#i am less worried about this than i was about the idea of bi buck

[min-kit]

i am just. so fully zen on the topic of whether or not Tommy will be in the show past 706. Even if its only 1 or 2 more eps this season (considering there are only 10 & I dont think he'll be in 707), i'm just. So far from not worried about it. Could I be wrong? perhaps. I don't think I am tho because I too have read all the interviews, and literally nothing said in them worries me considering we also have everything Oliver & Tim have said about the BuckTommy relationship.

Maybe I'll have to eat my words, who knows, but why worry about it?

Edit: to add on, i think it's actually just generally more important to continue to show support for Lou as Tommy & BuckTommy. I do NOT think BuckTommy is breaking up, it's just a matter of whether or not Lou will get more scenes in this season. Which i think is possible. But only scenes in 1 or 2 eps, most likely ep 10 being one of those. So what's VERY important, like i said, is to show support for Tommy! That way Tim sees it and brings him back for season 8. s8 will be back to 18 - 22 episodes most likely (depends on how much ABC orders!) That is where we'd get more story. That is what people should be aiming for.

[texasbama]

Hiya I know you're a safe space and I need to get this out, so sorry in advance 🙃.

I see how amazing canon bi buck is for the queer community and I don't mind how it happened in canon. But while I should be happy, I actually kind of feel like I'm mourning? I'm so attached to eddie, maybe unhealthily so, and the ensemble found family dynamic is what first brought me to the show. For a while it's been a struggle having the fandom basically shove buck into every spec or storyline and act like he is a perfect angel and the centre of the universe. But there was always the eddiezers and it was more balanced. But now literally EVERYBODY is all about buck and tommy. It feels like the rest of the show doesn't even exist. I know its only been a couple of days but going on social media now just makes me anxious and idk why really. I'm worried about future eddie storylines, I'm desperate for marisol to disappear, but the vibe is that now buck is bi nothing else matters, we've won apparently, who even cares about eddie or the other characters because buck kissed a man.

Also I'm sex-repulsed ace and people saying how if you don't like it you're a purist and an evangelical and homophobic and biphobic actually makes me feel like shit. I never really understood wanting two characters to have sex 'because why not', because I don't understand why anyone wants to ever lol. I can only read buddie smut in very specific scenarios and most of the time i skip even that. And the rhetoric in a lot of tumblr space recently makes me feel like a bad person for not being all for it 100%. I don't think I've explained myself well here but I tried. You don't have to reply or post this either, I just wanted to reach out to someone in fandom who won't jump down my throat for it 😅. 911 is kind of a hyperfixation of mine so even though I'm trying to stay away as much as possible so as to not make myself more upset but I have no idea what to do with myself otherwise 🫠. Thanks for reading and sorry for unloading on you

Please don’t apologize, im happy you felt like I was a safe space. Im gonna break this into two parts and I hope I can articulate myself correctly lol

1) the first few days after an episode, any episode but especially one like this, isn’t indicative of fandom as a whole. Emotions are heightened due to what happened in the episode. Everyone is screaming about something and it’s in your face ya know? This week something HUGE happened, so yes people are talking about it. It was to be expected. We must make space for people to be happy about it. It’s a beautiful thing and queer joy MUST be celebrated.

This show (for the most part) has done a beautiful job of giving each character their time to shine(some more so than others but thats a conversation for a different day). Coming off 7x04, yes the headline is Bi Buck. And it will continue to be for a while, but it’s important to remember that YOU curate your fandom experience. I don’t blame you at all for what you’re feeling, ESPECIALLY as an Eddie girlie(gn), like I get it! Trust me! I’ve had to carefully maneuver through some emotions this week myself. I’m human! But filtering and being able to step away is everything.

Being excited about the storyline and also hoping and wanting more from other storylines are two things that can be true at the same time. It’s not one or the other. Remember that.

2) im going to say this and just know the caps is because I am just passionate. I promise you, its yelling at you with love okay?

I know it is easier said than done, but don’t you EVER allow ANYONE on this fucking hellsite make you feel less than or that your asexuality is anything but 100% valid. YOU are valid, you hear me?

Okay. I had to make sure to say that first. Whew. Now. As for the fandom piece of it all, we have to remember that there levels to it. You are allowed to feel the way you feel about sex, BUT it’s also important to remember that sex positivity (and those who express it) is also a good and valid. If you feel like there are blogs that talk down to you, imply that YOU are homophobic or biphobic simply because YOU are not doing cartwheels about different sex acts, then block. Unfollow. Do whatever you need to. Those people are scum.

Listen to me *pulls you close*, this is always a safe space. You are a valid, your existence and experiences are valid. And anyone who makes you question that can fuck right off. And lastly, HAPPY ASEXUALITY DAY TO YOU SPECIFICALLY! MUAH! 💜🤍🩶🖤

[mishafletcher]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

So I got this ask a while ago, and I've been lowkey thinking about it ever since.

First: No. I am a queer, cranky dyke who is too old for this sort of bullshit gatekeeping. 

Second: What an unbelievable question to ask someone you don't even know! What an incomprehensibly rude thing to ask, as if you're somehow owed information about my sexual history. You're not! No one—and I can't reiterate this enough, but no one—owes you the details of their sex lives, of their trauma, or of anything about themselves that they don't feel like sharing with you.

The clickbait mills of the internet and the purity police of social media would like nothing more than to convince everyone that you owe these things to everyone. They would like you to believe that you have to prove that you're traumatized enough to identify with this character, that you can't sell this article about campus rape without relating it to your own sexual assault, that you can't talk about queer issues without offering up a comprehensive history of your own experiences, and none of those things are true. You owe people, and especially random strangers on the internet, nothing, least of all citations to somehow prove to them that you have the right to talk about your own life.

This makes some people uncomfortable, and to be clear, I think that that's good: people who feel entitled to demand this information should be uncomfortable. Refusing to justify yourself takes power away from people who would very much like to have it, people who would like to gatekeep and dictate who is permitted to speak about what topics or like what things. You don't have to justify yourself. You don't have to explain that you like this ship because this one character reminds you a bit of yourself because you were traumatized in a vaguely similar way and now— You don't have to justify your queerness by telling people about the best friend you had when you were twelve, and how you kissed, and she laughed and said it was good practice for when she would kiss boys and your stomach twisted and your mouth tasted like bile and she was the first and last girl you kissed, but— 

You don't owe anyone these pieces of yourself. They're yours, and you can share them or not, but if someone demands that you share, they're probably not someone you should trust.

Third: The idea of gold star lesbians is a profoundly bi- and trans- phobic idea, often reducing gender to genitals and the long, shared history of queer women of all identities to a stark, artificial divide where some identities are seen as purer or more valuable than others. This is bullshit on all counts.

There's a weird and largely artificial division between bisexuals and lesbians that seems to be intensifying on tumblr, and I have to say: I hate it. Bisexual women aren't failed lesbians. They're not somehow less good or less valid because they're attracted to [checks notes] people. Do you think that having sex with a man somehow changes them? What are you so worried about it for? I've checked, and having sex with a man does not, in fact, make your vagina grow teeth or tentacles. Does that make you feel better? Why is what other people are doing so threatening to you?

Discussions of gold star lesbians are often filled with tittering about hehe penises, which is unfortunate, since I know a fair few lesbians who have penises, and even more lesbians who've had sex with people, men and women alike, who have penises. I'm sorry to report that "I'm disgusted by a standard-issue human body part" is neither a personality nor anything to be proud of. I'm a dyke and I don't especially like men, but dicks are just dicks. You don't have to be interested in them, but a lot of people have them, and it doesn't make you less of a lesbian to have sex with someone who has a dick.

There's so much garbage happening in the world—maybe you haven't noticed, but things are kind of Not Great in a lot of places, and there's a whole pandemic thing that's been sort of a major buzzkill? How is this something that you're worried about? Make a tea, remind yourself that other people's genitalia and sexual history are none of your business, maybe go watch a video about a cute animal or something. 

Fourth: The idea of gold star lesbians is a shitty premise that argues that sexuality is better if it's always been clear-cut and straightforward—but it rarely is. We live in a very, very heterosexist culture. I didn’t have a word for lesbian until many years after I knew that I was one. How can you say that you are something when your mouth can’t even make the shape of it? The person you are at 24 is different to the person you are at 14, and 34, and 74. You change. You get braver. The world gets wider. You learn to see possibilities in the shadows you used to overlook. Of course people learn more about themselves as they age.

Also, many of us, especially those of us who grew up in smaller towns, or who are over the age of, say, 25, grew up in times and places where our sexuality was literally criminal.

Shortly after I graduated high school, a gay man in my state was sentenced to six months in jail. Why? Well, he’d hit on someone, and it was a misdemeanor to "solicit homosexual or lesbian activity", which included expressing romantic or sexual interest in someone who didn’t reciprocate. You might think, then, that I am in fact quite old, but you would be mistaken. The conviction was in 1999; it was overturned in 2002.

I grew up knowing this: the wrong thing said to the wrong person would be sufficient reason to charge me with a crime.

In the United States, the Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 1996, clarifying that according to the federal government, marriage could only ever be between one man and one woman. It also promised that even if a state were to legalize same-sex unions, other states wouldn't have to recognize them if they didn't want to. And wow, they super did not want to, because between 1998 and 2012, a whopping thirty states had approved some sort of amendment banning same-sex marriage.

Every queer person who's older than about 25 watched this, knowing that this was aimed at people like them. Knowing that these votes were cast by their friends and their families and their teachers and their employers. 

Some states were worse than others. Ohio passed their bill in 2004 with 62% approval. Mississippi passed theirs the same year with 86% approval. Imagine sitting in a classroom, or at work, or in a church, or at a family dinner, and knowing that statistically, at least two out of every three people in that room felt you shouldn't be allowed to marry someone you loved.

Matthew Shepard was tortured to death in October of 1998. For being gay, for (maybe) hitting on one of the men who had planned to merely rob him. Instead, he was tortured and left to die, tied to a barbed wire fence. His murderers were both sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison. This was controversial, because a nonzero number of people felt that Shepard had brought it upon himself.

Many of us sat at dinner tables and listened to this discussion, one that told us, over and over, that we were fundamentally wrong, fundamentally undeserving of love or sympathy or of life itself.

This is a tiny, tiny sliver of history—a staggeringly incomplete overview of what happened in the US over about ten years. Even if this tiny sliver is all that there were, looking at this, how could you blame someone for wanting to try being not Like This? How can you fault someone who had sex, maybe even had a bunch of sex, hoping desperately that maybe they could be normal enough to be loved if they just tried harder? How can you say that someone who found themself an uninteresting but inoffensive boyfriend and went on dates and had sex and said that it was fine is somehow less valuable or less queer or less of a lesbian for doing so? For many people, even now, passing as straight, as problematic as that term is, is a survival skill. How dare you imply that the things that someone did to protect themself make them worth less? They survived, and that's worth literally everything.

Fifth, finally: What is a gold star, anyhow? You've capitalized it, like it's Weighty and Important, but it's not. Gold stars were what your most generous grade school teacher put on spelling tests that you did really well on. But ultimately, gold stars are just shiny scraps of paper. They don't have any inherent value: I can buy a thousand of them for five bucks and have them at my door tomorrow. They have only the meaning that we give them, only the importance that we give them. We’re not children desperately scrabbling for a teacher’s approval anymore, though. We understand that good and bad are more of a spectrum than a binary, and that a gold star is a simplification. We understand that no number of gold stars will make us feel like we’re special enough or good enough or important enough, or fix the broken places we can still feel inside ourselves. Only we can do that.

