#i can’t SPOIL ANYTHING YET BUT … THERES TENSION… SO MUCH TENSION IN THIS

[introloves]

can i be real with you guys.. the toji boxer fic has turned into a beast … we’re at 9 pages and there hasn’t been fucking yet

preview under the read more

[bolbianddolanhouse]

Book 2 FAQ!

Book 1 FAQ Beginning of Book 2

Dang y’all, 14 chapters done for Book 2! It’s been a little bit of a struggle to hash them out on time BUT I deliver. I’ve asked, y’all keyboard smashed in my inbox...let’s get INTO IT!

4 KIDS?!

Yep. And all 4 of them are full of personality! I guess I dreamt them up to convey all of the unspoken parts of the My Hero universe (canon or not). 

Are the kid’s names in relation to their abilities?

No unfortunately, they’re names are based on their personalities/the major event that happened around the time they were born (no spoilers about it tho! Gotta read book 3 to know why!). Lili Perla is based off of Pearl from Steven Universe and their character type. Iwata El Roca is a nod to Luchador’s names and a character that passed away in the AU to honor them. Tensei Oro is a play on their family position, Tensei was the first born twin and his uncle was the first born, Oro is spanish for ‘gold’ and it’s a play on being first (ya know, because they give gold medals for 1st place!). Hanaka Rosa is a double trope name, Hanaka (Japanese: hana- flower, ka- power) is a nod to the tough girls with flower names in anime and Rosa (spanish: Rose) is a name used in telenovelas as the woman that causes all the romantic tension. I did the whole Japanese first name, Spanish middle name because thats what I want to do when I do have kids.

Why did Mineta have to be in this AU?

I hear you! The thing is that I DREAMT it like this. He’s the slightly incompetent teacher that gets dunked on by the parents. Good news is that he’s single and isn’t as gross in this part of the AU. He’s this AU’s punching bag if you will.

It was weird when you wrote in hate-crime/dorm incident bc I didn’t think about it that way...Why did you decide to explore it?

That part felt important to me to write. Yes the canon shows like actual crimes of different intensities, but not nessatreily hate-crimes done in schools. As you know, being LGBTQA+ in grade school is a terrifying thing to express if don’t want to stand out. The constant fear of peers judging you, bullies hurting you and teachers that seemingly don’t care about you if you come out is enough to silence anybody. Imagine that but in a hero school?! The hate-crime would be a villainous act and the culprit would have to do desperate measures to make sure nobody rats on them to maintain a clean image/record. Plus on the flip side, any ally that stands up for their oppressed peer is hailed the hero but they wouldn’t have to stand up for them if there were real consequences and punishment for the bullies. So in the AU, I wrote it how I’d want such hate-crimes to be handled. Not only justice but also accommodations for the victim.

The Mcdonalds order cracks me up! What is your Mcdonalds order?

I throughly enjoyed the Mcdonalds order part too. It’s a nod to the proposal in Book 1 when they went to Mcdonalds before the peer over. I wrote it to show that the family goes every now and then. My order is: Triple Cheeseburger, Large fries, Large sweet tea, 2 sausage and egg McMuffins & a cone. And yes, there will be a Mcdonalds order for every child because it drives the plot.

Will there be more interactions with the pro heroes from the canon series?

YES! Though old, theres more interactions planned with them. Of course, it’s all in Book 3 (trying not to spoil anything!).

Is it spoiler if you tell us if your kids (or one of them) becomes a villain?

I’ll tell y’all right now....NONE of my kids becomes a villain. It might look like one or two of them might from the way I wrote them but they’re just latina.

Will one of your kids be the next Ingenium?

Yes but I won’t tell you which one. But I can’t wait to reveal it to y'all!

I see all the call-backs to your self insert character’s past...Is it alluding to the conclusion?

I dreamt it as such and I fixed it in writing as a way to come full circle. Notice that Lili didn’t get any of her mom’s past from her mom? It wasn’t until when she confronted her on the couch in chapter 13. Even then, it wasn’t the full story nor did it fill in all the cracks and time skips after her mom’s time at UA. In Book 3, we explore more of the past. The conclusion is yet to be revealed.

How big is that house?!

It’s a little hard to explain? I want to say its big but parts of the house are disproportionate. It’s a two story house with no attic nor basement, 3 bath room, Master bedroom, 2 large bedrooms, office space, guest room, full kitchen, dining room, large living room, three car garage and a decent size backyard. What I’m trying to say that it’s big enough for that chaotic ass family.

Where’s Aizawa?!

