#i actually wanted to write this yesterday but i was still resting from sunday cuz man that was a mess

[bitchloveskcbaseball]

Sneak Peek Monday

@burnsoslow tagged me yesterday for Six Sentence Sunday ... but I was in a football induced ... funk which I am 100% blaming the doubts I was having on LMAO so I didn’t get this out on Sunday. Plus I’m pretty sure that this is gonna be longer than six sentences ... so I’m just gonna go with sneak peek this time 🤣🤣🤣

Anyway ... now that I’ve rambled for literally no reason ... the actual reason for this post ...

I’ve actually done a (very, very) small bit of writing. I am actually super excited about it (especially with some awesome encouragement from burns cuz she’s freaking AMAZING!!!) And it’s me venturing into writing for a different fandom -- The Wayhaven Chronicles -- which has me simultaneously super hyped and super freaked out 🤣 Just a heads up, it is set just past the end of the Book 3 demo and there are going to be at least a few references to events that take place during those chapters. Oh and because this is me, here is the obligatory warning for language in this (yes ... even in the excerpts I can’t help myself lmao) Annnd I’m rambling again, so ... here we go! ?? lol

ok ok ok Also!!! this is my first real attempt at writing any of these characters (and it is still really early in working on this) so ... apologies if anyone seems out of character!

Chainsaw 

Pairing: Mason x f!Detective Katalynn Raye (even if these two dorks haven’t realized it yet lol)

“Well … I went to check on her. She had a helluva day. I mean, it started before she even woke up and – “

A hand coming to rest on his shoulder cut off his rambling and he knew without looking up – when did I look down? – that it was Nate. “Felix. Take a breath.”

“And get to the point.”

“Adam!”

Rather than respond to the lengthy lecture hidden inside that one word, Adam merely turned his head slightly away from the other two in the room, allowing Nate to return his attention to Felix. Sensing the unease in him, Nate murmured softly, “You don’t need to be nervous. You can always talk to us. About anything.”

“I … I know that. I do. It’s just that … I don’t want to get her into trouble. I’m just … I’m really worried that she is already in trouble.”

********* skipping ahead lol **********

“The fuck are you doing?”

Under normal circumstances, she’d have just been pissed that someone had successfully snuck up on her. These, however, were far from normal, considering she had just managed to get her hands around the handle of large and awkwardly-weighted chainsaw that had been situated on the top shelf. It took every single ounce of self-control and upper body strength that she possessed not to drop the damn thing on her head as she startled at the low almost-growl. So much so that it took far longer than it should have for recognition to dawn on her.

