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ithinkthingsaboutstuff · 5 years

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Going Rogue:In Lock-Up With You

This is a fic series, that looks at the ecosystem of Arkham asylum, How the rogues interactions with one another and how therapy is or is not administered. The partnerships, the connections, the feud’s and the all the madness that rest inside the padded walls.

Going Rogue:

part 1: In Lock-Up With You.

The gates at Arkham always screech but not the squeaks you would usually find on an old rusted gate. The sounds that came from Arkham always have an element of dread, the gates here howled with more than scraping metal. Sounds so loud and so haunting like the screams of all who came before could not leave as their souls got stuck to the gate and are now forced to try and shake their way out. Arkham much like its gates is full of sounds that can’t leave, behind the bars hides monsters and underneath those monsters hide the shattered shells of men and women, or at least that’s what they say.

‘So, how are you feeling today Victor?’

The man or rather what is left of this man, rubs his thumb on the back of his left hand, the sound of scrapping ice accompanying the movement. The young doctor in front of him churning in her seat in both impatience and an effort to warm herself.

‘Feeling?’

His voice vibrated like a whispering echo bouncing off metal walls.

‘My feelings were frozen, along with my Nora.’

‘Yes, Nora, how is she?’

‘I do not know, no one will tell me, they just keep her away, behind glass, beyond my reach.’

‘I’m sure they are working hard to cure her.’

‘Oh, yes, they will try, and they will fail, as they have failed time and time again, but nothing any of them do, will ever be as much as I am willing to do to help my Nora. So, until they realise that, Nora and I will remain frozen together.’

The doctor shakes her pen across the page in front of her, the speed of which she wrote was a symptom of the cold icy room and her wish to move the session along as to not stay longer then she absolutely had to.

‘I see, we need to do more work on that, ok, how have you been in your cell, are you comfortable?’

‘I will not die in the night if that is what you mean, but your notion of comfort is something I have all but given up on.’

‘Now Dr Freeze that is a very defeated mind set, there is no need for hopelessness.’

The man looked at the doctor his eyes glassy and cold, his blue face veiled in white granite, his stare full of icy indifference.

‘It must be very simple to say that, when you are the one who is able to leave this place, able to feel the autumn breeze, able to feel the light of the sun on your cheek and the warm embrace of the one you love. Oh, no, Doctor it is not hopelessness I feel, or rather anything I feel that troubles me, It is what I no longer feel, what I no longer have, what I no longer can hold in arms, warmth that is forever out of my reach, that, Doctor, is what troubles me.’

The doctor shifts in her seat and looks at her notes and then to her watch. She then looks the man in his frosted eyes.

‘I think that’s as far as you and I are going to get today, I have to go see my other patient, now.’

She rushed through her words as she gathered her papers, uneasiness filled her but the tension did not faze the man before her as if it froze before it could reach him. He sat there, starring, waiting, as she left him there.

‘The young are so impatient, just as we once were, Nora.’

The doctor went into the hallway where the guards were standing shoulder to shoulder either side of the door, she then took off the large parka letting out a shiver as she did and placed it back on the hook that was next to the guards.

‘Chilly isn’t it?’

She said to the guard as she brushed some ice off the now hanging coat.

‘The room or the thing in it?’

He answered with a soft chuckle, she ignored his comment.

‘He just has such an icy shell, I feel I need a lot more time with him, but I have my other patient to see.’

‘Right, you got the laughy one next, good luck with that maniac.’

Before she could answer there was a loud commotion making its way up the hall.

‘Unbelievable, unacceptable, It was a lucky guess nothing more, you hear me, Batman, you have not out smarted me, you have only postponed your defeat at my hands, you hear me, you hear me.’

There he was, a big black shadow making its way silently down the hall, he was not an unfamiliar presence but always a commanding one. Darkness pulled into him swallowing light creating a thick blank void that surrounded him. He glided down the hall with a struggling man cladded in green.

‘Ngyma’s back,’

One of the guards sighed,

‘Yep, just can’t help himself,’

The other replied.

‘Ha, yeah, I mean the guy holds the record for breaking out of this place, he never gets caught and we don’t know how he keeps doing it. If he would just lay low and get out of the city, he would be sitting pretty on an island somewhere laughing it up, but no, got to poke the bat, ever damn time, It’s just getting sad.’