Let the mans rest! He’s alive but he’s busy being a grandpa and taking naps. 

Canon villains OwO?

Y’all ate UP the Dabi surrender in Book 1 and his little mention in Book 2. But in this AU (not to spoil anything to anime only and manga dabblers) the League of Villains are still rampant but dispersed. In Book 3 (and part of Book 4) they pop in to drive the plot from a canon storyline. In the series, the rookie Hawks has been seen as a double agent and exposes a corrupt Hero Society. Same concept but in this AU, Hawks has gone missing when he failed to kill Best Jeanist. Here’s where the kids go into play BUT more on that as the plot progresses!

I really want to see art of these OCs! I wanna see how Iida’s genes transferred over to his kids!

I hear y'all! I’ve slid into DM during commission windows and have the means to pay for some line art at least...but with no responses. I’ve got my self insert character done in this post if you wanna check it out plus the artist was super sweet during the whole process. I may commission them again when they got a window of commissions open. But I may do a lineart of the kid’s faces in the near future.

What if....hypothetically....Shinso stayed?

Oh boy, okay so the Shinso stans have BOMBARDED my asks since the last arc of Book 1. So what if Shinso stayed...obviously I wouldn’t have 4 kids, just the one that we were gonna have. We wouldn’t be married and overall just be loveless the more we see our friends get married and start families. The company would still be there but delayed by 5 years or so. Our son would grow up to convince me and Shinso to separate when they get at around High school age. Tenya still wouldn’t have said anything but done the reunited part differently. I would’ve considered cheating but morals would’ve stopped me. Eventually, when our son decides to move out, we’d stay as housemates and basically die alone....aren’t you glad this AU isn’t such a downer?! Luckily things are patched up with my self insert and Shinso, because he comes into play in Book 3!

Eri Nurse! In your AU!

Yup! I’ve actually read some NurseEri! AUs on twitter and Tumblr (btw, some of y’all that like my posts have good taste in fics!) and it manifested in my dreams and created UA Nurse Eri. She shows up a few more times in the AU, so don’t fret if Eri is your fave.

Is it okay if I follow you on a different platform? Do you have another social media that I can follow you on?

You can follow me on Twitter (@oketsusama). It’s my personal twitter that I repost memes and get my news from. So it’s not as poppin as my Tumblr, but at least it’s AU free over there lmao.

What’s you favorite rare pair in the My Hero canon storyline?

Oh! and DON’T hate me, but I stan the Sero x Iida rare pair! There’s crumbs of the pair on twitter and here but the ones that I did read got me in tears. If you haven’t seen this tag on twitter and Tumblr, DO IT! The one on twitter had a lot of angst in it and it got me HOOKED on some of that goofball with their geeky partner energy.

Not a question, but I like your //Palma-sama Speaks in the tags. They’re funny and makes your posts that much more personalized.

I will cry! Thanks for reading that far! I like doing the ‘talking in the tags’ thing to basically point out the callbacks to new readers that stumbled upon that chapter of the AU. 

How long is this AU?!

It’s quite long BUT the ending is marvelous, trust. 

============================================

Thanks for reading! That’s all the asks for now, keep asking them! I love reading them. Next is the finale of Book 2! Everything will still come out 2-3 days of each other until further notice. Stay safe, drink water!

-Palma-Sama

[eggshellsreview]

(NON-SPOILER) Steven Universe Future First Impressions

Serving as a continuation of both Steven Universe and Steven Universe: The Movie, this mini-series focuses on exploring several loose ends from primarily the original series to give fans a lot of closure they may still yearn for since the series finale.

Off the bat we see just how much of Earth has changed without any unexpected inturruptions as the first episode does a great job showcasing what the first few minutes of the movie tried to before the entrance of it's villain. We get to see most of our characters and where they've been as of recently and it's the most straight forward episode. Although it does sound a bit tame, the episode manages to simultaneously show some changes and also introduces new concepts new to even the characters. It does this in the traditional Steven Universe style that we expect; introduce casually and explore slowly but surely through tense and emotional moments. And I've got to say, it's still just as effective as when they did it throughout the main series. This first episode is clearly meant to send the message: Steven Universe is back. And it's answering old questions while asking new ones.

The second episode is where we really get a proper look into the actual lives of new life style of Gems on Earth and helps lay out some of the non-physical conflicts we can start to expect in this series. This episode does a wonderful job showing some characters' emotional states and the kind of positive AND negative reactions there can be even when all their major problems seem over. This episode is one of the cutest of the bunch we got, along with being filled with some wholesome laughs. A great way to introduce some more in depth conflict, without stressing anyone in the show or in the audience too much out just yet.