When it did, however, she swung around with the chainsaw pointed straight at her uninvited guest, a sharp bolt of fury ripping through her entire body and lacing every single syllable as she hissed, “Jesus, Mason! I nearly dropped this on my fucking head!”

~~~~~

This was longer than I normally would, but I couldn’t help myself lol (wanted you to have something new to read burns! 😁) If you’ve made it this far, THANK YOU!!!

I debated whether to tag anybody ... but like I said ... I’m excited and kinda curious about what some other TWC fans think about this so far (sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged!!!)  Also I have no idea who else hasn’t done something like this yet this week ... so if you see this and want to do it, consider this your tag! 😊

tags: @agentnatesewell​ @mvalentine​ @anotherbeingsworld​

[samthenifty]

Welp, time to get personal I guess. Story time peeps. If you care to read for a few.

So I'm currently in the process of switching jobs. From a minimum wage crew position at good ol McD's, to a starting pay of 13/hour as a interior cleaner of new homes being constructed. Also, bonus its a switch from the dreaded graveyard shift to a lovely regular week day 8 to 4 shift. All with the awesomeness of getting to work with my girlfriend again cuz they hired her too! So I've been stoked!

Although there is a lot of good change in my life, its been stressful. I am awful at handling change. Always have probably always will to some degree. I was also sad to be leaving my team. Almost all of which I thoroughly enjoyed being around. Sure I could try to stay in touch afterwards, but other than an added mutual at this sight to spam with memes. I knew I'd be losing touch with all of them. The allies we have in the hellscape of these sorts of jobs, they are valuable and treasured. Take away the warfront though, and we'd have no real reason to stick together.

I'd only been at this latest Mc'Ds for a couple months, but I'd managed to gather a few amazing memories already. I'll treasure those, along with a couple harsh lessons its brought my way.

One of these lessons, is why I'm writing this post. The lesson that, even with all the growth I've had in recent years, I have a lot to learn about reading people still.

A small bit of backstory for you guys. I have a couple of mental illnesses (no surprise, this is tumblr after all) including generalized anxiety disorder, depression and aspergers tendencies. This last one, for how it affects me at least, essentially hinders my ability to read people. Social cue readings going arrie when I try to absorb them. A very common example being my problem with thinking someone is mad/negative when they probably weren't trying to. Combine that mess with my anxiety, and it becomes very hard to be around people I have had altercations with in the past.

A couple days ago I started the first day of my two weeks after giving McD's my notice. I went in ready to go. Ready to be a part of the team and make the most out of my remaining time. When a little ways into my shift an altercation began. One I have not fully recovered from.

For the sake of anonymity we'll refer to her as M, she is a overnight manager. I had known her as a customer, she was a favorite of mine and my girlfriend's back when she was a crew member. Then one day I came back to the store on a snack run, and I found out she was a manager. Shortly after I applied and started working overnights.

I had been so enamored with her customer service persona that I was so sure I would enjoy working with her. For some parts I was right. She was complicated, mildly selfish and sharp tongued, but I didn't dislike her. At least not at first.

Over the short time I've been working here, I slower started to see through my old view of M. Who I tried my best to continue liking, but it didn't last. One reason being that we had several situations where I would try to say/suggest something helpful, and she'd talk me back into a corner, refusing to give up the last word. I always bit my tongue and tried to brush it off. It wasn't a big deal right? She's the boss after all, so what does it matter what I think right? Fucking wrong.

So when this particular situation arose yet again, I finally lost my patience. Here's what happened okay?

I was running orders for front counter, the guy on register being a new guy. A new guy who had mentioned to me that he hoped he would get assigned the sauces later. He liked that job he told me. So a little while later, after the rush had lulled, I went to ask M if she would be okay with me having the new guy take the sauces along with the three boxes of sauce we no longer needed up front. I was going to continue to say "and I'll watch front counter since I can run for myself", cuz I figured I was probably the more experienced between us. I didn't get a chance to say that part though, because she cut me off and said "why can't you?" I don't remember the next couple of remarks, but the exchange ended in me grabbing up the sauce boxes, informing her that it was just an idea, I don't need to hear all the freaking sass all the time.

By the time I had gotten the boxes back to the shelves, I was starting to fall apart. Whether she meant to or not, M had triggered an anxiety attack. I motioned for a coworker of mine, my mcmutual I mentioned earlier. I told her what had happened as best I could through my choked throat. Tears escaping despite my best efforts to hold my composure. She talked me down, bless her soul. I managed to make it to my ten minute break shortly after. I opened this meme machine website and a doggo cheered me up. I was shaky but stable. Then M came in, sat across from me in the tiny crew room. And tried to confront the situation. Which would have been fine. If she had handled it better. But this is M we're talking about, so of course it wasn't.