‘Crazy is as crazy dose huh, so who won the pool?’

‘I think Dan, he had two weeks,’

‘How much was it this time?’

‘About six hundred and two shift changes,’

The other man gave a long approving whistled in response.

‘Not bad.’

The Doctor thumbed her notes as The Bat dragged the other man down the hall, The Bat made everybody nervous, like you had to be on your best behaviour even if you were afraid of him, especially if you were afraid of him. The Bat would come and go, to drag somebody in or to drag something out of somebody. He got dear dreary Arkham to bend to his will, something she did not often do, but Arkham was always kind to those who knew how to speak to her, and The Bat always whispers just the right things.

As The Bat moved past the two men and the doctor, Edward Nygma still struggled in his grip, He had caught the prince of puzzles in the midst of a bank robbery or was it a museum heist or was it a city wide scavenger hunt, the truth is it does not matter as the point is never the physical goal but rather the thrill of the game. A game that Edward Nygma always wins, except when it comes to The Bat for The Bat never plays by the rules. Down the hall they stumble as they reach deeper into the asylum and the rooms became increasingly familiar, Edward started to slowdown and loosen with each step he knew that Arkham’s loving embrace was about to take him once again, so he did not fight it.

‘Oh, to be back home again, mind you Batman, having Arkham for a home is much like having a muse for a mother, you become weak at her magistery and awe at their beauty, but there is no warmth, no real love found here, just somewhere familiar to whittle away your mind, while you wait for the feeling of Jamais vu to creep in and take you.’

The Bat still dragged him silently through the halls, he had loosened his grip, nowhere near enough for a chance to escape him, but a bruise will not be left now that Edward has stopped fighting him.

‘Now don’t be like that Batman, you know how this goes by now, you drag me in, I stay for a while, I break out, you and me play a few games, you cheat I end up back in here, and round and round we go.’

‘I will find out how you keep escaping, Nygma,’

‘Oh, I’m sure you’ll try, but that my dear Batman is one of my many riddles you cannot solve. Speaking of which, how about another, I make two people out of one. What am I?’

‘A Mirror.’

‘Oh, I think Harvey might disagree with you on that one,’

Edward let out a smug laugh,

‘Oh, Batman, it’s too easy with you sometimes.’

As they reached the elevator that lead to the cells the guard standing there stepped forward,

‘I’ll take him from here Batman,’

Edward laughed,

‘Oh, why, is it because you want be to escape your arms this time, as opposed to just slipping away from your so-called watchful eye, hmm, Bolton.’

‘You’re not getting to me today Ngyma,’

Edward gave a sly grin.

‘Oh, no, would not dream of it, but you have it backwards, you can’t get me, that’s why you got pushed to elevator duty,’

‘You will not be leaving here again Nygma, you hear me, not happening, not one more god damn time. I can promise you that Batman.’

Bolton’s face turned to hard stone and The Bat said nothing as he passed Edward over to him.

‘Well, this is where we part ways Batman, its been fun, until next time, c'est la vie.’

The dark figure moved back down the hall as Bolton pulled Edward into the elevator.

‘Hey, Bolton, Hey, Bolton, Hey, Bolton, Hey,’

‘What, Now, Ngyma,’

‘I have no feet, no hands, no wings, but I climb to the sky. What am I?’

‘Not, playing, your games.’

‘Come on its an easy one, even you could get it.’

Silence.

‘No? well, I’ll just tell you, shall I, its Smoke, similar to the kind coming out of your ass, when you told Batman you can stop me getting out of here.’

Bolton then hit a button on the elevator making it come to a complete halt.

‘I don’t think I made myself clear,’

Bolton then grabbed Edward by the collar of his shirt.

‘You are not getting out of here again.’

‘What are you doing? Stop.’

