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genshin-obsessed · 9 months

Text

Rent a Genshin Boyfriend!

This is inspired by a dream lol but it’s also probably influenced by a video I was recommended on YouTube. My x reader blurb is in pink and is just something in addition i wanted to add that would otherwise break immersion (and does it anway :') ).

Characters: Venti, Kaeya, Xiao, Baizhu, Kazuha, Heizou, Cyno, Alhaitham, Wriothesley, Lyney

Hello! Welcome to Genshin Boyfriend Rentals! We have a wide array of men that may meet your temporary dating needs, assuming you've got the money.

There are a few rules we need to go over beforehand, however. Please keep these in mind as you browse!

The Boyfriends have the right to leave during the date for any reason. If you believe it was unfair, you may contact support to potentially get a refund.

The Boyfriends are real people with feelings, please treat them with respect and refrain from pushing their boundaries.

No sexual requests of any kind. Attempting to do so will make him leave and you will not get your money back. They are boyfriends for hire, not escorts.

There are a few rules set by the Boyfriend, himself, which will be sent to you upon selection and payment. Please do your best to adhere to the rules for the best experience!

Are you looking to experience a polyamorous relationship? Feel free to hire more than one at a time! Their compatibility is written on their profiles but those are general suggestions!

Let's begin, shall we? The Boyfriends vary by region, please select the one that best suits you! If selecting more than one, keep in mind you will be the sole focus, but can ask for a slight change if you wish.

These Boyfriends are currently available for today!

┍━━━☽【❖】☾━━━┑

━━ Mondstadt ➺ Venti ➺ Kaeya ━━ Liyue ➺ Xiao ➺ Baizhu ━━ Inazuma ➺ Kazuha ➺ Heizou ━━ Sumeru ➺ Cyno ➺ Alhaitham ━━ Fontaine ➺ Wriothesley ➺ Lyney

┕━━━☽【❖】☾━━━┙

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Venti | ★★★★☆

550 Mora/hr.

All expenses must be covered by you.

A maximum of 8 hours per day.

Available for overtime events that may extend into multiple days but prices vary.

No gender preference.

Best compatibility: Lyney, Cyno

Ever wanted to be serenaded by a bard? Need someone to help you out of your comfort zone? Venti's your guy! Venti is the excitable boyfriend. He’s chirpy, knows the best places to go, is enthusiastic about every and all dates. He tends to be very loud and cheerful, so if you're looking for some excitement, he's the best!

He’s very good with shy people and doesn’t have a preference for gender so he’s great for anyone who’s new to renting a boyfriend. Venti is also great at comforting. Did you lose someone recently? Are you feeling down about life? Feeling like everything is at a standstill? Venti is great with his words and will do his best to cheer you up.

His favorite place is visiting a bar and his favorite thing to do is perform. He previously worked as a bard but has now moved to joining us in our endeavors as a Rental Boyfriend!

"I promise with me you'll be smiling until your face hurts! Or your money back!"

Venti is mindful of how much money he spends. He understands why expenses are covered by the renter, but he still feels bad sometimes. Not only that, he's not exactly cheap either. So, when he ever goes on a date with someone who can't exactly afford dinner or whatever, he comes up with other date ideas that could be entirely free! However, Venti is usually hired for his empathetic side. He's great at understanding loss and loneliness and has plenty of loyal customers who he meets with at least once every two weeks. You can be one too, if you'd like.

Kaeya Alberich | ★★★★☆

575 mora/hr.

All expenses must be covered by you.

Maximum of 8 hours per day.

Is only available for up to 24 hours only, and prices vary.

No gender preference.

Best compatibility: Heizou, Kazuha

Do you need a boyfriend who's just great at flirting and making you feel like the most beautiful human being on the face of Teyvat? Meet Kaeya! He's quite popular as he's great with both newbies and veterans at renting a boyfriend. He's very charismatic and usually loves to fluster his partner. Kaeya is not a big spender, so don't worry about expensive dates. He's great at improvising and is just looking to make you happy!

His favorite place to visit is the bar, but he also enjoys things like picnics and window shopping. He's not a demanding Boyfriend so if you'd just like to have some company at home, he's right there with you!

Kaeya is more physically affectionate. He loves hugs, cuddles, often gives cheek kisses and will most likely always be holding your hand. If this is something you aren't a fan of, we recommend you hire someone else but can also talk it over with Kaeya, himself, if you'd like.

"Whatever you wanna do is ok with me. After all, I think the day should be dedicated to someone as special as you."

Kaeya has a tendency to forget faces if it's been a long time, so if you're renting him with a long span in between, he may actually forget you completely. He does feel really bad and does his best to play it off, but sometimes it doesn't work out. Don't worry! He's got a plan for that too! If you're a loyal patron though, he will inevitably remember you.

Xiao | ★★★★✬

650 mora/hr.

All expenses must be covered by you.

Maximum of 6 hours per day.

Not available for overtime events.

No gender preference.

Best compatibility: Cyno, Lyney

Meet Xiao! He's not very excitable, doesn't talk a lot, and lets you do your thing. He's mainly for people who don't want a talker and prefer to do an activity with someone. Whether it be painting, watching a show, playing video games, knitting, doing puzzles, or meditating, Xiao is the perfect choice! He's got a very calming atmosphere around him and will 100% help you relax!

Xiao speaks through touch for the most part. If you need some form of physical affection, he can provide. If you want to cuddle, hold his hand, or just lay on his lap, he's happy to provide given you ask permission first.

