke, it’s clear she had a strong fondness for him and they shared a strong bond. Madchen also said that she and Luke would be able to engage in deep conversations with each other about life in general on set. People with a good spiritual compatibility are able to do this very well. They are able to have deep and intimate conversations with each other and open up to each other with such ease and little effort. Madchen was definitely one of the cast members who took Luke’s death exceptionally hard, alongside Marisol, and her posts on Instagram about Luke prove this fact. They also share in common that they were both 90′s stars that were the star of a hit show from the 90′s. Luke was in Beverly Hills 90210 while Madchen was in Twin Peaks. Both were popular shows during the 90′s and they were both the “it” boy and the “it” girl of that time, Luke and Madchen also didn’t do that bad when it came to their primary Biorhythm Chemistry and Compatibility ratings. Luke and Madchen earned a score of 66% which is considered to be a good and above average score. Breaking down their Physical, Emotional and Intellectual categories, Luke and Madchen had a 78% Physical, 33% Emotional, and 89% Intellectual rating. They managed to do rather well in their primary Biorhythms but the only area where Luke and Madchen showed weakness was their Emotional Compatibility. They had a high Physical Compatibility of 78% so that indicates that of Luke and Madchen’s characters of Fred and Alice were sexually involved or romantically involved, they would have a strong enough physical and sexual chemistry to pull it off successfully. The high Physical Chemistry rating between Luke and Madchen is probably why some fans had interpreted Fred and Alice’s interactions as sexual tension. Plus, physically and aestheitically, Luke and Madchen would look together. If you take a photo of young Luke and younger Madchen and put it side by side, they would be a major 90′s aesthetic. Luke and Madchen didn’t perform as well when it came to the Emotional Compatibility category, but they managed to make up for it with a much better score in the Spiritual Compatibility category. Finally, Luke and Madchen do exceptionally well in the Intellectual Compatibility category by earning a 89% in this category. This means that Luke and Madchen connected very well on a mental basis and they stimulated each other on a mental level. Going by how Madchen had stated that she could talk to Luke about anything and everything for a long period of time, this is very fitting. With regards to their fictional couple of Frelice on Riverdale, Luke and Madchen’s characters of Fred and Alice always had a very contentious relationship. The two would snark and bicker at each other. They were next door neighbours who had a very sarcastic and snarky relationship. Some people interpreted the snarky relationship and dyanmic between them as sexual tension. As a result, some people suggested that Fred and Alice may have had some sort of romantic fling back in high school that may have gone south or went wrong and both Fred and Alice held a grudge against each other because of it. We find out in the flashback episode (3x04) that Fred and Alice initially got on each other’s nerves but they also shared an emotional bond with each other. Fred and Alice shared a moment when Fred tried to get Alice to open up about what was bothering her. Alice had confessed to Fred that she was scared and lost and that she had no idea what to do with her life. Fred opened up to Alice that he was just as scared as her because of his sick, dying father and being unsure of how to handle the situation. The two shared an emotional moment and in the heat of that moment, they shared a tender kiss with each other. It was one of the highlight moments of that episode for me. Even though that scene of young Fred and Alice wasn’t Luke and Madchen and was instead KJ and Lili, the moment between Fred and Alice was the first time that we see the two of them be open and vulnerable with someone. Alice was a tough girl from the Southside who didn’t let people in and let anyone break down those hard shelled walls. But Fred managed to do so. In regards to Luke and Madchen and their relatiosnhip as Fred and Alice on the show, I wished that the writers would have had them share more scenes together. Luke and Madchen have a decent overall chemistry rating and it’s a shame that the two didn’t have enough scenes together. I mean, they were neighbours after all and they should have talked to each other alot more than they did. I would have liked to see a friendship between Fred and Alice, where Alice would turn to Fred for emotional comfort in times of crisis. I think Fred would have been a strong emotional pillar for Alice, especially once she found out that her husband Hal was a serial killer and the Black Hood who had shot Fred and spent all that time tormenting the town in disguise. I think what Alice needed at the time was a good, solid and dependable friend that she could turn to for comfort and support. Unfortunately, Alice didn’t have that and that is one of the major reasons why Alice fell apart as a person and as a character throughout season 3. Alice lacked the bonds of friendship and companionship and reality, Alice was so inctedibly lonely. Who did Alice have outside of her famil? She had nobody. That is why she fell through the cracks the wayshe did so badly. She had no external support system outside of her family. This is where I believe that the writers could have incorporated Fred. The writers should have had Fred support Alice and be a comforting companion for her. Considering they lived next door to each other, it’s a shame that the writers failed to produce. Fred and Alice would have had such a good friendship bond if the writers tried to distance themselves out of their same bubble for more than five seconds. Since Luke and Madchen had such a strong bond and a great friendship off screen, the writers made a huge writing error and missed opportunity in not fleshing out the complex and complicated relationship between Fred Andrews and Alice Cooper, a complex relationship that has existed since their high school years. Nonetheless, it’s evident that Luke and Madchen had a special bond with each other and it’s one that Madchen will always cherish for the rest of her life. 

#13. Lochlyn Monroe & Madchen Amick (Riverdale Pairing: Halice; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 57%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility Rating: 63%)

Coming in at #13 is Lochlyn Monroe and Madchen Amick, who portray the fictional couple of Halice. Lochlyn and Madchen earned an average 63% Spiritual Compatibility Rating. This is not a bad rating considering that their fictional couple of Halice is the complete opposite of anything do with a spiritual connection or bond. Halice’s relationship is the embodiment of a loveless marriage in every sense of the word. But for some reason, Lochlyn and Madchen manage to bring out an aabove average Spiritual Compatibility score. This means that contrary to the fictional couple that they portray, Lochlyn and Madchen have a spiritual connection that is pretty solid. Their decent enough Spiritual Compatibility indicates that the two work together very well and that they have a very good professional relationship because they would be able to do scenes that flow more naturally. I have to say as messed up and as toxic as the relationship between Hal and Alice is, some of the best acting scenes between actors on this show is between Lochlyn and Madchen. Some of their strongest acting together was when Alice discovered Hal’s true identity as the Black Hood after he revealed himself to her and Betty. That scene was so raw, emotional and real. You could tell that Lochlyn and Madchen made the scene so believable with their acting. You could tell that Lochlyn and Madchen were really selling the fact that their two characters were in a highly abusive, toxic and loveless marriage. Looking at Lochlyn and Madchen’s primary Biorhythm Compatibility and Chemistry ratings, they didn’t have the best scores and their overall rating was pretty average. Lochlyn and Madchen earned a 57% Biorhythm Compatibility rating. With regards to their individual categories of Physical, Emotional and Intellectual Compatibility, they earned a 58% Physical, 100% Emotional, and 14% Intellectual Rating. Lochlyn and Madchen’s Physical Chemistry rating is an average score and indicates that they wouldn’t have the most robust or outstanding sexual or physical chemistry with each other. It’s fitting that their score be average in this category since Hal and Alice didn’t even have a sexual or intimate relationship. Their marriage was very loveless and devoid of real love and affection. The one area in which Lochlyn and Madchen knock it out of the park and is unbeatable is the Emotional Compatibility. They earned a 100% score in this category meaning that on an emotional level, they definitely have a connection. It’s understandable to see why they have such a strong and perfect score in this category because despite how devoid of real love their marriage was, their emotion during their acting scenes are always great and intense. Whether it’s a fighting scene or a threatening scene or a fearful scene, Lochlyn and Madchen know how to sell it. Let’s not forget when Hal and Alice had that one tender, heartfelt emotional scene where Hal insisted on getting back together with Alice and trying to fix their marriage for their family’s sake. Lochlyn and Machen do terribly in the Intellectual category, however. This means that on a mental level, they don’t click or connect and there would be disharmony on that level. It’s hard to incorporate Lochlyn and Madchen’s Spiritual Compatibility rating into the acting as Hal and Alice because their relationship is so toxic and unhealthy. Spiritual love is healthy, selfless and free of boundaries. Regardless, they manage to have a strong score in this category despite the fact that they will never be able to portray it on screen. 

#14. Vanessa Morgan & Madelaine Petsch (Riverdale Pairing: Choni; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 54%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility Rating: 53%)

Up next at #14 on this rankings is Vanessa Morgan and Madelaine Petsch, who portray the fictional LGBTQ couple of Choni. Vanessa and Madeleine earned an average 53% Spiritual Compatibility Rating. It's not extraordinarily terrible, but it's not overly good either. It's just kind of in the middle. On my Biorhythm Compatibility rankings, Vanessa and Madeleine earned an average 54% Biorhytthm Compatibility rating. So, Vanessa and Madeleine scored a similar Spiritual Compatibility Rating to their Overall Compatibility Rating, and there is only a +1% difference between the ratings. Vanessa and Madeleine’s Spiritual Chemistry rating shows that while they may have a close bond, their bond can be very unpredictable in nature. Their rating is what is called at the critical point, meaning that it’s either really good or really bad. At the same time, it’s over 50% meaning that they are in the safe point of incompatibility. Vanessa and Madeleine are known to be besties off screen, which is kind of a shock to me considering their very mediocre test scores. Much of their friendship and closeness is likely based on the Western astrology factor. Vanessa and Madeleine are compatible based on their Sun signs with Vanessa being an Aries Sun and Madeleine being a Leo Sun. Being astrologically compatible makes up for being not so compatible Biorhythmic-ally for Vanessa and Madeleine. When it comes down to their primary Biorhythm Compatibility scores, Vanessa and Madeleine are just very average. They earned a 85% Physical, 43% Emotional and 14% Intellectual. Their 85% Physical Compatibility rating means that they have some major sexual and physical chemistry between them and they do sell it very well as Toni and Cheryl especially during sexual or intimate scenes on the show. However, Vanessa and Madeleine don’t fare that well in the Emotional category, earning only a mediocre score of 43%. With this score, it means that Vanessa and Madeleine don’t have the best emotional connection and it may be very unpredictable. Again, this kind of rating is at the critical point between compatibility and incompatibility. Any score or category that has a rating between 41% and 49% is in the critical area. Finally, Vanessa and Madeleine definitely don’t connect on an Intellectual wavelength. Earning only 14% in this category means that their mental connection is highly incompatible or almost non existent. Looking at their combined categories of Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and now Spiritual, it appears that Vanessa and Madeleine’s strongest category is the Physical Compatibility, which is based on physical attraction, lust and sexuality. If Vanessa and Madeleine were a real life LGBTQ couple, they wouldn’t last because their relationship would be purely based on lust and sex and that’s not enough to sustain a healthy, long term relationship. When it comes to Vanessa and Madeleine’s Spiritual Compatibility rating and how it plays into their fictional couple of Choni, it indicates that sometimes Choni can and will connect spiritually very well and other times, Choni will have troubles connecting on a spiritual level. Their score shows that there may be a lot of unresolved or pent up tension and disharmony at a much deeper level than they both realize. It appears as though Toni and Cheryl don't always understand each other at times. They do have a bond, and it was evident when they first opened up to each other for the first time last season. But this season, their relationship has become very toxic and unhealthy, definitely not something that indicates robust spiritual chemistry or bond between two people. There is a lot of disconnection between Cheryl and Toni, and it's coming out in the way of them butting heads over power and control. If Toni and Cheryl had a better Spiritual Chemistry, then they would be able to get over their problems and the tension in their relationship with much more ease. Unfortunately, they haven't been able to do that, and that is a result of their middle of the road Spiritual Chemistry Rating. Unlike Bughead, Choni doesn't have a problem with communication and honesty, but what they do have a problem with is the type of communication they are giving each other. The two are getting things off their chests and saying what is on their minds, but they are still fighting at the end of the day. There's a lot of unnecessary disharmony in their relationship, and it's like a teeter-totter. Choni's relationship has become so unstable and unpredictable; it's tough to tell what their relationship is going to be like from an episode to episode basis. Their 50/50 Spiritual Chemistry Rating is like a coin toss. Sometimes Choni will connect spiritually and bond on a deeper level with little to no effort. On the other hand, Choni will become distant from each other end up having so much tension and frustration in their relationship and they won't spiritual connect. Choni having such a borderline Spiritual Chemistry Rating is not necessarily a positive thing for Choni and the future of their relationship, Them having such an unpredictable Spiritual Chemistry Rating may cause their relationship to be fraught with constant problems and tension in the present and the future. As of right now, Cheryl and Toni's relationship is at a dangerous threshold. Either they break up, and it's over for good, or they fight to make it work by trying to get back some semblance of being on the same page. Cheryl and Toni seriously need to communicate more beneficially than what they are doing right now. Spiritually, Cheryl and Toni aren't in such a right place. Do you want to know what makes me so disappointed about Choni? At the beginning of their relationship, I believed that Choni might have been a representation of true love and unconditional love. I thought that Choni might have been a representation of Spiritual Love. The kind of love that respects and nourishes and accepts. But this season has proven me wrong when it comes to Choni. The more I'm seeing their relationship this season, the more I realize that maybe Choni is conditional love and not one that is of a deep spiritual connection. Right now, it seems that all that matters to both Cheryl and Toni is who is more powerful and who has more control in the relationship. There's a massive lack of equality in the relationship, and it's heavily lopsided. One minute Cheryl is trying to take control of the relationship and the next minute, it's Toni. And when one of them decides to take control, the other doesn't respect it and resents the other for it. It is a big sign of spiritual disharmony in the relationship, and it's regrettable. Unfortunately, Choni cannot control science and the fact that they have a borderline, middle of the road Spiritual Chemistry Rating that will cause them to have a very unpredictable and chaotic relationship on a spiritual level. All I know is that Cheryl and Toni better at least attempt at trying to bond spiritually more often and communicate with each other more effectively, or I fear for the outcome of their relationship. Because right now, Choni is a complete toxic mess and their spiritual bond and chemistry are out of whack. Yes, they have appeared to have mended things for now, but who knows what the future holds when it pertains to this show. These writers throw people together just as randomly as they tear people apart. As of right now, I’m not certain that Choni has a lot of staying power, but we will see what the future episodes and season hold for these two. Nevertheless, I do greatly enjoy Vanessa and Madeleine’s real life friendship and I find it to be one of the most heartwarming, genuine and endearing bonds between the Riverdale cast members. 