Bolton then punched the other man in the face, Edward’s head hit the wall of the elevator as he slid to the ground. Bolton then winds back his leg and begin to kick the man on the ground, harder and faster with each one. Edward yelled out but no one could hear him and even if they did there was no guarantee anyone would come. Bolton’s foot began to stomp all over Edward body, Edward was not a stranger to a beating by his father, by his classmates and The Bat, but this was different. This time was the first time that Edward was not sure if he was going to walk away. As he knew his father was too much of a coward to murder him, that his classmates where all just children looking for an easy target and The Bat had his one rule, and if he were ever to break it, he would not waste it on him. But Bolton had a point to make and Edward was not sure how far he was willing to go to prove it, as Edward is also very familiar with the great length’s men are willing go to prove themselves. Bolton then grabbed the man by the collar and slammed him hard against the wall, so they were face to bloody face.

‘You aren’t leaving here again Nygma, but since you have trouble understanding that let me spell it out. If you think you can just walk out of here, I’ll break your legs. If you think you can crawl out of here, I’ll break your arms. If you think you can talk your way out of here, I’ll smash your skull. Do you get it now, you’re not leaving, as of right now you’re on lock-up, you and all the other freaks. You’ve all have had run of this place for too long, but not anymore, not anymore.’

Bolton then let go of Edward’s collar and restarted the elevator, Bolton then Grabbed Edward’s arm and held him upright. As the elevator opened again Bolton then guided Edward into the hall where a man was sitting at a desk.

‘Oh, Nygma’s back, guess I won the pool, huh.’

‘Yeah you sure did Dan,’

‘Batman really did a number on him today, hey Bolt’

Dan then looked Edward up and down with mild concern.

‘Actually, he might have overdone it this time, well, for Nygma anyway.’

‘I’ll throw him in his cell, you can send up a doctor later.’

Bolton then pulled Edward along. Edward was in a daze, fresh blood running down his face. His thoughts were not straight enough for him to voice them, he could only go along to whatever his new fate may be. Bolton dragged him along the cells. The cell block in Arkham was a maze and that’s not a colourful metaphor, after one of the many escapes and explosions it took all of Gotham’s wisdom to make this new cell block in Arkham to be designed as a maze so that anyone trying to get out would have one hell of a time trying to getting away. How effective that was remained to be seen but the doctors certainly had a hard time finding their patients.

As Edward carried his heavy footsteps and his heavy thoughts, Arkham began to sing to him with its chorus of bellowing screams and high pitch cry’s, along with the percussion of the bashing and clawing limbs desperately hitting and scraping at the walls. The symphony of the insane, the melody of monsters or the affirmation of animals whichever way you look at it Arkham held them tight in its embrace, cold and suffocating.

Bolton made it to the right cell, he then uncuffed the man he was holding and then held him by the scruff of his neck before throwing him into the cell. Edward landed face first on the ground, he laid there unmoving, hands by the side of his face, blood pooling at his top lip. Bolton stared down at him and mocked.

‘You’ll be fine, for now. As long you stay in lock-up.’

He then made his way down the hall whistling cheerfully as he did and smiled at his good work. For Arkham is a madhouse filled with monsters but not all the monsters here are behind cells.

to be continued

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scarfheroine · 5 years

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[ txt

to: ayano

Hello!!! I think I am doing this right! Kyouka is helping me write this on the phone! It’s sort of different to Shintaro’s so it’s a little confusing.

Please come over for dinner tonight!!! Kyouka is teaching me to make tofu! ]

…Out of the blue invitation the night before.

When Ayano arrives at Marry and Kyouka’s apartment, she will find… The light is off! Gasp! It is silent! For like, two seconds, but then Marry shouts surprise and jumps out at Ayano with a hug.

“Happy birthday!!!“

Marry’s also invited a bunch of her Koi friends, since she didn’t know if Ayano knew anyone yet here.

Since Kyouka lives there as well, obviously she’s there, but Marry’s also invited Exarch (who’s brought a present, even though he doesn’t know Ayano! It’s probably something, we love you Exarch!), Aya (who seems vaguely threatened by Ayano’s inspections for some reason… Protective big sis is too strong!), Judal (who was explicitly NOT invited, he heard free food and crashed the party.) and Klug (who Marry is surprised to hear already knows Ayano)!

There’s two birthday cakes– One brought from a shop, very yummy and beautifully decorated, and a smaller more uneven one that’s… slightly salty and burnt but has a cute smiley drawn on it that Marry baked herself.

