#i die here bc im nervous about this work...

[crowlore]

living here is gonna fucking kill me at this point but id rather starve than go back in the closet

[yourlegacysnotyourstosee]

I took notes on my thoughts while watching Nerdy Prudes Must Die because I did the same for Black Friday

DAMN Jon said “I am a TENOR”

I literally can’t get over how good he sounds

AHHHHHH LAUREN!!!!!

Bro these songs SLAP

Damn Mariahs hair is so long

Pete is such a mood

I’m literally terrified of being pantsed so bad

BRUH NOT MICRO-PETER

Omg hey Kim

When Cory enthusiastically agrees I’m dying

Omg Max likes Grace???????

Wait that’s so cute

Wait why’s he kinda fine

“His name is Jesus Christ” HELP 💀💀💀💀💀

It’s giving Apex Predator (from Mean Girls)

Damn these HARMONIES THO

My jaw is on the floor the way Cory is talking to her

“How am I supposed to study without listening to Spotify?” ME LMFAO

I KNOW HE DID NOT JUST MAKE AN ISSAC NEWTON JOKE

The way hes like “this is about thermodynamics” me me me. I hate when people make jokes about the things we’re not even talking about.

“NANI” NO WAY HE SAID THAT HELP💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀I LITERALLY CANNOT BREATHE 💀💀💀💀💀💀

Study date????????

Joey Richter my beloved ❤️❤️❤️

When Max enters and the crowd cheers

“Rondevuch”

Max literally has a God complex

Why is Kim everyones mom?

“Walen place”?????

“Mom will you pass the butt stuff????” HELP SHES BEEN CORRUPTED

NO WAY SHES FANTASIZING ABOUT MAX JAGERMAN

LITERALLY WHAT

Awwww Grace is experiencing Catholic Guilt™ ❤️❤️❤️

Girl wdym “he’s gotta go”???

Laurens character is bisexual???????

“WAIFU MATERIAL”?????? I literally can’t get over Jons character

Wait Grace is a little fucked up actually

Wait since the Waylons built hatchetfield high and the starlight theater, could they have cursed the town somehow? Like I know about the evil brothers or whatever, but I’m not super familiar with the lore

Wait I kind of love Grace now

Mariah slays

“Am I reading as Ghost, or Lin Manuel Miranda?” AWWWWWW❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

“Your fucking useless Pete.” Tgwdlm???? In MY npmd???? It’s more likely than you think

I’m very suspicious about how fast they seemed to put the plan together…

I know the plan wont work and Im so nervous I’m getting secondhand embarrassment so bad rn

“Skele-ens”

I need Max Jagerman actually

Awwww Max is a Theater Kid ❤️❤️❤️

AW FUCK HE DIED

HOLY FUCK HE DIED

GIRL WTF IS WRONG WITH GRACE

I love how upbeat this song is

WHYD SHE CUT HIS NIPPLES OFF WTF

Omg Dan and Donna!

Slay Mayor Lauter

His reaction to being asked to the game is giving- “she asked me for the time” “no way” “way :D”

THE NIGHTHAWKS MASCOT 💀💀💀💀

FUCK CLIVESDALE

DAMN THEYRE IN THE SPLITS GOOD FOR THEM

I like that the football team has only 2 players

I love when actors walk through the audience, but ESPECIALLY here when hes stalking Richie bro looks so good

Listen I know he’s about to kill Richie but HES SO FINE HELP

Im literally so Gay bro

THE SMOKE CLUB!!!!!!

THE NIGHTMARE TIME THEME

When she says hes not hot anymore girl speak for yoursef

Please let Grace swear

Oh fuck they’re giving themselves away

Grace Chastity said “acab”

Cory needs more songs

MAN IN A HURRY RETURNS!!!!!

Damn who is this girl in a trenchcoat 😍😍😍

GERALD OH MY GOD

Random side note but what happened to Robert? I was just thinking about how I wish we could see Hidgens again but is Robert still a part of Starkid anymore? Is he on to Bigger and Better things? Does anyone know what those are? I’d love to continue to support him.

Edit: NVM NVM I TAKE IT BACK I DO NOT WANT TO SUPPORT ROBERT MANION NO NO NO SIR

The invisible bird. Literally high school theater

“Heahs the thang about ah bahbecue”

“Ah wawna remember who ah ayum”

Ruth is so real for not know when to do the lights bc the cue lines were wrong

Ugh Laurens voice is so good and I know ive said that about pretty much everyone but it’s true

I know shes about to die rn

The red lighting gave it away

THE WAY HE LOOKS INTO CAMERA AFTER HE KILLS HER I NEED HIM SO BAD

Why did Kim scream like that

Awww Grace has religious trauma now ❤️❤️❤️

THE COPS THEME

OH MY GOD PAUL AND EMMA!!!!!!!!!

He gave her his number❤️❤️❤️

Hot chocolate boy!!!!!!!! I knew Peter was the hot chocolate boy but still

This duet is EVERYTHING

Obsessed with the fact he called MARIAH ROSE FAITH a MEAN GIRL

“Axe wielding maniacs?”

The Waylons did not dig that shit very deep…

OH FUCK THEY HAVE TO SUMMIN THE LORDS IN BLACK

I KNEW THE WAYLONS BUILT LAKESIDE MALL

im so sorry Zombie Max is So Fine

WIGGLY

THEY HAVE HUMAN FORMS??????

“Let me check my Christmas list”

“What do you want steph?” MORE tgwdlm? In MY npmd?

I feel bad for not knowing all their names

Max says bitch a lot

Damn this show is long

Omg this is so sad im tearing up a lil

Max is so fucking funny

Damn Grace is seducing Max this is hilarious

Fuck Grace Chastity or kill some nerds? One of the many difficult decisions in life

He decides to fuck Grace Chastity

OH MY GOD THATS SO SMART

Thats some fuckin Macbeth level shit

Kims teacher character is so cute awwwww

Paul and Bill dance Chaperones??????

