#i also did my nails and lowkey hate them but fuck it we ball

[formulafics]

[moonshineboyz]

[17:40]

Pairing: volleyball player!Juyeon × volleyball player! fem reader

Genre: Smut, enemies with benefits

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: swearing, unprotected sex, rough/hate (?) sex, usage of the word slut, mentions of choking and spanking, lowkey public sex, brief fingering

a/n: i know juyeon is not holding a volleyball but let's just pretend. i got this idea from listening to lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off by panic! at the disco 🤠 i'm not sure if i like the ending but,,, (@annyeongffs enjoy bb)

masterlist ♡

“Okay guys, let’s wrap up for today. Both teams did great!” The coach called and everyone got out of their positions, stretching out the tense muscles and walking out of court. “Nuh uh, minus you two Juyeon and Y/N.” He called again making you stop in your tracks. “You’re gonna take the volleyballs and net to the equipment room and pump up the basketballs. That’s what you get for arguing and swearing at each other every five minutes even during practice.”

You cursed under your breath sending a death glare towards Juyeon, who just looked at you expressionless. ‘Stupid son of a bitch.’

The coach left the court with the remaining of your team mates that waved at you from afar. You waved back and went to collect the scattered balls letting the boy get the net, since he was taller.

“If you weren’t so annoying, I could be going to my dorm right now.” He said when you walked past him on your way to the equipment room. You thought in giving a rude reply but bit your tongue not to curse back at him, already feeling your blood boil. “I'm talking to you.” You turned on your heel to face him.

“What do you mean? It’s your fault! You were throwing the ball too far for me to catch it in time!” You snarled.

“Isn’t it the whole point? Make the ball touch the floor on your adversary's side? I think you're just complaining because you're not that good of a player." Juyeon had just finished getting the net out of the first pole and glared at you with a raised brow. He really was getting under your skin.

"For your information, I'm the second best in the female team. I just can't deal with bullshit coming from a jerk like you."

Fuming, you turned your back again, walking away to fight back the temptation of throwing one of the balls in your arms directly at his annoying handsome face. Juyeon knew exactly how to get on your nerves and you couldn't stand having to be in the same room with him for too long without getting annoyed or bickering.

You were looking into the lockers searching for a second air pump, since there wasn't any other way and you had to pump up the balls, the best option was to you two do it separately so you could go home as soon as possible. While you were at it Juyeon entered the equipment room bringing the net and you quickly thought of a way to get yourself out of that situation.

"Here, the air pump." You handed him the object, to which he accepted but kept looking at you puzzled. "I didn't find another one, so, you do it."

"And what you're gonna do?"

"Go home!? What else do you expect me to do? Blow out the balls like they're balloons?" Your eyes rolled at how he scoffed at you, arms crossing in front of your body.

"I mean, I know something else you'd like to blow." A cheeky grin grew on his lips and past scenes of his dick on your mouth flashed through your mind.

“Shut the fuck up, will you? You’re so fucking annoying.” You raised your voice taking the boy aback for a moment, your jaw clenched and brows furrowed. “I can’t even stand looking at y-"

The words died at your throat as Juyeon dropped the air pump to grab your jaw firmly, pushing you up against the nearest wall. He was close, his tall figure towering over yours as he looked down at you with dark eyes.

“If you want to yell at me so bad, then I'll give you a reason to do so.” He muttered through gritted teeth and you could feel he was getting mad as well.

“Fuck you.” You scoffed trying to masquerade the fact that your heart was beating fast.

“Oh, you just did on semi-finals night, darling.” Juyeon let go of your face to brush his knuckles against the skin of your cheek, trailing south till it reached the side of your neck. You wished you didn’t shiver at the light touch, making it obvious to him that you enjoyed it. “Speaking of which, where have you been these past weeks? Were you too busy with that asshole from the basketball team?”

You didn’t even notice when you started to hold your breath but you were already feeling intoxicated by the low tone of his voice, knowing exactly what he was implying. His longs fingers wrapping around your throat not helping at all, and you thanked the sound of your racing heart wasn’t audible.  

“Why? Jealous much?” It took everything in you to let that out in a disinterested voice, sticking to an attitude not to let him win in any circumstance.

“C'mon, doll, you know I'd never date you; this is just for the fun. You’re just someone to hook up with.” He took a step closer, few inches away to press his body against yours. His skin was still glistening from the after practice sweat and you could almost say he looked hot, even though your mouth told otherwise.  

“And that’s all you can get after all. You’re good in bed but you’re as charming as a rock. No surprise you’re single.” Juyeon quirked a brow, his eyes dark as ever.

“Aw, you’re not attracted to me? Yeah, keep lying to yourself, darling. This is the most fun you can have besides taking your clothes off, isn’t it?” His breath fanned at your lips as the grip on your throat tightened, making him chuckle when a small moan dared to scape you. “Gosh, I really missed your pretty little pussy swallowing my dick and you screaming my name.”

You hated Juyeon to the moon and back with your whole being. He was arrogant, full of himself and egocentric, but what you hated the most was the fact that he knew how to touch you and make you feel things in a way you’d never experienced before, and you’d never admit that out loud. You'd never admit to his face how you also missed him pounding into you while you hooked up with other guys.

It was hard to recall when or even how you two started having this type of relationship, an 'enemies with benefits' kind you could say, because you clearly weren’t friends at all. You would pay not to have to spend the practice time looking at his face, and Juyeon would rather die than bumping into you in the hallways.  

But both couldn’t deny the sexual tension, and maybe that’s what led you to it, or maybe that was only a tactic to release stress, and you just happened to be there for each other. What’s a better way to calm your nerves than fucking your enemy? The sex was great after all and you couldn’t name any other boy who has ever made you cum so hard. Perhaps the hate towards each other really did add fuel to the fire and made things more interesting, competing who could make the other orgasm the fastest.

"I hate you so much." You said trying not to moan again when Juyeon pressed his torso against yours, sneaking his knee between your thighs, to which you rolled your hips grinding down on it.

"It's reciprocal, I just like to fuck you dumb." His hands went to your waist, grabbing hard and pulling you more into him. You were already melting at the tip of his fingers and didn't think twice before crashing your lips together and tugged at his hair with force as he moved his leg to cause more friction on your core. His big hands roaming all over your body roughly and squeezing your ass. A hiss came out of Juyeon's lips when you scratched his back underneath the shirt, sure to leave red marks. "Don't start a game you know you're gonna lose."

Juyeon pulled you by the wrist to the old desk to careless bend you over it. You couldn't lie saying you didn't like how everything was rough with him, it made a shiver run down your spine every time he kissed you hard and pulled your hair as you cursed at him digging your nails into his skin. He never cared about whether or not he was leaving bruises on your hips, neck and inner thighs, but neither did you. You secretly enjoyed admiring them later in the mirror.

“Here? Really?”

“It’s not like we haven’t done this before. Plus, everyone left, you can scream all you want.” A hand came down hard on your right ass cheek making you yelp. Another smack on the left side and you winced in pain arching your back. “You look good in the team's uniform, but look even better when I'm filling you up.”

He massaged your ass before harshly pulling your tight shorts down to your ankles and you stepped out of them, feeling his hands travel up your legs and holding your hips to press his hard on on your clothed core. You sighed grinding against him, your mind already getting hazy.

The boy brought you up to leave hungry kisses down your neck and bit on the curvature. Your breath hitched when his short nails raked the skin of your belly and you let your head rest on his shoulder, closing your eyes lost in the sensations. “Now tell me, is it still me that makes you sweat? Did you think of me when you were in bed with them?” He growled in your ear biting your lobe, making you grind harder.

“Not even for a second, didn’t even cross my mind.” Lucky you your mouth worked faster than your body so you didn’t dumbly nod agreeing with him. “You’re good but not the best.” You weren’t even ashamed in lying.