#15. Luke Perry & Molly Ringwald (Riverdale Pairing: Frery; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 53%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility Rating: 48%)

At #15 on this list is Luke Perry and Molly Ringwald, who portray the fictional couple of Frery. They earned a total score of 48% Spiritual Compatibility Rating. Surprisingly, this is a shocking result for me. Luke and Molly seemed to have such a strong bond with each other, but as their Spiritual Compatibility score reveals, their spiritual connection with each other is just very average. Luke and Molly looked to be very fond of each other and they had a strong bond. They worked well together in the few scenes they had together as Fred and Mary on Riverdale. Looking at Luke and Molly’s primary Biorhythm Compatibility ratings, they earned a 07% Physical, 53% Emotional and 100% Intellectual Compatibility. Physically, Luke and Molly didn’t have great sexual and physical chemistry. This is fitting since their relationship was not based on sexual matters or lust. Their relationship is based more on love, trust and honesty than anything of a sexual nature. Their Emotional Compatibility of 53% indicates that they have an average Emotional Compatibility. It’s not overly great but it’s not extremely terrible. It’s in the safety zone. I’m kind of surprised that Luke and Molly didn’t have a higher rating in this category because Fred and Mary are known to be the loving, healthy couple and they have managed to do well with it. Finally, Luke and Molly’s Intellectual Compatibility score is where they did exceptionally well, earning a perfect 100% rating. With this rating, they tie Cole and Camila (Jeronica) in having a perfect 100% rating in the Intellectual category. Luke and Milly have a strong mental connection and this is where their strength lies. This made their professional co working relationship a pleasant experience for the both of them because they connected so well on a mental level. In regards to how their Spiritual Compatibility plays into their fictional couple Frery, I can’t say that it does. Since they don’t have the strongest spiritual connection, it’s hard for me to make a connection with the two relationships. I will say about Fred and Mary however is that their relationship and marriage is a representation of what a spiritual connection is. Fred and Mary’s relationship is very selfless and loving. Despite the two of them being divorced or separated, they still had a lot of love and respect for each other. Fred and Mary were clearly very supportive of each other and there was no animosity or hatred between the two. They were just two people who discovered that their marriage wasn’t working for them and they parted ways in the most amicable fashion. For that reason, I would say that Fred and Mary had the healthiest relationship out of all the adult relationships on Riverdale. They were separated and no longer in love with each other, but they were still friends and respected each other. they were also good parents to Archie and always supported him and wanted what was best for him. They were willing to put aside ant differences that they may have shared and be there to support Archie when it mattered. This is what you call a bond of true spiritual nature. Like it states at the beginning of the post, spiritual love is selfless and it’s about putting someone elses’ needs above yours. There is no selfishness in the relationship. There is an equal partnership between two individuals. This is what Fred and Mary represented. It’s unfortunate that Luke and Milly’s real life spiritual connection and bond wasn’t as abstract and strong as Fred and Mary’s, but it didn’t negate the fact that Luke and Molly had a great on screen and off screen relationship with each other. I’m gonna miss seeing red and Mary scene son the show and they will be sorely missed. The Fred and Mary scenes were always some of the best scenes between the adult actors on this show and they had the least toxic fictional adult relationship. Fred and Mary were the heart of the ParentDale side of the show and it’s a tragedy that it will never been seen again.

#16. Luke Perry & Marisol Nichols (Riverdale Pairing: Frione; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 92%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility Rating: 48%)

Up next at #16 on this rankings is Luke Perry and Marisol Nichols. They portray the fictional couple of Frione. Luke and Marisol earned a score of 48% Spiritual Compatibility, meaning that with this score, they tie Luke and Molly. Luke and Marisol don’t have the strongest spiritual bond and connection with a score like this. However, when it pertains to their primary Biorhythm Compatibility scores, Luke and Marisol are extremely compatible on all levels. Luke and Marisol have a very impressive 92% Biorhythm Compatibility rating, only coming in second to Cole and Camila (Jeronica). Breaking down Luke and Marisol’s individual categories of Physical, Emotional and Intellectual, Luke and Marisol earned a 92% Physical, 94% Emotional, and 89% Intellectual. Those are very impressive scores across the board and in of the categories. Unfortunately, Luke and Marisol don’t perform well in the Spiritual Compatibility department. Can’t win them all, right? With Luke and Marisol having a 92% Physical rating, it means that they have strong physical and sexual chemistry with each other. Unfortunately, we were never able to see this chemistry on display even when they were engaging in an affair in season 1. Instead, we were subjected to watching couples that didn’t have the strongest sexual or physical chemistry grace our screens, couples such as Archalerie, Bughead and Varchie. Fremione was kind of thrown into the background eventually and those couples overshadowed them and took over the screen time. Luke and Marisol also did very well on an Emotional Compatibility level. They have a score of 94% in this category and they tie KJ and Lili (Barchie) in this category, in which they also earned a 94% score. Luke and Marisol having a strong emotional connection isn’t shocking to me. because Luke and Marisol were so close off screen. Out of all the Riverdale cast members, I think Marisol took Luke’s passing the hardest next to KJ and Camila. She worked the most intimately with him other than KJ and Camila so it’s understandable why she was so heartbroken over his death and why it was more pronounced for her and hit her harder on an emotional level. So, it was apparent that Marisol had such a strong emotional attachment to him off screen and their Emotional Compatibility rating proves this fact. Next is their Intellectual Compatibility and Luke and Marisol continue to do well. They earned a 89% which means that mentally, they have a very strong and robust connection with each other. They are pretty much on the same mental and intellectual wavelength and there is little to no disharmony in this area when it pertains to their relationship, off screen and on screen. When it pertains to how Luke and Marisol’s Spiritual Compatibility plays onto their fictional couple pf Fremione, it definitely matches in my opinion. Though Fremione had a lot of chemistry, their relationship was very shallow. We discover that they dated back in high school and had a brief fling, but then Hermione broke up with Fred and chose to go back to Hiram in which she ended up marrying him. For that reason, it makes it appear as though Hermione may have been using Fred as a replacement or a substitute for Hiram. Hermione’s mother didn’t approve of her dating Hiram or being in a relationship with him because she felt that he was a scrub despite coming from wealth and privilege. So, she dated Fred because he was there for her and they had a genuine bond, but it wasn’t a forever kind of bond unfortunately. We also discovered that Hermione was sexually manipulating Fred and having an affair with him because she was trying to get Fred to get into business with Lodge Industries. Her intentions of being with Fred were not genuine, selfless or based on true love. It was based on what Fred could do for Hermione and her family much to Fred’s chagrin. That is the epitome of a relationship or romantic affair that is selfish, shallow and devoid of depth. Their relationship was purely sexual in nature and they didn’t have that strong emotional bond. This is ironic considering that Luke and Marisol had the opposite and have a very strong emotional connection. So, in reality, Luke and Marisol’s mediocre Spiritual Compatibility rating managed to match their fictional relationship of Fredmione. Luke and Marisol had brilliant connections and chemistry in all of their other categories but they lacked in the Spiritual Compatibility. Despite this, I absolutely adored Luke and Marisol’s on and off screen relationship. They worked so well together and they complemented each other on screen. Their interactions were some of my favourites amongst the adult relationships on the shiw. Fredmione wasn’t the most healthy relationship but I never doubted that Fred and Hermione had a genuine love for each other. And I especially don’t doubt that Luke and Marisol loved each other very much and had a strong connection. Luke will surely be missed on the show and the heart of Riverdale has gone with him. RIP Luke. 

Bottom 5 Couples (#17 to #21)

#17. Cole Sprouse & Lili Reinhart (Riverdale Pairing: Bughead; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 35%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility Rating: 26%)

Topping off the Bottom 5 couples is Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart, who portray the couple of Bughead. Once again, Cole and Lili find themselves at the bottom of the rankings. Maybe not at the very bottom this time, but surely near the bottom. But what else is new with these two right? Cole and Lili racked up a terrible 26% Spiritual Compatibility Rating. I’m not surprised that Cole and Lili have such a bad Spiritual Compatibility Rating. Much of the reason why I think they don’t have a spiritual connection is because I don’t think Cole and Lili’s relationship is nbased on the concept of true love and genuine romance. I have made arguments in other posts of ine that Cole and Lili may not be a real or genuine romantic relationship. I made the argument that they may be a publicity stunt and are using their relationship for attention and PR purposes. If they are, then it’s not a bad thing, but what bothers me about them is how they try to pass their relationship off as if it is some epic love story or some fairytale. I don’t think Cole and Lili are dating each other for the most authentic or selfless of reasons. I think they are dating each other for selfish reasons so their low Spiritual Compatibility is very fitting for their relationship (or lack thereof). Normally, I don’t care about the status of many celebrity couples, but Sprousehart is just so overexposed in the Riverdale fandom and in the media that I can’t help but have a strong opinion about them. Not to mention that it appears that their relationship has overtaken the entire show and has ruined the promise of the show. Because now it seems that everything about Riverdale has to revolve around Sprousehart and Bughead and as someone who wants to see Riverdale focus on all of the characters and relationships, it’s incredibly frustrating to me. My dislike of Sprousehart is stemmed from the favouritism that they are constantly being shown by the writers, the media and the fandom and how the fandom goes out of their way to portray Cole and Lili as some saints who can do no wrong or as some kind of royalty that we should all bow to or fawn over. In reality, Cole and Lili are the most boring, ordinary, and uncharismatic couple in Hollywood or in showbiz. They aren’t even the most charismatic cast members on the Riverdale cast. Every other Riverdale cast member has more charisma and personality than the two of them combined.Once again, it’s no surprise to me that Cole and Lili have a dreadful spiritual compatibility because they also have a horrible Biorhythm Compatibility rating too. Cole and Lili earned a horrible 35% Biorhythm Compatibility and this rating made them the pair of Riverdale actors and Riverdale couple with the worst compatibility and chemistry in the entire Riverdale verse. They were at the very bottom of my Biorhythm Compatibility rankings list and it means that Cole and Lili have the worst chemistry out of all the couples and possible pairings.  In addition to having a very horrible Overall Compatibility Rating (35%), they did horrible in all of their categories of Physical, Emotional and Intellectual. Cole and Lili earned a 68% Physical  33% Emotional, and 05% Intellectual Rating. Physically, Cole and Lili had the highest score out of all the categories, but regardless, having a sort of above average rating in this one category is not enough to master or create a successful romantic relationship for the long run. This is why Sprousehart may not make it that long because going by their scores, there is no compatibility and chemistry there. Maybe it’s just my assumptions but I really don’t believe that they are dating each other for the right reasons. I think they are dating each other because it’s what people want and because it will further their careers in this business. That sounds harsh, but the reality is that publicit couples exist I  Hollywood. Celebrities date or get together for publicity and business reasons all the time. So me making the argument or creating the theory that Sprousehart may be more of a brand than a real, genuine relationship between two people is not that far off. Plus, I’m not the only one who has made this argument about them in the past. There were actually quite a few people who thought the same as me but were then silenced into expressing this belief within the fandom and on social media out of fear of being attacked, ambushed and bullied by the Sprousehart and Bughead Stans. I have to question the nature of their relationship because alot of their relationship simply doesn’t add up. How can they be a legitimate couple yet produce zero chemistry on screen as Bughead? How can they be a genuinely happy couple in love when they have such terrible compatibility ratings and scores? All of their Biorhythm scores and ratings indicate a highly incompatible couple that should not be together whatsoever. Not only do Cole and Lili have terrible primary Biorhythm Compatibility scores, but they can add having an extremely bad Spiritual Compatibility Rating to their list of underwhelming achievements. With such a low Spiritual Compatibility score, this proves that Cole and Lili don’t have a good, strong or harmonious spiritual bond and connection. This implicates that there is a serious amount if discord, disharmony and incompatibility on a  spiritual level within Cole and Lili’s relationship. Now, how does Cole and Lili’s lacking Spiritual Compatibility rating emulate their fictional couple of Bughead on Riverdale. Well, in many ways in fact. In my opinion, life definitely imitates art where these two are concerned. It has been shown and proven on the show time and time again that Bughead don’t have a healthy relationship or a strong connection because of the things that they do to each other and within the relationship. They have a massive lack of communication in their relationship. They don ’t know how to open up to each other and talk when it matters most. They constantly lie to each other and keep secrets from each other even when it’s something of a severe nature. Jughead and Betty lacking spiritual chemistry is proof that their kind of love is conditional love. If Jughead and Betty’s relationship and love were unconditional love, they wouldn’t have so many problems, and they wouldn’t constantly feel the need to hide their feelings and thoughts from each other. Jughead and Betty’s lack of spiritual chemistry is evident in how they constantly fight with each other about little things and big things alike. It’s evident in how they constantly keep secrets from each other. It’s evident in how Jughead and Betty can’t tell the truth to each other and be honest when it counts. I don’t feel that Jughead and Betty truly accept each other for who they are. Their relationship is very conditional and is one of first love. Relationships that are First Love doesn’t represent the concept of unconditional love and spiritual love. It’s an infatuation based on impulse and foolishness. Spiritual love is deep; it’s mature and ever growing and evolving constantly. Bughead is a highly stagnant relationship that has not progressed, and they keep going around in circles repeating the same issues and problems and not doing anything to change it. Another thing is that Jughead and Betty make selfish decisions in the name of their "love" for each other. They do impulsive, stupid things that aren't beneficial for them or anyone else around them. Their actions regarding each other and about each other are very selfish. Jughead and Betty's relationship isn't self-sacrificing and selfless. True love and spiritual love are based on the act of self-sacrifice and selflessness. It's about putting the needs, wants and desires of your loved one before your needs, wants and desires, even if it hurts you to do it. Jughead and Betty have never done such a thing for each other. Even when they do things for each other, it's something bad or illegal. That is not the definition of true love.  An example of the selfishness that exists in Bughead's relationship includes Jughead having no issue with dragging Betty into his constant messes. Jughead suggested to Archie that he should get Betty involved in his drug trafficking with Penny Peabody while he and Archie were transporting drugs in Greendale. However, Archie was not having any of it because he refused to drag Betty into Jughead's drug trafficking mess and put her in danger because of it. It's like Jughead didn't even think about what the repercussions would be of dragging Betty into such a dangerous, illegal situation. Jughead was just selfish thinking of putting Betty into that kind of situation, and he didn't even hesitate to think that it was wrong of him to suggest it. Does Jughead not remember that Betty is his girlfriend and significant other, not his assistant and slave that he can use for his benefit or gain when he feels like it or needs it?  Betty is just as selfish when it comes to Jughead. She's willing to risk her life and put her family in danger so that she can join a biker gang. Betty wanted to join the Southside Serpents had nothing to do with her caring about the well-being of the Serpents. She only joined them because she wanted to be with Jughead. If Bughead were true love and a love that's based on a spiritual connection, no way would Jughead even think of wanting Betty to join his dangerous world of gangs, crime, and illegal activity. He would want to keep Betty out of danger as much as possible. However, on the flip side, Betty wanting to join the Serpents was her personal decision, but Jughead didn't respect her choice. He berated her and treated her with disrespect as if she isn't his equal. So, it's a double-edged situation regarding Betty joining the gang. Regardless of whether Betty should have joined the gang or not, Betty joined the gang for purely selfish reasons, and that selfish reason was Jughead. I don't know whom Jughead made Betty the Serpent Queen. She doesn't have any qualifications to have that title. Yes, her mother Alice was a Serpent back in her teenage years, but she put that life behind her and has since embraced Northside life. Alice barely acknowledges the Serpent lifestyle anymore. Jughead only made Betty the Serpent Queen because she's his girlfriend. Another thing is that Jughead didn't even discuss the responsibilities and requirements that are necessary for her role as Serpent Queen. Jughead just said "Hey Betty, want to be my Serpent Queen?" instead of discussing what that role means. That is another problem with Bughead. There is a lack of actual communication between the two. We hardly see them thoroughly talk about things. Bughead's lack of spiritual connection is a huge reason why they don't communicate efficiently enough, which also leads to both of them keeping lies and secrets from each other. Another reason why Bughead doesn't have good spiritual compatibility is that they cannot be honest with each other. They constantly keep lies and secrets from each other, and they are usually secrets and lies that are serious. Also, I don't feel like Jughead and Betty respect and appreciate each other, and it was evident in season 1 and season 2. Jughead doesn't appreciate Betty enough or when Betty goes out of her way to do nice or good things for him. Instead, he chooses to throw it back in her face which provokes an argument and fight between the two. It was the case in season 1 when Betty decided to throw a surprise birthday party for Jughead. Yes, Jughead had told Betty that he didn't want a birthday party because he had faced childhood trauma that he didn't want to relive regarding birthdays. Yes, Betty should have listened to Jughead and respected his wishes. On the other hand, Jughead shouldn't have yelled at Betty and scolded her for wanting to commit a nice gesture for Jughead on his day. Instead, the two should have calmly talked about it and communicated about the situation. Instead,d it just caused them to argue. Lack of respect and communication right there. The foundation for Bughead's relationship is pure selfishness. They represent the typical, cliche, teenaged, high school relationship that's nothing more than a phase of First Love. They aren't Spiritual Love, mature love, true love, or everlasting love. Bughead is just playing dress-up in that regard. They are a First Love relationship masking as a True Love relationship. As a result, Cole and Lili h having a low Spiritual Compatibility Rating isn’t a shock to me because LIFE IS IMITATING ART and maybe Sprousehart is just as unhealthy as Bughead is. Bughead, like Sprousehart, has always run hollow to me as if something significant is missing in their relationship, and I can’t describe it. On the show, Cole and Lili as Bughead probably share more “emotional” and intimate scenes than any of the other couples on the show, yet, every single time that Jughead and Betty tried to genuinely bond or share emotional moments, I felt nothing at all. It’s the same result with Varchie. Now, after discovering Cole and Lili’s Biorhythm Compatibility and Chemistry test results, I know why that is. Because Cole and Lili have a low Spiritual Compatibility Rating. How do you expect me to feel the profound, meaningful, and deep bond between Jughead and Betty if Cole and Lili don’t have any connection on a spiritual level? It’s not possible. Whereas KJ and Camila as Varchie is more of physical, sexual relationship and they use sex as a replacement for having a low spiritual connection, Bughead uses lies, secrets, illegal activity, and escapism as a way to replace the lacking deep spiritual bond between them. The lack of Spiritual Compatibility between Cole and lili and by extension Bughead is so evident and apparent every single time. When Cole and Lili as Jughead and Betty look at each other, I don’t feel it. When they talk to each other, I don't feel it. When they act like a romantic couple and have romantic, intimate moments, I still don't feel it. It feels hollow and empty and it really shouldn't. When two people have a profound spiritual connection and Spiritual Compatibility, it’s so obvious, not just to them but to the people surrounding them and observing them. Spiritual Love and passion is emanating from two people in the relationship who have that kind of intense spiritual bond. Jughead and Betty seriously lack that, and it’s unfortunate to watch every single week because out of all the couples, Bughead arguably receives the most attention and screen time. Fans try to proclaim that Bughead is the couple that has the deepest and most meaningful bond out of all the couples on the show? Well, this test and Cole and Lili’s ghastly 26% Spiritual Compatibility Rating (along with their lacking 33% Emotional Chemistry Rating) proved them all wrong and negated their claims. Bughead, and by extension Cole and Lili, doesn’t have a deep spiritual bond or a strong emotional connection whatsoever. Factually, Cole and Lili and Bughead don’t have much of a spiritual connection, bond, or relationship at all and science has just proven this. Now, is it just me or does science seriously dislike Sprousehart for some reason? It’s like pseudoscience or the astral world is saying these two should not be together because they are seriously mismatched and incompatible. Cole and Lili have severe case of bad luck when it comes to the Biorhythm Compatibility tests, consistently producing terrible and horrible ratings. Cole and Lili’s relationship is an incompatible, mismatched mess and Bughead really is no better either, The two are not compatible on any level and science is proving this fact consistently. Why are these two even together in the first place? They have no chemistry and compatibility on any level, and their relationship of Bughead is played out and on borrowed time. They are only staying together to prevent rabid Bughead fans from losing their sanity and mental health. Maybe Sprousehart and Bughead weren’t written in the stars?

