#however i know that i am very priveledged to be able to live with them

[junhui]

living with parents is not something i would wish upon anyone this shit is awful and my mental health has never been worse

[goldenpctals]

TRUTH BOOTH, clyde edition 

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: Clyde Ephraim Aarons  2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? I was named after Bonnie & Clyde. My parents were police officers at the time. And Ephraim means ‘being fruitful’. I’m not really sure why my parents gave me that speficic name 3. Do you have any nicknames? Not that I know of. Other than in bed.  4. Where were you born? And in which country? Holmes Chapel, United Kingdom 5. What is your date of birth? May 5, 1996  6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? My zodiac sign is Taurus 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? Not really. It does not make any sense to me?  8. Where do you live? Violet Springs, United Kingdom 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) I live together with my wife and dogs. We have our own apartment 10. Do you have any siblings? No, I’m an only child 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? I do not have any allergies  12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? My wife has a couple of dogs 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? The reason why I applied is because I’d like to persue a career in performing and making music. I love standing infront of a crowd and sharing my passion and story with others, through songs  14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? I was accepted after 1 round  15. What is the current course you’re following? Music. Focused on songwriting 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? Maybe acting? Acting would be pretty interesting?  17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? Fine Line. Especially Treat People With Kindness 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? Soraya’s latest album, Romance is one of my favorites. Or also Holy by Dallas, such a beautiful song and raw 19. Do you like FanCons? I absolutely love ‘em 20. What do you like about FanCons? Personal interactions with fans  21. What don’t you like about FanCons? Since there are so many of them, I’m not able to meet them all. So, it upsets me that some fans are not able to meet their idols  22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. When I gave away tour tickets to some of the fans. An act of my love towards them  23. Your favorite event so far? I love all the events. The ones that are a bit weird to me are the ones where you have to switch partners? I’m very loyal and to me, it��s odd  24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? More fundraising concerts 25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? Definitely! 

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? Ambitious, steady and loving. I think? 27. What are you negative traits? I think that one of my negative traits that I can be over-protective in some kind of way 28. What would other people describe you as? Ask the others? I have no idea 29. What are your pet peeves? People who think that / I / talk slow 30. What makes you happy? Happiness  31. What makes you upset? Bringing up past experiences  32. What is something you love? Performing. Besides my wife, it’s my biggest love and I really don’t want to be do doing anything else 33. What is something you dislike? Disloyalty. Or being vague 34. What are you strengths? How much I’ve grown the last year? I’ve grown a lot and I consider myself strong in any kind of aspect  35. What are you weaknesses? Opening up too much and being scared that people will leave me. I’ve been left alone many times before  36. A misconception people often think of you? That I’m probably still a d*ck 37. Do you have any fears? Death scares me 38. What scares you the most? Death 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? Go for a jog or walk, write music, read a book 40. What is your MBTI? ENFP, I think?  41. How do you deal with stress? Talk to my wife about it. It helps a lot  42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? Determind 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? When I have to, yes. It’s important to think about yourself, no matter what others think in that moment  44. Would you like to be different? No. I’m very happy with who I am now 45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? Extrovert 

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? I consider myself as pansexual 47. Current relationship status? I’m married to Poppy Murry, who is also now known as Aarons. We married in Hawaii in 2020. It’s a priveledge to be married to her  48. When was your first kiss? Probably around 12/13 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? No idea. Probably snuck out of the house and went to a party? For goodness sake.. 50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? I have  51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) I currently am, and yes I have 52. If no, how so? n/a 53. How do you know when you’re in love? When home becomes a person 54. What would be your ideal date? It would be old-fashioned. I love exploring new places and get to know other cultures more 55. What is your perspective on marriage? From a married man’s perspective, it’s wonderful. However, my advice is to not rush into marriage. Divorce is awful. Only marry when the both of you a one hunderd percent commited  56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? Dom. Sometimes a switch 57. What do you think of relationships? When you find the right person, everything just clicks 58. What do you think of one-night stands? In my past, I used to see women a lot. However, now, I’m a loyal man. I don’t do that anymore 59. Are you still a virgin? No, I’m not 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? Be yourself. Don’t put up a facade just to impress someone. Be you 61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? Commitment and equality. It’s important to, whenever you’re both have different views, to find a middle ground 62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? I love to show off Poppy. So, yes, I’d say that I’m comfortable with PDA 63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? I’d a charmeur, of course I’m the one who asks you out 64. How do you express love to the other? In music and loyalty. All of my feelings are expressed into my songs. I’m pretty much an open book, nowadays  65. Who is your celebrity crush? Jennifer Anniston

