#how tf can anyone hate mice

[swagging-back-to]

smooth brained losers; mice and rats bad >:(((

my mice: plz cuddle me forever and ever <3 <3 <3 <3

[eldritch-nightmare]

Hi! Could I get a creepypasta match up please!

I am 5 foot...not very blessed in the height department unfortunately, I'm slim but well endowed in both upper and lower departments. I'm fairly light for being Hispanic (i don't go outside in the sun often) I have shoulder length hair, its currently red and has been red for a hot minute, but in the past it used to be shorter and a different color every other week. Like for two weeks I could have purple hair then BOOM it's yellow now. I have 21 piercings. I have two in the center of my eyebrows, two nostril piercings. One on each side, a septum. And snake bites. I used to have My bridge pierced but I took it out bc it was in the process of migrating:/m I have 26 tattoos. IT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT. But it's not..THAT many when you actually get a good look at my full body. Most of them are on my thighs, I have some on my back, I have chest tattoos and a wrist tattoo. All my tattoos are either witchy, satanic, or of pretty pin up women and fruit.

Personality wise. I'm not sure, I have adhd, autism and bpd. I can be loud and excitable but also REALLY quite, aloof and awkward. I am a very passionate person and I'm always doing something (or at least trying to) I love to learn new things, I love to talk, I love to listen but I also love to just sit in absolute silence sometimes. I hate the sound of people sneezing, idk why it just REALLY upsets me. I can be really nice and helpful but I don't like being taken advantage of. I don't like confrontation but I will stand up for myself and or my friends if it's truly necessary. I am very giving, if someone I care about was in need I wouldn't mind giving them the shirt off my back or the shoes I'm wearing...it's happened before too. I also love shopping. I may have a slight....shopping addiction. I also have a very strong sense of justice and respect, so you won't catch me doing anyone dirty, but I won't let anyone do me dirty and ill cut them off if they keep crossing the line. I'm very good at sniffing out snakes. And I try to warn people around me about fake people and they never believe me until shit hits the fan, and then they sit there like ":0 I didn't know" TF YOU MEAN YOU DIDNT KNOW I TOLD YOU!?

I have daddy issues and don't have a stable father figure in my life 🧍🏻‍♂️ I love my mom though, shes cool

Style wise. I'm a bit all over the place, I've been in the alternate community since I was born. My dad was a metal head soo it kind of passed. But not really. Mental only stuck for so long. I tried scene, not my personal style but I loved the music. I was in the emo scene for a good couple of years until i started to hang out with the punk kids in my highscool, they were a little to much for me, activity wise though so it didn't last to long. But I found my home in the goth subculture and then from that point on, I explored the subcultures within that subculture. I tried nu goth, pastel goth, gothic lolita, trad goth. And none of them felt right, until I found gothabilly. And I find myself most comfortable in thag vintage style and the pin up style. My favorite brand (just so you can get an idea) is vixen by micheline pitt. My closet is just PURE black. With hints of black and white stripes and red.

I have many hobbies. I used to do tattoos on myself and my friends. I tried to get into piercing....it was a little too scary for me. I know how to make jewelry, I know how to paint, and draw. I know how to write, I love reading. I get too far down weird and obscure rabbit holes. I'm learning how to sew and I love it. I have a huge passion for fashion. And I want to start My brand one day. Even if it's small and for a niche group. I love to game, I love horror games especially, Outast is one of my favorite game series. I love horror period. Horror stories, movies, books. I love collecting specimens, like pinned bugs or mice in Jars. I have a small jar of bones. I love the dead. My favorite horror movie is either Saw or Scream. I also love watching indie disturbing horror movies as well. I'm a practicing witch, and I often use pendulums to communicate with. There was an old ghost of a woman who used to live in my apartment. She was cool sometimes but she messed with the doors and lights to much. I also used to collect dolls, specifically monster high dolls, but I wanted to branch out to haunted dolls...but then I thought mayybe that wouldn't be a good idea. I also love to cook and bake, and i love trying new food. I am also learning how to roller skate.

I don't like spiders though, which is ironic because I love spider web design and embroidery on my clothing. They just...look...ugly in. And their faces freak me out. I can't stand bad smells. I have a very very strong sense of taste and smell so I can be pretty sensitive around food and with bad odors. I don't like being woken up when I'm sleeping and I don't like being around loud obnoxious people.

Just for reference, I am afab nonbinary but present feminine to androgynous. I like both dudes and women and other NB people. My favorite creepypastas used to be Eyeless Jack, Bloody Painter, Jason the Toy Maker, the doll maker and the Puppeteer. I mean I liked ALL the pastas but they were my particular favorites

this feels so short in comparison to all that you sent me and i'm deeply sorry for that.

your matchup is... clockwork!

natalie is a very simple person, believe it or not. she's fairly blunt and isn't the type to bullshit a person so you don't have to worry about her taking advantage of you and your kindness. she's also really good at spotting snakes, so honestly you two could be a snake-sniffing duo and point out all the people you should avoid and whatnot.

she's an incredibly honest person as well and the type to never beat around the bush so if she wants to say something, she will say it.

she's a fairly emotionally reserved person so she doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve but when it's just the two of you, she lets her walls down a bit and she allows herself to relax a little.

she's more of a listener than a talker so she'll sit there and listen to you talk for hours. she doesn't mind sitting in silence either, because with you it's rather comfortable. but on the very rare occasion that she's the one doing all the talking, she'll definitely appreciate the fact that you're listening. it makes her feel seen in ways she could never describe.

natalie thinks you look good with any hair color, to be honest. i think in the beginning she was definitely a bit caught off guard by your spontaneous hair color changes but she gets used to it rather easily because it's just another part of you that she's fond of. she is just a bit concerned about your hair potentially getting damaged if you dye it too often but... she's not a hair expert, so. and honestly, she's thought about dying her hair as well, so. maybe you can recommend a color for her!

she also thinks you look wicked cool with your piercings and tattoos by the way. and she would absolutely love to hear about the meanings of your tattoos if any of them have one that you're willing to share with her.

she may not look like it, but natalie is pretty interested in fashion! she doesn't dabble in many styles herself because of various reasons but she is very interested in all of your own styles ranging from any goth and punk clothing you may own to the vintage and pin-up style you currently have going on.

if you asked natalie what her hobbies were she would probably just shrug and say, 'don't have any.' but trust me when i tell you that she does. she is so very much interested in deep diving into obscure topics and going down rabbit holes that she probably shouldn't go down because she loves learning about all the weird things buried underneath, hidden away from the average person.

honestly, you guys could probably make a date night out of deep diving into two separate topics and telling each other about it as you go. seems like it would be a pretty fun thing to do.

natalie doesn't particularly pay much attention to video games but she isn't against playing one or two if you recommend it to her! she's pretty invested in the things that you like, so she'll definitely play anything you recommend.

as for horror movies, natalie also probably doesn't give them much thought but trust me when i say she is a big fan of the saw franchise. i can see it now, you sitting her down to watch the saw movies and her just getting absolutely hooked and totally developing a crush on amanda young because honestly who doesn't. after the saw franchise, she's definitely more interested in horror than she was before and she'll probably sit down in her own time to watch some other movies just to talk about them to you.

always down to have her hair and nails done by you if you want to do them. she'll pay you as well, don't worry, just like... don't ask where she got the money because that would lead to a really awkward conversation probably. and she's also rooting for you to get into college to study fashion design!

so yeah anyways you guys would be a cute couple together and you'd have two cats and a rabbit named pumpkin or something and yeah.

