#i cannot believe that they're ok with this i am going to have to buy them a tshirt at all in our something to thank them

[thedreadvampy]

Sooooo today I fucked up good and proper

mixed up my train times and missed my train to Oxford ahead of All In tomorrow (we're meeting my brother and his boyfriend there and driving in tomorrow)

pretty upsetting but not insurmountable

except as a result of

Train strikes

Rail works at Peterborough

Bank holiday weekend in August

there are literally No public transport options connecting Edinburgh to anywhere south of Doncaster which arrive before 7am tomorrow morning

upshot is I am currently on a 3hr train to Doncaster. This will hopefully take me to 1.5hr bus to Sheffield. where my brother's FUCKING AMAZING PARTNER HOLY SHIT CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY will drive 3 hours from Oxford, pick me up and take me home. with luck before midnight. before they get up tomorrow to drive us all to London.

I don't remember what I got them for Christmas last year but it was NOT A NICE ENOUGH GIFT like fuck me!!!! that's such a nice thing to do!!!!!!!!! they're my new favourite family member. 11/10

[pepperonidk]

how would every member kiss you?

what a GREAT question, friend. Very huge thanks to @freakyfriedrice for bieng my partner in delulu...

pairing: ot13 x gn!reader genre: fluff (some of these might get kinda spicey) warnings: none

a/n: hello i cannot stop thinking about these ideas... especially dokyeom's...

seungcheol: lifts your chin with his finger much like seungcheol these kisses can be very hot but also very soft... he'd call your attention to him while you're in the middle of doing something else with a soft "hey." and honestly you turn to him just because you weren't sure if you actually heard him and he is just looking at you with the dopiest smile on his face before he pulls you to him to leave you with a sweet kiss.

jeonghan: will kiss you everywhere except the mouth first jeonghan is a TEASE oh my god. he waits until you're looking up at him pouting before he finally relents... but not before he fakes you out one last time. he loves to make you laugh, but he also loves to make himself laugh. seeing you laugh makes his heart do flips and he just loves the way you smile as he kisses you silly.

joshua: hand kisses when you're holding hands ok besties, listen -- imagine it's fall, autumn, like an all too well (10 minute version) (taylor's version) type of autumn. you and joshua are walking through the park, he buys you a warm coffee and holds your other hand in his. he tells you he saw a band playing nearby and they're playing your song and when you suggest going, he'll leave a soft kiss on your hand in his and before pulling you to the sound of guitars.

jun: kisses into your hair cuddles with jun. did y'all hear that? cuddles. with. jun. when he has in you in his arms after a long day he just pulls you into his chest and rests his head against yours, and he's comforted immediately by your familiar scent. he smiles against your hair before leaving a soft kiss against it as he whispers "goodnight, my love."

soonyoung: playful, teasing kisses you could be having the longest, worst, most tiring day ever, but coming home to a smiling soonyoung makes everything else immediately disappear. when he sees you sigh as you enter the apartment, he'll smother you with love as soon as you walk to him. he'll pepper you with kisses until you're finally smiling and giggling and asking him to stop. "better?" he'll ask with a final sweet kiss.

wonwoo: forehead kisses i keep thinking about this one yall... like it's not funny anymore, i can just picture standing next to him at a grocery store and you guys are picking up snacks and you're trying to decide if you want the barbecue flavor or the cheese flavor and wonwoo can't help but think that the way your eyebrows scrunch together is so adorable and he just wraps his arm around you and leaves a kiss on your forehead. "what was that for?" you ask. "no reason, i just think you're cute."

jihoon: privately HAHAHA i am a firm believer that jihoon hates pda. but when you're alone... that's where soft-but-pretends-he's-not jihoon comes out. like i've mentioned before, jihoon will find reasons to act affectionate to you even though he knows he absolutely does not need to. he'll tell you that you have something on your face and he'll tenderly wipe his thumb across your cheek and then he will lean in so painfully slow that you have to resist the urge to pull him in by the collar.

seokmin: tickles you first, then rests his forehead on yours similar to soonyoung, they really are both happy viruses and literally live to see you smile and laugh. but he does it at the most innoportune times. you guys could be cuddling in bed watching a nature documentary, and you'd be nearly falling asleep when you feel him squeezing your side before he starts an all out attack. Once you're finally out of breath, he'll relent and laugh before pulling you back in and resting your head against his. he'll rest a hand at the nape of your neck and smile before he leans in. sorry yall this has been on my mind so much i even wrote a whole seperate drabble about this i--

mingyu: pauses just before your lips touch to smile at you brb i'm flying to spain but the s is silent. yall can see the smile he gives you right? are we all crying rn too? bc he'll give you the dopiest, most love striken smile like he didn't know how to breathe till he met you. his eyes have sparkles in them and you know his heart is beating as fast as yours. he might even bite his lip, and he'll adore the way it makes you blush. when he finally does kiss you, it's soft and he's smiling into it the whole time.

minghao: both hands on either side of your face, thumbs brushing your cheeks yall know how suave he would be right like we're all thinking about this together rn? he is passionate and he is so beautiful and you are so beautiful to him too so why would he not have hold you with both of his hands like you were the most important and most precious thing in his world? he looks at you like art, like he wants to spend every minute forever memorizing you. when he kisses you it feels like watching the sunset and makes your heart skip a beat.

seungkwan: laughing kisses do u see the theme running with booseoksoon? happy virus. sunshine. how do u handle kissing the sun itself? unlike them, he chooses to kiss you when you are already laughing, and he looks at you like you're the sun. how does he handle kissing you? he pulls you in by the waist while you're still laughing and he stops you laughing by putting a finger to your lips. before you can ask why he's shushing you, he already has his lips on yours.

vernon: slow kisses ok imagine this with me. you're in the car with him, it's parked in the parking lot of your favorite boba place. you've been sitting with him for an hour watching community or whatever tv show, you're not really sure, and it's raining in the background. suddenly, you look over and he's looking at you with a gaze you can't quite name untiil he leans over the console and rests his hand in your hair, pulling you into him. his kisses are alow, lazy, like he knows he has all the time in the world to kiss you. i am ill yall, this one took me out

dino: trails kisses from your neck nvm it was this one your honor, this was the attacker. chan likes to start at your neck and make his way up to your lips. don't get me wrong this is really a spicey thing of him to do, but it's not always spicey in every context. sometimes he does it jokingly, when you're annoyed at him because he keeps taking bites of the food you're cooking before it's done, he'll wrap his arms from behind you and pull you in tight. yall have seen his arms right? ur not escaping. and he'll leave light kisses from your nape to distract you until he kisses you (he'll also steal another piece of bacon while you're distracted)

[deepdeanvsweston]

sooo in your mmu shipping chart you said you liked hazel x george as a ship and..

SO DO I??

when i was first reading the mmu series ( mam in particular ) i remember thinking how hazel x george could be a thing and being kind of disappointed that they werent ( still love halexander tho )

and i have some ✨q u e s t i o n s✨ :

when did you start shipping them?

favourite ship-worthy moment?

any other random info you have - i have to know!!

Hi!!! Hello!!! That is so cool @detectivesocietyfan!!! You will not believe how relieved I am to hear about another Hazel/George shipper!!! Lavinia/Daisy has been called weird before so I thought I was possibly going to get ripped to shreds for this ship 😭😭😭

I'm afraid I can't remember when I started shipping them but I do know why I do!!! I've never really enjoyed Halexander as a ship, I personally didn't like how nervous she was around him. Ik you do tend to get nervous with a crush, but it seemed to turn to anxiety at some points, and like she couldn't quite be herself with him. And also I didn't like that bit at the end of MAM where he was like "Hazel we're just mates right it's not Like That" because even if Hazel didn't like him, I don't like how Alex was trying to convince himself of his feelings by involving others? Idk how to explain it better, but I hope that makes sense!