!! If you're new to renting a boyfriend, Xiao is NOT recommended !!

"I'll do whatever you want to do, so don't feel pressured to plan something extravagant. Just be you and we'll have fun, I guess."

Though Xiao has his charm and is extremely handsome, his rating simply relies on those who like his personality type which is specific. Sometimes people want a Boyfriend who's all cool and quiet like him, but tend to realize it's not as fun when they're actually with him. He does have a few tricks up his sleeve for people like those, but will more often than not just let them crash and burn and helps them get a refund for any time he didn't spend with them. He is who he is, some people like him, others do not. His popularity has skyrocketed recently and he's pretty much on par with Boyfriends like Kazuha, Kaeya, and Wriothesley.

Baizhu | ★★★★☆

500 mora/hr

All expenses must be covered by you.

Maximum of 8 hours per day but can be booked for multiple days together. Maximum of five days.

Available for overtime events. Prices vary.

No gender preference.

Best compatibility: Alhaitham, Wriothesley

Are you feeling a little under the weather? Don't have the ability to grab medicine? Just need a little company while you recover? Look no further than our very own doctor Baizhu! As a practitioner of medicine, Baizhu has numerous methods to help you feel better.

He'll help you take your medicine, make you meals for swifter recovery, and is more than happy to give you some much needed company. Don't worry about getting him sick, he knows the proper precautions.

"Remember, health comes first. If you don't know how to get better, I'll be right beside you."

Baizhu actually prefers to work with people who are sick. Whether they have terminal illness or temporary, he's more than happy to provide any sort of companionship to those who ask for it. He's actually helped find more serious, life threatening illnesses before and has saved a number of people like that. Baizhu is a softer boyfriend, willing to sit beside you and stroke your hair as you attempt to sleep. He's the only Boyfriend who can be booked for multiple days in advance, others work on a daily basis only.

Kaedehara Kazuha | ★★★★★

600 mora/hr.

All expenses must be covered by you.

Maximum of 10 hours per day.

Available overtime events as well as holidays. Prices may vary

No gender preference.

Best compatibility: Venti, Lyney

Looking for a soft boyfriend? Are you trying to learn poetry? Perhaps working on poetry? Look no further than Kazuha! He's a new addition to the Genshin Boyfriends but you'd never know if we hadn't told you beforehand.

Kazuha has a more artistic side to him that he loves to show off. As a former wanderer, he's got plenty of stories for inspiration. Are you looking to maybe take a hike? He's definitely ready for one! Maybe you'd just like to find a field and lay down in it. Kazuha knows some great places already! He's both soft spoke and a gentle soul. If you need to vent or are looking for advice, we recommend no one other than Kazuha!

"I know what the description says, but I also love to try new things. If you want a partner for that, I'm happy to be one. You don't need to try anything new alone."

Even though he's new, Kazuha's quite popular and will often be booked months in advance. As he's said before, he loves trying new things and is happy to do that with someone else. Do you wanna go skydiving for the first time with a boyfriend but don't have one? Kazuha! Do you wanna go swimming with sharks for the first time? Kazuha! Maybe you're looking to rent a boyfriend for the first time but don't know who would be best for you. Kazuha!

Shikanoin Heizou | ★★★★☆

500 mora/hr.

All expenses must be covered by you.

Maximum of 6 hours per day.

Available for some overtime events; not ALL holidays. Prices may vary

No gender preference.

Best compatibility: Kaeya, Cyno

Ever wanted to say that you dated a detective? Maybe you're looking to spice up your boring choices in partners! Heizou is at your service. He's intelligent, a great fighter, and has quite the silver tongue. He has a mischievous side to him and loves to get into a bit of trouble.

Worry not, you'll never be in any true danger, but if you're looking to get your blood pumping, Heizou might be able to do that. If you don't have a date idea, worry not. He does and he'll make every penny worth it! Though, if you'd like something a bit slower, Heizou doesn't mind taking you to some of the spots he likes to relax in. You two can sit and talk to just get to know one another before going out and doing something. He's very flexible in this case!

"Don't be shy, take a chance on me. If you're a true crime junkie, I'm basically your soulmate."

Believe it or not, Heizou's never gotten in trouble before for any of this. It's not like he brings his renters to the crime scenes or shows them anything like that, but he's got plenty of stories. He's also more playful and is the best recommended for any renters looking for an adventure! Unlike Kaeya, Heizou never forgets a face. Ever.

Cyno | ★★★★★

800 mora/hr.

All expenses must be covered by you.

Maximum of 5 hours per day.

Overtime events only include birthdays and must be under 12 hours. Prices may vary

No gender preference.

Best compatibility: Heizou, Xiao, Venti

Are you a lover of "bad jokes"? Are you looking for a more serious boyfriend? Do you want someone who can strike fear into the hearts of criminals? Look no further than Cyno!

Though Cyno has a serious side to him, he's a lover of jokes and reverts to them to relieve tension. He's got a wide array so there won't be any repeats. If you're ever sad, he'll bring out his best and hope that at least one of them puts a smile on your face.

"Why are pigs good valets? They're excellent parallel porkers. Get it? Instead of using the word park, they used-"

Cyno actually joined the agency as a joke. Yet, somehow, he managed to get to the top extremely quickly. For all the Sumeru Boyfriends, he often takes first place. He's also stolen first place from Wriothesley in the April popularity poll. He was tempted to quit but was begged to stay and... well, now he finds a type of joy in pretending to be boyfriend. Not at all what he expected the day he joined. Cyno is also great at memorizing names and faces. Once you go on a date with him, he won't forget you and will even make it a thing to greet you as if you two have been dating for a while and he just hasn't seen you in a while.

