#i didnt put much thought to this design i'd be honest

[vvitchynerd]

first of all i can explain skin color change - in lore people of Nox's clan, so the moon clan, have pale skin due to being active at night only, thus not needing much melanin to protect from sun. But them and sun clan originally come from same people and same lands, so if this to be removed moon clan's skin would be darker

Was experimenting with a brush and decided that drawing Nox in genshin-ish style would be a cool idea(specifically character icons style) First is with my lore thing and other is if fully in genshin world

to add i imagine Nox as electro catalyst from Sumeru if he was in genshin world

[f1shart]

all i wanted to do ALL I WANTED TO DO was make tank bear hug almeric in game. so i turned them into teens. then i wanted to turn the other housemates (aldric & stella) into teens...... THEN i thought hey. how about

lft if it was a boarding/high school and all the students were really cute and dorky teens. i guess. (long post) help me

* some pics have alt texts

THE NERDS ARE FIGHTINGGGG

did not mean for these two to be so 80s revival x y2k but im not complaining at all

because it's a lot im cramming the rest of the students under a readmore ☠️💔

oh my fucking GOD hes so kawayi. need him rn

HELLO? WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY? that's not mickey that's mikey

i tried to plastic surgery him to fix his broken template while trying to make him look like a younger version of himself but im not used to sculpting in ts2 😬 might give him his stubble back but i still think hes a cutie patootie otherwise

🎧🎶 CAN U SEE THE VISION CLEARLY..... THE FRAT BOYS ARE THE PRIMARY COLORS ☝️🤓💛❤️💙 please. i thought i was really funny and clever for that one. please clap. i am writing this at 2am

MIGHT change jasmine's fit too (i'd rather her look more punk than goth) but i really like her emo hair.. like it's literally her normal spacebuns with emo bangs. isn't that amazing

UGH DID THEY HAVE TO MAKE TEENS' EYES SO HUGE 🥺🥺 DUDE. THEY'RE BABIES.

FINALLY: student housing (literally never play these guys i dont care much for them and it shows in their designs but i did think blossom's was really cute)

worst part about this is that they age back up when you reload the lot (to my understanding - cause im stupid and didnt move them from la fiesta) so i'd have to age them back down again and potentially rechoose all their outfits ☠️☠️ noo thank you..

this beautified LFT campus is by @katatty their builds are SO AWESOME honest to god i audibly gasped when i saw how pretty the dorms were esp the one i put student housing in

haven't hit the photo limit yet so bonus aesthetic picture!! <3

[friendlyengie]

What do you think about the Conagher family legacy? Do you imagine Engi was kind of pressured into engineering, or would his family be more like an inspiration? Granddaddy Conagher seems like such an out-there guy, I'd love to hear your takes on his effect on Dell.

I havent put too much thought into it before, I’ll be honest! So what Im gonna say might sound out of line with other ideas I have about Engie, but i think thats the fun in different interpretations and allat. So. Cracks my knuckles

I think the conagher family legacy- radigan conagher’s legacy- is a special hell that Engineer invented in his own mind. There’s a feeling of responsibility to carry on Radigan’s work (especially now that he has notes straight from his grave) that wasn’t really pressed onto him by anyone but himself, and also maybe a feeling of insecurity that his great old man seemed to crack so many codes that Engineer never got to. Sure, Engie rebuilt his own gunslinger, but ol Radigan Conagher built it and designed it, so what’s it say about Engineer’s skills if all he’s doing is following instructions on paper. It’s not an explicit, gnawing insecurity. Its an insecurity that just cant be helped when youre a person who creates, in a sense, one that can either be brushed off on a good day or leave you scrambling through your own blueprints tracking all the ways you couldnt stand on your own two feet on a bad one.

Basically i think Engie suffers from “I set my standards impossibly high and ill be a failure if i dont meet them,” with Radigan as a figurehead at the top of those standards, because he does dumb shit for the sake of science. But if its dumb shit for a family legacy, theres some sort of an admirable trait there. if hes not working to prove himself, then whose he doing all this for? Himself? You can only justify working for yourself so much before it becomes clear that you know exactly how stupid cutting your own arm off with a table saw is, and you went and did it anyways didnt you.

[crazys-art]

day 28 of martch - redraw old art

had this idea 4 years ago and now i have realized it lol. i put way too much thought into this so notes below

notes for designs i did while making this:

i wanted them all to have unique eye shapes instead of defaulting to how i draw eyes normally because animal crossing characters dont have uniform eyes lol

also i worried wayy too much about some of the species choices lol. like. do i make junko a bear because monokuma, or does that give the twist away? do i make everybody a different species, or do i double dip in a few places to make the twin twist less predictable? ultimately decided fuck it im not writing the game im drawing fanart i can do what i want

when i first came up with this idea i'd only fully decided on the species of 7 of the cast so here's my train of thought for why they are what they are:

yasuhiro- easiest out of the way first. there's nothing else he could be but a frog. decided to give him the weird facial hair animal crossing sometimes gives their characters because its not animal crossing without a couple ugly guys (affectionate)

hifumi- big guy. elephant. made sense. gave him some pink accents despite not thinking it worked all that well to get that animal crossing authenticity yknow lol. plus he likes some cutesy things so he can have some pink as a treat

sakura- felt bad about making her a gorilla ngl- especially since she is. one of the three characters in this game with a darker skin tone. but literally no other species made sense for her. and ngl there are like. no gorilla villagers i like. so i tried my best to make her look cool as hell

sayaka- cat villagers are super popular, so might as well make the ultimate pop idol one, right?