Oh nvm that’s Jason

I don’t think I ever mentioned it but the dancing is really good

It’s very clean and crisp

In the last 2 hours I very quickly developed a massive crush on Will Branner

OH FUCK

WHATS GOING ON

WHAT

[johannestevans]

so important for the twink who's been lusting over his middle-aged oblivious het work colleague to finally just break and he like Hey real quick can I suck your cock

and colleague, who's never received a BJ or tbh a compliment before, including from his ex wife, to be like. huh?

like I'm just thinking and average looking guy who's a little too into his work and isn't great at charming people, he's blunt and a little bland

doesn't feel great about his appearance bc he's not too tall and he's stocky and pudgy and he's not got the big chiseled jaw

meanwhile this twink is. fucking salivating at the DILF supreme with his big strong hands and his weighted body and his hairy chest and his thick thighs and the way his eyes crinkle at the edges when he smiles

and the colleague is like but??? aren't you very gorgeous? by gay guy standards? can't you, um. do better? bc even women aren't particularly attracted to me, at least, they've never said

and the twink is like. ok well they're insane, open your jeans

idk im thinking about the particular het culture where autistic guys especially get overlooked dating wise anyway, but also some cishet women just never compliment their partners' appearances even just to say "looking handsome!" bc they think feeling attractive is for women only

and then you have. twink.

who's just a little drunk and/or stoned and horny and is just like Please, based on the rest of the package here, I'm assuming your dick is great

and the guy is like there is??? no package available

and twink like???? you have nice hair, your eyes are gorgeous and you have that cute crinkle and the dimples, you have strong shoulders and I've watched you lift stuff, you could definitely lift ME, and you're hairy which is HOT and you've got great legs

is your lap comfy

and colleague blustering and red faced but it doesn't occur to him to refuse when the twink gestures to his lap, and he's WARM and his hands are sliding down his neck and his thumbs are on his jaw, and colleague isn't attracted to guys but… this is NICE

esp twink kissing him and colleague trying to kiss back and twink being like EW stop that stop that right now what the fuck.

and colleague like oh I'm so sorry fuck i--

and twink all, kiss like i show you, don't be so liberal with the tongue

and they're kissing and it… it actually feels NICE? it feels good? especially bc the twink is grinding down in his lap and colleague is like 😳😳😳 bc he's hard and also he's 44 and just got Educated in Kissing Properly which he didn't know you could even do wrong

twink getting to his knees and colleague trying to be like oh no no you don't have to--

and twink like, i absolutely have to do this and might die if i don't. are you okay with killing me

and colleague like. I'm. I'm pretty sure you won't die from not sucking me off

and the twink like, alan, you didn't even know which month was pride month, so why would you be that confident about me sucking dick and whether i would die or not

and colleague just

twink on his knees and colleague who's never considered himself much of a stud and sometimes has a hard time getting off absolutely losing his mind

because the twink is doing things with his mouth and tongue and HANDS he's never imagined

and he's tugging at his balls and twisting his grip a bit on the base of his cock and dragging his tongue against this one really sensitive spot on the side of his cock head and just

liquefying his brains

esp if they finish and the twink is like that was great

and goes home

and colleague is just like. that was mind blowing but am i a bad person if I'm not gay but I want to do that again? shouldn't i blow him back? to be polite???

and being so nervous and shy about wanting to invite the twink for more casual sex, but every time the twink suggests it he's like YES YES ABSOLUTELY and then is anxious he's too eager and that it's disrespectful or unkind

MEANWHILE the twink keeps saying he's such a daddy and that he's cute and hot and handsome and that's amazing but also the sex is so… affirming and NICE

the first time sex hasn't been stressful for felt like a chore

and the twink won't let him suck him off bc he's like. no babe I know you want to reciprocate but this is an acquired taste and in my expert opinion it's not for you

so he tries to fuck the twink as vigorously as possible when they try anal

and the. the benefit of his ED is that his stamina means fucking harder for. longer

than the twink expected

and the twink just fucking dizzy and mindless with cock after like oh my god????? you ruined me? do it agajn!?

I'm just obsessed with the dynamic of the twink who's. a lot more confident and experienced, but also very much at home with casual sex between friends

whereas the colleague is having a moderate identity crisis

because he's still not gay! he's pretty sure he's not attracted to men, including this one! but the sex is really good? does that make him a bad person, shouldn't he let the twink KNOW?

and he does and the twink is like… yeah? duh? would you like to try prostate stimulation

you don't have to but i think you'd like it

and colleague is all like, you… fuck me?

and the twink falling over laughing like, ME? top? top YOU? oh no we're great friends but I'm too lazy. no i meant I'd finger you while sucking you off

and the colleague just lying there after, dazed and starry-eyed, like. maybe we should get married

and the twink just like. Alan how has your ex wife not taught you to be more discerning about proposals? also i am NOT the marrying kind

anyway i think it would be good if the twink started introducing him to hot chicks he knows, that will top as well as bottom and that also just? Will make a man feel good?

esp if Alan is just embarrassingly smitten and goes OTT on flowers and gifts and she's like 😳

and i think the ideal for this is the colleague kind of clearing his throat at his wedding like. uh. i invited. i invited a guy. for you. he's just come out and he's like 45 and he's--

the twink is like, alan, please, say no more. point him and the coat closet out in that order

the twink, drunk, after, sitting in the lap of his new conquest: this is dave he's the sacrifice Alan made at the altar of my bussy in exchange for my services

Alan: this is a very unorthodox wedding toast

twink: HAPPINESS TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM

[lesbianspeedy]

can I hear about the mia and ollie similarities whenever you have time...

theyre blonde :( thats it :( okay but ACTUALLY LETS GET INTO IT

They're loud assholes to people who need to be yelled at, but theyre actually hella introverted.

Mia "i think fast i talk fast" Dearden will mouth off at villains and batman, and take the piss out of people she loves. BUT she wasn't exactly shown to have like a friend group at her school (she was shown to be popular. but we only see her specifically interact with one person), and was extremely nervous to join the titans, not because they intimidated her, but because she didnt really...want to be there. She'd rather be with people she knows. She spends most of her time practicing archery, even before she was speedy. The only time we ever saw her go out anywhere was on a date with Dodger. And I will be pretending for the sake of this post that all of this is bc of character stuff and not just bad writing!

Similarly, Ollie "goateed loudmouth" Queen thrives when he's alone, he prefers it, he rarely spends time with people outside of his family or close close friends. He'll rant and rave at leaguers and cops and capitalists and villains all day long, but he's at his happiest and most content when he's alone, and often when on the move too, this man cannot sit still he is like a fucking shark he will die if he is in the same place too long but thats unrelated to this post.

As is pretty much a requirement to be in the arrowfam. Neither of them are here to fight the big alien threats you take on while being in the league/titans. They're here to save the little guy and fuck up capitalists. They have both seen the worst of society on the very opposite ends of the spectrum, Ollie with the rich, Mia with those the rich forget or ignore. I don't think I really need to add an example of Ollie here considering thats like his main this if u know anything about him. But look heres mia thinking abt it in her first titans issue.

Now with coping mechanisms they're a lil different, Mia tends to isolate and stay in one place. Ollie will isolate but fuck off somewhere. Accidentally walk to canada. That sorta thing.