Alhaitham | ★★★★☆

700 mora/hr.

All expenses must be covered by you.

Maximum of 6 hours per day.

Available for most overtime events as well as holidays. Prices may vary

No gender preference.

Best compatibility: Baizhu, Wriothesley

Is there a test coming up that you didn't study for? Did you fall asleep in class and miss an entire lecture and now you don't know how to do that Statistics assignment? Well, look no further than Alhaitham!

He's the smartest we got and is the best tutor you'll ever find. From being eye candy to intelligent as hell, there isn't a subject he can't help teach. Do not make that chemistry joke with him, he will be disappointed.

Alhaitham knows the best way to increase work productivity and will help you get through your day with any type of work you have. He knows when to take breaks and will always have the perfect snacks prepared. Just make sure you can keep up with his strict routine!

"If you need help, just ask for it. I wouldn't want you to fail your classes."

!! Not the best with romance !!

While he's not good with the romance aspect of being a boyfriend, he's very good with studying. He often finds himself busiest during finals weeks and will limit his time with everyone to just three hours per day. These are the days where he's working from morning to night and only has enough time to sleep. He's very good at tutoring and often receives letters and gifts of thanks afterwards. He can still do dates and such (maybe a study date) or just a regular one, but he tends to be more awkward in that sense as he's not very used to it. Over time, he's learned a good way to reward the renters. Kisses on their cheeks tend to help a lot. He'll also let you take short naps on his lap and will even massage your shoulders if needed while you work.

Wriothesley | ★★★★★

1200 mora/hr.

All expenses must be covered by you.

Maximum of four consecutive days for a total of 96 hours.

Only available for special events currently.

No gender preference

Best compatibility: Alhaitham, Baizhu

Are you looking for a duke who's great at fighting and was a prison administrator? What a coincidence, we have the perfect man for you! Wriothesley. While his name may be as confusing to pronounce as Worcestershire sauce, his companionship is just a legendary! He's charismatic, loves tea, can totally teach you how to fight, and has a voice as smooth as butter.

Wriothesley is tall, dark haired, and has been voted the most popular in the last four polls in a row! His intelligence and prowess speak for themselves and don't let anyone stop you from hiring him!

Need to scare off a trashy ex? Just looking for a handsome man to hold your hand as you walk down the street? Attending a wedding where everyone keeps pestering you to find a person to settle down with? Wriothesley's got you covered. He's great at memorizing family names, faces, and titles. He'll impress your family and get them off your back for good.

"Come and fall in love with me. I'll make it worth your time."

As stated above, Wriothesley has won the popularity poll for four months in a row and continues to dominate. While he's lost the position to others such as Kazuha, Xiao, and Cyno, he holds no bad blood between them and is often hired alongside another for the same renter. Due to his increasing popularity, he is the most expensive Boyfriend to rent BUT has made exceptions before. He's also a great choice to hire for a friend to surprise them as "their boyfriend for the day". He's a fast learner and yes, you will fall in love with this man. Come to terms with it before you hire him.

Lyney | ★★★★☆

650 mora/hr.

All expenses must be covered by you.

Maximum of 8 hours per day. Works later hours as well.

Available for most events as well as holidays. Prices may vary

No gender preference

Best compatibility: Venti, Xiao, Kazuha

Ever wanted a private magic performance? Wanna see what it's like to date a magician? Look no further than our very own Lyney! Hailing from the land of water, Fontaine, he is a renowned magician!

Expect plenty of surprises as Lyney loves to catch people off guard. He tends to prefer simple dates, but grand ones are welcome if you insist. He is willing to teach you some small tricks, but most of them he won't reveal. Is he trying to steal your heart? Yeah, he definitely is.

If you're feeling sad or lonely, feel free to hire Lyney. He's willing to work late (meaning you can hire him at 10pm if you want) and he'll be at your doorstep within the hour.

Lyney is one of the few, other than Baizhu and Alhaitham, who are willing to work later in the day. Normally, most prefer to be hired earlier in the day so they have time to prepare and such before going on the date. Baizhu, Lyney, and Alhaitham are the few who can be hired after 8pm when most are unavailable. Lyney often brings some sort of gift with him, and like Cyno and Heizou, he's great at remembering faces.

#venti x reader #kaeya x reader #xiao x reader #wriothesley x reader #baizhu x reader #kazuha x reader #heizou x reader #cyno x reader #alhaitham x reader #lyney x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #🖊─ pocky’s writings

765 notes · View notes

egcdeath · 3 months

Text

making a racket

pairing: patrick zweig x reader

warnings: social media au, dates aren’t really relevant but are there for formatting purposes, mentions of a sex tape but nothing explicit, drama, no use of y/n, usernames are random, grammar isn’t the best because it’s social media, angst, fluff, more drama, twitter, gossip websites, reddit, text messages, emails, deuxmoi, so many headlines.

summary: as a celebrity, you often can’t control the narrative. you find that out the hard way when you enter a relationship with an infamous retired tennis player.

word count: 5k

author’s note: this fic was inspired by this request and was so fun to write! also, i apologize in advance if i somehow tagged you because of your username!!!

key: DM = deuxmoi (a celebrity gossip account on instagram)

CDAN = crazy days and nights (a website with blind items)

blind items = basically a riddle for celebrity gossip

EGOT = Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony Awards

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

UPDATE: today thee tennis princess herself followed retired tennis player patrick zweig. he has not yet followed her back.

