#how we affect n influence each other. what we choose to share n the secrets we keep

[pet-genius]

The Death Eaters as a Cult - Part 1

This is a very lightly edited old Reddit post, that I'll publish in parts because the whole thing is like 7000 words. Analyzing Voldemort, the DE and their dynamics, Dumbledore and Harry in comparison, and individual Death Eaters. Hope you like it!

Some say Voldemort is a cartoon villain, or wizard Hitler. I think he is very realistic, and that the focus on his political aspirations ignores interesting aspects of him. I cannot prove that JKR had cults in mind when she wrote Voldemort and his followers, but this is how I read them. It’s nearly impossible to define a cult, so, for the purpose hereof, I’m going with “a group dedicated to the worship of a person”. Many cult leaders in real life present themselves merely as “god’s voice” or “the messiah”, but Voldemort specifically didn’t bother to hide behind a power higher than himself.

Tom Riddle comes from humble beginnings, like many cult leaders - he’s raised in an orphanage. He already has delusions of grandeur, only in this case they’re not delusions, because he really is magic, which makes it all the more dangerous. Look how he reacted to discovering he was a wizard, and how Harry did.

Immediately following the revelation that Lily and James did not die in a car crash, and that Harry is famous, and that he survived an attempt at his life by the worst wizard in history:

Hagrid looked at Harry with warmth and respect blazing in his eyes, but Harry, instead of feeling pleased and proud, felt quite sure there had been a horrible mistake. A wizard? Him? How could he possibly be? He’d spent his life being clouted by Dudley, and bullied by Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon; if he was really a wizard, why hadn’t they been turned into warty toads every time they’d tried to lock him in his cupboard? If he’d once defeated the greatest sorcerer in the world, how come Dudley had always been able to kick him around like a football?

“Hagrid,” he said quietly, “I think you must have made a mistake. I don’t think I can be a wizard.”

Heart-breaking. Harry doesn’t believe he can be special, he blames himself for the way he’s treated.

This is Tom Riddle:

“I know that you are not mad. Hogwarts is not a school for mad people. It is a school of magic.”

There was silence. Riddle had frozen, his face expressionless, but his eyes were flickering back and forth between each of Dumbledore’s, as though trying to catch one of them lying. “Magic?” he repeated in a whisper.

“That’s right,” said Dumbledore.

“It’s... it’s magic, what I can do?”

“What is it that you can do?”

“All sorts,” breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. “I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to.”

His legs were trembling. He stumbled forward and sat down on the bed again, staring at his hands, his head bowed as though in prayer.

“I knew I was different,” he whispered to his own quivering fingers. “I knew I was special. Always, I knew there was something.”

His megalomania and violent nature are already apparent, as is his preternatural control of his magic. It also hints at rudimentary legilimency.

Dumbledore spells out that young Tom Riddle equated magic with immortality and liked to collect trophies, and that Tom Riddle liked being special, as he resents the name Tom for being too common; he already lives behind a mask and only shows his true face in shock. This, and not Dumbledore’s magical prowess, is what always scared Tom. Voldemort knew Dumbledore knew what he was. That was the only tactical advantage Dumbledore had.

It’s also one of JKR’s strokes of brilliance: Dumbledore saw Tom for what Tom was, and others never did until it was too late, not because he was that clever, but because he knew from experience. Dumbledore had allowed himself to fall for a charismatic but heartless man before, and it took Ariana dying to slap him awake. Dumbledore knows good people can be led astray: It happened to him. It has nothing to do with intelligence or “goodness”. Gellert was able to give Albus exactly what Albus lacked, stuck at home taking care of Ariana: the promise of freedom and a bright future, and the companionship of an equal. Albus fell for it, despite warning signs that should have been obvious.

Later, we know Tom is chosen by a wand of yew and phoenix feather. Both yew and phoenix are associated with immortality; yew trees are very long-lived. Compare this to Harry’s wand, holly and phoenix feather: both these characters will experience death and rebirth, except Tom Riddle’s wand tree is yew, and Harry’s is holly.

From Wikipedia: “The Christian church commonly found it expedient to take over existing pre-Christian sacred sites for churches. It has also been suggested that yews were planted at religious sites as their long life was suggestive of eternity, or because, being toxic when ingested, they were seen as trees of death.” Also from Wikipedia: “Christians have identified a wealth of symbolism in the holly tree’s form. The sharpness of the leaves help to recall the crown of thorns worn by Jesus; the red berries serve as a reminder of the drops of blood that were shed for salvation; and the shape of the leaves, which resemble flames, can serve to reveal God's burning love for His people.”

The two orphans’ wildly different views of death are also apparent in their wand trees. Voldemort will murder to attain his goals; Harry will sacrifice himself. That the phoenix feather came from Fawkes is also meaningful - Dumbledore taught both magic in some capacity, but he never could defeat Voldemort, because they’re too alike. One of Harry’s advantages in this battle is the integrity of his soul, which cannot be compromised.

Next, Tom Riddle is sorted into Slytherin. For a child who is already prone to megalomania, the house values bring out the worst in him, and under Slughorn, he grows into a manipulative, cunning, ruthless young man. I’m not blaming Horace for Tom being a psychopath, but some of the particular ways his psychopathy manifested in seem to have been directly due to Slughorn’s influence. Slughorn is a blood-supremacist, who was convinced Tom must come from fine stock. Slughorn tests drinks for poison using house elves; Tom Riddle tests the effectiveness of his Horcrux’s protection on Kreacher. Slughorn emphasizes the importance of connections and outright praises Tom for knowing more than he needs to, and encourages an attitude of “it’s only wrong if you get caught.” But Slughorn, prejudiced and cunning as he is, is not violent - he is academically curious about Horcruxes, but he finds them repugnant. Tom’s heart is not so faint - at the point of asking Slughorn about Horcruxes, the diary is already a horcrux, and Tom has already murdered his father. This is how Dumbledore describes Tom’s original gang, who were the proto-Death Eaters:

As he moved up the school, he gathered about him a group of dedicated friends; I call them that, for want of a better term, although as I have already indicated, Riddle undoubtedly felt no affection for any of them. This group had a kind of dark glamour within the castle. They were a motley collection; a mixture of the weak seeking protection, the ambitious seeking some shared glory, and the thuggish gravitating toward a leader who could show them more refined forms of cruelty. In other words, they were the forerunners of the Death Eaters, and indeed some of them became the first Death Eaters after leaving Hogwarts. Rigidly controlled by Riddle, they were never detected in open wrongdoing, although their seven years at Hogwarts were marked by a number of nasty incidents to which they were never satisfactorily linked, the most serious of which was, of course, the opening of the Chamber of Secrets, which resulted in the death of a girl. As you know, Hagrid was wrongly accused of that crime.

Dumbledore explains what motivated people to join Tom: some were afraid, some ambitious, some cruel. He controlled his so-called friends, and already started framing others for his own crimes (Hagrid’s framing was followed by Morfin’s and Hokey the house elf’s).

This is followed by Tom’s attempt to become a teacher (Dumbledore spells out his motivations: He is attached to the school, he wants to study its magic, and he already wants to build himself an army). He is denied, oddly chooses to work for Borgin and Burkes, a choice fueled by the desire to trace down more items to make into Horcruxes. Through the memory of the meeting with Heptzibah Smith, we see that Tom was definitely charming when he needed to be, and knew how to make people feel good. He did not use magic to trick her into showing him her precious locket and cup: he used muggle manipulation - flattery, making an old and forlorn lady feel valuable, perhaps even flirting with her (she’s certainly flirting with him). He was pleasant enough that Ms. Smith eagerly looked forward to his visits - but as she showed him her treasures, he was caught off guard by hearing about his mother and how she sold the locket, and she saw him for what he was, although she quickly fell into denial. Sadly, she was murdered two days later.

Why rely on Horcruxes to gain immortality? Tom must have known about Nicholas Flamel and the Philosopher’s Stone, and the Horcruxes require someone else to perform the resurrection ritual. Either making the Stone is so hard that it would deter Tom (unlikely), or he already expected to rely on followers who would find him and revive him - he certainly seems to have expected his followers to have searched for him earlier. Maybe Horcruxes were appealing because they require murder. In any case, this is followed by the memory of Tom asking Dumbledore for the DADA job again, a decade later. Tom has spent a decade gathering followers, and he has already changed his name to Lord Voldemort. This is reminiscent of real life cult leader David Koresh, and the leaders of the Children of God, Aum Shinrikyo, etc. The meeting between Voldemort and Albus is interesting, because it’s clear that Dumbledore had tried to teach Tom about the power of love:

“The old argument,” he said softly. “But nothing I have seen in the world has supported your famous pronouncements that love is more powerful than my kind of magic, Dumbledore.”

“Perhaps you have been looking in the wrong places,” suggested Dumbledore.

This did not help. Tom never learned - how could he? At 16, he was already a murderer - who could love him now for who he was? He could never be truly loved, and he could never truly love another, and he underestimated the power of love for his entire life, leading to his downfall - twice (were that it was so simple in real life).

Voldemort is trying to obfuscate the nature of the relationship, like all cults - they never admit this is what they are.

“I am glad to hear that you consider them friends,” said Dumbledore. “I was under the impression that they are more in the order of servants.”

“You are mistaken,” said Voldemort.

But LV can’t lie to Dumbledore, who changes the subject. He denies him the DADA job again, and the curse is placed on the job. LV’s ascent is due to begin in a few years. Hagrid tells the story:

Anyway, this — this wizard, about twenty years ago now, started lookin’ fer followers. Got ’em, too — some were afraid, some just wanted a bit o’ his power, ’cause he was gettin’ himself power, all right. Dark days, Harry. Didn’t know who ter trust, didn’t dare get friendly with strange wizards or witches...

Voldemort isn’t just interested in immortality. He wants complete control. He wants everyone fearing him - even fearing his name. He has people isolated and distrustful, fearing for their lives.

But we know his reign of terror was dreadful - what I’m interested in is the way he treated his own followers. We know little about how he treated them in the first war, but we do have what Sirius had to say about Regulus’s fate:

From what I found out after he died, he got in so far, then panicked about what he was being asked to do and tried to back out. Well, you don’t just hand in your resignation to Voldemort. It’s a lifetime of service or death.

We know the real story of Regulus’s disappearance, and it’s different. Kreacher tells us that Regulus died in the Horcrux cave - but more telling is that Regulus forbade Kreacher from telling his parents what had happened to him. Why did he feel the need to do that? This suggests that Regulus knew LV destroyed traitors’ families, which is a tactic used in cults and other abusive dynamics. We know LV would leverage Draco’s welfare against Lucius for his failure in the Department of Mysteries, too. We know also that instead of going to Dumbledore, or to his own brother, Regulus chose death – unless he was really dumb, and I don’t think he was, he must have been manipulated into believing that was his only option, or his world made no sense after his faith had shattered. So many people never readjust to life outside the cult.

Voldemort “dies” about two years after that, having successfully recruited about 400 followers (“the death eaters outnumbered us the Order 20:1” - Lupin). We can’t say if all these people were genuine Death Eaters or people who had been Imperiused or otherwise coerced, or allies like Narcissa, but that coercion is used to recruit shows that Voldemort did not take his own followers’ ambitions and wishes into account. People who use outright coercion don't suddenly draw the line at manipulation.

[missvifdor]

Alright, I share a quick thought like this, but imagine Bucky having the DID (be careful, I want to make it clear that I'm not an expert and any mistakes on my part are unintentional and I'm sorry for being so stupid The DID is not a joke, it is a real trouble and I would never allow myself to laugh or joke about it).

So I was saying, Bucky having DID:

Thinking back to all the traumatic moments in his life, it would be easy enough to think that he could have had it. Imagine that at one point his brain and mind say "STOP" and no longer able to cope with all these events, decide that in order to survive, he must create a "shield" (I don't know if I am speaking correctly, sorry if that doesn't make sense).

Because if I'm not saying bullshit, that's what the host's DID is for, to protect it and that's where the Alters come in. The basis of the DID is that the host not supposed to know he has it.

But all the time, there will be signs: amnesia, dissociative disorder, depersonalization, derealization,. Imagine, one day, everything is going well, you get ready to go to sleep and then when you wake up, the date, the time have completely changed, you are now dressed and you have no memory of having lived this. that happened after you last remembered.

Now imagine Bucky going through the same thing, he'd be pretty scared I think.

Bucky would have these symptoms, but not just that. For example, he might feel like he has feelings, thoughts, moods, or anything else that is not ... his but belongs to someone else. Or he would hear voices talking to him (Wait, this has nothing to do with schizophrenia, the voices heard cannot be suppressed with medication and to the host this is really heard as a person's voice real voice or an interlocutor. These are real voices).

