#i am the worlds most insane monkey poster

[ningadudexx]

I love 𝓿𝓻𝓸 ❤️🕊️

[a-dragons-journal]

My Experiences of Nonhumanity

I get asked about “what makes you/people in general feel you’re/they’re otherkin” a lot, and while the answer is far from simple and my experiences are anything but universal, I figure it deserves a write-up once in a while. A friend asked about it a couple nights ago, so I wrote up a huge long message on Discord, and decided to rewrite it into a Tumblr post for posterity. This’ll be a long one, folks; hit J on desktop to skip.

It’s worth noting ahead of time: none of these things are required to be otherkin, and none of them automatically mean you’re otherkin. In fact, most of them are little more than mildly “weird” quirks when they occur in isolation, and only start to push outside the range of “normal human experiences” when many of them occur together. You can’t look at someone (including yourself) and say “they like collecting things, they must be dragonkin!” It’s not that simple. You have to take the individual as a whole even as you examine each specific experience in more detail - don’t lose the forest while you’re studying the trees. This is just a description of my personal experiences.

Shifts

- Phantom shifts/supernumerary phantom limbs: Probably the most obvious thing and the hardest to brush off, although I still managed to do so for years. Phantom shifts, aka supernumerary phantom limbs, are the experience of feeling limbs or body parts that do not and never have physically existed. In my case, the most common phantom limbs to show up are my wings and tail; other body parts, such as digitigrade legs, horns, snout, and paws/talons, also make appearances less frequently. While my phantom limbs almost never attempt to replicate tactile sensations/interactions with the physical world, they’re often defined by very vivid proprioception (ability to tell where your body is in space, mainly via muscle stretch receptors), and I can tell where each part of the limb is at any given time - it’s not just a shapeless sense of “weight,” or it wouldn’t be phantom limbs. I can also move them at will, typically. My phantom shifts are typically spontaneous and involuntary, but they’ve been induced artificially a couple different ways as well, though I can’t typically do it at will.

- Sensory shifts: Still not something I’m totally sure I experience, but there are definitely times my sense of smell becomes insanely strong compared to usual even for me, which fits the definition of a sensory shift.

- Astral shifts: While I’m far from an adept astral traveler, when visualizing “traveling” within my own mindscape, I shift form fluidly between human and dragon - although I almost always have wings at the very least.

- Cameo shifts: Mentioned only because it’s relevant to my phantom shifts. I realized at some point that the reason I get cameo shifts of canine/feline ears sometimes is because they usually show up when they’re pricking/flattening to express emotion, and the muscles that move to do that action are basically the same as the ones that do those actions with the crest that runs down my neck, and because of my obsession with cats/dogs/horses as a young child and because that’s not a particularly strong phantom shift for me usually, I connected the dots a little wrong and created a false association.

- Self-image: This isn’t technically a shift, but it’s going here anyway because it doesn’t really fit in any other section either. My body image/self-image is weird. I know, consciously, what I physically look like. However, my instinctive self-image is... hmm. What I “expect” to see doesn’t always match up with what’s actually there when I look in the mirror. Teeth are a huge point of fixation for me for some reason; I always expect them to be larger, sharper, stronger. I expect my neck to be longer, my face to be... different. I expect scales in places. I expect claws. Even knowing consciously that of course it won’t be there, it’s still strange sometimes that it’s not. There’s sometimes some mild disconnect when I see myself. (Sometimes not. But sometimes.)

Homesickness

(Or, the sense of missing something you’ve never had - not of “I want/want to be [x], and it makes me sad/upset that I don’t have/am not that,” but of “I should have/be [x], and it is fundamentally wrong that I do/am not.”)

- Flight: I have always wanted to fly, and for a long time I thought everyone ached for the sky the same way I did. Most people don’t, as it turns out. Yes, everyone’s fantasized about flying, but most people don’t feel bones-deep, crushing, physical pain in their chest thinking about it. Most people don’t lift up onto their toes instinctively straining for the sky. I’ve felt that aching longing for it for as long as I can remember.

- Connection to dragons: For as long as I can remember knowing about dragons, I loved the idea of them and even when I was very young, when I’d only really been exposed to media where they were the great evil for the hero to defeat and received no more character development than “evil, destructive, fire-breathing beast,” I was always on the dragon’s side and wanted to learn more about them. That hasn’t faded. I’ll watch an absolutely terrible movie or TV show that I otherwise loathe if it has good enough animation and sound design on the dragons. (Looking at you, Game of Thrones.*) I would commit arson to see one of those Isle-style dragon survival games actually go through and finish production. (Holding out hope for the Dragon Game Project on YouTube; go check them out if you haven’t already.) I’ve also used dragons to represent myself for pretty much as long as I’ve had an online presence - years before I ever heard of otherkin, I was calling myself Dragonheart.

- Dragon-like creatures: Snakes, crocodilians, and dinosaurs all fall into this category - all of them give me a similar heart-and-breathing-pick-up, aching familiarity to dragons. They’re not perfect, but in a snake’s scales and a crocodile’s bellows and a dinosaur’s spectacular reptilian size I see echoes of us and I have always loved them with a passion, even before I quite knew why.

- Dragon/”monster” noises: Sound generators, creature sound design, real animal noises, etc. that are meant to be monstrous and that most people find unsettling or even frightening, I find comforting and relaxing. Alligator bellows, “monster noise” soundscapes, etc. all apply here.

* No shade on anyone who likes Game of Thrones, I’m just not a fan. :P

Behaviors/Instincts/Urges

- Hoarding: I’m still not sure how much of the crystal thing is "monkey brain say Shiney Colorful," how much is a witch thing, and how much is a dragon thing, but some of it is a dragon thing.

- Territorial/possessive nature: I can get... extremely territorial over my stuff and my home. This can extend right into being ridiculously protective of my people too, although I do try to rein that in to a reasonable amount. This also extends into games like Capture the Flag, because put me on defending the border during middle and high school and I got frighteningly territorial. (Fun fact, this extends to spiritual protection stuff and it has almost gotten me in trouble a few times on that front.) The other main side effect is my brain trying to claim completely inappropriate things as “mine,” like every piano I have ever touched or, that one time, the entire city of Portland.

- Prey drive: Going on a walk in the woods with me will always be an exercise in stopping every twenty seconds because I heard a small animal move in the brush and froze instinctively to track it. Prey drive ranges from "okay I can indulge this enough to track-stalk-chase without actually intending to catch-kill-eat" to "this is entirely inappropriate and needs to Stop Right Now" depending on the day and the situation - sometimes it’s fairly low-key and innocent, but sometimes it's also being confronted with the sudden and completely serious/genuine thought of grabbing someone or something by the neck/around the body with your jaws and hunt-prey-kill-devour when it's completely inappropriate and kind of disturbing or even sickening. It’s one of the more annoying things, although it’s not like it’s severe enough that I’m an actual danger to anyone - it’s just a gut thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level without significant problems. This also bleeds into games (I get... maybe a little overenthusiastic during tag) and even watching TV shows or gaming videos - most of the time at least part of me is rooting for the hunter because I relate to them as a fellow predator, even if the audience is supposed to be rooting for the prey - I mean, protagonists.