The stars are only shiny scraps of paper. They offer us nothing; we don’t need them. I hope that someday, you see that, too. 

[theanonauthorfanfic]

Beautiful Thing

Summary: Bucky has been in love with Steve since he was 13. Steve is going to leave but doesn’t know Bucky is in love with him. 

Warnings: Fluff, Love, Anxiety, Smut (18+ only)

____________________________________________________

Bucky waited around just like he always did. Steve wasn’t going to just disappear out of his life. After everything they both have been through together. Bucky knew there was no way Steve could just vanish without knowing how he felt.

“Fuck,” Bucky muttered. Why was this so hard. Telling someone you are utterly and irrevocably in love with them shouldn’t be so damn hard. The thoughts were flying and he wondered when did he get so shy.

“Calm down, it’s only Steve. Steve and you have been friends forever. You need to tell him man because I am sick of your mopey ass sitting around my bar every shift I have,” Natasha laughed.

“Fuck you Tash. I have known him since we were little. We grew up together. I have seen is awkward phase and I am currently in mine so do go there. Plus, if I tell him I want to be more than friends I may lose him. I can’t lose him,” Bucky looked down as he down the last bit of bourbon in his glass. He knew this was going to be hard but he didn’t expect it to be dear near impossible. Natasha was right he had to tell him. His thumb traced the rim of the shot glass while he stared blankly at the wet bar top. He needed the edge off before he came out to Steve and destroyed their friendship forever.

“He wasn’t happy when he was dating Peg, you know. I have never seen him as happy as he is when he is with you.” Sam chimed in. Bucky was confused on why Sam had just randomly showed up at the bar where Natasha worked. Sam was a friend of Steve’s and to his knowledge didn’t like Bucky all that much.

“What would you know Sam. You don’t even like me. Why would you be on my side about this,” Bucky snarked back. Sam just looked at him and put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“I ain’t doing this for you frosty. Steve is the only thing that we have in common. Steve isn’t happy. He hasn’t been for a while. Steve left Peg at the alter on their wedding day because he told her he was in love with someone else. I know who that someone else is but Steve ain’t going to wait around for you Barnes. He wants to move on with his life. Which is why him going to travel the world and enjoy the culture will be amazing for him. He is a free spirit an artist who has lost his muse which means he feels worthless. Nut up man and fucking tell him how you feel before its too late,” Sam blunted stated as he slapped Bucky’s back. If Bucky wasn’t already nervous this would have really made him shake in his shoes. Bucky grabbed his coat and stormed out of the bar.

 The cold wind whipping his skin and bundled into his leather jacket tighter. Bucky had no idea where he was headed, he knew that he needed to clear his head before he talked with Steve. Steve whom he has been in love with since they were 13 years old. The same Steve he used to protect because he was a little shit that liked to stick up for the little guy and got his ass handed to him. Steve who he came out to when he was 17. The Steve who he used to take care of when he was sick and skipped school so he wouldn’t be lonely, this was all the same Steve who was leaving in a week to travel to find his place. If he hadn’t been so chicken shit then Steve would have never dated or got engaged to Peggy. They wouldn’t be in this boat now. “Fuck its cold out,” Bucky thought. He had aimlessly walked until he was in front of Steve’s place.

 Bucky was scared now that he was in front of Steve’s place. “Ring the bell Barnes,” he taunted himself. He finally held his breath and pressed the buzzer. Steve buzzed him in. Bucky slowly dawdled up the stairs to Steve’s apartment. Once he reached the door Steve was perched against the doorframe.

“Hey Buck, I didn’t think you would be coming over after earlier today,” Steve said looking at Bucky.

“Steve, I need to talk to you can we please just go inside.” Bucky idly responded. Steve nodded and motioned for him to come in. Bucky went and sat on the couch that he has spent many drunken nights on while Steve shut his door. Why was he feeling like he wanted to throw up again? What about Steve has made him so damn shy and nervous? Is it the fact that Sam pretty much mentioned Steve was in love with him or because he knew Steve left because he loved Bucky? Bucky sighed and laid his head back against the couch and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Steve broke the silence. “Do you want a beer?”

“Nah, Stevie. I need to be sober for this,” he chirped back. Steve plopped down next to him beer in hand and feet up on the table.

“What did you want to about Buck?” Steve asked looking at Bucky inquisitively. Bucky shifted on the couch to stare at Steve. Steve was gorgeous from his blonde hair, crooked nose, bluest of blue eyes, full wet lips, Bucky shook his head. He needed to be thinking clearly to get this all out.

“We have known each other for a long time Steve. You were the first person I come out to that I was Bi. My family shunned me after that and you took me in. You have been my best friend since we were little. I remember doing the stupidest shit with you. You always brought me back down to earth even when I was aiming for the stars.” Bucky closed his eyes and breathed deep. He can do this. He can not chicken out this may be his only chance.

“Buck, we have been through the craziest things together. No matter how far fetched your ideas were I always supported them. I knew you would crash at some point and need help getting back down to earth rocket man.” Steve chuckled placing a hand on Bucky’s knee. “Whatever you need to say to me I know you well enough to know you are nervous and probably scared shitless right now. It’s ok, Buck because I am with you until the end of the line.” Bucky looked up at Steve and smiled.

“Rocket man huh? Damn You stop getting me side tracked,” Bucky lightly punched Steve’s arm. “No matter who I dated or who you dated we have always been there for each other. It was enough for me for a while Stevie, ‘snot anymore. I am so scared of this will do to us. You say you are with me until the end of the line but I don’t know that after this you will be. Fuck, you have me all twisted up. I hated seeing you with Peggy. I hated that it wasn’t me. Stevie do you get what I am trying to say here. I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. I have been since we were 13. You have been it for me. Which is why I stayed away when Peggy was around. I couldn’t see you with her. It hurt my heart.” Bucky looked down at his shoes sniffling as tears run down his cheeks. He has gone and done it. He told Steve how he feels and how he has felt since they have been 13. He knows that their friendship is over. Steve places a finger under Bucky’s chin and lifts his head.

“Buck, its ok. I am glad you finally told me. I was waiting for you too. You always seem to think I can’t read you but I know you better than anyone.” Steve peered into Bucky’s wet eyes stroking his cheek gently with his thumb. “We have been inseparable since we were little it got worse as we got older. Then I started to date Peggy and you pulled away. I hated every moment that you avoided me because I was with her. I thought I was happy and thought you were just growing apart from me or giving me space because of Peg and I relationship. Maybe you didn’t want to be a 3rd wheel. Then Peg and I got engaged, started planning the wedding, and I asked you to be my best man you and refused. I was so hurt when you refused, I didn’t understand why. I guess I know now you didn’t want to be there when I got married to Peggy. It hurt you to see me marrying Peggy. When you started coming by less and less. I started to feel like it was my fault. I decided to look internally at what I could’ve possibly done. The longer I looked the more I realized I didn’t love Peggy. I loved someone else. I have always loved someone else.”

 “Steve you don’t have to.”

“Buck, but what if I want to. I LOVE YOU TOO. Always have. You have been with me through thick and thin. I want this Buck, more than you know.” Steve leaned in closer and shut his eyes. Bucky reached his hand up cupped the back of Steve’s neck.

“Is this ok Stevie?” Bucky leaned in closer brushing his lips against Steve’s. All he wants to do his kiss him to make this feel real. Right now, he feels like he is in a dream and that when he wakes up Steve will be gone and he will be all alone forever.

“More than ok,” Steve whispered back against Bucky’s lips before capturing them in a slow kiss. Bucky whined. Steve’s hands gripped Bucky’s face harder. Steve licked Bucky’s bottom lip. Bucky opened his mouth to let Steve’s tongue slip in. They made out hot and heavy on Steve’s couch. Bucky pulled away first gasping for air. “Damn, Steve is a great kisser,” Bucky thought. Steve looked over at Bucky trying to get his breathing under control and smiled.

 “I should have told you sooner. We don’t have much time until you leave. I don’t want to lose you baby doll,” Bucky looked worried over at Steve. Steve’s smile faded and he rubbed his hands together.

“You won’t lose me Buck. I am not going. I canceled my flight today after we fought this morning. I dint want to go knowing we weren’t on good terms. Now, I am glad I canceled because I get to be with me baby,” Steve smirked at Bucky.

“You are a punk.” Bucky pushed Steve playfully.

“Jerk,” Steve laughed grabbing his left pec. Bucky smiled and pulled Steve back in. He nipped at Steve’s lip moving his way down to his jaw gently biting. “Feels good baby,” Steve whimpered out. Bucky started to kiss down his neck. Once he reached Steve’s collarbone he started to sucked gently. Steve’s hands flew to Bucky’s hair and pulled lightly. Bucky moaned as he left a bright purple bruise that would darken while time passed. He wanted to mark Steve up. Wanted everyone to know Steve was his.

“My Stevie, I love you so damn much. I want to show you how you make me feel. You have made me feel so on edge.” Bucky slowly started to run his hands up Steve’s abs and chest. When Bucky reached his nipples and pinched lightly. Steve moaned arching up into Bucky’s hands. “You like that Stevie. Don’t get to greedy baby doll,” Bucky smirked and yanked Steve’s shirt off. He loved the way Steve’s skin blushed and how easily. He moved his hand back to Steve’s nipples and began playing with them. He lowered his head and circled his tongue around it. Steve arched up while Bucky pushed him back down. He lowered his mouth right over his Steve’s nipple sucking hard teeth nipping.

“Buck, don’t stop feels good,” Steve loved his nipples being played with. No one ever knew but his Buck. Bucky trailed his fingers down his baby dolls abs scratching. Reaching down to Steve’s pants grabbing at the button of his khakis. Steve nodded. He began pulling the pants down once he got them down to Steve’s calves he stopped. Bucky started to abuse Steve’s left nipple after assaulting his right. His hand started to palm Steve over his tighty whiteys. Some things never change. Steve was always so responsive this just makes Bucky want to make him fall apart even more. Bucky pulls away from his nipple moving up to nip back at his jaw.

Bucky reaches Steve’s ear whispering, “I am going to make you feel so damn good Stevie.” Steve shivered at Bucky’s words. His hand reached inside Steve’s underwear pumping him slowly.  He used his thumb to gather the pre-cum wetting Steve’s tip before rubbing over his slit. Steve bucked his hips into Bucky’s hand as he threw his head back against the couch. Bucky smirked as Steve moaned, “Bu—ckk-Y!” He roughly pulled down Steve’s underwear. “You are wearing too much Buck. I need to see and feel you,” Steve pleaded.

 Bucky smiled softly down at him as he stripped out of his clothes fast. He moved to straddle over Steve laying his hard cock on Steve’s. He began to stroke both of them together paying careful attention to the head. They both began to rock their hips into each other. Bucky bit hid bottom lip trying to hold back a moan as he pumped his hand faster over them. Steve’s hands grabbed Bucky’s arms and squeezed as he opened his mouth whimpering as Bucky hit his sensitive head again. Steve didn’t want him to stop he was so close. “I-iim almost there. Imm-m gon-nnna cum,” Steve panted. Bucky leaned his forehead against his breathing him in. “Cum for me Stevie. Cum for me baby doll. I got you. Its ok. Let go,” Bucky murmured as his hand picked up pace and stroked them both squeezing the heads and pumping. Steve shuttered as he came against Bucky’s hand and his own stomach. As soon as Steve let go so did Bucky. He painted Steve’s abs with his seed pumping them through their orgasms.