The next two episodes is why I think having this "hour long" special was for the best. The first two did a great top effectively introducing new information we needed about certain characters without getting to over board, so that the next two episodes can transition us into more engaging stories now that we've properly been settled into the new atmopshere, dynamics, etc.

This third episode is my absolute favorite of the bunch. It reminds me so much of the original series in an incredibly positive way, with a conflict very reminiscent of seasons 4 or 5, but with not just new information, instead we get an incredibly large return of a major plot point teased in the main series. This episode tugs at so many emotions in endearing ways. Its maximized awkwardness, tension, sadness, but entirely through the best part of every character involved so that its not just pure negativity. This episode is the most memorable and the emotions it made me feel left me checking the time because I could've sworn that it was a 22 minute episode with how much they properly packed into it. The plots impossible to talk further about without spoilers so I'll leave it at that, but man, it served as a phenomenal way to demonstrate the kind of closure and answers we can expect from Steven Universe Future going onwards.

As I mentioned earlier, the show seemed to plan these episodes to gradually get more and more intense. This final episode is easily exactly what everyone could've hoped for when they found out about Steven Universe. This is easily when the show finally says "Okay, you got to see everyone. You know how they all are. You got some old hype and some new hype. Now let's end this primiere with some classic Steven Universe heart break and fear". I will reiterate again, that I will NOT be spoiling anything at all which is why I haven't even mentioned any titles that can hint towards plot points. Now, even though Episode 3 was my favorite, Episode 4 was without a doubt the biggest episode in terms of lore, world building, emotions, and being the most "sequel" to the original series yet. This episode is the unfortunate reality check that sadly a lot of people have to deal with during any recover process from emotional baggage related to negative experiences with someone. And because of that. I will definitely say that this episode deserves a trigger warning from me to you guys. It's an unfortunate situation where I can't warn specifically because it's part of the plot, but anyone who's particularly sensitive to the concept of the damages someone can inflict to another, be aware this may be a lot to sit through. That being said, this episode is one of those that reminds us why we love Steven Universe so much. It reminds us of the real problems we go through or people we know go through, and it handles the mature themes in a way that we can't help but appreciate. It's one of those episode you know can make a difference if it strikes the person who needs the help and will be a great episode to reference to younger people unfortunately going through similar stuff. I loved it a lot. And I'll just leave it at that. Theres a lot of action and cool stuff going to see, but that's just icing on the cake to what the episode is about and what it manages to introduce to prestablished concepts to give us another beautiful classic we'll be talking about for ages.

All in all, Steven Universe Future is sure to progressively remind us of the quality of the show. Through it's writing, through it's art, the lessons learned, the action, the originality. There's still a lot I WANT to see from Future (songs, old characters we haven't seen yet, some plot points I want to see explored), but there's still a lot of episodes left and it'd be silly to expect have it ALL right off the bat. In terms of it's primiere, the show did a top tier job showing us exactly what it had to, what we wanted, and what to expect. I'd rate this primiere a firm 9/10. It had issues sprinkled across that aren't worth knitpicking during the discussion, but I can say now there was a bit of quicker pacing in some episodes, which is what I expect from a mini-series that has to wrap up stuff quicker than usual, but nothing that make you really dislike the story theyre telling. This series ultimately just made me beyond excited for not only later content from the show, but also from the fans through theories, discussions, art, and so on. I cant wait to hear what you guys have to think!

[thekintsukuroikid]

November 12th 2017 4:11am

Tofino is never worrying about  running out of battery life, or the gas tank. Or atm service charges.

It’s is an odd place. Living on the mainland you get hit with the same cold and rain and you learn pretty early on how to shelter yourself in the rat race, to keep busy until the clouds roll through. Tofino is this weird anomalous places where people travel here for the express reason of running headlong into the rainy cold. Duh, the waves are better for surfing and storm watching. It’s weird being this close to the ocean. You’re surrounded by it here, you can hear it from the dead middle of town. It’s dark, cold and can swallow you up, and yet here we are grabbing neon coloured boards and wearing goofy rubber suits and paddling away from shore. Standing up, riding it.  There’s a metaphor there somewhere I think. A really lame one.  Suffice to say Tofino is the setting where I’ve always been most comfortable with entertaining feelings of optimism, they linger in my mind a little bit longer here,  there aren’t a lot of things here that can take them away. And yet standing here alone on this beach I still wonder what it would be like to walk into the water and let the water I love so much fill up my lungs. To finally feel the tension unclench and release. 

