#i am having So Many Emotions over this episode.....

[toriangeli]

2.05 thoughts

THE GROAN HAPPENED WITH JUST LOUIS AND DANIEL. WITH LOUIS GETTING PISSED OFF.

Armand relaying messages from Lestat to Louis like one of them is a hostage. Or both of them are.

Louis inadvertently ruining Daniel's life with the best of intentions.

I hope people get that Louis wouldn't have said that stuff to Armand if he wasn't high. He would have thought it, but he wouldn't have said it. Even Armand tries to cling to this, with "Here come the drugs" and trying to talk over Louis as he gets crueler and crueler.

Speaking of, I absolutely adore the balance we got with Louis and Armand both. We saw the ugliest sides of them both, but also some of their redeeming qualities. Armand is indeed, as Louis put it, "the gremlin or the good nurse," while we see Louis taking aim at some of the worst trauma it's possible to experience (things that are so hard for Armand to share in the first place) but also having great mercy for Daniel, the one innocent in all of this. While they fling each others' absolute worst traumas in each others' faces, to the point where one has to drag the other out of the sun, they somehow manage to scrape together enough control between them to spare the human.

Something I adore so much about Armand is the fact that his emotional dysregulation comes out in such an eerily tranquil manner. But don't be fooled. Just because he isn't shouting after that fight doesn't mean he's controlled. He won't even know he's dysregulated. Everything seems perfectly clear to him, viewed through the warped lens of his broken emotions.

I want to marry the entire "Am I boring/Teach me to be fascinating" thing because not only is it the most Devil's Minion shit we've had so far, it dips straight into Armand's entire "alien learning human behavior through observation and mimicry" vibe.

I was not convinced until this episode that Armand has meddled in Louis' Paris memories, mainly because the way some fans talked about it seemed to scapegoat Armand and attribute abilities with no limits or boundaries that didn't exist in the books. But they've kind of worked it in such a way where it has rules that make sense in-universe, as a combination of hypnosis and the spell gift, and I buy it. More than that, it seems like as soon as (a high) Louis has that memory (of Claudia not loving him), he hears her calling him and goes straight into the sun. Yeah, I think when Armand is banished from the table, when there's no one around to manage Louis' emotions as he confronts the darkest moments of his life, we're getting the Merrick ending. And I think when Armand is banished, since we've established he can find Lestat, he's going to tell him to go help Louis. And, no doubt, get pushed off a roof. Which. Fair. And if he's pushed from this tower, he and Lestat may actually venture closer to being even, unlike in TVL.

The vibrating eye effect was much better this time. They remembered to keep the catchlight steady while his eye moves.

"Armand, put me in the coffin!" Oh my god I think they are setting up a reveal about "Put me in my coffin, Louis" from Murdernight. Setting up that the coffin is the safest place for them to heal, shut away from even a hint of sunlight, to sleep for however long they need to. So I am more and more sure that Louis has been lying about who slit Lestat's throat for so long, and had so much paranoia about his mind being read, that he has come to believe it himself.

If Louis is being smart, he chose to stay with Armand so he could find out where Lestat is. If he's not being smart, it's nothing new. Louis makes his choices with his heart, like many of us do. We love him for that.

This is a true codependent relationship. One needs the other, the other needs to be needed. Assad is so right about it not being love, and Armand not even knowing what love would look like. Armand thinks love is serving, worshiping, a sacrifice of the self with nothing in return, no reciprocity. In reality, Armand doesn't think he can be loved, so he settles for being needed. And the cruelty a codependent is capable of when the person dependent on them spits in their face, the enabling, the self-hate--I really could write an entire lengthy meta about this, as someone who used to attend Codependents Anonymous (like Al-Anon, but for people who learned it outside of relationships with addicts). This is rather different from the books, where Armand's dependence on Marius was semi-inadvertently reinforced, but...considering the kind of emotional support Marius expected him to be at his age, multiply it by six times as long as the relationship lasted in the books, it makes a lot of sense this way.