 The couch definitely was going to smells of sweat and sex. Bucky cleaned up Steve with his shirt. The snuggled into each other on the couch. “I didn’t think that confessing that I am in love with you would have ended up like this. I thought you were going to kick me out of your life,” Bucky said while tracing shapes on Steve’s chest.

“I would have never kicked you out of my life Buck. You mean to much too me. I would have done anything to keep you in my life. I love you just like you love me. I have for a long time but didn’t know it until recently.” Steve looked up at Bucky and tucked a long lock behind his ear. They both smiled. Bucky wrapped him arms around Steve. They were both happy and they both confessed that they love each other. This may be the start of a beautiful thing.

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 3: ...no these are fuCKING SEXTS

ao3

Chapter Summary: There's a substitute teacher, Cheryl and Toni have a plan, and Betty is a "good fucking person."

Monday, 7:17 AM

gays united

hbicheryl: good morning gays

wannabett: CHERYL

hbicheryl: good morning gays, cousin betty

hbicheryl: happy?

wannabett: yes

hisshissmotherfucker: why the fuck are you texting us at this ungodly hour

hisshissmotherfucker: go back to sleep

nopeaz: school starts in less than an hour dipshit

hisshissmotherfucker: whatever

veroffica: cheryl, you're in a way better mood than normal. what happened?

hbicheryl: im offended! cant i just be in a good mood because i feel like it?

wannabett: no

hbicheryl: fine

hbicheryl: the history teacher is sick so we have a substitute

hisshissmotherfucker: FUCK YES

wannabett: im confused why is this a good thing??

spillthefogarTEA: oh betty

spillthefogarTEA: poor, sweet betty

nopeaz: substitutes are naive and cant control the class

nopeaz: so we can do whatever we want

wannabett: im not sure thats the best idea

spillthefogarTEA: choni and i have history first period with you, cooper

spillthefogarTEA: we'll show you what we mean

8:16 AM

hbicheryl + nopeaz

hbicheryl: this is even better than i thought

nopeaz: he looks so timid

hbicheryl: this is going to be so much fun

hbicheryl: lets begin phase one

8:19 AM

gays united

wannabett: is this cheryl and tonis master plan? to text out in the open?

jugheadalones: theyre cheryl and toni

wannabett: meaning??

jugheadalones: im sure theres more to it than that

goingtoheller: ^^tru

wannabett: i guess ill just have to wait and see

8:23 AM

gays united

wannabett: okay the sub is asking cheryl and toni to get off their phones

wannabett: theyre ignoring him ofc

wannabett: asdJFDJJSSSKKDXM

hisshissmotherfucker: WHAT HAPPENED

spillthefogarTEA: HE GRABBED TONIS PHONE RIGHT OUT OF HER HANDS SHE LOOKS SO FUCKING STARTLED

goingtoheller: LMAO

spillthefogarTEA: OH SHIT NOW HES READING CHONIS TEXTS FROM TONIS PHONE

wannabett: ...no these are fuCKING SEXTS

veroffica: I'M WHEEZING

hisshissmotherfucker: WHAT DO THE TEXTS SAY

spillthefogarTEA: "maybe after this we can sneak in a quickie between classes"

spillthefogarTEA: "i could finger you up against the bathroom wall"

spillthefogarTEA: "or i could eat you out in the storage closet"

spillthefogarTEA: "of course... youd have to be quiet"

spillthefogarTEA: "do you think you can do that? can you be a good girl for me?"

wannabett: cheryl is as red as her hair

wannabett: toni looks like she wishes the earth would swallow her whole

goingtoheller: I'M DEAD.

veroffica: THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD

hbicheryl: GUYS STOP LAUGHING THIS ISNT FUNNY

goingtoheller: no, this is definitely funny.

hisshissmotherfucker: wait were the texts from toni or cheryl??

wannabett: he didnt say

goingtoheller: ooh, any theories? i'm still on team vers. cheryl, can you confirm anything?

hbicheryl: SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING

veroffica: i should hope so!

jugheadalones: ...i did NOT need to know this much about chonis sex life

wannabett: i guess the sub isnt as incompetent as you thought

spillthefogarTEA: lmao sucks to be you guys

spillthefogarTEA: oh shit i think hes looking at the notifications

spillthefogarTEA: "spill the... fogarty!" yep im done for youre all invited to my funeral except for choni bc they got us into this mess

wannabett: fangs' phones has been confiscated as well as cheryls in case you were wondering

wannabett: haha thats karma i guess

wannabett: fuck now he wants mine too why me??

veroffica: ...guys?

goingtoheller: that was the most exciting thing that i've witnessed secondhand in a WHILE.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hope nothing bad happened to fangs

hisshissmotherfucker: or toni or cheryl or betty

jugheadalones: i wonder whats going on there right now

veroffica: well, i don't have any classes with any of them for a while, so i won't be able to know what happened until they get their phones back.

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^

jugheadalones: ^^

goingtoheller: ^^

12:03 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: WE FINALLY GOT OUR PHONES BACK

hbicheryl: I CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE THE FREEDOM

nopeaz: now i just have to go live in a cave for a few years until everyone forgets about that debacle

spillthefogarTEA: thats not going to happen any time soon

goingtoheller: fangs is right, that was iconic.

veroffica: you two will never live that down.

jugheadalones: half of riverdale high is already speculating as to which one of you two sent the texts and which one of you received the texts

hisshissmotherfucker: cheryl, toni, care to make a statement?

hbicheryl: no

nopeaz: fuck off

goingtoheller: well, at least they seem to be on the same page.

wannabett: can we talk about whats REALLY important now??

jugheadalones: and what would that be?

wannabett: ALL FOUR OF US GOT DETENTION!!

veroffica: can the substitute even do that?

spillthefogarTEA: yeah, he wrote us all up for "repeatedly disobeying a clear set of instructions"

nopeaz: at least its only for today

wannabett: ive never gotten detention before! how the hell am i going to explain this to my mom??

hbicheryl: lmao cant relate

wannabett: im a good fucking person i dont deserve this

12:39 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: wait cheryl and toni what was your master plan?

hbicheryl: oh we were just going to sext for a while and then make out in the back of the classroom

veroffica: ...that was a letdown.

goingtoheller: yeah, i expected better.

nopeaz: we were horny when we came up with that plan okay

jugheadalones: now THAT makes more sense

spillthefogarTEA: tbh im still kinda disappointed tho

1:22 PM

gays united

wannabett: SHIT

veroffica: what's wrong, betts?

wannabett: i think the school told my mom about the detention :(

goingtoheller: what makes you think that?

wannabett: shes called me four times today already

wannabett: ive been ignoring her but knowing my mom she'll probably just show up here to talk to me

jugheadalones: she wouldnt do that

wannabett: you underestimate her

veroffica: b is right. her mom is just crazy enough to do that.

1:40 PM

gays united

wannabett: huh i wonder why the secretary is calling me to the office

wannabett: it couldnt be my mom, could it??

wannabett: who wants to bet against me?

goingtoheller: a, congrats on finally living up to your screen name!

goingtoheller: b, there is no way that i'm going to be stupid enough to take you up on that.

jugheadalones: i'll bite.

jugheadalones: 20 bucks it isnt her

wannabett: youre on jug

wannabett: be prepared to lose $20

1:55 PM

gays united

wannabett: angry-mama-cooper.jpeg

wannabett: fork over the money jones

jugheadalones: ...fuck

jugheadalones: this is what i get for believing that alice cooper wouldnt be that petty??

hbicheryl: no this is what you get for being a fool

wannabett: same thing

spillthefogarTEA: okay im sure that im going to regret asking this, but what did mrs cooper want that took fifteen minutes to talk about?

wannabett: the usual

wannabett: "youre disappointing your family, you need to do better, you dont want to end up like polly," etc.

veroffica: i'm sorry, b. :(

wannabett: it isnt your fault v

veroffica: i know, but your mom clearly isn't sorry for the crazy expectations she puts on you because polly didn’t turn out the way she wanted, so somebody has to be. and i want that somebody to be me.

wannabett: you really think so?

veroffica: i know so.

spillthefogarTEA: thats so sweet

hbicheryl: and REALLY gay

spillthefogarTEA: ofc

veroffica: *bi, and betty and i are just best friends.

wannabett: ^^^

spillthefogarTEA: sweets and i are best friends and if i had said something like that to him yall wouldnt think that we were just being friends

wannabett: thats bc you and sweet pea are super gay for each other

hisshissmotherfucker: false

spillthefogarTEA: ...you dont think that im hot? :(

hisshissmotherfucker: no i think that youre the hottest person in the whole damn universe

hisshissmotherfucker: but that doesnt mean that im in love with you

hbicheryl: babe do you see this shit??

nopeaz: i see it all right

hbicheryl: im so glad that we arent like that

nopeaz: me too :)

hbicheryl: i love you toni

nopeaz: i love you too cher

veroffica: awww, that was adorable.

veroffica: but also: what will it take to convince all of you that betty and i are telling the truth??

goingtoheller: nothing, ever. you are both so clearly whipped it isn't even funny.

jugheadalones: like cheryl and toni levels of whipped

hbicheryl: except you two arent even dating!!

nopeaz: the same goes for sweets and fangs too

hisshissmotherfucker: whatever

spillthefogarTEA: ^^^

wannabett: ^^^

veroffica: ^^^

jugheadalones: why do i even try anymore

2:29 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: well its time to go into the hellish pit the school calls detention

wannabett: i wonder if theyll make us do manual labor

spillthefogarTEA: sweet pea practically lived in detention at southside high, ask him

hisshissmotherfucker: thats true

hisshissmotherfucker: and yes sometimes they do make you do some janitorial work around the school

hbicheryl: oh my fucking god im going to die

jugheadalones: stop being so extra cheryl

goingtoheller: no never stop being extra cheryl it is the best part of this chat

hbicheryl: for your information hobo i will never ever stop being dramatic and if you say that again i will fight you

hbicheryl: and dont worry keller i wont change

nopeaz: thats my girl!!

hisshissmotherfucker: as i was saying

hisshissmotherfucker: youll probably just sit in a room and do your homework

hbicheryl: thats even worse

2:34 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: THEY WANT TO TAKE OUR PHONES

hbicheryl: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US ABOUT THIS SWEET PEA

hisshissmotherfucker: i thought it would be a nice surprise

nopeaz: screw you

hbicheryl: IF I NEVER GET OUT OF HERE TELL MY MOTHER THAT SHES AN AWFUL BITCH AND THAT I HATE HER

veroffica: sure thing, blossom.

3:00 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: MY PHONE IS BACK I LOVE IT SO MUCH THIS SCHOOL IS SHIT AND DETENTION FUCKING SUCKS

goingtoheller: that's a lot of moods.

jugheadalones: ^^

veroffica: "that's a lot of moods" is just cheryl's personality in a nutshell.

wannabett: tru

hisshissmotherfucker: tru

nopeaz: tru

hbicheryl: tru

Notes: Writing choni's sexts was the best part of this chapter, honestly. Also, I noticed that I refer to Cheryl and Toni as 'choni' an awful lot, which probably has direct correlation to my laziness. I know that this chapter has a lot less to do with the overlying plot, and that's because I'm trying something different. Tell me if you like it this way or if you want me to go back to more plot-heavy chapters.

