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rikkisixx · 5 years

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rant ahead

so heres where im at

im still looking for work. thankfully im still getting unemployment but after rent for the month, it only leaves me about $100 a month in gas, non-food groceries, meds, bills, etc. which obvs is not enough.

my car didnt pass deq so i have to get an estimate to find out what it will take to get it to pass.

i had received a check just prior to being let go for my migraine study that was initially meant to pay for my plane ticket to Massachusetts where i am to be maid of honour for my best friend in july. that money all had to go toward bills. my hope was to get enough back in taxes to just cover the plane ticket and i could worry about the rest over time.

my refund is not great but would probably cover MOST of my travel.

however, my BELOVED parents keep telling me that if i pay for this plane ticket instead of paying them back for the money they’ve loaned me during this, that, in no certain terms, ill be cut off. i respectfully informed them that i understand that my circumstances may prevent me from going, that i have time to pay them back but only one opportunity to see my best friend marry (and be the maid of fucking honour), but these words fall on deaf ears.

i even went so far as to tell them how i am in a very dark and bad place and that wedding is giving me hope. something i desperately need. so i dont kill myself.

pretty serious statement, even surprised me but in that moment, as it happened, i knew it was true, not just an attempt to sway their opinions.

the next day my mother spend time with my sister. the day after that, i visited my sister, my great niece, and the puppers. i found out that my mother was still going on about being angry about the wedding, in spite of having spent NOTHING on it so far. and in spite of my sister agreeing that this is a once in a lifetime event vs paying them back is going to take quite a bit of time anyway. and the choice to go to the wedding isnt IN LIEU of paying them back altogether, its a delay for a chunk to be repaid.

but here’s the best part guys... after everything I said... the first thing she said to my sister about my visit...

it looks like ive gained weight.

thats right folks, step aside for parents of the year. I heard my daughter cry and tell me shes in a bad place and assure me for the 654123rd time that she hasn’t spent money on this wedding yet, but you know what i heard? or saw? FAT.

oh and it gets better! prior to the joys of tax day, my mother and other sister had spent a considerate amount of time discussing how i probably wont fit into an airline seat. My mother apparently even googled the fucking measurements for first, business and coach class seats.

so if i dont get to go, is this how they propose to console me? well, you wouldn’t have fit anyway! no harm no foul!

but they dont get it. for one, not going would not only be DEVASTATING to me, it would be horrible for my best friend who is COUNTING ON ME. I already did my research on airlines seats and big person policies IN CASE i dont fit. cos we dont actually know if i do or not. my chub tends to stack in the front and back of me more than spilling out the sides so its possible that all ill need is a fucking seatbelt extender.

and im sorry, when your CHILD says theyre not in a good place and even mentions suicide in passing.. .MAYBE THE FOCUS SHOULDNT BE THE WEIGHT. its certainly not out of concern for my health, ive shown them repeatedly that my lab results are excellent. and apart from some back and knee pain, my weight doesnt really have much effect on my health. MY MENTAL HEALTH ON THE OTHER HAND HAS A GREAT DEAL OF EFFECT.

my own parents cant see past my appearance and one sister would rather join in on the gossip than lose their approval. at least thats what i suspect.

so yea. i tried to drink away the thoughts in my head last night but it didnt work. i was just sad all night long. i slept like ten hours last night. i havent been able to afford my meds in over a month either, so im sure im feeling things 465231 times greater than i need to be.

and even tho IM okay with me, just knowing how my family sees me is like... so harmful to me. i just dont even know what to do anymore. im giving up.

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indigo474 · 2 years

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Saturday night. January 2022

lots of thoughts. worked today. over 50 hrs this week. im missing my 1/2 hr lunch OT because now that im home i dont mind taking a full hr. horrible calls today. everyone is cold and needs oil. so so grateful for this job and everything ive learned but at the same time i am so so open to something better suited to me. im always open to better~ time alone tonight. alone- sometimes a hard adjustment. easier to work work work. Mads will be working Saturday for a while so now i have Saturday night fee. Perfect for when i start dating!! ive been consistently taking either thc pills or tincture. i have 1 for in the morning and 1 for at night. they dont make me feel high and the morning dose doesnt affect work- as far as i can tell- i got an 88 on my last call coaching. Compared to the 56 i got the time i was medicated on a tincture my Mom gave me- i was a little too fucking relaxed. Anyway - what im doing seems to be helping me.Dec was a decent month- depression wise, also i cant remember the last time i had bad anxiety. i remember writing Nov was a good month too. I smoked a little tonight for the first time in a while. Bowls are so dirty and smelly. I wish i had a vape for dry leaf but not sure i will really use it. maybe ill treat myself and throw out the bowl for good. it really does stink.