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? Yes, a lot 67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? If I could rewind to my past and do things differently, I would. I have hurted a lot of people and thinking back to it, pains me. I’m sorry to all the ones that faced me and my troubled mind 68. What is something you would never share with anyone? What really happened on the night that my parents were taken from me 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? I’m not really a crier? If there is something on my mind, I don’t hold it back and I immediately go to my wife or father-in-law to talk about it 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: My time in One Direction is something I’m always grateful for 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? Once again, my past 72. Someone you miss? Elliot. He’s my best friend. I miss my pal 73. Something you wish you could forget? Anything that happened in my first couple of years of St Judes  74. Who has the biggest impact on you? Poppy 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? It used to scare me. But surrounding myself with positive people has helped me a lot  76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? Losing a parent, or both of them  77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? Something I gained? Confidence, happiness and success. Something that I have lost? Attitude. Something I let go of during the past year? Not to worry so much what people think 78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? No 79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? Not really. I used to struggle with a pain killer addiction a couple of years ago, and also had anger / violence issues. I went to therpay for this and it’s been years since I’ve ever become so angry.  80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? Well, little Clyde, this is the start of a huge journey for you. Life isn’t going into the direction the way you want it to go and along the way, you lose the two biggest loves of your lifes, your parents, who will be taken from you during a robbery. You are going to find yourself in a deep and dark place that you won’t be able to get out of. Drugs will numb you. Alcohol will help. However, there are people who really care about you and no matter what, you’re going to be ok

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? Summer 82. Cats or dogs? Dogs 83. Beach or mountains? Both, I love both  84. Phone calls or texting? Texting  85. Have you ever skipped class? No

[orenonahaichigoda]

Appearance of the Soul

I came up with this via my other fandom, Digimon (where I am also older than most. I may be the oldest of all over there) Specifically Digimon 02.

In Digimon 02, the kids'clothes change upon entering the Digital World because this is how they see themselves.

I first decided to import this for my project to explain why Juusirou had that whole coughing up blood to the point of fainting thing, which nothing seems to cure, but is otherwise a-OK, and Shuuhei's scars being drawn with the outline pen.

I came up with Soul Scarring--if a wound/injury/illness is traumatic enough, or is otherwise burned enough into your perception of yourself enough, it's with you until you die (at which point, I roll with Rukia's memories of Kaien and your soul returns to the essence of Soul Society. I know canon has a couple contradictory explanations)

This concept further extends. Let's say you have someone who dies in the Living World at 95. Their image of themselves is, for whatever reason, them at 50. Their soul will look like that. My image of myself hasn't caught up with the balding guy I see in the mirror, either.

This also extends to trans people. In my project, I haven't gotten there yet, but it's very explicit that some trans people have cisnormative souls. However, not all do. Because not all trans people are dysphoric in the same way, and cisnormativity is not any more of a Holy Grail than, I dunno, being neurotypical or something. It's not quite like whiteness because some people do experience intrinsic symptoms of not being either that do harm their daily lives, but not everyone wants to be the "norm"/priveledged bunch. I don't like my anxiety, but I love my synaesthesia. I don't like my PTSD, and I don't like non-stop suffering, and the anxiety from it may actually be making me malnutritioned because I don't eat enough, which is frightening and a severe health risk, but I had well over 20 years of constant trauma, and for better or worse, I no longer am able to imagine a "me" without a whole 26 years of my experiences. That would be way too much of a different person.

Ichigo's one such that doesn't feel the need to have surgery. Ichigo experiences paralysing amounts of social dysphoria. Particularly consider all the violence in his life, and a lot of the bigotry, both queerphobia and sexism/machoism, that go along with violent types. Consider a lot of the bigots also pick on him for not looking Yamato Japanese enough (which I'm writing as being explicitly mixed instead of this weird thing about his hair but we don't comment on anything else or anyone else's hair except Orihime's being threateningly pretty to other girls)

Ichigo doesn't have my problem with transitioning late enough in life that his voice failed to drop. (Ichigo doesn't get misgendered every time he wears a mask and doesn't need facial hair to get gendered correctly. Nor does he get singled out by violent conservative neighbours for being something queer but they can't pin it since they've never heard of highly eraced trans men) As far as this blog is concerned, Issin gave him HRT as well as his name (to keep the theme naming of fruits and the importance of his parents giving him that name. And yes, "karin" and "yuzu" with different characters, are also fruit. Just not ones eaten here)