(Also because of that moment I hc Alex as aromantic! To me, he seems very panicky at the prospect and I know it's intended to be about him not being able to admit his feelings, but my 'alex is aro' ship had already sailed at this point)

I was once upon a time a Haisy shipper, but imo they wanted different things from specifically a romantic relationship (those 2 are QPR to the max though!!!)

My favourite ship-worthy moment is also why I started shipping them! (Pretty much all of my favourite ships are made up of the smallest blink and you miss it moments). I'm afraid I don't have the book on me but in The Case Of The Missing Treasure there's a moment where they're solving codes together and Daisy (as the narrator) says something along the lines of 'they glowed happily at each other' like HELLO? DAISY WELLS said they GLOWED. This pretty much cemented it for me.

Any other info I have is that George is ABSOLUTELY a romantic. He writes the love letters, he buys the flowers, he is a True Gentleman and you cannot change my mind!!! And Hazel DESERVES this. She just seems a lot more confident around George. (and I ofc realise that what you are meant to draw from this is Alex is the butterflies in the stomach one and not George, but idc!!!)

and HOW can I forget "Who am I showing off to? Hazel's cleverer than I am." (Do excuse if I've got the line slightly wrong!!!)

Also just them in The Body In The Blitz 🥹🥹🥹

This turned into an essay but that's ok!!! I love Hazel/George!!! If you ever wanted to talk more, you are absolutely welcome to dm me!!! I'd love to know your favourite ship-worthy moment of them!!!

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hi!! Ok so i am trying to write this sort of sadistic characater but i still don't want them to be completely corrupt , like they're awful and i have no plans of redemption but I don't want them to come off as a complete maniac , they are one of my main characters so I really want it to make sense when they seem to want to help the protagonist whilst maintaining their dark morality , I also want to include torture scenes involving them but again i just want them to reflect that the character is a sadist not a full on maniac

So any advice on how to create such a character?

Character Can't Be Pure Evil but Benevolent

You have two choices here.

1 - You can write a character who is awful, sadistic, capable of torture, and irredeemable, but then this is not a character who has any capacity for benevolence, sympathy, affection, or kindness to any one for any reason. Period. End of story. The only reason this character would help another character is out of pure selfishness, because they have something (probably despicable) to gain by helping that character. It's not out of kindness. It's not out of affection. It's not out of benevolence. Their motivation for helping this character is pure evil, just like everything else they do.

2 - Or, you can write a character who is awful, sadistic, capable of torture, but also still has some shred of humanity intact. Their motivation may not be sympathetic, but it's at least understandable. They're not evil for the sake of being evil. There's a method to their madness that are in some way based out of benevolence or kindness, even if it's completely misguided. This character is capable of having affection for others, but it's limited and rare, and this is part of what makes them redeemable, even if they ultimately choose not to make the sacrifice necessary for redemption.

It's one or the other, because you cannot write a pure evil character (someone who is awful, sadistic, capable of torture, and irredeemable) and expect readers to believe they're helping this one character out of benevolence, sympathy, affection, or kindness because those things require at least some shred of humanity, which the irredeemable character does not have.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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[doyouknowwhoyouare13]

Nyx reads Six of Crows (pt.1)

I didn't want to annoy anyone with too much spamming so this is just my general thoughts while reading! (PLEASE DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO READ THIS HALF OF IT IS GOING TO BE ME BEING DUMB AS HELL SO)

(updating every day, so you guys can keep up with my thoughts in real-time without TOO much spam :))

LIKE I SAID THERE'S NO PRESSURE TO READ IT AND HONESTLY IF IT GETS ANNOYING JUST BLOCK THE TAG #★nyx reads soc! AND YOU WON'T SEE IT ANYMORE I GET IT'LL PROBABLY BE TOO MUCH CONSIDERING THERE ARE 40 SOME CHAPTERS NO HARD FEELINGS 😭

part 2

SPOILERS BELOW!!!!

Started reading: 1/18/23

Finished reading: 2/4/23

Alright, since I didn't start this at the beginning of the book, I'm gonna summarize my thoughts from Chapters 1-4 in a few sentences:

AWWW JOOST AND ANYA SO CUTE, omgggg I'm in love with Inej AND Kaz, is this new? Nope. Uh oh, the girlfriend is gonna get killed. DAMN KAZ THE THREATS 💀 Jesper is so me. NOOOO JOOST. AND ANYA??? Who the hell is that. WHO TF IS JORDIE???? SLAY INEJ!!! Aww, new ship you guys!!!

Ok, that's all hope people understand it and if you don't, too bad. JOKING LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Starting at chapter 5 guys

Kaz is actually so smart

Oh Jordie is older-

I mean I assumed he was his brother but I thought he was younger

MEETING NINA!!!! (Ives said I'd like her)

omg. I'm in love with her. She has said one thing.

HIM BUYING STOCKS FROM THAT OLD MAN BECAUSE OF NINA💀

I can't believe they're only 17

I'm trying to be like Kaz

interested in Matthias like a lot

chapter 6 now

I wonder what Matthias did

omg another new ship

I'm still confused about the costumes

this prison feels like hell

so many gangs

WTF IS THAT THING

ROARS LIKE A LION

LOOKS LIKE A SNAKE THING

WHAT

AHH WTF I'M GONNA CRY

NOT PEKKA AGAIN

who would actually think of something like this 😦

It's sick

not sick in a cool way

sick in a WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL way

YOU'RE RIGHT NINA IT IS DISGUSTING

HOW ARE PEOPLE WATCHING THIS IN GOOD CONSCIENCE

ok maybe for the sick fucks

THEY CHOOSE TO DO IT

FUCK THE BENEFITS NO WAY I'M DOING THAT

omg they bet on it.

crying, screaming

"I'm mad at you, too" "I don't know yet. I just am." -me coded

oh Nina...this won't end well

ENEMIES TO LOVERS!!!

my two sides fighting ^^

NOT HIS HAIR

oh she down bad

Don't tell me killing wolves is against his morals- or his country's morals-

Omg. IT'S AGAINST HIS FUCKING MORALS- SOBBING SCREAMING PULLING MY HAIR OUT WTF

WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH

HE'S WISHING THEM FAREWELL 😭

IT'S TRYING TO KILL HIM AND HE'S PRAYING FOR THEM

AHHHHHH-

HE'S CRYING.

HE. IS. CRYING.

😭😭😭😭

I'm hurt, you guys. Very hurt. Might cry. Probably will.

Do you guys see how sensitive I am yet?

WHAT DID YOU DO NINA???

HIS MOTHER 😭 KAZ I CANNOT RN

Kaz is a slay per usual

I love the word barbaric

such a funny word

Kaz is literally a genius

No I won't stop saying that because he is

I just rolled my eyes so much I could see my fucking brain

Am I the only one who hates when guys act tough?

"I can take it" STFU AND LET HER DO HER WORK 😡

WHY TF IS HE CALLED GOOD BOY I WANNA BE CALLED GOOD GIRL BY KAZ WTF 😡

y'all I don't know who said that cause it wasn't me.

anyways

...oh such a lovely reunion!!! how romantic!!!!!

Chapter 7 ALONG WITH Part 2!!!!

first pov from Matthias!

we left off where he was choking her and now he's dreaming of her???

trying to be like them fr JOKING JOKING

Matthias would like Taylor Swift

I mean he used one of her song titles in one of his first sentences!!!

He's so me

just realized that said hunted instead of haunted

crying actually

I thought we had something Matthias.

now with me those instances would be switched, kissing Nina sounds very pleasant actually

oh Matthias is down bad too

SLAYYYY

MATTHIAS YOU HORNY BASTARD

Sorry that's rude BUT TRUE APPARENTLY???

OMG MATTHIAS GET OVER YOURSELF AND JUST KISS HER HOLY SHIT

Me thinks this is a enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers again arc

JESPER'S HERE TOO? WOOHOO, THAT'S MY FAV FR!!!

