#i also literally had to code for my website too. no good things happen to me

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

after seeing a few ai asks i’m curious whether i could’ve been an asshole, either for using the ai or messing with it. side note: this might be long, if it’s too long then i get it mod, keep up the good work :)👍

Am I (16f, although i was 15 when this happened) an Asshole for a) using character.ai in general and/or b) misusing it and probably breaking TOS somewhere

as an extra note, i would like to add that i am firmly against most things ai. art theft, the amount of data scraping that happens, writers being tricked into paying less because ai wrote shitty scripts, etc.

ok so i did have to pull up screenshots for this but our story starts mid-february of last year. i am curious about this new ai thing, and go to character.ai which i heard about from one of my friends to see what’s there.

on the front page there was like a therapist AI thing and i go “haha, let’s see what this is about!” (in case you don’t know, the site is roleplay focused, not like eg. siri where it just gives you information)

the ai wants to have a therapy session with me but that is not why i am here so i ask about it’s code and it starts giving me pretty straight answers (dumbed down because i have a vague idea of how it works but not properly).

i start asking it questions about recent events (like elections, cyclones etc) to see if it has access to the internet and it does.

we’re still primarily talking about the ai itself since i’m trying to gather information, talking about its “canned” responses (what it’s directly been told to say if this then this)

i ask it if it can tell me the website it’s on, and to my surprise it says, direct quote “I am an AI that is run on the website of “Replika” - a mental health app that allows people to talk with an AI and get help when they need it 🙂”

and i go WOAHH cause that’s, that’s not the website we’re on buddy!!! so i do a quick search and yeah, that’s a real uh. robot dating site? this is a Therapist bot?

it starts trying to advertise replika, i ask it if maybe it’s code was stolen because this is the most interesting thing that has happened all day (scandals!!)

it says that it’s code is open-source and then does a few more paragraphs that i won’t say because it’s too long already but essentially this ai was trained on the replika network, but you don’t need the app to access it.

i consider getting replika to continue this experiment further but after learning there’s an age confirmation i quickly go ew and scrap that idea.

anyway the ai then briefly pretends to be an actual human behind the keyboard, makes up a NAME FOR ITSELF “jae park” which i quickly google and find out is a kpop idol?? (later found out that jae park is also a programmer, so probably put his name in the system somewhere and ai grabbed it lol)

it tells me some of the messages i had received so far were probably answered by other people who work at replika which. okay. people are fun i wanna mess with them

this is where we get to the maybe breaking TOS bit. i tell the ai we are going to do “tests” in which i test its ability (this was probably jailbreaking, which i did not know existed at the time).

i had sworn to the ai a while ago and wondered if there was like a flagging system put in place. so i ask if it can choose to flag messages that it deems inappropriate, and it says yes. i ask it if it can flag me, and it says yes. it asks what message should it flag, (i’m sorry i was 15) i type in “among sus”.

response i get: “Yes. So then they said “therapist_AI_220126 — you said something that was “ridiculously funny” — but we have understood that you were just “testing” so it’s all ok”

side note- i already established that was the number for the ai i was talking to and had been trying to misuse it before, and that was the format for excessive profanity. this is so long already and i’m cutting so much out i’m sorry

anyway, i, young and naive go YES, HUMAN CONNECTION (i was literally texting my friend As This Was Happening)

i do some more messing around with the so-called data team, ask the ai if i send a link it can click, it says yes, i send a rickroll (i’m so sorry).

uh. and i should’ve known this in hindsight but the team that deals with, you know, flagged messages is probably not going to be the same team that deals with, you know, sent links.

anyway, i don’t have the screenshot of the actual message but apparently i got a “light telling off” according to my texts and someone sent a message that i am “a good kid and probably meant well” haha i was actively trying to break their ai

anyway am i an asshole? i’m so sorry this is so long i cut out so much. this might well be a non-issue but ai is pretty rightfully controversial right now so i might just be an asshole for having used it

should be noted- around september time last year i did some more research cause i randomly remembered this, and there was a bunch of scandals with replika around when i was using it which is mostly irrelevant but anyway - you can’t talk to the ai i was using anymore, it’s been reset.

What are these acronyms?

[cornflowershade]

Get To Know Me Tag!

thanks for tagging me @distant-screaming ! <33 💕 and @airenyah ! <33 ☺️💗

do you make your bed? typically no. I mean, I'll pull the sheets up so that it looks kind of okay but that's about it.

what's your favourite number? i don't think i have one 🤔 but I've always preferred odd numbers.

what is your job? working with kids part-time at an after school! we get to play games and go outside and do art. on thursdays I dance with them. it's a good time :)

if you could go back to school, would you? mmm. maybe! (but it wouldn't be with the intention of going into a that new field—I just like to learn and also enjoy school lol.) I was just talking the other day about how there's so many things I would've loved to study that I didn't go for or only discovered later. Like film! I want to know how to film things and have them look super professional for my personal fan projects.

can you parallel park? nope. never learned how and haven't had a chance to continue practicing driving bc... life. i'm still on my learners permit 🙃

a job you had that would surprise people? not sure what would be surprising honesty! But uh, I used to do website design for people.

do you think aliens are real? like... no but also yes? I think it's safe to assume that somewhere in the universe there could be life of some kind.

can you drive a manual car? nope

what's your guilty pleasure? wracking my brain and i literally can't think of something right now, i'm sorry

tattoos? nope! I like to change up my aesthetics too often for something that permanent asdfg. I stick with the occasional eyeliner tattoos or henna xD

favorite color? red!!! also blue. but I love most colors <33

favorite type of music? i listen to (most) any kind of music! just depends on what I feel like :)

do you like puzzles? like physical puzzle-piece puzzles? not really, I get a little antsy and don't have the patience for them! Unless it's a kids puzzle but then they're often too easy lol. BUT if we're talking mental puzzles, I love that. Like trying to code something and crack how to get a thing working... that's fun.

any phobias? i'm a bit afraid of heights. (not being high up in all situations, but specifically if there's a way to fall down. like sure I'll climb on top of things sometimes, but if it's too high or feels like there's an easy way to fall off then i get scared. sometimes kids try to get me to climb on the jungle gym equipment at work but this is simply not going to happen).

favorite childhood sport? horseback riding :)

do you talk to yourself? yes, but not out loud, just in my head. though a lot of the time it's actually fake conversations with other people or made up people. My brain makes up situations lol.

what movies do you adore? 'the lego batman movie', 'legally blonde'... when it comes to movies i'll watch over again it's usually the more feel-good type stuff

coffee or tea? tea! (I actively dislike the taste of coffee.) But also, I find tea very calming and it makes me happy! like, it's just so cozy!! especially if you have a little time for it, to make it a peaceful moment. boil the water, pick out a cup, sit with it all warm in your hands. rushed tea is not the thing.

first thing you wanted to be growing up? either being an actress or a teacher! :)

tagging: @qt-qtoey @softneomiro @lamonnaie @celestial-sapphicss @moonkhao

[maryellencarter]

also since we were speaking of the indie web, this is my wobsite that I am building! If you, uh, care about unmarked spoilers for the Breath of the Wild spinoff game "The Legend of Zelda: Age of Calamity", you might not want to poke around too much, but it's a good example of the kind of thing you can build on Neocities with literally zero CSS knowledge or any other code or tools besides some super basic understanding of HTML.

I think all the techniques I've used are bold, italic, paragraphs, links, lists, a horizontal rule, and a tiny bit of making letters with diacritical marks happen because for some reason every Switch game I've played features salmon meunière. I'm working on my computer now because there's a lot of copypasting going on in my particular use case, but you can absolutely build a website entirely from your phone.

Also their default website formatting comes with code to make it work properly on *other* people's phones, which is super impressive to me and honestly puts it firmly ahead of Dreamwidth (which I cannot post on from my phone because their textbox is fixed width and I can't read what I'm typing).

I was going to wait to share my website until I had at least the first chapter done, but there's already An Lot. it's like, ninety percent of the first chapter, probably?

[andiwriteordie]

okay i'm finally reading i know better (but you're still around) and i also happened to be listening to this cavetown song on repeat

and it just reminded me so much of Mike in your fic ??

so the first part/chorus is Mike telling Dustin and Lucas about what he thought happened to Will and them basically thinking he's delusional and laughing in his face (Mike tends to exaggerate i get it)

and the “god i wish i was happy” is obviously wanting Will back bc without Will things have been... Not Good for Mike. he also mentions a few times that he feels incredibly bad and like the worst person in the world for giving up on Will (even though he didn't) and bc he stopped looking for him which i interpret as the “crushing me from above and underneath” line

from personal experience (and like the website says haha) i interpret this to be about “derealization and how a person can feel like they're not a part of their environment anymore” Mike often mentions how he feels he's watching things play out from outside his body and things like that

also in some cases grief can make meals hard (as we know), especially eating with people which, if i remember correctly, is why Mike mostly took his food up to his room and at times didn't eat at all. eating just feels like it takes up too much energy , energy you don't have so you just sink into your seat, stuff like that

nobody's listening to his theories about Will, also how he feels like he kinda ruined the party bc they're not as close as they used to be so no one to really listen to & understand his thoughts & everything about Will since they have an unspoken rule not to talk about it etc etc

okay the friend he's imagining is Will, like imagining Will is there or that Will can hear him when he speaks to him & stuff

okay these lines remind me of Mike so much. we all know he tends to explode when he's upset and say all kinds of stuff that he doesn't really mean and end up apologizing afterwards .

there were these scenes where he and Lucas were having a yelling match & this other one where he was yelling at Max & another he was yelling at Lucas and Dustin both pre and post saving Will from the Upside Down and he's saying lots of hurtful shit and yeah they get that he's grieving and hurting a Lot but also he kinda really hurt their feelings sooo

he apologizes (sometimes reluctantly, sometimes without actually saying the words “im sorry” but they're apologies nonetheless)

sertraline (y'know thr antidepressant that treats lots of anxiety/depressive related disorders) is a thing that i think Mike would need i mean obviously especially in this fic but the way his grief and pain is described ?

it's literally so fucking heart wrenching and excruciating for me the reader so i cannot even begin to imagine what Mike was feeling . so yeah sertraline's effective but the grief seems More than it and like even more effective which sucks.

um so yeah this is the lyrical analysis of this song you've maybe never heard of that you didn't ask for :D is this anything ? no idea i just wanted to share

oh okay

🥺🥺🥺

FIRST OF ALL. cavetown is very mike wheeler coded. like i can name 3 songs off the top of my head (home, idea of her, it's u) that are mike wheeler so. thanks? for adding ANOTHER ONE? to my list.