asahina- okay this comes from bias on my part but in my new horizons my default uchi villager was a rabbit and asahina would 100% be an uchi villager so bada bing bada boom. ended up making her coat more orange than it actually is cause i wanted her to be red and didnt want it to clash.

mondo- im going to be completely honest. when i thought of this i was just like "oh that makes sense i always associated mondo with tigers i dont remember why tho." and i just double checked and not only are they in his execution but he also has tiger underwear. so. this ones canon imo

ishimaru- once again, wolf villagers are popular, and just made sense for him. hes a loyal rules guy, and more edgy than a dog- plus, it gives him a cat and dog dynamic with mondo! this concludes everyone that i came up with their species 4 years ago, below is the ones i decided now

kyoko: i was between anteater and wolf for her, and since i decided not to double dip on species, i went with anteater. idk, anteater villagers always seem so aloof and strange to me, it's just her vibe.

junko & mukuro: i was between bear, cat, and rabbit for them, and once again, avoided double dipping. bear is pretty obvious, but cat was because once again, cat villagers are so popular, and rabbit was because of the irony. junko's ears are also supposed to mimic the little monokuma hair ties she has lol

celestia: i was between anteater and ostrich, and i'd already chosen kyoko as the anteater. i didn't even remember that the ostrich villager was called ostrich for a bit, i kept thinking of her as a peacock, but then realized that was perfect for her whole european thing lol.

toko: i was between cat and squirrel, and sayaka was cat. her just being such a small bitter little guy is fitting for her i think.

chihiro: i was between hamster, rabbit, and mouse, and rabbit was taken. i think i only went with mouse because i wanted to draw that head shape, but i did realize after that that means they and mondo are a cat and mouse lol

makoto: i was between deer and dog, and honestly it all came down to his ahoge. if there was a way to have antlers and an ahoge, i would have done so, but honestly it worked out for the best i think. having a dog and cat relationship with sayaka + komaru and toko being dog and squirrel just worked too well.

togami: i was between horse and eagle and this was one of the hardest decisions. ultimately went with eagle simply because i didnt want to draw an animal crossing horse. this did end up making the squirrel be obsessed with the eagle which i do love. i kept trying to work blue into his design but it just did not work at all.

leon: oh leon. the hardest one to choose. i had to save him for until id decided everyone else lol. i was between bull, eagle, and tiger, and went with bull bc of double dipping. all three suited him equally i think it was hard to choose. also coloring him was hard too lol

[camestela]

Hello, I hope this isn't too random/ rude, but I have a question. What's it like to be an illustrator without studying illustration in university? Do you think it's an obstacle or does it not matter at all? Do you wish you had studied it in school? I've been thinking about my future a lot and it's so difficult to find information about this field. Anyway I love your illustration work! I'd be happy to get any answer you wanna give me

It is not random or rude no worries, I'm happy to reply. (tho expect typos because english is not my first language and it's the end of the work day and i'm too tired to re read what i write)

Just a little context, the things I will say here are about my own experience as a woman that was born and raised in Chile, south america and born into a low income family.

So short answer is: it doesn't matter at all. You can have whatever profession and become and illustrator.

Longer answer: You must be strategic and be really passionate because there are a lot of things to be learned and sacrifices to be made to make things happen.

Hell, I haven't even "made it" myself yet, I am just at a more advanced point but I'm not like super economically comfortable or even known in the illustration community.

Anyways, I decided to study strategic design because i knew my context and i knew i needed a degree to be "someone" and advance in my life, however i'm also very stubborn and i'm the type of person who will follow her dreams and do whatever she wants! so it should be something that would give me tools for both my dreams and life itself (jobs and such)

If you're from a first world country you probably have the option to go to schools of animation or illustration that are pretty good and can get you faster on the industries you're interested. That was my dream to be honest i wanted to study animation, but here there aren't many (or any) really good schools that teach contemporary or entertaiment arts, it's all very old and around the "bellas artes" kind of thing. That wasn't my thing so if I'm going to get into debt to study I thought, hey at least design will give me tools that can help me read my goals and also get to know interesting people. so that's what i chose.

BUT in design you don't draw at all, I knew it, and I knew what my end goal was: being an illustrator. So from day one in university I was always trying to draw and put in illustrations into my projects. most of my teachers hated that i did that but i did it anyways. others were super cool about it and supported me, you just have to know why you do things and not care that much lol

I said something the other day on twitter (i'll add that at the end of this) that applies to this because in the end i knew i needed certain things to be "successful" or even getting into the scene:

I needed to be REALLY good at drawing, like having your style, something to say, having a wide range of habilities that would make people ccome to me when they wanted to say their stories

I needed to be very disciplined because i must find spaces when i'm not studying or working and drawing (for this, always drawing things you like is key lol)

i needed to be proactive and create my own projects and go to conventions and get past my anxiety and not having a mentor or guide.

network, this is the hardest for me but i realized networking didnt need to be a souless thing, in my case it just meant i tried my best to get to know my peers and other artists and be friendly even if we werent FRIENDS, if we're friendly and cool enough we will recommend each other for jobs.