Loumand. Is. So. They both wanted out in this incident. I absolutely believe Armand was going to leave--he left in the book over a far, far less horrible confrontation, and he looked crushed with just a hint of happiness when Louis wanted him to stay (god, Assad, you're so fucking good). Once again, wanting out, but he can't cut the cord himself. He's too weak to being wanted and/or needed. Louis, meanwhile...I think he made his offer partly to save Daniel, but there's also so much apathy.

Preview for next week. I'm surprised at how Louis is talking about Claudia, about her being a burden. And once again, I'm reluctant to fall back on the "it's Armand fucking with brains again" explanation because there's clearly a limit to what Armand will do with his power, or else he would just hypno-spell Louis into all sorts of shit. There is too much Louis knows and resents, the coven is too out of control, and there's too much defiance from Claudia for him to be using it enough to explain everything that makes me go "hm." I think part of the point in the turn Louis and Claudia's relationship has taken is that sometimes, our closest relationships go bad, and we don't always have a chance to make things right before we lose them for good.

I love all these messy bitches.

They are so setting us up for Marius.

Yes hugging Yarnmand helped.

[yannaryartside]

THE NEW 'MENU" IS GONNA BE HELL FOR SYD

I have been reading Sous Chef: 24 Hours on the Line –by Michael Gibney because I wanted to understand more about Sydney's future responsibilities. I know next to nothing about the cooking industry, and this show particularly doesn't want to waste time explaining the context to the untrained eye (which is fair, we are here for the drama).

Man, this book was so awesome. It is literally like experiencing a The Bear episode in book format. It takes you through the whole routine, explaining who does what, the expectations, skillsets, and the emotional burden of each position. The protagonist is, of course, the sous chef, and what I have read made me feel scared for Sydney next season. So, every fact I display here is because the book presented it as the expected.

THE BEAR'S CASE

Now, a clarification: As I understand, the CDC supervises the whole kitchen, which is Syd's official title. But Carmy will technically still act as CDC since most executives don't move a finger; they are supposed to be there only to ensure rules and quality standards are followed.

The CDC is the person in the kitchen that everyone answers "yes chef/Oui chef too. The one that calls the orders and keeps everyone in line. The one who has the final say about what goes out of the kitchen. Under them, there is the sous, making sure all the operations are in order.

So you will technically have two CDCs; just one of them will have the final say, and you will have Tina as the sous. But that puts Sydney in a position to act both as CDC and a Sous, so I am using the book to guide what we may expect her to endure. This as a report made last minute with only two sources (pretty good, but still only two). Now, lets begin.

A very inexperienced staff: The author created a fictional restaurant based on his experiences, merging people he has met over the years to give you an idea of the most common in the industry. But it made something very clear to me: the staff of the bear, especially the line cooks, do not possess the training to operate at the level that Carmy is requesting. They better send them to culinary school before officially opening. I don't know why (I actually blame Carmy for this), but they haven't prioritized hiring certified staff since the beginning. They should have never had an opening day without knowing their staff and, if they were as green as Syd described them, sent their asses to culinary school right away. The fact they only bothered to send Tina and Ebra is baffling. And even when training is essential, experience is what can make the difference in unprecedented scenarios, and everything that Carmy is asking is pretty unprecedented by definition.

With the menu changing every day, Sydney's job as a cook herself and as the captain of many cooks is going to be darm near impossible.

Actually, in the book, there were two sous chefs, one for opening and one for closing. Even if you delegate the administrative task normally reserved for the morning sous chef to someone like Natalie (managing schedules and callouts, checking deliveries, and inspecting the state of the food before opening), it would still leave a lot of things on Sydney's plate. I am gonna be quoting this article:

"Few are the kitchens I’ve worked or sta’aged in where the Sous Chef wasn’t doing all the work that the general public thinks the Chef is doing.  And don’t get me wrong, such is the natural progression of things and not without good reason.  But more often than not, while the Chef is the General, with his/her name on the line, the Sous Chef is the lieutenant, seeing to it that the work gets done in the trenches".

