#i also barely have time to draw things for myself atm so theres that

[teethhoarder]

You may think to yourself, "teeth hasn't posted any mad mod art in a while, maybe they don't care for him anymore" well you're WRONG

I commissioned this from someone called Pam's happy hats that my friend recommended to me after she went to her local con.

He fits in well and I love him.

[rainy-astrology]

thank u sm for replying to my ask about hongjoong, hope u are doing well!

do u think certain members are meant to be together? even tho a lot of ships on groups are obviously put on to draw in fans who might ship them do u think theres any genuine relationships between group members or do they see themselves as being coworkers? again i think woosan and seongjoong are quite interesting but idk if its real or not or if delulus just want it to be real.

do u also think kpop is deliberately aiming for younger generations with its constsnt flood of tiktok related junk that it puts out? altho i find myself being fond of a few members of every other group or maybe i like their songs idrc for the latest trendy tiktok things its just gimmick after gimmicks nd i think kpop is profitting so much off younger groups who are more willingly going to get hooked on such trends to promote their groups. theres barely groups my age to follow literally even gidle have been a let down, is that just the members self sabotaging? lately their songs quality seem to be going downhill to the point where if a group releases noise its not remotely interesting enough or i might listen a few times but i dont feel any sort of vibe from it. oh its another thing theyre doing for tiktok to get hooked on another dance yadayadayada do u have any similar thoughts on why so many songs are just badly done auto tuned as heck and generic lyrics that arent inspiring? kpop couldve had so much going for it just to be like ehhh heres more of the samey groups where all members look dress and sound similar.

idk no ones ever really asked me to date so im like ehh whatever to dating atm if i was supposed to be in relationship someone wouldve asked me by now but they havent so i will take that as a means of being single until the day i die or some shit. also maybe my looks or facial expressions just arent pretty or not expressive (i have that glare that the likes of lee know tends to have, might put someone off from approaching me) or im underskilled in a lot of aspects that some ppl may judge me for as being talentless or behind in life, hbu?

Ofc, no prob, I hope you are doing well yourself.

I think it's a mix of both. Some groups have genuine friendships with each other and some groups are simply coworkers. Both are fine. As long as they are mature about differences and treat each other with basic respect and decency (literally the bare minimum), then I don't see the issue at all. Being an idol is just a job after all. If they are able to form a genuine connection with a member or all of them, then that's great.

Do I think certain members are meant to be together? No. I don't think anyone is meant to be together tbh. The idea of fated partners and soulmates is cute, but I don't think exists. It works best in fiction. But I know some people's bonds and compatibilities are so strong that it can feel like they were fated and that's totally fine. It's sweet. Even my best friend and I joke about us being meant to be and being "married". And yes I do agree that some ships are definitely pushed more to the public to draw more attention. Some ships may be close, some ships may not be, and we'll never 100% know as we are not those people. If you want my own thoughts on WooSan and SeongJoong though, I do think they're actually close, just not in the way some delulus try to say lol. WooSan have a matching tattoo (it would be absolutely insane to have something permanent with a person you're not close to lmao) and SeongJoong have expressed deep care to each other several times. Even though astrology isn't everything, it's interesting how SeongJoong's synastry is so harmonious.

Yes most likely, I think kpop has often been targeted towards younger audiences. Especially now with so many young people debuting. The industry is saturated and very competitive, so maybe that's why a lot of songs lately are a bit generic and uninspiring. Its heavy use of TikTok I'm sure is just a way to promote and gain attention since it's one of the biggest social media platforms rn. I can't speak much for gidle as I don't follow them...I don't think it's self sabotage though, it just sounds like you are not vibing with their music anymore. Sounds like you are losing interest with kpop in general and that's ok.

Why do you want to wait for someone to ask you out? Why don't you pursue someone? Maybe it's you who has to make the move - don't wait for it. But only if you care that much lol. I don't think you have be very pretty and expressive to get a date, but looks can def play a part in attracting someone. You don't have to be the prettiest or the best in general really to get someone though.

I'm aro ace with no interest in pursuing romance, so it isn't a concern of mine at all. I also have the same deal of having an angry face unintentionally at times + also quite expressionless and I don't consider my looks to be traditionally pretty (not calling myself ugly, i do think i'm pretty, just not by society's standards), yet I've still had people crush on me somehow 😅 if it's possible for me then it's possible for you lmao.

[cyrotoons]

a small update

hey i know its been a while, just wanted to update yall on the situation since i havent been active much

so long story short, this is a really important year for me at school, plus ill be moving schools next year,, plus i have summer school,,,,

ive kinda burnt myself out during winter break drawing (yea ik, my fault my fault, i just wanted to have drawings done in advance in prep for school) and kinda dont have much time left to make up for the sloppily done/incomplete work

ive been working thru my burnout (protip: DONT.) which only made it worse, plus i still have big projects to wrap up to get at least a decent grade

honestly a lot of pressure is on me, mainly cus

1) my teacher is strict

2) i have been known to be one of the kids that do well in school

3) my teacher has put even more pressure on me because this^^^

4) as said earlier, really important year in school for me and im moving schools next year

