#i am an italian fucker who is adopting you all

[gay-salt-amber]

Where the hell is Kenma?!

Yuri on Ice x Haikyuu crossover

Just so you know, all the figure skaters kids are close with the other skaters so they consider ever skater they're close with family so the whole uncle aunt thing is just a friend thing

warnings: Gay, swearing, etc

Ships: leoji, yakulev, minotayuri

Пока= bye

All Russian is google translated

For the parents the kids will just be calling them by their names unless one parents is without the others then they will be called dad so it doesn't get confusing

Kenma pov

It was 10 alcock at night and I was up playing my video games as usual with Hinata, Lev and some other friends. We were playing a game that was a collaboration between Nerf and Xbox, it was quite good. Not my favorite shooter of all time but it was alright. When the match was over and the 20 second map and round type selection started, my phone rang. I was on a discord call with my friends so they saw the phone going up to my ear. Right when I was about to answer Lev spoke up,

"Who is it?" He asked

"Georgi."

"Popovich?"

"Yeah."

"Who's this Georgi?" Hinata seemed confused but curious.

"Just a family friend of ours." I answered, I don't wanna go into me and Lev being legally related right now.

"Oh, cool!"

I looked down at my phone and unlocked it to see the messages, "I might need to not play this round for a bit I need to respond to these texts." I said

The rest of them agreed and I went back to the messages.

---

Georgi: I was just wanting to remind you that the plane leaves at 7, so get some sleep kid.

Kenma: Thanks uncle Georgi, I'll try.

Georgi: Do you want us to bring the Russian team bus to pick you up from your house?

Kenma: Sure when are yall getting here?

Georgi: 6 prolly, depends on how long Lila and Yakov wanna take. Old asses -w-

Kenma: pfft xD

Kenma: Anyway, I need to get back to my friends see you later.

Georgi: K, get some sleep, my favorite nephew ☆⌒(*＾-゜)v

----

I unmuted my mic on the call and spoke after like 5 minutes

"Back, hows the round going?"

I didn't hear my dear Shoyo but instead Lev, "Good, Hinata got tired though and had to leave."

When I was about to say I needed to leave to, Lev spoke again,

"Oh yeah! You should get going, you don't wanna miss the flight!"

Once I exited the game I turned back to my monitor that had discord and moved it back to my main monitor, "I was about to say that."

"Пока" I said, my Russian feeling a little rusty.

"Пока Kenma!"

Pressing the 'end call' button made me sigh with relief, standing up, I walked over to my closet and grabbed some clothes for a shower before bed. I grabbed some long, loose black pants and a old Russian figure skating team shirt that one of my dads got me. While I was walking to the bathroom I was looking through some notes for class and deleted stuff I didn't need since I was going to be in an entire different country for a while.

I got out of the shower, dried my hair and put on my clothes. Once I got to the door, I looked into the mirror and I had an idea, 'Should I put my hair in braids so it'll look wavy tomorrow? Yeah that'll look nice!' I reached over and grabbed two small clear hair ties and put my hair into two braids.

I finally opened the bathroom door and walked back to my room to call it a night and sleep. Once I reached my room I noticed something, "You mother fucker.." I didn't pack my bags for the fucking trip. I whipped out my phone and thought of who I could message, we were gonna be in a bunch of places for skating and I wanted to check for how long, but guess what?! I don't know whos awake!

Right when I was about to wing it, I remembered its like 9 in the morning for Leo de la Iglesia, who is an American skater which I consider family. I guessed he would be up since he and Guang-Hong Ji, his boyfriend typically wake up at 7 to eat breakfast and go on a run together, virtually since they live in different countries but I guess they try. It took a while to find this name in my contacts since my phone doesn't really sort through who I texted recently but instead it sorts alphabetically the only time I would see his name at the top is if I had an unread message from him, which I don't. I kept scrolling reading off the letters as I went. H,I,J,K....

I finally got to L and found his name since I only have like 3 people whos name start with L in my contacts, I opened it and cringed at the date of the last sent message, 'June 1st' which was a happy pride month message. My fingers tapped on the message bar and I started typing quickly.

------

Kenma: Hey uncle Leo ヾ(•ω•`)o

Kenma: Ik this is a weird time to text since I should be sleeping but, you're the only one awake.

Leo: Ey Kozume! 💅 What do you need?

Kenma: I was wanting to know how long the competitions are gonna be , I forgot to pack soo...

Leo: Ah! Well you're going to be on the trip for a week and Georgi's gonna take you back to Japan the Monday afterwards

Kenma: I- Isn't it longer then that? (⊙_⊙)？

Leo: Yes but we know that Neko-

Kenma: Nekoma?

Leo: How ever the fuck you spell your schools name 😑

Leo: Anyway, we know you have a game against Karasuno the next day and we know you would wanna play in that sooo...

Kenma: Cool, thanks.

Leo: Np, see you in America (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ

----

Once I was done snickering to myself at Leo and I's conversation, I walked over to my clothes drawers and got out the clothes I wanted, one formal outfit, some pj's and some casual stuff. I put that stuff in one suitcase and put my miscellaneous stuff in a smaller drawstring bag that had a bunch of video game pins on it. I walked downstairs to put my stuff by the door and when I got there I saw someone come in, it were my dads, Yuri Plisetsky, Otabek Altin and Minami Kenjiro.

I walked up and hugged all 3 of them, "Hey kiddo."

Since I decided to say screw sleep and talk to my parents which is something I didn't get to do much at this time of the year often since they have practice all the time. So we sat on the couch and had dinner while watching tv as a family and talked about their practice

Yuri chirped up while eating some rice, "Mila was being a bitch."

"Oh? What happened?" I asked

"So you know her kid Tendō?"

Minami put his chopsticks down and joined in the conversation, "He's that kid that goes to Shiratorizawa Academy right?"

"So, he's gonna be joining the Russian team since the he doesn't like the Italian team."

"Yet his uncle and other mom is on that team." Otabek pointed out

"Yeah."

"I don't get how she was being a bitch?" I said, trying to get the conversation back to the main point,

"Her ass was bragging about all practice, like shit I couldn't get 2 fucking works out without her interrupting."

We all laughed, and went back to eating.

After we were finished we all were doing the dishes, "Go upstairs and get some sleep kiddo, I'll do the rest of the dishes. Yuri, go get some rest too." Minami said

"Are you not going to America, Beka?" Yuri asked.

The black haired boy shrugged, "No, for some reason my couch decided I'm not going, I don't know why."

Minami was another one of my dads who was staying home, ever since they adopted me when I was 4 he always declined going to any skating competitions that weren't in Japan so that if I ever had an emergency someone would always be there. This meant that only me and Yuri, my blonde, sassy, Russian dad were going to America for the 3 back to back skating events that were happening there.

"I wonder why Lev's not going.."

"Your school doesn't want you both out when a game is so close." Otabek was right I still thought it was stupid since he was looking forward to this event, he's always wanted to go to America after all. But as compromise I promised to send him a lot of photos.

Minami who was still washing the dishes started shoving us out of the kitchen, "Yeah yeah, cut the chat get your butts upstairs and I don't wanna see you two down here until morning!" He said, waving a wooden spoon in the air as we walked up the stairs, laughing.

We reached the upstairs, both of my dads gave me a kiss on the forehead and wished me a good night. I walked into my room and instantly my tiredness from earlier came back to wack me in the face with 5 times the strength of before. I walked over to my bed and just.. flopped.

--In the morning--

My alarm for 5:30 went off and I got up, still tired but meh, nothing a bit of coffee wont fix. I walked over to my closet and got out a hoodie Shoyo gave me, it was a Karasuno hoodie with Shoyo's name and volleyball number, 10 on the back. I inhaled the scent of my lover. I'm gonna miss him but I still can call him. I grabbed a thin t-shirt to wear underneath and some soft black pants with red on the side, after I grabbed my clothes I walked to the bathroom and got changed. After that I took my braids out, my hair looked great!

When I left the bathroom right when I put my foot on the first step to head downstairs the scent of waffles hit my nose, I started to go quicker down the stairs since I fucking love waffles and I am starving! Once I got there Minami greeted me.

"Hey kiddo, did you sleep good?"

"Yeah." I nodded

"Are your other dads not up yet?"

"Nah." I shook my head getting out a plate.

"Before you eat imma wake them up."

I rubbed my forehead before sighing, "Oh god what are you planning, pops?"

"Nothing, let me just..." After finicking with his phone I heard a blast of noise from my parents room and the line I knew too well of "WELCOME TO THE MADNESS" blasted through the door. After like 2 seconds they were up and downstairs.

"You get creative when it comes to waking us up." Otabek yawned while Yuri wiped his eyes.

"I know, glad you're finally catching on~" Minami said, getting sassy, which he normally was this early in the morning.

"What'd you make for breakfast?" I asked.

"Apple waffles!"

I ran to the counter happily, grabbing like 3 fucking waffles.. What can I say? I love apple things!

"Goddamn! Leave some for us!" Yuri teased

"Nah~" I joked back.

When we had just finished our food, we were setting our dishes into the sink and just chatting, we heard a knock on the door. I turned to the clock, '6:00' almost on the dot. "Man when they say they'll be here at 6, they aren't kidding." Otabek said, looking at the bus through the window.