I say that about everyone idek which one is actually my fav

"Boys like you weren't meant to get ideas, Helver," YOU TELL HIM KAZ!!!

"that Jesper character" HE IS CERTAINLY A CHARACTER INDEED BUT I LOVE HIM FOR IT

My girl killed something that no one had survived before her

Love her sm ❤

Kaz is a lot of things but at least he's honest about it 💀

LEARN HER NAME MATTHIAS 😭

I LOVE JESPER SM

my lord I think he wants to kill Nina, just a thought though

bro Nina fucked him up

GRISHA CORRUPTION??? HOLY SHIT THEY DO HATE THE GRISHA NINA WASN'T EVEN EXAGGERATING

Matthias drop the witch thing, it's getting annoying

A STORK- HE JUST CALLED JESPER A STORK 💀

THE DEMON. MY GOD HE LOVES NAME CALLING

SO SET ON THE KILLING THING MY GOD

oh he's so salty I love it

me thinks she will think about you, often (it's disgusting and I can't stop)

my lord Matthias, never getting on your bad side

does he genuinely think Kaz is a demon? like a demon demon?

New character y'all

OMG ANOTHER REMINDER THEY'RE ALL HELLA YOUNG

THEY SEEM SO MUCH OLDER

VAN ECK???

Chapter 8 IN JESPER'S POV!!!

I love Jesper he's so me

WTF HIS CHAPTER IS SO SHORT (I say as I've been complaining to myself about how long the chapters are)

Jealous? I know what you are Jesper.

It's ok me too

JOKING JOKING

or am I?

Y'ALL LEAVE THIS POOR KID ALONE

THEY'RE ALL GOING IN ON HIM

don't have a repeat of Joost. Istfg I will sob. don't try me.

hey, hey. flute is cool too. (ok not as cool as piano but don't tell him I said that)

JESPER 😭

Wylan give me all your belongings rn.

Ofc Kaz is unfazed, it's Kaz tf do you expect?

JESPER I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH

Nina provoking him won't do any good 😭

God the dynamic between Jesper and Wylan

I want what they have

"You're all horrible" YOU WOKE UP AND IMMEDIATELY STARTED TRYING TO STRANGLE SOMEONE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT. 💀

KAZ IS SO. SMART.

OMGGGG WYLAN 😭

"No" "it looks like a target" NOW THAT'S A SLAY

Chapter 9 ANOTHER SHORT ONE!!!

HA KAZ PAIRED JESPER WITH HIM

I feel a new ship brewing

Kaz ships Jesper and Wylan confirmed

KAZ IS SO FUNNY

Can you guys tell I like Kaz yet?

MATTHIAS IS ADORABLE

He'd probably try to kill me if I said that to him

But I only speak the truth!!!

I take that back

how stupid do you have to be to attack Kaz?

Kaz being the best per usual

Chapter 10, INEJ!!!

MY GIRL HAS RETURNED!!!

Can't believe I've already read like 5 chapters today

But some of these have been short, this chapter is too

And it has still taken me like 4 hours I think, I'm a really slow reader 😭

anyways

Inej and Kaz's dynamic never fails to make me laugh 💀

oh...guys now why would you say that

oh no the silent treatment 💀

KAZ WHY WOULD YOU SAY THATTTT

Inej's parents were the blueprint

THE FLOWERSSSSS

omg that place sounds horrible.

AHHH NO INEJ

oml my heart is racing

LYNX IS NOT HER NAME 😡

omg she names her knives I love her

I want to know more about her Saints

her knives mean as much to her as Jesper's guns mean to him

WTF DO YOU MEAN IT EXPLODED

NO. NO WAY.

Chapter 11, JESPER AGAIN ❤❤❤

y'all gonna explain the explosion???

WHO ARE YOU SHOOTING AT JESPER

OMG.

"Not a kid" me too Wylan but I also call everyone kid so 🤷

omg Kaz you're a lifesaver, literally

ok it's official, yeah there's def 3 ships here

I know what you guys are.

Matt DIDN'T use his first opportunity to kill Nina? DEVELOPMENT!!!

I am calling him Matt from now on

IT'S TOO FUNNY

AHHH JESPER-

IS HE INSANE?

BETTER THAN WINNING AT GAMBLING?

I'LL TAKE THE CARDS PLEASE WHAT-

"you can't kiss me from down there" SO YOU WANT HIM TO KISS YOU?????? CAUGHT YOU BITCH/j

OH YEAH WYLAN!!! PROVE THOSE BITCHES WRONG!!! YOU ARE USEFUL!!! SLAYYYY

Lawd this chapter brought my heart rate up

Chapter 12, MY BELOVED AGAIN!!!

WHY ARE THESE CHAPTERS SO SHORT

the ones in the beginning were so long

wtf happened

Who cares PARTAY

I hate long chapters

aw not the fucking black tips again

MULTIPLE GANGS?

WITH HIS BARE HANDS 😦

AHHH SO MUCH STRESS- INEJ ISTFG

OMG INEJ SLAY I LOVE THAT FOR YOU I CANNOT

INEJJJ

Omg you worried me.

Kaz to the rescue again

omg.

crying.

she's not gonna die but lord-

ISTFG.

AHHHHHHHHH

this book has a habit of ending the chapters on very worrying notes.

anyways.

Chapter 13, Kaz

scared fr ngl

another short chapter as well

omg he loves her so much

but I love her more so he can fuck off.

JOKING LOVE YA KAZ

trying to steal my girl though 🙄

HIS WRAITH

SOBBING, SCREAMING, PASSING OUT, RIPPING MY HAIR OUT.

STOMPED 💀 HE'S SUCH A CHILD I LOVE HIM

Awww they're so cute together... (Wylan and Jesper)

oh...now Kaz....his eye socket?

OH HIS EYE.

KAZ.

OH HE JUST- THREW IT OVERBOARD- NO CARE IN THE WORLD-

OH AND THE HANDKERCHIEF.

OK I LIKE IT PICASSO.

KAZ. ISTG. I CANNOT.

FUCKING ROLLINS? I SWEAR THIS MF JUST NEEDS TO GET THE FUCK OUT OMG-

well bye ig

Don't mess with Inej guys you get your eye taken out and get thrown overboard

deserved

KAZ IS SCARY THOUGH HOLY SHIT

AND THE MY WRAITH THING AGAIN

I CAN'T.

JESPERRRR

I need to know what tf happened with Jordie.

Chapter 14!!! Nina is backkkk

This one is VERY long and by long I mean 15 pages so honestly I'm being dramatic.

Honestly the gang tattoo sounds like it'd look really good

YES NINA SEES IT TOO

Inej and Nina together>>>>

Best friends I say

I wonder if people ship them

I mean I guess I can see it idk yet though

Jesper and Inej 🤝 finding comfort in deathly weapons

Oh Jesper please don't start crying cause I will too

they're all so smart

how tf she know all those languages

y'all I don't think I like Zoya all that much

ONCE AGAIN SHE'S SO SMART

MATTTTT

omg she said he looks like a painting

crying, screaming

oh Nina..

um...everyone makes mistakes! you'll be ok!

ew. um. I would rather die, actually.

Me thinks Jarl Brum is a little bitch

I wish I understood all the words they're saying

NO. FUCKING. WAY. I'M GONNA LOSE MY MIND IF THEY DO WHAT I THINK THEY'RE IMPLYING.

oh some boy to the rescue

oh nvm.

NINA YESSSS SLAY

WHAT DID SHE JUST SAYYYY UGHHHHH

omg she's going to kill him!!!

I support women's rights but I also support their wrongs

joking I know she won't kill him

ooh she called out the name calling too

glad I'm not the only one

OMG NINA YOU DID WHAT

YOU'RE RIGHT HE DOES HAVE A RIGHT TO DISLIKE YOU 😦

I don't though, still love you SUPPORT WOMEN'S WRONGS!!! (/j)

OMG THIS HURTS.