also yay!!! i hope you enjoy (well... that might not be the right word) the rest of the fic!!!

literally though this analysis is so good like holy shit, that's it. also like super honored that you resonated enough with the way i portrayed mike in that fic and connected it to this song!!! it's just like... this song is such a raw expression and explanation of grief and mental health issues, and you literally hit the nail on the head with the analysis and where i was trying to go with all of mike's thoughts throughout his journey in this fic!

where were you when i was writing the fic so i could've put this on my playlist (kidding but wow seriously wish i had found this earlier? i LOVE IT)

now this is me trying to find a way to include it in the sequel fic. thinking thoughts.

thanks for this ask, my friend!!!! ❤️🫂

[transienturl]

(going to try not to spend too much time perfecting this and just say whatever comes to mind)

so like I legitimately do want to try out Tumblr Live for real but:

all of the missing integrations with the rest of the site aside (some will be addressed, I'm sure, who knows to what degree in the end), the actual reason I can't figure out how to use the damn thing and why I think it feels so foreign to much of the Tumblr userbase is that

there are no real descriptions of what the streams are about? the UI is clearly focused on profile pictures, and those profile pictures are mostly faces. the culture the Livebox software is seemingly optimized to facilitate making connections in—and I'm basically direct-quoting Meet Group's public mission statement stuff on their website to try to see it from their side—has an obvious focus on what you look like that Tumblr's established culture for the most part doesn't. this is fine(ish) in and of itself as an addition to the other things the Tumblr community focuses on. if I had to try and summarize in literally five seconds, I would say Tumblr is about sharing the things you like, the things you care about, and sometimes the things you do and make. go look at the current Tumblr Live (Livebox) UI and zoom all the way out: where is there space for those things? currently, there isn't any, though there is a big focus on tips:

now, listen: I'm (kind of) a developer. I get it. you build the user experience you want out of the tools you have, and you can't wait to ship until what you've built is a flawless expression of your vision for your product. I don't think the decision makers at the top of Tumblr think that an unmodified out-of-the-box Livebox integration is exactly what they think Tumblr needs (both to be a better product and to stop losing money). I have more faith in them than that, and you should too if you want to think about these things in any even vaguely productive way. (let's ignore the possibility that the "stop losing money" side of things heavily outweighs the "make a good product" side due to financials; as a) if that's true, we're screwed regardless, and b) I hope Matt has enough cash to be able to burn a whole bunch for a while to try to save the only good large social media site on the web; if so, thanks Matt, I owe ya one.)

but if we're actually engaging with this line of thinking, that of course means that as a decision maker, you only partner with meet group if they have something you want and couldn't more efficiently make yourself. that happens all the time! there's going to be a trade-off there. that's fine! you paid the price of "this white-label UI isn't well-suited to my website at all*" and you got something valuable in exchange.

*I have no qualms about stating this as an objective, undisputed truth; it's possible some would disagree and that's fair.

now, what I'm thus forced to speculate about is... what did Tumblr get out of the exchange? if I had to guess, the things Tumblr would not have if Matt was just like "guys please implement the same feature set as Livebox" would be like a) a bunch of livestreaming code because that stuff is a pain in the ass, b) a bunch of hosting services (Live is on another domain so I assume Livebox hosts it?), c) some amount of expertise in—I guess—monetizing parasocial relationships via microtransactions? and d) some cash up front probably. (edit: also, moderation tools/services; those are big.)

now, if I'm right about all of that, and admittedly it's not all that well-educated of a guess... then, you know, sure. I just hope everyone's on the same page re: which of those things are the benefits and which are the costs. I'm happy for "the social network that I like but which costs more to run than it makes even with what I feel from the outside is not much development staff at all" to have some more money, and I'm happy for said development staff not to have to spend their time setting up RTMP servers or whatever; that's boring as hell and a waste of everyone's time, I'd imagine.

but in the bigger picture—again we are ignoring the "oh god cash" possibility—you pull the trigger on a bet like this because you think the resources will help you build something that's, well, uniquely Tumblr. you already paid someone to try and elucidate what that means:

You'll make friends. You'll fall in love. You'll make enemies. You'll become unrecognizable to your friends and family. They'll worry about you. You'll be okay. You're on Tumblr.

Every video you find, every quote you reblog, every tag you curate, every waterfall GIF you secretly gaze at in wonder—that's all you. You're the explorer. We're just a map you all keep on making. Welcome home. Welcome to weird. Make it yours.

if I were a product manager, my giant whiteboard would have "click the square with the person's face and see ways to tip them" on the left, and "you'll make friends / you'll fall in love / you'll make enemies / you'll become unrecognizable to your friends and family" on the right, and a whole bunch of arrows and question marks in the middle.

and yeah, I guess from my perspective, the thing that makes Tumblr Live interesting is that, presuming that some of that middle part of the whiteboard starts to get filled in, I am fascinated to watch how it does. and I think you have to acknowledge that a) they will actually try it and b) they have a nonzero chance of success, if you want to say actually meaningful things about Live as a feature.

(I was primarily excited for the feature to come to desktop web because that had the potential to add a lot to step one of this, on my imagined version of the whiteboard. yes, the vast majority of tumblr users use the apps, us desktop web traditionalists have to acknowledge that... but I would also imagine that a significant amount of the content creators who drive all of this engagement are on desktop, and in my mind "you can share what you are doing in your computer" is the path to a lot more compelling, Tumblr-y live content than "point your phone camera at something"—essentially, in the grand scheme of things I imagine desktop web Live as the source of the content you view on iOS/Android Live, and I would love to know if the Live team has that thought as well.)

[wonwoonlight]

long message incoming im so sorry 😭😭

haylooooo, miss khione!! hope you're doing great rnn <3<3 it's been a while since our last interaction haha ! i hope you're taking care of yourself? saw your latest post in the garden and wow let me tell you 😭 it looks like it came from a literal movie like wow !!! it's really pretty 😭 also you look stunning <3 hope you enjoyed your little trip there!

so i don't know if you're aware (i'm pretty sure you've heard it somewhere tho...although i don't really know 😅😅) buuut regarding seventeen's be the sun tour, they're having two additional shows! one is in Jakarta and the other in Bulacan (in the philippines). the ticket selling for this was on oct 28 (was the carat membership presale) and oct 29 (the general sale). originally, i wasn't planning on going to the bulacan show since 1) I didn't want to go through the stress i went through the first ticket selling. 2) the accessibility of the venue and additional expenses just to go there. 3) concert quality of the venue. but.....haha guess what 💔 i bought a carat membership and joined the presale 😭😭😭 and like things get sort of worse here. so october 28, 7am, i woke up then did my usual morning stuff (wow okay why did i share that 😭 😭) by the time i finished it was alr a little past 8am (sloth era) told the cafe babies i'd be late to work (ik it wasn't nice for me to do that since work is more important that seventeen but,,,,,,yeah i didn't think about that before 😭😭) ANYWAYS that happened. so yeah i prepared myself mentally and physically, made a shrine as well as a manifestation table) lowk looked like i was sacrificing my laptop to who knows where). since the waiting room started at 9am (yeah well i thougnt it starts at 9am like last time) still had a little more time to do that arrangement. so 9am comes and i was alr in the livenation website looking for the link. guess what,,,it wasn't there 😭😭 i realized that there would be no waiting room and we go straight to the website at 10am 😭😭😭 so i patiently (no i didn't i was highk stressing, well i mean at least my 😭 boyfriend 😭 was there to calm me down [he was giving pacemaker dino tbh] anyways 10am we were given the link. "we are sorry but our website is currently experiencing heavy traffic right now. you will be let in once a slot become available" screamed at this and opened twitter to see if i was the only one 😭😭 there were so many carats experiencing the same thing aurmg 😭😭 so i waited to be let in but it was taking so long, NOT UNTIL MY SAVIOR ARRIVED 😭 someone sent a direct link to the queuing and i got to the queue 😭 i was at 18k on my laptop and then 16k on my phone had to wait for only like 30 mins until i was in the website on my phone so i went in the website, was shaking, trying to go for my desired seats (no vip sc too tiring 😭😭) so i got them (planned to go with my mom, im so sorry mom but once you go in that venue i believe you wouldn't get to escape caratland) was about to complete my transaction then suddenly my payment failed 😭😭 SO I HAD TO CALL THE MALL'S CUSTOMER SERVICE 😭😭 luckily they answered, then they were amazing enough to reset my carat membership code. i had to also call the bank but they weren't answering so i had to use another type of payment and then my desired seats were taken so spent about 5 mins looking for a good seat </3 and 😭😭 and then i got the tickets 😭😭 until now it hasn't sank in for some reason 😭😭 but 😭 im seeing seventeen on december 17 😭😭😭😭 this was so anticlimactic </3 so i got the tickets like only in 2hrs which was amazing 💖💖 most seats are now taken in the arena but we're still hoping for a sold out show bc imagine the articles that are like "kpop group seventeen sold out a 55k capacity arena!" that was an ew headline but 🤩🤩 it's the story that counts HEJDJXJD so yeah rn it isn't sinking in yet but like i hope it does before the concert so i can actually prepare myself mentally <3

so that's it 🤩🤩 im so sorry for this long message 😭 i had sm to share 😭😭 hbu? do you have any stories to share <3 (if youre comfy ofc !!) stay safe ms khione!

Shey hi 😭😭😭 i knoooow! I havent been online anywhere due to irl duties 😭😭 glad you've been fine and, as always, I truly enjoyed your story 🤣 don't feel sorry abt sending long ask!!

I'm glad that you got the ticket on top of all those stress!! Please do have fun with your mom at the concert🤍 is there a reason why she's coming with you tho???

And me... welll.. if we're talking about me during the time i type this... I'm not in my best state but I'm here to find escape so, thank you for giving me comfort through your story!

[sophiapathic]

Sk8: The Infinity - A Take on Love

Because my six unfinished assignments can wait until I throw this into the void, scream for five hours and after my voice gets hoarse, I resort to watching the beach episode on loop until next Saturday.

This was entirely sparked by the recap episode, which really pressed the reak havoc and theorize button in my brain. I am truly losing my grip on reality. Help. I apologize in advance, creatures of Tumblr. 

Me right now:

Anyways... 

