#i cried while making this dont fucking hmu honestly

[chappelroan]

GET TO KNOW ME ♡ Favorite Ships ↳ Castiel & Dean Winchester

"I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean."

[spearxwind]

>:)ccc exactly as intended

jdkfdhjkk ok but. this is a REALLY big compliment,, its literally my whole intent w him just.. he’s rly scary and there’s no getting around that, no matter how many shitposts i do or how much he pretends 

im so glad i can actually make him FEEL scary though gosh

thank you so much!!! i just love my friends a lot i would Die For Them but that would make them unhappy so i can Live For Them

that being said, if anyone wants to fuck up my face hmu but u gotta be willing to go out in an epic fight, just saying

cries thank u sm im so grateful for them,, and im grateful for everyone who’s happy for me it really really means a lot. i want to be able to express my love for my friends without people guilting me about it. i want it to be something people can relate to, or look forward to rather than something to be jealous about

i was in such a place as well!! and i had been for so many years, to a ridiculous point

for a multitude of reasons i lost or cut contact with all my friends and i was just. really not where i was supposed to be, quite literally. that was my big problem but then ive switched majors, to someplace i AM supposed to be; and got out of a bunch of different shitty situations and fought to be in better ones until i managed 

and here i am!! things always get better dude. you’re always going to find people to love and care for, and who love you and care back. it might take a long time, but itll happen. sometimes ir requires more things to change but itll happen. you absolutely will find good friends dude, i believe in you

sobs its quite honestly all i wanted and all i could hope for 

also! we just all met through this site, either through art or mutual friends/follows or just... some sort of contact. we all kinda knew of and followed each other for a good while though but not much else (id been in a few mutual public servers w others but ultimately left). i made a server a lil while ago and just invited them all there, bc i liked them a lot and wanted to get to know them better. 

i was terrified that they might not want to join but they all did and .. it was just uphill from there honestly 

you didnt make me mad, i know what you meant, but in doing that you ARE quite literally invalidating me. 

im expressing that im upset at something shitty that happened to me, and you go “okay but... what about the shitty things that happen to other people huh???” its a topic horribly out of place to say the least, and even if you did not mean to white knight my post but it very much came across as that, or alternatively, you trying to pull an “all lives matter” on me ((for lack of a better term, sorry))

you said “im not talking about where people obviously copy your designs ... etc“ and thats absolutely right. its what, again, I was talking about, and you came out of left field with something else.  if you wanted to talk about this other topic itd have been fine, but preceding your previous ask topic with “not to say people dont do this to you but....” ties it to MY post, so either way, you threw a completely out of place message at me

and literally all the things you mention here i addressed in my last response as well. i know what your intentions were but this has been an all around bad way to go about it man.

oh i meant i need a name for the whole story itself!! been toying with a few titles but nothing quite fits yet 

oh!!! i followed them on here, but they apparently have an instagram account and a youtube channel? i havent checked those out, are they like,, the same kind of content? or does it vary with pics/audio/etc 

oh!! man that sounds really really cool im def gonna look into it :O

[perdizzion]

I just happen to stumbled upon ur account and saw that you'll be quitting med school. I have a dilemma that I want to share with someone. Im a newly enrolled first yr med student and classes just started a week before. But I'm starting to form some doubts whether I really want to be a doctor or not. Its not that I cant handle the academics its just that do i really see myself being a doctor in the future and actually feel happy about it.

I dont even know if being a doctor is my dream anymore or just my parent’s.

Hiya! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, anon! I don’t know if my answer will help you or not, but I will try to do my ABSOLUTE BEST to reply!!

Ok so. Med school. Tricky stuff. I’ll tell you a little bit about my background and what I’m up to right now to give you a Good Feel about how things are going after the decision I’ve taken and whatnot.