YEAH so to do naother short answer: Yeah i wished i had had the opportunity to go to a cool school like calarts or gobelins etcetc but that wasnt my reality so no i do not regret my choice because it was the best in the context i was in, i wouldnt worry too much about it either because in the end even you've a degree but suckass at drawing or you're just not someone who knows what they need you to know you won't get hired.

and yes it is difficult, but i don't think anyone expects illustration and arts to be an easy career, i've had my breakdowns (manyyyy) and it's ok to do other things and expand your possibilities but it's also what i'm passionate and it has made me live things i wouldnt otherwise so no ragrets.

just be proactive, draw a lot, draw more, learn things that are useful for the specific field you're interested in (i'd say that choosing something to be your main focus helps, like children books story boarding etc, so you can create a good portfolio) and get in touch with people who work in these things you're interested, make friends, learn from them...

yeah! and good luck, it's all about that shonen protagonist mentality, never give up!!!

i hope this helps i know i'm a mess when writing these replies lol

[bunycube]

Hello!! i just saw your answers :') sorry it took some time!

aaaa i keep hearing lots of good stuff about Lamento but I'd have to find somewhere to download it tho I'm bad at installing games like that ,_, i did it for re:connect and it was a pain and took forever to figure out lol

i haven't played slow damage either! but i heard about the english release which is nice 👀

i only played TnC, sweet pool and dmmd .. it's funny because i never heard of any of those games before the beginning of this year :') i also prefer Sweet pool to TnC , just the whole general vibe i don't really know how to explain why tho x)

while i do love Tetsuo, Youji is alright too but for unknow reasons Zenya has stolen my heart :"))) and it's funny because i was expecting Makoto to be maybe the only "sweet" ending or something LOL it ended up being the most unhinged lmao i would have liked more than 1 ending option with Zenya and Makoto too ~

as for TnC Nano is my absolute favorite! i was also suprised with Motomi when i did his route i really fell in love with it too

currently listening to the sweet pool OST on repeat :')

rambled a lil so putting my answer under the cut!

OH HI HI HIIIII dony even worry abt it! man lamento is a pain to download i could only figure it out after looking at a youtube tutorial u have to dl all this extra stuff for it too its 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 but it was worth it for me!!! such a beautiful game, tho its so long.

WERE STILL WAITING FOR THAT ENGLISH TRANSLATION LMAOOOOO IM DYING OVERNEHRE I CANT DO THIS ANYMROE I WANNA PLAY OT SO BAD!!!;÷^#^@^$^#&

hehe i only got to know abt the other chiral games late in last year...b4 that i only knew dmmd 😭 tho im glad i found out its been keepint me going since then nsbfdbsb

oh same same same i cant rly explain what i love so much abt sweet pools overall setting and atmosphere its so quiet and kinda peaceful but also a lil ominous? it always feels like smth bad is goinf to happen, which it does. i guess...but yeah theres always that feeling of "something is happening" in the air even in ordinary scenes, and it feels kinda nostalgic..the setting..idk. i love the lgihting and stuff in it too and the muted colours hmm yes.

ill be honest i didnt like tetsuo for a rlyyy long time. i still feel he has a bit of a cardboard box personality but he has his moments, and i dont hate him or anything..youji is very close 2 me tho im very fond of him.hes liek a friend to me, idk why tho..and same!!!! zenya is ky fav char i liked him from his first appearance!!&$^@ he seemed like such an entertaining n interesting personality?#,%,# and thd mroe i got to know abt him the more itneresting hsi char got..

ik zenya has done many bad things and it disgusted me also, but overall i still thought he was pretty well written n hes definitelyyy my favourite chsr hes jsut so interestimg i could write a whole analysis on him i think..i should..tho i never want zenya n youji to interact they should be kept entire cities apart imo in fact zenya himself should jsut move away farrr away drom his dad and all thid bs i think.

plsss there r no sweet endings in sweet pool 😭😭😭😭 tho just for my own happiness i like to imagien a universe where youji n makoto actually get to rebuild their relationship post hospital scene, anf they all hang out like they had planned...CRIES....

hmm abt tnc id say rin is my fav i loveeee his personality his design (NOT HIS POST TIME SKIP DESIGN THAT OUTFIT IS UGLYYYY) !! i liked nano in routes that werent his, but his route left such a bad taste in my mouth i cant bring myself to enjoy him anymore 😢 he still looks very comfy cozy tho, which i appreciate! i knew id love motomi from the start bc hes a dilf character (which is My Type) and i heard hes really kind n sweet so i lovedddd him! i love akira also <3 and i unfortunstely kinda like gunji too im sorry im SORRYYYY HES TERRIBLE HE WAS JEUT RLY ENTERTAINING tho his ending was obv painful to sit through. im sorry !!!&#^$ and i lvoe akiractoo so much more than i expected? hes a good kid <33

IM RAMBLING TOO MUCH ILL SHUTCUP NOW SBFBSB TY FORNTHE ASKKK

[chlodani]

This is my next smau. It's a Harry Potter smau. Neville X F.!Reader pairing. There's a bit of Fred X F.!Reader pairing in here. There's also Neville X Fred X F.!Reader. Title:A Muggle's Love Story

Trigger warning: Slight swearing! Mentions of sex! Will be mentions of rape! Slight abuse! If you are sensitive to these things read at your own risk! Major Fred X F.!Reader fluff!