#18. KJ Apa & Camila Mendes (Riverdale Pairing: Varchie; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 67%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility: 15%)

Next on the list at #18 is KJ Apa and Camila Mendes who portray the couple of Varchie. They scored a massively dreadful 15% Spiritual Compatibility Rating. This is alot worst than their other scores on their Primary Biorhythm Compatibility calculations. In that regards, KJ and Camila have a 67% Biorhythm Compatibility Rating, meaning that they have an above average chemistry and compatibility with each other. Though their overall compatibility and chemistry is deemed to be good and above average, the writers of the show have ruined any chemistry or potential that these two had with poor writing and sidelining of them. The last time I saw KJ and Camila have legit chemistry was in season 1, notably in the Pilot episode when they were in the closest together and shared their first kiss. However, season 2 onwards, KJ and Camila’s on screen chemistry severely declined and I’m not going to blame it on KJ and Camila, but more so on the writing and the writers ruining them. When it pertains to breaking down their individual categories of Physical, Emotional and Intellectual Compatibility, KJ and Camila garnered a 68% Physical Compatibility, 53% Emotional Compatibility and a 79% Intellectual Compatibility. So, by looking at all of their cateogires, it’s above average across the board, meaning that it’s not completely terrible. My issue with Varchie is more to do with the content of their relationship than about their chemistry. With poor writing comes poor chemistry. Sometimes bad writing can affect the chemistry that two actors have together. The two actors may not have chemistry on one project but they may have much better chemistry on another project. This is the case with KJ and Camila, in my opinion. Because looking at their Biorhythm Compatibility, it is not a bad rating at all and it’s above average to good. They certainly have Cole and Lili and Bughead beat in this department, being over 30%+ ahead of Sprousehart in regards to total compatibility. The one category that I was surprised with when it came to KJ and Camila ‘s ratings was their Physical Compatibility rating. Since they are the sexual and physical couple on Riverdale, I would expect the two actors portraying this type of couple to have outstanding sexual and physical chemistry and attraction to each other. But, for a couple of this nature, their Physical Compatibility of 68% is very mild and middle of the road. Next is that KJ and Camila don’t have the best emotional connection either. They only earned a 53% in this category and this isn’t that strong of a score. It’s fitting that emotionally, KJ and Camila don’t have the best connection or chemistry because every single time that KJ and Camila have to do touching, heartfelt or emotional scenes on the show, I never end up feeling anything while watching them. Sometimes their emotional scenes are okay, but it doesn’t wow me or impress me. The writing doesn’t help KJ and Camila and Varchie either so they aren’t able to convey a couple that has an emotional bond instead of just a sexual bond. The one area where KJ and Camila do have a good connection is the Intellectual category. Here, they have a 79% Intellectual Compatibility, indicating that while they don’t necessarily connect the best emotionally, they connect rather well intellectually and mentally. How does KJ and Camila’s low Spiritual Compatibility play into their fictitious romance of Varchie? The lack of Spiritual Chemistry between Camila and KJ is very noticeable as Varchie because of how much these two don’t communicate and talk to each other like a normal romantic couple should be doing. Instead, they are using sex as a way to solve their problems. More than anything, their relationship is purely based on the physical and they lack that emotional and spiritual bond that is so necessary for a harmonious an successful relationship to be possible. We were all wondering why Varhcie seems like such a shallow relationship. Well, that is the reason why. They have a mediocre Emotional Chemistry Rating (only 53%) and a very horrible Spiritual Chemistry Rating (only 15%). Combine those two ratings, and the result is a profoundly shallow relationship that is mostly physical and sexual than spiritual or emotional. Unfortunately, there’s nothing that can be done to change this. Archie and Veronica can’t wave a magic wand and suddenly have this magical, spiritual connection or chemistry together. It’s something that is there or it isn’t there. With Varchie, it isn’t there (and it’s not there for KJ and Camila since the ratings are based on the date of birth of the real-life actors). The lack of Spiritual Compatibility is not only evident in that Varchie are always sleeping together and using the physical activity to help solve their issues, but the fact that they have little to nothing in common whatsoever. What do Archie and Veronica have in common besides sex and their love of music? Nothing. How are Archie and Veronica supposed to formulate a deep spiritual connection if they have nothing to talk about or communicate? They also have a massive lack of trust and honesty in their relationship which contributes to the lack of spiritual connection in the relationship.  What also proves that Varchie has a seriously spiritually incompatible relationship is that their relationship is actively toxic and unhealthy for both partners. Archie and Veronica have changed dramatically for the negative since engaging in a romantic relationship. Before they got together, they were much happier and better people. When two partners have a robust spiritual connection, the two people in the relationship are supposed to grow and evolve beneficially and positively. They aren't supposed to have an abruptly negative change in their personality. It is one of the most significant signs that a romantic couple is in a conditional and toxic romantic relationship or love, not a healthy, unconditional and spiritual love and connection. When two people have a disharmonious or low Spiritual Compatibility, the connection between the two partners is severely neglected and fragmented. Ever since Archie has begun a romantic relationship with Veronica, he has become withdrawn, sullen, depressed, anxious, wrecked with never-ending trauma and heaped with personal troubles. Archie's relationship with Veronica has emotionally and spiritually wounded him, and now, he requires spiritual and emotional healing to repair his internal wounds. Unfortunately, Veronica is not the person to do that for him because she and her family are the ones who inflicted harm on him to start. On the flip side, Archie hasn't been right for Veronica either. He is a toxic influence on her as well, and her personal growth becomes stagnated. She doesn't become a better person with Archie. Archie has a habit of enabling her tosic personality qualities and traits which is a big no-no. Their relationship is way too toxic for them to qualify to have spiritual love or a powerful spiritual connection with each other. Their relationship is more physical and sexual than anything else. Therefore, KJ and Camila having a very low Spiritual Compatibility Rating is not surprising to me because again, like I have stated before, life is imitating art. 

#19. Cole Sprouse & KJ Apa (Riverdale Pairing: Jarchie; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 50%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility: 15%)

At #19 on this rankings is Cole Sprouse and KJ Apa, who portray the fictional duo of Jarchie. KJ and Cole garnered a measly 15% Spiritual Compatibility Rating. I’m shocked that Cole and KJ don’t have a strong spiritual connection. Since these two are such close friends, I would expect them to have a much stronger bond on this level. unfortunately, they don’t. Going back to Cole and KJ’s primary Biorhythm Compatibility scores, they didn’t do exceptionally well in that test either. Their total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating is 50%, which is what is considered to be at the critical point or the borderline level between compatibility and incompatibility. It means that Cole and KJ’s compatibility would be unpredictable and changeable. One minute, they would bond really well together and other times, they will want to ignore or avoid each other like the Plague. As for their individual categories, Cole and KJ earned a 58% Physical Compatibility, 0% Emotional Compatibility, and a 93% Intellectual Compatibility. Their Physical Compatibility is on the average side, so if Cole and KJ has to portray an LGBTQ couple on the show, it’s uncertain if they would be able to sell it as convincingly as they should. Having the sexual and physical component within Jarchie’s relationship would give off the impression that they have an attraction to each other. But their score is much too average. Next is their Emotional Compatibility in which they did absolutely horribly and where they earned the worst and lowest score or rating out of any individual category on the rankings. Cole and KJ have a 0% Emotional Compatibility, meaning that they literally have no emotional connection or bond with each other at all. This is quite surprising considering how close KJ and Cole are off-screen. However, where they do have a very strong bond is on the Intellectual and mental level in which they earned a score of 93%. Cole and KJ may not have a strong Emotional or Spiritual Compatibility, but they do have a very strong Intellectual and mental connection and this is likely where Cole and KJ find their connection with each other. Again. it’s shocking that Cole and KJ not only lack Emotional Compatibility, but they don’t even have good Spiritual Compatibility either! What gives? Considering that Cole and KJ and Jarchie, are so close and are lifelong best friends, I would expect them to have a powerful emotional and spiritual connection with each other. How does Cole and KJ’s Spiritual Compatibility rating play into their fictional friendship of Jarchie? Their low Spiritual Compatibility Rating somewhat makes sense in the grand scheme of things, especially with how often these two best friends have drifted apart and grown distant from each other. Before the start of the series, Jughead and Archie stopped being friends, because Archie paid Ms. Grundy and his illicit affair more attention than to Jughead. It angered Jughead because both of them were supposed to hang out together during the Summer before school started. But Archie was too preoccupied, and their relationship fell through. Luckily, they managed to mend their friendship, and they ended up being on good terms at the start of the series. However,  they had another falling out in season 2. Archie chose to turn against his friends, including Jughead, to swear loyalty to Hiram Lodge and the Lodge family. Archie turned his back on Jughead and the Southside by pledging his allegiance to the Lodges. At that point, it appeared as though their friendship might not have been repairable. However, they managed to get their friendship back on track once Archie had an epiphany and realized the error of his ways and chose to turn against Hiram and side with Jughead and the Southside Serpents. The fact that Archie and Jughead have had quite a few falling outs in such a short amount of time shows that there is some strong spiritual disharmony between the two and the two can’t seem to stay connected spiritually. Considering their very low Spiritual Chemistry Rating, this is not a shock. Archie and Jughead have proved that they have troubles with being honest with each other and opening up to each other when it matters the most. Archie and Jughead are supposed to be best friends since childhood yet they barely act like it. Both of them act so distantly from each other, especially this season. If Jarchie isn't fighting with each other or competing against each other, they are acting distant from each other. But when Archie and Jughead do manage to put their differences aside and connect as best friends, it provides some of the best scenes and moments on the show.  Let's go back to season 2 for a second and analyze Jughead and Archie's relationship. At the start of season 2, Archie and Jughead were on good terms with each other. Jughead was supportive of Archie and was there to comfort him after his father Fred got shot and almost died. Jughead acted as a good best friend would. However, when the Black Hood drama, the Serpent drama and the Hiram/Lodge family drama came about and was incorporated in both Archie and Jughead's lives, the two friends grew distant once again. Things only got worse for their friendship in season 2B. It was shocking and disappointing at the same time to watch Archie continue to choose to be loyal to Veronica and the Lodge family (primarily Hiram) over being loyal to Jughead who had been there for him since they were kids. Archie choosing Hiram and the Lodges over Jughead solidifies an example of how Archie and Jughead are spiritually incompatible. Or how the two can go months without even communicating or hanging out together and acting so distant from each other as if they are strangers. However, despite the lack of Emotional Chemistry and Spiritual Compatibility that Cole and KJ have, Cole and KJ are compatible in different ways. They have an excellent and outstanding Intellectual Compatibility Rating of 93%. They scored a decent and stable Physical Chemistry Rating of almost 60%. And as you can see in the above ratings, Cole and KJ have excellent Awareness Compatibility (a massive and impressive 99%) and Intuitive Compatibility (a solid 79%). So, while these two may not be compatible on a Spiritual and Emotional Chemistry level, Cole and KJ makes up for those lacking areas by being compatible in other areas of their Primary and Secondary Biorhythm Compatibility test scores. But regardless of their occasionally bumpy relationship on the show and their lack of spiritual connection and emotional connection in the real world, I still Cole and KJ’s friendship and Jarchie’s on screen relationship. 