lots of thoughts on control. i texted steph back about cutting my hair next week. I desperately want to blame her for whatever- but i know i really cant. im still learning what adult relationships look like. she was just being herself. i felt a she was very controlling.. i get it. there were times in my life i tried so hard to control things.. iit just does not work. i just fell sometimes that for someone who has no one why am i so picky abut who is in my life- her husband gave me a bad vibe- her kid was fucked up and the drinking just wasnt my thing. i was so hungover when we went out on her boat- i just wanted to go to sleep- again i cant blame that on her. i guess i really just need to find another hairdresser. I REALLY liked how my hair was looking.

dealing with the discover i have a food addiction. i think ive been in denial for a long time. ive always been able to tell myself i did things because i wanted to. alcohol,meth, cigarette.. when i decided i didnt want to do those things i stopped. i feel like i always had and have a choice.this feels different. how many times did i tell myself i would eat health or only have a little or how many times have i lost a considerable amount of weight only to gain it back again? i never thought that maybe i could have a food addiction. maybe i did but not really- im not sure how or why i received the message this time. i really don't know.maybe it was just finally time to face this. day by day. sometimes when im eating a voice in my head will tell me you dont deserve to eat - what the hell is that? not normal. im a work in progress- one day at a time.

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mwlihong · 3 years

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The 12 Groups That Could possibly Get Tremendous Bowl LVI