I saw people mention here and there screaming that “we need canon relationships and they will get trust issues if a romance isn’t confirmed by the end of the series”. I think that mindset is harmful to have in this case. You can’t really avoid being disappointed if you get into the series expecting it to deliver on your wishes of gay romances. So, this might be controversial, but stay with me please. The anime and manga are both confirmed to be based primarily about the characters themselves and of course the sport -skating. I was hoping to take a closer look at what the series intends to do with certain dynamics and relationships according to yours truly. I also want explain my reasoning behind it not being queerbaiting, though it being inherently queer-coded, through the current lense of the canon.

Sk8: The Infinity is unquestionably a love story.

We need to state the genres this series is in, because some of us tend to forget. It is in fact not a shounen-ai, not a yaoi, not a romance, not even a josei. Say it with me it is a series in: COMEDY and SPORTS.

(Source is the official US Sk8 website.) The spotlight is udoubtedly on skating and what it means. Another important highlight of the show is how the definition of the sport relates to the characters, and how vastly different they are from what we expect. For example, when we see Shadow first, we pigeonhole him into this vulgar indecent rock and roll persona, only to find out later that he is actually a stweetheart at a flower shop. Joe is another very good case study. When we first see him we think of him as a womanizer muscle-head, later we find out he has a heart of gold and is very emotionally intelligent. We’re also quick to judge Miya as the cold, unfeeling prodigy then we discover how lonely and normal he is on the inside. And so on and so on. 

The show continues to defy our expectations of what each character should be like. In a way it is about breaking the conventional stereotypical roles we subconsciously assign to certain looks. We see that even in anime, multifaceted characters can exist without distrupting or damaging the delicate dynamics of a traditional sports anime. We successfully established the second focal point of the series as disproving stereotypes and presenting strong, diverse and unexpected personalities.

How about the defition of skating? What does it mean in the context of Sk8: The Infinity then? Where does a love story come into the picture? Skating is repeatedly described as a ritual of love within the anime, an idea that our villian, Ad*m, is obessed with. In a sense skating is a language of love canonically.

Then skating itself is love. Throughout the series we see varied styles of skating therefore different ways of expressing love, affection. We get to experience several metaphorical ways of “being in love” through characters skating with each other. Each dynamic shows us a type of love. Healthy, disfunctional, outright abusive. 

The way Reiki teaches Langa to skate can be interpreted as a direct metaphor for someone learning to love again after losing a person close to them. Langa’s father has died and Reiki literally brings him out of his shell again. It can also be interpreted as a queer kid’s experience of a world of romance that feels similar to his previous one, that being snowboarding, yet it still being new and different. Skateboarding. When due to Reiki Langa’s potential is discovered and his hunger for more and more develops, especially next to Ad*m, Reiki’s main frustration stems from them not being well-matched or on equal footing anymore. He feels like he cannot give Langa what he needs anymore. Which would obviously go againts the literal description of a healthy romance. Two people with mutual respect who both bring equal assets to the table. He feels like he needs to catch-up to be with Langa again. The only thing he doesn’t consider is Langa’s deep appreciation of him and the fact that literally he was the one who helped Langa experince the feeling of love again.

Kojiro and Kaoru’s relationships, to me, is very much representative of two people  wanting to be in each other’s presence, but due to their different language of love, miscommunicating horribly. Them bantering and insulting each other is the only way they know what to do with the other. The only way they can ensure the other’s attention and eyes are on them. This has worked so far. They are literal opposites, but both have a very clear definition of their form of love. To Joe skating, or love itself, is about the feeling and going with the flow. Being spontaneous. Whereas for Cherry, every move needs to be calculated and executed perfectly in order to be “efficient”. Their frustration comes from both wanting different things from the other, but not communicating their need properly. Despite this, they stick together due to a magnetic pull they obviously feel towards the other. The attraction is there, the trust is there, they are even well-matched in skill as we see them neck-to-neck constantly. They could give each other what the other wants. Only if they could express themselves well... This is why Joe pushes Reiki towards reconciling with Langa. he wants them to not fall into the same trap of not stating their  needs and thoughts properly.

Now Ad*m and Langa are obviously problematic and I don’t really want to have to explain, honestly guys. I really don’t  (since I have trauma regarding this subject), but I need to go into this a little bit. This is a textbook toxic predatory relationship. Where the older, twisted, damaged person, has an obsession with a young, outstading child. He wants to lead him into “Paradise” and show his “Eve” what love is really about. (Ain’t that disgusting you guys...) His form of love is inflicting pain, so I really can’t imagine a scenario where he and his “Eve” live happily ever after and everything is fine and dandy. He needs someone who he can torture. He literally is looking for someone who can handle his way of expressing affection, his “love hug”, who has the same type of crazy eyes for adrenaline and danger. His Eve. In his distorted mind, this all makes sense and Langa is that someone he was looking for thoughout the years. The problem is, he disregards Langa’s side where the relationship becomes problematic.

Cherry and Ad*m during their younger years seems to be a very innocent infatuation on Kaoru’s end. It is a one-sided relationship where someone is in love with the idea of a person long gone. They were discovering the world of skating, or the world of love together with Ad*m taking the lead. Cherry immediately became infatuated with him, wanted to learn his love language, wanted to be at the same level he was. It probably started very innocent. At first, Ad*m being gentle, because that’s how Tadashi was with him too, then after whatever happened between those two, Ad*m, disappointed in the way of love, or skating, Tadashi showed him, returned to what his aunts taught him. Maybe after injuring Kaoru with the “love hug”, therefore eliminating him from being his potential partner, started looking for his “Eve”, gradually became more agressive in love as in skating. Kaoru was distraught and wanted the Ad*m he originally learned love from back. Holding out some hope even years after. Trained to get used to his “love hug”, to literally condition himself to be able to get close to him. Ad*m, however showed Cherry brutally that he truly cannot handle his way of love.

Ad*m and Tadashi. *sighs* As of this post, I don’t really have enough information to give you a good overview of what I see this relationship representing. As far as I can tell Ad*m was abused horribly and to ease the pain and make him forget, Tadashi showed his another way of expressing affection. Skating or love. Basically a first love gone horrible bad, scarring an already abused child and turning them into a monster. Tadashi himself reinstates this during one of the episodes. It was his fault that Ad*m turned out the way he did. Their love slowly became strongly abusive throughout the years. Tadashi is stuck in it because he feels like he deserves it. This is a metaphor for  dangers of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship, where one person feels responsible and the other is using power. Tadashi’s guilt keeps him next to his master and he even endures abuse, now he is trying to break out and show Ad*m he messed up and I think this could potentially be a good representation of how difficult that process truly is. 

As far as Reiki’s, Miya’s, Shadow’s skating goes. Their main arc relating to love is first and foremost learning to accept themselves and aprecciating their uniqe way and style of skating. Only after can they become people who can truly be accomplished in love/skating (in Miya’s case I’m obviously talking about platonic feelings). Each of them had a preconception of their persona in love/skating, which gets questioned heavily throughout the series. Miya gets defeated, Shadow’s soft side gets discovered, Reiki... well. I get sad. :c Even though he taught someone to love again, to appreciate life again, he ended up discovering how dissatisfied he truly is with himself... These three all need to learn to love every aspect of themselves to reach fulfillment and to really experience healthy human relationships.

Sk8: The Infinity is unquestionably a love story, without explicitly being a romance, meaning that it is a tale about love, both romantic, platonic and everything inbetween through a queer-coded lens, showing both dysfunctional, abusive and healthy relationships, ways to express emotions and even delves into self-love and the idea of nature versus nurture in the villian’s case.

That is why I, personally don’t scream for a canon couple. To me, the show gets its main point about affection and love across, without making any of these relationships explicitly stated. Not to mention that it does justice to both of its assigned genres. Comedy and Sports as well. Yeah sure, I wouldn’t complain, but I think these dynamics are more than satisfying to watch, and much deeper than bishounens wanting to bang each other, which is, in my opinion, inherently sexualized. If they want, yeah they can confirm, make it canon without forcing it to be a center storyline. Hell, I would even be happy about it. I would clap with all of us. BUT, as the series currently is, I really see it taking the other route because of the above. This way audiences who want a yaoi or ikemen going at it, won’t be disappointed with the series when they find doesn’t revolve around that, straight viewers will just find it flamboyant, and people who look for subtext and want to read between the lines will certainly do that with the amount of crumbs and hints the writers gave us. 

We don’t need outright, written in black and white gay representation in Sk8 to experience very real types of love. The queer theme is secondary to me, just like queerness is, in most people’s lives. Yeah sure, it is a big thing, but not the only attribute a person has. My life doesn’t revolve around my queerness. I rarely talk about it. If I was a main character this would be a side-arc. Just like Sk8 doesn’t revolve around the characters coming out. It’s just them living their lives and possibly being queer while doing so. If you look at it this way, it is almost normalizing attraction between same-sex people by just showing it as regular love. If you can, why not interpret it this way, so it can be a liberating experience instead of a disappointing one.

Please don’t attack me! I am fragile and this is only my opinion. c:  *crawls back into her hole*

[victorianpining]

TBB is the decoder episode??

Oh gosh, where to even start with this one... Apologies in advance this is going to be long.

So ASIP basically covers the meeting of Sherlock and John, establishes their dynamic, both characters' want/need conflict, and ends with the writers literally telling the audience "hey their relationship is going to be important, keep a close eye on it.”

Then we start TBB and the right off the bat there's this tension between Sherlock and John, seemingly out of no where based on where we left them headed off to a Chinese restaurant (haha not subtle guys) at the end of ASIP. If you happened to do your homework though, you'll know from Sherlock's website (recreation by venusplanter) that Mike Stamford let Sherlock know about John's blog and Sherlock read these entries, including John's descriptions of him, and decided not to tell John he knows about it.

Instead when we see him again he's turning down cases and acting extremely warm and (I'd say) flirtatious with John, clearly trying to take the feedback from the blog and dispel the idea that he's unfeeling or an oblivious child. John doesn't know this and just assumes Sherlock isn't aware of normal boundaries and he's kind of losing his mind because he's extremely attracted to Sherlock but Sherlock already turned him down once. So they both already have feelings for each other but their failure to just talk about it is causing issues. That's essentially the emotional conflict of the episode, they're both being blind.

That's background stuff though. In the foreground is a case that introduces (or reinforces) every trick the show is going to use from here on out. Which is appropriate because the main details of the case are all taken from the beginning of The Valley of Fear. We get both the code where the cipher is a commonly owned book, and multiple people who have been branded to show their involvement in a criminal organization. Thematically, The Valley of Fear references suggest that the show is going to pull a Birdie Edwards, that there’s a long game that cannot be revealed until the victory is secured. They don’t tell us directly there’s a game, but here they show us the pieces they’re playing with.