During service, the chef (CDC) plates the dishes in the pass, but before that, the sous has to check the food the line cook brings; they need to be aware of how the executive chef likes a particular dish, the consistency, temperature, and other culinary details. Again, Carmy will act as CDC here and Syd as sous. Even though I didn't see them do this in f&f, it will likely be necessary for the future. Carmy changing the recipes constantly is gonna make it virtually impossible for Sydney to keep up, with their particular preparation, and since they are gonna be the final portal after the food gets to be presented to the client, it could cause a lot of friction between them.

Not only that, the sous chef normally leads the preparation of the specials (since in most restaurants, the ordinary menu has been established, only the specials can change every day) For both sous chefs in the book, leading prep consumed most of their time before opening, since, again, the executive has already trained them in how he prefers certain parts of the recipe. Again, in the Bear's circumstances, this will probably also be Sydney's job.

Replacing staff. The book even includes a scenario when a line cook fails, and the sous has to cover that station. Sydney is kind of destined to experience this, too, considering how unreliable their staff could be. If that happens, Carmy will be alone at the pass, checking every element before plating, which will obviously cause a delay.

Tina is the sous, and it will be interesting to see how she manages that; she definitely doesn't have the experience, and these expectations are definitely no industry standard. It hurts me that Sydney may suggest hiring another sous to work next to her or another cook who actually has experience operating in the industry to level up her workload. That is where I think Luca's role will be next season, if he goes to work for them. He probably has the skill set to do it. There is no point in having two people manage desserts.

Evidently, with a menu changing every day, it also means that Carmy has to make Syd come early every day to explain this recipe to her and make sure she can lead the rest of the kitchen in making them. Most of their dynamic is gonna rely on how much Syd can actually fulfill Carmy's expectations; she came here to work for him, running away from psycho chefs, and yet Carmy's expectations are going to be the most reckless the industry has ever seen.

The closing sous has to prepare everything for the next day long after the executive and the other sous are gone, revising the mistakes that were made, and preventing the ones they could make tomorrow.

Regardless of the title and responsibilities that may go on Sydney for being the only other experienced chef in the kitchen, we are talking about a 15-hour day. And I know it can be expected in this industry, but the layout for having two sous made plenty of sense. I don't know if Carmy will take part of the workload. I hope that is the case.

But yeah, the line "so you can push me, and I can push you" is taking a new connotation in my mind. What Carmy is creating doesn't make any logistical sense, with an untrained/inexperienced staff and with a sous chef that he trusts and cares about, but he is basically asking to perform to a level that defeats reason.

It is not even the level that made him "the bear" in his years as the best CDC in the world. Because even if Carmy's past executive was abusive and cruel, their expectations had to obey certain logistic logic that Carmy was completely abandoning. Carmy is not gonna be abusive, but all of this is a whole orchestra he is creating for self-punishment because even he won't be able to keep up with it, he may push everyone away because there is nobody who can. All of this is his version of self-harming. And Sydney and everyone he loves will witness, it until he asks for help.

Edit: I had to make a correction, explaining Carmy's and Syd's will technically both do the job of CDCs. Again, please do let me know more about that or feel free to correct me.

[lutawolf]

Hi Luta, if you don't mind answering, what do you think attracted Joe to Ming? And how much does their D/s vibe play into it? I'd love to hear your perspective.

Hey nonnie!!!

Let's go back to episode one and examine this together. I will be utilizing excerpts from the book to showcase inner thoughts, but I will refrain from divulging any spoilers from the book.

I will skip the entire part about awakening from a coma. Instead, let's start where Joe first encountered Ming's poster. I am beginning here in order to provide quotation from the book and provide a comprehension of Joe's inner thoughts.

I wanted to share this because I think it shows how Joe feels about Ming and also reminds us that for him, this is still fresh. Everyone else's world kept revolving, but for Joe, he was just on the phone with Ming. Those emotions have yet to be addressed, and we are currently adding additional complications to the situation.

Now to the elevator scene where Ming and Joe meet.

“The elevator door opened completely. The man standing in front of him is the man on the LED commercial that day. He is only 23 years old and is already well known to half of the world. He is the mighty movie star that no one dared to approach, YanMingXiu. YanMingXiu had gotten older. ZhouXiang's memory of him is still a person who is in the teenager phase, one who likes to wear sportswear and jeans. His entire person exuded youthfulness and a flamboyant aura. The YanMingXiu of today is wearing a casual suit, looking calm and restrained. His expression seems to have solidified on his face but looking icy.