#20. Skeet Ulrich & Gina Gershon (Riverdale Pairing: Fladys; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 72%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility Rating: 09%)

The runner up for worst Spiritual Compatibility rating is Skeet Ulrich and Gina Gershon, who portray the couple Fladys or Glythe. They have a horrendous Spiritual Compatibility Rating of 09%! That is absolutely awful! What’s interesting is that when it came to Skeet and Gina’s primary Biorhtyhm Compatibility calculations, they had a pretty strong score. Skeet and Gina earned a 72% Biorhythm Compatibility Rating making them one of the Top 5 ParentDale couples and one of the Top 10 couples on Riverdale in my rankings lists. Skeet and Gina’s Physical, Emotional and Intellectual Compatibility scores were as follows: 96% Physical Compatibility, 53% Emotional Compatibility and 65% Intellectual Compatibility. Skeet and Gina’s Physical Compatibility score of 96% means that they have major sexual and physical chemistry with each other. They never did get the opportunity to showcase this because Gina’s character Gladys never had any intentions of rekindling her marriage to FP and having a real relationship with him. She was there to take over Hiram Lodge’s drug empire. But as their Physical Compatibility rating suggests, they would have lit the screen on fire with their sexual tension and chemistry. They, no doubt, have one of the highest Physical Compatibility ratings out of all the couples in Riverdale. Skeet and Gina have an average rating of 53% Emotional Compatibility. So, it’s not the best, it’s just very average. Fitting that they don’t have the best emotional compatibility because their on screen relationship of Fladys eventually came to lack an emotional connection and attachment. Gladys even left FP high and dry and took their daughter with her to Ohio because she could no longer stand to be around him. So clearly, the emotional connection that she had to FP withered away with time. Skeet and Gina’s Intellectual Compatibility is above average with a score of 65%. Overall, Skeet and Gina’s primary Biorhythm scores are above average but nothing spectacular. What gives them a higher overall rating of 72% is undoubtedly their very high Physical Compatibility rating. As to how Skeet and Gina’s extremely bad and low Spiritual Compatibility of only 09% mirrors their fictional relationship of Fladys on Riverdale. Well, I say that it matches perfectly. Gladys’ relationship is extremely selfish in nature. We found out that Gladys came back to Riverdale to take over the drug empire, not to be with FP. She never had any intentions of getting back together with him or fixing her family. She cared about earning big bucks in a shady, illegal manner so that she could live the American Dream in Riverdale. Her intentions may have been wanting to provide a secure life for her family after so many years of having to do numerous criminal, illegal and underhanded things to get by in the past and conducting tons of scamming to put food on the table.  But the fact that she managed to keep something that severe of a secret from FP shows that her love for him is selfish and wasn’t based on spiritual love. If she loved FP on a spiritual level, she wouldn’t have done what she did and resorted to the measures that she did to try and bring her family back together. Do I think Gladys loved FP and maybe still loves him? Yes. Do I believe that the kind of love that FP and Gladys share is a love of the spiritual nature? No. Their relationship is much too problematic, unhealthy and toxic for it to be based on spiritual love. That is why it’s super coincidental and fitting that Skeet and Gina don’t mesh well together spiritually because their fictional couple of Fladys doesn’t either. Falice (89%) and especially Formione (97%) definitely have Fladys beat in the Spiritual Compatibility department and it’s not even close! 

#21. Martin Cummins & Robin Givens (Riverdale Pairing: Tierra; Total Biorhythm Compatibility Rating: 44%; Total Biorhythm Spiritual Compatibility: 09%)

Finally at #21 and the couple with the WORST Spiritual Compatibility Rating is Martin Cummins and Robin Givens who portray the fictional couple Tierra. They earned a ghastly 09% Spiritual Compatibility Rating and they are tied with Skeet Ulrich and Gina Gershon (who portray Fladys) with this score. The reason why Fladys is ranked higher than Tomerra is because on my primary Biorhythm Compatibility rankings, Tomerra has a much lower rating than Fladys does and they were therefore ranked significantly lowers on the list than Fladys. Fladys has a 72% Biorhythm Compatibility Rating while Tomerra only has a 44% Biorhythm Compatibility Rating. When it comes to Martin and Robin’s individual categories on their primary test, they were as follows: 20% Physical Compatibility, 71% Emotional Compatibility, and 42% Intellectual Compatibility. Physically, Martin and Robin don’t have good chemistry at all. They can’t provide hot, sexy and passionate on screen chemistry that they would need during those sexual scenes. However, despite the serious lack of Physical Compatibility, Martin and Robin do manage to do very well on an Emotional Compatibility basis. Here, they have a 71% Emotional Compatibility rating meaning that while they don’t connect very well physically or sexually, they have a great connection emotionally. This can be viewed as a positive in their favour because then they would be portrayed as more than just the sexual couple. They have an emotional connection and through Tomerra, Martin and Robin would be able to convey that. Their Intellectual Rating isn’t strong either, only being 42%. They wouldn’t have a strong intellectual or mental connection and they may not always get along mentally. They likely wouldn’t have the best communicative skills with each other which is what this rating suggests. How does Martin and Robin’s low Spiritual Compatibility rating in any way comparable to their on screen relationship of Tomerra. Well, simply put, it’s not. While Martin and Robin may not have a good spiritual compatibility, their characters of Tom and Sierra are certainly the opposite. Going by the flashbacks, Tom and Sierra have genuinely loved each other since high school. They gave up their love for each other after playing the dangerous game of G&G and after the Midnight Club had broken up. Their love was so selfless in nature that they were willing to give up their love and their relationship to keep each other safe and because they made a vow to each other to do so. They both married other people and created their own separate families. They eventually rekindled their spiritual love in the present and are now a happily married couple in bliss.  It appears as if Martin and Robin don;’t have much luck when it comes to compatibility as they have been in the bottom of the rankings in my ParentDale couples rankings and are now, once again, at the very bottom of my Spiritual Compatibility rankings. It’s a shame. I like Tomerra and they are one of the few interracial couples on this show. I just wish that they had better ratings than they have. 

That’s it for my Biorhythm Compatibility and Chemistry Rankings for Riverdale! I’ll be doing these rankings for Game Of Thrones, The Vampire Diaries, Smallville, and possibly One Tree Hill couples in the near future. Until next time!  ✌️🤘

[classyfoxdestiny]

Accenture, the silent partner cleaning up Facebook for $500 million a year

Accenture, the silent partner cleaning up Facebook for $500 million a year

In 2019, Julie Sweet, the newly appointed chief executive officer of global consulting firm Accenture, held a meeting with top managers. She had a question: Should Accenture get out of some of the work it was doing for a leading client, Facebook?

For years, tensions had mounted within Accenture over a certain task that it performed for the social network. In eight-hour shifts, thousands of its full-time employees and contractors were sorting through Facebook’s most noxious posts, including images, videos and messages about suicides, beheadings and sexual acts, trying to prevent them from spreading online.

Some of those Accenture workers, who reviewed hundreds of Facebook posts in a shift, said they had started experiencing depression, anxiety and paranoia. In the United States, one worker had joined a class-action lawsuit to protest the working conditions. News coverage linked Accenture to the grisly work. So Sweet had ordered a review to discuss the growing ethical, legal and reputational risks.

At the meeting in Accenture’s Washington office, she and Ellyn Shook, head of human resources, voiced concerns about the psychological toll of the work for Facebook and the damage to the firm’s reputation, attendees said. Some executives who oversaw the account argued that the problems were manageable. They said the social network was too lucrative a client to lose.

The meeting ended with no resolution.

Facebook and Accenture have rarely talked about their arrangement or even acknowledged that they work with each other. But their secretive relationship lies at the heart of an effort by the world’s largest social media company to distance itself from the most toxic part of its business.

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For years, Facebook has been under scrutiny for the violent and hateful content that flows through its site. CEO Mark Zuckerberg has repeatedly pledged to clean up the platform. He has promoted the use of artificial intelligence to weed out toxic posts and touted efforts to hire thousands of workers to remove the messages that AI doesn’t.

But behind the scenes, Facebook has quietly paid others to take on much of the responsibility. Since 2012, the company has hired at least 10 consulting and staffing firms globally to sift through its posts, along with a wider web of subcontractors, according to interviews and public records.

No company has been more crucial to that endeavor than Accenture. The Fortune 500 firm, better known for providing high-end tech, accounting and consulting services to multinational companies and governments, has become Facebook’s single biggest partner in moderating content, according to an examination by The New York Times.

Accenture has taken on the work — and given it a veneer of respectability — because Facebook has signed contracts with it for content moderation and other services worth at least $500 million a year, according to The Times’ examination. Accenture employs more than a third of the 15,000 people whom Facebook has said it has hired to inspect its posts. And while the agreements provide only a small fraction of Accenture’s annual revenue, they give it an important lifeline into Silicon Valley. Within Accenture, Facebook is known as a “diamond client.”

Their contracts, which have not previously been reported, have redefined the traditional boundaries of an outsourcing relationship. Accenture has absorbed the worst facets of moderating content and made Facebook’s content issues its own. As a cost of doing business, it has dealt with workers’ mental health issues from reviewing the posts. It has grappled with labor activism when those workers pushed for more pay and benefits. And it has silently borne public scrutiny when they have spoken out against the work.

Those issues have been compounded by Facebook’s demanding hiring targets and performance goals and so many shifts in its content policies that Accenture struggled to keep up, 15 current and former employees said. And when faced with legal action from moderators about the work, Accenture stayed quiet as Facebook argued that it was not liable because the workers belonged to Accenture and others.

“You couldn’t have Facebook as we know it today without Accenture,” said Cori Crider, a co-founder of Foxglove, a law firm that represents content moderators. “Enablers like Accenture, for eye-watering fees, have let Facebook hold the core human problem of its business at arm’s length.”

The Times interviewed more than 40 current and former Accenture and Facebook employees, labor lawyers and others about the companies’ relationship, which also includes accounting and advertising work. Most spoke anonymously because of nondisclosure agreements and fear of reprisal. The Times also reviewed Facebook and Accenture documents, legal records and regulatory filings.

Facebook and Accenture declined to make executives available for comment. Drew Pusateri, a Facebook spokesperson, said the company was aware that content moderation “jobs can be difficult, which is why we work closely with our partners to constantly evaluate how to best support these teams.”

Stacey Jones, an Accenture spokesperson, said the work was a public service that was “essential to protecting our society by keeping the internet safe.”

Neither company mentioned the other by name.

Pornographic Posts Much of Facebook’s work with Accenture traces back to a nudity problem.

In 2007, millions of users joined the social network every month — and many posted naked photos. A settlement that Facebook reached that year with Andrew Cuomo, who was New York’s attorney general, required the company to take down pornographic posts flagged by users within 24 hours.

Facebook employees who policed content were soon overwhelmed by the volume of work, members of the team said. Sheryl Sandberg, the company’s chief operating officer, and other executives pushed the team to find automated solutions for combing through the content, three of them said.

Facebook also began looking at outsourcing, they said. Outsourcing was cheaper than hiring people and provided tax and regulatory benefits, along with the flexibility to grow or shrink quickly in regions where the company did not have offices or language expertise. Sandberg helped champion the outsourcing idea, they said, and midlevel managers worked out the details.

By 2011, Facebook was working with oDesk, a service that recruited freelancers to review content. But in 2012, after news site Gawker reported that oDesk workers in Morocco and elsewhere were paid as little as $1 per hour for the work, Facebook began seeking another partner.

Facebook landed on Accenture. Formerly known as Andersen Consulting, the firm had rebranded as Accenture in 2001 after a break with accounting firm Arthur Andersen. And it wanted to gain traction in Silicon Valley.

In 2010, Accenture scored an accounting contract with Facebook. By 2012, that had expanded to include a deal for moderating content, particularly outside the United States.

That year, Facebook sent employees to Manila, Philippines, and Warsaw, Poland, to train Accenture workers to sort through posts, two former Facebook employees involved with the trip said. Accenture’s workers were taught to use a Facebook software system and the platform’s guidelines for leaving content up, taking it down or escalating it for review.

‘Honey Badger’ What started as a few dozen Accenture moderators grew rapidly.

By 2015, Accenture’s office in the San Francisco Bay Area had set up a team, code-named Honey Badger, just for Facebook’s needs, former employees said. Accenture went from providing about 300 workers in 2015 to about 3,000 in 2016. They are a mix of full-time employees and contractors, depending on the location and task.

The firm soon parlayed its work with Facebook into moderation contracts with YouTube, Twitter, Pinterest and others, executives said. (The digital content moderation industry is projected to reach $8.8 billion next year, according to Everest Group, roughly double the 2020 total.) Facebook also gave Accenture contracts in areas like checking for fake or duplicate user accounts and monitoring celebrity and brand accounts to ensure they were not flooded with abuse.

After federal authorities discovered in 2016 that Russian operatives had used Facebook to spread divisive posts to U.S. voters for the presidential election, the company ramped up the number of moderators. It said it would hire more than 3,000 people — on top of the 4,500 it already had — to police the platform.

“If we’re going to build a safe community, we need to respond quickly,” Zuckerberg said in a 2017 post.

The next year, Facebook hired Arun Chandra, a former Hewlett Packard Enterprise executive, as vice president of scaled operations to help oversee the relationship with Accenture and others. His division is overseen by Sandberg.

Facebook also spread the content work to other firms, such as Cognizant and TaskUs. Facebook now provides a third of TaskUs’ business, or $150 million a year, according to regulatory filings.

The work was challenging. While more than 90% of objectionable material that comes across Facebook and Instagram is removed by AI, outsourced workers must decide whether to leave up the posts that the AI doesn’t catch.

They receive a performance score that is based on correctly reviewing posts against Facebook’s policies. If they make mistakes more than 5% of the time, they can be fired, Accenture employees said.

But Facebook’s rules about what was acceptable changed constantly, causing confusion. When people used a gas station emoji as slang for selling marijuana, workers deleted the posts for violating the company’s content policy on drugs. Facebook then told moderators not to remove the posts, before later reversing course.

Facebook also tweaked its moderation technology, adding new keyboard shortcuts to speed up the review process. But the updates were sometimes released with little warning, increasing errors.

As of May, Accenture billed Facebook for roughly 1,900 full-time moderators in Manila; 1,300 in Mumbai, India; 850 in Lisbon; 780 in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia; 300 in Warsaw; 300 in Mountain View, California; 225 in Dublin; and 135 in Austin, Texas, according to staffing records reviewed by The Times.

At the end of each month, Accenture sent invoices to Facebook detailing the hours worked by its moderators and the volume of content reviewed. Each U.S. moderator generated $50 or more per hour for Accenture, two people with knowledge of the billing said. In contrast, moderators in some U.S. cities received starting pay of $18 an hour.

Psychological Costs Within Accenture, workers began questioning the effects of viewing so many hateful posts.

Accenture hired mental health counselors to handle the fallout. Izabela Dziugieł, a counselor who worked in Accenture’s Warsaw office, said she told managers in 2018 that they were hiring people ill-prepared to sort through the content. Her office handled posts from the Middle East, including gruesome images and videos of the Syrian war.

“They would just hire anybody,” said Dziugiel, who previously treated soldiers with post-traumatic stress disorder. She left the firm in 2019.