I got into med school about 4 and a half years ago, and like any student who worked their asses off for their desired universities’ entrance exams, I was beyond ecstatic when I found out that I had gotten in. I started attending lectures, group discussions, student projects, and for the first few years, I felt like hey, I think I can actually do this! The exams were pretty tough, I can’t say I liked pharmacology and neurology, but I passed just fine and so I thought that things were going to be fine.

[Narrator voice] things were, in fact, not fine.

I started having doubts around..3rd year, I think? Everything just started to become so dull no matter how much free time I was using to do my hobbies (drawing and doing art in general) and I think that was when my depression started to really rear its ugly head. I started to miss classes, isolate myself from my friends, stay in bed all day, and the only people that had kept me sane were my family and a few close friends of mine telling me to take care of myself when I was too depressed to do so. I tried thinking about whether I’ll be happy being a doctor in the future, and then I noticed that I couldn’t even imagine myself in a white coat, working in a clinic and talking to a patient.

This is when I finally realized that all this time, my wanting to go to med school wasn’t even because it was my dream. It was my parents’.

I struggled a lot to get through some of the days, but I managed to keep up the facade in front of my uni friends until I finished 4th year and received a “degree”. (In Indonesia, finishing 4th year of med school grants you a “bachelor of medicine” though you can’t really use it for anything yet until you’ve finished 2 more years of clerkship and get a “dr” in front of your name).

Clerkship happened after 4th year. If I had to use one word to describe clerkship, it would be hellish. I don’t know if this is how it works in every country, but in Indonesia, clerkship demands med students to attend hospital shifts with inhuman amount of working hours. We had to do 36 hour shifts every twice a week, and 9 hour shifts every other day. This might sound pretty light to some people, but it was super tough for me what with the amount of additional assignments and exams that we still had to do during our rotations. 

After 2 months of clerkship, my depression grew so much worse to the point where my best friend (bless her heart) had to call me almost everyday to help me sleep at night because the thoughts in my head wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally, I called my sister who lives in a different city to fly to where I was living in to take me to see a psychiatrist. It didn’t help because my doctor was super shitty about my condition (“all med students experience depression at one point because med school is just that hard, don’t worry, I’ve been there”) but I did take the meds. And I was planning to carry on with clerkship, until one day the meds gave me orthostatic hypotension (it was one of the side effects of the drug that I was taking) and I fainted in the middle of a surgery. When my mom (who lives in another city) found out about this, she was livid. She flew to my place right on that exact same day to take care of me, though she hadn’t known about my depression yet at the time.

The next day, I told her everything. Like, everything. About how med school had truly been stressing me out, about how I didn’t feel like med school was the right place for me anymore, about how clerkship had been making me feel like I was a worthless piece of shit because the doctors kept yelling at me, about how clerkship had also been making me realize that I wasn’t good with patients and that their lives are literally in my hands and that a single mistake could lead to their death and how I could never live with that much guilt in my life, about how I was so tired of being too sleep-deprived to properly function everyday, let alone to stitch a patient’s cut-up hand back together.

I told her that I wanted to quit. And so I did.

And you know what? It feels amazing.

I’ve been sleeping regularly for the past few months. I get to draw everyday now, and still make money out of doing commissions. I interact with my family a lot more and I don’t check up on them only when I need them to transfer me some money to buy food. I eat three meals a day like a normal human being and it feels so, so good. I applied for a scholarship so I could earn a Master’s degree in biomedicine abroad (it’s not art school, which is where I actually want to go to, but it’s not med school either so I’ll take it), I passed the first stage and now I’m just trying to do my best to pass the next two stages so I could get a full-ride. 

Things are okay. Things are good.

Things haven’t always been good, of course. People tell me that I was “so close to reaching my dreams!”, that my parents “must be so shattered to hear that you wanted to quit!”, that I am just “wasting away my potential.” My grandparents called me a disappointment a few weeks ago while telling me that I should just give up on my scholarship application and go back to med school. My dad told me that he wished I could “go back to the way I was and be happy again.” My mom cried multiple times. It hasn’t been easy on my mental health, but honestly? Fuck it. Fuck every single guilt-trip that my parents have had to put me through. Fuck everyone at uni who’s been spreading false rumors about how I quit med school because “I got cancer” or “I got knocked up.”