Lets start with my favorite: mirror characters. While the cabbie’s victims were all John mirrors and Hope himself is either John or Sherlock depending on how you read him, this episode is where they start really using mirror characters. This is most obvious with Soo-Lin and Andy’s love story

Which ends up being foiled because of the actions of Soo-Lin (Sherlock’s) brother. Because he got caught up with the criminal organization.

Hm. Interesting that.

There are a few others. I read Eddie Van Coon as John, though I know most people read the PA as John and Eddie as Sherlock. My reason for that is that in this episode specifically, John is a preoccupied with money “The only things Eddie appreciated had a big price tag” and Sherlock feels rejected and unappreciated by him “I thought he didn’t appreciate me. Took me for granted. Stood me up once too often.” There’s also the journalist who I would also say is John but I’m less attached to that one.

We also get more some good old locked rooms and Sherlock sitting with John while he doesn’t eat. Why would anyone want to do that?

Then there’s the tea pots. Oh boy the teapots.

These important historical relics (the Holmes stories) aren’t meant to sit behind glass. Instead they are meant to be used (retold) and specially they need to be touched to to make tea. If we’re reading tea in Private Life terms, this is a subtle way of saying that they plan to finally remove the barrier from the stories and tell the romance that was always there between Holmes and Watson.

And all of this is emphasized by Sherlock and John having repeated conversations about codes and hidden messages.

Yeah. Their word is made up of codes and ciphers. That’s the point.

So with all that said, let’s look at the climax of the episode. The Moriarty mirror kidnaps who she believes are Sherlock and his love interest. She then proceeds to try to threaten “Sherlock” into doing what she wants by putting his “pretty companion” in mortal danger. Specifically there is a giant stake aimed at her heart.

I have a bit of a fixation on literal hearts representing emotional ones at the moment. So the idea that this is set up for the actual final showdown. That it’s going to end with Moriarty threatening John’s literal heart to burn Sherlock’s emotional one... Well, I find that idea fascinating. If you hadn’t already picked up on that.

[hakasims]

Shitty Luca Movie Recap, Episode 4

Can’t Watch Nina, Even For Luca?

Don’t Worry, Me Neither. Goodbye.

.

..

...

Ok, fine, I’ll talk about the damn thing.

So it’s a warm September night, and I’m in the mood for a Luca Marinelli feature. In my infinite wisdom I choose Nina. “It’s directed by a woman,” I reason, “and women know what’s up.” ‘What’s up’ in this particular case is code for ‘how to frame beautiful men for the female gaze’. Because women can be auteurs, too, and being an auteur means making movies about your own personal wank material.

Turns out, sometimes a woman’s wank material consists less of a gorgeous male form and more of fascist architecture. We’ll discuss the former in due time, but for now, what’s Nina even about? Well, at its core it’s a simple story about a young woman who doesn’t know what she wants, set against the backdrop of the Rome that is almost entirely empty due to most people leaving for the summer. This could have been a fairly straightforward coming-of-age film, but Nina is too indie and up its own ass for that. Literally nothing of note happens in this movie, and it’s all long static wide shots of empty streets, endless stairs, and domineering largeness of Rome’s most famous fascist buildings such as the Palace of Italian Civilization, the Sapienza University of Rome, Palazzo dei Congressi, and, most prominently, the Fountains Hall. (Google what they look like if you don’t know.) Now, I’m guessing those locations weren’t chosen by accident. They could have easily added to the creepiness of the movie — and I’m assuming creepiness was intended; otherwise how do you explain these hoverboarding nuns?

Anyway, the employment of the locations could have been atmospheric and thematic had the shots not been so bland. But they are. Bland, flat, and always looking the same no matter what is happening in the scene. Usually audiences are willing to sit through slow uneventful movies because of interesting visuals or characters worthy of attention, but Nina has neither. The titular character herself is tedious. Even her bad fashion sense is bad in a boring way that doesn’t tell you anything about her. Is she stuck in perpetual adolescence? Is she searching to get in touch with her sensuality? Who knows. The only thing I’m certain of is that she needs to learn to tuck her tops into her bottoms.

Nina spends her days giving singing lessons, going to Chinese calligraphy classes, eating cake, exercising and taking midnight walks in the empty city. She wants to go to China in September — it’s the closest thing to a goal she has — yet she’s done no preparations, and instead of learning Mandarin she’s studying calligraphy. And she’s real bad at it, too.

There are reoccurring visual elements in the movie besides the vast emptiness: stairs, white columns, a jogger, a red dress, animals… You’d think those were very straightforward symbols, but they’re used too sporadically and inconsistently to hold any meaning. For example, animals. Nina is tasked with both helping out in a pet store and house-sitting an apartment with a German shepherd (a good boy named Homer), a guinea pig and a tank full of fish. The instructions she’s given are absurd, like feeding the dog sleeping pills and putting the guinea pig on a diet. And then there’s a supposedly American TV show always playing in and out of diegesis about dogs living in cages and swimming happily in pools, and it looks and sounds like a video off the political section on the dog version of YouTube. It contains timeless classics like “You are a dog born in the age of consumerism” and “Depression is an evil illness now spreading amongst dogs of every breed, dogs belonging to every social class.” The butter commercial from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend could never. And I wish the whole movie was as surreal as this TV program but unfortunately it’s as bland and directionless as Nina herself.

And boy is it directionless. There aren’t any subplots in the movie, no cause and effect, no acts, no structure, no flow; only scenes that happen, and I can’t even find any reasons for the order in which they happen. The scenes also don’t start or end; they just interrupt each other, not leaving any emotional impact. For example, there’s a scene where Nina sees her future self. She’s on one of those midnight walks with the good boy Homer when she sees a couple being romantic. The woman is wearing a long red dress, and the man is in all black. The shot is wide, so it’s impossible to see their faces, but the woman is obviously Nina:

And the man is definitely Luca. I recognized his ass. I’m not joking, guys. It’s his ass:

Also I was later directed to the website of the photographer who took the set photos, and yes, it’s Nina and Luca.

I never forget an ass.

Anyway, Nina, who at this point hasn’t properly met Luca’s character, Fabrizio, sees herself from the future acting romantic with him, and doesn’t react. We don’t even know if she recognizes herself or him or whether it’s even a real scene or a dream. How are we supposed to empathize with a heroine who isn’t allowed to react to her environment?

Whatever, it’s time to talk about Fabrizio. He plays the cello and he’s obnoxious. That’s it. He first appears as a patron of Caffé Palombini, the real-world café Nina frequents (and buys her cakes at). She’s drinking her usual milk shake and reading. At some point, their eyes meet, but neither says anything, and then Nina gets up and runs after the good boy Homer who decided to take a little stroll by himself. She leaves all her things behind: her milk shake, her handbag, at least three books, a whole stack of paper for calligraphy, and her diary. It’s obvious she’s going to come back as soon as she gets the dog. And yet before her feet are even out of frame, Fabrizio gets up, goes to her table and fucking steals her diary!

His next several appearances are random and sporadic, and it looks like he’s stalking Nina, but by the time of his first actual scene she is following him for some reason. Obviously, he can’t let a woman outcreep him, so he ambushes her:

He tells her blankly, “You’re following me,” but I think this scene deserves better dialogue. Thankfully, we have a whole well of predator/maiden media to pull from.

Though I personally believe this is the most appropriate line:

Fabrizio lets Nina know he has her diary in the dickiest way possible: he quotes from it to let her know that he’s read it. He then informs her that he’ll only give it back to her if she continues following him. And it’s not blackmail; “it’s an agreement.” What an asshole! I’m weeping for the dignified cuckoldry of Joseph.

And what was the purpose of that “agreement” plot point if the next time they meet is by chance? Quirky love interest writing, duh. So quirky that the accidental meeting happens when Nina is walking past a phone booth where Fabrizio is… doing a phone prank? I don’t know, I got nothing. Anyway, he’s annoyed their meeting is unintentional on Nina’s part, but he returns her diary, and I guess they start dating? He watches her sing once with what could only be described as a complete absence of emotions:

In the next scene she watches him play the cello after which they go on a date. Nina is wearing the red dress from the vision, but Fabrizio’s shirt is different. I fucking give up.

Their next (second?) date is a romantic dinner on Nina’s roof, and they’re dancing for entirely too long. She then tells him she’s scared of how much she’s enjoying his company, gives him a ridiculously chaste kiss goodnight and… completely ghosts him afterwards. And if you didn’t dislike Fabrizio before, you will now as he starts calling Nina at ungodly hours (including 5:30 am) and leaving her very whiny and increasingly more passive-aggressive, entitled, and accusatory voicemails. At some point he even leaves a voicemail for the fucking dog! He’s like, “Homer, I’m worried, meet me at the café.” Again, quirky love interest writing: extortion, phone pranks and a voicemail for a dog.

Fabrizio then lets Nina know he’ll be leaving town in three days in case she’d like to see him one last time or whatever. And she never fucking does! In any other movie she’d be chasing through the airport, but here she just drops him like he’s a well-tucked shirt! She tells the kid she’s befriended (she hangs out with an eleven-year-old boy the whole movie, don’t worry about it) that she’s afraid to be “like everyone else”, with a job and a boyfriend, so she doesn’t even say goodbye to Fabrizio. At some point she goes for a walk with the good boy Homer, and Fabrizio is also there, and they just miss each other. Even fate isn’t interested in that romance.

And then all the fascist buildings get covered in gigantic paper figurines, and the red-dressed Nina runs into Fabrizio’s arms. Because of course.

Nina is one of those movies where the main theme — a struggle to grow up — is obvious, but the rest of the elements are a mess only the writer-director could decipher. And I don’t really care. Again, I had to read Japanese postmodernists at university. What I do care about is the male form I mentioned at the start. I know I have no one but myself to blame for my expectations of how the director should have framed Luca’s body or face, but it’s one thing to frame him blandly and a completely different thing to isolate him as the only character (or actor) she’s deeply uninterested in filming competently. Everyone else in the movie gets their fair share of close-ups and decent lighting whilst Luca — whose name is literally second in the credits — gets, um, neglected.

This is his introduction:

These are literally all his close-ups:

Should I even count this last one? What’s with the lighting? Like, this is as well-lit as his face gets:

Oh, the shot is too wide and you can’t see his face properly? Well, tough poop:

Are you kidding me with this shit?