Juyeon let out a dark chuckle and grabbed your throat while the other hand squeezed one of your breasts. “We both know I've got a hotter touch, a better fuck than any guy you’ll ever meet. Or else you wouldn’t be coming back begging for my cock whenever you feel horny.”

“You wish.”

“Then why are you still here?” He teased licking your neck and smirked when you shuddered.

“Didn’t you say you missed my pussy? Then fuck me already.” You huffed impatient to which his only answer was to rub circles in your clit over your damp underwear. Juyeon pushed you back to bend over the desk, quickly and roughly pulling your panties down that you’d had stumbled if you were standing straight. “You’re gonna rip my panties, you asshole.”

He scoffed, slapping you once again. “You didn’t complain the other times I did.” His hand palmed himself through the shorts while the other went to your core, fingers playing with your wet folds. You whimpered when he slid one digit inside and added a second right after already moving, making your back arch. “Think I need to remind you that you’re just a fuck toy, not some porcelain doll. They must’ve treated you so nicely, but you like it rough, don’t you?”

Juyeon removed his fingers from you and pulled his own shorts down just enough to free his member and teased your slit with the tip, making you bite your lip in anticipation. Your breath got cut short when he gripped your waist and pushed in in one quick thrust, his cock disappearing into your warmth and your pussy clenched at the feeling of every inch of him stretching you open.

He didn't give you time to even take a deep breath and started moving in a fast pace, grabbing your hips with force. You could feel your whole body getting hot, sweat starting to form on your temples, skin prickling. "How someone so annoying like you have a pussy so good?" He groaned giving a hard, sharp thrust making you gasp and lifted your right leg to put over the desk. You were there so open for him; bent over that he could do anything. And you enjoyed every part of it.

Breathy moans were leaving your lips mixing with obscene wet sounds from your dripping cunt and his hips slamming yours recklessly now, going deeper and deeper inside you. Juyeon was holding you so strong and digging his nails in your skin that you were sure it'd leave bruises. "F-fuck, Juyeon!" You screamed out when he pulled almost all of his length out just to pushed it back in with a quick motion. He smirked to himself and kept repeating it, just to see you writhe and lose your mind.

His hand pulled your ponytail to which you winced but couldn't contain a moan. Your knuckles were turning white holding onto the desk for dear life as Juyeon completely rammed into you. "Not so talkative right now, huh?" He grabbed both your arms, pinning them behind your back with his own hands. "Look at you clenching so desperately. Gonna cum on my cock like a good slut?" His voice was low, watching your whole body shake as you approached your high, loud and breathy sounds escaping your lips.

You came crying out his name, shaking violently and trying to roll your hips back to get more of him. Juyeon pulled out slowly, feeling your walls fluttering and you whimpered at the emptiness. Even though you were sensitive, Juyeon's dick was so good that it never failed to make you want more and more.

A last sigh left you before you got pushed to your knees facing his cock. "Now be the good little slut and you are and put this mouth to a better use."

[yaomomvs]

SEIJOH MANANGER HEADCANONS

seijoh, aoba johsai x reader | slight oikawa, iwaizumi and kunimi x reader.

a/n: ugh! i just love my seijoh boys so much! and so, i decided to make one more headcanons for them, tysm! hopefully i’ll do inarizaki next or maybe karasuno.

a bit long but i just love them,and i will do a part two mainly focusing on while they do volleyball this is more of random things

other seijoh!manager works: one | two

the volume in this bus is ASTRONOMICAL

you actually never thought of joining a club, specially a sports one.

but you needed it, so while looking at the board of the school’s options you were unsure.

“i just really need something not that complicated, and that helps me helping others” you muttered to yourself

little did you know the coach of the volleyball team was there, this nice man turned to you and offered you a place in the team.

“but please if you are one of oikawa’s fangirls dont-” “who now?” you genuinely asked. seeing that you didn’t had a clue of who he was talking about he immediately handed the application for to you.

it was first day and you were already late, but you managed to enter the gym half way practice.

you guys remember that tanaka and kiyoko scene in s4? well it was the same

“sorry for being late coach!” your voice sounded all over the place since someone was serving and it was pretty quiet.

ALL OF THEM WERE SHOCKED LIKE 🧍🏻‍♀️

the serve even hit yahaba’s face because everyone got distracted by your beauty

“i- did i do something?” “existing omg”

the coach lined up everyone and they greeted you welcoming you to the team.

you were flustered because it was like you never had a lot of guys around you and now you had to take care of all of them and also

aoba johsai’s team had one of the most attractive boys around likeeee

now, a year later, the energy is purely chaotic.

and i mean like

kindaichi and kunimi are lowkey the ones who respect you the most

not only because you, even if it was for only a year, you were their upperclassman but also you had presence

when karasuno came to the practice andy oh catched both of them after talking to kageyama in the bathroom, you pinched their ears and scolded them

“you both do that again and i’m not being compassionate” “SORRY Y/N”

but also lowkey your admirers

kunimi literally only showed strong emotions around you

“i brought you some sweets” he regularly says

“oh you are great! thank you kunimi!”you appreciated this guys little details with you

“so you have a favoritism with our manager huh?”

“y/n permission to hit kindaichi”

“permission conceded”

kindaichi also respected you because you, when he entered seijoh months ago, were one of the ones who made him believe and helped getting over that anger he had with his ex teammates and you even assured that kageyama was the reason he got better, even if he wouldn’t accept it

the second years, your literal followers

like seriously yahaba watori were always around you.

being in the same grade and class as both dod not helped a lot.

they are like puppies with anxiety separation

because you are the reason they feel loved and cared for

they always sit next to you in class, and they make sure you are comfortable with it.

you need help with hw? watori always is there

yahaba lets you paint his nails every time you got bored in class

you were such a powerful trio

they always bring your favorite drink in the mornin

you even developed this sixth sense where if you just look at each other you know exactly who are you making fun of without even speaking

you always make fun of the shit way of yahaba to flirt oml

and you even advice him on what should he do or not when meeting someone new.

istg if it was not bc of you he would have never got his first date with his crush

kyoutani later joined you, but he had trouble on trusting you

but seeing all the team laying on you he actually let himself rely on another person for the first time

he was the one who scared those stupid volleyball boys fan girls (oikawa’s or the other guys ones) away from you

he also thinks that you are not bad physically talking and he actually says it but privately

he also whenever he is mad or just frustrated comes to you and what he likes is that you don’t go in deep of the details but instead you try to distract him with random thing you say.

“guys i told you several times” you laughed “i do have other thing to do! it not like i can attend every night out with you! i have other friends too!”

“so, we are not watching cartoons tonight?”

“i hate you all so much” you surrendered “see you at 8 pm”

you became the second years core four

and also they looked up to you a lot, why? because you are the only people who always deals with the third years shit

god i think your connection with the third years was only a bit more noticeable than the second years

why? you were not afraid to mess up with them

to be real iwaizumi as oikawa caught your eye since moment one, they were naturally attractive and talented but you made a promise to not fall for anyone

omg you were so wrong

if it was iwaizumi, he always made sure you felt comfortable around

you were no vb genius so he took the time to explain you a bunch of things you did not know 🥺

also, he’s the kind of guy to stop everyone spiking because you were crossing through the gym so no ball gets you

he is the one who always search for you in school, asked about your day, and stuff that might seem basic but it was really meaningful

like he is the kind of guy who memorizes all your favorite places, treats, music anything and actually tries to get you to talk about it

oikawa on the other hand was the one who actually made you feel like part of them

he is so sweet!

like

oikawa only starts practice when you are there

like bold of someone to start hitting a ball without you there, he considered you part of the team, so he always waited for you

he walked you home or nearby every time he could he wanted you safe

his eyes always always instantly light up and screams “y/n-chan!” and immediately runs to you

but also he is the one who search you the most around

if it was lunch time he went to your home room and literally lunches with you no matter what or who

he never lets anyone lend you their hoodie, it always has to be his that you are wearing

he self crowned himself as your favorite

he hugs you out of nowhere istg is the best feeling ever

hanamaki also also also considers you priority

he is kinda more of the lowkey one, he is mainly the one who checks up on you

he once spotted a bruise in your arm and he immediately freaked out

“DO I HAVE TO FIGHT SOMEONE” “god no! i just dropped a huge book there!”

hanamaki is the one who waits for you in the entrance of the gym to walk with you to practice

he also is the first one to notice if something is wrong with you along with iwachan

they both unintentionally pay attention to you a lot and if you do something out of the common they just approach you

and they are always right

“what’s wrong y/n?” hanamaki says

“yeah, is everything okay you need anything?” iwaizumi continues.