- Basking/heat-seeking: Probably only partially a dragon thing, but despite the fact that I hate heat in general, radiant/sun heat and heat from a heated surface are both fantastic feelings provided the ambient air temperature isn't too high. I'm guessing this is at least partially a reptile brain thing.

- Height-seeking: Give me a chance to climb up on top of something - a rock, a cliff, a chair, a table, a bunk bed - and look out over everything else, and I'll take it in an instant. Getting to climb up on the roof is the best thing that's happened to me this entire quarantine.

- Flight instinct: Being mildly leery of cliffs not because I am afraid of falling, because I'm really not, but because there's always some part of my brain that goes "jump, fly, this is a perfect takeoff spot" and I have to squash that before I do something particularly stupid. This manifests in other ways, but that's the most dramatic (and annoying) one. This is also one of the things I noticed as definitively not normal long before my awakening. (The Grand Canyon was fun.)  Similarly to the prey drive thing, it's not like I'm actually in danger of throwing myself off cliffs, it’s just - there's a not-insignificant part of my brain that thinks "hey we should go run and jump off and take a quick flight," in the same way I might also casually think "hey I should stroll across to the corner store for a bag of chips" before I consciously decide whether or not to do that. It’s the exact same type of thought process, despite the fact that one of those things is something I might do on any given school day, and the other is, you know, physically impossible.

- Combat instincts: I get in a fight and my pure instinct is to bite or claw, not kick or punch or whatever it is humans do instinctively. I have those reflexes now courtesy of Krav, but I had to train them in - if you’d thrown me into a fight before, I absolutely would have resorted to claws/nails and teeth immediately (and I still will, when pressed into a corner). Sometimes, unfortunately, this goes off completely unwarranted, either in an anger situation that does not deserve a physical response, or for no apparent reason whatsoever. It's one of the more problematic things, but once again - it’s not like it’s a compulsion, just a gut-emotion thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level.

- Scent focus: Who knows how much of this is environmental influence and how much is instinctive, but I always have and still do focus on scent more than most humans seem to. I can identify people by scent, I seem to pay more attention to it than most people do. I also seem less bothered by natural body smells than most people do, but considering the responses when I asked around in the otherkin community once about that, unclear whether or not that's connected.

- Nonhuman noises: I make just a bunch of weird nonhuman noises, and always have. Growls, hisses, croons, hurrs, throat-clicks, chirps, etc. I've never met any human who does them instinctively like I do except my half-sister (whom I didn’t meet until a couple years ago), and she was just as surprised to hear me do it as I was surprised to hear her do it.

- Affection: Face-rubbing, light head-bonking against someone’s shoulder/body/head, and love nips/bites are all perfectly acceptable ways to show platonic affection, to dragon brain. Human society disagrees. The instinct to do these things is so strong that I definitely do give into the first two with people I’m close with, and I have physically had to catch and restrain myself when I was about to unthinkingly bite/nip someone’s skin because I wasn’t paying enough attention.

- Movement: Moving on all fours just feels better than moving on two legs, even though it’s objectively physically uncomfortable because humans aren’t built for that. I also have the instinctive want to be a lot more flexible than I’m capable of being, in ways I’m not capable of being - curling all the way around something or someone to squeeze them tight in the coil of my body, turning my head a hundred eighty degrees because my neck Should Be Longer.

- Expression: Baring one’s teeth when frustrated, irritated, or angry is not a particularly human instinct. I realize it’s something a lot of primates do do, but. *gestures at society* Humans ain’t one of them, at least not anymore. Even in Krav Maga, which is a self-defense style that focuses on being vicious and “dirty fighting” to survive a real street fight, every single time I have a new partner (and most times I have a partner I’ve worked with before) and I get tired enough to get snarly, they respond with some variation of “god that’s scary”. See also: gesturing at things with my nose because it should be long enough to make that a much more dramatic gesture than it ends up being.

- Den/lair/small spaces: I never feel safer than when curled up in a tiny alcove just big enough to comfortably fit my body curled up into it. The only position I’ll prioritize over it is getting up onto a high space.

Past Life Work

Unlike every other bullet point on this list, most of these didn’t apply until I started actively seeking them out, because, you know. Past life memories are like that.

- Past life regressions: I’ve got a tag for these, but tl;dr I take anything I learn from a past life regression or similar meditation/visualization with a whole spoonful of salt, forget “a grain,” because I know for a fact my brain is very good at making stuff up with these types of exercises. Unfortunately, they’re the only way to get information on certain things, like appearance.

- Tarot: Got a tag for that too. I use tarot to ask questions and confirm or reject suspicions.

- Spontaneous memories: I don’t have many, but they’re clear as day when they do appear. I don’t count something as a “true” memory unless it includes senses I can’t reproduce through imagination - smell and touch, mainly. Mostly these are quick flashbulbs, nothing cinematic or anything like that.

- Noemata: Again, I don’t have much in the way of noemata, but what I do have is persistent and consistent. I know things about my wing shape and flight style despite not having really experienced that in detail during past life regressions. That particular set of noemata has been confirmed to fit with real-world physics and bat wing shapes (the closest wing type to mine that exists or has existed on Earth).

[ravenwolfie97]

2020 Art Summary

Yep, it’s 2021 already. 2020 is finally over. It felt like it lasted forever, and it felt like the end would never come, but here we are. Crazy how the time flew by.

I felt like I didn’t get much art done this year because of Current World Event, but I made a lot more than I thought I did. Even some of my new favorite pieces came out of this year, so I think that’s worth celebrating and looking back upon!

I was insanely productive during the first month of 2020, and looking back I was surprised at all the stuff I did, but then I remembered that that winter season was actually one of the best times of my life! I started being more socially involved, and I think my newfound drive at the time translated into all the art I pumped out this month. This is just a small fraction of what I made in January, but I only have so much space. Quite a few complex pieces in both style exploration and polishing my own style.

Apparently February was a rather intimate month. Things began to slow down in terms of my own art here, with me spending more time in social settings and school work ramping up, I didn’t have as much time to coop up in my room to draw. I did wanna do something for a friend’s Valentine’s Day OC art challenge, so I drew my lovey-dovey couple from Dance of 1000 Words havin’ a dance. Nothing actually came of that challenge, but it was fun to do regardless.

One of the things I was most proud of in the winter season was making more friends, and one of the closest friends I made was completely coincidental. I met a person named Kiri on the bus one night I decided to volunteer somewhere by myself, and we ended up chatting and getting along. They quickly told me their tumblr username, and I shot them a message immediately after they left. A couple days later, we met up for brunch, and we started becoming really close friends and creative partners!

Not much else happened in March cuz that’s when Current World Event started becoming an issue, but Kiri and I still kept in close touch and we randomly started developing a concept for a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Galar Edition. These are a handful of characters we thought up, with Skipper the Scorbunny and Dross the Dreepy as the main characters, Morgrem as the main antagonist, and some shopkeepers such as those of the Greedent Bank and the Indeedee General Store. This was also my first time drawing all of these Galar Pokemon (except Scorbunny, but I also made Skipper a bit more unique than a regular Scorbunny).