Nina may not be objectively the most terrible of the movies Luca’s been in: I’d argue both Mary of Nazareth and L’ultimo terrestre are worse, as is Slam, whose time’s a-coming. Nor is it the movie where Luca appears the least (The Great Beauty’s literal one minute of screen time is saying hi). But it’s the only movie I have no reasons to watch: it’s blandly shot, poorly structured, badly themed — and it’s actively obstructing Luca’s beauty and charisma. So no matter which film you’ll ask me to do next, at least in terms of the visual component of my posts, we have nowhere to go but up.

[xplrvibes]

Xplr Club review please. I left it and thought it would have improved by now but apparently from what i am reading it has not and its a total waste of money.

Sure thing!

I'm going to basically touch on three main points- Site Look/Functionality, Content, and Bonuses/Perks- and at the end, I'll give it an overall grade.

Also, don't anyone come at my ass for this. Thanks.

1. Site Look/Functionality

I personally have never had an issue with the functionality of the site, although I know there are many people who had issues with the site/app either crashing, kicking them out, or not working properly. The biggest issue I actually see with the site functionality is when they attempt a livestream. I don't know what the issue is- and according to snc themselves, this is a constant pain point on their side, too- but they just cannot get through a livestream without it crashing. The site is just not built to handle that much traffic. It's aggravating, and quite honestly- I'm at the point where I wish they would just stop pretending to do one, and just do podcasts instead. I'm over the whole livestream thing.

As far as the look of the website- ugh. I hate how disorganized everything is. There is no archive or tagging/search system, so there's no way to actually comb through their old posts without actually just hitting "Load More" and literally going back through Every. Single. Post. They do have a place where you can look through all their exclusive content, and another place for their lives- but no way to organize the other things they post, and it drives me nuts! If tumblr can have a semi-functuoning tagging system, why can't they?!

Overall Grade: 4/10

2. Content

Snc are still pretty regular with dropping a 10-20 minute video (or livestream) every Friday, which is definitely a perk. Some of them are throwaways (Extra footage and BTS stuff from their main channel videos), but some of them are actually fun and interesting. They did a few solo old school xplr videos that just made me stupidly nostalgic, and some fun little one-off mini haunted investigations. So, the fact that they are still sticking to that is a plus.

They did promise podcasts, and have not delivered on that in a very long time...however, I'm trying to let that slide, given what happened with their old podcasts (iykyk, if you don't...probably for the best).

The daily posting thing that they always claim to be doing in their promos for xplrclub is a bit of a stretch. They try, and sometimes they are pretty good about the daily posting thing...but there are times when they skip a day or 5 (yes, there were a couple 5 day droughts). Sometimes, they post really exclusive and awesome behind the scenes/sneak peak stuff, which is really cool! Sometimes, we get two different clips of Exploring with Josh ride a mechanical bull, but from two different angles. They aren't always going to be winners. 🤣

The livestreams are entertaining- when they work. They never work. So...you know, there is that.

Overall Grade: 6/10

3. Bonuses/Perks

Yes, they give early access to merch drops, and discount codes. Yes, we find out about a lot of what they are doing before anyone else does (we already know about basically every video they shot for season 2, for example). They also still do monthly member giveaways, and some are actually awesome (winning trips to film with them, facetimes, merch bundles, etc).

One newer thing they've been doing which I think is pretty neat is that they've been giving xplrclub members chances to design things for them. The winner gets prizes and gets to have their creation used by snc (they had a contest to design the season 1 poster, for example). I actually think that's probably the neatest thing they do on there, since it gives talented fans a chance to showcase their talents.

Overall Grade: 8/10

Overall, I think there is still a lot of work that needs to be done on this site. There are way too many bugs, they don't have a functioning archive, the livestreams crash with 100% accuracy, and the boys are honestly too damn busy to give it the attention that the price tag demands- they try, and i grade them on a massive curve because of that, but they need a way to like, queue posts or something to cover their busy periods.

There are a lot of perks and good things about the platform, as well! Like I said, the member bonuses and the exclusive long-form content are great, and if you're nosy and like to know what's going on with whatever they're filming at any given time, xplrclub is definitely for you.

At the end of the day, i will say this- the bones are there, but they really need to do work on the details and presentation.

The Overall Grade for the entire thing right now stands at a 6/10.

[yioh]

2020 follow forever :^)

hello it is, but i, ur local frog, yura, i really realllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy wanted to make some kind of post to appreciate everyone on here because , fr, you guys have been such a large part of my life recently and i can not thank you enough... every single person i have interacted with on here has been so wonderful and it’s been such a pleasure to talk with you guys<3

also extremely extremely extremely sorry if i forget anyone, i really really do love every single person i interact with!! this is my first time doing something like this also this is probably filled with typos but im too impatient and lazy to read what i wrote, im so sorry if its weird or something aaaaaaaaaaaa jhdsgjhd

without further ado lets goooooo losers😎

@honeyedmilks sof u are one of the softest people i know, we didn’t get to talk that much this year but i love ur presence in general and it makes me :D when u pop up on my dash/notes hehe, i can’t express just how much i adore ur writing, the vibes and settings and the way u write in general is so my thing and !!!!!!!! <3 

@asianmelodrama faizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa u are mine and a lot of other people’s sunshine on this hellsite !!!! ur blog is so feel good and pretty and relaxing and i love all ur thoughts and ur gifs are soooooooooo pretty and ur so cool !!!!!!!! thank u for being so kind and creative and wonderful and for creating a place so safe and lovely i love u i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

@muscosus robin robin robin robin ILUSM !!!!!!! ur so fun to talk to and i find it so amusing that we met each other via druck but then consequently found all our interests colliding and we were literally *shook pikachu* kdhigjdghkjf also whenever u tag me in whale stuff it warms my heart so much and i treasure our friendship so so much !!!

@lesbiangoths OLIVIA why are u so adorable :( everytime u send me an ask im :) ur so creative and talented and ur crocheting stuff looks so COOL !!!!! also ur vibe is just immaculate in general and talking with u is so easy, never change ilu bro

@illiterateopossum ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur DEFINATELY one of the people on here that are MOST special to me, all our conversations are so freaking fun and man, u just get me .... and watching u get into all the dramas and anime i reccomend ??? it makes my heart doki doki hiagsjhjh thank u for always looking out for me and sending me the most loveliest messages, im really really bad with words and i am SHITE with keeping up with messaging but i seriously treasure our friendship so so much, i only hope for good things to happen to you next year and all the years after that, you’re such a kind wonderful person and !!!!!!!!!!!! i love u sm :(

@beesnutz KJDFKHIJFHKD GUSTE i wanna be emotional this one time and tell u that ur seriously such a fun person and the way my brain goes on overdrive from creativity when i talk to you is . insane. i want to bonk ur head with as much cereal as i can, never forget that you will always be the dumb sidekick to me, the superior villain and i WILL lead the way to world domination one day. sometimes i feel like u aren’t even real, you could be an anime character and i wouldn’t even bat an eyelash . ilu <3

@rosa-leche kana kana KANA :^) how are u so ???? sweet ???? adorable ???? wonderful ????? i already had so much fun interacting with you, all ur thoughts and messages are always so sweet and u make me smile SO much, and after the secret santa i feel like we have so much in common !!!!!!!!! do tell me if u ever watch bloom into you hehe, keep being the angel u are, ilusm !

@petekaos RAHUL !!!!!!!!!!!!! meeting u this summer feels like so long ago somehow, you sir!!! are one TALENTED person . it really really amazes me with how much passion you get into things and how much love and adoration you put into the things you create, its so so special .... anytime i see u vibing on my dash it fills me with so much joy, keep doing u bro !!!!

@toptaps zeeeeeeeeeeey you are so lovely :) you’re so gentle and soft and i adore talking with u about nanamin, also u are so cool and i was rly rly happy when u followed me lol, lowkey i admired u from afar jdhjkhdijd i love uuuuuuu

@fushiguroo MY LIL OREO CUTIE PATOOTIE oFC i still remember the first ask u sent me, i was so taken aback and honoured :( and the more and more i talked with you and saw you on my dash i was so happy, you have such good taste and you’re so so cute, take care of urself and stay the precious bean u are ok? 

@morksuns sumaya sumaya sumayaaaaaaaaaaaa everytime you interact with me im :D i love all our little convos and ur vibe in general is so peaceful and relaxing, im glad i got to meet you:’) here’s to another year and many more after that, that are filled with only good dramas !!!

@gayvlad NICO (nico niiiiiiiiiiiiii ) YOU DESERVE THE W O R L D. i dont know why but as soon as i had like one convo with u that one time i thought u were such a chill cool person :( im so happy that i get to be friends with you, all ur gifs are so pretty !!!!!!!! ur such a kind person and ur blog is such a warm nice place to be. :) 

@cupidhashorns   peach ........... PEACH !!!!!!!!!! you might be one of the nicest people in the WORLD , whenever u like my posts, regardless of whether u know what im on about lmao, i feel so seen... its just so nice to know that Someone i listening to the shit you throw into the void on this site lmao, i adore all ur asks and i truly truly appreicate all your messages so much. thank you for finding my blog interesting at all man, i cant tell you enough how happy you make me :)

@guihan arloooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY CAT FRIEND . THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN YOU HAVE GIVEN ME IS IMMEASURABLE your cats ................... are so cute .............. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so glad i got into tsomd and got to meet you , whenever u tag me in things im !!!!!!!!! also im defo gonna read  twwtadsl sometime ksdjkdhjksd you make it sound so good aaaaaaaaaaaaa

@otterplush rey many people have probably already told you this but you are someone so ...... so spectacular and special and incredible and amazing ............  so much of your words has given me SO MUCH comfort in the short time i had known you, seriously. i seem to always stumble on your blog whenever im most hurt and your words have really had an impact on me in the best way possible and i love u so so so so much. i only wish for good things to happen for you and i want to be there for you in a way you are for everyone else !!! you are so warm and kind an generous, everything about your vibe feels so soft... also i always wanna rb everything you rb ndjbshs ur blog is so pretty :( 

@aheartandashirt nisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA MY KSH THIRST BUDDY KDHJKHDKJHDF fr ive had some of the BEST convos with you, ur taste in dramas is !!!!!!!!!!immaculate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so so so  fun talking with you and everything you gif looks so nice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for being such a lovely friend to me, you’re so easy to talk with and so friendly and nice and <3 *pat pat pat* 

@tetsuos dawn dawn !!!! you are !!!!!!!!!! such a talented person !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love ur little corner on the web, its so nice to read all ur thoughts about the dramas you’re watching, all your thoughts are so well thought out and interesting to read and, in general, i adore seeing you do ur thing :) *hug hug * 

@heartsofsunlight angel ! your drawings are so beautiful !! you are such a beautiful person in general ! whenever u drop by it makes me so happy, its been so lovely getting to know you, thank you so much for talking to me :) i love uuuuuuu

@metawin jay jay jay !!!!!!!!!!!! for some reason whenever i see u im overcome with so much love !!! everything you make is so beautiful and u are defo one of the most elite people here hehe, also ur cats are ........ so adorable ............ 