[alt text: screenshot of mother following patrick zweig on instagram]

6:07 PM 8/12/22 From Earth

cleo - @filmsn0b

@popculturelvr9 could it be for that new biopic abt the tennis player?

6:08 PM 8/12/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@filmsn0b god i hope so. it’s about time she brought home an oscar.

6:08 PM 8/12/22 From Earth

🎬🎾 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 @filmsn0b it’s not a biopic fyi but that makes sense. they just started production a few days ago so he’s prob helping her learn how to play

6:10 PM 8/12/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@lalalanding @filmsn0b like i said….. the Oscars are not ready for her.

6:10 PM 8/12/22 From Earth

——

tara 🦋🐬 - @profhater

GUYS you will never guess who i just met

10:30 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

🎬🎾 - @lalalanding

@profhater who?

10:32 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

tara 🦋🐬 - @profhater

see for yourself

[alt text: me with the queen herself AHHHH]

10:32 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

🎬🎾 - @lalalanding

@profhater @popculturelvr9 LOOK

10:34 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@lalalanding @profhater OMG

10:42 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@lalalanding @profhater what did she say to you?

10:42 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

tara 🦋🐬 - @profhater

@popculturelvr9 @lalalanding i told her i loved her work then made some random guy she was with take the picture lol

10:55 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@profhater @lalalanding ugh i wish i was you

10:42 PM 8/22/22 From Earth

----

@deuxmoi - 9/13/22

SPOTTED

let’s see what your favorite celebs have been up to since last week

hi! i served (no pun intended) that former tennis player patrick zweig and that one actress from that one dramedy show that swept the award circuit last year at the country club i work at this weekend. they were super nice and tipped very generously! idk if they’re dating but they were definitely wearing matching outfits.

not the first time we’ve

heard she’s a good tipper

—-

@deuxmoi - 9/25/22

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: COURTING her

Email: [email protected]

Subject: award darling and no one’s darling

Message: i work on the set of the production for a very highly anticipated movie for next summer and a leading actress and her “personal trainer” have been getting awfully cozy. we’ve caught him leaving her trailer a number of times. he definitely doesn’t fit her sweet girl persona.

——

Blind Item #13

This newly critically acclaimed TV actress has had her head in the clouds lately. After various reports of spotting her making quite a Racket with a consulting crew member, her publicist has been scrambling to put out fires and advising her to move on, but she insists on seeing him.

Someone call HR.

October 3, 2022

——

r/Fauxmoi

u/aintnodiva

I know it’s not from DM but does anyone know who this might be?

[alt text: Screenshot of Oct. 3, 2022’s Blind Item #13 from CDAN]

⬆3 ⬇

u/sinkingships212

Racket makes me think of tennis, tennis makes me think of that one upcoming movie, so I’m gonna guess Patrick Zweig is involved somehow.

⬆15 ⬇

u/aintnodiva

No wayyy is he with the lead actress then?

⬆5 ⬇

u/sinkingships212

I doubt it. Their vibes seem totally mismatched lmao. Besides, she’s in too good of a place in her career to be with a guy whose dick pics are one Google search away.

⬆8 ⬇

u/teaspilllllt

did anyone else see that submission to DM a few weeks ago about the production for that movie? it basically said the same thing

⬆3 ⬇

u/sinkingships212

I forgot about that. It’s probably just speculation then.

⬆6 ⬇

——

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

UPDATE: it looks like the tennis movie has wrapped! this is queen leaving the set today

[alt text: paparazzi picture of a beautiful gorgeous radiant woman getting into her ride tonight]

9:45 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🌸💐🌺 - @floraflorals

@popculturelvr she looks so sad omg who hurt her 😭

9:46 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@floraflorals idk who did but i need to fight them

9:47 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 @floraflorals girl probably patrick zweig

9:47 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🌸💐🌺 - @floraflorals

@lalalanding ew

9:51 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@floraflorals @lalalanding she’s probably just sad to be wrapping honestly

9:52 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 @floraflorals i still blame That Man

9:53 PM 10/15/22 From Earth

----

Blind Item #7

This highly anticipated movie featuring a highly in-demand prestige actress had a particular crew consultant stay far longer than what was necessary. From consultant, to trainer, to fuckbuddy? With production wrapping, these coworkers are not so sure where they stand.

Someone should’ve intervened months ago.

November 16, 2022

—--

Blind Item #4

The holidays are coming around, and this couple who are more like a double still don’t know where they stand. Maybe asking someone allergic to commitment to come to Thanksgiving was a mistake.

November 24, 2022

—-

Instagram

@finstalice: holiday photodump!

1 hour ago

@spammmacy: i’m dead why was that tennis guy at your thanksgiving 💀

45 minutes ago

@finstalice: @spammmacy lololol a friend brought him over for friendsgiving

40 minutes ago

@spammmacy: did he do any tennis tricks for yall

37 minutes ago

@finstalice: @spammmacy ik ur joking but after a few drinks he literally did. u should’ve seen the girl who brought him 😭 she was so embarrassed but went right back to smooching him after

33 minutes ago

@spammmacy: how did she not get the ick

31 minutes ago

@finstalice: @spammmacy love is a mysterious thing

22 minutes ago

——

The Independent

December 13, 2022

Former tennis star Patrick Zweig and up-and-coming actress cozy up at intimate dinner

On Friday, the pair grabbed Italian at a notoriously hard-to-get-into restaurant. The couple shared dishes and drinks and seemed to be enjoying each other’s company.