However, he doesn't actually have any problems with what's in his boxers or his piping. Here, he has a daughter, and he mostly enjoyed that experience and being able to do that. He wants to give her siblings at some point, too. He didn't enjoy that he had to hide out for safety, but that's a "them" problem, and he has enough supprtive people in his life that he knows that. (He didn't have much morning sickness, but the last leg/labour were not the greatest)

So, his soul reflects this. He doesn't have a cisnormative soul. Once his original body gives out, any subsequent body (I hc gigai, at least as Kisuke makes them, sans inflatables, are blanks, like we see him working on that mould and bond to the wearer. They *can* be modified, because it's Kisuke. Of course you can have a tail like Looney Tunes depictions of Satan and a narwhal horn! But those would be added on specifically, sans Akon's horns which are obviously there in soul form. The default body is a blank that moulds to you, which is how you can get such high percentage of attachment to something you can pop on and off and you didn't come with)

I'm not saying wanting or not wanting to be cisnormative is better, but I am very much saying there is no "One True Way uwu" of being trans, or being anything, really. That's what drives me writing this all. It's about time we stopped accepting only one narrative and forcing everyone to fit themselves to it. (And of course, in the case of trans people, too young and "you're too young to know" but if you come out older "you should've known when you were younger so we could've told you you were too young to know uwu")

He hasn't had top surgery, either. Unlike one of my other muses, who I made miserable, Ichigo's about the same as me up top. If he were fat like I am, you wouldn't think much of seeing him unbound. I didn't get mine for fear of complications due to health issues. I still bind when out because of dysphoria. Ichigo has to bind to pass, and I'm on the fence about the reason why he hasn't had it at any point in my timeline, but for RP purposes in any of my current threads, it's gonna be related to what I just said about him wanting more kids and wanting to be able to breastfeed. Though if I end up with any threads with him going through that, I may have him go pump-to-bottle for dysphoria.

So there's something about Ichigo and the way I write him, the fantasy reason how, and the social issue of why.

[youtalkilisten]

You Talk I Listen

I am a queer latina woman from America.  Though I am a minority, I have cis  privilege. I'm not trans and I am happy with my body. Even though my culture is different I am an American citizen so I have privilege in that. I don't have to ask for a visa to work.  I am not handicapped or disabled so I have able-body priveledge. I dont have to worry about walking or pain or panic attacks or things that occur in my body that effect how I live day to day.  Even though I am a minority, I recognize that I have it a little bit better since I'm not a black woman. Im not a queer black woman, im not a queer black man, im not black so I have a little priveledge sinces im not judged right away. Because I am a woman statistically speaking, I won't make equal pay as a man would. I am constantly aware of my surroundings out of fear of being cat called or approached my a sketchy dude because I have been assaulted by a man before. I did not vote for Trump,and I would consider myself as a liberal and feminist. My beliefs are simple.  I believe everyone has a right to protect their own body.  I believe pregnant women who no longer wish to be pregnant should have the option to choose to have an abortion.  I don't think that  it's really fair for anyone to deny them that right. I believe everyone should be able to go to the doctor, or call for an ambulance without worrying about paying so much. I believe that everyone should be able to practice their own religion so as long as it does not put physical, emotional, or mental harm towards others.  I believe that everyone should speak their mind however they should also understand and face the consequences of saying morally wrong or things that again, can spread hate towards others.  I believe that people should pay taxes based off their income. I believe that education should be available to all. I believe that people should be more aware of what they say or do. I believe and know our planet is dying and worry about what my health and life will be like ten years from now because of it. I wonder how expensive certain food will be because of it. I believe that people should listen to each other's stories. I believe that there are good cops.  I'm putting up this post and tumblr because I believe that really, everyone just wants to be happy. Who's tired of worrying so much,  of burnout, of failing, of pressure? I guess this is a political video since I'm saying what I believe in. This is an open call to just talk. I invite anyone to ask questions response to this. Of course you can comment about anything I say so I will do my best to talk as well. I especially want to talk to anyone who disagrees with me. I guess I'm just tired of fighting. I do feel like because of protests we get a little change. (A very small littel but its something) I dont support racism and i dont support bigotry, or people that feel that trans people arent the gender they are. Many a time though,  I have come across people that are very close to me saying things that would be racist or just really bad towards the trans community, towards women, towards anyone really. We have this anger, this rage because nothing feels like its changing.  Change is happening too slow and we are only getting angrier.When a stranger does wrong to you, its very easy to et angry since you dont know that person. WHen someone close to you does the same thing, it really makes you stop and ask yourself, "Why would they do that to me? Did I do something to them to make them hurt like this?" We all have pain and I truly believe we can use that pain to understand one another.The worst way to do it is to say "My pain is more than yourse"No. Pain is pain. Pain feels like hurting, pain makes you not want to do things throughtout the day.EVeryone has felt this.   I am putting some “controversial” tags because i hope to reach out to these people. I want to listen. I understand my personal beliefs. Again I do not support Trump. Please do not come and yell at me saying I do. I just want to listen. I want to get root of why people believe in what they believe in. I do not want to fight. I dont want you to fight me.  IF YOU WANT TO BE ANONYMOUS PLEASE CONTACT ME THROUGH MY ANONYMOUS ASKS. I WILL NOT BE POSTING SUBMISSIONS OR ASKS. AGAIN I JUST WANT TO LISTEN OR TALK TO PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THEM.  