[fureliselost]

vld rewatch s7e7-13

- yessssssssss

- dammmm, that was so sad, like, they finally got everything they wanted -- pidge had gotten her family back and could finally see her mom, lance and hunk would finally see their families again, only for it to be taken away by the truth that the thing they were fighting the most to protect is not only at risk but couldbe gone already

- that fucking admiral sanda i hate that woman

- YES SAM AND COLLEN MEET AGAIN

- Tbh, Voltron had some pretty good hugs. I've noted a few times that sometimes the animation in vld is a bit stiff and not fluid enough, but their hugs are always very good and solid but soft at the same time and I like that

- go colleen! QUEEN

- "how do you know [the galra] are hostile?" sam's fucking face like "ummmm, after the incarceration and torture, i think i'd know"

- they wrote "takeshi shirogane" because iverson mispronounced i'm--

- THE MFEssssssssssss

- yes way, jamessssss

- dam, the matt broadcast is absolutelly heartbreaking

- go coleeeeeeeeeeeeen holt, i love you, savage queen

- THE BROADCASTTTTTTTTTTT

- OH NO OH NO OH NO

EP 8

- DAM DAM DAM

- SENDAK U BITCH

- the backgrounds are so beautifulllllll

- ADAM

- OH SHIT IS THIS WHEN HE DIES

- curtis?

- veronicaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

- I LOVE VERONICA AND RISNAVI AND ANYONE BUT ASSHOLE GRIFFIN

- VERONICAAAAAAAAAA DON'T DIE I LOVE U BITCH

- VERONICA

- DAYUM, GUYS, Y'ALL IN FOR A SURPRISE

EP 9

- NO NO NO

- curtis that u?

- they left klatenecker and the mice lol

- plaht city? where is that? they say it's about half an hour from the GG

- kl shots?

-YES REUNION ULTIMATE REUIONNNNNNN

- CORAN GETTING OVERPROTECTIVE OF SHIRO YESSSS BE THE UNCLE U WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE

- we get it griffin, ur hair is loreal paris

- aDAM

- i HATE griffin

- "maybe you should leave the matters to earth to the people who live here" admiral sanda, may i punch u in the throat?

- HUNK HAS 2 MOMS HOW DID I FORGET THIS?!

- Wait, who was the other woman then?

ep 10

- yay shiro getting an arm

- i really wanna know why they seated lance on the oposite side of the table that the rest of the paladins were in, only in front of keith

(- lance and veronica bickering is chef's kiss

- did pidge and keith do the same thing that keith and lance bcuz i love it

- "looks like the princess likes you back" dude, no, these interactions are so bland

- noooo lance can't summon red nooooooooo

- FUCKING SANDA

- DAYUM

- ep 11

- kl shots ayyy (plz, there was zero need to put lance and keit in the same shot)

(NO NEED FOR KEITH CALL OUT FOR LANCE FIRST)(

- FUCKING SANDA

- LEIFSDOTTIR MY BELOVED

- they fucking warned u, u moron

- "it will take a feat of engineering to--" or some bs magic

- shiro's "oh shit" moment when they tell him he's the captian of the atlas

- sanda tf

- oh, it was a decoy, at least she learned her fucking lesson at last

- she can die, i don't mind

- well, at least she's real, she really wasn't able to save earth

ep 12

- kill sendak plz

- kl

- lance must be getting some flashbacks in this whole shield debacle, cuz, yk, that's how he died

- go shiro

- "i'm about to use your brain as a computer" "huh, wouldn't be the first time"

- GO LANCE

- SENDAK U ANNOYUNG BITXH DIE ALREADY

- the animation of shiro here is top notch

- fucking cockroach

- kill this homie, keith

- that's a big oh no

ep 13

- wtf i sthis

- shiro getting up to fight again "i'm a bad bitch, u can't kill me"

- DOUBLE SWORDS YAY

- This became attack on titan or what

- sooooo basically shiro became allura?

- wtf i didn't remember this bullshit

- atlas is just a big boy

- so much magic bullshit

- go lanceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

- remember kids: murder is always an option

- dayum

- oh wow, all the lions fall in strategic locations

- wow, this death baiting

- MATT

- veronica and slav getting along? i love

- SHAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

- GUYS I'M EMOTIONAL

- dam i wanna be matt

- evangelion go brrrrrr

- ok, that's it for s7

[bookish-mind]

I read the dream thieves, buckle up this one is a train wreck:

*spoilers*

RONAN POV RONAN POV RONAN POV

WHAT IS HIS SECOND SECRET THAT HE CANT ADMIT TO HIMSELF

Is it that he’s, y’know.. is he gonna have an oh moment..?

Also, he’s a FARM BOYYY WHAT

“Ronan Lynch, keeper of secrets, fighter of men, devil of a boy” my god this Ronan content is >>

Blue saying Adam is kinda an outsider now.. wow that shit hurts

“In that moment Blue was a little in love with all of them” ME TOO BLUE ME TOO

Wait wait wait isn’t ronan the greywaren ?? Whatever that means ?? Anyway, the gray man can fuck off

Gansey: am I in your dreams ?

Ronan: *loses his mind for a minute*

Me: hmm that’s not a very heterosexual response my friend

Tf since when is the Camaro ‘red-orange’ ? it was just ‘orange’ before (yes this is important)

What is this with kavinsky and ronan 👀

Why can’t blue just tell Adam that she can’t kiss anyone oml

“Fix me” *sigh* my boy Adam is rlly goin thru it

ADJKSGSJKFG NOAH AND THE GLITTER MY PRECIOUS BOY

“If Adam was stupid about his pride, Gansey was stupid about Adam” ...no thoughts.. only adansey..

Noah knows Ronan’s secret and I think I do too

Ronan threw Noah out the window I- 😂💀💀

“I’m losing him to Cabeswater” WELL U BETTER GET YOUR BOY BACK GANSEY

Cabeswater isn’t a place it’s a state of mind

Broooo waaaiittt did kavinsky dream Ronan’s bracelets ?

Matthew lynch has been in one (1) scene and I’d already die for him

Adam is not a train wreck ! (well maybe a little, but you don’t need to tell him that)

For the love of- Maura pls stop flirting with the gray man

PLS THE WAY ADAM AND GANSEY BECAME FRIENDS IS SO PURE

Adam chapters have no mercy I just be sitting here like 😩

CABESWATER IS GONE WHY DO I FEEL LIKE CRYING

That dream about Adam- And then the nightmare creature following Ronan out of the dream- And gansey realizing that ronan never tried to kill himself- And the two of them killing the nightmare- We don’t have time to unpack all that

Noah and Ronan are a certified brotp,, I love their shenanigans

LOL blue seeing gansey in jeans and a tshirt for the first time has the same energy as Simon snow seeing baz pitch in jeans for the first time

“Poverty Twins” I-

My name is ronan lynch I like fast cars, adrenaline, the taste of gasoline, talking with my fists, and holding little baby field mice up to my cheek to feel their little baby heartbeats

Real friends are the ones who will bury a body with u 🥰

CABESWATER ISN’T A STATE OF MIND IT’S A DREAM

Noooo ! Don’t u dare touch the miniature Henrietta ! Anything but that !

You’d think gansey would’ve bought some sort of security system or something smh

There’s like 50 types of tension in this boat rn

Gansey is absolutely smitten with blue

Oh god Noah reenacts his death.. is that really necessary

Omfg they’re at the fairgrounds,, Gansey boyyy who are you ??