She opened up the conversation well, telling me she can't empathize/sympathize if she didn't know whats wrong. That she didn't understand why I, one of her usually best team players under any circumstances (actually a really nice compliment), was trying to push off work onto someone else. I tried my best to explain, she cut my off and told me that new guy was almost off when I asked. Something she could have told me, but didn't. I told her. (Note that he had ended up filling the sauces anyways, so all of this was for nothing in the long run.) She kept running the conversation in circles, making the whole thing about her really, and I gave up eventually. "You clearly just don't understand." I told her. I had given up on trying to explain, I just wanted to talking to end and to move on with the night. Then, she had the gall to get angry with me. She gets offended, gathers her things, and says something along the lines of "fine, you want to sit in here and pout. Whatever, you're leaving in two weeks anyways."

I was, livid. Less than a second following her last words, I boiled over. Taking my phone, which had been under my hand through out the conversation, and slammed it against the table. Fracturing my screen protector (and what I thought was my screen at the time), pissing me off worse, but not as much as the rest of the altercation had. Fine then I'm leaving I yelled after her. I grabbed my stuff, said sorry to the three ladies I was abandoning in night crew, and I sat outside next to their dumb drive through, waiting for my mom to pick me up.

I talked to the general manager in the morning, and I told him what happened, in an abbreviated fashion of course. I told him that I wanted to be there for my time still, but I didn't feel comfortable with working with M. He understood, and asked if I could work 9 to 1 am (half my original shift) so I could be off at the same time as L (another manager lady). I agreed, and he said I didn't have to work Friday and I told him I'd happily come in on Saturday and Sunday still. (I had been under the impression that M wasn't working those nights, but more on that later.)

So yesterday (friday) I go in, and as per usual I'm dropped off almost an hour early due to my girlfriend also being on a McD's night crew in a different city as a manager. I usually would chill in the crew room, but I hunkered down out in lobby instead, hoping to avoid any further conflict. A minute before I'm supposed to clock in I went back to put my coat and bag away. I put on my headband, turned around to leave the tiny crew room, and there she was. M blocking the doorway. Preventing me from starting the workday in peace.

She started with an apology. Which was good and seemed earnest. I was tired of being emotional though, and I knew talking further would trigger my anxiety. So I said, "okay, but I don't want to talk about it."

That's it, that should have been the end of it.

Friends.

It wasn't.

She turned around the conversation again, making it about herself. "Well I won't be okay if I don't talk about it." She says. I didn't say this at the time, but I honestly didn't care. I along with what feels like the entirety of night crew, have been catering to M's mood ever since I started just so we won't all be miserable. I was done with that. I was too tired. I had to look out for myself. So I cut her off, for the first time ever, and I asked her if she wanted me to leave. She stormed off, muttering something about not caring I think.

And that was how I spent less than three minutes in the back of my store. Along with two almost hour long periods before and after in the lobby.

As I waited for my parents to come get me from the lobby, L came to find out what happened. I tried my best to explain it along with a small bit of info on my anxiety. About how I have trouble with people who make me feel emotionally unstable, that no matter how hard I try, M would forever me an unsafe person to me. She couldn't make me stay she says, but she would make sure I had a safe place to work on saturday.

This morning that last comment haunted me. So I called the general manager again, clarifying whether or not M works tonight. When he told me yes, dread started seeping into me. He told me L was going to make sure we stayed seperate. I expressed my doubts, "If M wants something she does it" I told him. I was going to try though, for the sake of my team.

It is currently almost 2:30 pm, and I have not slept. Up until an hour ago I had been trying to, but I've just been too stressed. So I called back, and I told the general manager what was happening. He tried to talk me into going at first, but I think he could tell how strained I was. I apologized profusely, assured him I would be there tomorrow night (the only shift I have left without M), and called out on tonight's shift.

Since that call, I've taken a shower and written this accidental novel. I feel a bit better now. Thank you if you read this far. I know a small handful of you who definitely will. You know who you are. I love you guys. I'm gonna maybe play a game and get a little sleep. Wish me luck tomorrow.

[my-jds-blog]

May 9, 2021 Sunday

Okay, so today is Mother’s Day and I am tired. I just spent the last 5 and a half hours outside grilling and then I brought my stuff inside and was nice enough to wash the dishes, even the ones that weren’t mine. I just want to lay in bed now and do nothing for the rest of the night. I think ima just watch some tv for the rest of the night.

So yesterday evening there was no change at all. Jorge never hung out with me or said a word to me until I was already halfway through my nightly routine and then he only talked to me for a little bit before he went back to his Xbox and I continued with my routine. This morning I woke up at like 8:30 which is when he woke up to leave for work and then I did my morning routine, combed my hair, and then I got dressed and took care of the babies before leaving to go see my mom and help her with her facial. I don’t remember if I said this yesterday or not, but on Monday she has to perform a facial for an interview so she asked me to refresh her and critique her. She actually did well, she just needs to remember to cleanse the face with sponges first and then apply the cleanser to her hands before she applies it. She should also remember to ask questions like “how’s the steam? How’s the temperature? And, how’s the pressure?” If she remembers all of that she should ace the interview. They already told her they like her vibe, now she just has to perform for them.