Lots of events happened this month. First of all, Steven Universe Future ended, one of my favorite and most influential shows was no longer continuing. I had to do something as tribute, both as a send-off to one of the greatest cartoons in the world and as a cathartic release for my feelings towards it.

A while later, I got the opportunity to start playing an MMO in beta called Fer.al, by the same people who made Animal Jam, which coincidentally I had also beta tested for back in the day. I ended up getting really attached to my first character, a Senri I named Sasha, and though I’ve made more characters than them since, they’re still my absolute favorite. Though I haven’t touched the game in a few months, I was really engrossed for a long time and enjoyed playing through the beta and early access phases.

At the end of the month, some friends of mine invited to a roleplay group with some mutuals, and we all played characters in a crime syndicate. Just a bunch of ragtag thieves and criminals who ended up together in order to protect an artifact called the Crown of Thieves, which was essentially a flag to be taken by other groups to prove that they are the best thieves in the land. My character was based heavily on my sona (if it wasn’t obvious) and was also influenced by Cloud Strife, since the FFVII Remake had just come out and I was super into watching the cutscenes at the time. My character’s (code)name is Valkyrie, and they are a mercenary, going between multiple different employers to carry out whatever duties they need to do. They have a more complicated backstory, but presently they were recently hired by recommendation of their friend Shark (played by @shmoots-universe​ who is also My friend now ily maya) who works with a group called the Court Cards who are currently in possession of the Crown of Thieves. Valk never really had a place to call home, but staying with this group of people had to be the closest they could get to that feeling. They still sleep with a knife under their pillow because of trust issue but that’s okay.

Okay, so technically these examples started in April, but I continued making content with them in May, and the month was just pretty void of art in general, so here I am addressing them.

There were two main things I worked on this month: a Steven Universe AU of my own and the whole #sixfanarts thing that kicked off around then. Let’s start with the fanart bits. I did two and a half of them (six in April and nine in May), and it was so much fun to be able to draw stuff I don’t normally do! My personal favorites are shown here: Blake Belladonna from RWBY, Roll from Megaman, Yuki Konno from Sword Art Online, and Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The other thing I’d been planning for a while was a Steven Universe AU, probably to cope with the show being over but also because I was inspired by a lot of those SU AU artists I started following at the time. I won’t share the details here because it’s gonna have its own blog at some point, but the example I’ve shown here is of a comic I made loosely in order to introduce a divergence in the plot of the story as well as introduce a character unique to my AU. It was a lot of fun figuring out how to draw the characters and get a feel for the style.

As the year progressed, my amount of art I made per month began to dwindle, this time mostly because school was kicking my ass especially hard with finals. However, I took what time I had to get some backburner pieces finished, like the Tigerlily picture which I sketched out a couple months back, and the Gunvolt picture which I started working on SIX YEARS AGO. I don’t quite know why I got the urge to work on it again after so long, but it was nice to finally realize. The other drawing for DOTS was done in the dead of night but I was really happy with how it came out.

Despite only having two summer classes left of school, this month was really rough because they demanded a lot of my time and attention. I did not have the gumption to do anything digital, so I stuck to my sketchbook to get out what I felt like getting out.

My friends and I did a stream of the game Helltaker, and I really enjoyed the concept, so in following my friends I made my own Helltaker demon OC named Raksha the Ravenous Demon (it’s a pun but also got mythical insp). I also got super into Hazbin Hotel at this point, mostly because the Addict music video dropped and I couldn’t get enough of it, so I doodled Angel Dust cuz I felt like it. The other drawing I did was actually a free commission I gave a friend of mine as a prize for a trivia game show I ran back in June. He along with a couple other friends got some free drawings from me for getting the top three scores, and this one in particular was fun because of how interesting it was. He wanted me to draw a video game reviewer called the Irate Gamer from a specific moment, and I decided to go ham and just make it as dramatic as possible.

University classes finally wrapped up and right after that I was in the process of moving out of my apartment and getting adjusted to living with my parents again. I did a couple of agg.io drawing sessions with my friends from the Court Cards group as well as a new Dungeons and Dragons homebrew group I had joined. I drew some more of Valkyrie and came up with a design for my DND character Qakuqtuq (or Kai for short). He is monkey grandpa and I love him.

My main focus was on finishing a polished piece for my friend Cake, whose birthday was in the upcoming month. I wanted it to be as amazing as possible, so I put a lot of time into getting more detailed and making them look good. In addition to that, I did a few TOME doodles just for fun. The creature on the bottom was for this month’s art challenge on my Discord server where we made original TOMERPG monsters, and I created Hundylow, a Crystal-element monster based on the Grindylow from English folklore.

This month was a lot more productive than the past few had been. I tried to do a 31-day art challenge called Creatober but failed to get past the third prompt because I was still swamped with other work. I’m still happy with what little I did, including the piece with my characters Kyle and Guarudan from DSWD.

I don’t remember how, but I also suddenly rediscovered an old Flipnote Hatena series called Tales of LostClan, a Warriors fan series that I would say was the most obscure thing I’ve ever been super invested in. It was what got me into the actual Warriors books, and I liked it so much I redrew the animations into a comic... twice. Didn’t get nearly as far the second time but clearly my love for this little fanfiction had not waned after nearly a decade. I felt like drawing a book cover/movie poster for the series, just to get it out there and see how much I’ve improved over all that time.

Also I felt like making a vampiresona just before Halloween because I never dress up for Halloween in art (or real life anymore, for that matter), and I wanted to do something like that for once. It was short-lived but I really liked the design!

The focus of this month was definitely on Pokemon stuff. As per usual I contributed to the current Gotta Draw ‘Em All collab, and I was tasked to draw Regieleki. It was really fun to figure out how to make it stand out and look like it was made of electricity.

I also committed a lot of my spare time to my Fakemon Gym Leaders, as I had been working on bringing them to life in the past year or so now. As of this post, I’ve finished rendering their full body poses and gym badges, but I’m still working on completing all eight VS portraits, the first half of which are shown here.

I... didn’t draw anything this month, actually. What I’m showing here was worked on in the last few days but has actually been in progress for a couple of months, and I just finished it earlier today, in 2021. But I needed to show something off, and it’s also about time I mentioned it.

Back in October, I kept seeing people rave about this game called Genshin Impact, and I was interested but not so much as to start playing it... until my friends started playing and I was like “fuck it, let’s download it”. Since that day, I have been super immersed and in love with this game, to the point I came up with my own canon based on my gameplay experiences. This also included the creation of an original player character: Astra, the non-binary Traveller. And now, I’ve finally drawn them and brought them to life.

It has been one hell of a year. I had some of the highest highs and lowest lows in 2020, lots of changes, and I have now officially moved onto the next chapter of my life now that my time at university is finally over. I’m very excited for what 2021 has to offer, and I’m going to go forward with great ambition.