You know when we think and hear a voice but it is that of our subconscious, and well that is still different.

(I won't procrastinate any longer, but if you are interested, I advise you to inform yourself to find out more. For example, there is a youtube channel that talks about it because the designer has DID, she and other affected people talk about it here: https://youtu.be/ek7JK6pattE ).

Back to our Super Soldier:

Bucky, like anyone with DID will have both good and bad triggers.

The good ones would be: Music from the 40s, his favorite food, something that reminds him of his sister or mother, etc.

The bad ones: Something or someone who could bring back bad memories, maybe the language Russian, the pain linked to his metal arm, the situations where he cannot feel comfortable or very anxious, a dangerous mission that has gone off the rails a bit.

Let's talk about his Alters: The Winter Soldier will have taken a big place in his life and I think he probably never left him because he is part of him.

So I would lean towards the fact that Winter (let's call him that) has become one of his Alters. It would have become this:

Alter Trauma Holder and Persecutor: some of his tasks are to hold traumatic memories ... especially so that other Alters are not not disturbed by these memories and that the system works more or less. And often, well, trauma holders do not voluntarily choose this role, they are there because the brain did it like that and it can seem very unfair!

It is common that in addition to h: And, even when they do, sometimes they just aren't able to pass it on to the rest of the system and, unfortunately, to the outside either. This is one of the reasons why it is very difficult for a system to find and manage trauma or to talk to a therapist, for example. This is one of the reasons why it is very difficult for a system to find and manage trauma or to talk to a therapist, for example.

Trauma holders are also It called “Secret Keepers / Secret Holders”.

Her Part Persecutor: To put it mildly, the "Persecutor" is an alter who is hostile to the system or the outside world . Well, obviously, it’s nowhere near that simple.

In general, persecutors are alters who have internalized hatred or rejection, either towards themselves, towards other members of the system, or towards the outside world. It is a traumatic response that follows physical abuse, toxic relationships and assaults experienced by the system. Like the protectors, the persecutors seek to prevent further attacks, attack in defense or suffer for the rest of the system. But they ... don't always do it the right way.

There are different kinds of persecutors, some tend to reject any outside person, others may have internal words and feelings of worthlessness, still others may sabotage a possible therapy for fear of the medical profession, then of others can re-experience their traumas, injure themselves, etc… They are very often hyperviligant and easily activated.

They are sometimes very withdrawn and influenced by feelings causing for example a strong anxiety or suicidal thoughts. But they can also be authoritarian and seek to impose behavior on the rest of the system, considering that the others are incapable of protecting themselves and are responsible for the abuses suffered. Finally, some persecutors are a representation of aggressors and persecute the system like these. The persecutors are above all persecuted by trauma and in particular they need to be secure. It is very common that, once appeased, they become essential protectors of the system.

Here's another Alter, James: It would be quite similar to the Bucky of the 40s but different at the same time.

He would be an Alter Internal Self Helper: The "Internal Self Helper" is an alter that helps the system internally. It is not uncommon for ISHs to serve as some sort of mediator to the rest of the system, as if they were "the voice of reason."

They often have a good knowledge of Alters and how the system works (but this does not mean that they easily share this information). They are also often discreet, facing little or not at all or only side by side with another alter.

Internal self helpers are often associated with the creation and management of the innerworld, especially when it was conceived unconsciously.

ISH is a frequent supporting role among gatekeepers, protectors and sometimes among trauma holders.

And Bucky would be the host: Host "refers to the alter who fronts most of the time ... when all is well. And this nuance is important!

Indeed, the “Host” is a bit like the basic Alter, the one who is there when there is no need for any other Alter, no triggers, and no Alter is needed wanted to face. In principle, he manages the day-to-day life, so you would think that it is indeed the alter that uses the body most often, yes. But no.

A system is frequently affected by all the little things in life, whether or not it requires the presence of another Alter at the front. And, especially when it is not conscious, it can be common for another alter (social or protective, for example) to be more present than the host. It all depends on the environment of the system and the awareness of its multiplicity as well as the choices and possibilities of each of its members.

For this reason, there are systems without a host (or with a sleeping host) as well as systems with multiple hosts (which are then called co-hosts), which handle different aspects of the day-to-day. good. Of course, the hosts can also have another role, such as caretaker or alter social.e for example. It may also happen that a new host appears and the system changes hosts.

The host is a role that can be difficult to take in at times, as it is often the first alter to become consciously aware (yes, consciously aware) of his multiplicity. And it's already not easy to realize that we "are not alone in your head", but it is also difficult to realize that you have shared your whole life with "these others people in his head ”. It is very common for the host to doubt his legitimacy, to be afraid of lying, etc. They are often influenced by the feelings, thoughts and feelings of other Alters.

On the other hand, the host can usually be an alter who allows for better communication, as he or she serves as a bit of a mediator, conciliatory and benevolent towards the system and the outside world, while being held to it 'deviation from the consequences (emotional for example) of traumas. A stable host is an important basis for functional multiplicity.

Be careful, it must be said: the host is not the original! Many systems don't have an original, and while you might think the host is some kind of original, it isn't. Of course, if there is an original in the system, it can be a host. But, whether host and / or original, all Alters should be considered equally. (Really, for this to work, it's important to understand this)

Otherwise, a person with DID may have other Alters, the number can vary and they are all different!

Now, how would it be if Bucky had a Y / N ? Would other people in the system agree with that? Would Y / N manage and understand this situation? That is the whole question.

But let's imagine that in the best-case scenario, Winter and James are ok with this relationship and even have feelings for Y / N, it will still be a job all the time.

The best would be someone who can differentiate the three and act with the three as if they were three different individuals (Who they are and this is very important because each Alter deserves to be recognized).

Being in a relationship with Bucky is a bit like being with a big teddy bear who could easily shoot you in the head with near-deadly precision. And a gentleman under all circumstances, of course.

Being with Winter is complicated enough, but not impossible. You just have to know how to do it and above all succeed in interpreting his looks, his silences. The man is not the biggest talker but know that he would be ready to kill for you and protect you.

As for James his Fronts are very rare but when he will be there, believe me when I tell you that he will not leave you alone with his affections! He is surely the one who is the most sociable of the three and who will take the greatest pleasure in teasing you or improvising a dance with you in the middle of your living room.

Well I have finished! Do not hesitate to tell me what you think of it in the comments, or if you want a part two to find out more in general or to know more about the romantic relationship side + ... SNFW.

[soukokuwu]

➤ genre: angst, fluff

➤ pairing: chuuya x reader

➤ synopsis: breaking up with the love of your life is never easy.

➤ word count: 1.6k

➤ a/n: inspiration? “Lose” by NIKI. i just couldn’t get the song out of my head and decided to just vibe with this. ^.^

We only meet at the intersect

You were eighteen when Chuuya’s azure orbs caught your eye.

He was rough around the edges, always the fiery, hot-headed brute in any room, with the crimson hair to match. Exceptionally violent when his temper takes over, like asteroids slamming into a planet, and like a star exploding when he’s forced to use corruption.

Yet his fingers were able to dance across your skin as gentle as a soft summer breeze, and the hot temper gave way to subtle, fleeting signals of affection. The way his usually loud, boisterous voice cascaded into soft hushed tones when he spoke to you. Chuuya was a workaholic, all of his hours usually went into slaving away for the Port Mafia. But even that yielded to making time to find you, even if it was for no particular reason at all. Luckily he wasn’t one to nitpick about the details — because he never could for the life of him figure out what made you so entirely different from anyone else.

But you were.

You were nineteen when Chuuya took the leap of faith, showing you the gravity of his love.

He kept mum about his work, until he couldn’t anymore. Every instant he had to shy away from talking about what he did, every instant he denied you access into his real life, his mind — it felt like he was pushing you away, like he was allowing other people a chance to swoop in once you were pushed far enough.

And once you find out, your reaction was understandable. Horrified, confused and without any words uttered, you left him behind in the restaurant, alone with the doubts of whether he should have come clean at all. Was it worth losing what little of your friendship there was? Was it better to have made a clean breast of it and lose what was dear to him or would it have been smarter to keep you in the dark, keep you close?

But a ray of light came a month later in the form of liquid courage.

Chuuya wasn’t the one who came forth, no. He had considered himself burned from being honest, he thought you hated him. No, if anyone needed to do or say anything it would have to be you. He knew that nothing could make up for what he’s done or what he’s going to do as a Port Mafia executive. It was his family. And he would never give that up. A hard thing it was, for civilians to accept. The murders, the frauds, the sacrifices.

Which is why he didn’t know what possessed you to knock on his door at 2am in the morning, an open bottle of Romanee-Conti in one hand and his heart in the other.

You were twenty-one when you two started cohabitating.

It was a step in the right direction — you two barely met due to his busy schedule. You used to always have your phone on hand, desperate to know whether your boyfriend was safe after a long day’s work. To which he oftentimes forgot to account for; he was too tired. That, and he wasn’t used to being responsible for someone else’s feelings.

But this alleviated your insecurities, and it satisfied his wishes to spend more time with you.

The mornings were sunlight streaming through the cracks in satin curtains, cups of black coffee with occasional breakfasts of toast and eggs and fleeting kisses goodbye. The afternoons were distances, unavoidable work calls, meetings and ‘I miss you’ texts. The nights were hugs welcoming each other home, spills of crimson locks over his bare shoulders, bodies melding into one and ‘I love you’s by midnight.

Closets were full, black coats and grey waistcoats sharing vacancies with flowery dresses and black poly skirts. The pantry was more filled than ever before, now that Chuuya had someone living with him to eat with, to enjoy with. Bathrooms now had two sets of everything, toothbrushes, towels, cups. Walls were now occupied, the dull white paint masked by colourful memories framed in gold and black.

The collection grew and grew.

You were twenty two when you spotted the embers fading.

When sunlight cracked through the curtains and there was nobody in bed next to you. Either one of you always woke up earlier than the other. Time was not made during the busy of the afternoon, with either of you choosing to take a siesta during unoccupied minutes. The eventides of passion turned into nights of sex. You found yourself wishing he’d touch you like he did in the beginning. And he found himself wishing he was as into it as he used to be.

And one night, in the dead silence, as you two stared up at the ceiling in bed — it was the first time in a long time that you two shared the same thought.

Chuuya remembered when you taught him how to love, how you filled the void in his heart, helped him get over his insecurities, healed the numbness he felt about his humanity. The subtle efforts he had put forth because he deemed you worth it — and he still did. But that didn’t change facts: this wasn’t working out anymore.

He broke your heart each time he had to go away on long missions. He broke your heart each time he came back with bruises and a hardened expression. He broke your heart each time he had to keep a secret from you in the name of work. He broke your heart whenever you had to mask your true feelings to take care of his. And he hated hurting you.

You remembered when Chuuya taught you the importance of accepting someone for who they are, how he always tried his best to put you before himself in each decision he made, how he put aside his temper and his ego in every argument you had, how the two of you would always work them out. The two of you were made for each other, but it was painfully obvious: the end was awfully near.

You broke his heart each time he saw through the fake smiles. You broke his heart each time you didn’t bear to check in on him because you didn’t want to hear tomorrow’s headlines early. You broke his heart by giving him everything he wanted, but never could convince himself he deserved. And you hated disappointing him.

Neither of you wanted to do this. But it was a ticking time bomb. Both of you had been dragging this on for far too long — to decide to escape from this only to find yourselves running back to familiarity. It was a too-small house. Either one of you left, or you both stayed cramped in there until neither of you could take it anymore. Two options, but only one outcome.

This time, in the dead of the night, enveloped in the darkness, you took the first step.

“This isn’t working out.” A slight crack in your voice, but a very apparent ache in your heart.

“I know.” Quivering lips and the same gaping hole he had before he met you.

“I still love you.” Your confession.

“I will never stop loving you.” And his.

Chuuya is twenty-four when he finally lets himself consume an off day.

Life has been empty again since the day you moved out. He still remembers hugging you to sleep for the last time that night. And can still remember the overwhelming desire to pull you back in his arms as you walked out the door the next morning, to tell you that you didn’t have to go, that the both of you could work it out — but you both know he’d be lying. Some things you can never come back from. When something dies, they should remain that way. At least his memories of you remain sweet, and only because you left before things could take a turn for the worse.

This is a fire that he doesn’t see could possibly rekindle.

It’s life.

It’s been two years.

Waking up in an empty bed still sucks. Chuuya eyes your toothbrush by the sink. He can’t bear to remove it. It raked confusion in his one night stands. Not that he cares. They never mattered. They weren’t you. And there is still two of everything in the bathroom, but he never lets anyone use the other set. Doesn’t even know why, he just keeps it this way.