[the-cryptographer]

Probably not that many of you follow my writing too closely, but even for those of you that haven’t you might have noticed that I discuss polyamorous ships and concepts kind of disproportionately. And even when I’m not directly engaging open relationships or polyamory, I’m often writing monogamy as it exists in the context of people who are (1) spontaneously attracted to people who are not their partner and (2) have strong, emotionally intimate relationships with people outside their family or romances.

I’m far more willing for the latter to be the hill I die on than the former - which is to say closed two-person relationships are great, but I’ll forever stand by the estimation that, in any healthy relationship as such, both participants should be allowed without fear to have strong friendships with, and to experience passing attractions to, other people. But I kind of want to talk more about the former: about why I write polyamory, and how it is often a safer space for me to talk about my feelings of insecurity and jealousy and possessiveness than monogamy is. I’m not saying that it should be that kind of space for everyone - I understand and respect how, for many people, open relationships and polyamory can be a much less safe and secure place for people to explore these emotions. But I guess I’m bucking up against the idea that open and/or polyamorous relationships are inherently less suited than monogamy to comfortably processing these emotions. Against the idea that characters (and people) must be interpreted as unsuited for polyamory for the presence of feelings of shyness, insecurity, jealousy, etc. And, conversely, against the idea put forth by proponents of polyamory that it exists as a more generous and free form of love, which is inherently above feelings of insecurity or possessiveness.

I’m not exactly swimming in a surplus of relationship experience here, and the rest is me talking vaguely about my personal experience of anxiety in interpersonal relationships. So under the cut:

I mean, the gist of it is I’m a rather aloof and insecure person – anxious and neurotic. I often worry about getting clingy and overbearing with people, even when I’m pulling away in practice. I’m often envious of others - of their ambitions and accomplishments, outgoing nature and confidence and attractiveness. I have an overestimated opinion of my own talents at times, but somehow it’s vaporous and will recede into air - when I’m upset, I often have trouble thinking of things about myself that I like. I feel hopeless and helpless when situations run outside of my control, and can definitely become controlling and manipulative in my attempts to regain a feeling of security - although I’m relatively aware of it and take efforts to not toe ethical boundaries and to accept what’s outside of my power. But it upsets me all the same. I get tired of other people easily, even though I’m also often craving contact and social stimuli. I end up guarding my relationships with others pretty closely - I want to be around and there for the people I like, and I don’t want them to ditch me for other people. Being abandoned or left behind is probably my most reoccurring fear.

Based on assumption, this doesn’t seem entirely to me like someone who’d be really into multiple partner relationships. But it is. And it’s not something that’s really new for me. I’ve have a pretty long documented interest in open relationships and three-person relationships. In practice, I’m notoriously bad with relationships, and I think there are some ways that polyamory is inherently more complicated than monogamy that make it a further stretch for me - most notably it would involve maintaining relationships with more people and making decisions so as to accommodate and attend to the feelings of three (or more) people rather than two. But simply from the perspective of insecurity and abandonment, it’s something I find more cathartic and comfortable than monogamy.

It’s just... I’m painfully aware of all the ways that relationships fall apart. Certainly feelings for or a relationship with another person is one possible cause. But, there are just so many reasons. So many ways that stress, and tragedy, and death can pull people apart. Even for much less traumatic reasons, there are so many reasons someone could not be in the same place in my life five years from now. There are so many deeply practical reasons for people to split apart or let each other drift. And there are so many reasons that someone might very well chose to be alone rather than be with me (a decision i make about other people regularly) And there are so many ways all of that may or may not coincide with someone coming to love and care about me less - which really fucking stings, yeah. So amidst that crescendo of deeply upsetting feelings and realisations, there’s not really something super uniquely traumatic about the idea that the person I’m with might be in love with or sleep with someone else. I don’t see loving someone else or sleeping with someone else as determinately attached to either someone leaving me, or caring less about me. And if someone left me or came to love me less because of it - it would probably hurt no more and no less than if they left me or came to love someone else for all the many other reasons something like that might happen.

I mean, there are a lot of very shitty people out there who cheat as an easy, volatile escape from a relationship, or use their attraction to other people as a weapon to pry at their partner’s or partners’ insecurities and control them, or just generally behave like a waste of space. But I kind of default to my own experience here, and I don’t think it’s necessarily bad for me to want to connect with people who experience this in roughly the same way that I do. Which is to say I find it’s rather easy to care about multiple people at once, and to find multiple people attractive at once, and that wanting to sleep with that person over there doesn’t mean I’m /less/ interested in this person right here. Also I’m bi with aro leanings. And, while I don’t think this is really hardwired into my sexuality, I think my sexuality has made it a part of my identity that’s really hard to deny. I realise other people have described being bi as gender not being a determining factor in their attraction if they’ve otherwise found the right person. And that’s cool, and it’s interesting how this kind of thing works differently for different people. But for my personal brand, I kind of mean it more like if I’m in a room with forty random people, I’m going to find multiple men and multiple women attractive out of that forty people. And out of those, probably none of them I’ll actually want to sleep with, for god knows what number of petty reasons. But... I know there’s never going to be a one and only for me. Not because I couldn’t be with one person and only one person to death do us part in practice, but it’s not how my emotional response works. I feel strong emotionally intimate connections with people, but nothing that’s really of a singular romantic focus. And I’m going to always walk into that room with forty people and think a good number of them are sexy. And I’m very absolutely not okay with being with someone who’s not able to be okay with that. It’s been the object of too much shame and homophobia in my life that I’m not okay with having to hide it in its entirety from the people I’m closest to.

So, none of this is like - it must be polyamory for me. But it’s very... why not? If I found a couple of people I found interesting, and found me interesting, could get the logistics to work... why not? If the idea of someone I like sleeping with someone else doesn’t stress me out any more than all the other shit I’m constantly stressed out about... it’s kind of better that there are more people that you mutually care about and that you can rely on, no? If there are more people around, I’m better supported if something bad happens to one of them. If I feel insecure and need attention, there are more potential people who could provide it for me. If I am overtaxed and tired and can’t give my partner attention when they need it, there’s someone else who can maybe step in and help them. If there are more people that love and care about you, and/or more people that love and care about the people that you love and care about - that’s nice. I mean, this kind of thing cuts both ways - even if love’s not a finite resource, attention certainly is. And it means putting more attention and work in, for the sake of more people. It means more individual relationships to manage and maintain that might, nonetheless, someday sour. And all of this is balanced against the fact that, in our personal relationships most of all, we want to be recognised and appreciated in a unique and individual way. But there’s a kind of security in a wider network that doesn’t over-rely on any one of its parts. And I think people underestimate the heady comfort that could exist in that - almost particularly for those who are anxious, insecure, and controlling.

Anyhow, these are the kind of personal considerations that effect my fictional interests. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talks. I wrote this post at 3am. Don’t make me regret it.

[robbiejpennebaker1954-blog]

Navigating The Preschool Admissions Process: Getting In And $1,000 Application Fees

When my wife was pregnant in late 2016, a friend told me, “You need to apply to preschool within the first three months after he's born.“

He had one kid in private elementary school and two kids in private middle school. He is also a centimillionaire. 

“Absurd!” I responded.

“Hey, it's up to you buddy. Getting into preschool in San Francisco is harder than getting into Princeton. Don't let your lack of preparedness hurt your son's chances for a bright future.“

Damn it. Guilt sets in.

“Well since you put it that way. I guess I'll get on it. Want to give us a recommendation when he goes in 2019 or 2020?“

“Of course I will,” my friend replied as we resumed our tennis match.

This post is an introduction into how daunting it is for families living in big cities to get their kids into preschool. It should also give some sense as to why there's so much anxiety among parents and children early on.

As someone who has questioned the necessity of paying for private grade school tuition, yet who also wants the best for his son, this post serves as a type of mental penance for going through this process. I've spent the last seven years trying to escape the grind, but somehow, I'm always getting pulled back in. 

I also hope this post brings joy to families who live in lower cost areas of the country who don't have to worry about hyper competition due to a lack of supply. Living in a big city has its perks, but helping your child get a quality education is not one of them. It's only until kindergarten where all families are eligible for a free public education.

The Beginning Of The Preschool Grind

When it comes to getting your child into a top preschool in a big city, it's all about who you know, rather than your child's abilities. After all, your little one isn't going to cure malaria at two or three years old.

The demand is so high simply because there aren't enough schools. I heard through a board member at one preschool that 100 kids applied for the four spots available to non-sibling children. Siblings get automatic acceptance.

Since our boy is our first child, we have to blaze our own trail, Financial Samurai style, in order for him to get in anywhere. But we enjoy the challenge, partly because we like the excitement that uncertainty brings.

Given the average acceptance rate for the top-rated preschools is around 5%, the logical conclusion is to apply to 20 in order to get into one.

We didn't go that far, but we did apply to eight preschools in San Francisco and one preschool in Honolulu. Three of the applications are for 2019 when he's first eligible to attend at 2.5 years old. The remaining five applications are for 2020, when most preschools allow children to enroll.

Each application fee cost us between $80 – $150, or $1,000 total.

Since all preschools cost more or less the same in tuition (~$1,500 – $2,600 a month depending on how many days a week), we figured we might as well apply to the top-rated ones. Surely you would do the same.

If our son gets rejected by all nine, then we will home school him since we have maximum flexibility. That doesn't sound like a bad idea at all actually.

Why Our Chance Of Getting In Is Slim

I don't remember the last time I felt like an idiot. Actually, maybe it was last summer when I didn't sell my House Sale Fund portfolio when it was up 13%. Yeah, that was dumb to not take profits when it surpassed my 10% blue sky target.

But with this preschool stuff, I feel lost because I realize the odds are extremely stacked against my family and there's really not much I can do to improve these odds. And to spend $1,000 on preschool applications alone leaves me with a funny feeling – like I'm a sucker.

Here are some of the reasons why I believe we've got little chance of getting our boy into a top-rated preschool. These reasons should help you appreciate what you have and question the choice of living an unconventional lifestyle.

1) We have a small network. As two stay at home parents who've been away from the traditional workforce for years, my wife and I don't have a large network of parents who have kids at XYZ preschool who can vouch for us. As a result, we are at a large disadvantage simply because not enough of the community knows who we are.

One can easily imagine a colleague or a manager on the board of a preschool who provides a fellow colleague an in. Many large corporations have tie-ups with preschools as a benefit to their employees. That's just the way the world works. We take care of people who we know and like. Being away from networking activities for seven years is likely going to hurt us.

2) We have low-level jobs. On our application, I say I'm an assistant high school tennis coach (not even the head coach) and a stay at home dad. My wife says says she's a freelance writer and a stay at home mom. We don't ever say we run Financial Samurai due to our desire for privacy.

I think being a stay at home parent is an extremely important job, but we can't compete with parents who are executives at a hot startup or partners in venture capital, private equity, or investment banking. I swear all the parents who attended the open houses we went to worked in these fields.

Society does not appreciate creatives as much as they appreciate high powered money making occupations. If society did, it wouldn't push our artists, writers, poets, and teachers out of the city. 

From the school's perspective, they want parents who can be ambassadors of the school in their large networks and also be financial backers down the road. If you work in private equity, you will naturally have lots of rich friends who will have children and donate big bucks down the road.

If you're an assistant high school tennis coach who makes $1,200 a month like I do, your circle of friends probably isn't going to be as desirable to the school.

And yes, I spent one month's of coaching salary on preschool application fees.