[imaginedisish]

Across the Universe (Five Hargreeves x Reader) (The Umbrella Academy)

A/N: WELL FUCK ME HEYO IT’S 4:11am HERE ON THE EAST COAST...

honestly i don’t care because I absolutely love this LONG ASS IMAGINE OMG. Here is the 1K Follower Special!!!! All 2,486 words of it. I hope you guys enjoy! You all mean the world to me...thank you for 1,000...that’s absolute insanity. Quickly, before you read...understand this is ANOTHER AU! I’m imagining Five is AT LEAST 20 years of age in this...ight? WE DO NOT STAN ILLEGAL/UNDERAGE ACTIVIDADS HERE??? OKAY? OKAY! Enjoy...love you guys....thank you for everything

Summary: Five suffers from nightmares due to all he’s experienced in life, as do you, but Five feels as though these past experiences, as well as his flaws, deem him unable to be loved. You make sure he realizes otherwise...

Warnings: Language, angst, reference to kidnapping +murder+death, FLUFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!

Word Count: 2,486 uwuwuwuwuw SHE THICCC!

The world is cold. Everything is in ruin. Destruction is all the eye can see, for miles upon miles. The sky is grey, and an ominous chill lingers in the air. It’s just you, standing amongst collapsed buildings, not a person in sight. 

“Five?” You call out. But there’s no response. Your voice simply echoes back to you. You stumble about the mess around you, searching for some sort of sign of life. “Five!” You scream this time. You wanted him next to you. 

No, you needed him next to you.

Suddenly, the environment around you shifts to a motel room. Two evil, menacing, yet familiar figures wearing terrifying animal masks face you, each with a gun in hand. In between the two of them is a chair, with someone tied up to it. There’s a black sack over the person’s head. The figure to the right, the one wearing a bunny mask, rips the sack off. 

“Five…” You whisper. There was the boy that mattered more than anything else in the world to you. Each figure raises their gun to Five’s head.

“No! Five!’ You scream, trying to run forward. But it’s no use. You’re frozen in place. There’s nothing you can do. The figures begin to move farther and farther away from where you’re standing. You try to run again, but you still seem to be stuck. You feel helpless, like the walls around you are closing in on you. 

“Let him go!” You shout. But no one listens. The two figures chuckle in a cacophonous melody. Tears begin to stream down your cheeks. “Let him go,” You whimper this time, choking on your words, hoping that your pleas have some affect on Five’s captors. 

“I love you,” Five whispers. 

“BANG!”

You groggily open your eyes to the dimly light room around you, reality greeting you once again. Nightmares were normal after everything you had been through, but this one was new, and definitely not in a good way. 

You had shut your curtains as tightly as you possibly could the night prior, hoping that you could get a good night’s sleep for once, but it was no use. Rays of light poured through the cracks of your white, lacy curtains nonetheless. You look around the light, airy room. Beatles, Bowie, Arcade Fire, and Arctic Monkeys posters adorn each and every wall, comforting you after the nightmare you had just experienced.  

You apprehensively turn onto your side, uncomfortably twisting your neck to read the alarm clock resting on your antique white nightstand.

11:00 am, it reads. 

Holy shit, I slept that long? You think to yourself, rolling back onto your stomach, shoving your face in your grey pillow case, partially out of guilt, and partially out of exhaustion. Usually, Five woke you up in the morning. He loved pestering you, and honestly it had begun to make your mornings just a little bit better.

This morning, however, was different. Five didn’t knock on your door. He didn’t twist the door knob, humming some Beatles song as he swiftly swooped into your bedroom, a cup of coffee in his hand, pleading with you to get out of bed and come downstairs with him. He was always the first one up, and he hated being alone. He had been alone for so many years, that the thought of being alone anymore, even if it was just to eat breakfast, secretly killed him. Of course, you were the only person who knew that. He would never tell another soul. Feelings and such were never his strong suit. 

Yet, there was something so special about him to you.

You and Five had grown close over the past year. You arrived on the steps of The Academy, crying, with nowhere else to go. Your entire life, you were called a freak, a worthless piece of nothing. But Five didn’t see that in you. He saw beauty and strength, someone with a gift who simply didn’t know how to use it. You were telekinetic, and you often struggled controlling your powers. Five made things feel natural for you, something no one else was every able to do.

He was always there when you needed him most, and you wouldn’t want it any other way.

You hesitate before pulling the plush, white covers off of you, your warm bed begging you to stay. You sit up, allowing your legs to swing off to the side of your bed, your feet slowly meeting the cold, wood floors below. You finally stand up, and make your way out of your room. 

There isn’t a sound in the normally loud mansion, except a slight stirring coming from the kitchen. You silently hoped to yourself that it was Five. You continue down the hallway, your footsteps echoing as you walk. 

You finally reach the kitchen, and you spot Five sitting at the counter, staring down at what’s presumably a cup of coffee. He anxiously bounces his right knee up and down, aggressively tapping his finger on the counter in unison with his knee.

“Morning Five,” You yawn, a small smile spreading across your face. Five doesn’t answer. “Is everything alright?” You question as you walk further into the room, pulling out a stool and sitting down next to him.

Five swallows harshly, and he continues to stare down at the black liquid in his white mug. “Morning, (Y/N).” Five finally says, still refusing to look up at you. 

You bring a hand to his own. “Did something happen?” You ask. Five shuts his eyes tightly. Something was obviously bothering him, something extremely painful. “Talk to me, Five,” You plead, now gently brushing over his hand with your thumb. To your dismay, Five pulls away from your touch, grabbing his coffee with his right hand, and standing up. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Five says, irritation and annoyance heavy in his voice. “Stop with all this worrying bullshit, got it?” He finally turns around to face you, his eyes widen as he waits for you to nod or respond in some way. 

You shake your head, refusing to agree with him. “Something happened, and whatever it was can’t be good,” You stand up from the stool, and walk closer to Five. “I knew something was off when you didn’t wake me up this morning, so tell me what the hell is going on.” 

“Do I have to say it again? I don’t feel like talking, okay?” Five says, anger growing in his voice, his cheeks becoming red. This wasn’t the Five you had come to know, and possibly started to love. You needed to find out why he was acting this way, immediately. 

“Just talk to me-,"

Five cuts you off, quickly walking forward in your direction. “I told you, I don’t want to fucking talk about it! Just fuck off!” He shouts, his arms extending out to either side of the room as rage fills his eyes. You instinctively take a step back. You had seen Five angry, but never like this. 

If you were being honest, it scared the shit out of you to see him this way. 

Five slowly puts his arms down, a look of guilt spreading across his face. Silence looms over the room, and Five nervously scratches the back of his neck. His bright blue eyes meet yours. Five’s face screams “I’m so sorry,” but he says nothing. 

“Fuck this,” You mutter, your heart clenching as you turn your back to Five, storming away. It killed you to see him this way, but you knew you didn’t deserve to be treated like this, simply for trying to help him. You stop in the middle of the kitchen, facing Five once more. “All I want to do is help you. Quit assuming the worst. Stop treating everyone around you like absolute shit. Can’t you see I care about you?” You yell, turning around and walking away from Five as you were before.