Ronan chapters are actually so poetic I love it

Gansey and Adam are gonna be in DC for like two days and everyone is acting like it’s the end of the world.. the separation anxiety is real

Ronan’s dream.. about Adam and kavinsky.. I-

This blue and Noah bonding time was so heartwarming and then it turned depressing real fast I was so not prepared to be sobbing over a Noah/Blue kiss

Holy shit Ronan almost died and the camaro is fucked,, he’s gonna dream a new one isn’t he?

Oh dear, must my boys fight?? My adansey heart aches

A d a m i s m i s s i n g

Gansey said “dream me the world” and then Ronan rlly learned how to dream the world

The gray man be like “yeah I kill ppl but I draw the line at kidnapping” tf??

“I am unknowable” absolutely broke me

WAIT Adam just pulled The Magician card and I realized that the tarot symbols correspond to each of them: coin = gansey, cup = blue, sword = Ronan, wand = Adam !! tell me I’m wrong

Ronan tells kavinsky “it was never gonna be you and me” Blue tells Adam “it’s not gonna be you” Adam tells himself “it was just going to be him and cabeswater” idk man these parallels just made me feel somethn

“Who has he ever had to love him? Ever?” You gansey, Adam has you and blue and Ronan and Noah. maybe instead of going on a forbidden romantic night drive with blue you could go make sure your best friend knows that he is loved

holy shit did- did kavinsky rlly kill proko and then dream another one into existence ??

“You didn’t say you don’t swing that way” “No, I didn’t” ronaaan finalllly I’m so prouuud

That’s it Persephone and Adam are my favorite power duo

Nevermind the greywaren and the magician are my favorite power duo

“Dying’s a boring side effect” damn kavinsky’s death hit me harder than I would’ve expected

The way the epilogue mirrors the prologue has me feeling so many things,, full circle

Ronan being unafraid, no longer hating himself, knowing who he is, knowing what he is, no longer feeling alone, taking control of his nightmares by coming to terms with the parts of himself he couldn’t face, laughing and smiling and dreaming the world and waking his mother and hugging his brother and going home. I cannot express how much this beautiful Ronan arc means to me, let me go cryyy

“Ronan’s second secret was Adam Parrish” I SCREAMED

Give me pynch I’m so ready

(this post got very long and there’s still so much more I could’ve said, thanks for reading my ramblings if you made it this far! Lemme know if you want one for book 3)

[ask-anyone-from-the-tick]

Bellow the cut are my spoilery thoughts after watching season 2 of the Tick

I’m kind of glad Dot turned out to have a super power because being the only hero with no powers is sort of Arthur’s whole thing. I also like that she didn’t outshine Overkill and just step over him, but still looks up to him a bit and appreciates his approval. They feel like equals, and he’s still an awkward turtle socially.

THEY WERE SO CUDDLY AND AWKWARD ON THE COUCH, Overkill is def the kind of guy who can’t move if there’s a pet on his lap. He’s so soft I can’t...

I LOVE that we get to see more of Joan and her relationship to her family, she’s awesome and I love and support her. She’s just doing her best, and I hope those lobster babies come to visit.

Superian and Larry’s relationship continues to baffle me just a bit. Larry seems to just be a willing servant to cater to his whims I guess. I kinda hoped they were more buddy buddy than that. Apparently it makes Superian feel better to toss him way up and catch him lawl

The way Hobbs reacted when Tick broke the arm wrestling machine thing makes me wonder if Tick is actually the strongest superhero in the world, maybe second only to Superian ??? Or at least the strongest ever registered with AEGIS.

I really, REALLY like Sage. He’s fantastic. He’s also really attractive, is it just me? DAT VOICE THO. [take me on a wild nipple ride! jk omg I’m sorry]

That twin woman who was impressed with Arthur’s nerdy organization came off as REALLY OBVIOUSLY flirting with him, and his reaction was to just shrug it off like he wasn’t in to her, even though she was gorgeous, and Tick immediately picked up on it that she was flirting and got DEFENSIVE AS HELL like she was taking Arthur away and I just-- that’s pretty gay guys. That’s really... wow. And then she comes back and continues to hit on Arthur and he never once acts like he’s in to her, I don’t... I don’t know what to say but if Arthur suddenly starts pining over her in season 3 out of no where I’m gonna kms [not because he’s not gay but because it’s pretty clear he’s not interested in this woman. Don’t establish this and then force romance after we’ve seen there’s none.] Also when Arthur was picking out fancy clothes Tick had REALLY specific fashion descriptions and opinions on what looked good on him. He was like enjoying Arthur modeling clothes ajdlfdjas

Someone needs to draw Overkill being lovingly rescued by dolphins STAT

I honestly, unironically, think Edgelord’s entire look is cool and he’s very handsome. I think he looks like if Johnny Depp and Adam Driver had a baby.

SUPERIAN FEARS THE TUMBLRS. We’re his kryptonite. 

Dangerboat... plane... whatever he is, kinda deserved a little more attention toward the last half of the season. The episode centered around him was the most emotional and it brought everyone together more, I really dug that. It made me cry. ALSO WE STAN MICHAEL, HE WAS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD. I’m so proud of Arthur for seeing Dangerboat more as a person and making an effort to connect to him as a friend. <3 good job Arthur-- at the same time--

I HATE they way Arthur acted like Dot has a specific thing she should or shouldn’t be that was out of character. It’s like the writers wanted the female character to undergo some sort of oppression to rise up against, some form of misogyny from her male family member that she had to point out. You shouldn’t have to tear down a good character because he’s male, to make the female look good. If misogyny was gonna come out of Arthur, let it come out another way other than “this isn’t want you’re supposed to do” like mother fucker, she’s been taking care of you your whole life, she’s done martial arts training, she’s a paramedic, she is way more qualified than you. He’s the last person to talk that way to anyone and it’s pissing me the fuck off. He’s the one struggling with mental illness and no phyical ability to fight anyone, it makes no sense.

Arthur’s actor Griffin Newman, he just does such a fantastic job. The whole undercover scene was so perfectly on pitch, like... just the right level of second hand embarrassment and pride came outta me. He was so close to  blowing it because he’s an anxious person by nature, but he pulled it off and came off more as just an awkward criminal with tons of money that was just believably nerdy. I loved it, it was so funny. Please give him all the awards. And that scene where Tick is on one side of Lint, way too close to her, and Arthur is on the other, and they just work her forking nerves was so hysterical. I died. I think they need to play up that comedic chemistry more often because Tick and Arthur bounce off each other really well when they’re not busy trying to solve serious problems. 

Ok so the whole human furniture thing caught my eye immediately. The pose we are first introduced to is an infamaously disturbing pose by a real life serial killer who ate people and posed their bodies in weird positions and used them for sex and I forget what else. Anyway I tried to brush that off as coincidence, but then later on Dot and Overkill go to where they think this Duke guy’s lair is, and his house looks exactly like John Podesta’s house that had a statue of that EXACT same serial killer’s victim in that pose, and podesta’s walls were covered in creepy pedo art of little girls and drowning women. And the walls of Duke’s lair were covered in creepy human furniture art. I mean there are all kinds of parodies this season that are in your face, but I don’t think anyone who didn’t follow pizzagate carefully would catch this one.

Speaking of parodies OMFG I lost it when Superian reenacted that Superman scene where he’s like “Can you read my mind?” as he’s dragging the screaming guy across the night sky. 

Ugh, I’m so sad that Tick and Arthur don’t get to keep those precious baby lobsters, and where did they get all the cute toys?? I wanna think Joan picked those up for them. Kawaii lobster voice: “Joaaan!” Tick is such a good dad...  A family can be a giant Tick man, a moth boy, a hobo, a mimaw, and a bunch of singing lobsters. "SHE'S THE MOTHER OF OUR CHILDREN!" Tick drinks respect woman lobster mom juice.