I snickered and got my shoes on, me and Yuri grabbed our suitcases and after my adopted dad kissed my other dads, we were out the door and on the bus. I stopped to talk to Mila whom was driving while Yuri went to go sit in the back by himself.

I tapped the red head on the shoulder, "Hey Mila can we make a stop before we go to the airport?"

She grinned "Yeah, of course, the flight was delayed a half hour anyway for whatever fucking reason."

"Ok, can we stop at Karasuno I uh.. Wanna see someone before we leave.."

Mila let out a quiet gasp before whispering, "Is this the boy you've been talking about?"

I nodded and Mila laughed, "Sure, I don't see why not!"

I gave a light smile and went to go sit down.

--When they stopped at Karasuno, Hinata pov--

"We aren't doing anything special today, hell do what you want if you wanna sit and chat do that, I am giving you a free day before we practice for our match against Nekoma." Couch Ukai explained

We all nodded with a 'yes couch' coming out of all us.

Me and Yamaguchi stayed chatting when our long haired ace, Asahi came in, "Sorry I'm late but there's a bus outside that says, 'Russian Figure Skating Team' outside for whatever reason."

"I wonder why..." I brushed it off though and continued talking to Yams

We kept talking before I heard a familiar voice, "Shoyo? Are you here?"

"Kenma!" I exclaimed before I jumped up and ran to give him a hug which almost knocked him over in the process.

"Hi Shoyo, its good to see you."

"What are you doing here?" I asked, releasing the hug and just holding his hands and I spoke again

"I mean there's a weird bus that says Russian Figure Skating Team or something outside but why are you here?"

"That's my ride." Kenma answered plainly.

"That's your- WHAT!" I was surprised and the others came over

Kenma laughed, "That's why I came here, I wanted to let you know I'm going to be gone for a week."

"Why? Did something happen?" Suga asked from the back

"No, no! I'm going to skate in America, I'll be back for our game though." His answer made me more curious

Noya's voice rang from the right, "When are you leaving?"

"Around 7:30, our plane got delayed but I get to talk with you more, right Shoyo?"

I was about to sit down when the door swung open and there stood someone who looked a bit like Kenma, but different colored eyes and plain blonde hair

"I'm hanging out in here with you kid."

"Yakov being annoying?"

"да ебать его задницу!"

"Who are you sir?" Asked Asahi who was putting away the few volleyballs that were used since most of the team was chatting, it was a free day after all

"This is Yuri Plisetsky, my dad." Kenma explained

"Cool."

I tilted my head, wondering what he said, I knew it was Russian just based on context but I didn't know what, "What was that you were saying?"

"He said, "yeah fuck his ass" My blonde boyfriend translated

"Ooh."

"Well before we go might as well do this," Kenma sighed as he held my hand tighter,

"Dad, this is my boyfriend, Shoyo." Kenma looked nervous.

"As long as he treats you well, then I don't care."

"W-wait that's it?!" Kenma seemed surprised

Yuri clutched his chest in laughter, "I-I'm sorry! Just.."

"Are you forgetting who I am?"

"What?"

"Kiddo, I am a trans gay man who has been married with 2 other men in a poly relationship for 2 years now, what'd you want me to say?"

Hinata looked surprised but also relived, "Really? That's so cool!"

Yuri looked at me and rolled his eyes and messaged the bridge of his nose, "Really? You went for the fanboy?"

"Dad, you're married to one."

"Meh, true."

We were talking for a while longer with me just being lovey as usual when someone else walked through the door and yelled "ITS JJ STYLE!" Which Yuri's dad looked pissed about

"I'll get him out give me a second."

"убирайся отсюда, канадский ебать!" Yuri yelled as he proceeded to shove the man I'm guessing named JJ out

"What'd he say?" I asked

"Get out of here you Canadian fuck."

"Oooh."

With that a new people entered, "Kozume!" A voice called,

"Hi Gramps."

"Whos this?" I questioned with my hand still on Kenma's

"That's my grandpa, Victor Katsuki-Nikiforov."

"That's so cool!"

Kenma blushed and just nodded,

"Does my grandson have a boyfriend~"

"Yep, this is Shoyo."

"So he's the one I keep hearing Chris say you brag about?"

"Mhm."

"We-"

Before Victor could continue I heard a slam

"Двигай своей задницей, черт возьми, свинья!" (Move your ass fucking pig!) And in came Yuri kicking another black haired boy in through the door.

"Yurio be nice you your mother!"

"HES NOT MY MOTHER! AND STOP CALLING ME YURIO!" He yelled back

Victor sighed, "Well we have 2 Yuri's here its confusing!"

The grey haired mans tone quickly changed, "Anyway~"

He helped Yuuri up and waltzed on back over to us, "Our grandson has a boyfriend!!!!"

"Awh that's great!"

"Aaand Shoyo, meet my other grandpa, Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov"

"It's nice to meet you."

We talked a bit before Yuuri spoke up,

"We should get going, the others probably wanna get coffee before we go to the airport."

"Oh, yeah, I guess so."

I was sad that they had to leave because Kenma noticed and his face softened because when they were getting up to leave, he gave me a soft kiss on the lips,

" I will call you every chance I get, Ok baby?"

"Alright, I'll see you next week at the game?"

"Yes, I love you."

"I love you too." Those were the last words I said to Kenma in person for a week.

When I turned around I heard someone yell, "KOZUME HAS A BOYFRIEND!"

Lev pov--

Kenma: We're having another fucking flight delay!

Lev: I still wish I could've gone with!

Kenma: I know, you were really wanting to come, right?

Lev: Ofc! I have always wanted to go to America! 😭😭😭

Kenma: Oof

Lev: Hold on the team is worried about you, give me a moment

Kenma: Gl Kuroos gonna be all like 'well why didn't I know?!' or some shit

Lev: mhm 😑

---

I turned off my phone and listened to the rest of the team freak out about the gamer boys missing

"WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!" Yaku yelled out of panic

"Yaku, I am sure he's fine.." Yamamoto said, trying to keep the peace

"Well we don't know that! Hell! He didn't even tell me anything.." Kuroo was also pissed which just made me wanna chuckle since Kenma was right about Kuroos reaction.

"Uhm..."

"What Lev?"

"Well about Kenma being gone, I know where he is I just thought this was funny."

"So us worrying is funny?!"

"When I know why, yes."

Kuroo rolled his eyes, "Lev, Kenma never talks to you."

"Yes, yes he does, you don't know every fucking thing he does." I snapped.

"Are you sure?" Kuroo retorted

"Whos he dating?"

"I-"

"See you dont even know that"

"Fucking- Whatever just where is he?" Yaku asked

I held out my phone and showed the texts

"Where the hell is he going?! We have a game!"

"Yaku, please shut the fuck up." I whispered.

"What?!"

"Yaku I love you, but please shut the fuck up, he doesn't care about the game right now, he will be back for the game with Karasuno, but he is with family and doing something that will contribute to his future. Now shut up пожалуйста, перестань любопытствовать и дай ему жить!" (please stop prying and let him live!)

"..."

I took a step back, I swore my boyfriend out... I even yelled at him in Russian!

I felt like I wanted to cry, I didn't wanna snap like that.. Then I heard the door open

"HA I KNEW HE WOULD CUSS SOMEONE OUT! Виктор! ты должен мне 20 долларов!" (Victor you owe me 20) I turned to the voice,

"Oh praise god." I sighed

Yurio was walking up to me, "ты в порядке? ты выглядишь напряженным .." (are you okay? you look tense)

"Я огрызнулся на своего парня, и я устал, угадай" (I snapped at my boyfriend and I'm tired, guess)

"What are they saying.." Yaku was confused

"Well apologize you fuck!" Yurio scoffed

"..."

"Sorry sir, but Lev is fine, I was the one who deserved it."

"I'm still sorry!"

"Even better question! Lev, you can speak Russian!?" Kuroo seemed surprised

"Yeah, I just didn't wanna hear the, 'oh! Say my name in Russian' or, 'say something in Russian!' that gets annoying fast!"

"Oh, Beka has the same problem whenever he says he's from Kazakhstan."

"Anyway, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the airport with the rest of the Russian team."

"We would be in the sky by now is the plane would stop getting fucking delayed!"

"Well let the team rest in here! Its probably hot as fuck in that bus."

"Smartest thing you've said all day, Levochka." And with that he left

"And who was that?" Yaku's tone was serious so I beckoned the team over to the bench to explain

"So you know how I have left practice early?"

"Yes?"

"That's because I do figure skating and I am hoping to go into it full time when I am older and that person who was here a bit ago was a part of the Russian Figure Skating team."

"Nice!" Someone commented from the end of the bench

"Levochka!" A voice called,

"DAD!" I raced to meet the voice and gave a big hug to my father, Victor Nikiforov and gave my other dad, Yuri Katsuki a hug when he entered short after.

Yaku came up from behind, and kicked me, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOUR PARENTS WERE FAMOUS SKATERS YOU FUCK!"

Upon seeing that the Russian team was pissed, "Держи свои гребаные ноги от него, ублюдок размером с муравей!"

