#i am nkt tagging them all

[poisonerthing]

i actually wonder why they split up the prisoners by their genders in the 4th anniv art and not 01-04-05-08-09/02-03-06-07-10 as usual

[takaraphoenix]

You said I only sent four not five and although it was a typo I figured I would. I've been collecting more pool noodles recently, and although you said nkt romantic, I still want these two so 22 and Stiles and Jackson. I feel like those two prompts will work for them.

Tags: m/m, Jackson Doesn't Leave, Pack Feels, fluff, hurt/comfort

Main Pairing: Jackson/Stiles

Teen Wolf Characters: Mieczysław 'Stiles' Stilinski, Jackson Whittemore, Vernon Boyd III, Isaac Lahey, Danny Mahealani, Scott McCall

@writersmonth Prompts: beast + motel

Summary: The team is staying in a motel during an away-game and Scott is using his puppy-dog eyes on Stiles to get out of rooming with his co-captain. Damn those puppy-dog eyes. And damn the motel for having run out of rooms with two beds. And damn Jackson for being so attractive.

This Story on FFNet | This Story on AO3

Away Game

Stiles Summer Stories 2024

"Sti—iles. We're best friends. Brothers, really. Right?"

Stiles didn't look up from the bestiary he was reading on his phone. "Absolutely, Scotty boy."

"And you love me, right?"

Stiles marked a passage on shifters changing their shift form. "Sure do, bud."

"And you would do anything for me. Right?"

Slowly, Stiles lowered his phone. "...I am starting to feel like I won't like where this is headed."

Lowering his phone proved to be a mistake, because Scott next to him was aiming the most convincing puppy-dog eyes at him. Urgh. They made it so hard to deny Scott, so Stiles was already bracing himself for whatever unpleasant thing he was going to agree to.

"I can't room with Jackson," Scott whined. "Coach assigned us the shared room since we're co-captains but I can't sleep in the same room as Jackson for two nights, please. Please switch rooms with me, Stiles. Please? You love me."

"I don't love you enough to share a room with Jackson for two nights, Scotty."

Another whine from Scott and the puppy-dog eyes intensified. Snickering from the row in front of him made Stiles kick the seat. The two werewolves in front of them turned with broad, teasing grins on their lips. Stiles first glared at Boyd and then at Isaac. Damn these oversized puppies.

"Sorry, it's just really fucking funny how much you two argue, considering you're pack now."

Scott grumbled and crossed his arms, sinking lower in his seat at Isaac's comment. All Stiles did was heave a sigh. To him, it made perfect sense. They were like siblings, in that regard. Not the same flavor as Stiles and Scott, the kind that loved each other. But the kind that competed to be the favorite kid, the better of the brothers. After Scott and Stiles had joined the Hale Pack to take down the kanima, they'd worked with Derek and the betas to come up with a plan and they had taken down Gerard together, Scott poisoning Gerard with mountain ash and telling Derek about how Gerard wanted the bite to cure his cancer, leading to Derek biting Gerard. And then Jackson's curse got broken and the giant lizard turned into a beta wolf, changing from one beast to another, also joining the pack. Jackson, who always wanted to be the best and the favorite, only edged on even more with Scott now, since Scott had been – more or less – the first beta and had, at this point, earned his spot as Derek's right hand.

So now Stiles was stuck in a pack of three obnoxious assholes (Boyd, Erica and Isaac. And Stiles was saying 'obnoxious assholes' affectionately at this point), a growly-but-improving Alpha, his best friend in the whole world, and Jackson. Another sigh escaped Stiles.

"I hate you," Stiles said in a flat voice. "I hate you so much."

Scott's face lit up and he hugged Stiles tightly. "Thank you! You're the best."

Boyd chuckled and side-eyed Stiles, causing Stiles to flip him off. So the two had become good friends, really good friends, after their little 'bonding exercise' in the Argent basement but he was absolutely not taking any of the werewolves' shit.