(pls ignore how terrifying bald ollie is)

They also both mask their emotions and deflect with humour when around other people, they don't want others to have to deal with their shit, they don't want to burden them (hence the isolation, this also often leads to them imploding in on themselves). Heres my most favourite example of their similarities ever (yes I will continue to post and talk about this specific thing every 3 weeks and no one can stop me) I do owe Hester my life for this

Now heres the best part. They both did this a lot right. And yknow what that led to? Learning and growing and being there for each other :] Now im going to be honest we dont really see this growth in vol 3 bc judd winick is incapable of writing character development but! Phil Hester is here for us once again with his story in the 80th special and this part specifically <3

Also once again a whole arrowfam thing- neither of them give two shits about their secret id lmao. I choose to believe Mia is so flippant about hers bc she so easily realised Ollie was GA that she just went like. Yeah sure I won't give a fuck either, it's clearly working for him.

oh and they both like musical theatre, hate batman and are homophobic**. sad. **not actually thats just an in joke in fandom

[hyenagurl]

This sounds mean but is coming from a well-meaning place: why are you upset about that moid coworker. So he was nice to you, until you come to work with hickeys (kinda trashy but we’ll let it slide) and now he’s a dick. So he’s nice until he is shown evidence you had a romantic encounter with someone else. This moid is the equivalent of “add nice tokens until sex comes out.” The fact he switched up so fast the second he thought you fucked someone else ⁉️ He was never a nice guy, he never liked you, he wanted to smash and that’s it. He doesn’t see you as a person, he sees you as something to be used and discarded- once he saw someone “used” it first, he moved directly to discarding. Use your head babe, he showed his true colors. xx luv ya

no no youre right but 😭 well it just sucks to have someone show their colors like this. part of what hurts is that it really was night and day, like a complete 180, and nobody notices but me and insists its just bc he got dumped when this started happening well before that…

ive been keeping my eye on him too. hes friendly with everyone. it feels like hes going out of his way to chat everyone up - and then when im talking to someone nearby he does his best to look away. yesterday i did something bad mannered without thinking about it (tore open a packet of aspirin, spat out a piece of it😭) and he came over and was like “why would you do that, that was disgusting and inappropriate.” he has never lectured me like that. and it was the first time he spoke to me in like days. i thought he was joking!

but that was not the worst. today it came to a head, i saw him smirking and i snapped. i asked to speak to him privately (after him initially ignoring me, with an “i guess… 🙄”) and we went to the back. he kept working while i was trying to speak to him, and when i moved in front of him, he could barely even look me in the eye and he had this big dumb nervous grin on his face, and kept laughing like “haha whats the problem? 😅” granted i kept him off guard and i honestly hadnt meant to, but still. i couldnt believe how rude he was being, even if he was nervous. he used to be so courteous!

i was angry and fighting back tears bc i would literally rather die than cry in front of a man like that, so i kept my voice as calm as i could be and was like “whats going on? i understand youre going through something hard rn, but it feels like somethings wrong between us and idk why.” he brushed it off again, still laughing and smiling, and i said “well youve been acting differently for weeks, and you only speak to me now just to lecture me.” he rambled some more bullshit, like “idk sometimes i just dont have anything to say.”

yeah, right. if theres not a problem, then who just has nothing to say to someone in a matter of a DAY?

i couldnt do anything with that and i was pretty upset, so i just told him id be here when he was ready to talk and made sure to stay away from him. then after weeping in the group chat, i was a huge mess, and then my other (male) but honestly sweet coworker saw and figured out what happened and comforted me..

okay so yeah. this is whats so upsetting. its not so much i miss our flirty dynamic - its that a coworker is pulling psychological petty high school bullshit over seemingly nothing - or worse, you and i are right, and hes icing me out for having a sex life! i feel like im going nuts!!!!

[cupid-styles]

cupid you are really bringing out the tmi in me ive never said anything like this on anon but I feel like i have to give my two cents.

i have 3 different clit sucking toys, and my go to #1 forever bestie girl love of my life will NEVER fail me, is my satisyfer. i swear by it. there are so so so many different levels and she gets me there without fail every. single. time. you can build up to something stronger (and the third level out of like… 7 i think? is where it kicks off).

my other two are really intense right off the bat, and sometimes im in that mood but it’s rare. I like taking my time rather than feeling overstimmed right away you know? that might be why those kinds of toys don’t work for you, but it’s also just not for everyone.

my satisfyer is my ride or die, personally i have the one that is like kinda rounded and doesn’t have a handle (theres like 3 different ones i dont know what mine is called lol), but i would recommend one with a handle especially if you’re using it for a little longer than just a quick sesh, because it can kinda hurt to hold.

also- for all the besties trying clit sucking toys for the first time, you’ll be fine and you’re safe; BUT you can’t use them, id say for longer than 15 minutes at the MOST okay. that skin in sensitive and you can cause a little tear that might bleed a little bit. if it happens, you’ll be totally fine, just please clean your toys before and after every use and wipe yourself down with a gentle wet wipe if it happens, but don’t panic! just back off that toy for a while and don’t masturbate for a few days.

^ that reason is why i feel like vibration toys are just good through and through. my satisfyer can get me off faster than any of my other toys but you can’t play safely as long as you can with vibes. not many people talk about that side of the sucking toys, because it shouldn’t happen if you’re being careful, but accidents do happen.

also with any toy, but id say especially with clit sucking toys, please please please use lube. dry suction is not fun and it probably won’t feel like much. the satisfyer can be a little tricky to find the right position, but lube helps so much to create a proper suction (but it’s not going to stick to you, so you’re safe- it’s not a hands free toy bc sis will just fall if you don’t hold it). you can also use it in the bath for the same effect, just make sure it’s water proof, not just water resistant.

i think that’s all!! a lot of sex toy websites have discreet shipping but the ones i know for sure are bellesa and Adam & Eve, and ofc other stores that also sell vibes along with other things.

you probably won’t find what gets you off super quickly with your first toy. it takes time and experimentation, but spend the time to get familiar with your body and find what you like because everyone is different.

bellesa i know has a lot of different vibes with tons of good descriptive reviews and information, and they have different sizes dildos and anal trainers, but they’re all basic which makes it easy to choose, and they don’t look scary like a lot of those things can.

always play safely but don’t be afraid to try something new! the two most important things you should use with your toys, is lube and a toy cleaner for those antibacterial vibes.

happy playing!!! 😘

OKAYYYY so besties who are nervous about purchasing or using a particular toy, here's a whole load of wonderful advice !!! this is actually so helpful and I wasn't even aware you should use lube w cl*t suckers so tysm!!!!!

but anyone who wants toy advice :)))) here u go :)

[6irlpet]

Mm im a virgin and im nervous about my first time can u give me some tips

hmmmmmm ok ok ok ill try

first of all its normal to be shy/nervous but anyone who's worthy as a partner isnt gonna make u feel weird or bad about that. if they do they r not the one!

be safe 😑 similarly anyone who doesnt respect your wishes for things like... condoms, lube, or what u dont want to do, etc etc is not the one!!! never Ever not just for first times!!!! it is OK to not be comfortable with certain things!!!! i know this sounds like elementary advice but a lot of people think they know it, then freeze up in the actual situation :(

wear s/t that makes u feel cute and confident (doesnt have to be crazy lingerie just like. favorite pair of underwear ukno!) and i like to Always shower day of + wash downstairs like 5 mins before sex bc its (1) clean (2) less anxiety on my part

tbh dont build it up in ur head as something that HAS to be perfect and romantic or whatever....... maybe i'm just not a very romantic person (yes) but virginity is not a big deal imo? u wouldnt expect to be good at any hobby with your first attempt, your goal should just be to have fun. and its practice! u get better lol. like unless its the only time you're planning on having sex ever in your whole life it's ok if the planets didn't align or whatever, just learn what worked/what didnt and carry it with u for a better next time!

