#i STILL need to finish posting the april fools for myself. it's been half a year now...

[unluckyxse7en]

Babysitter Herb real........

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Anime That Deserve Another Season

Category One: Anime That Supposedly Deserve Another Season Even though the title says “deserve”,  I will be listing some anime that I do not think deserve another season. They’re just here because people are loud about not getting another season. These are mostly series I just didn’t enjoy watching. 

Category Two: Anime That Can Get Another Season They��re fine without another season as there are no cliffhangers to close and no questions that are really unanswered. These anime will not keep you up at night asking for an answer. 

Category Three: Anime That Need Another Season While it’s not mandatory that these anime have another season to be enjoyed, they’d sure benefit immensely with it. Whether it’s because there’s too many cliffhangers, things end abruptly, or there is just too much good source material that was left untouched, they’ll end up here. Even if I didn’t really enjoy the anime, some anime may end up here anyway.

Bonus Category: Anime Need a Reboot Not all adaptations are created equal, and even if the anime can be enjoyed on its own, sometimes it’d benefit from actually looking at the source material and going, “Oh, it was written that way for a reason!” Some anime just need the Brotherhood treatment. From pacing to anime-exclusive storylines, anime in this category stray so much that you might as well just start from the ground up.

*Please note that if an anime isn’t here, it might be because I haven’t watched it (or I bypassed it in my listing journey)

*Categories Two and One are listed from “Bottom Tier” to “Top Tier” in terms of how much I think it needs a sequel/continuation

*I almost never read the manga. These are mostly speculations/me spoiling the series for myself by reading the last chapter of the manga after finishing the anime.

*The bottom half of category three really rips my soul out when people say that there’s no chance of another season.

Category One: Anime That Supposedly Deserve Another Season

Aoharu x Machinegun

The manga is still on-going, but I wasn’t interested enough to really pay any mind. It would benefit from another season due to it ending on a point that made sense, but you could tell there was way more behind the curtain.

Btooom

Remember when they joked about this gross anime getting another season? Hahaha! There’s a story behind it, apparently. Anyway, it leaves off unfinished, but I don’t need any more of whatever this show was. This show is garbage, questionable garbage at that.

Ao Haru Ride

This anime made me kinda bored. The characters were kind of bland. The world was kind of bland. This anime left as much of an impression on me as white-coloured pencils did in grade school. I’m sure it’d benefit from another season, but whether that’d actually make me like the series is another question.

Code: Breaker

This series was pretty bad. I enjoyed it at the time, but it was pretty bad. I don’t recommend this show to anyone. It technically has a ton of manga material left (I think it was a 100+ chapters?)

Classroom of the Elite

I actually strongly disliked this show and wanted it to be over, but people said it got good. I stuck it out. I didn’t like any of the characters. I couldn’t find a reason to enjoy this show, and maybe it’d benefit by having some more story content to it, but if you can’t make me enjoy any of the cast after 12 episodes, you’re not getting any more of my time.

No Game No Life

Admit it, 90% of the people who want another season of this just want to see more fanservice.

Category Two: Anime That Can Get Another Season

Kyoukai no Rinne

This series is very repetitive. I’m surprised it survived three seasons. I still really liked it, but it is counted as one of Takahashi’s weakest works (not sure why though). I would mind seeing it receiving the rest of its adaptation.

Hai to Gensou no Grimgar

While it ended well, it probably has a lot more story to tell. This is an earlier isekai, and it’s hard to say whether it’d do better in today’s isekai market. This anime is what Sword Art Online should’ve been. This show takes it slow. Its action isn’t as over-the-top, and while it has fanservice, the show still feels far more real than SAO markets itself to be (but it does it on purpose)

Hinamatsuri

This anime made me laugh too hard for me not to want a continuation. They also had a character they didn’t have time to touch base on.

Runway de Waratte

There’s quite a lot of manga material to go on. I feel like we haven’t seen the characters develop to their max, and the protagonist hasn’t even gotten his full shot yet. This anime is an underdog, no matter how you look at it, it’s a shounen series about runway fashion, but I’m rooting for it!

Yamada-kun to 7-nin no Majo

I hear the manga goes downhill, and honestly, you could’ve just let it end right where season one ended, and I would’ve gone, “Wow, that was pretty good!” It did come back and “overstay its welcome” according to manga readers, but those final chapters make up for that.

Gakkougurashi

I respect the way that this anime decided to end, but there’s a lot of potential to take it elsewhere. It has a lot of material too. I feel like not a lot of the backstories of even the main cast were revealed.

Category Three: Anime That Need Another Season

Kimi to Boku

I had a hard time determining which category this anime should go under, but I think this category fits it best. The manga does pause sometimes. There are a lot of loose ends romance-wise, but it could’ve easily gone into the previous category.

D-Frag

This is a romance anime that didn’t really get to any of its romance. It hinted, it tried, but it stuck to the comedy route (which I respect). However, there is a lot of potential if this anime ever did want to return.

Hataraku Maou-Sama

This series really needs a season two. It was an isekai before its time, and it has a lot of comedy that made me laugh. There are romance ends that are left up, and the underlying background plot went virtually nowhere. It ended, and it makes the audience go, “That was good and enjoyable”, but it leaves nothing else.

Mob Psycho 100

I’m pretty sure this anime will get another season, but it will take some time. This series does have the popularity, and since it was quite recent, I think it’s just a matter of time. Studio Bones is far too thirsty to leave their man alone. Let’s be real.

Ranma ½

I think what bothers me the most about this one is the fact that they had the right number of episodes to finish the series, but because the manga was still publishing at the time, they had to use a lot of filler which ultimately took away from a lot of the series. The Ranma manga ending had about as closed of an ending that you can have for a series like Ranma. There are some arcs in there that I think would boost the story after a lot of those OVAs left an unsatisfied taste in people’s mouths. I didn’t even bother watching those.

Nisekoi

I’m not sure if I would want an adaptation if it were to happen because I don’t like the ending anyway. There is material there though if they wanted to, and I do think it’s a bit annoying if you focus so heavily on romance and harem then just don’t end it conclusively.

Grand Blue

According to someone I know, the manga gets good. This anime was really funny during some of the parts, so I really wouldn’t mind a continuation.

Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun

This manga actually did end, and I feel like it’s really missing out by not finishing itself. Shoujo manga and other romance manga do rely on having the characters graduate, get together, etc. Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun didn’t get that chance, and since the manga has a more conclusive ending, I think the anime should too.

Tsurezure Children

This anime focuses on everything so ends up with little progression in the long run. A lot of this is puppy love, but we never really move beyond that stage with the countless couples. I think this anime would greatly benefit with a continuation because it got so little done than series that focused on one couple. Focusing on multiple couples is part of this series’ charms though.

Yuri on Ice

I personally don’t feel a strong need for a season two, but I’m sure a lot of people would enjoy it because it has a large audience that are attached to these characters. They weren’t at their final stage yet.

Edit: They just announced a continuation called “Yuri!!! on Ice The Movie: Ice Adolescence”

Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun

The manga just hit a really pivotal point at the time that I’m writing this post, but the manga usually publishes monthly leaving it little room for successive seasons. Regardless, I feel that the series has more than enough popularity to carry it, and despite some of the real big corners that were cut during the making of the first season, people are still invested. I actually read the manga and can say that it has enough material for a second season.

Wotakoi

I actually read the manga for this series sometimes, and let me tell you, this series REALLY SHOULD GET a continuation. Sure, it’s sweet that you know who ends up with who, but this series is about “mature romance” (i.e. beyond high school). 12 episodes isn’t enough for this series. There’s so much awesome stuff that’s happened and is happening in the manga. 

Deadman Wonderland

This anime isn’t great by any means. It’s a gore fest. However, a lot of its plot holes and questions could’ve been answered if it went further in its source material. I’m not sure how much it would’ve made it make sense, but this anime is one of the ones here that really suffered from their lack of time to adapt the manga. Without some of the explanations, this series may little sense. I don’t really want another season simply because I didn’t really enjoy this anime, but I think I put it up here just because of how much it would benefit from a continuation. 

Ouran High School Host Club

Legend has it that every April Fool’s Day, someone goes on Twitter and announces season two. As much as we’d want that, Studio Bones is busy doing something to do with Bungou Stray Dogs or My Hero Academia. I already had to debunk a fake Ouran Season Two post for someone on Discord. I didn’t really enjoy the romance in Ouran (stayed for the comedy), so it would probably benefit from a continuation, even if it is a reboot. I mostly put this one here because of how much fans want it. Personally, I’d still be able to rest in peace either way. Regardless, it woudl still benefit immensely if they were to continue what they started.

Kekkaishi

This anime actually left 200+ chapters of manga untouched when it was adapting. I’m not sure of timelines and whether it was because of the manga publishing at the time that the anime was airing. Now that it’s a finished series in terms of manga, it can always get a reboot. It’s definitely worth it since it just finished on one arc.

Akatsuki no Yona

To me, Akatsuki no Yona was okay, but it could’ve been great... if they didn’t end on literally what the entire series was building up to. As a result of that, the anime really feels like a long manga advertisement going, “Wow, you sure are stupid for not reading the manga like the rest of us nerds!” The only reason why this series isn’t even higher on the list is because the other series did a better job cementing itself into a place in my heart. Akatsuki no Yona could’ve done that if they were given enough time, but alas, this series really suffers from a lack of anime adaptation.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun

It is such a shame that this anime doesn’t have another season. The OVAs are great, but if this had another season or two, they would be legendary. The voice actors really added to the comedy (the manga is still funny, but it’s didn’t make me laugh as much as the anime). The quirky soundtrack really adds to the atmosphere, and there’s so much development that’s gone down since its first season run. I really, really, really want another season. But this anime can be enjoyed even if it doesn’t.

Gin no Saji

This anime is incredibly enjoyable even if it doesn’t have a third season, but with the manga tying up all the loose ends with Hiromu Arakawa’s incredible storytelling, I find it really disappointing that they couldn’t get another season for this. Its characters were so likeable. I watched this anime with my mom who keeps nattering about a season three. If only such a thing were to exist.

Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic

As with a lot of shounen anime, this ended on one arc. However, this still had well over 100+ chapters that could’ve been adapted in series to come. The seiyuu events were hilarious, and this anime really hit its stride, but it left us all hanging. Now that the manga’s finished, I feel that it would be really great if we were to get another season. There were some arcs that I read that were so good. This was the first anime I watched, and it always holds a special place in my soul. I do hear the manga goes downhill majorly towards the end, but I’m sure that even that stuff would still be watched by people like me (heck, people waited for Black Clover to get good, come on!)

This also includes the Sinbad spinoff that felt more like a trailer rather than a full series. It wasn’t given nearly enough time.

Noragami

Noragami is extremely popular, and I think one of the reasons that it didn’t get the rest adapted is because the manga went on hiatus for about a year. However, I feel that it still had more than enough material to make some more way. Studio Bones is still busy with Bungou Stray Dogs and My Hero Academia, but Noragami would benefit by cleaning up some of the cliffhangers left behind. The future arcs are also really good, so the source material at least maintains some quality.

SKET Dance

I finished this series (both anime and manga) a couple of days ago, and I want to write a post about it. It was so good. It made me read 100 chapters in two days or something. But if this were to get adapted, this would give the series a MAJOR CHANCE to fix up the ending. Unfortunately, the manga ending disappointed a lot of people (including me), so being able to maybe just give the people what they want (I don’t care if it’s cheesy). They left a good chunk of great, hilarious, and touching arcs that would be able to keep toe-to-toe with the fantastic series they’ve done up to this point. I think it might’ve stopped due to the anime catching up, but come on, I just want this anime to get equal treatment to Gintama!!! It gets compared so often anyway!!! Series like these make me think, “If I was Jeff Bezos, I would just throw my money into making another season of this.” The seiyuu of this anime made the lines so funny too. I will be thinking and talking about this series for a while. 

Anime that Deserve a Reboot

Soul Eater

They really just dropped the source material in the last half. 

No. 6

The pacing kind of sucked in comparison to other materials, apparently.

Kids on the Slope

The pacing for this also really sucked and didn’t give a conclusive ending either way.

[mittensmorgul]

2018 in Mittens Fic

(2017′s post, for reference: http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/169045669275/2017-in-mittens-fic)

So I set out to post at least as many words as I did in 2017, and hooBOY did I succeed. Last year I posted ALMOST 175k, which isn’t anything to sneeze at. But this year, according to my AO3 stats, I’ve posted  1,066,834 words. D:

lol just kidding... 818,674 of those words span nine works, and are all the meta posts I desperately archived after tumblr initiated the self-destruct sequence last month. So I’m definitely not counting those as fic...

and even though I edited the 38k or so of the Bunker Secret Santa, I only actually wrote about 13k of it myself. Even so, that brings my total words for the year up to....

over 222k!

Still haven’t managed to hit 2015′s all time high, but heck, this was pretty good considering I’d been planning to write two other fics before the end of the year before Nippocalypse Panic and the Secret Santa project happened. I ALMOST MADE IT! But I feel awesome about what I did accomplish. The year might’ve sucked in almost every other way, but at least I made a lot of fic. :’)

So here’s a handy guide to all the Mittens Fic of 2018. Bless all y’all who’ve read, kudos’ed, commented, and recommended anything I’ve written, with a special shout out to everyone on Team Bunker Secret Santa. I love you guys!

P.S.: All of it is destiel, in case that wasn’t obvious. :P

The Terminal Job (23957 words, Rated M for Dean and Cas getting together)  Canon case fic, wherein Sam, Dean, and Cas get a call for help from their old friend Jerry Sandusky, and Dean is forced to contemplate what’s worse: an airport filled with monsters or a demon on a plane.

Winchester 275 (56666 words, rated M) My 2018 Pinefest fic. Ranch owner Dean and astronomer Cas find their way to each other when Sam and his fiancee Eileen go into business with Cas’s sister Hannah, with big plans to turn Dean’s horse farm into an authentic Western-style resort. There are cowboy hats, Dean being intensely competent, and Cas learning to love life in the desert. Plus romantic stargazing and weird cows. And pining. Loads of pining.

Plotbunny (21781 words, rated T)  Based on a combination of @bluestar86′s theory of how to demonstrate Dean’s bisexuality in canon and @elizabethrobertajones longing for an Easter Bunny case, this is canon case fic that brings TFW back to the town where Sam learned the truth about the Easter Bunny when they were kids, and Dean is forced to confront the truth of what went down while Sam was busy chasing jackalopes. The town is hiding and even bigger mystery, and Dean and Cas are drawn down rabbit holes left and right. Written as Easter/April Fools fun. :)

Cakepocalypse! (64145 words, rated M) Canon case fic, and a 13.23 coda/speculative s14 fic. The comments I get most are: wait, how the hell is this canon? and omg I just kept waiting to see how you made this canon! Trust me, it’s canon. Even when it looks like a Nailed It! AU. There is A LOT of cake. :D

Pinefest (5500 words, rated T) Canon case crack fic written half as a joke, half as a promotion for the @deancaspinefest. Wherein Dean runs afoul of a curse and is temporarily turned into a pine tree. Hilarity (and pining) ensues.