/break\

Jackson stalked into his bedroom, jaw set. Danny was walking next to him, grinning delighted because he could be an absolute asshole if he wanted to be. And Jackson being stuck with McCall for an entire weekend? Danny thought that was hilarious and he opted to go and see how Jackson would settle in. Only that when Jackson opened the door, the person sitting on the only bed in the room was not McCall. It was the only option worse than McCall.

"Stilinski," Jackson growled. "I know you and McCall are attached by the hip, but I am absolutely not sharing a room with both of you. Get out."

"Yeah, you're not," Stiles collapsed backward on the bed, stretching out, his shirt riling up enough to show a pale sliver of skin and his hip bone. "You only share with me."

Jackson was staring transfixed at Stiles' hipbone. Growling. He knew his eyes were flashing blue and he hoped he could cover the arousal with anger. Stiles flipped him off, so he bought it.

"I thought you're sharing a room with Greenberg," Danny noted confused.

"Ye—ep, so did I," Stiles heaved a long-suffering sigh. "And then Scott used the puppy eyes of doom against me and here I am. Jackson's new roommate. Congratulations, Whittemore. You get to enjoy all of this all weekend, lucky you."

He motioned at himself, voice dripping with sarcasm. Jackson ground his teeth together. The motherfucker really didn't know how damn tempting he was. All long limbs, pale skin that begged to be marked up, and that mouth, Jackson had multiple good ideas for that mouth. Danny snorted out a laugh and rested a heavy hand on Jackson's shoulder, patting it.

"Don't worry, Jackson is not a blanket hog, but he does like to cuddle so don't be surprised if you wake up with him spooning you, Stiles," Danny winked.

No mercy. Best friends for so many years and yet Danny had no mercy with him. Jackson glared at him in betrayal. Danny was the only person who knew of Jackson's unfortunate obsession with Stiles. It had started after Jackson became a werewolf. It was like his wolf was drawn to the annoying little shit. Feeling calmer, more at ease when Stiles was around. Stiles had helped him so much in settling in, teaching him control – something he'd done for Derek's other betas too, apparently (after he had learned that Derek's method was medieval torture devices). So it wasn't special, he shouldn't feel special for it. But his wolf latched onto that, feeling cared for. Same with the food, Stiles tended to cook for the pack during pack-nights, because he loved cooking and the wolves could eat a lot. Again, nothing special, the food was for the entire pack. And yet still.

"Have fu—un," Danny chimed, shoving Jackson into the bedroom fully.

"Where the fuck is the other bed," Jackson asked as soon as he slammed the door shut.

"Evidently not in the room," Stiles pointed out, still staring at the ceiling. "Motel's booked. They ran out of two bed bedrooms, so six lucky plays get to cuddle up with each other and we are two of the winning pairs, Jackson. I don't snore, if that helps."

Jackson growled again, really struggling with his wolf who was purring and whining and just wanted to crawl into that bed and curl together around Stiles. This was going to be a nightmare.

/break\

Stiles got back to the bedroom with his teeth brushed, wearing only his boxers and the Batman sleep shirt that Erica had bought him for his birthday. Jackson was already laying on the bed, looking constipated. He'd looked that way ever since he walked into this room. Either he actually had constipation, or it really bothered him this much to share a room with Stiles. Which should not sting as much as it did. After all, Stiles knew he stood no chance with Jackson, even though he'd had a crush on the guy for pretty much as long as he had feelings for Lydia. Yeah, he liked gorgeous people who more or less didn't care for his existence. Nobody said he had good taste.

"If you could at least stop looking like this is physically hurting you. It's insulting."

Stiles jumped onto the bed, pushing Jackson aside enough to get some space too. Jackson glared. No insult though. Weird. Jackson's fingers were twitching at his side before he pulled his hand back. Ah. Oh. That was why he was so constipated. Stiles put on his most shit-eating grin.

"You can cuddle me, you know," Stiles offered, opening his arms.

"W… What," Jackson's voice actually cracked. "Why would you-"

"Whole pack of puppies," Stiles interrupted him, rolling his eyes. "Boyd, Erica and Isaac regularly break into my bedroom to get their scent-marking and Stiles time in. Scott anyway. You – or your wolf, anyway – want to cuddle the pack-human."