3) We lead unconventional lifestyles with no recognition. It's funny. I dislike fame. But you better believe that if I was famous in a good way, my son would have a huge leg up getting into schools. Do you really think any college would reject Malia Obama even if she had terrible grades and test scores? Of course not. Alas, we are nobodies.

The only thing we do is help people achieve financial freedom sooner in order to live their best lives possible. Helping people achieve financial security is nice, especially since we do so for free, but a school would rather have parents working conventional jobs at well-known companies. It's part of the cachet, even if the employer is known to feature fake news and manipulate your private data.

The only reason I'd ever give up my privacy or lead a more conventional lifestyle is if I could help my son. And I'm not sure preschool is worth the price.

We really cherish being able to spend as much time as possible with our son as stay at home parents. But we recognize we will be viewed as misfits given less than 1% of households have two stay at home parents.

4) We do not come from a wealthy legacy family. I know many people in San Francisco who live in multi-million dollar mansions, but who have occupations that cannot afford such luxurious lifestyles. What's going on is that multi-generational family money has allowed them to live a life of leisure.

For example, one family founded a newspaper and sold it for $660 million in the mid-1990s. Surely the $660 million has grown to over $1 billion today. By setting up multi-million dollar endowments at several schools (preschool, middle school, high school, college), their heirs get guaranteed entrance to these schools forever. Are the heirs bad people? Of course not. They're just like everybody else, except with tremendous advantages.

We know that kids of legacy donors have a 70%+ acceptance rate at Harvard versus

5) We are not part of the majority. Schools without racial bias would generally reflect the overall racial makeup of the city e.g. a preschool should have a similar demographic makeup as San Francisco: 48% White, 33% Asian, 6% Black, 0.4% Pacific Islander, 0.5% Native American, 6.6% Other, and 4.7% Bi-racial or Multi-racial.

Unfortunately, based on the data we've read and what we've observed after visiting several preschools, about 75% of the student population is White versus 48% for the entire San Francisco population. A ~27% difference is statistically significant, which means something is up. 

Perhaps the huge discrepancy is because of legacy and family connections, which has carried on for generations. After all, these preschools are private, and it's natural to take care of their own.

Although I belong to a private tennis club where the racial demographic is quite skewed like at many private preschools, I'm not sure we want our son growing up in such a homogenous environment. As a kid growing up overseas attending international schools, I found it wonderful to be immersed in so many different cultures.

When I entered the real world, it was much easier to assimilate and grow. 

See: How The Rich Get Richer: Competing In A Rigged Game

Just Got To Keep Trying

Whatever you do, know the odds are stacked against you. You can either give up, or you can keep on going. I've always chosen the latter. As a parent now, I've got no other choice but to stay on the ball.

Of course I will always have fear of rejection. I fear the continuous rejection I've experienced will continue on with my son. And unless we move to Asia or Honolulu, it stings knowing that my son will one day be discriminated against and rejected like his old man was growing up.

But on the bright side, the difficulties I went through growing up helped make me who I am today. And frankly, I feel pretty darn good about my situation. It's healthy to sometimes get told you're not good enough so you develop a chip on your shoulder to prove your detractors wrong.

A part of me hopes we get rejected by the early start preschools we applied to for 2019 so that we can go on a great adventure and travel the world again.

How amazing would it be to relocate to Honolulu this summer and enjoy the islands until the fall of 2020 when he's eligible for a larger number of preschools at 3.5 years old? There's always a bright side in everything. 

If you're a parent in a big city applying to a top preschool, let me leave you with some following thoughts:

* Get on the ball and apply early since you will eventually have to apply. Make sure you meet every deadline and send follow up letters to show your continued interest. Schools want to hear about the progress of your little one. The latest you can usually apply is the fall before your kid is planning on attending.

* It's worth building relationships with parents who have kids attending your target preschools or board members of your target preschools. Worst case, you'll make some friends or know you don't want to be part of their community.

* Attend all recommended “get to know you and the school” events. These include lunches, dinners, fundraisers, etc.

* Create a picture collage and tell your story. Don't just upload one picture in the application, make a collage of pictures that show progression over time. Preschools want to have a good community of parents they can rely on to be good ambassadors and available volunteers.

* Attending an “elite preschool” might worsen your chances of getting into a good grade school program. Therefore, look to diversify. It's not the end all be all if you don't get into the top-rated preschool.

* So long as the preschool has a good reputation, has a good teacher:student ratio, and has involved parents, it should be good enough. Don't underestimate the value of proximity either.

* Consider parent co-op preschools, public preschool if you qualify, or for-profit education systems like Gymboree that accept everyone.

Apologies if this post has raised the anxiety level of some parents who might not have thought about the preschool application process in such detail. I just like to write out my thoughts because I'm thorough.

At the end of the day, we're only applying to preschool, so don't sweat it! I just thought it'd be fun to chronicle this journey.

The most important things we can provide our children are love, time, and attention. Besides, the internet has democratized learning and opportunity.

Here's to the excitement of the great unknown!

Related:

How To Stop Worrying About Your Child's Future In This Brutally Competitive World

Why Households Need To Earn $300,000 A Year To Live In A Middle Class Lifestyle Today

Is Private Grade School K-8 Worth It?

What If You Go To Harvard And End Up A Nobody?

Readers, have any of you gone through a similarly rigorous process of applying to preschool for your children because there was too much demand and not enough schools? Do you think schools should refund the application fee, or at least part of it, if your kid is not accepted? Why don't preschools want more racial and socioeconomic diversity? Do you think highlighting Financial Samurai would be helpful since we don't have full-time jobs?

The post Navigating The Preschool Admissions Process: Getting In And $1,000 Application Fees appeared first on Financial Samurai.

[qgaje8wz-blog]

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[samuelfields]

Navigating The Preschool Admissions Process: Getting In And $1,000 Application Fees

When my wife was pregnant in late 2016, a friend told me, “You need to apply to preschool within the first three months after he’s born.“

He had one kid in private elementary school and two kids in private middle school. His is also a centimillionaire. 

“Absurd!” I responded.

“Hey, it’s up to you buddy. Getting into preschool in San Francisco is harder than getting into Princeton. Don’t let your lack of preparedness hurt your son’s chances for a bright future.“

Damn it. Guilt sets in.

“Well since you put it that way. I guess I’ll get on it. Want to give us a recommendation when he goes in 2019 or 2020?“

“Of course I will,” my friend replied as we resumed our tennis match.

This post is an introduction into how daunting it is for families living in big cities to get their kids into preschool. It should also give some sense as to why there’s so much anxiety among parents and children early on.

As someone who has questioned the necessity of paying for private grade school tuition, yet who also wants the best for his son, this post serves as a type of mental penance for going through this process. I’ve spent the last seven years trying to escape the grind, but somehow, I’m always getting pulled back in. 

I also hope this post brings joy to families who live in lower cost areas of the country who don’t have to worry about hyper competition due to a lack of supply. Living in a big city has its perks, but helping your child get a quality education is not one of them.

The Beginning Of The Preschool Grind

When it comes to getting your child into a top preschool in a big city, it’s all about who you know, rather than your child’s abilities. After all, your little one isn’t going to cure malaria at two or three years old.

The demand is so high simply because there aren’t enough schools. I heard through a board member at one preschool that 100 kids applied for the four spots available to non-sibling children. Siblings get automatic acceptance.

Since our boy is our first child, we have to blaze our own trail, Financial Samurai style, in order for him to get in anywhere. But we enjoy the challenge, partly because we like the excitement that uncertainty brings.

Given the average acceptance rate for the top-rated preschools is around 5%, the logical conclusion is to apply to 20 in order to get into one.

We didn’t go that far, but we did apply to eight preschools in San Francisco and one preschool in Honolulu. Three of the applications are for 2019 when he’s first eligible to attend at 2.5 years old. The remaining five applications are for 2020, when most preschools allow children to enroll.

Each application fee cost us between $80 – $150, or $1,000 total.

Since all preschools cost more or less the same in tuition (~$1,500 – $2,600 a month depending on how many days a week), we figured we might as well apply to the top-rated ones. Surely you would do the same.

If our son gets rejected by all nine, then we will home school him since we have maximum flexibility. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all actually.

Why Our Chance Of Getting In Is Slim

I don��t remember the last time I felt like an idiot. Actually, maybe it was last summer when I didn’t sell my House Sale Fund portfolio when it was up 13%. Yeah, that was dumb to not take profits when it surpassed my 10% blue sky target.

But with this preschool stuff, I feel lost because I realize the odds are extremely stacked against my family and there’s really not much I can do to improve these odds. And to spend $1,000 on preschool applications alone leaves me with a funny feeling – like I’m a sucker.

Here are some of the reasons why I believe we’ve got little chance of getting our boy into a top-rated preschool. These reasons should help you appreciate what you have and question the choice of living an unconventional lifestyle.

1) We have a small network. As two stay at home parents who’ve been away from the traditional workforce for years, my wife and I don’t have a large network of parents who have kids at XYZ preschool who can vouch for us. As a result, we are at a large disadvantage simply because not enough of the community knows who we are.

One can easily imagine a colleague or a manager on the board of a preschool who provides a fellow colleague an in. That’s just the way the world works. We take care of people who know and like. Being away from networking activities for seven years is likely going to hurt us.

2) We have low-level jobs. On our application, I say I’m an assistant high school tennis coach (not even the head coach) and a stay at home dad. My wife says says she’s a freelance writer and a stay at home mom. We don’t ever say we run Financial Samurai due to our desire for privacy.

I think being a stay at home parent is an extremely important job, but we can’t compete with parents who are executives at a hot startup or partners in venture capital, private equity, or investment banking. I swear all the parents who attended the open houses we went to worked in these fields.

Society does not appreciate creatives as much as they appreciate high powered money making occupations. If society did, it wouldn’t push our artists, writers, poets, and teachers out of the city. 

From the school’s perspective, they want parents who can be ambassadors of the school in their large networks and also be financial backers down the road. If you work in private equity, you will naturally have lots of rich friends who will have children and donate big bucks down the road.

If you’re an assistant high school tennis coach who makes $1,200 a month like I do, your circle of friends probably isn’t going to be as desirable to the school.

And yes, I spent one month’s of coaching salary on preschool application fees.

3) We lead unconventional lifestyles with no recognition. It’s funny. I dislike fame. But you better believe that if I was famous in a good way, my son would have a huge leg up getting into schools. Do you really think any college would reject Malia Obama even if she had terrible grades and test scores? Of course not. Alas, we are nobodies.

The only thing we do is help people achieve financial freedom sooner in order to live their best lives possible. Helping people achieve financial security is nice, especially since we do so for free, but a school would rather have parents working conventional jobs at well-known companies. It’s part of the cachet, even if the employer is known to feature fake news and manipulate your private data.

The only reason I’d ever give up my privacy or lead a more conventional lifestyle is if I could help my son. And I’m not sure preschool is worth the price.

We really cherish being able to spend as much time as possible with our son as stay at home parents. But we recognize we will be viewed as misfits given less than 1% of households have two stay at home parents.

4) We do not come from a wealthy legacy family. I know many people in San Francisco who live in multi-million dollar mansions, but who have occupations that cannot afford such luxurious lifestyles. What’s going on is that multi-generational family money has allowed them to live a life of leisure.

For example, one family founded a newspaper and sold it for $660 million in the mid-1990s. Surely the $660 million has grown to over $1 billion today. By setting up multi-million dollar endowments at several schools (preschool, middle school, high school, college), their heirs get guaranteed entrance to these schools forever. Are the heirs bad people? Of course not. They’re just like everybody else, except with tremendous advantages.