"I still don't know what yall are saying.."

A voice came from the back, "Georgi said, "Keep your fucking feet off him, ant-sized motherfucker" I recognized Kenma's voice quickly

"Ey! I thought you would stay on the bus!" Yurio called

"Well, I finished my level and I have nothing else to play until a few daily bonuses roll in."

"Kid you run through games like me and Lev run through a thing of pirozhkis.."

"Meh I keep myself entertained."

"KENMA?!" Kuroo called, ran up and started to shake the boy

"I WAS WORRIED WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US WHERE YOU WERE GOING?1"

"Because it doesn't concern you, besides its not like I'm gonna be gone forever.."

"Kozume I am your best friend! You tell your best friend this shit!"

"Uh..." Kenma stuttered

"What?! Is there anything else you wanna tell me?!"

"1: I don't owe you shit and 2: Lev and Shoyo are my best friends, Теперь слезай с высокой лошади, ты трахаешься" (Now get off the high horse, you fuck)

"That's my boy!" Yurio cheered

Yuuri shook his head and turned to me, "Anyway, Lev can we pull you and Yaku to the side we wanna talk to you two."

I nodded and grabbed Yaku's hand and we exited the gym with my dads

"Levochka.. Are you sure he's the one you want?" My dad asked gently

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you said that this was your boyfriend when we talked about it before but are you sure he is what you want? I mean he kicks you and gets physical it seems a lot. I just want for you to be safe." My dad explained.

Yaku looked nervous as my dead continued, "Hell even Yurio when we adopted him, was never physical with anyone who didn't deserve it.. Minus Yuuri but you get what I mean."

I grabbed Yaku's hand, "I know but Yaku's trying and that's all I can really ask.."

Yuuri started to talk "Lev please be safe." His face was one of worry

"I'm sorry Mr. Nikiforov, I've been trying my hardest to not be as bad as I was, I am trying for your sons sake, I wanna make him happy.."

"I can see that and I hope you keep trying."

"I will, I care about Lev so much I wouldn't do anything to actually hurt him, I love him too much to do that."

"Th-"

"HEY VICTOR WE NEED TO GET TO THE AIRPORT!" Called Yakov's voice loud from the bus.

"Coming! Lets go!"

After gathering the others they left, till next week will we see them again.

[buccigang-headcanons]

La Squadra Backstories!!!! Stream of consciousnesss style!

So literally I just sat down and wrote down exactly what I thought. I have not edited these at all lmaooo. But I made long drawn out backstories for our underrated assassins so enjoy!!

T/W + C/W - idk I talk about people dying in a lot of ways. Child abuse, drugs, severe illness, dead cats. This stuff is a mess I really didn’t censor it. But nothing is described in detail cuz I’m too lazy for that.

————

Prosciutto cuz he’s at the top of my mind. Mmkay he and Pesci are brothers but not by blood. Pro was an orphan, I still wanna make him Russian, and pesci’s extremely kind and gentle family adopted him when he was like 7. They were like literally a garden catalogue family. Perfection. The parents died when pro was like 15, Pesci was 13?? Idk the age difference I’m just making shit up now. And Pesci had no fucking idea what to do, they didn’t have any other family, and pro was like “I’m still basically a hardened criminal from living on the streets of russia most of my childhood, so joining the local mafia should be a piece of cake”. It was.

Risotto..... fuck it. Polpo is risottos dad. I’ve seen that so much and fuck it I’m here for it now. Idk how I feel about the whole Mariah from part 3 being his mom that seems too coincidental. But either way, he is half Spanish. I don’t think he’s ever been in touch with his Spanish roots at all, but that’s what he is. Polpo had too much fun on vacay in Spain. But it was a once night stand and polpo, a skinny king back in the mid 70s, fucked off to do mafia stuff and didn’t know about this kid. Risotto never knew his father. Time goes by, about the time he’s 10, rizzo’s mom moves to Italy to find the man she once loved. Since the 70s, she has been married and divorced 4 times, disowned by her entire family, and she speaks only of Polpo, the man who swept her off her feet and then disappeared into the night. Leaving only this child with his matching eyes. So they live in Italy, risotto is about 13 now and his mom has been searching seriously for polpo for about 3 years. One day, she gets too close, mafia takes her out. Risotto is all alone in a country he has lived in for less than 3 years. So he decides to take revenge against the mafia. He goes to hunt them down. (I’m too lazy to write out how. Gets a gun. Basically the scene in part 5 where the kid is like “you killed my father and now I’m gonna kill you!!” But he chickens out???) yeah except rizzo didn’t chicken out, he stood firm and killed 2 of them. The other 2 surrendered, and immediately asked rizzo to take polpos test. He did. And he unknowingly met his father, the man his mother had died looking for. He stared into his fathers eyes, black sclera reflecting each other, and passed his test with ease.

Wowwwwwwwww alrighty then that was something. Let’s shake out those jitters because fuck that was intense and let’s move onto some happy shit.

Melone!! Always a bottle of joy. He was a phenomenal student, a perfect child. Perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect looks. Onlyyyy tiny thing is he murdered cats and buried their heads in the back yard. But that was his only flaw. Aaaaaaaand mayyybe trying to use his extensive knowledge of molecular biology and genetics (even at as young as 11) to asexually breed said cats.

But, apart from that, absolutely perfect specimen of a young boy. And he kept that up until college. Until the rape accusation. Melone had no interest in having sex with her, he swore under oath in open court, he only wanted to “extract her essence” in the hopes of making her amazing genetics stay pure for centuries.

Due to his previously amazing school record, he was allowed to plead not guilty by reason of insanity (because the justice system is bullshit) and was released to his parents. During this whole process, Melone’s mother had begun to grow suspicious of her son, wondering if there was something wrong with him. This led her to explore the crawl space under the garage, more commonly known as “Melone’s childhood laboratory”. The cat skulls alone were enough to set her off. They allowed him into their home long enough to fool the court, but parole officers don’t pay attention, and they kicked him to the curb a month later. Broke, alone, and with no real skills other than his genius mind and gorgeous body, he became a prostitute. It was only a few months before he wandered up to a gigantic white haired man with angry eyes and asked if he wanted a date. Instead of declining, our good ol rizzo just knocked him out cold and brought him home. The rest is history. Literally because I can’t think of what would happen between that and Melone joining the mafia. I assume he was just their house pet for a little while before he decided he wanted a stand too.

Oh good lord these are getting insane. Better keep going. Okay I have no idea what’s about to come out of my head for ghia but oh Lordy. Might as well start. Ghiaccio wasn’t always quite as angry, but it’s actually gonna be a sweet story. Kinda. He used to act perfect, even tho he always felt the anger inside. He was forced to bottle it up and put on a happy exterior always. His mother was Belgian. (From experience, Belgian mothers (Flemish in particular) will beat you until your ass is raw if you talk back). Italian father, they lived in italy. He had 4 sisters, he was the middle child of 5. Around high school, he started acting out. Of course this was due to all of his bottled up anger from the past 15 years. 4 shattered sinks, 16 holes in the drywall, and one classroom fire later, Ghiaccio was expelled from school. His parents were too busy brimming with joy about the success of all his sisters that they didn’t take much notice to him. “If you’re going to behave in such a manner you might as well leave” his mother said. She was past the point of caring enough to beat him. So he left. 16 and with no where to go, he wandered the streets. After a year or so, Ghia had gotten used to that life, and was angry at everyone, sometimes when he wasn’t even angry. Anger had become his coping mechanism. Screaming was easier than talking. Until one day, he screamed at a blonde man in an intersection. Prosciutto was driving back to the squads hang out, boxes of takeout in the back seat of the car. He had chosen to not stop at the red light, just for fun, and nearly ran into our blue haired teenager. Ghia proceeded to cuss him out for a good 4 minutes in the middle of this intersection before pro cut him off. “Get in the back. “ he said, with his own special brand of brotherly love. “I know how you can put that anger to good use”. Ghiaccio, having no real reason to object, got in the back seat. Prosciutto was silent the rest of the drive and Ghiaccio yelled about all the take out food, now splattered on the backs of the seats due to the sudden slam on the brakes.

Y’all I don’t even remember the other la squadra members. Let’s do sorbet/gelato because they have zero backstory or personality so I can just ramble. *Clears throat* let’s begin. These fuckers. Friends since birth. Grew up together, always really close. They were both dirt poor, but because the only school nearby was a decent public school, when were able to slightly experience middle class living. They liked it. They wanted to see upper class, and once they did, they wanted to be there. These two were money grubbing bffs, I’m talking josuke and okuyasu, but like waaaaay more intense and also violent. They both left home around 14, together of course. Gelatos father had left them a few years prior, and his family were on the brink of starvation. Figuring they didn’t need another mouth to feed (and completely abandoning his post as family patriarch lol) he left with sorbet, who’s family had all died in various ways over the years. Most recently, his older sister being taken by some illness that was probably easily treatable, but with no means for a doctor, she died in days. The boys left home and school, and made a living by pickpocketing tourists and occasionally launching into larger heists. They made a decent living for themselves, but eventually started spending their money on drugs. It’s was sorbet first, heroin was really good to him for awhile. Gelato was against it, knowing it was the reason sorbets family had been so poor to begin with. His father was an addict, and despite holding down a job fairly well, spent all his earnings on drugs. Eventually he became too dependent, lost his job, and OD’d. But around this same time, when the boys were 16/17, they were starting to realize their feelings for each other. Confused teenaged minds full of budding love led to Gelato giving in, and soon their days were filled with heroin fueled ecstatic sex. They lived like this for awhile, existing in half reality, until one day they chose to set their pickpocketing targets on a short man with close cropped gray hair. The plan was perfect, sorbet bumped into the man and gelato passed by to grab his wallet, and suddenly they were the size of mere ants. In an instant, they were returned to size, left to wonder if it was real or just a hallucination from long term drug use. But they didn’t run. Formaggio introduced himself, with a loose handshake and a pause to spit out some tobacco, and promptly invited them to a “party”. Although, Formaggio was honest in his promise, this party did have drugs.