But the walls are empty again, all the memories tucked away in a box in the corner of his now emptier closet. He’s never opened them once. He’s afraid of the emotions if he ever does.

In the kitchen he eyes the barrenness. Since you left he hasn’t bought much of anything for himself. Takeouts are his best friend. Besides, he can’t cook as well as you. Something bugs him to make a grocery run though. He listens to it.

Chuuya scoffs looking in his basket, something tugging a subtle smile on his lips. You’ve even managed to keep your influence on him — everything inside is food you’d like. Your favourites, in fact. Love is weird.

And so is life. It has a way of disrupting your journey; it can pull two people together only to force them apart, leaving their hearts in a silent call for each other. But it’s also weird in the sense that it can bring the two people so close to each other yet again, but at the same time offer no further assistance.

Because in the opposite aisle, there you are, shopping for food that happened to remind you of him.

tags: @yokelish @gogolparadise @fyowyn-writes

[tdystmr]

college student! jackson x sugar daddy! mark // sugar daddy x baby socmed au

b a c k g r o u n d i n f o 🍓

jackson is THE popular kid despite him having his own set of financial problems. he lives with a foster family because his parents died in a car accident when he was 11, but still grew up to be a well-mannered, cheerful boy

mature 21 year old who knows his strenghts and weaknesses. very motivated and hard working, but tends to fall for the bad type rather than good influences. is also too nice and sweet to point out other’s mistakes and flaws so he usually goes along with whatever his friends do. has always wanted to move out because as much as he loves his foster family, he knows that they struggle with their own swt of problems as well and feels like a burden now that college fees are piling up

mark is a millionaire, successful bachelor at the fine age of 29. recognised for his success in starting and building his own business at 22, took him only 7 years to reach his current success of a multi-million enterprise in Seoul trading and exporting goods.

is a very mysterious figure to the press because he is extremely private about his life outside of work. lives alone, has no known dating history, only known family is his family in USA ands seems to be completely disinterested in relationships under than a tight-knit group of friends. the press would love to get some dirt on this successful businessman.

jjp are mark’s close friends and a power couple of Korea ( lgbtq+ rs are supported in korea in this au ) and have always wanted him to look for a partner. yugyeom, mark’s other close friend, also wants him to not be so lonely anymore since he’s pushing 30 already.

meanwhile, youngjae + bambam are jackson’s best friends. youngjae’s fam is jackson’s foster fam while the three of them all attend Seoul University tgt. they’re close friends because they all share an interest in music and just enjoy each other’s company. they’re the same age in this au, so they met at the usual freshmen orientation drinking session and bambam almost puked on jackson’s crotch. ever since then, they’ve been inseparable.

youngbam are also well known in the school - youngjae for performing on stage every year at the annual talent show while bambam is known for his cool style and being the vice president of the dance club.

p l o t 🍓

jackbamjae are joking arnd in their gc abt life after college when jackson finally tells them his plan to move out of his foster home after they finish their second year of college. yj ofc objects because he doesn’t see js as a burden, but respects jackson’s decision because js insists.

bambam suggests a sugar daddy website to get money. ofc, both of the other two question him on how he got to know such a site existed. he tells them that ten ( pres of the dance club ) got to know his bf through this site. bam tells them that it isn’t super shady or wtv and the men aren’t so bad at all

js says wtv and gives it a go, so he signs up with the help of bamjae. he has a basketball friendly match, so he rushes off after that

at the same time, mark’s bday is approaching. jjgyeom are planning a surprise for him and hopefully, it’ll include some sort of a date that mark will agree to go on. yugyeom had also come across the sugar daddy website by simply lurking on the nsfw side of the internet and jjp have learnt not to question him too much on what he does in his free time.

he found js’s profile and knowing mark’s type, immediately suggested the idea to jjp. jb, who’s been mark’s longest friend, says that mark might not completely be opposed to it because he knows that mark has been stressed lately and a way to let out that frustration would be good. jy, on the other hand, cautions that mark might not like the idea because mark is the kind of guy to value genuine relationships over meaningless hookups, not to mention paying someone for sex and whatnot. despite that, the three arrive at mark’s place on the night of his bday to surprise him

yg suggests the idea to mark after they’ve all had some dinner and mark obv gets mad at first. he says exactly what jy had said, but calms down after jjgyeom explain that they’ve all been worried about how he’s coping and don’t want him to be alone and stressed anymore. mark sees that his friends have good intentions and decides to give it a go, starting the convo with jackson over the website that night after all his friends have left

after about a week of weird dms and some actually good interactions over the site, jackson is about to give up because he hasn’t found anyone truly interested in talking and not just sex. then, he gets mark’s dm

the two hit it off immediately and they end up texting till 3am. they exchanged socmed accounts before they went to bed as well, and js decides to tell bamjae in the morning abt it.

they obv know who the hell mark tuan is and are freaking out over this. jackson rmbs that mark had told him not to spread this and realises that’s the reason why. he warns bamjae not to tell anyone, even their other close friends. bamjae suggest for him to keep texting and to even meet mark on the weekend.

they meet and it goes well and stuff, them slowly establishing their own sort of relationship. they’re more platonic than sexual most of the time, but they do look for each other when they’re horny and in need of release

one day, the press captures mark waiting for js after school at seoul uni + js getting into his car. they post an article with a caption insinuating that mark has a secret relationship, which he fires down with an instagram post about invading his privacy and posting false rumours. he does this because he’s scared that js might be affected.

js is affected, because he realises that he doesn’t mind being in a genuine relationship with mark at all. he tells bamjae ofc, and they help him to realise that he might have developed feelings for the older man. he freaks out because that isn’t part of the deal of being a sugar baby but he doesn’t want to cut mark off either

it’ll end happily, definitely, but the angst will come right after this and i hope it’ll be good :<

e x t r a c t f r o m f i r s t c o n v o 🍓

Yien_duan_

Hey, is this Wangpuppy825?

Wangpuppy825

that’s me! you can call me jackson ☺️

Yien_duan_

Oh, okay sure. I’m Mark. How old are you again?

Wangpuppy825

i’m 21 this year 🤩 wbu?

Yien_duan_

I’ve just turned 30

What’s your major in college?

Wangpuppy825

just? when’s your birthday? 🧐

i major in Sports science studies at SNU

Yien_duan_

4 september

Woah, you sound like a pretty smart kid

Wangpuppy825

oh, belated birthday mark hyung 🥳🥳

i can call you that, right 🥺

also, i’m not that smart hahah i just study hard 😌

Yien_duan_

Yeah, hyung is fine

Thank you, by the way :)

Wangpuppy825

no prob, hyung ☺️

quick qn though, do you look really old?

Yien_duan_

Ummm.....no?

Wangpuppy825

do you mind sending a pic 😖

i’m sorry if this sounds weird it’s just i’ve gotten lots of dms from 50 year olds posing as 20-30 year olds and it’s creepy 😳

Yien_duan_

Okay but you can’t tell anyone about this, okay?

Wangpuppy825

why? is it embarrassing for you 😮

Yien_duan_

[image attached]

It’s not really about being embarrassed, I guess

Wangpuppy825

omg

Yien_duan_

Why?

Wangpuppy825

you look so hot wtf 🥵

and you look so young????? you look my age 😳😳

god is unfair for making you so pretty 😤

Yien_duan_

Oh

You mean you...

Wangpuppy825

i...???

Yien_duan_

Oh, nothing hahah

I’m just surprised you think I look good because well...

You’re really cute, Jackson :<

Wangpuppy825

wow okay you have no idea how different it feels to hear that from a hot person rather than just my friends hyping me up 😳😳😳

Yien_Tuan

Your friends? Did they persuade you to do this?

Y’know, my friends actually set me up with you as sort of a birthday present

Wangpuppy825

oh? then i guess i should thank them 😳

and yes, my friends did persuade me to do this hhahaha

Yien_Duan_

Thank my friends? What for?

Your friends did a good job with the basketball pictures. I think those were what made my friend Yugyeom choose you

Wangpuppy825

thank them for setting me up with such a hottie 🥵

oh! you play?

Yien_Duan_

Ahh, you’re making me embarrassed... 😳

Yeah, I played when I was in college in USA

Wangpuppy825

omg you used an emoji for the first time 🥰

usa? you’re a foreigner too?

Yien_Duan_

Hahah, I don’t really use emojis because I’m used to texting formally at work 😅

Wow, it feels like we’ve got a lot in common huh

Wangpuppy825

use them more 🥺

it does! you’re probably the most interesting person i’ve met on this site the whole week 😌😌

Yien_Duan_

Then I’m honoured I got your attention first :)

Tell me more about yourself? Unless you’ve got to go to bed already

Wangpuppy825

oh, no no hahah

i usually sleep way past midnight so this is fine 🤩

anyway, who would be crazy enough to turn down a conversation with someone like you 😖😖

Yien_Duan_

Flirtatious, are we?

Wangpuppy825

only because you’re adorable 🥰

t a g s 🍓

sugar daddy x sugar baby au

social media au

possessive mark

switch jackson

dominant mark

sexting / nudes

fluff / angst / smut

college student! jackson

friends with benefits-ish to lovers

[rureikia]

Chapter 3

[Previous] [Contents] [Next] 

  Kita wasn't watching me. He was with the handsome shop owner instead, either having a long conversation or helping around, proving what he said earlier to righteously be the truth. 

Currently now, the restaurant only had one group remaining, which was us. 

Though a while ago, I had this phase where I kept looking at my phone to check the time and I'm sure it was a way to hold down my desire to go home as soon as possible. That was until I saw that it only struck 10:00pm.

It was 10 at the time yet everyone was still lively and excited, all except... Me of course...

Well maybe If I ignored the feeling of dread due to Kita being in this same building, I would have actually enjoyed this event a bit more. 

That didn't mean I disliked it, don't get me wrong. I had some fun even though the people around were quite loud and more outgoing than I was, they were still kind enough to converse with whenever they could.

Thus, the goukon was better than I was apprehending. The members were interesting people with interesting pasts, there were jokes and laughter thrown back and forth, then there also the wide range food options this restaurant or shop had. And everything was unquestionably delicious so I ate a lot to the point I felt a little sick.

But it seemed what I loved the most was the drinks... Beer specifically.

Partially the reason why I drank more than my body is used to is because of the peer pressure and to fit with the social group. But the other reason is because I wanted to distract my thoughts off my ex-boyfriend walking around nearby.

I'm not sure why he stayed so late, by now it's already 12. I thought he could have went home to go rest, but  for some reason, he chose not to.

"Excuse me!!" One of the obnoxious guys loudly said to the shop owner, "Miya-san can we have some more drinks please?!"

"Oh my god." I muttered in English, clutching Sumiko's sleeve desperately.

She noticed my dreadful expression in a flash, so did Yuzuru. And thank goodness they both chose to do a good deed for the old pitiful me tonight.

"Haha actually you know? We've finished all our food, right? We should probably get ready to go home." Sumiko said, somehow not drunk as I was.

  At her suggestion, everyone except Yuzuru groans in unison, but fortunately chooses to agree nevertheless. 

  "Yes, I think we should better leave, it's already 12 and a lot of us are going to be busy with work tomorrow." Yuzuru added on.

"Hmm... Now that I think about it, it's true that I have to wake up early for work..." One of the women, said in disappointment, "I guess we should really all split then."

"Awhhh, I'll miss you guys it was so fun... Oh Yuzuru-san, (L/N)-san you guys better keep in contact! You two talked together in secret a lot tonight!! Definitely go something going on over there haha!" That same obnoxious dude exclaims, pointing at us like we were the stars of a show. And he was so damn loud about it the staff members or maybe even Kita probably heard him too.

Yuzuru makes a sheepish expression and turns to face me. But when I looked at him, he was distorted in my eyes to the point he appeared like a blob. That's how drunk I was.

Whilst my chin was still on the table, I accidently let out some untranslatable nonsense and heard everyone laugh in amusement.

.......

We idled around for ten more minutes, sharing each other's contact information although I was too dead-face to do anything, hence why Sumiko had to hand out my number to them alternately.

It was most likely inevitable for me to turn into this state, but in all honesty I wasn't planning to get drunk today. 

I simply wanted to eat a lot and go home carrying the leftovers from here, maybe make some new friends too since this is still a goukon event. However, how come I turned into a soulless and alcohol-induced human despite all those plans? How come nothing goes the way I want it to...? I must be very unlucky or I must be very stupid then — not to mention that out of all the days, my ex-boyfriend decided to walk in this restaurant when I was here.

I was mentally ranting and it took another couple minutes for the others to chit-chats before they all finally paid for the meals and stood up. 

Well, everyone stood. Except me of course.