After that I came back home because I thought Jorge was gonna want me to go to the store with him to buy the ingredients we need for the bbq today, but when I got home he had already gone to the store and had all the stuff sitting on the counter! I’m surprised he went without me! Yesterday I told him we should go to the store because if we wait until Sunday it’ll be PACKED, but he never answered (another form of him ignoring me yesterday) so I said to myself “oh well, it’s not my mom that wants the bbq so i don’t care). So today when I saw he went without me I told him “I’m surprised you went to the store without me” and he said “yeah cuz I didn’t know how long you’d be and it’ll get packed the later in the day it gets, and I was already out so I just went” (he was working this morning). He was playing Halo during this so he asked me what was i going to do so I told him I guess I’ll just play Animal Crossing until he’s ready to start cooking and he said okay so that’s what I did. After I finished playing Animal Crossing though I was feeling a little sleepy since I didn’t get enough sleep so I walked over to jorge’s desk and told him I wanna take a nap and he said okay so then I told him to wake me up when it’s time to start cooking and he said okay so I went to bed and fell asleep right away. It was an hour nap I got in before he came over to wake me up. Surprisingly I actually felt good. Most of the time when I wake up from a nap I feel groggy and my eyes feel even worse than they did before, but this time I woke up feeling great. We didn’t get started cooking right away though because I read through the instruction manual of the grill to find out what the recommended grilling temperatures are for different meats and there was none of that info in there 🙄 so then I googled how to cook all the different types of meat he bought on that type of grill and took screen shots of all the info. After that we finally went outside to start cooking and by then it was 2:45 so we were half an hour behind now from when we were supposed to start cooking because he wanted to start @ 3, but it takes 45 minutes to heat up this grill when you’re using it for the first time ever so now we’re not gonna be able to start until at least 3:30. I don’t remember what time it was when we did start cooking finally, but I know we didn’t finish cooking until about 7:15. So that’s about 4 and a half hours outside grilling and then we ate outside too because his mom wanted to eat outdoors today so in total I was outside for 5 and a half hours straight today.

I also got invited to a wedding while I was out there. Esmeralda and Jose came over with their family and while we were cooking she invited us to the wedding and asked us what we would like to be in charge of. Not “would you like to be in charge of something?” But “what do you want to be in charge of?” Thankfully though she assigned us the drinks so all we have to do is provide that. Just a couple liters of soda, some packages of water bottles, and some teas and lemonades should be enough to satisfy everyone. It’s supposed to be about 100 people she said, but she also said we don’t have to worry about supplying ALL the drinks. Idk what that means, but that’s what she said 🤷🏽‍♀️. I thought it was going to be at the church in pahokee since that’s where Ashley got baptized, but she said they found a church in Wellington that has a Spanish speaking pastor and the reception was going to be at the royal palm beach civic center because it’s only 4 minutes away from their house. I’m assuming it’s near Denny’s because Denny’s address is Civic Center Way. We’ll see how it goes though. She told me I could be a bridesmaid if I wanted to be but I told her I would dress in burgundy like the rest of the family instead. She was fine with that. I might have to go shopping though because I’m not sure if I have burgundy clothes. I know I have wine colored clothes, but do wine and burgundy look the same? I’ll have to ask. Not until the wedding gets closer though.

That’s it for tonight. I wanna lay down and relax. Tomorrow does start the first of my last 3 days of school 😁 and before school I need to look into signing up for the chemical peel class because I believe it starts June 28 and I haven’t looked into it yet, and I still need to file my taxes. Tomorrow makes it exactly one week that I have left to file it and I haven’t done anything with it.

Until next time,

Jazz

P.S. we’ll see how the writing goes for the next few days cuz now that school is starting again I might not have time to write

[canaryatlaw]

Okay, so I'm sure you could tell by my posts thus far that today was totally awesome and pretty much the best birthday ever, but I'll try to recount most of the rest of it before my eyes demand I shut them. So alarm goes off at 9 and I push it to 9:15 cuz I can get away with it, got ready and then hopped in an uber and got there soon enough. There was of course a lengthy line to get inside by that point, but I really moved pretty quickly so it wasn't a bad wait. The "crossover" panel was the first thing happening, so I headed over there and got a seat in the general admission section and thought for a minute about asking a question because I wanted to but couldn't think of one, but then I thought I came up with a decent one so I got on the question line. So that panel was Caity, Brandon, Neal McDonough (Damien Darhk) and Robbie Amell (Ronnie, former half of firestorm). Lots of funny moments, they were joking around a lot. Like someone asked who their celebrity crush was, Robbie said his wife haha, Brandon said Neal (which was hilarious), Neal said Gene Hackman, and Caity said Angelina Jolie lol. Caity gave a shoutout to the scrapbook the lotzers made and talked about how much she loved her fans, so that was pretty great. Someone asked if they could have their current character meet up/face off with any other character they've played who would it be, so of course Brandon said Superman (predictable) and