Jackson looked at him with a guarded expression and Stiles sighed. "I'm not going to make fun of you for this, Jackson. It's instincts. I've cuddled with Derek and the man looked so murderous throughout but after I smelt enough like his betas, his inner wolf was itching for it too. I'm pack. Being pack is about more than just… personalities mashing perfectly together. You don't have to like me to accept me as a pack-mate."

The look on Jackson's face softened but he still looked guarded, even as he slowly inched closer. Rolling his eyes, Stiles wrapped his arms around the other jock and pulled him close. A soft rumbling came from Jackson and hah, victory. Tehehe, another one for Stiles' puppy collection.

"I don't dislike you, Stilinski."

"Oka—ay?" Stiles furrowed his brows, looking at Jackson.

A blush lit up Jackson's face, which really brought out his freckles in a pretty way. Looking away, Stiles snuggled up more to Jackson. Hey, he was just a guy and if he got to cuddle with his crush, he was damn well going to enjoy it while it lasted. Jackson wrapped his arms around him, near possessive, making Stiles melt in his arms. This was good.

"I like you," Jackson pressed out, sounding like the words actually hurt him.

Stiles froze. "Like… as pack-mates? As friends? As…? No, wait, sorry, forget it. I'll take it."

"The last one," Jackson muttered, voice muffled by Stiles' neck.

"Friends?" Stiles repeated carefully.

"No," Jackson growled. "The one after that."

The one where he trailed off, the implied 'more than friends'. Oh. Oh. Stiles pushed himself off Jackson enough to stare at the other in surprise. There was too much unwanted vulnerability in Jackson's eyes to make this a prank or anything. Jackson liked liked him. Impulsively, Stiles leaned in and pressed his lips against Jackson's, his heart jackrabbiting.

"Against better judgment do I like you too," Stiles admitted after a moment. "I mean, when you're not being a total jerk, you can be really sweet. And your pretty face also helps."

He grinned cheekily at Jackson, who shoved him lightly. "Well, I can return that compliment. When you are not being a total shit, you can be really sweet. And your pretty face helps too."

Stiles flushed to the tips of his ears, ducking his head. Jackson smirked and then nuzzled into his neck. That felt good. That felt really nice. Stiles yawned, snuggling more into Jackson's warmth. This was so not what he had expected when switching rooms with Scotty, but now he may actually owe his best friend. Maybe a nice fruit-basket or something?

~*~ The End ~*~

[doppydopplinggillygone]

*She lands on it and spins around, overjoyed you like the honey*

Bzzz Bzz bzz Bzzz Bzzzz bzzzzzzbzzbzz? Bzz bzzz bzzz bzzzzz bzzz bzzzz.

[Translation: They are very hard workers, are they not? I am always so proud of them.]

*She has the air of a proud mother*

-🐝

BZ BZBZ ZZBZBBZZ BZ BZZ BZZZ BZZ BZ BZZ BZ BZ BBZZ BZZ BZZZ BZ BZZZ BZZ BZZ BZZ BZ BZ ZBBB ZBB BZZBB BZZB BZ BBZZZ BZZZ BZ ZBBBB BZZZBBZ

[IM ALSO PROUD OF THEM! IVE EVEN BEEN MAKING MINI BEDS FOR YOU ALL AND NAME TAGS. THEY.. MIGH NKT BE THE BEST THOUGH..]

[kimatas]

my laptop does not like that I'm giffing

[basil-and-honeydew]

The melon harvest is coming in a little big this year!!!

[fangirlings-things]

@maggiescarborough said: It’s me again, darling I’d love for another request if you want, it’s be 25 → "What the hell do you want me to say?" ; "What about I'm sorry?" with Hvitserk? Thank you so much and I hope you have fun writing!

A/N: yayyy some hvitty writing to cheer up my day!!! loved the request, hope you like the result love 💖

gif belongs to me || tag list: @charmingvalkyrie

Warnings: mentions of sex, language, a bit of angst

He had been out for hours.