You hear Five shuffling to catch up to you. “(Y/N), wait, please,” Five begs, his hand grabbing your wrist. You stop in your tracks, turning around to face him. “I can, and will explain everything, I’m so sorry…” Five trails off, his crystal like eyes searching yours. 

You simply nod your head, allowing Five to guide you back over to where you and he were sitting before. His leg begins to anxiously bounce again, and his finger taps away as well. This time, however, his eyes refused to leave yours. 

Five’s adams apple bobs as he swallows harshly. He takes a deep breath as he runs a hand through his thick, dark brown hair. “I-I keep having nightmares about the apocalypse, b-but last night was the worst yet,” Five mumbles, his voice soft and low. 

“What happened?” You ask. 

“I-I, It hurts to think, nonetheless, to actually say,” Five pauses, taking a deep breath again before continuing. “I-I lost you. It was so lonely, so cold. It felt like the first time, but a million times worse, because you, well, you were fucking gone. I couldn’t save you.” Five stares back down to his coffee. 

You bring a hand up to the back of his neck, massaging the area lightly. “The apocalypse isn’t happening anymore, Five. We stopped that. And I’m not going anywhere,” You say reassuringly, bringing your hand up to play with his hair. 

Five hums softly. A wave of calm washes over the room. You continue to comb through Five’s hair with your fingers. You and Five had shared small moments like these in the past, but nothing ever truly confirmed anything between you two. You longed for some sort of spark to be ignited, but nothing ever seemed to happen.

Finally, Five speaks up. “I’m not good enough for you.” His ocean eyes meet yours again. You’re at a loss for words. “You sit here, comforting me, and yet I know damn well that I don’t deserve this, or you.”

“Where is this coming from?” You ask firmly, removing your hand from Five’s hair. 

“I’ve been trying to find a way to say it, I’ve been meaning to tell you how I really feel,” Five says, now trying his best to avoid eye contact. “But I’m clearly absolute shit at this sort of thing…and you deserve better than someone who can’t say how they feel, or save you from an apocalypse, even if it is just a dream.” 

You shake your head. “You’re being absolutely ridiculous,” You can’t help but giggle. For months, you longed for Five to be honest with you. You wanted to know how he felt, and more specifically, if he felt the same as you did.

“I’m not, though, (Y/N),” Five’s eyes find yours again. His right hand hesitantly extends out towards yours, Five now holding your hand in his. “You deserve someone who won’t lash out at you, someone who will treat you right. For God’s sake you deserve someone who knows how to be in a relationship with a real human being and not a fucking mannequin!”

You can’t help but laugh. He wasn’t wrong. In his 58 years on earth, the only “woman,” he was ever with was Dolores, a department store mannequin. 

Five grins a bit. “God I love that laugh,” He mumbles under his breath as to not let you hear him; but you hear him anyway, your heart fluttering in your chest in response. 

“What if I don’t want anyone else? Did you ever think of that? What if you’re all I can think about? Even in my dreams?” You ask, nervously tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. “I have nightmares too, you know that. But what you don’t know is that I can’t save you in my nightmares either…” You trail off. You had told Five about your nightmares before, but never that he was usually at the center of them. 

“I-I’m in your nightmares?” Five asks, his thumb now brushing softly against your hand. “W-what happens in them?”

“I don’t like th-thinking a-about it,” You stutter, shutting your eyes tightly at even the smallest thought of your nightmares. Silence greets the room once again, just like an old friend. You finally decide to speak up. “You’ve been through so much, Five, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve love. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve me.” You stare deeply into Five’s glossy eyes, looking for some sort of answer. You’re disappointed when you find absolutely nothing. 

Five sniffles a bit, most likely thinking about what to say next. “You just, well, you-, goddammit,” Five mutters, closing his eyes, struggling to find the right words. “You mean so much to me. I’m worried I’ll lose you like I lost everyone when I was younger. I’m afraid that if something happens, I won’t be able to save you.” 

You smile, shaking your head. “I have powers too, you’re not that fucking special,” You say jokingly, giggling a bit. 

“Woah, thanks,” Five says sarcastically, smirking a bit. “You’re special, though. You know that?” Five says matter-of-factly, looking straight ahead, trying his very best to be as casual as possible. 

Heat rushes to your cheeks, and your heart flutters in your chest. “Five?” You call out, staring in his direction, waiting for him to turn and face you. 

“Yes, (Y/N)?” Five responds, his eyes finding yours yet again. 

“I think I might be in love with you.” 

Five doesn’t break eye contact. His bright blue eyes widen a bit. 

“Well thank god, I thought I was going to have to say it first,” Five smiles. 

Before you can say anything else, Five’s lips are on yours. The kiss is soft, yet longing, as if two people had traveled across the universe, across space, across multiple timelines just to be with each other, and finally, somehow, they actually made it to each other. 

The minute Five pulls his lips from yours, that longing sensation fills your gut yet again. 

But you’d travel across the universe a million more times just to have him kiss you again. 

“Nothing’s gonna change now, right? Things can stay this perfect forever?” Five questions, his face inches from yours, He smiles widely, and his voice is low and peaceful for once. 

“Yes,” You say softly. “Nothing’s gonna change our world. No nightmares, no apocalypses for now…Nothing.”

“Good,” Five whispers, leaning in slowly again. “I like that.”

“Sounds of laughter, shades of life

Are ringing through my opened ears

Inciting and inviting me

Limitless undying love

Which shines around me like a million suns

It calls me on and on across the universe

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world”

-Across the Universe, The Beatles, Let It Be, 1970. 

Tags:

@foolish-dragon @multifandom-ramblings

[doneses]

Final Fantasy Influences in RWBY

So it’s no secret that Monty Oum was a huge fan of the Final Fantasy series. As someone who’s also a huge fan of the series I thought it’d be fun to explore a lot of the things I think RWBY drew inspiration from. There’s not really much of an order to this, just various things I’ve noticed. This is also just my opinion on things so don’t take it too seriously. (I won’t be including stuff from FF15 since that was not out yet at the time RWBY was started and the stuff similar to it are most likely coincidence.I’m also only counting the stuff from the core series as those are the ones I am the most familiar with.)

Gardens/Seed- Academy/Huntsmen & Huntresses

In both FF8, and in RWBY, the main characters start their journeys at an academy that specializes in the training of powerful mercenaries: SeeD and Hunters. They have a similar age range (15-19 in FF8. 17-21 in RWBY), and both schools have rigorous and dangerous exams that the main characters have to survive and pass in the beginning of the story. They both also have a dance in the relatively beginning of the story. They also both have a uniform that the characters wear on occasion.

Shinra Electric Power Company- Schnee Dust Company

Now I actually noticed something neat that I never noticed with Shinra, that they can be abbreviated to SEC, similar to how the Schnee Dust Company is commonly abbreviated to SDC.

In both RWBY and FF7, these two companies are powerful and villainous and have made their fortunes by mining a natural resource that is used for fuel, and to give people magical abilities. Both the SDC and SEC engage in military action (Turks and SOLDIER with the SEC and providing/developing mechs for the Atlesian military for the SDC), and experimenting on monsters (the Armored Gigas in the White trailer being a Geist Grimm experiment according to the manga).