I think I don’t know what to make of the reverse Green Goblin twist going on with Ms. Lint. The creepy voice is telling her to become a hero I guess, but not really? I think the joke is we think it’s telling her to be a hero, but really it’s teaching her to be a  better villain LMAO

I’m glad kevin has a power and he was welcomed to come help even before said power was revealed.-- woah wait where tf is Karamozov?? I gotta tweet his actor he loves this show and he wasn’t in this season ???

I don’t blame Dot for being upset they want to defrost The Terror, but at the same time due process is a thing. I don’t know how that would work in a society full of super powers though. Because the moment you defrost him he’s going to find a way to escape. He’s the oldest, and the worst super villain of all time. This is why I’m ok with the death penalty and killing villains lol

I was expecting Walter to be some sort of MK Ultra sleeper agent, but the plot twist was, that’s what Overkill would become I guess. And Lobstercules. OH BTW I think she’s voiced by the same actress who played Captain Liberty in the old Tick sitcom! “Walter isn’t Walter? My feet don’t feel so good.” Aw Tick

Ty Rathbone drinks respect mothers juice.

Acting agent commander doctor agent Hobbs, honestly I suspected he was the main villain like the moment he was headed toward Lobstercules because something about the lighting and the camera work seemed to telegraph that.

I bet the reason Ty Rathbone feeds his black hole heart monster mice, is because it requires frequent blood sacrifice and that's the smallest sacrifice he can think of that he can quickly just put in there and placate it and go on with his day. I don’t know if he’ll be season 3′s villain or if it’s the aliens that just came back to reclaim Superian. 

Which btw, I called that shit from season 1 episode 1. Superian showed up crash landing inside Big Bismuth which is the only thing that could trap him. He was a prisoner, probably because he did some bad shit, and he told Arthur he helps humanity because he just wants to be a good person. Like he wasn’t one before and now he wants to try to be one.

I want to talk about these, nearly involuntary dance parties Overkill rewards himself with... but I uh... I still can’t compute that that’s actual canon. That that’s a thing Overkill and Dangerboat enjoy together and he... he can’t seem to control himself when the music plays... And also that Dot AND Overkill both know how to floss dance... I just... wow...

Oh and that hug with Overkill made me an emotional mess, he just... he really needed that, thank you Dot.

This concludes my rant and ramble.

[larryrickard]

lets get personal.

i know this is supposed to be an ask meme but i’m fucking bored & no one ever sends me them, so.  also i’m kinda pissy rn unfortunately so forgive pls some of my answers lol