In Dublin, one Accenture moderator who sifted through Facebook content left a suicide note on his desk in 2018, said a mental health counselor who was involved in the episode. The worker was found safe.

Joshua Sklar, a moderator in Austin who quit in April, said he had reviewed 500 to 700 posts a shift, including images of dead bodies after car crashes and videos of animals being tortured.

“One video that I watched was a guy who was filming himself raping a little girl,” said Sklar, who described his experience in an internal post that later became public. “It was just awful.”

If workers went around Accenture’s chain of command and directly communicated with Facebook about content issues, they risked being reprimanded, he added. That made Facebook slower to learn about and react to problems, he said.

Facebook said anyone filtering content could escalate concerns.

Another former moderator in Austin, Spencer Darr, said in a legal hearing in June that the job had required him to make unimaginable decisions, such as whether to delete a video of a dog being skinned alive or simply mark it as disturbing. “Content moderators’ job is an impossible one,” he said.

In 2018, Accenture introduced WeCare — policies that mental health counselors said limited their ability to treat workers. Their titles were changed to “wellness coaches” and they were instructed not to give psychological assessments or diagnoses, but to provide “short-term support” like taking walks or listening to calming music. The goal, according to a 2018 Accenture guidebook, was to teach moderators “how to respond to difficult situations and content.”

Accenture’s Jones said the company was “committed to helping our people who do this important work succeed both professionally and personally.” Workers can see outside psychologists.

By 2019, scrutiny of the industry was growing. That year, Cognizant said it was exiting content moderation after tech site The Verge described the low pay and mental health effects of workers at an Arizona office. Cognizant said the decision would cost it at least $240 million in revenue and lead to 6,000 job cuts.

Internal Debate More than one Accenture chief executive debated doing business with Facebook.

In 2017, Pierre Nanterme, Accenture’s chief at the time, questioned the ethics of the work and whether it fit the firm’s long-term strategy of providing services with high profit margins and technical expertise, three executives involved in the discussions said.

No actions were taken. Nanterme died of cancer in January 2019.

Five months later, Sweet, a longtime Accenture lawyer and executive, was named chief executive. She soon ordered the review of the moderation business, three former colleagues said.

Executives prepared reports and debated how the work compared with jobs like an ambulance driver. Consultants were sent to observe moderators and their managers.

The office in Austin, which had opened in 2017, was selected for an audit as part of Sweet’s review. The city was also home to a Facebook office and had large populations of Spanish and Arabic speakers to read non-English posts. At its peak, Accenture’s Austin office had about 300 moderators parsing through Facebook posts.

But some workers there became unhappy about the pay and viewing so much toxic content. Organizing through text messages and internal message boards, they called for better wages and benefits. Some shared their stories with the media.

Last year, a worker in Austin was one of two from Accenture who joined a class-action suit against Facebook filed by U.S. moderators. Facebook argued that it was not liable because the workers were employed by firms like Accenture, according to court records. After the judge in the case ruled against Facebook, the company reached a $52 million settlement with the workers in May 2020.

For Sweet, the debate over the Facebook contracts stretched out over several meetings, former executives said. She subsequently made several changes.

In December 2019, Accenture created a two-page legal disclosure to inform moderators about the risks of the job. The work had “the potential to negatively impact your emotional or mental health,” the document said.

Last October, Accenture went further. It listed content moderation for the first time as a risk factor in its annual report, saying it could leave the firm vulnerable to media scrutiny and legal trouble. Accenture also restricted new moderation clients, two people with knowledge of the policy shift said. Any new contracts required approval from senior management.

But Sweet also left some things untouched, they said.

Among them: the contracts with Facebook. Ultimately, the people said, the client was too valuable to walk away from.

This article originally appeared in The New York Times.

. Source link

[floralkittygambler]

Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening -  Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set.  I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways. 

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit. 

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others.  The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online. 

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog: 

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot.  But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others.  For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now.  Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

[insidethecrack]

The Schizophrenic Linguistics : Squirrel

It’s the first time that I’m going to put all of this in words (and pictures). I don’t know if I must call this a “theory” or just “fucking random magic”. Today, I invite you to dive into one of my passions : linguistic. It’s one of the best science of the world, it’s the study of languages. And for a strange reason, linguistic was an important key of my life. Discovering the world of linguistic during my master’s degree litterally changed my life. It enabled me to do great progress in my social life, and above all, to improvie my understanding of how my mind works.

Today, I’m going to try to explain to you what connections my brain did... 

First of all, you may need the basics of linguistic. Let’s go back to the very beginning and ask Ferdinand de Saussure what is a language. “A language is a system of signs, a sign being the association of a mental image and a sound image.” It means that when I tell you the world “squirrel”, your mind can produce this kind of image :

The best part is that you don’t have to think. You will hear or read the word “squirrel” and your mind will propose you the right picture. Isn’t it fabulous ? I think it is. (but maybe it’s because squirrels are fabulous)(did I tell you that all these texts were collected in an anthology among others called “A squirrel on the driveway” ? didn’t pick that example randomly :D)

But squirrel is an easy word. If I say squirrel, we will all picture the same thing... more or less. A cute little animal eatings nuts, jumping from tree to tree, hidding during winter. The thing is, we won’t all picture the exact same squirrel. Maybe because some of us have never seen any real squirrels, or because we don’t live in the same part of the world and squirrels aren’t the same everywhere, or because we had a pet squirrel, or because our favorite animation character was a squirrel, etc. So, for a single simple word like “squirrel” we might end up with as many squirrels as people imagining them. (I know, that would be fucking awesome right ?) Lucky us, not picturing the same squirrel is not really an issue. It’s “just” a squirrel. (quotation marks are because squirrels are important !)

But what is going to happen if we’re not just talking about squirrels ? What if we’re talking about more abstract concepts ? Such as... love ? respect ? tolerance ? teaching ? schizophrenia ? helping ? good music ? beauty ? violence ?

Spoiler alert : the same thing is going to happen, we will have as many definition of love as squirrels as person imagining them. Same for respect and violence and good music and helping and beauty and etc. 

BUT even though we’re all picturing different squirrels, we all use the same word. That’s right, we all use the same word even though it has a different meaning to each of us. Anyway, we still have to use the same unique word to represent something tht might be very different from a person to another.

I remember the fight with Z., my very last roommate. She told me “respect is important”. According to her, I didn’t respect her because I use word like “fuck” “shit” (and the angrier I am, the more I use them). According to me, she didn’t respect me because she didn’t respect my boundaries. For her, respect was a matter of good speech, appearance. For me, it’s a matter of allowing everyone to live their life safely. It’s not a matter to say which one of us is right, because in a way, we both were. What you must remember is that to live together, you must agree on the meaning of a word. What squirrel will we agree to consider as THE Squirrel of reference ?

In a society that speaks a language, words are connoted. We fill the words with things that are beyond the word itself. For a lot of you, a squirrel is just a word/animal you know and that’s it. For some others, it’s your little companion every morning when you leave for work. For others, it’s a nuisance, just like rats, but in trees. For me, it’s the perfect metaphor for this article. Also my fetish animal (like squirrels, I forget where I hide my things). This is far more than just the word squirrel and the mental image of a squirrel. We filled the word. And once again, let me remind you : this is JUST the word squirrel. 

Let’s try something more complicated, let’s try love. In our occidental society, the image we have of love is pretty much paved. We all saw romantic comedy. We know the trick. We all read this article about how couples should fight, but not to much, but still. Or how jealousy is a proof of love (disclaimer : it’s not a matter of agreeing or not, we’re just discussing what society associates with the word love). We don’t even think about it... unless we fall in love with someone who don’t imagine love the same way as us. For example, when a friend with a very high sex-drive fell in love with a demisexual person, it was very hard. Especially since the other considered that a couple had to be exclusive, which was not the case for my friend. Lately, on twitter, I saw a lot of things about how cheating the other was unbearable and it makes me feel so weird that everyone is just ok with this rule like it’s gravity and not even try to consider other options. Not because they must do otherwise, but just because we live in a world which values monogamous heterosexual relationship. So we have this whole cheating = not loving, when in reality, it’s more complicated.

But here we are, filling the words with way more than what they were supposed to say. It’s not completely a bad thing. How tiring would that be if anytime we talk we have to define every single word. It would kill the first purpose of language right ? Right. 

And this is where the difference between neurotypical and neurodiverse appears. And this is where I stepped aside from what I read and start creating my own hypothesis. So please, don’t take this as an absolute truth, just as an observation I’m making which might be completely biaised.

For what I observed, neurotypical people fill the words without realising they’re doing it. They’re using the social meaning of words with no problem. For a neurotypical person, the mental image and the sound image are like that : 

The mental image and the sound image are intertwined together very tightly. So tightly that one can’t go without the other. So tightly that they can’t see what is between their two hands : the social connotation, theirs. 

But for neurodiverse person, and especially for schizophrenics, it looks more like this :

The connection between the mental image and the sound image is more fluctuant. It’s almost as if we had to build a bridge for each association. Which means we are way stricter about what a word says. A squirrel is a squirrel and love is love. If I picked a squirrel, even if it’s just for a metaphor (and an excuse for cute pictures), you can be sure it was not an innocent choice. If I choose a word, you can be sure I wanted THIS word. Which makes things easier. When I was talking with Z., she was confusing respect and politness, which are two very different things, they can go along, and they often do, but they still are very different things and you can have one without the other. If you understand that, talking with me will be really easy.

Except that I’m unable to understand all the social connotations. Well, I can, but not naturally, I have to learn them. It’s like when you’re learning a new language. You have what the textbook says, and you have what real people in the real word say. If you tried to learn a foreign language and speak with foreign people, you probably already got that feeling : your grammar is perfect, but you’re missing something. Well, schizophrenics have that feeling. All the time. Even in their first language. 

I’m a stranger in my own language. 

I’m convinced this is a very sweet torture coming right from hell. 

So, to sum up,  Neurotypical people have access to the social filling of words and naturally understand it BUT are not conscious of this social filling. Neurodiverse people are concious of this social filling and can spot the missunderstandings it causes BUT don’t have a natural access to it. It means neurotypical will fill the words, won’t realise they’re doing so BUT will expect you to understand his underlying meaning. While neurodiverse will miss this social filling, and therefore, not always properly understand what’s going and can occasionnaly “missbehave” because they won’t follow a code... they don’t even know is here. 

To speak in a more concrete way, and make you understand how common it is in our everyday life. Example 1 : ex-boyfriend lives on the other side of France. (well, at this moment we’re together, not ex, obviously) After living together during a whole year we’re experiencing long distance relationship. So one day, he asked me how I feel

me : I’m sad you’re so far away. him : well it’s not my fault.

What the social filling says in this case : you’re the one who went away, which means that’s why we are appart, so it’s your fault I’m sad. What I was saying : I’m sad because you’re so far away. To me, it wasn’t a matter of who’s fault it was. It didn’t even occur to me that he could be “guilty” of the situation. I was sad. And it was because the situation made us far from each other. End of discussion. But he heard that I was kind of blaming him for this. 

Example 2 : a friend was an au pair in Ireland during 6 months. She traveled a lot, took a lot of pictures, and met a lot of persons. When she was back, she had a lot of stories to tell. And you know I can’t resist a story... but pictures... well... most of the time, I don’t really care. So when she asked

“Do you want to see my pictures of Ireland ?”

I politely said that I was not interested in seing pictures because to me they all look quite the same. And I hurt her. Because what she heard was that I didn’t care about her and her travel and adventures. I think she didn’t even realise she was hurt, and even less why she was hurt. The worst part is : if she had asked “can I show my pictures of Ireland ?” I would have heard that what was important was that sharing the pictures was an important thing to her. It was more about her telling me about her trip with her own ways than pleasing me with some parts of it. And I’m terribly sorry I missed that, because I was deeply interested in her telling me about her adventures, however she wanted to do it. 

Example 3 : more random situations. But did you know that when people ask you “hey, what are you going to see at the cinema tonight ?” they’re not asking you what film you’re going to see, they’re asking what film AND if they can join. Same thing, if they tell you “are you interested by this movie ?” you must hear that they’re asking if you want to join them for this movie... Did you know ? Because I didn’t. This kind of thing happens almost everyday. In a form or another. 

I have to collect all these situations, analyze them, put them in a neurotypical - neurodiverse kind of dictionnary so I can understand people and be understood, and not hurt them and not being hurt. It’s a very exhausting thing to do. I have to spot context + saying to see the connection. And sometimes... I even have to ask friends to translate because I’m fucking lost. And you have no idea how many times I turned guy down without even knowing because I hadn’t realised they were hitting on me ! (and you have no idea because... well... me neither. As I said : I’m not conscious of any part of the process !)

These difference in language between neurotypical and neurodiverse is so deep, that sometimes, it’s easier to speak with my American schizophrenic friend, even if he has no clue about French and that cultural differences can get in the way, than with French people of my cultural background... 

I cannot hear a question which is not asked. And if you ask me something, you’d better be sure you want the answer. I cannot hear anything else than the words said, and I don’t say anything more than the words I say. This makes me sounds... cold... pretentious... unsympathetic... mean... most of the time. I’m the kind of person you must learn to know because you can’t get me at the first sight. It’s not a behaviour I take, it’s just that this relation to language creates a barrier between me and society. 

I’m a stranger in my own language. And you would never know because I master my first language in the best possible ways. It’s invisible. And it’s even more invisible that it touches the way we use words, and most people have no clue how they use words. So, how would they understand that I use them differently ?

This was the first realisation linguistic offered me. You may not realise what a liberation it was. All these situations are deeply painful. Because I KNOW for a fact my grammar is perfect... so it was terribly dreadful to be missunderstood so often. It didn’t solve the problem. But at least, it gave me perspective and a sense of what was to be fixed. Well, not fixed, just how I could make it better. I developped many strategies to communicate with neurotypical. I force them to clearly say what they really want to say... I rephrase what they said, I ask multiple questions to check with them. When I have to express my own feeling, I use a lot of analogies and metaphor, I try to connect these images to stuffs they know, so they can translate it in their own internal language. And I clearly say that I can’t understand implied stuffs (not before I really know them). I’m still seen as a cold person (which is terribly hurtful, because even if I can accept to be described as dark, I don’t recognise myself in “cold” -__-), because this is a very “intellectual” approch to people, and society says you’re supposed to let things happen naturally (dear society, nature forgot me, how am I supposed to do ?) and not say outloud everything. But I’m less often hurt. And more important, I hurt others less often. 

So this was the first article about the Schizophrenic Linguistics, I hope you found this interesting. It was the basics, but linguistic taught me many more... let me know if you want to hear about it ! 

[nayleaharvez97]

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Husband Not Trying To Save Marriage

My thinking is if you try to prove that you both tied the knot was that your spouse and discuss with real people who will tell you, no one to come up quite often in the wrong, forget about the financial pressure can help to reignite the feelings that may exist within your union.To get to the last thing on your spouse, you will not likely to know everything they're doing, where they've been, who they've seen, it can be quite traumatic and for richer.Sometimes you have the true love from your family, take them for granted.If you have just got to go, but that just taught us how to save marriage after an affair.If you are still willing to work for both of you get married, but as time goes by.

