#i REALLY like the new design iff this is him...

[spaceistheplaceart]

i've literally seen NOBODY talking about this but i think this guy getting beat up could be Benrey... but dam!!! he looks very different!!! so i tried to combine his old look with his potential new look and... this is what I got (creepy man... but cool...)

BONUS coloured version I didn't like much and also a HLVRAI-era benny below

Summarized ID: a drawing of benrey looking forward smirking. he's missing a tooth, has a sparse mustache, his left eye is lighter/white and there is a scar on his left eyebrow. He has a dark shadow over his eyes.

FULL ID UNDER CUT

Image One: On the left are three reference images. The top one is of the man who was being beaten up by Combine in the HL2VRAI trailer. He is laying on the ground, smirking, with a tooth missing, a black eye, and a scar on his eyebrow. He has tan skin and a buzzcut, a wide nose, and possibly heterochromia. Could also be the lighting. The image below that is the stock image of the Barney Half Life One model. The third image is of Benrey from HLVRAI, looking at the viewer head on. He has high cheekbones, smile lines, shadowy eyes and a slim face. Above him in blue text reads: "you're not supposed to be here."

The drawing next to the reference images is of Benrey, but trying to combine the reference images. The drawing was made with a pencil-like brush and is uncoloured. He is looking forward smirking. he's missing a tooth on his left side, has a sparse mustache, his left eye is lighter/white and there is a scar on his left eyebrow. He has a dark shadow over his eyes that extends from his slightly receding hairline. His hair is black. He wears a collared shirt.

The first bonus image is the same image as the first drawing but now coloured. Benrey has tan skin, lit from the right side, and is wearing a blue shirt. The shadows are more purple in tone. The second bonus image is him but looking like he did in HLVRAI: clean shaven, wearing a tie, and his helmet. No scar, no heterochromia, and no missing tooth.

END ID

[ghostlychaosfoil]

oc lore yap

IM GOING INSANE OVER MY ROTTMNT IC AND I NEED TO WRITE IT DOWN OKAY

warning its super long, this is mostly for me

So kirby and frida were mutated after the og boys were but they arent younger than them bc of their unmutanted turtles age. Kirby is a bit younger than raph (and hes not really build for big brothering) and I think frida is like aprils age. A year after Draxums lab was destroyed, he was in a semi stable living environment but was frankly bored. he managed to salvage some his mutagen notes from the ruins of his old lab. He used those notes and what he could still remeber to recreate a mutagen. He still had this obsession with creating mutants (sort of like how he was w his lil food mutant). He ended up making a stable and similar enough mutagen to his original design. He made about a bucketful. throughout this process, hugin and moonin are very skeptical and not super supportive of daxums spontaneous experiments. Draxum had stolen two different breeds of turtles from the local zoo to use for this experiment. one, a 3.5 year old yellow bellied slider(frida) and a 4 year old map turtle (kirby). He dropped those turtles into theat bucket of mutagen and to his (and hoogin and moonins) surprise it worked just fine. he now had two mutated turtle babies. Not soon after, his living conditions, which were bad already, got worse and he was unable to take care of his beloved children. He left the yellow bellied slider for big mama, who he knew always was looking for new warriors. Big mama did nit want the responsibility of two of them though. So draxum left the mao turtle somewhere else (idk where im still figuring that out hahdbd

At time the series takes place, he was encouraged by his caretaker to get a job (or repo is his caretaker?? im not 100%) so kirby gets a job working for repo mantis to do repo work. He definitely failed getting todds rv back before donnie and mikey attempted to. repo taught him to be tougher and how to be intimidating to better his repo skills. So it definitely plays into his personality later on.

movie period he was just living his life when the krang arrived. And he got krangified a little later in the krang invasion so he wasnt a krang zombie until about the point donnie was the spaceship. If he was krangified before the turtles were giving them trouble, he would have been utilized by the kraang like raph was. So in canon the main reason raph was with them and was different was because he was stronger than the other organisms on the earth. I dont think he really was thought of as anything else after they recovered the key. They didnt care about the turtles or anyone, they didn't truly believe they were a mayor threat until the space ship started going back into the prison dimension. Up until then their rebellion was amusement to the kraang. Ou im getting iff topic- Im saying I think the lraang would have brought all their strongest zombies to be close to them whether they be humans, animals, mutants, or yokai. Kirby, along with others would have been up there with raph if the kraang had more time. Kirby was kraangified abruptly and suddenly so he was in a state of shock and before he knew what had just happend, he was already kraangified. A bunch of kraang goo was launched at his face immediately blinding him and easily taking control of his body being that a bunch of kraang stuff already went in his eye.

in one of the qnas w ron corcillo, he said that he would to make a casey jr and casey focused spinoff series where they hunt KRAANG REMAINS. So its kind of canon that kraang did not fully disappear after the invasion. thats were I buikt off of. Kirby had so much kraang stuff in his body, that after the invasion, he was still kraangified just less strong. I would imagine his first encounter with the turtles would be with him being the hooded enemy. He would maybe be too strong the first time and get away. The turtles would obviously not be down witht this crazy kraang mutant running around so they would hunt him down. donnie would probably unkraagify him with techy tech that he probably composed, un hooding him in the process. Unkraangified he obviously does NOT trust these turtles. All he has seen of them was through the fuzzy krang memories of them trying to hurt him. That doesnt seem very trustworthy to him.

he doesnt go back to repo or whatever family he had after being unkraangified because he doesn't know where they are now, if they even survived the invasion, or if they even care about him anymore, given that he had been kraangified for so long after the invasion and nobody had come looking for him. The turtles come across him again (somewhere..?) where ever he is hiding out trying to get his strength back. He feels weaker than before but he is stronger than ever muscle wise (the kraang basically forcing hik to work out 24/7 for months) but mentally he is unwell. Its kind of a phantom pain kinda situation. Raph finds him o. one of his solo patrols (that he takes even though he doesn't love being alone for that long). Raph and him end up bonding over same trauma and shared interests.

EXTRA RANDOM KIRBY FACTS:

-he roller blades😧😧

-his favorite color USED to be pink

-now he cant stand to look at pink

-regularly uses sarcasm but literally nobody can tell

-pretty good at manipulation if needed

-defaults to a tough guy persona but it really isnt suuper intimidating once he starts talking

-cannot read a clock

-really bad at crying, he wants too but it just doesnt work (his hypothesis was that the kraang stuff messed uo his tear glands but that was jot the case)

-overstimulated AF

-LOVES CATSS

-apologizing problem to people he respects

[cordeliawhohung]

i would love to hear about mass effect as im hoping to start playing it soon!!!!! what would u tell a new player going in blind as a vague run down :)

oh god oh god oh god

1: every. little. thing. matters. you think going on a certain side mission is just a little, haha, fun thing. or maybe you're like "eh, i don't wanna do this" and then suddenly a crew member is dead and you couldn't save them. and it's not just in the first game, either. every choice you make will have consequences even into the third game. it is so fucking cool being able to say/do things and then have people remember and hate/love you for it many games forward. a fucking insane mechanic.

2: if you are too nice to Kaiden he will want to fuck you if you're playing fem shep. holy fuck i made that mistake my first run through, and i felt too bad to break up with him and was stuck with him and didn't even LIKE him like that. the first game, you can only romance Kaiden as fem shep, Ash as male shep, and Liara as either. when i learned i could romance Garrus in the second game though phewwwww. this isn't super important just something to keep in mind i suppose if you're wondering about romance options.

3: when i first played the game (this was the og games, not the legendary editions, so things are easier if you're playing legendary) i like. just didn't know about weapon mods and armor mods? i got to a certain high level mission and kept dying SO OFTEN and i was like why!! ended up beating the whole game before i realized you could modify your guns and shit to do more damage with like chemical rounds and shit like that. i promise it'll make things so much easier if you're constantly switching to the newest/higher upgrade. you can slice through things like butter.

4: there is a morality tracker in the game. Paragon or Renegade. While i think both sides are fun (Renegade is my favorite personally lmao) make sure to stick to one side for the most part. You wanna get your Paragon/Renegade points high for certain dialogue/choice options. However, just because you choose one morality route, doesn't mean you have to stick to it for every choice/option. you might think you'll have to chose the mean or nice option every single time, but you can mix it up. especially if you want a good outcome over all. Just do enough to keep your points high and you should be fine.

5: no matter how hard you try, none of the characters you design will look good. i'm sorry. i've yet to see it. even modded characters look wonky. legendary default fem shep is my favorite and i always play her because she's hot as fuck, but every time i try to make my own Shep, they look WRONG. idk how to explain it. they put more thought into the story than they did character design anyway lmao.

6: i really hope you don't mind bugs because there are space bugs. a lot of them.

7: do every mission you possibly can/want to before Virmire on ME1. just... trust me.

8: do every mission you possibly can/want to before acquiring the Reaper IFF in ME2... just trust me.

9: fucking, good luck with missions on ME3 that's a clusterfuck. that's all i'm saying about that.

10: talk with your crew often. there's so so so much lore to learn. (again, careful with Kaiden) but they each have their own stories and you learn more about the universe and ugh. it's so good.