Materia- Dust

It’s a naturally occurring resource in the world that is used to give the characters magical abilities and is crystalline in design. Materia is name dropped by Monty when explaining what Dust is.

AVALANCHE- White Fang

A terrorist group with a white and red banner that has a history of warfare with the evil megacompany of their worlds. Main characters from both series are members (or former) members of the group, and both had/have a large burly man as their leader. Only major difference is AVALANCHE is an eco-terrorist group and presented as heroes while the White Fang are a racial terrorist group and presented as villains.

Crystals- Relics

Four powerful macguffins that the protagonists and antagonists are both after that can give them a ton of power and can change the world.

Al Bhed/Viera- Faunus

Al Bhed are a minority group who face persecution and have a unique genetic trait. In FF10 and in RWBY one of the main characters is secretly of this ethnic group and has to deal with racist behavior from one of their team mates.

Viera are literally bunny girls. While the al bhed have more in common with the faunus in story, the viera are closer in appearance.

Summoning- Schnee Semblence

Now there are a lot of Summoners in FF but Monty was known for his love of FF10 and of Yuna and I think that’s who’s summoning ability Weiss’ abilities are based off of. Yuna is capable of summoning dead spirits that take the form of Aeons and uses them in battle. Weiss, and other Schnees, can summon enemies that they have killed and have them aid in combat. Yuna’s summoning and Weiss’ also seem a lot more of a closer bond then say, Rydia or Eiko’s  were or the ones were summoning is just a job class.

Aerith’s Death- Pyrrha’s Death

An extremely shocking and brutal death scene of a beloved female character that is used to spur the protagonists to action and kick start the larger segments of the story.

Sin-  Ancient Grimm

Not a lot of similarities, other then they ‘shed‘ smaller enemies and are huge and capable of decimating cities if they want to.

Uncomfortable Laughing Scene

Yeeeeeaaaah, those scenes are cringey. I took from it that Ruby was struggling to keep her composure at seeing something that reminded her of Pyrrha after watching her die and started to laugh obnoxiously to cover up her issues, similar to how Tidus had his uncomfortable laughing scene to cope with his own issues. Or maybe that Ruby scene was meant to be funny and bunny jackets are hilarious, who knows.

Auron- Qrow

Red and gray color scheme, drunks, and a father figure to the main character, alongside using a similar weapon as the character they watch over.

Tifa- Yang

A bare knuckle brawler who’s a childhood friend of the main protagonist, is the team mom, and objectively considered the ‘prettiest‘ character of the main cast. Both are also fans of butt capes, given Yang’s timeskip outfit and Tifa’s Advent Children outfit.

Kefka- Tyrian

Now this one’s a bit of stretch and I really hope they don’t pull a Kefka with Tyrian late on in the story but here we go.

They’re both the insane right hand of the (apparent) big bad of the story, both have a flair for the dramatics (Tyrian’s theatrical behavior during his fight scene and well, just look at Kefka). Both also have an insane laugh and boy do they like to laugh.

Quistis- Glynda

A blonde, glasses wearing combat instructor at a school for specialized mercenaries. Both wield a bdsm style weapon (whip/riding crop) and are proficient mages.

Zidane- Sun

A blonde monkey man who breaks the law a lot, has a sunny personality, and fights alongside a dark haired princess.

Ruby- Iris

Now I said I wasn’t going to bring up FF15 but this is a unique case. I think this is an instance of RWBY serving as inspiration for FF.

FF15 was in production between 2006-2016. Red Trailer came out in 2012, with Vol1 coming out in 2013. RWBY is very popular in Japan, and I don’t know if there is a way to learn when Iris was added to the game’s production.

Iris is the younger sister of the stronk fanservice character of the game, wears black and red, has a red hood, short black hair, is 15 years old, and grows up to be a famous Hunter; a daemon slayer after the time skip. She’s cheery and happy, and has an interest in mechanical things (her fascination with Lestallum and how it’s maintained). Iris is a hopeless romantic and fights with her fists.

Ruby is the younger sister of the stronk fanservice character of the show, wears black and red, has a red hood, short black hair, is 15 years old, and dreams of being a Huntress; a Grimm slayer. She’s happy and bubbly, and is mechanically inclined, alongside loving weaponry. Ruby doesn’t have an interest in romance and can’t fight without a weapon.

Weaponry

Weiss literally uses a gunblade, and Raven has an odachi. But other then that, most of the weapons in RWBY line up more with Lightning’s style of weaponry in FF13; a melee weapon that transforms and can take a gun form and also collapse for easier storage.

Costumes

Both FF and RWBY thrive on amazing looking costumes that are hella impractical and use way too many belts for a rl person to wear. But damn do they not look amazing.

Setting

Both RWBY and (most) FF have a science fantasy setting, with continents that look really silly.

Soundtrack

Both RWBY and FF love their hard rock and piano’s, and have amazing scores and soundtracks.

Fight Choreography

Saying Advent Children was a big influence on Monty would be an understatement. RWBY’s fight scenes are fast paced, hectic, and make gravity and the laws of physics its bitch. This is hard to explain in written format, so I’d recommend watching a fight scene from Advent Children and then compare it to one from RWBY to see what I mean.

Light v Dark Themes

Recurring theme in a lot of the older FF games, the forces of Light against the forces of Darkness. RWBY has the Light and Darkness Brother Gods myth, and they will most likely play a larger role in the future.

Party of Four

FF games traditionally have 4 (or 3) party members and oh hey would you look at that, RWBY has 4 members. Iirc Monty also said he based the team’s fighting styles off of his preferred rpg team line up. (If anyone has figured out what class Ruby is, let me know ^^)

Strong female characters

I think it’d be easier to name FF female characters who aren’t strong in their own ways. And the entire premise of RWBY is four strong women living their lives and stopping evil, alongside the slew of other notable female characters in the show.

Moon

The moon plays an important role in the stories of FF4 and FF8, and although the moon hasn’t done anything of plot importance, the fact it’s shown so frequently in scenes and is a prominent image in RWBY (alongside how its brought up space travel is still being developed in Remnant) I’m pretty sure it will play an important role in the future.

Parent Issues

A lot of the characters in FF have really bad parents, parent issues, or are orphans. A lot of the important characters in RWBY have really terrible parents, and their issues with their parents playing a role in each member of Team RWBY’s personal storylines. Jecht and Tidus’ relationship being the most famous example from FF of a strained child-parent relationship, and given Yang’s obsession and hatred of Raven, it seems the most likely place of inspiration (alongside Raven and Jecht being antagonists and being involved in the Deeper Lore of their respective universes, and of being members of a team with the parents of one of the other main characters).

So yeah, those are my thoughts about all the stuff I‘ve noticed in RWBY that could have been inspired by Final Fantasy. Hope you enjoyed reading this ^^.

RWBY FF style poster done by digitaleva- https://digitaleva.deviantart.com/

[weshallneverrevolt]

[Guest] Why is Pitbull Good?