I'M GONNA CRY-

Last chapter of this part, Chapter 15, Matty boy's perspective

Back to the short chapters

oh...violent per usual

WYLAN BITING THE DISK 💀

oooh Brum died? YIPEE!!!

omg Kaz 😭

HE'S SO IN LOVE

Kaz scary sometimes

AWWW HE'S WARMING UP TO WYLAN

"my ghost won't associate with your ghost)" MATTYYY 💀

CHAPTER 16, along with part 3, AND AN INEJ POV!!!

oh she's crying-

BEST FRIENDS!!!!!

3 DAYS?????

HELPPP THIS FRIENDSHIP IS EVERYTHING

I feel like Kaz has a death wish

OMG I NEED THEM TOGETHER. SHE CARES SO MUCH FOR HIM.

I LOVE INEJ AND NINAAAAA

not her bullying her singing 💀

THEY LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HER

THESE POOR CHILDREN

Chapter 17, AND JESPERRRRRRRR

I'd probably jump too, seems boring

HELP BOTHER WYLAN

they love each other

ok Wylan, come on now

JESPER IS JUST LIKE ME BRO

oh the lovers are quarreling

HELP "You're not dead!" JESPER 💀

Y'all...it's a good thing I'm a multi-shipper.../hj

"YOU'RE NOT INVITED" 💀

am I though?? I love waffles

Jesper is a people watcher

LIKE I SAID JUST LIKE ME FR

"Would it kill him to smile every once in a while" "very possibly" YALL 😭

Inej and Jesper friendship supremacy

omg Jesper loves Kaz

me too

AND HE ASKS ABOUT WYLAN

THEY'RE IN LOVE

WHAT

WITH HIS TUTOR???

SLAY WYLAN

SHE READ THE LETTERS I CAN'T

HE DOESN'T LIKE THE OCEAN EITHER????

JESPER WE'RE JUST SO CONNECTED

I told you Jesper has a crush on Kaz. "feeling his cheeks heat" I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

idek if I'm joking at this point not

THEY'RE THE BEST CHARACTERS OUT OF THE WHOLE BOOK

I LOVE THEM YOU GUYS I LOVE THEM

alright day 2 (or 3, can't remember) of you guys putting up with my total BULLSHIT

Chapter 18, KAZZZZ

my husband fr

and Inej's

TRYING TO FIND AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO HER 😭

Kaz always has something over someone 💀

"tell me you know that. He needed her to say it." "He needed to know she believed him." HE WANTS HER TO TRUST HIMMMM

NO.

JORDIE.

OH THAT BITCH

BRO ISTFG

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CRYING SCREAMING PASSING OUT OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I WANNA-

BE RID OF THIS DISTRACTION? KAZ BREKKER. ISTFG IF YOU LOSE HER BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID TRAIN OF THOUGHT I'LL CRY.

KAZ BREKKER. 😡😡😡

BRO "He didn't want Inej." YOU JUST FUCKING SAID-

OH. THAT'S A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE- POOR KAZ'S DAD-

HE GREW UP ON A FARM.

KAZ IS A FARMER BOY.

THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY.

this is gonna be sad.

oh he liked the omelets :(

OMG HES SO INNOCENT

FUCK NOT WCS

OMG I CAN'T DO THIS RN

HE BLAMES HIMSELFFFFF

I'M GONNA SOB

JORDIEEEE

NOOO YOU JINXED IT

actually about to start crying

knowing Jordie dies hurt

WHERE IS SASKIA NOW

"That seems like cheating" and he does it now :(

omg Filip not a good idea

AHHH

he didn't.

he didn't just trick some helpless CHILDREN right?

OMFG HE DID.

OH THE RIBBON

OH THE METAPHOR

OMG OUCH HOLY SHIT

Chapter 19, Matty boy is back

Feel like it hasn't been his pov in forever

It's only been 4 chapters.

Embarrassing on my part 💀

anyways this chapter is so long

20 pages this time

still not that long but longer than the last time I complained about it

anyways

I love Nina

HE CAN SMILE???

He's such a child

it's so funny

Finally they're having contact without them trying to kill each other

OMG HE'S SO IN LOVE

AHHHH in a good way this time

uh oh running out of romance tabs

you ruined it Matty boy

I love that they say that

"Strange people" PLEASE

So real Jesper

Kaz has his priorities straight

money>>>>everyhing/hj

HE LEFT HIS CANE????

omg they just keep going 😭

sometimes I forget they're technically speaking another language

do none of them have mothers

If Matty betrays them istg

Don't pull a Peter Matty boy

Ah fuck I'm out of post-its for my in-book annotations

ugh I should've been better prepared 😭

omg I'm ALSO always in charge of making sure people don't start fighting

ONCE AGAIN, KAZ IS A FUCKING GENIUS.

omg Matty, I love you, but you're getting on my fucking nerves

KAZ PAIRING WYLAN AND JESPER TOGETHER AGAIN

PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SHIPS HIM

THERE'S NO WAY I'M THE ONLY ONE

AT LEAST YOU FOUND SOMETHING TO AGREE ON 💀

Matty, they ARE crows

HIM IMITATING THE BELLS

Because you're in love Matty boy, that's why

HOW LONG WAS NINA PULLING HIS HEAVY ASS BODY WITH HER? AND USING POWERS?? DAMN

awww they're so cute

if we look past the fact they are very close to death

um...

HE TURNED AROUND FOR HER

Nah I don't think it's intentional I think you just have a dirty mind Matty boy

"Then you're as stupid as you look" SLAY NINA!!!!

OMG MATT GET OVER YOURSELF AND TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

IT'S NOT NATURAL FOR SOMEONE TO BE AS STUPID AS HE IS TALL 💀💀💀

A BURLY SQUID????? NINAAA

AHHHH

"He lied. He did like the way she talked."

MATTY

oh god

GO OFF NINA!!!!

HOW IS ONE OF THEM ALIVE?

oh poor Nina

YES NINA STAND YOUR GROUND

Matthias. Yes I just said your real name. That is such a fucked up thing to say.

SLAY NINA

Chapter 20, NINAAA

the ending of the last chapter made me really angry at Matty boy so

also I'm officially halfway through the book!!!

oh Nina loves him so much :/

so down bad

I LOVE THEM

well I get why he hates Grisha if his family was killed by them

WE DON'T EAT BABIES 💀

Matt you do not have fun you seem like the most boring person ever

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD LAUGH I'M CRYING

Nina is so relatable

"Do you ever doubt yourself?"

"All the time." "I just don't show it."

OMG NINA JUST CALLED HIM OUT

fuck out of romance tabs

so cute though

OMG THEY NAME SHARED

AHHHHH

oh he angry

honestly has the right to

Nina now wtf come on

INEJ TO THE RESCUE!!!!

I might actually cry I found more tabs and I don't wanna go back

At least I have them for the future?

I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF CHECKING MY BAG OMFG

IT'S A NEW FUCKING PACK TOO I'M GONNA START SOBBING

Switching general note post-its too BECAUSE THERE WAS A WHOLE FUCKING THING OF THOSE TOO

MY GOD 😭

how do you view Grisha as less than you WHEN THEY ARE LITERALLY BETTER THAN YOU IN SO MANY WAYS

ARE YOU CONTROLLING THE ELEMENTS? I DIDN'T THINK SO

CAN YOU KILL SOMEONE WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM? NOPE.

STAY IN YOUR FUCKING LANE

oh that's fucked up Kaz

ok well Nina is justified in all that

HE DOESN'T WANT IT???

