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#i can try to live independently
ladsofsorrow24 · 2 years
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this is maybe just an asian thing but damn it is hard to outright admit your parents are abusive since you're born even until now
especially when one/both of them have passed away, because then there is this sense of "don't talk bad about dead people" thing in this culture, even though you're just pointing out the facts and truths that you have experienced with them
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b4kuch1n · 7 months
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yay! I drew these quite literally three years ago. dragonheart!milo and raihan! a knight on a doomed dragon hunt being lifted out of his station by a small village medicine man. together they become magic lawyers and overthrow the government
the main details in these do survive into the iterations I’ve drawn (instead of these actual designs I spent time to make el oh el): the “leaf” diamond quilt/gambeson and the plaited coattail for milo, the “atypical” weapons, long coat, and large number of scattered fake gold trims and accessories for raihan. I think I lost raihan the hat and added a cape for milo further down the line because like this their general silhouettes are too similar for my liking lol
#pokemon#swsh#applinshipping#dragonheart AU#gym leader raihan#gym leader milo#leon is the puppet king in this one (I never made a design for him lol. lmao) (its not about him!!!!) (it is just a tiny bit#sonia actually disappeared out to sea like just the year before raihan got sent off too. and the shows up where raihan and milo are later on#as usual the everything between those three are messy in a way that makes every one of them embarrassed to bring it up lmao#if u remember one of the october pieces I did last year. the applinshipping one. yeap thats from this AU too#lmao. also remembering the swordsman AU. in every AU where I bring up a king you can TELL I cant WAIT to get rid of that guy#(its usually leon)#anyways it's not about him this is about raihan and milo!!! iirc everyone in the village knows milo is Something. bc he has literally not#aged at all for four generations#he's like doing his therapy away from the dragon hierarchy out here and raihan crash lands nearby#laughs this is so hallmark movie romance I just realized. except the city girl is trying to#extract her family from the palace before stealing the declaration of independence#oh yeah the AU is named that Specifically because the 'artifact' the whole plot runs around is supposedly a 'calcified' heart of a dragon#and the magic lawyer part is so raihan will seize the right to the throne by haha. winning a living dragon's heart instead#I'm actually surprised I remember this much abt this AU lmao it's literally been three years! I don't even remember what Im#supposed to do tomorrow#it's gettign a USB stick isnt it. Im doin a canadian horror triple feature with the senpai#I gotta remember that. well I remember This so. maybe there's a chance#man there are actually a number of applinshipping things I wanna draw... theyre my Fuckin BoyS#well! there's this at least. have a good night lads! I'll have cake soon#it's time to put cinnamon in things.
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gideonisms · 1 month
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THE number one most irritating thing about life is deciding when you're meant to speak or make eye contact and when you're not, and for how long and how many phrases you're meant to say at a time
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thedevotionaltour · 3 months
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even for period typical ableism it still drives me nuts for karen to go oh poor matt how can he deal and get around as if he hasn't been blind most of his life at this point and living on his own by himself as an adult for his entire adult life after college and has also lived in the city his whole life like girl use your damn brain he can get around by himself just fine. good god. like take five seconds to use your brain. literally adult man who lives by himself if nothing else that should tell you he is fine and when he needs assistance has the knowledge and ability to go get it you act as if he can't even walk on the sidewalk by himself. he literally shows up to work by himself. it drives me up the wall sometimes how she sees proof of him functioning fine independently literally witnesses it on the daily and still thinks these things. like again foggy isn't great either bc again the period typical ableism (and just general ableism in the world outside of this period as this is a common attitude of viewing disabled people as helpless and unable to function even if they are people who do live independently (and im not touching on people who do need extra support and caretaking in this context. as this post is about these characters in the context of a story. so im talking about what we see there instead of any truly meaningful nuanced way) but the writing here is like. Particularly this way due to the time) he has a modicum more of understanding that matt is literally a capable grown adult man. literally told karen matt is a big boy who can handle himself and then karen went b-b-but you forget he's blind as if foggy hasn't known him for years of his life and is his best friend like PLEASE SEE HIM AS AN ADULT. I AM GOING TO GO INSANE. PLEASE RESPECT HIM IF YOU LOVE HIM SO DEARLY. AND EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T. JUST RESPECT HIM AS A PERSON!!!!!!