In fact, my spaced out mind was ever-lovingly busy wondering whether I had human legs that worked or not I began to struggle. 

Then there was also another part of me who was awestruck over not being able to figure out why my body had such a fuzzy sensation. And so I became so immersed in my mysteriously fuzzy feeling in my bloodstream to the point I was too fatigued to move. 

  Ah, just to make my life and everyone else's easier, my vision was also wildly all over the place.

For example, whenever I wanted to do something, I got distracted over the random, colorful shapes that were bouncing on and off the walls. And it felt like everything was a dream as I was surrounded by this a gooey surface that was melting...

I'm glad I wasn't the only person that was influenced from the drinks, but I was most certainly the one that was most affected. It was only Yuzuru that drank the least, not even managing to finish a single can of beer as I was feeding off what felt like a gallon.

"(L/N)? Are you alright? I'll get you to a taxi." Yuzuru says in concern with his hands on my shoulder to try to support me. However, another person stops him from doing anything more.

"Yuzuru-san, I'll take (Y/N), is it okay if you help the others?" Sumiko said quickly, putting her hand on my arms and pulling my head to her chest.

By the way, I wasn't doing anything here, I was more brain dead than the dead.

"A-Are you sure? I am happy to help (L/N) if you struggle." Yuzuru insists in a truly worried tone.

She was always like this, that Sumiko. Ever since high-school she would be highly suspicious over new people that come into direct contact with us, as if she knew something and wanted to protect our territory. That's why as a teenager, I made sure for her to be the one person to not let go of since she is practically my personal body guard.

  "No worries," Sumiko continued, putting me aside on the floor like I was some toy, "The others are staggering too so go help them."

"What about (Y/N)?"

"Hah?! Did you just call her by her first name?" 

Yuzuru gasps, the shakes his hands at her in flustering denial, "N-No that was unintentional!  I-I mean (L/N)-san!! It's because Sumiko-san said it so I said it without realizing!"

"Excuse me?! Did you just call me by first name now?!"

"!!"

  The two were talking or fighting I don't know, but they forgot about me. Therefore I very stealthily crawled away to stand up by myself in an open space.

  "Hnng, my shoes..." I whimpered, aimlessly meandering to locate them.

  My stance was quite wobbly. 

I subsequently tripped over my own foot and stumbled forward into something. To be specific, I stumbled into someone.

  Without me even being spatially aware of my environment, I closed my eyes from the impact and latched my arms around the body. In return, he puts a hand on my back to help me stand still.

It took me less than a moment. I somehow recognised the shape, the height, the scent and most importantly, I recognised the way this guy held onto me, all of which gave me this unique sensation of nostalgia.

Something washed over and I couldn't resist nuzzling my face against this person's chest with a muffled giggle as if I was a young child again.

"..."

"I'll take her home." The guy that's holding my back said.

In shock, Yuzuru stammers, "H-Huh? I'm sorry for my rudeness, but... Who are you?"

Sumiko's mouth opened, with her eyes widening in stun the longer she watched us, "Woah wait you can't be serious – ......Kita-kun is that, you?"

"Huh, Kita-kun? Ayama-san do they know each other?" Yuzuru was in further inquisition, and my friend nods at him slowly in reply, that frozen expression of surprise still plastered her face.

Kita keeps hold of me, this time by effortlessly moving my lifeless corpse to the side of him so he can wrap an arm around my waist. 

"I'm her boyfriend." He bluntly said before Sumiko even managed to explain everything to Yuzuru, "So I'll take her home."

"..." 

It was like they saw the grim reaper walk into the shop.

Everyone went eerily quiet when watching Kita grab my shoes, coat and bag without exchanging any words to the people he didn't know. And once he got all my stuff, we left the shop, no more complications needed.

I was quickly welcomed by the coldness of the concrete beneath my shoeless feet once we both walked out. And obviously, I was still very drunk so I couldn't think of any sentences to to describe my distress of him touching me like that. 

  Essentially, I leaned against Kita's torso very dazed and whined, very timidly.

  To that, I felt Kita stagger just a little bit as my whole body weight was chucked right beside him. And so I watched him without helping myself, whilst experiencing this light-headed sensation that confused the colorful shapes I was seeing to be real-life.

"(Y/N), put your stuff on." Kita said, dropping my shoes on the ground and yet holding on my waist in order to prevent me from falling flat on my face.

I then shoved my feet in my shoes with this tiresome twist, and heard him breathily laugh whilst I was doing so.

My sentences sounded sloppy, but I still succeeded to snap at him in sheer irritation, "What? Why you laugh mister?! Do I look funny to you?!"

"Yes, you wore your shoes the wrong way round." He replies, now helping me put my arms through the holes of my coat, "Hm. Okay, can you walk properly now?"

I made a really big 90 degree bow for a single nod, "Hngh...Yeah..."

"Don't fall." Kita said, hesitantly letting me go.

My body felt weird without his support, unusually unstable. So when I took a step forward I almost fell in an instant.

"Ah! Please help me sir!" I fixed myself back to my normal posture, raising my arms up like a child that wanted to lifted off the ground, "Carry me please!"

"You're heavy. I won't carry you." Kita rejected the request and hurted my heart. He then turned back to me, grasping onto my waist once more.

"Whyyyy...? Why can you not carry me?" I whined, weakly smacking his chest with my flimsy hands, "You used to always carry me on your back..."

He removed my hand and put it back down to my side, "Even back then you were heavy." He mocked.

"... No I was not."

"You were. You probably still are."

"..."

I went hushed. 

  Then fiddling with the sleeves of my coat I sincerely looked up and told Kita, "I was joking with you just now. But it was wrong to insult me like that."

  He ignored me though, which I thought was rather harsh but still handled my drowsy body with consideration.

There wasn't a single moment where Kita made any unnecessary attempts to touch me in places other than my sides, which was just to keep me standing. But even so, I managed to get embarrassed and feel abashed in the ears.

And while we were walking, there were several times where my shoe would plop off and he had to quickly go back to grab it so I could wear it again. Then there was another thing that happened where I started drooling on his arm, so he had to push my forehead away with his finger. 

It was as if the more we noiselessly walked, the more I experienced sadness in his presence. But only my heart spoke that, as my mind was unconscious about it and thought the alcohol was simply just getting into my system.

  Back when me and Kita were dating, there were memories where I had gotten drunk like this before. Though it was always rare, occurring during college nights mainly.

  Sometimes, when you grow into new-born adults, you will get curious over the additionally new environment. There will be times where you can't help but to explore things like certain drinks and certain relationships. 

In my case, it was only ever alcoholic beverages.

  I remember that I didn't really like the taste of beer by itself at first. So whenever I did give in to peer pressure and drank, I couldn't bring myself to finish it. At times, I'd put some soda or cola in it (not making it taste any better, only making it more diluted). Maybe I'd not drink at all and pretend I did by throwing it away or giving it to someone else.

So I was quite weak apparently, that's what the others would call me when they see my makeshift beverage or no beverage in my hands. And I felt more inferior than the rest due to all those teasing and cooing at people alike of me. Now that I think about it as a 24-year-old working woman, I believe I may have been around some rather unfitting people.

Ultimately I'd still try buckle myself up and drink, but have great difficulty attempting to swallow it down as it brought such a strange, burning sensation to the back of my throat. However I wasn't expecting how one drink with a bunch of classmates will suddenly turn into two, two will turn into three, three into four... So on...

Sumiko was the one person that always was with me in these events, and so when I did get drunk she would call Kita from my phone and he'd quickly come pick me up from whatever restaurant I was suffering in.

  Kita would carry me to my apartment on his back, whilst I'd drool on his shoulder like a toddler. Without him raising his voice too much, I would hear him scolding me about how irresponsible I am or maybe how my parents were gonna kill him if they ever found out. But I was so focused on hugging him from behind I half-heartedly let go of what he said only taking account of his caring warmth.

I'd then continue to splutter my drunken words in the most childlike way... All of a sudden, Kita would stop getting angry at me and would join in my strange conversation to keep me company until I sobered up.

.......

"Do you know who I am?" He asks out the blue.

I smacked the roof of my mouth, tasting the alcohol stuck there, "Yeaaaaaah hahahaha..."

"Who am I then?"

Reaching out, I smothered my hand all over his face without him agreeing beforehand, just so I could feel him better. It keeps happening but Kita had to push my hand down with his own spare.

I carried on, "I know that you are Sumiko."

He shook his head, "I'm not."

"Oh then! I know who you are!!" I chirped enthusiastically,

"Who?"

"Ayama Sumiko."

"..."

We didn't have to go very far, my home was conveniently near. It only took a total twenty-five minutes of walking alongside my nonsensical blubber, so there was no transport necessary. Throughout the whole journey, I really was just staggering with Kita's aid. Plus, it was dark too, so I was also doing my best to keep my eyes wide open and not sleep, which all-in-all brought great difficulty.

  Once we arrived, I tried to stay calm.

I was drunk, yes. But I was definitely aware enough to suppress the strong surge deep inside my heart. It was urging me to talk to him longer, but I was holding down everything and deliberately ignored those voices.

  "Do you have your keys?" He asked.

I nodded.

  We were together outside the two story studio apartment building I  was resident in. To make things more simple, I lived in the bottom middle one too, therefore he doesn't need help me up any stairs and can just leave me be.

Maybe if I wasn't so alcohol-induced, I would have been somewhat surprised to know that Kita still remembered where I lived even though we broke up. But now him standing here with me, it didn't feel surprising, just felt drastically more solemn. 

After all, it has been three years since he stood by my door again.

  Kita checks at the door's number and back at my feeble form. Then he moves away and grasps onto my shoulders so he could physically turn me around to look at the door too, "This is where you live right?" 

"Yeah" I faintly said, about to fall asleep at any moment.

  I slouched back, squinting hard at whatever jiggly sight was in front of me for a good couple of seconds, until I could piece everything together.

"Oh that's my apartment. I live there." I pointed with hazed half-grin.

"Good." Kita said, "You can go home from here."

When his hands slid off my shoulders, for some reason I blurted something out in my abnormally drunken state.

"Hng, Kita wait..." I called out shyly.

"What is it?"

I threw on a sincere look, "You used to visit me so much, do you... remember?"

My ex-boyfriend stops in his tracks, barely a meter away from me.

And there was an itching silence lingering between our space,

"... I remember." Kita replied slowly.

I spoke again, practically a mutter, "Everyday. We saw each other, we ate, we walked, we talked, we did everything... And suddenly that had to stop..."

"..."

Right now, as mentioned constantly, I was drunk. 

I could see things currently as a blur, but can still feel emotions quite well, meaning what I just said hurt me with an immense prang in the stomach.

All my sentences are thoughts that would roll off my tongue with no filter. And for a second I sobered up by the absolute slightest, realizing what I told him might have been way too unrefined.

Subsequently, I began to contemplate whether to apologise or not.

"..."

Kita noticed me go soundless. So he put his hands back on my shoulders, forcing me gently to turn around and face him this time. He then moved those same hands back down on my waist, pulling in a mild manner. 

At that moment, he stared at me stoically as though he had made up a decision in his mind and I blinked at him sluggishly in return. All of a sudden, I put my two hands on his face. Each palm on each cheek – and it felt cold due to the wintery temperature we were walking in.

"(Y/N)–" He was taken aback from my actions but I heard his voice stay monotonous and unchanged afterwards.

  "(Y/N), what do you think you're do–"

  I didn't let him finish. I cut Kita off by squishing his cheeks and then laugh out loud like a stupid person.

"Shin-chan smile! I want to see your chubby cheeks again!"

.......

But he doesn't listen to my request. Instead, Kita sighs and removes my two hands by the wrists – then carried on observing me with those dull doe eyes of his.

"(Y/N)." He said my name out in a deep tone.

"Uh-huh?"

"Are you drunk?"

Was I drunk? I asked myself in this very low state where I could see three Kita Shinsukes, one of them being purple.

I had reached out in an attempt to touch purple Kita, but ended up accidentally brushing past his ear instead.

So with that being my evidence, I guiltily looked off to the side, "Probably..."

.......

"If I kiss you will you remember it?"

I made eye contact with him again, doing a big and exaggerated shrug, "Mm...Don't know..." 

He goes silent to think, building up tension for himself only as I was still partially lost in space. But after ten seconds of his heavy self-contemplation, finally, he proceeds speaking...

"If you remember... Call me."

In a delayed manner, Kita's hands pulled me even closer towards his torso, our gap closing up completely, whereas my own arms laid beside my sides with zero sense of movement.

He gazed at me extremely carefully, analysing every angle of my face as if he was checking to see whether I was truly his previous ex-girlfriend.

"(Y/N) when you're drunk, you're extra obedient." He exhales a sigh of relief with the most kind smile and my ears went flushed red.