Today I am pleased to publish the blog’s first guest entry. It comes from Daniel Dockery, an editor for Cracked, writer for SyFy Wire, comedian, and the world’s leading scholar on Pitbull (that’s only kind of a joke.)

My wife recently got me into the Who? Weekly podcast, a show discussing reality show stars, one hit wonders, and other almost-celebrities on the fringes of fame. These people are called whos, whereas people like Tom Hanks are called “thems.”

Rapper Pitbull exists at the precise intersection between a who and a them, a pop star everyone knows but also seems to know nothing about. His music, though shallow, is a reflection of that personality...and Daniel has thought a lot about it. Without further ado...

One of the most curious times in college is the Freshman year pop culture purge. Your taste in movies, TV, music, video games, and books, a taste that you’ve been developing for the first eighteen years of your life, is suddenly judged and dissected by your new university peers.

Your favorite rap song was 50 Cent’s “Disco Inferno?”

“IT DOES NOT PASS” says the gods of Olympus aka the Dudes in your Dorm. “YOUR PENANCE SHALL BE 50 REPLAYS OF THIS SAME GODDAMN AESOP ROCK ALBUM, AND ALSO A QUICK SCANNING OF THE JEDI MIND TRICK’S WIKIPEDIA PAGE.”

Your favorite film was Pulp Fiction?

“NO LONGER,” says the gods. “THOUGH YOU SHALL STILL BEAR THE PULP FICTION POSTER ON YOUR WALL AS YOUR SCARLET LETTER. INSTEAD, YOU WILL NOW WATCH THERE WILL BE BLOOD AND HAVE LIGHT DISCUSSIONS ABOUT ITS THEMES WITH THE OTHER DUDES IN THAT ONE FILM STUDIES COURSE YOU WILL TAKE.”

Your favorite book was Of Mice and Men?

“SO IT SHALL STAY,” says the gods. “BUT BE WARNED. ONE DAY, SOMEONE WILL HAND YOU A COPY OF INFINITE JEST, AND WHEN THAT DAY COMES, YOU MUST BE PREPARED TO ACCEPT SUCH A HALLOWED GIFT.”

And so, shedding your childish things, you enter the rest of college renewed. You’re now a person with “good taste in things,” which is the third greatest thing that you can have in college (The first is an ID, and the second is an uncle that owns a cabin.) And you take this “good taste” out of college and into the world. Though you may not discover as many “good things” due to having a more busy adult life, at least you will now be equipped to better judge between what is a “good thing” and what is a “bad thing.”

It was during this time that Pitbull hit me.

Pitbull, for those without radios or access to sports bars, is an American rapper born to Cuban parents. His hits, like “Give Me Everything,” “Don’t Stop The Party,” and “Fireball,” have become enormously popular, though he is probably just as well known for featuring on other people’s songs, signifying his inclusion in them with a “Mr. Worldwide!” and a “YEEEEEAAAAHHHHOOOOOOOOO.” To his detractors, these probably sound like the two trumpets of the musical apocalypse.

But I adore him.

Now, admittedly, Pitbull isn’t the best lyricist. He can spit a very, very competent verse from time to time, like in “Triumph”…

But most of his songs are in the typical “Let’s get hammered and have some fun!” genre. And while his beats and production techniques have become more varied since around 2014…

…a lot of his tracks still follow that David Guetta pattern of “woop woop, woop WOOP woop, woop WOOP WOOP, WOOP WOOP WOOP” synth and noise lasers.

Also, his onstage persona of rapper/motivational speaker/geographer can be a turn off for some. I’ve seen him live twice (once at Madison Square Garden, and once at a music festival in south Florida) and between nearly every infectious, dance-ready song, he enters into a segment where he vaguely implores us to be better people and to also love the 305 (or whatever area code that you’re from.) It’s like a vodka-soaked inauguration speech, and in the middle of it, I’ve seen people in the audience go from “Yeah! This is different!” to “Can we get back to the grinding now?”

I obviously love Pitbull for all of these things, but they’re not what makes Pitbull good. No, what makes Pitbull good is his many, many quirks. Because while most consider him to be the Nickelback of rap music (with Flo Rida serving as the Creed of rap music, though that comparison is much more accurate), the world presented in Pitbull’s music is an insane one. For example, Pitbull’s tendency to constantly go by his alias, the secret agent “Armando Bond”, in various music videos about getting laid in hotels (He also goes by “Agent A” in his song “Back In Time,” a song created to promote Men in Black III. He works himself into the film in the video, nodding at Will Smith in a restaurant for no reason at all, and then leaving with his lady friend to go stand around in the MIB headquarters.)

Or maybe one of his catchphrases “But forget about that,” which he employs whenever the verse that he’s just spit is not in line with the chorus in the slightest. If the song is called “LET’S SEX IN THE POOL,” Pitbull would spend an entire verse talking about how kids shouldn’t use drugs, and then quip “BUT FORGET ABOUT THAT. YOU KNOW THE RULES/LET’S SEX IN THE POOL. DALE’.”

Or Pitbull’s bizarre relationship with jokes, a thing that he’s still trying to master the basics of. In “Come and Go,” he croons “Now you heard about me/And I aint gotta say much/I aint talking about cars/It’s automatic, I’ll pop yo’ clutch.” Normally, you’d say that thing about the clutch, and THEN reveal that you aren’t talking about cars. But Pitbull states that he’s not talking about cars, apropos of nothing, and then goes into his sexual metaphor.

Or his penchant for referencing the most miniscule aspects of famous pieces of pop culture. During his verse in “Can’t Believe It,” a song about huge asses and there is no second subject, Pitbull says “Call me Michael Jackson (HEEE HEEEEEE,) ‘cause I love to play with monkeys.” He’s like an encyclopedia in that way, reminding you that “Oh yeah, Michael Jackson did go through a long ‘I have a pet monkey’ phase.” Or in “Better On Me,” where he states “My name aint Max, but I always got headroom/ G-g-g-get it, g-g-g-g-g-get it?” First of all, who in Pitbull’s primary fanbases remembers Max Headroom, much less the fact that he stuttered?

Or the fact that, despite being very prolific on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, Pitbull HATES social media. I’m serious. He says so in multiple songs. That dude LOATHES apps of any kind.

She Instagram? I’m off that. Communism? I’m off that.

Pitbull is good because Pitbull is rewarding. He’s like an auteur filmmaker that keeps using the same cast and the same themes. He is hardly deep, but for those willing to pause the song and say “Wait, what did he just say?”, his discography is a journey. His stage shows are filled with scantily clad dancing girls, but it also opens with Tony Robbins listing what is basically Pitbull’s resume over a Powerpoint presentation. He’ll sing a dirty song about getting to third base with strangers, and then the next song will be an anthem to single moms around the world.

The biggest problem with dividing things between “good” or “bad” taste is that it rids us of our curiosity. The good things become worthy of your obsession and your understanding while the bad things are just bad. And when something, whether it be a movie or a musician or an Arby’s roast beef sandwich, becomes known as an objectively bad, all discussion ceases about it. Because no matter how much you try to convince people to check it out and dig deeper and maybe get curly fries to compliment it, they refuse. Because it’s “bad.” And they have “good” taste.