#i think it's particularly maddening bc we have seen characters be able to understand civillian matt is like. more than just Blind Man.#i am always highly aware of period typical writing and can remember the context etc etc but sometimes.#sometimes it truly. truly does drive me up the wall. especially when other characters have been capable of not being That Level#of infantalizing. again foggy still isn't much better in a lot of respects he is just as capable of and has been as infantilizing#and insulting as karen has been. for sure. on multiple occassions. no questions asked. but i dont think he does it to the extent karen does#as in we dont see it on page just as much. it's just a bit less. so we see karen focus on it far more. to an almost exaggerated extent#part of that is the romance plot of ohhh i cannot possibly love a blind man while foggy is matt;s best friend of many years#so of course it will be in the way of the stan lee and old romance comics schools of writing that this goes down and is written like this.#of course we see her focus on it a touch more in a different way bc she's still getting to know matt and hasnt witnessed him#for about like a decade(? they met in undergrad right?) function on his own the way foggy has. but jesus christ man. good god.#at a certain point even with the period time context it does just still leave a bad taste. at certain points it becomes less eye roll#and far more maddening and hard to push down. bc it is gross. no matter what time period it is.#again. both of them are pretty disrespectful towards matt about it at this point even if mostly in their inner monologues or dialogues#with each other and not super to matt's face about it every time. but still. sometimes karen drives me far more crazy about it than foggy.#becase at least foggy can in fact recognize every now and then. matt is a perfectly capable grown man who can function and thrive.#and is someone who lives independently but also can know how to get assistance when needed.#while karen at this point has never really once given matt the benefit of that assumption despite witnessing his capabilities.#because even with his act of trying to fit the image ppl have of him. he still functions within that! and shows he can do things!#and ask for help when he needs it! even within his act of making himself smaller and quieter for others.#he's still like. adult man who lives his life. and does stuff on his own time.#i cant really speak about matt on any more deeper level than that in regards to his disabilities. i am not disabled.#i only speak as a reader and someone watching what these characters do and have proven to be able to do and how they act.#so i can only talk about karen and foggy's behaviors and attitudes in that regard.#and also as a person with like. basic understanding of other ppl living their lives. that all ppl live their own damn lives however it is#like most ppl on planet earth.#i apologize if any of my wording here is bad or if i dont talk on it well as none of this in the real world stuff is my lived experience#and you are free to go hey. incorrect. think about that or word that differently.#ok i promise im done now it's just. EUGH. UGH!!!!!#static.soundz
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elkkiel · 1 month
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My favourite thing about being a young adult is having Mundane Adult Experiences for the first time. Like for example, a few months ago we bought a new dishwasher and I was genuinely impressed by the performance and some of the practical features. Or sending an invoice to a company's accounting department for my first freelance contract. Is this what small children feel like when they see a movie in the theater or a giraffe at the zoo for the first time? Surely the joy is on par with getting a sick discount on the big bottle of laundry detergent.