  "You haven't changed one bit." Kita whispered, his hot breath tickling my skin. And his breathing only got even more vivid when he inched nearer to reach my level.

Very soon, my eyes automatically shut once he decided to kiss me on the lips.

"..."

To my surprise, it was much more affectionate and tender than what I can remember from the past. But that's probably because it has been a while since I received a kiss like this from him, therefore I may have also forgotten the feeling of being touch-starved of Kita.

Yet, I wasn't rejecting how he moved his lips against mine earnestly and longingly...

I didn't take note of how it was a rather long kiss either.

  ...If I had to describe what type of kiss we shared, it would be similar to drinking a cold bottle of water during a frustratingly hot summer night in one huge gulp, and one massive breath...

That's what it felt like. 

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[saurabhbrandveda-blog]

A Complete Website Health Check-Up Guide: SEO AUDIT

Freedom and independence comes through connectivity and from a great problem-solving strategy. In recent years, I was the proud owner of a beautiful 1965 VW beetle in pearl white a few years ago. I lovingly spend hours tinkering with it and pimping it out like my pride and joy. However, there were moments when its performance was less than satisfactory – like the time it dumped all of its oil over the highway.

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What is an SEO audit? This method is used for evaluating your website. This will tell you how well your presence syncs with your best strategy practice. This is the beginning of developing an implementation plan with measurable results.  This is the simple website health check process. It will direct you to the right hurdles at the right time. The audit will reveal the followings issues:

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Website structure

On-page SEO 

Potential off-site problems

User experience 

Content gaps and opportunities

Competitive marketplace insights

Well these issues are predicted from specific SEO tools which are used for auditing process

Google Analytics

Google Search Console

Google PageSpeed Insights

Copyscape

SERP Simulator

Web page word counter

What SEO audit should look like?

An audit should have a thorough understanding of the components for both structure and content that influence the visibility of your SEO. the audit should be able to offer you a big-picture which will tell you what is going on in our current website state. It will also dictate ou with the pieces which are missing and would be able to give you recommendations. 

What your SEO audit should not like?

An audit is not a walk in the park. It takes time and patience to discover the root problems of your website. Depending on the size of your site, it will take time to get the audit in the competition process. It may take up to 2-6 weeks to give you a detailed proper audit of your website health check-up.

Why SEO?

SEO is the mechanism by which the website and it’s content can be enhanced for it to gain high ranks in the google search engine. The more precise your content is to your target audience, the more likely it is that people will find your website. In other words, SEO is a way of increasing and ultimately leading organic traffic. If it is not optimized, it is more likely to lose your target customers to your rivals. They may not even realize the existence of your business.

Acquire organic traffic

Using the right keywords for ranking in popularity is the right key to get n top of the game in your industry. The higher your content appears for a given team on the search engine result page (SERP), the higher the likelihood of users will be entering your business through your website.

You would want to start by finding the best keywords for your website to boost your rankings. Keep your target customers in mind. Think about their needs and wants, what phrases they would most likely choose to search for something related to your business. You can then use a keyword analysis tool that can help you analyze its specific ranking and you can predict how much time it will take for you to get it on the ranking competition. Its the game of right keyword ad content that is used at the right place, ad for the right time.

Precise content personalization

This will guide you in achieving high credibility for your industry by providing valuable and right information n your website. This will help you improve the overall rankings of your website as well. 

Measurability

You will need to measure the effectiveness of the work performed on your site whether you are a customer using an SEO company or a consultant / in-house marketer doing your own SEO.

Precise Marketing Focus

It is possible that several areas for change will be identified by an SEO audit. While it may be tempting to plow all of these ideas as quickly as possible, it is worth segmenting and prioritizing individual tasks into mini-projects.

Things that affect usability such as, personalized 404 pages, favicons and standardized data markup implementation are activities that will certainly improve user experience. Originally, though, I would suggest focusing on technical SEOs that might hinder your sites, such as crawling and indexing issues. Any issues in this field can be detected by a site crawl. If you do not initially optimize your technical SEO, you may find that other improvements you make will have less impact on overall performance.

Analyze Your Rivals

Site audits are not limited to your own pages. To uncover their strengths and weaknesses, you should conduct an audit on the pages of your rival. Important things to learn about your rivals are:

what keywords they use: find out how to use a tool like KWFinder to decide if those keywords could be ranked. If your competitors are highly ranked and have good authority over the domain and the page, it may not be worth your time. Focus instead on keywords they don't target. Don't feel guilty about the opportunities they missed.

Backlinks: Take a close look at their backlinks and find out who links to them. Target these sites to see if you can get a backlink or, even better, completely replace the link to your competitor with a link to your site.

Strategy: By evaluating the site of your competitor, you can get a good sense of your strategy. If they have great content that attracts backlinks and is shared, a similar content strategy might be beneficial to your site. Likewise, if they are successful at communicating through social media platforms, their approach to social media will be studied more closely and some insight derived from their approach.

Why should you do a website health check-up? Website is your online brand's "hub"–so it's important to have daily checks to make sure it's all right. It is also important to note that your website is a living digital resource, usually for long periods of time it is not static. Content will be added and/or deleted from your platform in any given year. That is why audits will take place on a regular basis.

After completion of an SEO test, you will be left with a detailed checklist of steps you can take to improve your SEO, such as writing keywords in HTML instead of Java, applying meta descriptions to all of your blog posts, and making your website quicker. And then you're waiting. An SEO audit's most thrilling result is to watch the website step up in search results for Google.

What happens during and after your website health check-up? A professional website DR or also known as an SEO auditor will analyze and help you uncover the problem gaps on your website during the time taken to fix issues on your website. This will make you unleash the opportunity to recover your website visibility while the rest of the audit is being conducted.

Wrapping Up An SEO audit is a helpful way to determine any vulnerability or issues on your web. The results will provide a detailed analysis of what can be improved to improve the performance of your site. The ultimate goal is to be on the first search results page when someone is searching for related products or services for your business. To do this, a comprehensive Search Engine Optimization (SEO) strategy must be created. And each SEO technique begins with an audit of the SEO.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Late (17)

T’Challa X Black Reader

Chapter Warning: Cursing, Time Jump, Illicit substance Use and Abuse, Angst

Word Count: 3778K

Note: I know it’s been FOREVER and I’m sorry you guys. I wasn’t 100% sure where I wanted to take the story I had 90% figured out and for the life of me I could not sit and write this due to lack of FULL inspiration. I refuse to give you guys half assed work, it’s not me. So here is the long overdue chapter that I made especially LONGER.

**Loosely proofread, please excuse typos if you see them.

If you enjoyed this, please, please share it, like it, reblog it. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

*************

“So it is with great sadness but incredible joy that we remember the life of Y/N. She was not born in Wakanda but this is where she died, which makes her part of our life cycle, part of our legacy as she resides with our panther goddess for all eternity.” T’Challa said before he bowed his head.

The residents of Wakanda followed. The torches were lit and the tribal music began. In Wakanda one’s death was mourned but by tradition it was more important to also celebrate their life. He looked up and out to his people taking in everyone’s reactions and expressions, body languages and behaviors. He slowly looked from face to face observing them for any clues and registering them to his memory. As Black Panther his memory was near perfect with a .1% for error. An added perk of taking up the mantel was the enhanced knowledge and memory, he was able to tap into the knowledge and memories of other panthers before him. He used this enhanced power often in his efforts of trying to out think and outmaneuver his opponents. He used it now to find the culprit.

T’Challa looked across the faces of each of his Dora Milaje, the ones he’d always had around and the new additions. He saw another one, a newer addition, one he had not noticed prior but one he knew. Her name was Tandra, she was Nakia’s sister. They were close in age and affection and the first one of the family to journey to America because of her growing curiosities of the foreign land. His father had the idea to use her as a spy. It was a separate program from the War dog program, it was meant to infiltrate other diplomatic settings any means necessary. The program was an elite section of the war dogs and only a select few Wakandans were selected; Tandra was one of the very few. He called the program idodoli yemfazwe (War Dolls).

She’d been stationed with the Russian president. There were whispers of him wanting to invade Wakanda for it’s vibranium he saw it as his chance at world domination. Of course this whisper was one that had long been a concern. His father thought she was the best for the task. The reports they got back were nothing short of amazing, how Tandra got the information she did T’Challa never knew but he suspected. Men talked freely under only 2 circumstances; drunk/drugged or relaxed in pillow talk. He did not ask how she got her information but he always wondered.

When she reported her hatred of countries, presidents and dictators who strove for authoritarian rule was clear. He remembered a kimoyo beads discussion between her and his father he was privy to where she clearly expressed her disdain for the deplorable inhabitants of the Earth and wished to cleanse the planet of all corruption and those who were not worthy. He brought it to his father’s attention that Tandra might becoming radicalized. His father took his concerns into consideration but they both knew that with the increasing threat of Russia and it’s growing influence with America they needed Tandra to press on. Now she was home.

He continued his decent down the line to his left of those closest to him, Zhuri , then passing to his mother’s face, moved down the line to Shuri’s innocent face and then to his most trusted Ayo and Okoye. His eyes finally made it to Nakia who was next to him. She touched his forearm in comfort before raising her eyes to his giving him a small smile. He looked to his right at the members of the council, he noticed Nakia’s father, Ma’Uchi did not have his head bowed as every else. Instead he held it high, almost proudly looking out over Wakanda. It was no secret that Ma’Uchi did not like outsiders in Wakanda so his lack of sadness for Y/N’s death was not surprising, what was surprise was the pleased, successful look that was etched onto his face. He also noticed W’Kabi of the Border Tribe also with his head raised. T’Challa took note of it. He and W’Kabi grew up together, they were close, T’Challa even gave W’Kabi his blessings to propose marriage to Okoye, a marriage proposal she accepted but a wedding had yet to take place; 3 years later. In truth W’Kabi did not know of Okoye’s conflicting feelings between he and Busihiri, next in line to lead the mining tribe. In fact Okoye herself did not know that T’Challa knew anything of it. Truth be told T’Challa was sure this was the reason for the delay with their journey into wedded bliss, a reason that escaped W’Kabi and created tension in their relationship.

After the music and chanting, T’Challa feigned grief allowing Nakia to finish the speech. A speech she delivered with conviction when she vowed Y/N’s assailant would be brought to the full force of the Wakandan law. Her conviction prompted the crowd to errupt in cheers and applause. When she spoke of using tragedy to bring the citizens together T’Challa couldn’t help but nod along with his people. He agreed, of course he did he’d written this speech himself. Normally Y/N would do it as part of her job function but this speech, was all his own. He didn’t have to dig deep for it, all the emotions and sentiments were right at the surface.

“Y/N will be greatly missed, not only for her kindness, and her intelligence but also for her loyalty and dedication to me.” Nakia read before she glanced to T’Challa pursing her lips slightly.

“To Wakanda.” Nakia corrected looking back to the crowd allowing them time to clap in agreement and murmur between each other.

“I will always consider her to be my best friend and…and…truest…confidant.” Nakia struggled to get out. She looked back to T’Challa and he saw the clench in her jaw and it piqued his interest and curiosity. She looked down momentarily and stepped back to T’Challa’s side.

He listened as the people chanted her name, over and over. She never thought she was of any significance to Wakanda and the people, she doubted that anyone truly cared for her, he wished she were there to see it, to hear it and know how many lives she touched and how many truly love her, like him. He cleared his throat of the emotion before walking back into the palace, this was all becoming too real.

***********

“Finally she is dead!” Nakia said stretching back in her chambers. She released a long exaggerated sigh.

“It was taking too long.” She groaned out.

“Keep quiet Nakia, there are ears everywhere.” Ma’Uchi chastised.

“I will not be quiet, I have wanted this for so long. I heard the whispers and rumors while I was away. I heard what everyone said and suspected. They actually suspected he would marry her. Her father, a disgusting American, over me wakanda’s jewel. “ She took up the crystal paperweight on the table and shuffled it from hand to hand.

She played the dutiful daughter an citizen for years. When the marriage agreement was entered when she was a child she was excited. She’d always loved T’Challa, always and could not wait until she were Queen, she longed for the power the title would afford her. As a child she had no power, she was the second girl child. Her sister was the prize, she became part of Wakanda’s and T’Chaka’s prized idodoli yemfazwe (War Dolls), she was always away on missions that lasted for months, months where she sent back so many glamorous items, from jewelry, shoes, even clothes. Nakia thought she was living the life and that made her join the war dogs. As she and T’Challa grew she hear more and more about his extracurricular activities. She heard about his time in America, the women, the lewd acts, she heard it all and her jealousy grew to bounds she wasn’t prepared for. He never once wrote her asking how she was doing, or told her he missed her. It was as if he cared nothing for her.