01: 6 of the songs you listen to most?:  idk.  mostly i listen to everything on random anymore, and only in my car.  the only song i’ve listened to on repeat recently has been ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga. 02: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?:  speaking of which, lady gaga. 03: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.:  the only book near me would be all the books, as in my bookshelf.  unless you count my kindle, in which case there would be no line 17 because of the font size.  sorry. 04: What do you think about most?:  idk.  whatever my current obsession is i guess. 05: What does your latest text message from someone else say?:  “And you don't have to cook it”. 06: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?:  with.  i don’t like being naked and don’t understand those who do.  also i get cold. 07: What’s your strangest talent?:  i don’t have talents. 08: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence):  are soft and beautiful.  meh, have to earn my trust. 09: Ever had a poem or song written about you?:  a song, yes. 10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?:  a very long time.  it’s not a thing i ever do lol. 11: Do you have any strange phobias?:  i don’t think so.  my phobias are pretty standard. 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?:  when i was a kid, yeah.  plenty.  once my parents had to hold me down and tweeze a chewed up wad of juicy fruit out of my nose.  i fucking love the smell of that gum.  three year old me may have been stupid but, hey.  i was being economical.  also i blame it on my parents for, you know, giving a fucking toddler some gum. 13: What’s your religion?:  don’t have one.  former christian, which is gross.  don’t indoctrinate children, please and thanks. 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?:  walking to or from my car.  that’s about it.  :/ 15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?:  behind.  no one deserves to see my face.  rip to everyone who sees me in person on a regular basis. 16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?:  jars of clay, jimmy eat world, the elms. 17: What was the last lie you told?:  that i’m not in debt lmao.  the only time i’ve lied to my psychiatrist :/ 18: Do you believe in karma?:  no but sometimes i wish i did.  so many people deserve their comeuppance. 19: What does your URL mean?:  doesn’t really mean anything, he’s a character from the flash. 20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?:  all sorts of things?  and idk. 21: Who is your celebrity crush?:  lady gaga, angelina jolie, carlos valdes, idk if shane madej is a ‘celebrity’ but him, brie larson, michael sheen... idk, i don’t really have “crushes” but those are the first ppl to come to mind. 22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?:  nope.  and no thank you. 23: How do you vent your anger?:  lol. 24: Do you have a collection of anything?:  funko pops?  but not seriously.  i mean.  i have a lot of them bc i love a lot of characters and there are some pretty fuckin dope funkos.  but it’s not my goal in life to have a huge collection or anything.  at least i can say i have less than a hundred of them lol.  (less than 75.) 25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?:  ew, neither.  but if i had to choose, phone.  bc, you know.  my face. 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?:  lmfao no.  i mean, i’m better than the person i used to be, that’s for sure.  (see:  indoctrinated as a child, including your typical conservative bullshit like racism for starters.) 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?:  so many.  i have misophonia.  and people chewing + mouth sounds is definitely a big one.  love?  idk???  music?  rain?  my cat’s cute lil meow? 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?:  what if my thyroid issues were discovered earlier on instead of a year or more after they started.  my childhood doctor was Not Great.  it took her two weeks to figure out i had a sinus infection.  i was in the fourth grade.  still bitter about both of those. 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?:  no, ghosts aren’t real.  aliens yes.  not the stereotypical ones, but in a “given the size of the universe it’s literally impossible that we’re the only life out there” way. 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.:  right, the cat.  left, air. 31: Smell the air. What do you smell?:  nothing?  it’s my house/room, so to me it smells like nothing. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?:  uh... i’ve no idea? 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?:  west, obviously. 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?:  no such thing as ‘opposite’ gender.  of a different gender, though?  lady gaga. 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?:  who the fucking fuck knows.  literally know one knows, though tbh.  they just think they do. 36: Define Art.:  lmfao how would i know.  i don’t have a creative bone in my body so i should be the last person to comment on the subject. 37: Do you believe in luck?:  nope.  i hope it’s obvious by now that i don’t believe in fictional things. 38: What’s the weather like right now?:  cool.  cloudy.  typical oregon winter weather.  i want rain tho :( 39: What time is it?:  3:04am. 40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?:  yes.  and yes, several times.  three.  two totaled cars.  the last one is the only one that was actually my fault, though.  driving too close after it rained.  don’t do it, folks. 41: What was the last book you read?:  the diviners by libba bray.  currently reading a short history of nuclear folly by rudolph herzog.  fascinating, but kind of  depressing af. 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?:  no. 43: Do you have any nicknames?:  hal (to a very select few bc 99% of the time i hate it, so fuck you if you call me this without permission), hals, hallie bird, hallie strawberry. 44: What was the last film you saw?:  i honestly don’t know.  haven’t done a whole lot of movie watching lately.  maybe the fall (2006).  (please watch this movie, it’s so gorgeous and lovely.) 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?:  i’ve never had a serious injury.  well.  i take that back, i guess.  in my first car accident i was stopped and rear-ended at like, 40mph.  so i’ve had back issues since i was 18.  usually it’s fine but sometimes it’s bad and sometimes i can set it off really easily.  idk if that counts as “serious”, though.  lots of people have back problems. 46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?:  i don’t think so? 47: Do you have any obsessions right now?:  i guess buzzfeed unsolved and watcher.  and ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga lol.  good omens, as usual. 48: What’s your sexual orientation?:  asexual. 49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?:  yes.  thankfully only a few (that i know of, anyway). 50: Do you believe in magic?:  no. 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?:  yuuup.  they deserve it. 52: What is your astrological sign?:  taurus. 53: Do you save money or spend it?:  spend it :||  every paycheck i tell myself i’ll be better at saving it, but............ 54: What’s the last thing you purchased?:  preordered chromatica by lady gaga. 55: Love or lust?:  if i had to choose, love.  lust and all that stuff is gross. 56: In a relationship?:  nope.  shocker, i know.  (this is sarcasm.  it is no shocker to anyone as to why i’m single.) 57: How many relationships have you had?:  just the one. 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?:  nope. 59: Where were you yesterday?:  work on my day off for a staff meeting, and then my psychiatrists’ office. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?:  a few things, yes. 61: Are you wearing socks right now?:  yes.  almost always. 62: What’s your favourite animal?:  cats, then birds.  mice are p adorable, too.  i miss having them.  i haven’t had mice since middle school or early high school i think :(  i’d love more but my current cat would definitely try to eat them... same with a bird.  i’ll probably never have a bird :( 63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?:  be sarcastic and love stupid puns and bad jokes? 64: Where is your best friend?:  one is in ohio and the other is in massachusetts. 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.:  no idea lol.  i haven’t been on here much recently, and i’m never caught up anyway.  and i don’t usually pay attention to who is posting/reblogging. 66: What is your heritage?:  mostly german.  the rest is other typical white stuff that i can’t remember.  some irish?  either way idc. 67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?:  uh, rewatching some buzzfeed unsolved for the 100th time?  and playing with my tamagotchi? 68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?:  he doesn’t exist so idc. 69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?:  nope.  also, Nice™. 70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?:  incredibly doubtful. 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?:  go to work.  i love my job way too much.  i’d probably try to get someone’s attention if there was anyone around, and/or call animal services.  (there are no canals around here anyway and i don’t walk to work and ain’t gonna.) 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?:  who tf knows, i hate this shit.  i’d really rather not think about it bc it stresses me out.  i probably wouldn’t tell very many people tho.  try to find someone to take my cat :(  i sure as shit wouldn’t leave her to my parents :(  and i wouldn’t want to leave her in a shelter.  she’s already done that once and it makes me too sad. 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.:  trust.  you can’t have love without trust, though... 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?:  ‘sweetness’ by jimmy eat world, ‘fade to grey’ by jars of clay, ‘thunderhead’ by the elms, ‘bad romance’ and ‘g*psy’ by lady gaga (latter is... i hate the name but the song is so fucking catchy, ugh), ‘torn’ by natalie imbruglia, ‘bring it all back’ by s club 7, ‘... baby one more time’ by britney spears, ‘where’s the love’ by hanson, ‘who do you think you are’ by the spice girls, ‘as long as you love me’ and ‘everybody (backstreet’s back)’ by the backstreet boys, ‘black balloon’ by goo goo dolls, ‘spark’ by tori amos, ‘last beautiful girl’ by matchbox twenty, ‘push it’ by garbage, ‘i want you’ by savage garden, ‘minority’ and ‘she’ and ‘basket case’ and ‘macy’s day parade’ by green day... how’s that lol. 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?:  not giving out that kind of personal information lmao. 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?:  i wouldn’t know. 77: How can I win your heart?:  you probably can’t.  idk anyway. 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?:  sure, but lack of insanity is a better way to go.  don’t perpetuate the bullshit notion that you need to be suffering to create Great Art™. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?:  idk.  i haven’t made very many. 80: What size shoes do you wear?:  10 in women’s. 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?:  i’m going to be cremated and you probably should be, too.  just don’t get embalmed, k? 82: What is your favourite word?:  fuck. 83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.:  ‘alone’ by heart. 84: What is a saying you say a lot?:  idk.  someone who spends time around me irl would have to tell me. 85: What’s the last song you listened to?:  ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga on repeat. 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?:  blue.  then green, and in no particular order, black, grey, purple. 87: What is your current desktop picture?:  it’s boring, just the default mac catalina background lol.  i was having issues choosing a background and was getting way too fucking picky, so i just said ‘fuck it’ and have been using this one for months. 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?:  donald trump. 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?:  idk?  how much in debt i am?  lmao. 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?:  assume i’m having a night terror or am hallucinating.  and be scared. 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?:  hopefully teleportation. 92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?:  maybe when i met carlos valdes & got a picture with him.  he’s super sweet, is living sunshine, and gives amazing hugs. 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?:  so many :/  idek where to start tbh. 94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?:  i’m sex-repulsed so no thank you.  also, gross question.  get a life. 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?:  new zealand. 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?:  yes, my cousin bc he murdered my dad ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?:  no. 98: Ever been on a plane?:  many times. 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?:  indigenous people aren’t history, they still exist.  shut the fuck up and listen to them.  build a time machine to go back in time and prevent colonisers.  just straight-up kill them, we deserve it.

[heytheresassydetective]

UNOFFICIAL RANKING OF VILLAINS

Edit: I updated the top few spots in this list to reflect how I feel now. Should I add Midnight in Salem to the list? Let me know!!

Alright, Clue Crew, here it is- the villain ranking nobody asked for!  This was harder than expected, and I tried to make a logical way of ordering things, but who am I to judge who was the best ne’er-do-well?  If you have any questions about my ranking, want an explanation, or just want to yell at me, shoot me an ask.  

HERE WE GO:

33. SCK- Mitch Dillon

Do I remember much about this guy? No, no I do not.  I remember that he was a drug dealer and wasn’t in most of the game, so I never felt anything towards him.  That being said, he did kill a high school student, so I wouldn’t mess with him.  As far as character development goes, I give him an F.  Sorry not sorry Mitch.

32. MED- Sonny Joon? Or Kiri??? Who tf knows???

The real culprits of MED are the people who thought this game was a good idea.  All jokes aside, I don’t know if I want to list Sonny Joon as a villain, because he’s been such a cool character that has reappeared (but never actually appeared) throughout the games.  I don’t like how they introduced him- a game show?  Really?  It sounds fun in theory, but it doesn’t logically lead to finding that Annunaki shit he was looking for, in my mind at least.  He could have easily found Nancy (they have enough mutual friends by now) and been like “Hey what’s up hello I wanna find this shit help me out”.  Anyway, I think his character design for the game was sloppy- they spent so much time hyping this guy up over the course of the games, and then we meet this purple-haired guy who only speaks in riddles that try to make him sound edgy?  That’s like half of the people on tumblr (no offense to tumblr lol).  This game lowkey pisses me off, and they could do better with Sonny’s character.  As for Kiri, she was just kinda there until the end when she was like “lol okay i’ll be the bad guy in this competition” no thanks.

31. SCK: R- Detective Beech

I was hesitant to put this game into the mix, but it’s only fair, because it has a different ending than the original SCK.  Detective Beech seemed weird from the get-go, but I wasn’t ready for him to pull a fucking gun on Nancy.  And if you choose the wrong things, he will legitimately kill you, and it’s extreme.  It was cool that they changed the ending, but let’s get real here, when they said there would be a different ending and then Detective Beech showed up, did anyone not think “yeah it’ll probably be him”.  There were enough turns to get me to doubt a bit, but it was pretty obvious.  So, yeah, points for pulling a gun on Nancy, deductions for being obvious.