A number of months back again, even though filling within just for colleague Albert Breers weekly mailbag column, I was questioned through editor Mitch Goldich what the worst prediction Ive at any time designed was. Upon my aged podcast, The Poor-Aspect Podcast with Jenny Vrentas, I performed a persona that was experienced inside the artwork of prognostication, and we experienced finish episodes centered upon the horrendous predictions Identification manufactured for the duration of the yr Raheem Mostert Jersey. Nonetheless seeking again upon it, my worst task could possibly contain been an definitely earnest exertion. Inside August of remaining yr, I wrote a piece upon the 12 groups that could possibly realistically earn the Tremendous Bowl. The moment it arrives toward the artwork of the prediction, this is an great write-up for the reason that it incorporates a extensive runway and the options of currently being immediately anytime yourself record a 3rd of the league are charming positive! Of program, I still left the Buccaneersand Tom Bradyoff the record. By yourself dont acquire specifics for taking the supreme 3 seeds inside of every single convention While, at some point, your self go away the Tremendous Bowl winner out of the blend. Lesson found. Hardly ever question Brady. That, thanks towards the sheer amount of money of guesses I experienced, was the worst prediction Ive at any time designed. This calendar year, Ive reformulated my strategy a minor little bit and incorporate tried using in the direction of tuck all my ingrained biases apart. Together with within just the NBA this yr, I appear to be which include there is a broader all round variety of groups that may well get the Tremendous Bowl, hence nicely adhere with 12. There are 2 quarterbacks within just considerable refreshing areas. Dak Prescott incorporates returned towards hurt https://www.sf4gear.com/youth, in all probability healthy than at any time. Theres a good deal of solution below, which is, sooner or later, why we indication up in direction of spend our life towards this 12 months following yr. Makes it possible for split the comprehensive issue down, workers as a result of employees.Mark J. Rebilas/United states Currently Sporting activities ; Joseph Maiorana/United states of america These days Sports activities ; Jamie Germano/Rochester Democrat and Chronicle/United states At present Community 1. Kansas Town ChiefsLast decades end: 142, AFC West winner, shed in the direction of Buccaneers within the Tremendous BowlWhy they can gain it all inside 2021: This one particular doesnt will need a long reason. The Chiefs include the least complicated and greatest flexible quarterback within the NFL, a participant who can punish oneself within plethora methods, and the utmost artistic enjoy-caller within just the league. That reported, I believe we can securely predict a little bit extra having difficulties this 12 months. The Chiefs significantly outperformed their Pythagorean acquire-reduction standards in opposition to 2020, due inside of higher aspect towards a pandemic that throttled the offseason and weighted gains upon present-day, rewarding QB-practice mixtures. This calendar year, theyll be in just a a great deal harder office, giving Vic Fangios utmost gifted safety toward day and Brandon Staley, who, even though defensive coordinator of the Rams, practically broke a heritage for fewest instant-fifty percent specifics permitted within NFL record.2. Tampa Bay BuccaneersLast a long time conclude: 115, wild card, received Tremendous Bowl Why they can get it all within just 2021: It is just about extremely hard in direction of repeat within just todays NFL, When Tom Brady was the past quarterback toward do it and, once again, we are finished stating any kind of question inside the largest participant the league is made up of at any time discovered. Tampas hard, duo-laden function plan punished competitors late in just the period and borrowed properly in opposition to a typical Belichick-ian system that always noticed his groups morph into ability punchers late in just the year. At the moment that theyve held their finish roster, they can acquire upon some of their largest positive aspects and assault the business with a even more different mix of the Brady and Bruce Arians offenses. 3. Cleveland BrownsLast several years total: 115, wild card, shed in the direction of Chiefs inside the divisional roundWhy they can earn it all in just 2021: The Browns have been one particular of the far more healthy groups in just the NFL remaining calendar year, regardless of some evident holes upon the defensive facet of the ball. Whilst its normally not possible in direction of destination as well a lot of specifications upon the shoulders of novice corners and hybrid linebackers, the additions of Greg Newsome II, Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah and Tony Fields II developed them much harder and additional flexible inside of a department that desires thickness in the direction of fend off severe downhill managing, versatility in the direction of activity cell quarterbacks and superior restricted finish engage in, and multifaceted insurance policy expertise for the broad wide range of deep-hazard receivers. Their jogging match is beneath the treatment of Monthly bill Callahan, just one of the most significant offensive line coaches and operate-recreation coordinators within NFL heritage, and functions a deep strong of backs who preserve tension off Baker Mayfield . If Cleveland can produce upon its results in opposition to a 12 months in the past and discover alone as a a little even further competent personnel shielding the go, it could possibly surge in the direction of the meeting championship. 4. Buffalo BillsLast several years total: 133, AFC East winner, misplaced in the direction of Chiefs inside of the meeting championshipWhy they can get it all inside of 2021: Even though the Expenditures may perhaps include at some point forgotten their window Trent Sherfield Jersey, they are even now a significantly very well-coached staff with a stable security and a person of the excellent matchup-dependent offensive coordinators inside of the NFL. Allens power toward scare groups as the two a deep passer and electrical power runner produced Buffalo a constant hazard inside 2020 and will heading do thus once more this yr. Their energy toward opt for aside competition may possibly be observed within the real truth that they had been even now logging a league-most straightforward 0.14 EPA for each engage in ranking upon performs that did not aspect backfield action or any type of presnap window dressing. Allen lets yourself toward quickly line up and engage in challenging soccer. With the addition of both of those Gregory Rousseau and Carlos Basham Jr., the Charges comprise indicated in the direction of all of us that getting a middling stress personnel is unacceptable, specially within the ho-hum AFC East. Immediately after the Buccaneers blueprint, their anticipate is that an overload of trained rushers can enhance a gifted secondary. 