Zweig, 29, recently retired after a season that ended in injury. His retirement came after a series of scandals, most notably being a risqué leak of his camera roll.

At 29 herself, she is coming off the heels of a very busy award season. Taking home her first Best Actress Emmy and BAFTA awards, she also recently received her second ensemble cast award.

The two seem to be an interesting pair, having finished wrapping a movie they were both working on in late October. The unlikely friendship comes on the heels of murmurs about a potential relationship.

“They’ve been enjoying their newfound friendship. It's rare for her to find someone with similar life experiences that she can genuinely bond with,” an insider told us.

We have to wonder what they discussed over dinner.

——

Buzzfeed

January 1, 2023

Cheers to the New Year! 5 Celebrity NYE Parties You Wish You Attended.

1.Forget Kim Kardashian—If you weren’t at this rising star’s NYE party, you weren’t living!

Attendees included fellow co-stars from her critically acclaimed show, cast and crew from her recently wrapped tennis-themed film, and Patrick Zweig, who she’s been spotted with a number of times. Are they our newest OTP? Vote for your favorite speculated couple in this poll here.

——

Daily Mail

January 14, 2023

Method Acting? Two-time Emmy winner laughs with friends at Australian Open.

The television star, who hasn’t shown interest in the sport prior to her casting in her upcoming film, appeared to be relaxed and laid back with friends. Former tennis professional and new tennis consultant, Patrick Zweig, appeared to explain the ins and outs to her. The pair seemed particularly close as they shared concessions and laughter.

Her team declined to comment.

——

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

UPDATE: mother was spotted looking absolutely splendiferous at the Australian Open today.

[alt text: queen with some of her friends and that tennis guy]

10:45 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 awww she’s so cute

10:47 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

@lalalanding @popculturelvr9 and of course he’s just there

10:48 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

💐 - @zweignatorrr

@sagingthetl @lalalanding @popculturelvr9 can we please just be honest with ourselves and acknowledge that they’re together lol

10:51 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

@zweignatorrr @lalalanding @popculturelvr9 i mean yeah obviously they are but i don’t like him

10:55 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@sagingthetl fair but you have to admit they’re a cute couple

10:55 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

@popculturelvr9 no i don’t

10:56 AM 1/14/23 From Earth

——

r/TennisGossip

u/makearacquet

AITA for shipping Patrick Zweig and that actress???

I just saw a very convincing timeline on Tumblr. They’ve been distracting me at the Open. Kinda cute if they’re actually dating. Really weird if they’re just friends.

⬆-45 ⬇

u/backhandedd

YTA for not posting about the actual Aus Open during the Aus Open.

⬆48 ⬇

——

TMZ EXCLUSIVE: PATRICK ZWEIG AND MYSTERY GIRL SPOTTED GETTING FRISKY IN ALLEYWAY

January 15, 2023

Looks like today's Australian Open winners weren’t the only ones who got lucky.

TMZ obtained an exclusive photo of retired tennis player Patrick Zweig getting hot and bothered in Australia. Though we haven’t identified his mystery woman, there’s speculation around the woman being former fling and fellow retired player Tashi Duncan, who was also spotted at the Open, or a new coworker, who Zweig was spotted sitting next to yesterday.

Zweig’s team declined to comment.

—-

Professional Mess Cleaner: Hello?

Professional Mess Maker: hi what’s up??

Professional Mess Cleaner: Don’t even what’s up me right now.

Professional Mess Cleaner: Are you serious?

Professional Mess Maker: yes lol what’s wrong

Professional Mess Cleaner: tmz.com/patrick-zweig-and-mystery-girl-spotted-getting-frisky-in-alleyway/02948289339

Professional Mess Cleaner: THIS IS WHAT’S WRONG!!!!!

Professional Mess Maker: shittttt

Professional Mess Cleaner: Is that all you have to say for yourself!!!???

Professional Mess Cleaner: I hope for both of our sakes that your stupid boyfriend is cheating on you.

Professional Mess Maker: rude

Professional Mess Cleaner: I’m going to fistfight you.

Professional Mess Cleaner: You’re lucky none of these pictures show your face because it definitely shows his hand up your skirt.

Professional Mess Cleaner: You couldn’t wait a few hours to go somewhere private?????

Professional Mess Maker: i told him we should wait.

Professional Mess Cleaner: TELL HIM HARDER NEXT TIME

Professional Mess Maker: sorry :,(

Professional Mess Maker: patrick says he’s sorry too

Professional Mess Cleaner: Apology not accepted. Especially not his.

Professional Mess Cleaner: What happened to being an easy client??? Are you getting your rebellious phase now??? Are you gonna be doing drugs on the front page of TMZ next week???

Professional Mess Maker: obviously not????

Professional Mess Cleaner: This week then??

Professional Mess Maker: i am not on drugs!!!!!

Professional Mess Cleaner: I wouldn’t know by the way you’ve been acting lately!!!

Professional Mess Maker: you can’t even tell who he’s making out with pls unclench

Professional Mess Cleaner: Please share who else it would be. So someone else’s publicist can deal with it.

Professional Mess Cleaner: And if you tell me to unclench again I will quit right this minute and let you deal with this yourself.