I absolutely hated how the doctors did anything back in the hospital. The rich patients got immediate treatment, and the poor got dismissed. The mentally ill were mocked behind closed doors, and med students were treated like trash. Rooted seniority where the senior doctors hazed junior doctors were still a thing (in Indonesia, at least). Literally everyone in the hospital had a superiority complex and I fucking hated it. Neither my parents nor my grandparents will have to be the ones to experience this on a daily basis for years though, so fuck outta here with your negative comments about my decision.

I quit med school because I did it for me, and only me.

This is by no means supposed to scare you away from med school just so you could jump into my bandwagon, heck no. I’m telling you this because nobody told me that this could be a possibility. Everybody I knew kept telling me that the only thing you’ll need to succeed med school is firm determination and hard work, and while that may be true for some people, I required a lot more than that, like a stable mental health, a good support system, etc. I failed to meet these requirements, and so everything turned into a shipwreck for me. My other friends, however, who were well-prepared with all of these, are managing to continue med school just fine.

That being said, this answer is definitely supposed to make you think about your decision more thoroughly. One of the most often things that people tell me post-med school is that “you should’ve quit earlier if you hadn’t liked it; it would’ve saved you a lot of time.” I hate the fact that I agree with this. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve still had time to search for a school that was more relevant to my interests and start over from a blank slate. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve been able to graduate from a new school and earn an actual proper job by now so I could help my parents out with our finance. Of course, my parents would’ve been way more harsh on me if I had told them that I wanted to quit so early on, but if you own the privilege of having parents that would genuinely and willingly listen to you, please talk about it with them. I had a friend who quit med school around a few months before 1st year ended; he’s in business school now and from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty happy with where he is right now.

Whew, that was long. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be this long!! Let me know if any of that helped or if you just want to talk off anon with me in general! I know firsthand how this kind of dilemma can eat you up whole, and it’s not a fun experience, so just hmu if you want to chat

Have a nice day!!

[meowingatthesea]

Hey babe it's revenge time. I challenge u to answer every even ask that starts with a consonant.🎀

Babe this is cruel and unusual punishment. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?Eww no they're basically my older sister 2. You talked to an ex today, correct?Define ex 3. Have you taken someones virginity?yup I ran into their bedroom and stole it from their deskDid you hang out with the person you like recently?No we need to get our shit together 6. What are you excited for?Folklife is in two weeks!7. What happened tonight?I practiced for covenant renewal and gave a speech on what Judaism means to me8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?Listen its their choice not mine10. What is the last beverage you had?Water. I am high and as such suuuuuuper thirsty11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?One. @coolgaycanada my bitch 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?Lol no13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?Stay up too fucking late with one of my best friends then regret it when I have to wake up at 5 on Sunday 14. What are you going to spend money on next?New headphones mine broke 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?Of course. Especially because ill go to mitzvah corps. 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?@oh-bitch-you-wary or @inconvenientcalamity18. The last time you felt broken?YesterdAy?19. Have you had sex today?... 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?Sign me the fuck up24. What do you want right this second?Take a shower25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?harlet 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?No. Thats a requirement of being my friend and being my friend is a requirment for dating. 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?Rory pooping in the hallway during the show. 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?@cushiestcomplaints ily so so much 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?Depends on what they did 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?No they're super nice and we've known each other since we were like 332. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?Nope. Not at alllllllllll. 34. Listening to?Clinton the musical. 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?Mechanical pencils are where its at36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?I hope theyre at home rn they're probably asleep37. Do you believe in love at first sight?Lust at first site yes love no38. Who did you last call?My mom 39. Who was the last person you danced with?Emma, in the wings of Annie while waiting for our cues. 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?We both wanted to kiss someone and we were convenient options. 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?Long long ago 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?No I don't hug adult figures in my life. 44. Do you tan in the nude??46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?No I wanna @oh-bitch-you-wary hmu47. Who was the last person to call you?My sister, to talk about the Broadway show she just saw48. Do you sing in the shower?FUCKING BELT IT49. Do you dance in the car?see above answer 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?6th grade?52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?did you read my blog59. Take a vitamin daily?yes I'm under nourished 60. Wear slippers?No61. Wear a bath robe?I should62. What do you wear to bed?Sweats and an over large shirt63. First concert?Idk man64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?Target duh65. Nike or Adidas?No66. Cheetos Or Fritos?Cheetos 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?No68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?Idk73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?Yesssssss rarely but once or twice74. What is your favorite book?DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE75. Do you study better with or without music?music I have memorized 76. Regularly burn incense?Nah78. Who would you like to see in concert?Haley kiyoko 79. What was the last concert you saw?Does Nanny Dichols count?80. Hot tea or cold tea?Hot81. Tea or coffee?Tea82. Favorite type of cookie?The good kind83. Can you swim well?Semi84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?Yup91. Best room for a fireplace?ALL OF THEM 92. Do you want to get married?Eventually