We know that kids of legacy donors have a 70%+ acceptance rate at Harvard versus <6% for the overall admissions rate. We also know that many schools of similar stature conduct similar practices for the wealthy and powerful. This is the way the world works, and the rest of us have no choice but to compete with what we have.

5) We are not part of the majority. Schools without racial bias would generally reflect the overall racial makeup of the city e.g. a preschool shoild have a similar demographic makeup as San Francisco: 48% White, 33% Asian, 6% Black, 0.4% Pacific Islander, 0.5% Native American, 6.6% Other, and 4.7% Bi-racial or Multi-racial.

Unfortunately, based on the data we’ve read and what we’ve observed after visiting several preschools, about 75% of the student population is White versus 48% for the entire San Francisco population. A ~27% difference is statistically significant, which means something is up. 

Perhaps the huge discrepancy is because of legacy and family connections, which has carried on for generations. After all, these preschools are private, and it’s natural to take care of their own.

Although I belong to a private tennis club where the racial demographic is quite skewed like at many private preschools, I’m not sure we want our son growing up in such a homogenous environment. As a kid growing up overseas attending international schools, I found it wonderful to be immersed in so many different cultures.

When I entered the real world, it was much easier to assimilate and grow. 

See: How The Rich Get Richer: Competing In A Rigged Game

Just Got To Keep Trying

Whatever you do, know that the odds are stacked against you. You can either give up, or you can keep on going. I’ve always chosen the latter. As a parent now, I’ve got no other choice but to stay on the ball.

Of course I will always have fear of rejection. I fear the continuous rejection I’ve experienced will continue on with my son. And it hurts knowing that my son will one day be discriminated against and rejected like his old man was growing up.

But on the bright side, the difficulties I went through growing up helped make me who I am today. And frankly, I feel pretty darn good about my situation. It’s healthy to sometimes get told you’re not good enough so you develop a chip on your shoulder to prove your detractors wrong.

A part of me hopes we get rejected by the early start preschools we applied to for 2019 so that we can go on a great adventure and travel the world again.

How amazing would it be to relocate to Honolulu this summer and enjoy the islands until the fall of 2020 when he’s eligible for a larger number of preschools at 3.5 years old? There’s always a bright side in everything. 

If you’re a parent in a big city applying to a top preschool, let me leave you with some following thoughts:

* Get on the ball and apply early since you will eventually have to apply. Make sure you meet every deadline and send follow up letters to show your continued interest. Schools want to hear about the progress of your little one. The latest you can usually apply is the fall before your kid is planning on attending.

* It’s worth building relationships with parents who have kids attending your target preschools or board members of your target preschools. Worst case, you’ll make some friends or know you don’t want to be part of their community.

* Attend all recommended “get to know you and the school” events. These include lunches, dinners, fundraisers, etc.

* Create a picture collage and tell your story. Don’t just upload one picture in the application, make a collage of pictures that show progression over time. Preschools want to have a good community of parents they can rely on to be good ambassadors and available volunteers.

* Attending an “elite preschool” might worsen your chances of getting into a good grade school program. Therefore, look to diversify. It’s not the end all be all if you don’t get into the top-rated preschool.

* So long as the preschool has a good reputation, has a good teacher:student ratio, and has involved parents, it should be good enough. Don’t underestimate the value of proximity either.

* Consider parent co-op preschools, public preschool if you qualify, or for-profit education systems like Gymboree that accept everyone.

Apologies if this post has raised the anxiety level of some parents who might not have thought about the preschool application process in such detail. I just like to write out my thoughts because I’m thorough.

At the end of the day, we’re only applying to preschool, so don’t sweat it! I just thought it’d be fun to chronicle this journey.

The most important things we can provide our children are love, time, and attention. Besides, the internet has democratized learning and opportunity.

Here’s to the excitement of the great unknown!

Related:

How To Stop Worrying About Your Child’s Future In This Brutally Competitive World

Why Households Need To Earn $300,000 A Year To Live In A Middle Class Lifestyle Today

Is Private Grade School K-8 Worth It?

What If You Go To Harvard And End Up A Nobody?

Readers, have any of you gone through a similarly rigorous process of applying to preschool for your children because there was too much demand and not enough schools? Do you think schools should refund the application fee, or at least part of it, if your kid is not accepted? Why don’t preschools want more racial and socioeconomic diversity? Do you think highlighting Financial Samurai would be helpful since we don’t have full-time jobs?

The post Navigating The Preschool Admissions Process: Getting In And $1,000 Application Fees appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from Finance https://www.financialsamurai.com/navigating-the-preschool-admissions-process/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[ronaldmrashid]

Navigating The Preschool Admissions Process: Getting In And $1,000 Application Fees

When my wife was pregnant in late 2016, a friend told me, “You need to apply to preschool within the first three months after he’s born.“

He had one kid in private elementary school and two kids in private middle school. His is also a centimillionaire. 

“Absurd!” I responded.

“Hey, it’s up to you buddy. Getting into preschool in San Francisco is harder than getting into Princeton. Don’t let your lack of preparedness hurt your son’s chances for a bright future.“

Damn it. Guilt sets in.

“Well since you put it that way. I guess I’ll get on it. Want to give us a recommendation when he goes in 2019 or 2020?“

“Of course I will,” my friend replied as we resumed our tennis match.

This post is an introduction into how daunting it is for families living in big cities to get their kids into preschool. It should also give some sense as to why there’s so much anxiety among parents and children early on.

As someone who has questioned the necessity of paying for private grade school tuition, yet who also wants the best for his son, this post serves as a type of mental penance for going through this process. I’ve spent the last seven years trying to escape the grind, but somehow, I’m always getting pulled back in. 

I also hope this post brings joy to families who live in lower cost areas of the country who don’t have to worry about hyper competition due to a lack of supply. Living in a big city has its perks, but helping your child get a quality education is not one of them.

The Beginning Of The Preschool Grind

When it comes to getting your child into a top preschool in a big city, it’s all about who you know, rather than your child’s abilities. After all, your little one isn’t going to cure malaria at two or three years old.

The demand is so high simply because there aren’t enough schools. I heard through a board member at one preschool that 100 kids applied for the four spots available to non-sibling children. Siblings get automatic acceptance.

Since our boy is our first child, we have to blaze our own trail, Financial Samurai style, in order for him to get in anywhere. But we enjoy the challenge, partly because we like the excitement that uncertainty brings.

Given the average acceptance rate for the top-rated preschools is around 5%, the logical conclusion is to apply to 20 in order to get into one.

We didn’t go that far, but we did apply to eight preschools in San Francisco and one preschool in Honolulu. Three of the applications are for 2019 when he’s first eligible to attend at 2.5 years old. The remaining five applications are for 2020, when most preschools allow children to enroll.

Each application fee cost us between $80 – $150, or $1,000 total.

Since all preschools cost more or less the same in tuition, we figured we might as well apply to the top-rated ones. Surely you would do the same.

If our son gets rejected by all nine, then we will home school him. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all actually, since we have the time.

Why Our Chance Of Getting In Is Slim

I don’t remember the last time I felt like an idiot. Actually, maybe it was last summer when I didn’t sell my House Sale Fund portfolio when it was up 13%. Yeah, that was dumb to not take profits when it surpassed my 10% blue sky target.

But with this preschool stuff, I feel lost because I realize the odds are extremely stacked against my family and there’s really not much I can do to improve these odds. And to spend $1,000 on preschool applications alone leaves me with a funny feeling – like I’m a sucker.

Here are some of the reasons why I believe we’ve got little chance of getting our boy into a top-rated preschool. These reasons should help you appreciate what you have and question the choice of living an unconventional lifestyle.

1) We have a small network. As two stay at home parents who’ve been away from the traditional workforce for years, my wife and I don’t have a large network of parents who have kids at XYZ preschool who can vouch for us. As a result, we are at a large disadvantage simply because not enough of the community knows who we are.

One can easily imagine a colleague or a manager on the board of a preschool who provides a fellow colleague an in. That’s just the way the world works. We take care of people who know and like. Being away from networking activities for seven years is likely going to hurt us.

2) We have low-level jobs. On our application, I say I’m an assistant high school tennis coach (not even the head coach) and a stay at home dad. My wife says says she’s a freelance writer and a stay at home mom. We don’t ever say we run Financial Samurai due to our desire for privacy.

I think being a stay at home parent is an extremely important job, but we can’t compete with parents who are executives at a hot startup or partners in venture capital, private equity, or investment banking. I swear all the parents who attended the open houses we went to worked in these fields.

Society does not appreciate creatives as much as they appreciate high powered money making occupations. If society did, it wouldn’t push our artists, writers, poets, and teachers out of the city. 

From the school’s perspective, they want parents who can be ambassadors of the school in their large networks and also be financial backers down the road. If you work in private equity, you will naturally have lots of rich friends who will have children and donate big bucks down the road.

If you’re an assistant high school tennis coach who makes $1,200 a month like I do, your circle of friends probably isn’t going to be as desirable to the school.

And yes, I spent one month’s of coaching salary on preschool application fees.

3) We lead unconventional lifestyles with no recognition. It’s funny. I dislike fame. But you better believe that if I was famous in a good way, my son would have a huge leg up getting into schools. Do you really think any college would reject Malia Obama even if she had terrible grades and test scores? Of course not. Alas, we are nobodies.

The only thing we do is help people achieve financial freedom sooner in order to live their best lives possible. Helping people achieve financial security is nice, especially since we do so for free, but a school would rather have parents working conventional jobs at well-known companies. It’s part of the cachet, even if the employer is known to feature fake news and manipulate your private data.

The only reason I’d ever give up my privacy or lead a more conventional lifestyle is if I could help my son. And I’m not sure preschool is worth the price.

We really cherish being able to spend as much time as possible with our son as stay at home parents. But we recognize we will be viewed as misfits given less than 1% of households have two stay at home parents.

4) We do not come from a wealthy legacy family. I know many people in San Francisco who live in multi-million dollar mansions, but who have occupations that cannot afford such luxurious lifestyles. What’s going on is that multi-generational family money has allowed them to live a life of leisure.

For example, one family founded a newspaper and sold it for $660 million in the mid-1990s. Surely the $660 million has grown to over $1 billion today. By setting up multi-million dollar endowments at several schools (preschool, middle school, high school, college), their heirs get guaranteed entrance to these schools forever. Are the heirs bad people? Of course not. They’re just like everybody else, except with tremendous advantages.

We know that kids of legacy donors have a 70%+ acceptance rate at Harvard versus <6% for the overall admissions rate. We also know that many schools of similar stature conduct similar practices for the wealthy and powerful. This is the way the world works, and the rest of us have no choice but to compete with what we have.

5) We are not part of the majority. Schools without racial bias would generally reflect the overall racial makeup of the city e.g. a preschool would have a similar demographic makeup as San Francisco is 48% White, 33% Asian, 6% Black, 0.4% Pacific Islander, 0.5% Native American, 6.6% Other, and 4.7% Bi-racial or Multi-racial.

Unfortunately, based on the data we’ve read and what we’ve observed after visiting several preschools, about 75% of the student population is White versus 48% for the entire San Francisco population. A ~27% difference is statistically significant, which means something is up. 

Perhaps the huge discrepancy is because of legacy and family connections, which has carried on for generations. After all, these preschools are private, and it’s natural to take care of their own.

Although I belong to a private tennis club where the racial demographic is quite skewed like at many private preschools, I’m not sure we want our son growing up in such a homogenous environment. As a kid growing up overseas attending international schools, I found it wonderful to be immersed in so many different cultures.