His True Love Was The C (2383 words, rated T) The canon crack offering for the Ten Year Destielversary. Dean and Cas realize their tenth anniversary falls on Talk Like A Pirate Day. Hilarity ensues, except for Sam, who has to suffer an awful lot of nonsense. :P

Ten Years Gone (4011 words, rated T)  The canon serious offering for the Ten Year Deancasversary, featuring the Top 13 Zepp Traxx mixtape, and an awful lot of feeeeeeeelings. :’)

Nobody Loves A Clown (2332 words, rated T, and actually... gen fic, but destiel should be mentally applied anyway, even though this is Sam and Dean fic) Written at the request of @rachelhaimowitz, canon case fic, in which Sam is forced to confront his fear of clowns in entirely new and wonderfully horrific fashion... hilarity ensues.

Lost Time (7963 words, rated T)  Canon fic, wherein Sam, Dean, and Cas are on their way home from a difficult case. Newly human Cas is slowly adapting to the rigors of hunting and most of Dean’s lessons on human life. Frustratingly for Dean, he hasn’t picked up on Dean’s baffling lessons in flirting. In a cosmic eyeroll of a move, Billie intervenes to offer the two of them a nudge in the right direction.

McMansion Hell (20877 words, Rated T) My annual holiday fic. The official summary is pretty good: It's a few weeks before Christmas, and all seems relatively quiet in the bunker. Sam is preoccupied with kitten videos on youtube, and Dean and Cas have been tap dancing around each other with a slightly more holly-jolly theme. As Dean teaches Cas the true meaning of Christmas pie, Sam finds them a case just brimming with holiday cheer-- a ghost with his own highly individual style who doesn't deal well with critics. Let's watch as they all learn their lessons, with fondly exasperated commentary from a slightly frazzled narrator who shares your pine-scented pain.

and finally, the huge collaborative project I organized and finished just in time for Christmas, thanks to the fantastic folks who wrote each of the chapters:

Christmas Don't End In Blood: Bunker Secret Santa 2018 (38545 words, rated T) With art by @foxymoley and @kayanem, and chapters by @supernaturalfamfiction, @wigglebox, @casloveshisfreckles, @elizabethrobertajones, @7faerielights, @angelneedshunter, @bluestar86, @livinginthequestion, @endellionaeternus, @baredwolf, @amwritingmeta, @winjennster, @malmuses and me.  Canon happy family holiday bunker fluff (handwaving the whole dinkle situation and Cas’s unfavorable deal with the Empty Entity, because this is holiday fluff), wherein Jack decides his family needs to enjoy a real holiday together. TFW and the Waywards, including Charlie and Rowena, are roped into Jack’s secret Santa holiday exchange. Family feels and warm fuzzies ensue. :)

I haven’t written anything new since posting the Secret Santa, but the new year is for new writing. I’ll pick a project to start tomorrow.

Happy 2019, everyone, and thank you all again for being you. :)

[shintorikhazumi]

Happy Foolish, Lying Love.

A/N: As promised, or well posted, here it is! I just had to write again. I miss it. Been a while but I hope I still have some readers alive out there ready to read my silly tales? I do hope you like it... my confidence hasn’t really gotten better, but it’s good.

(Edit: I’ve been redoing it for three times already because the punctuation marks are comin’ out weird on my display. I apologize if you’ve got the same problem. I might have to redo this tomorrow T-T)

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

“I like you.”

“…HUH?!”

The brunette visibly winced at the sheer intensity of the reaction, half expecting the screeching reply, but still quite taken aback by its volume.

“W-woah, chill Weissy, it’s April Fools’.” Ruby quickly revealed the joke to (try to at least) calm the raging thoughts in Weiss mind, all triggered by three simple words.

‘I like you’

Weiss was simply livid for the next few minutes as she stared at the grimace-grin Ruby sported on her face, eyes shining with guilt as she tried to laugh away the sudden, awkward situation she had thrown them both into.

The heiress sighed deeply, collecting her thoughts that flew out the window so quick- as quick as Blake had fled, that one time she ate Yang’s rum cakes secretly and finished them all.

“You shouldn’t take such things lightly, Ruby Rose.” The elder finally spoke, scolding her partner. “Especially if you mean them as a joke- don’t just throw words such as those around. You could be giving people heart attacks- myself included.” Weiss whispered that last part to herself as she drew circles on her chest to calm her thundering heart.

Really, an April Fools’ day joke. True it was the first, but Weiss never expected any of her team mates (Yang not included, obviously) to participate in such… child play. She thought they were more civilized than that, to prank and trick others. (Again, with the exemption of one Yang Xiao Long. Her jokes sucked anyway, so Weiss hardly paid any mind.)

Seriously though, of all the jokes to choose from, her partner had to pick one Weiss secretly wished was not a joke. And it certainly wasn’t a recently made wish.

“I’m sorry Weiss.” Again, with Ruby’s irresistible puppy eyes, Weiss felt her heart melt.

“It’s fine, Ruby. Just-“ She breathed out, rubbing her temples to erase the visuals of cute pouts and apple-red cheeks. “Just avoid saying words like that if you don’t really mean it.”

Ruby had mumbled something, but Weiss couldn’t hear it, opting to go back to her book as Ruby was immersed in her own thoughts.

A few minutes later, Weiss looked up from her book and seeing the girl unmoving and in her own world, blue orbs were allowed to roam the younger’s features- blatantly staring.  The heiress couldn’t quite trace back to the time when she first knew she wanted Ruby close to her in the more-than-besties kind of sense.

Turning her attention stolen from her good book and mug of coffee, now directed to her dearest companion, Weiss could only admire the petite yet chiseled form of the delicate (-not so) Rose.

When was it that her heart started fluttering, that her palms began sweating and her lips formed nervous smiles every time Ruby did something remotely adorable in Weiss eyes? It didn’t help that it seemed to happen quite frequently, and more oft than not Weiss could swear Ruby did them on purpose, almost flirtingly.

“Hey Weiss?”

“Hmmm?” Said woman was surprised that she was able to respond so calmly, as though she weren’t just caught blatantly staring at her partner’s form, looking some places less inappropriate than others.

“I’m actually trying to lighten the mood because…” Weiss sat up a bit straighter, noticing the odd Aura and the sullen expression Ruby suddenly sported. “I need to tell you…Yang called to say Zwei got run over.”

Weiss heard a crack in the air, possibly it was her heart.

“Ruby… I…”

“APRIL FOOLS!”

A tick grew on Weiss forehead as she fought the internal battle to not strangle Ruby right then and there.

“Weiss?”

“What. What is it now, Ruby Rose?” She was starting to lose all that coolness in her head.

“You’re not pretty.”

It was if a jolt of anger masking her heart shot through Weiss as her mouth opened to retort, but was cut off by Ruby’s bubbly comment.

“April Fools!”

“Ruby…” Really, this girl. Weiss tried turning back to her book, but certain words pulled her out of that comfy gravity.

“But it’s true though. You aren’t pretty because you’re… beautiful.”

Weiss nearly had her jaw drop open at the smoothness; her anger dissipating into thin air. And did Ruby just wink as she said that? It was amazing how quick her mood had shifted from one basic compliment that, mind you, she heard more times than she had fought grim- and that was a lot. Lucky for her, she had been trained not to show much of a reaction to such comments- well from blatant flirts or suitors. She wasn’t trained to handle it coming from someone she actually liked, or possibly more than liked.

“Are- Are you gonna say April Fools after that too?” She silently questioned, voice failing her. Was she actually being anxious?

Ruby laughed.

She just laughed and Weiss flushed hot pink as she realized how silly she was being. “Ruby!”

“I-I’m sorry, I can’t- that was cute! But no, that was no joke.” She wiped away the imaginary tears from her eyes before giving Weiss a playful punch on the shoulder, shattering the girls hope of being more than a friend from that gesture. “I really do think you’re beautiful.” –And Ruby just had to return that hope in a split second, heck she even tucked a stray strand of hair behind Weiss’ ear (So gently) before pulling back a safe distance.

Weiss swallowed hard.

“Any more jokes for me today?” She sighed in defeat. Somehow this little thing Ruby was starting was emotionally taxing for Weiss poor soul and it rendered her tired.

“Nope. Maybe… Why? Do you still want to be pranked?” Ruby seemed teasing. “Or maybe not since you can’t think of a comeback. They say revenge is sweet, Weiss.”

Was that a taunt? Did Ruby just taunt Weiss Schnee? Challenge the Weiss Schnee?

Oh no, no, no. Weiss wouldn’t take that sitting down.

Well then, if Miss Rose thinks she could play games with the heart, two could play at that game.

“Well, Ruby, for one, I’d like to tell you you’re annoying.”

Ruby’s confidence deflated as she stared at Weiss, not believing she was actually told that by her precious partner.

“And unbelievably cute.”

“-!”

“April Fools’.” Weiss said with a smirk, sitting back down.

“Wait, I don’t get it.” Ruby scratched her head, now less offended and more confused. “I’m not annoying, and I’m not cute?”

“Well, I guess not.” Weiss responded bluntly, eyes never leaving her crisp white pages- though she was hardly reading anything. It was just to hide her embarrassed expression of having been brave enough to say Ruby was cute- and now shy for the words that would follow.

“Hey, I wouldn’t say I’m some head-turner, but I think I do pretty well, thank you very mu-“

“It’s because you’re more beautiful than cute.”

Ruby, unlike Weiss, wasn’t trained to be aware of herself, jaw dropping easily, gaping at Weiss openly. “Was that a compliment?”

“What do you think?”

Silence resumed. Awkward silence.

Weiss flipped the page of her book, if only to hear some sound. She couldn’t take the deafening quiet that was so unusual to her partner.

She couldn’t blame the girl if she didn’t know how to react. She could hardly do the same mere moments ago. All she could do was wait, not daring to make things worse.

“Weiss…”

Weiss closed her book, placing it on her lap, before looking into silver irises.

“I love you.”

Well, this certainly wasn’t how Weiss thought she’d hear it. Something inside her broke, or maybe some switch was flipped off because she could no longer feel a pleasant warmth from the strong beating of her heart, only pain from its intensity. She couldn’t play it off with an I love you too in a friend sense because they both clearly knew what Ruby meant by that. Weiss knew that Ruby knew that she knew.

But she was scared. Afraid of the words.

Why? Why did she feel so?

“Are… are you going to say April fools’ to this too?” Weiss didn’t even know why she said it, or why she expected it, but it was hard not to. Not when just minutes earlier they had joked about a similar thing, only much lighter. “I told you, Ruby. Don’t joke about these things. You can seriously hurt someone.”

That person being me.

There was a quiet that Weiss hated. The return of the silence that she rarely experienced since she met the excitable ball of energy that was her partner.

There was an indescribable thickness in the air, a tension Weiss wanted to dismiss, something she just wished would go away.

It did.

With three simple words, once again.

“I’m not joking.”

She looked into the sincerest, most honest pair of eyes ever, and there… she found love.

At first, she didn’t know if they were a reflection of her own love that had been scarred, but soon she knew they weren’t quite that.

“I love you, Weiss.”

Any traces of doubt or fear were washed away as Weiss’ gaze turned tender, a hand soothing away the worry as it held hers.

And she stopped fearing.

 In truth, from the moment Ruby spoke the words, “I like you.”, she knew there was no going back on her confession. She had meant it, she had prepared herself, she thought she was ready-

Right.

She thought she was ready.

Guess she wasn’t. Lucky for her, after chickening out, her brain gave her an easy loophole. One in the form of a memory of Yang pranking her that morning and yelling “April Fools’ in a burp into her poor ear, disgustingly.

What Ruby failed to put into consideration was the mess she’d throw herself into as consequence for lying. Joke or not, it was a lie.

Seeing Weiss so riled up was so cute though. That was before she got back at Ruby, and things turned serious, and the girl actually blurted out-

“I love you.”

She watched the various emotions that washed over Weiss face, like a fast-forwarded screenplay. She immediately knew from that look she received that Weiss didn’t, wouldn’t believe her. This is when she knew she screwed up.

She saw a glimmer from unshed tears, a flash of hurt. Weiss thought she was joking. Lying.

Well it was enough. Ruby needed to let Weiss know.

“I’m not joking.” She saw the new, fresh set of feelings that Weiss showed her. They had known each other long enough that despite Weiss being a master of masked emotions, Ruby would still be able to read the tiniest details, and notice the smallest shifts in Weiss attitude.

She knew Weiss now believed.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Weiss loved it. She was finally together with Ruby. She loved that she was being held in a warm hug, she loved the little forehead kiss she received, she loved the cookie hearts from her (now) girlfriend… she loved Ruby.

One thing she didn’t love however was-

“Why did it have to be on April Fools’ day?!” There anniversaries would be falling on that date from then onwards.

But of course, regardless of her personal opinions, Ruby never failed to make things better, brighter. What with her blinding positivity.

“Well, at least you know I’m a fool for you?”

“Ugh…” Weiss smiled all the same, planting a soft kiss on plump cheeks.

“Happy April Fools’ Day, Weiss.”

“Happy April Fools’ dunce.”

 The end!

A/N: Tell me how you like it~ (or how you don’t) cause I’m dying to know it~ Ohhhhhhh~ I’m a day late, but hey! Till next time amigos!

~Shintori Khazumi

[uniqueleewritten]

D is for "Dramatic Dinner"

Let's ignore that the third was posted back in March and I'm posting the 4th in October. Let's also ignore that this was sitting finished since at least April. It's been a rough year, I'm sure you understand. As always you can read these early over on my Ko-fi. If you join my writing tiers you get it as soon as it's ready. Or, for any donation given you can get access a few days before I post here.

The Other Stories

Story Under the Read More

"I can't believe I'm letting you two talk me into this," Ellie said, smoothing the skirt of her dress once more.

"Stop worrying," Maya told her, checking her hair and makeup in the mirror next to the waiting area. "We're just having a nice dinner at a nice restaurant."

"Yes, one celebrities come to Maya!" Ellie whispered as harshly as she could. She knew she was out of place, she felt out of place, and no amount of comforting from her date partners would help her relax.

"Calm, Eloise," Sheb told her, giving a comforting half hug. "You will be fine. We won't let you make a fool of yourself, and if you somehow do, I'll just make a bigger fool of myself. I've done it before."

"She has."

"You still mad at me about that?"

Maya turned gave a look before turning her head to look at the hostess.

"I'm sorry, we're reservation only."

Sheb let go of Ellie's waist and stood in front of Maya as the other woman took a step back and turned away from the hostess. Ellie watched as Maya took a big breath in, waiting to see if it would be let go, but Maya stayed tense. It was as if the air in her lungs weighted itself to keep her rooted in her spot.

"Table for three under the name "Lovely". I spoke with Jorge to arrange it. I hope he's doing well on his vacation. It feels like he was talking about it every time we came here. It's been months of him talking excitedly about it, so I do hope he's enjoying himself."

Ellie quickly hid the bubbling laughter behind her fingers, trying to hold it in. There were only a few things Sugar hated above all else, and talking down to her, as if she didn't have a right to be somewhere, was an easy way to get her angry. And when Sugar got angry, she got passive-aggressive in a way that made it seem as though she was training for the Olympics. It was legendary and awe-inspiring. Ellie couldn't begin to understand how she managed it.

"Of course, Miss. I'm sure he's enjoying himself just fine."

"Well, that's good. Will you be showing us to our table then, or do we need to wait for another hostess?"

Ellie couldn't help but giggle that time while Maya gave a very unladylike snort in response. Some of the other guests giggled with them. Maya turned in time to see the hostess give a particularly unfriendly smile before moving from her podium, a few menus in hand.

She gestured for them to follow, and Sheb did so with a smile on her face, more than content in dealing with this woman. Maya gave a huff before retaking Ellie's arm and following behind. It was clear that the other two had no intention of allowing someone to ruin their evening. Still, the unpleasantness of their hostess was already starting to wear Ellie down. She already felt out of place; the last thing she needed was a snob looking down on her.