ZhouXiang had been in the entertainment industry for nearly ten years. He had seen all kind of beauties, but no matter whether it was three years ago or now, he always felt that YanMingXiu's appearance is most perfect. He doesn't know how God crafted him out so finely and superbly that it's not a surprise that millions of spectators would be awed by him. Even he, who believes that he had encountered many beautiful people, is also fascinated by YanMingXiu.

In his mind, there was no way he could suppress the memories between him and YanMingXiu. From the time when he and YanMingXiu met to the last phone call they had, it was merely a years' time from beginning to end. However, to him, those memories were too recent. This feeling is very strange. It was like he only saw the person last week, and he was still a teenager, but this week, he had become a man. To him, the two years in between were completely blank. The two years had changed everyone and changed many things. Except for him, he not only lost two years of time, but he was forced to accept the changes that occurred in the past two years.”

For fun, I'll give you Ming's thoughts.

Both of their inner thoughts have now been seen. We are aware that both individuals are in love with each other. Now from when? From the show, we know that Ming fell in love with Joe's back right away. But what about Joe?

The show did an impressive job of capturing the book here, but the show changes from the book when Ming simply walks away.

I, personally, feel they still captured the fact that Joe was smitten, but in the book, we see Joe being unable to take his eyes off Ming. From the book, I know that he even wanted to go over and talk to him. So from the beginning, Ming captivated Joe. He is immediately drawn to his beauty. Which is fair considering we all know that Ming loves Joe's back. He is hostile initially to Joe for the reason that he can't understand why he is drawn to Joe when he is clearly in love with Tong.

I thoroughly enjoy the car scene. Joe is accustomed to being able to charm people, but this beautiful boy is not paying him any attention. Regardless of the efforts made by him. Yet, just when he is starting to get discouraged, Ming surprises him. Inviting himself to Joe's home.

“Zhou Xiang felt a bit bored seeing Yan Mingxiu's cold and detached attitude. Although he was itching to sound Yan Mingxiu out, he could tell Yan Mingxiu was completely uninterested in him. Even if Yan Mingxiu was gay, what did it matter? Being homosexual wasn't anything special. If two men liked the look of each other, both would have realized already. Who had the patience to unearth if the other person was beautiful inside? Even though Zhou Xiang felt that it was a pity, he wasn't a petty person. Being able to accompany such an unrivalled beauty on the way home in a traffic jam under the heavy rain was already very wonderful. He'll just make do with sexually fantasizing about him in his head. He should tightly zip his mouth, behave, and drive the car to avoid annoying him.”

Okay, so from everything I've shown you. You can clearly see that Joe has a submissive personality.

The sexual scene in the show effectively showcases their mutual sexual attraction. However, the scene itself doesn't match up with what is in the book. Having said that, I believe that the show aligns more closely with their individual traits, and I found that I liked it more than the book.

Okay, back to the show. Ming being aggressive is a turn on for Joe. It allows him the opportunity to not think. He has been making his own choices for a long time, so this is a chance for him to relax. That however doesn't extend to letting Ming top without first mentally preparing for it.

Joe immediately rejects Ming, going home. Why? Because he is tired of being alone. So Joe cooks and feeds Ming. As Joe begins to care and charm Ming, the attraction between the two builds. Both individuals experiencing a diminished sense of loneliness. Please keep in mind that Ming has lived abroad for years, with only the occasional visits from his family. He is just as lonely as Joe.

“After the meal, YanMingXiu continued to watch TV while ZhouXiang went to clean up the kitchen.

After cleaning up, ZhouXiang brought out the dessert and tea. He had not entertained anyone in his home for a long time. He rarely had people over. Even if he brought back anyone; they certainly wouldn't sit down to have tea and chat.

Although it is a pity that he and YanMingXiu couldn't achieve the goal (sex), sitting and chatting with him on this rainy night is quite romantic, so ZhouXiang's mood has been good.”