When I entered the real world, it was much easier to assimilate and grow. 

See: How The Rich Get Richer: Competing In A Rigged Game

Just Got To Keep Trying

Whatever you do, know that the odds are stacked against you. You can either give up, or you can keep on going. I’ve always chosen the latter. As a parent now, I’ve got no other choice but to stay on the ball.

Of course I will always have fear of rejection. I fear the continuous rejection I’ve experienced will continue on with my son. And it hurts knowing that my son will one day be discriminated against and rejected like his old man was growing up.

But on the bright side, the difficulties I went through growing up helped make me who I am today. And frankly, I feel pretty darn good about my situation. It’s healthy to sometimes get told you’re not good enough so you develop a chip on your shoulder to prove your detractors wrong.

A part of me hopes we get rejected by the early start preschools we applied to for 2019 so that we can go on a great adventure and travel the world again.

How amazing would it be to relocate to Honolulu this summer and enjoy the islands until the fall of 2020 when he’s eligible for a larger number of preschools at 3.5 years old? There’s always a bright side in everything. 

If you’re a parent in a big city applying to a top preschool, let me leave you with some following thoughts:

* Get on the ball and apply early since you will eventually have to apply. Make sure you meet every deadline and send follow up letters to show your continued interest. Schools want to hear about the progress of your little one. The latest you can usually apply is the fall before your kid is planning on attending.

* It’s worth building relationships with parents who have kids attending your target preschools or board members of your target preschools. Worst case, you’ll make some friends or know you don’t want to be part of their community.

* Attend all recommended “get to know you and the school” events. These include lunches, dinners, fundraisers, etc.

* Create a picture collage and tell your story. Don’t just upload one picture in the application, make a collage of pictures that show progression over time. Preschools want to have a good community of parents they can rely on to be good ambassadors and available volunteers.

* Attending an “elite preschool” might worsen your chances of getting into a good grade school program. Therefore, look to diversify. It’s not the end all be all if you don’t get into the top-rated preschool.

* So long as the preschool has a good reputation, has a good teacher:student ratio, and has involved parents, it should be good enough. Don’t underestimate the value of proximity either.

Apologies if this post has raised the anxiety level of some parents who might not have thought about the preschool application process in such detail. I just like to write out my thoughts because I’m thorough. At the end of the day, we’re only applying to preschool, so don’t sweat it!

The most important things we can provide our children are love, time, and attention. Besides, the internet has democratized learning and opportunity.

Here’s to the excitement of the great unknown!

Related:

How To Stop Worrying About Your Child’s Future In This Brutally Competitive World

Why Households Need To Earn $300,000 A Year To Live In A Middle Class Lifestyle Today

Is Private Grade School K-8 Worth It?

What If You Go To Harvard And End Up A Nobody?

Readers, have any of you gone through a similarly rigorous process of applying to preschool for your children because there was too much demand and not enough schools? Do you think schools should refund the application fee, or at least part of it, if your kid is not accepted? Why don’t preschools want more racial and socioeconomic diversity? Do you think highlighting Financial Samurai would be helpful since we don’t have full-time jobs?

The post Navigating The Preschool Admissions Process: Getting In And $1,000 Application Fees appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from https://www.financialsamurai.com/navigating-the-preschool-admissions-process/

[mcjoelcain]

Navigating The Preschool Admissions Process: Getting In And $1,000 Application Fees

When my wife was pregnant in late 2016, a friend told me, “You need to apply to preschool within the first three months after he’s born.“

He had one kid in private elementary school and two kids in private middle school. His is also a centimillionaire. 

“Absurd!” I responded.

“Hey, it’s up to you buddy. Getting into preschool in San Francisco is harder than getting into Princeton. Don’t let your lack of preparedness hurt your son’s chances for a bright future.“

Damn it. Guilt sets in.

“Well since you put it that way. I guess I’ll get on it. Want to give us a recommendation when he goes in 2019 or 2020?“

“Of course I will,” my friend replied as we resumed our tennis match.

This post is an introduction into how daunting it is for families living in big cities to get their kids into preschool. It should also give some sense as to why there’s so much anxiety among parents and children early on.

As someone who has questioned the necessity of paying for private grade school tuition, yet who also wants the best for his son, this post serves as a type of mental penance for going through this process. I’ve spent the last seven years trying to escape the grind, but somehow, I’m always getting pulled back in. 

I also hope this post brings joy to families who live in lower cost areas of the country who don’t have to worry about hyper competition due to a lack of supply. Living in a big city has its perks, but helping your child get a quality education is not one of them.

The Beginning Of The Preschool Grind

When it comes to getting your child into a top preschool in a big city, it’s all about who you know, rather than your child’s abilities. After all, your little one isn’t going to cure malaria at two or three years old.

The demand is so high simply because there aren’t enough schools. I heard through a board member at one preschool that 100 kids applied for the four spots available to non-sibling children. Siblings get automatic acceptance.

Since our boy is our first child, we have to blaze our own trail, Financial Samurai style, in order for him to get in anywhere. But we enjoy the challenge, partly because we like the excitement that uncertainty brings.

Given the average acceptance rate for the top-rated preschools is around 5%, the logical conclusion is to apply to 20 in order to get into one.

We didn’t go that far, but we did apply to eight preschools in San Francisco and one preschool in Honolulu. Three of the applications are for 2019 when he’s first eligible to attend at 2.5 years old. The remaining five applications are for 2020, when most preschools allow children to enroll.

Each application fee cost us between $80 – $150, or $1,000 total.

Since all preschools cost more or less the same in tuition, we figured we might as well apply to the top-rated ones. Surely you would do the same.

If our son gets rejected by all nine, then we will home school him. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all actually, since we have the time.

Why Our Chance Of Getting In Is Slim

I don’t remember the last time I felt like an idiot. Actually, maybe it was last summer when I didn’t sell my House Sale Fund portfolio when it was up 13%. Yeah, that was dumb to not take profits when it surpassed my 10% blue sky target.

But with this preschool stuff, I feel lost because I realize the odds are extremely stacked against my family and there’s really not much I can do to improve these odds. And to spend $1,000 on preschool applications alone leaves me with a funny feeling – like I’m a sucker.

Here are some of the reasons why I believe we’ve got little chance of getting our boy into a top-rated preschool. These reasons should help you appreciate what you have and question the choice of living an unconventional lifestyle.

1) We have a small network. As two stay at home parents who’ve been away from the traditional workforce for years, my wife and I don’t have a large network of parents who have kids at XYZ preschool who can vouch for us. As a result, we are at a large disadvantage simply because not enough of the community knows who we are.

One can easily imagine a colleague or a manager on the board of a preschool who provides a fellow colleague an in. That’s just the way the world works. We take care of people who know and like. Being away from networking activities for seven years is likely going to hurt us.

2) We have low-level jobs. On our application, I say I’m an assistant high school tennis coach (not even the head coach) and a stay at home dad. My wife says says she’s a freelance writer and a stay at home mom. We don’t ever say we run Financial Samurai due to our desire for privacy.

I think being a stay at home parent is an extremely important job, but we can’t compete with parents who are executives at a hot startup or partners in venture capital, private equity, or investment banking. I swear all the parents who attended the open houses we went to worked in these fields.

Society does not appreciate creatives as much as they appreciate high powered money making occupations. If society did, it wouldn’t push our artists, writers, poets, and teachers out of the city. 

From the school’s perspective, they want parents who can be ambassadors of the school in their large networks and also be financial backers down the road. If you work in private equity, you will naturally have lots of rich friends who will have children and donate big bucks down the road.

If you’re an assistant high school tennis coach who makes $1,200 a month like I do, your circle of friends probably isn’t going to be as desirable to the school.

And yes, I spent one month’s of coaching salary on preschool application fees.

3) We lead unconventional lifestyles with no recognition. It’s funny. I dislike fame. But you better believe that if I was famous in a good way, my son would have a huge leg up getting into schools. Do you really think any college would reject Malia Obama even if she had terrible grades and test scores? Of course not. Alas, we are nobodies.

The only thing we do is help people achieve financial freedom sooner in order to live their best lives possible. Helping people achieve financial security is nice, especially since we do so for free, but a school would rather have parents working conventional jobs at well-known companies. It’s part of the cachet, even if the employer is known to feature fake news and manipulate your private data.

The only reason I’d ever give up my privacy or lead a more conventional lifestyle is if I could help my son. And I’m not sure preschool is worth the price.

We really cherish being able to spend as much time as possible with our son as stay at home parents. But we recognize we will be viewed as misfits given less than 1% of households have two stay at home parents.

4) We do not come from a wealthy legacy family. I know many people in San Francisco who live in multi-million dollar mansions, but who have occupations that cannot afford such luxurious lifestyles. What’s going on is that multi-generational family money has allowed them to live a life of leisure.

For example, one family founded a newspaper and sold it for $660 million in the mid-1990s. Surely the $660 million has grown to over $1 billion today. By setting up multi-million dollar endowments at several schools (preschool, middle school, high school, college), their heirs get guaranteed entrance to these schools forever. Are the heirs bad people? Of course not. They’re just like everybody else, except with tremendous advantages.

We know that kids of legacy donors have a 70%+ acceptance rate at Harvard versus <6% for the overall admissions rate. We also know that many schools of similar stature conduct similar practices for the wealthy and powerful. This is the way the world works, and the rest of us have no choice but to compete with what we have.

5) We are not part of the majority. Schools without racial bias would generally reflect the overall racial makeup of the city e.g. a preschool would have a similar demographic makeup as San Francisco is 48% White, 33% Asian, 6% Black, 0.4% Pacific Islander, 0.5% Native American, 6.6% Other, and 4.7% Bi-racial or Multi-racial.

Unfortunately, based on the data we’ve read and what we’ve observed after visiting several preschools, about 75% of the student population is White versus 48% for the entire San Francisco population. A ~27% difference is statistically significant, which means something is up. 

Perhaps the huge discrepancy is because of legacy and family connections, which has carried on for generations. After all, these preschools are private, and it’s natural to take care of their own.

Although I belong to a private tennis club where the racial demographic is quite skewed like at many private preschools, I’m not sure we want our son growing up in such a homogenous environment. As a kid growing up overseas attending international schools, I found it wonderful to be immersed in so many different cultures.

When I entered the real world, it was much easier to assimilate and grow. 

See: How The Rich Get Richer: Competing In A Rigged Game

Just Got To Keep Trying

Whatever you do, know that the odds are stacked against you. You can either give up, or you can keep on going. I’ve always chosen the latter. As a parent now, I’ve got no other choice but to stay on the ball.

Of course I will always have fear of rejection. I fear the continuous rejection I’ve experienced will continue on with my son. And it hurts knowing that my son will one day be discriminated against and rejected like his old man was growing up.

But on the bright side, the difficulties I went through growing up helped make me who I am today. And frankly, I feel pretty darn good about my situation. It’s healthy to sometimes get told you’re not good enough so you develop a chip on your shoulder to prove your detractors wrong.

A part of me hopes we get rejected by the early start preschools we applied to for 2019 so that we can go on a great adventure and travel the world again.

How amazing would it be to relocate to Honolulu this summer and enjoy the islands until the fall of 2020 when he’s eligible for a larger number of preschools at 3.5 years old? There’s always a bright side in everything. 