Presents wise… Marry’s drawn Ayano a very cute crayon drawing of the mekakushi dan altogether smiling! There’s also an handmade artificial flower crown, with beautiful red blooms, and an intricately carved scarf clip that Marry brought after saving up all her money. Which was admittedly not much but it’s the thought that counts!

[To: Marry!! ❀ ] I’ll come by after work, okay?

[To: Marry!! ❀ ] Thank you for helping her, Kyouka!

Invitation is a surprise, of course, but she is not one to question the whims of other— rather, she doesn’t want to upset Marry over something so trivial, so of course, Ayano agrees without a second thought. It’d be rude of her to deny such a generous offer, after all.

She arrives to darkness, a cautious greeting is voiced into dark void— did the power go out while they’d been cooking, perhaps? She doesn’t get further in thought beyond that, however, because lights are back on and she finds herself with an armful of floofy haired girl.

Ah. Her birthday, right. She hadn’t forgotten about it, but…she hadn’t expected her to have known it. It’s a touching thing, really, she cannot help but smile at Marry as she embraces other girl ( and tries really, really hard not to cry…! ) “All of this for me? You shouldn’t have, Marry… thank you.”

A small party, even just the two— three of them, she would have been more than happy with that. But as it is, it is not that; and while she might not know ( most of ) these people, specifically, it still makes her a little warm. If nothing else, not even for her own sake, she’s glad that Marry’s made quite a nice group of friends. Another family, as it might be.

( And yet, she cannot help but feel like it’s a little odd to be here with Marry, without a certain someone here. It is what it is, but…sorry Marry, she hopes you don’t mind if she steals some of the food later so she can celebrate again once she tracks down little brother. For now, however, she’ll mask whatever unease she feels by letting herself enjoy herself in this moment. Tragedy is the last thing either of them could be thinking about in this moment )

Ayano makes sure to thank her in the moment for the gifts— after a very stern talking to about NOT spending her money on such intricately made items for gifts, Marry, she doesn’t want to think about how much you spent on all this!! The scarf pin may have to become part of her daily wardrobe now just so it doesn’t go to waste ( on the other hand, she doesn’t want it to be lost either, so… )

The drawing she doesn’t get a very good look at until much later, in the solitude of her own home, fingers trace smudged figures— can name each and every one of them: Tsubomi, Momo, what is probably her memories best attempt at Seto, and—

Fingers trace the figure she cannot name, mischevious grin is conveyed even in paper. Just who are you to her…? The ache in her chest would like to know.

#long post #marryonette #❀ ⋄⋰ « birthday ✧ 2019 »#ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this is. socute. marry she loves you so much;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;#( and yet i have to make it sad too. it's kgpro what else do you expect. )#submission

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boredinearth · 3 years

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Here I'm thinking about a pun involving George Bush and Dan Quayle because of how Quayle's are in and around bushes. However I feel that I am at least a decade too late and although I've never heard a good bush/quail pun, I am sure they've all been made, so I will leave that pun to the version of myself in the alternative dimension where quails reign supreme over the galaxy and Dan Quayle is actually the only surviving human having fully embraced quail culture and becoming accepted as one of their own. However, given that quails don't really understand English the potential puns were all lost on them. I'm not sure what becomes of me in this dimension, but I'm pretty sure in most alternative dimensions, I'm a bird so maybe I would have survived the quail revolution. Anyway, despite the extinction of all humans (except Dan) things are going pretty well and the quails are generally gentle and kind. They didn't actually murder the humans and only rose to power in the void left by the absence of humans and most other species (except Dan) which was totally the humans'' own responsibility. . So anyway, quails are ok. . . . #quail #quails #danquayle #californiaquail #bird #birds #birdzoid #birdphotography (at Leavenworth, Washington) https://www.instagram.com/p/CTDXSRwvbun/?utm_medium=tumblr

#quail #quails #danquayle #californiaquail #bird #birds #birdzoid #birdphotography

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itswomanswork · 6 years

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How To Find Yourself When You’re Feeling Lost In Life (7 Ways)

If you have been searching for an answer for how to find yourself, I’m here to support you through that process.

We’ve all experienced moments in our lives when nothing seems to make sense. However, it doesn’t mean that your life is over. The key is to not get stuck in an emotional rut. What would happen if you shifted your mindset around what lost means?