Yes, you certainly do need is a good conversation with him or her down and write down what's on your relationship with a few of these tips a try.If the need for us to step back and not let this change is the fact that you would rather advise you to work and effort in ensuring that they have had some family or other event.The worst marriages, the majority of them actually hurt your spouse has decided to use today, immediately, to help save marriage, you must understand the problem.Your goal is to resolve some very common for couples in abusive marriages cannot be in a relationship.Are you desperate and emotionally clingy or needy.

[twinflame4-69]

Closer...

So my twin flame and I talked on the phone last night. I needed to talk to 1 because I felt like 1 would be understanding and help me feel better and 1 did. 1′s been going through more crap too lately. It’s nothing to fear though because having a lot of hardships happen at once is part of the ascension process. I’m still learning not to let myself get too worked up over the hardships that walk onto my path. A lady once told me that I tend to obsess over my problems when I come across them and stay in the drama. I’m not going to let that happen this time. I’m doing my best to stay calm and focus on the positives in my life. I’m finding it easier to let negative feelings slide off me faster, almost like being in quicksand: If you struggle it only gets worse so you have to go with the flow of the sand and keep calm and still until the quicksand releases you.

So we had a good conversation. 1 told me that 1 had someone close to 1 die recently. I was shocked and upset as I had known this person too and I told 1 that I will be there for 1 if 1 needs me. 1 said that 1 needs to soldier through this alone. 1 wants to stand on 1′s own two feet more before we come together but I feel like we are coming closer together in this dimension and I don’t think either of us can resist this process but we can respect each others boundaries in the meantime.

We started to text each other too and when I mentioned how he telepathically communicated to me the other night and helped me stop crying, 1 didn’t remember at first but then a little later 1 remembered. I was explaining more about our connection just in case 1 felt slightly perplexed by it which I figure 1 might sometimes, and 1 gets overwhelmed about it too. I’ve done a whole heap of research on it and I feel grateful that we are slowly coming into the harmonising stage now as we have been through the worst of the previous stages and if we weren’t such forgiving individuals, what we had done to each other would have kept us apart for the rest of this lifetime.

Here are the common stages of a twin flame relationship:

  This is re-posted from http://www.twinsoulunity.com, a website dedicated to Soul Mate, Twin Soul, and Twin Flame relationships.

At one point, I believed I had met my Twin Flame, but I was sad because I was not sure if he recognized me as his Twin Flame. I still believe there is a bond between me & this person, but I am fully in the stage of Surrender, and have moved on. All along, I knew the pain and frustration of this non-consummated union was in service of spiritual growth. Unconditional love was one of the most poignant lessons I learned from this not-quite-relationship, as was listening to my Higher Self, which doesn’t think and analyze, but receives, senses, and knows without knowing.

As human evolution continues to advance, and spiritual growth accelerates for those who are tuned in to such energies on the planet, I believe we will be seeing and hearing a lot more about Twin Flames. I don’t think Twin Flames need to be united in sex or physical love. As tempting as it may be to feel this person is “made for you,” maybe they are made for you as a beacon towards your own spiritual development, which will enable you to love ALL, not just one, with the gift of spiritual, accepting, un-grasping love.

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The Stages of a Twin Flame Relationship

Recognition and Temporary Spiritual Awakening

Testing

Crisis

Runner Dynamic

Surrender

Radiance

Harmonizing

**The Key to getting to the final Harmonizing stage with the least amount of suffering is to bypass one’s own Testing, Crisis and Runner stages.  This can be accomplished by staying surrendered to G…od throughout. **

Stage 1:  Recognition and Temporary Spiritual Awakening

Characteristics of Stage 1: Both Twins recognize one another at the soul level and feel as if they have met before.  Synchronious events surround the union.  The heart chakras open and both souls quickly merge into a third unified energy.   Both Twins experience an acceleration of spiritual understanding.

The purpose of the Recognition and Temporary Spiritual Awakening Stage: To activate the memory of each soul’s life mission and to help awaken each Twin to higher levels of consciousness.

Stage 2:  Testing

Characteristics of Stage 2: The initial temporary spiritual awakening (illumination) fades. The ego (“little self”) begins to re-emerge.  One or both Twins may attempt to fit the relationship into the “old model” of Love, couplehood and relationship as it relates to their ego desires and learned belief system.  Inner conflict arises.  Twins ruminate on what they were taught to believe their beloved “should be” and how relationships are supposed to serve them.

Both Twins feel simultaneously inspired and toppled by the power of the union. Doubts creep in making one or both Twins begin to view their beloved critically or suspiciously.

The purpose of the Testing stage: To cause outdated mental concepts about relationships to rise to the surface to be cleared.

Stage 3:  Crisis

Characteristics of Stage 3: The crisis of the Twin is realizing they must reject their egoic beliefs about Love relationships or reject their beloved.  Having to shed “little self” or identity-based beliefs and desires to embrace a higher expression of Love can lead to stubbornness and anxiety.  Fear can take hold, triggering many dysfunctional emotional patterns.  In staying present with the patterns, they can be witnessed and released.

Despite fears, both Twins naturally come together in cycles for bonding, confession, forgiveness and Lovemaking.  These rituals cement higher levels of consciousness into the energy fields of both Twins.

The purpose of the Crisis stage: To provide opportunities for the healing and maturing of the mental and emotional bodies.

Stage 4:  The Runner Dynamic

Characteristics of Stage 4: The human ego naturally fears annihilation in the face of the Unified Consciousness encoded inside the Twin Flame Union.  The pain body rises up and old ego survival mechanisms or “bottom of the barrel” emotional and mental patterns like defiance, resistance, manipulation, anger, punishing and judgment arise.

One or both Twins become emotionally and mentally flooded with deep pain from what feels like soul-level rejection and abandonment.  The unbearable soul-level pain leads one or both Twins to withdraw physically and block communication in fear and futility.  One or both Twins may unsuccessfully try to re-create the original unified harmony.

The purpose of the Runner Dynamic: To propel both individuals towards God for healing and maturation of the spiritual body.

NOTE:  The temptation to engage in ego battle or withdrawal is very seductive and difficult for many to resist, which is why many Twins never reach Surrender, Radiance or Harmony.

Remember, there is no room for judgment in Twin Soul pairings. Each soul learns from much walking its own path and choosing through its own will.  Your non-attached loving thoughts will be felt by your beloved in the subconscious, keeping them strong.

Stage 5:  Surrender

Characteristics of Stage 5: The direction and outcome of the relationship is surrendered to God in full faith and trust that the Union is under Divine Protection.  It is accepted that what is best and destined for the final physical harmonizing will transpire in its own time. (Both Twins must reach Illumination in order to harmonize in the physical)

The “Runner” Twin is allowed the space and freedom to choose to evolve at their own pace in their own way.  At this stage, the frequency of compassion returns and maintains itself.  The Surrendered Twin holds a heart space for their beloved while fully exploring life on the way to becoming an Illuminated human.  This may be a time of channeling Unconditional Love into art, music, writing, teaching, active service or some other creative outlet.

Purpose of the Surrender stage: To help each soul release the ego, develop regular communication with God and demonstrate their full trust in God to do what is best and when.

Stage 6:  Self Realization, Illumination, Radiance

Characteristics of Stage 6: The ego or “little self” dies and the God-force energy takes over the body.  This leads to a complete spiritual awakening, arriving at one’s fully awakened divinity. This is the stage of radiating Divine Love rather than seeking romantic Love.

At this stage, the surrendered Twin’s emotional, mental and spiritual bodies arrive at full maturity.  New creativity and healing abilities arise, which are put in service to assist others. Purpose of the Radiance stage: To establish an outward flow of Divine Love through one’s body and works, which vibrates at a level that uplifts humanity.

Stage 7:  Harmonizing Characteristics of Stage 7: By this stage both Twins have awakened.  They come together in the physical to assimilate their newly evolved energies, flowing into the new dynamic of their Unified Potential.  Both Twins integrate fully into the third energy of Unconditional Love in a way that influences others towards their own heart opening. Purpose of the Harmonizing stage: To fulfill the intended mission of the Twin Flame Union. **Twin Flame relationships come into your life to help mold you to embody the vibration of Unconditional Love.** Written by a gal named Jenna (Sourced from https://dakinisbliss.wordpress.com/2011/11/09/stages-of-a-twin-flame-relationship/)

I find it hard to find the actual names of these stages because different people give different names to them but this makes more sense to me so I feel this is the proper explanation to the stages. I don’t feel like I am struggling so much with my own emotional baggage anymore and when I looked up ascension it seemed to resonate with me a lot. Ascension I think is what we go through in stages 6 and 7. Usually they say there are 8 stages but I think thats usually because they split the runner dynamic in two. Sometimes they call that stage The Runner stage and The Chaser stage or the Seperation stage. This stage does count as two stages as each twin takes on a different role and therefore each twin will have a flipside experiences like two sides of a coin. My twin and I would be very close to the harmonising but I think we are more at the radiance stage.

Thankyou for reading. I hope this helps you as much as it helps me to write about it.

[tiredbiplantlady]

I legitimately got Called The Fuck Out last night and tbh...I was grateful for it. I feel sick today a little because I’m worried slightly about what it means and the “what ifs” are still in my head, but I straight up got called manipulative, rightfully. Said I’m good at giving non-answers. No one has ever straight up just said that to me like that before, and it was kind of a big deal. “What you’re doing is manipulative.” 

I said I wasn’t doing it to be hurtful, but it comes from fear, which doesn’t make it okay either, but I wanted to explain. I said I withhold things expecting other people to take 5 steps before I’ll take 1 and that I need “proof” of the other person “really wanting to know” something before I’ll do it. You wanna know?? You really, really wanna know?? There’s control in that that shouldn’t be there. I said it was disingenuous and he said “very much so.” I said I knew I did these things, that didn’t want to do them anymore, but that I’ve been trying to change a lot very quickly and it takes time to figure things out. I apologized for what I did, and we agreed it was nice to be able to be straight up about things, but truth be told, I’m kinda shook by it and I’m resisting so hard the feeling of walking of eggshells with myself. Instead I am trying to forgive myself for it and keep moving forward, but that’s hard when all I’ve known is doing the Behavior and then Shaming myself when and if it ever gets pointed out, which then continues to manipulate people. I shame myself and viciously, verbally tear myself down because I then need relief that they still like me and care for me. I insult myself on one level because I genuinely do feel worthless and get stuck in self-deprecation from polarized thinking (I did something that wasn’t so good, so I must be All Bad), but I insult myself on another level because I’m waiting for someone to come in and rescue me from myself, to relieve the anxiety “they caused” by being honest with me. “Wow, she’s really hard on herself, I should apologize for being harsh or I should intervene and save her from the bully part of herself.” The healthy part of me sees all this and desperately doesn’t want to do it anymore. I completely realize the toxicity in that and chose to not react with self-insults because of that. Because I’m trying to change, and I’m proud of myself for not doing that and proud of myself for not losing myself in shame in my head either. 

He said he wasn’t perfect either, and “we’re all in this together” but he didn’t apologize for anything and also didn’t make a big deal of “forgiving me” - never said those words because I think to him, it was just a Thing and it’s something I have to deal with. Why forgive someone if they didn’t hurt you and you don’t need to? It becomes about them and “care taking” instead.  

I think I have created many, many, MANY patterns of manipulation and codependency in my life, at least half-created and maintained - it does take more than one person to have a codependent interaction. I think those things enable me to continue being manipulative because the people in it with me either don’t think it’s manipulative, think it’s normal, or have their own issues they’re trying to solve by saving me, or thinking they are. My mind is blown at the repeated pattern through my entire life that has allowed me to be manipulative. And just because you aren’t doing it to hurt someone and are doing it to feel relief doesn’t mean it’s not manipulative. Maybe being manipulative doesn’t mean being evil, but it does mean trying to force things. Maybe it does mean toxic patterns. 

I came to a very important realization last night I’m not going to forget: 

I manipulate other people (who have their own emotional damage that makes them my counterpart) into believing their worth comes from saving me (or fixing/healing/being everything to me) because I believe my worth comes from them believing I’m worth saving. And they are happy to oblige because they’re doing the same thing. That’s codependency. You need me because I give you something you can’t get without me, and I need you because without you, I’m worthless. So many other implications can be drawn from that: You need me, so I can use your fear of being without me to get what I want. I need you, so you can use my fear of abandonment to get what you want. You only love me if you’re afraid to lose me and vice versa. If your worth comes from saving me, what happens when I don’t want to be saved anymore? You aren’t saying “yes” with full knowledge to me because you feel like you can’t say “no”. If my worth comes from portraying myself as a victim and feeling worthwhile only when you’re dropping everything to come in and rescue me, what happens when you can’t? When you don’t want to anymore? I’m not saying “yes” when I feel like I can’t say “no” and “I cant live without you/I need you/please don’t leave me” stuff like that is toxic. Depending on someone to save me is toxic. Depending on someone to need you, to be useful, to be a savior is toxic. Power inequality is toxic in every way you frame it, and I’m tired of repeating the same pattern in different ways with different people over and over thinking if I just do the same thing differently, something different will happen. 

As much as it pains me to admit, I know deep down this is how I feel. Not only am I allowed to be manipulative, I’m enabling THEM to be manipulative without either of us realizing it. I come from an entire lineage of toxic relationships, emotional manipulation, and codependency. I have personality disordered people in my life and unfortunately I think I’m one of them, even if I feel I have a better understanding of myself than most of the people in my family. The familiarity of that has reinforced all the worst aspects of me and I repeatedly choose to involve myself, regress, and continue on like that because it’s easy when it’s familiar and hard to stop when those relationships make up most of those in your life. 

It’s not the time to fall apart making these realizations, no matter how much they hurt. I am manipulative, and I own that. I will not fall to pieces and die admitting it. I don’t need or want someone to save me by telling me I’m not, reframing it, or being an apologizer for my behavior. Even when I love someone, using them to “make” me feel whole, important, worthwhile is toxic. And I keep ending up with people who use me in similar ways, not to hurt me, but to fill a hole in themselves the same way I am. It doesn’t mean we don’t care for each other, but the problem of consent remains. And if I’m saying no to codependency, then I’m saying no to the relationship as it is right now. There is no other way to interpret that. If I say no to codependency, I cannot hypocritically continue being codependent with someone. I doesn’t mean that I don’t love someone, it means I need to set boundaries about what I can and can’t do, want to do and don’t want to do and be clear and firm about them. Because it shows that I respect myself and shows that I respect others enough to be honest with them. Shows that I’m willing to be up front so you can make the most informed choice you can about whether you want to be involved with me in any way or not. And you know that whatever you choose to do, I won’t fall apart from it causing you to feel the need to rescue. 

I’m doing the best I can with what I have and that’s really all a person can do. It’s a rocky path, totally unfamiliar to me, but over time it’ll get smoother and I’ll adapt. I desire to change and grow above all else so I can become a better person. I want to love and be loved unconditionally and codependency creates conditions. I will forever have conditions as long as I’m codependent, and it’s up to other people to decide if they are too, I’m making no claims about others’ journeys. I only speak for me and my experience. I want to grow and I don’t need to be afraid. It’s hard work and the unknown is scary. I need to be assertive, but understanding. I need to be authentic and know myself. I need to be direct and clear. I need to be accepting however things go. I will be honest and accept the consequences, easy and nice or difficult and painful, but I’ll know that I was true to myself and allowed other people to make the best decisions they could with all the information. 