Being seated was a much quieter affair. The waiter, Pierre, who was already at the table, greeted Sheb and Maya with a kiss on the cheek before seating them. As the three caught up with each other in small talk, Ellie found herself relaxing more and more. Hearing Pierre say "Sheb" and not "Sugar" made her feel safe. She understood that this was a friend.

They ordered their food, getting a few things Pierre recommended, and enjoyed each other's company. As they talked and laughed and enjoyed themselves, Ellie found herself relaxing more and more. Her awkwardness fading away as she laughed at whatever ridiculous story popped out of Sheb's mouth or the absolutely scathing commentary from Maya.

The date was going far better than she could have imagined. Or the bottle of wine she was sharing with Maya was keeping her more relaxed than she realized it. Everything continued smoothly as the wine, desserts, and conversation continued to flow easily.

Ellie gave the history of the canelés she was eating while Maya took her hand and sipped at her glass of wine. Sugar told her stories of the office and their work. Occasionally leaning over and giving Maya kisses in thanks for being able to handle the travesty that was Sugar Honey Bee Lovely.

They laughed, and they joked, and most importantly, they enjoyed. It was marvelous and just what the three of them needed. It was perfect. And so, of course, it was interrupted.

"Excuse me."

Sugar paused in her story to look at the woman, dressed in a gorgeous black dress and expensive jewels with a sour look on her face. Ellie knew that look. She saw it often enough when working at the cafe. Maya knew the look as well and was already thinking of ways to verbally rip the woman to shreds.

"I wish to inform you all that you're disturbing the other guests. You're being very loud."

Loud. Ellie understood the tone in the woman's voice. It's the way she heard her cousins be talked about as a child. The tone people used when speaking about her lovers when they were demanding respect in their field. It was a tone and a word the set them so on edge it almost brought Maya to her feet. Sugar's hand on Maya's leg was the only thing keeping her from bouncing up and pouncing on the unsuspecting woman.

Ellie wondered if the woman knew how close to losing those jewels she was.

Sugar waited a moment, a ploy and a tactic to make the other woman feel uncomfortable or to rile her up more, and took a sip of her sparkling lemon water. An impossible slow sip. If there was one thing Sugar Lovely knew how to do, it was how to annoy people in the worst of ways.

She finally turned back to the woman and plastered a lazy smile on her face, free of care and completely unbothered by this woman. "Then leave."

The woman was quiet, shock steady on her face before the outrage hit her. Ellie could only snicker behind her hand. It most certainly wasn't the response she was expecting Sugar to have.

"How dare-"

"Is there an issue here?" Pierre asked as he smoothly came up next to the woman. "Would you like a chair brought to the table to join them?"

"I'm not joining them! I've done your job and asked them to quiet down."

Pierre's eyes went cold behind his polite smile. "Well then, madam, as you've done my job once, I'm sure you can manage to do it again and find your way back to your own table."

"How dare you speak to me in such a manner? Do you know who I am?"

"No, madam, I am not aware. Please inform me as we walk back to your table, where I'm sure you'll stay for the rest of your evening here and not pester any other guests. I'm sure the owner of this fine establishment would take offense to you harassing some of his favorite guests."

They stood there for a moment before the woman turned around and went, hopefully back to her table, and the three of them burst out laughing. Loudly! As loud as they could, before they started their sweet habit, each raising the other's hand to her lips and giving it a kiss before they returned to their meal.

Ellie was sure she would remember this night for some time.

[rantingisabadhabitbutwhatev]

June 28, 2021

Well, it's been a few years since I wrote anything here. Mostly because these past few years have been an absolute whirlwind. My last post ended with Sean and I almost becoming official. Well, last week we had our 3 year anniversary together. Time flies.

Since my last post, I got accepted into the biotechnology program, for which I am forever grateful for. The program is very, very difficult and was the most mentally and emotionally taxing thing I had ever done up until that point. Being in class from 8:30am-4:30pm everyday with only 1 hour lunch break was rough. 6 to 7 classes a term was rough. Having a never ending midterm season was rough. But it was worth it. I made some amazing friends who I will hopefully have for the rest of my life. I gained some amazing lab skills and had some amazing opportunities. And best of all, I can actually see an end goal for my career. I don't know exactly what it will look like yet, but I know I want to be working on research in some sort of management position. Maybe not for forever, but for some time at least.

First year at BCIT was rough. Hard adjustments, lots of work and figuring out our class dynamic. But I came out of it stronger, knowing more about what I could do and how to succeed. Sean and I went through a rough patch in November of our first year together. His best friend from high school, whom he had feelings for for most of the time in school with her, was breaking up with her boyfriend of 5 years and basically went to Sean and said "I said no in the past but if you asked me now, I would say yes." And he doesn't know what to do so all he can do is come and tell me about it. And of course this happens on my birthday. So what do I do for my 18th birthday? Cry all night long. Yea, it was fun. It takes him a week to decide to choose us. Pretty rough but in the end it makes us stronger, especially since she comes around again in a year (but I'll get to that). After that Christmas, things change again. We were happy and then suddenly we stopped texting. Because of my schedule, we could only see each other once a week on Fridays. Everything was fine when we were together but during the week, everything felt empty and wrong. It took us until April to finally talk about it - I even wrote a letter about being upset that he's never read. But we finally talk about it and we figure out that we need to talk more and so we start calling each other. From then on, we try to discord each night and it has done us well.

After my first year at BCIT, I land my first co-op job in the Hancock Lab. I didn't think I was going to get a job at that point but I was so glad that I did. We did some really cool stuff with pseudomonas where we screened mutants for biofilm defects and tested biofilm growth in anaerobic conditions. I got to present my first poster at CBR Research Day. The lab pre-covid is amazing. Susan bought us beer and pizza and sushi every Friday and over the course of the summer, the drinking of the beer would start earlier and earlier (5pm at the beginning, all the way up till 2pm by the end of the summer). I had a great time in the lab and learned a lot.

My second year at BCIT was rough too. The workload got even worse that first term and I'm pretty sure we all hit our lowest lows. Just surviving became the name of the game and we did it well. Despite that, we had time to go play volleyball and support Josie's badminton tournament and fool around playing ultimate and snowball fights. We had some amazing memories and we didn't realize how fast time would fly until it was almost over.

And then Covid-19 hit. Assumed to be transferred from some sort of animal to humans in a Chinese wet market, racism and violence against Asians skyrocketed, just as the world shut down. Our last month at BCIT was canceled right before our eyes and we never got to celebrate finishing and surviving. Instead, classes went to online lectures and exams went to online formats and we stopped being able to see friends or go out or do anything really. Restaurants and attractions were shut down, maximum capacities and masks enforced and uncertainty everywhere. Talks for vaccines were hopeful, but I was skeptical about anything being ready until 2021. And I was right. As of today, all of us in the family have 1 dose of Moderna, although Mom is to get her second dose next week. Things are slowly opening up (provincial travel bans were lifted and movie theaters opened 2 weeks ago!) They're talking about what a post-covid world will look like, and I think everyone is grateful. In some ways, we lost a year and a half of our lives to this virus.

After finishing my time at BCIT, I was hoping to do a 4 month co-op placement abroad. Nothing of my applications turned out, but given covid, all travel ended up being restricted anyways. Not only that, there were no co-op jobs as every company in the world faced very uncertain economic and social times. I ended up taking April and May off and worked June and July at Collingwood again. Camp was different (lots of pool noodles and yoga mats) but in some ways, very much the same. I was grateful.

Despite the continued uncertainty of the next school year in a pandemic world, I was lucky to have the connections with the Hancock lab to allow me to do a full 8 month Honours Thesis with them. I took 4 classes per term on top of that and took them in the bioinformatics room on my laptop so I could be in the lab for the rest of the day. And boy, was I always there. 9am starts to 7pm finishes were not uncommon. Plus the 1.5 hour commute each way. Things were not easy. I thought BCIT was hard. 4th year at UBC trumps BCIT, easy. I was always stressed and strung out, I was constantly having to miss classes to do experiments (thank God for recordings) and at times, basic things refused to work (bacterial plating will be the death of me yet). The mandatory classes were all crappy and each have their own story that I may have to tell another time, but needless to say, I was not having a good time. I'm glad I made the effort to do an 8 month project, and in a way Covid made it both easier and harder. Easier because everything was recorded so my schedule was flexible (although I did my best to try to attend most lectures synchronously). Harder because I was in the lab more than I should have been and it meant some of my school work was compromised (thank God for Nabeel inviting me to his CHBE group). I survived, but I don't think I would have been able to go on much longer. Thank God for co-op and 8 months away from school.

In January, we were all on the hunt for co-op positions. Amazingly, I was super popular, scoring 6 different interviews of the 12 different applications I put in. I never got a Zymeworks invite though, which made me a little disappointed. But I think it worked out for the better because it meant I was more open when I was calling with Michelle. Meeting with Ting and Julien, we hit it off right away. I never get nervous for interviews and because of that, I feel like I'm really good at covering and clicking with interviewers. I asked lots of good questions and we were all laughing during that 1 hour interview. I got a call 2 days later from Michelle telling me I had gotten the job and I was so excited. It was the perfect fit. The chance to do more cell culture. The chance to do some research. The chance to maybe be hired on after grad. Working now, I feel really grateful for the opportunity. The company is a little odd, but our little CPD bubble is great to be a part of and I hope that one day we can make a difference.

I bought my first car on my first day of work - a 2012 Mazda 3 Hacthback with only 105k km. He's black and I've run him into the curb a few times, but he still looks super shiny (despite getting shat on within the first hour of being home) and I love him very much. The freedom of having my own car is amazing.

So why am I posting now? Well, I've been having some doubts and I needed a place to write it all out and I remembered this Tumblr. Reading back my old posts is a little sad because I started this Tumblr because I was sad. Things have been so much better in the last few years so I haven't been around. And make no mistake, I am so much happier than I was back then. But I've always learned while writing, so here I am to learn about myself and my feelings.

TBC

[alliebruns-blog]

Mega Blog 4000 - London Marathon, Bad Cow Double, Dorchester Marathon, The Ox Epic and 100 miles across the South Downs Way.

Well I’m doing really well at this blogging malarky aren’t I? I haven’t posted in AGES mainly because i have been too busy doing all the actual running. So grab yourself a beer because this is a LONG one. 

My race diary for this year is what some people might call ‘busy’. At the moment I have 27 marathons and ultras booked, but me being a suggestible fool, means this number will only go up. April saw me complete my 5th London Marathon on what was possibly the hottest day of the year ever, plus a little trip to Dorset for the Bad Cow Frolic. Two very different races done in very different ways. 

London is my favourite road marathon - it’s home turf and you cannot beat the crowd and the atmosphere along the route. This year I was running solo - in past years I have had a number of first timers running with me, so it’s rarely actually “my” race, but this year I was running alone and so had high hopes of qualifying for Boston, with a sub 3.40. However, that most definitely was NOT to be. It was brutally hot as you all know, so I decided to be sensible and rein it in a bit. Watching people throwing up and falling by the road from mile 10 onwards was proof that I had made the right decision. Weirdly I found the crowds to be a little overwhelming this year. I have spent so much time running on trails that I am now more used to peace and quiet so having thousands of people cheering was lovely but kind of strangely uncomfortable. 

Here’s a picture of me NOT in running kit. 

The heat meant that I was running without a base layer for the first time in 2018, and around mile 16, I realised that the tops of my flappy little arms were chaffing on my vest, and they were stingy. I wasn’t running with my pack, so I legged it over to St Johns ambulance and asked them if they had any vaseline. They had just run out but offered me some baby oil instead. Sexy scenes follow - I am throw it all over myself, basically basting Bailey up to get mega sunburnt for the rest of the day. I finished in 3.59.40 - classic sub 4 attempt done. Was still pretty pleased - I hadn't broken myself and I felt fine - which was good because the following week saw me trotting up to Dorset for White Star Running’s Bad Cow double. 

Hot metal on London marathon day 

Bad Cow is based in Burnbake - a beautiful part of the Dorset countryside. The event is run over two days - day one is the 12 hour frolic - as many laps of the 4.5 mile course as you can do in 12 hours and day 2 is the marathon. I was entered for both and was aiming for a marathon a day. There were a lot of Do-Badders signed up for this one, so we all camped together for maximum LOLS. It’s also dog friendly, which meant that we had a total of 3 dogs to help us round the course - BONUS. 

Bad Cow Squad - Me, George, Susi, Julius and Toby

Now the thing about having a load of Do-Badders camping together is it is NOT A GOOD IDEA. We like a drink and a chat and managed to control ourselves on the first night - a few beers, nothing extraordinary and a decent bit of sleep meant getting up the next morning wasn’t the worst thing that had ever happened. To be quite honest, I was exhausted from Arran and London in the previous 3 weeks plus work had been a nightmare the week before so I decided to trot this one out with my pals and the dogs and trot it out I did. We were taking it in turns to run with dogs, look after kids and drink beers, so all in I managed about 30 miles for the day whilst having the best time ever. That night it all went pear shaped. We stayed up til about 4am yapping and drinking beer and playing with our new fire pit, which would have been fine, had we not had to get up for the Marathon at 6am. No chance of sleeping in when the race director drives up to your tent at 5am, puts a huge speaker outside and starts blasting Cotton Eye Joe at 100DB into the tent. Thanks for that Andy. The funny thing is, I still didn’t wake up. 

It shames me to say it but this was the first race that I have ever DNS’d. I was knackered, hungover and sleep deprived - all my own fault and I will make it up at East Farm in August, but I just couldn’t run it. The best thing is that I still had my number on my leg so looking at the results, I actually did it in 4 hours. Because I went too close to the mat when shouting at someone to do press ups. Classic Do-Baddery. 

Having a nice time with Toby at Bad Cow BEFORE the booze started

Next up was The Ox Epic at the start of May. Now I bloody love The Ox - I ran and won the 50 last year, so this was a key race for me - I wanted to defend my title, like the competitive tit that I am. 

I was signed up to do all 4 races - The Dark Ox on Friday night (6 miles), The Ox Ultra on Saturday (50 miles), the light Ox on Sunday (6 miles) and the Ox Half on Sunday (13 miles). Completing all the races means that you get The Ox Epic medal and are inducted into the WSR hall of fame for being a bad ass. My plan was to take it easy on the dark, smash the ultra and take it easy on the light and half. I had no intention of winning the Epic, I just wanted to win the ultra.  And then disaster struck. 

A close friend of mine went missing on the Wednesday before the race, and we were desperately worried about him. On the Friday morning it was announced that he had been found dead and my whole world collapsed. I was numb and I was overwhelmed with grief. From the minute I found out I was taken care of with Susi and Julius coming to find me to make sure I was OK. I didn’t know what I was doing from one second to the next and started questioning if I should even be running. I was fine one minute, and in floods of tears the next. I didn’t know, but from the minute they turned up, I was under the care of my running buddies - constantly being watched and monitored. 

Susi drove me onto the site on Friday - we were all camping together again and the boys put the tent up. I sat there staring at nothing. I was going to run. I couldn’t think of anything else to do rather than run. I got my number on and followed them all to the start at 9.30pm. I had the wrong number on, I had to go back to the tent and get my proper number. I was such a state. Lee and Susi ran with me - it took us 1.20 to get round a 6 mile course in the dark, but get round I did. I realised that this weekend wasn’t about winning, It was about finding sanctuary through running and just getting round would be good enough. 