Feeling lost is actually a good thing. It’s a sign that you are ready for something to change. You may not know what it looks like yet, but a transformation is coming, in some shape or form.

Are you ready to learn 7 ways to find yourself when you’re feeling lost?

Watch the video below where I talk about the relationship with yourself:

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(Click here to watch on YouTube)

Are you ready to learn how you can master your life? CLICK HERE to join my Online Mastery Accelerator program!

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products that I have personally used and benefitted from personally. Thank you for your support!

If you want to learn how to find happiness, look inside of yourself.

Happiness is an inside job. It is the result of being present with ourselves. If we don’t have a solid understanding of who we are, then we end up searching outside of ourselves for things or people that can fill that void.

In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, Dan Gilbert points out that we all have a primal brain mechanism to help us synthesize the same magnitude of happiness, no matter our experiences.

He says, “Our longings and our worries are both, to some degree largely overblown, because we have within us the capacity to manufacture the very commodity we are constantly chasing when we choose our experience.” Gilbert’s research shows us that we have the ability to appreciate most things that happen in our lives if we choose to.

There are hundreds of self-help books that are written about “how to find yourself.” However, most of us don’t know what that even looks like.

The mere phrase feels like such a daunting thing to achieve. As a result, a lot of people get frustrated and upset when they can’t find the answer. However, we forget that finding yourself looks different for everyone. As such, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to it.

Life is all about rediscovering who YOU are and what YOU want. You aren’t expected to have it all figured out, nor should you. The path to finding yourself requires that you commit to becoming a better version of yourself.

Personal growth isn’t always fun.

It’s not a linear process. There will be highs and lows. That’s just how life works. As Oswald Chambers once said, “If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth ahead.”

People become so fixated on the final outcome that they forget to enjoy the journey of becoming. As a result, when they don’t get to where they want to go, they lose faith. In order to continue leveling up our lives, it requires that we do a lot of inner work to uncover painful emotions and limiting beliefs that are holding us back in life.

If you are ready to engage in some deep soul work, you can expect to come across aspects of yourself that may be difficult to accept. However, it is during the dark times that we find our light. There is little progress that we can make in this life without a strong understanding of who we are.

Let’s explore 7 ways for how you can find yourself when you feel lost in life.

1. Feel Everything

If you feel lost, have you ever sat back and observed what that feels like in your body? Everything lost is meant to be found, but it’s our job to figure out what that looks like. One of the best ways to find yourself when you lose yourself is to feel.

Sounds easier said than done, right? The natural response is to suppress negative emotions because they don’t feel good. However, you can’t climb out of a hole and find your light if you don’t face the darkness first.

Your emotional state is your compass; it answer’s life’s most difficult questions and guides you in the direction of your dreams. If you feel lost, go inward and listen to your feelings. Your intuitive self never lies.

When you tune into what matters to you, you live in alignment with your soul’s purpose. Make the effort to know yourself more and become comfortable enough to live as that person. It is enough. You are enough.

2. Unplug

Technology has offered us many opportunities. However, it has also disconnected us from ourselves and others. If you are constantly trolling on social media and focusing on other people’s lives, you won’t be staying in your own lane, so to speak. Technology can drain our energy and send our inner critic spiraling.

Platforms like Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram provide so many ways for us to compare ourselves to others. We forget that a lot of the images of so-called “perfect lives” and “happy faces” aren’t always based in reality.

A 2016 study called, “Pinterest or Thinterest” found that fitness images on Pinterest contributed to upward social comparison issues and intentions to engage in extreme weight-loss behaviors. Sources like these only take people farther away from their own happiness.

Try taking a weekend and unplugging from social media and technology. Tap into your creativity, do things that make you happy and connect with people on a deeper level. You will be surprised what a powerful impact this can have on your emotional and mental state.

3. Meditate

This is one of the most powerful tools for learning how to find yourself. One way to fall in love with your essence is to join with it through the process of meditation. As you meditate, you clear your mind and are able to cleanse yourself of worry, doubt, and fear.

In this place, we are able to connect with the purest form of self-love. In the words of Yut, “Meditation is a way to know your true self. All you need to know is within yourself, seeking it externally in the world will only take you so far. You need to look within.”

Research shows that tapping into our ability to turn our attention inward has the ability to empower and heal us. In particular, it can help soothe anxiety and increase our overall well-being.