[ashavant]

The American University System: Oppressing the non-elite.

So let me get this straight...in the 70's there was a community outcry to lower the amount of tax money that got put towards college tuition for future generations? American tax payers used to cover over 70% of college costs, allowing the young students straight out of highschool the ability to work a minimum wage summer job to literally pay their entire tuition. Those with part time jobs while in school were not very common. This allowed for an ability to succeed without the unnecessary baggage of financial stress and lack of sleep at 18 years old while taking 14+ credits, which for those of you who dont know is a true 40-60 hour work week alone. All of this hard work and achievement paved the way for these kids to enter adulthood as educated, debt free, and with the world at their fingertips. Not to mention, they had the incredible privilege of not having to become a self sufficient adult in the middle of the worst economic crisis since the depression...

Compare that romantic reality to our drastically different reality today. I will use my experiences as an example for this, while probably on the extreme spectrum of experiences, they are valid and carry merit nonetheless. I was always told as a child, "you have to go to college, its not an option" Yet, when i graduated highschool, my parents grew quiet. I grew up in a 5 person household in Orange County, CA (one of the most expensive places to live in the country) in a family who made roughly $40k a year, give or take (thats poverty folx). My step-father was an electrical contractor so income was often spuratic. Anyway, needless to say they had not one penny saved for my college tuition. My parents failed to put a single penny aside for anything regarding my well-being honestly. With no car, no money, no job, and no idea when or how I could recieve a college education, I was kicked out of my parents at 17 years old with nowhere to go. I couch surfed and was able to get a couple jobs, one at a crafts store and one at a sandwhich shop. After 2 long years of working my way out of homelessness, all I wanted was to start college! So, at age 19 I applied for financial aid. However, I was told because I was under 25 I needed my parents tax information. Well, my parents never filed on time and were incredible dodgy with communication. So, after months of going back and forth I ended up paying out of pocket for a full time coarse load at a community college. I was able to work my jobs and pay this, but with nothing left over for rent or food. I ended up getting kicked out of my place, had to apply for foodstamps, and had to start over from square one. Little did I know I would have to wait 5 years before I could finally give college another shot.

I had almost given up the idea of higher education. I was making good money in the food industry at this point and had a nice company car and a great home with an awesome roommate. But then, I met a boy. We traveled the country for three months with his bluegrass band and saw 32 states. Afterwards, we again found ourselves broke and homeless. We hunkered down, worked 80+ hour weeks, saved up, and moved to Portland Oregon, "where young people go to retire". Little did we know, retire would be the LAST thing we did when we got there. Cost of living was rising in Portland, but still nothing compared to Orange County, CA. We got good food jobs and nested for about a year. My boyfriend (we will call him N) got great grades in highschool and high test scores in his exit exams, so in 2014 he chose to get back into school as a Music Composition Major at age 26. His journey is a whole other terrible story. I wanted to return to school so badly, but knew I had to wait until I was old enough to not warrant my parents tax info. Finally, at age 24 I filed my FAFSA and went to a career counselor. I was directed in the career of Civil Engineering. Having no prior knowledge of this career or topic, I dove in blindly headfirst. I chose a community college due to the fact that I barely finished highschool and did not take ant exit exams. To my surprise, I did very well in my college settings. After one year I was able to transfer to a university! Me! I WAS GOING TO A UNIVERSITY! I could not believe it, and was soo excited. I had no clue how hard this would be, not the work, but just surviving through it. I should mention here that I have a mild dissability. I have endometriosis which is a chronic illness linked to hormones, ovarian cysts, and all that jazz which can result in disabling pain and in my case an emergency surgery from time to time. I also suffer from a mild form of PTSD. So, with those alone handling high stress loads can be very hard on my mental and physical well being.