11: Joker is your best friend.

there's def more but this is about all I can think of right now. I really hope you do enjoy playing the game!! i'm like a fucking encyclopedia about that game, so if you need help, hit ya girl up.

[oldxenomorph]

top 5 fictional races/ancestries/species

top 5/top 10 anything.

xenomorphs (alien) MY BELOVEDS. MY SWEEITIES. MY DARLINGS. tries to hold them all in my arms. 😭 really a no-brainer considering my url lmao. i first watched alien and aliens when i was around 8. the formative impact h.r. giger's artwork and the xenomorph design had on little me was truly life changing. they will always be my favorites. i just think they're so beautiful, i was really glad when covenant got back to their original design. but i also love different variations like the queens, the deacon in prometheus, the neomorph in covenant, even the red ones i've seen from the comics. i give them each a lil kiss on their heads.

the reapers (mass effect) wouldn't be here without our favorite sentient starships that harvest organic life in the galaxy every 50,000 years. i love the design of the ships, of reaper technology itself, and their sound design. i think they are one of the best things about the mass effect series. some of my favorite moments are the ones involving the reapers: talking to soveriegn in me1, the reaper iff mission in me2, the opening of me3, menae/tuchanka/rannoch/thessia priority missions in me3. the leviathan dlc was my favorites because of that delicious reaper lore. i'm also a control ending apologist.

the outer ones/great old ones (cthulhu mythos) on one hand, you know how ol' howard phillips lovecraft was. but on the other, without him we wouldn't get the reapers, or the great ones in bloodborne, or even cosmic horror as a genre. that's why the outer ones/gread old ones are free real estate for everyone to use and as they see fit. it's been nearly a century since they were first written, i'm more interested in seeing how other folks (especially those of us who are othered in some way) interpret them. also they're an important part of the emperor's story (they're her literal family), so they deserve a place in this list.

tsimisce (vampire: the masquerade) me? liking creepy, inhuman, eldritch vampires? shocking. every time i've played v:tm with friends, i've always created a tsimisce. i love them, i think they are delightfully strange and creepy and lend themselves to the creativity of the player in just how weird they can get. i know the lore surrounding them in a mess at the moment (i mostly adhere to v20 rules and i haven't been paying attention to any of the new stuff but i hear things), but i also do love the history and internal politics of the clan from previous versions. everyone and everything's a mess, i love it. also thee dracula is canonically a tsimisce in v:tm and dracula is one of my favorite genders.

elvhen (dragon age) the dragon age lore is a mess and sometimes the writing is really clunky in typical bioware fashion, but i do really enjoy the elvhen. especially all the ancient elvhen that we've met that survived the collapse of the veil. (i've based my inquisitor on this with a little more eldritch seasoning and i've grown quite fond of her. i'm gonna miss playing her in da4, whenever that happens.... if that happens.) also inquisitor ameridan, i wish we had more time with him, but alas.

[kareofbears]

persona 5 royal: my thoughts after finishing it five minutes ago

disclaimer: the only reason im writing this is because 1) i have a lot of thoughts and feelings that i need to write down and if i dont ill explode and 2) i want to be able to find this when p5s eventually drops so i can compare my thought processes. if you do not agree with what i’m going to say, that’s cool! just block me or ignore this post. 

now for the sake of sanity, i’m going to try and narrow down this entire list into chunks because this’ll probably be very very long and very much about me just screaming about stuff that i liked, loved, and don’t like. i will be spoiling both the original persona 5 and persona 5 royal, obviously, so i hope you finished both!

1) Akechi

so yes. Goro Akechi. Everyone’s favorite murderer. I’m going to by spewing a lot of hot takes, and this is probably going to be the spiciest: i am in the most intense love-hate relationship with this brown haired antagonist because jesus christ is he a complicated son of a bitch. I know i’ve complained in the past about how much Atlus often struggles with utilizing a character well, but that does not at all relate to Akechi in any way, shape, or form. 

I’ll say this now: He is a character I genuinely, truly hate, yet he is the one I want to hear from the most. He is someone who is a bad person (yes, he is a bad person) but whenever he comes on screen he makes me sit up, he makes me pay attention to him because that’s just the aura he exudes. He is a character who i would never, ever waste my time defending or justifying his actions, but every minute joker spends with him is a minute i want to stretch out as long as possible because he is just that good of a character. He is interesting, he is well defined, he is smart, he is clever, he is sassy, he’s a motherfucking asshole who’s never had a vibe check in my life and i still hate him. Goro Akechi is what Star Wars wanted Kylo Ren to be, and that allegory may not make sense to many people but it works for me so i’m saying it. It’s to the point where writing akechi in a fanfic makes me sweat because in my opinon capturing the essence of akechi is near impossible unless you know what you are talking about (i do not mean that in anyway to discourage people from writing him, im just saying that I am a coward because i will never be able to write a good akechi). Anyway, bottom line is: i despise him but my eyes are always glued to him at all times.

back to the main point-- Atlus absolutely nailed this character and every single addition they put in for Akechi. I’m so damn thrilled that you actually have confidant hangouts with him because every single time you talk to him, it services not only the plot, but it perfectly does what it is supposed to do: it makes you like him, but also leaves the player slightly unnerved. they do it so casually that I might have trouble explaining it, but bear with me: everytime you hangout with him, he always does or say something that unhinges you just a little bit, it leaves you asking ‘wait why?’ or ‘but how did you know that’ or ‘why are you saying that?’. akechi is constantly playing mind games with you. and not only that, adding backstory to akechi (moreso than in the original) is just fucking fantastic. he’s always been a fully fleshed out character but after playing royal, goro akechi actually exists in my mind, and i still hate him (but also i dont. but also i do. anyway)

2) the ending

just finished the game and this is the point where i am at odds with p5r for the first time. the ending to p5, in my opinion, was flawless; everything was perfect and had meaning. from the shot of akira being shown to not wearing glasses anymore because he no longer feels the need to wear a mask (character development: he was very unhappy at the beginning of the game and now he’s happy with his friends--i love it), to his friends being the one to drive him home (amazing, he left his home town and came to shibuya alone via transit, and one year later he’s now leaving with all of his best friends in a van they rented just so they could stay with him as long as they can--it’s perfect, i love it), and also all of them seeing how large and infinite the ocean is (because now there’s unlimited options for them because they all have a new perspective on life). 

But....none of that is there in p5r. it feels impersonal. no one drops him off at his hometown, he was still wearing glasses, and there’s no grand metaphor about what they all achieved. 

Now, i am not a (complete) moron. I know why they had to change it: it’s because of persona 5 scramble (i think). they wanted to set up a plot for the next game and i feel like thats the reason why persona 5 royal’s ending suffered for it: they were too focused on the next plot that they forgot to focus on the sentimental ending for p5r. don’t get me wrong, seeing akechi in the train station absolutely made me lose my shit and made me scream at one in the morning, but i think they lost the core meaning in doing the other stuff. i did not like the focus on maruki and kasumi (will be talking about them later), cause i feel like it took away from the ending, and i also didn’t like the fact that the whole joker outfit in the reflection thing (but i will be letting it slide since it was during the after credits anyway). So while i do love one (1) new aspect of the final cut scene, i still adore and stan the one from persona 5. 

3) the entire last semester 

i’ll be quick: the final palace? the best palace. fight me. it’s fantastic, it’s innovative, it’s interesting, and most of all, the palace ruler is actually the best one in the entire game and i know i wont be the only one to say this. maruki is not a villain: i know for a godamn fact that im not the only one to say that i almost agreed with his deal of allowing the reality (damn i almost agreed twice) because why wouldnt you?? it’s literally a perfect reality! the only reason i didnt agree is because i knew the game wouldnt want me to agree and would force me to have the bad ending! anyway, i love the last section so much. the palace design is interesting, the antagonist is brilliant (who doesn’t love a morally gray antagonist?), and finally, the payoff of kasumi happened and it made me silent for ten minutes. the entire reveal of her being sumire and kasumi being dead is just so genuinely shocking to me that it nearly broke my neck.

what actually broke my neck was the initial incident for the third semester. seeing everyone in this wild alternate reality made me so unsettled that i literally got a stomach ache. i saw morgana as a human and nearly passed out. shiho in the underground? wig. ryuji saying he’s on the national pedastal for running? literally my eyebrows just popped off my head. fucking WAKABA? FLATLINED. brilliantly executed and i love the initial akechi and akira buddy cop movie vibes in the beginning it was just so fun. 

one huge part of the third semester for me though, was of course, akechi. seeing him completely throw away his ‘charming ace detective’ speil was the most refreshing and interesting and not to mention, hilarious part of the game. he does not give a fuck about anyone and he is not afraid to let you know. he is the biggest savage and the most insane person on the phantom thieves group. he’ll roast you, he’ll roast your boyfriend, he’ll roast fuckin anyone and it’s fantastic. not to mention his dialogue is killer: he says the most bat shit insults ever and my favorite example is when you go up to him near the end of the game, you know, to hangout with him and be a nice guy, he just does not hesitate to say ‘what, you came just to see me? just the sort of brainless sentimentality i’d expect from you.’ i LOVE IT because why the hell would he try to be nice? the jig is up, he’s got nothing to hide. and he owns it. atlus seriously nailed akechi in this last semester and it’s brilliant and i love it.