then turned to Caity and was like "400 Days right, right???" which was super cute because if you weren't aware they were both in that movie and played a couple, lol, so very cute. I think she picked black canary though, and I don't remember who the other two picked. I think those are most of the questions I remembered worth mentioning. I got really mad because they literally cut off questioning with the guy right in front of me, like I would've been next and they cut it off so I was VERY frustrated about that. But not long after we went back to Caity's table and I asked her my question which was what was your favorite scene to shoot in season 2 of legends and can you hint at anything in the next two episodes? And she said she really really liked shooting the next episode and that its gonna have a really cool guest star (at which point I was like Felicity right? And she was like haha yeah) so that's cool. I then also asked her about talking to the writers about captain canary and she said she had done so, but I asked her to keep trying and she said she will because she really likes it so that made me happy, and then we took more selfies and she signed another photo. Not long after that I want to Katrina's table which was right next to Caity's, and holy crap Katrina is literally the most adorable person on earth lol. She was like bounding full of energy and running around everywhere and it was great. I had tweeted her sometime last month after listening to a podcast episode she was in where she was saying all proceeds from autographs and selfies taken today would be given to charity and I said I would be there and it was also my birthday, and then last night I tweeted her again saying thanks for answering my question at the panel and that I'd see her tomorrow for charity Sunday, and when I got up there she was like "oh it's you're birthday too right??" (Cuz they had just done it with another girl) which made me happy because she remembered something that little haha, so she had everyone sing happy birthday to me and video taped the whole thing and I'm just sitting there grinning like an idiot the whole time but I don't even care because it was awesome. I then talked to her briefly about Training Day and what the fate of the show was gonna be, and she said she actually didn't know wha the game plan folk forward is, which I'm sure is very frustrating. I went to Katie Cassidy's table next. She wasn't like, rude or mean or anything, she just didn't come off as personable as Caity and Katrina, but that's probably more of a personality thing than anything else so I'm certainly not holding it against her. I said you knew I was at the panel yesterday and how sad I was about Laurel's death because I love my lawyer superheroes and she was just like "well, keep watching, you never know" which is a very non-committal answer but I'll take it, lol. Addressing that I browsed around the vendors and everything for s bit and picked up different items I liked. Then my two Twitter friends (shoutout to @saraslittleassassin for indirectly introducing us and basically being the reason I came to the con) were in line for Caity and they had VIP passes when I only had the regular, so I just snuck in line with them saying I wasn't getting anything just watching, which actually worked quite well haha so I was happy about that. I got to say the last two things I really wanted to say, which was that I had started taking martial arts lessons because of Sara, and that we had interacted on Twitter back in December about the whole politician and documentary thing which she remembered and reaffirmed she'd vote for me when I run for office (the likelihood of that ever happening is not particularly high at the moment, but we'll see). After that we were pretty much done, so we got some food and I grabbed a Lyft home since my uber app is still losing it. Got home to my roommate having mad cupcakes for me, so we had a very nice movie night in. I had never actually scene fantastic beasts and the force awakens so we watched those, which I both enjoyed quite a bit. Fantastic bests didn't really feel like a Harry potter movie but I think it did a good job as a film on its own. The force awakened was as m awesome as everyone in here has said it is, asked I thoroughly enjoyed it. I might write up a more detailed version in the next few days, but right. Ow I'm having a lot of sissies keeping my eyes open so I think I'll end it here. Today was awesome and thanks for very one who contributed by saying happy birthday or anther else. Goodnight everyone. I hope your next birthday is as lovely as mine was.

[punkocalypse]

For commissions, they're going to be open, prices will go back to normal as of Monday or Tuesday, so take advantage of the sale while/if you can... Even if I don't get it done immediately, the sales are still going. 50% off of everything except line arts, which are $10 for a single full body and $15 for a couple full body.

Now onto the rest...

October 5th, 2018... Wheatley was the first to get skunked.

I don't know what he did or where he found it... but we were taking a break and had everyone inside and all we could smell was that signature skunk smell... so we sniffed and there is Wheatley... sad as could be... eyes kinda red... not SUPER smelly but definitely got it...

Poor baby... but it teaches him... so we gave him a bath and he's sticking close now. He's ready to rest... Everyone is. You give them a day of running willy-nilly outside and they're okay to sleep for the night xD

Meanwhile me? My shin that I busted open on the 4th opened back up and bled some more... so we used hydrogen peroxide and we did a dose of that maybe 6 or 7 times and it STILL kept fizzing... so we're going to keep an eye on that...

Aside from that, turned in the keys today and went to the postal office to let them know we moved... have to call some places Monday because we simply haven't had time to sit on a phone for 2-3 hours on hold to tell someone we've changed addresses :/ barely had time to go to the post office and let them know.