Ok, so I was a 24 year old first generation college student (first person in my family to go to college) disabled lower class person wanting a higher education. Seems logical right? Well, once I got accepted to the university, I chose to change my major to Architecture, I had taken an intro class for general ed and fell inlove. My beginning of my first year was great! Lots of lectures and reading. Aside from my tuition multiplying literally 3x from my community college tuition which did not affect my financial aid disbursement, I was fairly stress free. Now keep in mind, my partner and I are both working 20-30 hour weeks to make ends meet while taking 12-14 credits. Its basically having 2 full time jobs. Anyway, the last term of my first year came around-my first studio class. I was so excited! Time to actually do architecture! I got the syllabus and was told was supplies were needed to be successful in the class. I was also told that doing all of the requirements for the assignment would result in a C grade, if any grade above that was desired extra work had to be put in. I thought, no biggie, bring it on. The next thing she said was, "absolutely no sleeping in the studio!" Thats when I had a feeling I was gonna be in trouble. After class I went to the art store got my supplies. I almost started crying as they read my total to me: "$682.80, please." And that was with my student discount and not including all of the future supplies I would need just for that term, which I will tell you now after all the drawings and models ended up being about $2,000. That is a whole lot. These studio classes also require many all-nighters just to have enough time to complete the assignments. Many times, due to having to work outside of school I could not complete my assignments or had to do them with less craft and care than I would like just to turn it in. This year, I recieved less in financial aid, my rent has gone up significantly, tuition went up, and there are new grade requirements: if you get anything less than a B-, youre immediately dropped from the school of Architecture. So, not completing assignments isnt an option anymore. This last term costed my much less money, but once I told my instructor I was out of money, his response was, "well, this is Architecture school." What the fuck am I supposed to do with that!? A roll of Velum (drafting design paper) costs $50-$70 pencils are $2 a piece, models cost like $100 each, the list of tools go on and on. I am already paying $10k a year for tuition, ensuring at the very least $70k of debt including my masters degree which you need to get your Architecture license. And at least $100k with the $500 a month I need to borrow a month for rent. I should not need to add thousands more of that for supplies my school should be providing. And this insane pressure of pulling all nighters to get done the amount of assignments it would take us to do in a whole week last term in 2 days!

The moral of this very long story is that college is not meant for those of us trying to climb the life ladder. Its meant for the already elite. Its meant for kids right out of highschool with parents who make enough money to pay their tuition, their rent, their whole lives! Meant for kids who travel to Europe for the summer instead of working 60 hours a week to make up for the money lost during school cuz you physically cannot work more than 25 hours. Its meant for kids who can call their mommies and complain about how mean their teacher is, not for those of us who cry every night about being afraid of ending up back on the streets in the snap of a finger. Its meant for kids who can work and think about school all day every day, not those of us preoccupied with being able to pay all of our bills and being able to afford food and health insurance.

HOWEVER, even if you are like me, worse, or better, YOU CAN DO IT! I have a damn 3.7 GPA. I may only get 3 hours of sleep a lot, cry almost weekly, probably have lost years of my life due to stress, and feel scared for my health, but shit IM FUCKING DOOOOIN IT! Even though our government, or school presidents, and pretty much everyone in power disagrees, you are so worth it and you are so capable of success no matter how much harder you have to work than everyone else. Because we have to work so much harder now, we will get to party that much harder when we make it. I WILL GRADUATE IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL SUCCEED IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL CHANGE THE FUCKING WORLD CUZ I AM A BADASS AND CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PRIVELEDGED FUCKS CAN DO, JUST BETTER!

[burchlife]

Thoughts from Toulouse

1) I should post more - I never regret it

2) Starting to get extremely stressed about HBS. I'm so excited and I think it'll be amazing experience, but doubt is starting to creep in.