Y/n was a muggle brought into the world of magic, at a very young age. She didn't know how to handle it. And with her older sister, her guardian being the only one who could take care of her, it proved to be difficult for her with her sister being the Defense Against The Dark Arts professor, and her having to live in the world of magic. She feels a little left out, seeing as both her sisters, her older and her younger, - her twin - are wizards and she is not. But that all disappears when she meets the one person who helped her realize not everything is about that. And it's not all its cracked up to be. Neville was there for her since she was young and they became the best of friends. However, as they got older they realized their feelings were more for each other than they even orginally thought. But what happens when Neville finally has the courage and another man tries to swoop in and take him from her?

Special Edition Part 4. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

A devious smile passed me as a thought came to my head. I quickly took Fred's phone from him, hiding it underneath my leg. Fred smiled as he looked at me. My stomach jumped as he rested his arm on my stomach. I couldn't stop smiling as I looked at him.

"You think I can't get that?" Fred challenged.

"I didnt think you'd wanna touch my ass, just to get it," I told him not being able to stop smiling.

He chuckled.

"Try me sweetheart,"

I chuckled softly as I held his hand, locking our fingers.

"You weren't paying enough attention to me,"

All he did was smile.

"You want me to pay attention to you?"

"Yes,"

Fred chuckled. He pulled me closer to him, starting to tickle me. That's one of the things I hate the most, but I couldn't help but to laugh. I tried to scramble away from him, but he wouldn't let me. It got so bad, I ended up on his lap completely. He had one of his hands on my back and the other arm over my legs. We were just staring into each others eyes. I never noticed how gorgeous his eyes were until now. They may be brown, but he's gorgeous. How and why do I have to love him as much as I love Neville? Without knowing what we were doing at the moment, Fred had his hand on the side of my neck and our lips were pressed together. Immediately we both started to move them along the others in sync. He held me tighter as he pressed his lips to mine even harder, kissing me even more passionately. A soft gentle moan left me as we kissed. The only thought that went through my head at this moment was that I wanted him. All I wanted was him. Just as I put my hands on the sides of his neck, he gently pulled away. Way to make it awkward.

"So, uh, where's your bottle of Fire Whiskey?" I asked him casually looking away from him.

I could feel his boner as I sat on him. If I'm being honest, it actually turned me on.

"I have a bottle in the kitchen cupboard, right above the sink," Fred answered almost in an awkward way.

I stood from his lap, walking over to the kitchen. I couldn't stop thinking of our kiss as I took the bottle and poured us some in a couple of wine glasses.

"So, are you sure you're okay hon?" Fred asked me curiously concerned.

As I walked back to the couch I responded:

"Yes, - I just - I'm not so sure I can face Neville if there really is another girl that he likes."

I sat down on the couch next to him, as I handed him a glass.

"Well, like I said, that would be his loss for letting go of someone so precious and valuable. And for hurting you I'll kick his ass,"

A soft smile passed me. I gently took hold of Fred's hand.

"Na, dont do that - I just need you there for me,"

Fred locked our fingers together.

"I always will be,"

"I know, -"

I took a sip from my glass.

"I remember when Neville and I met, - We were eleven, and he was the first person I noticed-"

7 Years Earlier. . .

I stood next to this really cute kid. He had dark brown hair, and light hazel eyes. He had cute chubby cheeks. And he was adorable and chubby. I could tell he was nervous as he looked at me. Which made him even more adorable. I gestured to the empty gap between him and another student.

"Is this seat taken?" I asked him politely.

He said nothing as he gestured next to him. I smiled as I sat down next to him. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

"I'm Y/n Moon," I said to him as I held my hand out to him.

He was nervous as he held my hand to shake it.

"I'm N-Neville L-Longbottom," he spoke nervously.

I chuckled at how cute he is.

"Awe, you're shy, that's so cute! - We can be friends if you want,"

He smiled at me as he nodded. Awe! He is so cute.

Present Day. . .

As I traced my thumb over the design on the glass in my hand, a tear slipped from my eye. Fred gently put his fingers underneath my chin, turning my face to him. He cupped my face with his hand, as he used his thumb to wipe away the tears.

"Forget about that dumbass, - If he doesnt want you, that's on him. There is nothing wrong with you sweetheart," Fred said to me trying to be encouraging.

I said nothing as he looked directly into my eyes. I wanted to kiss him again so bad. And he knew it. He moved his hand away. Shivers ran through me as he let his hand rest on my leg, a little closer to thigh. I couldn't help but to stare at his long slender fingers, and wonder how good he really was with his fingers and hands. I let myself think about his hands roaming all over my body. I found myself lightly biting my lip. I didn't even realize that Fred was staring at me until he moved his hand. I honestly felt so embarrassed.

"Do you remember how we met?" Fred asked me.

I softly laughed. I took another sip from my glass.

"How could I not? You were so damn confident, I couldn't help but to be attracted to you," I said to him.

He chuckled.

"I think Neville was pretty pissed though," he stated.

I laughed softly.

7 Years Earlier. . .

I smiled as this really cute, red haired, brown eyed guy sat next to me. I couldn't help but to look at him. He was smiling as he stared into my eyes.