“what do you mean guys? i’m okay” you obviously try to lie.

“no you are not, you are acting different”

“yea iwachan is right you always change yous t shirt before practice and the way you are ordering the volleyballs is off”

“why do know me so well” you indeed had a terrible day, so you almost tear up bb of that and be of how amazing your boys were to you sometimes”

“come here little one”

you heard a pout

“i see you oikawa, you can get a hug too. matsu come here”

matsukawa is your hype man

he loves messing with you like in the big brother sister way

like if a guy asked you out he’d be like “sis you can do so much better”

you are always being salty whether it’s between you or other ones

besides if you do have a crush on anyone on the team matsu is the only one to know

and he’d constantly blackmail you with that

“if you don’t buy me anything from the vending machine i will tell oikawa you actually swoon for him” “OKAY FINE”

“tell the coach that we do not need laps or iwaizumi is gonna knowwwww about” “i hate you so much”

but returning to the point you always messed with them specially the four third years

and you were so good at it

one day, you ‘innocently’ mentioned to the boys “i’m just telling you! i’ve never seen two pretty best friends, one of them always gotta be ugly”

GOD LORD THE BOMB YOU JUST ACTIVATED

THEY SPENT A WHOLE WEEK TRYING TO FUGURE OUT WHO WAS THE PRETTY BEST FRIEND BETWEEN IWA AND OIKAWA, ALSO MATSU AND HANAMAKI AHHAHAHAAH

your third years never made you feel insecure

like if you think idk listening to btr was weird because someone in the past made you feel like it be sure the next day they WILL PLAY FUCKING BIG TIME RUSH IN PRACTICE ONLY FOR YOU TO VIBE WITH THEM

also they all four have this little thought that they have to be the ones who protect you

in the court you looked out for them, outside of it they were the ones who did that

if you were teased or someone even had the audacity to make fun of you it could go three ways

you stoping kyoutani and yahaba because they were so ready to throw hands

matsukawa, hanamaki and kunimi just taking you out of there and rather say positive thinks about you

or oikawa and iwaizumi behind you giving the saltiest and meanest glares to whoever dared talking you that way and saying “and you still wonder why people don’t like you?, ” then iwaizumi says “you are right oikawa, you piece of crap have your entire life to be a jerk. take a day off your stupidity won’t left anyways”

god you sure loved those guys

BUT

as it can be really useful sometimes there were other times were they become so annoying

specially when it’s about someone liking you.

like romantic styles

i live for the idea that the vb team had obviously fangirls, oikawa mostly. but you also did

like yeah the fangirls of oikawa and the boys envied you

but the guys in aoba johsai high envied the volleyball team even more

god bless the poor guy or girl who DARES to ask you out

like please someone stop them 😭

on valentine’s day you came to practice a bit late just because you needed to figure it out how to organize all the fucking love letters and the chocolates and flowers that you got over the day.

oikawa was already worried as he always waited for you to start, and so were the guys so they decided to warm up a bit more to wait.

you crossed the door with thousands of gifts and all of that barely catching the ones which you dropped. because at this point you did not even try to hide it from the boys, you just wanted them to start practice.

he looked at you and knew exactly what that meant. he received this every once in a while, but god what was that feeling in his chest when some other people like you?

iwaizumi felt that too, that weird feeling not wanting anyone to think about you that wayyyyy

the rest of the boys had divided opinions but still you were their manager.

“so did all this came from...”

“yes matsu...”

“okay but for scientific purposes we need the names”

“HANAMAKI NO”

poor boys, they just are all scared that you’ll leave them because of someone

what a dramatic queens they are all

some of them didn’t like it bc they also had a big crush on you

so what they do is that they gatekeep anyone from you

like oml if they ever catched you and a girl or guy and they knew they liked you they constantly beg for your attention.

and it’s not only because they are being dramatic but also because they remember last year when you went out with some random dude and broke your heart like

they almost killed that guy

so they wanted you to feel happy and safe

to them? honestly you are the light of their life.

they dedicate every game to you, they take care of you, they listen to you, they brag about you, they love you

because honestly you did all that for them first

and ever since then they made sure to return that to you.

[xianglingslesbian]

spiderzuki hehehehhe and the extras for uhm ewbts!!!!!

EHEHEHE SEB KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT TO ASK <33 it got long so CUT

spider-zuki

izuki is spider-man. hanamiya is his whiny sidekick who eats spiderwebs. also izuriko bc i’m Like That TM

see this AU cannot be put in words so i’m going to add snippets:

“So...” Izuki said slowly. “You... you... know. About... my thing.”

Hanamiya nodded, still glaring. “I wanted it, you rheum-covered piece of excreta.”

That’s him, Officer! yelled the tiny spider in his head. That’s the web-eating fucker! And by the way, my name is Kumo.

“The web-eating what,” Izuki said out loud. “Also, that’s a pretty good pun.”

Fucker! Haven’t you ever heard a swear word?! And yes, it is.

“Are you talking to your spide-kick?!” Hanamiya demanded. “What’s he saying?! And how the fuck do you know I eat webs?!”

”My what.”

Don’t fucking gender me! snapped Kumo in Izuki’s head. Izuki ignored it (them?) in favour of Hanamiya’s last words sinking in.

How the fuck do you know I eat webs?!

“You eat what now?!” he shrieked.

“Webs. Keep up, eagle boy, or you’re never gonna make a good Spider-Man.”

“A good what?”

“Is this entire conversation going to be just you saying, ‘what?’, or...” Hanamiya examined his nails. Kumo remained suspiciously silent save for something that sounded a little too much like a snort.

Izuki had never wanted to punch anyone so much in his whole life.

Izuki, 23.07: Hanamiya Fucking Makoto

Izuki, 23.07: did you fucking fill the Oreos with spiderwebs again

Izuki, 23.07: I BITE INTO A COOKIE WHILE STUDYING AND I FIND SPIDERWEBS, YOU GODDAMN TURD

Izuki, 23.07: I NEEDED THE SUGAR RUSH AND INSTEAD I GET WEBS

Izuki, 23.07: I KNOW YOU’RE ONLINE

Hanamiya: read 23.07

Izuki, 23.09: FUCKING ANSWER ME YOU LITTLE BASTARD

Izuki, 23.09: YOU WEB CRAPPER

Izuki, 23.09: YOU SPIDER FETISHMAN

Hanamiya, 23.09: ...that last one... I’m listening...

Hanamiya, 23.10: also, thats a total of 300 yen to the swear jar, you little rapscallion :3

Izuki, 23.10: FUCKING FUCK YOU

Hanamiya, 23.10: that’s another 200~

--

Izuki, 23.11: Hey Coach?

Izuki, 23.11: I finally get what it’s like to be the one with common sense

Riko, 23.11: <3

”What the fuck is Hanamiya doing here?” asked Hyuuga incredulously. Izuki shrugged.

“He’s my pet cryptid. He likes eating webs and stuff.”

“It’s pet arachnid,” corrected Hanamiya wearily, “get it right.”

Izuki nodded. Hyuuga blinked. Then blinked again.

“Please tell me I misheard you. Both of you.”