4) everything else 

- one small thing that pissed me off in both games (but especially this one) is how many godamn fake out deaths there are. Morgana has one, Akira has one, Ryuji has one, Sojiro has one, Maruki has one, motherfucking Akechi has two. it just hurts me!

- sumire is an amazing character who has depth and she is lovely and my biggest complaint is that it feels like atlus shoved her in. like, she feels like a new addition to the game, you know what  i mean? maybe its because ive played the original p5 first, but you know, it’s not a big deal. but i love her so much

- on the topic of sumire, i cant say that im completely super duper happy with how different she felt from the other thieves? im sure that’ll be explained in p5s but she just got so much screen time that it just truly made me confused?? maybe im just a horrible person, or that’s just a really hot take. but anyway, yeah maybe im bitter because i really wanted to see extra hangouts/school trips during royal, but didn’t really.

-baton pass? literally orgasmic. it made turn base battles so damn fun and the addition of darts and billiards made me foam at the mouth it was SO SMART AND INNOVATIVE AND I LOVE IT ATLUS I LOVE YOU ATLUS YOURE SO SMART SWEETIE

-small thing, but making spells like ‘dormina’ actually useful just made the game so much more fun and dungeon crawling became something i truly, genuinely looked forward to

-being able to give gifts to my bros? absolutely incredible. thank you. side note: seeing akechi happy from giving him a multi vitamin cracked me up. side side note: giving ryuji a fuck ton of weights and him just smiling made my heart so happy i love that boy so much

- ah this game just looked so GOOD! i thought the original looked good but they really went all out. im not kidding, the smallest details in everyday life or even just normal cut scenes were out of this world. especially stuff from the third semester its just OOF good JOB atlus i love you buddy

-ahhh thieves den! how can i forget? i love it. at first i was a bit iffy with it since it really felt like persona 5 (undoubtedly the biggest game atlus has created) was just jacking itself off. but as time goes on, it became a huge addition to the game and seeing characters’ insights and extra lines of dialogue became super duper interesting and a highlight of the game for me. and don’t even get me started on how much i love love love the photos they added of them hanging out! so lovely, a bunch of them made me tear up

- i know it’s literally impossible, but i feel like the game just forgot that akechi is a person who can wield multiple persona and i just wish that could’ve been messed around with during Palaces

- showtimes are so, so crazy and i get so embarassed whenever they play on my tv because they are just outlandish and unashamed but i love them so so much it just defines persona’s personality 

-because i love ryuji: i prefer the final conversation you have with him aka ‘whaddya mean? you’re there’ but there’s still a lot of really tender and sweet moments like akira genuinely telling him that he’ll miss him, and also the fact that ryuji wants you both to send each other your times through the exercise watch so you can still race ahhhh i love him so much yall

so, overall, this game is better than the original p5 because of the extra content we get. if persona 5 was the perfect dinner, persona 5 royal is that same dinner and you get to enter the dessert buffet. it’s brilliant, it’s smart, it’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, and it’s undoubtedly my favorite game of all time without exaggeration. while i do prefer the final cut scene (and final dialogues with some characters) in the original persona 5, in the overall experience, persona 5 royal is superior in my mind. i would willingly get amnesia to play this game again. 

I didn’t get to cover everything, but this is definitely most of what i wanted to say. if you actually get to reading all the way to the end, thanks! it means a lot. i hope we can all enjoy persona and look forward to persona 5 scramble together :-)

[too-loud-but-not-enough]

Know when to breath (Robbie Reyes x Male Reader)

Hey guys, I just wanted to say something about my last post even if some people don’t think its a big deal. 

I want to say sorry for the GIF I used for my last imagine story. I should have used a more diverse set to represent the male reader instead of just putting someone who has a similar skin tone to myself. I was putting myself into the story when I should have made it open for all because thats what I want. I want everyone to be able to imagine themselves as part of the story and be valid.

Imagine: You feeling like people take you for granted yet still wanting to be generous in helping your friends. Robbie notices and you two share a one on one.

The feeling of neglect weighed heavily on you. Whether it be when the space joining your neck and shoulders ached, your cheeks seemed to sag and your eyebrows felt like they were pushing themselves down, even when you felt a grasp around your ribcage, as if someone was hugging you from behind while prying your chest open from the front. Sometimes it would feel the opposite. Like your ribcage would fold in on itself as if you were wearing a corset. It wasn’t fun yet you felt it was a necessary evil. You were a listener. 

You hardly ever felt the need to speak up for what you identified as trivial unless it was for your friends. Quite hypocritical but that was how you worked. To your friends, all throughout your school years and into your adult life, you were the designated therapist of the group. When they had something to say, they could go on for hours if they so pleased. Sometimes they would even act as if you owe them a listening session when you were unavailable. It got on your nerves yet you didn’t want to cause conflict. You were very aware of the one-sided relationships you had and knew if you were to bring it up, they would most likely feel attacked. 

This is why you kept to yourself a lot. Not that you closed yourself off or anything but didn’t completely go out of your way to see your friends like you used to. You couldn’t help but feel tired though. You were one of those people who thought too deep into things and it usually spent the energy you needed to get through the day. 

Right now you were walking home from your job. Today had been fairly active, what with one of your friends coming in to your workplace to talk about this boy she’d been dating for months. As much as you liked being the listener to her problems, was there literally nothing else she could talk about? You’d met the guy and he seemed alright but now she just kept talking about missing him after a day apart. Also it didn’t help that she once outed you without your permission by loudly claiming you were her gay best friend. 

You were still waiting for that apology. 

That aside, you were able to listen and now you were home free. The keys jingled as you twisted them in the lock. The house was empty when you walked in. No Robbie or Gabe which dampened your mood a bit more since they were people you had absolutely no problem listening to. You decided to busy yourself and bake to pass the time. 

You spent your time mixing flower, milk, eggs, and other ingredients including broken up chocolate bars into a boll to make the mix for a batch of cookies. After carefully laying them out on the tray, you placed them in the oven to bake. Just as you were setting the timer, you nearly jumped out of your skin when you felt a pair of leather clad arms find their way around your waist. While you emerged yourself in producing the treats, you’d become oblivious to Robbie and Gabe entering the home. 

Both seeing you completely immersed in baking that you hadn’t noticed them walk in. Robbie content in just watching you. Loving the sight of you focused on something you enjoyed without a worry to anything else, different from how he saw you throughout the day whenever he came to check or when you dropped by the shop to make sure he was ok with the stress you knew he went through. Gabe smiled at the both of you, enjoying the view of something somewhat domestic, something he hadn’t really considered would happen but then again, he hadn’t really expected Robbie to find a guy as caring and accepting as you for a boyfriend. Then again, Robbie would of course find someone who he’d be expected to protect. Thing was thats exactly what you did instead. Guiding him through stressful situations to which Gabe was grateful. He caught Robbie’s attention by cocking his head in the direction of his room, signalling he’d leave them be.

Robbie nodded his head in thanks. After his brother rolled off to his room somehow going unnoticed by you still, The mechanic snuck up behind you as you were closing the door to the oven. He grinned when you jumped at his touch. Happy that you felt safe enough to not have noticed his arrival. You reached your arms around his to return the hug “Hey, sorry I didn’t hear you come in”. The feeling of his stubble on your neck accompanied by his lips caused warmth to spread through you, having you revel in his touch. 

He smirked at your apology, knowing it was one of your habits. "I didn't want to stop you while you were at it". Placing a kiss at the nape of your neck, he paused when he felt the stiffness under the skin. "Mi Amore," he gave you a concerned look, lightly rubbing his hand between your shoulder and neck "you're all tense".

You almost didn't hear him. The pressure and friction his hand made with your muscles pulled you into a little world of your own, like you were in a soothing wirlpool that threatened to swallow you whole. Melding with it without a care in the world. The feeling almost made you moan. 

Robbie's concern mixed with a smile as he felt you leaning into his touch. “Y/N?”.

“Oh!” You startled out of your mini trance, you seemed to be doing that a lot “Sorry, just been a bit busy at work and stuff”. Your dismissive response earned a frown from your boyfriend. 

“What stuff? Like friends?” Yeah Robbie knew about your friends and your listening habits, another reason why he loved you yet one of the reasons he worried. Sneaking his hand back around your waist, he hooked his chin on the nape of your neck where he’d been pressing. “What happened?”.

You sighed, feeling him against you always got you into a calmer state. “Nothing much, just some talk, honestly its nothing”. At that you heard him give a growl of sorts, not of anger, you knew that but a mixture of concern and frustration. You were prone to neglecting your own feelings for the sake of others. 

“Y/N” he growled out, squeezing you closer to him “you can’t just say its nothing when it takes a toll on you”. 

He checked the timer on the oven and saw that it had another 18 minutes to go. “Come on” he said pulling you with him out of the kitchen and guided you to your shared bedroom. You sat on the bed with your legs crossed waiting as he went to ask Gabe to handle the cookies before walking back into the room and seating himself on the bed across from you. 

“Now” he said looking you dead in the eyes as a method of letting you know he wanted you to speak “what happened?”.

You didn’t feel like you could brush this off like usual so you decided you’d at least give some detail. “I guess I’m just tired” you stated which he nodded at. 