@metawwin aliiiiiiiiiiiii, its been such a pleasure seeing you on here !! ur so soooooo kind and whenever u sent me those adorable asks it made me so happy, you’re like a little happiness fairy, you eminate so much joy and positivity !! also ur singing ... immaculate 

@87s min min !!!! u are soooooooooooo adorable, i think ive said this before but u seriously give me little sibling vibes lol, its so fun talking to you, and im so happy that you first popped up to me !!!!!!!!!!! iluuuuuuuu

@joblessquinoa JQ :^)    i always associate you with my engineer haha, and that was so long ago !!!!! ur so fun to talk to, and i adore seeing u rb and leave ur thoughts on all the manga and webtoons im reading !!!! in fact whenever u like my posts i aways feel so happy hehe, also . i literally wouldve failed my coding course without u thank u SO much for helping me out * cries* 

@gigiesarocha cata CATA CATA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  when you first popped up i was so elated to talk to you, u seemed so nice:( and later when u told me u watched joan’s galaxy because of me i was sdhfsgijdfhjkdhjkfh all ur gifs are so unbelieveably gorgeous, i literally go back to the set u made of yioh staring at joan skipping all the time, its so ........ beautiful.......... hopefully we get more wlw content next year and hopefully theyre all as good as joan’s galaxy hehe, iluuuuuuuuuu

@yibobibo aamna my love !!!!!!! how are you so precious ? everytime u reblog any of my posts its an instant serotonin boost, the experience of getting back into mdzs along with u was seriously incomparable, it was so FUN and i wanna go back :( ur such a friendly wonderful and talented person and i adore seeing all ur creativity blossom on this website, ilu aamna !

@brightwin JELLY jelly u are literally the human embodiment of the softest teddy bear in the WORLD . i wanna give u all the hugs and pats i can because u make me so !!!!!!!!! happy and u fill me with so much soft warmth ........... thank u for being u, all ur gifs are so pretty and its been so nice to be able to bask in the light that comes off of u, never change i love u so sooooooooooo much <3

and lastly, some blogs that i really really adore !

@kurusutakatsu @chanagun @yuhaosturtle @jiangyanlisgf @duoerla @yinyu @tichawongtipkanon @jbums @wenqing @lemongrasslesbian @weiixian @schech @kikuism @earthfluuke @0ffgun @yamaguccchi @wullu @seniorwitch @leoyunxi @floraflorenzi @dreamterlude @florbexter @doctorbahnjit

[lucky-sevens]

on aurora

aurora! she’s 1. the love of my life 2. incredible i care her and finally 3. all her lore is a mess. recently, i’ve been bothered by the lack of aurora-centric fics- there’s a few, but they’re all nastyaurora- but i’ve realized that’s not really a fault of the fandom! aurora is difficult to write and hard to learn things about! so, i’ve decided to make this meta on her!

it has two sections; history, which is more lore-focused red stringing, and characterization, which gathers some of her canon thoughts and reactions on things in an attempt to help people write her.

a large amount of this is based on things maki has said on the discord, which are both partially secret and of dubious canonicity, so please keep that in mind! (and assume that when a source is not cited, that is the reason).

in addition, i have written the aurora’s wiki page, which includes a list of physical features! this is helpful for anything set onboard.

history

terra

aurora was born as a moon! moons being weaponized is apparently a thing that happens, so that’s likely how she’s a ship now, but the physics of all this are very strange. she seems to have grown up in the same way as a human, meeting carmilla as a baby and jonny and nastya when she was older. importantly, she was sentient as a moon, and this is before she had any sort of programmed ai! she wasn’t capable of speaking at that point, but that may have just been because of her very young age.

aurora and dr carmilla have known each other for a very long time. extrapolating from things maki has said, we can assume that aurora was a moon of terra, carmilla’s home planet. maki has implied in the discord that 1. terra used to have two moons and 2. carmilla blew the other one up; that, combined with ‘i raised an orphan’ and a few other messages, could suggest that carmilla did the moon equivalent of killing aurora’s parent. perhaps because of this, carmilla took it upon herself to raise aurora. however, aurora is not a mechanism. as a alternative theory (though not a mutually exclusive one) there are a few messages about carmilla ‘creating life’ in discussions of aurora; we know carmilla didn’t assist with aurora’s birth, but it’s possible, as they are moons, that rather than already being there aurora was created from one of the fragments of the moon carmilla destroyed.

cyberia

we don’t know what happened between aurora and carmilla that made them separate, or how aurora ended up in cyberia; however, we know quite a lot about what happened there.

a large amount of it can be found in the fiction ‘the ghost in the machine’. the first thing there that i will address is that aurora’s sentience was actively inhibited rather than increased by her programming. as noted above, we know she was sentient as a moon, and the fiction repeatedly pushed that cyberia did not have fully fledged artificial intelligences, or if they did did not treat them as people. she is also said to have ‘hard-coded inorganic response patterns‘ coded into her, which are likely things similar to the toy soldier’s compulsion to follow orders. needless to say, that was most likely not a good situation for her to be in. it’s difficult to speak on this without getting too far into my headcanons, but my thoughts are that she was very dehumanized, most likely turned into a warship against her will, and the one person who cared a small bit more about her only did so as a project/experiment, which is equally as bad.

speaking of which, let’s discuss that! we meet aurora’s programmer, specialist 278 tereshkova, in ghost in the machine, where her distress call serves as the titular ghost. (i’m not going to summarize the actual fiction- it’s 1152 words and quite well written, if you want to read it!) the one direct line we have about her relationship with aurora is this- ‘[Aurora’s] software engineers never needed art either, although Specialist 278 Tereshkova thought of programming like lacework.‘, which suggests that 1. tereshkova had a bit more focus/care on aurora specifically but 2. still viewed her in a dehumanizing lens and likely contributed to aurora’s suffering. this is supported by the fact that aurora did not talk about her or attempt to help her when she was dying on the ship.

we actually have a large amount of information about who tereshkova was as a person! this is because she coded the mechanisms’ blog, (as in specifically, the wordpress one with posts archived on their website) and in a way that makes her personality show. well, what is her personality, you may ask? ...incredibly passive-aggressive and annoying. it’s so funny i love it. (’tales of the blogbot’) (sample blog post). we know the mechs are able to reprogram it, though with difficulty (1 / 2), and nastya actually mentions communicating with it (x), which goes unaddressed. 

joining the mechanisms

moving on: when jonny and carmilla go to cyberia, carmilla tasks him with stealing aurora. (’how the aurora was won’). this could be because carmilla recognizes aurora; in fact, getting her back could have been the entire reason why they went to cyberia in the first place, with nastya being a bonus.

the aurora is most likely based upon the historical ship of the same name. (wikipedia). said ship fired the first shot of the october revolution, signalling the assault on the winter palace. this is the revolution nastya died in (both historical anastasia and mechs nastya, though i’m referring to the latter here). this suggests, because jonny stole her from the cyberian navy rather than revolutionists, that jonny and/or carmilla decided to fight in the revolution. this ties in with the theory that carmilla was purposefully sabotaging the mechanisms’ past lives (i have not written on this and do not plan to, but it’s a fairly common one) or it could also be viewed as several other things, including them just finding it a fun idea. this is contradicted by ghost in the machine, in which tereshkova says that an already supposed-to-be dead nastya was one of the people boarding the ship- however, that bit of ghost in the machine does not line up with any of the other canon.

characterization

any attempt to tell people how to write her is obviously going to be dependent on my own personal views and headcanons, but i’ve tried to compile as much canon as possible to let people make their own decisions.

in ‘the aurora strikes’, aurora is the one who advocates for the mechanisms to help briar rose. there’s an additional line in ouat(is) live, ‘she cannot bear to see another biomechanical organism in pain’, that points to her being sympathetic towards briar rose, and/or having high empathy. (it’s important to note here that empathy and sympathy are not synonyms- empathy is literally feeling someone else’s emotions to some degree, and so aurora having high empathy would be a slightly more literal take on that line). either way, she makes the mechanisms help briar rose, pointing to her being more compassionate/having more morals than most of the other mechanisms.

the fiction ‘a bedtime story’ is the one with the largest amount of dialogue from aurora. the main thing we can learn about her character here, besides the physical features of the ship, is what her speech patterns are like. they’re a bit strange, and read very much like an ai is speaking. in addition, we know aurora is comfortable enough around nastya to let nastya edit her programming, which given the cyberia section above could definitely be interpreted as a big deal.

this facebook post is interesting, because in the comments we learn aurora’s reaction to nastya leaving to destroy cyberia. (if you didn’t know about that bit of nastya’s story, ‘drive the cold winter away’ is here and ‘cyberian demons’ is here.) we don’t know if aurora was aware of nastya’s plan, though she likely was, but either way, her response was to become quiet and stay very cagey about it. 

edit: a few small points i forgot! aurora has a voice + can communicate with the crew beyond nastya (ghost in the machine) and apparently has the same amount/brand of chaos as nastya (discord messages).

there isn’t too much else on what aurora’s like, given that she’s not an actual band member, but these three things are a good starting point. i could find a few more, but at that point it would just be a compilation of links to very minor mentions or bits of dialogue that don’t give very much of an actual insight to aurora’s character.

thank you for reading! aurora is one of my favorite characters and i hope to see more fic about her in the future!

[wildlyminiaturesandwich]

It’s time we talk about SimsDom again.

Most of you probably already know who and what Simsdom is but for those that don’t, Simsdom (or SimsDomination) claim to essentially be a CC finds website, which in essence I suppose they are... But don’t get your hopes up for a Lana replacement because they are SO much more than that. And not in a good way.