Izuki grimaced. Hanamiya smiled happily. It was the most terrifying thing Hyuuga had ever seen.

"I kin shpiders," said Hanamiya through a mouthful of web. Izuki eyed him doubtfully. 

Sure, if we ate our own webs, said Kumo in his mind. Izuki ignored the tiny spider and continued to look at Hanamiya with doubt and some worry.

"That could be toxic." 

"Eagle boy, the only toxic bitch in this room is me. Got it?" 

“Technically I’m Spider-boy now,” Izuki pointed out, and Hanamiya turned purple.

“DON’T FUCKING REMIND ME--”

"Who am I kidding, Hanamiya? I'm not a hero." Izuki let out a soft, derisive laugh, staring at his hands. "I'm just a teenage boy who got bitten by a radioactive spider and can do some stuff because of it. I'm just a background piece... I can't be hero material. I'm not brave, or strong, or valiant, or even cool. I make stupid puns and I'm not even good at the things I love. I can stick to things and I'm stronger than I used to be. That doesn't make me what I thought I could be. But then again, I've always been a bit of a delusional fool." His voice dropped, soft and low and sad, and his eyes were glistening with tears.

holy shit that went from 0 - 100 real fast anyway hope u enjoyed the cRaCk

ewbts extras

ok buckle in bc there are quite a few of these

best served cold - himuro, and his thoughts after the yousen match and after he [spoiler for ewbts] calls izuki

and you keep running like the sky is falling - the hyuuga-izuki fight *cries* it’s pretty nasty and awful. it’s actually a deleted scene from the verrrrry first draft of ewbts so it never made it onto ao3 but i liked it enough to keep it! i need to highkey edit and polish, and lengthen too, tho ;w;

shenpointigans - izuki/takao/kasamatsu groupchat. lowkey inspired by @moriizuki's pg for pretty gay as many of my chatfics are tbh it’s a work of art

they call me a snacc bc im a taco, 03.37: do you guys think stars have feelings

eagle-i, 03.37: its 3 fucking am, blocked

they call me a snacc bc im a taco, 03.38: then why are you up

eagle-i, 03.38: the gd notifs

eagle-i, 03.38: no-tifications. im turning them off and go to sleep or i’ll kill you

they call me a snacc bc im a taco, 03.39: ...how do you manage to make such shitty puns even when someone wakes you up

they call me a snacc bc im a taco, 03.39: shun senpai?

--

kasamatsu, 07.49: why are you up at 3am don’t you know 8 hours of sleep is important for teens

eagle-i, 07.50: YES KASAMOMTSU SENPAI IS RITE

eagle-i, 07.50: and did you just call my puns shitty

they call me a snacc bc im a taco, 07.53: i did. i shit you not. im sorry shun senpai dont kill me

eagle-i, 07.54: ......................forgiven

kasamatsu, 08.00: i am not a mom

eagle-i, 08.01: ok mom

they call me a snacc bc im a taco, 08.01: ok mom

kasamatsu, 08.02: i hate you kids so much

eagle-i changed kasamatsu’s nickname to certified mom

certified mom, 08.03: fuck

certified mom, 08.04: and also takao i dont think a ball of gas can have feelings but whatever makes u happy ig

they call me a snacc bc im a taco, 08.05: wow thats mean

eagle-i, 08.06: hey kazu i think stars have feelings!

they call me a snacc bc im a taco, 08.06: rlly?!?!? ur the best

eagle-i, 08.07: yes. feelings. particularly. burning desire

eagle-i, 08.07: geddit. burning

they call me a snacc bc im a taco, 08.08: .....i hate you 

certified mom, 08.08: i dont get it

certified mom, 08.08: didnt you just say you loved izuki half a minute ago takao?

they call me a snacc bc im a taco, 08.09: never change kasa senpai, never change

and yeah thats it!! i do have a couple more extras in mind but i havent made docs for them yet so they’re unlisted <3 thanks for the ask!!!

[crushed-btwn-tc-thighs]

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

This morning low keyyy

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

If I will ever find real love...

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Getting to sec 5 honestly, even if I don’t end up passing it, I’m just glad I got this far cause I really thought I was gonna kill myself.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

My mom hugging me without me having to ask for a hug...

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

Nope, I think I’m pretty cool with how I’m living... BUT if I knew the exact date that I’d die, I might just admit to Alex that I’m head over heels for her...

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

Not really.

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

Alex, she’s got a light brunette coloured eye, and an ocean blue one, she has brown hair, she is super short, thin, dances like an angel, super sweet, straight :( , hilarious, and we love timothee chalamet movies, we love vines, we love tik tok songs, etc, we just have so much in common...

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Not really, like it was probably really fine, but now I’m lowkey depressed so everything feels shitty anyway.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

I don’t cry in front of other people if I can help it, but probably when I was trying to talk about what happened with hunter to my friend katie.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

My ex, because we used to do that a lot and I feel like it would be fitting, and a perfect spot to talk about what happened...

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

If that stranger was Ashton Irwin, then hell yeah

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

My ex :(

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

I’d tell my ex that I was sorry, and that I miss her a bunch

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

They LOOK LIKE HONEY IN THE SUNSHINE AND I LOVE THEMMMM

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“Diggin’ my grave to get a reaction” from the new 5sos song No Shame, and it’s cause sameeeee

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

It Can Get Worse

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

I’d buy a puppy honestly..

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

yeah but I hate it because I forgive too easily...

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

It only needs to be a short ass sentence and it’s just don’t take advantage of your girlfriend buddy, she will mean so much more to you in the future...

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

punk I guess

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I LOVE THEMMM I have my septum pierced (had snake bites but I had to take them out for work) and 4 tattoos

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

yeah cause I’m uglyyyyy

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

5SOS OMG they really had me cryingggg but I was lowkey finna kill myself and they’re music was actually all I had lefttt

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

STOP FUCKING FIGHTING AND HELP THE PEOPLE WHO NEED HELP BITCH

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

Marie Mai- disgusted

Black Veil Brides- I cried I love themmm

Asking Alexandria- BEAUTIFULLLL

Crown The Empire- I didn’t really know them

NF- I honestly only went cause I wanted to go out and they still had tickets soooo buuuuut I ended up really liking it in the end.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

LUKE HEMMINGS SAYING HE’S FALLEN IN LOVE WITH ME AND WANTS TO GET MARRIED>>>

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

NOPE

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

Get baked, Eat, Watch Friends, Brush my teeth, Sleep

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I had a big time crush on my mom’s ex boyfriend oop

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I’d had realllyyyyyy long brown hair and bangs ause I love that style, with curlyyy hair.

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Katie, Emma, Kayley, Luke Hemmings, Ashton Irwin to go on a beach date, so me, luke and ash could have a date and the other three could hang around us I guess..

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

1) to be beautiful cause I’m not

2) to be happy cause I’m not

3) to find love cause I don’t have it rn

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Lolita (Dolores Haze)

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

I pissed in my sisters bed when I was drunk and high

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

kill someone or something

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

song: No Shame by 5sos 

Person: My crush Alex :))

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

YES, it feels scary but also like you’re walking in the woods and can breathe fresh air, and hear birds chirping somewhere and it’s peaceful

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

I have really short hair rn but I don’t feel like I’m rocking it tbh

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

I don’t drink starbucks? I drink Tim Hortons coffee (double double yee yee)

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

My food and my weed

fin.

[antoncutedobin]

permission.

masterlist. 

requested? no but y’all deserve it for being so patient. 

summary! you and tyler are best friends. turns out you’re pretty good at fucking each other too. who knew?  

warnings! smut, swearing, oral sex, actual sex, just. nsfw. please don’t hate me it’s literally porn

word count! 3487.

authors note! so as y’all know it’s been a really rough time for me and this was lowkey cathartic so have this. also thank you for being patient. i also hope you don’t hate this. it’s really dirty. dirtier than anything i’ve written. i’m just gonna go hide. pls enjoy!!! 