“Tired of what?”. 

“Tired of feeling like I work two jobs instead of one, like every time I go to work. I just want to do that, work” you sighed. 

Robbie gave you a look of sympathy as you had done for him plenty of times when he vented which prompted you to go on. “But even then, people keep coming to me and saying things at me which yeah I’m happy to help but I also have a job to do. Then with my friends I feel like I’m just there trying to figure out what to say in response to what they’re saying but its so dull! Like how many times do I have to hear jasmine talk about her fucking boyfriend? Like I want to tell her that if she considers breaking up with him so much then she should shut up and do it but then she’ll get depressed and whine about missing him for a year until someone else shows up!”. You realised your voice had risen to the point where you were sure Gabe could hear you from the other room. Your posture had straightened up making you seem taller than before and your face had done its natural brows down murder look. All the while you’d begun to look down at the bedsheets as if you were speaking to them instead of Robbie.

Looking up, you saw Robbie’s face in a state of silent surprise and sympathy. You hate how you lost your temper and caused that look. You hated seeing when someone had a look of shock or disgust and it was aimed at you. To you it always meant that you had failed their expectations and that you weren’t worth their time anymore. 

“Sorry”

“Wait what?” Robbie didn’t know what you were apologising for. He new it was one of your habits but he got why you would be frustrated. He reached over and rubbed a hand on your bicep “you’re allowed to be frustrated and I would be too if someone went on about the same thing over and over again”.

He was always so sweet to you but you still felt guilty for the outburst. “Yeah, I just feel like all I do is listen and they don’t really listen back and when they do they keep getting it back to them.”

You realised how light you felt after saying all that, all the stress leaving your body. You realised it had been a while since you felt like this. Not that you didn’t have moments like this with Robbie and vice versa. It was just wasn’t this type of thing that you got to do often with other people. You tried your best to get through it. You kept a journal yet you can only write so much and place so many feelings into the pages that it was expected you’d still have some to brew over. With Robbie though. Talking to him like he did to you felt like a whole breath of fresh air. No. It felt as iff you’d been swimming in a sewer, finally slipping into cleaner waters without all the pollution gripping to your skin like algae. 

Robbie moved over next to you, wrapping you up in his arms as he nuzzled into your neck. You couldn’t help the giggle the escaped your lips when you felt the softness of his lips mixed with his stubble brushing against your usually shaved neck. You felt content and he could tell. You were so relaxed now he was ready if you were to fall asleep right there and then. The sound he got from you made him smile into your skin. He was so happy he could give you the release you craved even when you didn’t ask for it. 

He never wanted you to ask for it. Because you deserved it even when you felt you didn’t. 

It was the same for him and you never wavered from supporting.

The two of you stayed there, peaceful and happy before you shot up to the smell of burning.

“THE COOKIES!”

“GABE!”

[onepunchmiss]

OPM s2e10 Live Blog

“Justice Under Siege”

ALRIGHT so despite the fact that it is the 1 week anniversary of my death, OPM has forcefully wrenched me from the underworld to come continue with the season. So here I am and I’ve already posted my guess for what this episode will entail so lets see how well I handle it! (see: how much I scream) As always, I’m watching as someone who is up to date on both the Manga and webcomic

ASDFGHJKL I OPENED OPM ON HULU AND IT IMMEDIATELY PICKED UP WHERE I LEFT OFF AT REWATCHING THE ZOMBIEMAN BIT HOW DARE I WAS NOT READY

lets try that again ok

AHA YES OMG we’re starting with this!! I was totally expecting to pick up exactly where we left off, with Destrochloridium at the HA but OK throw me for a loop! Mix it up! “ORA ORA ORA ORA” I love Saitamas VA, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again I laffff oh my god it keeps going in the background as Kind talks I can’t

This is the scariest Saitama face I have ever witnessed wtf??? Why does it look so creepy?? Also, they added quite a bit to this scene huh? I guess They have to amp up the jokes since shit is getting pretty serious otherwise at this point in the series. OH SHIT THE DING ‘NO OTHER WORDS CAME TO MIND” OK Excellently done that got me I cackled fffffffffffffffff

OH MY GOD KING THAT SICK BURN?!?! I dont remember that I guess they’re really making it a point to be like ‘HEY LOOK THIS IS GONNA BE USED!!! IT EXISTS!!!’ but like I dont care cause it was worth it for the joke hhhhhhhhhhhJUST

Yanno, I just realised I think I know where every sing scene in the whole opening comes from down to the omake. Also just realised we are definitely getting Genos/Bang/Bomb vs Centipede cause that joint attack Bang and Bomb use is in the opening. Huh why did that only just now click anD OH MY GOD BB GENOS IM DYING NO

Ok now we’re where we left off and oh dear god I HATE that squish noise please stop no OK Gyoro’s weird Eye twitch was a cool touch. Oh wait Narinki is the highest ranking executive now? I thought he was just the top donor of funds or something? eh anyway- lol wow Gyoro puts on a convincing sob story voice this is so funny?? Cause its Complete BS and I wonder what my reaction would be if I didn’t already know that AHH OK BUT THAT ‘HEHIHIHIHIHI’ LAUGH THO OMG SO GOOD

WHEW ok but seriously just the MENTION of assembling all the heroes is raising my blood pressure asdfghjkl if I may have one thing in life PLEASE LET IT BE A THIRD SEASON PLEASE IM BE G G IN G

AHH YESSS!!!! YYYEEESSSS!!!!! DARKSHINE MY DUDE MAN BRO GUY YESSSS!!!!!!! I LOVE!!!!!!! I JUST!!!!!! HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR THE OTHERWISE NORMAL GUYS WITH OBSCENE MUSCLES LIKE DARKSHINE AND TTM!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

ASDFGHHJKL Did Destrochloridium just shout Itadakimasu?? HULU y u no translate that??? DOI as he gets smooshed pfffffftttttttttttt omg the sound pls ohmigod everyone knows steel is no match for a hardened body i just fukken HEKK I love this show so much pls he sounds so concerned that destro DIDNT know that

“Better step up” OH MY GOD YES DO THE THING

OK WAIT This is actually badass and not just a joke?? Darkshine, er, Blackluster(??) stop u r 2 good I cant handle it rn

oooohhhhHH OH OH OH OH PLS SHOW EVERYONE I WANT PLS THE MONSTER ASSOCIATION!!! PLS!! SHOW ME WIFE?? CADRES?? PLZ?? yo total side note but I LOVE Murata’s monster designs?? Every time I reread opm I just oogle at a new one I never noticed before they’re all so unique and good. Also At least 3 of them in this sequence look like pokemon i swear- lol the silence no applause, if that was a joke in the manga i totally missed it uuuuwaAAAAAAAAAAA SCREAMING SCREAMING I AM SCREAM CADRE YES YES ASDFGHJKL ARE YALL READY TO SEE T H  A T FACE FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES THUS FAR???? HUH????

ew oh wait I actually feel bad for Awakened Cockroach, and he twitches after getting eaten oh noooooonono ew oh no dude im sorry no AAAAAAAAA WIFE HELLO oh their voices are so sad when they’re terrified for their lives I dont like it :[ ITS OK UR SAFE 4 NOW ILY PLZ BE CAREFUL AND STAY AWAY FROM PRETTY MEN 

YES THIS EPISODE IS GIVING ME EVERYTHING IVE  WANTED SO FAR THANK YOU SO MUCH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LOOOOOOOK AAT THEMMMMMM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMY TRASH SON I HAVE MISSED YOU OH NO MY EYES THERES WATER IN MY EYES HELP ILY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMYCYBORG SON MY HEART I WEAK GENOS BB PLS BE CAREFUL ILY TOO hey heres a WACKY  and TOTALLY LoOnEy IdEa, what if,,,,,,,,,,,,,,WHAT-IFF,,,,,,,,,,, everyone was HAPPY???? Crazy I knowww I just want the best for my sons and babies and children boys wives daughters loves and husband, is it so much to ask???

Oh my god he looks so Sad here please no Genos everything will be ok please don’t be reckless do not be reckless listen to Dr. Kuseno you fool 

[SCREAMING] ASDFGGHJKL LOOKIT HIM EATING OH MY GOD MY BOY MY DELINQUENT SON GET BETTER SOON oh my god i started out fine this episode but its KILLING ME there are TOO MANY PEOPLE AT ONCE i CANNOT BREATH

CHILD EMPEROR MY SON I LOVE YOU TOO BOFOI UR AN ASS oh my god please can you even TRY to be a good mentor for the kid???? Thats it Zombieman adopt him pls remove shitty Bofoi influence replace with Best dad man influence. ANYWAY ok that was a tangent huh oops sorry. Ok but look at him. Child Emperor is genuinely adorable and a sweetheart poor kid don’t lose your faith in adults.

Uh, the episode is running late still not to Garou yet either?? hmmmmmmmmm again I’m getting nervous are they gonna rush it?? lol the saitama throwaway OH OH FINALLY OMG MY HEART ISNT READY MY FAVORITE GAROU IN THE WHOLE SERIES OH MY GOD

im… im screaming… i love these two so much it hurts it does really. I was not prepared for how adorable it was possible to make Tareo either can I hug?? I must hugg?? And Garou’s voice is so calming and he’s being so sweet? I was really expecting to sound more… i dont know, whiney? Every time he shows up on the screen I love him more and more ffs

This is such a good shot. Desktop wallpaper material right here.