-

A girl bought me a drink and told me how happy she was that everything about this place wasn’t like home.

I agreed.

this trip was really about  running away.

The band getting to create beautiful music for people to enjoy on a Saturday night, Thats pretty amazing right?

I remember how hard learning 3 chords was and thinking how weird it must be to be able to do so much more but the peak of your musical ambition is playing for my drunk ass.

—

I met a girl at the merch table. She was kind and she was pretty and in our conversation about the logistics of fitting a surfboard on a motorcycle I noticed her biting her lip…and looking at mine…and exhibiting every  universal sign I could think of to express a “shut the fuck up and let’s make out already” sentiment–

“All I could do was wonder how much she’d have to know about me, to hate me as much as I do.”

This isn’t me. I’m so tired of this

I’ve been diagnosed with clinical major depression.

atleast I think thats what its called, I kinda zoned out when I hear it.

I’ve known that somethings been wrong forever but I’ve never had it named by someone else before. I’ve never been in a position where I could go out and really do that. I’ve been getting help for months but this  weekend was the first time  I’ve been able to process it all. 2 doctor’s a therapist and a councillor.  4 different opinions.  The same mdi-10 depression index score. How it works is, 20 is dysthemia or mild depression and 25+ is no bueno moderate depression. 30+ is major depression. I figured I’d be around 18-19 with my shiny psych degree and my practicing of mindfullness and understanding of CBT and readings of Dr. Marsha Linehan and Brené Brown.–-

I got a fucking 38.

Of all the fucking tests to ace I sure know how to pick em lol.

Talk therapy’s helped narrowed it down, where In reality I’ve likely been dealing with this for over a decade. I could have and likely should have gotten help when I was in early highschool/late middle school. The fact that I’ve never been on medication pretty deeply concerns my therapist. I still don’t know if I want the pills, I stare at the prescription sometimes and wonder what the sweet fuck I’m going to do. It’s hard to plan things in a pros and con’s type of scenario with brain altering chemicals, like its not like theres a frame of reference or anything.  I’ve always been  getting by with habits and discipline. Reading ahead, doing homework early in case I sleep through my classes again. Never letting anyone get close enough to be in a position to judge you.  Never be vulnerable. You’re not cool enough to have baggage.

It’s not like I’m like this all of the time. I have good days, mostly when I’m around other people, even strangers. It’s when I’m by myself for too long that it starts to creep into my mind, a little voice getting progressively louder and more persuasive. I Have fun by remembering what it’s supposed to feel like and selling it to everyone who can see me. This isn’t the stereotypical 3am negative thoughts, I mean those happen too but its more like 3pm, in the middle of my group of friends laughing, just getting hit with this whole body feeling of dread and trying to crack a joke anyway.  I then follow this with sullen, silent car rides home or 45 minutes sitting on the shower floor wondering if I’ll always feel this numb?

That’s the worst part…the numbness of it all. Losing hours in the day to this thing that I can’t even really describe. I never get mad or sad or happy just attenuated, dulled versions of these emotions.  I’m scared of heights, like really fucking scared of heights but I learned to rock climb because fear hits me in such a meaningless way now. This is such a weirdly strong biological component.  I feel like I can never move forward to create myself because I’m always looking back, trying to get back to how I used to feel. That’s the one thing I know is missing, that sense of self that guides my decision making. I’ve never been able to go with my gut, the kind of spontaneity and passion and creativity that comes with that,  Instead Its always minimize the damage, lower the risk. I feel inadequate in every measurable and measurable way, to the point of it being physically crippling. 

I’ve been really fucking good at hiding this. Its the thing I’m honestly the most proud of, which is a bit counterintuitive.  It’s allowed me to flip something that feels so intrinsically selfish and allowed me to keep focus on the people that are important to me. It’s allowed me to learn some really important lessons about friendships and relationships, coping and empathy, all without the vulnerability of facing those things head on. Depression to me, at least  the way that i’m doing it (which I know is the wrong way to think about it)  is this selfishness I don’t want to indulge.  

There is massive guilt with this. I have so much. I have taken so much time, love, energy, money from the people in my life and I feel like I am and I have so little to show for it. That I am a highlight in every  worst way, of the differences between what is good and what is just nice. but the thing is  I’m starting to realize that this thing, this depression thing it couldn’t give less of a shit about how you rationalize it, its taken better people than me, I’ve seen it first hand.  