5) im asian, and those strict asian parent stereotypes are extremely true

6) yay projects, esPECIALLY GROUP PROJECTS THAT ARE DUE REALLY SOON AND WE'VE BARELY HAD TIME TO COORDINATE SHET

7) working on a big class thing, my teacher has put me in charge of something big and i couldnt exactly say no to it

i could go on but to save time typing ill leave it at that for now

school ends in june, though as said earlier i have summer school, which i can only assume takes up july,, and going to a new school, ill need maybe a week or 2 to get my shet together

which leaves about the first 2 weeks of august for myself

how fun, my birthday is near the end of the second week, ill probably be working on something

anyway, assuming i can get some drawings done within those 2 weeks ill probably just really inconsistent stuff

my style's changed quite a bit since ive kinda been suppressing my anime style and been forcing a more cartoony one, so now my style looks a lot more anime

ive also been trying to redesign my persona to make it look a bit more like me, and in the process trying to let my hand do its own thing instead of forcing it to stick to the cartoony style i wanted (when i come back you can probably expect a ref sheet of my new persona)

ive also kinda have this thing where i obsess over certain things for a while, so most often ill be making fanart for whatever id be obsessed with atm,, so if ur expecting more tf2 or portal or some shet theres no guarantee

plus ive been sucked into the genshin fandom,, (i also learned what kinning is and i kin xingqiu sm,, kaeya is also my absolute fav and my dps-)

oh oh also ive been working on this rpg thing for a year now, atm its called oculi dreams, im still in the concepts phase of it so dont expect too much in the near future as im the only one actively working on it

theres probably so much i need to say but honestly ive been crying abt so many things lately this text post would go on forever and just turn into a rant-

ANYWAY TLDR

schools been shet, im stressed, burnt out, a lot of pressure is on me, im behind on schoolwork and have a limited time to catch up before report cards, school ends in june but i have summer school in july, i attend a new school in sept, my art style has changed into the more anime style ive suppressed for a while, im working on this rpg on the side and still in concepts phase, dont expect consistency when im back cus honestly ill just draw fanart for random games im into, the earliest i predict ill be active again is the first 2 weeks of august then i have more stuff to attend to for a while, it is god knows when in the morning and i still have work to do so cya then-

[angeljonghyun]

so, my therapist said something important to me today, I think, and I’d like to share that with you. (warning: this is long)

first of all, shes very supportive and sweet towards me atm although I’m not doing much. I’m basically just at home, grieving and feeling unwell when going out so I try not do do that. I should do it and I do it every now and then, but not as regularly as I should. Yet, she said that shes already happy seeing me cry, knowing that I do better than I did a few years ago when my mom died and that I do things, but I can’t do certain things properly because they were all connected to Jjong (drawing and writing, but even gaining weight and going to the gym… my whole recovery is actually connected to him) and I’m doing good despite feeling like I’m failing all the time again. Grief is.. very tough and it drains you, but as long as you do your best to function and actually do little things from time to time, you are doing amazing. If you let yourself feel the pain then youre doing great. If you manage to get out of bed, out of your safe space then you are doing good.  That doesnt mean that your struggles and problems are suddenly invalid bc youre ‘doing good’, but theres no need to beat yourself up over how long you mourn and how hard it is for you to function well. I can barely get ready and go out, I’m always crying. If I deserve to be told that I am doing well while not feeling well at all, yeah, then you deserve to be told that too. You are doing well. Another thing.. (wow these always get too long I put too much personal things into my posts, but thats the only way I like it) This is really important to me, because it is similar to what I’ve been thinking for the last couple of days. Until now I wasn’t able to put it in words, but now I guess I can or I try.. I probably fail. You know that suicide is something extremely aggressive, not only towards oneself, but also towards everyone around the person who does it, everyone who is dependent, every person who likes that person. My therapist is so.. mad at him for what he did, because she sees how many people suffer from it (actually first hand too) what I understand, because I myself was pretty mad at him for his decision before.  Thats normal, just to say that, before you judge me or others. It is more than normal to be mad and disappointed and even necessary to feel that way to ‘get over’ the happenings. Well, I was mad because of personal reasons. (btw im not mad at him directly I have a very bad relationship to that great thing called depression and what it makes out of people, including him. to this day I still dont recognize him in his letter. I do not see his true self speaking and my anger is directed towards whatever he had turned into due to his illness) What jonghyun did to all of us with his decision.. is questioning all of ours health and happiness. Hear me out. He left us feeling a certain way and now all of us start to question if our situation is still as good as we thought it was. When I first heard the news, for like a week straight I was insanely suicidal again, thrown back into old manners and my old disgusting self generally. I started to question whether I feel good and thought I was lying to myself. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by everything I had left behind and I see that this is happening to many of us and what sucks is that not everyone has the opportunity to go to therapy to get better again.  If you havent been feeling better, then of course, the happenings make everything even worse. Suicide attracts people… sadly. it saddens me so much. really. I havent been only crying about Jjong, but what all of this is doing to us and the people close to him. Im not here to talk dirty about jjong, I love him dearly, with all my heart, but you cant sugar coat everything. He wasn’t perfect and he made a big mistake many people had to witness and it affects many people in all kinds of ways. What I want to say is: Please don’t be hard on yourself, be gentle, try to love yourself a little more, appreciate what youre doing each day, because you doing these things each day or wanting to do things, having passion, thats the real you and not some sickness speaking for you. And another persons death never means life is over. Your life is not over because of it. It gets insanely hard and if youre like me then you need to reconstruct your whole existence and find a new reason to live.  But we can do it. We have been able to do it once when we weren’t feeling good and so we can do it again. Most of us are still so young. Please stay strong, feel, take your time. you.. are doing so so well <3