But everything is finally moved AND we took a photo of the mold in that closet just in case... as well as we have our therapist who we've been telling about all the crap that those apartments keep pulling on us over these couple o' years, just in case they try to pull one last screw you... Which they better not be angry about the mold because it's THEIR water closet and the only reason we know about it is that that's the whole reason they came into the apartment in the first place was to see if we had it cuz downstairs had it...

We just thought we were sick and couldn't breathe for no reason aside from stress... but no. We were being freakin' poisoned by mold spores going into the A/C and being blown all over the house. And then they never even took care of it, like everything else.

So goodbye. Now I can fix my problems. But so far the only problems with the new place is some of the doors are easily opened (old farmhouses are like that) and there's a crap ton of spiders everywhere... But when no one has lived here for who knows how long and the house is on 12 acres, you're going to get spiders... Cool thing is the laundry room has a super crooked door that can't be fixed because the threshold is too big for the door and since the floor it's on is crooked, you can't have a normal door there... but it looks cool af. We live in a crooked house and I love it.

Also, we've got like 3 types of grasshoppers, 2 kinds of crickets (One of which ALSO keeps getting inside), butterflies, moths, beetles, mosquitoes (we spray ourselves and pups have meds to deter them), other strange bugs, lizards, birds, deer, armadillos, skunks (obviously), I saw a possum the other night, turkey vultures, pigeons, and just a whole host of other critters... I heard screeching tonight, that might've been one of the possums just making noise cuz all pups were accounted for.

I also had to take an old abandoned bird's nest AND an old abandoned wasp's nest out of our mailbox so it could be used... I felt bad for taking down the bird's nest cuz there was NO way to remove it without breaking it apart...

Also, been looking more around the grounds, there's a bunkhouse out back just a tad (there's a walkway from the back of the porch to it, just has lots of overgrowth) that has electricity and is attached to the well-house by a wall but the shower in it is broken probably... has a bed in there and the light works though... we are just using it as storage.

There is also a wagon against the back of the house that I plan on taking out to the old garden and weeding soon, just toss them all in there so I can get them to the garbage easier... We want to go out and get a pumpkin sometime this month and just put it in the garden so it'll decompose and give us pumpkins next year (Okay... I want that and it was my idea lol... Grambo said we'll have pumpkins forever so probably just get one pumpkin)

I got my seeds though!! I ordered some seeds that were on sale... mostly herbs and some vegetables so in the spring I can start on it. If I can earn up the money I want to order more and maybe even order some grapes and other fruits that aren't trees. Ordered Lovey some sunflower seeds too so I can grow them to put in a vase. Also ordered like three kinds of carrot seeds cuz those are good treats for everyone...

Need to find someone who sells green beans, though... I don't know if those come in seeds or not... I've SEEN the plants when I was younger but I have no idea how they got planted or where you buy them here... but they're good dog treats and Wheatley loves them.

I want to start canning as well, next year so we can be slightly more self-sustainable, especially through the winter... I'm going to have a lot of work cut out for me but I think it'll be easier being away from everyone... I still need to clean out what we're going to use as a garage and the old chicken coop so I can use the coop/barn/thing as a workshop.

We're not ready for chickens. I want them... but we're not ready. Garden first. Plus, that coop would need a LOT of work and I still have to do the garden, the fence, and literally everything else... I'm excited about it though. I like to fix things, it makes me happy.

I'm also excited to get back to painting and drawing... traditionally. It'll be awesome to go outside and just do some sketching or maybe painting that American,I think he said Oak or Elm, tree outside in front... it is SO beautiful... Plus, the trees here aren't rotted or dead...

I have a lot of work cut out for me but it'll get me outside, so it's worth it. First thing tomorrow, since we finally have everything here, I need to take the pups out on a walk along the border of our property so they learn this is ours and this is home, don't leave this. Going to keep doing that so they learn... plus, it'll show me everything around here...

Sunday, we're going into town to see what all they have... Then Monday we have therapy and visiting Grambo.

And throughout all of that? Unpacking. BUT, we're already mostly done... It's much easier to unpack than to pack... Plus, we have space... and I hear a cricket inside, lol. Pups are sleeping, so he's lucky... Lovey stepped in cricket earlier.

Anyway, enough rambling... Will update another time... Internet is still spotty while we get used to it as well as we're super busy with home stuff and my muscles are sore and stiff so not much getting done outside of packing and unpacking... Now just unpacking, though so I can take my time...

I love this place so much... I'm actually excited and happy to come home... It's calming at home... I'm not constantly terrified... I can walk around my own home without feeling like I'm constantly in danger... Sure, for now, I have to check everything for spiders before I touch it but that's way minor to me and way less scary than people...

Speaking of people... apparently in her drunken state yesterday, Uncle's gf said she was going to fight me or punch me in the face or something... I don't know exactly... Uncle told lovey who told me that she was threatening to fight me specifically... and I just find that fucking hilarious because that happens so often... I don't do anything and people want to fight me and then never actually do anything...