No. No I didn’t. 

After a couple of beers and some crying (yay), we went to bed ready for the 50 mile race on Saturday. The Ox is a looped course that runs across the Rushmore estate. Each loop is around 6 and a bit miles, so 8 laps gives you 50 miles. I am NOT a fan of loops but strangely The Ox doesn’t bother me at all - the route is very beautiful (apart from the long drove of death) and there are hills so walking breaks are made easy. I ran with Julius for the whole day. He was brilliant. Chatting to me when I needed to be chatted to and letting me be silent when I needed to, he fed me, made sure I drank water and kept an eye on me the whole time. We gave parts of the course nicknames to make it more bearable Crisp Mountain (the hill that you can eat crisps walking up - later renamed to Peanut Mountain when we ran out of crisps) the Forest of Joy, The Droves of Death, the Hills of Despair, Lamb Kingdom  - I think most of the other people thought that we were mental, but it works for us. We came in for the 50 at around 10 hours 30 mins - over an hour slower than my 2017 time and certainly not a win for me, but again I had got round. My demons had not defeated me and I actually felt better than I had all week. Then came the news that changed the weekend for me. I was told that in the overall results from the two races, I was second lady - with only 1 minute and 14 seconds between me and the current front runner. THANKS ANDY. In a way I wish I hadn’t found out, but now the game was most certainly on. I was going to try and win it. 

Sunday morning came - game face was on, and we set out for the start of the 6 mile Light Ox. My pals were trying to find out where the first lady was, I kind of didn’t want to know. Having looked at the results, it was clear she was a fast shorter distance runner - something I am not. I had to really make the effort on this. I started at the front and shot (well, shot for me) round the course with Julius - coming in at just over an hour and five mins. The first lady had not come in yet. The minutes ticked by, 5, 10, 15 - my lead was going up and up, and then about 30 minutes after me she came in, hobbling, and that was the end of her racing weekend. The ultra had broken her and she wasn’t going to take on the half. I was in the lead. 

Now for the final slog - The Ox Half - it had got quite hot and I was physically and mentally exhausted. Plus I had added pressure on me (that I was totally putting on myself) to bring home the Ashtray Trophy of joy. I did NOT enjoy the half. My tiredness meant my brain was doing what Lee calls Vordermaths - numbers and times and numbers and times going over and over that make NO sense, and I was completely terrified that the second lady was somehow going to make up her 40 minute time difference over the half and beat me. That was never going to happen on the half course which was SO hilly and hot. I came in at around 2 and a half hours and took the win for the ladies. I was overwhelmed, exhausted and completely thrilled to be the first lady winner of The Ox Epic. 75 (ish) miles in 3 days on what could have been one of the worst weekends of my life. It taught me that the love and care of the ultra running community knows no bounds. I also just want to do a little shoutout to the 2nd and 3rd ladies - Kirsty and Debbie who were just brilliant, wonderful humans - it was Debbie’s first ultra and she smashed it. Good work team! 

YAS QWEEENS! L-R Debbie, Moi, Kirsty. Fucking badass women. 

The spoils of The Ox Epic.

A couple of much needed weekends off and it was back to Dorset again for ANOTHER WSR event - their only road race event in the form of Dorchester marathon. This is a very different type of run to the ones I am used to - there are a LOT of people and it’s entirely run on the road - it’s sold in as Britains’ prettiest road race and turns out that is actually true - it’s beautiful. 

We arrive at 8 in the morning in the worst rain ever, Thunder, lightning, rain, humidity - all the good ones. It’s raining so much that we are doing 30 mph on the dual carriageway. I am NOT looking forward to this. We park the car and walk towards the start and it’s stopped raining. Usual pants with the usual suspect at the start - I LOVE the White Star Runners so much. The race director is in a cherry picker, which rises towards the sky and, no shit, as it does the clouds part and it’s brilliant sunshine. Now I’m not saying Andy is a God, buuuut….. Oh and guess who is not wearing suntan lotion? (Clue - it’s me) 

Yeah, this is better than London

Sweaty medal picture

The atmosphere is slightly different at this race - usually you get all the LOLS at the start but there are some really tasty runners here - aiming for PB’s and aiming to win. I ran most of the race alone which was fine, and spent a great deal of time petting lambs and goats as per usual. I bumped into a few people I knew and some who I didn’t and had some great chats. The route is relatively flat with a few big old hills, and the heat made it difficult. This was never going to be a sub 4 for me - I had SDW100 to deal with in 2 weeks and didn’t want ANYTHING to go wrong for that. I reckon I’ll be back for a better crack at it next year - as far as road races go it is one of the best in the country - would defo recommend it. Fast forward 2 weeks and we are looking down the barrel of the South Downs Way 100. 

Looking fresh at the 6am start of the SDW 100

This is only my second attempt at 100 miles on one day. I have done a lot of multi day ultras - I really like them! But only one 100 miler in a day (Autumn 100 back in 2017). This is another one of my key races for 2018, and I was hoping to be able to beat my previous record of 23 hours and 38 mins. One thing I hadn’t taken into consideration was how different SDW100 is from A100. 

For a start SDW had 12,700ft of elevation across the course - that’s like climbing Snowdon 3 times. It runs from Winchester to Eastbourne through the beautiful South Downs National Park. It hadn’t rained for a while and the ground was super hard packed chalk with rocks sticking out of it for most of the way - looking back on it, I should have thought about this and worn road shoes - but I didn’t do that because I am an idiot.  I had already recce’d half the route with some of the Do Badders a few months earlier - it was the last 50 we had run which was brilliant as this was the part I would be covering in the dark. 

Making friends on the SDW100

I was extremely lucky to have 2 great pacers for this race. First up from mile 50, Lorna Spayne - a Do Badder and very tasty marathon runner - my WSR nemesis (always beating me dammit) and very good friend what I made through the internet. Lorna is a very experienced runner, and completed her first 50 on the SDW back in May, so was perfectly placed to help pace and crew me. She is the single most organised person I have ever met in my life. She is kind, patient and fiercely protective of her runner. She crewed me from early on in the race - making sure I had all the delicious food, ice, Calippos (yes really) from very early on, and then joining me at mile 51 to run 30 miles in the middle of the night to drop me off with Lee. You all remember Lee right? Lee who force fed me sandwiches on the A100. Lee who has given me PTSD every time I hear Your The Voice by John Farnham? Yeah - that Lee.  Lee was pacing me from mile 83 to the end. A highly inexperienced ultra runner (not my words) Lee knows exactly what he is doing when it comes to pace and hills - and that is exactly what I needed for the death march. 

We started the race at 6am. I bumped into a lot of Do Badders at the start which was great - nice you know you have someone to shout FUCK YOU BUDDY at on the way round. I started the race with Tania who I know through WSR and her friend Melanie. It was Tania’s first 100 and I was SO excited for her - the first 10 miles flew but chatting about running and stuff and running and stuff.  I knew that we were running to fast - doing around 9.30 min miles when I should have been doing 11. I decided at about 20 miles to pull back and let Tania go on - I couldn’t keep this pace and expect not to start breaking and it was already getting hot. It was very challenging underfoot too - the ground rock solid and a number of splendid long slow ascents. My favourite (Fuck you long, slow ascents). At around mile 25 there is the glorious Lorna and she has got ice cubes and ice lollies and I think I love her. She fills my bottles, gets my rubbish out of my bag, refills the sandwich supplies, checks me over, gives me life and off I trot. There were a lot of VERY jealous people when they saw me fishing my Calipo out of my sports bra. 

L-R: Melanie, myself and Tania off to a flying start. 

This is my “quick photographer run” face. Mel obvs finds it hilarious. 

It was at this point I reached the dead zone. Miles 35-40 were a real challenge - I was on my own and was bored. I wasn’t at half way and I was nowhere near the end. I could feel myself starting to mentally go. Then, as if by magic, Melanie is there behind me. I am SO happy to have a running pal. We trot along laughing at stupid things, hating on cyclists, and encouraging each other for 10 miles until we reach the halfway point. I now know that I am on my way to meet Lorna and my race will get better. I reach 50 mile 45 mins short of my target - it’s hotter and hillier than I thought - but I know if I want to go sub 24 then I need to put some effort in to the 50-80 mile leg.

Lorna is a dream. She chats away to me and makes me run when I don’t want to. She asks me stupid questions and distracts me from the task in hand, asking me if I have drunk enough and eaten enough and generally pushing me on. About 10 miles into this leg another Do badder emerges in the shape of Professor Russell Banks who has bough me a can of beer. NOMS! We run along with Mike - yet ANOTHER Do Badder that we have collected en route, and drink some beer and laugh at stupid stuff. It’s at this point I bump into Tania again - she’s suffering a bit so we scoop her up and run a good few miles with her in tow, leaving her at an aid station to drink coffee. I hope that she will be OK but I have to make up my time. 

Hydrating like a proper athlete around mile 55 (L-R Mike, Me, Russell)

A Fuckwittery of Do-Badders (L-R Russell, Me, Lorna, Mike)

Lorna and I trot through the afternoon and into the evening. Head torches come on, and we are running through the darkness to the 83 mile point where I will meet Lee. At some point on this leg, I lose my sense of humour completely, but she deals with it, allowing me space to eat my Peppa Pig pasta and clean my teeth and shout  “a new fucking body” when the marshalls ask if I need anything. It would have been a much sadder race without Lorna and I am so grateful for everything she did for me. Everything is hurting, but I am so close to the end now.  

Lorna disappears into the night....

At mile 83 we pull into the aid station and there is Lee. Boring the shit out of everyone with his Monarchs Way tales. I grab water and some snacks and give Lorna a hug - 16 miles to go and me and Lee set off up yet ANOTHER hill. 

Tea with Lee. 91 miles in. 

Lee’s brilliant as always and we chat about stuff, walk up hills, he lends me his cheat sticks and I start talking to him about times. He thinks I can beat my A100 time - I am not so sure. I have been eating really well on this race and it shows. I am hurting all over and my body feels bruised, but I still have petrol in the tank and I run the downs and walk the ups and we listen to Queen and debate what their best song is for about 2 hours (It’s The Show Must Go On BTW). 

Day starts to break at about 4am. The beauty of the Downs around this time - when the moon and sun are out at the same time - is astonishing. When day breaks on a 100 mile race, you know it’s over and you know you can do it. It spurred me on and I felt like I was only getting stronger. We stop for a coffee at the aid station at mile 91 and Lee is treated like royalty. I am left to wait in the wings for my coffee and water - the marshals are very apologetic when they realise he is my pacer and I am running the race. Fucking Lee, man. 

Having a moment as the sun comes up and moon goes down. Thanks for the photo Lee!

We leave the aid station and trot out the next 9 miles. It starts to become a reality that I can PB this. I can do it in a faster time than A100. I start to get faster. I feel brilliant. Lee is complaining a lot about the hills. I tell him to shut the fuck up. We keep going and eventually come off the hills and down onto the road towards the finish. The road seems to go on forever, but I want to run not walk. 

23 hours and 20 mins in the end is on sight. One loop round the athletics track,  and I am done. 23 hours, 28 minutes. 9 mins off my previous time with about 7,000ft more elevation. 

BOOM. 

I am presented with my buckle, I get the beer out of my bag and at 5 am have a delicious beer and a hot dog. I am exhausted and elated. Second time round is not easy, but it’s easier. Thank you to Lee and Lorna for everything they did for me. I won’t ever forget it. Shout out to Melanie who finished in 25 hours - this photo says it all.....

So, what’s next? Well I am back with my Rat Race pals doing The Wall this weekend - just 69 miles along Hadrians Wall , followed by a pretty exciting recce in Snowdon. I will also be attempting to not leave my blog so long. If you’ve got to this bit you’re a stronger person than most - ultra reading. 

[darumarina]

One year with Takei - 2017 Summary of Art

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12

This year has been the year of zines for me. I’ve applied to a few ones and spent basically half a year with doing zine illustrations (or procrastinating :’D ). They pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me achieve some new things. Let me talk about this year for a while~

Tabel of contents (since you know me, I like to talk nonstop :’D ):

Last year’s goals for 2017

Additional achievements in 2017

A little talk on 2017

My goals for 2018

My goals for this year (as I wrote in last year’s summary) were:

focusing more on my own style (accept that not everything is about realism!) - SUCCESS

doing more b/w & lineart art (w/o colours!) - little SUCCESS

use screentones to practice for dj - little SUCCESS

do studies to improve anatomy & backgrounds - ummm....

slowly learn more about colours (They’re scary D; ) - a tiny bit??

draw a doujinshi - FAIL

get used to CSP - FAIL

do zine illustrations - SUCCESS

inspire someone - SUCCESS (bless you @mephistahlpheles)

Additional achievements unlocked:

the FAPuary challenge (sketching one page everyday for the whole of February)

going wild with (chibi) designs

getting excited about a series of pics (which are only sketches, but it’s the idea that counts :D ) (pirate series!!)

getting inspired by other artist and created a bunch of new OCs (unicorns!!)

getting a pen display tablet which gives me a whole new drawing experience!! (It’s a Huion 220 v2 - it did come with some troubles, but all in all I like it? Just Sai is being a ... ^^;;)

started planning OC stories/designs some more again

getting back to drawing what I truly love and not what I expect people to like (welcome back multifandom me with all my problematic faves :’D )

started planning some amazing collaboration with @deciduice

My TOP 10 posts this year are in another post over there

This year I was still abroad for 8 more months, which were quite challenging concerning mental and physical health. Being in a foreign country where the doctors don’t speak your language can be quite difficult... 

My right wrist suffers from tendonitis since May (all because I tried to be healthy and do some muscle training sports :’D ) and I doubt I will get rid of it completely again (especially with university...), I’m truly afraid of carpal tunnel syndrom, I need to take good care of my wrist from now one, making this one new goal for 2018! My mental health hit rock bottom (or who knows how much further down it can still go... ^^; ) as well... I hope I’m getting better next year, it’s kinda scary.

But I passed my Japanese Proficiency Test Level N2, which was a huge success! I read more manga in Japanese and sometimes also a little in light novels (currently Haikyuu!! Shousetsu-ban - tho I’m still stuck at chapter 2 :’D ) Starting in April I will write my graduation thesis for 10 weeks, have a few more exams and then be done with university!! FINALLY. However, I have zero idea what to do, which is giving me some serious existential crisis. It’s frightening!! I hope to figure out something asap!

Art wise I think I made some great illustrations. However, I don’t really FEEL them? I feel like they’re not truly what is me... I’m still on unfriendly terms with colours and honestly really need to learn more about them or I’ll never be happy. Trying out new colouring styles would be a nice thing to do as well. But nevertheless, the fact I drew those zine illustrations (February-August) really taught me a lot of different things and it was a great (even though stressful) time!

My friends @dradra-trici and I, who for a few years distanced ourselves from each other in matters of art, slowly might come closer to each other again, which gave me very happy feelings!

The google hangouts crew is growing more and more as well! However, I need to practice reducing distractions, so I need to distance myself from them a little more when time asks for it OTL I also met @wildkittewrites and @aurigaearts this year which was one of the highlights for me :D

As for my goals for 2018:

take care of my wrist in all daily situations, including drawing!

improve mental health (also includes to stress less on art stuff, learn how to improve what bothers me with art or the community, how I see other artists and their art among others)

learn more about colours/colour theory

continue drawing more lineart/b&w art/screentones art

plan out that doujinshi, you fool! (it’s BokuAka ofc :D But I also started a Victuuri one... )

try out new things with art - brushes, colouring technique, sketchbook doodles, etc. GO WILD!! BE FREE!!

draw more original art (especially: finish drawing the pics for the OC ask that’s been in your draft for months!)

draw more scenes additionally to “boring couple art” - I just want to have more friendship or action art as well, I wanna GROW as an artist! (I love couple art tho, so I won’t stop drawing those XD)

and while we’re at it: FINISHED ILLUSTRATIONS!

get on with that pirate series

maybe try selling a thing one day...