Have Fun!!!! even when i have someone tied up i love talking/teasing, laughing with them, etc etc... esp since i'm not very dominant and just top 4 friends, i try not to get frozen in my head about what i ~should~ be acting like. i'll go with what feels natural (it all comes easier than you'd think in the moment honestly) and try to channel a bit of what i know they like. but if ur sexy character breaks or whatever , its ok... have fun with it... just be urself fr... i know that sounds corny but its true!! just have fun and anyone who is worth it is gonna giggle along with u. sex is FUN its a connection with someone, an interaction between bodies, making e/o feel good, let it be natural.

dont be afraid to mention if something doesnt feel good? so many of my friends have told me like, "i didnt like when my parter did this / it turned me off or hurt" and i was appalled, like... tell them??? u can move someones hand elsewhere, u can Communicate. when im topping i like to ask 'is that ok? that feel good? can i touch u here?' etc. u can make it sexy by saying it teasingly, but it gives a real window for someone to say if its not.

this isnt possible for every situation but i think it is worth it to have your first experiences b with someone you trust. it doesn't have to be romantic but i think you're a lot more relaxed if you are comfortable with the person. a lot of my firsts were forced/not rly fun, my first Sex was while intoxicated w/ a guy i'd only known a few days + first kink experiences were also random rushed unsafe stuff. i dont exactly regret but i do feel weird about it sometimes and so i've only recently started to be ok with hooking up with people again. via doing so with FWBs i trust and it's been a vastly different experience!!! idk how to describe it, but like knowing we're good and that it's ok and safe and fun and that they're not judging body or whatever, it's given me more confidence in playing + communicating. i used to freeze up if anyone touched me and now im getting open enough to where im considering letting myself sub again, and ok with more physical contact. ofc not everyone has friends who are dtf but no matter who it is, being comfortable with them is everything!!

nothing should hurt or bleed and i'll die on that hill. with plenty of foreplay/arousal and lube and slowly working up a stretch (if ur being penetrated) it shouldn't hurt. example: i hadn't been penetrated with more than 2-3 fingers for months, when i got home recently i tried dildo and couldn't get it in, i just relaxed + worked up with a smaller toy + knew i could go for lube if i needed (i didnt bc i have a faucet pussy but it does make it easier) similarly with anal, u just gotta work up and relax

in line with #7..... theres nothing wrong with using lube. and foreplay IS essential bc when you get aroused your muscles will relax and you'll feel better and more receptive to every aspect of sex not just penetration. i also don't think there's anything wrong with using toys????? a straight girl im friends with said her boyf can't get her off and i told her to tell him to use a vibe and she was like "i don't think we're close enough for that" like girl what the fuck he's had his tongue in your vagina i think it's okay to use a toy 😭 people historically would have gone nuts for the availability of sex toys we have now fuckin shake it up and have some fun!! it's not weird!!!! god straight people and their sex hangups. anyway.

i hope that helps????? tbh i think a lot of these are aimed @ cishet men being awful in bed for the most part but! they can still apply to keep in mind! summary: dont let anyone make u feel weird or bad for wanting things / not wanting things and u should feel comfortable and good and dont be afraid to communicate what u like (give encouragement vocalize that u feel good!) + what ur not feeling (share if s/t hurts or if u want them to go faster/harder or move up a bit or whatever)! literally HAVE FUN AND BE YOURSELF

[extr3medieting]

god….. i’m still so disgusting. i was supposed to be nearing 170 right now AND I KNOW IM NOWHERE CLOSEEEEE i can’t even bring myself to step on the scale because i know im going to be so disappointed…. i’m pretty sure i gained weight…. maybe i should go step on the scale so i can hate myself and hopefully that will motivate me to actually reach my fucking goals. every time i look in the mirror and see my fat fucking thighs and my disgusting fucking stomach i just want to die…. i can literally feel my back rolls when i walk….

thankfully im working now so i am constantly walking around and barely eating so i’m hoping this gets me back in order. i stopped taking my meds so i could donate plasma but i got a tattoo so i can’t donate anymore and can start taking them again but for some reason i haven’t. i think i’m nervous ab getting used to them again but i can’t reach my goals if i’m still feeling hunger cues. eating less isn’t gonna do anything i need to not consume anything at all and to do that i need to start taking them. i’m gonna start tomorrow i promise. i need to stop putting it off.

my legs and even my fucking calves and SHINS have cellulite like do you understand how fucking FAT you have to be to have cellulite on your SHINS??????? JESUS FUCKING CHRISTTTTTT dont even get me started on my midsection like that alone could make me want to die. i don’t even have morning skinny anymore….. my butt looks so disgusting and fat in a bad way. my arms are fucking massive but atleast i can hide that in my sleeves… but even then my sleeves have been getting tight so that’s another thing. i have this huge fucking double chin that i just dont understand how anyone could be attracted to me. thats probably why no one flirts or talks to me. like i’m literally back to being the fat friend. i can’t even go out because i just look so disgusting in my clothes. i hate going to the gym bc i just look like the fat bitch at the gym but i need to keep going so that i can eventually be the sexy fitness chick. my collarbones are completely enveloped in my body. i just dont understand how i can hate myself so much yet i don’t do anything to change it. well fuck that. its getting warm out and i can’t even wear a reasonably fitted shirt let alone fucking shorts. my roommate was talking about going tanning the other day and i deadass almost had a seizure just thinking about how much of a fat fucking beached whale i would look laying there for everyone to see…

the only good part about me right now is that i’m always going to be beautiful in the face… even then my double chin is ruining that. ive been going to the gym for the past two days so here’s to staying on track with that.

i haven’t had a lay since december and i’m def feeling it lmfaooo but my shame is stronger than my horniness. i can barely stand to touch myself because i just imagine what a fucking whale i must look like laying on my back. theres a cute guy at my job who literally lives in my building and i cant even make a fucking move because i am so disgusting i can’t handle him finding out im actually disgusting

[witchthewriter]

hello, love

1st and foremost i wanna thank you bc you give so much content and truly make me feel like im back on 2014 tumblr nostalgia.. so lots of love your way cs i adore you and your stuff and you brighten my day♡

i wanna ask for a lvl 2 ship (did 4 rbs and will do more heh..) cs those honestly are so much fun ♡ for Marvel, hotd and stranger things

describing myself.. as for looks i am 5.3, petite. hair is wavy, atm in a shaggy/wolf cut bob that's brown with my natular blond ends showing. eyes r dark blue sorta like denim. also have tons and tons of freckles/moles all over my bod

as for personality.. ppl say i am a smartass and way to sarcastic borderline mean at times. (esp that to my crushes..) yet that's cs I'm get nervous around ppl and become too teasingly mean for some reason. so all in all my friends say i look and even behave sorta like a b3tch and yet to close friends im a ride or die. and wjen it comes to any sexy business i try to be bratty and yet am suchhh a sub pft so all mean facade crumbles. im a straight gurlie that uses she/her pronouns

i like spitting random facts, enjoy walks and new places, study art. drink way too much coffee.. mb a lil too much wine/beer too heh. and am a passionate horror fan. also have no phobias.. literally don't give a damn about anything. did archery and knife fighting so i can whoop someones butt if needed~

once again sending loads of positive vibes your way love~ ♡

Want one? Here be the rules 🦋🌈

Hello!!! Oh my god, a fellow OG! Thank you for being so kind, and for participating!