"Hey cutie, I'm Fred Weasley, what's your name?" Fred asked confidently.

"I'm Y/n Moon," I replied not being able to stop smiling.

"So, are you gonna need someone to show you around? Get used to the school?" He asked me in a hopeful tone.

"Well, -"

I pointed to Neville.

"Neville said he was gonna show me around, at least what he's already been shown,"

I could see the disappointment cross his eyes.

"Oh, -"

He stood from the bench.

"Well, I hope you enjoy yourself,"

I actually didnt want him to leave. I quickly and boldly grabbed onto his arm. A surprised look crossed him as he turned to look at me.

"Would you like to come with us?"

He didnt know what to say for a moment. He smiled as he sat back down.

"I'd love to,"

I smiled as the three of us started talking.

Present Day. . .

Fred and I both chuckled.

"You're boldness really surprised me, and you had me hooked from that moment," Fred said to me.

"You had me hooked from the moment you sat down next to me," I said to him trying to one up him.

He put his hand on my leg once again. I felt my stomach slightly jump. I still want him. I took a nice big drink of my Fire whiskey.

"So, how does your heritage work anyway? I've always been curious and you've never really explained it?" Fred asked me curiously.

"Well, Adelina is my half sister, Luna and Jami are my real sisters. I mean obviously Jami's my sister, we're twins. But our fathers were different. Adelina's father was a wizard, just like our mother. Mother ended up falling in love with a muggle and she got pregnant from him. She got pregnant with twins, and Jami inherited from mother's side and they think I got being a muggle from my father,"

I sighed. He knew I thought I wasn't good enough for either him or Neville because I was a muggle. While him and Neville are both pure bloods. Fred softly took my hand, looking into my eyes. He moved closer to me. He took my hand to his lips, kissing my fingers softly.

"I dont care that you're a muggle - You are the most amazing person I know. - You're unique in your own way. - Every single day I fall in love with you all over again. Every single time I look at you. - Every single time I'm with you - Honestly if I could have anyone, I would want it to be you,"

I could feel a blush rising to my cheeks. I slightly looked away from him.

"Oh Fred - Stop -" I trailed off.

He smiled satisfied.

"Why? - "

Fred moved closer. So close I could feel his chest rest against my arm. I could feel my body shivering. I still want him. And it's taking all my strength not to tell him right here, right now that I want him and that I want him now. He moved his face closer to my ear, slightly breathing on the edge of it.

"Afraid you'll fall in love with me even more?" He asked in a soft whisper.

I let out a soft breath not being able to help myself. Fred gently turned my face to him. He had the softest look in his eyes. I knew he wanted to kiss me again, but he was hesitant. It was almost as if he was begging me without words. I could feel the fire whiskey working within me and I honestly loved it. I wasn't thinking so much of Neville. It was just Fred. I couldn't help myself, so I smashed my lips onto his and I kissed him passionately. I knew he loved it, but he was being as cautious as he possibly could be. I knew he was. I wanted him close to me. And he knew I did. I didn't even have to say it. He pulled away again. I protested quietly.

"Y/n, why don't we just talk?" Fred suggested.

I sighed. Though he still held onto my hand. I took another sip from my glass.

"How did you meet Hannah again?" Fred asked me casually.

"It was at Hogwarts, Adelina wanted me to tag along with her class, so I went. And I was happy because I got to be with Neville, -"

"Or as I say, 'He who shall not be named'" Fred spoke.

I chuckled as I gently punched his arm.

"He was fine at the time, - Anyway, Adelina was talking with Hagrid at the time and Draco had decided he wanted to be a dick to me, -"

A smile passed me as I thought of Neville.

"It was actually quite adorable, Neville tried to stick up for me, but he was also still really shy, so when Draco shot him down he shut up real quickly. Hannah noticed how Draco was being to me and she stepped in. She stood up for me and she apologized for him. Apparently she's known Draco pretty much all her life and she hates the fact that Draco can be such an ass sometimes. Though he's settled down quite a bit as he's gotten older, so, I guess it's not that big of a deal. That day that Hannah stood up for me, we became instant friends and she started hanging with me and Neville. That's the day you met her,"

"Well, you guys are pretty close,"

"Yeah, -"

I smiled.

"Hannah's great, - And she's always there when I need her. Just like Jami, Luna, and Adelina. My three sisters,"

Fred moved a piece of hair from my face, again looking into my eyes.

"Dont forget about me," he said to me softly.

He took the drink in my hand and set it on the coffee table in front of us. All I could do was look at him, as he rested his hand on the side of my face. I held onto his hand with him, as I lightly moved my lips to kiss the palm of his hand.

"I could never - I honestly wouldn't know what to do without you," I told him.

"You'll never have to find out,"

He looked into my eyes just staring into them. I knew what he wanted and he knew what I wanted. Though he was still hesitant.

"I wanna kiss you so bad," Fred said to me softly.

"Fred -"

I put my hand on the side of his neck.

"Please do," I pleaded.

"But -"

I could almost feel tears in my eyes.

"Fred, - Please,"

He sighed softly in defeat. In a gentle motion he pressed our lips together and very lightly started to kiss me. He added the passion, only slightly. I knew he was hesitant. I didn't want him to be, but I knew he was. And I didnt think there was anything I could do to change that.