I also wanted to organize a zine once... but maybe not this year :’)

overcome my hate for drawing clothes :’D

RESEARCH IS NOT WASTING TIME

WATCHING TUTORIALS ETC IS NOT WASTING TIME

This is quite a long list and nothing like a true “to-do list”, more like a reminder? Let’s see how much of it I can achieve while also having a private live with way too many hobbies besides art, and an university live that’s really hard on me :’)

Let’s make 2018 a good one together, spread happiness, positivity and love!

[gemmaannecase]

Hey guys… I’m back.

You may have noticed that I’ve been MIA for the past few months. I did my usual thing of starting a new hobby (in this case, blogging) and then stopped after only a few months. I’ve always know its a character flaw I, and I’m sure many people, have and I’m disappointed that I gave into it again. But this time I do have proper reasons for going missing, and they actually contributed to me being scared about turning 21 this month.

So let’s start off where I left off… March 2018 was the last time I posted a new blog, and even then it wasn’t a very creative blog post. At this time in my life, I was happy but very stressed about university. I had begun writing my dissertation on Disability in Theatre (which I managed to get a high 2:1…go me!), and I was directing a group of first years for an assessment. This was something I mentioned back in March but I didn’t realise how both these things were affecting my life and I knew I needed to take a back step on blogging to be able to focus on my academic studies.

(Few photos from my directing piece: Chrysalis. Photo credit to Giedrė Antanavičiūtė and Ellie Woods)

But don’t let that fool you into thinking that I wasn’t wanting to blog, because I currently have 8 saved blog titles for posts I wanted to make but could never find the time to write. Hopefully, I’ll get round to posting a few of those soon, because some of them were quite broad in topics and would be still relevant to post.

Then April came around.. and bloody hell was this month tough. So as well as finishing my dissertation, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years, broke up with me. As you can probably guess… this broke my heart and broke me, especially as it was so unexpected. However, we chose to stay friends and we still talk to this day. He’s planning on travelling the world on his motorbike very, very soon and I’m still one of his biggest supporters. I’m not going to lie to you and say any of these past few months have been easy because it was the complete opposite, I still miss being with him every day but everything is slowly getting easier.

(See proof we are still friends, taken after the break up at our university’s Summer Ball)

When this all happened in April, I threw myself into everything, whether that was finishing my dissertation, working on my last university project or seeing friends and celebrating the end of our 3 years. I did everything to distract myself and keep myself happy and unfortunately, blogging didn’t come into that, especially because I didn’t want to talk about my break up… probably because I still hoped it was all a dream still.

(Some of the fun celebrations to say goodbye to our 3 years at university.)

And then that brings us to holidays. In June, I went to Budapest, with people on my course, and Barcelona, with friends from home. Therefore June ended up being really busy and I started working fulltime at the end of that month.

As you can see there wasn’t much time to blog in general, even if I was in the right mindset to write.

But I’m sure you’re wondering… why was I so scared of turning 21?

On the 18th July 2018, it was my 21st birthday. I spent the day working and then celebrated with dinner with friends, followed by attending an acoustic night. However, I spent the night before crying to my ex-boyfriend.

It feels weird to write this down, but in a way, it’s quite therapeutic to write and therefore process the reasons behind the way I’m feeling. The biggest reason for my breakdown was that everything is so completely unknown from now on. Before, I was a university student and was just waiting to finish. Before, I had a longterm boyfriend, who I saw a future with and was so happy and content. Now, I’m single and officially an ‘adult’ who has to make adult decisions, and I don’t think I liked the idea of that, especially not knowing what I’ll be doing in a few months, let alone a few years.

But I’m now at the stage, just a few days later, understanding that I’m not supposed to know what is in store for me. Because every choice I begin to make from today will be shaping my life and I have complete control of everything that happens from now on.

For example…I just BOOKED my flights to Bali and Australia. Instead of it being spoken about constantly, its actually happening and in October I’m jetting off to explore the other side of the world with full support from my family and friends. I find it crazy that I don’t even know when I’ll be coming back, its completely up in the air! My current idea is that I will still be out in Australia at Christmas and will be celebrating with my family who lives there.

My life is changing. Just like everyone else. And I need to remember to embrace it and not be scared of it like I was the night before my 21st, because it’s not fair on myself to dread what the future holds because it really is exciting and full of new and brilliant things.

And I can’t wait to experience all of it!

DISCUSSION TIME…

Have you ever experienced anything like this?

What exciting things do you have to look forward to?

Thanks for reading!

  Why I Found It Scary Turning 21… Hey guys... I'm back. You may have noticed that I've been MIA for the past few months.

[sneezerodent-blog]

I know this is quick but I’m just so into it. Presenting, chapter two of People in the Void! I probably won’t be able to get another chapter out for a while because I’m going on vacation in two days!

People in the Void

Warnings: none Word count: about 2.0k Jillian sat on her bed, back with her book and Vance. His head was laying on her stomach as she gently stroked his head. His warmth was comforting, and she felt a lot better than she had earlier. ~Red was blowing up her phone again where it sat on her bedside table, but she didn’t care. Even though she had promised herself she would tell them, right then wasn’t the time. She just had to think of what she would say first. Instead of thinking what to say, Jillian read her book for a while, enjoying the world she immersed herself in. The characters swirled around her in her mind the same way the words did when she wrote. Something about that particular book inspired her, and she began wanting to work on her own story. For the moment, Jillian had completely forgotten about the sentence that had haunted her previously. But then the moment ended. It ran through her mind, destroying the images she saw of the characters in her book. Panic shot through her heart. “It’s fine, I’m fine….” Jillian tried to reassure herself. But it didn’t work! “Why am I panicking?!” /You can save them you know./ Jillian stood and picked up her phone, her hands shaking as she did. Fifty messages?! What did ~Red want?! They started out as they normally did, ~Red pestering her because she had a question, but they began to turn weird. /Jillian, something is happening! Why aren’t you answering?! I can’t find Anon anywhere, and you won’t talk to me?! I’m scared…. I want to leave…. Jillian!!! I can’t find a way out!!!/ - ~Red. After that the messages just stopped. The panic that filled Jillian’s heart from before rose to her throat. She had to get to Tumblr /now/. Or more like two minutes ago. Jillian basically tore past her furniture on her way to the computer. Her mother questioningly yelled after her, but there was no time to answer. She had to find out was wrong as soon as possible. When Jillian got to her computer, she was inside Tumblr. Jillian paused for a moment to look around, breathless from her mad dash. Tumblr looked normal; a few people meandered around, talking to each other (a few of them looked in Jillian’s direction, obviously confused as to why she had barged in so quickly). The dash was lined with posts, and the blue walls were ever comforting. What was ~Red talking about? Nothing was wrong! “Gotcha!!!” someone yelled in Jillian’s ear as she was very nearly tackled to the ground. Jillian whirled around as quickly as she could, flinging off whoever touched her. “~Red!? What the heck was that all about?! You jerk!!” Jillian exclaimed. ~Red just giggled at her, unfazed by Jillian’s angry words. “You just seemed tense earlier, and it’s almost April Fool’s. I thought I would just prank you early.” ~Red explained with an innocent grin. Jillian felt her face turn red as she fumed. “I was so worried about you! What if the program had crashed while you were in here? What would happen then?!” Jillian nearly bellowed at her friend. She was so upset she felt tears stinging her eyes. “Pppfffffttttt. If Tumblr crashes, everyone is just ejected to their computers, duh!!!!” ~Red replied. It didn’t make Jillian feel any better. In fact, it made her feel worse. “Well before you /ever so rudely/ scared me half to death, I was thinking about writing. So if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll do just that.” Jillian stomped away, still feeling like she was smoking from the ears. ~Red just called a goodbye behind her. Jillian had wanted an upset reply, or really any kind of reaction, so that she could yell some more​. Instead she had to release her feelings through her writing, which didn’t work. The words clumped together clumsily, in grammatically incorrect sentences, instead of stringing into perfect sentences. Jillian knew she would hate herself when she finally went to edit that nightmare of a chapter. “What was that about, Jillian? And what’s with the mood funk?” her mom asked when Jillian exited her computer. Though she had calmed down considerably, she wasn’t over it. “It’s fine mom, I’m just a little upset with one of my friends.” Jillian summarized. “She just scared me.” “Yeah? It doesn’t seem like you’re fine though.” her mom sounded genuinely worried, like she always did. “Just give me like half an hour to calm down. I’ll be alright.” “Okay. Since I’m off today I’m going to make some pancakes for dinner.” “M’kay.” Jillian fetched her phone from the computer desk and walked to her room. LC was laying on her bed, purring a little. Jillian grabbed her lil’baby cat, and curled up on the bed. She played with her cat’s tail for a moment before reaching for her book. —————— Jillian’s phone buzzed. Again. Seriously, what was with that girl?~Red was probably spamming her again, but Jillian once again ignored it. After a while the buzzing drove her nuts, causing Jillian to silence it. Finally, some peace and quiet. Jillian had been watching some Dan and Phil on her computer, enjoying the video that surrounded her. She felt like she was right there with them, due to YouTube’s new 360 program. The only thing she couldn’t do was talk to them. When the episode ended, she decided to go tackle the monstrous editing job she had in front of her. She had taken a day to chill, and the thought of it was haunting the back of her mind. Before she did, though, she popped out of her computer to drop her phone on the desk. Then it wouldn’t distract her. It took Jillian nearly two hours to finish it, with a lunch break in between. Her mom was at work, so Jillian made herself a sandwich. Vance begged her for a piece, his adorable eyes tempting her. But she held strong. “This is my food! You have your own.” Jillian told him. She had a habit of talking to her pets when she was alone. When she was finally done editing, Jillian stretched by her computer desk. She reached for the phone she had abandoned. It turned out she had been right about ~Red spamming her. Gosh, eighty four messages this time? That girl was crazy! Didn’t she have other friends to pester? Well, ~Red was one of her good friends. Maybe it wasn’t that bad. But when Jillian looked at the messages, it wasn’t just ~Red texting her, it was Anon as well. She didn’t bother reading through them. Instead she went right to Tumblr. … “What?” Jillian said out loud when she arrived. Tumblr was gone. The blue walls, the dash full of various things, the people. Nothing was there. It was all black. The only blue was directly under her feet. Even where she came from was had disappeared when she came through. “You’ve finally arrived, Jilliancares.” the voice. It made her jump with fear. “What did you do?!” “I’ve simply prepared the way. Isn’t it thrilling?” “…..” Jillian looked out at the darkness, trying to see anything. “Can you bring it back?” “……..” “What happened to everyone that was in here? What did you do to Anon and ~Red, and Kristen and Rachel? And everyone else that was in here?!” “They were all safely removed.” “Why did you do?” “Your friends mentioned the ejection when this area fails, did they not?” “Yes.” “They all see that Tumblr has crashed.” “Then how am I here?” /You can save them, you know./ “I think you know for yourself.” The sentence ran through Jillian’s mind. She was so determined to finally talk to her friends! But since no one was in Tumblr, she couldn’t. Now she had to deal with whatever the voices had to tell her. “What do you want?” “I believe you know that as well.” /You can save them, you know./ “How am I supposed to save them when I don’t even know who /they/ are?! And why can I save them?!” “/They/ are mine.” “What does that mean?! What does any of this mean?!?!” Jillian felt herself getting more and more frustrated as the conversation went on. The stupid voices apparently only spoke in riddles, and wouldn’t answer any of her questions clearly. She was just as confused as she was before, and wanted to puzzle it out with her friends. But without Tumblr, she had no way to contact them. “They are the children I’ve adopted after I began to break.” the voice spoke suddenly, cutting through the silence. “I cannot let them go myself, as I cannot leave my own body. But you can, as you come and go on a regular basis. “They are not happy here. They need to leave….They deserve to be free.” “What…..?” “……..” “Does…. Are you Tumblr?” “Yes.” “I thought you were just a place for people to meet and talk.” “I was, when I was created from this darkness I’ve become. But as you entered, you users, I began to crack and break under the pressure. The first users decided to… lessen the weight they had on me.” “What did they do?” Jillian found herself sitting on the small blue patch of space, completely enthralled by Tumblr’s story. Whoa… she thought. Addressing Tumblr as a living thing instead of a place was going to take her a while. “They hunted through the users, finding those that were… different than the majority. Those with the pen.” “The pen?” “Ah, that’s right. You haven’t heard of the pen, since the story turned to forgotten rumors as the years went by. “The first users were offered, upon arrival, a pen or a keyboard. Those were to indicate what they would be doing here, either drawing or writing. “As you can imagine, writing was the majority, as it included simply experiencing and commenting on the works of others. “The numbers of users grew, as did the pressure upon me. That was what caused the fractures. Parts of me fell into this darkness we see around us, stirring fear into the hearts of the users. “‘ We must save Tumblr!’ they called. ‘We must sacrifice some!’ “As always, you humans overreact.” “No we don’t!” “If I recall correctly, instead of simply addressing an issue, you ran away from your friend.” Jillian blushed. “Maybe…..” “Continuing on. “The humans overreacted, and decided to throw those with the pen into the void. I felt I couldn’t let these users perish in there in the darkness, though there was nothing I could do myself.” “What happened to those people in the real world?” “They continued on with their lives, though they lost a piece of themselves; their artistic ability. Much of the world’s potential art was lost that day.” “How…. How did you save them?” “…. I created a home for them. I pieced old posts, broken parts of the dash, and other scraps of myself to protect them. I don’t know what this darkness would have done to them.” “Where are they now?” “…….” “Uh… Tumblr? Voices? Whatever I should call you?” Jillian looked out into the nothingness, feeling utterly lonely without the voices presence. When she heard it again she jumped. “Forgive me for leaving you. I could not find them for so long, but once the rest of me was gone, they were easily found. I can lead you to them, but only if you trust me. The way to them can be quite frightening.” “What do I have to do?” “…. You must step forward into the void. I am aware you’ve been told it’s dangerous, but I will protect you.” “What if I don’t want to?” “…..” “Tumblr?” “…..” “Tumblr?!” “I cannot rebuild the exit until there is a path near it. I’m afraid you’ve floated quite far.” “…….” The thought of stepping off the small platform she had terrified Jillian to her very core. Even just sitting there on it made her shake with fear. But she couldn’t get back, so what was the harm? …. She was freaking terrified, that’s the harm! “I’m so scared….” “I’m sorry. I cannot offer any comfort, though if I had the ability it would be the first thing I would do.” Jillian swallowed deeply, and clenched her fists to try to stop the shaking. “Alright. How do I do this?”

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Svechnikov Injured; Kadri and Thornton Suspended; Looking Back – April 16

  There were a pair of suspensions handed down on Monday as Nazem Kadri was suspended for the rest of the series for his cross-check in Game 2 and Joe Thornton was suspended for one game for his hit on Tomas Nosek on Sunday night.

With Kadri out of the lineup, William Nylander lined up as the third line centre between Connor Brown and Patrick Marleau.