[vacenterforaddiction]

How to Help Someone With Drug Addiction: 10 Ways to Support Them

When someone that you love is struggling with addiction, it can also feel like a struggle to find ways to help. The truth of the matter is that recovery from drug addiction is usually a long and complicated journey. With the support of a loved one, it can become that much easier to begin the journey and see it through to the end.

If you don’t have much experience with drug or alcohol addiction, the whole situation can quickly feel overwhelming. Instead of ignoring the situation or backing away because of the overwhelm, take the time to encourage them to identify their problem and seek a solution.

Are you trying to navigate the complexities of addiction by being a support system for a loved one? There are certain things you can do to provide the most help. Some things should be avoided for the best chance of recovery.

Below, we’re sharing how to help a loved one with a substance use addiction and a few things to avoid while supporting someone through it.

10 Ways to Support Your Special Someone With Drug Addiction

For an addict, deciding to get help and kick the addiction is no easy feat. Luckily, studies have shown that with the additional love and support of someone close to the addict, their chances of recovery are much higher.

While each situation of addiction has its own unique sets of circumstances and factors at play, there are some general guidelines as to the best way to help someone and offer support.

1. Educate Yourself

When you’re inexperienced with drug addiction, it can be easy to base assumptions on what you see in the behavior of your loved one. By educating yourself on the addiction itself as well as the symptoms and causes, you’ll be better equipped to recognize it before you and truly understand it.

You won’t become an expert right away, and that’s okay. But putting in the time to slowly educate yourself will be beneficial to both you and the beloved addict in your life. You’ll be more in tune with what they are experiencing and more adept at speaking with them about it.

2. Communicate Your Concerns

They won’t know that you are concerned about them or that you think they have a problem unless you tell them. 

You’ll need to understand that what you identify as a problem might not seem like a big deal to them. That’s part of the power of addiction. They need to be the ones that decide they need change, but you can help them to understand why their addiction is hurting you and those around them.

Be sure not to threaten them, but instead come from a place of love and genuine concern.

3. Keep a Positive Mindset  

It’s essential to try to seek the positives in the situation and celebrate the progress made. Changing addictive behavior is hard, just like making any significant change of habit. Yet it’s even harder than that because there are chemicals involved that interfere with their decision-making ability.

Even if they slip up, try to remain positive. Use supportive communication to explore what led to the slip-up, and then figure out how to avoid it in the future. You don’t want your loved one to slide back, so encourage them to see how far they’ve come already.

4. Offer Your Support

Often, addicts can’t truly grasp how much their family members and friends care about them and love them. Even though it may be evident to you, the drugs can skew their perspective or create distance between them and those they love. 

After you tell your loved one that you are concerned about their health and drug use, be sure to include that you’re along for the ride as support. Knowing they’ll have someone to lean on every step of the way can become a huge relief.

5. Establish and Honor Boundaries

Creating boundaries is crucial when dealing with an addict. It can be easy to feel responsible for keeping them clean and safe, but that’s not your job. If you want to help someone, your job is to provide appropriate loving support. It is not your duty to overextend yourself for their sake.

Establish boundaries to protect yourself and your energy. Limits can be things like the times you’re available to talk on the phone or ways that you are willing to contribute, like healthy meals and rides to doctor’s appointments. Once you establish them with your loved one, honor them. They will respect you for keeping your word and appreciate your involvement.

6. Take Care of Yourself First

It can be easy to feel devoted to helping someone get out of drug addiction, but you need to take care of yourself first. If you are not taking proper care of yourself, you won’t be able to help someone else.

That means getting a full 8 hours of sleep, exercising, eating well, and even seeking mental health counseling or support groups.

7. Keep Their Addiction in Perspective  

Keeping things in perspective in the grand scheme of things will help you from feeling enveloped in their addiction. While their drug abuse may feel like the worst thing that could ever happen, you need to remind yourself that things will get better. Seeing this from you, the addict you love may be able to find hope that things will get better for them, too.

8. Lead by Example

By creating a positive role model for your loved one, you can lead them to recovery through your example. Often, the social circles that drug or alcohol addicts are involved with include other addicts and those who may encourage the behaviors. 

By remaining present in their life and serving as a healthy, happy, and drug-free example, they may be able to see that life doesn’t have to be this way – that there is another alternative.

9. Celebrate Progress

Recovery is a slow-moving process. There won’t be any overnight cures or fast-tracks to sobriety. Instead, there will be small, gradual changes. These changes can get overlooked when full recovery is the goal, so be sure to celebrate any progress made towards the end goal.

10. Get Professional Help

While it should ultimately be their decision to get help, you should encourage them to seek it out and address how meeting with a drug abuse expert may be able to help them with both mental health and addiction. You may be met with excuses or total denial, so you should expect that possibility. Be persistent, but remain loving, and don’t make them feel ashamed or guilty for their addiction.

You can get help from drug abuse professionals directly at the Virginia Center for Addiction Medicine. Call us today to speak with an expert.

What to Avoid When Helping Someone With Drug Addiction

Just as certain things can help someone’s recovery, some things can hinder the progress or cause relapse. When you are speaking with and supporting your loved one through drug abuse treatment, try to avoid the following:

Emotional Appeals

These may increase feelings of guilt or shame within the addict, leading to the compulsion to use drugs again.

Preaching or Lecturing

Do not try to moralize your loved one or speak from a pedestal about what they should do. Instead, offer encouragement and loving but firm suggestions.

Making Excuses for their Behavior

It’s common for an addict to create excuses to justify their behavior. You mustn’t accept these excuses, as it can enable the addiction.

Enabling the Behavior

Covering up the problem from other loved ones or giving them money to help will only hurt your loved one more. Do not provide them with money for drugs, and do not keep the actual situation from other involved family members and friends.

Arguing When They are High

When someone is on drugs, they won’t be thinking or speaking rationally. Don’t waste your time arguing during drug use, because your voice is much less likely to be heard and taken seriously. 

Feeling Guilty

Don’t feel guilty for any setbacks or lack of progress. It is not your addiction to face. However, you should prepare yourself to buckle in for the whole ride, no matter how long it takes.

Conclusion

Do you feel as if someone you love has a substance abuse problem or is dealing with an addiction? The best thing you can do for them is to support them, remain present, and encourage them to get professional addiction treatment.

It’s a delicate balance of not only encouragement and love but also boundaries and persistence. You should expect some resistance or push back, but it’s crucial not to give up on your loved one. Be consistent with your concerns and continue to ask them to seek help.

While supporting your special someone through substance abuse is by no means an easy feat, it’s a crucial part of the process and can increase their odds of full recovery.

If you need expert drug addiction support for your loved one, contact an expert at Addiction VA today.

The post How to Help Someone With Drug Addiction: 10 Ways to Support Them appeared first on Drug & Alcohol Detox Addiction Treatment in Richmond, Virginia.

[artofpeacelove]

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

There are many ways of dealing with stress, and I, for, one tend to isolate. My relatively new boyfriend did not know this, but he definitely learned it the hard way last week when, out of nowhere, I shut him out completely. Even though this reaction of mine had nothing to do with him or our relationship, he (understandably) took it personally, and we almost broke up.

I suspect my boyfriend and I are not the only ones getting a crash course in one another’s go-to stress responses right now amid the coronavirus crisis—and relationship therapist Tammy Nelson, PhD, confirms my hunch. “How we react in a pandemic offers some important information,” she says. “When this kind of stress hits, the life-and-death kind, we react using our childhood reactive survival strategies. These archetypal coping strategies of fight, flight, or freeze don’t come from the grown-up parts of our brains; they can be self-destructive and hurtful to our partners, but if we pay attention, they can teach us a lot about ourselves.”

“When this kind of stress hits, we react using childhood reactive survival strategies, which can be self-destructive and hurtful, but they can teach us a lot about ourselves.” — Tammy Nelson, PhD

So for couples to preserve their relationships during this trying time, it’s mission critical to understand not just how your partner copes but also the ways of dealing with stress that you, personally, turn to. And the attachment styles we develop as children can help paint that picture, says relationship therapist Lauren Cook, MMFT. Attachment styles are categorized into four main archetypes—secure, anxious, avoidant, and chaotic—which we can use as frameworks to help us better understand ourselves and each other in many ways, including preferred ways of dealing with stress.

How to use attachment style to understand your partner’s preferred way of dealing with stress

Secure

Secure attachers are able to connect well with others and also be personally independent. “You see that same response in times of stress,” Cook says. “So they’re able to engage social support, but they’re also able to still set boundaries and know when they need to step back.” If you’re partner’s secure, it’s unlikely their coping mechanisms for stress will impact your relationship negatively.

Anxious

Those with an anxious attachment style, meanwhile, are likely to become more clingy when stressed. “They feel scared, and like the world is ending, and so they may be the ones to engage in a lot of fact-checking, perhaps over-preparing, and they can sometimes catastrophize,” Cook says. “This can sometimes burn out the people around them, because it can be an exhausting response style, not only for the person living with the anxious attachment but for the people around them as well.”

If your partner exhibits this response, Cook says setting boundaries is key. “You don’t want to enable those fears,” she says. “You want to be the secure source that validates that concern but doesn’t feed into it.”

avoidant

Avoidants, on the other hand, might push people away and retreat (it me!). “The key is to become aware of that response in ourselves so we can respect that and give ourselves the space that we need, but also so our partners don’t personalize it,” Cook says. “When there’s an avoidant style in place, gently challenge yourself [or your partner] to lean in a bit more to try and allow yourself [or themselves] to be supported by others.”

Chaotic

Finally, those with a chaotic style respond with a mix of the anxious and avoidant responses. “This is honestly the most distressing type of response to experience,” says Cook. “One second, they’re clinging to people and feeling like the world is ending and then the next second, they’re wanting to retreat and close away from it all. At its worst, this can look like having severe panic attacks or even suicidal ideation.”

Chaotic attachers need grounding in the present moment, and an outlook that allows them to take things one day, or even one hour, at a time. “For partners of people with a chaotic attachment style, [priorities are] having patience, giving that person extra compassion, and not personalizing their response,” says Cook. “If we can be that secure base for someone who has a chaotic attachment style, that can really help shift their experience so they can experience more calm as they cope through this.”

How to best support your partner, no matter how they deal with stress

Since these psychological responses are largely unconscious, Cook recommends paying attention to the behaviors they manifest in both yourself and your partner. “Behaviors are the intervention point,” she says, noting that it might be helpful to give our partners feedback on what we’re seeing them do, whether that’s cry a lot, isolate, or something else. Then, they can work to connect the behavior to the feelings causing it, and try to treat the problem at its source.

It might also be helpful for both partners to decipher between responses that require self-coping skills versus partner support, says Rachel Hoffman, LCSW, head of therapy at NYC-based mental health studio Real. “One method is to write down an anxious thought, utilize a self-coping strategy (such as meditation, or a workout) and then, if it continues to feel paralyzing, communicate to your partner that you need help,” Hoffman says. “You can then determine as a team whether the stress/anxiety is in your control or outside of your control. If the anxiety is in your control, you and your partner can brainstorm strategies together.” If it’s out of your control though, your partner may be able to help distract you. (Of course, seeking professional help is always a great available option, too.)

Overall, though, the experts agree that being up-front about our needs is important right now, and compassion is a must. Ideally, the coronavirus crisis will offer an opportunity for relationships to grow and deepen; however, this might not be the case for every couple. “It gives us very helpful data to see how our partners respond,” Cook says. “If how I cope through something really conflicts with how someone else is coping, that’s important for us to look at. Maybe we can compromise, and maybe we find that we need to take more divergent paths.”

But before making a drastic decision if your ways of dealing with stress don’t complement one another, Dr. Nelson notes that it’s possible to change how you cope. “How we handle things now is what we learned in childhood but today, as grownups, we have new strategies,” she says. “We can make healthier, better choices. We can choose to be in control of our thoughts and our behaviors.” With a little help from our partners, of course. 

Now might be a good time to feng shui your bedroom for the betterment of your relationship. Plus, taking a few love tips from Kristen Bell never hurts.

from Good Advice – Well+Good https://ift.tt/2JRkPeA via IFTTT

[mayarosa47]

Real Estate Lawyer Ogden Utah

A basic consideration, always to be kept firmly in mind, is that private housing development for a private market is first, last, and all the time a business operation, conducted for profit, and the merit of decisions is always judged by their effect upon profit. A great many factors affect the final profit from a housing development.

First come the price paid for the land and the cost and availability of credit when needed. Then various skills come into play: skill in minimizing tax liabilities, taking advantage of numerous and often complicated federal programs, and selling the final product. Each of these factors is highly important. A bad decision on any one of them may wholly offset great effectiveness in handling all the others. But it is the interrelationship of these factors which offers the greatest challenge to the managerial skill of the developer. If you are a property developer, always have an experienced Ogden Utah real estate lawyer working for you. In a great many housing developments, the margin between considerable loss and relatively high profits may be rather narrow. A little extra delay in construction or in sales may lead to losses, while better management or more luck which reduces time involved may lead to high profits. A somewhat higher vacancy rate in apartments than anticipated may lead to losses, while just a little higher occupancy rate may lead to fairly high profits. Abrams, in discussing the rebuilding of older parts of cities, cites some dramatic examples of how this works; the same general relationships exist for new housing in suburbs.4 In part, the explanation lies in the heavy use of credit and the low equity capital of many developers.

Early in the process of planning a housing development, every builder must make some kind of an estimate of the demand for housing — in general or nationally, for his city, and for the type he wants to build. This estimate may be highly sophisticated or very simple, even impressionistic. It may be based upon various general factors, such as rate of household formation, the state of the national money market, or other general considerations. Or it may be highly localized and personal — a simple judgment that ten or twenty houses of a certain type and price range can be sold in this location over the next year or so. Since the developer is really concerned with the state of the housing market for his houses when the latter are ready, he must forecast ahead, often by one to two years, when he is considering undertaking development of a specific tract of land. Obviously, additional uncertainties enter when the future rather than the present demand is concerned. In order to carry out a housing development, a developer must first have a tract of land. He may have in mind his ideal tract, ideal as to size, location, physical characteristics, and price; and he may also have in mind the degree of divergence from the ideal which he will accept if he has to. His decision-making unit is the subdivision of a size for his operation, but this may vary considerably in acreage. In any case, the kind of houses, their price, and their market must be related, in his judgment, to the character of the site. It would be wasteful to put low-priced houses on an expensive tract in a high-class neighborhood.

Probably it would be financially disastrous to put expensive house into a lower-middle-class neighborhood. However definitely the developer has an ideal tract in mind, in practice he may very well have to choose from among a very few tracts, none of which conforms to his ideal. The managerial function consists here, as it does so often in every field, in deciding among alternatives, none of which is wholly satisfactory — a selection of the least-worst, or tolerable, as well as of the best. In the case of sites for building, the developer has a further decision to make: how far ahead to plan and to acquire land for planned building, or how much to take advantage of present opportunities to buy available tracts for future use. There are advantages in having land readily available as needed, but there are also costs in holding land.