Anyways I'm buying a new mattress with my tax return and I'm so fucking hype, I'm gonna pick up some budget-friendly boxed wine tonight to celebrate
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moving-to-dreamwinged · 5 months
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my dad came in and saw me on the couch (for the first time all day and i had literally just sat down for less than a minute when he came in) w heating pad and immediately goes "you have two options" (different chores to do) (as if i was like 10 years old and getting punished for something that i didnt even know i did wrong). what about secret third option where you treat me like an adult or i don't come home for winter next year. Lol
#.mei chats#soryr really my family is. great i need to stpo complain#i just wish theyd realize that im not incompetent#i do a really good job taking care of myself for the entire 10 months out of the year that i dont live with them#and im proud of the independence ive developed bc i worked really hard to feel ANY sort of positive feelings about myself#but they just dont recognize it at all when i come back#trying to tell me how to microwave my food and reminding me of paperwork i have to do#Thanks i literally managed the entire program tasks myself for the last 6~months but yeah you better remind me about the medical forms#or else ill totally forget and mess up the whole thing :'333 bc im just so stupid!! thakn you soooo much for taking care of me!!#<- not like ive been hypervigilant and anxious about making sure i do every little thing with it perfect#in fact there was actually an issue w one of my forms bc they made me submit it even though i didn't think it was filled out properly.#they were like “itll be fine youre overthinking” guess who got an email 3 days later saying the form was completely invalid.#god just bottom line why cantthey trust me when i say im on top of it. fucking trust me this program is my entire life right now#i am putting literally eveyr ounce of effort i've got into not ruining it. they just dont see the improvements and growth ive made at all#so frustrating bc ive worked so hard to pinpoint and fix that specifically but what can ya do#god this got long. sawry#.not f/o related
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lesbiansanemi · 2 days
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I don’t often think I’m upset at not having a good relationship with my parents but sometimes it really fucking hits me that I don’t have a good mom I don’t have a dad I’ll never experience having a good parent and someone I can lean on like that and I get… really upset
#I have this coworker who is about my mom’s age#I love her and she’s a wonderful person and she’s such a good parent to her kids#her autistic queer kids and she fights for them and defends them all the time#she values their interests and does things they love with them and supports their choices and jusy#ugh#today she gave me a hug because ‘it’s really seemed like I wasn’t doing okay’#and ‘I’ve been dealing with a lot of hard things and big life changes which she knows is really hard’#and I kinda teared up#my own parents don’t even know about everything that has happened with my roommate or the friends I’ve lost this year#I don’t tell them. and I could but it wouldn’t matter#my mother wouldn’t care. she definitely wouldn’t sympathize or give me a hug over it#she wouldn’t comfort me#my dad my try but he lives thousands of miles away#and I love my dad but I didn’t get to know him until I was 17#I don’t think he’s really like… a dad you know?#he’s more like some weird friend or MAYBE an uncle than anything#which is fine! I think it’s really the best we can do and like I said I do love him and I know he loves me#but it’s still… different than a parent you know?#and sometimes I just ache knowing I don’t get parents…#I don’t get that relationship that so many ppl have that’s so important to them#and it just doesn’t feel fair and makes me feel really sad#I’m glad I’m as independent as I am but even that doesn’t feel fair#I’ve lived on my own since I was 17…. I never should have had to do that anyways….#and I just feel sad because I got a hug from my coworker that made me want to sob#because it’s like damn… is this a teeny tiny taste of what having an actual good mom is like?#I missed out on so much….#kaz rambles
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talentforlying · 8 months
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last thing actually, i was gonna do that 'are you the muse's type' bingo card but all he's got are "not a tory" and "not a twat". which to be fair are solid clarifications to make.
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lakemichigans · 1 month
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trying to remember that good friends enjoy doing occasional favors for the people they love and it's not weird to ask them for help when you need it..............