To Be Continued. . .

Special Edition Part 5 Coming Soon. . .

Taglist:

@cece-lives-here

@saur20

[curry-coatl]

MY OPINION ON MADE IN ABYSS SO FAR BECAUSE IM BORED AND I WANNA TALK ABOUT SHOWS N STUFF I LIKE

Ok so i am fully caught up with the manga now and i wanted to talk abt it, maybe i'll do smth similar with other shows and stuff i like because i dunno it's fun to do.

Spoiler warning eep oop

Ok so lemme start with the anime (only season 1 is out atm):

I absolutely adore it. The secenery iss stunning and mmmmh the music holy badoly it slaps. Everything gives you this sense of longing and adventure which, well is the whole point of it. Just as the cave raiders are sucked into the abyss by sheer curiosity and a longing for the unknown so was i. The animation is really neat, and i don't think there was a single point while watching where i was bored or distracted (which is rare for me ngl). I really enjoyed most of the voice acting aswell, and oompf. They delivered in atmosphere. I mentioned the sense of adventure and longing but the emotional/painful scenes are so so immersive. Lemme tell you i didn't cringe and feel with a character this hard in a long time. The whole thing with Mitty loosing her humanity and Nanachi finally being able to kill her to save her dignity was extremely sad.

Overall i adored it, and i think it does almost everything right. Obvsly it's not perfect, nothing is, but i'd say as an adaptation it is amazing.

Ok so now the 3rd movie. Basically it's like madoka magica as in there are 2 movies that are a recap of the whole show and a 3rd one that is a continuation (ok with pmmm its a bit wonky as to wether or not it's canon but with the mia one it is)

Hmm i'm very mixed tbh. So the movie encompasses about 12 chapters of the manga i think. Basically, i feel like it should have been a bit longer. But i also feel like that would have made it boring.

I was very confused at somw parts but now that i read the manga i think i get it.

Bondrewd is a strange one. My friend said he was dissappointed because he heard he's gonna be a terrifying villain but he didnt find him that way at all.

And indeed he was a lot nicer than i thought he was gonna be. But obviously he's not nice and fucked up what the fuck. I feel like they left out a few details from the manga which led to some parts being a bit outta nowhere/confusing...

But in the end Bondrewd is pretty creepy considering everything. I just don't fully understand how Nanachi kinda forgave him in the end??? Like, yeah he's praising them and is really nice to them but??? Come on?? Did they forget about Mitty? I...can someone exblain i genuenly don't understand how Nanachi could be so okay with it.

Uh but the animation and music are god tier once more.

Ok so now about made in abyss in general/the manga:

I adore the story. In the end it's, well, an adventure anime but the setting and story make it so very unique. The worldbuilding is great and hrrng i adore the creature and character designs a lot. There obviously is a lot of thought and care put into this.

I love the concept of ascending from thee abyss being harder and harder the further down you go. Yes, they're going on this adventure to the bottom of the abyss, but you also can't help to be kinda sad about the fact that they'll never be able to go up again.

I love the characters, a lot of them are pretty unique. Speaking of them, lemme go over some of them:

Riko: Ok so she's the MC and tbh. She's adorable, and i think the best choice for a main character. She's adventurous, eager to learn and find out more about the abyss. She knows a lot and is smart, but since she's a child also naive and well, kinda weak physically because she's just a human child.

Reg: Reg is wholesome but i'm kinda conflicted about him. Like i certainly don't dislike him but as someone in the manga said: He's kind of like a dog. I don't think he's a bad character but i'm not the biggest fan of "i need to protect you" characters if that makes sense?? Also some of the running jokes are kinda dumb ngl

Nanachi: Mmh i love floofy bunny. They are pne of my fave characters design whise. I also adore how they are a lot more knowlegable and less naive despite probably being kinda stuck looking like back when they became a Narehate.

Ozen: I love. Her. Hhhhhhh tall woman go brrr. She is irredeemably bad. You could mark it off as very tough love but let's be honest it's a little too tough even for that. She's a white whistle and honestly? I love how they've been portrayed so far. While they are national Legends, being able to go down as deep into the abyss as they please and enduring horrible challenges, they're not portrayed like heroes or nice people. Because let's be honest even if you're a 2m tall lady who can pulverize rock you 1. Still will get a mental toll from all the things that go down in the abyss and the pain from ascending and 2. I doubt you'd come far if you just were a nice, fair and friendly person.

That said, the only thing i don't like abt her is how she's portrayed a bit too sadistic towards children in the small side comic strip thingies. Like jeez i know it's supposed to be comedy but come on.

Ozen looks rlly cool tho and her design slaps so much, i also love how women and men aren't really seen as different too much as in who can and can't become a good cave raider.

Also i love her VA like the deep voice thing? Also her back? That's kinda funny and it adds smth to her design and character when she's just hunched over like some vulture.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

10:28pm.

Oh dear lord today is the hardest I have cried today in a very very very long long time, in a way that is not me being a few strokes from death, but in a way where I.... I don't know how to describe this feeling. At all. How does one describe this feeling?

Sunday, May 24th of 2020.

Listen to this song, give it a try. Watch it with the video, though.

This song...... put something I've felt in unbelievable words with the melody and pure beauty that it produced.

My face is raining tears harder than rain falls in an Usher R&B video. The hardest sobs in such a long time.