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒐𝒏: ✧ Outgoing ✧ Care-free ✧ Light-hearted ✧ Loyal

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Argyle! I think you suit someone who doesn't take offense easily, who walks on the more chaotic side of life, and likes lifes' pleasures.

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・You have endless pizzas, like a lifetime supply. He never makes you pay, and you always go to the store that he works at - so everyone knows you (yay free pizza!!!)

・Just a pair of giggling gurties; once you start you can't stop

・You never feel uncomfortable around Argyle; it's like he just understands everything.

・Getting into trouble, but somehow always getting out of it?

・ Chilling in his van, whether that's smoking, drinking or just laying on your backs and talking about life

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐥

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Thor - more specifically, I ship you with What If! Thor, where he grows up as an only son. In this he's more the Thor that Taika creates; fun-loving, carefree etc. This is especially seen in What If! Thor, he's storyline is that he goes out partying.

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・You and Thor would be two chaotic dumbasses who probably share a brain cell (not to be an insult, it's just a trope.)

・You make each other laugh all the time, and there is rarely a bad mood in sight.

・You have millions of inside jokes. That ONLY you and Thor understand. It makes your relationship feel special.

・He defends you against ANYONE, no one can speak ill of his lady

・Like two golden retrievers in love <3 always fawning over each other, making each other snort in laughter

𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I don't know if you know much about Ser Harwin Strong, but this man is a cool guy. I mean look at the way he reacts to seeing a princess covered in blood? He's like, 'shiiiiii aight.'

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・He loves laying in between your legs in bed. Whether you're reading or talking, he'll climb onto you and push his back onto your stomach, so you can play with his hair

・He also loves to hear about gossip, but you're like "no Harwin, we don't like that person," and he goes, "oh right right sorry love."

・He rarely gets jealous but is very protective

・Isn't much for tradition and has an open-mind. This is very unusual in those times, and he astounds you. Most men want a wife to bed and have children and make them dinner. Harwin isn't like that, he wants to know about you. He'd marry you for love, not for reputation or what's expected.

・Pet names for you are, 'Love, Sweetheart, Darlin'

[witch-witcher-witchless]

@firefly-party

Your lovely comment: You are sooo adorable! omg! but listen here, i'm totally the same! Look, you're an amazing author and you're also writing Jaskel! You make them tick exactly the same as i imagine them... and...this is everything to me? i'd die for you! hahaha 💖 So go on and ramble all you want bc i won't stop either 😂 (i also recognized you from that lovely comment you left in my work here on ao3? (i still have that screenshot saved! hehe) so imagine me all 👀👀👀 when i saw your jaskel fic!)

Still AHHHH 😂

I also wanna apologize in advance in case my comment doesn't make much sense. i read your reply around...6am today (after i went to bed at 2am (oof)) and i couldn't stop thinking about your words and my brain went fully brrrrrr-mode so i grabbed my phone and took notes about all the things i want to mention in *this* reply right now. i hope i can...decrypt my sleep deprived notes 😂

It's all good! I'd never even guess a sleep deprived person wrote this!

Coming back to the day to day trust thing and how they both experience it more or less for the first time? Look, Jask is a popular bard. Ppl like him for his fame and for his looks but they never *know* the real Jaskier. So the first time Jask experiences full friendship and trust bc Eskel's not the type to just jump at him bc he's good looking or for any kind of fame. They become friends over the time travelling together, with Jask stitching wounds, gaining some money with music and entertainment while eskel's the one to hunt for food and who keeps them safe. Both simply caring for each other's well being.

Ohhhh, that's spot on, I think! I def think Eskel is the type to try shake (metaphorically?) Jaskier off of travelling with him when he first gets a bard-barnacle. A bardnacle if you will, but ends up just automatically gathering more wood for a bigger fire, hunting more food, picking Jaskier's favourite cooking herbs along with his potion ingredients, and he suddenly realizes that yes, Jaskier is his friend -and Jaskier has never had anyone actually work for friendship before, never had that kind of thoughtfulness reciprocated. Ever.

Eskel's might be overwhelmed with Jask's trust at first? He has to learn being accepted by a human being. A human who cares for a scarred witcher.

And Jaskier, never really experiencing that kind of "deep" friendship before gets all handsy bc he's nervous and constantly has to check that Eskel's really real? And as you said, those casual touches are overwhelming Eskel bc.... who'd do that willingly?

Omg yes! At first Eskel just feels constantly alert, like he can't relax because why is this human even looking at him -is it the scars? Is it his eyes? Is it when the ridiculous bard managed to pull a full laugh out of him and inadvertently flashed his sharper canines? WHAT IS HIS PURPOSE AND WHAT DOES HE WANT FROM ESKEL ;-; there is no bestiary entry for bards and most of his experiences with humans has been transactional at best

Another thought i had is... the moment Jask realizes he has Eskel's full trust is when he's washing his hair? when eskel leans back into his touch, fully exposing his neck, simply knowing that Jask would never hurt him.

Or maybe when he stops trying to hide is scars under a cloak hood, when he stops hiding his smiles and making sure that Jaskier is always along his 'good' side? And the bath thing just reinforces it, really drives it home for Jaskier and made him have a true aha moment

Once they're a couple the could slowly discover each other's likes and dislikes, kinks ect. maybe also discover sth they never thought they'd be into before. and regarding your fic here... what if Eskel was never aware that he'd like being a (gentle) dom from time to time? I imagine that first time they tried this like this:

J: you ok? E: "yes..?" "did you like what we just played?" " I...dunno?" "do you want to try it again sometime?" "yes"...

sth like that?? XDDDD sry im so bad with writing LOL

And what if Jask discovers that he likes to sub? he's a bard, he's entertaining masses, dominating them with his music and stories... and this could be a nice change for him?

But they both have that special trust in each other to simply explore without ever feeling awkward or ashamed when there's sth they don't like. Or would totally safeword if there's anything that's an absolute no-go, or when sth doesn't work out.

they *know* that their partner wouldn't make fun of them. they just want to do the things that makes the other one happy.

Eskel's also learning that he can "take things"/ want things for himself. He learns to be greedy which he never dared before bc it's selfish, and in some way showing vulnerablilities? But he trusts Jask enough to know that he loves doing those things with/for Eskel. No matter if it's their daily life or in bed. Ohhh and also... i think they both need to learn how to accpet real praise? I imagine Eskel being the kind to politely refuse praise or to turn away and snorting when he hears nice words. it's completely new to him to be called "beautiful"... As for Jask, he hears praise all the time but it's from ppl he doesn't really care about (that sounds harsh but eh). so they learn that this praise is not a lie or a shallow side-comment.