WOOHOO

YIPPEE

HOPEFULLY THEY WON'T TRY TO KILL EACH OTHER NOW

Summing up what I read in school! (so ten pages)

That food was probably disgusting, CANNONS? "WHO KNEW I HAD A TASTE FOR LITERATURE" JESPER 💀. Good plan, but also so incredibly stupid wtf. NINA. Inej's discussion with Matty is so true.

alright continuing chapter 21, INEJ!!!

my wife fr

Bro Jesper is just so me

Bro, I'd give this man the most amazing, mind-blowing, leg-shaking, eye-rolling, breath-taking, sheet-grabbing, sloppiest head he's ever gotten in his entire life

Who said that cause it wasn't me

Def not

anyways

OH NO HE FLINCHED

oh shit they're pressed together

his touch thing

oh fuck

don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

Matty boy scary

"IT LOOKS LIKE LEAVING THEM IN A DITCH" 💀

Nina and Matty boy are so cute 😍

IDEAL FOR FAKING SUICIDES????

This book gives me stress

OMG KAZ I'M GONNA CRY

FAINTED??? SOBBING SCREAMING RIPPING MY HAIR OUT

Chapter 22, KAZZLE DAZZLE

SCARED FR

oh their story is so sad :/

NOOOOOO JORDIE

OH MY GOD.

HE'S SO YOUNG

THIS ISN'T FAIR

I'M ACTUALLY CRYING

HE HAD TO USE HIS BODY

OH HONEY YOU'RE NO MONSTER DON'T SAY THAT

OMG HIM AND INEJ I'M GONNA SOB

OH NO HE'S PANICKING CAUSE INEJ ISN'T THERE

TANKS?

Kaz slays with the quotes per usual

JESPER 💀

OH LORD KAZ I'M GONNA CRY AGAIN

THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES JESPER

oh Kaz :/ I FEEL SO BAD

"Kaz knew the word for cripple in plenty of languages" KAZZZZZZ 😭

SLAY KAZ YOU DO THAT!!!

Chapter 23, JESPER!!!!!

He just like me but my father doesn't understand so 🤷🏻‍♀

THE LEG WAS ASKING FOR IT????? WHAT????

I WANT MORE WYLAN 😡

Love Jesper and Wylan so much

SINCE WHEN IS HE A FABRIKATOR

I LOVE THEM

THEY'RE BOTH FARM BOYS

Y'ALL THAT'S TOO FUNNY TO ME

THE FLIRTINGGGG

Chapter 24, NINA!!!

my other wife

so pretty much all of the Fjerdan are hella tall? scary

THOSE CELLS ARE HORRIBLE

poor Nina

UH OH UH OH UH OH

NOT AN ALARM OMG

Chapter 25, Inej!!!

even his gloves are genius

AH ISTG IF SHE FALLS

THE SHOES???

omg Kaz and Inej 😍

I hate this place.

EW HELEEN IS DISGUSTING

Flexing like a goddamn acrobat

"Better terrible truths than kind lies"

so real for that one

please Inej, keep going 😭

THANK YOU RAIN OMG

THE STRESS

YES INEJ, YES IT IS!!!

Chapter 26, my husband

the only thing keeping him alive rn is revenge

KAZ YOU BIT HIM??? 😭

Genius at 9

A ROCK??? BRO KAZ WAS AS RUTHLESS AT 9 AS HE IS NOW

Rietveld

Kaz Rietveld

Idk doesn't have the same ring to it but that might just be because I'm used to Brekker

Kaz should teach me cards imagine how much money I'd get

OMG HE'S HERE?

KAZ

ok y'all I'm gonna start struggling I've used too many images so I have like 3 more chapters I can go between and then I'm gonna have to start a new post

I'm gonna cry

anyways

chapter 27 JESPER!!!

OH I FORGOT ABOUT THE ALARM

ok they're all good

for now

HELP JESPER IS TOO FUNNY THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION

NOT THE MENAGERIE 😡

chapter 28, INEJ!!!!

my wife fr

DEMON AGAIN 💀

bro how are they all geniuses

so we have a new plan!!!!!

WDYM MISS THAT LOOK YOU'LL BE SEEING IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

RIGHT? RIGHT??????

I like shiny things

omg I hate this

DON'T SAY THAT

omg Matty said it

JESPER 💀

Omg she's gonna leave.

OMG HE TOUCHED HER.

AHHHH

HE DIDN'T PULL AWAYYYY

omg she'd be such a good captain

they all have horrific backgrounds

I love Nina sm

HELP

"all I can see is your ass" 💀

THEY CALLED HIM A TULIP

BRO THAT'S BETTER THAN THE STORK THING

I CAN'T RN

DON'T FLIRT WITH HIM FLIRT WITH ME

OMG INEJ ISTG IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU

this is the last chapter I'm doing on this post

BUT CHAPTER 29!! MATTY BOY

I love Jesper

Bro loves her so much

we just moving past that??

HE DIDN'T SHOOT!!! WOOHOO!!!

[leogichidaa]

I've been thinking a lot about Dementors since I read Restitution - how they work, why they can't swallow Patronuses, where does the positive emotion go if they swallow it? Are they like a black hole?

Do you have any thoughts/HCs about that?

The Patronus thing really throws me. In PoA, when Remus describes the Patronus he calls it, "a kind of anti- dementor — a guardian that acts as a shield between you and the dementor." He proceeds to explain, "The Patronus is a kind of positive force, a projection of the very things that the dementor feeds upon — hope, happiness, the desire to survive — but it cannot feel despair, as real humans can, so the dementors can’t hurt it."

And ok, I guess that sort of makes sense. The "anti-dementor" bit is interesting, and really the crux of this, but I'll circle back to that. Dementors are harmful to humans primarily because when they take the happiness and hope out of us we are left with the worst parts of ourselves: despair, guilt, anger, bitterness, etc. We are driven mad not only by the absence of joy but the presence of grief. Patronuses (Patroni?) don't feel pain and suffering, so they are not as impacted. I could buy that if the Patronus really did just function as a shield between you and the dementor to buy you enough time to escape.

But that isn't what a full fledged Patronus does. Dementors are repelled by the Patronus and that just...doesn't make any sense at all. They are repelled by their own food source? Wherefore? Add to that the fact that the Patronus is clearly connected to the soul of the human producing it (the form the Patronus takes, the fact that dark wizards with damaged souls cannot produce them) and I'm even more baffled. Dementors can eat whole human souls and you're telling me they can't feed on a Patronus?

My thought, really, is that jkr is inconsistent with this concept. At times, it seems like the dementors are really meant to feed off of despair, which would make a lot of things make way more sense. Remus says, "They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair." The dementors flocked to Azkaban originally because it was a place full of pain and horrible memories. It sure makes it seem like they feed on despair and draining happiness is a necessary process to get them what they really want, which is human suffering. But it's explicitly stated that they feed on hope and souls.

Anyway. The Patronus being the "anti-dementor" really does say to me "dementors are a black hole where joy and hope go to die". I don't know if Remus meant that literally or if he was just saying "this is the counter-spell/antidote", but dementors are clearly meant to symbolize the embodiment of despair. And that is a chilling thought, that despair eats happiness. Eats souls. Sucks the joy out of you and then that joy is just...gone. The dementors are rotting corpse-like things, they represent all your dreams and happiness decaying and disappearing into the pit of despair. Yikes.

So I understand symbolically why the Patronus repels the dementor. Because if there wasn't some way for hope to be strong enough overcome despair then that would be horrifically depressing. It doesn't make sense logistically, though, and I think it could be much better executed. I'm thinking about the Babadook and how in the end the woman had to feed the Babadook in order to keep it from destroying her. There should be some balance and harmony between despair and hope. They're not an either or thing, they have to coexist.

The black hole metaphor is interesting too though, because I am also fascinated by what is going on internally in dementors. We don't know, really, what's going on with black holes, but based on my limited understanding of science and the universe it's reasonable to believe that everything they suck in is still there, it still exists, it's just trapped by the gravitational force of the black hole. A black hole is (probably) full of light, but it appears dark because the light can't escape. And maybe dementors are like that too. Maybe all the happiness and hope and souls that the dementor sucks up does still exist, they're just trapped. Maybe if you could crack open a dementor somehow, it would be like a pinata and a bunch of warm, fuzzy feelings would shower out of it.