Professional Mess Maker: the article does mention tashi duncan by name but not me

Professional Mess Maker: but you’re so right i’m so sorry we will do better next time 😇

Professional Mess Cleaner: You better, or there won’t be a next time.

Professional Mess Cleaner: I’m serious.

——

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

UNOFFICIAL UPDATE: this is definitely them making out lol

[alt text: patrick zweig making out with we know who]

10:51 AM 1/15/23 From Earth

ZWEIGNATORS - @zweignationupdates

@popculturelvr9 how romantic

10:53 AM 1/15/23 From Earth

💐 - @zweignatorrr

@popculturelvr that’s so invasive pls delete

10:58 AM 1/15/23 From Earth

—

@deuxmoi - 1/28/23

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: ace

Email: [email protected]

Subject: DEUCE

Message: this athlete and actress have been giving it their all to stay away from each other. they’re both pap magnets which is a nightmare for people trying to keep their relationship secret! we’ll see if they make it to valentine’s day.

—-

@deuxmoi - 2/14/23

SPOTTED - V-DAY EDITION

let’s see what your favorite celebs have been up to since last week

i saw patrick zweig in trader joe’s buying a bunch of flowers and chocolates.

anon pls

chivalry is not dead

—-

Blind Item #9

This newly critically acclaimed actress has run into some conflict with her otherwise smooth sailing secret relationship. He’s tired of staying quiet and she’s not ready to come forward. She really believes that bringing him as her plus-one to this major award show will heal all wounds. Only time will tell.

March 13, 2023

—

Buzzfeed

March 21, 2023

Our Top 20 Best and Worst Dressed at the 2023 Oscars

Not everyone can be a winner in this prestigious award show. Not everyone can be a winner when it comes to outfits, either.

Best

9. This beautiful gown, which was worn by the talented Emmy winner, was only made better by the help of friend Patrick Zweig, who helped fix the train a number of times on the red carpet.

—

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

UPDATE: THE QUEEN HAS ARRIVED AT CANNES FILM FESTIVAL

[alt text: mother looking resplendent while getting out of a car]

10:51 AM 5/15/23 From Earth

tara 🦋🐬 - @profhater

@popculturelvr9 she’s glowing!!!!!

11:00 AM 5/15/23 From Earth

🎬🎾 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 i can’t wait for the first reviews of her movie

11:00 AM 5/15/23 From Earth

🎾 future EGOT winner updates - @popculturelvr9

@lalalanding they’re saying this is gonna get her the oscar and i’m not even being delusional

[alt text: a review posted on instagram that says “she’s a powerhouse in this film and is arguably the emotional core of it. her performance is subtle, but moving. her physicality and delivery is like nothing i’ve ever seen before. definitely a contender for next year’s oscars.” the post was liked by her mom, her stylist, that tennis player, and thousands of others. ]

9:05 PM 5/15/23 From Earth

💐 - @zweignatorrr

@popculturelvr awww patrick is so cute for liking! such a supportive bf 🥹

9:38 PM 5/15/23 From Earth

🎬🎾 - @lalalanding

@popculturelvr9 @zweignatorrr we don’t care about that man

9:44 PM 5/15/23 From Earth

—-

@deuxmoi - 7/19/23

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: double fault

Email: [email protected]

Subject: pen pals

Message: this athlete-actress couple whose relationship is an open secret are very sad to be parting ways. she’s going on a month long press tour and he’s staying behind. they have plans to meet up at a few locations, but she’d rather be with him than promoting her movie that’s getting SERIOUS oscar buzz.

—-

From: Gone Fishing ([email protected]) June 22

To: FishersPrice ([email protected])

CC: BaitnSwitch ([email protected])

Subject: How many strokes?

Price & Bait,

Remember how we logged into that tennis guy Patrick Zweig’s iCloud? More specifically, how he wasn’t able to fully kick us out??

You’d never guess what we just found.

Regards,

Fishy

From: FishersPrice ([email protected]) June 22

To: GoneFishing ([email protected]), BaitnSwitch ([email protected])

Subject: RE: How many strokes?

Please share.

Thanks,

Price

From: Gone Fishing ([email protected]) June 22

To: FishersPrice ([email protected]), BaitnSwitch ([email protected])

Subject: RE: How many strokes?

📎 TAPE

See attached.

Regards,

Fishy

From: FishersPrice ([email protected]) June 22

To: GoneFishing ([email protected]), BaitnSwitch ([email protected])

Subject: RE: How many strokes?

Fuck. We’re gonna be millionaires.

Thanks,

Price

——

TMZ

June 23, 2023

TMZ EXCLUSIVE: PATRICK ZWEIG SEX TAPE LEAKED… AGAIN!

Someone hasn’t learned his lesson.

The lengthy video also features a two-time Emmy award winning actress, although it didn’t seem like she was doing much acting (unless she’s better than we thought.)

The pair briefly talk and giggle before getting straight to business. The video is as sweet as it is hot— and though they’ve insisted they’re just friends, their breathy love confessions say otherwise.

Both parties declined to comment.

—--

ZWEIGNATORS - @zweignationupdates

was not expecting to see patrick’s racket on my tl first thing in the morning but ok. good morning i guess.