For me this thing hits two-fold. Its the physicality of these symptoms I can no longer ignore or fight through.  Messed up eating schedules, sleeping too much or too little,  missing classes, being late to events or appointments and just constantly feeling zoned out, in a daze.

On the mental side of it, its been management. I’ve been in a dark place for a long time and my diminishing ability for me to manage these mental health symptoms means that I feel increasingly less equipped to take on this complete feeling of stagnation. This shit takes work. It’s like im trying to carry a weight with broken arms and no cast. It’s a  feeling that even if I had an opportunity, job or otherwise,  I lack the tools and the self belief to actually be and do what I want. It is such a weird sensation to feel the slide from wondering how to make it by 30…to wondering about making it to 30. 

 I Try to work hard to be grateful and find the joy in things. I spend my days trying to bridge the gap between the humility of recognizing this reality, with the ego of thinking I deserve better.  I mean maybe this is as good as it gets? Maybe some people just spiral. I hope that isn’t me, I don’t want to see how far this rabbit hole goes, I don’t want to become what its trying to make me become, I think thats why I work so hard to keep being extraverted.  I try to be around my friends, especially if I know  that they have it a lot worse or are facing a difficulty. Being empathetic to what they’re dealing with makes you feel like a bit of a daft jerk for dwelling your own bullshit. That used to keep things quiet long enough. Then again you don’t win a fight by closing your eyes.

—

I went to the bar in Tofino where I bought my first legal drink and I  thought about all the drinks I’ve had since then. I got hit with this really intense feeling of dread. Not that I had wasted all that time in those  5 years, Worse still,  That I’ve never truly had the ability to truly appreciate all the amazing things that have happened since then.

Even if I couldn’t feel it I wanted to do the logical work towards getting out of this. I learned really early on  to  focus not on building a resume but on building a eulogy. To live a life well lived. To do things not for the spoils but for the man I’d become in the pursuit.

In the 5 year since I’ve been back to Tofino, I’ve hated that man.  I still hate him. I am so much of what I told myself I’d never be: alone, weak, and of little consequence.  I’ve tried everything to fix that man and I still can’t explain where that process went wrong.  I’ve tried to surround myself with people who I love. But never letting them get close enough love me because of a combination of never feeling like I deserved it and never wanting to be burned or betrayed for being vulnerable.  

I don’t know if I can really get better I don’t really know what better is. But trying has to be better than this. Thats the funniest bit about this, I don’t even think I can really imagine what better would be like, what the absence of all this would feel like.

I just know that there is more than this…that maybe I can be more than this.

I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.— Anaïs Nin, The Diary Of Anais Nin, 

I  want to make all of  this mean something. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything. I just know that  I could set myself on fire to keep others warm. If I couldn’t feel wanted, or that I deserved to be wanted I could at least make people comfortable.  I never knew there was a difference between  happiness and the distraction from sadness. I would just connect to benevolence. I’d try volunteering, donating time and money partly because I enjoy those things, but deep down in a small way it was also an attempt to try reconciling the diminishing potential I felt.  If I kept doing the right things, things would turn around, that I could out work this thing I was fighting. It was all just heading to nowhere,  I realized I could get hit by a car tomorrow and nobody would know this truth about me, the uphill clawing. I think now  I want to turn this pain into something tangible for myself and others.If this is rock bottom I want to look around,  I want to carve my name in the rock beneath my feet and remember what this feels like. I never want to know it first hand again.  Maybe this is that first step. Who the hell can see forever but maybe I can just win tomorrow.

— This is the most I’ve ever written about myself and it’s a hell of a lot more than I’ve ever wanted to. Hell it’s the most I’ve ever thought of myself and part of me  feels like this sounds really self obsessed. But I think, at least I hope, it’s just a self awareness that comes from no longer seeing the contrasts in life.

If you are reading this it means that 1) you’ve found this randomly, and in which case… “sup?” or 2) you are one of the maybe 4 people I genuinely trust to tell this too without fear of being treated differently after doing it. If it is option 2…Surprise? I’ve worked extremely hard to make sure you couldn’t have seen this coming. It also means that you’ve shown me love  implicitly in such a way that removes so much doubt, I hope you know how powerful and beautiful that is. 

I don’t know man I think this is all really just about wanting to feel that oneness  with myself again, to finally find peace one day. I don’t have to live, I get to, and I want too. The world is abhorrently beautiful  man. daunting, ridiculous, backbreaking and gorgeous. I want to feel all of it,  I want to find my place in it and I can’t do it alone. Not anymore.  

Happy Birthday to me. ayeee.