 It was a normal Saturday night. You were at Tyler’s, watching movies and stuffing yourselves with pizza. 

 The pizza was dwindling (due to Tyler basically double fisting them and eating two slices at once) and so was the beer. (Again, Tyler drinking the damn Bud Light like it was water.) 

 You had switched to a snack of popcorn, tossing a few pieces in your mouth. Suddenly a large hand invaded your vision as it flopped into your bowl, taking a huge handful, dropping popcorn everywhere. You narrowed your eyes and looked at Tyler, smacking his hand away lightly. 

 Tyler whined, holding his hand with his other one, cradling it against his chest. “Ow!” 

 You rolled your eyes as you stuck your tongue out playfully, moving your bowl to the side to protect it from his wandering hands. “It’s mine!” You retorted, holding back a giggle at his dramatic look. 

 “Best friends share,” he drawled, giving you a pout. In response, you took a large handful, stuffing it into your mouth. A few pieces fell out of your hand and onto your chest. Smirking, you turned to him. “You can have those pieces.” 

 You thought you had the upper hand on him but you would realize later that challenging Tyler like this wasn’t a good idea. He bent forward slowly, resting his chin on your chest as he scooped up the dropped kernels with his tongue. As soon as his tongue skimmed the top of your tanktop and touched your bare skin, you automatically took a deep breath which raised your chest to meet his mouth. 

 This was wrong. Tyler was your best friend. You shouldn’t be feeling this way about him… But as you met his eyes, you wanted nothing more than for him to lick every inch of your body. 

 Tyler had to hold back his groans as his face pressed against your cleavage. He intended this to be silly, just a way for him to get under your skin. He was wholly unprepared for your reaction, but the fire in your eyes set his libido on fire. He sat up and your faces were so close you could feel the soft breezes from each other’s breath. 

 No words were spoken as his eyes darted towards your lips before returning to stare into your eyes. His tongue darted out to wet his lips as the anticipation boiled. Biting your lip, you considered the possibilities of what could happen if you gave into your desire. Tyler’s eyes darkened marginally and that’s what did you in. Like two magnets, you were both drawn into each other. 

 Your hands shoved the bowl of popcorn onto the floor, not even caring about the mess. His hands went to the back of your head, pulling your face to his. Your lips met with a fiery passion, breathing each other in. Your nails scraped a trail up his arms before hooking around his neck, and you squealed as Tyler grabbed your hips and pulled you until you were situated on top of him.

 “Mmm,” he groaned before pulling back, panting harshly, “are you sure we should…” You cut him off with a heated kiss, grinding your hips down into his rapidly hardening erection. His hands went to grab your ass, pulling you flush against him. 

 You whimpered softly, pulling back and biting your lip. Your sweatpants were too thick to feel anything so you stood, ignoring the displeased huff from Tyler. 

 This had gone too far to stop and Tyler feels like his dreams are coming true. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t fantasized about this encounter. In fact, you had been his key to release for years. Porn didn’t even do it for him anymore, but the thought of you in a bikini sent him erupting faster than he could say your name. 

 As you pushed your sweatpants down, you noticed Tyler’s eyes trailing your legs. He visibly gulped at the sight of your lace panties. Your hands cupped his face and you kissed him as you settled back onto his lap. His erection nestled between your thighs and you grinded against him. 

 “Fuck… Do that again,” he muttered, his head thrown back onto the couch and his muscles taught. You obeyed, letting out a moan as the tip of his cock pressed against your clit. You began moving faster, your hips gyrating against him. Bending down, you took his mouth again, panting your breath into his. 

 One of his hands kept you moving against him while the other came up to the back of your head, pushing you closer to him. “You wanna cum, babygirl?” The words were spoken softly and you whimpered, nodding softly. 

 “Please, Ty…” His free hand traveled down your panties, palming your clitoris. You had been so worked up that by a few passes, you were preparing for climax. “I’m gonna cum… Please don’t stop, Ty…” He grunted an affirmation as he rubbed faster circles against you. 

 You were gone. Your thighs clenched around him as you soaked your panties, moaning his name. Your head fell to his shoulder as you kept undulating above him. 

 “Holy fucking shit… That was so hot…” Tyler pulled his fingers from your pants as soon as he knew you had come down. He immediately stuck them in his mouth, as they were coated with your release. “Mmm, fuck…” 

 You tasted good, better than he ever thought. He pulled your head up gently and kissed you, thrusting his tongue into your mouth so you got a taste of yourself as well. His hands moved to your shoulders, kneading the flesh softly. 

 You hummed in appreciation, kissing him tenderly this time. “Your turn.” Your words were accompanied with a smirk and an evil glint in your eye. Moving slowly down his body, you licked around his sweaty skin, enjoying the salty taste on your tongue. 

 Part of you couldn’t believe that this was your best friend… And here you were, on your knees. Well… After he gave you the single best orgasm you’d had in your life. You couldn’t let your brain ruin this. This is what you craved… what you needed. You’d be damned if you stopped now. 

 Your hands teased the elastic of his basketball shorts, making a noise of frustration when the material wouldn’t go past his ass. You pulled harshly and somehow, Tyler’s large erection was tugged too. Tyler grimaced, his hand coming down to cradle his cock. “Careful, woman, that happens to be my favorite and most treasured body part.” 

 You let out a soft laugh, pressing a kiss to his knees in apology. He tenderly brushed your cheek in a way that let you know you were forgiven. This time, he lifted his hips, allowing you to pull his shorts off. 

 Immediately, his member sprang up to his chest and he groaned as you reached for it, fisting your hand around the base and pumping him a few times. He let out a hiss, his eyes squeezing shut and his hands gripping the edge of the couch. 

 You leaned forward, licking a stripe from his base to the tip, pausing to give the head a tentative lick. You pulled back, blowing air on the wet trail you just made, enjoying the shivers that passed through his body and the garbled version of your name that passed his lips. 

 When you finally took him in your mouth he had to work hard to not thrust up into your warmth. Instead his hand went to your hair, gripping it into a loose ponytail and moving it to the side so he could see your face. “Fuck…” It was the most erotic thing he’d seen in a long time and his cock throbbed as you began to pick up speed, moaning around him. His other hand cupped your cheek, stroking it gently. He wanted you to know that he wasn’t taking advantage of this moment, that he still cared for you and just because you were on your knees, it didn’t mean he thought of you as any less. 

 You leaned into his touch whilst focusing on the tip, sucking and taking him to the back of your throat. You could taste his precum dripping onto your tongue and you clenched your thighs together, trying to relieve the ache deep inside you. “You’re beautiful, Y/N… God… Your lips around my cock… I want to remember this forever.” He groaned, his hips jutting up into your mouth as your hand fondled his balls gently. 

 You wanted him to remember this too. So as a treat, you lowered your mouth onto him as far as you could and swallowed around his member. He let out a harsh groan, “fuck… Just like that, babe.” As you raised your head, you unsheathed your teeth, trailing them along his cock. 

 You pulled him out of your mouth with a pop as your mouth went to focus on his sac, your hand moving to jerk him off. 

 Tyler let out a shuddering breath, “I’m so close… If you don’t want me to-“ He was cut off as he let out a loud moan, your mouth returning to suck on his cock. “If you don’t want me to cum in your mouth, you have to stop…” 

 You pulled back, pressing a kiss to the tip of his dick. “I wanna taste you, Ty…” 

 His head fell back against the couch, “then by all means, I’m yours.” It only took a few more pulls on his dick before he was shuddering, dangerously close to his release. 

You pulled back, pressing a kiss to his hip as you ceased touching him. He looked down on you, blubbering slightly. “Why…” 

 You shushed him, biting gently on the skin above his hip. “I’m giving you a night you won’t forget...”