5. Environmentally friendly Bay PackersLast many years end: 133, NFC North winner, missing towards Buccaneers inside of meeting championshipWhy they can acquire it all within just 2021: The Packers, together with the 49ers, consist of mastered the Mike ShanahanAlex Gibbs outdoors zone process that properly marries the operate and move video games alongside one another. At the time a course of action such as this is perfected and the roster is created more than it, on your own come to be more robust with the a long time every teach and quarterback fork out inside the offense. However, Aaron Rodgerss lack consists of triggered a little bit of a standstill upon the growth entrance, nevertheless that wont avoid train Matt LaFleur and offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett versus proceeding in direction of recognize significant mismatches towards exploit throughout a inclined department. When the Packers would not create this checklist if Jordan Enjoy have been their total-season rookie within 2021 D.J. Jones Jersey, I believe that they may possibly however be Wonderful plenty of towards contend for, and likely eke out, a department gain if aspects received NFC Eaststyle sloppy. 6. Los Angeles RamsLast many years conclude: 106, wild card, shed toward Packers inside of divisional roundWhy they can get it all within just 2021: Were being advised the addition of Matthew Stafford will generate the Rams a totally choice staff this calendar year, while that continues to be toward be observed. Curiously more than enough, the Rams had been a powerful offensive employees Even though Sean McVay was pulling the puppet strings in just Jared Goffs helmet in advance of the snap https://www.sf4gear.com/elijah-mitchell-jersey. What takes place at the moment, once there is added autonomy and, theoretically, creativeness at the level? 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Kyle Shanahan is continue to a sharp head, and even though he dropped a large amount of head electricity upon the training employees this offseason with the departures of Robert Saleh, John Benton and Mike LaFleur, he continue to consists of the proficient Mike McDaniel at his aspect, alongside with offensive line expert Chris Foerster. When some us citizens may well cock their heads at this choose, Garoppolo is sure impressed towards engage in his direction into a further setting up position somewhere else within 2022 and the 49ers far too include the remedy, when they hence decide, toward pull the rip wire upon Trey Lance and introduce a minimal chaos into defensive conference rooms everywhere you go. 8. Dallas CowboysLast a long time conclusion: 610, 3rd position inside the NFC East Why they can earn it all within 2021: With Prescott back again and wholesome, all aspects are prospective. 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Need to Rock Ya-Sin choose a stage ahead, aiding the Colts spherical out their secondary as a substitute of basically covering it, Indianapolis might not simply just cruise in direction of an AFC South name however produce some sounds in just the playoffs. The main marvel mark below would appear to be in the direction of be Carson Wentz, however pairing him with Frank Reich yet again guarantees that there will be an offense with further more good tests and balances. Whenever Reich fled in direction of Indianapolis back again inside of 2018, therefore did Wentzs requirements of a somewhat digestible established of progressions driving centre. That triggered negative practices and poor blood, possibly of which are long gone at the moment. 10. Baltimore RavensLast several years complete: 115, wild card, misplaced toward Charges within just divisional roundWhy they can gain it all in just 2021: Taking a talented playmaker including Lamar Jackson assures youll be within the combination no matter of how conditions drop above him https://www.sf4gear.com/terrell-owens-jersey. Very last year was a aggravation, primarily a reflection of some monetary selections the Ravens almost certainly need they might incorporate again, as effectively as some essential roster happenings out of their handle. The additions of 2 skilled large receivers into the plan need to be adequate toward reinforce an offense that uncovered by itself prone in direction of strain , specified the groups inclination in direction of function the ball. Jackson specifications towards big difference his warm map inside obtain towards be seriously thriving over and above what the plan is advertising, and bringing inside of both equally Sammy Watkins and Rashod Bateman will be a necessary phase inside of that guidance. The Ravens are certainly attempting toward extend the market further this yr, which delivers us in direction of a appealing analysis interval for Jackson, who contains by now stated us thus a great deal. 11. Seattle SeahawksLast decades comprehensive: 124, NFC West winner, misplaced toward Rams in just the wild-card spherical Why they can gain it all in just 2021: This is type of a legacy reward toward Russell Wilson, who, alongside with his cadre of gifted receivers, is with regards to the simply just issue well worth eating religion inside of. Wilsons sizzling get started within just 2020 was stymied at the time the Seahawks receded their programs toward operate a total-throttle passing offense. The addition of Shane Waldron as offensive coordinator demonstrates an focus inside of either melding the move and function game titles which includes the 49ers, Rams and Packers incorporate performed inside the further than, despite the fact that its a prolonged and occasionally challenging technique anytime the offensive line ability lags within some parts. Right until Pete Carrolls safety keeps some of its enamel, although, its challenging in the direction of imagine Seattle virtually profitable the Tremendous Bowl outdoors of some correct Wilson hero ball. 12. Los Angeles ChargersLast decades entire: 79, 3rd desired destination within just the AFC WestWhy they can earn it all within 2021: If there is just one practice who can incorporate a Kevin Stefanskitype impression upon his roster inside Calendar year 1, its Brandon Staley. The safety, which unsuccessful in direction of produce substantially worry and was gouged towards sure dashing offenses in just 2020, will eventually be much better. The quarterback, reigning novice of the 12 months Justin Herbert, is one more tale. Staley is a preceding quarterback who naturally knows the point intimately, despite the fact that his conclusion of offensive coordinator was a little bit underwhelming. Joe Lombardi, inside less than 2 several years as the Lions offensive coordinator in just 2014 and 15, was 19th and 18th within internet yards for every test, respectively. There was no greatest 10 total inside of information, and Lombardi was overlooked when 7 days 7 of that minute year. There are moving in direction of be some not possible things of Anthony Lynns tenure with the Chargers in direction of substitute. For instance, the Chargers were being 8th inside experiencing stress ultimate 12 months because of in direction of a porous offensive line .