Earlier in that day, you had said you would wait for him on his house. You had managed to sneak into his chambers behind his mother's back and had patiently awaited there with a smile on your face and the thought of spending time with him like you hadn't been able to do in the last week.

You waited, and waited, and waited. He never showed. When sadness filled your being and you began to regret being there, you got up from his bed where you had been sitting comfortably and made your way towards the door in heavy steps.

Just as you were about to get out though, the door was opened in front of you and Hvitserk stood there on the other side, a smile on his lips that disappeared as soon as he saw you standing there. That hurt you.

"(Y/N), have you been...?" he began, but the question died in his throat when realization filled his eyes and he stopped talking with a heavy sight.

"You forgot, of course" you said, a false ironic smile on your lips as you felt stupid. Stupid for being there for so long, when he clearly didn't even remember you existed. "I am leaving"

"No, wait" he held you back when you tried to pass by him, hands tight in your arms. You walked backwards to get out of the reach of his hands, and he then closed the door behind him before turning to look at you again. "I did nkt forgot, I got caught up in a thing with Ubbe"

You laughed at that, without any humor at all in your tone. "That is curious, since Ubbe has been here for hours now. He was the one who helped me get in" Hvitserk realized he had been just caught in a lie and turned his eyes to the floor, making you sight heavily. "If you did not want to see me you should have just said, Hvitserk, instead of making me wait here for your arrival like your dog"

"(Y/N), I..." as he straighted his head upwards again, the colar of his shirt moved and you saw a glimpse of something in his neck. Before you could contain yourself you marched towards him and roughly pulled at the colar, exposing the love bites and marks that covered his neck. Those were fresh, juding by the colors of it. Had just been made.

"You were with her. I should have known" you felt anger filling your chest and you took several steps back, trying to get as far away from him as you could. "How is Margrethe? Was she missing you?"

The provocation in your voice mixed with the clear pain on it made Hvitserk raise his arms and then let them fall around his waist again. "What the hell do you want me to say?"

"What about I'm sorry?" you snapped back at him, tears blurring your vision before you blinked and made them fall. "I'm sorry I said I loved you because that was a lie? I'm sorry I said I wanted to be with you because honestly I just want to keep fucking someone else?"

"It was not a lie" he replied almost instantly, eyes fixed on yours as he said so. "I do love you"

"Right. How did I forget that" you said and then stormed out of the room, passing by him with a push to his left shoulder that made it clear you did not want him to hold you back.

As you made your way back to your own house, a long walk in the night that at least brought some clearness to your thoughts, you thought about Hvitserk and how much you loved him. Unfortunately, he apparently did not feel the same.

As you got to your house you cleaned your tears and made your best to look normal, not wanting questions to be made about the fact that you had been crying. Just when you closed the door behind you and turned around, you saw your parents sitting at the fire in the middle of the room.

"We thought you would not be getting back until tomorrow" your father said, a mischievous smile on his lips. They knew you had been seeing Hvitserk, of course.

"Floki!" your mother slapped his arm and then looked back at you. "Did everything go well, my child? Are you feeling good?"

"I'm just going to sleep. Goodnight" you said before you began to cry again and walked away towards your bed.

As you did so, you heard your father saying something. "I think (Y/N) is hurt, Helga"

Oh, father, you thought to yourself. You have no idea how right you are.

[skyecrandall]

ILITW, the ILITW - Chapter 5

Tagging: @alanakusumastan

I hhad another screenshot for this but accidentally deleted it.

Btw. I knew something was going on about Lucas the may Mr.Cooper was talking. At first I thought he would be like, " You are drowing in work and that is affecting your results". Not to use of enhancement drugs.

I know the pressure Lucas is since I'm nearly in the same boat but our situations are differnet. His parents expect a lot from him because they had already achieved much and want him to be able to achieve as much. In my case, my parents haven't really gotten far jn their studies (both dropouts) and did not initially have the best life and careers but with their incredible management skills our lifestyle is pretty decent and they managed to raise me the way that I am. Someone who can achieve a lot and had already proven myself a bit before. They might tell me to do my best and they they are nkt telling me to be perfect, but it just feels bad to me to not get that perfection. It feels like backstabbing and not rewarding them for all of the effort they made to being me up. However i do not deal with those enhencement drugs. Hell i hate anything related to hospitals and medicines and blood and smoke and alchohol and gore.