Yessss, all of this!!!! You know the meme with Geralt in the bath and Jaskier just complimenting him until he's looking like he'll fling himself out of the water and hide "I think I need my safeword"

anyway...wow this is a lot, and look.... you gave me so many plot bunnies to handle too xD (im not even done with my notes but lkfjldgj) i cant stop thinking about them since the moment i got up xD fuck! xDDD

i have no idea if this is simply... yeah... well this absolutely IS rambling about them. sry if i missed any point in your reply you needed an answer to. D: I just want them to be happy and to grow together in any possible way reagarding their friendship, trust and as lovers.

I'm sure they'd have plenty of ruined sex/orgasms bc they were "testing" sth new and it didn't work out but instead of being ashamed they can just laugh it off and go back to the things they like.

Jaskier's always been expected to be super smooth and suave and romantic, and Eskel's the first person he can laugh with and not take everything so seriously?? And big scary Witcher man can actually take his time and figure out sex where his partner isn't practically pushing him out of bed and out the door?? He gets kisses???

ok fuck, i have to stop here or it's getting out of hand (already has) XD im sorry for clogging your comment section 🙈😂 whoops.

Hmu on tumblr or twt or if you have discord??? lemme know?? 🥺

I really need to distract myself now. No Jask, no Eskel. *bonk* uhg.

Dude you're in good company, I could use a bonk too 😂😂😂

[rubiesintherough]

i lied. im a fibber.  im making a new muse. here’s a super simple rundown 

 his name is eric, 19 yrs old (and never learned how to read).  vampire, newly minted, like fresh off the presses vampire.... im talking pulled himself outta the dirt a couple months ago, fumbling his way through biting people, getting real bad sunburns bc it hasn’t fully sunk in that he can’t just, like, go out for a walk.  kinda upset about that bc he loves nature and now he can only see it at night. doesn’t like drinking from people, and not just for moral reasons, he just thinks its really gross and unhygienic. will literally carry those little wipes around with him that clinics use when drawing blood and will wipe down his victim’s skin before he nibbles. 

was part of a band before he got bitten. played drums and occasionally was a singer. huge music nerd. kinda shy. deaf in one ear as result of something he did as a kid, around 8-ish... threw a firework into a campfire and it exploded, destroying his hearing on one side and giving him a burn scar on his arm.  had just graduated high school, bc he got held back a bit due to a learning disability, namely dyscalculia... as well an undiagnosed anxiety disorder that made it hard to focus.  

had a pretty good home life... really misses his dads and his older sister, carrie, but knows he can’t exactly waltz back home outta the grave like,  “jk, didnt actually die, im undead!”  though the thought has definitely crossed his mind.  played out the scenario a few times. is tempted to try if he didn’t think it’d give one of his dads a heartattack. so, he just hangs around the same city to keep an eye on them as he can. lives in a tiny, rundown apartment on the edge of town. not pretty, bug and mice problems are a real issue for him, but its cheap.  works night shifts at a local supermarket to pay rent, and also does maintenance around the apartment complex to get rent discounts, bc of a deal he made with the landlord. he’s a skilled handyman. likes patching up walls and stuff. 

rambles and fidgets with his fingers when he’s nervous. has a goofy laugh, which he got teased for in HS. doesn’t like loud noises. doesn’t like crowds.  can hear people’s heartbeats like its fricking tinnitus... just always there and really annoying, but he tends to drown it out with earbuds and music. his current fave song is dead man’s hand by lo.rd huro.n, bc he thrives on irony. 

[moonjxsung]

hi baby! how are you?

i’m also super glad and thankful that my professor was super nice about it. it really felt good to get that off my chest too and i hope that made her understand that im committed to the program and everything despite my ✨anxiety✨. and your professor was so nice too☹️ i love when professors are actually understanding and don’t use the power dynamic card! thank you bb ily🫶🏻

mofongo is really freaking awesome! i love it so much it’s one of my faves. i hope someday you can eat some authentically good mofongo (our first date??🫡)

ateez prices are INSANE. i didn’t think they’d come so soon either, so imma skip this comeback😪 vip tickets are insane too. this’ll be you:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6ONKEEJZdP/?igsh=MXdjemhndTllNXV6Yw==

btww, in similar terms to vip, have you ever done it before? or had like fancalls with idols? bc im so curious about how it all works (i could never do one tho bc im terrified of human interaction).

im actually getting two small ones 👀 im so excited! i just saw your tattoos in a reply and they’re so cute😭 i love the BB lily of the valley!! i really want a flower tattoo next✨ i absolutely love flowers but most of them are so toxic to cats that im super scared of having any in my house.

frfr tho, dreaming about idols or celeb crushes is the worst!! i always feel so empty. it’s been a while since ive had any good skz dreams. i miss my bb minho </3

not allowed felix fic is super cute!! it’s not my fav from you (lost in translation ftw). but i thought it was such a nice breath of fresh air, f2l felix would be a super cute (and kinda realistic imo) trope.

on a happier note! my kitties are both injury free! we took them to get rechecked today and they said no more rechecks! (yay! great! we love that!)

ily bb!! i hope you have the best weekend. i drank another frozen coffee today, i can’t stop!! take care🫶🏻

-🐈‍⬛

HIIIII BABYYYY I am so good how are you!!!!!

We love supportive professors who actually WANT you to pass the class and acknowledge when you make a simple mistake instead of practically pushing you to fail or not care about the course 🫶💓 I hope the rest of the course goes smoothly for you and I’m always here if you need to vent about anything course related!! ILYYYYY

Also adding mofongo to our date checklist ASAPPPPP 📝📝📝

PLEASE…… why are the Ateez tickets like 4x the price 😭 I knew they were getting big but DAMN,,…..,,.💔 tickets go on sale next week and my sister and I are either trying for Oakland & LA or just VIP for Oakland if we can even get tickets LMAO 😭 ALSO THE HONGJOONG REEL PLEEASSEMRMCKCMDKD

I’ve never done VIP before!! Closest I’ve ever gotten was silver floor soundcheck tickets for BTS in Vegas but I’ve never done anything where you’re so close to an idol (although Jungkook & Namjoon stood right in front of us at some point and good LORDDDDD THEY ARE SO FINE…….) so crossing my fingers Ateez will be my first time !! I’ve never done a fancall either but I will be trying for next skz comeback bc I need to talk to Jisung so badly guys 😔 I have so much I need to say 😔 please 😔 I’ll keep you guys posted if I ever try for a fancall and what happens w Ateez!!!!!! I’m preemptively so nervous for Ateez if I don’t get tickets I will simply die 💔💔💔💔

AHHHH IM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOUR TATTOOS I AM SCREAMINGGGGG also thank youuuu I desperately need more tattoos!!! I too LOVE flowers but we never have any in the household bc momo chews everything and I know it’d get her in trouble lol

I haven’t had any skz dreams in a hot minute 😔 someone put Jisung in my dreams permanently please and thank u

PLEASE lost in translation Minho will likely remain everybody’s favorite and I am fully okay with that I love him so much. I’m so partial to WTRS Minho but Minho in general is so much fun to write for 💔

IM SO GLAD YOUR KITTIES ARE HEALTHY AHHHHH THAT’S THE BESTTTT NEWS 🫶🫶🫶🫶 I hope you have the best weekend my love!!!!! I brought out Jilix and got some cheesecake in your honor 🫶💘💖💕💗💓💞 ily bby !!!!

