#i can show you that you dont have to surrender yourself to inevitability

[appledotcodotuk]

thinking about the speech that nine gives about saving rose and eradicating the daleks and just how grandly wrong it turns out to be. thinking about how closely it veers into Dalek (the ep. But also yeah the creature) territory. thinking about Rose sacrificing her own humanity to preserve a little bit of the doctors. saving herself. saving him. thinking about how the last act of the time war was life. thinking about the moment in the guise of rose once more preventing the doctor from doing something irreversible.

[ships-for-you]

Thank you for requesting again love! Although I regret to inform you that I don’t really write for InuYasha so please do excuse the fact that I won’t be writing for that part of your matchup.

For OHSHC, I ship you with Tamaki!

You’ve mentioned that you aren’t really the type to, “fall in love at first sight” so I thought this scenario I had in my head would be pretty interesting.

You would have met when he transferred, along with Kyoya since he would’ve been the batch governor with you as his vice.

His loud and bubbly nature probably scared you at first and you wouldn’t really know how to properly handle him.

Not to mention the fact that he immediately went for the chivalrous kiss on the back of the hand.

You’d withdraw your hand iMmeDiAteLy from this blonde and distance yourself from him behind Kyoya, who you weren’t so close with but friends nonetheless.

He knows about your predicament, by the way, as he has conducted his routine background check on all the students including you so although he knows, he doesn’t let it affect his behavior around you too much.

You’re trying to be as mature as Kyoya and you apologize for having such an adverse reaction to his advances.

He would probably say something along the lines of, “A fine maiden such as yourself needn’t apologize for being so demure. A man’s touch, especially from someone as beautiful as I, can indeed be frightening, but you dont have to be afraid of me.” Plus a wink.

It’s so over the top that you just sigh at his narcissism and your governor sighs beside you.

I mean, sure he’s very conventionally handsome but is he really all that though?

You bond along with Tamaki and Kyoya for he had this theory that since you’re a female, he’d be more likely to listen to you while he can monitor him as well.

You’re all in the same class anyway so it’s more convenient that way.

From there you notice how your transferee has gained a lot of attention and is mostly popular with the ladies so you really can’t help but think,

Wow, it must be nice to have people that at least seem to care about you.

Then he comes to you and Kyo saying that he wants to host a club. Specifically, a club whose goal is to make women happy, which sounded odd, but you guessed there was no harm in it.

But you needed to recruit other members if he wanted it to work to which he informed you that he had students in mind already.

You’re impressed to see the club once it’s fully functional and although it may seem immoral, you know of Tamaki’s intentions now and know they are mostly pure.

You share the same, “sheltered” home life experience as he never really got to go out much in France before he turned 14. He’s likely to tell you his life story before Kyoya because you’re female.

But also because he, not that he’s aware of it, cares for your opinion more.

He finds himself thinking, “I hope that she looks at me and thinks, ‘damn, he’s so pretty.’” a lot since mommy issues lmao.

But on a more serious note, he listens to your advice whenever you comment about how too superficial his flirting technique is because he believes that,

1, your gender as a girl and knowing the ins and outs of one should definitely help him

and 2, he really wants to know specifically what makes you more at ease.

Tamaki is the type of person to physically show that he is in love with someone but not mentally acknowledge it until something hits him in the head with the cold facts.

And that’s on Kyoya.

Kyoya is very entertained seeing you and Tamaki bond throughout the course of the anime. whoops, way to break the 4th wall.

He is also a bit annoyed that Tamaki just can’t man up and say so because he can’t help his brain function normally.

Kyoya understands that you may avoid commitment due to issues you face privately and his best friend shares them too because he doesn’t want to see women crying because of him.

He’s already seen it from his mother, I don’t think he wants to see it again.

So unless you are willing to take the risk to confess first or Tamaki realizes his feelings sooner, this would end up no where and would fizzle out once Haruhi enter the picture.

For Kiss Him, Not Me, I ship you with Nozumu Nanashima!

I feel like you would meet Nanashima in middle school along with Igarashi.

As we all know, Nanashima can seem fickle or superficial with his interests in girls and I agree but!

It kind of boils down to the fact he hasn't experienced proper dating before and didn't really have the interest to prior to meeting Kae nor you.

I hypothesise that he, much like Tamaki, will probably physically show his interest in you before actually coming to a conclusion that he has feelings for you.