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lucyvaleheart · 1 month
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#i need to stop doing this. but i just. i.....#.....I'll probably fall asleep minutes after i post this#so if you message me about it and i don't reply that's why#but i just#............fuck I'm trying so hard#it doesn't seem to matter#no matter how much i get done or accomplish it's never enough I'm always ten steps behind where i need to be to even reach net zero#not even the point of making progress. the point where i can so much as rest#I'm so tired. im so tired. nothing i think of works nothing i try is ever the right thing#i know from the outside looking in i may not seem like a burden i may even seem like an uplifting person to be around#but I'm a burden.#i am. I'm not self deprecating. it's a fact. it's just a fact.#as i am now i am a resource sink and i need too much help and i can't really be independent#and yet i don't really have a choice#so at present whoever i live with (currently my husband) gets stuck taking care of me because i just fall short in so many ways#.....i can't do anything right#nothing i do seems to matter. i can't.... i can't do anything#fuck#I'm just repeating myself I'm almost certain but#...............why can't i have a decent idea for once#all this confidence and i just keep fucking up anyway#worked so hard on being confident in myself that i don't match up to my own expectations now#i#.............fuck#everything hurts so badly#I'm so tired#....I'm so tired#....................if anyone happens to live in Minnesota and wants to just. come shoot me dead hit me up#im too much of a coward to do it myself
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brightokyolights · 4 months
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Bro no joke, forgetting that not everyone hates capitalism and then having to try have a reasonable conversation with someone about buying things... *eye twitch*
#to explain we will have person A - person B and then me#so person B is asking me if its ok to buy stuff from ebay - because i am a person that tries to avoid buying from amazon etc#and im like yeah should be because its independent sellers mostly - to be fair though yall. i barely buy anything online because i hate#online shopping. i try to buy things in person instead#anyways insert person A whos like 👁👄👁 oH aRe YoU oNe Of ThOse PeOpLE ThAt DoESNt pUrCHasE frOm AmAzON#yall im sighing just thinking about this conversation omfg its so stupid#anyways queue me explaining that yeah. i try to avoid it if i can because i dont like my money going to some motherfucker who doesnt need#the money (person B pipes in that jeff bezos is on the way to becoming a trillionaire which is Not Good 🙃 . thank you B now i will go on)#A then goes on to explain all the benefits to amazon “what if you want something the next day” i ask if theres really anything you truly#need right away like that. we used to live in times where you would have to wait or find it in a shop. A says “oh but its so cool and#convenient“ and i say sure. because they have the money and grew their business of being more 'convenient' than other businesses#A says “oh but the customer service is so good. if i want a return theyll do it straight away with no questions and maybe even give me#credit too“ and im like yeah. because they can afford to do that. ”sometimes independent sellers are in there too“ ok so buy from them then#If You Must but i can guarantee you mostly dont. not to mentuon theyre probably only on there in the first place because amazon has made it#so its one of the most popular places to use instead of anywhere else#and it went on. i just stopped talking eventually because it eas one of those situations where the other person was not fucking listening to#the point i was trying to make. which is that if you really have to. ok do it whatever. i get that its a bit impossible to avoid sometimes#im not gonna sit here and pretend when ive not been able to get something anywhere else i havent got it from there. but the point is to#actually think about WHY youre buying stuff and WHO the money is going to. because websites like amazon especially have created such a trend#of overconsumption. that you just buy stuff and then buy prime because oh its so cheap and useful and comes right the next day! and you dont#consider why any of these things are true. whos getting fucked over in the process. that you are one of the people getting fucked over!!!#lord i could go on but i shant#point is. genuinely do what you want like deep down i do not care it does not affect me and i know its not so straightforward#but people who just BLATANTLY and actively SUPPORT rich people (forgot to mention A kept talking about how the whole site was smart and that#Jeff was a genius blah blah) can you sit and realise that this whole system and that FUCKING Imbecile of a man are!!¡! a problem!!#i wish i could articulate it better but im leaving it at that#good morning yall xD#le text post
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m00ngbin · 5 months
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Uh warning this whole thing is me complaining about my bones and pain and stuff so if you're sick of hearing about that you should probably ignore this
Whatever's wrong with my knee spread to my hip so I think that maybe I WILL be needing a cane or something soon and it's not just a joke I was making cause I had to keep sitting down in random places
Joke might be the wrong word because it wasn't really a joke and it wasn't funny, I was just trying to be lighthearted and it didn't seem like it was really happening or that it was probable