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thatunhealthysideblog · 4 years

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“You should try the Carnivore Diet!”

I had a friend (nurse by background) very enthusiastically try to persuade me to try the Carnivore Diet. He said that he heard of many people experiencing digestive issues that had gone on this diet and had been “cured”.

“Its fine! Just try it for a couple weeks and see if you feel better. If youre that desperate to fix your GI distress, then youll try it.”

He even went so far as to offer me a ride to a local store where I could buy meat in bulk and assist me with choosing meats (Im not super well-versed in cuts of pork or beef). This friend obviously had my best interest in mind (appreciated) but I was inclined to take some time to do research before jumping in.

First, I feel that I have to explain a couple things:

When I reference any sort of rules in the diet, I am referencing dietary rules I found on this site. It had the best laid-out overview of what was involved in the Carnivore Diet.

I am not a nutritionist/dietician. I say this because some of my reasoning below may be vague in a dietary sense; that is only because its not my field of study.

Most of the “evidence” I found in favour of the diet was anecdotal. The site I referenced above is supposedly written by a “doctor”, but this same doctor on another page of his site firmly states that all plant products are extremely poisonous. Ok then...

People were claiming that the Carnivore Diet resolved a variety of health issues, mainly GI-related or assisted in losing weight. The diet is high in protein, obviously. One is forced to remove certain foods from their diet that could (for some) otherwise cause issues: alcohol, coffee, dairy, salt- or sugar- heavy products, carbs. From the info I gathered, the diet claims to regulate blood sugar, contains only fresh (not processed) foods, and is a structured diet with very little room for compromise. Theres also less food-waste involved - removing produce removes the likelihood of it rotting in one’s fridge after a few days. The site I referenced recommends eliminating foods in “levels”; every thirty days, remove a certain amount of foods from ones diet, down to the purest form of the carnivore diet: salt, water, and beef.

I chose the word “eliminating” very intentionally. I didnt realize when my friend initially brought this idea up that the diet is an elimination diet. In general, those that have gone on the diet “adjust” down the the purest form of the diet, stay at that level for short-term, and then typically reintroduce foods back into their diet that dont cause weight gain or GI distress. I can see how this would be helpful - I in theory could find out what foods are triggers for my GI distress.

However, theres a slight problem. Those that are familiar with my blog would know that I am sensitive to red meats. Red meats, the cornerstone of this diet, cause me distress when eaten in high amounts. In fact, eating a more plant-based diet has regulated my symptoms more than eating a lot of meat. I could see my friend saying to me that perhaps my body would adjust and I could reap the benefits of this diet, but there were draw-backs beyond just that.

I think what made me most wary of this diet was the fact that I am currently undiagnosed. I dont know whats wrong with my digestive system, so I dont know how my body processes certain foods or how it would react to a diet of purely red meats. I didnt find any stories of people that take prescriptions on the diet - I wonder if eating just meat or going through the dramatic dietary readjustments influences the way one’s body processes certain medications. I dont know if Id develop any deficiencies... people on the diet say that meat provides all the nutrients and goodies you need, but I think thats impossible. The restriction of the diet is problematic for me because the diet would become very boring. My relationship with food is already fairly poor - to then reduce my diet down to meat and water would have an even bigger impact on my relationship with food. I couldnt just go out and eat with friends or have people over for meals. These two psychological impacts would likely result in my eating over time decreasing dramatically or having to force-feed myself which I assume you could deduce the further impacts of respectively.

From the anecdotes online of people going on the diet, the adjustment period for the diet is at least several months, including intense withdrawal and adjustment symptoms. For some, this process seemed more trouble than it was worth. This diet also seems to require some dedication financially. Where I live, red meats are quite expensive. To make matters worse, the purest form of the diet requires one to eat nothing but grass-fed beef - expensive and hard to find.

Overall, I chose not to try the Carnivore Diet. Although there seem to be convincing results for people experiencing various forms of GI distress, there seem not to be any solid studies on the diet or its long-term affects, just anecdotes. On a personal level, I believe the chances of me getting very sick (physically and mentally) trying this diet are higher than the diet improving my health. I think I could very possibly develop an eating disorder trying this diet, considering my current mental health combined with dramatic dietary restriction.

This is not a diet that you can simply pick up and try for “a couple weeks”. I think it requires a lot of consideration and planning beforehand and a lot of dedication and willpower during.

Below the break: I found these videos informative during my research...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFPy3BOGXU4 (he also did a few update videos as he continued on the diet)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYSV6908YME

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6602MqTCdo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSeU1o-yo98

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N39o_DI5laI (Mikhaila Peterson speaking about the diet)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2eU96vCCFU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2palyaEinGA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF-jZd_j2iA

#that unhealthy sideblog #carnivore #carnivore diet #diet #diet change #salt #beef #elimination diet #research #meat #GI distress #ibs #crohns #reflux #chronic acid reflux #withdrawal #processed foods #produce

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