Basically, his body knows more than his brain.

You know, because he’s stupid.

Although I ship you with Nanashima, that doesn't necessarily mean he’s the only one interested in you in the moment.

I mean, who else could it be but Igarashi?

Although he doesn't vocalize it, he feels really inferior to Igarashi as he feels like he is better at the things they bot share a common interest in like soccer.

and you

Nana doesn't really like thinking that way but it’s just something he thinks on autopilot so even if he doesn't like it, he can't really help it.

In the end, he'd surrender to his thoughts, give up soccer, and decide to just be the bad guy to Yusuke’s good guy.

He doesn't give you up as, you know, he doesn't know he likes you. 

Igarashi sees it though but thinks that it gives him the advantage to gain your interest faster.

You would be very oblivious to whatever little banter they're having because it either seems like their flirting with each other

“I’d treat you so much better.” “Oh yeah? Better than who, me?”

Or you just think so negatively of yourself that you’ve perceived you're just unlovable, even with the 2 of your friends with you.

It doesn't help that when Kae suddenly lost weight, they barely hung out with you anymore since they're always with her.

“Ah, sorry (y/n)! I thought I’d hang with Serinuma for today.” Igarashi would say with Nanashima behind him nodding along but not really looking in your direction.

Normally, you would've let it slide if this hasn't been going on for a nearly 2 months and them barely talking to you halfway. Plus, you were really tired of overthinking and loosing sleep from crying.

Since you fear being truly alone, the past 2 moths with them constantly flaking would make you feel like the inevitable was happening.

You’d just shout at them and tell them how you feel, not noticing that you were crying and people in the hallway would definitely stare and observe just to see what happens.

Igarashi would not know to do and stay frozen in place, would apologize and bow, and then leave. Nanashima would've probably left before Igarashi opened his mouth to apologize.

Although that did not seem like it would suffice, you just decided to let go but would likely lose the will to attend school the following days after, on the excuse of being sick.

Igarashi would feel like utter shit but just keep it to himself while Nanashima is deeply bothered but doesn't acknowledge it.

It’s only when Serinuma took care of him when he was sick did he break down and told him how awful he felt, how confused, and just lost.

When she tells him that he's confused because he just doesn't know how to set his priorities straight and that he may have feelings for you, he connects to and to together and is simply devastated.

He’d thank her for doing over and taking care of him but would like it if she were to leave him alone as he thought things through.

Maybe even a dance break with Kirari might lift his spirits.

From then on, he'd make a point to go to your house and try to apologize, especially since he left when he had the chance to before without a word.

He’d explain that he's never experienced something like this before and that his feelings for you are genuine. He'd apologize so much and try to make you feel better by telling you all the things he thinks are true about you.

How patient, non judging, how you probably bottled up your feelings so you wouldn't make them feel bad for constantly blowing you off,

Everything he appreciates about you.

He’d then ask you out but, as it’s his first time and he's already made a bad impression, he'd want to go slow.

It’s a learning process for both of you and although you're wary since you don't want to get hurt again, you accept but do agree that you two should go slow. 

He tries to be more himself around you and you try to be more open about your problems to him. You try to better and grow with each other.

[poisonspivey]