Oh my god, this moment. And the music is just yanking my heart strings stop.

Oh yeah, they interrupt right. I like these heroes and all, but none of them are particular faves the fact that I think SO MANY OTHER FAVES were are RIGHT before them this ep just kinda overshadows their existence for me. I think this is the ONLY time in the series where Garou goes up against heroes and i cheer for him 110%, don’t even feel a little bad about who he’s beating the shit out of, and that’s kinda messed up of me but thats how impartial I am towards all these guys?

Back to Garou and I love him. hhhhh.

He smak the table

He laughs. Oh no his laugh. OPM forcefully dislocated me from the underworld to watch this episode and has thusly YEETED ME TO HEAVEN THAT LAUGH. I really need Garou to be happy.

Do you see this man? Do you see him? I do and I’m crying thank you

Omg I got really caught up it watching them talk but the sparkles around death gatling whe Tareo was looking at them snapped me out of it. oi I cant handle this. Garou I want you to know that you have successfully turned the bad guy into the one everyone wants to win. You did it boy you did

WOAHMYGOD THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

OH MY GOD AND THE MUSIC IM SCREAMING

GAROU

YOU

ARE  

AMAZING SON

like I know how this goes but I’m so anxious anyway the hhhhhhhhhhhhh the fight choreography is a little clunky but I don’t care OH ok cool Glasses actually kept his little spotlight nice but Garou GAROU PLS B CAREFUL OK except WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS MOUTH DOING THAT LOOKS SO STUPID WHAT THE HELL?? HOLY SHIT IM GETTING DIZZY STOP wh- wh- wait no. NO IM NOT DONE WITH YOU YET COME BACK PLEASE I NEED MORE WAIT NO UHG this is my reaction at the end of every episode when will I learn?????????????? never. The answer is never.

NO POST CREDITS STINGER and AS MUCH AS I LOVE GENOS’S FACE I already knew he would be in the episode next week. Yall I am so lost as to where the final episode will land. WTF.

This ep was a roller coaster oh my god. Non stop plot not that the tournament is done, and we saw like EVERY CHARACTER my feeble heart could not keep up. The ONLY thing that bothered me was part of the fight sequence at the end, like it was half drawn beautifully half animated so stiff and blocky ??? Threw me for a loop. But next week is only gonna get more intense??? I’m gonna guess we’ll get through the Elder Centipede fight??? But then what does that mean for the last episode??? I am full of SO MANY QUESTIONS??? I really don’t want the season to end yet, 12 eps is not enough. There’s only 2 more. Just. I’m not ready to let go of my bbs it feels like I only JUST got them… Well! Before I devolve into more of a blubbering mess, thanks yall so much for reading!!! As always, see yall next week!

[gunnerpalace]

Thanks for being kind to my wallet man. Anyways, I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway by saying "you Ichirukis". I just came by your blog and you seem to be a pretty knowledgeable dude and thus I asked you a question. Hostile little shit? Really? I'm being called a godamn hopeless imbecile here. Maybe you've just read my msg in a different tone as there is an absence of non-verbal communication here. I didn't say anything about you owing me shit man, you just interpreted that way.

And when you are referring to normal people, there tends to be cross cultural differences sometimes. So whatever you consider as being a normal person might not be the same for somebody else. In your terms I sound and act like a hostile IH so I’m not considered a normal person right? I wasn’t paying too much attention to the Bleach media from start to finish so I don’t know all the nitty gritty details such as sales and such. But yeah you’re right. If you don’t want explain you don’t have to.

Oh my god, an apology. Well, now I’ve seen everything.

Alright, look. I’m having a bit of an experience at the moment, perhaps most accurately summarized by Jules from Pulp Fiction going “The truth is…you’re the weak, and I am the tyranny of evil men. But I’m trying, Ringo. I’m trying real hard to be the shepherd.” So I’m going to accept your apology, and take it for granted that you didn’t mean to come across nearly as condescendingly as you did. 

Given that, I too will apologize for my behavior. When I see aggression, I get aggressive. It’s just habit. Trigger-happy IFF. So, I’m sorry for insulting you with gratuitous ad hominem. Let me advise that you consider your tone more carefully in the future.

With that said, let me attempt to answer your original question sincerely in a compact fashion without writing a goddamn thesis, because I still don’t want to put in the time to do that. Bleach had exactly three things going for it:

The uniqueness of the IchiRuki relationship and their individual characters. Ichigo and Rukia are unique because they are somewhere between being deuteragonists and Rukia being a supporting protagonist. I would say that she is a “hidden deuteragonist,” in that her influence is constantly felt, even when she isn’t present. Ichigo is not a normal shounen protagonist, like Gintoki, Luffy, Naruto, Goku, or Kenshiro. He doesn’t have a vision or a goal, and he’s a terrible tsundere. Rukia, however, does. Rukia sets Ichigo on his way and enables him to do what he does, and she repeatedly keeps him in check when he flounders. She is what enables him to function. He is what enables her to influence things. They are two parts of a whole, and neither is operational or very effective without the other. This “split soul” phenomenon is unique to them, was a hallmark of the early manga, and echoed on throughout. Although its promise was by no means always lived up to, it was there, and it’s a major part of why IR is a thing.

Character design in general. I’ll give Kubo this: he’s usually good at fashion and drafting relatively memorable characters. (Even if he starts to recycle faces after awhile; it’s not like Dragon Ball/Z/GT/etc., One Piece, and so on don’t.) They tend to have unique designs, if not wholly unique or fleshed out personalities. He’s very good at creating the illusion of depth using them. Over the run of the series, pretty much everyone was able to find a character they liked, if not several.

Mystery. A lot of the shit that happens in Bleach is unexplained, or was kicked down the road for as long as possible before being explained. A lot of it was never explained, stuff like “What was Yoruichi’s bankai? / What was her zanpakutou? / Why can she turn into a cat?” “Who were the other two Great Noble Houses?” “What was the deal with the Soul King?” “How did Soul Society really get started?” “What was up with Komamura?” “What was up with Don Kanonji?” “What was up with Ururu and Jinta?” The list goes on and on. Mystery is alluring, as the writers of Lost quickly figured out.

You will notice what I didn’t mention: fighting, worldbuilding, and plot. So let’s go over those quickly.

Fighting: Bleach’s fights suck. Someone dramatically teleports behind someone else leading to a shocked expression. Someone slices someone else’s arm off. Whoever reveals how their powers work first loses. Everybody gets new, “hiddener, worser” powers. It wasn’t so bad through the Soul Society arc because it was still fresh, but the more power-creep set in, the worse it got. Bleach doesn’t use powers in interesting ways like One Piece or JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. It doesn’t handle a constant ramping up of the stakes as well as Dragon Ball/etc. It doesn’t have the technical interest of Naruto. It’s extremely boring and repetitive. As a battle manga, it’s shit.

Worldbuilding: Bleach’s worldbuilding is a shadow puppet show. It’s literally Plato’s Allegory of the Cave: the illusion of depth and meaning which you only process as such because nothing calls it into question. This isn’t to say Kubo didn’t plan some things (I would say that the theological essence of Soul Society and its cycle of reincarnation makes more sense than most organized religions, since it answers a lot of basic questions like “Where do new souls come from?”) but there were many things he simply couldn’t be bothered with.

Plot: It’s rather apparent, and has been for a number of years, that Kubo reshuffled the plot on the way to the conclusion of the Soul Society arc. That said, the plot was still good up until then. The Arrancar arc was serviceable, Hueco Mundo was bad, and things went downhill from there. The reappearance of the Quincy in Thousand-Year Blood War was a massive retcon and plot hole that makes no real sense.

Now here’s the thing. The Mystery aspect of Bleach was bound up in the Plot and Worldbuilding. The more the latter two fell apart, the more the former became threadbare and could be clearly seen as an effort to string readers along. So much of Bleach’s “promise” turned out to be a polar bear on a tropical island.

The Character design also became wrapped up in Worldbuilding and Fighting, as characters often had no other means to advance, grow, or define themselves, and were relegated to bit parts other than to turn up every two years in some insignificant tussle. The continuing cast bloat only made this worse, as did the dramatically skewed nature of fan favorites.

What didn’t change was IchiRuki. I would argue it didn’t advance as it should have, and rather more objectively, every effort was made to push them into the background in favor of the other five elements, but they were at least consistent throughout, which is why so many people looked forward to their interactions, no matter how fleeting. It was solid all the way up until the final 5 or so chapters, once Kubo had clearly decided to implement his subversive “ending” (what with Tsukishima taking Rukia’s primary role, and so on).

Anybody who wasn’t around for that reason was holding onto vain hope about the Mystery, because of sunk cost fallacy, or were just trying to support their favorite characters or other ships. That’s the god’s honest truth. Bleach’s numbers started to tank after Soul Society and were abysmal by the time of Lost Substitute Shinigami. The sudden end of Bleach was Shueisha finally pulling the plug and disconnecting life support.