When she came home from one of her missions he found her close to one of Wakanda’s many waterfalls. It was the first time in months they’d spoken. Yet the entire afternoon she fell harder and harder for him. They spent everyday together for a week and Nakia thought he was finally beginning to love her too. Foolishly she gave him the one thing her umama told her every man truly wanted, her virginity. For the week that followed they were inseparable often choosing to sneak away back to the waterfall to do it again and again. Then he was gone, back to America and after a week so were his attentions. He had yet another model on his arm with her hanging all over him. She felt stupid, and regretted giving him that part of her. From then Nakia’s heart hardened toward him.

From then she took every War dog mission she could and used it as a distraction and to formulate her plan. She was making all the preparations until her father told her of the beautiful American the entire Golden Tribe fell in love with, T’Chaka included. She knew you would throw a wrench in the entire plot she had to act.

No one knew of her part in the attack at the accords, the attack that was anticipated to take the king’s life. An act that would make T’Challa king. Upon successful completion of the beginning of her plot she returned home to play the dutiful friend and soon to be fiancé. When she saw her for the first time in person Nakia understood how he’d fallen, she was beautiful, in an American way. It was then she knew she may pose to be a greater threat than she originally thought.

“On to the next phase of the plan.” Nakia said smirking devilishly.

**********

”Now that she thinks Y/N is dead what is to stop her?” Shuri asked.

“When one thinks they have won the game, they become lazy, sloppy.” Ramonda informed.

“Do not worry. I have taken care of one of the pieces off this chess game.” She added.

“Mother, what did you do?” Shuri asked.

“Let’s just say that the the Court Council is onto N’amibia thanks to her actions being brought to the high magistrate’s attention. He thought her actions were odd and the decisions she’d rendered on equally odd.” Ramonda nonchalantly added while she watered her flowers.

“It is as if he truly believes she is dead mother. I’ve never seen him like this. Never seen him so-broken, not even after father.” Shuri brought up off topic.

“I know. I believe sending her away was the hardest thing he has ever done. I wish I could take his pain.” Ramonda admitted. They stood there in silence thinking of everything that happened and all that they were faced with.

“We will fix this Shuri, do not worry. We will fix this so she can fix him.” They nodded in unison continuing their work in the garden with T’Challa’s well being in mind. They both didn’t voice their worry that neither of them T’Challa or Y/N would ever fully heal.

************

You sat there reading and rereading the letter T’Challa wrote you, the last form of communication you had had in now 2 weeks. He didn’t write, he didn’t call, he didn’t email, carrier pigeon, war dog message, Morse code, hieroglyphic, shadow puppets, nothing. It was silent on his end. When you read the letter and fully digested he was accepting your resignation and letting you leave Wakanda as you swore up and down you wanted you knew he meant it. You knew this was no ploy. Part of you hoped he was doing it because of the growing danger to your life, but the realest part of you said you were worth more trouble than he could handle.

You stared at his signed name for hours. When the jet landed in New York at the top of Wakandan embassy in complete stealth mode you hugged E’KeNe and D’GaBo goodbye through the tears streaming down your cheeks you could barley make out their features but they looked like they were sad. They wished you well, and begged you to take care of yourself and just like that they were gone, going back home. At that thought you realized Wakanda was your home. Yes you weren’t born there and no you did not have any blood ties to it but you were connected to it.

Knock, knock, knock.

You shook your head and brought yourself back to the present, in your office.

“Come in.” The door opened and Sabrina your assistant at the embassy walked in carrying a stack of folders.

“Ms. Y/L/N, I have the documents regarding the upcoming retreat. Everything on the Vienna accords and the current state of the matter.” She placed them on your desk.

“Thank you Sabrina, did we get a reply back from Captain Rogers on if he would be able to submit a statement from Mr. Barnes?”

“Yes, he said informed he has messengered it over and you should have it before close of business today.” Sabrina informed. You nodded and began digging into everything on the accords.

“Will there be anything else ma’am?” You looked around trying to think of anything but coming up short.

“No Sabrina thank you.” You responded looking back to the folder in front of you. She nodded and walked toward the door.

“Oh, Mr. Coral called to confirm you are still on for dinner tonight.” You paused and groaned. You completely forgot you’d agreed to dinner with him. You glanced at your watch, 4:30. You really didn’t feel like it. You didn’t feel like it when you agreed either. You closed your eyes and breathed out.

“Please apologize to Mr. Coral, tell him something extremely important came up here and I will not be able to make it.” You lied. She nodded before walking out. You sighed again and went back to the reports and it was there your eyes stayed, but your mind was thousand of miles away, in the place your heart was.

When you walked into your apartment that night it was turning 8’ o’clock. You groaned and leaned on the door relieved to be done with another day. Every day since you’d returned was harder than the next. They said time healed all wounds but that was not the case. It was 2 weeks, 14 days and you still cried. Every night you cried yourself to sleep in a ball, every night you tossed and turned for hours only to have nightmares about his face, his hands, his lips, nightmares that made you cry in you sleep until they stirred you awake. Once awake you paced your apartment for the rest of the night until the sun rose and it was time for you to get prepared for another day of work. You cried in the shower in the mornings and pulled yourself together enough to present a brave, reserved, professional face to the world by 8’ o’clock. Then throughout the day you felt like a robot, it was all routine and fake, because the cycle just repeated everyday.

Weekends were the worst, from Friday to Sunday you had nothing to take your mind, nothing to distract you-weekends were the worst. After kicking off your six inch heels and placing the folders on your center coffee table you walked into the kitchen and took out one of the many bottles of wine you had stocked. You opened the bottle and didn’t even bother with a glass, you took it to the head and took several gulps. It wasn’t wakandan but it would have to do. You drank some more on your journey to your bedroom. Once inside you unfastened the back of your skirt and allowed it to fall to the floor with a soft sigh. You stepped out of it and walked toward the bathroom. You turned on the shower and pulled your blouse over your head. Your reflection caught your eye before you passed the vanity. You had puffy dark circles under your eyes that not even your makeup expertise could handle, so much for the 230 dollar bottle of foundation you decided to try.

You rolled your eyes and walked back into the bedroom stripping the remainder of your clothes. You wrapped your hair and covered it before stepping in the shower. You had every intention of showering when you stepped in but the first touch of the hot water paused you and took your mind back to Wakanda, back to T’Challa. You sighed and hit your head on the tiled wall.

“Get your shit together Y/N.” You pleaded.

The remainder of the night was spent in 4 bottles of wine and the remaining folders. What else was a Friday night meant for if not work and drowning your sorrows and broken heart?

***********

-2 Weeks Later-

T’challa closed the door to his bedchambers and locked the secret lock he’d requested. No one really knew about it, he put it there because the Dora could easily unlock the doors using their Kimoyo beads especially if they thought he was in danger, it was sort of a safety precaution for him. He wanted the extra privacy. He sighed pressing his hands to the back of the door and lowering his head so the top of his head rested on the door. After a few moments he dug into his pocket and took out the serum he’d been highly dependent on the last several weeks.

Zhuri provided him with a small amount the heart shaped herb. He said it was not just used for spiritual purposes but it could be used recreationally. He warned it was dangerous in high quantities and only gave him half the amount a test tube could hold. After the first few days T’Challa built up a tolerance for it and it’s effects were not as strong. So he ordered Ayo get more knowing she could not refuse an order from her King. He experimented with the dosage and quickly found that he needed at least 6 vials a day to function, and that number was growing, he tweaked it with the knowledge from panthers before him using pure liquid vibranium to lace the herb, the effects exponentially rose. This was his 6th vial. He popped off the top and without though gulped down the glowing purple serum. He groaned as it’s strength coursed through him at a rapid speed. He nearly fell to his knees and it was only thanks to his grip that prevented it.

When he fully adjusted he walked more into his chambers and kicked off his sandals before he lied on his bed. He closed his eyes and felt the serum slow his heart and in turn slowed his mind and his breathing. It was an ability he had before but now with the serum it was an immediate effect. One he craved, he was beginning to crave it a little too much. His heart beat slowed to a mere 50 beats a minute. It was during this process he found he was able to find any peace, in a near dead state. His mind lagged, he felt as if everything was in slow motion. He thought of her. He wondered what she was doing, how she was doing. He didn’t trust himself to not contact her so he requested his mother handle any business with the Wakandan embassy. He told her not to tell him anything, make all decisions according to how she wanted. The only thing he knew was she was alive, alive and safe. That had to be enough for him.

T’Challa dug into the pocket of his pants and took out the small star shaped button Y/N gave him after their incredible night together. T’Challa regretted that night on many levels, he wished he would have buried himself deep inside you. He wished he would have said to hell with the council wished he would have planted his seed deep within you perhaps then there would have been a chance to outsmart the council. Children were important in Wakanda, his were paramount, or they would be.

He squeezed the button and thought of your words to him.

“You will never be lost, the balance is always going to be with you.”

He felt lost now, he felt completely lost and without the one thing that truly balanced him. You.

Knock, Knock, Knock.

T’Challa groaned but did not move. He refused to get up, there was nothing anyone could say that he cared about.

Knock, Knock, Knock.

Still he didn’t move, mainly because his limbs felt too heavy, but also because of a lack of want.

“T‘Challa, did you forget we were supposed to go to the temple an meet with Zhuri in preparation for the ceremony sithandwa sam?” Nakia softly asked. He breathed out harshly annoyed with the sound of her voice.

In accordance with Wakandan mourning traditions the marriage ceremony was placed on hold for the required time-4 weeks. This week would that hold was finished and the ceremony was expected to take place as planned.

“T’Challa?” He remained quiet. After a few more minutes he heard her steps recede. He knew he couldn’t hide from her much longer, the ceremony was in 4 days. In 4 days he would have a wife, Wakanda would have a queen, not the one he loved or wanted though. Feeling his heartbeat speed he dug into his other pocket and took out another vail of the serum and poured it into his mouth. He knew it was too much, he knew it was dangerous to consume so much, but he didn’t care. His arms felt heavy and they fell to the bed. He stared up into the ceiling of his chambers and smiled at her serene face. The face he loved, the face he missed, the face that brought him peace. His eyelids were heavy and he lost the will to keep them open, lost the will for everything.

To Be Continued….