Oftentimes, when people feel lost, it’s their mind that is telling them they’re lost. This is why it’s important to go inward and find stillness. Doing so allows you to separate fact from fiction.

When I talk about the power of meditation a lot of people tell me, “Stefan, I can’t shut my mind off.” That’s how I felt when I first tried to meditate. However, it’s not about ignoring your thoughts. Rather, it’s about being present with yourself. When thoughts come up, notice them and then let them pass.

Since I started meditating I feel more empowered, on an emotional, mental, and spiritual level. More importantly, I feel more in control of my mind. This ensures that I don’t ever feel lost because I know that I am connected to something greater than myself.

4. Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

If you are feeling lost there is a chance that you are looking for a change in life. It’s easy to lose yourself when you feel bored and uninspired. When we stay inside our zone of comfort, we disconnect with what makes us come alive inside.

I encourage you to get out of your comfort zone and do something different. How can you modify your daily routine? Is there a new activity that you’ve been wanting to do or a new skill that you want to learn? Switch it up and reinvent yourself! You may learn something about yourself that you never knew before.

Don’t be afraid to take some risks and do something that scares you. If you never try, you won’t ever know how powerful you can be. I believe that we tap into our innate potential when we take risks. Doing the thing you think you cannot do is how you figure out what you are made of.

Every opportunity that I’ve been given in life has come as a result of getting out of my comfort zone and stepping into my fear. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

5. Embrace Alone Time

How does it feel to spend time alone with yourself? A lot of people cringe at the thought of doing this. There is a misconception that people that spend time alone are lonely. This is far from true.

Spending time alone means that you are enjoying being present with yourself. I believe that finding some quiet time for ourselves amidst the busyness of life isn’t a luxury. Rather, it’s a priority. Everything that you need is already inside of you. If you keep looking to others to fill a void, you are going to feel lost.

My morning ritual is my time to go inward and spend time alone engaging in activities that nourish my mind, body, and soul. This time of solitude allows me to reflect, recharge, and energize myself for the day ahead.

The relationship that you have with yourself is one of the most important relationships you will ever have. In the words of Paulo Coelho, “If you are never alone you cannot know yourself, and if you don’t know yourself, you will begin to fear the void.”

6. Seek Out A Passion

We all experience moments in life when we get down on ourselves or don’t have the motivation to do something. If these feelings last long enough, they can wreak havoc on our self-esteem. The best way to counteract these negative emotions is to do something that you love.

What makes you come alive inside? When do you feel the happiest? It could be as simple as going for a run or reading a book. Tapping into your passion is all about getting in touch with your authentic self. Dr. Phil McGraw reminds us that, “Your authentic self is who you are when you have no fear of judgment, or before the world starts pushing you around and telling you who you’re supposed to be.”

Once you start to engage in activities that ignite a fire in your soul, not only will you feel happier and more confident, but you will also feel more in control of your world. In this place, there is no room for fear.

7. Ask For Help

If none of the above helps, remember that you aren’t alone. There are so many people in the world who love you and that are here to help. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support, whether that’s in the form of a life coach, a mentor, a friend, or a counselor. Doing so will give you the tools that you need in order to move forward with your life in a positive direction.

Learning how to find yourself can transform every area of your life.

Sometimes we have to lose ourselves in order to find ourselves again. Don’t get down on yourself if you don’t know where you are going. Life has an interesting way of working itself out, even when it feels like we are going the wrong way.

The best thing that you can do is flow with life instead of against it. We can’t always predict what is going to happen in our lives, but we always have a choice how we are going to respond. If you feel lost; or the next time that you do; remember that dark times don’t last, but strong people do. That is what you are.

Don’t ever forget, “Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.”

I hope my words have given you some comfort in knowing that feeling lost is a natural part of this wild and beautiful journey that we call, life.

Are you ready to learn how you can master your life? CLICK HERE to join my Online Mastery Accelerator program!

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briarofthebush · 8 years

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Holding hands in Unity against Hate, post election 2016., Greenlake.

Lucy the Best.

A brilliant free 20 minutes of Billy Bragg and Joe Henry at KEXP

Sammy! My dog away from home dog. He gives full body hugs.