Combined, we're giving up about $800k - is there really an ROI enough to justify that? I've never been in debt before and it's terrifying me. I hate the idea that I have no way to care off myself and her if something goes wrong. What if I spend all of that and the economy crashes and there's no good jobs? It's a very real possibility that happened in 2008, and we're due for a redux. Even coming out with a $150k salary, my ROI takes 8-10 years in the best case. I understand that financially that's not a bad case and will be better long-term, but I'm still scared.

Furthermore, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared about doing long distance. I'm worried about the tradeoffs that are required - what will I have to sacrifice to be with her, and what with her will I sacrifice to make the most of my time? It will be a tough balancing act. Ironically, I'm not actually all that worried it won't work out. Despite this fear, there's not a doubt in my mind that the relationship will work. I don't know what the cost of long distance will be, but I am willing to pay it.

I'm also stressed about the transition. How do I pack up and move cross country as an adult? Where do I live? How do I get furniture? Who should be my roommate? Should I travel before or is that wasting money? What do I do with my cat (this is really the surprising stressful of all - I'll come back to it)? Theres so much to do and I've done none of it.

The cat is definitely a top stresser though. When I adopted her I made a commitment to take care of her, and I don't think at the time I realized what that meant, but I hate to back out of it now. I'm split - on one hand, I don't know if I can take of her, but on the other hand I hate to give her up. Worse yet, I can't seem to find her a permanent home. My biggest fear is that I'll get a call in September and need to find somewhere for her to live because I just can't. Even with that, I'm not sure I trust her non perfect behavior to have someone want her permanently. Ugh - I don't know what to do.

Despite all that, I am excited. I genuinely believe that HBS will be extremely formative in both the skills and network I need to grow and set myself up for live. Plus - it just sounds fun. I can't wait for it to get here.

3) I feel like I've been really shit at my job lately, and not sure if that's true or not. I see a few possibilities

First, that I am really am shit at my job. I don't want to rule this out, because aspects of it are probably true. I've had trouble a few times now with my temper at work that I'm not happy with, and have definitely had oversights I should have caught

Second, that I'm not bad at my job, just asked to do too much and work that's not suited to me. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a detail oriented person, and managing VVVMs and datasheets is my hell. Most of the oversights I've had are in this vein, and I do believe that it's just hard and should not all be on my shoulders. I do better when the work is more high level, communication, planning, etc. Probably a good lesson to remember

Third, that I'm doing fine, but that Ivan is a critical boss who makes everyone feel like their doing poorly. I know Cameron feels this way, so it isn't unreasonable and even when I know I've done well I don't get much praise. In his defense, he's stressed and busy, but he should take a lesson about management priorities - to take care of your people. Again, a lesson to remember when I'm a manager.

Fourth, that id be doing better if I wasn't quitting in three months and had more motivation. I'm trying to keep it up, but I'd by lying if I said I wasn't pushing the boundaries a bit knowing that it didn't effect my future.

Realistically, it's probably a combination of all of these. It's hard to realize I'm not viewed as a superstar, but maybe that's ok and good for me to acknowledge.

4) Its shocking how well things are going with her. We have few fights and when we do they always end in laughter and real acknowledgement of what we can do next time. I was so amazed at how she handled the argument at Sintra. I (probably stupidly) defended myself from her anger, and she was able to step back from the emotion and acknowledge I had a point and that she was being unfair. We then proceeded to have w real conversations. That takes real strength and EQ and was a huge moment for me to see. That's the kind of thing that gives me faith for the future.

Speaking of the future, it's crazy to me how excited I am to marry her and to, weirdly enough, have kids someday. I always hoped to find this, but honestly I don't think I believed it was possibly. And yet, here we are, where when I see anything wedding related it makes me smile thinking about marrying her. On principle I hate the idea of spending lots on a wedding, but honestly to make her happy it almost seems worth it. Part of me when's to propose as soon as I can rather than waiting - it's psycho.

However, there's always that fear that it won't work. That 10 years from now, something changes and it all falls apart. I've never seen a single sign or red flag that that is likely, and the fear isn't changing my mind about marriage, but the fear is always there. Child of divorce, I guess.

5) I'm fucking lucky. I'm 25, and have been all around the world. My work trusts me to visit our major customers alone and develop ideas that cost millions of dollars and years of development. That's cool as hell. My TVS parts, which I knew were mediocre at best all along, have made $300k in just 2 years and project to be steady earners indefinitely - Apple is even looking at them.