Not sobs of sadness, or pain. Not sobs of being off of my rocker.

Just sobs from.... the absolute peace this brings to me. The longing I feel. Love that I felt, and just.... everything fucking about it.

I'm still crying now, oh my gosh. I drink so much water, holy shit, this is an intense cry tonight.

.....

Did I ever tell yall about Patrick #1, the only one that mattered to me, and the time he was my first ever slow dance?

I never went to my school proms in high school. Kinda lowkey slept with one too many of someone else's boyfriend, (just one, i believe,) and that said boyfriend's friends, enemies, whatnot.... ("Slept with" is a loose term. More like "they sucked my tits, or whatever, and I didn't fuck them, since I didnt need someone who didn't deserve me or would stick around bragging about being my first time, or worse, keeping me as their tossable secret".) And also, seeing abusive exes at an environment full of lifelong bullies, people that mocked me for my autism, looks, body, skin, hair, any absolutely idiotic thing for someone to obsess over that doesn't remotely belong to them? In a place that will play strictly Chris Brown, and Ella Mai, or City Girls, entirely fucking censored??? LMFAOOOOO AND I CANT EVEN DRINK OR DO ANY HYPOTHETICAL DRUGS? Shove that horrible concept up one of my old ass teacher's unused dust filled grandma pussies. Jesus, the nightmare of that.... SHEEEEESH, bitch. I'd probably rather cook and eat a jean jacket than to go to an event like that. Sweeping a beach sounds more enjoyable. Jesus christ.

So, never had a slow dance. Never had the leisure and awkwardness of feeling someone close to me in an intimate way, but in an inherently nonsexual and very explicitly romantic one.

Cue handfuls of sexual relationships and flings, yadda yadda yadda, then I had met Patrick. I seriously had no major expectations of him. I expected us to eventually fuck and we both instantly move onto someone else.

But, nope. Maybe it was the way he pissed me off HORRENDOUSLY on the first date. (Walking down cramped and busy SF streets and jostling people left and right with no remorse, taking other people's designated seats at AMC because it seemed 'appealing to him', trying to cop a feel and HEAVILY pressure me into kissing him or going further on the first date..... He was a massive prick that night, and its odd, since he wasn't any other point in our relationship. Other than being a brat, lol.)

Or maybe I just didn't like him enough entirely. I couldn't see "skinny borderline ED depressed chick with a tragic backstory something something a wattpad character knockoff", and "oh look the hot and airheaded jock has a sensitive side!", tropes from fanfic being an actual real thing. But, life imitates art, and we ended up having more in common over time.

But initially, my thoughts on him were just "He's attractive, but I can't feel THAT into him. He seems only into me because of my looks, and clearly has no intent to settle down, be serious around me, or anything... But, fuck it. I'm not planning to commit whatsoever and deserve to detress after a year straight of hell."

And I dig the twiggy dudes more than the ones with muscle. Its hard to explain, but he was CONVENTIONALLY and objectionally attractive, but not..... my type. He was too cocky and a whole lotta other shit, if I'll be honest about it.

But, we did somehow manage to start clicking. I had also been seeing Calvin simultaneously, (consensual open relationship with everybody,) and had pretty much not liked Patrick much. BUUUUT, we eventually hit it off after the 3rd date, since yknow, we covered a bunch of similar interests all in one go. (Sense of humor, sexual compatibility, perspectives, music tastes, philosophy, abortion versus keeping a child and longterm, if we can be vulnerable and trusted with highly sensitive information, somehow falling asleep in his arms despite never ever ever feeling comfortable enough to do that with anyone....)

We clicked super well. Then I recall a day later or so, after a bad hangout with Calvin [he pissed me off by being too..... spineless, and changing plans literally every few seconds if he slightly ASSUMED i wanted different, like, annoying,] he hit me up for a date. Noice.

We went to this classy super vintage 100 year old movie theater I love bringing other people to; took a nice long walk around the lake when the sun was setting to a beautiful orangey-periwinkle-pink tone. Bonded even more. Went to In-and-Out, he got us paper hats to mess around with.

And of course, ending a perfect night by going up to the great view of my city.

11:00pm. I miss In and Out burgers. I miss it. Man.

And I think it's my favorite memory, since it was COLD AS BALLS at that motherfucking view, seriously FREEZING. I think I left the car for a few seconds to see the view, and my jacketless ass was SHIVERING. (Not entirely sure or not though, since then again, even 67 degree weather makes me shiver, lmfaooooo.)

But we both got out the car and went closer to the edge, he did the classic "put your arms around the girl you like, then bring her in for a kiss next to the city skyline" thing people do in movies..... maaaaaaaaan, wonderful. :)

I think my head was either at "he just wants to fuck at the end of the date", or "cute, a really nice feeling. But, geez, dudes really do the most for girls they're not really into". Enjoying it, but still mentally retracted from feeling.

Then, mid-kiss, he started shaking REALLY badly. I mentioned how if he was cold, and him trying to play it off as if his legs weren't shaking like my house during earthquake season.

11:10pm. Yall have probably heard this story so many times. But hey, its a nice one.

But I did go on a tangent, so I'll speed a bit.

He eventually pulls away from the particularly long kiss, looks at me for what felt like so long, then went.... "I like you a lot more than I thought".