[automatedtellertellermachine]

Feb 8th 2024

ok, so i actually woke up at 10 yesterday, so yeah i didn’t sleep at all today i during the night i listened to, wearing beige on a grey day, narcissist on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and ok computer, i’ll probably listen to the bends later, i watched a lot of kurtis conner, umm i read that one jeskas fic in the cave, and it so cute, i also read that one valgrace youtuber au, gods if you showed half of those word to a victorian child they’d probably explode or something. i scrolled on tumblr a lot that’s probably all, im obsessing over it was a swift not a swallow (i never listen),

so ive been reading solitaire for the 16th time right, i just read a line and it’s so good and ive never noticed it before, the last line before chapter 10,

1st, we worked on our first drafts, me and isabella finally decided how we are doing this, so that’s good, we really had add a bunch of just words so that it is longer than just 2 pages, that’s about it, guess who i saw again, i swear if this becomes a daily thing i’ll like die or something

2nd, we waked, i talked to myself about crywank i saw some kid get fucking pelted by a ball like properly, i also got hit in the head but not as bad ig, that honestly it, im listening to a disgustingly sad concoction of crywank and radiohead

3rd, we went over the review i was bored the whole time because some how people don’t get it but it’s so fucking easy, i got fall a fake fan of crywank bc i like their most popular album, which is just bullshit like fuck off

at lunch right now and i have an urge to run away like just grab my shit and leave, i’m not but like i really want to, also im listening to it was a swift not a swallow (i never listen) right now i am literally wallowing in self pity, and self hate, i guess

4th, i am sitting here we have an assignment it is a crossword im not doing it right now, i could not be bothered, i read solitaire most of the period, i am tori, we are one in the same, i am very sad and pathetic i am still listening to fucking it was a swift now a swallow (i never listen) like the pathetic little man i am, i am full of hatred and i feel absolutely nothing. it does not feel like 1pm, it i feels like 3 or 4 i don’t want to go to next period it will be hell for me i don’t think i can deal with that im far far to tired i want to leave or die or both, my foot feels much much too heavy

5th, the essay wasn’t nearly as bad as i thought it would be it was on colonization and you just had to give examples of how european colonization effected africa

6th, we read a story about lucia’s little crush on alexander and how she almost had an arranged marriage and that was about it i almost fell asleep

7th we had a sub (shocking i know) i did the notes then fell asleep listening to kid a decided to finish listening to the bends im currently on bones, it’s pretty good, so far one of my favorites in the album

[vampylily]

im still on my iwtv brain but that part where patrick goes "pause the tape for a second. i don't want to waste space" is soooooo interview with the vampire coded (<- me saying anything bc wtf am i talking about. this is a famous person who gets interviewed semi-regularly. but the tape! the vibes!).

i have an iwtv inspired peterick au but it's less lestatlouis and more lestat x random mortal musician he patrons. in this au pete is the lestat-esque figure, already a vampire, have sired a couple vampires already but now is alone. and patrick is the human musician he patrons. for patrick im still in between his backstory.

one, he could be a poor musician trying to make it work at the theatre and pete falls in love with his voice and starts patroning him. patrick is a little suspicious/cautious about this mysterious benefactor but let's be honest, he needs the money. so what if this random rich man wants to support him. pete wants companionship, so he goes over to the music room and has patrick sing for him for a few hours in exchange. patrick's like this could be worse but he comes to find he doesn't mind it. pete always visits patrick, not the other way round. one day, pete doesn't come to him on his usual time. patrick is like ??? and asks around for this mysterious dude who lives at the fancy french hotel. shows up when pete is feeding! well, pete is feeding but patrick doesn't know that. to him, it just looks like pete is kissing this random dude's neck while another girl is draped over the sette. patrick flushes bright red and he's jealous for a hot moment even though he doesn't realize it (he knew he wasn't the /only/ bird pete had in his grasp, but he hadn't seen it in this way where all these beautiful people are draped all over him. while during their sessions, patrick's usually at the piano while pete's at the sofa. a respectful distance. and then he's like why am i angry) but he's here. he's stubborn. pete pays him for a service, and service he will do. so he stomps over to pete with his guitar. only to realize that um. the guy's throat is slit. so is the girl. and pete's got fangs?

pete lifts his head from the boy's neck and the boy lays limp and there's blood around his mouth, and his face is blank and a little dizzying to look at suddenly and a chill runs down patrick's spine. instantly, patrick knows he's prey. but it's too late to run now. pete sits up, smiles. pats the seat next to him. and patrick has no choice but to sit down, heart beating like a jackrabbit's, hands clammy around his guitar and throat suddenly so dry. pete's so nonchalant about it, even though patrick's found out he's a vampire and there are half dead people around him.

patrick asks if he's a vampire. pete says yes. patrick asks if he's going to kill the girl and the boy in the room. pete shrugs. if he doesn't kill them, he'll have to kill patrick to keep it hush, won't he? patrick doesn't want to die - so he asks him to keep them alive and they'll go on like usual. patrick won't come to his house again, they'll go back to the music room, patrick will sing for him. pete pauses, just to see patrick tense, all nervous, then agrees. (he wasn't going to kill them anyways.) only that, no not the music room. he wants patrick to come to him. patrick hestitates (each time he'll be walking into the lion's den) but agrees. pete dismisses him for the day, saying that he has to take care of the bodies. patrick remains calm until he's out the street and then he's running. (pete watches him from the window).

in his room. patrick panics. bc holy shit. he knew his benefactor was an accentric rich dude but he wasn't expecting a vampire. he debates whether he should run away. and where is there to go? he can't go home, not when he ran from home to live a life as a musician in the city. and there's a mix of morbid curiousity (and pete is beautiful, as dangerou as he is. why has he chosen patrick to sing for him? why dind't he feed on him then?) and stubborness (he promised, didn't he? in exchange for the mortals to live, he promise he'd come back).

so next week, when the sun has set, he comes back, right up to pete's floor. pete's pleased that patrick's got the guts to come back, (even though his heart is beating out of his chest and he's already sweating), invites him in. he sees more of the house, but they mostly stay in the music room pete has. patrick sits at the piano, sings for him. it's tense since patrick knows who pete is now, but he keeps playing. and pete doesn't jape at him either. it's not comfortable, but it's decent companionship. over the weeks, patrick sees more of pete and the house he keeps and the coffin, etc.

okay this got too long but there's a bit more to expand upon as pete and patrick bonds and stuff. maybe add more toxic yaoi vibes into it. i haven't even got to the part where pete turns him but something along the lines.

anyways. i love vampires and apparently also vampire!pete.

patrick isn't philosphically depressed enough to be a louis but that scenario is also interesting. where pete turns patrick but they both don't really know what they're doing and they're kind of stuck together. patrick is really upset so he can't see that what they share is more than just forced proximity even though they've been living together for years. for the claudia plotline, hmmm. idk about that.