When i think of that, it gives me hope that I can hold my own around the best of the best at HBS

6) Combining a few points, I'm so curious to see how I stack up at HBS. I've never not been the big fish in a little pond, and there I will be up against at best equals and at worst people far far smarter and harder working and better communicators. I should by all accounts feel like an imposter, but for some reason I still don't. Part of my still thinks I'll be the smartest one there and be the best, despite that objectively ridiculous. White male priveledge is one hell of a drug.

I am excited though - every time I've been around those who are objectively smarter than me, I've used that as a motivation to get better. I wouldn't be where I am today without Adam, and I'm hoping to spring board to the next level through my new classmates.

7) Toulouse is a gorgeous town. I've never been anywhere just so pleasant - I want to come back here with her someday and just do nothing for a week.

8) I have lots more thoughts, but that's probably the biggest ones for now as it's getting cold sitting at this cafe. Hopefully this time, I'll post again soon instead of waiting 8 months

[azanycollectormilkshakeworl-blog]

How much would a 2002 impreza wrx cost to insure?

"How much would a 2002 impreza wrx cost to insure?

Im 17( i know im about to get a bunch of your going to kill yourself! AHHHH!!!! i regularly drive my dads 05 mustang gt

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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How much would insurance cost for a '92 ford thunderbird?

How much would a 2002 impreza wrx cost to insure?

Im 17( i know im about to get a bunch of your going to kill yourself! AHHHH!!!! i regularly drive my dads 05 mustang gt

Violations that show up on insurance quotes in nj?

About 2 years ago i got a ticket for not stopping at a stop sign. I went to court and they knocked it down to something so i wouldn't get any point and just pay a fine. I don't remember what they knocked it down to. But why is it still a concern on my auto insurance. I didn't get any points so should it matter?

Can health insurance companies request medical records from other health insurance companies?

When I was in college I was in a relationship that made me really depressed, and the psychologist on campus referred me to an outside therapist with a diagnosis of major depression --the outside therapist corrected it and said she believed i had circumstantially-related depression, but she told me she coded the claim with the referring guy's major depression label so the insurance company wouldn't hassle me about the paying the claim. I worked with her for a 6 months --no medication, just got out the relationship--and am happy and healthy :) Now I'm reading all kinds of scary stuff about MIB, retroactive declining of coverage, etc and I currently have new individual (underwritten) coverage--I can ask her to correct the claim with my old company, but it seems like any action might rock the boat and I'm scared--if they didn't notice it, should i leave it be? or is there a chance that if i (god forbid) get something serious down the road that my current insurer will dig up my records from my old insurer to look for a reason to not pay? she was trying to do something to make my life easier but this whole thing has turned into such a mess!""

What does it mean for insurance to be underwritten?

I have a quote submitted to Hagerty Collector Car insurance and they told me that it is being underwritten, what does that mean?""

How much will my insurance be affected by a ticket and will my parents have to know i got the ticket?

I am 16 and i just got my first ticket for going 75km in a 50 zone will my insurance go way up now? and will my parents have to come with me to pay my ticket or anything like that?

SR-22 Insurance Company risks?

We recently got jacked by Geico regarding SR22 insurance. We are going with a smaller company now and an inexpensive rate. What are the risks? What are things I should look out for? Arent the requirements of the SR22 insurance fairly good coverage due to the type of insurance you need?

What would my allstate car insurance be?

im a 16 year old female. i went through driver's ed (so you're suppose to get a discount) and my mom had been a member of allstate for at least 10 years with no accidents or anything. so im wondering, about how much would MY car insurance be?""

Do I need to get new car registration and insurance if I just had a title transfer?

I live in Minnesota. My dad was the previous car owner. He gave me the car as a gift. Do I need to get my own new insurance and get a new registration?

""Forgot to renew my car insurance, is my no claims bonus affected?

My insurance was due on 15th October but because km away at uni and the car is at home I completely forgot to renew it until today. If I decide to renew it now are there any consequences for paying it late? I would declare sorn but I don't know how it works and When I go home for christmas I do want to be able to drive. I've got 3 years no claims and my insurance has gone down a lot since I started to drive so will I lose it?

How much would car insurance cost ?