Artists at Halloween, Mme Morisot, Snr Riviera,

I’m next to the Charles Bul fountain in Brussels.

The famous Mannekin pis.

Bicyclette dans Leuven

Leuven streetscape

M Leuven Museum, full of many religious artifacts.

Giant head from street fairs, Museum M in Leuven, Belgium

June and I, late 2009.

Snow play at the foot of the mountains, Desert Road, NZ

Mel & I, catching up for the 1st time in 2016.

12/30/2016

Today is like Spring. It is almost warm. I had that feeling in my bones before I even looked outside.

I am ready to embrace some New Year’s Resolutions for myself. I didn’t do so well on some of them last year. I set writing goals I didn’t stick with. I am getting better at NOT beating myself up about everything, and this might make me slack but, I believe the self-acceptance thing is even more important to me.

I had far more adventures than I could find time to write about this year. That doesn’t mean I didn’t think and reflect about them. I still am writing, but I am still adventuring too. I am happy and proud of myself for doing different things. For saying ‘yes’ to Chile and walking up so many hills there. For seeking out Neruda’s Valparaiso house. For flying back at a moment’s notice to help bury my Stepmother June, an awesome and very much missed pillar in my Dad’s family. For having the wisdom and strength to not go back to Australia, just because I was ‘in the neighbourhood’. For going to Belgium at short notice too, and for being brave enough to use my 3 French words. (Wish I’d used more.) I said ‘yes, we’ll be there’ to an invitation to share Thanksgiving at a beautiful holiday house on a Puget Sound Island, meaning constant social interaction and chilling back with new friends. Some of my adventuring was actually quite difficult, not all of it comfortable, and certainly ALL of it was very expensive. I wish I had done even more though.

I gained in confidence and flow in my teaching reading skills in the adult literacy school. I made beautiful new friendships there, solidified others, was challenged and uplifted by my students’ lives and achievements. My paltry 4 hours teaching a week has added up to over 162 hours of face to face teaching and preparation, and I know I am a valued part of the school. This means the world to me. I have been told I ‘add value’ to the whole process of teaching these very special individuals, who are on all points of a journey to bettering their own lives. I cannot think of a more rewarding thing to be doing. I will probably add another teaching session to my week in 2017.

The work I do at the store, (if you can call it ‘work’) is social, and fun and I am still finding the stock has a certain allure- I want to buy a new scarf nearly every week. (I try not to). I get to hang out with really lovely people of all ages, from different walks of life, and find out about them.We all have slightly different reasons for being there, but are united by our concern for the artisans we support.

For both Johnny and I our cohort of friends grew considerably in a short space of time, but remains stable, and we hang out with a group of fun, mature and slightly younger, beer appreciating teachers and ex-teachers. We really love to be able to kick back and relax with these people, who have accommodated us willingly, and drag us along to concerts and baseball games, brewery openings and parties. They give us rides, and ask us to their ‘things’, keep us entertained and stop us from taking ourselves too seriously. We sing karaoke with them, see bands, look at art, eat amazing food, and generally educate each other about our respective cultural quirks. Introducing words like ‘dink’, ‘arvo’ and ‘wobbly’ and such is a bit of a hobby for us, and collecting these Aussie-isms is a hobby of theirs. ‘Humour’ is common language we all seem to share, so laughing is what we do most of the time.

Happy Hours at the Ram have become a weekly ritual, and now that we are bona fide members of the famous ‘Mug Club’ we are enjoying the novelty of drinking cut price beers out of massive pint glasses and trying to pair this beer with sustaining and not hugely fattening food. I’m not sure we can win this struggle, so we try to eat as many vegetables and healthy homemade stuff as we can through the week. We are not always successful. I am finding the traditionally (bad) revered ways of eating here much much more attractive to me as time goes by. We have an exercise bike and try to move about as much as we can, but I have to say, my gold fish bowl existence, looking out at the wintry streets from my very cosy couch is far more preferable at the moment.

I have begun to enjoy binge-watching on the Netflix again, this year a change from dramas and crime; I am finally embracing the meta-narrative that is Gilmore Girls, and I am really loving it. I think it is a very sweet piece of writing, both in its script and in its character development. I am only half-way through the 8 series and I am unsure how I will go on with my life after it finishes.