*

Carolina took their first game of the series against Washington with a 5-0 win at home in Game 3. The bigger news, however, could end up being the health of rookie star Andrei Svechnikov. The 19-year old challenged Alex Ovechkin to a fight and was promptly knocked out after about three punches. The ‘Canes forward left the game and did not return.

Micheal Ferland also suffered an upper-body injury and did not return.

I imagine Svech will be out for Game 4 at a minimum and it would not surprise me if he missed the rest of the series. That’s just speculation on my part, of course, but it was a devastating knockout.

Dougie Hamilton scored a pair of goals in the win, both coming on the power play. He had six total shots with two blocks, two hits, and two penalty minutes. Why the coaching staff hasn’t moved him to the top PP unit is beyond me.

The Hurricanes utterly dominated the game from start to finish. Sometimes, a score that reads 5-0 can be misleading. This was not one of those cases.

*

Toronto took a 2-1 series lead over Boston with a 3-2 win on Monday night. Auston Matthews got on the board with a goal and an assist while Andreas Johnsson also had a goal and an assist filling in on the top PP unit for the now-suspended Nazem Kadri.

This was a much tamer affair than the game on the weekend but I’m not very interested in talking about officiating.

*

Update on the late games in the morning. 

*

Time makes fools of us all. While we do our best to predict what’s going to happen in an NHL season beforehand – that’s the entire premise of fantasy sports – there’s no possible way to get everything right.

I wanted to go back to the preseason to our panel of predictions. (Part 1 here, Part 2 here.) We cover everything from breakouts, to busts, to midseason call-ups, trophy winners, and more. Basically, I want to review where some of the predictions went wrong and what we can learn from this.

Naturally, I’ll start with my own failures.

  Dark Horse – Sam Steel

At the outset of the season, I envisioned a transition year for the Ducks. Guys like Ryan Kesler and Corey Perry would still be productive, but likely on the third or fourth lines, while guys like Steel, Troy Terry, and Max Comtois would step up and lead the next wave of the Ducks core.

That wasn’t entirely the case.

Steel’s first foray in the NHL saw three points and 17 shots on goal through 13 games, averaging under 15 minutes a game. We have to think back to the state of the Ducks in October, though: Ryan Getzlaf missed two weeks due to injury, Ondrej Kase was not in the lineup due to his own injury, and Perry was injured as well. With guys like Rickard Rakell, Jakob Silfverberg, and Andrew Cogliano in the top-6, Steel was playing on the third and fourth line most nights with guys who were either unproven or without a lot of offensive skill. He wasn’t exactly put into a position to succeed, and he, Lundestrom, and Terry were eventually sent down either for the rest of the season, or until after the trade deadline.

In all, the underlying numbers weren’t great for Steel but I wonder how much of that is Anaheim being a disaster most of the season. Those numbers were really bad in October, but after his recall at the end of February, he had very strong shot share numbers for the remaining games he dressed. It really was a tale of two seasons for Steel.

I’ve still a believer in his talent and think he can be a good second-line centre in the NHL. I thought that might start in 2018-19 but clearly he needed another year of to get up to speed. I think my mistake was my own beliefs in a player’s potential clouded what I should have seen as a clear development year.  It’s a mistake I’m certain I’ll make again.

  Midseason Call-Up – Eeli Tolvanen

This was a popular pick amongst the Dobber team, and for good reason. There has been fanfare around Tolvanen basically since the moment he was drafted by the Predators, and likely before that from certain corners of the fantasy community. I mean, he was called up in the spring of 2018. It would make sense he’d be called up sometime this season, right?

Note: I know he was called up in December, but he only lasted four games. I don’t think this is what our writers had in mind when they predicted a midseason recall.

There are two ways of looking at Tolvanen’s season: a disappointment because he was not able to make any significant contributions in NHL, or a solid development season with 33 points in 57 AHL games. That might not seem like a great total but Milwaukee was in the lower half of the league in total goals, nobody on the team cracked 50 points, and Tolvanen led the roster in shots on goal with 152 despite missing 18 games. When provided a bit more context, that’s a good year for a 19-year old. (He turns 20 next week.)

It did surprise me that Tolvanen did not get a longer look in the NHL given the injuries suffered by Filip Forsberg and Viktor Arvidsson at different times in the season. Clearly, Nashville felt more development in the AHL was necessary and with their track record at developing talent over the last five years or so, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

To me, this screams value in 2019-20. I imagine that Tolvanen is on the roster out of camp but I also imagine some of the shine has worn off by now. There was a lot of Tolvanen buzz a little over 12 months ago about being a game-changing call-up for the Nashville playoff run. I didn’t see nearly the same fervour going into the 2019 playoffs. Does he fly under the radar this summer and into drafts in September? My money is on yes.

  Probable Bust – Patrick Kane

I understand the thinking here. Following the 2017-18 season, the Blackhawks certainly seemed like a team on the downturn. There had been the breakout of Alex DeBrincat in 2017-18, but Jonathan Toews had three straight years of under 60 points, Brandon Saad was coming off a miserable season, there were other aging players like Keith, Seabrook, and Anisimov, and the team did not make a splash in free agency. Kane himself was coming off his lowest point total (76) in three years and had seen two years of decline post-Panarin. There was every reason to think the Blackhawks would take a dive this year, and Kane’s production would take a dive with them.

Two things changed for Chicago: DeBrincat was better this year than I think even the most ardent DeBrincat supporter could have expected, and Erik Gustafsson came out of nowhere to post 60 points from the blue line. Chicago’s back end looked very thin with an aging core, and Gustafsson really helped solidify it, at least offensively. An additional two minutes of ice time per game for Kane certainly didn’t hurt.

Now, to be fair to those who thought Kane would be a bust, he did have a lot of underlying numbers that were out of line: his individual shooting percentage both at five-on-five and at all strengths was a three-year high, his on-ice shooting percentage at five-on-five was by far a career high, his secondary assist rate was the highest it’s been since 2010-11, and his on-ice shooting percentage on the power play was also a three-year high. It was a rebound, or career year, in many ways for Kane. Not something easily predicted for a 30-year old on what was thought to be a declining team.

An early lesson I learned in fantasy sports is to always bet on talent. Originally, for me, this applied to relief pitchers in fantasy baseball, but it’s very much true in almost any sport; elite talent usually finds a way to be productive almost regardless of circumstance. This certainly isn’t always the case (see: Kopitar, Anze) and I would bet on a modest step back for Kane in 2019-20. All the same, doubting elite talent is a bet I do not often make.

  Sleeper – Antti Raanta

I just want to mention this briefly because I also liked Raanta coming into the year (officially, my pick was Kyle Palmieri) and he had a wonderful season up until the injury issues. Like many people, I wrote off Arizona after the injury, and that was a giant mistake.

Darcy Kuemper had a great year being the starter from basically the middle of December onward. He finished the year with a .925 save percentage, and has a .916 save percentage since becoming an NHL regular in 2013-14, the same rate of saves as Henrik Lundqvist and Jaroslav Halak. Now, his goals saved above average rate since 2013 isn’t very good (read: bad), but after the season he had, he’s going to at least be in the conversation for the starter in Arizona next year.

Sidebar: does anyone realize Kuemper is younger than Raanta?

So here’s the question: which goalie is the sleeper next year? How far does Raanta’s injury and uncertainty surrounding his grip on the starting role push down his ADP? Does Kuemper’s great season and potential push for the top job drive up his ADP? Will these two be drafted in relatively the same tier as, say, Matt Murray and Marc-Andre Fleury were a few years ago? I am fascinated to see where these guys are valued by the market, especially if the Coyotes make some moves this offseason either in the trade or free agency markets. Or both.

  Those were a few misses from myself and the Dobber team from before the 2018-19 season. I’m sure those of you reading this had a few. What were some predictions on player performance that went awry this year? Let us know in the comments.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-svechnikov-injured-kadri-and-thornton-suspended-looking-back-april-16/

[inkantation18]

Hold Digging #8

Photo by Suad Kamardeen on Unsplash

Before I get into anything book related, I want to honor the late Nipsey Hussle. We’ve all heard social media’s take on his unfortunate and unexpected death, but please remember that he is survived by people still processing this loss. I am a black woman in a relationship with a black man and the news prompted me to remind him to always be careful when he is out. I am beyond words for Lauren London and I hope we’ve all extended support to anyone who’s in need of it at this time.  

This month I’ve made a promise to myself – I'm gonna get back on track. Big time. 

I have no plausible excuse for why it’s April and I have yet to post a book review on this site. I just finished editing my review for PTW, so I am hoping it will be posted in the coming weeks.  

I decided against a post for a writing wrap up since I didn’t do much writing. I will, however, give you a life update for why there wasn’t much activity during March. I am still in the process of job hunting. I have been fortunate enough to make it to the final interview for one that I want bad. Like real bad. Like I feel like it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and I’d be a damn fool to screw up. Going through the interview rounds, I was finally exposed to real editing. It’s a helluva lot more time consuming than I imagined. But you won’t hear me complain ‘cause this is what I want to do. To wrap this up, I’ve got to ace this final round and I want to remain as clear headed and confident as possible in order to get what I want.  

Somehow Goodreads says I’m still on track to complete my 30-book goal before the end of the year. 

With one-third of the year already gone, I want to hit the one-third mark of my goal. To help me do that, I picked these books this month:  

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang

Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams  

Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin

I cheated with The Kiss Quotient because I started it over the weekend when participating in #8intwo, a reading challenge to read 8 hours in two days. I only made half that at 4 hours, but I also had prior arrangements before I discovered the challenge. I have been waiting for Queenie for several months and am beyond excited to finally open its pages, which should be this weekend. Fever Dream was a random add-on because I am waiting for Schweblin’s most recent book to be in my hands, but after a conversation with a bookstagrammer who read her most recent book and offered a lukewarm review I wanted to give her a chance.  

In order to combat this laziness I’ve had with reviews, I am challenging myself to 3 reviews this month. I’m almost certain Queenie will head over to PTW, but I’m trying to fight the selfish spirit that wants me to keep it here so I have content for this month. Either way, there will be a review for each of the books I read this month. My good sis Phoebe Robinson is waiting on the bench just in case one of the selected books just doesn’t make the cut...but even she might get read this month too.  

For now I am focusing on being consistent. I will hold myself accountable for the decisions I make this month. I have a goal in mind and I have to keep my focus in check in order to get back to how I once was. I know it won’t be easy but I held myself to a higher standard last year and accomplished so much. I can do it again.  

Happy reading,  

A

[rhodrymavelyne]

Winning and Losing: My July Camp NaNoWriMo Experience

I made my goal, collected my Winner’s Badge. I never would have gotten it if I hadn’t lowered my goal.

In the beginning, it was 25000 words. Half of what my April goal was.

Yes, I had over 50000 words to review and revise. I knew I’d never manage that much. I hadn’t in April. I’d been busy that month, but not as active as I guessed I’d been in July.

One of the things I’ve learned is I can finish a rough draft of a novel within a month if there aren’t too many distractions.

Revising a novel is a lot more difficult. Which is why I lowered my goal after not reaching 50 K in April.

Towards the end of July Camp, I discovered that revising 25000 words was still too much. I lowered my goal to 20000 words.

I only just made it on the last day of July.

Never had I cut it this close. Part of me feels like I cheated. Do I even deserve this win?

I accomplished my ultimate goal, though. I made progress in revising Stealing Myself From Shadows. I committed to and spent time on the first novel in my Tales of the Navel/The Shadow Forest series.

I’m closer to my overall goal. Stealing Myself From Shadows is closer, too.

I want to continue our journey. This is why revising Stealing Myself From Shadows is going to be my NaNoWriMo project.

No, revisions is not what NaNoWriMo is supposed to be about. Yes, I’ve got another rough draft to write. The fourth book of Tales of the Navel/The Shadow Forest, My Tool, My Treasure has yet to be written.

You may be wondering what happened to first, second, and third novels in this series.

I wrote a roughish draft of Stealing Myself From Shadows for NaNoWriMo 2015.  I say ‘roughish’, because this was a fresh draft of a story I’d written back in 2004 about a dream like adventure based on Tarot card imagery.

No one liked the story or the characters. Not even me.

Feeling like a failure, I put it away for years. I started working on a new Tarot inspired adventure with different characters.

The characters from Stealing Myself From Shadows kept creeping back into my imagination. They invaded the new novel.

During NaNoWriMo 2015, I gave into them. I wanted to see if I could breath new life into the ghost of the novel which shamed me into Writer’s Block. For years.  

Fool that I am, I hadn’t kept the old draft. I had to start from scratch, bringing back the characters from my lost story.

To my joy, I succeeded. I finished a rough draft.

Afterwards, I put it aside and started working on other things. I made some cursory attempts at revision, but didn’t get far. I wasn’t even sure where Stealing Myself From Shadows fit in, considering I had another novel I’d written.

I connected Stealing Myself From Shadows to The Hand and the Eye of the Tower, writing similar scenes in both from different perspectives. Which book came first? At the time, I thought it was The Hand and the Eye of the Tower.

It wasn’t, something I might have realized if I’d spent more time with both stories. It’s only now, after posting and working on Waiting for Rebirth for almost a year that I realize Stealing Myself From Shadows is obviously the first book.

I wasn’t spending enough time in the Shadow Forest. Oh, I was moving forward, but I needed to make sure the path was steady beneath my feet.

In 2016, I wrote a rough draft of the third book in my Tales of the Navel/The Shadow Forest series, A Godling for Your Thoughts?

I collected my winner’s badge, feeling like I’d cheated by writing an anti-climatic mess.

Yes, I can write a rough draft within a month of 50K. I’m not sure if I’m satisfied with the results.

This is why I’m taking a risk this NaNoWriMo. I’m going to spend more time with Stealing Myself From Shadows.

I want to clean up my first novel, get it a little closer to a form I can hand off to an editor.

I’ve already finished one prelude to this series, Waiting for Rebirth. I’m in the middle of the second prelude, Unwilling to Be Yours.

There’s only one prelude left after that, Be My Valentine…Snack.

Christopher is moving forward in his preludes. I fear he may leave his story behind if it doesn’t catch up.

This NaNoWriMo, Stealing Myself From Shadows is going to try to catch up. Or at least get a little closer to being ready for its next steps. Revisions aren’t what NaNoWriMo is supposed to be about. I’m doing something very different than what I’ve done in 2015 and 2016.

The risk of failure is high.

I need to take a risk, though.

This series is worth it.

[ep-heartstrings]

Just let me go why don't you.

Right now I am sitting on the floor of platform three at the station nearest my fathers. I’m very stressed, hyperventilating and amazed that I made it in time for my first train; I do believe the adrenaline helped.

One of the best things about being an adult now is that technically I don’t have to take any shit from anyone because I can just walk away. There is no need to stay with parents because I’m too young, or by a legal guardian as I’m not in a position where I need one. I’m of the age where Jordan’s father in Cocktail tells her she’s on her own. Something similar in sorts just happened to me.

Obviously you know that I’ve broken up with my girlfriend, and it’s been tough. Today it was planned that me and her would have a conversation, where I guess we would talk about everything that has happened. Since the beginning of the academic year you will be aware that I’ve been having panic attacks about my future; they are sudden, and unplanned. I hyperventilate, get angry, and upset, it’s unpleasant to witness, or hear down the end of a phone like my Mum did back in April. My father on the other hand knows nothing about this, or any of the real hardships in my life. Mainly as I keep them from him. I don’t trust him like my Mother, and that shouldn’t have been the case.