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@kaykay4454fan @priya212 @kitkit1690 @chrismarcs @beautycomesindifferentformsworld @blackpantherimagines @ovohanna24 @sweetpeachjones @kslo000 @nubian-queen18 @omgsuperstarg @jaeee-http @laketaj24 @kumkaniudaku @brianabreeze @sarahboseman @texasbama @heyauntieeee @airis-paris14 @thiccdaddy-mbaku @wakandas-vibranium @wakanda-inspired @theunsweetenedtruth @ashanti-notthesinger @reignsxjackson @halfrican-heat @ambthegamer @simplyyamberr @dramaqueenamby @muse-of-mbaku @sisterwifeudaku @mejustme06 @stressedgyal @ilcb7 @leahnicole1219  @destinio1 @maliadestiny @drsunshine97 @blowmymbackout @purplehairgawdess @thehuntoyobun @wakandamama @wakandawinning @profilia @zxddy-panther @h-challa @babygirlofwakanda @misswakanda2018 @challaxkillmonger @ororowrites @hutchj @myfavemarvelfanfics @lavitabella87 @afraiddreamingandloving @autumn242 @purple-apricots @skysynclair19 @hersheyskissesss @blue-ishx @blublubleu @90sinspiredgirl  @tchallaswife @tchallamakesmeh0lla @turn-thy-paige @blackchickfics @blackpantherismyish @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @naturally-bri @flawlesslybeautiful14 @qweentbh @lunaerly @theoutereffect @twilight-sapphire-lover @pupyluv247 @stark-red19 @cockyboysandsugarism @maverickabull @madbadsiren @aykanna @myaw731 @ruruly20 @mixedmelanin @brittyevans @laketaj24  @whatever-ree-wants  @taint3dvirgin @soulsparker @theresnomoregoodones @syreanne @loveandcigarillos  @heyauntieeee @heybriheyyy @wakanda-bcth @uhlxis  @maliadestiny @dadinhas-heat @yaachtynoboat711 @geeksareunique @bultalongthewayside @ajspencer1892 @captiansaveasmut @imaginewhoever @terrablaze514 @starsshines-blog @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @darkandlovely94 @sithlordslut @wavyyc @naturalistamisslyn @nigarachi15 @madamslayy @blackandfair @kreolemami @mylastnameisthe-fish @kaykay0829 @chaneajoyyy @tequilajay27 @blacklotus-of-the-black-kingdom @slimmiyagi @im5ftbutmythroat66 @jaeee-http @madhatterhelsing @sunflowerpsalms @wakanda-shit-is-that @deliciousstreetkidcroissant @jecourt @brittyevans @vebner37 @disneysdarlingdiva @melaninmarvel @alanastormborn @dolphinpink310 @wonderbell @ohleucothea @queentearra @bitchbetterhavemydinner @fentybabyy @kaykay4454fan @priya212 @kitkit1690 @chrismarcs @beautycomesindifferentformsworld @blackpantherimagines @ovohanna24 @sweetpeachjones @kslo000 @nubian-queen18 @omgsuperstarg @kumkaniudaku @brianabreeze @sarahboseman @texasbama @heyauntieeee @airis-paris14 @thiccdaddy-mbaku @wakandas-vibranium @wakanda-inspired @theunsweetenedtruth @ashanti-notthesinger @reignsxjackson @halfrican-heat @ambthegamer @simplyyamberr @dramaqueenamby @muse-of-mbaku @sisterwifeudaku @mejustme06 @stressedgyal @ilcb7 @leahnicole1219  @destinio1 @maliadestiny @drsunshine97 @blowmymbackout @purplehairgawdess @thehuntoyobun @wakandamama @wakandawinning @profilia @zxddy-panther @h-challa @babygirlofwakanda @misswakanda2018 @challaxkillmonger @ororowrites @hutchj @myfavemarvelfanfics @lavitabella87 @afraiddreamingandloving @autumn242 @purple-apricots @skysynclair19 @hersheyskissesss @blue-ishx @blublubleu @90sinspiredgirl  @tchallaswife @tchallamakesmeh0lla @turn-thy-paige @blackchickfics @blackpantherismyish @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @naturally-bri @flawlesslybeautiful14 @qweentbh @lunaerly @theoutereffect @twilight-sapphire-lover @pupyluv247 @stark-red19 @cockyboysandsugarism @maverickabull @madbadsiren @aykanna @myaw731 @ruruly20 @mixedmelanin @brittyevans @bezzywazhere @laketaj24  @whatever-ree-wants-deactivated2  @taint3dvirgin @soulsparker @theresnomoregoodones @syreanne @loveandcigarillos  @heyauntieeee @heybriheyyy @wakanda-bcth @uhlxis  @maliadestiny @dadinhas-heat @yaachtynoboat711 @geeksareunique @bultalongthewayside @ajspencer1892 @captiansaveasmut @imaginewhoever @terrablaze514 @starsshines-blog @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @darkandlovely94 @sithlordslut @wavyyc @naturalistamisslyn @nigarachi15 @madamslayy @blackandfair @kreolemami @mylastnameisthe-fish @kaykay0829 @chaneajoyyy @tequilajay27 @blacklotus-of-the-black-kingdom @slimmiyagi @im5ftbutmythroat66 @jaeee-http @madhatterhelsing @sunflowerpsalms @wakanda-shit-is-that @deliciousstreetkidcroissant @jecourt @brittyevans @vebner37 @disneysdarlingdiva @melaninmarvel @alanastormborn @dolphinpink310 @wonderbell @ohleucothea @queentearra @bitchbetterhavemydinner @fentybabyy @kaykay4454fan @priya212 @kitkit1690 @chrismarcs @beautycomesindifferentformsworld @blackpantherimagines @ovohanna24 @sweetpeachjones @kslo000 @nubian-queen18 @omgsuperstarg @maliadestiny @hidden-treasures21 @macgruberrr @vibranium-soul @6lackraconteur @kenqueenken @babygirlofwakanda @jaeee-http @syreanne @twilight-sapphire-lover @sunigyrl @derangedcupcake @queennanayaa @ruruly20 @lunaerly @taint3dvirgin @starsshines-blog @prettyprincessushio @treeondrea @blublubleu @ursapharoh05 @drsunshine97 @theresnomoregoodones @blackpinup22 @brianabreeze @heyauntieeee @90sinspiredgirl @sarahboseman @kaytauru @big3gocandykahn @kissingpineapples @ilcb7 @wildaboutchrisevans @profilia @halfrican-heat @dadinhas-heat @thiccdaddy-mbaku @texasbama @leahnicole1219 @fitfineandstayingalive @simplyyamberr @ashanti-notthesinger @drsunshine97 @afraiddreamingandloving 

***All Right I think I have everyone tagged. Hell I may have tagged some of yall twice, it’s aight twice as nice right. :) 

[thegoddessprose]

Survey Survey Survey

Looks and Personality

What do you look like? >> Pale, brown hair high back, some curve, heart face, brown eyes... Yeah, no, sorry, I’m just going to be vauge How often do you bathe? >> Every other day How do you wear your hair? >> I like to keep it down

What colours do you tend to wear? >> Black, usually, maybe also blue, purple, and pink Do you have any tattoos? What, where and why? >> No, I have not

What kind of clothes do you wear? >> Usually graphic tees, tunics, blazers, slacks, sweats, leggings, crocs, and such What kind of jewellery do you wear? >> Nothing too often, I have a bracelet I love, and a few fandom necklaces Is there anything else you often wear? >> Not really Would you say you had a “look”? >> Yeah, I’d think so When going out, do you dress up or down? >> It would really depend on where I’m going What do you wear to bed at home? >> Sweats and a t shirt What do you wear to bed when your somewhere else? >> The same Is there a place you keep any prized/secret things whilst you’re away? >> If I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore, would it? What’s your favourite food? >> Mashed potatoes in gravy. No skin. No chunks. What’s your favourite drink? >> I like a good strawberry daiquiri  What’s your favourite desert? >> Mint ice cream with oreos What’s your favourite type of food (e.g Mexican)? >> American, as lame as I am Do you have any mental problems? >> Yep... Yay for Anxiety.... Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? >> Yes, needles (Medical problems at a very young age), dogs (Bad experiences with them, and I don’t like attention or loud noises), thunder (Loud noises) Why might somebody dislike you? >> I guess because I don’t act like everyone else What skill do you possess that you are most proud of? >> I’m a pretty good writer, and I’m not being vain, I’ve had other people tell me this What is your greatest strength (e.g. honest, loyal, brave)? >> I don’t take other people’s BS, I’m not gullible, I know what I want and I don’t let other people influence me too much What’s your greatest shortcoming or flaw (e.g. cowardly, alcoholic)? >> My anxiety makes me reluctant to try things, and I can be a little fussy Who do you most admire? >> It’s hard to pick one person Who do you most love? >> Uh... What three things do you look for most in a partner? >> Open-minded, a gentleman (But not TOO old-fashioned), an individual Do you like crowds? >> NO What are your hobbies? >> Travel, browsing the internet, theater If you can’t get to sleep in the middle of the night, what do you do? >> Read, daydream What is your favourite animal? >> Not really sure at this point What is your favourite colour? >> Hot pink or black If you could ask God (to athiests - IF there was one) one question, what? >> Well, if is there really a heaven or hell is off the table... When he created people, did he know how destructive they were going to be... And is there any way to undo the mob stuff? Rate yourself on these traits from 0 to 10. 0 - do not possess this trait. 10 - you have great amounts of this trait. Calm temper 6 Charm 4 Cheerfulness 2 Confidence 7 Courtesy 6 Curiousity 9 Forgiveness 8 Generosity 5 Greed 3 Helpfulness 5 Honesty 7 Loyalty 8 Optimism 1 Patience 6 Self-sacrafice 1 Wit 9

Background

Where were you born and raised?

>> Maryland

Briefly describe your family.

>> Your run of the mill suburban family. No real toxicity or anything like that.

You must choose one - your childhood was calm/peaceful or tragic/turbulent?

>> Pretty fairly turbulent because I grew up with a chronic illness, but thankfully I have access to pretty good care

Did you have any rolemodels?

>> A few

What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?

>> When I was 12 I got super sick, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t sit on any hard surfaces, I gained a lot of weight that’s taken me a decade to lose... I got better, but I had to go into the hospital

How did it affect you?

>> Again, I gained a lot of weight that took forever to lose, I still have stretch marks, I’m scared to death of flaring now because of it

Have you ever had any recurring nightmares or themes in nightmares?

>> No, not really

What were they?

>> N/A

Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend? >> No Do you have any close friends? >> Yes Briefly describe your best friend: >> Long distance, but still one of my best friends, we go to each other during both the good and bad, we share our work, she’s like my long lost sister Any enemies? >> Not that I know of Who? What are they like? >> N/A? Would you risk your life for your best friend?(not lover or family member!) >> I don’t... Probably With who was your most important romantic relationship? >> I’ve never exactly... Been in a relationship Of what are you most proud? >> I’m proud of my writing Of what are you most ashamed? >> I can’t always do everything by myself, I don’t like my stretch marks

Alignment, Ethics and Religion

What is your religion?

>> Ah.... Agnostic, I’d say

Where do you stand on abortion?

>> Pro-choice

Where do you stand on the death penalty?

>> No opinion

Where do you stand on wearing fur?

>> Doesn’t matter to me unless it’s an endangered species

Do you have a moral code that you follow? What?

>> Try to do the right thing, even if other people don’t think it is... Is that a moral code? Sure.

Could you kill somebody?

>> I’d say only if my or someone else’s life depended on it. 

For what reason would you kill somebody?

>> See above

Would you SERIOUSLY CONSIDER killing anybody right now?

>> No.

Do you trust easily, or not?

>> Not.

What are your political beliefs (anarchy, communism, democracy etc.)?

>> I don’t really have a set... Well, set. It would really depend on what issues we’re talking about.

What, if anything, WOULD you sacrifice your life for?

>> I can’t really think of anything

Would you ever, for any reason, abandon your friends in an hour of need?

>> Well, I’d do my best not to, but anything can happen.

Motivation

What are your dreams/ambitions/goals? >> Write bestsellers, have good health, live somewhere interesting where I don’t have to drive How do you plan to reach them? >> Uh.....  How would your ideal partner look? >> I’m not too shallow... But tall(ish), dark hair, and bespectacled would do just fine

Do you ever want to have a family someday? With children? >> Children? No way. I can’t deal with being pregnant, and even outside of that, I’m not selfless, conformist, or patient enough. Who would you want to start this family with, or do you not yet know? >> N/A What would stop you from reaching your goals (e.g. death, retirement fund)? >> Needing a warm place to live and good healthcare... And procrastination? What do you see yourself doing next year? >> Don’t ask me What do you see yourself doing in twenty years? >> Hopefully having written a bestseller Would you ever have an affair? >> I guess it would depend. In a perfect world I’d answer no, but that’s not how the world is, and anything can go wrong, so I can’t say it’s impossible. Would you ever have a one night stand? >> No, I’m not that kind of girl What are your greatest fears? >> Failure and death are pretty big, I guess

More information

If you had a month of nothing (no work, no obligations) what would you do?

>> TRAVEL

How do you relax?

>> Internet, solitude

What one thing would you change in this world (free Tibet, abolish Sweden)?

>> Uh... Free healthcare?

Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk?

>> No.

How would you like to be remembered after your death?

>> I’d rather not think about this... I hope well and for a long time as someone talented, I guess.

Random questions

Where you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)?

>> I saw a bunch of Brexit stuff while in London

How did they affect you?

>> I was mainly thinking, “well, at least they’re not rioting”

Do you have any famous relatives?

>> That would require me to reveal my real last name, and that’s not happening

Do you have to try and live up to your family’s expectations?

>> No

Are you a loyal member of any organizations?

>> No.

General Information

Name:

>> Persephone

Age:

>> 21

Date Of Birth:

>> September 1st

Race:

>> White

Height:

>> 5′3

Weight:

>> 120 lbs

Are you happy with this?

>> I would have liked to be taller

Desired weight:

>> This is fine

Sexual orientation:

>> Straight

First language:

>> English.

Second/Third/Fourth etc. languages (if any):

>> French (Not fluent)

Why did you take this survey?