9:34 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

nasty girl - @matchmyfreqk

@zweignationupdates sorry but like…... link

9:36 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

ZWEIGNATORS - @zweignationupdates

@matchmyfreqk check dms

9:40 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

nasty girl - @matchmyfreqk

@zweignationupdates why was that kinda beautiful

10:25 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

ZWEIGNATORS - @zweignationupdates

@matchmyfreqk that’s what i said! like the hand holding?? the love yous?? when he said he was gonna miss her?? i didn’t realize it was like that for them

10:36 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

—-

CLOSED - @popculturelvr9

not an update but please don’t send us or ask us to talk about the tape. it’s a gross violation of privacy and it is honestly none of our business.

11:23 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

CLOSED - @popculturelvr9

@popculturelvr9 if you bring it up you will be blocked btw!

11:23 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@popculturelvr9 i swear it’s my whole timeline rn. i feel so bad for her

11:26 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

CLOSED - @popculturelvr9

@lalalanded for it to happen right before the press tour is so bad. sending so many good vibes her way

11:26 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@popculturelvr9 i’m sure it’ll blow over soon

11:28 AM 6/23/23 From Earth

—-

r/TennisGossip

🔴HOT TOPICS

The tape. Let’s talk about it.

u/sinkingships

Is it really any of our business? Stuff like this happens all the time and as far as sex scandals go this one’s quite tame

⬆-2 ⬇

u/Tennisfan233445

Upvote if that was one of the hottest things you’ve ever watched. Downvote if you’re a liar.

⬆564⬇

u/NothingbuttNet

if this showbiz thing doesn’t work out i think they have a solid backup plan 👀

⬆339⬇

——

Your Fav Femininity Coach - @putmeincoach

This tape is a perfect example of why I always tell my clients not to mess with men who are above them. Super promising career down the drain over some guy.

12:02 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

User 16363627919 - @user16363627919

@putmeincoach Obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about Patrick Zweig is a fucking tennis legend and that girl is nothing.

12:34 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@putmeincoach @user16363627919 NOTHING???? how many prestigious awards do YOU have, User 16363627919?? i don’t think they give awards out for being a misogynistic loser

12:44 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@putmeincoach this is such a dramatic take lol everyone’s gonna forget about this in a week when something else happens

12:44 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

Your Fav Femininity Coach - @putmeincoach

@lalalanded We’ll have to see. Still, you shouldn’t settle for someone who makes you act out of character like this

1:08 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@putmeincoach do you know her personally? not everything is so black and white and obviously they both consented and thought this would be private.

1:41 PM 6/24/23 From Earth

—-

@deuxmoi - 6/25/23

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: breakup

Email: [email protected]

Subject: Cumming and Going

Message: Apparently, this former tennis star and actress are going their separate ways after an intimate video leaked. She’s worried about the damage it might do to her career and her ability to be taken seriously. He just wants her to be happy. Her publicist has been letting interviewers know that there will be no questions answered about the tape, but this will not be a fun press tour for her.

——

Blind Item #2

The damage has already been done for this athlete-actress pair. Still, she insists on suffering through a break up on top of this scandal.

June 28, 2023

——

Blind Item #8

This retired athlete has received countless offers from the adult film industry in the last week. This scandal is somehow even more humiliating than his last five. He says he doesn’t care, but he does. A lot.

June 28, 2023

——

Blind Item #11

She’s losing brand deals and partnerships left and right. If she makes it through the next week alive, let alone through her press tour, it’ll be a major miracle.

June 28, 2023

——

DailyMail

June 30, 2023

Full of Regret: Actress spotted leaving her apartment with red-rimmed eyes

Just days after a scandalous tape was leaked, we’re receiving our first sign of life from the actress.

According to insider DoorDash drivers, she has been a very frequent customer as of late, ordering comfort food and pints of ice cream and leaving very generous tips.

She seemed to be waiting for the storm to blow over before reentering the public, but with her and her partner’s name trending on Twitter for the past several days, it seems unlikely that it’ll happen any time soon.

——

Professional Mess Cleaner: Just checking in. How are you feeling today?

Professional Mess Maker: even worse than yesterday

Professional Mess Maker: i want to say something but i don’t know what

Professional Mess Cleaner: The gossip cycle has already started to move on, but if you really want to say something, I can draft up a response.

Professional Mess Cleaner: The ball’s in your court ❤️

Professional Mess Maker: no more mention of balls please

Professional Mess Cleaner: Sorry. Got it.

Professional Mess Maker: maybe you can just say something about not letting my own decisions impact the cast and crew who worked really hard to make the film happen

Professional Mess Maker: speaking of which, have you heard from patrick?

Professional Mess Cleaner: Do you want the truth or to protect your peace?

Professional Mess Maker: things can’t get any worse just give it to me straight

Professional Mess Cleaner: I hear from him every few hours. He wants to know how you’re feeling.

Professional Mess Cleaner: And if you’ll take him back.

Professional Mess Maker: ugh

Professional Mess Cleaner: You know you don’t have to be separated if you don’t want to. The cat’s already out of the bag. A united front might be better for this kind of thing anyway.

Professional Mess Cleaner: I know how much you care about him. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Professional Mess Maker: i’m not alone though <3

Professional Mess Cleaner: You know that isn’t what I mean.

Professional Mess Cleaner: He loves you. You should reach out to him.

Professional Mess Maker: i will

Professional Mess Maker: eventually

——

Blind Item #6

Rumor has it that this pair, who were previously attached at the hip, haven’t said more than a few words to each other in months. That doesn’t mean the feelings stopped being there.

September 15, 2023

——

DailyMail

September 27, 2023

Tension at the world premiere?