Cheese boys turn!! Seriously who am I forgetting??? Illuso my mirror man! Am I forgetting someone else too?? Idk. But shut up Kel it’s cheese boys turn.

So. Formaggio. Probably the most chill childhood. Lower middle class, pretty average, but he was quite gifted with sports. Soccer was his main, and also a fantastic competitive swimmer. (Okay I have a separate hc that Bruno is really good at soccer so hol horse up a moment so I can imagine those 2 playing soccer together in friendly competition. In my lil au where Bruno is in la squadra because I say BruPro exes rights please and thanks.) but anyway, he got really good at soccer and was offered a scholarship to play at a fancy pants private high school when he was 14. Of course his parents made him go, this has been the family’s dream for years, and formaggio’s as well. So high school is amazing, he’s starting to attract attention from universities even tho he’s barely in grade 11 by this point. And it’s all really amazing until he realizes. This isn’t what he wants. And it’s just that. He doesn’t want to play soccer anymore, he doesn’t want to potentially be famous. He just wants to be a kid. So he leaves school, he leaves home, he wants to start over. And he wanders into a diner and sees this small group of weirdly dressed men. At this point, it’s rizzo, pro, Pesci, and ghia. And he’s staring at them because they’re dressed like circus clowns but their aura is so murderous. And then the one who looks like a giant pineapple starts staring back. Pesci gets up and walks over to Formaggio. “I know you! You’re that amazing kid soccer player!!” And he just goes on and on about shit he read in the news (70% of it was false) until pro comes over and yanks his idiot brother away. Pro starts asking Formaggio questions, thinking he could be a good target. Stupid little rich kid. But to prosciuttos surpise, Formaggio is just a down to earth kid with no more money to his name than he needs to pay for this meal. Prosciutto takes him home after that. He doesn’t really offer any explanation.

(The rambling at the beginning of this paragraph actually happened lol so I paused for like 4 hrs oops)

Alright we are back. Had to leave to go to therapy and then scream at my mother and cry to my boyfriend but we are ready to go! Illuso and I really hope he’s the last one and I’m not forgetting one. Illuso was raised in an orphanage from infancy. No idea who his parents could even be. Fun fact: one of the nuns at the orphanage (cuz it’s an orphanage in Italy in 1980, they’re catholic.) nicknamed him Illuso because he was always pointing at things that weren’t there. As a tiny baby and a child, he would always be looking at things no one else can see (yes illuso is a natural stand user fight me). The nuns called him illuso as an insult, hoping to shame him into stopping. He never did. When he outgrew the orphanage, he decided to join the priesthood. He was 19, a priest in training, when the mafia came to the orphanage. They were collecting, and illuso knew they didn’t have the money this month. He tried to talk the mobsters down, but that went about as well as planned. 4 bullets to the chest, 3 open heart surgeries, and half a dozen resuscitations later, Illuso was released from the hospital. The orphanage had been shut down, and no one knew what had happened to the children or the nuns. With no where to go, illuso knew of one place that could use talents like his. The talents of steadily stealing money from the starving children of the church for a decade. It was during polpos test that illuso’s stand manifested. Not due to the arrow, but to protect its user from the other stand. Illuso was able to avoid Black Sabbath by hiding in his newfound mirror world until it was time to return the lighter to polpo (kinda cowardly but whatever.) he was assigned to risottos group by chance and was the last to join excluding Melone. But they loved him as if they had found him themselves.

[phoenixkaptain]

Love, Lights, Hanukkah Hallmark Movie Complaint Time

1. Of fucking course the single, Italian woman who just wanted to have kids but just couldn’t, adopted the Italian child. The Italian mother who owns a restaurant because the movie is rascist and is determined to tell us all about how “Italians-a are obsessed-a with-a the food!”

2. The main character who doesn’t know her heritage only listens to Italian opera or Christmas songs

3. “I’m fifty percent Jewish according to this DNA test-“ FUCK you Hallmark that isn’t how dna tests worked i literally googled it fuck you that isn’t how it fucking works

4. The Jewish family owns a Jewish restaurant because of course they do

5. The Jewish mother collects dreidels becuas eof course she does

6. “I can’t pronounce or understand these Hebrew dishes even though I speak Italian!”

7. The fucking French-Chinese restaurant with fucking fortune cookies that actually tell the future

8. “Why aren’t you married yet? You should be married. Why aren’t you married?”

9. “I’ve had two moms but if only I had a dad, it’s so sucky that I don’t have a dad, I love my mom but I wish I knew my dad.”

10. The main character is literally obsessed with Christmas. Why does our main character have to be obsessed with Christmas? Why does this Hanukkah movie have to have all the Christmas celebrating fuckers so defensive over their celebrations? As someone who celebrates Christmas, I am telling you outright that this woman has an obsession and a problem and has too many Christmas decorations. She bought four wreaths in the first scene we meet her in, she has a problem

11. Expanding on the above, the romantic interest is like “this is sure a lot of Christmas decorations” without any judgement or inflection or anything negative in his voice and the response is “Do YoU hAvE a PrObLeM wItH tHaT?” like bitch, he was pointing out a fact

12. The Italian food being “predictable” so he keeps giving her menu suggestions because he’s a dick

13. “I don’t think right now is the right time or place to talk about this big important revelation.” Love interest: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT’S NOT THE RIGHT TIME OR PLACE TO TALK ABOUT?”

14. Just realized, of course the Jewish love interest is named David

15. Why is David such a bitch about this woman liking Christmas? Like I’m upset too, Bitch, but I’m not going to fight her in the streets about it

16. This romance is boring and predictable

17. She has a palm tree in her kitchen decorated with Christmas lights, I changed my mind, fight me in the street, woman

18. They keep talking about menorahs and what they mean over and over, which would be fine if they said something different instead of the same thing twenty different times!

19. All these Jewish people eat is latkes and bagels and lox fight me bitchmark

20. Licorice for a snowman’s smile? What the fuck? Licorice?? ???

21. The snowman is so fake

22. “I met you five days ago but now we’re family as though we’ve known each other forever, the magic of being from a mother’s womb, I suppose”

23. Her restaurant is literally just pine and ornaments she needs help

24. Of course they still put in a Hallmark style Christmas tree lighting ceremony even though they’re all Jewish

25. WHY ARE YOU LIGHTING SO MANY CANDLES YOUR RESTAURANT IS COVERED IN PINE AND RIBBON FIRE HAZARD FIRE HAZARD

26. They explain every Hanukkah thing ten billion times but don’t translate the fucking Italian

27. OH MY GOD MORE FUCKING LATKES

28. The fucking Italian dad is named Giorgio because he’s fucking Italian I guess

29. Don’t want to be rude but why do all the actors have big noses, Hallmark? Why do they all look like that, Hallmark?

30. OF COURSE GIORGIO IS ALSO A FUCKING CHEF FUCK YOU HALLMARK I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE UPSET BY THE RASCISM I WAS PREPARED TO BE UPSET ABOUT ANTI SEMITISM BUT FUCKING RASCISM???

31. “I’m a bilingual Italian man and when I am shocked I resort to my mother tongue becuase that’s definitely how it works”

32. Of course the Italian mother was obsessed with angels do you know how much I hear that stereotype this is infuriating

33. The cabbage display is so upsetting why is the cabbage on ice

34. “Look at all this food!” There are five dishes that each might feed four people that you expect to feed ten fight me

35. Another DREIDEL

36. I was enjoying this for five seconds and then the fucking mom said Giorgio was “very Italian” and I’m fucking pissed I am so incensed I am furious I am shaking with anger wait to make this beautiful moment fucking useless, Hallmark. The Italian man is Italian? I’m shocked. I’m amazed. I’m so stunned that the Italian man who speaks Italian, is in the Italian army, and lives in Italy is Italian I am going to fight Hallmark in the street

37. Hallmark pretending long-distance relationships are the most impossible things in the world

38. The Christmas celebrating main character is named fucking CHRISTINA I hate everything

39. They met each other less than a month ago and she’s already “the one?” That’s not how it works

40. This movie is not about Hanukkah. Every other scene is about Christmas. Why is Hanukkah in the title when it’s about Christmas more than Hanukkah?

