#i am. EXTREMELY understimulated rn

[lover-of-skellies]

Hhhhhrrgggg, I'm losing my mind right now, I stg

I'm tempted to draw and practice some expressions with Equinox, but no I'm not, but I'm tempted to try picking at my fic, but like,,, idk what to write in the specific part I'm stuck at. I wanna do something because I'm bored, but also, no I don't being lazy is easier, but if I don't do something, I'll go insane and complain to myself about it all night

I'm literally the embodiment of no thoughts head empty. Help. I need to not be like this. For five. Fricken minutes

[zaicat]

i am somehow so extremely overstimulated and entirely understimulated at the same time . i wish for the sweet sweet release of death rn

[clannfearrunt]

heya @toadstool32 thanks for the tag!

Tag game: tag people you want to know better !!

Favourite time of the year: winter and Storm Season (tm)

Comfort foods: milk and milk based products? idk I’m still unclear as to what a comfort food even is I’m just made of dairy

Do you collect anything: I don’t really collect any coherent set of objects tbh, I just see things that make me go :) and I obtain them

Favourite drink: milk and coffee flavored sugared milk (let’s be honest that is what I’m drinking it’s not coffee)

Favourite music artists: I mostly just tend to like individual songs rather than specific artists. Porno Graffitti is my go-to answer simply because my parents did accidentally imprint me on a selection of their music I guess

Current favourite songs: I’m in music limbo rn so everything is a little bit boring to me but uhhh random selection of songs that are the least boring to my brain rn:

Synthwave cover of Animal I Have Become done by Patrick Russel, preferably at 1.25X speed

Demon Dance Tokyo by Eve

I can’t fucking believe I keep going back to this song I must be really understimulated (warning for NOISES A LOT OF IT it genuinely is a lot of fucking noises)

I can’t even link this because I don’t think I put it anywhere but an extremely sped up and pitched up version of Margaritaville I made in Audacity in a weird 3 am fervor. I don’t recall how much I’ve sped it up anymore it’s really fast though

Favourite fics: I don’t read many fics anymore I’ve retired from fic searching in 2013 and I don’t remember most of the shit I did read back then. Only 2 fics I’ve read in recent memory are

The Power of Friendship (And This Gun I Found!) by GallusRostromegalus - it’s an ongoing AU/rewrite of Yugioh based mainly on the 4kids dub, but they have blown the censors clean off. The worldbuilding is unhinged (complimentary), I don’t know how to describe this fic concisely. Where would I even start. I will say when I started reading this I was hooting and hollering in my car at the funny. It does contain graphic depictions of violence but this is Yu-Gi-Oh we know the drill 

Dragon from Ash by Mortigaunt - Skyrim fic following a Dunmer dragonborn from Morrowind. The author’s really put a lot of thought into the setting and expands upon the main questline and the lore in a neat way. Hasn’t updated in a while though, shame. Contains mature content, including sexual themes, violence, it’s Elder Scrolls.

Tagging: idk do it if u want brain empty

[transgender-scout]

i am extremely understimulated at work rn but its manifesting in the same way that i experience overstimulation and its driving me insane

[dhominis]

On career plans.

Going back to school seems... surprisingly feasible?

At my hospital, weekend track means -- two twelve-hour shifts a week, but you can get benefits. I am ridiculously frugal and my job pays pretty well; I can live on twenty-four hours a week.

(Right now I am working... substantially more than that. And living on about what I’d make in twenty-four hours/week, and saving about $1k/month.)

So. Nursing school is potentially a thing. I am looking into completing my bachelor’s through some shitty online program so that I can work full-time (overtime!) while finishing school. After that, I can apply to a one-year accelerated RN program. My current job makes me a pretty strong candidate! I interpret heart rhythms for a living. I am good at this. My coworkers apparently are surprised that I haven’t worked in cardiac telemetry before -- I’m smart, I learn skills quickly, it’s useful. And nursing schools tend to want people who already have specialized skills like “knowing when your patient is having a lethal arrhythmia.”

School is... not as time-consuming for me as it is for other people? Generally I just attend lectures and write things down and then the knowledge is in my brain indefinitely. Studying is nice but not especially mandatory. The accelerated RN program is Monday through Friday, 0800--1500. I can do homework and some studying in the evenings, work on the weekends.

My hospital would pay a few thousand dollars a semester if I make a commitment to work for them. This is potentially useful! But also I want to work in the ICU and my hospital does not actually hire new nurses directly into critical care units. The other local hospital does! This would be awesome.

And the other local hospital’s critical care units also are feeders for CRNA programs. That’s... enticing. CRNAs -- nurse anesthetists -- make absolute fucktons of money, guys! Real earning-to-give hours. All the similarly lucrative careers I’ve been able to identify would be absolutely mind-numbing for me. I am not confident that I can even do programming at the CRNA-salary level and also I would be miserable. I am not quantitative-smart to the level that the standard EA EtG professions expect (well, or I can’t self-study at that level).

But CRNAs can make like $200k in areas with a reasonable cost of living, and that’s a very cool healthcare profession, and it’s not four years of horrible school plus horrible low-paid internship/residency like the MD route (...not as selective, either), and a lot of people get their school entirely paid for by their hospital, and anyway I can live on $15k/year and pay off all my loans ASAP. So I might end up in grad school after all. I think I want more a dynamic job right now, and ICU nursing -- which generally is required for CRNA programs -- will be way more exciting and unstable and eustressful. I need this! I am young and smart and ADHD and somewhat allergic to routine.

...And ICU nursing would be exhausting after a while, I know. It would be fun and amazing and satisfying but burnout rates are really high. Having an out would be good. (Every CRNA I know just absolutely loves their job! Including the friend who encouraged me to look into this route, who is somehow substantially more ADHD than I am, and... if sitting in the OR while your patient is under is not understimulating for him, I am a lot less concerned about me. He has told me Having responsibility for someone’s life makes it easy to focus. I think this probably is true for me as well.)

I can do this! I am going to be an extremely skilled and badass ICU nurse in a few years, and quite possibly by the time I’m 30 I’ll be either in a CRNA program or done with one.

[zaicat]

i am somehow so extremely overstimulated and entirely understimulated at the same time . i wish for the sweet sweet release of death rn