I've already said a whole bunch, so I'm going to try to reign myself in, but I do think dementors are so fascinating. Can they take a soul fragment out of Horcrux? Are dementors impossible to kill because they have souls in them and are essentially Horcruxes themselves? If you stab them with basilisk venom do they die? Do dementors eat ghosts (I think yes)? I feel like they would be attracted to places where children gather, because children seem to me to be the ideal feeding source (full of hope and wonder, intact souls, easy prey). Children's hospitals must be battling dementor infestations all the time. Why can't muggles see them? Muggles can see other magical creatures, why are dementors invisible to them? Or maybe that's the wrong question. Maybe the question is: why can wizards see them? Fudge tells the Prime Minister in HBP the dementors are breeding. How the fuck...

[mlobsters]

supernatural s7e2 hello, cruel world (w. ben edlund)

HALLUCIFER Right. You think this fruit-bat fever dream is reality? You come back, I'm sorry, with no soul like some peppy American Psycho, till Saint Dean glues you back together again by buying you some magic amnesia. You’re real. I’m very real. Everything between is what we call set dressing.

heart is breaking for sam already

HALLUCIFER You’re still in my cell. You’re my bunkmate, buddy. You’re my little bitch, in every sense of the term.

in general i am overly literal and what i see is what i get when it comes to show canon but i'm trying so hard to hold tight to the illusion in my mind that hell-torture for sam and dean didn't involve rape but they're making it really fucking hard. there's been other references, i think one in the last ep no less. just keep thinking to myself "gloss over it, they're just being edgy, they don't actually mean it". i start to get real upset if i think about it so yeah.

i know i'm wearing the wincest goggles but again i feel like i am capable of picking up what a show is putting down regardless of a ship i might be invested in, but i feel like i'm losing it with cas and dean's relationship level. i feel like we have seen so little of cas in general, that they keep TALKING about how they're all close but we've seen so little of it?? i'd think with 22 episodes a season they'd have room to establish this onscreen 🥴 but here's dean crying over presumed-dead cas. i guess i'm just gonna have to go with it and stop complaining about sHoW doN't TeLL

god what is this weird music transition into the doobie brothers black water - just because the lyrics work does not mean the music does :P hard left turn after mushy dead cas scene. i fear i have slipped into overly critical mode

short and gruff version of hannibal tending will graham's wounded hands post-tier

i get that dean's freaked out and scared but he's being such an asshole to sam

what an exceptionally cruel hallucination they're giving sam. i might need to look up how long he deals with this before it gets fixed because.....

DEAN Yeah, well. I’m not Sam, okay? I keep my marbles in a lead friggin' box. I’m fine. Really.

big fat fuck you, dean. you can't out tough psychosis.

BOBBY Of course. Yeah. You just lost one of the best friends you ever had, your brother’s in the bell jar, and Purgatory’s most wanted are surfing the sewer lines, but yeah, yeah, I get it. You’re – you're fine.

one of the best friends you ever had. ok. O K. (nevermind how depressingly in-the-basement-low the bar is being the number of people he could call friends he's had)

looks like bobby's computer got an upgrade! seems untitled 1 and 2 desktop has made it to the actual desktop 😂

s6e4 weekend at bobby's his 3.1 desktop LOL

okay so hell politics, heaven politics, the clear next step is purgatory politics. who is the boss of the leviathans *pulls out the org chart* (god i just don't care)

sam's hallucinating dean now, great. do not like

DEAN This is real. Not a year ago, not in Hell, now. I was with you when you cut it, I sewed it up! Look!

little gift to wincest kink writers everywhere, dean helping sam by inflicting pain

DEAN Hey. I am your flesh-and-blood brother, okay? I’m the only one who can legitimately kick your ass in real time. You got away. We got you out, Sammy. DEAN Believe in that! Believe me, okay? You gotta believe me. You gotta make it stone number one and build on it. You understand? SAM Yeah. Yeah, okay.

dean looks like he might fall over he's so relieved.

DEAN (on phone) You cannot be in that crater back there. I can’t… If you’re gone, I swear, I am going to strap my Beautiful Mind brother into the car and I’m gonna drive us off the pier. You asked me how I was doing? Well, not good! Now you said you’d be here. Where are you?

well this is awful. first hallucifer encouraging sam to kill himself repeatedly and now dean saying this. also do not like.

(also very serious things happening and then that cheesy ass special effects on the leviathan's face -_-)

the winchesters getting an ambulance and going to the hospital for an injury, wonders never cease.

[kissingagrumpygiant]

Ariel... I am still pissed off by how bad that book was. The author makes bank with book sell and Patreon... Why not hire a developmental editor and a copyeditor? The plot of this book was so stupid I am angry. Someone should have told her something , I cannot believe nobody alerted her that the books is so convoluted that nothing seems to have real risks. I hate this. This is the worst found family ever. They're grown ass vampires behaving like children "you're one of us now teehee" "people are being kidnapped but let's have breakfast together heehee you're part of our family. But also, we've known each other for only a few months so why aren't you saying you're in love with me?"

finally yes lets talk about it

i COULD NOT stand the fucking found family talks repeated and hammerd into my head over and over as if these arent centuries old vampires talking like theyre 16 year olds in a YA book like im sorry. does the agency not cover therapy. why are u telling me this, a stranger youve known for like what. 3 months? 4? WHY are the vampires so in love with the mc. i could not fucking buy it for a second esp the A route like every "romantic" moment with them felt both cringey AND out of character like the author had specific story beats and tropes she just HAD to include and the characters already dont really have personalities so who CARES

also the zero editing. like there are certain wordings that are just so obvious no one touched this book before publishing and also like ok wasnt the last book happening around the autumn. why are the nights in this book described as 'warm summer nights' if its only been one month ????????? am I the dumb one?? whats going on

the whole story is dumb the events are dumb how do you add magical slavery to your story and not treat it with the seriousness it deserves like hfrughrughfjd

[bibookmerm]

getting my shit together

Ok, first of all: there are several skills I lack that it is becoming apparent I need to learn/improve.

One is driving. My wife and I are looking to get our first car. She needs it for work. She drives. Our roommate drives. But I dont. And I was just talking to my friend about how we can never get our friends together bc most of us dont drive/dont have cars. We need more gays that can drive, so I have to step up, lol.

Two. I need to feel confident hand sewing. It's not that I "cant". I know how to thread a needle and do a backstitch, running stitch, whip stitch. But I am very slow bc I havent had much practice, so it annoys me, so I avoid it. I have a dozen little fixes I could do and I should do those. People who sew regularly can do these things in like 10 seconds. I wanna be them.

Three. I need to learn to swallow pills BEFORE my top surgery in March so I dont have to be like "do u have liquid painkiller 🥺" because what if they're like "no". And also, needing an alternative is pricey. (this is something where I believe my disability comes in. Coordinating my muscles in new ways OR more quickly than usual is difficult for me. Like of course I swallow food every day, but normally I take my time chewing first, so to place something in my mouth and quickly swallow it feels daunting. That's the best way I can explain it. Just feels like a different ball game lol. My pcp gave me a trick to try, so I will try it.)

.

The other thing is, I am at a level of stress I personally find untenable. I am not wading through any major personal tragedy at this moment, so honestly I feel kinda like. Damn. Why is ~everything so hard~? Am I being dramatic? What happens when shit truly hits the fan if I am already unstable now? Well, I clearly need to put some measures in place now so I can tread water.

Such as:

Establishing a baseline level of cleanliness/clutter for the apartment. Aim for everything to be above that baseline most of the time, but understand sometimes it will sink to that level when something else must be prioritized above household chores for a minute. In its current state, I'm embarrassed to invite anyone over here. I want the baseline to be just, what I could deal with someone seeing. If I don't feel comfy having someone sit at my kitchen table or couch for an afternoon, it's too messy. I need to specifically write down the "acceptable level", get it up to that, and keep it there/above. This could also be a conversation with my wife and roommate to be clear on what everyone defines as acceptable and all work to keep it at whoever's ideal is highest.