Still, dont do drugs kids and just focus on soing your best with your natural capabilities. Also dont overexert yourself because you dont want to get burntout and that feeling is the worst.

Back to the game. The snake bit the man wearing a snake polo. Nice touch. I remember someone posting about that back in the days.

My MC has probably seen it, but I havent and i want to see it!

The crow is back! And this time I decided to name it after one of my best friends here, @alanakusumastan , Julia! Plus the Crow's personality fit her so well.

Burn Britney. But not right now. Suffer the following humiliation.

Like they say in french : " Karma is a bitch,"

Aww thats so sad, Alexa play Revenge is Sweeter(Than You Ever Were) by The Veronicas.

--- And some shots from the past chapter that I forgot to include

Ava's power finally developed and im all for it tbh.

[chimericalpoeticlout]

A letter from a lost creature

My dearest aunt, uncle and cousins,

There are so many things to thank for and they shan't be uttered nor whispered but more be written.

I asked a grumpy old man once, "how do you define sucess?". Not a single blink he replied, "my legacy... ". For more than a thousand days i thought of what he mentioned and all the while i simply think of it as gibberish. Forgive my language but life has been shitty these past years that even the thought of where to belong is hard, how much more of finding that true meaning of success that old man told me.

Days, weeks, months and years passed, still the two season of the country i was born to live in and oughtly thought to die seem not to give me a single hint. I have tried to live by a day at a time with alcohol and friends and found not the answers but episodes of hangover. I tried making my own family, got married but i guess family doesnt suit my fallen ass. Ripped my jeans, tagged along with guns and bullets, cuddled with different women but the definition still blurrs. I FEEL EMPTY.

It came twice the age when i asked him and i find it considerably horrifying not to figure out what it is. What is success? And why the hell am i talking about it in this piece of writing that i am supposed to be thanking a family for instead of having these thoughts in an airport?

It took 3 seasons for me to fill that gap of emptiness. To see what legacy is and what sucess is.

Seeing how summer seem to enlighten me with the warmth of a family love fills a little happiness to that emptiness. All along, the friends i thought were family never came through when things got rough. Although some died but their death meant nothing to others. For me it does. Always! I see now why people like the summer. Not because it is warm and that they can do a lot of things outside their homes but for me, summer brings family together with their burdens dropped at their houses carrying those smiles and happiness outside.

Autumn brings a preparation of sadness. It's as if you start to wrap yojrself to protect it from a coming storm. Sort of a warning, telling you to be ready. For a time to weep and grief. Along comes fall. They are simply disappointments, failures and mistakes. Had tons of those actually. But never the regrets, a couple actually.

Winter. Not everyone loves it but sure looks nice! Imagine a shiny glittery jacket wrapped on you but extremely heavy. Heavy of sorrows, worries and depression. The weather brings you to your darkest thoughts but im truly impressed hke thry get to find the silver lining out of such.

Enough of the nonsense. This is just too much to read i know but there is so much to be thankful for. I simply wanna emphasize how the weather has groomed me to figure out simple yet amazing things in life. And i would like the kids to know how lucky they are and i hope they remind themselves of that always.

Family. It is something i am trying to build now, working on it. I know the kids are truly thankful about your family but i hope they somehow get a bit of jest about how i see your family in my eyes. Growing up not having the right pillars was never easy. It is not that i blame them, of course every decision i have id mine to bear but it is truly different when you have someone to talk to. When you can just tell someone hoe your day has been. I mean yes the girls were there, but someone older and wiser means a lot different. Be thankful. You would never find the coolest parents in the world. You have what it is that ate lovely and i dreamt of all these years. A family built with love. And for a bit of time, i felt that. Thank you.