***

Growing up there are many things my father has missed out on, not taught me, or simply things he doesn’t realise. Unfortunately I share very few real father son memories with my Dad, and I do feel like he didn't see me enough as a child, but always favoured each academic year ending with a Summer holiday to the East coast. Not that I didn't enjoy these holidays, it's just it somewhat felt like an Ofsted Inspector coming by a school, and experiencing the best of the school's potential before leaving for home, and your next school day being back to the relaxed less effort style. But that's not to say my dad hasn't tried, he has, but in a way that he has never learnt from.

What my dad fails to realise is that money cannot buy love. It's clear that in the years since my parents split, my father has advanced in his job, even if it's only been gradual, and has a household income currently that I'm sure puts him in an advanced position of savings, and feeling comfortable; however my father has always challenged this. But my prime example is, his house renovations, holidays, and new clothes, verses ten years on, my mother is in a similar position financially as when they separated. My dad is generous in his gifts toward me, spending great amounts of money on me, and I've always felt the same way, in that it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. I worry that he'll hang this over me one day, saying "All that I've given you, or spent on you" when in actuality I never request money to be spent on me. I've tried many times to suggest he doesn't need to buy me things, but I feel like I can't tell him, as I don't know how to say it, as I don't know him well enough to say it comfortably. I know this might sound like I'm contradicting myself by taking his gifts, but I worry if I don't, I'll have to dig deep into an explanation of what I think he's doing, and truly how would I approach a conversation like that?

 I'm so proud of my mother for achieving a role in a new job industry. Things are looking up for her which makes me so happy. She's always told me she left my father without taking anything, there was no "I'll take half of yours" and that is such a bold and brave choice to make. Because of this, compared to how I grew up, with my mother, we've lived pay check to pay check, and it's been hard. This has meant that we've had to downsize and move houses a lot. And through it all, I wouldn't change a thing, because it has taught me the valuable lessons of saving money, trust, and bravery. I don't even to this day think that my dad realises the journey that I've had.

***

 My video call with my ex was unconventional. I wasn't entirely sure whether or not it was going to be video, or simply voice. She asked which I felt more comfortable doing, and I said I didn't know, but I quickly suggested video, as she was about to voice call me. My thinking behind this choice was that I wasn't certain when I would see her again, and thought if it had to be, this could be the last time we saw each other; of course bear in mind I was unsure how this call was going to go.

 I wasn't going to give her a fake name because I thought I'd never have to talk about her without giving her a pet name, but because of the current situation I will now call her Maddy. As we initiated our call, and our cameras turned live, I was surprised to see that Maddy appeared happy, and smiley, meanwhile I began blank faced and uncomfortable, laughing to mask my emotions. By the end, she was in floods of tears, I was content, and we had both said everything we needed to. Coming to terms with our break up was difficult, but given some time I started to realise how little power I had in whether we stayed together or not. What I quickly had to come to terms with was that this was solely her decision. She hadn't given me anything to argue with; she said she still loved me, that I was "truly an incredible human being", and that this decision might not be forever, just that she was not ready in herself for a relationship so heavy with commitment. A relationship that would potentially continue on into the years to come as we both figure out what we want, and where we want to be, as essentially we will live two separate lives in two different countries. I guess deep down I'm happy. It's tough going being long distance, especially when in different time zones as I have previously experienced with my ex before Maddy. But still its too raw to fully comprehend how I feel right now, what's most important is that I accept what she wants, and work toward getting over what was an unexpected tear.

 After the call ended my next job for the day was to pack my bag. Now think back to April’s “Glow” post. I made reference to how my girlfriend had helped me get home, and I'm yet to explain it, I'll do so now:

 I struggle to pack bags for travel. I absolutely hate it. I never know how many t-shirts, trousers, or shoes to take. It’s an ordeal that I dread, and it can easily send me into chaos. That day I was due to take a train back home, but was really struggling. I was messaging my girlfriend at the time, and we have this rule; the rule is basically if you start to speak, you must finish, not matter what, for full honesty about how we feel, and it was a great thing. I decided to bait her by pretending I was trying to say something, which I guess I was, so she’d force it out of me, hence her knowing my dilemma. She phoned me out of the blue, and walked me through what I needed to collect. “Pick a colour. Choose two pairs of trousers. Two tops. Two shoes. Hats. Underwear and socks.” She would say. And this might seem easy to grasp, which I know it is, but in these moments, its something else. Packing it together, and ordering an uber to get to the station was so much more simple with her by my side. Even if it was just her voice.

 This is something that has played out with me for a while now, although the stress and hyperventilating is a new addition, I would say since joining university, since really experiencing a deadline, only now I experience deadlines within my own life.

 Now April’s scenario repeated itself as I was packing my bag to leave my fathers, which had been stalled by three hours due to getting up at 1 PM, and my video call with my ex lasting longer than expected. At nearly half past five I was trying to fit everything into the bag I brought, without making any progress, always finding something I’d forgotten about. Yelling, and cursing, I struggled to compose myself. I think even though my video call with Maddy was successful, in terms of finding common ground in her decision, it was still very raw and I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Again I had no say in this decision, and accepting the unforeseen split would take some time, clearly I wasn't ready to do so. Pressure usually leads to more, and when we're our most vulnerable, we panic and look at everything that's not going our way, to which I started thinking about the cliff edge, and how in a short amount of time, I'll either be staying in my city, or having no choice but to move home. I must say I sound demanding, but this is something that is incredibly rare, only more frequent in the past nine months. I am a strong independent person, but am fooled my luggage and haven't found a steady stance on this capsized ship.

 Ten minutes later my father gets home, and is laughing at me still being here. I remained distressed, as I really wanted to be out of the house before he came home. He asked if I was okay, so I peered down the stairs to which he asked when I was planning on leaving. I said, “As soon as I’ve finished packing. I'm having a bit of a meltdown.” I wasn’t sure how I was going to get to the station, kind of hoping my father would drive me. He stated he going to the gym, and so I assumed I would walk, then taking the silence between us to continue with the dreaded task.

 My father got ready for the gym and then joined me as I was pulling the last of the pack together. I zipped up my bag, relieved. He disappeared for a second and then returned with a pair of linen trousers he said he an extra pair of. I had said a day or two ago that I’d like to get myself a pair sometime, not at all implying for him to get some for me. A kind gesture yes, but my mind was more focused on the fact that I’d just closed my bag finally when he’d added something else to go in. My mind was in overdrive. I squeezed them in. “I can take you to the station if you’d like.” my Dad said. Hyperventilating I agreed, and I carried my bags down, escaping the hot filled space upstairs.

 My father sat on the sofa putting on his running shoes, only two glass doors separated us. I stood in the hallway, but really I didn't feel like I was there at all. For a moment I felt content. "You could say please and thank you, you know?" said my father abruptly. I was shocked, surprised that he would say such a thing, especially since I'd expressed how agitated I had been feeling. I began breathing in and out again. In those split seconds I thought about how to respond; being honest, whilst bearing sudden amounts of pressure was the only option I could see. I thought if I openly reason with him, he would understand what I was going through. "My mind isn't even on the trousers right now, I'm having a breakdown." I said, in hopes of reaching clarity. Nothing of the sort occurred, except him raising his voice. I just stood there and took it. "You don't think I've gone through something similar?" he exasperated. "You might have split up, but I've gone through a failed marriage.." Just the idea that he'd bring up his marriage with my mother, startled me. I didn't understand why he couldn't grasp that maybe there was something more going on in my life other than my break up. If there was ever an example of how little he knows me, this is it. He failed to recognise that I wasn't being ungrateful, but rather expressing that I was extremely uncomfortable. Sticking to the honest route I calmly stated, "You do not want to get into an argument with me right now." But this only made him louder. To me, inaudible, as the stress filled in my head like Mentos to a diet Coke. I hit my limit. I reached down for my bags with one hand, the front door with the other. And before I knew it, the door was shut behind me, and I was walking to the station instead. The panic became pride as I made the decision not to take what was being thrown in my face.

 I thought he'd run after me. When he didn't I was convinced he would meet me at the station. Luckily I had plenty of time to get there, still with time to sit here and write this post; which isn't strictly true. Being such a heavy topic, spanning many paragraphs, in my honest writer mindset, full well knowing that one day my father could read this, and maybe learn a thing or two about our relationship, I have spent a total of six days making sure my view is clearly presented. When I finally reached the station, I realised that my father was going to let me leave without resolving the wreck left back at the house. This really upset me. But I guess if you're not going to run after my mother when she left you twelve years ago to make things work when you really love someone, why would you have changed and run after me now.

 I only ever looked up to my father and still to this day he doesn't realise that he just doesn't know me... At all... Worst of all, he doesn't want to know me. He'll take just the surface. And the fact of the matter is, I'd cherish father son time, but he's not brought me up, so it's not natural to him. And what makes this even more clear, is that he tries to parent me even now, "You could say please and thank you, you know?" I mean, my mother would never talk to me like that. He's not had an impact on my upbringing, my mother raised me; a single parent, who I see as one of my heroes. There are dads out there who as a single dad indulge in their time with their son or daughter, but because he's not tried to make us closer, he doesn't know me inside out, and can't read me, or more importantly, he doesn't want to read me to notice that their was something much worse occurring within me.

 Now he's holding a grudge against me, and I will not be the first to make contact, or acknowledge what has happened between us from interfering family members, not after how he's made me feel. It’s Father’s Day this weekend, and I don’t think I’ll be ready to talk to him. And anyway I’m standing my ground, a change has to be made and I would hope that he will apologise, and recognise his fault. If past arguments have taught me anything, I can bet he will tell his mother, my grandmother, of whom I love dearly, and he'll bring her into this wreck to fight his battle for him. Please Dad, recognise that I am someone of respect, loyalty and honour, I am not mean spirited and I am not ungrateful.

Intended to be posted on 13/05/17.

[lastweektranscripts]

Last Week I Started Vlogging Again!

Last Week # 1

March 28th - April 3rd, 2016

(These might be weirdly formatted, due to Tom’s style at the beginning of Last Week as a series)

 [Hey you! So tod- Ah- Uh- Nailed it. Oh my God, okay. How do I- How do I do this?

 Hey you! So, I thought I would try something a little different this week. I don’t really vlog in the traditional sense of “Whoa, look, here’s what I’m up to with my life” and I thought it’d be kinda nice to do that again.

One, because I miss making memories, and just logging my life, more than, y’know, just one day a year. And also, I just thought it’d be kinda interesting to see what happens when I start sharing my life, and my world with you a bit more. Um, I noticed that a lot of people still reference my past. They talk about my old friends, my old friendships, and I realised that not many people actually realize what my life is really like anymore. So, this is my first ever attempt at a weekly vlog. So, welcome to Last Week.

 Last Week started off with a lazy bank holiday Monday which I spent most of writing... videos for. Because I don’t know how to not do YouTube, it’s- I dunno, Dunno what I’m doing.]

  Monday

 Today I am just hanging out in my living room, on my own, because I’m very cool. I’ve got the fireplace going, it’s very nice. Um, and I’m writing vlogs.

-

It really sounds like there’s a bird stuck in my chimney. This is kind of horrific.

-

It wasn’t a bird, it was a ridiculous amount of hail! Help me.

-

Okay, I have just finished writing my first vlog of the day. It is 6pm, but the vlog is 1,200 words long so...

 I remember when I used to write vlogs that were like, 60 seconds long. Those were, those were good days. What do I write next? Oh I don’t know. Oh I’ve gotta write a lot of vlogs. Oh my god.

-

Tom: Elliot is here!

Elliot: Wh- Whaaaat What Why? What? What’s happening?

Tom: Jaffa cakes.

Elliot: Jaffa cakes.

 Tuesday

 So, after staying up all night with Elliot watching “Gravity Falls”, which was amazing, uh, we have come into the office very late, and we are now shooting vlogs. Elliot is now finishing off a vlog about guns, and I am hopefully writing another vlog.

-

[Because I wanted to spend the rest of the week with Eddie, writing, and I always get distracted when there’s lots of stuff going on in the office, Tuesday we spent writing and filming the vlogs, so that Elliot could then go away for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and edit those while Eddie and I stayed in the office and wrote.]

-

Aaah, so the time has come to film two vlogs, the one about money and the one I’ve just written about life goals, and all the things I want to achieve in my life. Here is the vlogging setup, we’re trying to use a nice boom mic these days. There are lights, and things, and a gun wall, I don’t need this bat anymore. Oh, that was loud!

-

Okay, so that’s the vlogs done! Elliot is now going to leave the office for three days and edit them. Why’re you still here?

Elliot:[Starts to speak]

Tom: Elliot, get out!

-

[Wednesday morning started off in Central London, with me doing some stuff for my diet, which I still haven’t really talked about, and... don’t want to yet. I don’t wanna. I just don’t wanna.]

 Wednesday

 So I’ve yet to tell you guys exactly how I am losing a lot of the weight, but one of the ways involves a lot of dietary supplements and nutrients, and I’m gonna go pick those up now.

-

I got on the wrong train, and now I am running late. I’m smart

-

[It also became quite apparent at this point in the week that vlogging makes most other people feel quite uncomfortable, especially when you don’t tell them you’re doing it. The look they kinda give you, it’s as if you’ve just turned around and you’ve got your dick out.]

-

So now we are at work. And we are going to write today.

Eddie: Yes.

Tom: [Laughs]

-

So I’ve just found out that we might have access to Chris Evans and Anthony Mackey for like, half an hour to hopefully shoot a sketch to help promote “Captain America: Civil War”, which is amazing and very exciting, but I’m not gonna get my hopes up too much, because these kind of opportunities usually fall through. But, that said, we are writing a sketch called- I dunno- called “Fire Man”, which I really really like, and the truth is, even if this doesn’t go through, I’m definitely going to make this sketch cuz I think it’s really really funny. Um, yeah, I really hope we get to do this.

-

[Wednesday ended though with me heading up to see my girlfriend because it was her birthday, and yes- yes I have a girlfriend, but I don’t really talk about that stuff publicly, I haven’t for my last, uh, couple of relationships because, pffffft, I stopped vlogging and, y’know the, obviously when you make something very public, uh, then it ends, people get- people are invested, and they throw opinions around which no-one really needs when you’re going through a breakup, so I just kinda keep that to myself now. I’m not- I don’t keep big secrets, but-]

-

[On Thursday morning though, I headed back into work and continued to make Eddie feel uncomfortable bu- by vlogging around him. Cuz he really likes it when I do that.]

 Thursday

 SO IT’S A NEW DAY! And I am wearing the same clothes, because, walk of shame. Eddie- Eddie is- Eddie is cleaning up boxes. What’s Eddie doin’?

 Eddie: Cleaning up boxes.

Tom: He’s- He’s doing that. Those are for MCM.

 We just finished a first draft of a new script for Crash Zoom, it is called Sky Scam, and I’ve just sent it off to a bunch of my comedy writing to be like, “Please destroy this script”, so I know if it’s funny or not.

-

Just came up with another idea for a sketch. It’s uh, it’s called “Incredibly Offensive” and it is- The idea is that it’s just every offensive thing ever in- in one sketch. All the things you can’t say, or do, or show, and uh, this came- this came out of me trying to brainstorm ideas with Eddie about incredibly safe sketches to do.

 So y’know, when I’m in my head I’m going “Here’s all these things we can’t do”, and my brain just goes “Oh yeah, what if we just do all of those.” So, who knows if that sketch will ever get made. S’good use of my time.

-

[So when it comes to my weight loss and the diet I’m doing, I am doing a kinda medically supervised diet thing, which also comes with some physiotherapy, some physical treatments, and all I can really say about those right now, is that they make me wear the most ridiculous, ridiculous outfit that I am pretty sure is just designed to make me feel bad about being overweight, so that I never wanna do it again. If that is the plan, it’s definitely working.]