Like, literally... I have NEVER done anything against this woman in my LIFE... I've been polite. I've never said anything to her. I've never said anything to her boyfriend. I've never said anything to Grambo... But she wants to punch me in the face... For not being involved whatsoever...

The last time this happened was some girl was being incredibly rude to a different Grandmother and I told her she needed to respect the woman allowed her to live under their roof, to which she told my friend's cousin she was going to punch me in the face next time I did that... which she never did and I didn't find out about the threat until after the fact...

So yeah... People always want to fight me and I'm losing the will to care at this point. I'm not a confrontational or violent person but everyone wants to fight me behind my back... Okay then, I guess? By all means, throw the first punch... I will pin you to the ground so you can't hurt anyone and YOU can go to jail for assault. I don't like bullies and I don't like fighting. I don't have time for this.

Have fun with it.

I'm writing this at 1:11 AM but will post it when I get up because my internet isn't working right now and I think computers will have to be permanently grounded to the bedroom to get any service because that's also the only place the wifi router works. No living room for you... I have to put a desk in there, we've only got one... Thankfully, we have our own desk... it's just outside while we're unpacking... And then it has to be checked for bug-life before it's allowed out of purgatory and into the realm of the living... Just like almost everything else.

Alright, that's the end, I'm done... Hope you're all good.

NEW NOTE: It's 4:11 AM and couldn't sleep so posting while I can

[the-mrs-indy]

∼RIP Daddy - 08.04.2017 - I love you!!∼

∼Part #01∼

∼Okay...So this post/update is going to be posted in two parts. Mainly cuz Tumblr wants to limit how much I can write in one single post. Plus, y'all know me...I tend to ramble when I'm upset...∼

∼My Dad passed away Friday, August 4th, 2017. It's been a little over a month and it still feels like he just passed away yesterday. I have never experienced a pain this excruciating in my life.∼

∼I never in my life knew what heartache and heartbreak actually were - Until the day my Dad died. Losing my Dad is literally the most painful and heartbreaking thing I've ever been through in my entire life!! I have been a Daddy's Girl since the day my Mom introduced me to my Dad. For this who don't know, my Dad is not my biological father. He is technically my Stepdad - But him and my Mom started dating when I was 2-1/2 years old - They got married a month after my 4th birthday {{I'm now 29-years-old}}. My biological father was in prison most of my life and never took the time to even ∗TRY∗ to be a father when he got out of prison. So the man that was supposed to be my Stepdad ended up being my daddy. He raised me as his own daughter from the minute he met me. I was his little girl - and I was a Daddy's Girl. Nothing could come between the two of us. My Mom always says she was so in awe of the father/daughter relationship we had. She said it made her so happy to see me happy. And that's how it was - as long as I was with my Dad, I was the happiest girl in the world. And then when Austin was born, it was the same thing. He was a Papaw's boy from the minute he was born. Austin and my Dad were attached at each other's hips - They were literally best friends. So losing my Dad has completely broke my heart - I'm not myself anymore. I'm no longer the Heather I used to be - and I'm not sure if I'll ever truly by myself again.∼

∼Anyways, my Dad had gall bladder surgery on 07.05.2017 {{on his 53rd birthday}} but instead of getting better, he gradually got sicker & sicker. Austin went down to my Mom & Dad's for the weekend two weeks before my Dad passed away. Everything was going great until Friday, July 21st, 2017 at around 4:20am in the morning. My Dad woke up vomiting blood & urinated blood profusely. He couldn't breathe & was gagging by the time Austin woke up, heard him & went to check on him. My Dad told Austin to run & get MeeMee {{my Mom}} ∼ Quickly!! Austin got my Mom & while she was rushing to see what was happening, Austin grabbed my Mom's cell phone & called 911. By the time my Mom realized Austin was on the phone with 911, he had already told the dispatcher "My Papaw is puking blood. He can't breathe. He needs help!!" Austin was even able to tell the dispatcher my Mom's address {{he's had our home address & my Mom's home address memorized for close to two years now for this specific reason...along with me, Dave, & my Mom's phone numbers}}!! The paramedics came & rushed my Dad to the hospital. Dave immediately went to go get Austin so he didn't have to stay with my Mom at the hospital. The first two days my Dad was there, we thought he was getting better. They told us he had an infection from his gall bladder surgery that he'd had on the 5th of July. But they assured us that it was a minor infection & easily treatable. But by the 24th, my Dad started getting sicker & sicker. The doctors kept telling us it was normal - He's going to get sicker before he gets better. It's all part of the healing process" they kept telling us.∼

∼But my Dad NEVER got better. By the evening of the 25th, my Dad crashed & went into cardiac arrest. They were able to revive him, but he was in very critical condition. He ended up crashing three more times that one night. By the morning of the 26th, my Dad was in a coma & on life support. The doctors were still hopeful that he would get better. They said especially with him being in a coma, his body was able to rest & give itself a chance to heal. They continued to be hopeful, so my Mom & I tried to stay hopeful as well.∼

∼On the outside, I was trying my absolute hardest to stay calm & stay composed for my Mom & for Austin ∼ But on the inside, my heart was slowly breaking. I felt like someone was slowly ripping my heart out of my chest. I wanted to just hide somewhere by myself & break down.∼