[closethegoddamndoorswat]

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself, and at the end, chose 25 people to tag i was tagged by @goldun-days LAST: 1.) drink: agua 2.) phone call: my mama llama 3.) text messages: actual text messages was me explaining to my “friend” that when nobody responds on the groupchat it’s because we DONT want to converse or have her blab on.. except in a polite way? 4.) song you listened to: currently Migraine by TOP, but before it was Growing Up by Macklemore ft. Ed Sheeran 5.) time you cried: yesterday i got teary eyed because self-titled top HAVE YOU EVER 6.) dated someone twice: uhh yeah more than twice tho more like six times 7.) been cheated on: emotionally? yes. physically? no 8.) kissed someone and regretted it: havent really had my first kiss yet so nope 9.) lost someone special: not really 10.) been depressed: uhhh yeah fam 11.) gotten drunk and thrown up: nope, i havent done any drinking yet LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12.) Mint greeny blue 13.) black 14.) used to be maroon but thats the color of a school that wait-listed me so i’ll say purple! IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15.) made new friends: HELL FUCK YES 16.) fallen out of love: ive never loved anyone, not romantically 17.) laughed until you cried: yeah, family stories and old family pictures.. also ezra and ry convos 18.) found out someone was talking about you: who hasnt tbh 19.) met someone who changed you: SHANNON YOU COMPLICATE MY FEELINGS SO MUCH BUT YOU HAVE DEFINITELY CHANGED ME 20.) found out who your true friends are: OH HELL FUCKING YES I HAD ALL SUMMER OF THAT 21.) kissed someone on your Facebook list: ew who uses Facebook? Also, never kissed 22.) how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: again, no Facebook 23.) do you have any pets: MHM JOSIE NAMED AFTER THE SONG JOSAPHINE BY DISPATCH SHES A BRINDLE MUTT FROM A SHELTER WE LOVER HER V V MUCH 24.) do you want to change your name: hnnnnng kinda but more for the fact that i dont associate with my birth name at all and less because of gender identity 25.) what did you do for your last birthday: the usual: go to my grandparents’ house and eat a melting cake and watch my grandfather and uncles shoot off fireworks while we try not to burn ourselves with sparklers. 26.) what time did you wake up: around 8:30 but then i went back to bed for three hours 27.) what were you doing at midnight last night: Kiking with Ezra i think 28.) name something you cannot wait for: my band to actually write some gotdamn music 29.) when was the last time you saw your mother: three hours ago 30.) what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: That i wasnt such a dickhead about practicing music 31.) what are you listening to right now: Part II by Paramore 32.) have you ever talked to a person named tom: there was a helper guy who was a college student named Tom at our rock band camp.. he played ukulele :) 33.) something that gets on your nerves: my own acne 34.) most visited website: probably either tumblr or ao3 35.) elementary: Fuckt™ ((public school, home school, charter school my mom started while home schooling me.. yeah.) 36.) high school: Stop Reminding Me I Know I Have No Plan Because Everywhere Rejected Me Stfu 37.) college: hopefully nowhere, id rather be touring 38.) hair color: Reddish-orange-brown because i have brown hair dyed with henna 39.) long or short hair: short!! 