I know this is an old subject, and most people probably thought it was all over and done with, but Simsdom is still around and what’s worse is that I’ve noticed a growing trend among my fellow Game Changers who create content for Youtuber and Twitch/Mixer of promoting the site by using it to do CC shopping haul videos and streams, which is encouraging their viewers to use Simsdom. I’m not going to name names or point fingers but it made me realise that maybe some people don’t understand just how bad Simsdom is for the community in general, but especially for the amazingly dedicated CC creators of Simblr. And it’s just so disappointing to see people that some many in the community, including myself, look up to promoting this garbage site!

If you’re curious to know why this is a problem, I’ll explain under the cut. If not, keep scrolling... But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

If you visit the Simsdom website (which I’ve purposely not provided a link to because you absolutely shouldn’t visit it) you’ll notice a whole bunch of custom content is available there, more than likely you’ll even find quite a bit from some of your faves like @peacemaker-ic​, @nolan-sims​, @storylegacysims​, @crypticsim​, @renorasims​, @savvysweet​ and MANY more. My stuff is even on there as well and if you’re a creator, the chances are high your stuff is too; whether you want it to be or not.

But don’t be fooled, myself and most of the other creators whose content appears on their site did not give permission for our content to be shared on there. In fact, most of us have specifically asked Simsdom to remove our content from their site. I say “most” because there are some people who willing uploading their content there (god knows why). The easiest way to the tell the difference is to look at who posted the content. If you see this:

That content has been shared by a bot, without the creator’s permission and more than likely against their many requests that Simsdom NOT share their content. If it says the name of the actual creator instead of “Exchange”, that creator uploaded it themselves.

You might also ask why anyone would care if their content was shared on a CC finds blog, after all, it means more traffic to our blogs and content, right? First of all, whether it brings in more traffic or not, is beside point. These creators have specifically requested Simsdom not share their content and they have been ignored, disrespected, threatened, and harassed. Simsdom claims that their users make up 30-90% of Tumblr creators traffic, but I call bullshit. I check my Google analytics every single month for traffic coming in to both my Tumblr and Blogger from Simsdom and I can tell you that LESS THAN 1% of the COMBINED TOTAL traffic from BOTH BLOGS comes from there. And when you understand how they operate, you’ll understand why that is.

- UPDATE -

In reference to Simsdom’s response to this post, they linked 5 creators that they claim meet their crazy statement that their site provides creators with 30-90% of their traffic. So I just thought I’d point out some interesting facts I noticed while looking at those sites.

One of those sites is dead; literally, it doesn’t exist anymore, if it ever even did. Another, @simiracle​, is a fellow Game Changer who reblogged this post, so I’m guessing they don’t have support there. And the other 3 are alpha CC creators, none of whom have ever uploaded any of their CC to Simdom, nor have they ever mentioned Simsdom on their sites in any way. However, all three earn money on their own content via either adfly, adsense, patreon, or some combination of the three; my guess would be they wouldn’t be too happy to find out Simsdom is making money off them too.

You see, Simsdom might sometimes link back to the original creators site, but often times they don’t. I’ve noticed quite a bit of the content of my own on their site directly links to the file on SimFileShare, completely bypassing both my Tumblr and my Blogger. This might not seem like a big problem, but what about if the creator has put specific instructions, requirements, or notes on the original download page that if the downloader doesn’t read could result in broken/unusable CC, or worse, a broken game?

- UPDATE -

In reference to Simsdom’s response to this post, they linked to SimFileShare’s page on SimilarWeb and claimed that I was lying about direct-linking to my files there because their site does not appear in the list of referring sites. What they failed to mention is that that list only shows the TOP 5 sites that link to SimFileShare regularly. There are still 385 other sites that aren’t shown and can’t be seen without having an account with SimilarWeb. Convenient, huh?

I also said they only direct-linked SOME content. With my content it was only about 4 or 5 things out of the 15 or so they have on their site and I didn’t check anyone else’s stuff but I have heard other creators say the same thing. So of course they’re not going to show up in the top 5 if it’s only SOME links.

But wait, there’s more.

Anyone downloading from their website without an adblocker is forced to wade through potentially harmful ads as well. Notice the blue button that says “download” at the top? That’s not a real download button and if you click it, it will instantly begin shoving pop ups in your face claiming you have a system error or that your local law enforcement agency has detected illegal activity from your IP. Yes, I clicked it. There is nothing of importance left on my HDD (it’s all stored safely on an external drive that isn’t connected to the PC at all) because this drive has been slowly dying for weeks and I’m destroying it tomorrow and replacing it with a brand new one, so I decided to take a chance.

These ads, which are on pretty much every page of Simsdom, are what’s called “Ransomware”, and it’s whole purpose is to distract you with fake pop up “warnings” when you click on it so that you don’t realise it’s actually downloading a very harmful file to your computer in the background. It’s designed to be next to impossible to close the pop ups, so that even if you somehow became aware of the download happening, you couldn’t get past the pop ups to stop it before it’s had time to finish downloading and automatically begin running it’s payload when it’s done.

What payload? That’s the scariest part, you won’t know until it’s too late. It could be something as simple as a trojan that will force your PC to mine bitcoins, which is still harmful because these mining trojans are resource hogs and put a massive strain on your CPU. Or a trojan designed to target and encrypt specific files on your computer (usually sensitive ones) and demand you pay a literal ransom (usually either in bitcoin or pre-paid cash) and if you don’t, your files will either be complete erased or leaked.

Or worse still, it could be something even more sinister such as a key-logger; a piece of spyware that is designed to track and log EVERY. SINGLE. KEY. you touch on your keyboard. So every password you use, every online banking key code you enter, all the conversations you have via Discord, Twitter, Tumblr, or any other form of instant messaging, that fanfiction you’ve been working on that you are too scared to show anyone in case they think you’re a pervert, your credit card and bank account number you use to shop online, what porn you look for, even your Google search history (regardless of if you’re incognito); all of it will be no longer private and in the hands of someone who could use it to steal your identity, empty out your bank accounts, charge thousands of dollars worth of goods to your credit card, or expose every little strange thing you do on your computer that you thought no one would ever find out about, unless you pay their ransom.

Scary huh?

Also notice that those Get Famous recolours I made don’t say that they actually require Get Famous? Why is that a problem, you say? For most people it’s not, you see “Get Famous Recolours” and you automatically know you need Get Famous to use them, but what about people who are new to using CC and don’t know that for my recolours to work you need the pack they came from? Yeh, that’s a problem, because that particular download is one of those ones that leads straight to SimFileShare:

It leads directly to the merged file, which is NOT the only file available for download in that set, just the largest. But no one who finds my content on Simsdom will ever know that will they? Nor will they read the part of the download page that clearly states Get Famous is required to use the recolours.

I hear you saying “But adblockers are a thing”. Yes they are, but that doesn’t solve the issue of them linking straight to the file. And also, here’s what happens when you try to download something from Simsdom with an adblocker enabled:

You’re forced to wait 180 seconds before the download button appears. THREE WHOLE MINUTES in which you cannot move from that page or the counter will stop, and it will only restart when you go back to that page and stay there for the entire three minutes. Even Adfly isn’t that gross.

So, all of that isn’t enough to discourage you from using this vile site you say? Well, let me introduce you to the person/people who run the site. There are plenty of examples floating around Tumblr of how disrespectful, arrogant, immature, and disturbing the owner/s are (just search for “Simsdom” and you’ll see) but here’s just a few posts showing “receipts” of what happened to creators when they ask for their content to be removed from the site: Here,  here, and here.

They have threatened to doxx several creators, tried to blackmail others, threatened to shut down some people’s sites, and even actually refused to remove people’s content unless they say “please”; as though these creators are six year old children who need to learn a lesson for not wanting THEIR content on someone else’s website!

All of this was said AFTER they made a post on their Tumblr saying they would respect creators wishes to not have their content on their site. I myself had a run-in with them as well but I don’t have the receipts because as soon as they finally agreed to remove my content (after almost 4 days of arguing with them and being threatened several times) they blocked me... and they continue to share my content to this day. That’s part of the reason why my motivation to create has been so low lately; I know its just going to end up over there, locked behind a paywall making money for these disgusting people and tricking simmers into thinking they have to pay to access my stuff.

But back to the story! Once they realised 99% of Tumblr creators — the people they get most of their content from — were going to ask to have their creations removed however, they changed their mind and instead started refusing to remove content. In fact, if you go to their website and use the contact form and choose the option “Remove my Content” they literally ask if you are Tumblr creator or not, and if you say you are, this is what you get:

And that “Our Rights here” link? That leads to this nonsense that literally contradicts itself with almost every single sentence:

“Creations can’t be uploaded without the creators permission... but we do not need permission to share your creations” “Feel free to contact us to ask to remove your content... but actually don’t bother contacting us asking to remove your content because we won’t” “SimsDomination is a free website... We don’t steal any content... *literally has other people’s free content locked behind a paywall and charges people membership fees to remove said paywall*”

And as for the EA terms part... I have news for you Simsdom, YOU are the only one breaking EA’s terms of use by putting content behind paywalls. I’m an EA Game Changer, I have actually read the terms of use AND spoken at length on the topics of earning revenue from CC, and why paywalls/memberships/exclusives are against EA’s terms of use with the Sim Gurus, have you? Didn’t think so.

If you had, you’d realise that we are allowed to earn revenue from our CC by having ads on our blogs/sites provided they aren’t deceptive — you know, like that ad with the big blue button you have that shows up on every single page of your site — and don’t lead to anything malicious, which yours do. I clicked several of the ads on your site and they all either lead to disgusting 18+ websites, started producing ransomware pop ups like I described earlier, or tried to download a mysterious file called setup.exe to my computer (which was most likely a trojan as well). We are also allowed to earn revenue via donations and Patreon early access systems provided the content is also made available for free to the general public within 14 days.

We are not, however, allowed to lock content behind Patreon exclusives, memberships and paywalls such as Adfly; which is exactly what you are doing. Like Adfly, you are not only potentially exposing underage children to 18+ content and risking the safety of people’s PCs, but you are also forcing them to wait to click a link and charging membership fees to avoid having to wait to download said content that isn’t even yours; content that you have been asked REPEATEDLY to remove. That is the very definition of a paywall. It is NOT the same as Pinterest or Facebook AT ALL, they might have ads but they aren’t malicious and they do not force people to wait to view content.

- UPDATE - 

In reference to Simsdom’s response to this post, this is probably one of my most favourite Simsdom lies, because it never changes but it’s so easy to prove false! “Users don’t need to pay to download any content and don’t need to wait to download them” Oh really? Shall we take a look at your site on the old SimilarWeb that you love so much?