Voided Level of Hell I need you to UNDERSTAND this was only ever going to be one way.. the chains are cutting off my oxygen supply... I feel the life draining from me.. seeping into them as I watch the inevitable unravel like a ball of yarn... people like me who will deny their peace or refuse release their anguish by staying stagnant in the void behind their reflection hoping for a difference knowing its futile... this is killing me.. all of it... I didnt factor in you though... the icy blue flames... the fire raging all consuming.. the shards of the mirror shattered with the voided pieces seeping to the other side like poisonous gas... How can God be so cruel to show me what peace could be.. what my soul being engulfed in the blue flame physically feels like. But also how that wildfire has grown in the void into a supernova.. I desire... I crave.. I need ... I need your skin against mine.. I need you to tell me why you have one hand holding my heart and the other squeezing my lungs... life is meaningless to you why are you protecting my humanity? Why are you pumping yourself into my voided? How is it when were together or even apart at times you just know my humanity is dying and you swiftly make me feel it all at once making me want to beg you to release me. Im bound to you... I cant be bound to you ive been in chains so long ive gone ferral..the others enjoy seering them on my flesh to remind me they can tighten the chain wrapped around my throat as they see fit reopening my wounds... they laugh while making me watch.. they laugh cuz they know they can dangle you in front of me... reminding me they can find completion together while I suffer alone because im a whole human with a fragmented soul half a heart charcole wings still smoking.. growing horns and a wicked grin..my eyes and face are the voided galaxies swirling together meshing into black and white shadows allowing me to jump back and forth effortlessly... I deserve to have one day of silence... one day of completion... melting into you.. surrendering to this pain my body feels when you touch me like ive gone my whole life searching for this and now of course its right here and I cant just take it.. I cant just take you... I want to.. I want to throw you down beneath me and make you fall into me.. with me.. suffer beautifully with me because I know you know my pain.. I want to make you feel what I know you crave so desperately and because you're convinced its not possible I need to prove you wrong.. Ive proved you wrong over and over again in my head... but thats just it... you look at me and all those things I want to take because im empty get shoved down deeper in me... I cant hurt you... im letting you hurt me.. not because I feel like I owe you or because I have to... im selfish and because im selfish and I love you I lock away my natural predator instinct my burning desires and the demon that sniffed you out months ago that wants to play with you.. be inside you.. screaming at you to finish what you started... im dying... and I want to satisfy all of it once.. im on my knees begging you to take me... please god this is excruciating... I cant live like this anymore.. im bashing my head int my reflection tearing apart my skin with glass while the other two evil shadows get off on eachother and hurting me... the same sinners with different faces that live through me or by destroying me... im begging you death snuff me out like I know you want to.. Did you really think I didnt notice right away your addiction to reaping souls? The collection you have that rivals my collection of hearts I ripped out scortched to my chains... give me one time with your true face.. your monster.. the reaper... give me one time with you in your true form before I fade into nothing.. and ill give you what you so desperately crave before I die... im yours.. I didnt ask to be yours.... I didnt have a choice... it just happened and I dont want to fight it... you were mine before.. and when I see us together I whisper in your ear while making you spasm in dopamine rushes and little deaths.. youre mine... your soul is mine.. your gasps and spasms are mine... the clock is ticking.. dont forget me when I fade away

[neetu-uplifts]

Thank you, darkness

We live in a world where the pursuit of happiness couldn’t be greater. Self-help books on how to be your happiest self, positive psychology classes at campuses across the world (including at Google), and an ever-increasing interest in spirituality to fill that void we feel inside (despite sometimes having everything on the outside) - all signal the desire to be happy. And that’s a good thing. Happiness is beautiful and it’s important. But, being happy all the time or only ever feeling positive emotions is not realistic (it’s actually not even good for you). Negative emotions that arise from the difficult times in life are just as important- and in some ways, even more important - as the happy emotions. If we never knew any struggle, we would lack depth, humility, character and connection to something larger than our ego-centric selves. We would be so out of touch with what really matters and have no chance at survival (emotionally) because we would never have faced any problems in our lives. Pain is necessary to being a resilient soul with substance. Without struggle, we would never grow and get the opportunity to discover ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves and with others would be incredibly superficial. This seems obvious to most people because they realize, looking back on the tough times in their lives, they came out stronger and wiser.

Pain doesn’t just make us stronger and wiser (in our human form). On a deeper level, pain has a crucial role in soul work. Pain helps us discover our truest self, by connecting us with our soul. Darkness or pain in this sense is the path to the light - the light inside you.  There’s a line in Rehras Sahib, one of Sikhism’s sacred texts, that I’ve frequently gone back to over the years because it’s so powerful and true: “Dukh daroo sukh rog bhaiyah, ja sukh taam no hoee”. It means that dukh (pain) was the necessary cause that ultimately led you to achieve an immense state of bliss (sukh), a bliss that could never have been attained through happy times alone, and thus, pain is your medicine or saviour. We don’t usually feel this way in the moment of course. But there is always a bigger role that the pain plays in our lives.  Eckhart Tolle talks about suffering as being necessary for the evolution of our consciousness.