 Shaking his head, he groaned painfully as you began touching him again. “I wasn’t planning on forgetting this anyways…” 

 You brought him to the edge twice more and let him down, denying him the release he was craving. Each time he took it, but you were waiting for him to plead with you.

 It was the fourth time when he finally gave in and tugged on your hair. “Please, baby… Let me cum…” His hips were shaking with the need for release, lip wobbling slightly. His fate was in your capable hands and mouth. 

 Pleased, you returned to pleasuring him with vigor. He steadily built up to climax and this time he kept hold of your hair, pleas falling from his lips for you to allow him to cum. 

 You took pity. As he thrusted up into your mouth, you felt the salty bursts hit your tongue. Moaning, you swallowed all he had to give as he groaned your name, almost crying out with the force of his pleasure. Eventually, his hand fell from your hair to his side. Glancing up at him, he was in a more relaxed state than you’d ever seen him. His breathing was deep and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was asleep. 

 Tyler almost blacked out for a minute. He didn’t think he could have an orgasm feel so powerful. Every molecule in his body broke apart and reassembled and his release seemed to last for hours. 

 He finally opened his eyes and saw your doe eyes looking up at him, your chin resting on his stomach. 

 You were his angel. His naughty little angel and he didn’t think he would ever be able to get enough of you. This couldn’t be a one-time thing… He hadn’t even fucked you and already, every other orgasm and lover paled in comparison. He just had to convince you. 

 Gaining energy, he moved his loose limbs and lifted you in his arms. He stumbled slightly, not from your weight but rather from the fact that every bone in his body felt like jelly. 

 Except his cock. It may be sleeping now but he had every intention of waking him by sliding into your heat. He carried you into the bedroom on the first floor because he genuinely couldn’t attempt the stairs. 

 Tossing you onto the bed, he fell with you, landing on top of you. Nuzzling your neck, he placed heated kisses along the column, pausing to suck at a sensitive spot. His large hands cupped your breasts, running fingers across your nipples, covered only by a t-shirt. “No bra?” He said with a smirk, his lips still pressed against your skin. 

 You let out a breathless laugh, your fingers digging into his back. “You never wear underwear… Plus you’ve seen endless tits. It’s not a big deal.” 

 Except it was to Tyler. He pulled back, grabbing the hem of your t-shirt and wrestling it above your head. As soon as he looked at your chest, his mouth watered. “You’re… fuck, you’re perfect. You have no idea. I’m being honest when I tell you these are the best tits I’ve seen.” Your breasts fit perfectly in his palm and his mouth worked on your nipples until they pebbled, and were so sensitive when he brushed his fingers over them. 

 Still, he trailed lower, leaving wet kisses all over your stomach. He looked up at you once he reached his destination, resting his chin on your tummy. He looked up at you as he stroked your thighs softly. “Can I?” 

 You were almost shocked he was asking permission, but it meant a lot to you. Bringing your hand to his cheek, you stroked it gently and nodded. He turned his head, pressing a sweet kiss to your palm. 

 As fast as the tender moment appeared, it was gone. He was too impatient to wait to unwrap his present and decided to fist your panties and rip them off. 

 You let out a squeal that was soon replaced by a moan as his tongue licked straight up your slit. He nudged your clit with his nose before swirling his tongue around it. His fingers teased your inner thighs before stroking your labia. 

 You soon realized this was going to be payback for torturing him earlier. He built you up to your peak before pulling back, looking up at you with a smirk. “Poor baby… Did you need something?” 

 You glared at him, huffing slightly. “You’re not being nice.” 

 He barked out a laugh, shaking his head, his curls falling to his face. “And what do you call your stunt earlier? Nice? Tit for tat, baby.” You were going to belt out a snarky reply until he thrust his fingers inside of you, hooking them up and rubbing your g-spot immediately. 

 This time he left your clit alone and only worked on your walls, his tongue sucking along your hipbones. 

 As soon as you reached your peak, he pulled away. His fingers gently stroked your lips, allowing the fire to burn out before he went back at it. He let you down twice more before you became impatient. 

 This time, he went in, slipping his fingers inside of you with a quick pace, sucking on your clit. As soon as you built to your peak, he was going to pull back, but you hooked your legs around him, pushing him back into you for just long enough for you be overcome with an orgasm. 

 He pulled his fingers out, delighted by the gush of wetness, and he moaned into your cunt. He drew out your orgasm as long as you could take before your legs became lax, falling back onto the bed. 

 You were an exact replica of him just a few minutes before. He stalked up your body, his mouth and beard wet with your cum. Immediately, he pressed his lips to yours heatedly, the length of his body pressing against yours. 

 You made out for what seemed like hours but must have been minutes. Both of your lips were puffy and swollen, and your arousal had reappeared.

 Lacing your fingers through his hair, you pulled his face back, looking into his eyes. “I want you to fuck me.” 

 The words traveled straight to his groin and you felt his cock twitch against you. “You’re going to be the death of me…” 

 Letting out a breathless laugh, you nipped his lips. “But a good death, yes?” You hooked one leg around his waist, thrusting up against him. 

 He playfully spanked your ass, shoving you closer to him. “The very best.” Leaning back, he reached into his nightstand, grabbing a condom blindly. He tossed it onto your chest as he sat up on his knees and you ripped the foil with your teeth. 

 You went to hand the condom to him but he looked at you with raised brows, hands on his hips. His erection stood proudly and you sat up, pressing a kiss to the tip before you rolled the latex onto him. 

 He pushed you back down onto the bed, his hand grasping your throat gently. “You’re a minx.” His eyes were darker than you’d ever seen them and you swallowed, biting your lip. His finger pulled your lip from your teeth, caressing it gently. 

 His cock teased your entrance, and you looked Tyler in the eye. Somehow, you knew this moment wasn’t about the anticipation. He was making sure this was what you wanted. Reaching down, you grabbed his erection, guiding it towards your center. In one fluid motion, Tyler had thrusted into you. 

 Both of you let out loud moans, and he paused, giving you a few moments to adjust to him. You circled your hips, clenching against him. At this, he began to move in and out, slowly at first, until you groaned. You reached down, smacking his ass and pulling it towards you, causing him to thrust into you harder and faster. 

 Tyler was still going too easy on you so you pulled his face down to yours, distracting him with your kisses as you took the opportunity to roll him over. 

 Now, you were in control. Placing your hands on his chest, you began lifting yourself up and down, thrusting down hard and swiveling your hips at the end. 

 Tyler could swear he died and went to heaven, seeing you ride his cock was definitely something sacred. His hands went to your hips, lifting you up and down, helping you gain momentum. But this was Tyler, and he wasn’t used to being submissive. As hot as the image was, he couldn’t stand lying idle, so he used his weight to flip you back. 

 “You want it hard? You got it.” He began plunging into you harder, so hard you were pretty sure you were going to bruise… But it was worth it. 

 His fingers went down to rub against your clit, knowing he was far too close and needed you to cum with him. “Come on, Y/N. Drown my cock with your cum…” He whispered the words heatedly into your ear as he bit down on the lobe. 

 The small sting of pain only increased your pleasure and you found yourself doing exactly what he wanted, clenching down on him as you screamed his name. 

 He sent up a silent prayer and finally thrusted into the hilt, pausing as he released into the condom. He held you through both of your releases and when it was over, he fell down on your chest. 

 Both of you were breathing hard and you winced as he pulled out. He knew he had taken you hard. He also knew it’s what you wanted – but he didn’t want to see you in pain. “C’mon.” 

 He stood from the bed, gathering you in his arms. Once in the bathroom, he set you down on the ledge of the tub as he began filling it, adding some bubble bath he found under the sink that must have been his sisters. He discretely disposed of the condom before climbing into the bath, settling down and reaching for you. 