Moving on to the scene of the one on the floor and the other on the bed. Notice the threat that gets Joe on the bed with Ming. Joe had just pointed out that a man like him cannot sleep on the floor, so Ming told him to get up here, or he would get on the floor. Joe immediately gives in to the pressure.

The thought of being Joe's first means something to Ming, but he warns Joe. Ming isn't a nice person, but he can be unexpectedly kind, but Joe wants Ming. Take a look at his face after he has tucked Ming in. He is content because he is not sleeping alone. He has a beautiful boy beside him, that seems to need him as much as he needs to care for someone.

So why do they like each other? They are both physically attracted to each other, and one prefers to be commanded, while the other enjoys commanding. One needs to be able to take care of someone, and the other expects others to take care of him. Add in the fact that they're both lonely, and somehow Joe was able to sneak past Ming's intimidating walls of mistrust to ease his loneliness.

There you have it, this is what my opinion any ways. Sorry it got so long, nonnie. It just kind of happened. 💜💜💜

[buckevantommy]

buck asking: where's the fire?? when tommy says he has to leave bc he doesn't immediately think there's an actual fire tommy has to get to despite knowing he's on call. it breaks my heart that buck's reflex is to think tommy is leaving bc he has other plans or maybe he's just tired or whatever non-emergency could take him away from buck's company. oh, sweet bi boy: that man is tired and he's on call but he is here for you (and howie) bc he could be, he chose to be, he wants to be. the last he thing he wants is to have to leave you (and this party for their friend). and then buck learns that there is an actual fire calling tommy away and it feels like the universe is going against him bc everyone else just bailed too - but he's resigned to it.

and then. tommy makes it to the wedding! (almost) he strolls in like a wet dream, he shows up for buck (and howie) bc he wanted to, he chose to, and yeh ok he does look like a kissable beast but i think part of buck's excitement over seeing tommy is that he's there at all. he showed up! he shows buck that he (and howie) is important, a priority, and buck has never had that in a relationship before, a partner making such an effort to put buck first even when life gets in the way, to be there for him, to show buck they care.

[egophiliac]

queen of diamonds, upright + reversed 💎

I've redone this like eighty times, I have to just be done with it now and stop staring at all my mistakes oh no 🫠

[im-still-watching-anime]

i am officially, FINALLY all caught up again in both the manga and the anime for bsd and OH BOY there are thoughts and opinions but also WHO CARES because my tags are finally FREE to be unfiltered

[mx-bluesky]

!! legendlark spoilers for episode 133 !!

beware.

hhhhhhh and it’s the way Fran giving up the party means that she lost the only truly peaceful moment they had… the memory of their first and last beautiful night together… the memory of their first kiss… she sacrificed the foundation of her relationship with the Betrayer to get the tiniest bit of information about the gods who aren’t going to help them. one of her happiest and most valuable and most important memories since falling and such a vital part of what she is to Falen and what he is to her and she practically threw it away… she’s lost their first kiss… their dance… the first memory of him free to be himself without the tattoo… oh darling what have you done

[hauntingblue]

Ace being jealous of the old pirate because luffy wants to spend time with him 😭

[cerealmonster15]

[dndads ep31]

like was the Whole Thing™️ the scam or just the last part about running off to steal the mascot things……. I’m gonna go crazy over this for 2 weeks

[difeisheng]

alright, ji chen as hei xiazi lives in my head now and he's here to stay

[pastellmochi]

i need to talk about tomorrow netflix or i will explode (spoilers for episode six in the tags)

[larrysballetslippers]

I know tomorrow is probably going to be a disappointment, but I just want to say that this fandom has brought me so much joy. I don't care if the boys do anything, you all make July 23rd a happy day for me💝

[krossan]

A Brief AU Explanation

I noticed that there are a lot of new followers that do know Danny Phantom, and others that the know very little. I am also aware that I haven't fully explained - maybe NOT in too much detail - the "story" and plots of my AU. You only have the ideas that I've been telling of this story through illustrations.

This AU is all about reconnecting with one self, with Jazz and Dan as the main two of this particular game.

Jazz remains as the same character that is portrayed through the OG show. She has always been the psychology enthusiast of the group, the one that cares for others and help with whatever she can. For her, others come first. First being her family.