41. This woman has fifteen Christmas trees and three menorahs please calm down

42. Kissin in front of the Christmas tree and three menorahs, like ya do

43. Giorgio has been waiting at his counter for the phone call from his surprise daughter for days now

44. The bitch is COOKING in a DRESS SUIT. PUT ON AN APRON

45. The butchering of language really was the perfect end to this fucking mess

Conclusion: Hallmark, please set aside the Christmas and rascism and anti semitism for five fucking minutes and make a halfway decent movie

[flxtcher-ashburn-blog]

[ NOAH CENTINEO, CIS-MALE, HE/HIM, 22 ] // filed under: ( FLETCHER ASHBURN ), student is a ( THIRD YEAR ) from ( THE USA ) who specializes in ( FIELD OPS ). we believe they will be an asset because they are ( CLEVER & QUICK ON THEIR FEET ). however, we are monitoring them due to their tendency to be ( OPPORTUNISTIC & SECRETIVE ). at their basic state, they remind one of ( OVERSIZED SHIRTS, STALE BLUNT SMOKE, CRUMPLED HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS, A DRIZZLE OF RAIN ). our ( DARK HORSE ) has promise, but as we all know, brier isn’t for everyone. ✉ [ sarah, 26, pst, she/her ]

hi babies, I’m sarah and this is fletcher and omg! i’m so excited to write him. he’s here because he’s bored and hiding let’s be real he’s a pos

> fletcher is from the portland, oregon area. unfortunately, yeah i guess think of that if portlandia show, keep portland weird and all that, but fletch was raised on the wealthier side. his father was a crazy wealthy business executive and investor. his mom was born into a very wealthy family on the east coast, inheriting her father’s fortune when he passed away, so her toes were dipped in nonprofit foundations.

> his parents, James and Caroline, were happy for years until they just weren’t anymore, fletcher just so happening to across his good ol dad with one of his mistresses. he was thirteen and heartbroken for his mother and angry with his dad and to combat that he started doing stupid shit like stealing video games from the fred meyer.

> james was over trying to keep fletch from spilling his secrets so he gave him an amex black and sent him to a private school in eugene, like two hours south.

> he reinvented himself in high school as the elusive bad boy. he sold weed out of his dorm room and made friends with just about everyone. no enemies to be found until junior year when he got assigned to a new guidance counselor who, plot twist!, was one of his father’s mistresses! fun stuff!

> so he blackmailed her into getting out of trouble and got the key to the biology building’s rooftop. best thing he ever did was built a fort up there for dirty dealings, pot smoke breaks, and make out sessions.

> the summer before his senior year, his mother and his aunt were coming home from a business trip and were in an unfortunate accident. no survivors and dead upon impact, fletcher had to figure out how to navigate the world without his kind and compassionate mother. this spiraled fletch even more, getting himself caught up in cocaine and party drugs.

> during his last year in high school, fletcher met a girl who he fell madly for. she had a baby and was a year older but it didn’t matter to him, lia was his everything. too bad her family had heavy ties in the italian mob.

> after high school, fletch was planning on going to college. he got into a couple good ones, even enrolled at u of o to stay close to lia.

> a non profit foundation was started in fletcher’s mother’s name around this time too. fletch was named the head of that foundation (by his mother’s will left behind and with plenty of arguments from his father).

> long long long story short, fletch and lia didn’t end on the best of terms and the her mob ties are OUT TO GET HIM. so he ran! and he’s hiding! what’s the best way to hide? become a secret spy duh!

fun facts about fletch!

> good thing he funneled daddy’s money into an off shore account! dude is loaded and james didn’t even notice it. plus with the money he inherited from his mother - like let this fucker buy that extra guac for you, he can afford it.

> has a quick temper and even quicker feet. his fatal flaw is running the fuck away from his problems.

> still into the drug scene, just a lot more low key about it.

> a real dick let me tell you!

> cried when mufasa died in the live action version

> is terrified of commitment after lia. getting close with someone scares the living hell out of him

> probably adopted the hiding place thing so he can roll a blunt in peace

> has accidentally met drake before. ask him about it, it was wild.

> very intruiged with new gadgets but finds different uses for them instead of what they should be used for. probably pisses some people off in the process

> mango whiteclaw connoisseur

> space is cool but have you researched the ocean?

> doesn’t want kids like - ever

> owns all the tarantino movies on dvd/blueray

wanted connections:

> the rebound! obviously he’s running from his ex’s mob family but that doesnt mean he couldn’t have had a fling with someone. they probably wanted more from him and even though they had a quick relationship, it fizzled out.

> ride or die best friend - they get into trouble together, do stupid shit, party, chat shit, that kind of thing

> roommates! they can like or dislike each other, message me and we can figure it out

> one or two hookup buddies. maybe like a party hookup thing or just a fwb, u up? at 1 am kinda thing

I’m not really into pre plotting future plots, i like to live in the moment but if ya’ll have fire ideas hit me with them cuties!

[bonkybornes]

Please I'm c r y i n g

Okay listen my Tumblr year in review is pretty normal until you get to my longest tag

#criminal minds - 5 posts

#supernatural - 4 posts

#marvel - 4 posts

#spencer reid - 4 posts

#cm - 4 posts

#supernatural finale - 3 posts

#steve rogers - 3 posts

#destiel - 2 posts

#penelope garcia - 2 posts

#marvel prompt - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 46 characters

#i am an italian fucker who is adopting you all

[compunctionjunction]

70 horrible questions

I was tagged by the lovely @1of1prism thank u my guy <3

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Maybe better than some people but probably also worse than a lot of people lol. Sometimes I go to people’s houses and I’m like ???what is this “communication”. Also depends on the day and parent. i have an entire tag devoted to my dad lol

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? I dunno probs my mom or one of my friends 

03: Do you regret anything? Lots

04: Are you insecure? "My insecurities have insecurities” tho tbh i’m gettin pretty good. 

05: What is your relationship status? Single and not ready to mingle

06: How do you want to die? in control and ready 2 go

07: What did you last eat? cream of chicken soup... chocolate frozen yogurt... caramel pudding....... I just had my wisdom teeth out.......give me real food......

08: Played any sports? Never, in my life. The audacity.

09: Do you bite your nails? Ahuh! Sometimes!

10: When was your last physical fight? ive never been in a 2-way fight but the most recent 1-sided one was probs in gr 6 when one of my friends (aha) dragged me across the classroom by my hair lol

11: Do you like someone? No :\

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? try 72 hon

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? lol trump (im not changing ur answer sophie cause its accurate lol) also anyone who aligns w him and rn all the conservative MPs for being dicks and a lot more I’m full of hatred rn 

14: Do you miss someone? i miss being able to eat real 

15: Have any pets? my sister has 2 ferrets :\ but she moved out so no

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? my face hurts

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? made out a cheque to my haters (just kidding i have no money and no haters i just was trying to be funny. im sorry. i need humour right now.)

18: Are you scared of spiders? i mean i think it depends on how dark it is and how big the spider is tbh 

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? i dunno i’ll need an informed consent form

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? :\ 

21: What are your plans for this weekend? first i gotta recover and then i gotta finish like 5 papers and hang with people and have a sleepover and hang with more ppl and watch a bunch of tv

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? I want to give birth to 0 kids tho I am still undecided on adoption etc. I’d probs be a rly good godmother tho like im just sayin. @1of1prism @purewhiteflames​ ;)) 

23: Do you have piercings? How many? no piercings as of yet tho i wanna get my ears pierced i think. but my dad disapproves of anything like that so i’d probs have to wait to either move out or be financially independent lol

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? rn? english, women and gender studies, most things involving research-based papers where i have free reign over the topic 

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? lotsa ppl tbh

26: What are you craving right now? food........that i can eat........ chickenmelts........hamburgers......pizza........pasta......... :’(

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? prob lol but do i care

28: Have you ever been cheated on? we’ve all been cheated on.......by the system.....

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? that would require having one

30: What’s irritating you right now? my goddamn jaw and people eating food I can’t eat in front of me. my parents had mcdonalds yesterday. you know what i had. a milkshake. my sister brought home bacon wrapped scallops. I haven’t had scallops in like 2 years cause they’ve doubled in price and the one time we have scallops let alone frickin bacon wrapped scallops (like what the hell what kinda fancyass lunch) I cant FRICKIN eat it. Oh but I can smell it. I can hear u crunching on these foods. “Mmmmm!” ya shut up.

31: Does somebody love you? Do you know how popular I am? I am soooo popular. Everybody loves me so much at this school.

32: What is your favourite color? black and hot pink together

33: Do you have trust issues? ...........why are u asking..........what will u do with that info.......