∼But I couldn't because during those two weeks my Dad was on the hospital, I was never alone. The minute I would put Austin on the school bus, Dave & I would go straight to the hospital to be with my Dad & to give my Mom any support she needed. Then I'd come home from the hospital about 3:30pm every single day so that I could get Austin off the school bus. I would stay home the rest of the evening so that I could help Austin with his homework, fix dinner & feed Austin, spend time with Austin, & then bathe him & get him into bed at 8:30pm every night. At the same time, I was trying to be as supportive as I could for Austin as well cuz he was hurting just as much as me & my Mom were. From the minute Austin was born, he was Papaw's little boy. From the day my son was born, him & my Dad were immediately attached at the hip. They were literally best friends. They couldn't go even one day without at least talking to each other on the phone. So this whole thing was breaking Austin's heart as well.∼

∼So when I wasn't at home with Austin in the mornings & in the evenings, I was at the hospital with my Mom & Dad during the day. Then on the weekends, my best friend would take Austin during the day for me so I could still be at the hospital on Saturday and Sundays.∼

∼The doctors remained hopeful that my Dad would get better. They continued to remain hopeful up until the 30th of July. That morning, my Mom called me and said the doctors wanted to have a meeting with her and I both to discuss my Dad's treatment plan, progress, future treatment, etc. The meeting was at 10:00am on July 31st.∼

∼At the meeting, my Mom and I learned that the doctors had gradually lost hope in my Dad pulling through. Because of the infection he had contracted from his gall bladder surgery at the beginning of July, his entire body was slowly being eaten away from the inside and all of his organs were shutting down. It had run through his entire body and was shutting every organ down one by one slowly but surely. No matter how fast or how fiercely the doctors attacked the infection, it just kept going and going. That day at the meeting, we learned that practically every organ in my Dad's body had shut down completely. His liver was shot. His kidneys shut down so he was in kidney failure - They had immediately started him on dialysis, but they weren't sure if it would do any good or not. And because his liver and his kidneys had shut down, his lungs were starting to fill with fluid. The doctors told us it would be a miracle if my Dad survived. At the meeting, they told us that my Dad only had a 10% chance of pulling through this - but if he did pull through, he would have to go into assisted living for an undetermined amount of time. If he survived all of this, he would be either on life support or he would have to have a trach surgically inserted into his throat with a ventilator attached because he wouldn't be able to breathe on his own. But this was only ∗IF∗ he survived.∼

∼My Dad stayed on life support in a coma from the 26th of July until the day he passed away on the 4th of August. He never got better. When he went into the hospital on the 21st of July, the ONLY healthy organ in his body was his heart. The doctors had even told us they were amazed at how healthy his heart was. But by the 2nd of August, he started going into heart failure. His heart went from functioning at 98% down to 10%. Literally the only thing keeping my Dad going was the life support.∼

∼The day before my Dad died, he ended up having a stroke and four seizures one right after another. The entire nine days my Dad was on life support in a coma, the doctors did brain scans three times a day everyday to check his brain activity. My Dad had prefect brain activity from the 26th of July until the afternoon of the 3rd of August. After he had the stroke and the four seizures one after another, they did a brain scan. He went from having prefect brain activity that morning, to being 75% brain dead by that afternoon.∼

∼On Friday, August 4th, 2017 - the doctors asked to talk with me and my Mom. They were recommending we remove him from life support because there was nothing else that could be done for him. If we kept him on life support, that's how he would stay for the rest of his life - in a coma on life support living as a vegetable. They recommended removing life support ∗BUT∗ they told us it wasn't anyone's decision except me and Mom's - They were only telling us their recommendation - But the final decision was ours and ours ∗ONLY∗.∼

∼ My Mom tried - she really really did. She was so strong during all of this - this entire hospital stay, she was stronger than I could've ever imagined. But when it came time for us to decide whether to remove my Dad from life support or not, my Mom completely broke down. I have only seen my Mom cry twice in my life - once when Austin was born & again when Nathan was born {{she was in the O.R. with me during both of the boys' births}}. That day, my heart was breaking because I was going to lose my Dad - But it broke even more seeing/hearing my Mom break down & sob. I never want to experience the pain in my Mom's voice and eyes ever again like I did that day.∼

∼In the end, my Mom was unable to make the final decision. She literally could not do it. She asked me to make the final decision. She said because I was a Daddy's Girl from day #01 and knew my Dad better than ∗ANYONE∗, I should make the decision since she couldn't. Then she said ∗IF∗ I could make the decision I should - If I couldn't, she would ask Dave {{my husband}}.∼

∼That day, I ended up making the hardest decision of my life. At noon on Friday, August 4th, 2017, I made the heartbreaking decision to remove my Dad from life support. I never thought I would ∗EVER∗ have to make that type of decision, at least not this soon!! The minute I told the doctors my decision and signed the paperwork authorizing them to remove his life support - my knees gave out, my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest, and it felt like I couldn't breathe. Looking back now, I know I was having a panic attack...But that day, I thought I was dying right along with my Dad.∼