Gets in the car, eventually spills the beans. He likes me. In the way someone wants another person as a significant other. I do know the difference between "liking someone for being attractive and a little fun" and "liking someone enough to actually have that annoying shake when you see them, or that warm feeling in your chest or behind your eyes at the idea of them", and whatnot.

He was really nervous to even admit that, he was shaking really hard over that.

It was endearing, to the absolute highest extent. He then opened up to me about not even wanting sex, but just wanting a genuine bond, and being completely okay with just a kiss that night. (And some mildly traumatic information about how men feel pressured to have sex, which is especially why I loathe the idea of a man ever having sex with me if he doesnt want...)

Our relationship pretty much only grew from there. Calvin phased out of existence, and I got to truly just bond with Patrick without any distractions or hindrances.

And, the slow dance.....

We were in his kitchen, one day after havimg breakfast with his family. How do I describe their old house?..... Seaglass and porcelain doll and trinket lined windows, textured checkerboard tile floors, thin paper and wood divider sliding doors between his mom and dad's bedroom, and the kitchen we ate at whenever I visited him.

His dad, being from an older generation and around late 60s, was playing jazz music records from the 60s or so on his record player.

And Patrick just slowly rose up, gave me his hand, and from what I can recall, said either, "Do you want to dance?", or the more domineering "Come on, let's dance". Not too sure, its a faded memory.

But. We slow danced in his kitchen. Turning slowly, and slowly, in clockwise circles as the music from the other room seamlessly and hauntingly came flowing out towards us.

I hate that the more I try to recall the sounds of the music, the more the memory fades.

But I felt an..... overwhelming amount of adoration for him in that very moment, with my head rested in the crook of his head, and his big ass head leaning against mine. *nigga had a big ass head, that shit was hella heavy lmfaooooo im sorry i had to write this in.*

And the song Exist to Love by Aurora literally sounds so similar to the tune that played, not in the air, but in my soul that day we had slow danced. A painfully beautiful and intimate moment, and one that I'll probably remember for an insane amount of time. But God Bless, what a beautiful memory to have and behold like this. I wouldn't want it any other way. :)

.....

I also thought about him due to Marco referring to me as "the one that got away".

Usually when I hear that term, I think it's ridiculous. And with Marco, especially so.... I didn't go away nowhere else, nigga, you just kept choosing other women over me and being a hoe? Inviting me on "dates", making them so elaborately stacked high with big plans and potential had, then it turned out to be a trick just to get me to fucking fuck you?

It's not "Oh, she's the one I adore that truly got away", it's "I refused to absord any information about her life whatsoever, am a self centered lying piece of shit, and now she sees me for what I am instead of as a potential romantic partner, which I have either refused for her OR tricked her into thinking I wanted, just to have sex.... and now that my betrayal has consequences, alas, she MUST be the one I long for every single day I can't disrespect her again. Woe is me!"

Suck my toes, Marco.

.....

But, I feel like Patrick is the one that got away.

I genuinely do, truly.

Something about seeing him cry several times just at the idea of being seperated from me. When we did in his car as he held my hands and I told him how much he meant for me.

When he did it that weekend I was heartbroken he promised to see me on Labor Day Weekend, and didn't. (I could tell he was going to cancel on me from the specific sadness in his voice at the initial 'Hey', [murmurs often hint to being sad,] and the spontaneous call in the middle of the afternoon told me all that I needed to know.)

He pretty much cried from stress over not knowing how to break the news to me.... but, we ended up getting over that mountain/molehill, and I reassured him not to feel guilty over it. (But admittedly, I cried after that, and lost hope in my relationship with him..... and whatnot.)

Then, he surprised me by actually coming out either that weekend, or the one after, to have that In and Out date sequel for us both.

He tried to keep it together, he truly did.

Then once the ice was broken again and we kissed, the vulnerability he kept hiding had started to show again.

He teared up a lot that night. Mentioned insecurities about me moving onto someone else in the time he'd been gone. (Ironic that that did happen in the future, but it was preventable. But at that point in time, not a chance. Even if that does sound fucked up in terms of the dude I dated after him, its true, since I still obviously had not fully moved on yet.)

And at the end of the night, when all the talks were had, the sex was finished, and dust was settling... He cried again. Since he knew he'd miss me a lot. And was devastated to leave, and more.

Sure, he was a ripped as fuck 6 foot something athlete, who had more mental stability than I had before, but he was still secretly a huge teddybear. And you know what? That's the sexiest thing in the world, and very beautiful. Nine times out of ten, a man that cries over the idea of losing me is a man I'd want in my life long term. Forreals. :)

I miss him. Not an intense "I MUST SEE HIM", but a general, "I liked him a lot."

If I ran into him again, how could I possibly react?

Joy? Nervous? Fear?

I did say some fucked up shit to him.

Nothing he would be devastated over, moreso just "this chick is a little nuts".

But, eh. Oh well.

If he ends up ever getting his own place, six figure income from his dream job, and ends unlearning toxic masculinity and more.... then hey, maybe we could catch up someday.

Not sure about fitting into his fantasy of having five kids or whatever, (FIVE???????? CAN SOME BE ADOPTED BECAUSE LIKE EVEN DIVA CUPS ALMOST KILL ME-) buuuut he still could make a good friend in life.

Thats all. Peace out.