34: Who/what was your last dream about? NO FREAKING JOKE!!!!!! i HAD A FRICKIN DREAM WHERE DANNY DEVITO CAME TO MY HOUSE WITH THIS LADY AND THEY TRIED TO BUY MY HOUSE AND MY MOM WAS LIKE “no..” AND THEY WERE SO MAD AND DANNY DEVITO TRIED TO STEAL THE HOUSE KEYS BUT I CAUGHT HIM JUST IN TIME like what kinda fake tumblr text post but it’s real i really dreamed that. I honestly can’t believe it. I would doubt it myself except I told someone abt it right away when I woke up. so now i will never forget.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom and this nurse because I woke up in a cot after being high on laughing gas and some other drug and steroids so not only did I wake up and I didn’t know where I was and no one was there and there was like an hour gap in my consciousness but I was coming off a high LOL

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? definitely not lol I give 2nd chances on rare occasions but as a general rule if u break my trust I won’t trust u in the same way again lol “trust is like a mirror. u can fix it if it’s broke. but u can still see the crack in that mother fucker’s reflection”

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm forgive i guess

38: Is this year the best year of your life? well not politically or in a global sense but in terms of like self-growth and stuff I’m doing pretty well so far I’m doin pretty good. workin hard... having fun.. loving myself.. 

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? i have never in my life sullied my lips with someone else’s bacteria-laden lips

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? n.........o

51: Favourite food? chicken pasta alfredo, chicken pie, chicken vol au vents, chickenmelts, eggs benedict, um, double chocolate fudge tart from dufflet... hmm, Sophie’s dad’s lasagna and also pasta al fuerno or whatever that’s called like yum, uh.. it’s really easy to list these off when i CAN’T HAVE ANY OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also poutine, and I also rly like Subway (ham and cheese on italian herbs and cheese bread with lettuce, onion, pickles, and mayonaisse, toasted...) 

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? kind of but I tried to explain it to someone once and they were like ??????what ur saying makes no sense and contradicts itself and i was like ya probably lol

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched a bad tv show my parents were watching and drank a giant mcdonalds milkshake and iced my face

54: Is cheating ever okay? honestly who am i to judge ur relationship and forgiveness and stuff but like imo if someone cheats on u they don’t respect u as an equal in that relationship or probably as a human

55: Are you mean? i can be a bit of a dick tbh but most of the time when i say something mean in my head im like “why is my mouth saying//why are my fingers typing these horrible ass things??”

56: How many people have you fist fought? well ive never used my fists on anyone but 2 people have punched me in the stomach does that count lol

57: Do you believe in true love? at the same time, i wanna hug you, i wanna wrap my hands around your neck, you’re an asshole, but i love you... so much i think it must be true love, true love. it must be tru-e love, no one else could break my heart like yo-o-o-o-o-o. yo-o-o-o-oh, oh-o-o-oh (No)

58: Favourite weather? either when its foggy and tranquil or when its like 23-25 degrees and sunny but also there’s some clouds so it’s not like direct hot sun on u but it’s still warm enough to wear shorts

59: Do you like the snow? i like when it’s snowing and quiet and peaceful and i like lying down in the snow and having that feeling of hearing everything kind of muted? but ya i hate slush and ice and stuff 

60: Do you wanna get married? not really but i might for tax benefits LOL

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? No, get that shit away from me

62: What makes you happy? lots of things especially seeing other people happy and genuine

63: Would you change your name? Maybe tbh it’s something i’m thinking abt right now cause I’m not a super fan of my name but maybe not officially and I also don’t wanna start shit with my fam I think my mom would be upset lol 

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? ya cause they don’t exist lol

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? well thats nice cause I like him too but what’s with this “opposite sex” bs like i know what u mean but like 

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? like seriously it’s not a real thing sex and gender are both constructs it’s a spectrum, a range. my buddy. pal. listen. (also ya i like to think anyone in our friend group but like probs john cause I can be scathing with those guys but as if i’d ever be vulnerable around them LOL)

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? like ur gonna keep going with this. ur gonna keep doing this. thats fine. but i can give u some reading. like i have all these pdfs if ur interested. no joke. and if pdfs are unaccessible to u i also have a bunch of youtube links. like hon. (my dad)

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? wow i dont even know if i can tag u back @1of1prism cause if im being honest i think it was @purewhiteflames oops, yikes!!!

69: Do you believe in soulmates? no but i do think there are people that u are much more compatible with than other people

70: Is there anyone you would die for? i dunno we’ll see if/when it happens lol

I’m not gonna put anyone else through this so you can say I tagged u if u wanna do it but like lol

[communist-cat-girl]

Ok So

im on my shit again cause pragerU is still makin fuckin’ videos time to yell about PragerU - The Least Diverse Place In America

(0:08) They had me in the first quarter, im not gonna lie, i thought this would be some interestin social justice piece and that maybe prageru’s obvious racism and ignorance were instantly solved by this Charlie Kirk guy. I was so wrong.

(0:28) Okay because there still totally isnt racism on college campuses or anythin’??? and like a ton of misogyny??? that isnt addressed at all??? ever??? but sure dude okay, lets act like colleges are good and perfect.

(0:46) So this is just ... I mean he sounds like an idiot who did zero research already but here we go. Can’t wait to have a straight white guy tell me about queer acceptance.

(0:59) Umm no not at all, people will still forever be homophobes and transphobes and every other phobe on the block. Also who the fuck signs a consent form for sex? They’re not doing kinky shit they’re caricatures of a man and a woman kissin’. Also seriously dude? Experimenting? This isn’t the fuckin’ 80′s, we know people are gay for sure and that people know full well what the hell they’re doin’. Experimenting is the way straight people have been disenfranchisin’ actual gay feelin’s for ages and this dipshit is perpetuatin’ that while tryna’ claim that these issues are “been there, done that,” as if anythin’ is solved. Fuck you already Charlie you clearly don’t know what the fuck is goin’ on in the world.

(1:04) If I had a dime every time I heard some conservative asshole talk about this in relation to safe spaces alone I think I’d have enough money to pay for my tuition. Barely.

(1:10) Ye, that thing racists, homophobes, and straight up nazis try to say is an issue because of us nasty liberals. I know the phrase and I know you’re boutta’ spew some bullshit about the first amendment, hit me already.

(1:21) ... Have you been to a college campus ever dude? Seriously, this is an honest question. I don’t even think hes been out in the real world if he thinks conservative ideas are radical or that colleges shut down “diversity of thought.” They shutdown bullshit because bullshit questions don’t need to be asked.

If a nazi asks “Why don’t we kill all Jews?” We do not attempt to explain to them the immorality of genocide nor do we explain to them their ignorance for thinkin’ that Jewish people are somehow the issue in their lives instead of their own mediocrity. We ignore them and move on, as we should. Because they’re fuckin’ idiots.

(1:25) You mean society, right? All of society does is indoctrinate you into a specific way of thinkin’. College isn’t special in this, every single region, culture, and subculture, even on accident, will attempt to indoctrinate you to their way of thinkin’, that’s just how it works naturally. We learn and grow from new experiences and interactin’ with different people, it’s an incredibly important part of our growth. College is an incredibly diverse place where we can do that!

(1:36) I don’t know if you know what’s up politically but people on “The Right” like to defund schoolin’ and bash on our teachers for no reason. So yeah ... they’re gonna’ be more left leanin’ considerin’ who their enemy is when it comes to literally makin’ a wage high enough to pay rent and eat food.

(1:46) ‘Cause no conservative signs up ‘cause they know their antiquated ideas will be shutdown in two seconds because colleges are, often, forward thinkin’ institutions that want to include many different people as they possibly can instead of lettin’ some white middle class straight cis asshole tell other people what to do???

I’m not even overeactin’ here, every experience in college i’ve had with a white conservative man who is my superior has been hellish and degradin’, it sucks. You give assholes power and they become bigger assholes, it’s how it works dude.

(1:59) What kind of conspiracy theory bullshit are you talkin’ ‘bout. No one’s paycheck depends on victims ‘xcept ... well no one. Ever. In the history of everthin’.

(2:10) My core being is superficial to you? What the fuck dude? My pride in bein’ an Italian American, Wiccan, liberal, demisexual, polyamorous, transgender woman is important to me, it’s at the very core of who I am, not some superficial mask I put on. What I am is what I fuckin’ am and that shit that makes me a unique individual is important. Fuck you Charlie.

(2:13) What!? What the fuck!?

How is glorfyin’ who someone is at their core superficial and how is it destructive? Who hurt you Charlie? Who told you that positive feedback and kindness and love is harmful?

(2:16) The only thing destroyin’ real learnin’ is a) people bein’ willin’ly ignorant to honest to the gods facts and b) the fact that republicans are defundin’ education like a mother fucker.

(2:25) a) We’ve all learned from Shakespeare dipshit. He was a surprisin’ly forward thinkin’ man for his time period and wrote what is considered to be some of the greatest works of art in the western world. b) Who isn’t readin’ Shakespeare cause he was a white man? I still do, I enjoy his shit. I know plenty of other queer people who enjoy his shit. What are you gettin’ at here?

(2:34) N- ... no it doesn’t dude. I’m literally a queer woman on a college campus. I am accepted into a group despite my transness and ethnic background. Everyone, black, white, asian, and so forth, speak to each other with respect. Genders, while not treated equally by the old, conservative staff, all get to say what they want and are given equal value in conversations. I live in Texas, not a very liberal place, but I still experience more acceptance and confidence than I ever did with even my parents.

This is clearly bullshit right wingers pull to split apart people in the left by claimin’ that our actions somehow divide us even though, if recent protests and counter protests held by the left against the right proves anythin’, its that our differences unify us. Unlike all of you middle class cishet white asshats.