#sorry if we're ever in a public place and i suddenly make us stop so i can sit down for a few seconds#its not because im lazy or im trying to be annoying i swear#something ive been thinking about is disability#i don't think im disabled because i can still get around and do things but sometimes it is a little difficult and im worried that#in the future I'll have a really hard time walking without pain and ill have to depend on someone more than i already do#im already going to need to live with someone for the rest of my life anyway because of mental health stuff and i really dont want to have#to give up what freedom i have left#i read somewhere that disability forces you to rely on people and it takes away your independence and totally overhauls your life#and that disability really destroys your walls surrounding asking others for help/support#being independent and being self sufficient#i pride myself on my independence and self sufficiency and seeing that slowly start trickling away while theres nothing i can do about it#and nobody knows what to do to stop it is really painful#maybe it wont get so bad that ill be fully reliant but the possibility is there and not knowing is really scary#my choice and my autonomy are being ripped away and it not a person thats doing it its my own body#im not in control of my own body anymore#maybe im being dramatic but it really doesnt feel like it#because i am slowly watching my joints get worse and i am completely helpless. i cant do anything. im watching whatever this is spread and#not a single person can tell me what it is or why its happening
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dnangelic · 5 months
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-tickled by the amnt of non-devouts around dark- dw about it. dark doesn't care
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aurosoul · 2 years
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I got some incredibly kind messages today after venting about my thoughts about quitting art this morning and I just want to say THANK YOU to the people who reached out to me and that I love you all 💖💖💖💖 ;__;
I’m definitely NOT giving up, I’ve just been really struggling with anxiety, imposter syndrome, and hinging my self-worth on my income lately and I’ve been losing sight of what brought me to art in the first place.... life remains incredibly stressful to us all, but this was a good reminder to take a breath and be gentle to myself despite everything
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tabaquis-creatures · 10 months
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going to come out to my mom when I see her this Saturday so we're gonna see how that goes
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pepprs · 1 year
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#to translate this post: someone liked this post i made (on the upper left) on AUGUST 28 having a moment of self awareness that i was running#away from my whole life and not moving or learni ng to drive or anything. it is now march 8. it has been almost 7 months. and i have made#basically zero progress. and there is nothing stopping me but me. i could read the drivers manual and whatever whenever i want. but i am not#doing anything. and i don’t know how to get myself to start.#purrs#i know it’s a cop out excuse but i truly do think it’s covid. i think being in lockdown for a year and a half made me just let go of any#sense of progress. made me scared to take steps forward. and i mean i did bc i lived on campus for a while after that but it’s like.. EVERY#part of my life is stagnant rn it seems. and it’s not just me it’s my siblings too. we’re all getting older but none of us is trying to move#out or gain our independence in any way and my brother isn’t even looking for jobs even though he needs one. we’re all just getting older#but we’ve lost (or maybe had knocked out of us by covid and our mom being so strict) any sense of moving ipward and spreading our wings.#forgotten we have wings at all. and ive done important things like going on a house tour or traveling with my besties (<3). but i have only#made it to page 8 of the drivers manual and i truly do not want to read the rest of it. i have only been on one house tour and im longing to#move out but how much am i really because i can’t bring myself to schedule another tour and start searching for a new home in earnest.#i just come home every day UTTERLY exhausted and spend all my free time trying to process or rest. and im not making room for myself to use#my wings. and it’s truly terrible. why are we all okay with living like this. my younger self would be HORRIFIED if she saw how much i had a#atrophied since graduating and moving back home. my brighton self would be HORRIFIED. i told myself i wouldn’t and then it’s exactly what i#did. and ik im being harsh and ive spread my wings in some important ways during this time but… these are so obvious. such low hanging#fruit in some ways. bc any 16 year old can take this test and pass it so why can’t i at 24? why won’t i let myself? dont i want a nice cozy#home i make my own where i can eat what i want and sleep when i want and have control over sounds? then why am i not running for it?#delete later#i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 my one precious life 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃#also LMFAOOOOO the next tag on that aug 28 post was that i need to get a new campus id card… guess who hasn’t done that either ♥️
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