I was just wondering how much it would cost for car insurance for a 17 year old Male in England Also in no that there are different types of insurance what do they all do These are the cars I'm thinking of buying Ford ka sport Fiat punto Vauxhall corsa Citroen Saxo Roughly how much would they cost and whats the best insurance option to take ? :)

How much does insurance cost on super cars??

How much does insurance cost on cars like Ferrari, Lamborghini, Lotus, Bugatti, etc.""

Is medicaid a very low cost insurance? does medicaid pretty much stink !?

im just wondering becouse a couple of therapist have turned me down becouse of my medicaid insurance.

Cheap health insurance for college students?

I live in Orlando, FL and i'm a non-smoking college student. Does anyone know of any cheap health insurance or even health discount plans that I could get on just to cover the cost of my Bipolar disorder meds and possibly a couple of visits to the psychiatrist? Yearly physicals and examinations I can handle, but this psychiatrist that I see is $200.00 a visit PLUS the cost of all of the perscriptions he prescribes to me. HELP!""

Car insurance?

how much would insurance for a 16 year old female cost for a 2000 Plymouth Neon Highline

Do any insurance companies do insurance on two cars uk only?

Why is it that if a person has two cars you can not get insurance for two cars on one policy If like me you have more than 9 years no claims bonus you must put your no claims on to one policy and start a new policy for the other car. but you can only drive one car at a time Is this just another insurance rip off

""No proof of insurance In NV, but I live in AZ?

OK so I got a Citation in the state of Nevada in my Fathers truck. It register under his name and everything. He never told me it didnt have insurance. So I got pulled over for no head lights. If I have No insurance what do I do? Im from Arizona will that have anything to do with it?

Can you get a quote for car insurance before you pass your tests?

No insurance companies will give me a quote for car insurance so i was thinking that you may not be able to get a quote before you pass your test? someone help!!! PLEASE

Insurance License transfer?

I work as a Insurance salesman and I have life, health, property and casualty licenses. My boss paid for the training and the test, I am a 1099 and appointed to his agency and I am considering leaving his office, do I get to bring my license or is it onl valid under him? I work in california.""

Car insurance?

I was given a car from Texas would I be able to insure the car with Texas plates ? If not how would I go about getting it smogged & insured if I can't drive it ?

What is the best priced auto insurance company for people who have been canceled due to too many claims?

These claims are all due to serious weather, vandalism, and theft.""

What kind of insurance to get?

I come from a low income family and my health insurance is called Healthy Families. Its really basic and only covers check ups, physicals, and other things in community health clinics. I have several moles I that I would like to get checked out at a dermatologist and some help with my acne as well but I hear that dermatologist visits can get expensive. What kind of insurance can I get that won't break the bank?""

Fee to Drop A Vehicle From Insurance Policy?

I just sold a car, and when I called my insurance company to drop it from my policy, I was informed that it would cost $15 to do so. I know it is only $15, but still that seems a little steep. Just wondering if anyone else has had this experience.""

Can I get car insurance in my cousins name and my name?

My cousin lives in Luton and I live in London so can I get car insurance with his name as first driver and me as second driver? Also how will it work because we're going to have different addresses? How will road tax and permit work? My cousin is 21 years old and I'm 18. I will tell the insurance the truth about everything where I live and where my cousin lives.

How much is no fault insurance?

I want to get the cheapest insurance, How much is no fault insurance in Michigan""

Auto insurance companies keep calling me?!?

i went online looking for some quotes now all kinds on insurance companies are call my phone leaving voice mails. about 20 calls in a hour. is there a way i can get my number off the insurance quote list /something?? thankyou!

How much will her insurance likely go up?

my grandma pays about 65/month for her car insurance, she is 59 today she didnt see my car and backed into the passenger side leaving a dent. I have full coverage for my car. she has liability on hers. I dont just not want to do anything. i want it fixed. but i dont know if i want to call my insurance company. cuz if i say it was her fault, which is was, idk how much her insurance will go up. if its ten dollars a month its no big deal i wouldnt think. but i dont want it to be a lot. if i say it is my fault, then i have a 500 dollar deductable and my insurance goes up. and i cant afford that. im 17. she also said she would try to pay for it to be fixed. but idk if it is cheaper for her to pay for it or for her insurance to go up.""

How much would a 2002 impreza wrx cost to insure?

Im 17( i know im about to get a bunch of your going to kill yourself! AHHHH!!!! i regularly drive my dads 05 mustang gt

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