(2:42) No.

Even ignorin’ my experiences, I’ve never heard a single issue with liberals excludin’ other liberals. It’s always conservatives who either exclude or get pissy when their radical ideas get them excluded. Same with radical liberals really.

(3:03) Has it? Also does that matter? The issue is that we have a stupid amount of people in poverty and a stupid small amount of rich people who are stockpilin’ money that is ruinin’ our economy.

Look I actually like capitalism as a concept, I also like communism, and socialism, hell I even like a monarchy or a tribal system where chieftains and elders hold votes. These concepts (both the economic and ideological ones) on paper are all perfect and good and do more harm than good.

The issue is that in practice, here in America, capitalism is ruinin’ lives as we speak and is goin’ to lead to an international crisis sooner than later on both an economic and environmental level. Capitalism, as it stands, is unsustainable, and our stance needs to change.

(3:06) No? When? Can you give me an example because if you mean places like Cuba or China or North Korea or the Soviet Union those were all communist regimes that acted more like dictators than representatives of their people. Real ass communism hasn’t really been done outside of small communes. People are just too power hungry for their own good, the only difference with capitalism is that their avarice is given praise by the masses.

(3:14) Do not act like we alone made some kind’ve ever lastin’ peace. Do not act like we haven’t instigated violence in the Middle East like it’s a fuckin’ game of Hearts of Iron IV. We, as a nation, are warmongers at worst and war profiteers at best.

(3:21) Because as well all know poor people do not commit crimes because they’re poor and aren’t given a way out of their shitty economic situations no no no, they do it because they’re black and play the victim card.

And of course slavery didn’t both ruin the lives of millions of people by makin’ them and their descendants poor and underprivileged, black people are poor because they choose to be violent and lazy. Obviously.

[/Sarcasm]

(3:29) Maybe because they’re wrong when they say this shit and we don’t want old ideas that don’t work or are objectively wrong or based too highly on subjective thought.

(3:37) I think Trae Crowder said it best when talkin’ ‘bout the nazi bullshit in Charolettesville, “They’ve been losin’ battle after battle, fight after fight for 200 years in this country and these are their death rows.”

Your stupid ideas are fallin’ off, the reason you have a voice right now is because you’re gettin’ desperate and so are the old rich assholes who are afraid taxes will empty even 1% of their fuckin’ pockets who give you the money to even exist.

(3:34) And that’s what they do! And we look at what people on the right do and we all cringe because it’s stupid! We’re not all closeted entitled fuckin’ rich kids goin’ to ivy league schools on our parents dime! We know what the real world is and it’s fuckin’ tough and scary and everyone is pitted against us. We know these things. Dumb fuckin’ bitch. I’m seriously tired of this guy right now.

(3:50) ... ... Did this dude not think we know what liberal means?

(4:12) Noble goal, I wish the rest of America would adopt this kind of “Melting Pot” idea, we’d prolly have way less issues honestly.

(4:25) ??? Why are you mad that people are bein’ kind and decent ???

(4:31) Thanks for usin’ actual terms in an attempt to disenfranchise them of any real meanin’. The same shit is happenin’ with the word triggered so y’know, not really a new tactic. Also one that doesn’t work on changin’ minds. This entire channel is an echo chamber I swear.

(4:35) Wow he’s ... stupid huh. The words mean what they mean asshole. Maybe ask one of your queer friends? You’re diverse in thought, right? Oh wait no your diversity of though doesn’t take queerness into account. Because you’re an asshole.

(4:52) ... No.

Like literally no, where do you get this idea from? Other liberals do not think like other liberals, there is infightin’ in EVERY culture, includin’ college campuses you fuckin’ dipshit.

I’m sorry I’m mostly just callin’ him a dumbass cishet white asshole middle class piece of shit but I’m really pissed off with his willful ignorance.

(4:54) No, it’s not. The two things do not compare.

(5:01) You mean what queer, black, and many other disenfranchised people have been doin’ for ages? Okay.

(5:12) No. Shit.

Video over. I want to die. I hate this dude so much.

[crazystupiddating]

For those of you who read Part 1 yesterday, here is the conclusion to my long date with "J.".

As a refresher:

Name: "J."

Age: 35

Hair color: dark blonde

Eye color: blue

Height: 5’8” 

Initial profile impressions: Beautiful eyes, really cute smile, speaks French…ooh lala

J. and I get up to his hotel room. He hasn’t unpacked anything. Just has a little backpack sitting next to a chair in the corner. I respect people who can pack light, as it’s a method I’ve recently adopted myself. The room is in good order, nothing creepy or crazy sitting around. And honestly, I feel like if he was to get too aggressive, I can probably break him in half, so I’m feeling good about the situation so far. I decide to sit in the chair, while he goes in to the bathroom, again. This may sound a little weird, but I really can’t stand to hear a man urinate. Something about that just breaks too many barriers, way too quickly, in my humble opinion.

When he gets out of the bathroom J. offers for me to get more comfortable on the bed, if I want. I slowly sit down on the farthest edge of the bed and try to “look” comfortable. He turns on the TV and wouldn’t you know it, the damned thing isn’t working right. There is this crazy spacing of lines and the sound keeps going out. He changes the channel, same thing. I suggest that maybe he unplug it. Yes, that’s right, I listen to my IT guys and that’s always the first thing they suggest. He tries it and for a moment it seems like it has worked. Nope! So, he calls down to the front desk, maybe he can get a different room, he offers. Nope! All rooms are booked. So here I am, in his room, with a TV that sucks, a guy who I can’t imagine has much of anything else to say and feeling quite awkward while trying to figure out what to say to get me the hell out.

J. turns around and gives me a cute sort of “well gosh” smile, and it really does look innocent enough. We decided to give the TV an opportunity to work out its issues. He lays down on the bed, sort of in the middle of it but not getting too close that I jump up and run out. We manage a few minutes of conversation. All thanks to me, of course. And then he leans over and kisses me. It wasn’t exactly in a romantic way. It wasn’t in a brotherly way though, either. It just felt sort of uncomfortable. But I’m not a perfectionist. Sometimes it takes a while to get in to the groove. It never really feels fun though. He starts to get a little more aggressive, rolls over on top of me and starts grinding. He’s in jeans. I’m in jeans. As you can imagine, after a few minutes, it DOES NOT feel good for me. And I’m certain it can’t feel good for him either. He takes off his shirt. HOLY SHIT! He’s hairy as a mother-fucker. And I don’t mean hairy, like an old Italian guy. I mean hairy as in, this guy has never once trimmed his chest hair. It’s so long and coarse and ewwww. He tries to take off my shirt, but I decline. He says that it is no problem, he’s not going to push me, and continues to kiss me. Then he takes off his pants and tries to unbutton mine. Nope, still not gonna happen. Once again, he’s totally ok with it. But now I can definitely tell he wants something a little more than kissing.

J. rolls over on his back and tries to casually pull me over on top of him. He really does have a small frame and I’m not feeling totally comfortable at the thought of laying on him so I just slide up against his side. He takes my hand and puts it on top of his boxer briefs. You know where his dick would be? He’s hard, I suppose that is a good thing. Because immediately, I sense something wrong. It feels like there is a Vienna Sausage buried in those boxer briefs. You know, those sausages that are like 1/3rd the size of regular hot dogs, in what almost looks like a tuna can? Damn it! He’s got a teeny weenie!

I know what he wants, but I can’t even fathom putting my face down to what I can only imagine is a huge patch of unbridled, unmanaged and untamed pubic hair. So I opt for the lesser of two evils. He’s gonnna get a hand job. I start stroking what I can find, over his briefs. And immediately he uses his left arm to slide those fucking briefs down. Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look. I start stroking him, kissing on his neck. It is so fucking small that I can only use two fingers and my thumb. And when I think that I’m going to be able to finish him off and end this evening…he goes soft. Have I totally lost my touch? I look up at his eyes and realize, he’s fucking asleep. 

At first, I’m a bit offended. But, he did have a long drive, a beer and probably exerted all his energy urinating. So now is my chance. Just roll over and leave. You’d think, right? But as soon as I stop rubbing his little man, he wakes up. I told him, that I understand, he must be very tired and suggest he roll over and I’ll give him a back rub till he falls asleep again. Then he can relax and rest up before his drive tomorrow. But he declined and started kissing me again. Whoop, and there it is, the sausage has plumped to full Vienna size again. This time, J. rolls me over on my back. Fuck, please let him get off so I can get home. The kissing is even worse this time. But he seems like he’s getting somewhere. He takes my hair in his hands and pulls it back, tilting my head up into a really awkward position, but hey, maybe he’s going to try to kiss my neck. Nope. He just holds my head in this weird position. I’m trying to figure out what he’s doing. Is he going to try to strangle me? Do I need to give him a swift kick in the exposed, hairy balls? Then he takes my hand and puts it back on the mini-man and so I go with it. My head still tilted up, his eyes closed and my two fingers wrapped around him. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, on and on and on and then…he finally gets off. THANK YOU!!! 