Tolle says one should be grateful for his/her suffering because eventually suffering will wake you up. When we suffer, the ego suffers and everything it’s attached to or that defines it suffers. The false sense of self takes a beating. And through this process, we surrender (well, hopefully!) to a higher power i.e. a much higher power than the ego. Surrendering allows us to realize what the larger purpose of the pain is. Pain keeps you woke by pushing the ego out of the phantom driver seat it thought it was owning and you’re forced to ask yourself: “who’s running the show?” As we ponder that question more deeply, we are driven to connect with the boundless, infinite and omnipresent source of energy that is inside us - which is the truth of us. And once we discover that, i.e. the essence of GOD or the Universe inside us, it allows us to go beyond all suffering. You begin to realize that the ego is the source of all of your suffering. Ego in this context is much broader and deeper than just arrogance or narcissism. Ego is, as Tolle says, anything that we’re identified with - our thoughts, emotions, our possessions, our loved ones, our status, our money, our addictions - all the labels and roles we feel define our false, external self. Disidentifying with and shining a light on the ego requires us to be in a state of surrender, which is much harder to do when life is great and the ego is feeling like the King/Queen of the world. When we’re in pain, it’s easier to observe the ego and see it for what it is - aka not you. And when we do this, we end the suffering right then and there. We only know what it means to rise if we have fallen. We rise (connect with our higher power) through disidentification, observation and awareness, which are the ego’s greatest kryptonite. So, suffering allows us to become closer to who we are and it frees us from the pain and traps of the ego by strengthening our consciousness/awareness. Remember, pain is our necessary medicine or saviour.

I’m grateful for my life struggles because they have shaped me into the person that I am today and most importantly, they have given me a degree of strength and faith that I could never have otherwise acquired through pleasant, non-challenging circumstances. I have a lot of work to do in disidentifying with my false self (the one with good hair) but today I am a lot humbler, a lot more grateful and open-minded and a lot less judgmental because of the challenges I’ve experienced, at different points in my life. The darkness in my life has always brought me closer to the light - the light inside me (my soul/GOD). It brought me closer to the light because it left me with no choice but to surrender and turn inwards. No external person or occurrence could lessen the pain, no matter how hard they or I tried. It was only when I turned inward to something deeper inside myself that I found peace and repose. What resulted from turning inward was a strengthening of connection to, and faith in, that indestructible part of me. The same indestructible part that lives in all of us - our spirit/soul/true essence. It’s my foundation and I have learned now, through challenging life experiences, that while something can shake me (at the branches), it can never ever touch or harm my core (soul). And KNOWING THAT gives me a feeling of strength and assurance that I cannot describe in words. It’s like I feel deep inside that my soul is saying “I got you, like I always do” - and that is the BEST feeling in the world. It stabilizes and grounds me in a way that no external person, thing or event ever could. It makes me a more positive person and better equips me to face the inevitable challenges that life will present. The deep-rooted belief  that no matter what happens, I’m going to be okay, gives me courage to push myself to do things I find scary, and it gives me resilience and allows me to see each challenge or problem as an opportunity to learn and grow. Gratitude is a key virtue in my life and that’s only because I was able to walk through the darkness and into the light. Everything I’m grateful for stems from or ties back to the light. And I’m aware of the light because of the darkness, and that makes me truly grateful for the pain. It was a necessary catalyst (love that word!). I realize that we have to walk through the dark to come home.

Some of my closest peeps have suffered immensely through addiction (and are now reborn through recovery). They often say that while their addiction stripped literally everything from them - their loved ones, their livelihood, their homes and their respect - they are forever grateful for their addiction because without it, they would never know the incredible life they have today - a values-driven life of spirituality, self-love, community and faith in their higher power. Today, they are the best version of themselves that has existed, thus far. A version that didn’t even exist before their addiction developed and couldn’t likely have existed without the suffering of the addiction. In addition to the powerful internal growth that comes from dark times, externally, there are people we would never have met and opportunities we would never have been presented, without the pain and suffering. So, next time you see a dark cloud coming through in your life, embrace it, knowing that it’s an opportunity to bring about greater sunshine than exists today. Pain grows us into a better, humbler, happier version of ourselves and ultimately gives us a better life. Just to be clear though, and this is an important point: this revelation of being the light in the face of darkness can only come about if we choose to surrender and if we choose to rise when we have fallen. Not everyone chooses that path. This goes for addiction or any other struggle in our lives - big or small. We have to choose to turn inwards, to bloom, to do the difficult work, to pick faith over fear, to flashlight the ego and to surrender. Choose well friends.