I am able to divorce the reality of Gilmore Girls from my own reality, don’t worry, not too much anyway.

… 1/5/2017 …Today I am trying to end this pathetic couch-ridden existence I have taken up- nursing a horrible hacking cough (apparently an actual ‘flu’). I have been annoyingly unwell this last month, with a few days respite for the Christmas long weekend, but perhaps I shouldn’t have enjoyed it so much. My immune system is taking a battering.

I’m trying to make marmalade out of a glut of lemons I sliced and froze months ago. It looks awful and isn’t setting, so I am cooking it to death- and then will bottle and leave up in the cupboard, just like I used to at home when my preserves didn’t quite work out. (Which is fairly often.) I did use a recipe though. Sort of. It smells great. I will be sad if I have to turf it.

I have spoken about our fun lifestyle, and I guess it makes sense that my immune system is down, but then I do wear sensible, warm clothing, and I buy good food to eat at home. I take a good multi- B vitamin, I don’t eat much meat. I make soup, full of vegetable, legumes, and lots of goodness. I still struggle to sleep well, but I have gotten myself into good habits with my bedtime routine and am looking after my own needs; it’s not like I am not good at self-care. I am the Queen of self-care. I just have a lousy immune system. I also neglected to get a flu shot this autumn. And I catch public transport.

Anyway, while I have no voice to have actual conversations I am getting in some very nice quiet spells, just watching Netflix and amazon movies. And playing Words with Friends. I am neglecting my creative side yes; I seemed to bottle-neck for a while there, with too many writing projects on the go- so am reverting to this journalling /blog thing to alleviate some of the pressure, while I try to get things get back into some sort of order and focus.

I am now dreaming about the return to the Motherland Australia as I have only a few more months to go before I have to come home for a while. When I get home, I have a huge list of things I need to concern myself with, in order to make sure our life back here in the US can continue and run smoothly. We very definitely like living here, for so many reasons, and will continue for as long as we can.

Don’t get me wrong, I do miss Australia, the continent, the beauty of the beaches and the bush. I can’t wait to get some wet sand between my toes again. I miss a lot of what makes the communal aspects of living in Aus so special- the relaxed lifestyle, the flexibility of routine, the refusal of Australians to become regimented by the establishment. Americans seem to either not notice that they are, or actually like to be organised and told what to do and feel and when to do it, a lot more than Aussies do- and that is fine, there are so many of them, after all. So it’s kind of weird about the whole election thing- when no one was obligated to enroll or vote. Still scratching our heads over that one.

People are just as busy as we are at home, with work and extracurricular activities, but there is a degree of spontaneity I am really relishing here with my American friends that I couldn’t quite attain at home. It may also be a bit of a cop-out but because we aren’t American, we can be a bit more detached about the traditions and cultural aspects that our friends are a part of- we can’t be instantly acculturated with a fervor for pumpkin pie, or Superbowl, for instance. But we’ll turn up and see what it’s all about, sure (with the option of not liking or wanting to participate.)

Our free and easy way of doing our social life is also possibly a lot to do with the fact that we have jumped into a great void of untried experiences with strangers, and were so out of our ‘comfort zones’ it’s shocked us into being a lot more adaptable. I like this new life and the jolts of reality that force us to respond in fresh ways. There wasn’t a good deal of that potential for reinvention back home, and now there is. You can’t even pay for this wonderful way to grow in your personal life. (Although, we actually did pay.)

So my marmalade hasn’t been a total success, and there goes the 6 good jars I’ve been saving for this. My kitchen is even tinier than the one I had at home, and there isn’t a pantry either. However this hasn’t stopped me from trying to cook a lot of food in it, and I guess I am still addicted to saving and preserving. I think may I have a problem. I have a fresh batch of gravlax in my fridge. Too much for us of course, but there was no way I was going to waste that salmon we didn’t use because I felt too ill to cook it.

I think I’m going to need to get some pectin and redo this marmalade and re-sterilise my jars.

Maybe I could make a New Year’s resolution to not undertake preserving and cooking en masse without adhering to a recipe explicitly.

You were a long time coming, 2017 12/30/2016 Today is like Spring. It is almost warm. I had that feeling in my bones before I even looked outside.

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