30. TRT- Lisa Ostrum

Oh, Lisa- what a chatty character.  She literally never shuts up in the final tower scene, and then decides to momentarily incapacitate Nancy for her big escape instead of trying something more permanent.  That pepper spray had the most extra name ever, like you could have just said “pepper spray” to get the message across.  Also- since everyone is snowed in, she wouldn’t have anywhere to go once she got away.  Flawed plan aside, she always bugged me.  Sorry Lisa, take your catchphrases and bobblehead somewhere else.

29. CLK- Jane Willoughby

CLK is fine as a game, and I love the aesthetic, but it’s not one of my favorites.  I thought Jane was an okay villain, with identity theft and attempted robbery and all that jazz, but she doesn’t really stick out in my mind, save for the plethora of “you betcha”s.  The endgame was also weird to me- I wouldn’t expect a game set in the 1930’s to end in a car chase that causes a pie explosion, but less believable things have happened to Nancy Drew.  I don’t hate Jane as a villain, but this game came right after some really stellar games- some of my favorites (DDI, SHA, and CUR)- so I can see why this one felt a little flat to me.  Jane’s plan was actually pretty good, and it’s something that couldn’t be pulled off today as easily as in the 30s, so props to her.

28. STFD- Dwayne Powers

I honestly have mixed feelings about Dwayne because of everything that has transpired with his character, but attempting murder out of jealousy? That’s extreme, and I feel like it was a well-done crime, all things considered.  Plus, I didn’t notice until after playing the game a few times that Owen W. Spayder is an anagram for Dwayne Powers.  Very sneaky, HeR.  While I’ll cover Dwayne in RAN later, I do think that he would be one to seek revenge, so his return almost made sense to me.

27. SSH- Taylor Sinclair

This guy seemed overly nice from the beginning.  Cookies from Oaxaca?  You know he’s hiding something.  He was too nice to make me feel comfortable when talking to him, and locking Nancy in a grave with a corpse? Eek, no thanks.  I’m kinda peeved that we never got to really catch him, because while we were trying to get out of that stone death chamber, Taylor was captured, Henrik regained his memory, AND all the other characters decided to get all chummy with each other.  Pretty convenient ending, if you ask me.

26. RAN- Dwayne Powers (again)

Oh god, here we go.  RAN is not a loved game by most of the Clue Crew (there are some outliers who like it, no shame to them), but in all honesty, I liked that they brought back an old villain.  I don’t like this game at all, and I think they could have done something waaaay more creepy with a returning villain (it’s clear Dwayne has been tracking Nancy- he could have played so many mind games with her regarding past cases), but yeah, bringing back Dwayne wasn’t a terrible idea at all, they just went about it wrong.  His nefarious acts were more villainous to me in this game for whatever reason- maybe it was his hiding in plain sight (or hiding Bess in plain sight for that matter), or his strategic planning that showed just how far he’d go to get revenge.  It makes sense that he got away tbh- I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw him again.  If we do, can I ask HeR to make that one extra scary- he could set up a series of events that play out like all her past cases leading up to that one, and make references only she could know about, and damn this is a good idea someone hire me.

25. HAU- Fiona, like kinda

Can I put Fiona down as the culprit here?  Like, yeah, she kidnapped a guy and pushed Nancy down a hole and caused some havoc, but she’s also a feral old woman on a jet pack, so is it her fault she’s this way??  Who’s the real culprit of this game, a society that will accept this and say “ah fuck it she’s a banshee that dude’s gone pass the non-alcoholic drinks”?  Anyway.  While I like HAU and it’s quirky puzzles and charming atmosphere and gorgeous music, that ending is so out of left field it’s kind of funny to me- like suddenly the game just goes “HERE HAVE AN OLD WOMAN GIVE YOU A JUMP SCARE THEN SOLVE A HARD CHEMICAL PUZZLE”- it seems so out of place to me, but it made for a relatively pleasant ending for all, so no harm done, I guess?

24. TRN- Lori Gerard

Lori is another villain that doesn’t stick out to me, because I honestly see her as an accidental villain.  I don’t think she wanted to hurt Nancy, I just think she wanted to prove everyone wrong and show herself as a smart and capable woman.  However, the way she went about it wasn’t cool, so yeah, villain status for her.  I thought her disappearing act was clever, and her character as a whole is hilarious to me, so she’s not on the rotten side of villains in my perspective.  Lori is dramatic as hell and super spoiled so that always makes for an entertaining character, and it wasn’t SUPER obvious that they would make the hostess the culprit, so she’s not too high on the list, but it doesn’t make her bad.  Honestly, she and Tino Balducci deserve each other.  

23. CRE- Mike Mapu

Big. Island. Mike.  The man, the myth, the legend.  The Clue Crew’s fascination with this character will never cease to amuse me.  And yet, while I think he’s a fine character, I’m not thrilled by his role as a villain.  His reveal at the end just seemed so…anticlimactic?  And he seemed to quickly change his mind?  One minute he was all “we have angered Kane Okala oh nooooo” and then the next he’s like “y’all can die for all I care” and peaces tf out of the volcano or wherever they were.  This whole game was just very “eh” for me.  Big Island Mike is a great meme, and good on him for going all “fuck you” to capitalism and whatnot, but I wasn’t thrilled by his ENDLESS parade of chores and the random-ass snowcone guessing game annoyed me more than Fox & Geese (hard to believe).  Still, I’d stay at Mike’s resort if I went to Hawaii, because I think he’d be a fun guy.

22. ICE- Yanni Volkstaia

Now, I don’t want to come right out and say that ICE was made in the Cold-War era as a thinly-veiled anti-USSR game, but nobody’s believing that Yanni is really from “motherland Fredonia”, amiright?  All jokes aside, I like ICE as a game (with the exception of fox and geese jfc), and the ending had you believing there was a different villain every minute (or like, every five minutes), but I was kind of disappointed that one of the wisest, most intriguing characters in the whole game was the villain.  That being said, if you go back and play the game, you can see how Yanni is constantly talking about how wolves are bad omens and this one is a sign of evil aaaaaaaah and it makes sense that he’s trying to get people away from the lodge that way.  Also, this guy is a pro athlete.  Do you really want me to believe that Nancy Drew can run him off the snow and force him to confess??

21. TOT- Scott Varnell

TOT is kind of a breath of fresh air as a low-stakes internship simulator where you can run stoplights and take pictures of clouds and trap mice a thousand times.  That being said, I don’t feel threatened by Scott, so he seems like a more casual villain to me, if that makes any sense.  Nancy kind of inadvertently saves his life, right?  Like kind of?  So I’m pretty chill with this whole game and with Scott- at the end of the game, it really feels like nothing big was lost, but nothing big was gained, which is honestly a nice break from the mindset of “do this or you DIE BY THE HANDS OF THE VILLAIN”

20. FIN- Joseph Hughes

Why does Nancy trust this guy so much throughout the game??? It annoys me to no end that she tells him e v e r y t h i n g.  But really, I couldn’t help but feel bad for this guy.  You find out that his brother died, so he might be in denial or in the early stages of dementia.  Still, he kidnapped Maya, and almost got her and Nancy killed (whether that was intentional or not), and that last scene with him when Nancy was trying to tell him what was really going on was terrifying to me when I was younger.  He seemed sorry though, so he’s not a ~hardcore villain~ in my eyes.