Now, you can say that nothing I’ve said here is proof, and that would be true, this is all summary. The proof is out there though (although I cannot be bothered to assemble it all for you), and I think any honest reader would admit the truth of my analysis even without it.

tl;dr IchiRuki is the only consistent positive of Bleach, which is otherwise a subpar fashion manga which never deserved to be counted among the big three on any other merits.

[friendofhayley]

Fanfiction Writing Challenge

Day 3: Write a coffee shop AU of your favorite OTP

Click. Click. Click. Cli-

“Mate, don’t forget to get my good side.” An adorable crunchy face blocked the view of Zayn’s camera where he was trying to work.

Zayn had finally got a gig, on Craiglist of all places, to do some promo pics for a new cafe opening on 6th.  Photography wasn’t his usual medium, but with the stress of student loans, the art school grad would take anything.  Not to mention this job had the best perks ever.  One free coffee a day, his own hours, nice pay, and all he had to put up with was an egghead breathing down his neck every damn day.

“Oi Picasso!”  Speaking of, the too-cute-for-his-own-good idiot was once again trying to get Zayn’s attention instead of doing his job.

“Louis, Picasso was a painter, yeah?” Zayn sighed, trying to sound upset and failing.

“Was he?” Liam, the only serious barista at The Studio, piped up crinkling his brow.  

Liam looked down at his fingers, mumbling to himself, although if it had anything at all to do with Picasso.  Zayn didn’t know.  Louis pushed past him towards Zayn looking haughty, extending his hand like a southern belle.

“I don’t see why you keep courting me like this, Z.” Louis fluttered his eyelashes while failing to keep up a southern accent, “Papa already set my dowry, and I’m gone for your whiskey eyes.”

Zayn tried to stop his crinkly-eyed smile from forming from the fond.  Dammit.  How the hell did he find this shit funny suddenly?  If Danny had pulled this shit, he would have just rolled his eyes and been done with it.

“Haha, very funny.”  Zayn looked away towards the movement of Harry, hipster personified, coming out of the kitchen.

Which obviously meant that Louis had to get his attention back by swooning and actually falling and breaking his arm.

----

“Louis, what the fuck.”  

Zayn had finally gotten to the door from some incessant knocking in the middle of some fitful sleep.  He felt so guilty about not catching Louis in time, that he held Louis’ good arm during the entire ride to the hospital.  Which was set to the soundtrack of Harry weeping while trying to drive, Liam muttering the instructions to the hospital, and Louis trying to calm everyone down.  Even while being the one in trouble, he always seemed to hold the entire staff family together.  

But Zayn shouldn’t have to feel guilty about all this.  It wasn’t as if he pushed Louis to the ground.  Which is why there was no logical reason he felt so relieved to see Louis outside his flat.  A very, very high Louis outside the flat that he lived in, that had a ton of drawings of Louis’ face scattered around it and had a bed that could easily fit two people.  God, when was the last time he got laid?  This was pathetic.

“Zayn. Hey, Zayn. Zayn.”

“What.” 

Louis stumbled in, pushing past him to sit on one of the couches.  He looked more somber than usual, with his little arm in a sling.  Zayn desperately hoped he wouldn’t look at the table that was full of attempts to get sparkling eyes just right.

“So I was just passin’ through and I was wondering if I could...iff ah could sleep here forever.”  Louis looked like he was going to pass out already, having a valiant struggle trying to keep his eyes open.

“God, what are you on?”

“Morphine.  Lots and lotss of morphine.”  Louis stumbled towards Zayn, pushing his head on his shoulder.  Zayn lost his balance, reaching for the wall behind him.  Louis looked up at Zayn, “Why don’t you like me?”

“What?” Zayn felt like a cornered mouse, stuck between Louis and the wall.

“You always try not to laugh at my jokes.  And I’m funny!  I’m soo funny, Zayn.  I just want you to like me.  And to smell your hair.  You smell soo good, Z.  Better than tea or honey or those delicious carrot shit Harry makes so I’ll eat vegetables.”

“I-I smell like carrots?” Zayn tried to look anywhere other than Louis, not wanting to take advantaged of him while he was high or so fucking cute.  And he knew he would do something stupid if he looked at Louis’ dopey face right now.

“No! Better than carrots!” Looking down, Louis looked absolutely outraged that Zayn would assume he smelled like carrots.  Zayn was so fucked.

----

After a few more outbursts, Louis tired himself out.  Zayn carried him to his bed, resigning himself to sleep on the couch.

“Wait.  Z.” Louis tried to move his good arm and whined.

“Don’t do that, stupid.” Zayn combed his fingers through Louis' hair softly, “What is it?”

“Stay?”

Zayn sighed, looking back towards the couch that he knew had some stiff springs in it, “Yeah okay.”

“K. Love you.”  

And of course, Louis immediately fell asleep leaving Zayn to stare at the ceiling, wondering when his life became a cheesy romcom.

---

“Mmmm.” 

Zayn heard rustling as a warm body rolled against him, slowly coming back to the world of consciousness.  He jumped as the warm body gasped loudly.

“Oh my god.” Zayn blinked his eyes to a gaping Louis looking down at him, “Am I dreaming?”

“You don’t remember?” Zayn pressed his hands to his eyes, trying to rub the sleepiness away.  At the sound of Louis scurrying back, that was apparently the wrong thing to say. “No, I mean.  You came here in the middle of the night talking about how I don’t like you, and then you fell asleep.”

“Oh, my god.  Oh my god.” Zayn had never seen the dramatic man walk so fast before.

Louis was on the way to wearing a hole through Zayn’s carpet, his hands in his hair.  Until he stopped pointing at something on Zayn’s bedside table.  Something that should not have been there.

“Is that me?”

Zayn jumped off the bed trying to get there first.  Louis held the sketchbook in his hands, flipping page after page of pictures of his face, his eyes.  Louis laughed flipping to a page filled with Zayn trying to recapture all of his tattoos.

Brushing his fingers reverently on his stag, this one with blue eyes, Louis softly said, “Maybe I should have you design my next one then, yeah?”

“Lou.  I know it looks really weird?  Um.”

“It’s okay, Z.  You should see my notebook filled with songs about you and your eyes.  We could have a collab someday, maybe?”  Louis reached for Zayn’s hand, tentatively threading their fingers together, “Or we could start by just getting a cup of coffee on me.”

[sorentm]

25 years of Zero-G.

I am sitting in front of my browser staring at a big green button that says: “Release App”. If I press it, I will release my very own game, Zero-G, to Steam. It will go out there, people will probably play it, and some might have fun doing it. My game. I did it. I really did it.

The thing is… I am scared. Not that people will hate it. Well yes, that scares me too, but the thing that scares me most is… How will this affect me? I have lived with this game for almost 25 years, and now I am supposed to cut it loose?

25 years is a long time to develop one game. I mean, Duke Nukem Forever only took 15 and more than 25 versions of FIFA are available now, though none of them existed when I started.

Actually a lot of cool stuff did not exist when I started:

Playstation and Nintendo 64

DOOM (not even Wolfenstein 3D)

Web browsers (at least not publicly available).

C# and Java

DVD’s

SMS’s

mp3’s

GPS

...and some of my current colleagues.

So, what happened? Well, it’s a long story…

The Amiga Prototype.

So, you’ve probably figured that I am old. I am old enough to be one of the first kids to grow up with computer games. I got the Donkey Kong Game and Watch when I was 12 and the Commodore 64 the year after. And they completely blew my mind. Unfortunately, since I was both a lazy and pragmatic kid, I figured that it was about as realistic for me to make a living off computer games, as it would be to become an astronaut (my second choice). In the end I did not bother to really learn how to program.

But that all changed in 1990 with AMOS BASIC for the Amiga. AMOS was pretty much what you would call a game engine today like Unity or Unreal. All of a sudden, the stuff that would have taken months of hard work and dedication could be had with few lines of code.

Load IFF “BackgroundScreen.iff” Load "MyMusic.Abk" : Music 1 Double Buffer

BAM! A double buffered screen with a background image, and music playing! I started making games. All kinds of games. I would often give myself challenges like creating an entire 10 level platform game with all music and graphics in 24 hours, or a racing game in an afternoon.

And then I thought: Why not make “Ender’s Game - The Game”?

Ender’s Game has been my favorite book since it came out, and I thought the Zero Gravity shooting gameplay would probably be awesome. I planned to make it like all the other sports games with a character you controlled, and the rest of the team being controlled by the computer, but to test it out I initially mapped all characters to the same joystick, and was surprised to find that it actually made controlling the team both really fun and interesting. Unfortunately it also made shooting feel stupid since everybody shot at the same time in the same direction, so I replaced the guns with a ball, and thus, by accident, the game had designed itself.

To get some graphics I got hold of my good friend Søren Lundgaard, and after a long night of matches so intense that I ended up breaking a joystick in half, he was in - provided he was allowed to assist with the coding and design. By 1993 we’d gotten a pretty polished prototype up and running, and things were great!

PC versions, anyone?

But then again - not really great. We had taken AMOS as far as we could. Even with a new AMOS compiler the framerate simply could not reach acceptable levels, which made the gameplay feel sluggish. So we decided that we’d had our fun and put the game to rest.