[thesugarhole]

you know, ive read it twice now, but im still not sure where the leap in logic in "coffee drops, burns servers, annet freaks out and exterminates most of the human race... engie drops bombs finishing it off?"

it would have made heaps more sense to direct the bombs where the skeleton of the structure is to permanently wipe her and whoever survived her fear starts life over. but no he dropped them all over the city.

of course that, if you did so you wouldnt have a story. bombing one, maybe 2 buildings is not equivalent to bombing a city after all (that i think is also an entire planet im not sure whats going on in romac geography)

the paragraphs explaining how she turned to use people as servers and adapters and whatnot and she was technically everywhere to justify it... well, it doesn't really

just like in irl the actual internet is kept in place by the same 4 guys in Antarctica or whatever, and if they stop we all stop, there had to be a central nervous system to that beast (no matter how much the author/the story wants to deny it this is fundamentally how technology works). the gdir hqs if you will. bomb just that and be done with it. traces of her living on in the survivors collective memory would turn her into an old god or something but thats it. all wireless towers and microwaves would shut off without the main, sooner or later (could be 1 month could be 890 years as the surviving stupid object AIs have shown but it WOULD end, all things do.)

maybe he wanted her to stay alive bc he stil loved her or for the fuck around find out parable (wanted her to suffer) idk

also i was gonna be unnecessarily mean about something else here but then my critical reading comprehension skills kicked in so theres some resolution: ij the past i always read engie as a bit of an hipocrite and was going down that road again because of his self pitying "i doomed the world I'm gonna kill it off" and then not placing himself directly under one of those nukes to die along with it. with guilt that heavy i can imagine an "honorable" thought to have is "im gonna kill myself to make up for it", and was surprised not once it crossed his monologue

but the thing is, right. humans want to survive. even the most suicidal ones. disclaimer speaking from experience but something that actually kickstarted my recovery out of the suicide hell hole was reading something like "suicidal people dont hate being alive, they hate the situation theyve found themselves in and ending it all together looks like the only viable solution". no matter how horrid he feels i can see engie having just about enough ego to realize this and deciding quick suicide isnt an option, slow suicide by rotting inside a bunker all alone is. if any of this makes sense i guess

edit: "a city thats also an entire planet not sure whats going on in romac geography" watch my previous confusion being hand waved again as oh its not earth its a hollowed out earth like and her core is deep within and only the nuclear/electric bombs all over could eradicate most of the core and most of people-terminals

raaaaauuuugh i want to pull my fucking hair out

[shaaaaaaar]

hi it is 1 am and i am here to complain

i’m really fucking tired of people treating me like i’m soft or fragile or innocent/naive, that kinda stuff. it’s been a thing for most of my life no matter how much i try to prove its not really true, and its so frustrating. because i’m easily startled and i have anxiety, i’m some fragile boy meant to be protected and whose too soft for stuff.

most people don’t actually mean any harm with it. the concern is good willed and comes from a place of kindness, but ends up feeling condescending. i’ll be shielded from anything mildly scary and i won’t be told specifically why but it’s pretty easy to deduce that it’s because the tone is horror or it’s mildly violent or whatever. the sensitivity is appreciated, but it often is either over exaggerating things i’ve said i don’t like (for example i don’t particularly like gore but that’ll be overblown to like. someone avoiding telling me about shit like yandere sim. because people die. exclusively me.) or shit i’m fine with but there’s a darker tone so “he wouldn’t like it”. a lot of the time it doesn’t feel like there’s consideration for me specifically and instead an assumption of me not liking darker-toned stuff.

a lot of the time people treating me softly comes off as patronizing. something that really sticks out to me is i was asked recently to hold onto something while a person left for a moment and got told that the thing i was told to hold was there to protect ME. the legal adult. an inanimate object. another one is i’ll be told for HYPOTHETICALS i’m not allowed to have sharp objects because “i don’t trust you to not accidentally cut yourself”. i’ll be told i can have blunt objects, but nothing sharp. i’m always characterized by being weak-willed or the anxious one and… it gets very tiring. especially when none of this treatment is given to anyone else, only me. it gets noticeable.

another part of it is i tend to be less harsh on people. i try not to be too judgemental and harsh on people, maybe to a fault (i’ve got more shit to work on than that). so when i run into assholes, i’m treated like the innocent “too sweet for this world” guy because im… not a dickwad to people? i had a friend group once who all became friends bc they made a groupchat to complain about basically an entire community of people. i had nothing to add with complaints (even if i did wanna rant to the extent they did, i barely knew the people they talked about), i was just willing to listen and found it morbidly interesting. hindsight 20/20 i should’ve figured these guys were assholes (and christ they were assholes) but that isn’t the important part. in that friend group i was ALWAYS treated like the little innocent bean and if i knew something mildly fucked up it was a shocker. which got exhausting.

at the end of the day its because i have anxiety problems. that’s the smoking gun. anxiety has always been a part of my life and mine is considerably worse than a lot of people’s nervousness. with my friends i’m the guy who has “more anxiety problems” and i don’t like being boiled down to that sure but i agree that i have a lot. but frankly, being treated like i’m weak actually makes me feel more anxious. because it leaves me feeling pathetic and humiliated. being treated like i need to be protected only serves to make me feel either defenseless or disrespected. i’m well aware that i’m not a weak person. i’ve been aware of this for a long time.

yes, i am a more sensitive person. sometimes i’m pretty fragile. i get nervous very easily and treating me more gently isn’t exactly bad because the gentility is mindfulness of my sensitivity. there’s a line, though. because at some point it stops being sensitive and becomes being patronizing. it stops being mindful of my anxiety and becomes making me all about my anxiety. cradling someone with anxiety, or at least cradling me, isn’t the solution to anything. it makes things worse and only serves to solidify the notion that i’m weak. to be blunt, being sensitive, being anxious, hell, being fragile, doesn’t mean being weak. it doesn’t mean i need to be protected and my world needs to be baby-proofed. i mean hell, i spend a lot of my time trying to push myself outside of my comfort zone because what’s the point of baby-proofing? nothing will change.

ironically i have no clue how to go about actually telling people this (despite the fact i’ve had the intention to find some opportunity for months now) and somehow i’ve ended up on tumblr at 1 am rambling about it. which isn’t solving anything. i really do need to go about that because it’s important

ok it’s 2 am now so i’m leaving bye