On the other hand, we have Dan, an alternate entity of Danny’s ghost half and Vlad’s. A new form of entity that lost his humanity. For him to show any form of emotion is null.

Jazz involvement in this has to do with her putting everyone else first and then herself, and being keen to the study of the human-psyche, and now ghost-psyche, she secretly partakes to the role of Dan’s therapist. This was kept in secret from the rest of her friends and Danny until she can gain more control over Dan.

This, of course, prove to be a VERY difficult task. With her having to hide her constant fears when facing that “particular someone”: he could go on a rampage, have uncontrollable outbursts, cause havoc, and that he could turn against her any day/time without any remorse. She knows this, but she also knows that deep down, her little brother is still there. She’s looking to rekindle that part of him again. Of course, never knowing at what extent this could go.

And this, apparently started to bear fruit, although at a slow pace. As Jazz stood closer and closer to him, she understood that he stayed alone his entire life, and after losing everyone he cared, his violent actions were his significance of showing the world "hurting". The hurt he have been caring so many years. Now he has that second chance. To “live” a new life and Jazz wants to help him out.

With this new information, each time Jazz got close to him, Dan, instead of seeing her as an obnoxious-human-parasite, he slowly starts bonding with her. His interest increasing each day he is with her and grows more comfortable being around her (something Dan originally despised).

***

Part of this AU, enrolls on a particular context that the ghost of a halfa is sentient. The original show as proven this*. When Danny’s ghost has been separated, his ghost has a mind of his own, but when staying together, human-ghost, the consciousness of the halfa acts as one. *Episodes in question: What You Want, Identity Crisis, The Ultimate Enemy

This part that the ghost plays on the known halfas is a mayor plot point from this AU. Let me explain my concept briefly:

This roll that the ghost is part of the halfa is the one that caries the power of the wielder (human). The human can transform into the ghost and vice versa. The ghost powers remain within the ghost half. The human half acts as a vessel/host to the ghost half.

All living things have the instinct of survival. And on this case, the ghosts would do ANYTHING to keep their host safe as they are the means of a linked connection human-ghost. Not unlike the rest of non-halfa- ghosts that their link/host relies on the Ghost Zone -since they no longer have a corporeal body, the vessel for their survival is ectoplasmic energy, the one that emanates from the GZ.

***

Since Dan is no longer connected to a human, he became a full-ghost. An entity that merged from two ghost halfas. He can sustain himself alone, but strangely enough, he building a bond with Jazz, it rekindled what Jazz intended, but in an unusual way. Jazz intention was to try and reconnect Dan with his long-lost humanity. Even if he didn’t have a human half, both his ghosts may have some little information stored deep within of what that used to feel like. And even though that started to give results, the ghost also retained that of his original purpose: Protect the host.

And as the bond Dan and Jazz grew more and more, unknown to them, it caused a physical manifestation: a white streak formed in Jazz’s hair. And even if this came up as a surprise to Jazz, she later discovered that this manifestation was much more than just physical.

Dan rekindled his humanity but he, unknowingly, intertwined Jasmine’s humanity to his. Her humanity is part of him. Jasmine’s emotions have an impact on him. Whatever she feels, he can sense it, let them be good or bad ones.

They both are this new form of halfa, both human and ghost are separate life forms, but from the ghost side -Dan’s perspective- Jazz is acting as his human half. His host. That’s is why his instincts respond to protect her at all costs.

No. This new form of a halfa representation doesn't mean Jazz has ghost powers. The one with that power is Dan. This bond is more of a psychic link.

 (i.e. In European folklore, you “could” say Dan is Jasmine’s "familiar", although Jazz is not considered to be a witch, but imagine the possibilities of this small plot causing people or ghosts to think Jazz is a witch… idk… random ideas)

This is why Dan is more sympathetic towards Jazz and why their bond is very important.

______________

It's worth pointing out that I don't have a specific name for this AU, like many people do when they create these stories. And NO. Please refrain from saying this is a romantic relationship. It is a sibling/platonic relationship.