Buying some wardrobe staples. My clothes not fitting is uncomfortable. I expect to gain more weight as I stay on T, sooo I should get some stuff that's a little loose now?

I've noticed I need more gender validation. I get misgendered constantly, working two public facing jobs, and I've started thinking some self depreciating thoughts. Maybe I need to work harder to counter these things within myself and not seek it from others, but yeah, this is one reason I need therapy. I had such a positive self image like a year ago and I'm losing it :/

Challenge my social anxiety. Another thing it's a good idea to have a therapist's guidance in. I feel so overwhelmed that I forget quality time with friends helps me recharge! I need to balance draining peopleing with healthy peopleing.

There's more, but if I can do this much, the stressors I cannot change should be easier to bear. Now to actually go set all the things in motion.

[sweatersadkitty]

Reading Twilight by S. Meyer: Chapter One

Today, (20-Nov-2023), I read Twilight's Preface and Chapter One: First Sight.

First impression: huh, this is...not what I was expecting.

I am vaguely aware of the events of the first movie, but my recollections of the movie itself are so far off that I may as well be experiencing this from nothing.

The book actually starts off with a quote from Genesis 2:17. And, I cannot believe this, it caused me to pull out my old Catholic school bible. So, really, strap on in for this weird ride.

The version cited by the book goes as follows:

"But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die."

The version of the Bible I'll be citing goes as follows:

"[--] except the tree of knowledge of good and bad. From that tree you shall not eat; the moment you eat from it you are surely doomed to die."

Ok, so, you might be asking "kitty, why are you voluntarily retraumatizing yourself for this?" Well, I'll tell you why.

Citing biblical sources without their full context is all the rage nowadays, but I've always found it annoying how certain citations are left without their full context. At least tell us how the sentence started, y'know? So, let's add to that, shall we?

Genesis 2:16-17 goes as follows:

"The Lord God gave man this order: 'You are free to eat from any of the trees in the garden except the tree of knowledge of good and bad. From that tree you shall not eat; the moment you eat from it you are surely doomed to die.'"

Already, this some heavy stuff. I'm writing this with no idea of how to put it into words. Let's move on...for now.

PREFACE

Ok, so. Book starts off. Things of note:

First person perspective. Okay, Y/N.

Whoever this person is, they're young. Young and healthy enough to have never thought about dying, at least.

They are dying in the place of someone else (who they love)

Name dropped location: Forks.

"When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end."

Ok. Okay? Okay. Right off the bat, there's a lot going on, especially in terms of language. For someone who is going to die, they don't seem to regret what is to come. There's also something fascinating about the language used. Whoever this hunter is, he is pleasant and friendly and he saunters.

This is not the perspective of someone who is, let's say, ok. Especially if they haven't thought about death despite having had reason enough to do so.

FIRST SIGHT

Chapter one!!!!!! What do we learn

Our narrator is one Isabella "Bella" Swan. She is moving to Forks, Washington State.

Bella hates Forks

Bella thinks her mother is "hare-brained" and cannot fend for herself. Adittionally, Bella is around 16 to 17 years old (summers in Forks till she was 14, three summers in California, you get the gist)

Bella has sacrificed herself by going to Forks and spending time with her dad, Charlie, who she does not perceive as a father figure.

Bella has scarce funds. We know this because her house in Phoenix was in a lower-income neighborhood, she didn't have the money to buy more winter clothes and buying a car, while not impossible, was not expected.

Bella is alive. She's witty and sarcastic and she lies. She's unhappy, but she's alive.

That being said, Bella has the thoughts of a pessimistic 17 year old...so that's something.

Bella does not seem to care about the goings on of her fellow classmates. Except for the Cullens.

This is a very rundown occurance of the first chapter. Bella's thoughts genuinely surprised me. Sure, my first impression of her is that she's a victim-complex judgemental teenager who describes herself as essentially "pretty but only when the colors around me say so". But she isn't boring, like I thought she would be.

There is life to Bella Swan. And there's something awfully tragic about her. The world of Forks is muted and she describes everyone with clear distaste but then the Cullens appear. Bella sees temptation and beauty and inhumanity and almost instantly she yearns.

Now, Bella does not yearn vocally. She does not sing her "I want" song for the reader, but actions speak louder than words. Bella asks and asks about the Cullens to her classmates, the most she's interacted with them from this chapter. She sits next to Edward Cullen in Biology and, upon learning he wants to move seats, has to hold back tears.

The reason I mention Bella as a tragic figure is that, despite her views being biased, she reminds me of teenage hypocrisy. She wants to be accepted, but she's perceiving hostility from those that want to get to know her (Charlie, Jessica, Angela, Mike, Eric, etc.). She's pretty, but not pretty enough. She finds it impossible that a stranger could take a sudden, intense dislike towards her and she's validated when others think her strawberry shampoo smells nice.

I think Bella is fascinating. And I'm beginning to see why Meyer cited Genesis at the start of the book.

References:

New American Bible. (1970) The New American Bible. https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0839/_P4.HTM

[supertunanana]

Saw this in the Jikook tag and thought I'd add what I have seen. What I've seen isn't that people think they're fighting or broken up even though I'm sure there's a lot of that going on but for some they now believe Jikook were never a couple and are just close friends and they feel foolish for buying into blogs that have their own theories that Jimin and Jungkook are an actual romantic couple. Not entirely sure why this NY trip and middle half of 2021 in general have people changing their minds but I guess only they know. It happens every so often but this time I've seen people make permanent changes to their accounts whether it's on here or another sm platform. I just know some are comparing those blogs to the one who shall not be named in the other toxic shipper base. It's not that they see Jikooker blogs as toxic and horrible as that other person but that these Jikook blogs offer their own brand of manipulation only this time using facts instead of lies. No idea if that made any sense lmao How do I put it? Like taking events that have happened and making them out to be a bigger deal than they actually are which in turn gets other people to go "Really? I didn't see it that way but these people are older and wiser and maybe see things clearer than I do" then gifs or clips are usually provided and it all becomes pretty convincing. The thing is no one knows if they're a couple. Could they be? Yeah sure. Could they just be close friends with their own set of personal boundaries? Absolutely. When someone tries to offer up that suggestion to many Jikook blogs, they don't want to discuss that most of the time. Personally I've seen anons suggest a close friendship and are met with comments that that anon must not be experienced enough or anyone who can't see that Jimin and Jungkook are in a relationship must be blind or are choosing to ignore what's right in front of them. That's messed up. That's acting as if the opinion that they're dating is no longer just an opinion. I can see how that can be a mild form of toxicity in itself. Nobody has the right to belittle somebody because they share a different opinion. Even after this NY trip, I've seen many Jikook blogs erupt in anger, calling anons stupid and ridiculous for having doubts or changing their minds and coming to their own conclusions that Jikook aren't a couple but close friends. It's odd to see "Why does no longer car sharing convince you they're not dating?" When actually we've never known if they are to begin with so someone changing their minds over something that's never been confirmed in the first place isn't a problem or "stupid". Maybe the reasons for changing their minds might seem a bit hasty but they're still allowed to change their minds. So yeah I see people are feeling foolish for believing these blogs who hold the opinion they're dating and I think in time the negative feelings will fade away and I have already seen some move on from those types of Jikook blogs and make changes. Perhaps they'll be able to enjoy BTS content without worrying about Jikook's status? As for me, I've never believed they were a romantic couple to begin with but their relationship whatever it is in reality has me aww'ing so that's why I follow Jikook tag. Their interactions are very cute. Sorry for rambling on so much!