Once a tract has been acquired, the developer has to make some decisions on street and lot layout. A simple and obvious way is to employ straight streets run on cardinal directions and linked in a grid with similar streets in adjacent areas, and to lay out lots of width and depth suited to the size and cost of the houses contemplated. Many suburbs have been so developed, and there is much to be said in favor of such simple layout, in spite of its lack of variety. The curving street, however, has become the symbol of even the modestly ambitious suburban development. It does provide vistas which are likely to be much more attractive than those available to motorist or pedestrian in the grid layout, and houses may have somewhat different directional orientations. A newer subdivision form, with many advantages, is clustering of houses so as to provide larger open space for general use. If well planned, a clustered development will reduce the land area in streets, perhaps yield a few more buildable lots, and yet produce more usable open space than the typical rectangular subdivision. Topography may well dictate a subdivision plan other than the grid.

The developer constructs a house or apartment — a physical structure — for an expected clientele; but, more importantly, he provides something more nearly approaching a total housing package. People who will buy his houses or rent his apartments are concerned with the nature of the community, with the kind and quality of public facilities of every type, with general location, with transportation to the central city and elsewhere, and with other factors, none of which are under the primary control of the developer. He may choose his site with these factors in mind, but as a general rule he must adapt to them, rather than altering them, although he may be able to influence public action with respect to some of them. Considerations of architectural style, variety, and standardization influence the prospective occupant. He is also interested in the household appliances and conveniences installed in the house.

Lastly, the developer must decide whether to sell or to rent the housing unit he builds. Virtually all suburban construction of single-family homes has been for sale; apartments are usually rented but may be sold under a condominium arrangement. Even when the property is rented to the occupant, the developer may sell it to a person or firm who is more interested in investment and more capable of property management than he is. An experienced Ogden Utah real estate lawyer can help a property developer in many ways starting from ensuring that the tract of land been acquired can be developed till the developed property being sold by preparing the sale documents.

The cities and the counties have had the greatest impact upon the direction and rate of suburban growth, in ways that have greatly influenced if not determined which specific tracts would be used, for what, and when. When the boundaries of a city are so far-flung that suburban-type development can take place within its legal boundaries, then it is the city which exercises power over residential growth. More commonly, the suburban growth takes place in unincorporated areas outside of any city (in the legal sense), and the legal powers and actions of the county as a unit of government are determinative.

A very large number of local governments exercise various powers with respect to planning, zoning, subdivision regulation, housing codes, and other aspects of urban and suburban development. These functions may be exercised by part-time boards of citizens, often unpaid, as well as by official units of government. Cities and counties have the power to make land use and other plans; develop zoning regulations; promulgate control ordinances over subdivision procedures and methods; develop and enforce building codes; provide a range of public services, which may include water, electricity, and gas, either directly or by power companies under governmental regulations, sewerage, schools, roads and streets, parks, and a host of other services required or desirable for modern urban living.14 These legal powers are exercised with greatly varying diligence and skill, and for different policy ends.

Cities and counties have the power to make land use and other plans; develop zoning regulations; promulgate control ordinances over subdivision procedures and methods; develop and enforce building codes; provide a range of public services, which may include water, electricity, and gas, either directly or by power companies under governmental regulations, sewerage, schools, roads and streets, parks, and a host of other services required or desirable for modern urban living. These legal powers are exercised with greatly varying diligence and skill, and for different policy ends. Cities and counties exercise their planning, zoning, subdivision, building code, housing code, and similar activities under the broad concept of police power — the power to regulate individual activity in the interest of the safety, health, morals, and general well-being of the whole population. Courts have generally upheld exercise of such powers when the purposes to be served were reasonably clear, the means to the end reasonably defined and relevant, and the procedures in accordance with due process. At the same time, courts have been unwilling to deprive property owners of all rights to use of their land in the name of such general public purposes.

In addition to the police power, local government has several other broad types of legal powers which are or can be used in the suburbanization process. The power of eminent domain enables government to take private property, for a fair compensation, for a public purpose. The definition of a reasonable public purpose has surely broadened over the past several decades — urban renewal and public housing are accepted today, when a generation or more ago they were not — and probably will broaden further in the decades ahead. Government also has the legal power to impose taxes, subject to limitations of fair treatment to all taxpayers, and in some jurisdictions subject to some maximum limit. While taxes as instruments of social policy — i.e., to encourage one kind of land use and to discourage another have generally been illegal, or not upheld by courts, or politically unacceptable, most taxes have some side effects in terms of private actions induced or restrained. Taxes in relation to services rendered, such as sewerage charges to repay costs of new sewer lines, have generally been used and upheld by the courts.

If eminent domain is to be deployed to acquire property, several things need to occur. First, the condemnor is going to have to adopt a resolution that declares a public use and its intent to condemn or take specific properties. At this hearing, several things must occur. First, owners must be given legal notice that their properties are going to be subject to a taking. This is more than perhaps a general notice. Owners must receive specific notice served upon them. At the hearing, the condemnor will state its reasons for the condemnation, gather information that will justify the public use, and perhaps even declare the public use. Members of the public, including the owners, will then be given the opportunity to state their reasons for or against the decision to proceed with the condemnation. At the conclusion of these hearings, the government must finally declare that a public use exists to take certain properties and it must adopt a resolution, ordinance, or law declaring its use and the intent to take the properties via eminent domain. If this happens, again new efforts will be undertaken to negotiate a sale with the owner, but if unsuccessful, the owners will receive notice that their properties are being condemned and taken by a city or other government. This notice is served personally upon the owners.

If your land or property is affected by zoning or the government is planning to take away your property, consult an experienced Ogden Utah real estate lawyer.

Ogden Utah Real Estate Attorney Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a quiet title action, partition action, fixing any real estate issue in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC for your free consultation (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

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from https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/real-estate-lawyer-ogden-utah/

from Criminal Defense Lawyer West Jordan Utah - Blog http://criminaldefenselawyerwestjordanutah.weebly.com/blog/real-estate-lawyer-ogden-utah

[michaeljames1221]

Real Estate Lawyer Ogden Utah

A basic consideration, always to be kept firmly in mind, is that private housing development for a private market is first, last, and all the time a business operation, conducted for profit, and the merit of decisions is always judged by their effect upon profit. A great many factors affect the final profit from a housing development.

First come the price paid for the land and the cost and availability of credit when needed. Then various skills come into play: skill in minimizing tax liabilities, taking advantage of numerous and often complicated federal programs, and selling the final product. Each of these factors is highly important. A bad decision on any one of them may wholly offset great effectiveness in handling all the others. But it is the interrelationship of these factors which offers the greatest challenge to the managerial skill of the developer. If you are a property developer, always have an experienced Ogden Utah real estate lawyer working for you. In a great many housing developments, the margin between considerable loss and relatively high profits may be rather narrow. A little extra delay in construction or in sales may lead to losses, while better management or more luck which reduces time involved may lead to high profits. A somewhat higher vacancy rate in apartments than anticipated may lead to losses, while just a little higher occupancy rate may lead to fairly high profits. Abrams, in discussing the rebuilding of older parts of cities, cites some dramatic examples of how this works; the same general relationships exist for new housing in suburbs.4 In part, the explanation lies in the heavy use of credit and the low equity capital of many developers.

Early in the process of planning a housing development, every builder must make some kind of an estimate of the demand for housing — in general or nationally, for his city, and for the type he wants to build. This estimate may be highly sophisticated or very simple, even impressionistic. It may be based upon various general factors, such as rate of household formation, the state of the national money market, or other general considerations. Or it may be highly localized and personal — a simple judgment that ten or twenty houses of a certain type and price range can be sold in this location over the next year or so. Since the developer is really concerned with the state of the housing market for his houses when the latter are ready, he must forecast ahead, often by one to two years, when he is considering undertaking development of a specific tract of land. Obviously, additional uncertainties enter when the future rather than the present demand is concerned. In order to carry out a housing development, a developer must first have a tract of land. He may have in mind his ideal tract, ideal as to size, location, physical characteristics, and price; and he may also have in mind the degree of divergence from the ideal which he will accept if he has to. His decision-making unit is the subdivision of a size for his operation, but this may vary considerably in acreage. In any case, the kind of houses, their price, and their market must be related, in his judgment, to the character of the site. It would be wasteful to put low-priced houses on an expensive tract in a high-class neighborhood.

Probably it would be financially disastrous to put expensive house into a lower-middle-class neighborhood. However definitely the developer has an ideal tract in mind, in practice he may very well have to choose from among a very few tracts, none of which conforms to his ideal. The managerial function consists here, as it does so often in every field, in deciding among alternatives, none of which is wholly satisfactory — a selection of the least-worst, or tolerable, as well as of the best. In the case of sites for building, the developer has a further decision to make: how far ahead to plan and to acquire land for planned building, or how much to take advantage of present opportunities to buy available tracts for future use. There are advantages in having land readily available as needed, but there are also costs in holding land.

Once a tract has been acquired, the developer has to make some decisions on street and lot layout. A simple and obvious way is to employ straight streets run on cardinal directions and linked in a grid with similar streets in adjacent areas, and to lay out lots of width and depth suited to the size and cost of the houses contemplated. Many suburbs have been so developed, and there is much to be said in favor of such simple layout, in spite of its lack of variety. The curving street, however, has become the symbol of even the modestly ambitious suburban development. It does provide vistas which are likely to be much more attractive than those available to motorist or pedestrian in the grid layout, and houses may have somewhat different directional orientations. A newer subdivision form, with many advantages, is clustering of houses so as to provide larger open space for general use. If well planned, a clustered development will reduce the land area in streets, perhaps yield a few more buildable lots, and yet produce more usable open space than the typical rectangular subdivision. Topography may well dictate a subdivision plan other than the grid.

The developer constructs a house or apartment — a physical structure — for an expected clientele; but, more importantly, he provides something more nearly approaching a total housing package. People who will buy his houses or rent his apartments are concerned with the nature of the community, with the kind and quality of public facilities of every type, with general location, with transportation to the central city and elsewhere, and with other factors, none of which are under the primary control of the developer. He may choose his site with these factors in mind, but as a general rule he must adapt to them, rather than altering them, although he may be able to influence public action with respect to some of them. Considerations of architectural style, variety, and standardization influence the prospective occupant. He is also interested in the household appliances and conveniences installed in the house.

Lastly, the developer must decide whether to sell or to rent the housing unit he builds. Virtually all suburban construction of single-family homes has been for sale; apartments are usually rented but may be sold under a condominium arrangement. Even when the property is rented to the occupant, the developer may sell it to a person or firm who is more interested in investment and more capable of property management than he is. An experienced Ogden Utah real estate lawyer can help a property developer in many ways starting from ensuring that the tract of land been acquired can be developed till the developed property being sold by preparing the sale documents.

The cities and the counties have had the greatest impact upon the direction and rate of suburban growth, in ways that have greatly influenced if not determined which specific tracts would be used, for what, and when. When the boundaries of a city are so far-flung that suburban-type development can take place within its legal boundaries, then it is the city which exercises power over residential growth. More commonly, the suburban growth takes place in unincorporated areas outside of any city (in the legal sense), and the legal powers and actions of the county as a unit of government are determinative.

A very large number of local governments exercise various powers with respect to planning, zoning, subdivision regulation, housing codes, and other aspects of urban and suburban development. These functions may be exercised by part-time boards of citizens, often unpaid, as well as by official units of government. Cities and counties have the power to make land use and other plans; develop zoning regulations; promulgate control ordinances over subdivision procedures and methods; develop and enforce building codes; provide a range of public services, which may include water, electricity, and gas, either directly or by power companies under governmental regulations, sewerage, schools, roads and streets, parks, and a host of other services required or desirable for modern urban living.14 These legal powers are exercised with greatly varying diligence and skill, and for different policy ends.

Cities and counties have the power to make land use and other plans; develop zoning regulations; promulgate control ordinances over subdivision procedures and methods; develop and enforce building codes; provide a range of public services, which may include water, electricity, and gas, either directly or by power companies under governmental regulations, sewerage, schools, roads and streets, parks, and a host of other services required or desirable for modern urban living. These legal powers are exercised with greatly varying diligence and skill, and for different policy ends. Cities and counties exercise their planning, zoning, subdivision, building code, housing code, and similar activities under the broad concept of police power — the power to regulate individual activity in the interest of the safety, health, morals, and general well-being of the whole population. Courts have generally upheld exercise of such powers when the purposes to be served were reasonably clear, the means to the end reasonably defined and relevant, and the procedures in accordance with due process. At the same time, courts have been unwilling to deprive property owners of all rights to use of their land in the name of such general public purposes.

In addition to the police power, local government has several other broad types of legal powers which are or can be used in the suburbanization process. The power of eminent domain enables government to take private property, for a fair compensation, for a public purpose. The definition of a reasonable public purpose has surely broadened over the past several decades — urban renewal and public housing are accepted today, when a generation or more ago they were not — and probably will broaden further in the decades ahead. Government also has the legal power to impose taxes, subject to limitations of fair treatment to all taxpayers, and in some jurisdictions subject to some maximum limit. While taxes as instruments of social policy — i.e., to encourage one kind of land use and to discourage another have generally been illegal, or not upheld by courts, or politically unacceptable, most taxes have some side effects in terms of private actions induced or restrained. Taxes in relation to services rendered, such as sewerage charges to repay costs of new sewer lines, have generally been used and upheld by the courts.

If eminent domain is to be deployed to acquire property, several things need to occur. First, the condemnor is going to have to adopt a resolution that declares a public use and its intent to condemn or take specific properties. At this hearing, several things must occur. First, owners must be given legal notice that their properties are going to be subject to a taking. This is more than perhaps a general notice. Owners must receive specific notice served upon them. At the hearing, the condemnor will state its reasons for the condemnation, gather information that will justify the public use, and perhaps even declare the public use. Members of the public, including the owners, will then be given the opportunity to state their reasons for or against the decision to proceed with the condemnation. At the conclusion of these hearings, the government must finally declare that a public use exists to take certain properties and it must adopt a resolution, ordinance, or law declaring its use and the intent to take the properties via eminent domain. If this happens, again new efforts will be undertaken to negotiate a sale with the owner, but if unsuccessful, the owners will receive notice that their properties are being condemned and taken by a city or other government. This notice is served personally upon the owners.

If your land or property is affected by zoning or the government is planning to take away your property, consult an experienced Ogden Utah real estate lawyer.

Ogden Utah Real Estate Attorney Free Consultation

When you need legal help with a quiet title action, partition action, fixing any real estate issue in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC for your free consultation (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

Ascent Law LLC 8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C West Jordan, Utah 84088 United States Telephone: (801) 676-5506

Ascent Law LLC

4.9 stars – based on 67 reviews

Recent Posts

Can A DUI Case Be Dismissed At Arraignment?

Bankruptcy Lawyer American Fork Utah

Business Franchise Law

Financial Steps In Divorce

Fraudulent Misrepresentation

Declaratory Actions And Insurance

from Michael Anderson https://www.ascentlawfirm.com/real-estate-lawyer-ogden-utah/

from Criminal Defense Lawyer West Jordan Utah https://criminaldefenselawyerwestjordanutah.wordpress.com/2019/10/30/real-estate-lawyer-ogden-utah/