 You climbed into the warm water and let out a moan, until it hit your waist and then you hissed in slight pain. Tyler hushed you as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling your back against his chest. He kissed your shoulder as he rubbed your body, not sexually, but lovingly. 

 It confused the shit out of you. “Ty...” he cut you off by pressing his lips against yours. 

 “I know what you’re gonna say. We don’t need to talk about this right now… I just want you to know I don’t regret it.” He turned you slightly, making sure you could see his eyes. “In fact, I want to do it again. And again. And again… And again…” Between each word, he pressed a kiss to a different spot on your face.   

 You felt… treasured. You always felt special with Tyler but this was different… It was nice... more than nice. You didn’t know what this meant… 

 But you knew by the stiffening of Tyler’s cock that it wasn’t going to end soon. 

 And you were both more than okay with that.

[trueishcolours]

My siblings and I accidentally write a Ron/Victor Krum 4th year fix it fic in the group chat

Isabel: guyS

Rewatching goblet of fire

And I have to say

How amazing would it have if

It was a LOT less gendered

And also

If Ron and Krum had got together instead of Krum and Hermione

Thomas: Oh yeah there's so much Gender  

Isabel Ron already basically has a crush on Krum

Would have been great  

Thomas: idk, he's more jealous of him in my opinion  

Isabel: Nah

He has the action figure

He says he's an artist

It's definitely there

Thomas: Tru 

Clare: I mean on a superficial level I liked the Hermione/Krum part because it made me relate that a girl who is usually uninterested in 'feminine' things might still have some anxieties and take some interest now and again, and 'this super hot guy will like You, the Nerd' is standard wish fulfilment, but honestly I could take it or leave it. A grumpy feminist could equally well read it as 'EVEN smort girls like Hermione want to be feminine REALLY uwu'

And that would be a boring analysis but the whole feminine versus not argument is boring and not what we're here for

Anyway

The Krum drama kicks off the Romione subplot and honestly I hate Romione as a ship, to me it feels forced from beginning to end

But Ron/Krum would tie in really nicely to the whole character arc for Ron that JKR started in the first book and then forgot about where he evolves into an amazing intelligent badass without noticing it

Picture: He is dooting along, vaguely bummed because he's nothing special compared to his older bros, then in book four he realises wait he DOES stand out from others because he's gay/bi/whatever but he's not sure he WANTS that because standing out for being a minority is a fucking hassle but by the seventh book he is war hero, chess master and gay icon and vaguely confused about it

Hell, you could even have Hermione go to the ball with Krum, get her girly character development in and have Ron freak out and both of them /assume/ it's about her when it's not

It would just

Be better Thomas: Queer theory saves the day once again

Clare: :D  

Isabel: JUST BASICALLY RON, ALL THE TIME, WITH A BETTER CHARACTER ARC

Thomas: I love this  

Isabel: Honestly decades later I am still just so salty about Ron's lack of development, hell, anti development. I just want everything for him

Clare: Like, not to make it automatically angsty just because it's gay but Ron being Not Straight ties in so well with his typical theme of qualities that he think make him less than Textbook Perfect actually being his great strengths (I read a great analysis that Ron actually achieves all his brothers' goals without trying or noticing)

Ron just utterly stalls as a character in the books

And Harry is a shitty friend to him by the end

She kind of pulled it back with his deathly hallows arc but it was bungled and could have come across as just bashing him

Isabel: HE IS. Ron is so taken for granted.

Clare: God, Ron is SO much less of a dick if his yelling at Hermione in book four is coming out of Sudden Repressed Realisation, not just 'woman I like is doing something I don't like'

Isabel: I watched film 4 last night and just everyone??? Is so horrible to each other??? All the time??? I swear in the books it's so much better handled

Other reasons why bi/gay Ron headcanon is important: - most masculine of the trio/ has a million big brothers so dealing with toxic masculinity/ bucking queer stereotypes in there too - an extra 'fuck you' to the whole pure blood thing which I reckon is really homophobic as it means your bloodline won't get continued or some shit - Krum coaching Ron on Keeping in bad English. Tell me it's not cute. - Ron's a linguist (he learnt parselmouth on like 2 listens)!! Tell me he wouldn't learn Bulgarian?! - just, chaotic bilingual Quidditch talk, all the time, forever?!

Clare: UM your pidgin Quiddich is now my new fave headcanon forever????? You're SO RIGHT Ron is smart, he's just not academic. He would DEFINITELY pick up a language fast if he was using it to talk to his boyfriend/about quiddich

Isabel: EXACTLY

Clare: Plus all the stuff you said about toxic masculinity and purebloodism.

MAKE THE SUBTEXT TEXTUAL, YOU COWARDS

Isabel: #giveRonaBoyfriend2k18

Also not around for the lowkey weirdness of Ron and Harry dating CANONICALLY IDENTICAL AND BORING non white girls to the Yule Ball

I know that you can overdo all this stuff but seriously the fuck

Clare: It is a bit odd and icky   

Isabel: Ok so this is what happens

Krum asks Hermione to the Yule Ball and it's like she gets her cute moment with him

But then instead of spending the whole evening being a whiny bish Ron shows un-JKR-characterisation-characteristic maturity and puts a brave face on it and talks to them both

He's upset but doesn't full on ruin their evenings

And then Hermione after the ball, (gradually realising with slight horror that she and Krum actually have literally nothing in common) kind of keeps... asking... Ron to hang out with them

And at first Ron's like lol no way am I third wheeling

But then the temptation to hang out with his literal idol becomes too strong

And he and Krum start hanging out independently of Hermione

(who's probably in the lib helping Harry study for the second task at this point anyway)

The weather is still too cold for Quidditch

Ron thinks

But somehow Ron ends up playing anyway

IN THE SNOW

WITH VICTOR

HE'S GETTING COACHED BY AN ACTUAL WORLD CUP FINAL SNITCH CATCHING PLAYER AND HE IS NOT CHILL

Clare: Hoooooly fuck this is perfect

(except he actually is because it's like -10 and snowing what the fuck Krum) Ron putting his big boy panties on and dealing during the ball, leading to him actually having an in with Krum via Hermione

I love the dynamic of Hermione just...awkwardly asking her friends to hang with them...just to break the silence...

Isabel: YEAH EXACTLY

And then them all actually having a nice evening

Clare: I mean the point of Krum with her was to get that 'YASSSS I'm dating a hot guy!' moment WHILE ALSO showing how easily it fizzles, so nothing needs to change there

Hermione could even do her 'ugh, quiddich and BOYS' routine

Isabel: Awkward because of course it is awkward what is a teenage party without angst but also, fun

yeah exactly! the slow dawning that fuuuuck, I've just brought another stupid quidditch boi into my life oh god why

Clare: Ron still knows more about the history of the game and all the technical terms than Harry so has more to talk to Krum about

Isabel: And then you know Ron and Krum stumble back into the castle with Ron wearing Krum's hat à la Chad and Ryan, and Skeeter doesn't bat an eyelid because it doesn't fit her trashy narrative

Clare: RIGHT I've got to sleep I'm getting a cold but I love this

Isabel: ok go sleep

OK ONE MORE POINT

we almost certainly get the insanely awkward 'think you're in luurve Ron' or 'lol if you love Krum so much you should date him not Hermione'! moment from either Fred or George or maybe Ginny

And there's just a kind of... missing step moment

Clare: I think all of them would do that

I mean they're pretty mean to Ron anyway, especially about love

Isabel: Exactly they're all horrible but MAYBE this would teach them!!

Clare: Exactly! It would rip the rug out from under them and they'd be like wait shit

Isabel: We are actually mean to Ron... a lot

Clare: Especially because in this timeline Ron still gets the hassle from his sibs but unlike in the main timeline where he is just butt monkey forever he has the trump card that he's got a boyfriend who's a world famous quiddich player

Like, if you're Fred, George, Ginny or even Molly you can't really come back from that reveal. Ron wins.