You're good, Anon. And I agree with most everything you've said! However, I'm not so convinced they aren't a romantic couple, but then again, I'm not convinced they are. As I told a friend, I'm pretty agnostic about this (and as an actual Agnostic in the religious sense, that's on brand, lol). I'm pretty bad about seeing things in black and white. I used to, but then law school happened, and I've mellowed out a lot (which is ironic, because I think most of my fellows only got stronger in their opinions, lol! IDK I think my ENTJ is slowly dying into an ENTP; the world has beaten me down into seeing the gray). But I don't really worry too much about it. I did at one point, simply because I think it's human nature to want absolutes, to want labels and definitions especially when something is "other" or "unusual", but I got over it. Do I think they do some suspicious things that make me raise an eyebrow and question them? Yes. Does this definitively make them a couple? No. Will my world fall apart if they are just friends with weird boundaries? No. I understand those blogs that are CONVINCED seem a bit dismissive of doubts, and I envy their conviction. I think they feel they are seeing a truth and supporting/defending a truth that is screaming to break free. That Jikook ARE IN FACT a couple, desperate to be seen as such, but muted by their careers and the socio-political climate of where they live. And I am sympathetic to that. It's why I cannot simply dismiss Jikook as NOT being a couple or forcing heteronormative expectations on them. If they are, I do indeed see signs, and I support them if it's true. BUT, that often leads to looking at a lot of what they do with confirmation bias. That is, you believe your hypothesis "they are a couple hiding in plain sight", so everything they do or say supports this hypothesis, and I find that equally faulty. I see some Jikookers who get just as silly about Jimin and JK being near each other or looking at each other as Taekookers. Sure, they'll spin a more eloquent web using those odd and unusual things that make me side-eye ("SE") to support this, but it often boils down to the same thing. Not everything Jimin and Jungkook do equates to some magical, romantic relationship! I get that they are often trying to cite patterns of behavior (eg JK gravitates towards Jimin) which could be seen as innocuous and BFF stuff and then couple it with "SE" stuff (eg JK sucks on Jimin's ear) to give more meaning to the former as being more romantic and legit than a Taekooker possibly citing similar, but it's not. Not fully. I know the BEST romantic relationships have partners who are BFFs, but that doesn't mean that BFF behavior equates to a romantic relationship. Or even the "SE" behavior equates to a romantic relationship (as you said, it could be BFF's with weird boundaries - I've made out with a few of my friends and I was in no way attracted to them physically or romantically). It's not the transitive property of relationships here. So, that's where I see more wiggle room, that's where I think a lot of people question or have doubts, but that's where these blogs are so convinced. I don't necessarily think they're trying to be rude (but they can be and that sucks), but I think they're just stuck in their confirmation bias loop. They are convinced and they use the strength of that conviction to put emphasis on a lot of things. I don't think they're trying to manipulate anyone, because they genuinely believe it, and that's where they can be dismissive when questioned. And again, I don't think they're inherently wrong, but I also don't think they're inherently right, either. I will say, that if ANY pairing in BTS were to be legit, Jikook have the strongest argument, but it doesn't mean they are (but it also doesn't mean they aren't). And that's ok, to me at least. I'm fine living in the gray and seeing Jikook as each other's person, regardless of what that fully entails. They have a beautiful relationship, they make each other better people, and as my double biases (Jin is my bias wrecker - my chaos trio!), that makes me happy.

[atticbox]

12-19-2005 - 12-21-2005

12-19-05 Monday

After my boss called yesterday, a bit upset with me, I felt a sense of helplessness. Here I’ve promised to stay a while to help my mother, my relationship will likely end when I get home, and my boss is making it seem like I’m fucking him NOT being there. He also acted like he did not OK my signing up, which really through me off.

“I asked you that Monday I came to you.” I said annoyed and still confused as to what planet he was on. That left me a little unhappy and feeling really helpless.

Another thing…today the nurse came and upped my mother’s pain meds and also added morphine. Bring out the big guns, huh? Also after all the excitement of the nurse and my father’s visit, mom took a nap. This one though was freaky. I walked past her, to close the curtain or something, when I noticed she was literally sleeping with one eye open. That was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. I walked by twice to see if she would wake, due to SEEING me, but she didn’t. Of course, not unlike other naps, I had watched for her breathing. Not to mention today is the worst she had felt and it was pain which made her yell at Jolie. Jolie is her baby (it’s a dog) But, after the meds kicked in, she was fine and even asked to eat something.

Well, here I sit after a long day of… of… sitting. I now plan to lay down. A bad thing is my headaches are regular. They're not bad, (well, two bad) just constant. I have also sensed the dizzy spells lurking near. I feel a little off balance, but not real bad yet. Bad enough to look for Clariden or Benadryl, but not bad enough go out and buy anything… YET!

I got a parking ticket when I was out too… That burned me up. I didn’t know, or see a sign, until I was ticketed, but apparently you are not allowed to back into a metered spot. Why?? No one seems to know in the general public. I’m gonna guess it has to do with towing procedures.

12-21-05 Wednesday Joe’s Christmas Party!

Oh well, there will be other parties. This is way more important. I am going to call Joe today and tell him that I will be here for some time and that I’d rather not worry about calling him every week.

Did I mention the freaky thing that happened the other day? That my mother napped with one eye open? Literally, one eye opened. It was very weird.

I don’t sleep well anymore, since my mother’s pain has increased. She warned me to be ready to retrieve the morphine, in the middle of the night. So now, every peep she makes I wake up.

My mother realized yesterday that she cannot be here alone anymore. She can’t shop for herself, she can barely get on and off the toilet alone now. So even if other’s fetched groceries for her, no one would be here to walk the hall, to let guests in, like visitors or the nurses.

I am committed to stay now.

Later: Still waiting for the new male nurse Dan. So far it’s 4:53 p.m.  and nothing. Anyway, that adds to the cabin fever. See, if we were waiting for someone, I can’t leave. My mother can’t even walk to the door anymore.

That brings me to another note. I just called Joe and for the most part (as I believe it) I told him that I will not be home for some time. He told me to do what I have to do and to call if I need anything. He told me that he was sorry that I couldn’t make the party. I thanked him for the bonus, and we hung up. Now, as far as I am concerned, I am no longer obligated to call each week. He seemed cooler tonight. I must have caught him feeling festive, I guess.

Today is a big nap day. My mother has been sleeping most of the afternoon.

When my cousin Bob was here, he and my mother reminisced about my Uncle Bob. It was cool to hear how Bob felt unliked as much as I did. He from Uncle Bob, and me from My mother. Then the best is how they (my mother and cousin Bob) said how much alike my mother and Uncle Bob were. How they hated the world and like few people. I saw the same hurt in Bob as I felt all of my life. He would say something like Bob sent Bobby (easier to have cousin Bob written as Bobby for clarification of WHO) away before he died, to get back at Bobby. My mother said, “He didn’t need to get back at you for anything.” Bobby said, “He thought he did.” as he said that, he looked away, not asking to talk, but not avoiding a conversation as one had obviously started.

I would love to talk to him privately. I’m not alone, he was raised by my mother’s counterpart, her brother, and Bobby looks as lost for a relationship as I have been.

While Bobby’s wife, Karen, was here, there were insults passed back and forth with laughter, yet that left me thinking how the backhanded compliments weren’t necessary. I thought, “Wow, she treated everyone like that, not just me.” Plus the odd thing is, she doesn’t realize how rude she really is. It’s like she was never taught tact or something. She kept commenting on how fat Bobby’s mother was TO HER SON! Not exactly tactful! She told Karen, meaning it nice, that she didn’t look like an old hag. I am pretty sure that upset Karen a bit… it was brought up two more times in the hour that they stayed. Usually when someone was hurt by something another said to them, the hurt person will repeat the hurtful statement more than once in the same visit… Karen did just that.

I sit here and listen to my mother interact with others and it’s very valuable to learn, because it makes me feel less alone. I wasn’t as singled out as I felt. It’s so good for me to be here and just gain these insights.