Pitbull is good because he proves that having “good taste” in everything isn’t that fun. Sometimes, you just have to drink some tequila and jam to some Pitbull, and the people that find him uninteresting just haven’t been paying attention.

Further Reading

You can read more of Daniel’s pop culture takes on his Twitter.

You can hear Daniel and his collaborator Jason Edwards’ account of their first Pitbull concert on their podcast here.

[thebluesideofthemoon]

The Wall #42: KUNG FU PANDA 3

Time for the next review, another January animated movie about a talking bear, but this one is INFINITELY better in every single way, thankfully. Does that mean that Kung Fu Panda 3 is good, though? I talked about this movie already in my Top 10 Most Disappointing Animated Movies list, so I'm sure you already know what's coming. Now, my review is going to be a bit similar to what I said in that list, but my thoughts have expanded to be more balanced and cover both my positive and negative criticisms about the movie. Let's roll!

Kung Fu Panda 3. At some point this was one of my most anticipated movies of the year and as it turned out it was a big letdown. Now, is this a bad movie? No, not really- it's an okay movie. But that's just kind of it.

In this movie Po (voiced by Jack Black) is now going to be promoted to being the master of the Jade Palace, as well as the master of the Furious Five. However, Po turns out to not be very good at this job. As he contemplates how he can actually prove himself to be a master he encounters a mysterious figure that turns out to be his long-lost biological father, Li Shang (voiced by Bryan Cranston), who's been looking out for his son and wants to take him back to his home in the panda village. Po's adoptive father, Mr. Ping (voiced by James Hong) doesn't take this so well as he's raised Po as his own son all his life. He lets Po go with his biological father so they can catch up and bond, but not without tagging along with Po in secret. This becomes a battle of the dads to see who's the better father and who is fit to raise Po.

Also, there's some bad guy voiced by J. K. Simmons who comes back from the Spirit World for revenge or something, I dunno.

Let me get the good stuff out of the way- for one, the animation is absolutely breathtaking. There’s clearly a lot that went into the animation, and the detailing on the new settings, as well as even the design of Kai and the Jombies (Jade Zombies, for anyone curious) is really neat. I like the character development between Po and… well BOTH of his dads, not to mention their chemistry is pretty enjoyable. It's a pretty lax story compared to the other plot going on involving Kai, but it works. The story between the three of them is actually genuinely heartwarming.

There’s some enjoyable bits of comedy here and there, most of it thanks to the animation; it's very well-timed, and the slapstick is worth some good laughs. I can't remember any really funny lines, except from J. K. Simmons and that's all thanks to his great delivery. I do remember some really great facial expressions which are amusing to watch.

I also like how the movie feels like a grand finale to the series. However, that’s also where my problems with this movie begin.

My overall issue with this movie is that it’s just a weaker version of the first movie. It is INSANELY repetitious to how the first movie is that even the message is exactly the same, and it’s pretty telling because of how this movie is pretty Po-centric, so much so that the rest of the characters get the demoted from secondary characters to supporting cast, and some of them (like Monkey and Viper) could have been dropped from the movie entirely and nothing would change. I mean, remember how the second movie started to build on the relationship between Po and the Furious Five (namely Tigress), and how their strong bond would show just how much of a kickass team they all made, and yet it ALSO showed just how and why Po is the most special out of all of them? Well, DreamWorks sure doesn’t, because the Furious Five get their asses handed to them pretty quickly. Also, I can’t be the only one who is getting tired of seeing them get defeated so easily.

Do you want to know what’s another major downgrade in this movie compared to Kung Fu Panda 1 and 2? The villain. I like Tai Lung, I LOVE Shen, but Kai doesn’t hold a candle to either one of them. For one, for a character that is supposed to be the big threatening bad guy and has some pretty terrifying powers, he’s hardly in the movie and he’s usually just spending his time wisecracking and making remarks about how fearsome he is. I almost feel like the Furious Five were dumbed down just to make this guy look like more of a threat. It doesn’t help that he’s hardly in the movie and, despite having all the tools to be a really fleshed out and interesting villain, he’s pretty much just another big obstacle that Po has to get through because the plot said so.

Also, considering what the ACTUAL plot of the movie is about (that is Po and his dads), this ends causing a very jarring shift in tone from goofy and lighthearted to "OMG, this guy could kill us" but we really have no reason to buy that when there's no build-up to Kai or his character. He's just a two-dimensional asshole AT BEST, but for the most part he's just the big bad monster of the week for Po to fight so he can show how "great he is" in a really predictable and cheesy way- it's TOO cheesy and silly even for this series which, need I remind you, is a send-up to the same kung fu movies that inspired it.

Even if some of these movies weren't that heavy on the plot, and even recycled it straight up, you watched them for the great, expertly-choreographed, BRUTAL action scenes, and want to see the hero beat the villain in a really satisfying manner. This series took elements from those movies but developed into something that was really refreshing, unique, colorful, and fun, but at this point I have seen ALL of these clichés before and this movie hardly brings anything new that even warranted going on the big screen in the first place!

Another thing, I said that I liked the feeling of finality the movie has, but I also have to ask: why would they do this in the first place? Because this series is apparently supposed to keep on going, but HOW could they when by the end of this movie, just WHAT can you do with Po now? Also, if this series is going to keep on going, I really question what could they do for a plot when this movie is just Kung Fu Panda again, while Kung Fu Panda 2 was the first movie again on a much bigger scale. So I have seen this movie three times already, all with different, more colorful coats of paint, and by this point it’s getting really tiring. It’s pretty telling that I have no plans to revisit this movie anytime soon when I have the first two movies and they are pretty much superior in every way, save for the animation getting better (though the first two movies STILL look pretty damn good, so that’s not even a strong recommendation for the third one). It’s pretty sad when a movie turns out to be bad, it’s another thing when a movie makes you feel pretty tired of its franchise, because it clearly wrote itself into a corner and has nowhere else to go. (1,177 words. Music: Mario Kart 8- Dragon Driftway)

Look, I love this series, so if it seems like I'm being overly harsh it's because I waited five years only for them to give the same movie again, while also taking a major step back in development. Sure, it's good in the sense that it's harmless, entertaining, and even fun- anybody can watch it, but for a series that is pretty much the poster boy of "blowing past everyone's expectations", this movie left me pretty cold.

Look, I love this series, so if it seems like I'm being overly harsh it's because I waited five years only for them to give the same movie again, while also taking a major step back in development. Sure, it's good in the sense that it's harmless, entertaining, and even fun- anybody can watch it, but for a series that is pretty much the poster boy of "blowing past everyone's expectations", this movie left me pretty cold. Yeah, I hate to do this to a Kung Fu Panda movie, but a 5 you deserve. Well, at least it's the best movie to have come out in January of that year, because now I have to go through Fifty Shades of Black and... oh dear, am I so not ready. Until then, I'll see you all later.