He moves over to the side and apologizes for “making a mess” and heads where? Back to the bathroom. I endure one more pee and tell him that I really need to get home since it’s so late and throw in a lie about having to be up and at ‘em super early. He thanks me for a great night and kisses me once more. Oh geez, thanks. And with that, I head out the door. I’m standing in the hallway waiting for the elevator and shaking my head at what I’ve just witnessed. That’s right it was the smallest cock, I’ve ever touched. All of a sudden, I hear a door and jump. He came back out to hand me a room key, in case I need it to get back down in the elevator. Then he offers for me to spend the night, “you know, since it’s so late”. I very politely decline but thank him again, as my elevator finally arrives and the doors open, like the glorious velvet rope at the most exclusive bar in town.

Summary:

A slight French accent and owning your own business can never make up for a teeny weeny! Next time a date seems to last endlessly (in a bad way), don’t be an idiot, just go home. Much like the famous line, nothing good happens after 2 am, in this instance, nothing big did either.

[novapopstar]

Let me tell a story about true love and loss.

This is one of my favorite stories to tell. And at the same time, its one of the hardest. You don't really get second chances. But if you were able to take that second chance in something you horribly screwed up on, you would take it, wouldn't you? This is gonna sound exactly like those very cliche white boy romance movies that try to be kinda edgy, i know it does in the beginning. Ive lived long enough to know that. But she... She was everything to me. Ive lived so long feeling nothing. She brought a spark to my dead soulless empty life. She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Its the reason i took that second chance. She can never know i exist. It was the beginning of summer of 2015. The final day of high school. I finished the exam at least an hour and a half early. And as most 18 year olds do, i put my earbuds in at full blast and passed out at my desk without a care in the world. Im awoken by an earthquake. The worst earthquake imaginable. My name is being screeched by what i can only describe is a Pterodactyl. I pull my headphones out of my ears. "What, Kamyrn?" I am not a happy boy. "The bell rang like 15 minutes ago." Are you serious? "You...didnt wake me up sooner?" The pterodactyl shrugs. "Didnt seem like i needed to just yet." I shouldve punched him right through his ginger face. He had a pale complexion, although more color than mine, freckles on his nose and cheeks, bright green eyes and the most irish looking red hair youve ever seen. Hes actually Italian. Hes basically what you call a cinnamon roll in meme terms. "So theres a music venue happening tonig-" "Nope." I stand up quickly, fix my bangs, and throw my hood up. I tried to bee line for the door but the fucker is always faster. I do NOT do social gatherings. Hes lucky i even talked to him. "Cmon, Tyyyyy! I want you to meet my friends. Theyre playing tonight!" "You know i dont like social events. I cant handle them. Besides i have to get home an-" He grabs my arms and pleads with his eyes. "Just this once? Pleaaaase?" I sigh. I hated it when he did that. I loved him so much i could hardly say no to him most of the time. "Fine. When do we go?" "We can start heading over right now. Theyre setting up and we can watch them warm up!" "You actually seem more cheery than normal. Anything special happening tonight?" "The Goddess, Tyler!!" Of course. "The Goddess" was a girl named Diana. The love of his life. She was literally too perfect. Beautiful black flowing hair, the deepest of blue eyes, beautifully pale skin, the most perfect smile. The sight caused Kamryn to become speechless. Especially since her father was there at the venue. The venue was basically as normal as you can get i guess. Smelled of sweat and heartbreak. The colors were a mix of greys and more greys. It was a really spacious area with some dining tables and chairs. I believe there was a bar at one end of the room. And right in the back was a big stage where they kept all the equipment for the bands. Big speakers lined the sides of the stage including the top of walls for surround sound in the building. This....this was the place i met her. Kamyrn was being interrogated by Dianas father, Marcus. Kamyrn sweating profusely. I mean, i dont blame him. Marcus was ripped and that rugged look and deep voice of his was something to feel threatened about. If you can picture what a roman soldier looked like, ya got Marcus. Diana was giggling and watching Kamyrn squirm the whole time. My senses were broken when the lights dimmed down and the first show was about to start. And as if an Angel has glided across the stage, she appeared. She was the most stunning thing i had ever laid eyes one. Shoulder length chestnut hair, from afar youd think they were green but she actually had hazel eyes, she had the sweetest smile, and i cant forget the red streaks in her hair. Her voice was something of an angel. And i caught myself staring. Ive never been a believer in love at first sight, but, damn... There was no mistaking it. I had slowly began to fall for her that night. But of course, i always have something come up to ruin my moments of bliss. Heres the part where things get complicated as all hell. I finished that graduation exam an hour and a half early because, ive taken it at least 25 times by now. At least at that school. I passed with flying colors because i know all the answers a little too well. The reason is the dumbest reason you have ever heard of. Im an 182 year old, as of 2015, vampire with the body of an 18 year old. All my features resemble a scrawny emo kid. Right down to the black nails, the black eyeliner, and the black emo hair. My purple eyes are natural however. Right now im having what is called Cravings. Now listen, i do not love being a vampire. Ive been running from that life for years. So i cringe at the thought of feeding off a humans. But at this moment in time, i am in need NOW. Therefore i cannot just waltz over to the nearest bloodbank and "charm speak" my way into dinner. I had to do my best to leave the venue without causing suspicion. I keep my eyes closed as i turn to Kam, holding a hand to my head. "Kam, dude im really sorry. The whole social thing is really getting to me. I really have to head out. I do not feel well." "Im really glad you tried to make it though, Ty. Ill check in on you later okay?" I nod and make the horrible mistake of opening my eyes. Kamryn wasnt looking however. But someone else did. My eyes tend to change color depending on the need. Right now theyre clearly gold. Gold for hunger. I quickly make my way out into the alley way. I hate every second of this. The alley smells like rotting shit and cat piss. Its the least of my worries. But its all i can smell. I need that trace of blood. Now. This isnt fun for me. I hate having to walk up to an unsuspecting human and trick them into letting me feed. This woman didnt deserve it. But they dont know what theyre doing when the "charm speak" is involved. Im able to pin her to the wall at this point, shes moaning in pleasure very loudy as i sink my teeth into her neck. I want to vomit. But i swallow and keep it down. She slumps down the wall unconscious. I didnt bleed her out, i never drink enough for that to happen. I fix her body in a way that when she wakes up, she'll think she just passed out from intoxication. Poor girl.. "A vampire? Never wouldve thought." I spin around, blood sorta dripping from my chin. I had made sure i was alone. It was just Marcus. But i didnt know why Marcus would have known. "Clean yourself, boy." I dont even blink as i wipe my chin furiously. "W-why did you follow me?" "I know the actions of a vampire when they need to feed. You showed clear signs back at the venue. I also saw those eyes of yours." "Well, what do you want from me?" He smiled wide. "Youre obviously no threat if youve been living the human world for so long. You nearly looked like death feeding off that woman." I looked defeated. "I didnt have the time to make it to a bloodbank, sir." Needless to say, i was taken back to venue after it was all cleared out. Kamryn looked worried as hell when i got back. "Dude, are you okay? I thought you were going home?" I smiled weakly. "I just needed to take a walk. Marcus found me to tell me to come back so i could meet your friends." Kam flashed a big smile. "Well the only one thats still here is-" "Emma." The Angel had spoken. Kam decided that was good enough and had walked over to flirt with his goddess. "So, a vampire huh?" I blinked. "Im sorry..?" She pointed to the shoulder area of my jacket. The fact Kam never noticed still annoys me. She laughs. "Thats not really the reason. I just know." She smirked. "Ive seen a few in my day. None looked like you though. Why are you trying so hard to seem human?" I felt it was pointless at this point. "I despise vampires." "So you despise yourself?" "Precisely." "Does Kamryn know?" "He can never know." She nods in understanding. "So yeah, im Emma Grayson." She extends her arm and i shake it nervously. Her hands were always so soft. Not to mention calloused. But the best hands ive ever held. "Tyler Deravious." This Tyler didnt realize what he was getting himself into. How this meeting would change his life for the worst. You dont get a third chance. If i could turn back, i would. I cannot begin to tell you the regret i feel writing this all down. I ended up leaving my apartment that i had been illegally living in for years now and i moved into the mansion that i never knew existed in chicago. This mansion housed demon slayers. An immortal roman soldier demon slayer and his adopted daughter. I had chosen to slay demons as well. Including my kind. Things only get more complicated from here. ------------- So im thinking about writing a story out that ive had in my mind since 2015. Im not the best at writing but maybe i can get better along the way if i stick with it. I dont have a name for it yet, but heres the prototype Prologue for my most favorite story ive thought of. This story is an emotional rollercoaster. But it follows the life of Tyler Deravious, a Rogue Vampire who hates the thought of being a vampire. He becomes a demon slayer and learns what its like to have a family after so many years. Falls in love. Learns to be less awkward and more brave. He has to help defeat a great evil that threatens to destroy Chicago, and maybe the world if hes not careful. It might just turn out too much for him. Im really hoping i can do something with this. Its all original! So take my shitty prologue and give me some critiques.

[bonkybornes]

You probably followed me for supernatural or marvel but tbh you bitches(gender neutral) are stuck for whatever bullshit I've decided is my special interest for the next however the fuck long so strap yourselves in bc i am OBSESSED with Penelope Garcias Vibe.