[cherriesformatt]

finding out || matt sturniolo part 1

matt x fem!reader

summary: you have a pregnancy scare and you take few tests while your boyfriend is working completely clueless

warnings: angst, fluff, pregnancy, nearly panic attack, lots of emotions

word count: 966

a/n: thanks for reading! I was thinking if you like it maybe I could make another part :) also I only proofread it once so I hope there isn’t many mistakes!

🍒

Matt, Chris and Nick were upstairs filming a new podcast episode. I was over at their house since Friday. That would make four days. I was feeling under the weather those past days and Matt told me to stay with them in case I would get sick and needed some help. The thing was I did not have a fever or sore throat. I was just feeling like crap and I was constantly annoyed.

Yesterday I snapped at Chris for basically nothing. He was just leaning on the counter opening his drink while I was making dinner for all of us. I yelled at him to start drinking water or else he would have kidney stones and told him to get out of my way.

"Bro are you on your period or what?" He asked putting his hands up for defense.

The thing was - I wasn't. That's what I relised after his comment.

Whole night I was stressing out and that was all I was thinking about. No period, feeling like crap, feeling sick and tired. I didn’t get any sleep that night.

The moment they told me they are going to film I knew I had like two hours to myself. I ordered door dash from CVS to the house and I impatiently waited for it to be delivered. I ruined my new gel nails by constantly picking on them from the stress and overthinking.

I got a notification from my phone that my order is here. I run downstairs to the front door to get it. I got my bag and closed the doors back. I went downstairs to Chris's bathroom to be as far from them as I could.

"Fuck" I said to myself putting four different pregnancy tests on the counter.

"Okay I can do this, right?" I looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked like a scare crow honestly. I didn't have any make up on, my hair wasn't fresh and I wore oversized set of fresh love that I found in Matt’s closet because I did not feel comfortable in my own clothes.

I released I forgot a cup so I ran back upstairs for a plastic cup and went back down.

I did what I had to do and put all of the tests into the cup and then I closed them and put them in one line back on the counter.

I cleaned up the cup and I realized I am shaking and tears are streaming down my face.

Because what are we going to do? Matt is not even 21 yet, making his dreams come true with his brothers and in peak of their career. I am constantly working and don't even always have great decisions for myself let alone to rise a decent human. I am great with kids, he is great with kids, but we do not even talked about this like ever. What the fuck, he is living here with his brothers, there is no place for a baby here.

"I can’t, I can’t do this" I stormed out of the bathroom and run upstairs.

Next thing I know is that everyone is staring at me while I froze on the top of the stairs in the middle of the podcast studio. I must have looked like a disaster because Nick stood up to hold my arm as I almost collapsed back down.

"wow wow... easy. Y/n what happend? What's wrong?" Nick holds me while I look into Matt's cancerned eyes as he stands up to take me from Nick’s arms.

"Matt..Matt I need you to come with me downstairs" I said.

My voice was shaky and my breath unsteady.

"Honey..." Matt stroked my back gently.

His brothers did not know what to say or do so they just gave us some space. I was glad this whole thing wasn't live out here because I knew I did put quite a show for the cameras.

He helped me walk down the stairs and while we were in the kitchen I pulled his arm to walk to the lower floor.

"What's wrong baby?" He asked me while we stopped by the bathroom doors.

I knew the tests were ready to look at and check. But I was too scared to look at them alone.

"Matt... just promised you won't be mad at me?" I looked at him and I do not even know why I asked him. I already knew he would not be mad at me. He was the best person I know.

"Whatever it is honey I would never be mad at you... I think I might know what is this about" He pushed my hair out of my face and kissed my temple. Of course he knew, he always does. He could read me like an open book.

"O-okay..." I took a deep breath, opened the door and pointed at the counter.

Matt bit his lip and took a deep breath as well.

"I just couldn't do it Matt... I need you to check them" I said and took a seat on the closed toilet.

Matt took all of them and just looked once but I already knew judging by his eyes. He put them back down and kneeled beside me.

"I want you to know that whatever you decide...I will be there y/n." He hugged me tight to his body.

"I love you so much... I am fucking scared shitless right now but as long as it is with you I know we can do this" He whispered in my neck.