This weekend marked the world premiere of a film that has been generating a lot of Oscar buzz. The first reviews have been mostly positive, despite the very large elephant in the room.

The average onlooker couldn’t help but notice the physical distance between Zweig and the principal actress in the film during the premiere. Despite both being there, neither were photographed together throughout the entire event. The distance feels particularly charged, considering the pair made a movie of their own not too long ago.

——

DailyMail

October 10, 2023

PATRICK’S NEW DOUBLES PARTNER?

Late this Thursday, Patrick Zweig was spotted leaving an intimate dinner with a female friend. This is the first time he’s been spotted since the leak of his now notorious sex tape. We would be remiss if we didn’t mention that the woman he was spotted having a romantic dinner with was not the same woman from the tape.

At least she knows what she’s in for.

——

DailyMail

October 12, 2023

Actress spotted on a date with ex-boyfriend

On Wednesday, the pair were seen holding hands as they walked through the park.

She has not been spotted with her ex-boyfriend, who she starred in her prestige dramedy television with, for almost two years. Are these two getting back together? Or simply making amends?

——

@deuxmoi - 10/15/23

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: rebounder

Email: [email protected]

Subject: kiss and make up already!

Message: this broken-up couple, who have been making headlines for the most innocuous things following a rather romantic scandal, very obviously miss each other. their friends know it, their coworkers know it, even their ‘rebounds’ know it. they think the other person is better off without them in their life, but that’s simply not true.

——

@deuxmoi - 11/8/23

Sent via form submission from Deuxmoi

Pseudonyms, please: love

Email: [email protected]

Subject: podcast

Message: i’m friends with a friend who knows the editor of a certain podcast that’s having a very highly anticipated guest do a tell-all about a scandal very soon. here are some of the things she addresses:

there’s nothing wrong with consenting adults doing consenting adult things—but you still need to be cautious

it’s nice to have some things for yourself but when you’re a public figure you don’t always get that

and finally…. she regrets how things played out in her relationship.

this should be a good episode.

——

Blind Item #17

This DIY Filmmaker couple are FINALLY reconciling. They won’t be making any more home movies together anytime soon, but it seems like they’re picking right up where they left off.

November 16, 2023

——

Buzzfeed

December 5, 2023

Top 5 Dates to go on in New York City, According to our Favorite Celebs

3. The Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Following a major scandal and radio silence on the status of their relationship, these two were finally seen together in public at this garden. They both looked genuinely happy for the first time in months. If these two can make their rocky relationship work during a date like this, you can too.

——

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9

UPDATE: GUESS WHO MADE THE OSCARS SHORTLISTTTTTTTTTT

6:35 PM 12/22/23 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9

UPDATE: the happy couple were spotted wearing matching ugly christmas sweaters today! i suspect they’re going to the annual christmas party she mentioned on Fallon. i hope they party hard and celebrate her making the shortlist!

8:21 PM 12/22/23 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

@popculturelvr9 ngl he’s growing on me!

8:25 PM 12/22/23 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9

@sagingthetl i agree!

8: PM 12/22/23 From Earth

—

Blind Item #4

This athlete-actress couple have had quite the year. It’s only fitting that he proposed to her at the end of it. Expect to see more pictures of her hiding her hand in her pocket.

January 1, 2024

—

@deuxmoi - 1/2/24

SPOTTED - NEW YEAR EDITION

let’s see what your favorite celebs have been up to since last week

I served Patrick Zweig and his actress girlfriend at the diner I work at yesterday. They both looked very hungover and I’m 97% sure I saw her wearing an engagement ring. They were very sweet and left us a really big tip.

—

r/TennisGossip

u/makearacquet

Has anyone checked up on Patrick Zweig and his girlfriend? I haven’t heard anything about them in kinda a while

⬆13 ⬇

u/topspinbackspin

It’s so funny you say this. I have a friend who works for the production side of one of those really big entertainment magazines who does those roundtable for actors who are in talks for receiving awards. His girlfriend was just in one, and my friend told me that he was there and super supportive the whole time. Like, bringing her coffee the way she likes it, hyping her up during the photoshoot, and everything in between. Obviously we saw the worst of them a few months back, but they’re a pretty cute couple. I also heard somewhere that they’re engaged? But I don’t know if I believe it.

⬆36⬇

—-

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9

i’m shaking in my boots for the best actress announcement.

10:45 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

@popculturelvr idk i feel it in my bones she’s gonna win.

10:45 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9

OMFG

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

🎾🎬 - @lalalanded

OH MY GOD

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

cleo - @filmsn0b

NO WAY

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

I KNEW IT LETS GO

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

tara 🦋🐬 - @profhater

IM SHAKING

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9

SHES OFFICIALLY AN OSCAR WINNER I FANT BREATHE

10:55 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

sage ❄️ - @sagingthetl

AWWWW THE KISS THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SM

10:56 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9

i’m sorry i literally cannot process anything rn did she just say thank you to her FIANCÉ

10:57 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9

guys this is way too much. 2 awards left for her EGOT AND she’s engaged??2?3):7.8 i’m malfunctioning

10:58 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

oscar campaign era - @popculturelvr9

who would’ve thought that a random instagram mutual follow would get us here. omfg. i love love.

10:59 PM 3/20/24 From Earth

#patrick zweig x reader #patrick zweig #patrick zweig x you #patrick zweig imagine #art donaldson #art donaldson x reader #challengers #challengers fanfic #josh o'connor x reader #challengers fanfiction #patrick zweig fanfic

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