If you’re a parent in a big city applying to a top preschool, let me leave you with some following thoughts:

* Get on the ball and apply early since you will eventually have to apply. Make sure you meet every deadline and send follow up letters to show your continued interest. Schools want to hear about the progress of your little one. The latest you can usually apply is the fall before your kid is planning on attending.

* It’s worth building relationships with parents who have kids attending your target preschools or board members of your target preschools. Worst case, you’ll make some friends or know you don’t want to be part of their community.

* Attend all recommended “get to know you and the school” events. These include lunches, dinners, fundraisers, etc.

* Create a picture collage and tell your story. Don’t just upload one picture in the application, make a collage of pictures that show progression over time. Preschools want to have a good community of parents they can rely on to be good ambassadors and available volunteers.

* Attending an “elite preschool” might worsen your chances of getting into a good grade school program. Therefore, look to diversify. It’s not the end all be all if you don’t get into the top-rated preschool.

* So long as the preschool has a good reputation, has a good teacher:student ratio, and has involved parents, it should be good enough. Don’t underestimate the value of proximity either.

Apologies if this post has raised the anxiety level of some parents who might not have thought about the preschool application process in such detail. I just like to write out my thoughts because I’m thorough. At the end of the day, we’re only applying to preschool, so don’t sweat it!

The most important things we can provide our children are love, time, and attention. Besides, the internet has democratized learning and opportunity.

Here’s to the excitement of the great unknown!

Related:

How To Stop Worrying About Your Child’s Future In This Brutally Competitive World

Why Households Need To Earn $300,000 A Year To Live In A Middle Class Lifestyle Today

Is Private Grade School K-8 Worth It?

What If You Go To Harvard And End Up A Nobody?

Readers, have any of you gone through a similarly rigorous process of applying to preschool for your children because there was too much demand and not enough schools? Do you think schools should refund the application fee, or at least part of it, if your kid is not accepted? Why don’t preschools want more racial and socioeconomic diversity? Do you think highlighting Financial Samurai would be helpful since we don’t have full-time jobs?

The post Navigating The Preschool Admissions Process: Getting In And $1,000 Application Fees appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from Money https://www.financialsamurai.com/navigating-the-preschool-admissions-process/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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Why does Infinity car insurance suck?

"Why does Infinity car insurance suck?

everytime i called them for help they always sounds like they are mad and rude at the same time, and they don't even care about helping me out just by the sounds of their voice!!! my question is what a good car insurance out there???

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://salecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I was involved in a minor accident while driving my mother-in-law's car. I am on her policy, so assumed I would be covered, but was just told that I might not be because I was driving for work. Where on the policy does it show whether or not I was covered? I don't want to keep driving her car for work unless I am.""

Who can I get cheap health insurance through that covers from State to State?

move alot because my bf's job requires him to do so now and again. I have lived in a couple of States in the last year and we are due to move again but his job hasn't said where to yet. Is there a health insurance company that covers most (if not all) States that has reasonable pricing that I could get covered under? I just had a baby a few weeks ago and I am a homemaker with some not very nice health issues so I need to make sure I'm taking care of myself too (especially now). If you have any suggestions, please help. Thank you :)""

What is the best car and best insurance to go with?

I'm 20 years old new driver I know my insurance going to be high I'm taking A 6 hour road ready driving school but at the end what is the best car I'm not really into cars I'm much more into kind of truck sure enough that would be the best type of car and insurance car insurance that help new drivers not Kill they wallets / bank account

Does anyone know an affordable health insurance company?

I am self employed and need affordable health care for myself and my child.

Best car insurance for over 60 male?

Had a DR10 drink driving in 2009. (Long story and yes should not have done it but) Require best option for fully comprehensive covering legal etc. Any idea of which car insurance company is best?

Kawasaki ninja zx6r insurance for a 16 year old?

how much would insurance be for a 16 year old on a zx6r? please don't answer telling me it's a bad idea to ride this bike at 16, i simply want a price range. I did a progressive online quote and basic insurance was only $35 a month. does this seem too cheap, or no?""

Do Different Car Insurance Companies Really Have Different Rates?

I keep seeing ads on TV which claim this or that car insurance company is cheapest. Are they really that different, or is this just marketing?""

I am 19 years old and live in a suburb of Illinois. How much will my car insurance be on a 2001 Nissan Xterra?

I am 19 years old and live in a suburb of Illinois. How much will my car insurance be on a 2001 Nissan Xterra?

How much would insurance on a 1990 dodge neon ?

I think it might be my first car , && I have to pay for insurance .""

Getting life insurance for my grandparents?

My grandparents are in their seventies - early eighties. Financially, they are having a tough time and do not have life insurance. As their grand-daughter, I would like to establish a policy that will be just enough to cover their final expenses. They live in the state of Missouri and I live in Minnesota. Would I be able to get a policy for them? What types of policy should I look at --term or whole life? What are your recommendations for insurance companies?""

How much home insurance should I get?

I just bought a house for about $180,000. I am looking for homeowners' insurance, but I am confused as to how much I should get. Should I insure for just the replacement cost of rebuilding the structure, or for the % of the mortgage I am financing. I got 3 different quotes, and they were for $396, $502, and $858. The lowest one was for $396 b/c it was with my car insurance company, but they will only insure the cost of rebuilding the structure, which they estimate as $110,000 (the house is small and in a decent neighborhood.) The second company wanted to insure me for that, but I got them to quote me on $140,000. That amount, when you add in the 25% overflow they allow you, meets the 90% of the mortgage amount I am financing. The 1st company would not do that for me. The 3rd quote was for $140,000, and was with the people w/whom I have had renter's insurance for 12 years. The only difference was that there was not a wind damage deductible of 2% on the 3rd quote. My loan officer says to just get enough insurance to rebuild the structure. How much insurance should I get?""

How much would car insurance cost for a 17 year old from allstate in california?

does it also matter what kind of a car it is? I have a 1999 chevy malibu

Car Insurance can anyone help please?

I am due to renew my car insurance i have just received my renewal quote, I am fully Comp and have Uninsured Loss Recovery. My quote states that this does not include Legal Assistance. Do l need legal Assistance lf l have fully comp insurance with ULR ? I have looked on the web and ULR and Legal Assistance seem to be practically the same thing. Any help would be appreciated, Thanks.""

Getting car insurance with a suspended license?

I posted this question a couple days. I thought I would share my information. My son (not having a valid Drivers License) was able to obtain car insurance through a reputable insurance company. We went to the DMV and got his new registration for his car, and showed proof of insurance. He has 45 days to show he paid his tickets and his license was reinstated. Just thought I would share this information.""

Who sells the cheapest car insurance?

Who sells the cheapest car insurance?

How much would a car insurance be for a 18 years old?

How much would a car insurance be for a 18 years old?

CAR INSURANCE?????????????

when buying a car i know you have to have car insurance before you drive up but does that necessarliy means they want know you have it but do they let you drive off the lot first or do you give the dealership the insurance money!!!!!!??????????????/

How much does car insurance cost per month?

I'm turning 16 and getting my license and need to tart saving up. IDK if it matters but this is my car: 2000 Mazda 626

How much is Car Insurance in Korea?

I live in Korea and am looking for a car insurance package that's inexpensive. I've been told they're about 300,000 Won per year, but I'm sure there are cheaper options available. Thanks!""

Do you know any life insurance companies that has all of this?

1) Has banding coverage, meaning rates are base on total coverage of the primary and the spouse. 2) Has spouse rider and child rider, so there's only one policy fee 3) Has terminal illness benefit. If you are diagnose to be terminally ill, you can use a portion of the face amount for whatever reasons. 4) Has increasing benefit rider. That means every year up to a certain time, the face amount goes up by a certain percent without having to provide proof of insurability. And the rate of the added coverage is base on the age when the policy was issued to you. 5) Disability waiver of premium. This means when you become disabled, all your premiums will be waivered and the policy will remain enforced until it matures or expires. 6) Guarantees insurability for children. That means when the child becomes an adult, he/she can get life insurance regardless of current health conditions. 7) It has AM Best Rating of A+ or better or Moody Rating of AA or better. The company I work has all these features in all their life insurance policies. I was wondering if any other companies out there has the same features.""

""Just got a speeding ticket with my uncles car, will his insurance raise?""

I just received a speeding ticket while driving my uncles car, i don't have car insurance nor a car. Will his insurance go up from this.""

""Should the cost of car insurance be the same for everybody irrespective of age, ect?""

Should the cost of car insurance be the same for everybody irrespective of age, ect?""

What is the insurance cost for a 16 year old guy with a ford mustang 2004?

What is the insurance cost for a 16 year old guy with a ford mustang 2004?

Question about car insurance for a Honda Civic Si?

Ok so I'm 16, I just got a job and I have my permit and as soon as I get my license I'm going to be buying a car. I have already chosen my car. A 2006-2010 Honda Civic Si. The question is should I get the Honda Civic Si Coupe or the Sedan? Will the insurance be any different between the two or will it be very close if not the same? Thanks for all information.""

""Car accident, insurance rate?""

ive been driving 2 years, no tickets, no accidents....so tonight i got in an accident, rear ended a car....my fault,,,how much will my insurance go up? i have Allstate.""

Why does Infinity car insurance suck?

everytime i called them for help they always sounds like they are mad and rude at the same time, and they don't even care about helping me out just by the sounds of their voice!!! my question is what a good car insurance out there???

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-much-does-car-insurance-usually-cost-female-20-year-preisentanz-1"

[batcoralstudentheart-blog]

I Assume I'm Right, As a result I Am.

Episode previews, IMDb relevant information and various other future details matter as looters and should be looter identified (unless the entry especially regards such relevant information). Record analysis showed that when peers are actually encouraging as well as there is an importance on collaboration, effort, as well as private remodeling, the weather affects variables like standard mental needs, inspiration and also enjoyment. But they also possess a more immediate influence: When people recognize that they have significant and also clear targets, ample sources, practical associates, and more, they receive an instantaneous boost to their emotional states, their incentive to accomplish a fantastic task, as well as their beliefs from the work and also the association. Individuals typically aren't making love, and also they're not aiming to prepare the globe on fire fiscally, either. 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In contrast you mention: 'This is actually a buck, I don't work for a buck' as well as you're much less considering doing this." In other words the intro from financial incentives right into a partnership by one gathering may weaken another's incentive to execute a job. I think component of the trouble with politics has actually been individuals watching it as a profession. This's amazing to have a kick evaluate x-rated lady which makes jokes regarding traits that folks typically state independently to each various other. Jeremy Hunt, the health and wellness assistant, controversially relocated greater than ₤ 1bn off the NHS's funds budget to its earnings spending plan in an attempt to give medical facilities even more funds to invest amidst an extraordinary financial capture. Feel me the only people I can talk with regarding being actually gay at first were gay/bi on the internet. Certainly not A Great Suit For: Those seeking additional basic dream action meals, people who despise rep, OKCupid power users. The B virus can be transferred to folks via scrapes and bites, and can easily result in severe nerve ailment as well as deadly sleeping sickness. Like Roxane in the play, the people they come across are certainly not informed from the odd start-up. I presume this is a lot more challenging sorting each one of this out at 66. I will significantly prefer to modify my sex presentation to women by hormonal agents, not actually interested regarding sexual at my grow older. I attempted enjoying video recordings or some foreign language finding out guides on-line however they didn't assist me like FluentU performed. There typically aren't individuals taking on the door that can help harvest Xmas trees in 42-degree climate," Stone mentioned. Yes, there has been actually the ThinkPad x200 collection, which provides higher performance in a compact structure.