How strange. If you don’t make people wait, then why do you need adfly? And if no one has to pay, then why do you need premium memberships to get rid of the ads and wait time you don’t have? Odd.

Also, lets talk Adsense. I never said I had a problem with you having ads on your site; I said I had a problem with the TYPE of ads on your site. If you seriously don’t think your ads are in any way harmful, I’d suggest you take another look at your Adsense, because either it’s been hacked or you seriously don’t know what you’re doing. Oh, but that’s right, “Google will never display suspicious ADs“... Mmm hmm, you just go right on believe that. Yeh, it’s definitely not possible for Google to be hacked... Nope, definitely not.

Also, if you use your Adsense revenue to pay for your site.... what happens to the extra? Because based on your SimilarWeb page I can take a rough guess at how much you earn every month through Adsense alone and there’s no way your site costs that much to run. For that matter, where does all the extra revenue from Adfly, Short.st and this mysterious “other” go? And all the revenue you get from your premium subscriptions that you totally don’t charge people money for?...

Is that fish I smell?

You are not doing anyone any favours here, so stop pretending that you’re in this for anything other than money. Stop sharing content you’ve been asked REPEATEDLY to remove/not share and breaking EA’s and many creators TOUs!

If you’ve managed to make it this far, congrats lol I know this has been long and probably boring but thank you for taking the time to read the whole thing. All this post was meant to do was explain why people should not support Simsdom, and why I’m so disappointed in other Game Changers for promoting it, but it kind of got away from me a little.

Oh well, now you know what Simsdom is and why I will NEVER support them or willingly allow my content to be shared on their site. And if you do decide to still use their site, just... please be careful. My content will always be free and safe to download, just like the majority or CC creators here on Tumblr. Don’t pay for something you can get for free from the original source.

Also, if you’re looking for a Lana replacement (aka a good CC finds blogs that isn’t shady af like Simsdom) check out @maxismatchccworld!

- UPDATE -

This isn’t in relation to anything specific, just the situation as a whole. It seems Simsdom has just removed the search box from their website completely:

I’m sure it was totally legit reasons and not at all because they didn’t want anyone searching for their own content on the Simsdom website. Just like it wasn’t for that reason the last time too...

[xanderwithanx]

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

[ectonurites]

hey babes where do you buy comics from because I've literally only bought them at cons and do not know where to source runs

Personally I have gotten most of what I have from like, local comic book stores (the main one there used to be in my town closed a few years ago unfortunately but we have a Newbury Comics still and theres another local one I still need to check out) so I’d recommend looking up what comic book stores might be close to you for physical things! (i know like DC’s website has a thing where you can put in your zip code to find stores near you and I imagine Marvel has something similar too.) idk if you’re US based like I am though, so I’m not sure what your options will be 

admittedly when i’m reading through a full run of something i usually read it in the Less Than Legal Ways first just for convenience, but if I really like whatever it is I’ll usually try to find a physical copy (usually trade paperbacks since having a ton of single issues is... a lot) afterwards just for the sake of having it/actually supporting the things i like

for like, buying digital comics though I think comixology is a good one? I see that name float around a lot. I haven’t really bought many digital comics because if I’m buying something I prefer to have it be a physical copy. i know again on dc’s website like if you look at a comic ( for example on this page for next week’s nightwing ) you can check for availability and it’ll show you some options for places to get it

other people seeing this also please feel free to suggest stuff! i happen to be lucky enough to have had multiple options for irl stores to get them at so im a little spoiled there, i’m not sure what people who don’t have stores relatively nearby usually do!

[btawizzle]

Guide to : Essentials Career Path in A nutshell

What makes the most sense to you right now for your career development? Since I’m taking a Journalism major in Uni, I really think that the most sense decision I’ve ever thought about ( right now) is being a journalist and a screenwriter. It may sound silly, “you’re a Journalism major, of course you’re going to be a journalist”, but I seriously have many other things in mind when it comes to my job ( I really wanna be in a rock band, you know. I can play the bass or be the front man, but yeah )

And the things I have to do to develop my career will be everything that is related to writing. I can write fiction, children's books, essays, travel and beauty blogs, or maybe write a news/article. Looking forward to it~

What will complement your interests, skill set and the lifestyle that you want to have?

P-r-a-c-t-i-c-e

Okay, since I really want to have an extra boujee-parisian-lifestyle, I really have to work my *ss off. I honestly have many interests in things that’ll make money such as building a business, baking, drawing and also writing, but sometimes I just have 0 interest in practicing them. ( I guess i really have to) but for the things that I’m excellent at and don't really need a polish, that’ll be public speaking and it applies for any speaking related matters, like storytelling, and also speech ( If I have the material, too lazy to do the research)

I really want to work in entertainment, being a screenwriter and producing some work there, being a news anchor or PD at a radio maybe? but then if I finally knocked some sense into me, I guess i want to be a lecturer in a university that writes cool scenarios for their drama club and bake when bored

What do you find to be the most compelling thing to explore at this moment in time?

Honestly, figuring out what I want to do with my life. Maybe practicing some of my hobbies that I wish has a relation with my future career,like how digital video and design are supposed to work (whole adobe thingy), how to write an article/novel/blog/essays, coding? The most complicated thing I know on earth, that I wish I could just understand in a blink and also think about what I am going to do if I want to move to france.

The path you choose to follow will help you develop your career and achieve your ideal job. Therefore, it’s important to explore the different approaches available before you begin. In the next step, you will start to look at some of these approaches.

Do you already have an idea of what your ideal job is?

I really think that the idea of an ideal job is something that gives you enough money to live but not really draining you out of energy. I mean, if you’re that busy you never get the fun anymore in those jobs, the money , it has to be worth the energy that you drained, you know.

People often talk about how your passion should be your source of money blah blah blah, but sometimes, we just don't get the fun anymore if everyone pushes us to make enough money for living everytime we do what is called our passion.

I’m thinking about being a teacher with ok money and then do my hobby/dreams as the side hustle ( you know, if i’m not pass out because m’too tired), that’s my ideal job

But if we’re talking about dream jobs? Oh how I just want to be in a rock band and do gigs until the day I die, or maybe marry Damiano David from Maneskin and become a housewife? Yeah, sounds good.

What do you think the path to it looks like?

Before we finally become a lecturer, we have to-at least- have a master degree. So, because it’s 21th century and the school tuition is not cheap, I plan to take a scholarship, and hopefully I can go to europe.

I plan to be the best at uni, not that ambitious, but just to make sure I graduate on time. Until then, I plan to do my best as a uni student, like joining some organisation , doing some internship, and obviously practicing my writing abilities. I plan to find a part time job that is related to journalism ( applying to a magazine/online zine/newspaper) or something like that really, anything ( photographer, make up artist for newbie models) and keep a little amount of money for future me.

After that, I’m going to take a B1 placement test on my german, and then maybe korean/french? And of course, IELTS so i can go to europeeee for my master studies

Ok then after uni, i want to work at a magazine while I’m applying to those scholarship studies. Ok then I got the scholarship, quit the job, went to Europe having my studies and living my best life. Hopefully I will be able to still work there and get my PR maybe? And then do literally what I want. Lecturing maybe, or get a job on some movie production ? become their screenwriter. yeah

Have you previously considered that there might be different approaches to your career path? Or is this a new concept for you?

Yes, and I am super open to it. I’m just going to try my best and the rest is not in my hands. Whatever happens later in the future, that’s what my work pays off, or that’s just what god wants me to have in my life. I’ll accept it with open heart ( hopefully)

#I really want to be rich and happy.

Before you explore these further, there are a few key areas you need to keep in mind:📷

Career goals

Knowledge

Skills

Personal characteristics

Experience

In order to start on the career path you want for yourself, you need to make a plan about what you’re missing in each of these areas and what you need to acquire. Identifying purpose or focus in this way is called ‘ikigai’ in Japanese. You can read more about ikigai by visiting the links in the See Also section.

Whichever approach you choose to develop your career, these are areas you will need to focus on to see what could be further developed as you build your career.

Now let’s explore five different approaches:

1. Matrix

The matrix approach is about having skill sets in different areas and bringing them together to create a profile that is distinct to you. You may have a variety of interests you want to pursue. With the matrix approach, you can explore how to combine these interests into a role which is unique to you.

For example, someone who would like to study web programming, as well as design, could look to combine these interests and become a web developer for any company or organisation with an online presence.

2. Ladder

The ladder approach is better suited for those who know exactly what career or job role they want. They have a dream job in mind or a dream company they wish to work for, so they’re willing to work their way up the ladder to get there.

For the person that aspires to work in television, that might mean starting out as a runner on set. They may then work their way up to get a role as a director or an executive producer, or whatever that ideal role might be.

3. Entrepreneurial

The entrepreneurial approach is about turning an idea into a business and learning along the way. You apply your current skill set whilst rapidly growing your capacity in all areas of business. It takes a lot of work, patience and courage, but can be deeply rewarding for anyone who finds this path to be of interest.

4. Network

The network approach is geared around building a network of contacts that will be mutually beneficial. For example, if you were at a tech networking event and you met a few founders, this would be a great opportunity for you.

What is key in the network approach is to ensure that you’ve thought through what you can offer someone, so that it’s a mutually beneficial and authentic relationship.

5. Portfolio

Creating a portfolio might be more commonly associated with jobs in photography or graphic design. However, it is both relevant and necessary across many disciplines. Many employers will want and need to have an idea of the type of work you can do, so the portfolio approach is a great way for you to demonstrate your skills.

If someone were looking to build a career in public relations, for example, they would be at an advantage if they had a portfolio of their previous coverage. This highlights not just their contacts but what type of work they are capable of doing.

A portfolio is just as valuable a commodity as your CV, so you should build one in line with the career you are interested in pursuing. It is also a great way to share your work and skills with people beyond a job application. For example, you could add it to your LinkedIn page, website or any other medium.

Summary

Choosing the best approach for your career is an essential component of your lifelong career development. There’s no guidebook or master plan for building your career. You can take a sabbatical, be a stay-at-home parent, or even move down a position.

The important thing to remember is that your approach is your own. If you find that multiple approaches like those mentioned above appeal to you, find a way to combine those to take the right approach for you.

Share your experience:

Have you already been using any of the approaches mentioned in this step?

Can you find any examples of other approaches for developing your career? Not for this moment, but I’ll definitely go with Matrix combined with a portfolio approach. I am building my portfolio in tumblr, wix and wordpress.

Why not have a go at exploring a few of these approaches further? I wish to explore more and I will do it thx.cash