Attention. Since things came out differently with my ma and pa, i only get this mostly from my friends. And of course, mommy. But never was there a time that i got them from my folks. Each time i got to church and see an entire family praise and thank God. Oh such a wishful thinking! Thank you for the, "you can do it!" words from you tita and tito. If you only know how much it squeezes my heart and drops bed of tears. And how much it feels for u to say, "good job" makes everything feel so right. Perhaps its been years that i havent heard those words. Thank you.

Love. At times i know i lack of it. The feeling that i bear witness how my family fell apart and the family i tried to build never really worked makes it so difficult to find one and even feel or ask if someone truly feel the same way for me. I know it has been hard for you to welcome me, to get in that circle, a hundred times and more have i disappointed your expectations on me that coming here makes me think much about the simplest love and intentions you have for me all the while you expect me to do something... It was never for you, but for me. Your wisdom was always right. It may be too late and you may nkt have heard me say this, but i am truly sorry for my mistakes, but thank you for understanding.

Kindness. All this time i have been wondering how trulg blessed i am to have you guys. I know i am totally a stranger to the kids, also to you and tito having years of less hi's and hello's. I know. It's hard. I know it is never easy to let some stranger get in, let alone someone who disappointments you in the moments of need and hope. But still your kindness not just to me but to every person you meet, they fall in love with the joy, fun, love and kindness with the family. So if yku ever ask why you are so blessed, God always stayed in your hearts. He nurtured it to spread his love and kindness to everyone. And that is a blessing that no one can easily understand but i know i do. Thank you.

Tita, tito and kids. My warmest thanks again for everything. For a quickest months of my life, has made life worth living. As to many times i likely to kill myself in the basement, ykur famkly gave me a very strong will and motivation for myself, "Someday i'll have one like that". You filled this emptiness with love and hope renewing how i see life. When im back home, i shall always think of ways tk spread the love, support and kindness to the rest of the family. Somehow giving them hope, that our side of the family still has hope not just to greet the hi's and hello's but i hope to know that someday, i hear "how are you" and "see you soon" or even a "tske care" and "i got you".  I shall bring that filled part of emptiness with hopes that someday i make it whole again. That someday i have my own definition of success. My own definition of legacy. And that i can say, success is a perception on how you want your legacy would become.

Thank you my Kanata family. I shall keep you in my heart always with hopes, dreams and motivations.

Yours indefinitely,

Chimerical poetic lout

[viridescent-lament]

someone paying an absurd amkunt of attention to my recent rbs may have noticed all the art i rbed is tagged with inspo and favorites. and that is because. i can look at so many things i love in all this art. and look at my art and realize i cant even begin to mimic that. i cant compare. 

im going to back up because theres a bit more i think. just a dump of things that have affected? my mood

a few days ago. i look at my face. i see bumps. i am very concerned (im supposed have a clear face because thats one of the few consistent compliments on my face thats the one measurable thing that i liked about it -)

i do a mask or two (a rare event, and a different maskni havent used before) it doesnt gok away. but while im looking. i realize i dont hate my face (at the time). i recognize several things that arent bad and some that are neutral. from this point on ive cokntinued to do an apricot scrub but those bumps remain (they were there befoe school but i suspect wearing a mask all day has worsened it.)

i work on an art piece for a few days. i am not happy wiuth it but it doesnt look bad.i post it before school.

now that im finihed with that piece i need something to do during school. i crochet. made a coaster in one bus ride to school, another between classwork, and most of one during a mostly free period, which was completed on the bus. (to be fair. its 5 rounds and described as quick to work up)

the first i give to my teacher before school. she is nice about it. notably, i offered it to a teacher i had last year first, who mentions she still has a doily i  gave to her last year, and she thinks of me when she sees it.

i gave the second to my art teacher. he is very nice about it, which is not unusual but always makes me :D

also during art. i work on a pinch pot and recieved positive feedback relating to it beijng a square and alsl me adding orbs to the corners. notably. i placed the pot on my friends desk and said something along the lines of 'i crave [feedback/attention]' (dont remember exact wording)

i try to finish the last coaster in last period to give to my teacher but fail. i do give it to my friend while we're in the bus and she has a very sweet reaction (involving gasping and compoiments and i noticed her staring at it for awhile after)

sometime after that on the bus ride i think about how nice positive feedback is and vaguely wish my friend from last year who always had an extreme good reaction to gifts and kind acts was still here.