>> I was bored

[skiasurveys]

doing this cus hes moving away and ill miss his bitch ass

THE BASICS 1. When did you both get together? May 10th 2016 2. Who made the first move?  we both did, i guess. It was mutual. we had dated 5 months previously for like 2 weeks, and we got back into contact and we both knew we liked it eachother. 3. How long have you been a couple? 10 months. will be 11 in april  4. How did you first meet?  OKCUPID 5. Were you already close friends before going out as a couple? I guess so, we had been talking for like a month til we officalized it. 6. Are you/Were you ever in the same class at school?  no. He graduated 5 years before me 7. Are you long-distance?  nope. but we will be in a couple of days :( 8. Are you in an open, regular or committed relationship?  committed. 9. Do you live together? we were going too..but he didnt get a job, so hes moving back home to live with his dad and work there for a bit, and then in the summer we will be moving in together :) 10. Are you engaged? If yes, describe your proposal. If no, what ring would you like? no, and i dont know. 11. Are you married? If yes, describe your wedding. If no, would you consider marriage? No, and yeah id consider. 12. Which one of you is older? What is the age difference? Connor is older. by 6.5 years.  13. Which one of you is taller? What is the height difference?  he is haha, by a foot and 2 inches. Im 5 feet, and he’s 6′2. 14. Do you share any of the same hobbies/interests/passions?  yeah we both like the same stuff, but im more artsy than he is. but we like the same shows/movies/video games.  Thats how we gt  along very well. 15. What fictional couples would you compare yourselves to? i dont know.  16. Sum up your relationship in 6 words or less. happy, strong, crazy, great, safe. 17. Doodle a little picture of you both as a couple <- no 18. Describe your relationship using only emoticons.  cant do this not on my iphone.  19. Share a cute photo of you both together.  i dont know how to share on here, but if you go on my personal account you can find some. just go. Justskia.tumblr.com/tagged/connor 

ATTRACTION 20. Top 5 fav things about your partner. his arms, his humor, his laugh, the way he talks about his passions, his smile. 21. Your partner’s top 5 fav things about you. ask him. 22. What physical traits do you find most attractive about your partner? his arms are really fucking nice. and his height. 23. What physical traits does your partner find most attractive about you? i know he likes how small i am, and short and my butt for sure cause im short stacked lolol 24. What personality traits do you find most attractive about your partner? His humour really.  He is very funny, and I like how real he is with him. He’s romantic and senstive and he only shows that to me.  25. What personality traits does your partner find most attractive about you? i dont know, ask him. He likes that Im good company, that I dont complain and bitch him out, and that i make him happy, but i dont know ask him lol 26. Do you hold hands in public? Any other public displays of affection? if we do show PDA its either like hand holding or like a kiss on the cheek. 27. List your top 3 turn-ons about your partner. His arms, his aggressiveness, and his facial hair 28. List your partner’s top 3 turn-ons about you. ask him. 29. How would you seduce your partner? How would they seduce you? I dont really need to seduce him. 30. Innocently or not, where do you like your partner to touch you?  my sides or upper thigh. 31. Describe your partner’s eyes. dark brown, they are kinda sad and it breaks my heart. 32. Describe your partner’s hair.  Brown and messy but like a nice messy. 33. Describe your partner’s smile. His smile is big, and he smiles with his eyes and it makes me feel homesick, and I love it. 34. What is your partner’s voice like?  deep but not too deep. Like rough, but sweet. I love it. 35. What is your partner’s scent like? manly and musky,its so fucking nice. 36. How does your partner impress you? How do you impress them? he tries to show off how strong and good he is at his video games. hilarious. I just try to show off how funny and cute i am.  37. What outfit would you like to see your partner in? What would they like to see you wear? i wouldnt mind him in like plaid shirts and I know he lieks me in mini skirt and socks. 38. Show your fav picture of your partner that they’ve posted online. not gonna post that just cause i dont know how he would feel.

ROMANCE 39. Do you have cute pet names for each other? not really. 40. What’s one of your favourite memories as a couple? I have way too many. seriously. I like the one where he called me at 11:30 Pm saying he knew i was lonely and that he could come get me, that was nice. but i have lots. 41. Describe your favourite date so far? honestly, i cant think of one. Our first date was so fun but not my fav..idk 42. What’s the sweetest thing that your partner’s ever done for you? hes been there for me when i needed him. 43. Do either of you get jealous? i do. 44. Is one of you protective of the other? i am and he is too. 45. How do you both like to kiss? just like kissing normally, but i like to press my tongue on his tongue.  46. How do you both like to cuddle? either when were spooning, or i lay my head on his chest, or he lays on me. 47. What’s a gift that you’ve given to your partner? And one they’ve given to you? Idk I give him a lot of shit. He gave me his truck. 48. Are you an openly mushy couple or a reserved couple? half n half 49. Does one of you like to cook for the other? im a bad cook. 50. Do you have unique ringtones/images for each other on your phones? no but i have a image of him on my phone  51. Have you ever had your initials written on a tree or in the sand? no but i could  52. What’s “your song”? I cant help falling in love with you 53. Do you own any items that are a special symbol of your relationship? a few 54. What did you both do for Valentine’s Day?  we didnt do much really, actually. 55. Do you express your love lavishly or discreetly? discreetly kinda. 56. What’s the funniest thing you can remember your partner doing? hes so fucking funny. I cant choose. dont make me  57. Does thinking about your partner still give you butterflies? yeah 58. What’s the weirdest part of your relationship? that people keep trying to take us away. 

BEING TOGETHER 59. Fav things to do together on a rainy day? watch a series 60. Fav things to do together on a sunny day? Go for a walk or something  61. Got any plans together for next week? spending my finale days with him until we see eachother again.  62. What’s your favourite thing to share together? my bed. 63. What did you do for your partner’s latest birthday? What did they do for yours? he actually didnt want to do anything for his birthday, but for mine we just hung out and were cute together/ had dinner. 64. Where would you like to go on holiday together? somewhere far. like disney.  65. You have a whole weekend to yourselves and 500 in cash- what do you do? I dont know, thats not a lot of money.  Probably a night in Banff  66. How would you comfort your partner on a bad day? How would they comfort you? Just like hug him or let him know Im there, and hed probably cuddle me 67. Where would you both get takeout together? probably some thai or chinese food. 68. What’s the longest time you’ve been apart? 5 months 69. What things remind you of your partner? What things remind them of you? anime. and I dont know. 70. Has your relationship changed at all since it first started? we have gotten more close and he tells me more. hes more open. 71. Have you ever worked on a project together? no 72. Have you both influenced each other in any way? yeah 73. Have either of you made sacrifices for this relationship? oh god yeah. 74. Has you discovered anything surprising about your partner? yes  75. How have you both made a positive impact on each other’s lives? i like to think so  76. What do you both mutually agree is the most important part of your relationship? communication 

EVERYDAY LIFE 77. What are the everyday things you both do to show you care about each other? just talking to eachother, spending time with them.  78. Do you follow each other’s blogs/twitter/instagram? he doesnt have those. 79. Is there a favourite place that you both frequently go to together? subway hahaha 80. What TV shows do you like to watch together? way too fucking many. 81. How do you relax together? Movies, cuddles, sex. 82. What sleep positions do you tend to sleep together in? spooning.  83. Do you borrow each other’s clothes or other items? no 84. Do you ever share the bathroom together? yeah 85. How do you both keep in touch when you’re away from each other? Texting, phone calls, psn calls 86. Do you share secrets between each other? yeah 87. Do you rotate house chores or do you each have assigned chore duties? we dont live together. 88. Do you remember how your partner takes their coffee/tea/bar drinks? he doesn tlike coffee  89. What does your partner think of your Tumblr? he doesnt know mine haha  90. What characters do you play as together when playing multiplayer games?  we play eso 

COMPATABILITY 91. Are you both introverted/extroverted or opposites? Hes introverted and im ambiverted.  92. Who is the more dominant/submissive one? hes more dom, and im sub. 93. What are some major differences between you both? He is more real, just tells things how they are, i like to sugar coat shit. 94. When are you both “in your element” together? in my room 95. Who would win in an arm-wrestling contest? he would  96. What are each of your zodiac signs and how do they compare? im a sag, and hes a taurus  97. What are each of your MBTI types and how do they compare?  i dont know his actually 98. What are each of your Hogwarts houses and how do they compare?  i dont know lmao  99. If you were both in a dating sim, what character tropes would each of you be?  i dont fucking know man  100. If you were both animals what would you be? Would you be the same animal? hed be a cat for sure.. 101. How does your partner’s wardrobe differ from yours? hes just more dude like? 102. Have you ever both said something at the exact same time? yeah sure  103. Rate your relationship on a scale of basic vanilla (1) to extremely kinky (10)  like a 6-7  104. Mix your fav colour with your partner’s fav colour- what is the result? its make like a violet  105. If you were both ingredients, what would each of you be and what would be the resulting recipe? (e.g. PB & jelly sandwich) im fucking dead at this question  106. Which of you would win in a Pokemon battle? As sign yourself and your partner a fitting Pokemon type (e.g. water, grass, poison etc). Are either of you super effective against the other? hed win.

CONFLICT 107. What happens when you argue with each other? How do you both make up? We have had only 2 huge arguments, usually we just do what people do and just fight and just get it over with..talk it out. we dont fight really, and im happy for that. we do get into little bickering shit but thats it.

108. What’s something that your partner does that annoys you? How do you annoy them? when he games for more than like 10 hours or whatever, like I actually don’t care if hes gaming, hes relaxing for me to being doing my own thing and him doing his. But sometimes he does online game a lot and is chating with friends for really long periods at a time and its like yo can we like chill and talk. But im not crazy like i want him to spend time with his friends but there is a limit i guess. and I think i annoy him when im constantly texting him n he doesnt respond. But he doesnt rly tell me what annoys him

109. What are some imperfections that you love about your partner? his little ego haha he is always bragging about how great he is at something and i love it. He’s not a jackass or douche about stuff but sometimes hes bragging and im like smh 

110. What are some imperfections that your partner loves about you? i dont know, i don’t wanna ask LOL 111. Has your partner ever accidentally hurt you? Have you accidentally hurt them? Physically and emotionally? yeah. who hasnt though? I did hit his head once and he was like wtf? and it was by accident ahah. But yeah i have said shit to him where it hurt him and its like fuck i didn tmean it like that. It sucks

112. Is there anything about you that your partner just doesn’t understand? probably my mental health to be at most part. He doesnt understand some things i do.

113. Is there anything about your partner that you just don’t understand? yeah like why does he try so hard to act like he doesnt care when he does. Its kinda weird. 114. When was the last time you cried about your relationship and why? today but thats cause hes moving away today, and so i was crying with him cus i didnt want him to go.

115. What is something you love that your partner hates? cringe  116. What is something you hate that your partner loves? anime  117. When was the last time you had to apologise to your partner and why? Today because i by accident was being a little too pushy and i felt so bad.  118. Do either of you get too clingy? me at most part i think. i like his clingyness but he isnt too clingy actually 

119. Do you have any insecurities about your relationship? yeah, i do. Just cause i hate myself and im scared he will find someone else.

120. When was a time that your relationship was put to the test? i dont know? 121. What would your partner have to do to make you end the relationship? cheat, break the law ( like murder/rape/rob a bank lmao), insult my family too extreme for no reason. 

RELATIONS 122. Does your family approve of your relationship? meh, not really. whatever 123. What do your friends think of your relationship? they think he’s super nice and that he makes me happy. 124. How do you both act together around others as opposed to when you’re alone together? hes more romantic with me and like more feely but when were with friends hes like reserved but he doesnt like hide our relationship.

125. How did you first reveal to people that you were going out? i took a picture of us together and posted it on instagram and facebook i believe and then i just told people. 

126. Do you think you and your partner look similar to each other? both have brown eyes but thats it lol 

127. How does your partner treat you special compared to everyone else in their life? he spends his time with me the most, he tells me everything ( well at least i think he does haha ), hes opened with me. Hes very reserved around others. 

128. Do you both have a mutual friend group, or only separate friendship groups? separate, but i do like hanging with his friends. 

129. What’s a common misconception about your relationship?  oh that hes “way too old for her” hes only 6 years older, its not 16 years smh. also that people think that I let him walk on me and do what he wants but I don’t let that, i do let him do what he wants but he doesnt walk all over me. 

130. Has your relationship affected any of your relations with others? yeah. 131. Has anyone tried to sabotage your relationship? yeah. a few actually. fuck them.  132. Quote something somebody has said about your relationship. “i dont see why you waste your time” that is what some ppl say. a lot of people like us together but some don’t. dont know why, actually. 

133. Quote something somebody has said about your partner. he seems really nice or that he makes me happy or that hes too old like wtf no in between.

FUTURE 134. What do you hope for the future of your relationship? i hope that we grow as individuals and in our relationship and that we make it offical. RING BABY. 

135. If you both got married, what would you want your wedding to be like?  my dream wedding is something small but not too small but not big where i dont know half the people. something fun that represents us as our relationship but sometimes romantic too.

136. Can you imagine what your ideal home would look like? yeah, i guess probably like studio apartment, or something. idk we dont reallt talk about that. 

137. Do you have kids/want to have kids? What would they be like? no and no  138. If you could do anything for your partner what would you do? i would get him a nice place for him to stay, a really nice 4K TV and maybe take him somewhere where he wants to go.

139. Do you think you’ll still be together when you’re old and wrinkly? honestly i do  140. Got any relationship advice? dont let people tell you what to do. If you want to be with them, be with them. But make sure to pay attention for warning signs too though