19. DAN- Minette

I feel like making Minette the villain was a really predictable move, but there needs to be a predictable character every once in awhile, right?  I loved her erratic and aggressive character, but the endgame was so weird to me that it kind of spoiled the game for me.  However, I liked that HeR made Minette a designer for plus-sized women, and that plot to bug the First Lady’s dress?  Clever.  The ending with blocking Minette’s attacks will forever confuse me- it seemed very out of left field and honestly, I want Nancy to beat someone up, not just block their sound-specific hits.  I was also disappointed about Minette’s reason for her mask- they couldn’t have tried a little harder and made it some botched plastic surgery or something??

18. WAC- Corine Myers

The roommate trope!  Love it or hate it, it’s here.  I have mixed feelings about WAC- I generally like it, but the characters’ oversized eyes bug me to no end, and I feel like there could be a little more Edgar Allen Poe mixed in there, but overall it’s a solid game.  I can’t stand some of the characters- Leela is so fucking annoying (I think it’s her voice that gets to me), and the twin reveal makes absolutely no sense (how’re you gonna live two lives if you only have documentation for one person??), but they’re not the villains, so I’ll gloss over that.  Corine had a well-thought-out plan and stuck to it, even though she came close to killing a few people.  She’s a wickedly smart girl, and she knows it, and I think that’s what made her so dangerous.  Also, did Corine not go to jail for what she did?  I get that she’s a minor, but she caused some real damage to these people.  Whatever- I don’t think she’d come for Nancy for revenge, but I wouldn’t want to room with her again.

17. TMB- Abdullah Bakhoum

I’ve loved learning about Ancient Egypt since I was little, so TMB was really fun for me.  I liked Abdullah as a villain- it certainly made sense why he did what he did- but again, it felt a little obvious.  He’s too self-centered and abrasive to let anyone else get that much attention, even an unnamed villain.  Anyway, I think TMB gets a lot of flack for being forgettable, and yeah I can understand that, but it’s a solid game and that end puzzle was really fun for me, so I’m still rooting for this game!

16. MHM- Louis Chandler

Louis is a pretty tame villain, in my opinion.  I love MHM, but I never felt like the villain in that game was out to hurt me.  If anything, I was more worried about the mansion itself, because I still believe that it was actually haunted (fucked me up as a kid).  Still, he did a good job of trying to steal the treasure, so props to him.  He did kind of creep me out, and it always bugged me that he kicked Nancy out of the mansion for literally reading the same book he read.

15. ASH- Brenda Carlton

Brenda Carlton is so fucking annoying to me, let’s get that out of the way.  She’s such a slimy reporter that will do anything to get the story she wants (she is willing to dress up as Nancy and set a historic building on fire just to ruin one person’s reputation jfc).  I’m starting to notice a theme of pettiness with these villains, tbh.  Anyway, I commend her dedication to her cause, that’s something I can always respect, but if Nancy Drew can solve your crime from a jail cell, is it really that airtight of a plan??  Tbh I think the reason why I dislike Brenda so much is that she somehow gets everyone to turn on Nancy, a girl that has helped countless people and has a shining reputation.  Also she takes advantage of Ned, who is a naive sweet boy and he doesn’t deserve that!!  I really like ASH, and bringing down Brenda is so satisfying, but I can’t rank her much higher due to my bias.

14. CAR- Elliot Chen

Right off the bat- being strangled by Elliot was traumatizing, like holy shit are these games really intended for children???  Now that I got that out of the way, I liked Elliot’s subtle actions that sent Nancy off the case- helping her with Joy’s different riddles so she wouldn’t look into the accidents both played into the plot and supposedly threw you “off the case”- although it ended up helping you in the end.  Also, props to Elliot for using his talents to make forged art- I’m not saying I agree with it, but if I were a starving artist (and with my major, I’m on that track) I would get where he was coming from.

13. VEN- Helena Berg

It’s always the fun roommate with these games, isn’t it?  Anyway, I think it’s cool how Helena gets all chummy with you then turns out to be il Dottore, but in all honesty, it didn’t come as a surprise to me.  It did seem kind of weird that in a game set in Italy, the German is the culprit- I don’t see where they were going with that one.  And that final chase scene on the map was soooooo pointless- it could have tested some actual skill picked up in the game, like dancing in a cat suit.  Nancy and Helena could have had a dance-off, but nooooooo.  Also, the puzzle at the end. No.  Tbh Helena wasn’t that memorable to me, but good for her for having a crime ring, sothereyougo.

12. SPY- Ewan Macleod

Right off the bat- who in their right minds takes a letter a dead woman wrote to her only daughter and takes notes on it???????  That makes Ewan at least five types of rude.  Anyway, I liked how you start the game on his side and he’s all “oh I’m just here to help tell me what you find and we’ll get this together” and at the end it’s like “haha SIKE BITCH I work for the other group”.  That being said, I don’t think Ewan is very high-up in Revenant because Nancy could have easily killed him (though idk if she would kill anyone… that’d be an interesting concept to look into in future games).  Still, I like Ewan as a character and a villain, but maybe that’s because I like SPY so much.  It’s an emotional game- she’s literally looking into the death of her own mother- and while I don’t like parts of it (Nancy was like 3 when her mom died okay not 10 don’t tell me otherwise), I think Ewan was just enough villain for a game so invested in the past.

11. CRY- Renee Amande

One of the few villains that is truly completely off their rocker, I didn’t realize until my second playthrough that Renee probably killed Bruno Bolet with some of that voodoo hoodoo whatever you call it.  I love CRY and it’s ambience, and I think Renee fit right in with the aesthetic.  Also, you can eat all her chocolate and make Nancy hella sick, which is always a plus in my book.  The way I see it, tbh, you can play CRY one of two ways: either you can believe that Renee is completely crazy, or you can suspend your disbelief (which is fun for a few of these games) and believe in this crystal skull magic, which makes Renee far more powerful and terrifying.  Either way, she was willing to lock Nancy in a crypt and throw away the key, so this woman was willing to do whatever it took to get this damn crystal.

And heeeeeeere’s the top 10!

10. SEA- Soren Bergusson

Poor, sad, villainous Soren.  Nobody likes him so he plans to steal some treasure and possibly kill some people in the process.  In all honesty, I liked Soren as a friend and suspect, and I understand why he hates everyone in Skipbrot: they all hated him first just because he grew up a bit out of town.  While I sympathize with him, he was willing to let Nancy and Magnus just kinda die- like I don’t think he really cared what happened to them.  That’s not the way to make friends, Soren!  He had a solid plan going- he essentially let Nancy do all the puzzle-solving and hard work, which kind of happens in every Nancy Drew game when there’s treasure involved.  I really like SEA, even the sideplot about Ned and Nancy (attack me all you want), so I think Soren is an understandable and solid villain.  I especially like how you can choose if he gets a hard punishment or a more gentle one.  Also, is it confirmed that Soren was the cause of that screaming heard in the ice caves?  Does anyone have an explanation for that? Pls let me know k thx.

9. DED- Victor Lossett

Most phone characters stay in the phone, but not this guy.  He feels it necessary to arrive on the scene halfway through gameplay and turn Nancy’s suspicions on their head.  Iconic.  Honestly, Victor had the right idea by subtly hinting that other suspects could be guilty, and I love that HeR made the very guy that hired Nancy be the culprit.  It was a refreshing twist on the games!  Victor straight-up is not against frying Nancy to a crisp at the end there, whereas some villains try to kill her in less painful ways or even just incapacitate her.  While I can’t forgive him for killing Niko Jovic, one of the raddest characters we never get to meet, I applaud his villainous works.  You go, Victor.  You go.