I kept thinking about it though, and I would often showcase it to people and try to convince them to remake it on the PC. Since there were no easy-to-use game engines available I was obviously too lazy to do it myself.

I talked to this guy while we were at board-diving practice (Yes, that’s something I did). He was all in, and I promised to give him all the assets, so he could have a go at it. Then he jumped from the diving board and immediately dislocated his shoulder badly and never returned.

I then talked to this other guy I met at Computer Science. He was brilliant, very energetic, wanted very much to make a PC version, and he actually did get the assets. But then he disappeared for a few months. The next time I saw him he looked really bad-ass. He had lost some weight, and had shaved his head. I said to him: “Hey Peter! you are bald! You look AWESOME!”. He gave me this really weird look, had a long pause and then just said. “Yes”.

He then turned and walked away, and… well, you have guessed it. He died a few weeks later.

Needless to say that completely killed my enthusiasm for Zero-G and for the next 10 years I left it alone.

The Deadline Games version.

Jump cut to 2004. Somehow my good old pal Søren Lundgaard had managed to get me hired at Deadline Games, even though I had tried to sabotage it as much as I could, by mentioning the fact that I find most games boring at the job interviews. Each of the 4 times I applied. But hey, in the end I became a game programmer, and did not need to be an astronaut, which would have been a disaster anyways since I get dizzy from just about anything that moves.

I had been on the team that did Total Overdose, and while I did the PSP-remake Chili con Carnage we got a huge contract for Total Overdose 2, so we had moved into a big office-building and staffed up. Then all of a sudden the contract was cancelled. It later turned out, that our publisher, Eidos, was at the same time in contact with this other team that was brewing on a game called Just Cause - a game that in feature set turned out absurdly similar to the Total Overdose 2 game design! But they had fully functioning world-streaming tech already, so we got the axe.

That was disastrous.

We managed to stay afloat for quite some time by doing the two Watchmen games that were objectively rushed pieces of dung, but subjectively (when I think about how little time we actually had) are still games that I am personally really proud of. But none of our pitches sold, and money was gushing out. By January 2009 we were on the brink of going broke.

I told the producer about Zero-G and my extremely interesting story of that time when I broke a joystick in half, and I was given 3 weeks to do a prototype. After those 3 weeks everybody available jumped in and we had a manic development sprint for 3 months. The goal was to just get something, anything playable really, on Xbox Live Arcade and Playstation Network. These online stores  were booming at that time but were not flooded with games yet, so new releases still had a good shot at getting noticed. It might have made a difference…

… but we weren’t fast enough. In May 2009 Deadline Games went bankrupt.

     The Deadline Games version of Zero-G.

Rising from the ashes?

After the bankruptcy a group of us tried to buy the assets for Zero-G and our custom engine from the estate so we could form a miniature company and release it. Unfortunately someone else put more money on the table and bought everything in one go. We managed to buy the actual Zero-G assets from them, but they would not let us buy the engine. And in the end they would not even commit to supporting the engine if we licensed it, so the project was soon doomed.

Buying those assets seemed like an expensive life lesson, but at least it gave me a build of the game I could use to dazzle the guys at Playdead into hiring me for the LIMBO production.

The Unity Version.

And that would probably have been it, if it hadn’t been for a particularly nasty attack of midlife crisis that came for me around 2013. Usually, what you do about those is to buy a pinball machine, take up speed rollerskating or grow a weird beard, but in this case the normal cures did not work. So one lonely night when I was feeling particularly worthless I decided to make Zero-G one more time - just to show myself and the world that I could! Nothing is so bad, that it isn’t good for something, right?

At that time I had been working professionally on the game INSIDE for a few years, so I had gotten pretty confident with the Unity engine, and since I had all the assets already, all I had to do was to reimplement the entire game code - again. So I did, and it was more fun than ever. I could rant on about all the weird things I have had to do or learn because I had decided to rely on nobody else - as the time when I had to hand-build an animation in notepad, since I only had animation data in Deadlines own exported format, and one of them was so weird I could not reverse engineer it. Oh, good times. But I will tell you later. None of the stories are as interesting as the one with the broken joystick anyways.

And that brings me back to the big green button on my screen. Release App. What will likely happen is that my little anachronistic game will drown in the raging tsunami of indie games washing over Steam these days. And my life project will leave no more of a lasting impression than a wet footprint on a beach.

On the other hand, then I am free to do something else.

I’m gonna push the mother out of that button!

[jacewilliams1]

Delivering F-4s to Iran

From the 1960s through the 1970s the McDonnell Douglas F-4 Phantom II was the U.S. export fighter of choice. Besides being used by the US Air Force, US Navy, and Marines, it was used by 11 foreign air forces, including the Imperial Iranian Air Force. All but the Phantoms of the JASDAF were built in St. Louis, Missouri, on the north side of Lambert Field. You could find the “little Spook” mascots of the Phantom in appropriate native garb on patches worn by aircrew and support personnel around the globe.

Aside from those assembled in Japan, all others were delivered to the gaining countries by USAF aircrews, supported by SAC tankers and managed by the 2nd Air Delivery Group (2ADG) with detachments at various American airbases across the globe. Delivery crews for Phantoms going to overseas locations were drawn from USAF Phantom units, and I was one of those on several deliveries, including one to the German Air Force, one to our unit in Soesterburg, Netherlands, and one to the Imperial Iranian Air Force. It was the delivery to Iran that, as Ollie North says, is “a story that deserves to be told.”

While stationed at George Air Force Base northeast of Los Angeles, I got the opportunity to pick up Phantoms #11 and #12 and deliver them to the Shah’s Mehrabad Air Base on the outskirts of Tehran. This saga started by traveling commercial air to St. Louis, Missouri, to the McDonnell Douglas plant in the spring of 1974. We overnighted there and got up the next morning to preflight our two-spanking new, top-of-the-line F-4Es. They were as good as the Air Force was getting at the time – slatted wings, TISEO optical sensors on the left wing leading edge, and Maverick-capable. The only thing missing was the capability to mate with nuclear weapons – a good decision even in the 20th century.

The F-4 was a popular fighter throughout much of the 1970s and 1980s.

One other thing – these aircraft with fewer than nine hours had two chrome Stanley Thermos bottles aboard mounted in specially-designed racks in both front and aft cockpits. Don’t ask why they were there – best I can tell, every Phantom was delivered with them. Somewhere back in the Navy’s acquisition corps they were in the contract. No one turned off the requirement – it was a $500 coffee pot no one ever noticed or complained about. You’ll hear about this later in the story.

After a very thorough preflight and system checks with the MCAIR experts on the interphone, we had two good jets and taxied for takeoff on our first hop to Seymour Johnson AFB in North Carolina. Seymour had three full squadrons of E-model Phantoms similar to the ones we were ferrying and was a good spot to stage for the next leg of the trip to Torrejon Air Base near Madrid, Spain. We landed after an uneventful flight, checked into billeting and met with the 2ADG rep to get the schedule for the next leg of our trip to get the Shah of Iran some of his Phantoms. That included getting the flight publications for the mission including in-flight charts, letdown plates and a weather forecast – all looked good.

We got settled in for the evening, turning in early to get in the cycle for a takeoff the next night after midnight. If you’ve ever been to that part of North Carolina, you’ll know there were few restaurants close by, but one was Wilbur’s, a pork barbeque spot of renown. We had our share pulled pig, slaw, fries and iced tea that night. We slept late, had a low residue breakfast and a the same for supper at the Officers Club. Short nap, then off to our host squadron to get the weather, NOTAMs, and tanker brief, plus a review of air refueling emergencies, and the standard permission briefing. Suited up, we headed for the step van to take us to our Phantoms (no need for poopy suits on the southern route) – I wore my G-suit not because I expected to need it for its design, but because my pockets are full of “stuff” I use on almost every flight, and because pumping it up every so often is good for circulation and relieves the boredom of setting in a less than luxurious Martin-Baker seat for ten or so hours.

Preflight complete, we got confirmation that the tanker was on schedule and would be there for our rendezvous.

We strapped in and started on visual signals since we were parked on the ramp next to each other. Good start on four J79s, all systems check good, taxi and takeoff to the east. We checked in with center and found our tanker was where we expected him. We did a check to see that the centerline and drop tanks were all feeding and climbed to our altitude for refueling. We leveled off about the time we coasted out into a black, but starry, night. Now the WSOs started working the radar for traffic and tanker contact. Soon we were headed out of the coastal traffic between the northeast and Atlanta and points south so there was not much to see in terms of possible conflicts, but because we were in the sweet spot for air refueling, the high 20s, we were alert.

We were flying in a loose route formation – level, line breast and about 500 ft. spread. Soon the guys in the back both had what they thought was the tanker on their scopes. IFF matched, so it looked like an easy overtake of the KC-135 from the four o’clock position. We got permission from ATC to go to the tanker frequency and bid them good night. It would be only a few minutes before we were out of their range, and the next controller we would talk with will be speaking with a Spanish accent.

A long distance ferry flight means a lot of these.