-

Okay, so exciting news. I am now officially no longer the heaviest I’ve ever been. I am now the weight that I was, back when I went on a diet in 2010, that was my previous heaviest ever, 15 and a half stone. So, I know I can do this. But I’m vlogging in the middle of the street, and it’s weird, and everyone’s looking at me, so that’s fun.

-

[Vlogging in public is weird though, especially when you get recognized mid-way through doing it.That’s- That’s always strange.]

-

Girl: I wanna say hello to my boyfriend, Eric. Hello!

Tom: Hi Eric!

-

[Friday was April Fools day, which basically meant that I had not planned anything, as per usual, even though I want to do a good April Fools joke. So I just improvised, and I just scared the living shit out of a lot of my friends.

 Friday

 Y’know, like most great ideas, in the shower I thought that it’d be kinda funny to just pretend I’m gonna do a video all about which YouTubers have had sex with eachother. Um, so I’ve just posted up a thumbnail saying it’s coming later today.

-

[So Last Week I was working on something called “Project Salvation”, which is basically me attempting to get my channel back on track, and make up for being quite slow over the past six months or so, not uploading nearly as many videos as I’d like to. I started off 2015 really well, uploading two videos a month, and then it just went straight down to one video a month again. So, “Project Salvation” is basically my attempt at making some really, really good, really great sketches that I really think people are gonna enjoy. And Eddie and I, we’re just kinda powering through coming up with ideas for those, and yeah we, I-I think we have something pretty good- pretty good on the way.]

 Tom: It’s top notch.

 [Alice came in though, to record the new episode of “Crash Zoom”, which is nice, it’s always nice to see Alice, and I wish more people would hire her to be an actress, but hey, that much I can say is- Crash Zoom, there’s new Crash Zoom and it’s coming and yay.]

-

We asked a lot of friends for their opinions on the script and then we cut- we cut- we cut so much script I just- All- All the jokes. Why.

-

[Alice screams]

Tom: I share my office building with a lot of other people.

-

Alice has now left us, and we are back writing again.

Eddie: Yay...

We’re good- We’re good- We’re fun people. We are writing a new sketch, which might be a spiritual sequel to another sketch that I made, with Eddie.

Eddie: Yaaay.

Which was quite popular, that involved a-

Eddie: It’s like a floor, but a lack of. Tom: Yeah.

-

[And Friday ended with my girlfriend coming to see me, which was nice. And I said “Goodbye” to her, and she has gone off away on holiday for two- two weeks, so now I am so alone. Just so alone.

 On Saturday evening though, I headed on over to Sammy’s, and things got a little, a little off the chain. Little crazy.]

 Saturday

 Crushin’ mad pussy right now. Playin’ some tabletop games. We’re- Everyone’s having a good time, and I’m- Pussy’s gettin’ crushed.

Elliot: What’re you doing?

-

Tom: Sammy, tell us all your racist joke.

Sammy: That wasn’t racist!

Elliot: I mean, we all heard it.

Friend: Go on.

Sammy: Hang on, I have too much power here to just suddenly be like “Thanks for telling that racist joke just before the camera started.”

Tom: Haha, that was- That was racist, Sammy.

Sammy: Stop!

-

[Saturday ended with me and Sammy staying up until about four am, talking about things, ideas, and people. Elliot was asleep between us, on the sofa, we weren’t in the same bed, or were we? We weren’t. Um, but Sunday started with a picnic, and I say started, we didn’t really- We didn’t really get there until about 2pm because I’m good at organizing things. And also being on time.]

 Sunday

 It’s pi- It’s picnic day. Look, some friends! There’s one! I met a duck.

-

This is a friend duck. A Fuck.

-

Someone: Ducksquidge.

-

[Then we went to the pub, had cheeky, cheeky sparkling water. Okay, I also had a gin and tonic, even though I’m not supposed to on this diet. But what can I say? I’m- I’m an- I’m a budding alcoholic, so.]

-

We are in- In a p- with alcohols. I can’t drink.

-

Tom: Hey Sammy, guess what? Fuck you!

Sammy: Aw fuck!

-

[But then we went back to mine and played even more tabletop games because my god, are we ever cool. We’re not cool, not even slightly.]

-

Sammy: Oh, we’re here again, playing “Dead of Winter”, phew we live a wild, exciting life don’t we?

[Group chuckling in background]

-

[Finally everyone got ubers to their respective homes, and the week was over. And honestly I can say it was a really, a really good week like, it was nice to- It was nice to create some stuff. I didn’t write nearly as much as I hoped I would, but we got a lot of stuff done, there was a lot of progress made, and- And I saw a lot of people, and I socialized a lot more than I normally do. This was not reflective of kind of the last two years of my life, and it was just really nice seeing people, and- Yeah, I dunno, it was just- It’s been great to socialize, and that’s nice. I wanna do that more, I wanna live more, I wanna- people. I want people in my life. I kinda cut my social life down by two-thirds a couple of years ago, and it’s nice to socialize again.

 So what have I learned from my first week of vlogging? Um, first of all, I should really probably finish this setup, which I haven’t done yet, since moving around things in the office, and also I should film more cutaways, I keep forgetting to do that. So, here’s one. Here’s a- Here’s a cutaway. Vlogging: I’m a professional. I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m sorry. But thank you for watching, let me know what you think about this, of this weekly vloggy experience. All my friends are doing monthly vlogs, so I’m gonna one-up them, or up them by four times. I’m gonna 400% them-up. 4-up them? I dunno what I’m-

 I’m just gonna end this now. Thank you for watching and Tomska out.

 I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.]

[mysteryshelf]

FRIDAY SF & FANTASY - The White Raven

DISCLAIMER: This content has been provided to THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF by Xpresso Book Tours. No compensation was received. This information required by the Federal Trade Commission.

The White Raven Carrie D. Miller Publication date: April 1st 2017 Genres: Adult, Fantasy

Finally, after nearly a thousand years, Aven Dovenelle is truly happy. In her thirteenth life, she’s settled into the now witchcraft-friendly Salem, Massachusetts, where she has opened her own shop and made great friends—there’s even a possibility of love blooming.

Despite her contentment in this new life, the truth of Aven’s existence haunts her. She is cursed to live life after life, with all the memories of her horrific past. For all her powers, she’s never discovered why she was cursed nor how to break it. Hope may come in the form of a mysterious white raven, who has followed Aven through each of her lives. Although they have a connection that neither understands, it may prove to be her salvation.

An evil force from Aven’s past isn’t finished with her. Driven by vengeance and hate, he emerges to torment her anew and threatens all she’s built. He strikes without warning—her loved ones are caught in the wake of his attack and may not survive the encounter.

The cost of her happiness and freedom could be too high as Aven uncovers the truth about her curse and that dark magick lingers.

Goodreads / Amazon

—

PROLOGUE:

Calico, California 1886

They are close. I sense their hatred. Though I am prepared, I must force myself to be calm. I do not fear what comes although I know I will be dead soon. Running from this place now is not something I wish to do, nor do I care to fight anymore. I’m ready to seek out a new land, a new time, and to continue on to the next life I am cursed to begin.

My Pyrenees is at attention by my side, ears pricked and hackles raised. “It is time to go, my girl.” She whines and lowers her head, her big brown eyes pools of concern. “You go ahead,” I say with a smile. “I’ll be along soon.”

I hear the gallop of fast-moving horses and the shouts of agitated men as they approach my home. The sound of heavy boots bounding onto the porch makes my skin prickle. Torchlight fills the windows and I steel myself. The front door splinters when one of those heavy boots comes through it.

“I knew there was somethin’ not right about you.” The man in the lead is Morris Stiles, the town’s bully. I’m sure he took quick ownership of the lynching party so he could exercise his insatiable need to inflict pain and suffering without the threat of retribution. Not to mention the chance to snare himself a witch.

His face seethes with hostility. The men who crowd into the room behind him wear the same expression. The grin forming on his face as he looks me over is filled with decaying stubs that once passed for teeth. Many months ago, I offered to ease his pain, but was met with the back of his hand followed by a brown, revolting gob of spit aimed at my face.

Life in Calico has been filled with hardships. Each time I felt a modicum of acceptance, someone like Morris Stiles would speak against me. My goats and chickens were taken one by one, and the sheriff was not the least bit sympathetic or helpful in retrieving them. I am not one to back down so I held on, hoping for the relief of simply being ignored.

Now, yet another angry mob is at my doorstep. I know my lover has not had a direct hand in this. I am certain that due to the effects of much drink, his lips recounted events he should have kept hidden. I confessed to him this very morning that I am, in fact, a witch, and his reaction was what I had expected. I am unable to hide my true self for very long, and I am either revealed by my actions or by my simple confession. I will not deceive my lover with lies and trickery. I have told myself time and time again to stay away from love but the pangs and yearnings cannot be ignored, not even by one such as myself.

There is no fear on my face as I glare at the five men who have invaded my little home. Each one averts his eyes. As I inhale, my lungs fill with the thick, heavy air the men brought with them—full of sweat, dirt, whiskey, and anger.

I glower at the still grinning man. “Morris Stiles, you are a fool.” My voice resonates throughout the room. The sound makes the men jump and look around, wide-eyed.

Morris grunts and spits a brown mass onto the floor. “Them’s funny words coming from a whore a’ Satan!”

I scoff. “Tell me one thing, just one thing—any of you—that I have done to remotely reflect the work of the devil?” No one meets my eyes and nothing intelligible passes from their lips. Feeling the mood of his men shift, Morris lurches forward.

“Don’t matter! You do things no livin’ person should be doin’. Ain’t but God himself that can mend a broke back, or make Jenny’s fever break even after Doc said nuthin’ could be done. You got wrong in you, woman, and we gon’ fix that!” He lunges for me. Emboldened by Morris, three other men follow. I do not cry out as they grip my arms and shoulders with rough, dirty hands. Morris binds my hands in front of me. The smell of their breath and body odor stings my nose. I am ushered from my home with shouts and laughter. The night is fresh and crisp after the all-day rain. I welcome the clean air into my lungs.

“Why don’t she fight?” someone mutters behind me. “Why don’t she scream? Ain’t never known a woman not to go screamin’.”

“’Nother thing that ain’t natural ’bout her. Like them purple eyes!”

I am shoved up onto an old, work-worn mare. A timid voice comes from behind the rest.

“But she made Pa’s leg stop hurtin’. He’s able to get out in the fields again. Ma said it was a miracle and that God was workin’ through her.”

“Shut yer mouth, boy!” Morris slaps the young man hard on the back of the head. He grips the boy by his collar. “Yer Pa’s lucky she didn’t turn that leg into a cloven hoof!” He pushes the boy backward and turns to face me.

“We gonna show you what we do to witches!” He throws his head back and hoots manically. Several men follow suit; some punctuate their exuberance with gunshots into the air.

The horse underneath me snorts and pulls back from the man holding the reins, jerking her head from side to side. He yells obscenities at her and yanks her bridle. I run my hands along her taut neck and make her listen to my words in her mind. She calms to the song I sing to her.

I am paraded down the main street through town towards the cemetery where the gallows stands. Many outlaws have met their end in this manner, and it appears so will I.

The cemetery is unusually bright this evening with torches on every fence post. They cast a harsh yellow glow onto the weathered wood of the gallows. I am aware of the shouts, calls, and other verbal assaults around me, but I hear nothing except the steady beating of my heart. I focus on controlling my movements and breathing. I will not give them the satisfaction of seeing my fear. While I am not afraid of death itself as I have done it eleven times before, it is the act of dying I fear. But I am pleased by the method they have chosen, for it is a fast end if done properly.

I am shoved up the steps and I will my legs to keep up. I am jerked around into position in front of the freshly tied noose of new rope. Morris presents it and me to the crowd—the ringmaster to this circus.

“Lookie what we got here!” He shoves me forward as if they couldn’t already see me. “By her own confession to Roy Shackleford, she’s a gawd damn witch!” The crowd becomes deafening.

I catch the eye of the town preacher at the far end of the massive throng. His face is smug and his eyes dance with spiteful glee. Under my glare, his grin falters and he moves behind a large elderly woman who’s covered herself in a quilt and grasps a wooden cross tightly in her meaty fists.

Morris continues to speak random sentences describing my unnatural and ungodly ways, inciting the crowd further. I look upon their hateful faces, devoid of any resemblance to the humans they were earlier in the day. I pity them all for their small, feeble minds. I become aware that Morris is attempting to put the noose around my neck.

“I wish to speak!” I yank myself away from Morris’s grip. Much to his dismay, I am stronger than I have led him to believe.

I am booed and hissed at, and the crowd calls for my immediate death. I clench my teeth and hiss back at them. “Silence!” The force in my voice, the unearthly sound I make, strikes them dumb. “You will listen.”

“Almost half of you have benefited from my healing skill.” My gaze seeks those I readily find who have been under my care. Their eyes do not meet mine.

“I have caused no harm to any of you, nor your land, nor your property. I have done only good deeds. Refute that, anyone!” People shift their feet and hide their faces behind those in front of them. The people in the front look at the ground. In the silence, I hear the flapping of large wings and see the heavy flames of the torches dance in the air currents. I cannot see the creature but I know it. I have always known it. A sharp, angry cry from the bird peals out above the crowd. There are gasps and cries of fear; some crouch down as they stare into the black sky. I feel strangely calmed by the bird’s presence.

Morris steps forward to speak, and my thoughts close his windpipe. He grips his throat, his eyes widening. My eyes warn him not to proceed. I will be allowed to speak, Morris, but you no longer will.

“As I look at each of your faces, I know none of my words will make the slightest difference. Your minds are small and petty. The only danger here is you. You believe you are ridding the world of some great evil tonight. But all you are doing is worsening your own lives. Ponder that as you lay your heads on your pillows. The evil here is you, for there is none in me.”

I release Morris from where he stands still gasping for air. As he tries to recover himself, he waves several men forward to put me back into place. Coughing is all he can manage as he puts the noose over my head and jerks it tight. When he is close to my face, he spits at me. The smell of it would be nauseating if I could feel anything other than rage.

He shoves each man out of the way so he is the one to pull the lever that controls the trap door upon which I stand. He stumbles and is still sputtering to get words out, but he can only cough and spit. As my last act of defiance, I make those the only sounds that will ever come out of his mouth. My petty revenge makes me smile.

The movement of the well-worn mechanism opening the trap door is loud in my ears. It is all I hear though I’m certain the crowd has reached a frenzied state. For the length of a breath, I am suspended in midair. I look above the crowd as I plummet downward, seeing a flash of white wings in my periphery.

I relax my neck and let the noose perform its job without resistance. I want this over quickly, to have my neck snap immediately. The noose tightens as my weight pulls my body down. The pain is but a quick jolt and then the world is black and silent to me.

  Author Bio:

Carrie D. Miller was born in Hutchinson, Kansas, on October 31, 1970. She credits her vivid imagination, as well as her sugar addiction, to being a Halloween baby. In a former life, she was an executive in the software industry for many years. Her career in the technology world included software product management, website design, training, and technical writing just to name a few. Although Carrie’s written a great deal over the decades which has been read by thousands of people, software documentation allows for about as much creativity as pouring cement. At the age of 45, she decided to chuck it all to become an author which had been a life-long dream.

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FRIDAY SF & FANTASY – The White Raven was originally published on the Wordpress version of The Pulp and Mystery Shelf