I closed my eyes and just cried. I just wasn't ready of all of this. But in the same time I thought that this might be my missing piece.

In the world of boys he's a gentleman.

[benisasoftboi]

I am so happy with the conclusion of BBC Ghosts.

There were so many things I loved about the final series that I can't even keep it all straight in my brain, I'll have to rewatch it all (and the Christmas special, of course! Must remember it's the not the true end yet!)

But something I can immediately say I loved was what they didn't do. See, that line in the trailer that turned out to be from episode 5 - about there being a pattern to when they move on - worried me. One of the best things about the show, to me, is how there truly is not any reason at all to why the ghosts are there, or when they go. It's something the creators have said over and over, and that the show has always backed up; we saw so many times that, unlike in most ghost media, addressing unfinished business or achieving emotional resolution changes absolutely nothing. Pat hit some sort of emotional resolution three times. And Julian realised the importance of family, and Robin saved someone’s life, and Thomas discovered the truth of his death, and so on and so on. Finding closure isn't the end, and equally, the end isn't predicated by a climatic conclusion. It just happens. And the same is true for why people become ghosts. It just happens. And you exist, and fill your days, and then you’re gone. And no one knows why.

It's kind of the most agnostic television show I've ever seen.

I love that. Every other afterlife show I've ever seen has some kind of reward and punishment system. Or at least says that there's a reason for things, some kind of higher power at play, not necessarily a god but something like it. Even the American adaptation felt the need to bring Hell into it, which is why I need to specify that I'm only talking about the British version here. And I feel like a lot of fans wanted there to be reasons too, or felt like there simply had to be, that it wasn't even a question. I get why - it's not just because it's the standard for ghost narratives. It's really uncomfortable to think about the randomness of life and death. But Mary didn't go because of anything that happened before that day, and Cap was never going to go because he came out, and one day, when they've all gone, there won't have been a reason for it.

Because the real point of BBC Ghosts is that there is no point. You’ve just got to make it through the days, surrounded by people that irritate you, trapped in a confusing world where you’re mostly powerless. And it sucks, and you're angry, and sad, and bored as hell. And you also find happiness in the mundane chaos, and you get really good at chess, and watch the ants in the garden, and write bad poetry, and read terrible romance novels, and gamble money you don't have, and go camping, and play games, and learn French, and watch reality TV, and have sex with a decapitated Tudor nobleman’s body, and dance to old music, and look at the stars, and find that you actually really love all those annoying people after all, and that’s the point.

[madlori]

Welcome to the firefam!

I'm so happy to see so many new folks getting into 9-1-1 because of That Kiss and having some...reactions, which is hilarious to me and heartwarming to see. In no particular order.

I guess I'll have to watch the firefighter show now.

Oh there's already six seasons of this. Okay. *clicks play*

Wait, ANGELA BASSETT is in this? Y'all couldn't have mentioned that?

Hey where's the other hot firefighter (PSA: Eddie doesn't come in until season two but season one is VERY worth watching and informs the characters later)

CONNIE BRITTON is in this? (yes but only one season)

Wait, I thought we loved Buck, he's kind of a fuckboy douche (PSA: yes, a bit, but only for a few episodes)

Wow Connie Britton and Buck have a thing? Get it girl. Yay for older women scoring hot young firefighters.

Um.

Uh.

Y'all did not warn me there was heavy emotions in this.

*cries over Bobby*

REBAR???

These first responder calls are INSANE. (PSA: they get more insane)

YAY IT'S EDDIE AND MADDIE

Um

Uh.

I really thought y'all were exaggerating with this Buddie stuff.

...y'all were not

SERIOUSLY? SLOW-MO AND SHIRTLESS WITH "WHATTA MAN" PLAYING IN BUCK'S HEAD?

yes. seriously.

hey hang on is that the guy buck kisses in season 7 showing up in season 2 (yes it is)

Hey this show is GOOD.

Wait how am I already on season three/four/five...

I REALLY DID THINK YOU WERE EXAGGERATING WITH THE BUDDIE STUFF.

And so on.

Welcome to the weewoo show.