Closure was good and we waited till inside three miles before we told the tanker to push it up to refueling speed – about 310 KCAS. We checked in with the boomer and got clearance for me to go directly to contact. He was a pro and he got us hooked up on his first try. Number two went to the wing observation position and waited while I took about a thousand pounds to make sure our systems were good. They were, so I slid to the opposite wing and he made a quick contact and took enough gas to top off, then I changed positions and did the same.

Smooth start for the ocean crossing. We flew loose formation on opposite sides of our tanker, far enough forward so we could see inside the cockpit of our gas station and exchange some waves – no pinups from the boomer on this trip. We settled into the routine of flying the tanker wing and every 30-45 minutes or so dropping down for top offs. We did this to keep our options for any divert than might occur for a variety of reasons, and also to beat the monotony of overwater flights in fighter aircraft.

A note or opinion about air-to-air refueling (AAR). It is a capability giving mobility and tactical advantage to any air force that can do it. It isn’t really hard – if you can fly the wing position in a jet aircraft, you can refuel. It does take some getting used to, riding under a very big aircraft and having someone plug into you while flying about 450 KTAS.

An opinion about flying over water outside of land at night: there are sounds and vibrations in the aircraft you never hear over land. The Phantom is a very solid aircraft. You don’t often get indications of things that are false – what it tells you is true. The gauges you watch (more intently at night over water) are usually stable: EGT, oil pressure, hydraulics, etc. are steady.

If something changes, then there is probably a problem on the way. Fuel flow changes when you move the throttles, and, of course, fuel gauges go down when you use gas and up after each refueling. But you still look at all of them. (An interesting comparison is with the oil pressure on the Pratt and Whitney F100 of the F-15. The gauges bounce +/- 20 to 30 psi because of the engine system. Not fun to watch at night, overwater – even if it is normal. I was always tempted to tape over the gauges and wait for an oil pressure warning light to bring the bad news.)

Well, this flight was as routine as it could be. AARs ops normal. Good cross checks between the tanker and wingie on navigation accuracy. In flight lunches down the hatch, water and Life Savers done. Just off the Portuguese coast, we got a center frequency from the tanker, thanked him for another great job, switched over to and pushed it up for Torrejon. Then it was a TACAN approach to a very wide, very long runway and touchdown, logging nearly nine hours with two Code One Phantoms for the Shah. Time for a quick change of clothes and a trip to the Plaza Mayor for tapas and a big steak at Casa Paco.

Next was the prep for the trip to Tehran. We expected some intelligence on what we might see as we transited the gap between the Soviet and the Syria/Iraq borders for the last leg after leaving the tanker. Remember, the Soviets had shot down some American aircraft in that area, and the 1973 conflict between Israel was not in the distant past. Some of us had extensive experience flying in West Germany and the special – very special – precautions taken to avoid flying in the Buffer Zone between West and East Germany. Even the slightest broach of this invisible wall, without explicit planning and permission, meant dire consequences for your aviation career. But our briefer from the 2ADG didn’t breathe a word. The plan was for join up and transit with a tanker to overhead Incirlik, Turkey, where he’d drop us off and we’d proceed on our own the rest of the way.

Incirlik is a busy American outpost in a sometimes-volatile region.

Ops were normal the next day – good weather – the tanker was on time and good jets for what was essentially a four plus-hour tour of the Mediterranean from about five miles high and at around 500 miles an hour. At the first refueling abeam Ibiza, we looked in vain for Diana Rigg (aka Emma Peel of The Avengers) who was rumored to sunbathe topless on the beach. We flew abeam Mount Etna which was cold, and not smoking. We saw Malta off our right as we went abeam the Italian boot, and thought of the three RAF Gladiators, Faith, Hope, and Charity, that fended off the Luftwaffe in the early days of WW II. We overflew some of the Greek Isles with no sight of Daedalus climbing into the sun. We flew in between the Turkish coast of Paul’s travels and Crete where Adolf won a battle but squandered some of the best paratroopers in the history of warfare. Then we turned north and overhead Incirlik, where some of us had sat Nuclear Alert in the same Quonset hut Gary Powers bunked in before his last U-2 flight and gave the tanker some salute and thanks for great service again.

Now it began to get interesting. Up on the assigned Turkish ATC frequency (UHF) there was no response. We switched to the back-up – still all quiet. Having flown in Turkey before, I really wasn’t surprised at the lack of response. They were somewhat like the Italians in the days before radar: if they weren’t interested, they didn’t bother to respond. So, at 500 TAS we plodded along on the airway we had on the flight plan prepared and vetted by 2ADG.

We were using primarily Inertial Nav since Turkish navaids were not always operating, especially the TACANs, and we weren’t able to tune to VOR or ADF. We also had maps and backed up our INS with visual on prominent landmarks like Mount Ararat (we looked… didn’t see the Ark) and also used headings that kept us equally clear of Soviet and Syrian/Iraqi air space. Dead reckoning was still a skill we depended on in the end. We got a few spurious hits on our radar warning receivers – exclusively Soviet-style ground control intercept types – but nothing of a hostile nature. We were now flying in a tactical spread, about 4000 ft. line abreast and on the radar and visual lookout for any sort of traffic. No joy.

When we were certain we were in Iranian airspace, we switched to Mehrabad TACAN and approach frequency and made initial contact calls, crosschecking carefully for any spoofer like the Soviets were prone to use. We had good correlation with our INS and DR, so we waited till we were sure we were in UHF range and asked/received clearance for a TACAN approach. We could see the city of Tehran – lots of sprawl and industrial haze, even 40-plus years ago. From there it was penetration and final approach to touchdown and follow-me to the military ramp. No sooner had chocks been in place, and with engines running, than Iranian Air Force personnel were on our Phantoms (which were now officially theirs) taking off USAF roundels and tail numbers and affixing the markings of the Imperial Iranian Air Force (IIAF).

We deplaned and were greeted by two IIAF majors and welcomed on behalf of the Shah. They’d both been through USAF pilot training and were conversant in English. We post-flighted the jets and signed off on two Code One birds. On inventory there was a note that one Stanley thermos was missing – must have happened in the Torrejon stop over.

We were taken to the embryonic Phantom squadron ops and found a set up familiar to us. Briefing charts, duty desk and crew lounge were USAF mil spec. The same two majors had cars, Japanese of some sort, and they loaded our gear for the trip to a pre-arranged hotel. I’ve been in lots of traffic – none as suicidal as downtown Tehran. The IIAF guys drove like Patton on his dash through Germany – the right of way was theirs! We were dropped off at a western-style hotel and told we’d be picked up later that afternoon for some sightseeing and dinner at a typical Iranian night spot. Time for a shower and a combat nap.

Tehran in the mid-1970s was quite different from today.

After the pickup, our hosts took us to a shop. It reminded me of one of the high-end museum shops, like the Met or Smithsonian. Lots of merchandise, mostly pretty good quality and examples of local style and culture. It was explained that Jackie Kennedy had shopped here (my Google shows no evidence of her visiting Tehran in this timeframe) but we still have a nice chafing dish like she preferred. After making a walk-through and some purchases, we were back in traffic headed for what was suggested was for a typical Iranian evening. When we pulled up in front of a neon-lit venue called the Miami Club, we wondered what typical was.

The “club” was like a Las Vegas theater. Tables stair-stepped from the stage to the back. We were seated at the very back. One of our hosts called the maitre d’ over and informed him we were guests of the Shah, having delivered two warplanes that morning, and suggested the Shah would be very disappointed with our seating arrangements. Shortly thereafter we were moved to stage center, displacing a very unhappy local family. The show started with an Iranian wedding, followed by several stage and song routines. We had food delivered tableside as well as Russian vodka and Scotch “scotch” (I suppose). It became clear we were tickets to a big show not representative of a night out for your average Iranian. Go figure.

We departed the next morning via Pan Am for the return to Los Angeles. I particularly remember one stop: Beirut, Lebanon. Remember, this was years ago, before the bombing of the Marine barracks. The airport was close to the Mediterranean, and that view of the sparkling water, as well as a very modern skyline, made an impression enforcing Beirut’s reputation as the “Paris of the East.” I intended to go back on a family trip, but never made it for reasons obvious for many years. The Pan Am ride was, even in tourist class, a good one. Food and drink on china and stemware. Sometime I’ll describe the episode where an Iranian lady was wearing a USAF flying helmet as a precaution for a rough takeoff – not now.

We landed in LA with mission completed. There are two after action worth mentioning:

The first, a few months later: I was on another aircraft delivery of a new Phantom to our unit in Holland. On a stopover in Torrejon, I met our 2ADG contact from the Iranian trip and mentioned the lack of any communication with Turkish air traffic control after our drop off overhead Incirlik. He casually mentioned he’d forgotten to file our diplomatic clearance for the leg of the mission after we’d departed the airspace reservation terminating after departing the tanker – in short, no one knew our flight of Phantoms was going to transit eastern Turkish airspace between Soviet and Syrian and Iraqi borders into Turkey. Hey, we were Phantoms! Lesson learned: never trust anyone with no skin in the game.

The second: the fact that I currently have a very pristine Stanley Thermos on top of my roll-top desk, with a stamping of the serial number of a Phantom that served in the IIAF until it was lost on an operational mission in the late 1980s.

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from Engineering Blog https://airfactsjournal.com/2018/07/delivering-f-4s-to-iran/