Isabel: Krum actually being a laser focussed guy who gives people he cares about 300% of his attention

And middle child syndrome attention starved Ron just soaks it up like a blooming Icelandic kid under a sunlamp

Ron win evertiem

Clare: Yeahhhhhh. Being a prodigy who's trained from such a young age he's got to nail that work life balance and it's like 90% work 10% life but that life is INTENSE, he's seen too many people lose their relationships because they won't switch off their metaphorical phones during dates, he gets one (1) month a year and about three (3) important people and when it is Person Time it is PERSON TIME

Right bed for eal I'm dying

Isabel: BED FOR EEL

UGH ALL I WANT IN MY LIFE IS THE 50K+ SLOW BURN QUEER 4TH YEAR REWRITE

BUT I LEGIT DON'T HAVE TIME TO WRITE IT AND I DON'T TRUST MYSELF TO GET RON POV RIGHT ANYWAY

Clare: Bebs I wish you could write it

The raw chemistry my goodness

I ship it now

Is there going to be 'you are treating me like an idol not a real person please stop' angst at any point?

Isabel: OF COURSE THERE IS

Clare: Also Krum is like 'I knew I could trust you because you are bffs with Harry Potter and you treat him like he's totally normal you must be so mature and cool he is so so lucky to have a friend like you

Or well, Krum insecurity that people only like him because of his celeb status anyway

Which is probably why he went for Hermione in the first place because she didn't give a shit

'WOULD WE EVEN BE TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE IF IT WASN'T FOR QUODDICH?'

'... I love you.'

'Bro I wouldn't care if you were the worst player in the world as long as we both are fans of the sport together.'

'Bro.'

Isabel: BRUH

Also can I just ask...?

What happens in the second task??!!?

It's already messed up enough under that lake, love triangles all over the place

This would just be the final straw that resulted in everyone just shrugging and teaming up

Clare: Holy shit

Krum just doots along, takes Ron and goes

Harry's like...wait what...OK...um I guess Hermione and Ron are equally important to me so I'll just take her kk

Isabel: Krum and Ron appearing on the surface of the lake like 'fuck'

The most dramatic declaration of intent ever

Turning yourself into a shark and rescuing them from the bottom of a lake

Clare: Everybody in the stands is SHOOK

Dumbledore like dang I did not predict this

With their hair soaking wet they are both at maximum hot

Isabel: Rita Skeeter's quill combusts

Clare: Krum doesn't point her out as a beetle in Hermione’s hair he's too busy with Ron

Isabel: Yeah she's like where is my gossip at??? Nothing is happening over in Hermione's hair

But yeah I feel like Dumbledore would be like, oh darn, looks like I'm gonna have to show queer solidarity with Ronald Weasely or something

KRUM AT THE BURROW VERY SERIOUSLY COMPLIMENTING MOLLY ON HER FOOD AND ASKING FOR BRITISH RECIPES AND WINNING HER OVER IN A TRICE

Clare: Would Krum charm Molly straight away though? He's very surly and shy and, in the books, not very handsome. Wouldn't Molly start out yikes who is this quiddich yob my son has taken up with?

Ginny on the other hand. Comes out as bi a couple of years later, tells Ron she only started to realise thanks to his example, apologises for being a dick about his love life

Isabel: Yeah I guess actually

I think Molly can get fierce

Clare: She's probably got a bit of pure blood/homophobic anxiety that she cloaks as objections about THIS PARTICULAR boy

Isabel: Either she loves you and adopts you right away or she is like /pulling shotgun down from the shelf/

EXACTLY

She's like

Blaming herself, oh I should have paid more attention and NOW look what's happened

Poor Ronald, always neglected

And Ron's like... mum... this is great

I am happy

Is not problem

Clare: Ron is like I AM NOT DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION JESUS CHRIST

I mean he's probably enjoying having the attention of a quiddich super star and I bet he'd even enjoy the celebrity status of The Boyfriend a bit (best friends get sidelined but romantic partners are news) but he's not doing it FOR attention

Isabel: Yeah, and I think the suggestion that he is would just make him so mad

First confused and then mad

Oh the ANGST

Clare: Especially since that's Krums biggest anxiety

Isabel: Mr Weasely would be chill. I feel like in this whole equation he is the chillest

Clare: What would Percy say? Would social climbing or doing the done thing win out?

Also the attention thing is a way for parents to make their child's relationship all about them. Oh you want me to LOVE you more! No mum I'm growing away from you this is normal

I think Ron would get jealous around Bill and Charlie because they'd swing in all oh our brother is rebellious and has a cool boyfriend? Well we are cool rebels also welcome to the family Victor

Isabel: Yeah... I think Percy is probably pretending to be chill with it and being a bit smarmy to Krum then says something awkward and homophobic and it's worse than if he'd just said it straight up

Clare: I think a lot of Liberal but still pure blood families would take the line of, 'it's fine that you're gay...because you're the sixth son so your blood line isn't in danger and making a socially advantageous match is probably more important for you anyway! And Ron is like Y I K E S

Isabel: Yeah exactly, well I suppose you have enough sons Molly amirite

What do we think about the Krum family?

Are they just happy that their son is forming human relationships

Clare: Hmm. How do they feel about celebrity? Do they think Ron is Not Good Enough or are they actually quite a normal family and are glad Krum has an ordinary guy to keep him grounded?

Isabel: I kind of don't want Ron to have to deal with random Bulgarian disapproval

I think maybe a quite normal family who had a kid who was a genius and has been at boarding school/ travelling for years and years

Maybe Krum already came out to them so that drama is in the past

Clare: Yeah and when he brings Ron home for dinner they're just delighted that Krum is home at all and that he's happy

Yeah maybe he did

He's probably had a lot of time to introspect because of his image and maybe he's an only child?

Isabel: And Ron speaks accented but ok Bulgarian by this point and they're like !!!

Clare: I think one aspect of the large family thing that WOULD affect Ron is its just that much harder to have a private word with your parents so confiding about yourself, especially when you're not 100% sure, just isn't part of the family culture

And there's no time for introspection when you're jockeying for position with six siblings

So Krum is out to his parents while Ron isn't even out to himself

Plus Krums just that bit older

Isabel: No, when you ask for a word it's all 'yes Ron' a bit exasperated

Clare: Krum’s family are just delighted that Ron speaks Bulgarian and is a normal guy who likes their son for himself

Isabel: Maybe they have some kind of cool engineery job and Ron goes out the back and is like well my dad likes cars I will try and help

Uses his mathsy chessy knowledge

Clare: Re. Homophobia I think it is important that it's not all YOU'RE GOING TO HELL like the Muggle brand but instead is very focused on producing pure blood children. Also with the smallness of the pure blood community I bet there's a lot of, not official arranged marriage, but kind of assumed marriage, like in Pride and Prejudice or what may have happened with Prince William and Kate, like, there's three girls your age who your family's on speaking terms with who aren't your first cousins and it'll massively throw off everybody's plans if you don't marry one of them

Yes Ron helping with engineering

Isabel: Headcanon of the Krums as magical engineers with a side passion for quidditch

Clare: I bet he picks up arithmancy that way. Can't learn it in the classroom, can learn it in the garage. And he comes home from the holiday able to actually help his dad with the car and thenceforth Mr Weasley is on board

Isabel: Yeah exactly... they're a bit 'sigh ok this means you're not gonna marry bertha from the bakery but hell at least it's not a veela'

Clare: Also wizarding society is inherently conservative, they haven't even updated their writing system, so anybody doing anything different is looked askance at unless they can play themselves as a genius eccentric like Dumbledore

Isabel: So yeah then Ron turns out to be WHOLESOME af and Krum’s family are like... ok fine. this is fine. In fact yay!

Ok I have to go do some work but this has been almost as good as having the fic itself

Clare: Maybe I'll put a summary on my tumblr and see if anybody wants to adopt it