8. DDI- Andy Jason

And here we see another wonderfully-made double persona in the form of Andy.  I’m honestly surprised he didn’t try to kill Nancy on that whale-watching tour, but his front as a marine life geek who yells “Whales rule!” at you is pretty convincing.  I was also impressed at the lengths he went to in order to frame Katie (he even tied her to a chair to make her look evil!!), and his nefarious acts hide as three separate mysteries.  I hope that hit to the head messed with his memory, because he’d definitely come for Nancy if he got out of jail imo.  I like Andy, although he kinda acts like in the end he sold his soul to the devil to run this crime-rig.  Also, he got this orca from the Russian military- I wanted more on that, that’s wicked!  I definitely think DDI happens when HeR is figuring out what makes a good villain, and while they miss the mark in later games, I think this one was pretty appropriate for its time- and I love replaying it, the atmosphere and villain and endless clam chowder really tie together nicely.

7. DOG- Emily Griffin

DOG wasn’t a scary game in the typical sense, because there really weren’t any jump-scares that made you freak, aside from the dogs in the beginning.  However, the ambience made me feel like someone was watching me, and knowing that one of these nice, quirky people was trying to kill me shows the psychological games DOG played.  I really think this was the beginning of HeR unlocking their potential for terrifying sequences, and they begin to show off in later games.  Also, while MHM and TRT had some ambience, this was the first one that really gave me ~vibes~ that added to the game.  FIN and SSH kinda did, but still.  With all of that in mind, Emily is super creepy to me- knowing that she could do all of those things and keep a facade of a chipper shop owner shows how two-faced people can be.  That endgame was so terrifying- how did Nancy manage to get a picture of Emily coming after her with a random-ass bone??  Also, I loved her little cameo in DAN.

6. CAP- Anja Mittelmeier

Alright.  I’m not crazy about CAP, but someone recently pointed out to me that it echoes past games (not sure how, but it makes me want to give it a second look), so I like it well enough.  That being said, I really think Anja is a great villain here.  She poses herself as a “let’s talk about guys and I can give you advice” kind of person, someone Nancy can relate to, especially with her guy troubles in this game.  Not only that, but Anja purposefully piques Nancy’s interest by feigning concern at first, being all “oh, I don’t know if I should tell you this” to make her more interested.  A+ psychology right there.  While I’m not totally sure most people would go to this much trouble over one guy, I applaud Anja’s pettiness and readiness for revenge.  Speaking of which, I have a sneaking suspicion we haven’t seen the last of her.  Her last line was ominous as hell and I loved it.  I’m here for more Anja screentime (gametime? What’s the phrase here?)

5. LIE- Literally everyone in that dang museum

I love Greek mythology, so I have a bone to pick with LIE.  FIRST OFF- there was no Labyrinth in the story of Persephone, y’all are thinking about the fucking Minotaur.  SECOND OFF- that stage made no sense (I made a post about it earlier, salt salt salt).  I’m not gonna spend this time talking about my problems with LIE, so I’ll leave it at those two examples.  Problems aside, I thought having all the suspects be a part of the art theft rig was… kinda cool?  And I like the characters by themselves: Niobe is sweet and unsure about her part in the group, Grigor is a classic narcissistic actor (I can relate to that 100% lol), Thanos is intimidating but under the surface… he’s still intimidating, and Xenia HOLY SHIT.  Like in that last part with the throne in the underworld won me over for her.  She could come to my place of residence and beat me up and I would thank her (honestly same for Thanos too).  I like the mix of less into the crime-y stuff (Niobe and Grigor) to a whole ‘nother level of criminal (Xenia and Thanos).  Also you know Thanos is coming back with the people that helped him escape- I’m looking forward to it.  So, yeah.  Not my favorite game, but I love the villains here, and I think they did a pretty stellar job.

4. SHA- Shorty Thurmond

Listen, I love SHA so much- it was one of the first games I played, the book version will forever hold a place on my bookshelf, and the backstory of Frances and Dirk is iconic in the Nancy Drew world.  So, since I had read the book, I knew that Shorty was the villain from the start of the game, but that didn’t stop me from liking him as a character.  He gossips to invite suspicion about other characters and is generally a hilarious character to talk to.  That makes the endgame so much more dramatic and urgent when he reveals himself as the culprit and actively comes for you.  Also, I will never forgive him for the ENDLESS chores or the “heeeeere’s shorty”.  It might be bias, but I gotta put Shorty high on the list just because I love SHA and his character is no exception.  Excellent planning, quality execution, and he almost got away with it (I mean, all of them almost do).  I kind of wish that it was more like the book tho, because he had a little group working for him and he could imitate animal calls that they used to pull off sabotage- still an excellent villain, but some more book stuff would have been cool too.

3. GTH- Clara Thornton

One of the many reasons I love GTH so much is that there’s no real clear villain.  Sure, you can blame Clara for Charlotte’s death, but after looking into all the rich and subtle history of the Thornton family, I don’t think I want to blame Clara.  And who’s to blame for Jessalyn’ disappearance?  Jessalyn?  But I digress on that point.  Let’s say Clara is the villain- she is a fully-dimensional, multi-faceted character that has as many demons as any other character in this game.  The ending of GTH is one of my favorites because you can choose what happens to the supposed “villain”- she can “disappear” and presumably die, making a full circle from Charlotte’s death, or she can be saved, breaking the vicious Thornton family cycle that took so many ancestors.  I could go on and on about GTH and what it means to me, but I won’t bore you all.  Let me just say: I don’t think there is a real villain in this game, I think the blame can be placed just a little bit on everyone, even Nancy if you’re not careful.  

2. SAW- Rentaro Aihara

First thing, SAW still has me shook to this day- I will not look in a mirror at night because of this game and everyone here knows why.  As if SAW weren’t creepy enough, replaying this gives me even more of the creeps because of Rentaro’s character.  Part of me wants to like him, because he’s socially awkward and gives Nancy puzzles because he knows she likes them, but let’s break this down: he is pushing for Miwako to close her family’s business so she can move with him to the city, which she doesn’t like that much, and after he upsets her to tears, he gives her gifts to make her like him again.  I’m no expert, but that is not what a healthy relationship should look like.  Also, he tries to kill Nancy (more than once if I’m not mistaken), and his only punishment is that Miwako dumps him? Blegh, he’s a creepy guy who tries to scare you away and earn your trust.  Try as I might, I cannot like this guy as a character- though he makes for a great villain.  Rentaro- abusive boyfriend, tries to kill people, doesn’t really get punished for anything- shit, was he actually sorry at the end or was he faking it????? We may never know.

1. CUR- Jane Penvellyn

CUR has a special place in my heart- it gave me legitimate nightmares as a kid and I was scared to finish it for a long time.  I love how there are miniscule clues scattered around the game pointing to Jane- the subplot about her deceased guinea pig proving her dishonesty (and I think the guinea pig might have died from Jane testing either the hair growth or the pills on it, but who knows), and Jane’s dialogue always trying to steer you away from an answer (she’s always like “I don’t want to talk about this” like okay let’s play skull and bones you macabre child).  This is one of my favorite storylines because it’s so well developed and thought-out, and making the child a culprit was such a good move in my opinion.  Jane’s got a bright future if she was clever enough to do all of that on her own.  However, I think Jane should have gotten a punishment more severe than a strict talk from her father- maybe some family therapy or losing her game privileges or something??  She could have really hurt Linda like jesus don’t give people random-ass pills.  Still, brilliant planning and performance on her part, and brilliant writing and execution on HeR’s part.

So there you have it, clue crew! Did I piss anyone off? Was I wrong? Will MID have an amazing villain that questions my tentative order of villains? Will MID ever come out? Let me know!