the art has not had any feedback beyond the requester/my friend (who is the requester). thats not too bad but i dont rb it to main bcs i want to post the speedpaint first.

i start working on getting the speedpaint up. i need a song. i ask my sisters while we r outside about songs i can use. the twins are alsok planning 'celebration days' for mema. we end up singing and they stol and say my voice is good. a bit more singing and me being embarrassed and sinking to the floor with my hands covering my face at one point. i have been convinced to join them in singing a song for mema.

at this point i was excited. i am critical of my voice and have not sung much since third grade choir (i auditioned the next year but did not make it, which was discouraging for a small child).

next day. another apricot scrub to maybe get those bumps off. excited messing around with twins in morning. printing out pictures of myself at emmas request. and printing song lyrics. mema is mowing outside. i begin to practice. i doknt hate it. i stop and drink water. i try to memoripe lyrics, although i donot get ti the end. considering posting my singing on blog. twins go swimming. i take a small break. post speedpaint. 

twins come inside w kai. they are all in a bad mood. i try to start again, slightly nervous/embarrassed to sing in front of people. 'im a little pitchy' 'yeah you are' - kai. kais always like that but. emma also says its not good. notably emma is never like that. i dont really care cuz its obvious shes in a bad mood even without avas reassurance. 

ava convinces me tok play tea party. kai clinks spoon against ceramic cup and it hurts my ears. i tell her to stop and she does. kai tells me to go off my tablet. i cokntinue with the internal justification 'its overwhelming to focus on them only (not exact words)'. ear still hurts from cup clinking. small snarking between kai and i. twins and kais voice eventually becoming more and more irritating. i leave tea party.

later twins trying to get my attention and i answer aggressively and they say nevermind. internally i amthinkung that this isnt even overstimulation/bad noise (cant remember word for that) just me being annoyed at them for no reason. 

speedpaint has recieved no attention. i shoukdnt care but am slightly disappointed. i try going through open tabs to rrb things. all the art is amazing. i tag everything as inspo and favorites, because its all amazing. i keep noticing littke techniques that each piece does. two handle lineart color differnces better than i did on that request. one has a sketchiness to the lines that adds to it. one has beautiful flowers that i could never get. i think about improving. i dont know how. i cant figure out how to learn. and other self depreciation.

that self depreciation continues with my singing. i cant do it. im not good at singing. i cant memorize the words. etc. mema is out of the house and i try practicing again. i cant get myself to sing. i eventually tell twins i cant do it. 

throughout this. i try to listen to music. watch videos. something to blockbout the noise and get the right noise. nothing works. currently settled on a song that almost does it.

theres alot of internal emotion that i dont know how to describe. 

logically i know myart didnt get nktes bcs it was posted while my friends were offline. and art not getting notes is one thing thatas nkt even a major part of this. but.

i am disgusted by my face right now. i doknt know whats wrong with it. i dont know whats wrong with my body.

ive been thinking about cutting my hair. i like how it looks now. and have recieved a random compliment from somebody i dont know at school. who said i could really pull it off. but. i want to experiment. ill probably come back to this style. but i want to try some stuff.

[velvtcherie]

Jaemin is useless and lame. Nct dream has been fine without him. He just needs to give up cause being an idol was clearly nkt the plan for him.

hello there whoever you are. i apologize for the late reply. i see that you have probably read my short post on disrespectful fans. nct dream debuted with SEVEN members, and just because he isn’t active with the rest in this comeback doesn’t mean he’s “useless”.

i don’t know why you all anti-jaemin people can’t understand that his health is our top priority as an NCTzen.

and btw, did you really look for tags about nct dream/jaemin just to send in hate about my children? that’s pathetic. if you’re just going to say negative things, better keep them to yourselves because i am NOT looking for shit today :)

oh, and i forgot to tell you, kindly fuck off :D