40.) do you have a crush on someone: more like multiple people i would date and/o make out with but feel no need to stress over making anything official or pining for aged 41.) what do you like about yourself: surprisingly, a lot.. i like my lips tho! They arent TOO small or too big theyre a lil plump and small like all of my features 42.) piercings: just standard ear piercings but i wanna pierce more shit 43.) blood type: fuck i think it’s O negative idk?? 44.) relationship status: single and lonely,,, hmu babes 45.) nicknames: my mom calls me Pessa (short for however u spell princess in italian), my brother calls me Chlub, and my friends that call me Toni use the nickname Tono 46.) zodiac sign: cancer 47.) pronouns: they/them or she/her 48.) fav tv show: House M.D. ((Patrick stump had a cameo ;) )) 49.) tattoos: non but i wanna get lots of lil important black symbols and shit 50.) right or left handed: right i am the majority FIRST: 51.) surgery: nope, not yet 52.) piercing: ears 53.) best friend: Elizabeth or Katy, i forget which came first 54.) sport: soccer i think, like p much everyone 55.) vacation: my dad’s aunt has a house on Martha’s vineyard that we used to rent and i think we’re trying to rent it again this year and it’ll be so great to go back!! 56.) pair of trainers: i have no fucking clue i dont remember 57.) eating: nothing 58.) drinking: water sorta 59.) about to see: nothing 60.) listening to: A Love Like War by ATL ft. Vic Fuentes 61.) waiting for: perpetually waiting for acceptance letters from schools ayy 62.) want: piercings and tattoos and a partner 63.) get married: idfk yet man 64.) career: HANDS FUCK DOWN A MUSICIAN ILL SELL MY SOULD TO PETE WENTZ ILL SUCK A DICK I JUST WANT TO BE ON WARPED TOUR AND BEBIN A BAND PLEASE WHICH IS BETTER 65.) hugs or kisses: both?? I dont have much experience in the latter tho 66.) lips or eyes: couldnt care less 67.) shorter or taller: taller because i think it’s impossible for anyone to be shorter than me 68.) younger or older: imma say older because maturity level needs o be above average like mine 69.) romantic or spontaneous: whichever suits the person better! 70.) nice arms or nice stomach: idfc as long as one holds me and i can tickle the other one 71.) sensitive or loud: LOUD BITCH 72.) hook up or relationship: atm, honestly, maybe just hook up because idk if i can deal with an emotional relationship? 73.) troublemaker or hesitant: neither HAVE YOU EVER 74.) kissed a stranger: nope 75.) drank hard liquor: nope 76.) lost glasses/contact lenses: dont need them so nope 77.) turned someone down: yep 78.) sex on first date: nope to both 79.) broken someone’s heart: nope 80.) had your own heart broken: not really, i did get real pissed at him tho 81.) been arrested: nope 82.) cried when someone died: nope 83.) fallen for a friend: uhhh maybe 84.) yourself?: Good™ 85.) miracles?: meh 86.) love at first sight?: should walk by again 87.) santa claus?: as much as brendon urie not being a fuckboi.. no 88.) kiss on the first date?: yeah if both parties are down 89.) angels?: DONT GET EXISTENTIAL ON ME BINCH 90.) current best friends name(s): Ezra the Mega Ultimate Squish and Ryan, AKA CatAssJones 91.) eye color: Boring Brown 92.) favorite movie: Deadpool and/or The Blues Brothers.. Anyone can do this, just say i tagged you in it!! P.S. ...We're on a mission from Gahd.